#then once i get out of the psych hold i guess i'm a resident of germany. cant stay here with those medical records

[the-tzimisce]

ok never mind I'm diying my top surgery. im sure skin reconstruction will get through insurance

[gooogigi]

may twenty second, two thousand and four

Under the Skin (dir. Johnathan Glazer, D.P. Daniel Landin), 2013

my brain is incapable of many processes. one of which being an ability to share emotions as i feel them. was recently informed by my coworker that this might mean i have a "disorganized" attachement style? to me, it just seems like i learned to move through the world by means of suppression, otherwise known as being an adult.

regardless of my emotional aptitude, i seem to be reaching a simmering point. Not destructive boiling, but my pysche blows steams and softly bubbles, with no real end to the slow accumulation of psyichic heat in sight.

in short, im fucking depressed. not as a feeling but as a state. it's a state ive lived with for a while. I thought it was normal to not want to get up in the morning. i think it is, only for things you don't want to do, not an every day thing. my mind, afraid of what stopping might mean, runs a self-fueling engine of thought and emotional viscera. it is so hard to sleep, and it has been hard for years. my mother, god bless her, haunted by the same phantom-psyche that follows her every waking moment.

im returning to this site for a couple for reasons: one, the nostalgia of sharing with the world in this way, anonymous yet unflinching. without a care of what will happen to these thoughts once i post. it is also an exercise in attempting to put words to feelings as they appear. lastly, this site is pretty dead. My friends never use this. I'm journaling in an internet graveyard, and it feels nice to be back here. to remember the person i was when i was figuring myslef out at 16.

i am sorry to report that, at 28, i am still figuring myself out. i fear i never will. i guess i should explore what figuring myself out means. at times i think i'm engaging in a form of self-stockholm: holding myself hostage to ideas of what life should look like, and falling in love with the fallacy of fulfilling this prophecy. i met adam at my orgy situation, and he said he was a porn producer. he pays his own rent (allegedly) to live in the same neighborhood i was graced by the city of new york to be able to afford. what's stopping me from directing some porn, and maybe doing the same? It's obvious the film and art world do not view me seriously, and would rather wait until i'm one foot in the grave until any contribution is taken seriously. and it's not that i feel as if ive made any major contribution to the aforementioned fields, but just that the side glances, the uninterested smiles, the "yeah lets meet sometimes", the "we're sorry to inform you's" they each hurt a little, and in this short life i have accumulated so much rejection it should be astounding i've found a way to give my life any meaning at all.

so how does my life have any meaning, and in turn, have any reason worth living? well, for starters, the yes's ive received, have been enough, i guess. In the past four years ive lived astounding emotional lows, almost at post-australia levels. i have been able toi come up for air because of the forces outside of myself that make life better, nto worse: i got an apartment i can afford in a nice neighborhood, i have a residency, I have an exhibition here and there, i have a job. i don't have friends in my vicinity, and at times ostracize myself form them, but the times i do manage to be with other people has been nice. but in recent moments these yeses have exhibited precarity: theres ways for my building to remove my stabilized rate, my job has had a slow season and it's clear i am first on the chopping block, i have a studio im too tired to use, and no opportunities to at least force me to work.

also, i miss my emotionally irregulated ex. more on this later im sure.

I could probably live better if i just let go of any idea of what i thought life would be, but my idea of what life could be is what saved me the first time. but i think im running myself into the ground trying to be someone i cant. I can only do the best with the life that has been presented to me. i cant tell if this makes life more or less worth living.

[eddieheart]

DR.SINCLAIR

(Part 1)

Fandom: Stranger Things

Pairings: NONE

Words: 910

Description: Dr. Willa Sinclair comes home for a break.

Her name is Dr. Willa Sinclair, that's right, Doctor. It isn't easy, in fact it's quite fucking difficult. Not only does she have every guy doctor telling her she'd be better in the kitchen, but she had ever white doctor thinking she shouldn't even be allowed in the program.

