#then the next 2 weeks my manager texted me every shift asking if id gone in. girl fuck you AND this company

[doctorhomo]

people will say “there’s nothing wrong with the job market” then you’ll be unemployed for two months because you had to leave your last job because of abusive managers and the only job you can get will offer you around 24 hours a MONTH and will also cancel your shifts the night before you’re due to come in but not actually tell you so you get there in the morning and there’s actually no reason. then you message the work chat to say there’s an issue and management will read it and ignore you for 15 minutes then say “call IT”. so you go yeah okay fine i will then you call IT but it’s 8:20 and they dont have the phone line open until 8:30 so you have to sit and wait then they tell you “oh someone else did your shift already. yeah they moved it. yeah no you didnt need to come in”. but i should be very grateful for that <£300 monthly pay check shouldnt i? i was stressing out all night because i couldnt sleep and knew i had work in the morning so i just didnt sleep and i actually could be in bed rn. but im waiting on a bench in the cold bc the pet shop isnt open yet and my rats need treats

[starrywonn]

cafe latte

not requested

a/n: a purely self indulgent barista jisung au bc i was STRESSED and i was watching re-feel and a LOT of cafe videos

pairing: barista! han jisung x baker! reader

genre: fluff

scenario type: bulletpoint

word count: 1.9k

warnings: none

jisung was a barista at the nineteen cafe

honestly speaking, he didn’t even plan on working here

he helped his friend, chan, once because he was bored of waiting for him and somehow, he got dragged into working at the cafe

he wasn’t complaining though

i mean he got some pretty amazing coffee, unlike the acrid, watered down liquid the uni cafeteria served

and he got to hang out with his friends who also worked there

so jisung was a real winner here

until the cafe’s main baker, woojin leaves the shop

jisung was almost bawling when he announced it

jisung: does this mean i’ll never get to eat any of your chocolate croissants anymore??? T^T

woojin: if you keep this up, i’ll bring chocolate croissants for everyone but u

jisung: nOOOOO i’m sorry :“”“”“” i love u please…. not my croissants…..

honestly, at that point, woojin wasn’t even sure if jisung loved him or his pastries more

but woojin still had to leave and they had to find a replacement asap

recruitment posters were put up all over the campus

baker needed! nineteen cafe @ jyp university. walk-in interview

so when you, a broke university student, see it, you thank the heavens

you baked pretty often and your creations weren’t too bad if you said so yourself :]]

plus the cafe was on campus grounds so it’s definitely worth a shot

you stand outside the cafe and your legs turn to jelly

“come on y/n!! it’s just an interview!! you have to do this or you’ll spend the rest of your life broke!!!!!” you whisper scream to yourself

you finally make your way in and look around the cafe

soft acoustic music is accompanied by the chatter of patrons and the clinking of cups on ceramic saucers

a well-built man dressed in a white button up and black pants tends to the cash register

there’s no one ordering anything so you scutter up to the counter

“hi, uh, i’m here for the interview?”

“ok hold on,” the man turns around, “channnn, there’s someone here for the interviewww”

a blond walks out of the kitchen, covered in flour

“hey, i’m chan. the manager here. i’m gonna make this quick since i have to continue to try and make brownies,” he dusts his hands on his apron and gestures to an empty table in the cafe

“what’s your name?”

you stutter out your name and he scribbles it in a notebook he takes out from his pocket

“alright, y/n, how long have you been baking for?”

“about six years”

he scribbles again

after that, the interview is a blur from your sheer nervousness

“ok, this is the last bit. can you make a batch of brownies? we have to gauge your abilities”

you follow him to the kitchen

“wait, weren’t you trying to make them just now?”

chan ignores your question

“if you need anything, just call me!!”

and with that, he strides out of the kitchen

oh, wow, okay, so this was happening now

you put on the apron on the counter and pull out all the ingredients and utensils

it’s like something takes over you

your hands move on their own and it truly is a beautiful sight :“))))

jisung walks into the back to get ready for his shift but to get there, he has to get past the kitchen

the smell of chocolate wafts into his nose

he pauses

this was the best thing he’s ever smelt

"god? is that you?” jisung whispers

you snort, “yeah but you can call me y/n”

jisung freezes up and his eyes widen

“holy shit. cool. gotta go. uh, bye.”

jisung runs out and almost slams into chan

“woah woah woah, what’s got you so jittery??” chan asks

“nothing BYE”

jisung bolts for the cashier, “ changbin, i’m here!!!! you can go nOw”

changbin, although very confused, leaves

it’s about a little into jisung’s shift when you come out to call chan

in your hands are a tray of the freshly baked brownies

you offer one to chan and he almost cries from joy

“this …. is absolutely amazing….”

he passes one to jisung who is still shaking on the inside

jisung bites a corner off the chocolatey treat

he almost swears that his soul leaves his body because it was THAT good

he gives you a thumbs up and a big smile

chan offers your brownies to a few others who all give great responses, making your confidence shoot up

“okay, y/n, we’ll send you an email if you’re accepted,” chan says

“ok, thanks”

you leave the store and celebrate

that went way better than you had expected

all you have to do now is to wait

that can’t be that hard right?

oh but it was

every notification from your phone and laptop made you leap from your chair

it’s two days later when you get the email

dear y/n, we are pleased to announce that you have been hired as nineteen cafe’s new baker. please come to the cafe tomorrow for your first day. thank you.

*cue celebration pt.2*

the next morning, you bust into the bakery, ready to kick some butt

the cafe is empty, save for chan and changbin setting up

the early morning light pours into the cafe through its ceiling-to-floor windows

chan notices you and hands you a slip of paper with all the stuff to be made

“there’s a file of recipes in the kitchen. it’s on the shelf above the bowls”

you thank him and look through the list

strawberry shortcake, coconut cake, chcoolate chip cookies, brownies, blueberry muffins, raspberry cheesecake

and there was a second page….

the list was so much longer than you expected

one thing at a time

you took out the bowls and ingredients

following the recipe, you managed to whip up a pretty decent cake

the rest of the baked goods you made were also pretty good

you place them in the display fridge

you heaved a sigh of relief

you didn’t screw up on your first day!!!!

go you!!!

second day of work

good news: chan gives you free reign to experiment and come up with new stuff

bad news: the stand mixer breaks

worse news: the stand mixer can only be fixed a week later

kind of good news??: you’re gonna get buff

so you have to ask for help from the rest of the nineteen staff

working with all of them, BUT jisung, is great

but you have to get help from him since you don’t always wanna bother everyone too often

search chaos in the dictionary and you’ll get a photo of you and jisung baking

you’ll make a bowl of batter and having that half that bowl gone after 5 minutes

“HOW AREN’T YOU DEAD FROM SALMONELLA YET??¿?¿¿??”

or when you bake anything with chocolate

oh my GOD

you’ll go to grab a baking pan

and when you come back, the packet is suddenly so light

you: did you eat the chocolate again

jisung, chocolate covering his mouth:

you:

jisung, chocolate still covering his mouth: …no

he’d pop into the kitchen even when you don’t need his help just to screw with you

“oooOOOoo, is this a new recipe”

“nope. also don’t eat the chocolate chip cookies,” you say, still focused on making frosting

jisung just lets out a roar of laughter

“ok i won’t”

“but i’ll eat the muffins”

