#then we could really see how taking Nicky was something so irreparable for them

[relativeconsciousness]

agatha needed 1-2 more episodes just to flesh out agatha/rio a bit more and make their fight more dramatic/interesting

[nickireadstfc]

The King’s Men, Chapter 16 – A Team Of Particularly Good Finders

In which I find a new favourite team, Kevin’s angrier half makes an entrance, I find a new favourite team, keys are distributed, faceclaims are suggested, and I find a new favourite team.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The King’s Men.

             Saturday morning Wymack stopped by Fox Tower with a guest. (…)

             “Thea,” Kevin finally said, and scrambled to his feet. “What are you doing here?”

Oh HECK YES.

I’ve been waiting for this gal ever since she was first mentioned, and my dudes my pals my homies, let me tell you – her presence does not disappoint.

Thea Muldani is big and buff and bench-presses male egos for breakfast, but also wears pastel makeup, braids and dresses like Beyoncé herself gave her fashion advice.

A certified Boss Ass Bitch, you say? Absolutely.

A definite, definite Venus Williams faceclaim, you say?

Alternatively also Serena Williams?

Absolutely.

Like Kevin, Thea also left the Ravens, but she seems to have quite a different relationship to them than he does.

             Even though Thea graduated from Edgar Allan almost three years ago she still wore her Raven jersey number on a pendant around her throat.

Interesting.

Neil then wonders how ex-Ravens fare out there in the Real World, and he voices my thoughts precisely: Do they recover? Do they hang on? And if they do, is it because they’re broken, or out of choice?

This is Interesting Shit that I am very, very much intrigued to know more about. Since I’m not sure we’ll have quite enough time to get into this in what’s left of this book, if anyone has any fic recs dealing with this (= post-Raven recovery), hit me the hell up.

However sadly, Thea is not here to answer my deep psychological musings, and is instead very much here to tear Kevin a new one.

Or five.

             “I always wanted to talk, but it was complicated.”

             “’Complicated’,” Thea echoed. The air quotes she threw him were angry and mocking. “’Complicated’ is having to find out from a press conference that you broke your hand and left the line-up. ‘Complicated’ is finding out the hard way you disconnected your old number and having to hear from Jean that you didn’t want anything to do with any of us effective immediately. Don’t you dare use ‘complicated’ against me. I deserve better than that.”

OH SHIT.

Exy Venus Williams is mad, y’all – and completely in the right, because Kevin, you done fucked up.

Anyone who figuratively leaves his girlfriend on ‘read’ for two years deserves to have the shit bitched out of them publicly.

However, Kevin has a magic trick to at least somewhat calm his angrier half down:

Fellow ex-Raven and resident human ground beef Jean Valjean Moreau.

They go see him, but like puppies left out in the rain we don’t get to go with, which is a damn shame because I’m getting increasingly interested in how our favourite baguette is going to continue his trauma-filled existence.

             “You assume [Nicky] will survive until summer [because he’s annoying the hell out of Andrew with his Andreil shipping],” Andrew said.

             “You break him, you owe me a new defenseman,” Wymack said.

Bahahahaha.

Found this chapter’s #dicksoutforwymack, that line was gold, small as it was.

             “You have one at Abby’s house.”

DAMN RIGHT. Anyone up for some Fox!Jean? Yes? Yes?

Apparently, not Kevin and Jean, who have irreparably damages their athletic compatibility at the Batcave of Extra, so Fox!Jean is a thing we may have to keep to fanfic.

Again – a damn shame.

What is decidedly not a damn shame is that Wymack has a lil something for Andrew, and when I found out what it was I may or may not have shed a lil tear of pride.

             Keys jangled as they hit the carpet, and Neil stared in disbelief. He couldn’t be right, except last summer Wymack had given Neil three new keys, too: a set for all the important doors at the Foxhole Court. (…) “Kevin said to give you those.”

KEVIN IS TRUSTING ANDREW WITH STADIUM KEYS.

KEVIN IS EXPLICITLY INVITING ANDREW TO COME PRACTICE WHENEVER AND UNSUPERVISED.

KEVIN IS STARTING TO BELIEVE IN ANDREW’S FUTURE AS A PROFESSIONAL SPORTSBALL PLAYER EVEN IF ANDREW MAY NOT BE.

KEVIN IS TRUSTING ANDREW WITH STADIUM KEYS.

KEYS!!!!!!!!!!

This has got to be the fourth or fifth time this series has made me emotional about fucking keys, what in the absolute fuck.

             [Neil’s] heart was pounding. (…) He thought about fighting for a spot on the US Court and facing the best the world had to offer, Kevin at his side and Andrew at his back.