Will is a surgical resident, she loves her job and she's good at it too. But every once and a while she needs a break. Well, truthfully she didn't need a break, but because of an unfortunate incident at the hospital involving a psych patient and a pair of scissors, she was given leave.

She was fine, really, she was, it wasn't a big deal. At least she got to see her family, right?

Two younger siblings, Lucas and Erica. They meant the world to her. Everything Willa had done she'd done for her siblings, to show them that they could do anything, no matter what they looked like, no matter what anybody said.

Will approached the front door nervously, bag of clothes in one hand and car keys in the other. Her parents would be worried that she was home, they always worried, about everything.

With a shaky hand, Willa rang the doorbell and stepped back. The door opened to reveal her mother, clad in a flour covered apron. She smiled brightly at the sight of her eldest daughter.

"Willa! My baby, you're home! How are you? What are you doin' back here hun? You alright?" She asked, softly petting the side of the young girls face.

"I'm fine momma, I swear. I just took a few weeks off to see you guys. As a surprise." Her mother pulled her into a tight hug, practically crushing her.

"Oh my baby, I missed you." Sue said, squeezing the girl tighter.

"Charles! Honey! Guess who's home!" She said in a sing song voice. Her father came walking out to the front door with an even brighter smile.

Just as Willa pulled away she was brought into another bone crushing hug, by her father this time.

"The kids are still at school, Erica will be home any minute now but Lucas has a basketball game tonight. We were all gonna go, you're coming too right?" He asked kindly while pulling away from the hug.

Her mother lead both Willa and her father into the living room, gently strutting the front door.

Willa was shocked, Lucas, her geeky, nerdy, dnd loving little brother was a basketball player? She could barely believe it.

Just as Willa sat down the front door could be heard swinging open. She quickly walked towards the door and called over to her other daughter.

"Erica we have a guest, come say hi!" Sue smiled as a clearly unamused Erica walked into the room.

"Hello, yes it's me Erica it's- oh my gosh! Lila! When did you get home!" She cried out as she ran over to the older girl.

"I took a vacation and decided to come see my favourite sister! How are you?" Willa asked.

"Great now that you're here. Are you coming to the game tonight?"

"You know it."

—-

"Seriously Erica we need to get you some new tapes, really. I like tears for fears just as much as the next guy but I draw the limit at 25 times a day I do." Willa said laughing, holding up her sisters tape and gesturing to it.

"Oh shut up." Erica replied jokingly.

"Girls, language." Their mother said while laughing. They pulled into the school parking lot and got out of the car.

They were only a little late, shuffling into the gym and quietly finding a seat at the bleachers. Other people gawked and stared at them, parents whispering to their children, holding them closer.

Will shifted uncomfortably in her seat and looked for Lucas. She didn't know a lot about basketball, actually she knew nothing. What she did know was that getting a ball in the opposite basket was good and Lucas was doing a lot of that.

The game didn't last that long, and when it was done Lucas came rushing over from where the rest of the team sat.

"Hey, Lila." He said, softly pulling her into a brief hug.

"Hey Lu, you did well out there." She tried to compliment him the best she could with her limited knowledge of the game. He chuckled and thanked her.

Everything was fine until they got home, firstly Erica insisted that Will help with her biology homework, then Lucas replied that no, she wasn’t going to help Erica because she was going to help him.

“Well I need help with biology Lucas, suck it up. It’s my turn with her anyway!” Erica sassed.

Lucas crossed his arms and glared back at the younger girl.

“You’re turn? You had her already! I might’ve hurt my leg during practice! I could need a splint!” Erica scoffed.

“You don’t need a splint Lucas! You have a bruise at best!” Willas eyes widened, clearly this was escalating way too quickly.

“Hey, woah, woah, I can do both. Lucas, I’ll look at you leg on the couch, Erica, I can help you in the living room okay? Okay.” She lead the pair to the living room with a sigh.

She’d kind of missed this, in a weird way. Missed the background bickering, the loving way they teased each other. It was nice, instead of her usual background noise of her roommates fucking around.

