#then theres the third option where there is no getting him back or dying and luz just spends ten thousand years becoming mercymorn
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ur princess au luz & hunter have massive necrocav vibes! if backed into a corner with lyctorhood, do you think they'd go for griddlehark angle (hunter sacrifices himself without question and luz scrabbles to undigest him) or the paul one :0?
GOD. i honestly think they could do both. it would just depend on the circumstances.
both are a Horrific tragedy, i don't think of paul as being perfect (or even good) lyctorhood -- but given the choice between two horrific tragedies, i think that's what they'd Prefer. luz gets to have hunter with her forever & hunter gets to keep both of them safe/protected forever & everything is fine & the inability to ever be alone or themselves again is Fine. they're like yay, it's almost like we're an entire functioning person now š we will never unpack this ššš
the griddlehark angle compels me too tho bc. i think that's what would Most Likely happen. hunter wouldn't even question sacrificing himself so luz could go on n be safe. nothing can hurt her if she's immortal, right?? canon hunter is already so primed and ready to die for anyone, AU hunter is just as loyal to luz as his canon self was to belos.... he wouldn't question it at all.
and luz would lose her Mind. she'd be convinced it's all her fault, bc hunter had never been given another choice or the chance to want something else... but also that the fault doesn't matter bc nothing matters as much as getting him back. at any cost.
waow. good thing they are not in the locked tomb!
#then theres the third option where there is no getting him back or dying and luz just spends ten thousand years becoming mercymorn#also compelling. but Horrible. Ouch Ouch Ouch#replies#toh#princess luz au#horrible mindscape trauma pals#the locked tomb#the locked tomb spoilers
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Jason has just sat down in one of his safehouses after patrol with a cup of tea and an old, battered copy of Emma (by Jane Austin. Duh.) when someone knocks on his window.
It would be odd, if that wasnāt also where he had entered the apartment.
He sighs, slips on his helmet, and grabs a pistol off his end table to see who has decided to bother him.
Needless to say, he is very confused when he sees a glowing, white-haired (meta?) teenager.
The teenager just knocks again, and gives him a sheepish smile from the other side of the glass.
Something about the polite, anxious, kinda cute smile makes him crack the window open slightly and growl through his helmet, āWhat dāya want?ā
āIām so sorry to bother you,ā and they say it so politely, with a soft midwestern accent, ābut my sister-daughter is dying and youāre the only person on this continent that can help us.ā
Thatā¦ What?
āI think you should come inside and explain that some more.ā
And then they just? Phase through the wall??
āSo,ā they begin, āMy name is Danny Phantom, and I am a hero in a small town in Illinois. Two years ago, one of my rogues, Plasmius, captured and cloned me in an attempt to have the perfect sidekick.ā And wasnāt that just a great start? āAll but one of them melted into goo, and I managed to stop him and adopt her.ā What.
āHowever, sheās really unstable. Sheās started de-aging, and if she gets too young sheāll melt as well. Thatās where you come in. We have aā¦ rather unique condition, and you have a very similar situation.ā
āI-ā Dannyās voice breaks and he puts on a broken, pained smile, āI died. I came back, too.ā What the fuck, āWhatever happened to you brought you back just a bit more than what happened to me. Iām a kind of Fetch called a Halfa,ā and theres a flash of light and suddenly the teenager is moreā¦ human? With black hair and blue eyes and how did he not notice the freckles.
āHalf ghost and half human. As best I can tell, youāre either unu tria venÄanto [one third avenger] or unu tria protektanto [one third protector], that is, a revenant or protector spirit that is two thirds returned.ā Two thirds? He was still a third dead???
āThere are only two others I could go to for help. Plasmius himself, who wants her to die the rest of the way, or the leader of some assassin cult on the other side of the planet,ā Did he mean Raās Al Ghoul?? āThat Iām going to have to try for crimes against the Cycle of Life and Death in a year or two.ā Definitely Raās. Also what the fuck? āIām sure you can see why neither of those options are ideal.ā
āI can. But now I have so many questions.ā
āMy life is like that. If you agree, all Iād need is a cheek swab so we can stabilize Ellie. It would technically make her our biological daughter, by the way. For payment Iām offering to take you to my personal physician to see what can be done about your Corruption-Based Core-Starvation.ā
āMy what?ā
āThe anger thing.ā
He can fix the pit rage?
āYou can fix the pit rage?ā
āFrostbite can.ā
Jason bites his lip under the helmet.
āCan I add conditions?ā
āWhat are they?ā
āI want to keep an eye on all my genetic material. Not that I think you would do anything nefarious, just that you can never be too safe. Especially in this line of work. Andā¦ā he pauses here, āAnd I want to stay in her life, your lives, as much as possible.ā
Dannyās brows furrow in confusion for a moment at the second condition, but he still says, āI think we have a deal.ā And sticks his arm out for a handshake.
Taking the holy shit thatās cold teenagerās hand and giving it a firm shake, Jason replies, āI believe we do.ā
Dead on main idea
Destabilized Ellie with an extra donor needed. you know the usual plot. Elle Has also been deaged. Danny goes on a search for a liminal enough donor and finds Jason Todd recently turned into the Red Hood.I don't have a good idea for how the conversation goes but by the end of it Jason agrees to help stabilize elle.
I imagine Jason wants to be in their life but he's busy with Revenge So the plan is for Danny to go to college in Gotham. By the time Danny has finished school and has moved to Gotham and gotten everything sorted the entire Red Hood plot has already happened and everyone already knows Jason and his Resurrected but they're not close enough for him to start talking about Danny and Ellie. So I imagine Jason Goes Out For Less Patrols and less missions that he can join on because he is getting to know Danny and Ellie while they're in his life now.
I think there's a misunderstanding in the beginning of Jason going out with single father. but it is later revealed that Jason is the father. It depends on how far Ellie Has been deaged due to destabilization. I think it's funny if they think Jason and Danny had Ellie before Jason died. Which makes the bat family scramble for how they knowĀ each other in the first place. I think Danny's nonchalantness about everything Supernatural and Ghostly ends up rubbing off on Jason so Jason forgetsĀ the normal conclusion is teen pregnancy and not clone baby.
#danny phantom#dead on main#Jason Todd#dpxdc#sorry if Jason is really ooc#danny too#this is#Ghost King Danny#and#Aincent Of Space Danny#but heās not old enough to be aincent yet#and is more of a figurehead than a real king#he did start a council of all the ghosts best at ruling though#he is on it and thats why he can try Raās#oh and heās cold because his core is The Void of Space#its a bit chilly up there#ryanās shouts into the void#ryan writes
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Dazai Character Playlist Elaboration: The Good in Me by Jon Bellion
overall its about him taking three steps back in his moral redemption every time hes around the port mafia, or reminded of his time there probably. It happened when he was taunting akutagawa in captivity(the main one), and though he didnt really do anything substantial, his mannerisms clearly reflect it when isolated by Higuchi and Gin, when he locks the door under the premise of torturing Kouyou, when speaking to Mori during the ADA and Port Mafia meeting, even to a lesser extent whenever he meets up with Ango. .... oddly enough this doesnt happen when heās around Chuuya or Hirotsu but thatās neither here nor there.Ā
first verse:Ā
You know that he trusts you and I know that he loves you But somehow you convinced me again My foundation rumbles and all my morals crumble My father's warnings run through my head
okay to start this off. ignore the pronouns, i do a lot of fuckery. they dont matter.Ā
In this verse the context is Dazai after allowing himself to be captured by the Port Mafia. And the first line obviously is referring to Akutagawa and the way Dazai knows full well how much Akutagawa idolizes and reveres and values his opinion and shit and how easily he can fucking wreck his mental state with a couple words.Ā
I always interpret the second line in the context of Dazaiās tendency to rationalize shit - like he needed to provoke Akutagawa to get him to eventually team up with Atsushi, it was the easiest way to do that, yada yada. tho we know full well that there were other ways to get those two teaming up, especially for genius ass Dazai. (Alternatively interpreted by my own belief that all of this is to some extent set up by Mori to either taunt him, or throw him off his redemption game enough that he does eventually consider coming back so the you could be referring to him cuz i wouldnāt put it above that slimy asshole)
But again, when heās in the port mafia basement or whatever, and the kid he fucking abused is right in front of him and its familiar and all from the past, i think its a lot more natural for him to slip into old mindsets and let go of all the progress heās made just for that moment, instead going for the simplest coldest option.Ā
yeah- fatherās warnings is referring to Odaās last dying wish actually.. and here Dazai is mentally abusing an orphan again.Ā
chorus!
Your heart's a vine that I've bled trying to climb Yeah, you're making a ruin of me Try to survive, keep my spirit alive But like a knife in the woods Yeah, you hunt down the good in me
ignoreĀ āyour heart,ā weāre substituting it for his search for a will to live. alternatively could be referring to him trying to be better in general cuz like- with his bad track record before everything theres no way itās fucking easy for him.
eh, i dont look into that lyric too much, just ruining his efforts and shit
third line!!! look at it!!! i dont need to explain
next two lines just vaguely refer to the port mafia idk.Ā
NEXT VERSE!!!