When will the Kandreil feels end, my money is on fucking never.

With this preliminary banter done, we move on to what’s really important in this chapter:

The first NCAA Exy championship semi-final; University of Southern California Trojans vs Palmetto State University Foxes.

Or, as I like to call it – USC Hufflepuffs vs Kevin Day’s Boner.

So much has been promised about this team, their human sunshine of a captain and their infamous Too Good For This World cinnamon roll-ness, I was buzzing in my seat waiting to get to know them.

             “[Think] about what you’re going to say in pre-game.” (…)

             “How about ‘We’re gonna own these lowers’?” Nicky suggested.

             “And that’s why you’re not allowed to talk to the press,” Matt said dryly.

Bahahahaha.

Nicky, my boy, never change. <3

However, I immediately opposed any ‘loser’ insults as I finally, finally met –

The one, the only, captain of Trojans, idol of Kevin Days everywhere, the OG Cinnamon Roll™ – Jeremy Fucking Knox.

             “Kevin, you crazy fool,” he said, less formally, and clapped Kevin’s shoulder in a cheery greeting. “You never cease to amaze. You’ve got a thing for controversial teams, I think, but I like this one much better than the last one.”

Hi, marry me.

Again with the characterizations through first lines in this book, aye? Pretty sure this guy is the only one in the entire world who could bro-hug Kevin, call him a crazy fool to his face, and come away with his nose unbroken.

(He says a little bit towards Wymack before that, but we’re gonna ignore that for the meme.)

But apparently, Jeremy is not the only one who gets to say unexpected things right now.

             [Kevin] only said, “I have a backliner for you. Do you have room on next year’s line-up?”

… Does this mean what I think it means.

I THINK IT DOES.

I THINK IT FUCKING DOES.

My dudes, let me tell you, my ass is HERE for Trojan!Jean. Trojean. TROJEAN.

Seriously, if you want someone with a trauma caused by abusive competitive toxic teammates to recover, a team that’s known for being the friendliest, kindest and fairest motherfuckers on the planet is pretty much the absolute Way To Go.

Operation Trojean is the best rehab anyone has ever thought of, ever, and I will hear no other opinions on this.

I was already enjoying this tremendously, good things all around, how much better could it be – when Sunshine Boy decided to pull something so spectacularly Hufflepuff that I swear to fuck I heard badgers singing.

Y’all are not ready.

I was not ready.

             “Our line-up,” Jeremy explained. “It’s late to be getting it to you, I know, but we were trying to avoid as much of the backlash as possible.”

Why, what’s happ–

             “Two goalies, three backliners, two dealers, two strikers,” Jeremy said. “You’ve made it this far with those numbers. It’s time to see how we’d fare in that situation.”

WHAT

THE

FUCK.

You have got to be kidding me, Sunshine Boy.

You are giving up your gigantic team, your sure-as-life win, your One Big Strength – just because it’s fair? And because you want to learn from your opponents more than you want to win?

I’m out. This is too much. This team is TOO FUCKING MUCH.

             “You’ll lose tonight if you play like this.”

             “Maybe,” Jeremy agreed, unconcerned. “Maybe not. Should be fun either way, right? I don’t remember the last time I was this psyched for a game.”

There is no way in hell I’m not faceclaiming this guy as known Puff Champion Cedric Diggory now.

No. Way. In. Hell.

             Neil finally understood how the USC Trojans had won the Day Spirit Award eight consecutive years.

Bitch, me too, the fuck.

             “I take back what I said about earthquakes,” Nicky said weakly. “I have a new favourite team.”

BITCH, ME TOO, THE FUCK.

And with that, the game is on, and I can’t remember the last time I was so pumped for a good ol’ match of Orange Murder Sportsball.

Despite their Line-Up of Dreams, the Trojans pretty much wipe the floor with the Foxes in the first half, as was to be expected.

But in second half – well, let’s just say I ain’t never seen a badger run a marathon.*

             USC could have taken control of the game in a heartbeat if only they’d rethink their strategy. If they pulled their three subs from the sidelined players the Foxes’ night was over. But the Trojans had made up their mind and they weren’t backing down.

HELL YES.

BECAUSE THEY’RE THE FUCKING FAIREST BEST FUCKING SPORTS IN THIS ENTIRE DAMNED LEAGUE.

(*For the record: Foxes don’t exactly run marathons either – according to the mighty Internet, foxes can run up to 55 km/h and badgers up to 30 km/h, but both only over short distances. A human Trojan would definitely outrun a fox (or a badger) over a long distance. So much for brand accuracy.)