@buggylad

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Broken Bones And New Homes

Clark has a surprise and you fuck up.

Masterlist

Warnings:swearing, injury, angst

A/n:so a little bit of fluff and angst 

Broken Bones And New Homes

Clark sat back in his chair as Diana took the young girl to get settled and was fixed with a look from the others he sighed.

"She was still doubting herself she needed to see it for herself" Bruce spoke up first unimpressed.

"Yes but it could have gone down hill fast! What if it had pierced you! She'd never have forgiven herself or trusted anyone again!" Clark sighed he knew that Bruce had a point.

"But there was also another reason I was testing her as well like she did to you earlier ...did you see? She was holding back, even when she was angry she found the power to hold it back she didn't want to hurt me not for a second she just wanted to scare me...shes used to scaring people off. I wanted to see if she was truly wants to harm or not anger reveals your true intentions shes good through and through..." Arthur nodded

"He is right Bruce she held back it wasn't nice to watch but the kid did good tho... it was unnerving to watch her have that much restraint ....aren't teens meant to you know? loose their shit she held it together." Bruce nodded it was horrible in a way seeing the control she needed for herself Clark was right she'd had to grow up fast just like them but unlike them she will have someone there for her question was who, tho he had a guess already.

"So whose gonna take her Legally?"

"I will she needs stability, normality but still someone who can keep her in line can you get the paperwork done?" Bruce nodded smirking at Clark, looks like he was taken with the girl in a way they all were Bruce would take her in in a heart beat but with the others it wouldn't be a good idea so this time he will settle for being an uncle, doesn’t mean he cant tease the big man tho? Does it

"Your sure your not even letting anyone else what if I want to-"

"No I'm taking her, she will fit right in at home with me and konner, he has always wanted a sister to look after we can give her a family that she can relax around no offence Bruce but if anything would happen at the manor, your boys are strong but...." Bruce waved him off laughing

"I was messing with you,I know what you mean I will get on it first thing" Clark rolled his eyes at him, Victor pulled up her file on the screen.

"Whoa, her file is .....large shes been through.... to much I don't know haw shes so....stable Clark your gonna have your work cut out for you... how she hasn't already gone mad is beyond me." Barry came closer frowning

"She has a police record?" Victor nodded sadly scanning through the data quickly Clark got up coming over to them

"You found her file? When?" Victor didn't bother looking up at him just pointing to Barry

"He took her bag to her room when you had your little heart to heart and got her name y/n l/n birthday April seventh, born in central city moved to Gotham with her parents at six months old... Clark shes been through a lot its..."

"Tell me I want to know what happened." Victor side and continued

"There’s nothing until she was five when her parents died...police report says parents were only identified by dna because....."

"Because what?" Victor looked down then to Arthur everyone was tense suddenly Diana came into the room hear most of it so far she can gather whats they are on about.

"Bodies crushed beyond recognition, no teeth remaining for a dental record to be found, official cause of death was crushed by ceiling, flats collapsed due to breech in building regulations, no one was charged for it. Child found in flat had resided by parents bodies for three days before being found, no one knows how she survived but she was unharmed and thought the police were there to arrest her, she was under the impression she did it."

"She must have tried to save them and failed...that why she was frightened of the police" Clark summarized  victor nodded

"That’s what she said in her report that she did it she couldn't stop the ceiling, after that there is nothing on the incident apart from information about the therapy she should under go and where they sent her. Children's home north Gotham on Presington street." Bruce swore

"Fucking hell that's a shit hole, been pouring money into it for years they were pocketing it as bonuses only went down for it three years ago two deaths to malnutrition" everyone winced things did not look good

"The next eight entries are from the weeks after, mental evaluations, says here she started hurting other kids in the home lashing out and became aggressive to staff, she claimed they were accidents that she couldn't help it that she had powers, they didn't listen until one kid ended up missing an eye... can understand it looks like a vicious attack"

"Probably bullying, it happens a lot to the new kids, if they attacked her then it'd protect her right?" Victor nodded to Bruce and sighed moving on