One temptation sparked this Now I can feel the darkness It's my own fault but you had this planned All of me, you take now, like criminals and shakedowns Yeah, you make me forget who I am
first two lines - obviouslyĀ its the temptation to abuse an orphan. what else would it be?? its one of them like- yeah ur soul is port mafia black things where he just cant facking escape it. its always gonna be in the corner of his mind, just sometimes more all consuming than others.Ā
Now of course it is Dazai doing these things, and for someone as good at manipulating and being in control of himself, 100% guaruntee that he does consciously choose to act this way. its not aĀ āaur naur the memories, they are invading my consiousness and moral brain and forcing me to be mean to people and act like i did when i was eeeevil.ā yeah it is porbably a trauma thing but not to the extent that he couldnāt stop it if he chose to.Ā āBut you had this plannedāĀ is again part of my belief that Mori is at least somewhat intentional abou this. it could also be the universe. his wholeĀ āi am a man hated by righteousnessā and .. i forget the line butĀ āeverything worth wanting is lost the moment i obtain itā thing.Ā
fourth line! yeah. criminals and shakedowns is enough. and ive rambled about the first bit enough as well.Ā
fifth line refers more to who he has become, who he swore to be and is trying to be, etc. etc.
then the chorus repeats twice. so theres not much more to analyze
there is a little third verse but its just the repeated echo-y background chanting ofĀ āAll of your good is mineā which if you wanted to take it far, which i tend to do, it could be of the belief that everything good about Dazai came from Oda actually. Or ykno- the taunting voice of the dead that lingers in the back of your mind. idk.Ā
but yeah thats this song.Ā
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INCOMING VAMPIRE AU THOUGHTS
Don't mind me I'm finally getting the ideas I had on this shit out so I can actually go forward with developing it as an AU. It's my usual mixup of fps protags, Gordon Guy and John, but I'm starting with Gordon as the Vampire and Guy as the Vampire Hunter.
absolute beast of a wall of text under the cut
What If Being A Vampire Literally Sucks All The Time Forever like chronic pain sucks. like THAT level of sucks. Like Here's what I was thinking of. Being a vampire isn't just "being alive forever but you need to drink human blood" It's like Oh man I have some lore you look at vampires and their main thing is that they're blood suckers right so lets start with a corpse dead body. cadaver. no longer with us. just some rotting meat. The brain needs oxygen as fuel. The blood supplies the oxygen through blood. The blood is pumped through the heart. The blood is made by your bone marrow. You die. Your heart stops beating Blood stops pumping Brain no longer has oxygen to think marrow stops making blood thats standard! Now, becoming undead, as a vampire, is a little more complicated. The long and short of it is: your body is FIGHTING ACTIVELY to be alive against all odds and wins every time (immortality), but it hurts the whole way
I have the gist of it. It's like. Your heart stops. By all means, you should be dead. but the magic kicks in, and you're still thinking. Your brain is still sending signals to your muscles to move. But using what oxygen to move? whats burning in you? You don't know but you know it's just enough to get to your next meal. So you ferociously eat something, and then find you can't swallow. You can't make saliva. You barely have the energy to chew, and once you DO get something in your stomach, it immediately comes back up. Why can't you feel your pulse? What's going on? You're out of options so you figure you might as well just lie down and die. You're too tired to keep going anyway. So you do, you lie down, and you close your eyes, and you quietly hope that death is as peaceful as sleep. You realize you've actually been moving around without breathing, which makes sense because you can barely flex your diaphragm for more than a shaky wheeze. How are you thinking with such little oxygen? But as you fade from consciousness, you can feel something in you, and it's so upset, it's crying, it's filled with grief, and you instantly can tell it's your skeleton. It's your bones. You're distraught down to your marrow. You're dying. You're dying! Your heart stopped and you have no more blood! You need blood! You need blood to move! To breathe! To think! You try to breath deep again for the voices in your bones, trying to comfort them, to sooth them with the repetitive motion in your lungs, trying to fill yourself with anything but grief, but they keep wailing. We make the blood, our creation, our child, what we put all of our work into is gone! gone! gone! We need it back! Anything! All of it! Find it! Bring it back to us! We're hungry! WE'RE HUNGRY!
and once you find yourself too exhausted to listen, to think, how badly you wish just to die already to cease hearing this wailing, you find your body moving without you. And it's hungry and it's searching and it's crawling on all fours and it misses its beautiful red life that made it feel so full before and it needs it back, and the next thing you know you're desperately grabbing anything with blood in it and shoving it in your mouth in a desperate attempt to sooth this cry for life, you don't want to die, you don't want to die, you worked so hard to keep up this body and craft it and LIVE with it and you're not going to go, and even when you try, even when you try to lay down and die, your body refuses, it takes the reigns, and it keeps up the work itself with or without your help. And it's not until your stomach is full and your teeth are stained and you feel a pulsating burning in your bones that you snap back awake, completely conscious, just fine. You're lucid, you don't feel any more pain. Everything around you is dead and drained and messy and your heart still isn't beating. but you can breathe now and holy shit you guess you literally need to kill to survive and the less you eat and the more you starve yourself the worse it gets when your body finally decides to take recourse.
my idea was like. "the vampires curse is actually stored in the bones, thats why the teeth get so sharp and also theres a connection between blood and bones with the creation via bone marrow" its literally like i was sitting there thinking "no no no, whats it like to be a vampire. what neurosis would you develop. How would you panic? What are common mistakes beginner vampires make" which, by the way, gordon is a beginner vampire
so now you gotta factor, what blood lasts for how long? how long can you go between meals? not only that, but what creatures satisfy the urge? How long can you go avoiding human blood? Does it work like drugs where you develop a resistance to the high, or is it like food where it will keep you moving until you eat again? How the fuck are you gonna get your hands on blood? Can you just eat raw meat? Does that count? and thats where im at lol
OKAY now. now thoughts on beginning scenes of vampire au
So my idea was this Doomguy is a vampire hunter independent and one of his buds says that some freak scared and almost attacked his daughter when she got too close to his old abandoned laboratory up the hill and hes like āhe might beā¦ you knowā¦ a problem. if you needed a leadā and guys like yeah i fuckin hate the undead ill kill this dude so he busts into old lab space and sees so many dead animals its actually mostly Bones and pelt that hes seeing piles of feathers etc so hes like yeah this is all telltale signs of vampire uhhh hes introduced to gordon SOMEHOW im not totally sure of the details but the working idea i have is guy falls into a trap gordon devised that restrains him suspended in wire or something and gordon like. limps/stumbles into the room and this dude looks haggard heās breathing heavy, his cheeks are hollow, heās bug-eyed and shaking while looking at this massive wall of meat in his trap and he bares a bunch of hideous teeth and grits them and looks like hes really struggling with somethin... Like if these dudes don't know each other then Gordon might give in and try to drain Guy, and Guy would absolutely do anything in his power to turn this new vampire into ash, im thinking the inclusion if g-man as a coven leader can fix both issues.
i like the idea of guy falling into gordons trap and gordon thinking about what to do with him before gman shows up and whisks gordon away for a āmeetingā while complimenting him on his good work catching the most feared vampire hunter in the country and gman just leaving guy suspended in wires that he has to fight his way out of. Instant situation defuser.
Guy ends up needing to take care of other monsters before going back to Gordon, and he DOES plan to go back to gordon, because no vampire is a good one, especially not one associated with the fucking head of a coven, but next time he sees Gordon, Gordon helps him out of a scrape by attacking and draining a combine who was going to take Guy out or something and escaping before Guy can catch him, or otherwise seeing Gordon do something good with his insane undead powers and like, the third time he meets up with him is when they can actually talk, and Gordons fuckin SO haggard, heās not even fighting back and heās even going as far as to say ājust make sure theres nothing of me left when youāre done, I donāt want anyone else getting hurtā
Side Note: Guy has a bunch of scarring on his body from dealing with vampires, cops, ghosts, werewolves, anything violent that kills people. I'm playing with the inkling of an idea that he has Divine Blood in him, so that any time something undead bites him or tries to drink his blood, it burns. We'll see.
Side Note 2: now i really like the idea of the combine actually being an organized faction of vampire hunters that are WICKED crooked and exploit people for all their worth in exchange for their āsafetyā when they kill a vampire Theyāre essentially loansharks and Guy fucking hates them and hates the name theyve given to vampire hunting
Side Note 3: You've probably noticed that I haven't said anything about John yet! He's in this too. His species is a surprise but I need to get to him later I have an idea for where he came from (Cortana too)
I still need a good reason for Guy to not instantly kill this vampire, if not it's just gonna be "Gordon Freeman escapes the countrys best vampire hunter like a seventh time" every time they meet and they end up being rivals. And it gives Guy enough time to look past the whole "undead monster" thing and start looking at the "Oh this dude figured out how to fight his ridiculous craving for blood in a way more humane than most and is actually staying out of peoples way and keeping to himself. Guess he's not that big of a threat but I still need to keep an eye on him in case he loses it. Turns out he's got a family (Probably Alyx, Eli, Issac and Barney) who's been lookin for him and cares about him as well, don't wanna hurt them". I like the idea of them ending up needing to team up to take out undead together.
And that's what I got so far!!!
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For the smut prompts... either 42 or 43 for hammertooth? (if you feel like it!)
I finished this a couple weeks ago but totally spaced on posting it, oops. I guess it counts towards Rare Pair Month, but I can't decide on which prompt it fits best. Whatever. Here it is!
Prompts: 42) āI guess Iāll just get off all by myself.ā ; 43) āDonāt you want to play with me?ā
To Live For You
Magnus had always thought that falling in love was about being willing to die for someone. Thatās what it had always been in movies and books, even when he got old enough for the kinds of entertainment that had sex in them too. So heād always been sure that love wasnāt anything he was interested in, because he couldnāt imagine ever making that sacrifice for anyone.
~
āMaaaagnus. Ams you coming to beds?ā Toki is sprawled across the sheets, easily taking up the entire mattressāa double, because heād sworn up and down that a smaller bed is better for cuddling.
If it werenāt for the younger manās complete and utter nakedness, Magnus would pretend to complain about there not being any room to join him. This sight never fails to leave him momentarily speechless.
~
Then he had almost died. Almost killed himself, in fact, but not for anyone.
Well. Maybe for himself. That instant when the veil had come off and heād realized how massively, hugely, collossally he had fucked up had been really fucking harsh, and he hadnāt wanted to face it. Because teaming up with cannibals and murderers? Against actual, literal gods? After being so firm in his conviction that heād had everything in hand and was totally in the right, heād just figured there was no coming back.
~
Tokiās hands wander down his washboard abs, teasing. He wets his lips suggestively and then puts on an impressive pout. āDonāts you wants to plays with me?ā
His hands dip lower. Magnus, watching, swallows hard.
~
The thing was, heād come back anywayāor been dragged back, really, and heād deserved it for trying to duck out of the hard part.
Dying, it turned out, was easy. It was living that was hard.
~
āYeah,ā Magnus says, finding his voice again. Itās a touch hoarser than it was when heād last left it. He has no idea what to do with his hands. āYeah, Iām coming. You starting without me, sweetheart?ā
Toki grins in that way he does, like Magnus has made his day just by noticing him. Of course I noticed you, Magnus thinks, have you seen you? Itās far more of a miracle that Toki wants his eyes (well, eye anyway) on him at all.