But then! Oh, who would have thought! This is so completely surprising! The Foxes catch their wind on the second half! Amazing, they start to dominate the game! And – and – and it’s a win! Win for the Foxes! WIN FOR THE FOXES!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy and excited for them and all, but as if we didn’t absolutely see this coming.

             “Is this what dying feels like?” [Alvarez] asked, and called over her shoulder, “Babe, I think I’m dying. Do I still have legs?”

Things like these make my sports-ignorant ass realize just how hardcore the Foxes playing full halves actually is.

No subs, we die like men.

Also, Alvarez’ “babe” turns out to be Laila Dermott, which makes me love the Trojans even more – and I truly did not think this was possible – because Exy Lesbians.

             “That was fantastic. (…) I want to do it again. Next year, maybe, when my legs grow back.”

             “Stop being such a baby,” Laila said.

This banter is giving me life.

If anyone has any fanart of these two buff buttercups, please send it my way pronto.

             Neil didn’t care how many hearts they broke that night. They’d beaten USC. (…) The Foxes were going to finals, and that was the only thing that mattered.

HEEEEEEEECK YEEEEEEEEES.

Before we move on to post-semi-final celebrations, allow me to gush about the Trojans one last time, and then I promise I’m done melting into a puddle every time one of them so much as speaks.

             “[Jean] will be back in the fall. He just won’t be back in black.” Jeremy flashed his toothy grin. (…) “He’s transferring to USC for his senior year.”

This is one of the best ideas anyone has had in this entire book. Four for you, Trojean, you go, Trojean.

(And none for Riko Moriyama, bye.)

             “We’ll have to get him some sun this summer, though! He’s a little pale to pull of red and gold right now,” Jean laughed.

[To the tune of California Girls] California puffs they’re unforgettable…

Also, in which Jean is #me in summer, all day err’day.

Tanning is for weak people, we sunburn like true Germans.

             Nicky (…) cut the TV off. “I’ve got a theory that Renee and Jeremy are long-lost siblings. What do you think would happen if they ever joined force?”

             “They’d get murdered,” Aaron said. (…) “War’s profitable; no one wants their world-peace nonsense.”

Gee, thanks, you absolute walnut.

For the record, I agree with Nicky, and I’m also counting this as the reason I immediately fell in love with Jeremy.

What can I say – in a world full of Angst, Drama, Angst, Infighting and More Angst, ya girl loves herself some good sunshiney optimists.

As for post-semi-final celebrations, the gang makes good on an old tradition and goes into town for another Fun Night of Debauchery for what I’m assuming is the last time in this series.

To think that a year ago the prospect of this would have made me break out in protective Neil feels, and now I’m actually looking forward to it.

Man, we’ve come far.

Speaking of – Andrew now apparently has no need for cracker dust anymore(!!!), has nothing against being touched in public (!!!!) and doesn’t seem to mind his Bartender Pal Roland calling him out on his Very Much Gay, Very Much Official Relationship (!!!!!).

Man, we’ve come fucking far.

             “How’d you know [about Andrew being gay]?”, [Nicky said.] “Is your gaydar more advanced than mine is or – “ Nicky’s jaw dropped as he clued in. “Wait. No way. No way! Did you two –?”

BAHAHAHA.

LAUGHTER.

BIG FAT LAUGHTER.

Andrew hooked up with Big Intimidating Bartender Pal, this is glorious.

             Neil’s clock was still ticking down, but his numbered days followed a different schedule now. Neil had all the time in the world, and that left a heat in his gut stronger than any whiskey could.

Fuck yes.

Fuck YES.

A very good ending to a very good second to last chapter.

...Oh shit.

Second. To. Last. Chapter.

EVER.

Next chapter will almost conclude this series (I’m told there is a short epilogue, so we’re not quite done). Next chapter will almost conclude this blog, holy shit.

We’ve been following the Orange Hellride that is this series for over a year now (thanks to my giant hiatuses in between, oops). This is insane.

I’ll get all emotional and grateful and weepy in the last chapter and final book recap, so dry eyes over here for now, but y’all – get ready.

This ride is about to end, and knowing this series, we’re about to go out with a fucking bang.

Oh dear.

Before I go - a quick note on the update situation for the last few uploads (meaning chapter 17, epilogue, book recap). This feels almost redundant to say after my schedule has been very loose (soz) these past few chapters anyways, but I will be taking some liberties for the finish line.

