#then you'll see me throw myself into the fucking sun

[blakbonnet]

if we see a shot of stede gathering ed's hair to one side and putting the pearl necklace on him and then gently kissing his shoulder and coming up with some other version of "there you go" in that breathy soft way he does i swear-

[pyrriax]

ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

[lizzieislife94x]

Best Friends Sister (w.m)

WandaxG!P Reader 

AOU era You and Pietro are best friends

As always requests are always open

Y/ns POV:

I have to hold my stomach from laughing so much pietro hit the floor so hard popcorn everywhere "dude..that was fucking hilarious are you ok" I say composing myself as he gets up glaring at me "come on man it was" I stop talking as soon as his twin sister walks in "oh my god what happened in here" she says looking around at the popcorn all over the floor she looks directly at me expecting answers "oh uh em pietro was walking in with the popcorn and slipped and fell" I say my face heating up I can't seem to control my emotions around her I've had the biggest crush on her for the last 4 years but could never do anything about because she's my best friends sister she smiles and walks towards me sitting beside me as she giggles fuck, I purposely spend as much time here as possible just to see her "pietro youre such a dork but you need to clean this up" she looks at me "so y/n what are we watching" I feel nerves flare up as I look at her then the TV "eh um I don't think you'll like it it's a horror movie" she looks at me then pietro and smirks "well it's a good thing youre here to protect me" I blush instantly and nod "yeah sure sure sure" she giggles as pietro walks over"ew just make out already this sexual tension and constant flirting is gross" I look at him with a glare unable to form words "yeah right wanda wishes she could make out with me" I smirk as I regain my composure which is suddenly gone when she leans in to whisper into my ear "oh baby if I wanted to make out with you I'd do it anytime any place" I turn my attention to the TV trying to ignore my flustered state "let's just watch the movie" i say shyly. 

Half way through the movie wanda cuddles into me hiding her face in my neck I giggle and wrap my arms around her "I got you" I whisper as she smiles against my neck after the movie ends I feel wandas dead weight on me causing me to look over at pietro "dude wandas asleep " he laughs and shrugs "that's a you problem I'm going to bed gotta be well rested for the party tomorrow" i glare at him as I flip him the middle finger as he laughs walking upstairs I look down at wanda and smile "you are so unbelievably beautiful wanda" I whisper as I accept the fact I'm not moving anytime soon I close my eyes and quickly fall asleep. 

I groan as I wake up with the sun hitting my eyes once my eyes adjust to the light I look down surprised to see wanda still asleep in my arms I smile as I look at her admiring her beauty in the morning light "its rude to stare" I hear her mumble in a groggy morning voice "I uh I mean I wasn't staring I was admiring completely different, anyway can you move I can't feel my arm youve been asleep ontop of me all night" I say with a giggle as I see her start blush "well I felt safe so I must have fell asleep I'm sorry" I smile standing up shaking my arm "don't be sorry its ok but once I get the feeling back in my arm I have to head home to get showered and ready for the party so can you tell pietro ill be back in a few hours" she smiles and nods as she walks upstairs after 5 minutes I get all feeling back and grab my car keys off the table and head to my own house it takes 40 minutes to get there as soon as I get inside I go make a coffee and relax on the couch taking a minute to think about the fact wanda cuddled into me most of the movie then fell asleep ontop of me after an hour of relaxing me time I head upstairs to put my phone on charge and look at the time it's 12pm so I have a few hours to get ready I head into the bathroom and shower and brush my teeth after an hour and a half I walk into my bedroom throwing myself onto the bed. 

I rummage through my wardrobe looking for some nice casual clothes forthe party its just a house party nothing to fancy I decided to go with white ripped jeans with a white jumper and white Calvin Klein bra and boxers I decided to leave my hair down and curly and put on some light make up before getting dressed I look myself up and down in the full length mirror happy with how I look I quickly spray some Calvin klein perfume I quickly skim through my jewellery box and grab 2 thumb rings and 2 rings for my index fingers I grab my phone to shoot pietro a text

Me:Dude it's almost 7 will I head over? I have 2 bottles of vodka too let's goooo 

Dickhead: Yeah absolutely head over when you're ready there's people arriving nowanyway, also I over heard wanda telling her friends something I'll fill you in when you get here so GET HERE. 

I look at my phone a little concerned before sliding it into my pocket and heading to the kitchen to grab my car keys and 2 bottles of vodka I quickly make my way to the car to start the semi long drive I put some music on and jam out the whole ride only turning it off when I pull up outside the twins house I grab the vodka and head out towards the house walking straight in say my hellos to a few people I know I look through the crowd and spot wanda dancing and laughing with her friends causing me to smile I quickly diverted my attention as soon as her gorgeous forest eyes met mine I can't see pietro anywhere fuck I need to go ask wanda I quickly make my way to her she instantly smiles as I approach "hey glad your here y/n" she says as she wraps me in a hug I smile at the contact hugging her back before pulling away "hey wands where's pietro" I yell over the music she leans in and yells "upstairs finishing getting ready" I nod to acknowledge her before leaning in to yell "you look good ill catch up with you later I have to go talk to pietro" she nods as I make my way to the kitchen through the crowd of people I put the vodka down before heading upstairs and knocking on pietros door "dude its y/n can I come in" after a minute he opens the door "please tell me I look ok the girl I've been crushing on is here and she looks smoking hot I know she's only here because she's wandas friend but she's here" I look at him and fix his hair a little "there you look good buddy ima make it plan to get you together I think some old fashion drinking games will come in handy" I say with a smirk followed by a giggle he sits on the bed looking at me "so I over heard wanda telling the girl I like and another girl about last night about how she was cuddled into you most of the movie and how she fell asleep in your arms but then she told them you called her the most beautiful girl in the world or something but dude her smile was so bright when she was talking about it and they where all screaming and freaking out" I take a second to process what he said before thinking of what to say "wait really you're not fucking with me but why would she tell her friends" I feel myself freak out a little before he grabs both my shoulders "y/n she likes you like really likes you and you really like her I see the way you look at eachother when you think no one's looking I see the way you guys flirt I see the way you guys blush like fools around eachother, and I'm fine with it if I want to see my sister with someone I'd rather it be you someone I know and trust, someone I know will treat her like a queen and never hurt her, I know you've liked her for a long time and from the bottom of my heart I love and respect you for never crossing that line because she's my sister but I'm telling you face to face I don't mind you and wanda together I promise my best friend and my sister i think that would be really cool because i know how much of an amzing girl you are and i know you would never hurt her" I look at him shocked and stunned as I feel my eyes water a little without words I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly "thank you" I simple whisper both of us feeling a little emotional we quickly break apart "come on let's go party and let's go get your girl" I say with a sly smirk he groans and we both head downstairs to join the party we spend the next 3 hours dancing laughing and drinking during that time I dance and laugh and chat with wanda on and off it's almost 11pm so I jump up on the table as pietro cuts the music "guys drinking games are starting in 10 minutes get ready we're starting with truth or dare then 7 minutes in heaven" everyone screams making me laugh my eyes landing on wanda as she waves shyly I wave back and send a wink in her direction she smiles and blushes as I jump down off the table and grab another drink as everyone sits in a circle I grab my phone and pull up wandas number.

Me: I need your help the blonde beside you, pietro has a crush I need you to help get them together for a little kissy kissy. 

As soon as I hit send I cringe at my words but get distracted by wandas giggle I look up to see her typing. 

Greeneyes:Yes!! She never shuts up about him, also who do you have your eyes on like who do you want to kiss tonight I know at least 9 girls here that are hoping to go into a closet with you.

I smirk reading the message as I start to type

Me:Oh now that would be telling so you're saying there's at least 9 chances of me getting lucky tonight? Sweet 😋 nah I'm joking I have my eyes on one girl but I can't tell you who it's a secret 

I look up at her reading the text and notice her frown damn she looks annoyed I quickly look down as my phone dings and almost chock on my drink.

Greeneyes:  Oh honey that won't be happening if you think youre kissing someone other than me tonight you have another think coming I'm done playing I'm done with the endless torture of flirting both of us scared to do anything about it last night sealed it for me it put things into perspective when you held me though the movie I felt safe I felt at home and don't hit me with some joke about me litterly being at home it made me realise that in your arms is where I want to be so if you think ima let any of these chick's touch or kiss or even look at you to long your delusional sweetheart.

I can't help but smile like a fool forgetting I'm surrounded by people and that possession fuck me it was so sexy I bite my lip and send a simple reply.

Me: Yes ma'am I completely agree 

Greeneyes: Good girl now why don't we just sneak away and go to my room and make out and ill tell blondy that pietro is into her to go talk to him. 

Me: Yes yup let's do that ill slip away first you follow. 

I quickly slide my phone into my pocket as I stand up and run upstairs towards wandas room bumping into pietro "woah what's the rush y/n" I blush and rub my neck "uh um nothing me and wanda are gonna skip the games and sit in her room to uh em talk" he smirks and puts one hand on my shoulder "good luck but hurt my sister ill never forgive you" I smile and nod "I'd never hurt her oh and by the way your little crush likes you slip away before the game starts and tell her or make a move you both like eachother" he smiles and nods as he walks away and I head into wandas room I sit on her bed waiting for 5 minutes before she comes running In shutting the door with a giggle I hear her lock it before running over to me jumping ontop of me to straddle me she slowly leans in both of us smiling "hey" she whispers before kissing me passionately I wrap my arms around her kissing her back with just as much passion. 

AN: no smut oooops and she stops right at the smut don't worry I'll post a part 2 to this tomorrow which will contain smut it's just I'm at 2.3k words already and if I don't stop it will be hella long lmao hope yall enjoy nevertheless hope yall are doing well all feedback welcomed and appreciated the people that be voting on all these one shots are real ones I still appreciate everyone that reads and doesn't vote 😊 as always requests are open (part 2 will be posted in a few hours)

[cecilebutcher]

ღLove Songs I Associate With Different Twst Charactersღ

Characters: All of the nrc students minus ortho(plus some of my Oc’s because I can)

Riddle rosehearts: Photograph by, Cody Fry

“If I wished myself a superpower. I would make this moment last for hours. If I had my will, time would just stand still. Wait for me until I find some magic film. To take a photograph and live inside. The sun is going down. Your skin is like a painting. The light is perfect now. But I can feel it changing”

Trey Clover: To you from me by, Naethan Apollo

“See, your smile makes me smile, no, that's cringe. Your laugh makes me laugh, that's even worse. If my journey on this path could ever lead to losing you. I know which path is not my path. You're a blessing from the sky. You're the thief that stole my mind. You're the reason why I think of you all the time. You're the little tiny bug that found its way inside my ear. And now I can't think a thought. without wishing you were here”

Cater Diamond: Loverboy by, A-Wall

“Kill the lights. Oh, baby, close your eyes. The way you're looking at me. You've got me mesmerized. Something I can't escape. Feel like I'm lost in space. You've got that good loving. Girl, if you leave me I might throw my heart away. You know my heart can't take the break. Nothing will ever be the same. We'll meet again some other day. Oh, yeah””

Ace Trappola: Best Friend by, laufey

“But I promise that I love you. Even with that hair-do. I'm sorry I made fun of it. It's not your fault it looks like shit. I have never tolerated someone for so long. I've never laughed so much. I haven't written a sad song. There's no one else. I'd rather fall asleep with and dream with. You're my best friend in the world”

Deuce Spade: Best Friend by, rex Orange County

“And that's because I wanna be your favorite boy. I wanna be the one that makes your day. The one you think about as you lie awake. I can't wait to be your number one. I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine. But I still wanna break your heart and make you cry”