His gaze catches on the one scar on Tokiās front, the place where his knife had come out the other side. Thereās a familiar clench in his gut at the sightāthe one that reminds him that he doesnāt deserve this, and the only reason he gets it anyway is purely by the grace of this young god (retired).
It doesnāt send him into a downward spiral quite the way it used to, but the reminder is always there. A cautionary road marker: danger, do not swerve again.
~
And it had been very, very hard. Magnus didnāt like to think about the early days of his recovery. Between being dragged into some mess of apocalyptic prophecy and coming to terms with the horrible things heād done, heād been a menace to anyone who had come within snapping distance. With all the excuses stripped away, heād stumbled through the painful process of really looking at himself and his choices.
~
āWell,ā Toki says coyly, recapturing his full attention, āI thoughts if you were going to stays up longer over theres Iād just . . . gets off all by myself. . . .ā
Magnus is watching his face now, but knows the exact moment Toki takes himself in hand from the way his breathing changes and eyelashes flutter. The show heās putting on is having its intended effect; Magnusā fingers twitch reflexively from muscle memory, and getting out of these jeans is an increasingly appealing idea.
He is not lucky. He has not earned this. But still, he has it, and heās trying to be worthy.
~
It had taken years, and one world-wide close call with oblivion, barely averted, before Magnus dragged himself in front of Toki to offer amends. He hadnāt expected forgiveness, knowing that he didnāt deserve itābut, as his therapist had told him repeatedly until threatening finally to tattoo it on his arm just so it would finally stick, it wasnāt about deserving anything.
Saying it, apologizing, while looking into the eyes of someone heād literally stabbed, kidnapped, and held in a basement, had been the final stab in the gut that had really, really driven it home. Everything heād done laid out before him, laid bare in his own eyes while the ultimate figure of accountability watched him unpack it all, piece by fucking piece. Magnus had done it because heād earned the pain of it, and afterwards Toki had touched him on the shoulder and said three words that had dragged him back to life.
I forgives you.
~
āYouāre such a fucking flirt,ā Magnus mutters, grinning. Heās already fumbling with his belt because, as far as heās concerned, what Toki wants Toki gets. Once itās undone he gets his pants, underwear, and boots off in two kicks. His shirt follows, a simple matter of shrugging out of it since the front is, as always, already undone.
Compared to Toki, Magnus is scrawny and wrinkled. He feels self-conscious about this sometimes, but Toki always tells him it ams just how bodies are, and he tries to believe him as best he can. The matching knife scar on his own chest (same knife, same hand) doesnāt bear thinking about.
He perches on the edge of the bed near Tokiās hip, birdlike, still unsure of where to put his hands. Such a shame that everywhere isnāt a practical option; Toki would like that.
Once, Toki had told him thatās what being a god had felt like: millions of hands all reaching out in unison to touch, pray, worship him, more intoxicating than all the drugs and alcohol in the world. He doesnāt talk about it often, worried that Magnus might get jealous or something, but when he does thereās this faraway expression on his face like he misses it. Maybe not enough to go backāif he even could, Magnus has no ideaābut a good memory nonetheless.
āI'm here now, see?ā
~
It wasnāt about what he deserved. Sometimes, what heād done crept up on him and left him feeling so ashamed at the person he had used to be that he could have died all over againābut he didnāt.
Magnus had never thought heād be worth the work it would take to piece himself back together until he felt like a person again. He still didnāt.
Toki always told him that he was worth it because he didnāt feel like he was but still tried anyway. For Toki.
~
āI sees you,ā Toki sighs, and reaches for Magnusā hands. He guides one to his half-hard cock, wrapping it around and guiding it to move with his, and the other to his mouth, kissing the knuckles. His breath and lips are hot against Magnusā skin. āWants to feels you, toos.ā
āIs that so.ā Magnus leans over him to steal a quick kiss, then shifts around so he isnāt reaching at a weird angle, and settles with one knee between the other manās toned, tan legs.
He has, on other occasions, explored every inch of those legs with his hands and mouth. Other parts of him too. All of him. And he will likely do so again, many times, before the next time death comes for him. For now, Magnus follows the guidance of his loverās hands. He watches as Toki draws his fingers into his mouth like a sucking candy, overwhelmedāfirst one, then a second, then a thirdāand sits up obediently when Toki urges him to.
āWants you,ā Toki moans again, biting his lip, urging the pace faster and giving Magnus his fingers back to prepare with.
So he does, eagerly, and before long heās lining up, teasing against Tokiās weeping head until hands grip his hips tightly but firmly and pull him down like gravity.
Tokiās eyes are shining, starlike. āLoves you, Magnus,ā he says breathlessly.
~
For Toki.
~
Magnus wonders if that really is starlight, some sort of cosmic leftover from whatever it was exactly that Dethklok went off to do as gods when they saved the world, or if itās something else. Heād always assumed that love was about being willing to walk through fire, but maybeāand this is based both on himself and what he knows of Tokiās shitty childhoodāitās the willingness to crawl towards the light.
āI love you too.ā
#metalocalypse fic#my fanfic#mtlrarepair2021#hammertooth#toki wartooth#magnus hammersmith#i guess you could call this post-godklok#rated lime
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Poll Results
Alright, thatās it, iām tired of trying to sort the answers so yall just get the big list of all the free response answers to that quiz about ofa. be aware some are less safe for work than others.
memorable ones: OfA Snickerdoodle, Iād Give It To A Cat, So You Know Vore Right?, Iām in Love With Nana, Slicey Blood Oath, and Homoerotic Sword Fight
(My answer above is how I think it did happen, not how I want it to happen.) I personally think something along the lines of a Bruce Banner Jennifer Walker blood transfusion where the OFA holder doesnāt realize theyāve passed it on until later.
a tender kiss. perhaps loving. perhaps they're dying, and i already knew that they loved me, either platonically or otherwise, and we always knew that i'd be next. perhaps they tried so hard to make sure it never happened, and perhaps that tender kiss as an apology as much as it is a gift. sure sucks to be gay i guessĀ
Peacefully? By doing the do and making it a wonderful moment of lovemaking and passing on the future.. If we're in the middle of battle you bet your freaking butt I want them to kiss me dramatically, tell me they love me, and then yeet me away as they turn back to the fight. Ow but relationship goals.Ā
If we're not romantic because I am obsessed with the Duo Holders ship currently, blood works fine. Ingest it or have them pressing a bloody palm into a wound of mine *shrugs* Gotta pass it along somehow
Personally, I'd rather drink blood instead of hair. It feels less gross. But I'd pass it on as hair just to fuck with my successor
Hair or blood eating, but no touchy-touchy or whatever thx.
Probably a vial of blood so itās easy and over quick
kiss šš
i would like it to be blood from an already opened wound just cause it would probably less weird, ..........but knowing my luck and because irl my sister has attempted to feed me her baby teeth by shoving it to my lips and saying "eat", thats actually how i would get ofa. ( >:/ i have almost eaten at least two teeth this way because i thought she was being nice and giving me candy )
Consider: doing one of those blood oath things where you swear to be BFFs for eternity except now you also get a quirk out of it. But lbr kissing is way more romantic and youāve made First/Second my new OTP, so Iāll stick with that for them. <3 But also, maybe to make the kiss option more romantic First thought something more along the lines of wishing he could give ~everything he has/all of himself~ to Second which counted as including his quirk, rather than specifically about giving him the power to defeat his brother?
This is going to sound gross but all ways of transferring DNA is. Just work up a sweat and have the other party drink it. It would probably be the best tasting option which is kinda a weird thing to think about. Nvm sweat doesn't contain DNA looked it up but I don't want to delete all of this so ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ maybe a scraping of skin cells
Honestly the hair is probably the way I'd want to go. That or blood. Like just swallowing it.
Look, i know realistically it was probably some desparate on-the-brink-of-death "please defeat my brother" thing and oo, magic he gets the quirk. But consider. First's last fight with afo. Second is holding his bleeding body, crying. First gently cups Second's cheek and pulls him into a bloody kiss before dying. Second pulls himself together just long enough to flip off afo, barely resisting the urge to absolutely slaughter him, knowing he would lose. He finds his successor and trains him to the best of his ability, determined to not lose another person he cared for
I mean like dead skin cells probably dont work right? Except hair works so thats not true. So like you totally could lick someone to get OFA. Like could you imagine the whole holding your hand over someones mouth to shut them up but they lick you and they somehow wind up with your quirk, like crazy. What must have been the trial and error with this stuff cause they must have kept passing it inbetween each other to figure out its dna right. How long did it take for them to realize. Like youāre eating breakfast and theres a hair in your food like ew and why am i stronger now. Overall, comedic timing for getting a quirk would be hilarious.
My apprentice lays broken and bloody beneath me as I cradle them in my arms, crying on to an open wound on their face praying the power will be enough to save them
little bit of skin like a hang nail just like put it in a sandwich and dont thing about it
Put it in my coffee.
If I received it from Nana then I would love to have received it via eating her out~ though for passing it on to others I think I would just either spit into their mouths or shove a bleeding finger down their throat until they swallow and then run and get myself killed by AfO while taunting him with "I DON'T HAVE YOUR BROTHER'S QUIRK ANYMORE! SUCK MY NON-EXISTENT DICK YOU LOSER!"
knock me out and just inject the blood. if i have to actively think abt ingesting someone elses dna im gonna yeet myself into the ocean. to pass it on i'll just spit in a cup (or in their mouth) bc im not gonna make someone eat my hair nor is anyone getting my blood
who in their right mind would trust me with a power like ofa šafo just looks at me funny the quirk is his. im not a mc for a reason
Sexy battle where Iām the villain, and randomly the hero thinks āI wish I could save youā. Boom I punch them with bloody knuckles and the quirk passes to me. Now the hero has to teach me how to be good again. Also we fall in love.
You know, I always assumed I would head canon it as something romantic until canon proved me wrong But these options are so varied - I had to choose the most Dramatic (tm) one As for my actual answer: a gentle kiss with full consent from both parties
I will bite a holder as a sign of affection. There's probably some dead skin cells in the arm I can swallow by accident. They are used to this and sometimes we switch the quirk around for funsies.