"They certified her had to drug her to get her out of the home, Jesus Christ they put her in a mental unit in Gotham general child's psych ward inpatient  where she stayed under various levels of sedation for a majority of her time there until being released at ten years old showing no signs of instability or any indication she was a danger to herself and others a successful case. By law she couldn't return to the group home so she was fostered between then and a year ago shes had foster homes all across Gotham. Then a year ago she was on a trip with school doing a big beach clean up, it was a campaign the school was behind to help clean up the oceans? they kids were going to protest at Washington....never made it tho...it was when the atlanteans threw out the trash, oil tanker landed on her class's camp sight, two survived her and her student teacher....he said she had held it for around two minuets but most of the others were to scared to move the ones that did couldn't get out of the way and she passed out and well you can guess the rest.... no one believed him when he told them what he'd seen....he killed himself four days later. Since then its been petty thievery and some assaults, shes beaten up a few known drug dealers and gang members.... The police reports are mostly about injuries from dragging her back to foster homes three in the past year, seventeen in the past six, it was more frequent when she was younger, she under goes psychological evaluations once a year to see if her 'schizophrenia' is coming back. But that it" Diana covered her eyes rubbing the bridge of her nose shaking her head at the humans stupidity.

"So they told her she's mad? For four nearly five years they locked her away? made her believe she was crazy? And drugged her" She leaned back feeling sorry for the girl she'd been put into a brutal system at the most devastating time in her life, shed had to deal with it alone. Bruce sighed he knew Gotham wasn't the best place for an orphan... but that seemed harsh even to his standards.

"She hid it to seem normal, so she could get out of the hospital no wonder she so guarded she had to outsmart Drs and psychiatrists when she was a child" everyone spoke apart from Arthur he sat there fists clenched seething."Arthur! what happened you couldn't have known" he growled he knew that, there wasn't anything he could so but still it irked him knowing that it had happened, that shed tried to save her class mates from his people-his brother and hadn't been able to.

"I know....I know that but that is what triggered all this again isn’t it? That’s what made it come back stronger and now she cant control it? The reason shes been on the streets...And I was here laughing and jokeing around with her? When she knew it was me-my people who did that? How she didn't fuck me up right away I don’t know cos if it was the other way around I would have" Barry sighed before speaking quietly.

"Well doesn't that show she doesn't blame you? I mean we all knew that something big happened so I don’t think she blames you... she had every chance to blow up at you about it when she explained a little herself but she didn't..I wouldn't worry." Clark nodded agreeing with Barry then continued.

"Be there for her now, if she wants to talk she will.." Arthur nodded letting out an angry breath that was all he could do now, be there for her.

"Clark could you go check she's in bed I gave her half an hour to have a shower and be in bed by" he nodded hearing the others all start making their way to their rooms deciding to call it a night. He slowed opening the door poking his head in he smiled seeing you curled up in the blankets not asleep yet but near enough he quickly shut the door. He was determined to become the father you needed he would talk to Konner tomorrow about it, he would be happy having a little sister but Clark would have to explain to his son what was going on with her before introducing them...And his mom he will need her help.

"AAHHH!" You screamed bloody murder when there was a excruciating crunch then you slammed into the floor, tho it was softer then it should have been your head struck it hard with a bone cracking force, you groaned laying there sobbing and gasping as your arm head and ribs were in agony, seeing blood, you cried harder heaving and  panicking when your vision went fuzzy then heard the door be all but ripped off its hinges and saw someone you didn’t recognize, he looked around a year or so older then you black hair, blue eyes. He kneeled beside you then looked up inspecting your arm wincing there was bone....

You woke up stretching and yawning it had been three weeks since you got here...and things were pretty sweet, you had a comfy bed free reign of the kitchen and a private bathroom. You hadn't really trained with the others yet just a few practice sessions that ended reasonably well most of the time you'd read, using various books to help you understand what was possible then sort of felt your way about the place and kept to yourself as much as you could which wasn't much as you found they all wanted you to feel welcome....It was hard not to become close but you kept saying to yourself it was temporary despite what Diana had said Clark hasn't been near you since the first night, only popping in briefly then off again for days on end it didn't give you much hope for the future.