“jisUNG NO”

but all that eating of RAW batter and other stuff finally gets to him

jisung calls in sick

as much as you want to laugh at him, you’re kind of concerned,,,,

like he ate,,,, so much,,,,

you ask chan for jisung’s address so you can visit him

he gives you a face but gives you the address anyways

while carrying some porridge and medicine, you knock on his door

a very pale and dishevelled jisung opens the door but he gives you his usual goofy smile

“can’t get enough of me huh?” he chuckles weakly

“yea, sure whatever you want to think. anyways, i brought some stuff”

“come on in. it’s a little bit of a mess though”

his coffee table is covered in papers and his laptop is playing an episode of brooklyn nine-nine

cushions are strewn on the couch, a blanket draped over them

“i’ll leave the medicine on your kitchen counter but you should eat the porridge now before it gets cold”

jisung nods and you hand him the tupperware box

he gladly opens it and eats a spoonful

“this is so good,” jisung says

“thanks”

you sit next to him quietly as you watch the show

“how are you feeling??” you muster up

“i literally have not seen the light of day in 5 YEARS, my stomach has not known pain like this” he says between mouthfuls of porridge

“that’s what you get for eating so much RAW batter”

“i know but it was so GOOD!! it was totallly worth it”

you shoot a glare at him and he returns a cheeky smile

you try your best to keep a straight face but you can’t help laughing at him

the buzzing of your phone calls for your attention

you grab it and look at the caller id

“oh shit. sorry ‘sung, i gotta go. uni calls! bye!!”

you scurry out of jisung’s apartment and sprint to campus for your project

a few days pass and jisung returns to work

he’s back to almost bouncing off the walls

but when he comes into the kitchen with your tupperware box and a cup of coffee in his hands, he’s flushed red

jisung leaves them on the counter and zooms out of the kitchen

you finish kneading the bread and pick up the cup of coffee

a heart sits on top of the foamy milk

you take a few sips before realising the small piece of paper on the saucer

your cheeks feel a slight warmth as you read the note

“thanks for the food and stuff!! let’s get dinner some time soon ok?? - jisung”

you kind of want to scream but you probably shouldn’t

what do you do????

do you text him??? tell him in real life??? give him another note???? maybe you should just burn the note and pretend he never gave anything to you???? 

all that fills your mind for the rest of the day is the note

soon, it’s the end of both yours and jisung’s shift

you grab your stuff from the lockers in the back

as you try to leave, jisung tries to enter the narrow doorway

you shuffle left and jisung shuffles right

“sorry,” you say as you go in the opposite direction

and so does jisung

HHHHHH

you stay put as jisung moves past you

turning around, you call out, “hey 'sung! are you free right now? i know a good sushi place around here”

jisung almost jumps from his skin and you can see the crimson creeping up his ears under the fluorescent lighting

“yea- yea i am!! just give me a minute to grab my stuff,” he replies

he comes out with his backpack soon after

jisung grabs your hand and brings you out of the cafe

“lead the way!!”

[thedankfaerie]

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel 

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you. 

 and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself. 

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time. 

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive. 

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’. 

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once! 

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately. 

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class. 

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ���you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point. 

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore. 

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us. 

someone please help me. 

[fiftyshadesgrl]

Part two of my brantley gilbert series! I hope everyone enjoys it.

I wake up to find myself tangled up around Brantley. Hes still asleep and its dark outside. I hear a humming sound then a bump. I realize the bus is moving. I jump up, "oh my god!"

Brantley sits up in a panic, "what is it baby?"

I pull the sheet up around me suddenly feeling vulnerable. "The bus is moving. I cant go anywhere! I have to go home."

He wraps me in his arms to comfort me. "Its okay baby girl. Why dont you just stay for the next couple of shows then if you still wanna go home, Ill make sure you get there."

"I have to work. I cant just give everything up to be a groupie."

"Hey." He said making me look at him. "You will never be a groupie. You are way better than that and you know it. Just give us some time, give me some time to show you that this time will be different."

I sigh, "what about my work?"

"Call them and tell them you need some time off."

I snicker, "the real world doesnt work like that. We cant all be Brantley Gilbert."

He lays back down and smiles, "Hell Ill call em myself." I laughed at that and can actually see him doing that. I shake my head and turn my phone on and find its only 2 in the morning. I quickly text my boss and tell him that Im taking my vacation early and Id be back in two weeks. I turn my phone back off and lay back down cuddling up to brantley.

He wraps his arms around me and kisses me. I moan and crawl on top of him. "Damn baby girl, youre gonna wear me out." He says smiling. I smiled back down at him, I cant believe I have him all to myself but the memory of three years ago comes flooding back to me.

3 years ago.....

I was out with mama becky trying to find the right dress that made me feel beautiful. I wanted to blow brantleys mind in a couple months when we say I do. Mama becky turns to me as we pull into the driveway, "hows he been lately?" I sigh and shake my head. "He has his good days and bad days."

His mama had tears in her eyes, "these days its more bad than good." I nodded but pasted a smile on my face.

"Dont worry mama, things will get better. Hopefully he will sober up by the wedding." I said hopeful but doubt still clung heavily in my mind and heart.

I hugged her and jumped out of the truck. "Ill come back this way in a couple of days to talk about the flowers and everything." Mama becky said and I nodded and waved as she pulled out of mine and brantleys driveway.

The house was unusually quiet, brantley usually had music blaring or playing his guitar chugging beer out on the front porch. I unlocked the door and walked in. "Brantley, Im back." Not one word, I walked towards the bedroom where the door was cracked open. I peeked through the crack and saw brantley laying on his stomach in bed sleeping.

I smiled at the sight of him, no matter what we go through he always and will forever hold my heart. I decided I would jump on him and wake him up that way. As I pushed the door open I gasped at what I saw. Amber, his ex laying on my side of the bed with my fiancee'.

Clothes, both his and hers, thrown everywhere meaning they were naked under the thin sheet that lay on top of them. I stood there just staring, I couldnt believe he would do this to me. He promised he would never hurt me.

I got my wits about me and finally spoke. "What the hell brantley!" He flipped over but amber still lay there sleeping. I wanted nothing more than to drag her by the hair of her head out of my house and beat her ass.

He jumped up out of bed and pulled his boxers up. I wanted to throw something at him, slap him, do something but I stood froze to the spot. He stumbled over to me and grabbed my arm and walked outside of our bedroom shutting the door.

I stopped just a few steps from the bedroom door and pulled away from him. "What the hell? Im gone for one day and youve got that whore in our bed!"

He held up his finger to his lips, "shhh."

That pissed me off that much more. "You want me to be quiet!? So I dont disturb that homewreckers sleep! I dont give a fuck if she sleeps good or not. You and her both are very lucky I dont beat both of your asses!" I got right up in his face and dared him to tell me to be quiet again.

"Look," he said holding his hands up, "I got bored last night and you wasnt here again, so I went out to the bar. She was there and I was lonely. Youre never around anymore I need some love every now and then."

I slapped him across his face hard. His head snapped back but I didnt care. "Youre a asshole, I have been planning OUR wedding that you didnt want to help with. You wouldnt be alone if you would stop popping pills and drinking and come with me and help."

He looked back at me but there was no emotion on his face. Thats what worried me most. He wasnt feeling anything. "You know I would disappoint you at our wedding if I helped. Id get something wrong."