You know, I spent like 10 minutes trying to think of something original here, but knowing my shit luck some bastard would spit in my drink or something and cast upon me the Curse of Bone Breaking and/or.... yāknow..... AFO...........
okay this is gonna sound weird but. consider this i marry a very lovely women. we are in much love. we get attacked by evil people because she is a good hero but plot twist. i am secretly her nemisis. the attackers are my minions. i wanted her to protect me because i am very smol but. my comrades were too mean. she is nearly dead. "take this" she says. she kisses me and i am one for all. fuck, i say internally, but i dont tell her. she dies in my arms. i run and become vigilante and take down my once comrades. all is not well. i die unsatisfied. i eventually pass it onto a cat in an alleyway because they are the only one who is with me when i get hit with a back alley sniper
Blood or just like. skin. You could use nail clippers to take a bit off from a really fleshy area, like just under the nail. It's that easy
Spit in my food like an underpaid fast food worker.
i have long hair so that would not be ideal, but blood seems kinda...unsanitary, but i guess it would be better if i was 100% positive i wouldn't pass on some sort of disease. so if that could be ascertained then like a few drops of blood in a glass of water or something and then down the hatch, bam ofa passed on. i know other folks are probably typing some nsfw stuff but just. no. keep it in your pants y'all.
Blood transfusion First, pick a hospital Second, steal all their blood Third, have the previous user donate their blood to that hospital Fourth, get into a major accident and need a blood transfusion near the hospital you robbed Fifth, hope either OfA will only pass onto you bc your the intended recipient, or that no one else needs a blood transfusion Sixth, get the transfusion Seventh, steal all of the previous users blood back Eigth, return all the other stolen blood Ninth, get new identities, this crime leaves DNA everywhere Tenth, die of a blood clot due to incompatible blood types (optional)
okay realistically bleeding into a cut or a drop of blood into water and drinking it would be easiest but like... what if somehow dna could be baked into like a muffin or cookie or something... like i know when cooking with wines and stuff the alcohol cooks away and evaporates out but is that process the same for like blood? like if you baked your blood into a cookie would traces of your dna still be there? basically i want an ofa cookie (snickerdoodle preferably)
no i like my bones
drink a drop of blood. it'd go down easier than hair
no
Something dramatic and desperate in the heat of battle like blood or something
First of all, I think First passed OfA as he was dying entirely on accident, because Second was badly (though not critically) injured and they'd been sort of dancing around each other's feelings and doubting their own worth, so First, knowing he was dying and that his brother was a petty bitch who would probably kill Second anyway because he knows that First cared about him, kisses Second with blood on his lips and his last thoughts before dying are about how he wants Second to have the strength to survive if his brother comes after him.
If I was given the option of getting OfA, I wouldn't take it. I'm a coward and being given something like that is a death sentence.
If it was forced, probably ingesting the previous users blood, because blood is a lot easier to choke down than hair.
If I already had it and had to pass it on, I would want it to be something suitably dramatic like collapsing on the doorstep of a trusted loved one and explaining with my dying breath who killed me and why and then raising my blood covered hand to their face like I was going to caress their cheek only for them to taste blood. They cry and try to get me take it back and when I finally die they swear vengeance over my slowly cooling corpse.
Pass it on in a non-life threatening scenario where I decide I actually donāt like the weird bone breaking power a random person gave me as they were dying and wish I could pass it to someone else and through a weird set of circumstances end up accidentally cooking some of my own hair into brownies I was making because I shed like a dog and passing it to my new neighbor I came to welcome to the neighborhood.
Either drinking a glass of milk with their saliva (no icky hair taste), or an epic sharing of blood while clasping hands like knights in a noble brotherhood!
not by eating all mights long ass hair thats for sure, why did he give midoriya one of the longest ones he had, he has shorter hair right there on the back of his head. not to mention the fact of like how i would prefer to recieve it or give it away which would be just, fucking sharing a pop or something and swaping it through the backwash??? less nasty than hair and not as weird as the other options for spit which is like straight up spitting in a drink or the other persons mouth outside of kissing. if someone told me i had to eat their hair i would straight up say no thanks, cheers for the fitness glow up tho homie
I want nana 2 kiss me, on.,, the m,,,.."#*(@Ć·out.h pretty lady.,
Q-tip to the inside of the cheek
Those blood pacts where you slice your hands open and do a little handshake thing. Not very creative, but idk it just appeals to me
Via consumption of blood, babey
I would want it to be with a maybe maybe not homoerotic sword fight in a Wendy's parking lot, preferably while we are both being impaled on each other's swords. The sweet pain of almost dying is a very intense moment to share isn't it?
Sweet love
Hair
If it's someone cute, a kiss. Otherwise I'd probably just swallow a hair with some water.
i'd just like. spit in their water bottle. if thats not enough dna i guess licking a paper cut it is. hair is bad idwa bc it doesn't digest and can get wrapped up in things. and like. im too aroace for kissing and such
Last option, cause first is sexy as hell
okay you know what vore is, right. and you know how blood and organ transfusions work? well...
Not at all, like?? I enjoy being alive and not having my body destroyed thank you. Literally everyone with OfA died young-ish or has suffered debilitating injuries bc of it. Like Midoriya's bones are powder, and we don't even need to go into All Might's medical history. Like thanks but no thanks no freaky dna ingestion 4 me
Had a open cut from a can lid and ofa holder had an open cut. While lamenting about fins a successor.
Blood
Assuming we can bypass the rules of canon, it would be funny as fuck is OFA was passed on by intentional physical contact. So yes, a smooch for First and Second (and Second and Third) but also. Bitchslap of destiny. Nana giving her protege one last hug. All Might ruffles Midoās hair like a dad to pass it on. Iām sure you get it
Bleeding over an open wound
lil bit of spit in a milkshake.
I hold their hand Platonically but it's summer and we're both sweaty and they're a little loopy and having weird thoughts due to dehydration and heat lmao, literally hanging around anyone for any extended period of time guarantees you accidentally ingest SOME of their dna. Dead skin cells are floating through the air ~constantly~ and if you have a friend I promise you've inhaled their dead skin cells before. Have fun with that knowledge!!
ok so like deffo a kiss, but in canon people get weird biological urges for using their quirks, like bby Toga drinking bird blood. First has had a LOT of "spit in their drink" intrusive thoughts over the years. immediately post first-kiss he is mystified that his intrusive thoughts have disappeared entirely, but then BAM it seems that second has the stockpile now, and with it, a preoccupation with vampire lore
drink from the same water bottle?
āEAT THIS!ā
Pass it on by making them lick my arm because that would make them rly uncomfortable, passed to me by spiting in my 20oz Red Bull and then chugging it
#aaaand done#this was going to be like. nicely organized in a couple different ways and i still might#but out of slots for that today so
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Finally finished Tales of Eternia!!Ā
And that makes 11th tales games finished and 15th overall played in some degree (Phantasia, Legendia, Innocence, and DotNW being the ones I havent finished yet).
Once I started again in December I decided that instead of liveblogging Iād make a review at the end instead.
So here we go! I will keep this spoiler free as possible!
Iām pretty scatterbrained but Iāll try to divide this into: combat, story, characters, and other game mechanics.
Combat: So obviously, the combat is above Phantasia and Destinyās, being made after them. I honestly have grown fond of the 2d linear style format. Thereās so many different boss fights in this game that can only work in a 2d field rather than 3d.Ā
On the flip side, thatās not always a good thing. I count bosses like the wild dog thing in Vesperia, and Fodra Queen of Graces to be among the hardest mandatory boss fights in tales. Welp, Eternia added one to the ranks. Rem (aka Aska the light spirit) is one of the most frustrating boss fights Iāve done. Apart from constantly slowing healing itself, on the field it brings a shiny ball with it. You cannot destoy the orb, itās there all fight, and if you touch it it hurts you. And of course it blocks the way to Rem. There is a way past it, it moves up and down so you just have to wait until its up to move past. BUT GUESS WHAT THE AI DOESNT DO. So your party will probably either be dying or constantly in pain. AND REM CAN MOVE THE ORD ANYWHERE. Also you cant physically hit Rem while its casting a spell only far away skills. So if you ever play this game just cheese it and spam variations of Sonic Blade.
Of course, on the flip side itās every easy for you to cheese boss fights and just back them up into a corner unable to move or do anything until they die, so it evens out.
The sprite animations for the artes are gorgeous. Reid moves so fluidly in his artes, heās honestly my third favorite protag to play as behind Yuri and Ludger because of this. The caster animations are great as well, granted it can become cluttered and hard to see in when artes like blizzard and earth shaker are used. BUT GOD DAMN I CAN WATCH MEREDY USE METEOR ALL DAY IT LOOKS SO COOL.
Nitpicks about the combat system are, Life, the reviving spell Farah has, takes to long to charge, and for Meredy and Keele to use healing artes you have to mix and match who has what craymel (spirit). There might be a guide but I didnt look beyond reddit so Life was the only resurrection spell I had.Ā
Last nitpick comes from the Aurora Artes. Aurora Artes are skills only Reid can use, but in order to use them you have to have health below 15% and press circle, square, and x at the same time, so itās very easy to mess up and die. Then to use more Aurora Artes you press the same buttons repeatedly, and after you use them Reid is left with 1 hp. AND the final boss has an automatic kill skill, you have to press the buttons at the right time to activate it and keep everyone alive, or you can cheese it like I did and have Farah hold a reverse doll to revive her after she dies. Did I also mention this skill happens in phase 2 of the fight when the bosses health is less than 20,000 after starting from 300,000? If you fuck up thats like 10mins of redoing.
But to end on a better note for this section, I love the way artes are learned. You have to use certain artes a number of times before you can unlock it (I THINK abyss and vesperia and many others are like this but this is the first time I found it rewarding). I grinded like hell to get the best artes for Reid AND YOU BET IT WAS WORTH IT. Omega Demon Chaos I love you,,,,
Story: Like countless other Tales titles, the conflict comes from two worlds being at odds with each other. However this game does something that none of the other games have done with this story beat. Language barriers! Itās super cool in the first couple of hours theyre just trying to figure out how to talk with Meredy. Of course by the end this point is nearly dropped entirely, everyone else just getting the special ear ring I spent 3 hours to get so the plot can move on.