This blog has been one of my greatest pride and joys over the last year, and I really wanna stick the landing. This means I'd rather spend an extra day refining than update by hook and by crook. As a loose time estimate – expect the last chapter by the end of the week, possibly earlier.

Let me make this good for you guys. I'm way excited (and scared), and I hope you are too.

Peace and love, y'all.

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 11 – WHAT THE FUCK

In which Thanksgiving happens.

Sounds good? No, it doesn’t. But it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

I was not Ready.

I was a sweet, sweet summer child.

WHAT THE SHIT JUST HAPPENED.

I WAS NOT THE FUCK READY.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S BEEN FOUR HOURS SINCE READING AND I STILL CAN’T FUCKING D E A L WITH THIS.

Alright. Hold up, hold up.

I will get to the absolute FUCKERY that is this TRAINWRECK OF A CHAPTER in a minute.

But first – shopping.

           Kevin stopped sniping about the road trip when he realized he could get something out of it.

They go to Exites, which is kind of dream candy land for people with Exy boners, to get Neil a few new racquets, just because they can.

To be honest, I skimmed through most of this bit in order to get to the fuckery that was promised to me at Nicky’s house.

TLDR; Kevin is buying Neil heavier racquets in order to fulfil his quest of becoming Surpreme Exy Master. What else is new.

Also, how do you pronounce “Exites”? Exits? Exit-ee-s? Exités? Wtf is this word.

There’s one bit that got my attention, though: A prime fucking Andreil Moment for the books, right there in between the racks of Exy racquets – how fitting, considering the Hot Bod Meets Racquet Incident from when they met.

           “Here’s a real question: how have you survived this long when you’re so violently self-destructive?”

Hooo boy, it’s Real Talk Time.

           He wondered why no one else had caught on, or if people noticed and just didn’t care enough to say it. (…) The focus was on what a danger he was. People talked about his trial and how it saved them from Andrew. No one said what they were doing to save Andrew from himself.

But Neil :’)))))))) noticed :’)))))))) and cares :’)))))))))) ma BOYS

           “When they finally take your medicine away, who are you going to hurt, really?”

           Andrew laughed. “I’m remembering why I don’t like you.”

           “I’m surprised you forgot.”

           “I didn’t,” Andrew said. “I just got distracted for a moment there.”

Mhmm, distracted by what exactly, mon ami.

           Andrew put a hand over Neil’s mouth to shut him up and said, “Liar. But that’s what makes you interesting. It’s also what makes you dangerous. I should know better by now. Maybe I’m not as smart as I thought I was. Should I be disappointed or amused?”

Seriously, all later drama aside, let’s not forget what a fucking Andreil chapter this is. Like. AM I READING THIS SHIT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES.

           The answer was there, right out of reach, close enough Neil could feel it, but too far for him to make sense of. Maybe Andrew felt it too, because even in his drugged haze he knew to shut up. The smile he flashed Neil mocked them both at that near-miss.

For real AM I HALLUCINATING THIS TO GIVE ME SOMETHING NICE TO MAKE UP FOR MY INEVITABLE BREAKDOWN LATER OR???

And then Kevin and Important Exy Business comes in to ruin the moment. Shame.

They get Neil’s racquets, they pay about the price of a nice sports car for them (“If Coach has a problem with the number he can take it up with me, but he should know how expensive I am by now.”, jfc Kevin chill it with the Extra will you), and then they are finally going to the Hemmick’s place.

           From the outside, the house looked perfect. The lawn and vibrant green and neatly trimmed, the cars in the driveway were new and clean, and the house was a pale blue with dark shutters.

Meaning: There are at least three bodies hidden in our basement.

           Andrew gave [the racquet] an experimental twirl, judging the weight of it, then propped it against his shoulder and started for the other cars. (…)

           “He’s got a really shiny car for a minister,” Andrew said. “I’m going to humble it.”

Bahahaha. I actually had to laugh at that. Please do.

Nicky does not agree with me, however, and takes the racquet from him, leaving it in the entrance hall of his parents’ house.

Speaking of: PARENTS.

Nicky’s mum can’t even tell her own nephews apart, which is just honestly a great fucking start.

           “Hello, Maria. How very, very nice to see you again, I’m sure. Very interesting, you letting us back in your house and all. I thought you were going to file a restraining order against me. What happened, did you lose your nerve?”

For some reason, I dislike Andrew’s sass as much as I like Neil’s. His drugged sass, that is – nothing against a good Minyard one-liner. But I still find his mock-cheery, vicious friendliness more uncomfortable and at times even annoying than anything else.

And Nicky’s dad?

About as cool a dude as an uptight bigoted Christian minister can get.