"Well you can forget about the wedding. It seems like you got all you need right in there." I pointed towards the bedroom door. I walked towards it and slung it open. Amber was standing beside the bed just pulling brantleys shirt over her body.

I pointed at her, "you say a god damn word and Ill fuckin stomp a mudhole in your ass. I advise you to get the fuck out before I change my mind and do it anyway." She grabbed her pants and pulled them on and headed out of the room.

I grabbed a duffle bag and started shoving my clothes in it. "What are you doing?" I heard brantley say behind me. I gave a humorless chuckle and kept stuffing clothes in it.

"What does it fuckin look like?" I threw over at my shoulder.

"Looks like your making the biggest mistake of your life." He said emotionless.

Before I knew what I was doing I picked up one of his heavy boots and threw it. The boot connected with the aide of his face. "Mistake!? You think Im making a mistake. No honey you made the biggest mistake of YOUR life the moment you picked that whore up and brought her to our house!"

I kept packing my clothes and when the duffle bag was full I zipped it up and threw it over my shoulder. "Ill send kolby or mama becky to get the rest of my stuff. Dont call me when you get sober." I walked out towards the front door but stopped before I walked outside.

My heart was breaking into a million pieces. The love of my life cheated on me and doesnt seem to care. I heard his footsteps behind me.

"You walk out that door, dont you ever come back." He said, I dropped my bag and turned towards him. He smiled thinking I had decided to stay.

The tears started flowing freely then. Seeing how cold he was towards me, no emotion no love in his eyes. "What happened to us? We used to be so happy. When did things go bad?" I asked almost in a whisper.

He shrugged, "I dont know. I guess I fell out of love with you a long time ago. I dont want you anymore, Im moving on to better things. Keep the ring, pawn it, sell it whatever you wanna do."

I nodded and took the ring off my finger that I thought would never come off. I placed it in the palm of his hand and closed his hand around it. "Take care of yourself brantley." I walked back over to the door and picked my bag up and walked out to my old mustang sitting in the driveway.

I threw my bag in the back seat and slammed my car door. I started my car and drove down the driveway. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw brantley standing on the porch staring at my ring in his hand.

I drove all night that night until I made it to florida. I stopped at the first hotel and checked in. I called mama becky as soon as I was settled and told her what had happened. After that phone call I texted brantleys brother kolby and asked him to pick my stuff up from brantleys. He said he would and asked if I was okay. I replied with a simple 'I will be.' I turned my phone off and curled up on the bed crying myself to sleep.

1 year later....

I was working at a local diner as a waitress working nights mostly but whenever someone called in I would be the first to take their shift. I was run down but I needed the money.

It was a little after 1 in the morning and there was no one in the diner. I took that moment to walk outside for a smoke break. My eyes felt heavy and I probaly got a total of 4 hours of aleep over the past 36 hours. Rent had to be paid so I sucked it up and done what had to be done. I walked back into the diner and I heard on the speakers a voice from the local radio dj.

'Here is the new single from the newest and hottest thing in country music today. Heres shes my kinda crazy by brantley gilbert.' 

My heart stopped as I heard his beautiful voice coming through the speakers. I closed my eyes and the lyrics just broke my heart. I have missed him so much and I still think about the day that everything changed. The bell above the door rang as someone came in the diner.

Sal the night manager walked out feom behind the counter. "Sit anywhere you like sir, our waitress will be with you shortly." I was still stuck in a daze but I cleared my head and pulled out my paper and pen ready to take the order.

I turned and walked over to the booth where the man was sitting. I couldnt believe my eyes. Brantley sitting there drumming his fingers on the table. Watching me. I stumbled a bit but remembered what happened a year ago. I stood straighter and walked over, not looking at him.

"What can I get you?" I said very coldly.

"How bout a smile darlin." He said smoothly.

I rolled my eyes. "We only serve food and drinks here. You want a smile theres a bar right across the way there. Im sure you will find lots of them there."

I still had my eyes glued to my pad of paper, my pen hovering waiting for him to say what he really wanted. After a few minutes I turned my back "let me know when you decide."

That statement was about more than just his food choices. I was wanting ro see if he really had changed. I took the rag from behind the counter and started wiping tables down that were already squeaky clean. I just wanted to keep busy. I wanted to keep my mind off of brantley.

I saw movement from the corner of my eye. I looked up and brantley was motioning for me. I walked over pulling my pen and paper pad out again. "Finally decide on something?"

I still wouldnt look at him, he sighed "yeah burger, fries, and a mountain dew."

I scribbled it down and ripped the paper off. "Alright be right back with your drink." I said turning before he could say anything else. I gave the order to the cook and got his drink ready. I waited until his food was done before I took it to him.

"Heres your food and your drink. Enjoy." I said trying to turn away but he grabbed my wrist.

"Why dont you have a seat? Looks like im your only customer so you cant be busy."

I growled and plopped down on the other side of the booth looking at anywhere but at him. I kept quiet, the only sound was the music comig from the speakers and the hum from the fridge behind the counter.

"Would you just look at me (Y/N)? Please?" He said sounding exhausted. I sighed and looked him dead in the eyes. Shutting off all emotions. I waited for him to speak, he sighed and closed his eyes. He shook his head, "you look tired."

I chuckled humorlessly, "wow thanks. Thats a nice way of saying I look like shit."

He shook his head, "no I meant it just like it came out. You look tired. But youre still beautiful."

I snickered and rolled my eyes. "Rents gotta be paid brantley. I have to work to make rent." He nodded and he opened his mouth but before he could speak I cut him off. "Why the hell are you here brantley?"

He grabbed for my hand but I pulled back. "I came to see you darlin."

I rolled my eyes, "well you saw me. Now can I get back to work?"

I went to get up but this time he did grab my hand. "Please just talk to me. Its been a year. Im sober now. Thinking clearly for the first time."

I smiled at that, "thats great brantley." I pulled my hand from his and stood up. "Im really happy that you have turned your life around. I heard your song on the radio right before you came in. Its great, just hate that its about that damn whore." I said the last part through gritted teeth. He shook his head and opened his mouth as if to say something but the bell rang above the door before he could.

I turned to see a young couple that looked weary from a road trip come in. "Hey yall sit anywhere you want. Ill be right there." I turned back towards brantley who still hadnt touched a bite of his food. I shrugged, "duty calls. Heres your check, if you want anything else let me know and Ill adjust it. If not sal can ring you up when youre done. Bye brantley, take care of yourself."

The younger couple ordered breakfast platters and coffee so I was pretty busy with refilling their cups and everything. Right as my shift ended an hour later I walked outside and lit me a much needed cigarette. I started walking over to my mustang but slowed up when I noticed brantleys truck parked right beside it. Brantley was leaning against the side of it casually smoking a cigarette himself.

I walked over just as he threw his cigarette to the ground. "There you are." He said smiling.

I fished my keys out of my purse and went to unlock my door. Brantley stopped me before I could climb in. "Hey, I was hoping we could talk for a minute." He said, his voice filled with hope.

I sighed and slumped against my car. "Im very tired brantley. I wanna go home and go to bed. Make it quick." I sighed glancing at my watch.

"Okay, look I know things ended bad between us and everything." I raised one of my eyebrows at him and crossed my arms. "Whats your point brantley?"