Like most tales, theres a moment you thought the story would end but BOOM the twist. I wasnāt shocked by it, but thatās because I knew who the final antagonist of the game was prior to playing it, but still it was executed well.Ā
Something that makes this Tales stand out is how they deal with backstory. So the main fours backstory is vital to the story and their characters but they donāt show it till like 20 hours in. Itās like if Graces you start off in main arc and learn about the childhood arc 2/3 of the way through and wentĀ āohhhh thatās why they were distant with each other.ā And other stuff about it but I wonāt spoil it.
Overall a good story, though I do feel like Iām missing things either from missing some side quests, or because of no skits.
Characters: The main ones to shine are the four main characters (Reid, Farah, Keele, and Meredy), everyone else literally is either one dungeon and/or optionable. Chat does still feel like a character being the owner of the Van Elita aka means of transportation for half the game. Max and Ras tho rip. ESPECIALLY MAX. Ya know how every tales thereās the mandatory Talk Before The Final Battle? Yea well they all get one except Max. You see him, but he doesnt talk, YET THEY CRAYMELS DO.
Another odd, yet charming, thing is that thereās no big moment of character development for anyone like Luke cutting his hair, Magilou keeping the portal open, or punch in the face like Alvin. They just. Slowly change. And its really weird cause for all of disc 1 Keele is basically an unbearable asshole and he just? Learns to be a better person from everything he sees? Thereās no callout or moment of realization, he just slowly learns and itās super refreshing.Ā
Reid is probably one of the most relatable protagonists up there with Jude. Iām sure most of you know theĀ āhe doesnāt want to do shit lolā persona he has BUT GOD WHY HEāS LIKE THAT BABY I LOVE YOU. Farahās personality is also explained in the backstory, so for any of you crestoria players that Farahās backstory is really different like how Emilās is, but the sentiment of why sheās like that is the same and stem for a similar event.
Meredyās also great. I thought Iād get annoyed of her and herĀ āYou bet!ā but god when she says it the last time at the end of the game, I was pretty moved. I wish I knew more about her backstory but Iām pretty sure a certain section of her life info was left to skits and ya know we didnāt get those till Symphonia :)))
As antagonists go, besides the Craymels who are there to test you before you get their power, thereās just two. Main boss and their lackey. The lackey is eh. You see him once at the beginning of the game, then see him destroy aĀ city, then one last time where you kill him. You do get his backstory and stuff but eh Iām usually not fond of tales mini villains minus Chimerad, God Generals, and Artoriusās lackeys
The main antagonist tho, I really donāt wanna spoil it but itās hard to talk about why Iām conflicted on it without spoiling. So itās like Destinyās final boss but written better in some part and worse in others. So at one point itās super emotional and pretty powerful with the message eternia wants to send but at the same points its a jrpg where you gotta kill god cause he doesnāt think humansĀ are worth it.Ā
Oh one more thing thats honestly hilarious, thereās literally SINGLE animated cutscene by Production I.G in this entire game minus the op.Ā
Other things: the amount of mini games in this game is insane, but the amount you have to do IN JUST THE SECOND DISC to continue the plot is more than any other tales game I can recall. Some of them are fun like the card game, others like the bomb one I want to throw in a fire.Ā
Thereās also so much Destiny pandering in this game. Thereās portraits of the characters, you can collect lens, Iām 95% sure the way a certain character is done is because they wanted another Leon, you can SUMMON THE SWORDIAN USERS ARE AS AN ACTUAL SUMMON. While all Phantasia gets is the cameo battle and the Eternal Sword. I mean I didnāt mind cause Iāve finished Destiny and itās one of my fav tales games but damn it was pretty obvious.Ā
EXPLORATION IS SO FUN IN THIS GAME. Mainly near the end when you have free reigns. YOU CAN DIVE UNDERWAY AND EXPLORE THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA WHAT OTHER TALES GAME LETS YOU DO THAT???Ā
In conclusion: A fun game! I donāt think it was worth 133 dollars tho consider my play file was 35 hours and thats with a good chuck of side quests and ex bosses. Probably in my top 5 combat systems of tales and final villains, but not in terms of story or characters. A really hope it gets remastered soon Iād love for more people to play it.
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the rest... of... book 4..... through chapter 225
i sad.
āHe was lying to himself and lying to others! All nothing but deceit! No matter what, it was impossible to pretend nothing had ever happened, and it was impossible to return to before!!!ā - i know :(
āBefore Feng Xin went, he was afraid. Now that Feng Xin had gone, he wasnāt scared any longer. But, even though he wasnāt afraid anymore, he was in deeper agony.ā - ah yes. being afraid of your friends leaving so you do things to drive them away so you can have something to point to and say that you were the one who made the choice and you dont have to fear it anymore. except that has never once worked out ever and turns out losing people just means you lost them and it still hurts. not that i would know or anything.....
āHe saw upon the table there were a few plates of horrid-looking dishes that were now cold. They were what he made the queen take away without eating a single bite the night before. Now, he pulled them over absent-mindedly, and ate everything, not daring to leave behind a single leaf, afraid to miss a single grain of rice. After he ate he started puking.ā - this broke me and the bad cooking isnt funny anymore :(
all this happens after they have money again. no further commentary on this chapter
i know for a lot of book 3 i just wanted hua cheng to go away but now i would give anything for wuming to come and interrupt these interactions with white no-face
āLang Ying, a brute commoner, led an army and destroyed Xianle. With the aura of the king enveloping his body, ordinary evil wouldnāt be able to come close to his person. However, at this moment, what Xie Lian brought with him were millions of souls of those who died on the battlefield!ā - interesting to think about this story from lang yingās point of view. the bit about his wife and child... oh my god... the things we carry with us...
āWill it really be alright to leave him like this? How about, I give him a cup of water?ā - cup of water motif is back... ouch
āOne person. Just one. Really. Just one person was enough!ā - for like 20 minutes after reading this i really was just sitting here thinking about every time a stranger did me a small a kindness and the times i did the same it just made me cry harder i love people and they really can be awful and choose to be cold and cruel but it means that when they choose to be kind..... it doesnt negate the cruelty but its still indescribable.. and being able to see that and remember that even after all the pain.....Ā
ugh still just thinking about the times ive gone through something that changed me and having the cold numb fear that i would never be the same as i was before that i would lose some precious part of me forever and wondering if this would be the thing that finally did it... i dont know if ive ever actually experienced a piece of media that really make me think about that tbh
āStop thinking so highly of yourself! I donāt need you to teach me anything, I can learn on my own. If you represent heavenās will, then something like heavenās will should be destroyed!ā - why is defying the heavens so sexy.... keep it up (edit after white no-face identity reveal: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!)
the fact that xie lian went through what he did and got nothing out of it and in fact lost everything he had left due to the trauma,,,,, but just one person is enough for him to willingly offer to do it again, even if all he could save is one person,,,,,, crying again.... and who it is who takes it all on instead... ok...
āAfter all, everyone knew that Mu Qing ascended because he cleaned up all the remaining stubborn resentful spirits in the old capital of Xianle, so to understand it as āgenerous and kindā wasnāt unreasonable. In any case, everyone in the old capital of Xianle were all very grateful for him.ā - its not unreasonable at all!!! this boy picks cherries for his mom and the neighborhood kids leave him alone
āShaking his head, Xie Lian contemplated, then he ladled two large bowls of rice, one offered inside the Temple of Ju Yang, the other inside the Temple of Xuan Zhen. Finally, feeling that everything served its purpose, he clapped his hands close, completely satisfied.ā - please i just want them to be friends again
ruoye........ xie lian bidding farewell to the tiny red flower.... ok i feel a totally normal amount about all these things
book 5 time!!!
xie lian king of taking a third option.. no one dies in the kiln at all weāre just leaving bitch
āXie Lian didnāt know why he had to use his hands to cup Hua Chengās cheeks, but he did so subconsciously, probably so he could comfort him, but also because Xie Lian was afraid Hua Chengās face would be frostbitten by the snowstorm.ā - gay people.....
āThis giant stone divine statue mustāve been sculpted when Hua Cheng was trapped inside the Kiln, when he was severely beaten down and in intense suffering.ā - ohhhh my god. okay. okay. look. i get it....
āThe divine statue obeyed his command and took off with a gigantic, wide step, going along with the rolling current of snow. One slide was several miles, and the snow waves it created crashed around its body. Because both its arms were open, even though it was a body of a million tons, it still maintained good balance.ā - HELL YEAH!! HELL YEAH LETS FUCKING GO LETS GOOOOO
the statue that requires transfers of spiritual energy... statue of make you kiss me i see how it is.....
āHearing this, Hua Cheng raised his brows, his expression seeming to say, please have them beat each other to death, thatād be great.ā - when you dont like your SOās friends and they dont like you
āWith a sharp sword in hand, Xie Lian was like a tiger with wings added, his might increasing exponentially, and he struck out!ā - YES!!! GET EM!!!!
āNo one could blame him for not knowing what was going on. Perhaps, he was confused the entire way: Why was he beaten? Why was he buried inside a wall? Why was he turned into a daruma doll? And why did he have to turn into a sword, too? There was not a single point where heād figured out what was happening.ā its okay qyz its okay i know honey me too
HELLO?? SQX IS BACK???? omg what a development omg omg okay okay interesting... okay so shi wudu would have rather died than lose everything but shi qingxuan is still trucking
āHua Cheng responded lazily, āOh? So you mean to say, beggars canāt save the world? Is it because they donāt have the ability to, or because theyāre not worthy?ā - KING okay i know this is a motivational tactic but also... who was it who took on all the souls for the human face disease and did in fact save the world back then hmmm?
absolutely enthralled by the fact that in chapter 207 we find out that the guoshi is in fact just. still here. and the name of the chapter is "Seeking Affection; Ghost King Fakes Displeasureā which i mean that happens too but fjasdlkfajsld
bruh okay. okay. okay. everything is happening okay. okay. chaos in the heavens okay. ling wen is still invited to kiss me on the mouth tho idc
āIndeed Yin Yu didnāt have enough confidence, and said weakly, āChengzhu has shown me grace, he saved meā¦ā āI know,ā Jun Wu said. āHe even helped you pacify and send off the resentful spirit of Jian Yu, who died during banishment, am I right?ā - awww im glad they resolved that bit that whole situation was awful also give me the forbidden hua cheng ghost king lore...