Which is to say - not fucking cool.

           Even across the room Neil could see the tense set to his shoulders (…) Neil hoped that Luther was uncomfortable because he intended to relax old prejudices.

I will bet you literally any amount that he fucking does not.

           “Are you religious?”

           “No,” Neil said. (…)

           “Why not?”

           “I’d rather not get into it,” Neil said. “I don’t want to start a fight.”

           “That’s a first,” Andrew said with a laugh.

I was about so say the same damn thing. Like – Neil “Attitude Problem” Josten, Neil “Attitude Problem” Josten, Neil “Attitude Problem” Josten – doesn’t want to start a fight?

It follows the most awkward meal I’ve encountered in a long time – polite conversation, forced as shit, with pauses in between and exactly no one enjoying themselves.

Then –

           “You’re going back to Germany?” Maria shot her husband a startled look.

           Nicky’s jaw tightened, but he looked his mother in the eye when he said, “Yes. Erik’s career is there. I wouldn’t ask him to leave just for me, and I wouldn’t want him to, anyway. I loved living in Germany. It’s an amazing place. You should visit us sometime.”

Nicky my boy I am so proud of you. I am seriously so proud right in this very moment.

Looking your mom, who has basically kicked you out for being who you are, right in the eye and refusing to be anything other than who you are takes serious, serious guts. <3

           “We cannot condone sin,” Maria said.

           “You don’t have to love the sin,” Nicky said, “but you’re supposed to forgive and love the sinner. Isn’t that what faith is about?”

           “Faith is about following our Lord’s creed,” Luther said.

My eyes are rolling so far back in my skull they actually hurt.

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE LIKE THIS.

           “We have committed to repairing this family.” (…)

           “Enlighten us,” Andrew said. (…) “If the first step isn’t tolerance, where does a pair of bigots begin in fixing a mess like this?”

           Luther met Andrew’s stare with a calm one of his own. “With reparations for past mistakes. That is why you are here.”

With these cryptic words, Luther and Andrew disappear into the kitchen after dinner for some Fun Talk Times, of which we hear exactly nothing. Then, Luther comes back – Andrew doesn’t.

And when Neil inquires after what’s taking Andrew so long – that is when I start understanding why everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, has warned me about this chapter.

           “In fact, I think it’s promising he has been gone this long. He’ll come back when he’s finished speaking with Drake.”

           Neil’s heart skipped a beat. “What?”

SAME, NEIL.

FUCKING WHAT.

           “This dinner was not originally our idea,” Luther said. “One of Andrew’s former foster brothers came to us for help. They parted on unfriendly terms years ago, and it’s been so long since they last spoke he’s afraid their relationship is irreparably damaged. It made us think of our own familial problems and we were inspired to reach out again.”

This was the moment I started gripping my book so tight I almost ripped it, and did not let go until the chapter was over.

Neil gets his massive racquet, gets Aaron, and gets the fuck up the stairs to find Andrew.

And Andrew he finds.

I’m not quoting anything graphic here because we all fucking know what happens and I don’t wanna make anyone read that again but WHAT THE FUCK.

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCVK

At first I’d just thought they’d had a fight, shared a few punches, and then it HIT ME and I was SCREAMING, I HAVE NOT STOPPED SCREAMING FOR FOUR HOURS NOW WHAT THE F U C K.

And if all that wasn’t enough –

           Neil saw too much blood and too much skin. He knew what he was seeing, knew what this meant, but couldn’t believe it yet. That didn’t stop him from leaping at Drake.

           Aaron was faster.

AARON. FUCKING AARON.

WHAT ARE YOU THE FUCK DOING WHAT HAVE YOU DONE OH MY G O D.

THIS BOOK JUST WENT FROM ‘EDGY AND ANGSTY WITH A DASH OF IMPLIED VIOLENCE’ TO ‘ACTUALLY ILLEGALY VIOLENT AS IN FUCKING M U R D E R’ IN THE SPAN OF THREE PAGES.

WHAT

THE

FUCK

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Andrew wore only his shirt as he lay facedown on the mattress. He was covered in blood and a hundred shadows that would darken to terrible bruises. He held onto the headboard like he was glued to it, and he was laughing.

Cue the moment my heart fucking broke.

           “Got quiet all of a sudden,” Andrew said, sounding surprised. (…) “Oh, oh, that’s unpleasant. I am not a fan of this at all.” (…) Andrew’s grin was wide and savage as he mocked his own pain.

Andrew. Andrew. ANDREW.

I cannot even put my feelings into words, just – ANDREW.