But you assumed by now they all knew the story so you cant blame them, no one wants to be around a mad meta-human so its understandable...not that your mad at least you didn't think you were just gifted and confused. You quickly threw your hair up out of the way ignoring your thoughts, you’d rather not fall into that little debate again for now, wanting to just get your powers under control and get out of here before you get to attached. Taking your current architecture book, this you was using to find different types of structural systems which is the strongest and most reliable ect and made your way to the training room, today you were testing something out...A theory you'd been working on basically you wanted to make some stairs see how many things you could hold at once.

You opened the door to the room you’d been working in. It was tall and must be about ten meters across each way not the biggest in the watchtower but it was enough for you. You placed the book at the door open on a page depicting floating stairs. It should be easy just platforms from the walls big enough to step on you flared your power feeling your way around then took a deep breath to the side stretching out a hand to the wall, metal with concrete behind it, you started moving one foot up pulling a platform from the wall then another above this continued until you was a fair height you opened your eyes looking down you’d made it half way up the tall room you smiled it had worked!

You jumped for joy then moved faster paying less attention trying to force it on auto pilot climbing higher you faltered a little the next step was a little uneven, it looked tilted and .....iffy you gulped looking down only now realizing just how high your were you slumped back against the wall a little nervous, maybe you should have had someone in here with you but hindsight was 20/20 staying still for a few moments you took deep breaths collecting yourself, that was enough you thought you turned placing both hands on the wall completely freaked out as you made a slow descent making sure two feet were firmly placed on each step before you moved to the next as you went down the stairs you got maybe eight steps then all hell broke loose.

A few fell away as you panicked but tried to breath through it only for more to slip back into the wall in your addled mind you panicked watching the steps one by one collapse you made a snap decision and made a leap of faith crying out as you smacked your ribs on it making you try and scream you couldn't make a sound winded , you scrabbled on the step flailing legs trying to find purchase your eyes widened watching as the rest disappeared then the one you held crumbled away you screamed pulling at the ground to help but in the confusion you only smashed a few pillars into you one clipped your waving arm

"Shit shit hold on y/n, I'll get dad just stay here okay? Don’t-don’t go to sleep okay?" He dissapeared then returned seconds later with Clark Diana and Barry close behind. Clark swore seeing your crumpled form running to sit beside you, he didn't need his x-ray vision to see that you'd broken your arm as it had snapped and was sticking out crudely at an odd angle he sat by your head stroking your hair whispering softly to you trying to calm you down as you panicked crying and hyperventilating.

"Shh shh its okay, I've got you I've got you, Barry can you tell Bruce whats happened we need a car, ambulance or something, Diana can you help hold her still I've got to move her ,get her to the hospital, I can't fly her there could cause an infection or something." Diana crouched beside you shushing you trying to help calm you, moving your head to look at her you tried moving but screamed loud, Clark placed a hand on your tummy holding you still.

"Don’t move y/n don’t move Let me do it okay? Diana I need her on her back can you hold her shoulder I don’t want to move her arm to much Yet ready one... two.. three" everyone winced as you cried out loud your pain echoed in the room

"Shh shh its okay your doing really well I'm here its going to be okay...Konner can you get a cloth we are going to have to stop the bleeding" he looked nervous

"Can't you just laser-" Clark shook his head

"Shes human and will need a cast for it to heal kon we can't explain that in hospital, a clean cloth konner now!" Bruce came running in with a medium black box he swore loud seeing you on the floor.

"Bruce whats that?" He ignored Diana and quickly stopped by you opening the case pulling out a small needle and vial filling the needle with half a dose he would use himself.

"Tramadol, I always have some here incase...Clark I need a vein find one!" Clark moved from your sight making you whine trying to move your head to him. Clark pointed one out on the inside of your arm Bruce’s hand shook he was stopped by Barry.