āYin Yu finally couldnāt take it anymore. He clenched his fists tight, his knuckles cracking, and he whipped around. āI DO RESENT HIM! I DO HATE HIM!!! BUT, SO WHAT??ā - yin yu kiss me on the mouth right now
āXie Lian hugged him. āItās alright, itās alright. These are all small matters, really. Your Highness Yin Yu, just live in this world for another few hundred years and youāll know that none of that really matters. Either driven to madness or really wishing someone would die, whichever. Who in the world has never had such thoughts? Iāve even thought of massacring all in the world who had wronged me, itās true, and no lie, Iād almost done it. But look at me, havenāt I shamelessly lived until now? You havenāt actually done anything in the end, and thatās the most important thing.ā - heās right im crying again
āButā¦in the end, Iā¦still thinkā¦itās so unfair,ā Yin Yu sobbed. āIf I was already destined to be no one remarkable, then at the very least, Iā¦wanted to be a kind and perfect person. Butā¦I couldnāt even do that. Itās reallyā¦so unfair. And truth to be told, even in this moment, just thinking that Iām dying for Yizhen, this little dummy, I still canāt get over it. I canāt even let go and die with a heart with no resentment and no regrets, what is that.ā - YIN YU YOU CANT DIE NOOOOOOO youre the only man in this whole book i would kiss why does this always happen im actually really sad ;_;
āIf the Rain Master was killed directly, and a better heavenly official couldnāt be found to replace her, the people put food above all else; if agriculture isnāt running smoothly, the world will be thrown into chaos. You donāt let people eat, people wonāt give you a job. Besides being displeased with the Rain Master, the people of the world might also begin to be dissatisfied with the great god above Rain Masterās head. Which means, if he isnāt careful, the fire can burn all the way onto him. If things arenāt controlled adequately, it might incur riots to topple gods.ā - rain master my friend rain master... also yes!!!!! food production!!!! critical!!!!!!! theres a lot you can get by without but food is not one of them!!!!!
āFeng Xin was Xie Lianās servant, his good friend, but not his slave. He couldāve built his own home, had his own family. And he had actually already met those people, but the encounter just had to be during Xie Lianās first banishment, the toughest days they suffered back then.ā i am very sad about all of this
hua cheng in the palace of ling wen looking for the brocade immortal while the heavens are in complete chaos as the world turns on its head and STILL taking the time to beg for kisses is making me lose it fjalkdfjlsd
oh my god the guoshi and the cards thing..... hmmmm
delighted that mount tongālu has such great significance beyond just being the kiln or whatever
hmmm crown prince of wuyong... its truly sad... but dude.....
the way that the heavenly capital is literally built out of previous gods... wow
the outright attempt to continue to cycle of trauma that failed simply bc 1. xie lian is his own person and 2. xie lian recieved kindness and gave it back to the world even to the people who refused to help him im ;_;
the absolute mess of xuan ji/rong guang/pei su/banyue/ke mo going down in the palace of ming guang... entertainment
okay i think im to a point where i dont have any possible spoiler knowledge in my brain about what happens next (only thing i have is theres a joke about he xuan eating that i dont understand yet and i think we might get like an emily corpse bride moment but if we do i dont know why) but oh my god things have escalated
#oh my god the next one might be the last??? we'll see#what a ride for real#tgcf liveblog#ty to everyone who comments or reads even a bit of these i appreciate you#mouse mumbles
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Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig
Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.
During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(
"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.
When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!
Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.
This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.
"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.
Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.
"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.
I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.
Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.
Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries
Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.
Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.
Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot
#ugly cries#ugh#i need to stop#i need to stop talking#pls#just read my rants ok#i guess#MY BACK HHHUUUUURRRRTTSSSSSS#UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH#SOBS#straggler.txt#headcanon#hc#one piece#one piece ace#one piece spoilers#monkey d. luffy#luffy one piece#im garbage#hha h a#review#episode review#episode 503#ackackack#i need to pee#i need to stop torturing luffy with my crazy ideas#hhhhhh#love u guys#bye ig
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cheap car insurance for permit drivers
"cheap car insurance for permit drivers
cheap car insurance for permit drivers
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Hi i applied for life insurance through sun life financial. are they a good company? who do you get your life insurance from? is it even important? anyways, they still havent drawn up my policy since i have applied, even though was approved. All i was looking for was a simple life insurance i can afford, and they added in a whole bunch of accessories to go along with it. anyways, they keep coming back for many tests. which would have been hell of a lot convenient if they did these tests all in one place in one time. rather than having to do 4 or 5 tests over the past 4 months. it drives me crazy now that they are always phoning, needing this and that...now im starting to consider if i even want my life insurance with them also, is it even necessary to have life insurance along with critical illness and disability? i am just a studetn on a budget with two young boys at home. whats your take?""
Anyone have/had Sameday Insurance?
I have Geico and thinking of switching to Sameday Insurance. I was wondering if anyone can give me reviews about them. They are offering a very affordable quote for a premium coverage.
Can you haggle auto insurance?
I currently have Allstate for my auto insurance and have a local office and agent. I like having a local office but I recently got a quote from Geico that was over $150 less for 6 months than what I currently pay for the same coverage from Allstate. My question is, if I walk into my local Allstate office and show my agent the lower quote I got will he be able to give me a comparable rate with the same coverage to keep me as a customer or does he not have it in his power to do that? I have never had an accident or even a ticket and always pay my bills on time. I also have excellent credit. I'm just looking to lower my insurance rates.""
Affordable health insurance new jersey family?
anyone know of affordable health insurance in new jersey for self employed 1 person needing family coverage?
Car insurance and license suspended?
i got car insurance on my car i have always had it but my parents say that if i got my license suspended in one state, i dont got car insurance in that very state but i do in any other state, i am totally confused someone please clarify this??""
Home insurance first year up front?
the bank is requiring us to get a year worth of Homeowners insurance . and i am asking what is the norm (interior wall to wall) without personal items included.. should i go with the condos exterior insurance companies to just have it uniform. ?
Who should I trust when it comes to auto insurance?
I am looking for Auto Insurance but want to deal a company I can trust.
Cheaper insurance car under 25 years?
what is cheaper incurance car under 25 years
Approximately how much will my car insurance cost?
I am a 16 year old male, I will be getting my liscense soon. I'm going to have my own car(probably an old Honda civic) and ill be added on my mothers insurance policy. And I live in San Diego, and my grades are B's and C's""
""I think I'm pregnant, how do I get Medicaid?""
I took a home pregnancy and it came out positive, two blue lines, one lighter than the other. I want to go to a doctor to confirm it. I dont have insurance but I think I will get Medicaid anyone know where do I go and how to get it ?""
Insurance Prices?
Boy I did'nt know it was so expensive what company has affordable insurance for used cars. Or new I don't know what im getting yet.
What is the average cost of insurance for a day care center?
What is the average cost of insurance for a day care center?
Auto Insurance Increase?
My family lives in New Mexico and my son is planing on moving to Arizona I want to keep him on my insurance but when he changes his drivers license to the state of Arizona will my insurance go up?
Interest rates for a rental property?
I've been told that I can expect a higher interest rate when I buy a house to use as a rental property than I would if it were a primary residence. What sort of a difference are we talking? 1%? more? less? Also ditto that for insurance. I can only assume that it would be more, but how MUCH more is the question.""
Average Car insurance in NY? I feel like I am being ripped off?
I understand age , tickets , and car type are all variables. I Have a 3 year old new car from 2010 *just a normal 4 door sedan* and the insurance seems VERY high... I am 22 years old and was curious to know what a good price is out there in the NY area""
I need Health and Dental Insurance in NJ?
I'm self Employee, 30 year old male I need a Really good Health and Dental Insurance in NJ what are the best companies that provide my needs Under $700 a month, I dont need vision insurance""
Average amount of settle payouts from substandard insurance companies?
Average amount of settle payouts from substandard insurance companies?
What is the most affordable health insurance in Los Angeles?
I am trying to find health insurance as a 35 yr old male. I have never had insurance before and don't have any illnesses. What is the most cost effective health insurance that will cover me and will allow me to go get a tune up quickly?
cheap car insurance for permit drivers
cheap car insurance for permit drivers
Cheap on insurance motorcycles?
im looking for a sporty bike that wont kill me on insurance (only 22 yrs old). something that looks like a kawasaki ninja, or honda cbr. thanks""
** How much does car insurance cost for a 16-year-old in California?
Grr. I REALLY need to drive inorder to get home after sports, but my dad says that insurance costs too much... and I'm not about to walk home or take the bus when it's late. There are so many weird people and molesters out there. ='(""
Can you get medical insurance on a motorcycle?
If I were to buy a bike could I get medical insurance on the bike that covered any injuries that I could get if I got hurt on the bike. Also how much do you think it would cost? Any web sites I could go too?
Best health insurance?
I am a student and my fiance and I don't have health insurance. the one offered at my school is basically for emergencies only but i am looking for one that covers dentist, eye doc., and especially dermatologist. what do you recommend...something that doesn't have a huge deductible. pricing?""
How much would insurance be for a 18 year old driving a lexus is300 with 150000 miles on it?
How much would insurance be for a 18 year old driving a lexus is300 with 150000 miles on it?
What should I do with car insurance?
Okay there was a massive understanding. My mum and dad were getting my quotes for cars and they got me a quote for a Mitsubishi Colt 1.1 Black Hawk. Nice little car. The quote they got was 750 for my own insurance PROVISIONALLY. I tried telling that them reason it was that much was because it was provisional insurance. Not till they gave me the money for the car and told me to buy, did they realise that insurance is different now and you have to re-new it to full UK manual as soon as you pass your test. I've been looking at quotes and they're looking well to expensive for my own insurance. Is there a cheaper way? Like going on my mum and dads insurance? They've both been driving for well over 20 years and have no claims at all since they've started driving?""