He sighed, "I dont know what Im trying to say. Look, mama told me where you were and I wanted to bring some stuff to you. I thought you might want it." He handed me a box the size of a shoe box. I took it and nodded.

"I uh, got a show the next town over. If you want Ill leave you a ticket at will call." He said rubbing the back of his neck.

I turned and climbed in my car and placed the box beside me in the seat. "Thanks but no thanks. Im swamped at work and I cant afford to take off."

He nodded and leaned down, "I know I just thought...."

I cut him off before he could speak. "Nothings changed brantley. Now if youll excuse me Im going home to get some sleep before my next shift in a few hours."

I cranked my car and didnt give him a chance to reply. I knew if he did then I would probably break. It was hard enough seeing him tonight and trying to act like I didnt care. All I wanted to do was throw myself in his arms and let him kiss away this last miserable lonely year.

Also in the back of my mind was what he did. He cheated when he promised he never would. He promised he would always love me but he told me that day he fell out of love with me. I could never forget that.

I drove back to my small apartment and headed straight for the bed. Sleep came easy but those blue eyes haunted my dreams.

[splendidlyimperfect]

Gray hasn’t seen Natsu in years - not since he moved away with his boyfriend Joel and Natsu stopped texting him. A chance run-in at a bar brings Natsu back into Gray’s life, but the encounter puts Gray in danger when Joel finds out. Natsu quickly realizes that Gray’s stuck in a cycle of violence, and wants to help him escape. But leaving isn’t that easy, and sometimes loving someone might not be enough.

Chapter Summary: Natsu helps Gray plan for the future. Joel gets jealous, and Gray daydreams about what could have been. .

Chapters (14/22):  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 ] 14 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster/Original Male Character(s) Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Aftermath, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Natsu just wants to help, but Gray feels like he can’t leave, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2019, Coming Out, First Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise

** TW for abuse and implied noncon

-----

i wanna come home to you

long·ing | \ ˈlȯŋ-iŋ noun :  a strong desire, especially for something unattainable

.

xiii september .

Fall comes, and with it, believable excuses for long-sleeved shirts and scarves. Joel’s work gets busier, so while he’s angry more often, he also spends a lot more time at the office and leaves Gray alone.

Gray spends most of the free time picking up extra shifts at the restaurant. Joel hadn’t let him leave the apartment for over a week after he’d bruised Gray’s face, and Gray had almost lost his job. Lucy vouching for him being ‘sick’ had been the only thing that had convinced Jeremy to keep him, so now Gray’s determined to make up the missing hours.

The other benefit of Joel working more is that it leaves Gray with more time to talk to Natsu. When Gray’s calling card had run out of minutes, they’d both downloaded Skype. Seeing Natsu’s blurry face on the phone screen for the first time had been a terrifying relief.

“You should pack up a bag,” Natsu says one afternoon near the end of September. They’re both lying on their beds while they chat, and Gray can see Natsu’s cat Happy curled up beside him. Natsu looks content, but his voice is serious.

“Why?” Gray asks, even though he knows exactly what Natsu means.

Natsu gives Gray a look. “I know you can’t leave,” he says, “but what if you wanted to, one day? Or you had to?”

Gray presses his face into the pillow, letting the idea float through his mind. It seems so easy when they talk, and there have been a few times where Gray has been this close to asking Natsu to come get him.

But then Joel comes home with Gray’s favorite coffee, or takes him out for dinner, or tells Gray he loves him, and Gray feels so guilty. He has to stay. Joel needs him.

“What would I put in it?” Gray asks eventually, peeking up at Natsu.

“Your license,” Natsu says immediately. Gray has a feeling he’s rehearsed this. “Any paperwork you have – birth certificate, or name change paperwork, things like that.”

“Joel has all that at work,” Gray says dully, hugging the pillow to his stomach. “I have an ID, but I don’t have a license.”

“Okay, your ID then,” Natsu says. “Do you have anything with your name on it? Your health care card? SIN card?”

Gray shakes his head, refusing to look at the screen. “Joel keeps it all.” He feels so small and stupid. “Everything’s under his name.”

Natsu sighs, and Gray can see him petting Happy out the corner of his eye. “What about a bank card? Credit card?”

“I don’t have anything,” Gray says, trying to push down the hot flush that’s creeping up his cheeks. “He has it all.” He finally looks up at Natsu again. “There’s no point. I can’t leave.”

Continue reading on AO3

If he leaves, everything will fall apart. He’ll have nothing – no money, no home, no insurance to pay for his meds. He’ll lose Bella and his job and the life he’s built.

“If I ever had to run out of the house,” Natsu says slowly, “like, if it was on fire or something, right? I’d grab Happy. My keys, my phone. Probably the scarf from my dad.” He scratches behind Happy’s ears. “That picture of us.”

Gray’s quiet for a long time. He still has that picture, buried in the back of one of his textbooks that’s collecting dust in the bottom of their closet.

“I… have a favorite sweater,” Gray says eventually, picking at a thread in the comforter. “A-and a travel mug I really like.” He feels Bella flop down on the bed next to him and he turns to look at her. “I, um… I think Bella’s adoption certificate from the shelter has my name on it. It might be in my email.”

Natsu nods, giving Gray an encouraging smile. “What else?”

“My, um, my meds. And a phone charger,” Gray adds. He looks around the room, but he’s not attached to anything here. “Jeremy at work, he—I get a paystub every couple weeks. Joel takes them usually, but… I could make a copy?”

“That sounds good,” Natsu says. “What about some clothes?”

They spend the next hour talking about what to pack, and over the next few days, Gray manages to collect everything in an old gym bag of Joel’s. On Friday he brings it to work and hides it in his locker.

He tries hard not to think too hard about what it means.

-----

“What’s your deal with that cop?”

It’s Friday evening, and Gray and Joel are sitting on the couch, flipping through Netflix while they wait for the pizza to arrive.

Gray looks over at Joel, who keeps flipping back and forth between movies without really looking at anything. He’s been in a bad mood all evening, so Gray’s stayed carefully quiet, playing Tetris on his phone and agreeing with whatever Joel says.

“What do you mean?” Gray asks carefully.

“The blond one,” Joel says. “Always hanging out at the restaurant. Seems like he’s into you.”

Gray stills, watching the Tetris shape fall into the wrong place, blocking the other pieces until they pile up and reach the top of the screen.

“He’s just a regular,” Gray says, watching the words Game Over flash at him across the screen. “Usually Lucy serves him, not me.”

Joel looks over at Gray as he turns the TV off, then sets the remote on the coffee table. Gray’s mind races as he desperately tries to think of what to say to calm Joel down.

“Don’t lie to me,” Joel says quietly.

“H-his name’s Sting,” Gray says, looking back down at his phone. The screen’s gone dark. “I... he’s friendly. The precinct is close to the restaurant, I—there’s nothing, he’s just a customer.”

“I saw how he looked at you today,” Joel says, shaking his head. Gray bites the inside of his cheek, keeping his eyes down. Joel had picked him up from work today, and Gray knows that Sting was watching when Joel had taken Gray’s tips, then grabbed his arm to lead him out to the car.

“He’s engaged,” Gray says, and as soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows he’s only made things worse.

“How do you know that?” Joel demands. “Thought he was ‘just a customer.’” He moves closer to Gray on the sofa, and Gray flinches, but Joel reaches out and grabs his wrist, taking his phone away.