"We can't just give her tramadol! If they give her morphine it could cause a reaction, We need to get her to the hospital...We can't explain how we gave her tramadol" you looked up as you felt someone else by your broken arm the blue eyed teen went to press the cloth hard over the wound on your arm Diana called out to him

"No head, head the arm will stop bleeding before the head!" He nodded shuffling forward holding it to your head you cried out.

"FFFUUUUCCKK! Fuckfuckfuck noNOOOONO PLEASE STOP!" You screamed at him Clark looked over to a distraught konner who hesitated.

"Keep it there, hold on y/n we get you to a hospital soon just hold on okay sweetheart"

"Yeah don’t go towards any white lights" that brought on a whole new flood of tears as everyone screamed

"BARRY!" you weept as Diana cradled your head in her lap holding you still for konner and making sure your arm was left alone.Bruce was already on the phone to the ambulance requesting one to come over immediately two blocks down where Clark could take you as Clark repeated what he saw.

"Snapped right through the radius and ulna, broken ribs and cracked head, heavy bleeding" Bruce recounted what Clark had said

"Five minuets away okay yes we already moved her to stem the bleeding, shes pale already we will be outside yes" he put the phone down.

"Five minuets we have to move her they think shes on third" Clark bit his lip you cried begging them not to touch you.

"Konner, Barry open the doors for me" you shook your head at him as he moved slowly.

"NO! Please don’t Clark-Clark please don't it hurts I don't want to move" he ignored you taking the cloth from konner pressing it firmly

"Hey hey its okay, just breath I promise I'll be so quick you might not even notice okay? But we need to get you to the hospital, now deep breath in and out that's it good girl breathe in and out" he used the the moment you breathed out to quickly move your arm as gently and fast as possible. Your breathing hitched then you screamed again feeling the boned move.

"YOU FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCK!" He closed his eyes trying to calm himself down he felt bad but it had to be done he couldn't move you anywhere with it dangling about, opening his eyes he crouched over you wiping at the tears hushing you.

"Good girl all done the worst is over now ,I'm so proud of you, now we can move you without touching it again , we don’t need to move it anymore" 

"Y-you promise?" He nodded moving tucking you up into his arms the stood up with you pulling you against his chest making sure to stem the blood from your head wound, the bleeding front your arm had slowed but he was worried you were drowsy, very weak you head lulled back eyes unfocused and you was very pale.

"I need something to cover her shes cold, shes gonna pass out" konner shrugged off his heavy coat placing it over her gently tucking it down between her and his dad making sure it was secure.

"The apartments on 3rd right?" Bruce nodded

"Y/n close your eyes honey" you closed them as tight as you could still moaning in pain, it was unbearable there was a rush of air then nothing you'd passed out.

When you come to you were in a white room with huge animal stickers across the walls you grunted then whined at the fluorescent lights you moved your arm to your face noticing a thick bandage. Looking around you saw you was in a private hospital room. Scanning the room you noticed Clark slumped in the chair beside you and the teen from before. The door opened and you saw a woman you didn't recognize she looked kind and chilled out holding a cardboard drinks holder with three cups in it, she stopped short and smiled looking relieved.

"You know you gave them quite a scare...I haven't seen Clark that frightened since...well I don't think I have ever seen him that frightened" you moved sitting up wincing she quickly placed the cups down

"Whoa slowly honey that's it slowly are you in any pain? They said the medication would last longer but you now how doctors are..."you shook your head no.

"Groggy, err what happened?" You trailed off as Clark stirred beside you then blinked his face lit up as he saw you awake and he quickly grabbed you tugging you in for a hug you yelped a little in surprise making the bed shake small pins forming on the surface as it tried to stop the offending body that launched itself at you, you caught it in time, he tucked your head under his chin running his fingers across your scalp holding you for a few seconds then pulled back holding your shoulders looking stern.

