#then this idea came crashing through my brain like an elephant through drywall

[haedia]

Oh god. I just had an Illario thought. And maybe I'm not the first to have this thought but I haven't seen it around yet.

So, the part that I have seen around: I think it's kind of fair to assume that one of Illario's parents was definitely not Caterina's favorite (and maybe even her least favorite child) which in part leads to her not valuing him. Which is, of course, an inversion of her favoritism for Lucanis being at least in part because she favored his mother.

But what if Illario's other parent was an elf? (or other non-human whose traits disappear when they have children with humans) Then the Dellamorte the Lesser has another awful layer to it. It's not just about him being the disparaged grandson of the (probably very much) not favored child. It's also him not being fully human. Possibly the only grandchild of the family who isn't.

It wouldn't even have to be anti-elven/racist sentiment that encouraged Caterina to look down on Illario. If that elven partner wasn't someone she approved of? It wouldn't matter if they were human or not -- Caterina doesn't really strike me as the kind of person who tolerates it when people defy her in any form. Unless they're Lucanis, of course. And, by extension, probably his mother too.

But say that he is half elven. Then you get stormy self-destructive thoughts of "If I were fully human, maybe she wouldn't have done this to me" and then later, him allying with the Venatori becomes darkly tragic and gives another layer to the self-loathing. Then it's not just about using them to gain power and assert his position as First Talon. No, it becomes about subjugating and stamping down a part of him he is certain is why he's been maligned his entire life.

From Caterina's perspective, assuming her dislike of her child's partner/spouse is from disapproval of the match itself and not racist in origin, Illario is lesser because her child disappointed her over and over again and she's incapable of seeing her grandson as his own person. She can only see him filtered through the lens of her dead, disappointing child.

From Illario's perspective, Caterina heaps praise and her own distant form of love on Lucanis well beyond whatever he receives. He's not as good as Lucanis is at least some things but he's not incapable. And he's better at certain things than Lucanis. He's still a master assassin who has lived to be in his mid-thirties (which is impressive given the profession!). And yet he'll never be good enough for his grandmother. He's no doubt picked at it for years: the differences, the whys.

Why he's not good enough. Why he can never measure up. Why he's treated so differently. Why is he different?

Everyone who's suffered as the scapegoat or otherwise unfavored child wonders at some point: was I born wrong?

And, if Illario's other parent isn't human, well...there's no way he wouldn't have wondered if that's why she treated him so differently.

How could he not?