#then why don’t you have issues with every other headcanon? why only ace Kanej?

[6point5crows]

READ THIS.

Another argument I’ve been seeing against ace représentions and characters being shown as ace/aro is that:

“Well allo relationships aren’t given healthy views either and since I like sexual things, I will make them sexual!”

And to that I have a few points:

1. Unhealthy representation is seen everywhere and I can go on and on about some of these unhealthy views. Everything has unhealthy rep at some point— but sexual relationships are EVERYWHERE. Almost any piece of media is literally filled with sexual intimacy to the point that there’s so much healthy rep. Yes there can be unhealthy rep, as there is with anything at all, but almost any movie or show you turn to, there is sexual aspect and characters. To find sexual content, you hardly have to look at all.

With ace/aro rep, however, there’s hardly any… ever at all. And don’t give me the “then why don’t YOU go out and make it?” because that’s not the damn point here. The point is that for people to find ace/aro characters, they have to go deeply searching for something that may not even be good rep, and it’s usually some stereotype. It’s either that, not able to find that rep at all, or headcanons.

Aka: Ace Kanej.

(Side note: you can’t just push away the issues of lack of rep by saying “then why don’t you make it?” because that’s extremely unfair to those wishing to just see work created with characters they can relate to. Why should ace/aro/touch-averse people have to devote all their time creating their own rep when those more sexually-driven have never had to? Why shouldn’t we hope to see rep from those who may not be ace/aro/etc?)

2. Yes, projecting is a common thing to do— one which I do all the time. I headcanon Kuwesper since I’m also poly, and yes I do have my own future headcanons for Kanej based aorund myself and my boyfriends and whatnot. But the difference about those projections and projecting sexual tendencies onto characters is it’s now taking away what little rep can be had from a ship, and instead erasing it.

And before you go off and say: “Oh you’re just trying to tell people how to see a ship!” I’m absolutely not. I’m just sharing my agreement with OP and my own thoughts on the matter. I cant make you ship anything in any way, I can’t tell you if you can or cannot make something sexual, that’s on you and I won’t step up to any posts and be like: “Um actually… you can’t have that ship be like that!” Because go off, do whatever. These are just my thoughts.

3. Bouncing right off of that, is people who do sexualize Kanej all say the same things of: “Let people see a ship how they want,” “It’s my projection so you shouldn’t have an issue,” “Why don’t you just scroll past and not interact?” “Stop gatekeeping!” “Well you are just saying they can’t heal!” “Just ignore it then? Make your own content!”

To which I say… say the same things back to yourself.

If you’re gonna take the time to read all this and decide to start an argument, and say the words: “Why don’t you just ignore it then?” then ask yourself why you just don’t ignore these posts. Posts shouting into the void of Tumblr about personal thoughts and opinion on a subject. Yes, posts like this are a call-to-action to think deeper on a subject and consider another perspective, but it’s absolutely not a personal attack.

If you disagree with ace Kanej, then move on, then. If you’re gonna tell OP to just ignore it, then you ignore zir posts about it too as well. Take your own damn advice. Make your own posts or rants. Nobody is making you read these rants, nobody is making you comment, nobody is forcing to suddenly convert to ace Kanej.

So move tf on with your lives instead of arguing against needed representation of ace/aro/touch-averse people.

Because in the end, a lot of people I’ve seen are just being acephobic, arophobic, or inconsiderate. Saying that not wanting to touch is just a weakness to overcome instead of a valid boundary to have. Making it out to seem as if ace/aro relationship could never happen, that any actual relationship must only be sexual. Not even giving Kanej a gray area, either.

But a note that I think so many people need to get through their minds is this:

A headcanon is called a headcanon as it diverts from canon for a reason. So saying shit like, “but in canon they…” immediately is missing the point of a headcanon. Ace Kanej, if you wanna consider it a headcanon, should be allowed to be a valid headcanon considering ITS A HEADCANON.

Just something to remember before y’all go on to say shit about “but in canon they blahblahblah” because no shit, we read the same books.

Ace/Aro people don’t get any representation so we gotta get it where we can, which is what OP was saying originally (seriously! Go back a read it like 3 times!) when discussing why Ace Kanej is so important.

LET PEOPLE SHIP ACE KANEJ

Reasons Kanej is very important to me

AKA my Ace manifesto

Most romance in media is very physical/sex driven, so as a sex repulsed asexual with sensitivities to touch and skin to skin contact, that can get very irritating. Partially because I just don't like to watch it, but also because I can't relate to it at all. It's completely foreign to me. And as someone who can tend to be very influenced by what I watch/read, having physical intimacy hyped in that way can be very misleading. Physical attraction/intimacy is ultimately hollow and isn't sustainable long term if that's all your relationship is based on, and if you're seeing those kinds of relationships portrayed as successful and fulfilling than you would expect it to be the same in real life... which will ultimately lead to a lot of confusion and disappointment. It's very easy to write a relationship just for sex appeal, or pair two actors together because they're attractive; and chances are most people will be satisfied by that.

But that's not love... that's attraction. The media has blurred the difference between those words, so young people growing up with TV and social media are being told that sexual and physical attraction is love, when, in reality, it is just that, attraction and lust.

Real love can include those elements, but it certainly doesn't have to. Real love is about emotional connection, it's about knowing and caring about each other. It's so much deeper than simply thinking someone is attractive or wanting physical intimacy with them. And there are so many more ways that people experience love and romance than just sex, and that is rarely shown in media.

That is why Kanej means so much to me. They're not just another couple that fits the societal "standard" for romance. Their relationship is built on trust, friendship, understanding one another, and wanting the best for the other. All things that are sustainable, the things that really matter. And I know both characters have expressed a desire for a more intimate, physical relationship, but I believe they can have a perfectly fulfilling relationship without that. And while I do absolutely want them to heal from their traumas, I do not think that means they have to be touchy or have a sexual relationship. I would love to see them heal enough to be comfortable in close proximity to each other, to hold hands, maybe even share a kiss; but I don't think they need those things to be a healthy couple, and I don't think that achieving that comfort is the only way they can heal.

In conclusion, despite kanej not being a canonically ace couple, I feel represented by them, I feel my experiences are seen and validated. They give me hope that should I ever desire a romantic relationship, it is possible to find one that I can be comfortable in, that doesn't require physical intimacy to be healthy and long lasting. I adore Kanej, and I will protect them at all costs.