“He brought his fiancé in one day, that’s all,” Gray says as quietly as possible. “I’m not—I just do my job.”

“What, your job involves flirting with other men now?” Joel demands.

Gray shakes his head. “N-no, I—”

“Shut up.” Joel lets go of Gray’s wrist and flips through his phone instead. Gray watches Joel scroll through his texts, then flip to his e-mail.

After a few terrifying minutes, Joel sighs and drops Gray’s phone back on the table.

“I’m sorry, babe,” he says, rubbing his face. “Work’s been a lot lately. I didn’t mean to get mad.”

Gray relaxes incrementally. “Is… can I do anything?” he asks. He’s tried everything to keep Joel happy – cleaning, cooking, making coffee, being quiet. Maybe there’s something he’s missing.

Joel reaches over and runs his hand up Gray’s thigh, then leans in and says, “there might be something.” His voice is low and Gray knows he’s going for sensual, but it makes Gray nauseous. A cold, uncomfortable feeling creeps up the back of his neck.

Joel slides his hand further up, slipping it under Gray’s shirt and shifting closer. Gray closes his eyes, biting his tongue so hard that he tastes blood.

He doesn’t want this.  

“C’mon, baby,” Joel murmurs, bringing his other hand up to Gray’s hair and leaning in for a kiss. Gray lets him, trying his hardest not to tense up under Joel’s touch. Ever since the drunken night with Natsu, things with Joel haven’t been the same. Whenever Gray closes his eyes, it’s Natsu’s hands touching him, Natsu’s lips on his neck, Natsu’s body pressing against him.

Joel’s about to pull Gray into his lap when there’s a knock on the door, and Bella races out of the bedroom, barking. The pizza. Gray nearly breathes a sigh of relief.  

Joel pulls back from Gray, squeezing his hip before standing up and reaching for his wallet. As he walks out of the living room, Gray wraps his arms tightly around himself and closes his eyes, taking several deep breaths to calm the way his heart’s pounding in his chest.

Joel reappears a minute later, dropping the pizza on the coffee table and sliding back onto the couch. He brushes his fingers across Gray’s cheek and grabs his hips again.

“Now,” he says, voice low in Gray’s ear. “Where were we?”

-----

Gray calls Natsu as soon as Joel leaves for work the next morning.

“What happened?” Natsu asks as soon as he answers. Gray doesn’t say anything, just props the phone up against the headboard and buries his face in the pillow. “Gray?”

He shakes his head.

“Are you okay?” Natsu asks, and Gray can hear the worry in his voice.

Gray’s not sure how to answer. Joel didn’t hit him, but it still hurts. His whole body feels heavy and his skin itches, and it’s hard to open his eyes.

“Gray, please, look at me,” Natsu says gently. “I need to know you’re not hurt.”

“’m okay,” Gray whispers, lifting his head up and rubbing his face before looking at Natsu. “Just tired.”

“What did he do to you?” Natsu asks, and he looks like he’s going to cry.

“I… nothing,” Gray says, sitting up slowly and hugging the pillow to his chest. “I’m not hurt. Promise.”

Natsu studies him intently – it’s hard to catch all his expressions through the crappy connection, but Gray has every part of Natsu’s face memorized. He knows that Natsu gets freckles in the summer, and that there’s a tiny scar under his lip, and that when he laughs, his eyes crinkle and he gets dimples that Gray loves to kiss.

Loved to kiss.

Gray shakes his head and presses his face to the pillow again. “I miss you,” he whispers. “I wish…” He doesn’t want to cry, but he can’t seem to stop it from happening, and he bites the sound down until his shoulders are shaking.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” Natsu asks. Gray shakes his head. “Fucking hell… Gray, please, talk to me. I’m scared for you.”

“I can’t,” Gray whispers, wiping his eyes. “I w-want…” He looks up at Natsu, and for just a second, pictures himself in Natsu’s arms. Feels Natsu holding him, kissing his forehead, rubbing his back, wiping his tears.

“Are you alone?” Natsu asks. Gray nods, taking a shaky breath. “I don’t think you should be. Do you have anybody that can come be with you?”

Gray shakes his head. I want to be with you, he thinks.

“Do you want me to call Sting? He can—”

“No,” Gray says quickly, thinking of Joel’s jealous glare and the bruises on his hips. “Please, no.”

“Gray,” Natsu whispers, and he brings the phone closer to himself, as if it would bring Gray closer to him too. “Listen to me, love. You deserve to be happy. Joel is abusing you. He hurts you and makes you afraid – you shouldn’t be scared of somebody you love.”

I know, Gray thinks.

“I…” He’s so close to saying it. So close to asking, to telling Natsu he’s ready to leave this all behind. But it’s terrifying and too much, so instead he says, “can you… can we just talk? About… whatever, it doesn’t matter, I just…”

“Yeah,” Natsu says immediately, voice gentle. “Of course, yeah. Did I tell you about the Halloween party I’m going to?”  

-----

They talk for a long time, and when they finally hang up, they both whisper I love you before the picture cuts out. Gray stares at the screen for a long time, then turns the phone off and shoves it back in the table drawer, covering it with a book and some old receipts. Then he curls up on the bed, wrapping his arm around one of the pillows and pressing his face against it.

I love you.

The guilt washes over Gray like it always does, and he lets it hurt. He feels like throwing up because those words are supposed to be for Joel and only Joel. But when Gray says them to Joel, they don’t feel the same.

With Joel, I love you feels like please don’t hurt me.

With Natsu, I love you feels like you’re safe.

Gray remembers the first time he told Natsu he loved him. They’d been dating for three months – it was almost Halloween and Natsu had been lying on Gray’s bed, waving his hands in the air as he talked about costume ideas. His eyes had been bright and his smile had been so wide and sweet, and Gray had leaned over and kissed him, whispering I love you against his lips.

Natsu had immediately said it back, running his fingers through Gray’s hair and rolling them over until he could press Gray into the bed and kiss him all over.

Gray wonders what his life would be like now if Natsu hadn’t left. The thought has crossed his mind before, but he’s never let himself really think about it. It hurts too much, and Gray’s not supposed to want.

Gray curls up tighter, and when he closes his eyes, he sees a house – something small and comfortable and far away from here. Natsu’s cooking pancakes in the kitchen, wearing a stupid apron that has some silly pun written across the front of it. He’s humming along to whatever is playing on the radio, and when he turns to look at Gray, his smile is just as wide as when Gray had first said, “I love you.”

A warm, contented feeling spreads through Gray’s chest, and in the daydream, he reaches out for Natsu, taking both his hands and pulling him close. Natsu kisses Gray's cheek, brushes his hair from his eyes, wraps his hands around Gray’s waist and starts to dance.

You deserve to be happy. Natsu’s words drift through Gray’s mind, and his stomach twists again. He’s abusing you.

Gray takes a deep breath, opening his eyes and peeking over at the bedroom door before whispering, “Joel is… abusive.” He immediately squeezes his eyes shut, holding the pillow tight against him as he lets the words settle. He’s never said it before. Even when Natsu asks, Gray never says the words out loud.

“Joel hurts me,” he tries again, voice so quiet that Bella, who is sleeping beside him, doesn’t stir. “He shouldn’t hit me.”

Something shifts in his chest. The knots are still there, but it’s different, somehow. He wishes he understood what it meant.