Leona Kingscholar: Nothing Bruno Major

“There's not many people.I'd honestly say I don't mind losing to but there's nothing like doing nothing with you. Dumb conversations. We lose track of time. Have I told you lately. I'm grateful you're mine. We'll watch The Notebook. For the 17th time. I'll say "It's stupid". Then you'll catch me crying”

Ruggie Butchie: Absolutely Smitten by, dodie

“That girl just there, yes, she's the one. With Cupid's arrow in her bum. Handsome stranger, you have made her happy. The first in a long time. Did you just whisper in her ear? Words she only dreamed to hear? Pretty lady, look at how he's smiling. I think he likes you”

Jack Howl: This side of paradise by, Coyote Theory

“Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?). Our fingers dancing when they meet. You seem so lonely (are you lonely?). I'll be the only dream you seek. So if you're lonely, no need to show me. If you're lonely, come be lonely with me. Lonely (are you lonely?). Passion is crashing as we speak. You seem so lonely (are you lonely?). You're the ground my feet won't reach. So if you're lonely, darling you're glowing. If you're lonely, come be lonely with me”

Azul Ashengrotto: Only girl by, Stephen Sanchez

“Baby, won't you be my girl Baby, won't you be my girl? Baby, won't you be my only girl Baby, won't you be my girl? Your love, that's got my head in a. twirl, lady. So baby, won't you be my only girl?I don't want nobody else. No, I just want you to myself,So,won't you please forever be my only girl Only girl”

Jade Leech: Mine by, Bazzi

“Hands on your body, I don't wanna waste no time. Feels like forever even if. forever's tonight. Just lay with me, waste this night away with me. You're mine, I can't look away, I just gotta say. I'm so fucking happy you're alive (huh, yeah). Swear to God, I'm down if you're. down, all you gotta say is right (yeah, yeah)”

Floyd Leech: Until I found you by, Stephen Sanchez and Em Beihold

“I would rather die than let you go. Juliet to your Romeo. How I heard you say”I would never fall in love again until I found her". I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into" I was lost within thе darkness, but then I found her.I found you”

Kalim Al-Asim: Paper Rings by, Taylor Swift

“Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night. (Oh!) Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright. Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life.( One, two, one two three four!). I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings. Uh huh, that's right. Darling, you're the one I want. I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this”

Jamil Viper: I wanna be yours by, Arctic Monkeys

“Secrets I have held in my heart. Are harder to hide than I thought. Maybe I just wanna be yours. I wanna be yours. I wanna be yours. I wanna be yours. Wanna be yours. Wanna be yours. Wanna be yours. Let me be your 'leccy meter. And I'll never run out. Let me be the portable heater. That you'll get cold without”

Vil Shoenheit: La seine by, Vanessa Paradise

“She's resplendent, so confident. La Seine, La Seine, La Seine. I realize, I'm hypnotized. La Seine, La Seine, La Seine. I hear the moon singing a tune. La Seine, La Seine, La Seine. Is she divine, Is it the wine. La Seine, La Seine, La Seine”

Rook Hunt: Ma belle Evangeline by, Jim Cummings

“Look how she lights up the sky. Ma Belle Evangeline. So far above me, yet I. Know her heart belongs to only me. Je t'adore, Je t'aime Evangeline. You're my queen of the night. So still. So bright. That someone as beautiful as she. Could love someone like me Love always finds a way it's true. And I love you, Evangeline”

Epel Felmier: I’d rather be me (with you) by, Rebecca Sugar

“… I'd rather be me with you. Wherever we go. I already trust. I'd know what to do if it were us. I'd know what to say. I'd know how to be. I'd know your entire syllabus. I can't think of any other thing in the world I would rather do. If I could be. I'd rather be me with you”

Idia Shroud: Numbers by, TEMPOREX

“Things just really aren't that bad. I got a nice mom and I got a cool dad. I just stay in my room too long. But I finally got a girlfriend, and she's the bomb”

Malleus Draconia:100 years by, OR3O

“They call me crazy. They call me mad. It'd been so many years I could barely stand. But I remember the days we had and the bad days start to disappear. I hope the best though I'm no longer here. Musical kittens make me think of you Every little thing here makes me think of you. So I wrote this little song hoping you would hear someday. It's been a hundred years and I am still in love with you”

Lilia Vanrouge:O sol e a lua by, poqueno Cidadão

“O sol pediu a lua em casamento. E a lua, disse. Não sei, não sei, não sei. Me dá um tempo. E 24 horas depois o sol nasceu a lua se pôs e. O sol pediu a lua em casamento E a lua, disse. Não sei, não sei, não sei. Me dá um tempo”

Silver (Vanrouge): Hidden in the sand by, tally hall

“We were playing in the sand. And you found a little band. You told me you fell in love with it. Hadn't gone as I planned. When you had to bid adieu. Said you'd never love anew. I wondered if I could hold it. And fall in love with it too. You told me to buy a pony. But all I wanted was you”

Sebek Zigvolt: Valentine by, Laufey

“What if he's the last one I kiss? What if he's the only one I'll ever miss? Maybe I should run, I'm only 21. I don't even know who I want to become. I've lost all control of my heartbeat now. Got caught in a romance with him somehow. I still feel a shock through every bone. When I hear an "I love you". 'Cause now I've got someone to lose”

-:OC’s:-

Ibhana “Vesper” Baske: Soft Bitch by, Rio Romeo

“Love made me approachable. Love made me sweet. It's fucking miserable. But it can't be beat Love made me cordial. It never ends. I want to terrify you. But instead we're friends. Love made me soft. For the best”

Tao Yùchi: I won’t say (I’m in love) by, Susan Egan

“I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out. My head is screaming get a grip, girl. Unless you're dying to cry your heart out. You keep on denying. Who you are and how you're feeling. Baby, we're not buying. Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling. Face it like a grown-up. When ya gonna own up. That ya got, got, got it bad”

Igor Kazentoc: love like you by, Rebecca Sugar

“I always thought I might be bad. Now I'm sure that it's true. 'Cause I think you're so good. And I'm nothing like you. Look at you go. I just adore you. I wish that I knew. What makes you think I'm so special. If I could begin to do. Something that does right by you. I would do about anything. I would even learn how to love”

Junto Shuisha: would you be so kind? By, Dodie

“Oh, would you be so kind As to fall in love with me? You see, I'm trying I know you know that I like you But that's not enough. So if you would, please fall in love. I think it's only fair. There's gotta be some butterflies somewhere (wanna share?). 'Cause I like you but that's not enough. So if you will. Please fall in love with me”

Jasper Spade: first love/last spring by,mitski

“Wild women don't get the blues. But I find that. Lately I've been crying like a. Tall child. So please hurry leave me. I can't breathe. Please don't say you love me. 胸がはち切れそうで. One word from you and I would. Jump off of this. Ledge I'm on Baby. Tell me "don't". So I can. Crawl back in”

Najih Al-Amin: Don’t you dare by, Kaden MacKay

“Just gеt out of my daydreams. You’re an unwelcomе guest. And stop making me miss you. ‘Cause you leaving’s for the best ‘Cause I just couldn’t stand having you as my crutch. You’re a simmering stovetop I was tempted to touch. If you ever return, it’ll burn me too much To bear. So don’t you dare”

Aikat Spanos: Passing papers by, Egg

“Cause Smiles are my weakness and I think yours is the prettiest. And you show it quite a bit when I'm with you. It's almost entertaining how we're searching for the same thing. But I could never try to see it through. Yes I meant it when I said that you were pretty. We never knew each other well and it's a pity. Sometimes I wonder if when you hear 1950. I come to mind”

Phobes Spanos: Dance with me by, Topline Addicts

“You say "Come and dance with me". But I'm a bit too shy so I just smile politely. I know you want me to. What have I got to lose? You said, "Let me dance with you". But I got two left feet, no rhythm, or groove. I'm dancin' anyhow. But I still walked home by myself”

Ngl this was a lot of fun to do. I might do a part two with the staff and rsa, probably with the rest of my OC’s too^^

Likes and comments are more than appreciated. but reblogs help the content reach more people so please reblog if you want to like<3

[twistedastrology]

♋cancers and rage♋

-------------------------------------------------

i just did a workout because i had way too much energy today and now im exhausted so im gonna talk abt sumn im very passionate abt while i sit on the floor and recover 😮‍💨

- 🌙 -

a pretty big observation ive made since ive been into astrology and more specifically since ive been basically reinventing it in my head is that cancers, especially cancer risings/cancer mars, have a VERY misunderstood relationship with anger.

most people ive seen have said something along the lines of cancers are crybabies and they tend to cry when they're angry or just skip anger altogether and go to the depression side of things

personally, im a cancer rising with mars conjunct my ascendant (and ofc saturn in my 1st 💞💞) and i have NEVER found this to be the case, and other cancer risings i know don't follow those stereotypes either

- ♈ -

in my experience, imagine a combination of aries energy and capricorn energy, THAT'S what cancers embody when it comes to emotion, especially rage.

i've written an entire newsletter on this and made a whole instagram post for it over at @bluedashercrafts (they're not on tumblr yet but the link takes u to their instagram!!) so i have indeed thought very in depth about this 😮‍💨

cancers can blow up like aries, but they can hold a grudge like capricorn- and if you're me and you have saturn in your 1st (in fixed fire btw 😮‍💨), you'll lean more towards the capricorn side of things in any emotion.

i personally have a massive tendency to bottle up the pain (andrageandfearthatifeeltHEPAINANDR-) until im in a safe environment to get it out (aka being alone with my earbuds in and music blasting) OR until i can't hold it in anymore and the steam gets so high pressured that it blows the lid off the fucking pot- that's when i gotta run away and isolate myself and do a workout ASAP otherwise i will likely hurt myself because there's just So Much Energy

- ♑ -

i wanna bring a couple other examples to the table so you get a better idea of what im talkin abt here-

if you're a korn enjoyer like me, you'll know the My Gift To You - Woodstock '99 performance. well the first time i saw that and it got to the "I HATE YOU- CAN'T YOU FEEL TEH PAAIN-" part, my fucking jaw dropped and i almost cried because i could not believe that i was seeing someone else exhibit the same like- Pure Unbridled Rage that i experience all the time- the kind of visceral emotion that literally makes you flail around on stage and then bang the microphone against it like 3+ times because you're trying to come back to reality like jonathan davis was-

THAT is the level I'm talking about- that is the level that is very specific to cancer placements, specifically cancer risings and cancer mars (and his mars is in a cancer degree of scorpio, so there you go)

another more well-known example would be Markiplier! if you've seen his rage game playthroughs, you'll know he throws chairs and mouses and just generally gets pissed to an ungodly extent- he's a cancer rising with his venus and sun in cancer and his mars in leo.

- 🌓 -

cancers are NOT the signs that break down crying when they experience anger, they are the ones that feel their blood boil more than aries does.

for another good example, my best friend has his mars and venus both in aries, but he's another cancer rising- whenever he gets angry, he gets VERY angry, but he doesn't have the saturn influence that i do, so his anger is much more aries-like (short fuse, louder about it and it doesn't last as long- his is more like the classic interpretation of anger issues), whereas mine is MUCH more capricorn-like (LONG fuse, WAY quieter about it but god forbid it gets loud, and it Can last a very long time)

- 🪐 -

now you might wanna ask me "why the hell do you keep saying aries and capricorn specifically", well i just explained that im not gonna lie BUT-

cancers are very aries-like because they're the CARDINAL water sign, and cardinal signs are basically just fire-coded whatever element they are- (aries is double fire, capricorn is fire-coded earth, libra is fire-coded air, and cancer is fire-coded water)

and with aries being the fire-coded fire sign, it's essentially capricorn is aries-coded earth- THAT'S why cancers can be VERY similar to aries.

as for capricorn, cancers are the sister sign to capricorn, so they'll share similar traits despite being on opposite sides of the wheel. PLUS, where fire burns itself out very quickly, water doesn't really dry out very quickly especially if there's a lot of it.