"Don’t you ever do that again, you hear me you almost gave me a heart attack! You nearly bled out! You don’t train alone ever! Not until I know you can handle it Do you understand me?!" You nodded slowly at him not quite with it then looked at the woman who stood at the bottom of the bed the blue eyed boy got up standing next to where Clark sat at the head of the bed.

"Clark? Where? Whats going on?" He looked down at you kissing your head he sighed tucking you under his arm.

"You lost focus and panicked you fell about twelve foot, you had a nasty break snapped your ulna and radius, broke three ribs and cracked your head open, you lost a lot of blood, they had to operate on your arm and you've had a few blood transfusions" you looked at your wrapped arm then followed the canula that tied you to a beeping machine with an iv bag that was half full of clear liquid you gulped.

"W-why is it beeping whats wrong?" The woman came over sitting on your right side straightening your arm making the beep stop

"Its when you cut off the tube, there see? Now it can carry on"  you looked from her then to Clark and blinked.

"Oh god don’t tell me Bruce had to pay for all that..." Clark shared a look with the other two in the room.

"Well he would have happily you know that but it just so happens Ma's insurance covers the whole family soo" you froze snapping your head up to him.

"I’m not family" He smiled at you then nodded to the woman sitting on your right.

"This is my mother Martha and my son Konner....as of yesterday they have been your brother and grandmother....Diana told you I was going to adopt you its only just been finalized, Konner and I came to get you yesterday we wanted to surprise you then he heard you screaming ...we've been working on your room at home and on the farm for the past few weeks, its why I haven't been around much I had a lot of paper work and court appearance's Bruce helped me through it all... but its all done....your officially  y/n Y/l/n Kent now." You bit your lip looking down shaking your head. No they couldn't have. You sniffed. Then felt the woman place her hand on your back rubbing it.

"Hey hey what the matter? Its okay" you shook your head using your good hand to wipe at your eyes trying desperately not to cry but failed miserably.she wrapped an arm around your shoulder pulling you in letting you cry on her you just kept shaking your head not willing to believe that someone had actually chose to keep,you, it had to be a mistake, or some sick joke. No one adopted teens, once you hit twelve you aged out.

"Hey whats with the tears? We don't look that bad do we?" You shook your head at the woman pulling back from her.

"No I-you cant" you couldn't even  get the words out around your sobs, you was confused and happy and terrified all in one. Clark interrupted

"Who says I cant? Your ours now and your coming to live with us" you hiccuped still trying to bite back your small shuddering sobs.

"I-I don't have to move again? And I get to stay?" He wrapped you up in his arms again .

"No your not going any where now, your stuck with us and when we leave here we are all going to the farm for a while to settle then you'll be moving back into metropolis with me and Konner...why don't you introduce yourself Konner?" He moved forward smiling shyly

"Im glad your okay now....don't do it again tho it wasn't...nice watching you bleed out like that" you smiled at him wiping your eyes trying to stop the tears.

"Thank you for finding me....if you hadn't I don't know what would have happened.. and I’m sorry for screaming at you..." he waved it off"Its okay you were hurt so of course you would scream at me, and I couldn’t let my little sister die before picking on her at least once wheres the fun in that." You fidgeted with the blanket.

"Y-you don’t mind having me around? Even near your grandma? I’m not exactly safe" he shook his head going to speak but was cut off by his grandma taking hold of your chin.

"No you are not dangerous," you held up your arm but she shook her head

"Yes so it was a stupid decision But you wont do it again, even with your powers your human just like me and need to be more careful, besides I'm pretty sure I can handle it, he got his laser vision when he was seven, try that for dangerous" you looked to Clark unsure but he shrugged nodding.

"Its true she raised me and came out fighting any way we've already established that you can acclimatize your powers to other people nothing happens with Diana Bruce or Barry anymore me and konner just need to hang around until you reach that point hence why we are going to the farm for a while first."

"How do you know that?" He sighed

"I may not have been around but Bruce kept me updated" you looked down again Martha sat back smiling you were lost, just as lost as konner had been but she knew you'd come around it will take time you haven't had anyone for a long time, Clark had let both her and konner know what had happened and about your power she was excited to have a granddaughter around the house for a while.