“I shouldn’t be scared,” he says quietly. “I deserve to be happy.”  

[fromthesociallyawkwardwithlove]

Wasn’t expecting that (Part 1 of 2)

— Wasn’t expecting that (Part 1 of 2)—

Summary: Based off the song ‘Wasn’t expecting that’ by Jamie Lawson. Song about the reader and Bucky’s long happy life together, it is all written in third person as I thought that was the easiest way to write it and generally it made more sense that flicking between the different points of views all the time.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Curvy!Reader

Warnings: Drinking, Bucky being self-conscious, anxiousness and Fluff

Words: 1,928

Note: Please feel free to send constructive feedback my way to help me to improve because this is the first time I’m writing here on this Tumblr so I hope that it is alright. Tagging @captainrogerss because i love her writing and her blog.

The bar in Brooklyn was packed full of bodies, everyone danced to the beat of the music from all kinds of genres, they were popular songs so people sung along loudly as they moved around the large room. Up a case of curving metal steps was a VIP area, it was normally filled with posh rich kids but today it held some of the greatest heroes of New York trying their hardest to unwind from a difficult week of missions. “So have you got yourself a date for Tony’s Halloween party Buckaroo?” Natasha asked the dark haired man who was more commonly known as The Winter Woldier.

“Nat, can we not talk about this right now.” Bucky said rolling his eyes at her desperate attempts to set him up with some girl that would run at the sight of the arm that he had hidden beneath a leather jacket. “I’m going to go and get a drink, want one?”

“Beer please.” Natasha requested smiling as she held up her empty bottle shaking it to show it was empty, he began to walk down the large staircase to where the bar was located this place was packed. Bucky was beginning to get to the end of his tether with people grabbing him because he was well known or the fact he came from the VIP area. He pushed his way to the front of the bar and leaned across trying to get the attention of the bartender who was currently across the other end of the bar chatting to someone.

You then turned around and smiled at him, he felt the entire world stop, his heart pounded in his chest and his breath was taken from him, you were beautiful. For a moment he forgot himself and where he was and he wondered how someone as beautiful as you could hold his eye contact and not shy away from the evil inside him. You walked over to him and he was transfixed by how your hips swayed from side to side as you walked an apron tied around your waist highlighting your curvy figure.

“Hey Handsome, what’s your poison?” You asked as you wiped your hands on your apron, he could feel how his metal arm whirred and vibrated under his jacket, he managed somehow to stumble out his order and you headed off to sort it out and he watched how effortlessly you worked and still managed to look gorgeous even doing the simplest of things. You put his drinks on the bar and looked at him with a beaming smile, he paid with his gloved hand and You then went to get his change.

 “You’re beautiful.” He blurted out before his hand could cover his mouth he had never been this forward since the 1940s when girls had flocked to his side and fallen at his feet, but for some reason you was different, you made him feel like he had done back then rather than the man overwhelmed with anxieties and nightmares.

 “Thank you.” You felt your cheeks heat up, taking your bottom lip between your teeth. “Though I didn’t expect it from the most handsome man in the bar, you’ve got every pair of eyes on you.”

 “There’s only one pair that I’m interested in and I’m looking at them right now.” You were now a deep shade of red, working the type of jobs you did you often would receive compliments on your body type or how blessed you were in one department or another but for some reason he was different, his compliments didn’t come across as creepy or weird.

You knew you would kick yourself later for doing this but you grabbed a pen from behind the bar and lent forward grabbing his ungloved hand you wrote your name and number of the back of his hand, when you looked up he was so close to your face you couldn’t help but press your lips to his cheek, you moved back and took your bottom lip between your teeth nervous about his response but he smiled it calmed you down. You both stood for minuet just looking at one another until some cleared their throat beside you and you began taking their order, your mind still raised thinking how your morals had been placed aside as soon as you had laid eyes on his stormy eyes and chiselled jaw.

Bucky blinked and he was upstairs stood next to Natasha, Steve and Sam he was on cloud nine and was no longer interested in the whiskey in his hand but your eyes that he had been entranced by down stairs, he was falling for you and he hadn’t even had more than one conversation with you. “I spy with my little eye a number on old man’s hand?” Sam asked looking at his hand.

“A bartender downstairs kissed me; Y/N had the prettiest eyes id ever seen.” Bucky’s brain was still mush, he just stood for a moment he could still feel your lips on his cheek, your hand on his as you wrote your number you had soft hands compared to his rough, calloused hand.  

“Anyone want a round of drinks?” Sam joked, Bucky just looked over and began glaring daggers into his back. “Chill, Jeez, It was a joke.”

———————

Bucky had texted you that morning and asked you to come to a Halloween party that was happening later that day at the Tower and you had accepted. Now he stood in his bedroom in a replica of his old army uniform and he could feel himself getting more and more nervous. Bucky had his hand on full display and he worried it would put you off when you saw it  that you would realise the monster that he was but he knew you had to see. He paced the floor of his bedroom for a few moments longer before he decided to head out of the comforts of his apartment and into the main common room in the tower all his friends were in costumes and all that was left to do was to wait for you to come.

The party had begun at exactly 9 and Bucky had been disappointed when he hadn’t seen your smile instantly but his nerves had skyrocketed since as it was now 9.30 and you still hadn’t shown up he was clockwatching, anxious for your arrival. Then the lift doors opened again for the hundredth time that night but this time Bucky was overwhelmed with something other than disappointment.

You made your way out of the lift you were instantly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people but thankful that everyone had dressed up too on the way you worried that a Halloween party for the rich and famous meant no dressing up and you would arrive only to be ridiculed. What you hadn’t realised was Bucky’s eyes were trained on you, the way that your hips swayed, how your eyes seemed to sparkle in the dim light and he couldn’t help but let out a sigh as you wandered to him looking as angelic as your costume. “You are truly breath taking.” He announced as you got close enough to him.

“I could say the same Sergeant.” Bucky let an inhuman noise leave his lip, for some reason your voice calling him by his rank had his mind wandering to sinful things.

“Want a drink?” He asked and you nodded eagerly, you were as nervous as Bucky and had already had a small amount of alcohol to convince yourself that this wasn’t a bad idea. “What’s your poison angel.” He smiled repeating your words from last night had eased your mind slightly, he must have gone over the night as much as you had wondering if this had just been a fleeting flirtation that went too far too fast or if it was something more.

“Well Bucky why don’t you surprise me.” Bucky walked behind the bar and he picked two glasses and placed them on the bar, he poured out two whiskeys and that’s when you noticed he had a metal hand. The metallic fingers were wrapped around the neck of the bottle and you found yourself watching it closely in awe as the joints moved and shifted flawlessly, Bucky notice where your eyes were focused and he placed the bottle down trying to hide his hand from your view. Then what you did surprised him, your hand went to his metal one and you moved it so that it was now closer to you, your fingers caressed the plates of metal, you had never seen something like it, it looked as though it were a hand and it moved as a hand would but it was cold and smooth to the touch. You then did something he hadn’t ever seen anyone do and you turned his hand over placed your lips to his metal palm.

“Well I wasn’t expecting that.” Bucky remarked.

“Sorry for being so forward yesterday, sorry for being like it today. I just don’t know why I am how I am with you.”

“Y/N don’t apologise, I fell the same, I just have never had any person I liked act like this with my arm.” He said motioning to the hand that was in your grasp.