- 🌑 -

this is really just part 1 when it comes to my reinvention of cancers- ill cover their relationship with sex as opposed to scorpios in another post because i really wanna delve more into that BUT!!!

if you want more of a well-put-together post on this, go check out the ig post and newsletter i did for blue dasher crafts!!! i also dived a little more into my personal experience with the anger and catharsis i go thru being a cancer rising/mars so!!

[ode777]

But yall aren’t ready for that conversation

(Lyrics below)

My Tears Ricochet (Taylor Swift):

We gather here, we line up

Weepin' in a sunlit room, and

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you

'Til my dying day

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And you're the hero flying around, saving face

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean

Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you

But what a ghostly scene

You wear the same jewels that I gave you

As you bury me

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

And I can go anywhere I want

Anywhere I want, just not home

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood

But you would still miss me in your bones

And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)

And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain

Crossing out the good years

And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

Mad Woman (Taylor Swift):

What did you think I'd say to that?

Does a scorpion sting when fighting back?

They strike to kill and you know I will

You know I will

What do you sing on your drive home?

Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn?

Does she smile?

Or does she mouth, "Fuck you forever"?

Every time you call me crazy

I get more crazy

What about that?

And when you say I seem angry

I get more angry

And there's nothin' like a mad woman

What a shame she went mad

No one likes a mad woman

You made her like that

And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out

And you find something to wrap your noose around

And there's nothin' like a mad woman

Now I breathe flames each time I talk

My cannons all firin' at your yacht

They say, "Move on", but you know, I won't

I'm takin' my time

Takin' my time

'Cause you took everything from me

Watchin' you climb

Watchin' you climb

Over people like me

Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve (Taylor Swift):

If you would've blinked then I would've

Looked away at the first glance

If you tasted poison, you could've

Spit me out at the first chance

If I was some paint, did it splatter

On a promising grown man?

And if I was a child, did it matter

If you got to wash your hands?

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons

And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering

But, Lord, you made me feel important

And then you tried to erase us

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be

The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind

I regret you all the time

I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time

If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?

Years of tearing down our banners, you and I

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts

Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first

Coney Island (Taylor Swift):

Break my soul in two looking for you

But you’re right here

If I can’t relate to you anymore

Who am I related to?

Did I close my fist around something delicate?

Did I shatter you?

And I’m sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering, “where did my baby go?”

The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go

Over and over

Lost again with no surprises

Disappointment close your eyes

And it gets colder and colder

When the sun goes down

The question pounds my head

What a lifetime of achievement

If I pushed you to the edge?

Will you forgive my soul

When you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?

[cofeeban]

Demon copperhead

If someone were to ask me what my favorite book is right now, I would say Demon Copperhead. I've only read the book a few months ago but I love it to death. It took reading this book for it to finally hit me that my favorite genre is depressed mc facing an indifferent world, where their greatest enemy is themselves. I seriously adore this book and what it is has to say.

Anyway, here were a couple of quotes that stuck with me.

"take that sweet thing and run with it. Hide. Love it so hard. Because it's going to fucking leave you and not come back." (Chapter 13 Page 97)

It just makes me think of when I really love something, I should shamelessly do whatever it is that is making me happy. Because there is no guarantee it's going to be there forever. One day it'll be a memory and I'll wish I had done whatever it was more. Whether it's spend more time with people I cared about or just doing something that I love.

To just, when you are really honestly sincerely happy to cherish whatever made you feel that way with all your heart. And do all you can to keep that feeling going on until for whatever reason you can't. Because when it's gone you'll miss it and it's sometimes hard to know when you're living in one of those sort of golden periods of happiness. You never get a refund on your time wasted, so even if what you like is weird just do it. I doubt you'd ever regret choosing to do something that makes you happy.

"a good story doesn't just copy life, it pushes back on it. It's why guys like Chartrain wear their clothes too big and their teeth edged with gold, why Mr. Dick put words on kites and sends them to the sun. It's why I draw what I draw."(Chapter 62 Page 520)

I love this one so much because I wholeheartedly agree with it.

It's just so beautiful to see people not just give up on a hard life when everything is stacked against them but to keep going. And find something worthwhile at the end of the road. That's what I love. When there are stories that honestly show how hard life is, but the mc is even harder. Those are the stories I fall hopelessly in love for. Real life is scary and there's no way to know how anything will turn out, but when I read a book or a movie where characters are as anxious, confused, or scared as I've ever been, and moves forward. I find it so inspiring.

Those stories are the ones that resonate with me the most because they give me hope that life, no matter what happens, might be worth it some point down the line. In my various sad arcs of life I would think of stories that push back and remind myself that things can always get better. You never know, even if it's hard or nearly impossible to think of right now. The characters had it hard too, but they somehow someway found happiness.

What I get out of the bit after he talks about stories, is him saying that despite life throwing every challenge your way, people still choose to be themselves. I know it doesn't sound like much but it can feel hard to really be yourself. To do the things you want to. So to just decide, even though life can be so awful I'm going to go on living my way and move forward and people will deal with it. Not caring whether you'll be putting people off or not. Whether you do or don't, you're living your authentic life and you can be happy with that. And when people do live their way, it inspires others and you find your friends. I know people and stories have inspired me, and I bet you too.

[hrodvitnon]

*Near the end of the mission- the Titans have pulled off the impossible. They found Gigan, Abraxas bested him in combat, got from him the necessary failsafe they knew he had, and now they were trying to escape. Unfortunately- one of the groups was trapped. Godzilla, Rodan, Abraxas, Barb, and Tiamat were stuck in a room that had caught fire- likely from one of Abraxas's lightning attacks. The door was blocked by debris from the other side- and Godzilla banged on the door to get it to open while the fires licked at their backsides.*

Rodan: We're all gonna die, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die, we're all gonna die...

Godzilla, Abraxas, and Tiamat: WOULD YOU QUIT IT?!

Rodan: IT'S TRUE! THIS WAS AN AWFUL IDEA! WHY DID I LET MYSELF BE TALKED INTO THIS??? God I'll never get to see the Sun again- feel the wind rushing past me in flight- never *mate* with anyone again! This is the end...

Godzilla: STOP BEING A DRAMA QUEEN AND HELP ME ALREADY!

Rodan: It's curtain call- requiem's playing- fat lady singing... Quick- I gotta get some stuff off my chest, guys.

Tiamat: Fucks sake.

Rodan: Abraxas- Vivienne- San- whatever the fuck you go by- I love you. Despite all the snipping and teasing and rudeness- we go together great and I love being around you and I really really really wanted to have more time with you.

Rodan: Barb- I was just being an asshole when I called you a bug that one time. I'm sorry- you looked really sad when I said it and I felt like I couldn't say sorry because that would make my tough guy masquerade come crumbling down and everyone would see me for the glorified hatchling I was- putting up a front and deflecting everything with humor and wit so I didn't have to feel things.

Rodan: Tiamat- you don't deserve all the shit people say about you behind your back. Yeah, you're kind of a slut; but that's cool- y'know? You don't give a shit and I think that's really respectable and I wish I could be like you and not have such a fragile ego. You're also funny and fun to be around- and I feel like no one ever tells you that, y'know?

Rodan: And Godzilla- I've always sorta thought you were hot.

Godzilla: ...what-

Rodan: FUCK, your roar, your body, DID I MENTION HOW GOOD YOU LOOK IN THE PINK?? I got on your ass for it, I know, I'm sorry- but god, you look good. You're also just real quiet and sweet when you wanna be and super calm most of the time and JESUS CHRIST, YOUR VOICE-

Barb: Uh- Rodan?

Rodan: -I tell ya, if you ever showed interest I would've bent over. In. A. Heartbeat. But... I never knew how to tell you this. You're just really intimidating all the time and whenever I talk to you I feel like you tune me out and never really listen as you just have that stone-cold look all the time and y'know me: Rodan, King of The Skies who needs nobody but himself to keep him company. But you seem like a cool guy... and I wanted to be better friends with you before...

Mothra: What the fuck.

Rodan: what-

*The rubble had been cleared and the door was open. On the other side was Dagon, Shimo, Mothra, Behemoth, and Kong; and they were all staring at Rodan with agape maws- along with everyone else.*

Rodan: ...shit.

Mothra: Got one for me in there?

Rodan: You guys just leave me here- I'll be dying of-

Godzilla/Abraxas/Tiamat/Barb: Absolutely not!

*Godzilla grabs Rodan and throws him over his shoulder as the gang runs down the now open hall, reunited with their friends.*

Oh, Rodan, you drama queen.

Dagon: Honestly, this is going much better than I expected, but how did you get the fail safe from Gigan?

Abraxas: Classified.

*five minutes earlier*

Abraxas: Give me the fail safe or I'll never let you record me being carved open like a turkey again.

Gigan: Oh, sweetheart, you'll have to do better than that.

Abraxas:

Abraxas: Hey, you know all those grotesque leather family tree things you have hung up in that hallway, like Clive Barker Bayeux Tapestries From Hell? The ones your followers made out of their skin and gave to you as offerings that will be added to with every generation?

Gigan: ...you didn't.

Abraxas: I did.

Gigan: No.

Abraxas: It was easy.

Gigan: You MONSTER, THE AMOUNT OF HISTORY IN THOSE TAPESTRIES! THE BLOOD AND SWEAT AND TEARS THAT WENT INTO FLAYING AND TANNING THEM!

Abraxas: And now they're all tilted.

Gigan: THAT FUCKING HALLWAY IS GOING TO GIVE ME SUCH A GODDAMN HEADACHE, YOU CARRION SPAWN FROM THE DARKEST PIT OF EVIL!!

[cursesavior]

𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄 (with relevant lyrics) .

Share at least 5 songs that you associate with or remind you of your muse!

01 : ZERO - THE SMASHING PUMPKINS

My reflection, dirty mirror / there's no connection to myself / I'm your lover, I'm your zero / I'm the face of your dreams in glass / So save your prayers for when we're really gonna need 'em / Throw out your cares and fly - wanna go for a ride? // Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness, and cleanliness is godliness, and God is empty, just like me!

02 : THE WORLD IS UGLY - MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

These are the lights and the nights that we fade in / These are the words, but the words aren't coming out / they burn 'cause they are hard to say / For every failing sun, there's a morning after / Though I'm empty, when you go / I just wanted you to know... / That the world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me / Are you thinking of me like I'm thinking of you? / I would say I'm sorry, though / though I really need to go

03 : DECODE - PARAMORE

How can I decide what's right when you're clouding up my mind? / I can't win your losing fight all the time / Nor can I ever own what's mine when you're always taking sides / But you won't take away my pride, no not this time / Not this time... / How did we get here? Well, I used to know you so well / How did we get here? Well, I think I know / The truth is hiding in your eyes / And it's hanging on your tongue, just boiling in my blood / but did you think that I can't see what kind of man that you are? / If you're a man at all / Oh, I will figure this one out on my own... / (I'm screaming, "I love you so") on my own... / (But my thoughts you can't decode)

04 : THANK YOU FOR THE VENOM - MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

You'll never make me leave, I'll wear this on my sleeve / You wanna follow something? Give me a better cause to lead! / Just give me what I need / Give me a reason to believe! / So give me all your poison, and give me all your pills / And give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill / You're running after something that you'll never kill / If this is what you want, then fire at will!