What is the best car to buy in terms of getting cheap car insurance as a first time driver.?
I am over 25 but things are still costly.
How to get a temporary car insurance?
my friend would like to come to the UK buy a car and then go back to Hungary , So for the time until he gets back to Hungary how to get a car insurance for that 1 or 2 days , and how to inform the DVLA ( if he has to inform them (i am not sure ) ) that the car left the UK ? Thank you for answers""
Cheap Auto insurance?
I got my G2 about 3 weeks ago, and i am trying to find a insurance company in the GTA that offers insurance for a primary driver for a low price. I am a teen and I would be driving a 2001 volvo S80 2.9L""
""Healthcare insurance is a good and necessary product, that can literally save your life...?
...in many situations. Why are Conservatives playing the ridiculous charade that Obama is some horrible tyrant for doing his best to make sure every American has it?
Liability Car Insurance for another state?
Hi, I would really appreciate if someone could give me an answer to resolve this situation: Facts: 1- I legally own a car in the US, currently I'm overseas. 2- My friend has a complete power of attorney 3- Car was registered in California and now is staying in Virginia for almost a year. 4- I put the car on Nonoperational status with CA DMV and canceled insurance in 08.2008. 5- I need to make my car drivable again, and my friend has to move it to MD where she lives. 6- To put car back on road with CA plates I should renew the registration with CA DMV. 7- CA DMV requires the liability insurance before registration. 8- My friend was at the insurance company (Progressive Insurance) and they say, they cannot insure the car with Californian liability unless the car is physically in CA. Wnen I'll be back to US in couple of months I have to drive car back to CA, because I study there so my residence is CA. Can anyone tell me please how this situation can be resolved? - I don't wanna sell my car - registration with MD MVA is the last expensive and unwanted option.""
Obama waives auto insurance?
Obama waives auto insurance?
Questions about serial numbers and home insurance?
In an event of property loss or robbery and you have to report to the homeowner's insurance, should you give them the serial #'s of all items lost or stolen or should you give them the list of serial numbers the moment you start insurance?""
Can my auto insurance be lowered if I keep it in a garage and don't drive it for a year?
The engine died on a car we're financing, can't sell it and can't fix it until we have the money which is estimated to be around February next year. We plan on parking it in our garage until we get it fixed next year. We have to continue to insure it since it's financed but do insurance companies offer lower rates on vehicles that aren't driven in scenarios such as this?""
How much are you paying for your kids car insurance?
Recently, I brought my daughter a 2002 Camaro v6 for 7,800 with taxes included. I pay 127 dollars a month for insurance. She is about to be 16 and able to drive on her own. She is very responsible, gets great grades and has very few friends. How much do you pay for your child's insurance? I heard that buying them a sports car would make the insurance go very high but that hasn't been the case.""
""How do i get an car insurance quote without giving (name, address, social security no, etc)?""
A 2001 toyota sienna xle, for a 15 year old driver W/ Learners Permit living in bellevue, WA never had one ticket or accident, mostly A's grades, employed PS Not 15 yet but am employed, just wanna know when the time comes""
Why is my insurance qoutes so high!?
hey all, I am a 17 year old male, live in cumbria. i realise this is a c rated insurance post code, i understand that. what i do not understand is why when i put in qoutes for the exact same car, exact same details all bar the name, my insurance skyrockets. i get qoutes of 3200 on a corsa 1.0 and the like (small, 1.2 or less cars) whereas friends, even 1 of which lives 5 doors away from me, get qoutes of about 2400. why is this? i understand the post code part, but the thing is all my friends being qouted live in the same area, in the same town, same estate in fact, our first four letters of our postcodes are the same, i thought this was what determined the post code factor. im currently a student, ive put down i have held my license for 4 months, i am the registered owner and keeper of the car, i am the policy holder, even added a parent with 30+ years experience on (which by the way only saved me 100) and i got 3200. my friend on the same street got 2400. why is this? also, can anyone recommend a cheap insurance company, as a young driver? eg. under 19 really, because i know car insurance has almost doubled in like 3 years. no wonder people are illegaly driving with this daylight robbery scam called insurance. thanks""
What is the cheapest car insurance?
What is the cheapest car insurance?
Auto insurance question.?
I was in an accident and my auto insurance has a limit of 5000 medical. I went over the $5000 medical bills. Will my private health insurance cover the overage?
Is there affordable Health Insurance for a jobless 23 year old?
Hi. I'm a 23 year old female college student and I don't have a job. I turned 23, May 23 and am untterly confused about how to obtain health insurance. I don't have a job (not from lack of trying) and I desprately need to see a dentist. I don't know how this insurance thing goes. I usually just ask my mom who to go see and I go and see them, but since I'm cut off this is difficult/impossible. I appreciate all answers (though I beg you to make them useful answers). Thank you!""
Can my fiance add me to his insurance plan?
and is it more convenient than individual? (insurance through his work)
How much is a g35 coupe insurance?
I am a 17 male and am about to buy a 2004 g35 and was wondering how much insurance was. I have a clean slate, no accidents or tickets. I have farmers insurance and was wondering how much my monthly insurance would be roughly? I have a good gpa of above 3.0 so doesn't that give me a discount?""
Question about car insurance? (Progressive)?
So I am 19 and currently on my parents car insurance plan still. When I moved out the first time they put a hold on my car insurance because I didn't feel the need to have a car while living downtown. I moved back in with my parents for a few months to look for a new place and I got back on the insurance and now I am about to move out again permanently back to the city but this time I want to take my car with me. I will be changing my primary address and getting a new drivers license for that state (My family is in Indiana and I am moving back to Chicago). I will be going to school full time in that state as well as living there so my question is... does anyone know if I can stay on my parents car insurance if I am no longer living in their home/state?
Connecticut best car insurance?
What is the best CAR insurance in Connecticut? If you are in Connecticut do you recommend your car insurance? Thanks!
Do insurance rates go up if i get a lift?
i want to put a lift on my truck, but i dont know what that would do to the insurance if anything. its a 1994 silverado, extended cab, short bed, 1500. plz no stupid spam answers!""
cheap car insurance for permit drivers
cheap car insurance for permit drivers
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-much-more-would-my-car-insurance-cost-i-went-from-ethan-moore/"
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Text
The Great Dying: Happiness Comes on Day Five
My family has come to Hawaii.
Hawaii, like an aging model, is still gorgeousjust sometimes in a fragile, wasted way.
My parents were here a long time ago; they came on their honeymoon, back in the Old World times. They bought a hotel-and-airfare package to Honolulu. They went scuba diving in the coral reefs and touched real rays and even one dolphin, they said.
Of course thats not an option anymore, but you can snorkel all you like in fiberglass reefs stocked with colorful farmed parrotfish and now and then a robot shark.
I love the parrotfishs bulgy, fat lips.
Lydia Millet
About
Lydia Millet is an American novelist and conservationist. Her third novel, My Happy Life, won the 2003 PEN Center USA Award for fiction, and she has been a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize as well as a Guggenheim fellow. Her newest novel for young readers, The Bodies of the Ancients, comes out in January. The Great Dying is adapted from her YA book Pills and Starships, published by Akashic.
Back then, they ate at restaurants with views of sparkling aqua-blue bays; they went to luaus and drank fancy drinks with paper umbrellas. (We still have those; some of them have my parents names printed on them, from a honeymoon party that was held for them. robert & sara, says the faded writing, hawaii, may 2068.) They took small trips to the other islands, even the one that used to be a leper colony.
These days Honolulu and most of Oahu are seawall and salty aquifers and long, long blocks of abandoned buildings.
But they wanted Hawaii anyway. They were nostalgic. So this time we came to the Big Island, where were staying in a hotel with a view of Mauna Kea. Ive seen pictures of it from way back when, white at the top and majestic. Theres never snow anymore, even at 14,000 feet, but the volcano still looms.
Its just the four of us: my mother and my father, my little brother, and me. Its the four of us here for our last week.
A week is the period the companies usually suggest, once you finalize dates. Any longer and customers can get morbid, or even, if they decide to refuse their pharma, hysterical. And then the whole thing collapses. Any shorter and theres not enough time for good-byes.
My parents arent even that old. My mother had me in her late sixties, and two years later she had Samand though theyre vigorous and healthy on a physical level, on an emotional level theyve decided theyre done.
This would be harder without the training we did at home, without the pharma regimen they have us on. Even with those tools its still intense and vibrant, and everything seems inflected with meaning. Cursed with meaning, almost. Meaning attaches itself to everyday objectstoothbrushes, swimsuits, dangly earrings. Here in the hotel suite, I look at these normal items and everything seems like it portends something.
We just got here and already were on the brink of tears at times, or at least my mother and I are. My father and Sam are trying to act stoic, though now and then I catch one of their hands or a bottom lip trembling.
Meanwhile the edges of objects glow, blur, and fade as I look at them. They all seem permeable or aliveas though the aliveness of objects is there to compensate for my parents being ready to die.
I dont think its the pharma thats doing it, either. Sam and I arent even on a full pill regimen yet. On Day Four well have the option of a powerful tranquilizing blend: Thats Good-Bye Day. They like the contract holders to have their memories intact to say good-bye, because the fifth days pharmathe last pharmacauses forgetfulness. It brings on a long-term memory loss that wipes all memories associated with trauma, so they go out happy.
Happiness comes on Day Five.
Its early afternoon. My parents and my brother have gone out for a walk, and from the balcony of our suite I can see them strolling, their light clothes flapping in the breeze off the ocean, on a trail along the high jagged bluffs.
They carry umbrellas that protect them from the sun but also hide their faces from me. They could be anyone.
The bluffs were well engineered and have been planted to look wild, in a fake way. There are scrubby bushes from the desert, South American cacti and Chinese beach roses (according to the brochure) and even, now and then, dune grasses and sand. They hide the concrete seawall beneath the artificial bluffs so that you dont have to remember where you are or whenso you can almost forget youre not in Old Hawaii. Forget, in other words, that youre living at the tiny tail end of the fire-breathing dragon of our history.
The company my parents chose is a midsize outfit that likes to boast how it hires locals. So our rep, when it came down to it, was a lady my mother had once played golf with.