           The strangled noise Aaron made was his best attempt at Andrew’s name. Andrew, who’d barely acknowledged Aaron’s existence in the entire time Neil had known them, looked immediately to his brother. (…)

           “Andrew,” Aaron said, desperate and frightened. He held onto Andrew like he thought Andrew would disappear if he let go.

AARON. Andrew. Aaron. AARON AND ANDREW.

This is the first time I see them as brothers, not just as two people who happen to look the same. They didn’t even look the same in my head before.

Now they do, and I can picture them clear as day, sitting on a blood-splattered bed, two identical small blonde figures clinging onto each other as if their lives depend on it.

Don’t ask me if I am fucking okay. Don’t.

           Andrew touched Aaron’s temple where he himself was injured as if he expected to find an identical injury there. “Did he touch you?”

HOW IS THAT YOUR MAIN PRIORITY RIGHT NOW.

I have a very, very clear idea of how that is his main priority right now. And I am NOT FCUKING LIKING IT WHAT THE SHITS.

Oh, look – the rest of the family is here.

You know what’s also here?

The fucking pinpoint moment I start going from ‘I guess I like Andrew he has cool moments and he’s an interesting character’ to ‘I LOVE THIS MURDER MANIAC KITTEN MORE THAN MYSELF AND I WANT TO PROTECT HIM ALWAYS’

           “Don’t ask what. You know better. (…) Or do you still think this is a big misunderstanding? Go on, tell me again how I’m too unbalanced to understand normal brotherly love and affection. Tell me this is natural.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED, PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME, WHAT THE FUCK.

           “Speaking of misunderstandings, am I remembering this wrong, or didn’t you promise me you would talk to Cass? You told me she wasn’t going to foster any more children after me, but apparently she’s had six more since I left juvie. (…) How many do you think were in her house when Drake was home between deployments?”

NO

NO FUCK NO, IS THIS FOR REAL WHAT!!!!!!!!! THE SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

           “Now you let him into your house,” Andrew said. “You put him under the same roof as your son, as my brother. After everything I did to keep them away from each other?”

This is decidedly NOT GOING INTO A DIRECTION I’M LIKING.

They didn’t know. They didn’t know about all this shit, nobody knew, this has happened so many times before, and nobody knew, and the only person who did know, the only person Andrew opened up to, told him he had misunderstood being raped.

I am going to be fucking sick.

           Andrew peeled his armbands off one at a time and dropped them into Neil’s lap.

           He said something, but Neil didn’t hear him. The pale shade of scarred skin was too familiar and too startling for him not to react.

Sorry to disappoint – I’d love to be all shocked about this, except I’ve seen a billion pieces of fanart with his scars, and I also kinda had the idea myself already.

Not shocked does not mean not emotional, however. ANDREW.

A N D R E W.

The chapter is over. They’re waiting for the police and the ambulance, and the chapter is done, and I had to stuff my arm into my mouth so many times to keep me from screaming.

I have never loved Andrew more than in this very minute. Never. I am now sold on this character.

He could probably bench-press me with his attitude alone and definitely does not need my protection, but I will still protect the absolute everloving fuck out of him.

I need a moment. Or fifty.

Nicki out.

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 6 – Now That We’re All Here, What The Fuck Is Going On

In which we give out awards to characters we barely know, I have questions about demisexuality, Neil turns up the Gay Angst™ and the gang finally gets together although some of them could have fucking stayed home.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

           Neil left reality behind when he stepped into Dan’s room. Spending a month with Andrew’s cracked lot and a volatile Wymack had almost irreparably damaged his image of the Foxes. Now he was sipping a glass of sweet iced tea and eating cookies Renee had brought with her from home.

I’m…….. so…………. What did we do to deserve those angels……………….

           [Dan] seemed friendly enough now that Andrew was out of sight, but Neil had already noted her spine. She was made of sterner stuff, his mother might have said. Neil guessed she had to be to captain a ragtag team like this.

Don’t think I forgot the vow I made a few chapters ago:

Well deserved, we honour you and your general badassery with this award today. May your spirit inspire us, guide us, and get our asses back in line when we try being Extra™.

Am I prematurely praising this character? Probably.

Do I care? Absolutely fucking not.

           Her roommate Renee was a mystery. (…) Nicky had called her the sweetheart of the team. Neil understood why as he listened to her talk. He had no idea how she qualified for the Foxes’ halfway-house team.

Murderous snowflake, I’m calling it. She probably has the darkest backstory of ‘em all. I’m so beyond intrigued by this character, she has instantly risen to the ranks of my favourites as well.