05 : KING FOR A DAY - PIERCE THE VEIL

Scream until there's nothing left / So sick of playing, I don't want to anymore / The thought of you is no fucking fun / You want a martyr? I'll be one! / Because enough's enough, we're done. / You told me think about it, well I did / Now I don't wanna feel a thing anymore / I'm tired of begging for the things that I want / I'm oversleeping like a dog on the floor / Imagine living like a king someday / A single night without a ghost in the walls / And if the bass shakes the earth underground / We'll start a new revolution now! / Hail Mary, forgive me / Blood for blood, hearts beating / Come at me, now this is war! / Now terror begins inside a bloodless vein / I was just a product of the street youth rage / Born in this world without a voice or say / Caught in the spokes with an abandoned brain / I know you well, but this ain't a game! / Blow the smoke in a diamond shape / Dying is a gift, so close your eyes and rest in peace.

Stolen from: @uzumakisavior!

Tagging: youuuuuu

[bullet-prooflove]

Donna’s Wednesday Radio Show Prompt List #21

It’s that time again! The Wednesday Radio prompt list!

I have an empty Ask Box so let's fill it!

Please check the updated character list on my pinned post to see who I am writing for before submitting a prompt!

Also do not forget to put the entire prompt into your ask!

And there's no one in here living Gonna make it out alive

How can I trust you after what I've been through?

Toying somewhere between love and abuse

Show me all your tatt's, not just the ones that's on your hands

I want this more than life

And the moon is out and the stars are bright

Why I can't move on

And so I came to see him, and listen for a while

The sun on your face

Can we take this off and get naked?

show up at your door

she sets the world on fire Just to watch the sucker burn

I could tell when you locked the door just what was going on

There must be a good reason that you're gone

he'd found my letters and read each one out loud

I don't need your sympathy

She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

She said she never envisioned him the type of person capable of such deceit

I just like it when you grab my hips

Well, why, why did you mess it up?

I just heard you found the one you've been looking for

Baby, you're so anxious, you can't take it

We could take it to the kitchen I'll be on the island, come and eat,

You've had your chance, and now you want more

Touch me, baby

Boy, can we take off all our clothes?

Boy, you deserve a show

After we fuck, I'ma wanna cuddle

And I've been a fool and I've been blind 

Come on, baby, I can call your bluff

I love you, but I love me more

I don't wanna play no more, leave everything on the floor

Here to relive your darkest moments

Now it's safe to finish what we started

It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet

Regrets collect like old friends

You can leave open windows, don't care who see me out my clothes,

Singing my life with his words

Heels on, waiting at your door

Would you stay if she promised you heaven?

Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

Clue number one was when you knocked on my door

I like to keep my issues drawn

Light up your wildest dreams

I can never leave the past behind

Be something greater Go make a legacy

Now he hurt you and you hurt me

But I like to keep some things to myself

And I am done with my graceless heart

Kind of dress you're wearing tonight

Well, she moves like lightning

I really don't think you're strong enough

I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style

don't give up, it's a little complicated

Say my name

First impression of you is you really like to party

Rewrite your history

So save your breath and Walk away

Everybody got a breakin' point kid

You try to tell me that we're so deep in love, Well, if we were, then why did we fuck it up?

Don't come back knockin' at my door

I am not the one To sit around, and be played

Do you expect me to believe that you've changed?

Told you before that love isn't enough

Strumming my pain with his fingers 

There's nothing you can say or do for me

You'll never see me cry

I overdosed

And that's when I knew, it was a pretty good sign That something was wrong 

I wish I would have known that wasn't me

Well it may be wrong but baby it sure feels right

Where did you sleep last night?

Cause I've had time to think it through And maybe I'm too good for you

Was she worth it?

Cause tonight you will be mine,

There's no talking to you

You'll never change for no one

he's holding onto you so tight The way I did before

And there ain't no place that I'd rather be

We don't talk anymore

Now put your hands up, this is a heist

Getaway car for two young lovers

It's so sad that you're leaving

Me and the girl straight out of town

You better throw a party on the day that I die

And we can't go back but you're here with me

Yeah, she's a genius (genius), watch and learn

[olsenmyolsen]

Olsen III

Part 21 of On The Inside With Elizabeth Olsen

Word Count: ~7.3K

masterlist

TWO YEARS LATER

NAH, JK

Y/N POV

"We can't be together."

What..?

Liz slowly pulls her hands out from mine and turns her head away.

No. This can't be right.

I'm left sitting here like a stunned idiot, mouth agape, no words coming out.

I can feel time passing me by, but I'm not sure how many minutes have gone.

Liz looks more alive now as she turns her head back to me and starts talking with tears streaming down her face. She looks mad? But her eyes are soft. Is she now yelling? She looks like she's yelling. Why can't I hear her? She sounds distant and muffled, but she's right here in front of me. Fuck.

As much as I want to try and focus on whatever she's talking about, I can't. I'm trying my hardest to move my body away from Li- Elizabeth, but I'm stuck.

I need to get out of this car.

I can feel my stomach and throat fighting once again.

"Stop." I manage to sneak out, but Elizabeth is too busy rambling that our driver Mr. Bronson doesn't hear me. So I try again.

"Stop the car."

Elizabeth stops and looks at me, confused.

One more time but louder.

"Stop the car!" Mr. Bronson heard me, but I still can't hear shit, so I don't know what he's talking about as he gestures to the road.

I feel Elizabeth's hands rest on my cheeks, causing me to jump away at the sudden contact. What the fuck is she doing to me? Her soft green eyes are looking at me. They're begging for answers that I don't have. I close my eyes as the world crumbles down on me. I'm going to lose it. I'm going to lose Elizabeth. I'm going to lose...

I keep my eyes squeezed shut.

"STOP THE FUCKING CAR!"

After a few seconds, the car comes to a stop, and I don't care where we are; I'm getting out. I open my eyes and bolt out of my side. As soon as the car door slams behind me, the world comes back to me, and I can hear. I can listen to the loud car horns of the city. I can hear people talk about their bullshit. But none of that matters right now.

Because as soon as I make it to the sidewalk, I'm hunched over, expelling this morning's breakfast.

I take a quick glance around the surrounding buildings. I have no idea where I am as people continue to walk around me in disgust.

"Y/N!" I shut my eyes at the sound of her angelic voice. "Oh my god, are you okay? What's wrong?" I feel her lay a soft touch on my back as she brings herself closer to me. Is she fucking serious right now? What's wrong?! I wipe my gross chin and turn my gaze to her.

She has now moved an arm around my waist to hold me up. Shit, I didn't even feel myself falling.

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong?" I look at her red puffy eyes. They're breaking my heart. Wait, no, she already did that. "Y/N... I-" "You what? You don't want to be with me anymore. I get it. The love was fake. This was a phase. I knew it was too good to be true. The real world came knocking at the front door, and you left out the back. Just like I was afraid of... I should've listened to my stupid thoughts when it came to us. I didn't with Naomi, and look at what happened..."

After saying that, my mouth was stumbling and rambling at a speed it was not fit to stop at. I wasn't even sure what I was saying, but I know I cried. I cried so hard that I think I might have swallowed some throw-up that was working its way up.

The sun has now reached high noon, and a small crowd has gathered around us.

Elizabeth tried multiple times to interject, and I could see in her eyes that she was hurting just as much as I was.

"Y/N, stop!" She finally manages to yell out.

I look at the crowd around us. Some people have their phones out, while some are just in shock. No one should be recording this. But who cares at this point?

"Y/N, I didn't mean it like that!"

"Then how did you mean in it?"

"How about you let me talk, and you'll find out?!"

I shake my head at her. I may not know everything that I said to Elizabeth just now, but I know I didn't use the tone she just used.

I know we will both be feeling regret and guilt at some point. But not right now. I look at her as she seems scared at what's happening between us.

Oh, my Lizard.

I wipe the tears from my face and run my hands through my hair. At this point, the crowd that gathered has seemingly walked away. They must've gotten tired at my life falling apart once again.

Elizabeth is beginning to fidget with her hands with whatever she would say to me long forgotten. I sigh to myself and pull her into a hug.

Her arms tightly grip my body as I feel her tears rapidly land onto my shoulders. She's trying to form anything coherent, but it's not possible. I keep a tight hold of her, letting it out. My mouth leaving kisses on her head.

The words "I'm sorry" falling from our lips.

Elizabeth hasn't stopped crying, but I know we can't stand here forever. So I slowly start leading her back to the car. I open the door for the actress and help her in before giving an apologetic look for my actions to Mr. Bronson. He just nods at me as I get Olsen buckled in. I place a water in her lap before attempting to leave. However, Elizabeth stops me. She grabs my hand and pleads for me not to leave.

"Please, I'm sorry, Y/N. Let me explain." Is being said again and again amongst other phrases of apologies. I move her eyes to look into mine before placing a kiss on Elizabeth's forehead and successfully taking my hand back.

I gently close her door before positioning myself at the front passenger side door. Mr. Bronson rolls down the window to me and says, "She'll be safe." He knew what I was doing and what I would ask of him. I offer a nod before he locks the doors.

As the window rolls up, I steal a look at the backseat to see my love looking at me. The green of her eyes is no longer present; instead, they hold the colors of a dark brown, almost black. She opens her mouth, but the window shuts, and in an instant, Mr. Bronson is pulling the car away from me with the last person I loved.

_

I feel like I'm on edge. I don't feel the need to cry, but I think my body is waiting. My anxiety and nerves are at an all-time high right now as I stand here watching the endless cars pass, but by the time I look up at the sun, it has moved.

My throat became sore while my eyes became dry. I swallowed the little salvia I had left in my mouth and turned my feet to start walking. I'm not sure where but somewhere, anywhere, or nowhere would do.

_

I'm lost. In more ways than one, but that's no secret.

I pull out my phone, ignoring my Lock Screen full of non-stop notifications before locating my Maps app. I put it in my apartment to see how far away it is, and fuck... It's far. I guess it makes sense. There's no way someone like Scarlett would live anywhere near me. After walking for a while, I noticed that my phone had dropped from the 17% it was at earlier.

It's now at 11%. There's no way it's going to last me my walk home.

Wait, why am I walking?

Fuck. I stop and throw my hands up into my face. These last however many hours are fucking with my head. Speaking of which, I probably look like shit. I'm still a little hungover from last night, I'm in someone else's clothes, I have yet to shower, and I'm pretty sure my relationship just ended.

If someone is playing with my life right now, can they stop?

I need a drink. I'll find the closest bar or bodega and help myself. I skim my eyes at what's around me before seeing a scaled-up bodega—Hipster area for sure. I groan and make my way over.

_

I've never been good at making the best snack choices. Usually, I'll grab whatever impulse decision my brain makes, or I spend way too much time trying to decide if one Dorito is really better than another one.

And yes, Spicy Sweet Chili is the best.

However, today I couldn't give a shit. As I make my way through, grabbing whatever can make me forget this day. Some bad junk food choices and a couple of beers. Sorry, stouts, which isn't my go-to, but as I said, I don't give a shit. I also decided one water would do since Elizabeth has mine.

So now here I am, standing behind two people waiting to pay. As the lady at the front fumbles with her change, it rings a bell in my head. Elizabeth has my wallet. I close my eyes and deflate. I also never set up Mobile Pay on my phone. I guess I could do it now. I look up briefly, and the lady is leaving. Great now there is one person between me and potential embarrassment.

I fumble the items in my hands as I pull out my phone from Scarlett's black gym shorts. I once again ignore my Lock Screen and load up the wallet app; it takes me longer than I'd like to admit. I hear the guy behind me scoff, but whatever, I think I got it set up. Just in time, too, because the person in front of me left in quite a hurry.