“I don’t know why it’s amazing.” In that moment Bucky knew that you were different from many people he had been with that feared it.

———————

As the sun rose in the sky light shone through the windows and danced across your bare skin, Bucky was already awake and was just watching as you slept soundly your body peaceful, rising and falling as you took relaxed breaths. Bucky’s metal fingers grazed softly over your body, his lips gently grazed over the marks that he had left along your collarbone last night. In his large bedroom clothing was scattered over every visible area, a pair of wings were laying against one of the large windows that overlooked the park, a military cap hung on the bedframe and a pair of underwear on the light fitting. “Frumoasă.” He whispered as he peppered kissed along your shoulders and to your arms.

“Well I wasn’t expecting to wake up like this. What does Frum…oasa mean?” You asks turning over to face him your body was gorgeous every curve, every mark that your body had gained when you had grown up, the dimples on the back of your thighs every mark on you was beautiful like stars in  the sky the more he saw the more beautiful you were.

“It means beautiful in Romanian.” His fingertips still slowly roamed over your body and you buried your nose into his  unclothed chest, you pulled back again to get a better look at him when you noticed the jagged scar that connected his metal arm to his chest, you didn’t ask how he got it or why he had it your just looked at it. “Does it make you feel uncomfortable.” With that silly comment you brought your fingers up from your side and began tracing the scarred pink skin, you then leant forward again and placed a kiss where the new metal and his body met.

“Does that answer your question?” He wondered just how long this would last, because how did he deserve someone as beautiful as you. “I love all of you.” you mumbled into his chest but thanks to his enhanced hearing he heard it all and he kissed the top of your head.

“I love all of you too.” 

Read Part 2 Here

[genzgay]

Flustered (part 3)

Pairing: Yugbam

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: even more bad pickup lines, edgy art descriptions, awkward kissing, bts members

Fluster, verb. To make (someone) agitated or confused


Yugyeom, a quiet and shy library assistant, just wants to keep the peace. BamBam, a quirky design student, knows too many pickup lines. When they exchange numbers it feels like the world turned upside down.

based off this ask

part 1 part 2

for @cutepimook

Yugyeom stared into the void of his closet, unhappy with every imaginable combo that could come out of it. Since BamBam had essentially looked like a god at their last date, Yugyeom was taking it upon himself to not just wear a t-shirt and jeans.

He pulled out a blue turtleneck and matching blue trench coat that his brother's girlfriend had so kindly gifted him this past Christmas. They just didn't seem right though. He laid out another option: black button up, black jeans, and a tiger patterned bomber jacket. Nope. He looked over to his roommate who was boredly playing on his phone. "What do you wear on a date?" Yugyeom asked with a sigh.

"I'm calling the boys." Jungkook answered, hitting a few buttons on his phone.

"No you're not." Yugyeom didn't need more of Jungkook's friends involved. "Don't-"

Jungkook only sneered. "Yugyeom's having an outfit crisis." His smile grew. "Yes, that would be great." Within another two minutes Kim Namjoon, Park Jimin, and Kim Taehyung were waltzing into their tiny room. "Hey guys!"

"So where're we headed?" Namjoon questioned, sliding open the door of Yugyeom's closet. "Out with friends? Studying? A date?" He elbowed Yugyeom in the side.

Yugyeom grew red. "Yep! He's going out to the student art exhibit." Jungkook replied for him. Yugyeom was going to have to kill him later.

"Ah." Namjoon put his finger to his lips in thought. He bent his brows. "Oh! Here!" Within another five minutes, Yugyeom was admiring himself in the mirror.

"It's stunning."

"It's gorgeous."

"It's perfect."

"I'd fuck him."

"TAE!" They all gasped. The third oldest only shrugged.

"What?" He wasn't wrong. The turtleneck and leather jacket combo was, well, sexy, but managed to seem student art exhibit appropriate. Yugyeom found himself flaunting in the mirror. "See, he loves it." Taehyung argued, waving to Yugyeom.

"I do look good." Yugyeom said. "Really good."

At exactly 11:57, there was a knock at the door. Since it's nearly impossible to get Jungkook's friends out of their room, all four of them perked up in excitement. Yugyeom's heart rate picked up. Maybe it would be BamBam on the other side, three minutes early. Instead, a coffee-carrying, sweater-wearing Mingyu stood at the door. "Why are you all staring? Did I spill?"

"Nope, watched you walk all the way up the stairs." There was a familiar voice. Mingyu turned around, revealing a bomber jacket clad BamBam holding two cups of coffee. "Too bad I had the same idea."

"I thought you said no coffee." Yugyeom said, cursing the carrier.

"Don't worry, it's only tea!" BamBam reassured, selecting one of the pair and giving it to Yugyeom. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so I got my favorite citrus mint one." Yugyeom accepted it, the warmth spread from his hands to his heart. He took a sip. The chill of the mint layered just perfectly with tangy notes of lemon, totally reinventing what tea should be.

"Oh my god." Yugyeom exclaimed. "This-"

"Yeah. It's great. Since we're coffee free I decided that you *had* to try it." BamBam agreed, his head nodding as he took a sip of his own drink. "Also, you're a hot-tea."

Yugyeom spat his tea, misting himself with a good coating of the liquid. His cheeks were hot, not only because of the accident, but because the compliment was a cleverly constructed pun.

"That was cute." Jimin cooed. He was only two years older than Yugyeom but acted like he was ten years older. Only then did it occur to him that he and BamBam were standing in the hallway, being watched by a small collection of Yugyeom's friends. Jimin beamed at them from his front row spot.

Yugyeom rolled his eyes. "Let me, um, change."

They walked over to the arts building, and BamBam immediately began apologizing that they weren't headed to somewhere nicer. "We're both broke college students," He explained, "I spent nearly the last of my money on the tea that you so willingly shot out your nose."

"You just laid that pun and compliment down like it was nothing!" Yugyeom raised his arms in mock offense. "How was I supposed to react?"

"Definitely not by coating the Blue dorm's third floor in citrus mint tea." BamBam laughed. They stepped into the main arts hall, where the entire first floor was an exhibit of various student works. As long as you had a student ID and promised to write feedback on at least one piece, you could get in for free. It was enough for Yugyeom. They took their tickets from a girl with long, blue hair and a gentle smile.

"Here's your feedback slips! Just drop them in the box at the end." She instructed, handing them two small, neon green strips of paper.

They entered the exhibit and found that they were alone, save for a single professor. The man had his sleeves rolled all the way to his elbows, a five o'clock shadow, and a frown on his face. Clearly buried in thought, he jumped when he turned and saw Yugyeom and BamBam. "Oh, hi!" He shouted. "Would you two come over and look at this?" He gestured to a series of drawings. "I'm not sure what to think. My student did these drawings of his girlfriend while high and now everyone thinks he's the next Picasso."

A bird-woman with wings sprouting from her back and golden, windswept hair peered back at them. She became more whimsical and color soaked with each drawing. The second to last one depicted her as merely a blob of colors; the final one returned her to her true form: a girl in a blue sweater. "These are so pretty." BamBam commented. "It shows how warped our world can be with just one small change. Like, a total reality shift. Is what we see just an affect of the oxygen we breathe?"

How beautiful.

"Thanks. Name?" The professor asked.

