#there are undoubtedly pacing and sentence structure issues w this but idc ive been thinking about THEM recently and needed to write smthhh

[gavramous]

i know ghost's actor said that ghost listens to fucking classical music of all genres (idk, maybe i'm just not cool enough to understand), but in my heart of hearts he's a grunge/metalhead who has a weird relationship with being a grunge/metalhead.

there's periods of time which can last for weeks (but usually last for months) where he doesn't listen to his music at all, because the sound remind him too much of who he was and what he went through. the thought of trying to find new music to listen to seems like an irritating task, though; a task that would only leave him frustrated with himself for letting this be an issue in the first place. of course, he does understand why it is an issue: it's association. he, on his bad days, has trouble disconnecting the music from his father. but it's also music that he likes, and on his good days enjoys listening to. these oscillating moods irritate him to no end, and he doesn't see a clear conclusion for them.

- - -

ghosts and gaz are in the kitchen, sharing each other's company and the last dregs of communal sugar in their tea, and they're talking about music. gaz is explaining what makes him so passionate. it turns out to be because of his father and his zeal for music of all genres. he explains how there was always music on in his house growing up; they always had a cd or a vinyl or a casette playing, and it was always something new, something unlike what they had listened to the week before.

ghost listens intently to gaz. he enjoys hearing about his normal childhood and his positive relationship with music. he enjoys hearing about his not perfect (in gaz's words), but loving family. he asks gaz what the weirdest album his father got obsessed with was, what genres his siblings enjoyed, gaz's favourite song, and gaz answers all his questions happily.

eventually, gaz asks ghost about his relationship with music, and it's ghost's turn to open up and sour the good conversation.

ghost explains that it can be a bit... tense sometimes. his father had a huge impact on his taste, and unfortunately that means some of the time he has trouble listening to his music without sordid feelings arising. ghost tells gaz how he's unwilling to try and find anything different, as it would just overwhelm him, so he makes do. he tacks it off with "it's just music. not the end of the world." that is, in his humble opinion, an acceptably casual (but also not too undermining) way of ending his answer.

apparently not to gaz. he looks at ghost seriously for a beat, then says, "i could always recommend you some music."

ghost thinks on this for a bit. where's the harm? gaz has good music taste. the worst that could happen is a deflated ego on gaz's part if ghost happens to not enjoy his recommendations. gaz might take that as a challenge, though, and spend a lot more effort trying to find something ghost enjoys. the thought of gaz putting in so much effort for him bothers ghost, but ghost also knows that gaz wouldn't offer to do something he doesn't want to do. gaz would probably also get a huge kick out of reccomending something to ghost that he'd end up liking.

"why not," ghost says.

gaz's face lights up, and he asks, "what type of music do you wan't to try out?"

ghost furrows his brow. he hadn't thought about it in that much depth. he just knows that sometimes he wants out. he guesses that something soft would suffice. something he can put on and not have to fight to listen to; something that carries him. but not something too light and airy. something that's grounded. he tells this to gaz, slightly embarrassed with his wording, but gaz tells him that's a perfect description, and he already has an album in mind for ghost to check out. gaz sends him a text with the album linked and says he will look for some other recommendations for him. ghost thanks him, and their conversation continues, and eventually moves onto something else.

- - -

it's a week later that ghost finally has time to sit down and do nothing for more than 5 minutes. he's relaxing in his room, and he remembers the link for the album gaz sent him. the message is still sitting unseen in his inbox, and he decides that there's no better time to give it a listen.

he grabs his shitty earphones from his desk and lays on his bed, opening up the album and starting it.

it starts off slow, but it's strong and sure of itself. it's flowy, and if he's honest, ghost can't really tell when one song ends and another starts. the lyrics are there in random intervals, and they're much softer than the sound of the music itself, but the voice that sings them is strong. it's obvious the focus is on the instrumental, and ghost apprciates that. it allows him to relax fully.

this is exactly what he has wanted.

he listens to the whole album and lays there after it finishes. he sends gaz a text, thanking him and letting him know it's a wonderful recommendation.

ghost still enjoys the music he's grown up with. but gaz has helped him more than he can know. he has helped give him options for the days he struggles with, and that means so much to ghost.