My mother isnt the golf type at all, by the way. She barely knows how to play, but one time she competed in a small-golf game for charityits mostly small golf these days, unless you have huge money to throw away on travel to one of the big courses, plus water-use finesand because she had a good sense of humor, at least till recently, she was basically the comic relief, I think.
But that one day was when she first met the rep, Jean.
Jean showed up at our apartment a couple of months ago, in the hour before dinnertime when we usually hang out together and talk about our day and stuff. The four of us were drinking cocktails in the living room. Being 15, Sam doesnt drink that much yet, but my mother had offered him a junior can of wheat beer.
And there she was at the doora compact, middle-aged woman from the 10th floor, frosted hair, braided wedge heels. Id seen her in the elevator once or twice.
This is Jean, said my mother softly. Jean, these are our children, Nat and Sam.
My name is Natalie, but I go by Nat.
The woman smiled and sat down and looked at us with a gentle but still oddly businesslike expression.
Your parents thought it might be good to have me here is how she started in.
Sam looked up right away. Hed been reading off his device.
Youre service, he said flatly.
I do work with a service company, said Jean.
She didnt miss a beat and didnt seem awkward; she had a forthright attitude without being domineering.
Youre the counselor, or whatever they call them, said Sam.
Im coordinating the personal aspect of outreach, conceded Jean.
On the contract we purchased recently, put in my mother, soft-voiced. Mine and your fathers.
Sam picked up his beer and drank most of the rest of it, a flush rising on his skin.
I had been sitting at the bay window, looking out over the garden. Our apartment complex was nice, with trees and water features and little striped chipmunks, because chipmunks always poll higher than squirrels.
Anyway, I liked to drink and take in the view.
But then, without really noticing my own movement, I turned so I was facing the room, my back against the view of the trees. In the pit of my stomach was a heavy new stone. At the same time my arms and legs felt light and liquid, like the bones in them had softened.
Why didnt you tell me? was the thing I said.
Were telling you now, sweetheart, said my mother, coming to sit beside me on the ledge. She put one arm around my shoulders. Its all according to schedule. The timing is what they recommend.
They encourage the parents not to get emotive when theyre disclosing. It only makes things worse. So my mother sat there next to me, her arm on my shoulders light, keeping a kind of professional attitude. With her free hand, she shook the cubes in her glass and raised it to drink.
My father stood facing us all with his tumbler of whiskey. His face bore a kind, bemused expression, as it used to when Sam or I would cry and he had no idea how to stop it.
You can still take it back, said Sam, with a kind of hurt urgency. Please, MomDad! Take it back!
Honey, said my mother, we dont want to. Or maybe a better way to say it is that we weve lived for you two ever since the tipping point, sweetheart. Youve been whats kept us going.
The tipping point was when we couldnt do anything more to stop the planets runaway warming. There were feedback loops in the climate system, like the albedo effect and water vapor increase in the atmosphere and plankton die-off in the oceans. So even though wed stopped emitting so much carbon and methane, we couldnt stop the seas or the temperature from rising. At least for a few centuries.
Both of you are practically grown up, said my mother. And when it comes right down to it, you dont really need usnot in the day-to-day sense. You think you do, maybe. But we know deep down that you can take care of yourselves. And you will.
You cant say what were feeling, said Sam, shaking his head. Only what you are.
It helps, for peace of mind, said Jean to Sam, if you keep argumentation for later. During this encounter, this time of disclosure, weve found that what allows for peacefulness is just listening.
Fuck listening! said Sam.
He was bright redlike someone had dealt him two slaps, one on each cheek.
And really, went on Jean calmly, as though he hadnt said anything, theres no rush here. Theres plenty of time. Remember, all contracts are voidable right up until the end. So theres absolutely nothing to make you nervous.
She didnt mention what we all knew: that theres a stiff financial penalty for last-minute cancellations. She didnt need to. My parents knew a couple whod canceled just five hours before their contract was about to start, but at that point it cost like 90 percent of the full price. And they ended up buying a new contract a couple of months later. That meant less money for the survivorsa tainted legacy.
But youre doing so well, begged Sam, turning to my mother.
I felt frozen.
Youre doing really well, youve got your moods well stabilized lately, he added.
No, yeah, son, said my father. Well were not too bad off. Were not personally complaining. We feel so lucky, compared to lots of people. No question. And you knowits not any one big thing. You know? Its not a dramatic situation, theres no particular, exact catalyst here. But we feel like, for one, heywhy not quit while were still ahead? You know, leave while weve got our health. And theres still no impairment. We all saw how Mamie got after she passed 100.
Youll be all right. You have such great resilience, added my mother. Wewe think youre very strong.
Oh please, said Sam.
Try to see it from our point of view, my father said. When we were young, there were still big animals swimming all over the oceans. The rivers and the forests had all this life in them, not just the squirrels and pigeons. You could go anywhere in the worldwe drove a gas-burning car when we were young. We flew on huge airplanes. Whenever we wanted to!
My parents keep thinking, somehow, that one day well hear about how different the world used to be and for the first time well understand them.
But isnt the world always different for the kids than it was for the parents? Sure, maybe its more different now. We get it.
But this is the only world we ever knew.
For Old World people like us, you know, said my mother, weve had as much as we can take of seeing everything go away. And we dont think we can bear towhat happens if, if it keeps going how we think it will.
Of course, we hope and pray it wont, said my father staunchly, tossing back the last of his whiskey. We figure, go early, while everythingswhile theres still hope. You know.
But I knew what he wasnt saying: They couldnt stand to see our future. They couldnt stand to watch us struggle.
Its never an easy decision, put in Jean.
Not helpful, I thought.
But then, the companies put the counselors in the room partly to deflect the family members feelings. Or fears and tears, as they say.
Your mother is so tired, Sam, said my father. He was fiddling with a pile of black and green olives on a tray. The olives were stacked in a pyramid, like in a picture Id once seen of ancient cannonballs. They should have been a tipoff that this was a special occasion, so to speak, because olives arent the kind of food we get every day. We both are, if Im perfectly honest, he added.
We sat there for a while, not knowing what to say.
Eventually Jean suggested we take a walk outside, through the courtyards of the complex. Walks are popular with service companies. Low-cost momentum, I guess, and a natural mood boost.
So we prepared ourselves fresh drinks, mostly in awkward silence, and took them with us into the elevator. We gazed outside as the car descended.
The elevators in our complex are external and made of a shaded glass, so you can see the sky and then the buildings below it, and as you drop, the trees in the courtyard come up to meet you.
Down through the green canopy, down along the tree trunks. Finally we landed facing the rock gardens, the fountains and splashing waterfalls of perfectly reclaimed sewage.
What a nice evening, said my mother, and we looked up dutifully at the fading bands of red and yellow in the western sky.
One thing we do have, in the New World, is beautiful sunsets.
I think what put my parents over the edge was a trip they took a few months ago, a light-rail weekender to the place where my father grew up. It wasnt a coastal town in the strict senseit wasnt right on the beachbut it was on a river delta, maybe 20 miles from where the true coast used to be. When the first storm surges came that couldnt be stopped by seawalls, the town got an influx of coastal refugees. Wave after wave followed, though most of the people didnt stay. Back then they were migrating to places like Ogallala, with fertile land or thick forests. If you look at an old map animation, you can see the masses moving away from the coasts, inward and upward from New York and Florida, from Southern California and the dying cities of the desertLas Vegas and Phoenix, say. The animations look like storms or vast, sky-darkening flocks of birds.
Sometimes, at home, I take a mild mood softener, sit at my screen, and gaze at the animations dreamily. You can customize them to show whatever details you wantthe continent shrinking as the oceans rise plus the massive migrations. I also like to watch the building of the seawalls. You see the swamping of Cape Cod, the swallowing up of the Florida Keys. Islands all over the oceans contract to the size of pinheads, then vanish. You can zoom way out and watch the planet rotate, see the surges of ocean that followed the melting of the ice.
Theres something lovely about it, lovely like Eno or Mozart, thoughespecially without pharmait can be sad.
Anyway, my fathers hometown had been leveled by the waves of refugee camps. Nothing was left of the houses and gardens of his leafy street, the school he walked to holding his younger brothers hand, the swing sets and climbing gyms at the park where he played. All that was gonethe whole town had turned to tent cities and landfills and fields of composting toilets.
My dads baby brother died a while back, a do-it-yourself deal. He hated the service companies. So other than us, my dad has no family left.
For a while after that weekend trip, he and my mother were so quiet that sometimes we forgot they were there.
Before we left for Hawaii, my parents helped Sam and me move to a group facility for survivors who arent old enough to live alone. The two of us will go back there after the trip, to live for a few months till I turn 18.
Then, the morning we left, Sam and I picked them up to catch the boat that brought us here. That was the worst. The apartment where we had lived was bare. Their luggage stood in a neat row against the wall, small cases packed with only bedrolls, some toiletries, and a few clothes. It was a shock to see the sterile whiteness of what used to be home.
Well, said my mother, turning back to cast a glance at the empty living room as we were filing out the front door, good-bye, everything.
Sams coming up the path again toward the hotel building, so close hes almost beneath meI see the circle of his shiny white umbrella. My parents arent with him. I squint: I can still see the two of them, out at the edge of the cliff.
The oceans turning anoxic, scientists say. Its what happened 250 million years ago in the Great Dying, otherwise known as the P-T extinction eventthe biggest mass die-off in Earths history. And now its happening again. The seawaters turned more acid from the carbon its storing, so the ocean food chain has mostly collapsed. Big burps of methane are bubbling out of the water along the continental shelves.
Where there used to be corals and whales and sea lions and seahorses, now theres mostly bacteria and archaea and viruses. The odd school of mutated jellyfish. Plus the garbage vortex and the chemical streams.
But still, Mom and Dad stand at the edge of the bluff, their arms around each others waists, and look out over the faraway waves like anything could be therelike those waves might still be the glittering roof of a marvelous underwater country.
The Fiction Issue
Tales From an Uncertain Future
Read More
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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/14/the-great-dying-happiness-comes-on-day-five/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/11/14/the-great-dying-happiness-comes-on-day-five/
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