"BamBam." He answered. "I'm a fashion design student. And this is Kim Yugyeom,"

"Dance major." Yugyeom said, filling in the blank.

The professor smiled. "I'll have your feedback strips waived then. Enjoy the art guys!" He walked off, fixing his hair in the process.

The two looked at each, back to the bird-woman, then at each other. "What was that?" Yugyeom asked.

"Bullshitting." BamBam answered. They both laughed at this, cackling until their lungs hurt.

"Shall we do more?" And for the rest of the afternoon, Yugyeom and BamBam practiced their most profound bullshitting. They turned vinyl food recreations into existential reflections on childhood and paint splattered canvases into the Mona Lisa. Then, a single painting of two guys holding hands caught Yugyeom off guard. "The Hold", as it was titled, totally stopped his snarky comments. It genuinely belonged in a museum.

The guys in the painting were made of carefully painted flowers. Blue bells made up one guy's shirt; their faces were sunflowers. Yugyeom instantly felt himself drowning in the painting. His eyes wanted to eat up every inch of it. "This," he started.

"I know." replied BamBam. They stood in complete silence for a moment. When Yugyeom looked back to see BamBam's reaction, he noticed BamBam's eyes weren't in the painting, but him.

Did Yugyeom have a stain somewhere? "What?"

"A complete masterpiece is looking at a painting."

Yugyeom's heart dissolved. The usual pick up lines were fine, but this one hit him like a punch. 3, 2, 1, knock out! Yugyeom was definitely down. "You-"

"Yes? I acknowledged how handsome and wonderful you are by comparing you to your new favorite painting?" BamBam asked, smiling. Yugyeom kinda wanted to punch and kinda wanted to kiss him.

"Did you take me here just so you could say that?"

"No, of course not." BamBam aggressively shook his head. "I definitely don't plan dates around what compliments I can give my boyfriends."

An alarm started going off in Yugyeom's head: HE SAID BOYFRIEND. HE SAID BOYFRIEND. HE SAID BOYFRIEND. HE SAID-

"I know I said boyfriend, it's probably a little early but,"

Yugyeom cut him off, "Yes!" He realized just how loudly he'd just shouted. "I mean, yes, I would totally be your boyfriend." He covered his face with both his hands, wanting to hide his embarrassment. His smile hurt.

"Great," BamBam laughed and Yugyeom realized how much he was in love with his laugh and the breathy, squeakiness of it and the way BamBam's face lit up and how his nose crinkled. They turned back to the painting and gasped at the same time.

"IT'S ON SALE!" They said simultaneously.

"How much ramen money can you sacrifice?" Yugyeom asked. It was only 25,000 won, but they were in a free exhibit for a reason.

BamBam shrugged. "Whatever it takes to get this." He pulled his wallet out and emptied it into his hand: 10,000 won and a couple of coins. Yugyeom did the same. Together they had 23,000 won and would go lunch less for a couple of weeks. When they went to the front to ask, the girl laughed and said the artist just wanted someone to take it. All in all, this date was a win.

As they walked back, they decided BamBam could have the painting on grounds of not having a single roommate to possibly ruin it. Departing at his dorm, BamBam hugged Yugyeom as tightly as he could. Yugyeom could feel his heart melting. The minute the hug broke, he missed it.

"See you!" BamBam shouted from the entrance door. "Text me, okay?"

"I will!" Yugyeom shouted back. "Bye, Bam!" He then returned his dorm, alone but not lonely.

Upon arrival, he was bombarded by questions from Jungkook and the boys (who, unfortunately, had stayed for the whole two hours Yugyeom was gone and left Cheeto dust on his comforter). "How was is Yugyeommie?"

"What did you do?"

"He's smiling guys! That has to mean something!"

"Look at his blush, isn't he cute?"

"How's BamBam?"

"Why didn't you tell us he was cute before he came up here?"

"Now he's really blushing guys!"

Yugyeom just laughed at their sudden interest. He sat on the edge of his bed (he was not getting Cheeto dust on his jacket. What heathens.) and shrugged. "I'm good, BamBam is good. We even got a painting for free."

"Any other details, Yugs?" Namjoon asked.

"He's-" Yugyeom's big smile was impeding his speech. "We are a couple now."

Jimin gasped. "No way!" And the questions kept rolling.

---

Unsure of ever getting himself to stop smiling like some idiot, Yugyeom knew he had to get BamBam back with at least one pick up line. There was only one other person as masterful at the art of cringe:

Jackson Wang.

Yugyeom began typing his message.

Yugyeom: Hey Jackson! So I need some help

Jackson: Ooooh~ With what?

Yugyeom: Remember that guy I told you about with the pickup lines?

Jackson: Mhm

Yugyeom: Well he's my boyfriend now and I NEED to get back at him with one. Do you have any ideas?

Jackson: I may have a few

For another whole hour, they debated the merits of puns, what topics would be appropriate, and if it should even be sexual. By the end, they had a masterpiece.

Jackson: It's beautiful

Yugyeom: What a work of art, thank you

He then switched over and texted BamBam.

Yugyeom: Hey, could we hang out at your dorm tomorrow?

BamBam: I'd love that!

Yugyeom: Great! Good night Bam!

BamBam: Good night Yugyeommie!

Yugyeom shut off his phone, completely content with what was to come. He fell asleep peacefully.

Yugyeom was freaking out. His hands were shaking, his heart was pounding, and he was sweating like it was the middle of July. He wasn't even sure he would have the guts to knock on BamBam's door. But then he was, his fist against a solid sheet of wood to the beat of his heart. BamBam opened the door.

"Oh hey Yugyeom! Jackson's here because he had a warning?"

Fifty hundred panic alarms went off in Yugyeom's head. They were telling him to turn around and run. He couldn't do this to BamBam; he couldn't say this pickup line without some mood.

There sat Jackson, a shit eating grin on his face. "Hey Yugyeom!" He cheered as a greeting.

"So I heard that there's a certain pickup line you want to tell me?" BamBam asked, an eyebrow raised in challenge.

That's when it clicked in Yugyeom's  head. What he and Jackson had planned wasn't the perfect pickup line. Nope, there was something much better for BamBam. "Yes, actually." Yugyeom walked up and grabbed hold of BamBam's shirt, pulling his face closer and closer until their lips locked.

For a second, BamBam froze, shocked. His eyes asked fifty questions. Then he smiled, leaning into it, and pulled Yugyeom closer, accepting it. All Yugyeom could focus on was how soft BamBam's lips were and how he had no idea what he was doing and how- oh my god is that a tongue?

It wasn't very romantic to say the least. When Yugyeom couldn't breathe anymore and they knocked noses for the thousandth time, he pulled back. "Sorry, I didn't know what to-"

Arms still around Yugyeom's neck, BamBam met Yugyeom's eyes and smiled. "It was more than fine Yugyeom. I think we just need more practice."

Yep, Yugyeom's cheeks were red and hot. He was completely flustered, but it was fine.

A Message For June: And that’s the end!! I really hope you enjoyed and waiting the extra three weeks paid off (gosh I’m really sorry about the delay)! There’s potential for a part two?????????? I have so many things that I wrote for this that didn’t make it into my final drafts. ALSO this is the first fic i’ve ever completed and wow it’s nice. Anyway, please have a good night.

p.s. wanna collab on that markjin au by @/gotnsfw???? it’s just a thought