Once I set my items down, I pull out my 9% battery-filled phone and use the mobile pay feature. Except it doesn't work. I try again, but nothing—just my luck. The dude behind the counter is now asking me to pay another way. I shut my eyes in frustration. Okay, I could grab the water and dash the door. I ran track in high school I could do it. I open my eyes and reach for the water but damn, my reflexes really must be slow today because the dude behind the counter grabs it out of my reach. I once again hear the guy behind me scoff, but he's closer to my back now.

Suddenly another man about ten years older than me comes out from behind the scoffing guys and presses his phone down, instantly paying for my things. I turn to face him while the cashier starts bagging my items. "You look like you could use something good." I force a smile on my face and nod. "Thanks."

I wave to the guy as I'm handed my bag and make my way out the door. I am thankful that he paid for me, but he didn't have to, and the longer I hang around, the more awkward it'll get.

I'm now back onto the concrete, making my way up towards my apartment. I'm not going to walk the whole way; I just want to get some distance before I stop and put something in my stomach.

"Hey, wait up!" I turn my head to see who's shouting, and it's the guy that paid for my things. What does he want?

I stop and allow him to catch up. Why? I couldn't tell you.

"Hey!" The man says as he stops next to me. I look him over, and he is attractive but not my type. The black curls in his hair, in addition to the freckles on his face, are great things this guy has got going. Some negatives include following me. "Hi," I reply, doing my best April Ludgate impression. "I'm Cyrus." I raise an eyebrow. That's a unique name.

"What do you want, Cyrus?" He doesn't seem shocked by my demeanor. "Just wanted to make sure you're okay." "Why wouldn't I be?" He looks me up and down, and alright yeah, I get it my red eyes, tired body, and overnight clothes don't give off the best look. "I'm fine." He nods, not believing me. "Where you headed?" "Home." "Do you need help getting home?"

I know this man is trying to help on the surface level, but I really don't want it right now. I want to go home-

Shit. Elizabeth might be there. No. Would she? She doesn't have a key. Wait, yes, she does. She has all of my stuff. So she would go to my apartment.

What the fuck has this day become!

I internally groan, but my face doesn't hide my frustration as Cyrus looks at me curiously.

"I don't need help getting home." Cyrus once again nods before looking towards a nearby park. "Okay. How about before you head home, you eat and drink what you got, and then I'll leave you alone." I look at him, and it's like he knows I need it.

"I'm just trying to help."

_

Cyrus and I eventually find an open green bench and take a seat. I place my bag in between us.

I wait for him to open his mouth to say something about me or to comment on my junk food choices, but instead, he sits and watches the people across the way play chess. I shrug him off and start working through my bag of chips and alcoholic beverages.

A couple of minutes go by before Cyrus begins speaking.

"So, what's your name?"

I look over at him, and to my surprise, he's still watching the people playing chess.

"Y/N." I offer.

I watch him nod before looking away.

"That guy on the right just lost." I look to where he's pointing, and sure enough, the guy on the right at the chess table stands up in defeat before storming off.

"You play?" I curiously ask.

"Nah, but I used to come down here all the time with my grandma. Sometimes we'd talk. Sometimes she talked. Sometimes it was silence." Cyrus takes a breath before looking at the other people in the area. "You know, back then, it was rougher. The area wasn't as nice, but this was a safe space for me. She knew I needed it."

"What do you mean?"

Cyrus rolls up his jean jacket. On the underside of his left arm is a long jagged scar. I hear myself gasp at seeing it.

"Yeah, my pops wasn't the nicest man." He covers his scar back up.

"Are you trying to say this place could be my safe space?" I ask, unsure of what to do or what's happening honestly. My day has been upside down.

Cyrus shakes his head no. "I'm saying you can either talk about what you want to or need to. Or we can sit here in silence, and then you can go on about your day. Or you go to what or where your safe space is." He takes a second. "Like I said, I'm just here to help."

It seems like a no-brainer what Cyrus is saying to me, but it's still lovely to hear.

"So, your grandma..?" I look over to him, watching him nod. "I'm sorry." I offer a kind smile as he waves it off. "It's going to happen to all of us."

"How long have you lived here?" Cyrus puts his hand to his beard. Rubbing over the short stubble. "On and off my whole life. But I've been back for the last six years." "Where were you before the last six?"

"South Korea."

"Why?"

Cyrus throws his hands up. "I just fell in love with it. I went there once, and then on my second time back, I stayed." Wow. I find myself becoming amazed by this man who I just met. Could he be feeding me a bunch of horse shit? 100%. But I'm choosing to believe him. The scar on his arm looked real enough.

"Do you have a favorite memory of your time in South Korea?" I watch the slight smile on Cyrus' face grow larger than life. "I do." He chuckles. "The day I met my wife." I can feel myself looking shocked. My eyes advert to his hand, and sure enough, there's a ring.

"What's her name?" I ask with the most enthusiasm I've had since playing with Rose.

"Eun-Kyung." He says with perfect pronunciation.

I mumble the name to myself, but Cyrus laughs while hearing me. He offers his own apology before helping me out. After a lot of trying, I nail it. "How long have you two been married?"

"Eight years in August." My mouth drops. "Wow. Congrats!" Cyrus smiles before looking out to the empty chess table. "Thanks."

Over the course of us sitting here, I haven't looked at my phone once. So when Cyrus pulls his out to take pictures of the park around us, I feel a need to look at mine. However, then I'm quickly reminded why this is a bad idea. It's just the same old notifications, but this time I have more missed calls and texts from my girlfriend.(?)

I groan and place my phone next to me. Cyrus was about to comment when to my right, he sees someone holding a camera in my direction.

In a split second, they're in my face asking me questions about Elizabeth Olsen and if I'm a gold digger. Next, they're asking Cyrus who he is and what's he doing with me.

I can feel the forecast changing in my mind, and I'm doing nothing to stop it. The more pictures that are being taken are making me think about everything that's gone wrong today. I want to get up and run away, but my feet won't move. I'm staring straight down at my feet as the crowd gets closer and closer. I shut my eyes and bring my knees up to my chest and throw my head down in a last-ditch effort to block them all out.

I'm not sure how long I stayed like this, but I heard muffled shouts from more people than one. I heard Cyrus ask me if it was okay to do X, Y, and Z, but I don't remember what exactly he asked of me. I just nodded into my knees. So when he started moving me, I stayed solid. For the first time since Elizabeth left, I cried again, wanting Cyrus and everyone else to leave me alone and go away.

_

I jump when someone's hand comes into contact with my knee. Throughout this whole thing, I had been bumped, touched, and shuffled along, but this feel was from someone familiar.

"Y/N..."

To my surprise, when I look up, my eyes are meeting Max's.

"Welcome back." She teases with a slight smile. I don't give one back as I curiously move my head around the room. I'm on a brown leather couch with Max crouched in front of me. I don't know where we are, but it looks like a set.

"Max.." I go to speak, but the soreness of my throat immediately stops me. Fuck, that hurts.

As if on cue, a water bottle is being forced fed to me. "There we go," Max says as I take big gulps like a child. "Where are we?" I manage to speak finally. Max takes a look around with me.

It looks like a refurbished art studio of some kind. Paint and graffiti cover the previous white walls. Cans and brushes are thrown about everywhere while photographs of models are hung up. Through the non-boarded-up windows, I can see that it's still daytime.

"Your friends' job, I think?" Max and I look at each other confused. "My friend?" "The guy who called me on your phone? Cyrus?" Max looks at me like I have three heads, but I nod to her words. "Oh."

"I have so many questions, Y/N." Max looks terrified. She reaches out to me and pulls me into a hug I didn't know I needed from her.

"I'm sorry," I say into Max's ear, which makes her rip out of the hug. "What are you apologizing for? You have nothing to apologize for! Don't say that. Just.." Max stops. "Just talk to me. But you don't have to right now! I just want to know that my best friend is okay." Max's bottom lip quivers as she speaks. I shrug and pull her into me.

I'm not okay.

We stay like that before we hear footsteps enter the room.

Max looks towards the entryway of a back room with Cyrus standing there. "Is she okay?" Max looks from him to me. I begrudgingly start to get up from the floor with the help of Max before nodding. "I'm okay." We stand apart, only adding to this awkwardness between us all. "So this your job?" I take a step forward, allowing the tension to break. Cyrus does the same, while Max follows me.

"Yeah, I own this studio. That's why I don't mind helping some people out." He chuckles. I look back at the fake-looking set I was seated at.

"This looks out of place." Cyrus nods at me. "It's a recreation of my old living room." I look at him, but his eyes are on the largest piece in the room. It's a white canvas covered in a mixture of purples and browns. Gold specks sprinkled throughout. It looks like a woman from one angle, but from another, it looks like a house. I get art.. but it's so subjective. That's the point, though.

"That's my grandma."

"The painting?" I ask, taking a couple of wobble steps closer to it. "Yeah. It's my favorite piece." I look at Max, who has her eyes watching Cyrus like a hawk.

"You did this?" Cyrus shakes his head at me. "My pops did." Cyrus laughs at the face I made, confusing Max. "Yeah, the same pops." He walks up to the bottom left-hand corner of the art piece and points to his dad's autograph. Underneath the signature is a small message. "For the woman who raised my son."

"Wow."

"My pops came around two years after she passed, and it wasn't easy, but we talked. Forgiveness isn't something you give away. It took a while, but he earned it." Cyrus isn't going into detail. I think he would if I pressured him, but I also get the feeling he'd only talk if I talked about my problems.

"Time heals all wounds. That's the name of the piece."

This time when I look towards him, he's already looking at me. "Thank you, Cyrus." He smiles. "Don't thank me yet. Whoever did what they did needs to earn your forgiveness. But you need to be willing to listen."

He's right. Man, I hate it when men are right.

"Oh, here." He pulls my phone out of my back pocket and hands it to me. When I tap the screen, it looks like it did earlier, but it's fully charged. "Sorry about using it earlier." He shyly says. "Yeah, how did you know code?"

"The bodega. I watched you frustratingly fumble with your phone." I nod. "I promise I didn't go through anything else. I just wanted someone else to be here for you." I look into his hazel eyes. I believe him. I look at Max, and her gaze on him has softened, so he must be telling the truth.

"My number is there if you need a spot to chill or if you wanna buy some art." I nod at him as I step closer, opening my arms out to him. He stutters before accepting the hug. "I'll be back." We pull apart as Max steps up to Cyrus and shakes his hand. "Thank you again, and sorry for yelling at you. I thought-"

"Water under the bridge. Keep her safe." Now it's Max's turn to nod as Cyrus starts to walk us out.

_

I can't remember the last time I sat in Max's car. But I'm here now, and I'm not sure where we're going, but I know it's not to my place. Max made that clear. Throughout the drive, I could hear Max's breath pick up before she would open her mouth, but no words came out. She's struggling to speak, and I'll be honest. I don't want to talk right now.

I looked over my phone only once throughout the drive, and it was to see if Elizabeth had reached out.

She's texted me the most. She's sent me the most calls. Hell, she even sent me an email. But they all stopped at 4pm on the dot.

I scoff to myself, thinking of why she stopped. Or why she even bothered trying to contact me if "we can't be together" anymore.

I get so wrapped up that I didn't notice that we had stopped. I look to my left to see Max unbuckling herself. So I follow suit, unaware of where we are. I know we're in a parking garage, so maybe to some apartment building, but where exactly. Max knows.

"Let's get you inside."

It takes a minute and like through so many hallways and stairs but eventually, we make it to an apartment door. I take note that they're bigger than my place, so whoever lives here is in another tax bracket. As opposed to knocking, Max pulls out a key and unlocks the door. Max doesn't live here... Before I can even question my best friend, she opens the door and pulls me in with her before closing it behind us.