But all fun girly hangout times must end, and so they drive to the Fox Tower to finally get all the gang together.

Speaking of gangs! Neil’s favourite people, Andrew and the Murder Monster Squad, are back!

           “It’s not like we’re going to kill him,” [Nicky said.]

           “Kevin already tried,” Matt pointed out.

           “Nah, that was just a love tap.”

Nicky knows about the choking kink, you guys.

In an attempt to get the Kandreil ship sailing again make them all settle their differences, Andrew invites Neil to join them on a fun party trip in Columbia next weekend. There is absolutely no way this can go wrong, I’m sure of it.

           “Maybe [Allison and Seth] will get in a crash and won’t make it,” Nicky said hopefully.

           “Really, Nicky,” Renee said. “That’s a little inappropriate, don’t you think?”

           She said it gently, with a hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier than the dirty looks Matt and Dan were sending Nicky, maybe because she was so sweetly disappointed in Nicky’s attitude. Nicky dropped his gaze from hers and gave an uncomfortable shrug.

Honestly, who is this Renee and why does she have such magical powers.

The way I see it, there are two ways this could go: 1) She actually has no deadly backstory (a sad, tragic one at best) and she owns the team’s hearts through sheer niceness, or 2) she is the murderous snowflake I appointed her earlier and has killed like a dozen men in her life, could slit your throat while simultaneously baking sweet cookies for her team, and is generally deadlier than all of them combined.

I’m hoping for the latter.

New character arrivals! The last ones for a longer time, I suppose, so let’s cherish them.

           Seth Gordon was the first into the room and he brought an attitude problem with him. He didn’t look happy to see any of them after only a month apart and he barely grunted at the staff in greeting. He took a second to scowl fiercely at Neil, but that was it.

Chill the fuck out, my dude. I’m taking it back, I don’t cherish him. He may be the only character I don’t instantly like, or at least find somewhat interesting.

Seriously, if you only come here to instantly non-verbally shit on everyone I’ve taken into my heart so far, you can fuck off right again.

           Allison Reynolds was only a few seconds behind him. (…) Everyone else was in jeans and rumpled from moving in. Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.

Okay but. Is it intentional that she has the same name as the basket case from The Breakfast Club???? Because that just makes her overdressed outfit even more hilarious.

Also, glad to see the Extra™ represented on the female side as well.

           [Neil’s] skin stung with the memory of his mother’ heavy blows. Life on the run meant no time for friends or relationships, but that didn’t stop Neil from checking out girls as he grew older. His mother’s watchful eye noticed his lingering looks and increasing distraction. Afraid he’d spill their secrets over a childish crush, she beat him like she could kill his hormones with her bare hands. A few years of this violence and Neil finally got the hint: girls were too dangerous to consort with.

Are you telling me that his mom physically abused him for being attracted to girls. That is beyond shitty. That is so, so fucked up. Mom Josten is losing so many previously gained sympathy points right now.

Real talk time, though: How does that tie in with his demisexuality? Because evidently, he did have sexual attraction to complete strangers when he was younger. Is this suggesting that his mother’s abuse made him demisexual? Because that is problematic on so many levels, most of all because it invalidates demi people as it is suggesting you can be beaten into a sexual orientation.

The logical assumption – for me right now at this point of reading – would be that he is actually bi/pan, however his childhood abuse represses that and makes him uncomfortable in his sexual attraction to women as a Pavlovian response, similar to gay kids beaten by their homophobic parents.

Or is there just something else entirely that I’m not getting? There must be, as Nora Sakavic herself said that Neil is demisexual (or so I’ve been told).

Or am I just reading too much into this altogether?

This is v v interesting. If anyone has anything to add to this, do shoot me an ask, but please – please! – keep it spoiler-free.

(If you’re in doubt over whether something counts as a spoiler or not: Don’t send it. I’m serious.)

Back to the matter at hand: Now that all the Foxes have huddled into the Foxy Hol(e)y Court, it’s time for some real talk from Wymack.

           “Questions, comments, concerns? Anyone?”

           Seth pointed at Neil and said angrily, “I’m fucking concerned–“

           Neil guessed Wymack had heard this argument before, because he spoke over Seth like he didn’t hear him. “All right, then. Moving on…”

Ohhh, the shade. Get fucked, Seth.

#dicksoutforwymack

           “The death threats [they received last season] were creative, though,” Nicky said. “Maybe this time they’ll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let’s vote. I nominate Seth.”

Me too, buddy.

           “Fuck you, faggot,” Seth said.

           “I don’t like that word,” Andrew said. “Don’t use it.”

My MAN. <333

           “I would say ‘fuck you, freak’, but then you wouldn’t know which one of you I was talking to.”

           “Don’t talk to us at all,” Aaron said. “You never have anything useful to say.”

Get fuckin rekt, pissbaby.

You come into my house, you insult my newly adopted characters, you can fuck the fuck off.

Sadly, Wymack breaks up what had been shaping up to be the diss battle of the decade by dropping the Edgar Allan bombshell on them. The entire team freaks out (obvs), but no one more than Andrew – however, it’s weirdly not the Ravens’ transfer he’s mad about, it’s simply the fact that Kevin didn’t tell him.

           “When were you going to tell me?”

           “I told him not to,” Wymack said.

           “You picked Coach over me?” Andrew asked, and laughed. “Ohhhh my. Favoritism, deception, betrayal, how familiar. After everything I’ve done for you.”

What, what have you done for him, I need to know.

           “It’ll be fine,” Andrew said. “I promised, didn’t I? Don’t you believe me?”

           It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. The dead edge melted out of his eyes as he absorbed every ounce of strength Andrew could give him. The unwavering trust Kevin had in Andrew was amazing. How Kevin thought one psychotic midget could protect him against a family as twisted as the Moriyamas, Neil didn’t know.

Honestly, I can’t stress enough how interesting I find their dynamic. They switched from mortal enemies to BFFs within a season, and now they switch from viciously aggressive to almost tender within seconds. I need to know all their backstory and I need to know it now.

(Also, where’s the fanfiction at.)

           “Why does Kevin trust Andrew?”

           Renee smiled. “Because he knows he can.”

           “With so much at stake,” Neil pressed, as if she didn’t understand what was going on as well as he did. Maybe she didn’t. (…) She wasn’t like them. She was normal, or as normal as the Foxes could hope to be.

No, she fucking isn’t, don’t ask me how I know this I just know okay I know my murderous snowflake.

After this, Neil goes back to his roots in reminding us that he is, in fact, the Overlord of Angst™ in this book.

I joke about this, but those passages are always really well-written and super immersive, that is some bomb ass writing right there. Case in point:

           Kevin’s fear cut him wide open because Neil knew that feeling. Every day Neil woke up and relearned how to breathe. He gave himself two minutes every morning to calculate his chances of getting caught, weigh the benefits of staying wherever he was, and talk himself through his fear.

          Did Kevin do the same? The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same one Neil saw in his reflection.

Also ayy, back at it again with the Kevin/Neil parallels.

Following that is a lengthy description of Neil’s anxiety that I cannot quote simply because it’s too long. The key elements are this: Kevin, in all his fucked-up misery, still has Andrew to lean onto, while Neil is absolutely alone; Neil is deeply jealous of Kevin’s life, specifically of Kevin and Andrew’s trusting relationship; yet even though he hates him Neil still desperately wants to stick around to see Kevin succeed, and I fucking cry in a corner because that is too much for my poor shipping heart.

Give a girl a break.

           Finally [Seth] threw his hands up in disgust und turned on Neil. “And to make it all worse, I get stuck with a fucking amateur as a sub!”

Did I want a break? There it is. Assbrain McFuckface has graced us with his presence once again.

           Seth glared at Neil. (…) “We were supposed to make it this year. I trusted [Kevin] to pick our sub because he said he could get us past the championship death match. But this is repulsive.”

Your face is repulsive, Jesus Christ. Take a fucking chill pill, Gordon. You know this guy ten minutes and you’ve never even seen him play at all. Maybe try thinking outside of your tiny monkey brain and consider judging his game before you shit all over him.

(If anyone of you really likes Seth: I’m really sorry. But also: Why tf would you.)

Matt to the rescue!

           “At least give Neil a chance,” Matt said.

           “Day’s fucking with us,” Seth said. “It isn’t right.”

           “This attitude isn’t right,” Matt said, pointing at him.

You go, tall Billie Joe Armstrong. You’re good people.

The chapter’s almost done, save for one peculiar thing that happens towards the very end: Nicky loses Andrew – bad enough – and for some reason, turns to Renee to find him.

           Neil knew someone picked up by the way Renee smiles, but he didn’t know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.

           “Did I wake you?” she asked in lieu of hello. “I was hoping to talk to you tonight, but Nicky says you’ve wandered off. Oh? All right, then. I’ll try again tomorrow. Lunch, perhaps? Okay. Good night.”

They go on LUNCH DATES??? I’m so fucking invested in this Brotp. Goalie bffs 4 lyfe.

But seriously, who is Renee and why is she so magical.

Find out next time, I guess.