"Babe?" I hear a female voice call out from somewhere.

"It's me," Max replies.

Suddenly a rush of footsteps comes from wherever in this apartment as Flirty comes flying around the corner. I've never seen her except for one or two pictures from Max and, of course, that night at the club. Max meets her halfway in the hallway of the apartment. They collide and trade kisses and greetings before Flirty brings her attention to me.

"Y/N!"

I wave as Flirty, whose real name I still don't know, comes closer to me before she wraps me up in a hug. "I'm glad you're safe." She whispers to me before she looks to Max, saying she'll be right back. She mentions needing to wrap up some work.

Max brings me back to the front door so we can remove our shoes.

"She likes you." "What?" I look at Max, confused. "Or she's trying to make a good impression. She never hugs people." I nod as we walk down the hallway, passing a closet door until we reach an open room.

Okay, this place is big. How in the hell does she afford this? Who is Flirty?!

The apartment, sorry, I should say penthouse, is a single story. Dark oak wood flooring and dark oak accented kitchen with a mixture of black and white tiles and black marble cover the kitchen island and countertops. Dark furniture throughout. A wall of plants and bookcases line a smaller room that is being used as an office. A guest bedroom that is pretty beige and Carmel compared to the rest of the apartment. The living room is my favorite. On one wall is a tv stand and a tv that covers a great distance. The other is nothing but windows overlooking the city. On the next wall, it's a blow-up black and white photo of Flirty posing nude. Tasteful and classy. No joke.

But I advert my eyes. Flirty also has a couple of those lovesacs on the floor next to her loveseat near her L-shaped couch.

I guess the primary bedroom is for Max and Flirty's eyes only.

Oh yeah, also, the guest bathroom is better decorated than my place but moving on.

"This place is stunning!"

Max takes a look around. "Yeah, Ivy designed a lot of it herself." "Flirty?" I question Max as if she doesn't know her own girlfriends name. "Yes, Flirty. Sorry, I never even told you her name." I stop Max before she begins rambling. "Max, it's okay. I know what you wanted. I also know how hard it is for you, so I support you and Ivy. By the way, have you made it official with her?" Max nods. "Ahhh!" I bounce around and hug my best friend. "I'm so happy for you! I'm sorry I haven't had the time or anything to meet her. I feel like I've been a horrible friend." Max shakes her head at me. "Trust me, as much as you were enjoying Liz's time. I was enjoying Ivy time." Hearing that my best friend is happy makes me happy.

Max brings me over to the living room. "Need anything?" She asks as I put my butt to the couch. "Water?" Max immediately nods and heads off to the kitchen. By the time she returns, my gaze is lost in the views of the city from here. "Kinda breathtaking, huh?" I look back to Max. "Absolutely." Max sits next to me as she places our cups of water onto some coasters. "Now imagine that view when you're naked and pressed up against that glass."

"Max!"

We both turn around to see Ivy standing there with her arms crossed and jaw clenched.

I'm not going to lie; Ivy scares me a little.

She's taller than Max and I. She has long black hair. She's fit and gives off a Maria Hill/girl boss vibe. It's sexy, and knowing how she lives only adds to the fire. Max hasn't gotten into Ivy's age, but I know she's older than us. I'm pretty sure she's older than Elizabeth.

"I'm sorry about her," Ivy says as she enters the room, still wearing her business casual wear. "But I'm sure you know. Max has told me a lot about you, so I'm happy to meet you finally." Ivy says, sitting herself down next to Max, instantly making me feel alone. I think Max senses this as she carefully maneuvers herself.

"Me too. Up until today, I still called you Flirty." "Flirty?" She tilts her head and looks at Max. "It's what she's called you since the night at the club," Max says like an embarrassed child causing Ivy to bust out laughing.

"Please call me that whenever you like."

I agree much to Max's displeasure.

Ivy excuses herself to change into a comfy change of clothes.

Once she's back, her and I spend more time talking and getting to know one another while Max fills in the small details we try to leave out. All in all, Ivy is a very successful but entertaining person. I can see why her and Max get along so well. Also, they made sure not to leave out how many late-night activities they get up to.

I knew Max was limping that one day!

"So I gotta ask." Ivy and Max fixate their eyes on me. "How?" I say as I gesture to the whole penthouse.

"She's a lawyer," Max says with a chuckle, almost knowing what's coming. Sure enough, Ivy slaps Max on the arm. "Stop selling me short. Y/N I'm not a lawyer. I'm a really good lawyer." She smirks before scrunching her face up to Max.

They are fucking cute together.

After however long we sat there on the couch Ivy decided to switch gears. "So I was thinking we can either order in, or I can put my lackluster cooking skills to work for you, Y/N."

I shoot Ivy a gracious smile. "Ordering in is fine with me." "Great! I will be back with some menus, and then we can talk about our case." Max's eyes quickly glance to me.

"Okay. Wait, what case!?" Ivy stops halfway through the living room. She looks stunned as she looks at Max.

"You didn't tell her?" Now I look to Max. "Tell me what?" Max sighs and groans as she puts her attention on me while Ivy leaves the room.

"So I'm not sure what you know, but whatever happened today affected you and Liz." Obviously. "This ain't easy." Max takes a deep breath worrying me. "Alec was the one who leaked everything to the press. He leaked your name, your handles, parts of your phone number weirdly. He even placed little cameras at work. I only knew that once videos of you at work went out as well." Max stops as I take in all of this information. "Don't worry. Of course, he's been fired, and Ivy has made it her mission to take this case to protect you and Elizabeth. And to put his arrogant ass in jail."

All of this information has hit me like a truck. I knew my old coworker was acting weird, but I didn't think this would be the case. Why did he do this? Was he jealous? I knew he liked the MCU and Elizabeth, but not like this. What was his plan?

"Where's Alec?" I felt nervous to even ask. Max shrugs. "We gave all the information we had to the police, and since it's a high-profile case, I'm sure the FBI will be involved too."

"Why haven't I heard anything?"

"Well, Ivy's been dealing with the legal or should I say illegal stuff, and you've kinda been off your phone all day. I'm sure Lizzie's team knows. But you didn't know anything at all?"

I shake my head.

"What happened?" Max asks as she brings herself closer to me.

That's the million-dollar question.

"I don't even know. It all happened so quick. One minute we were having the morning of our lives, and the next, it was like I was being suffocated." Max pays attention to my words. "I hadn't looked at my phone all morning except for one time, and then when I looked again, I had all of these notifications from you, MK, unknown numbers."

I take a deep breath as Ivy returns with some take-out menus.

"Elizabeth was on the phone." Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Max tilt her head at Liz's full name. "In my gut, I had a feeling what happened. We were outed... a-and she looked terrified.."

I feel my bottom lips quiver as I replay the events in my head.

"She turned to me and said that we couldn't be together anymore" Max leans closer to me and puts my hand in hers.

"And after that?" Ivy calmly asks.

I close my eyes, pretending to remember, but I know exactly what happened. "It all became a blur. Everything else was muffled. I'm sorry.." I look at the couple in front of me. "Don't do that. Don't apologize." Ivy agrees with her girlfriend as both of them bring themselves closer to me.

Not too much later, I'm crying in their arms.

_

Dinner had come and gone by now. We had some pizza called in from some local place that Ivy loves. She went over the case with me, but she could tell I wasn't retaining much information. Luckily Max was there to help keep track of the things I needed to do.

After dinner, we all loaded back onto the couch to sit down and watch some Disney movies. Apparently, Ivy's big secret is that Pixar movies are her favorite, so we put on Finding Nemo.

Throughout the movie, I figured it was best to get it over with now than later. So I privated all of my social media accounts. I got rid of all my annoying ass notifications. I decided to send a short text to every one of my contacts that chose to reach out, except Elizabeth, of course. The text mentioned that I was safe and would be away for a while. I even saved some previously unknown contacts.

Contacts like Scarlett, Colin, Ivy, Paul Bettany, Chris E, and Elizabeth's Publicist Marla.

Even Robbie reached out.

That's somewhat crazy, right?

Anyways that took the majority of the movie, so by the time I looked up, Nemo and Marlin were being reunited.

I guess it was later than I thought because when the movie ended, Ivy let us know that she'd be going to bed. She and I hugged, and she once again reassured me that everything would be okay. Max watch the interaction with a vast smile dawning on her face. After that, Max quickly left to do her nighttime routine with Ivy before coming back to me to watch Ratatouille.

_

I've had this one thing to say in the back of my mind for a while, but I think today's events have reconfirmed it. So once Remy finds himself in Paris, I turn to Max.

"Max."

"Hmm, mmh?" she responds without pulling her attention away from the rat on screen.

"I- I quit.." I say just above a whisper. This seems to pull her away from the tv.

"You quit?" Max's voice is dripped in confusion. "You quit what? You quit the coffee shop?" I barely nod my head as she looks for an answer.

I force my eyes to look into Max's, and the sight breaks my heart. She doesn't want to believe the words I just said.

"You know I haven't been there for a while, and me being there now won't do anyone any good," I say with a hitch of confidence.

I know Max, and I know she wants to fight me on this. She wants to come up with all the reasons I'm wrong and why this is stupid. But for the first time in our friendship, I think this might be the one time where I'm right.

So instead of putting up a fight, Max simply nods to me with glossy eyes before she turns back to the movie.

_

"Do you remember when I brought you down for thanksgiving break freshman year of college?"

"Was that the year your mom swore up and down that I was your girlfriend?" I laugh thinking about it. "Yeah. God, that was embarrassing. She made us sleep in separate rooms." Max laughs a little too hard remembering.

"You didn't improve it with your constant need for hand-holding." I wave my hand at Max. "It was to rile my mom up, and you liked it. Don't tell me you didn't." Max puts her hands up. We quietly laugh before it gets silent.

"Remember what happened after dinner?" Max looks at me quizzically. "With the wishbone?" I nod, making a broad smile appear on her face. I turn to her and continue. "Davey wanted you and him to break it, but you pulled too hard, so as it broke, his fist flew back and hit him right in the face." Max puts her head in her hands due to laughing and mixed guilt. "I thought I was never going to be allowed back." "Technically, you weren't," I mumble with a smile. "Oh yeah.. where was I the next year?"

"You went with James to California." "So that year-" "Yeah..."

That was the year Naomi came down with me. It also happened to be right after Davey got sick again.

I feel Max shuffle on the couch before she scoots closer to me, pulling my body down and allowing me to lay back onto her. She throws her giant blue blanket over us.

"Do you think he'd be proud of me?" I ask, not wanting an answer as I stare at the tv screen in front of me. Sure enough, the tv pauses with Mike and Sully on screen, but Max doesn't move, allowing me to stay comfortable.

"What do you think, Y/N?" I shake my head no. I hear Max sigh. "Why not?" I start playing with my hands to try and distract myself from the truth spilling out, but it happens anyways.

"Because I haven't done anything he wanted me to do. I stopped playing guitar and writing. I haven't gone back to school. I haven't gone back home to see him. I've had two failed relationships. I feel so lost.. I don't think he'd be proud of his daughter." I swallow down the liquid rising in my throat.

Max pulls me closer to her as I let the dark thoughts of my brain out.

"Y/N, you don't really believe that." "But I do-" "Stop! Y/N, just because you didn't finish school doesn't mean he loved you any less. You're allowed to grieve and go about life at your pace and how you want to! Because it's your life! You can do things for Davey, but at the end of the day, you know he would be proud of you because you were his daughter. His Y/N! He's seen what you've gone through, and trust me. He'd be happy and proud."

I stay silent. Max is right. But the thoughts I said I still have.

She holds me close, I think, as a way to stop the tears for the both of us.

After what feels like a good enough time for the melancholy in the room to disappear, Max unpauses the movie.

"Do you think he would've liked Elizabeth?" I annoyingly ask. Max's hand goes to pause the movie again, but I stop her.

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"Always."

"That woman could get anyone to like her." A short air-filled laugh escapes through my nose. "But she would've done everything she could to make sure Davey truly liked her. Inside and out."

"Probably wouldn't like her right now."

Max chuckles underneath me. "No, but he would ensure you talked to her no matter what. He would've taken your phone and called every contact he could."

"Yeah, but first, he asked me how to unlock it."

"Nah, I would've helped him," Max says with a coy smile.

I sit up and turn my body to Max. "Thank you. For everything." Max nods, and we share a short hug. After that, Max and I know it's super later, so she decides it's bedtime. Max gets up and offers to show me to the guest room, but I told her I'd stay up. Max knows my mind is going to be racing no matter how exhausted I currently am.

Max agrees and brings me into one final hug for the night.

"Oh, I've been thinking," Max says as she now stands in front of the paused movie. "You didn't quit. You simply put in your two weeks and worked all your shifts." She winks at me. I appreciate that, and even though I will be dipping into my savings, whatever money I can get, I'll take it.

"Goodnight, Max." I softly say as she leaves me alone in the room.

"Goodnight, Y/N." I hear before the main bedroom door closes.

I unpause the movie, but without Max here, it's hard to focus on the funny animated guys.

I find myself looking out the giant windows over the city. I'm still in awe of this view. I walk over and look at the small number of stars I can see. A tiny part of me is wondering if Liz is doing the same.

I wonder how she feels. Is it regret? Guilt? Pain? Love?

I walk back over to the couch and grab my phone. I still haven't texted Liz, but as I'm about to, my mind starts giving me words and phrases. Maybe lyrics? I exit out of messages and locate my notes app to jot it all down.

I instantly know what the title is: Goodbye.

Part 22

A/N

The next chapter is Liz's POV so get ready.

Stay safe, and drink water! 💛

[kitawolf12]

My mom had a lumpectomy Monday and like currently she is fine recovery wise but she almost certainly has cancer, has been told some of it is inoperable, and has told me that she doesn't think she has the capacity to stick to a drug chemo/is nearly unwilling to do radiation chemo so she's probably not going to be fine in the long run or maybe short run.

I am Far Less Okay about all of this than I have been trying to be outwardly but I don't know how long I can keep Functioning??? I'm in a program where some of my team is leaving come April 19th but I'm continuing through the summer and I really want to be helping to reach our goals before then and also to hang out with them before theyre gone since Friendship is really a proximity game... but I want so badly to just lay in bed and cry all day that I don't know How to get myself to do things

And then there's the fact that my mom and brother are going out of the country for 9 days starting on the 20th. I was not invited or told about this until it was already scheduled and I don't know how to share that I'm hurt by not being invited without coming off super entitled since I don't really care about Japan, don't want to spend 9 days with my brother, don't have time to take off work, and don't have the money to contribute to such a trip. But with all this fucking cancer shit I can't NOT think, "Oh cool, my brother gets to go on the kind of trip my mom always talked about wanting to take with us and then she'll die before we get to check out Scotland and Ireland!"

And i just feel so gross. I want to drink. I want to scream. I want to throw things and break them. I want to light the world on fire. I want my mom to be okay and everyone who's ever been mean to her to suffer. She retired the same month the doctors told her she might have cancer, literally back in December. I know retirement is fake nowadays but that's just cruelty! Here's your retirement package: early death at no extra charge.

I've been watching Anne with an E since it's one of the shows that makes me Feel strongly and I got to where Mary was introduced and remembered immediately that she died. My brain told me I had to watch it all the way through which I guess was it begging for some kind of catharsis. Mary is a mother that dies slowly of sepsis while her daughter is still an infant. She and everyone who loves her has to watch her waste away knowing there's such limited time. "Maybe it's a gift to know so we can talk like this," Mary says to her husband, and I can see how it is but how can you really truly speak about it? I love her so much. I don't want to think about what it's going to be like when I can't hug her, when we can't be silly anymore, when... when all that's left of the family I want to be around is gone.

If she dies soon, before my grandparents do, I'm going to be so bitter towards them. I don't know if I'll be able to restrain myself. And then there would only be my brother who might argue for me being in the will and HE has no reason to. If she goes I'll probably be disowned for real this time. No one would be safe anymore.

Nothing is fair and I hate it and I'm scared and why does this have to happen while in BLEEDING goddamn it

oh and my mom really wanted grandchildren. Which I have no intention of giving her. so I'm a disappointment in at least one way, without even considering that I'm a queer, liberal, partnerless, underemployed, welfare-using, genderfucky disaster. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Sorry ma, guess you'll be dying unhappy with the state of your child's life unless there are some radical changes.

I don't like the world right now. I don't even like *me* right now.

The sun will be up in a few hours and I need to pretend to be functional tomorrow so I can schedule appointments for Thursday to help old people like I'm contracted to do until August. Motions. I can go through them. I've done it all my life, I can do one more day. Just one more day every day.

[hanrinz]

give your moots a valentine's day ship <3

❛ MOOTS VALENTINE'S DAY SHIP <3 ❜

༊*·˚ rosie's notes — okay okay so first of all, thank you nonnie for this ask & second i'm very sorry for my other moots i haven't added :( i tried my best to include all of you, but it's really hard & the ones who i wrote for were mostly the ones who i knew the best !!

+ for those who have received two characters, I can't really decide which one who goes with u better, so why not make it both?

༊*·˚ if you don't like this i would throw myself out of the window /hj if you're uncomfortable with this pls ignore it and you have the green light to bonk me in the head

@gettinshiggywithit with touya !!

༉‧₊˚ my first ever moot !! i'm pairing you up with dabi, wbk you'll get dabi! touya has never spent valentine's with anyone before and this would be his first time with you. he had planned it out a week before (he might have asked and research for things to do on valentine's, but that's not for u to worry about) and he's so nervous of what you might think about his idea. nonetheless, he had put so much effort in this particular day <33 he'll be giving you his famous hot chocolates that literally melts your tongue!! i now hereby declare that touya would give you matching rings :))

@popkorrn with akaashi !!

༉‧₊˚ love love love my fave moot of all time, you're my sun and the light of my world <33 i would've gone with yamaguchi, but u and akaashi would be so cute together!! please i hope u like this :') i feel like the both of you would be a fashion icon & imagine matching clothes together! the both of you are just being so adorable <33 and omg akaashi with acts of service and words of affirmation as his love language. he would be giving you all the love on this particular day & he just can't help himself fall in love with you more :(( hand holding with him on the street as the both of stroll and just spend time with each other. he has the softest smile on his face when you look at him!!

@uravichii with bakugou !!

༉‧₊˚ now hold on listen to me, i've been shipping the two of you since day one!! ik u like shinsou but idc lmao/j (i'm literally thinking of you and him as an old married couple fr) PLS katsuki would definitely bake you sweets for valentines (took extra classes for baking, when he's supposed to be sleeping early- he didn't tell u that) & when he gives it to you, he gets so shy??? and he would try to be so nonchalant about it too!! like "happy valentines day or whatever" but please give him a kiss on the cheeks as a thank you, he would be expecting it so much ;)

@suguful with shoto todoroki !

༉‧₊˚ vivi it's been so long :(( i'm pairing you up with the one and only shoto! he'll be giving you little gifts, like a matching bracelet with his color scheme on it and him with yours, he'll also be taking you out for a date or maybe simply just spend time with each other <33 omg and imagine hand kisses !! random hand & forehead kisses! by the end of the day, you'll be seeing something from your bag that looks like a love letter (he secretly slipped it while you were distracted)

@loving-august with childe !

༉‧₊˚ you & childe go together (we forgetting about scara & diluc for now🤭) mans would go all out for valentines day!! never expect less from THE eleventh fatui harbinger 😤 a bouquet of your favorite flowers? fuck that he had a field made of it just for you! sweets you say that are from another nation? no worries, he already contacted the owner of that confectionery to deliver boxes of it. or if you're not feeling any of it, he would gladly stay at home with you and cook your favorite meal <33 he's so sweet and tries his best to show you how much he appreciates you!

@escapenightmare with denki & reo mf mikage !!

༉‧₊˚ what can i say, i'm a multi-shipper. denki would literally burn you a playlist of songs that makes him remind of you :( and omg arcade dates with him!! you'll probably make it a competition (he'll get pouty every time you win lmao) and like !! physical touch with him he's so cute <33 okay we have talked about this! and reo would treat u like a royalty !! he would literally rent the whole amusement park just for you — honestly not just that,, whatever you wanted to do or go to he would just make a quick call and bam the both of you had a whole place to yourselves at your favorite cafe/restaurant, resort, island, maybe he would fly with you to paris because he's romantic & corny he loves you a lot <33

@kiiraes with kuroo !

༉‧₊˚ stop i literally just guessed that kuroo would be your fave 😭 I WAS SO GLAD anyways my rae bby, kuroo is a dork fr!! he would be using those table of elements pick-up lines "are you made of copper and tellurium?" because you're CuTe" he's so goofy. but fr he would take you out on a date, he would literally show up at your door in a tuxedo and a flower in his hands <33 or maybe the two of you would go on a trip on a beach house 🤭 he got the money okay? he would be the sweetest partner you could ever have!!

@angelshimaa with aone & kirishima !!

༉‧₊˚ i've gone with both aone & kiri <33 i couldn't decide which one so why not both? aone is so cute and very shy when he asked you to be his valentine :(( he would be standing outside your door with your favorite flower in one hand, he would give it to you without any words — the note attached to it says "my valentine?" please, say yes :(( & kiri would be taking u out on a date, he's so prepared for this day he got lots of things for you to do on that particular day! (imagine going on a picnic date with him !! all the food is valentine's theme — hearts, red, even your ship name was frosted at least one of them! he would give you a mini plushy of him <33

[electric-rabbits]

TMG ask! Now some of my favourites that come to mind: Lakeside View Apartment Suite Game Shows Touch Our Lives Guys on Every Corner Mobile Heretic Pride (back atchu!)

hehehe thank you sm for the ask I'll be sooo annoying about it!!! Let's goooo Lakeside View Apartments Suite- This is one of those songs I listened to so many fucking times I ended up squeezing all of the endorphins out of it. But the line that breaks me is

And just before I leave I throw up in the sink One whole life recorded In disappearing ink

Just. I've never struggled with addiction myself, but I've done some work with damage reduction, and whenever JD writes about addiction he does such a great job at it- never moralizing, never failing to recognize the value on all the things we do to survive, but also noting the suffering that it may cause. The loss of agency and of history that this line shows, this alienation from your own existence... Yeah.

Game Shows Touch Our Lives- This ENTIRE SONG. The WHOLE THING. But that's not the game so

Thunderclouds forming, cream white moon, Everything's gonna be ok soon Maybe tomorrow, Maybe the next day

This is the tragedy of Tallahasse. The listeners know how twisted this is, this idea that (once again) the Alpha Couple can only be at peace when they are fully alienated from themselves and from each other; but they have hope. For a second there they think maybe their love is still there, and maybe they were happy someday, and maybe they can be happy again. But the clouds are forming, and we see the storm coming.

Guys on Every Corner- Fun fact! Bleed Out was the first TMG album launch I've followed- I've been listening to them since the days of In League with Dragons, but I only started following their socials and stuff during the pandemic, so here we are

They look like nothing They look like your neighbors You won't remember their faces later

It's a fucking panopticon! He's got guys on every corner!!! It doesn't matter if that guy really is one of his guys, because he could be. Any guy could be. You'll never be safe.

Mobile- Listen. Listen. Eduardo Galeano once referred to the christian god as "The god of the christians, the god from my childhood" and that's the relationship I have with catholicism. I'm an atheist and I've been for years, but JD really does write directly to that childhood and brings the material and the mundane into it, and it gets me good every time.

Lord, if you won't keep me safe and warm Then send down the storm Send down the storm

GAH! The passive suicidal ideation, the way this asks god "If I was not enough to be chosen, to be good, then can you at least punish me properly. At least let me face down your wrath. Your punishment is better than your indifference. I'm on a balcony in Mobile, Alabama, waiting for my god to finally kill me, but he is too forgiving to do so, and too vengeful to love me as I am.

Herectic Pride- THIS IS A SONG ABOUT QUEER JOY AND I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR OTHERWISE

And I start laughing like a child And I mark their faces, one by one Transfiguration's gonna come for me at last And I will burn hotter than the sun

In christianism, we get told again and again that we must forgive those who do us harm. This was one of the hardest things to unlearn in my life after leaving religion. This idea of being sacrificed for being seen as profane, as dangerous, as demonic, and then taking that not as martyrdom but as a chance to strike back??? Showing that those things they condemned in you are your strength?? They may fucking break my bones but I will make them pay. I will make them pay.

[dontyoufinditstrange]

CALM Lyrics That Alter My Brain Chemistry

Red Desert

"i'd dive deeper for you" "what a blessing to feel your love" "won't you leave all your fears at the edge of the world?" "it doesn't take too long to heal and replace" "you're the only one i'd do this for"

No Shame

"love is fatal, won't you give it a chance?" "go on and light me like a cigarette even if it might be something you regret" "you got me now" "i love the way you're screaming my name" "you'll always be forgiven" "go on replace me" "when you're craving something sweeter than the words that i left in your mouth" "go on and spit me out"

Old Me

"had to fuck it up before i really got to know me" "and they wondered how long i could keep it up while i wondered if i'd ever get enough" "and i did some shit i never should've done, i would do it over now" "shout out to the old me and everything you showed me" "another round here we go, going in blow for blow" "look into the mirror, take the punches that i throw" "i'm constantly reminded of all the compromises by the people from my past who have a hard time letting go"

Easier

"i love you so much that i hate you" "i know that i'm never ever gonna change and you know you're always gonna stay the same" "you know we need it like the air we breathe" "the hardest part of all is that we're only built to fall"

Teeth

"some days you're the only thing i know" "sometimes you're a stranger in my bed" "don't know if you love me or you want me dead" "every little lie gives me butterflies" "something in the way you're looking through my eyes, don't know if i'm gonna make it out alive" "you're looking at me like you don't know who i am"

Wildflower

"i heart you calling out my name, i love the sound, i love the taste" "and i can see it in your face, you've got a side you can't explain" "i wanna hold you" " a fatal love song"

Best Years

"i wasted so much time on people that reminded me of you" "i'll build a house out of the mess and all the broken pieces" "i wanna hold your hand while we're growing up" "past love burned out like a cigarette"

Not In The Same Way

"i love you, you love me, but not in the same way" "rip my heart out and leave, on the floor watch me bleed" "you won't let me let go" "i can't forget you" "baby, i'm sick of sadness and you're sick of xanax" "i know you think i'm bulletproof but you know how to hurt me too" "leave your mark with every bite then everything's alright" "i don't know if i love you, don't know if i hate you"

Lover Of Mine

"kaleidoscope mind gets in the way" "lose me in the sight of you" "take all of me deep to where your secrets hide" "if my name never fell off your lips again, i know it'd be such a shame" "when i take a look at my life and all of my crimes, you're the only thing that i think i got right" "i watched the world fall from your eyes" "all my regrets and things you can't forget, light them all up, kiss them goodbye"

Thin White Lies

"i don't feel your love" "watch me as i disappear" "killin me slow with the words you wrote, the hearts you broke" "just one more taste of you my love" "you got me by the mouth" "she says she loves me, she don't show it" "i don't think i like me anymore, can someone tell me who i was before?"

Lonely Heart

"if you can't find another reason to stay then i know i'm gonna always have a lonely heart" "can i have a second chance?" "when i wake up in a haze and i haven't slept in days, you're a thousand miles away" "lonely, it ain't nothing new"

High

"i hope you think of me high, i hope you think of me highly" "i think that my heart was built to last more than a night" "i need to stop letting me down"

Kill My Time

"stained hearts trying to find a home" "you're the only one who makes me feel alive" "i can't keep drowning in the shadows" "dancing in the dark til the sun comes" "want you all to myself" "we can leave it all tonight"

[dancersmirrorball]

Taylor Swift The Tortured Poets Department + The Anthology Sentence Starters

Tracks 1-4

"You're the reason."

"No-one here's to blame."

"The effects were temporary."

"I love you, it's ruining my life."

"I touched you for only a fortnight."

"Buy the car you want."

"You left your typewriter at my apartment."

"Who uses typewriters anyway?"

"You're in self-sabotage mode."

"Who's gonna hold you like me?"

"Sometimes, I wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me."

"Everyone we know understands why it's meant to be."

"Oh, here we go again."

"Rivulets descend my plastic smile."

"I should've known it was a matter of time."

"I know I'm just repeating myself."

"I felt more when we played pretend."

"Told me I'm better off, but I'm not."

"For a moment I knew cosmic love."

"Everything comes out teenage petulance."

"Fuck it if I can't have him/her/them."

"Staring at the sky, come back and pick me up."

"Did you take all my old clothes? Just to leave me here naked and alone."

"Cause fuck it I was in love, so fuck you if I can't have us."

Tracks 5-8

"Oh, the tragedy."

"I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the heath."

"I died on the altar waiting for the proof."

"I'm just getting color back into my face."

"I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place."

"A moment of warm sun, but I'm not the one."

"I forget if this was ever fun."

"I just learned these people only raise you, to cage you."

"No, I'm not coming to my senses."

"Growing up precocious sometimes means, not growing up at all."

"I'd rather burn my whole life down, than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning."

"You ain't gotta pray for me."

"I'm running back home to you."

"Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to."

"Handcuffed to the spell I was under."

"All those nights you kept me going."

"Swirled you into all of my poems."

"But it's gonna be alright, I did my time."

"You can beat the heat, if you beat the charges too."

"They said I was a cheat, I guess it must be true."

"Your home's really only a town, you're just a guest in."

"I got drunk and I dared it to wash me away."

"Well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time."

"Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable."

Tracks 9-12

"My boredom's bone deep, this cage was once just fine."

"Am I allowed to cry?"

"I dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks."

"How I long for our trysts."

"What if I roll the stone away? They're gonna crucify me anyway."

"I choose you and me, religiously."

"You don't get to tell me about sad."

"If you wanted me dead, you should have just said."

"So I leap from the gallows, and I levitate down your street."

"At all costs keep your good name."

"Is it a wonder I broke, let's hear one more joke."

"We could all just laugh, until I cry."

"Lord save her/him/them."

"But your good lord doesn't need to lift a finger."

"I can fix him/her/them, no really I can."

"And I could see it from a mile away."

"Come close, I'll show you heaven."

"Maybe I can't."

"Who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames?"

"We were just kids babe."

"I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed."

"I wish I could un-recall, how we almost had it all."

"Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire."

"You're the loss of my life."

Tracks 13-16

"I can show you lies."

"Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit."

"You gotta fake it 'til you make it."

"All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting more."

"I can pass this test."

"Try and come for my job."

"Was any of it true? Gazing at me starry-eyed."

"Who the fuck was that guy?"

"Were you sent by someone, who wanted me dead?"

"And you'll confess why you did it, and I'll say good riddance."

"I would've died for your sins, instead I just died inside."

"You are what you did."

"The hospital was a drag, worst sleep I ever had."

"I haven't come around in so long."

"Call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team."

"Ditch the clowns, get the crown."

"Who are we to fight the alchemy?"

"That child's play back in school, is forgiven under my rule."

"I think I might die if it happened."

"This town is fake, but you're the real thing."

"Take the glory, give everything."

"Beauty is a beast that roars, down on all fours; demanding more."

"It's hell on earth to be heavenly."

"The future's bright, dazzling."

Tracks 17-21

"I just don't understand."

"Old habits die screaming."

"I may never open up the way I did for you."

"Do you hate me?"

"Now I want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes, and hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons."

"Cause tail between your legs, you're leaving."

"You knew the price going in."

"I can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean."

"Once you fix your face I'm going in."

"I'm an Aston Martin, that you steered straight into the ditch."

"Push the reset button, we're becoming something new."

"Told my friends I hate you, but I love you just the same."

"A rose by any other name is a scandal."

"Cross your thoughtless heart, only liquor anoints you."

"Devils that you know, raise worse hell than a stranger."

"You're in terrible danger."

"I tried to warn you about them."

"I'm the albatross, I swept in at the rescue."

"I just watched it happen."

"You saw my bones out with somebody new."

"I loved you the way that you were."

"You turned me into an idea of sorts."

"I changed into goddesses, villains and fools, changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules."

"Could it be enough to just float in your orbit."

"Come one come all, it's happening again."

"The empathetic hunger descends."

"We'll tell no-one, except all of our friends."

"How did it end?"

"Say it once again with feeling."

"My beloved ghost and me sitting in a tree d-y-i-n-g."

Tracks 22-26

"I wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you."

"Your friends are around, so be quiet."

"No-one's ever had me, not like you."

"You know how to ball, I know Aristotle."

"You already know babe."

"Do that impression you did of your dad again."

"If comfort is a construct, I don't believe in good luck."

"I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child."

"I'm there most of the year cause I hate it here."

"Nostalgia is a mind trick."

"I'm bitter, but I swear I'm fine.

"This place made me feel worthless."

"And it was always the same searing pain, but I dreamed that one day, I could say."

"All that time you were throwing punches, I was building something."

"And it wasn't a fair fight, or a clean kill."

"I pushed each boulder up the hill, your words are still just ringing in my head."

"I built a legacy that you can't undo."

"I don't think you've changed much."

"I had died the tiniest death."

"North bound I got carried away, as you boarded your train."

"They have their friends over to drink nice wine."

"Does it feel alright to not know me?"

"I look in people's windows, like I'm some deranged weirdo."

"I attend Christmas parties from outside."

"Oh, was it punishment?"

"Please, I've been on my knees, change the prophecy."

"Let it once be me."

"It was sinking in."

"But I howl like a wolf, at the moon."

"But even statues crumble, if they're made to wait."

Tracks 27-31

"I was in my new house, placing daydreams."

"When the first stone's thrown, there's screaming."

"When the truth comes out, it's quiet."

"So they filled my cell with snakes I regret to say, do you believe me now?"

"Blood's thick, but nothing like a payroll."

"Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul."

"Is it something I did?"

"I thought it was just goodbye for now."

"You said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me."

"I hoped you'd return."

"Cause love's never lost, once perspective is earned."

"And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired, lost to the lost boys chapter of your life."

"A curious child, ever reviled."

"Oh, we must stop meeting like this."

"But it always ends up with a town car speeding, out the drive one evening."

"It felt like breathing."

"What a charming Saturday."

"This is fate."

"Long may you reign."

"You have no idea."

"Way to go tiger."

"You have no room in your dreams for regrets."

"The time will arrive for the cruel and the mean."

"You'll learn to bounce back, just like your trampoline."

"I'm not a donor, but I'd give you my heart if you needed it."

"You're a professional."

"But soon it was over."

"The professor said to write what you know."

"Now and then I re-read the manuscript."

"But the story isn't mine anymore."