"Plus it will be good to get you away from the city for a while, whens the last time you got out of the city and had some fresh air?" You shook your head tilting it a bit

"Never left Gotham before" she smiled at you

"Well are you in for a shock, huge open spaces fresh air its really something"  Clark smiled as you relaxed konner piped up"It really is, there's lots of space to let loose and you can practice your power thing in the garden" you looked to Clark who smiled brightly at you

"Yes its just about time to start planting crops so you can help out on the fields and in the potting barn" you smiled eyes lighting up

"I've never grown nothing before, can I grow tomatoes And cucumber?" Martha nodded at you making you glow.

"After you catch up on your classes, your nearly a eight months behind in every subject" you frowned at him shaking his head

"What no I'm not-" he leaned back crossing his arms at you

"Yes you are, I was given your transcripts you have been slowly falling behind since switching to online so we have a strict schedule in place that your going to follow to catch up, konner will be there to he is doing online as well so your going to have a classmate" you looked at konner stumped.

"Is he serious?"

"Deadly I’m afraid, but I will help you so don’t sweat it" you nodded you didn’t mind really it will be nice having someone who really cared who wasn’t paid to do it you smiled leaning back a little Clark caught you moving in to quickly kiss your head

"I'm sure it wont be that bad" the door opened and a doctor came in with a smile crossing the room quickly standing at the bottom of the bed.

"So how is the patient today? Well your up which is good any pain at all?" You shook your head curling into Clark....You didn't like doctors one bit. He stood at the end of your bed reading the clipboard.

"Well that’s good" he smiled to you then began talking to Clark making you frown a little it was odd...being treated like a kid, when your an orphan people tend to treat you different older they know your more independent but now your doctor was bypassing you opting to speak about you not to you, Martha caught your confusion and patted your hand.

"Her blood is back to normal and the ob's are fine, I see no reason to keep,her in any longer there’s no fever or anything that could show an infection so you can probably leave today, just need to remove the iv and get a cast put on I will have someone come up to take you down for that in the next hour or so." Clark nodded then spoke

"Is it going to scar?" The doctor hesitated"It was a nasty break, clean cut but nasty it probably will leave a scar but I'm not sure how bad it will probably just be a small one where the bone came through the skin" you gasped

"It came through? Ew.... did someone get a picture?" konner laughed nodding moving to pull out his phone making the adults sigh

"Hell yeah look" you did immediately regretting it.

"OH FUCK I’m gonna be sick, we are white meat....looks like a chicken fillet" you bent over heaving Clark sighed rubbing your back you hissed as the movement pulled on your ribs.

"Kon put it away, what about her ribs will they heal? And her head?"

"Head will be fine the stitches will dissolve and her ribs will be if she takes it easy, the bandage she had on now will help but she has to go slow and come back for a check up" he flipped the chart

"Metropolis? I will arrange for you to go there for the check up" Clark corrected him

"Could you make it Smallville medical center? We are going to stay there for a while, I’m thinking if she wont listen to me she will listen to grandma" you flushed feeling a strange warmth in your chest as he said that....this was going to take a while to get used to. The doctor smiled chuckling

"Now that does sound like a good idea, cast will be on for a minimum of seven weeks...in her case probably longer."

"Will she get a color one?" The doctor nodded to konner

"Well we have a pretty bright pink-"

"Black....I want black" he stuttered looking for help from the others who all shrugged

"I don’t think we have black at the moment there’s pink,purple, lime green, orange and blue but you can ask when you get there. Now I’m going to go and cal a nurse to get that iv out." You blinked as he left the room.

"Well he was fucking rude barely spoke to me....just you I'm going on trust pilot what was his name again?" Martha laughed and Clark snorted

"Its called having a dad, I sort out the adult stuff now remember? You just be a kid" you faltered looking down it will take time, Clark cast a look over you to Martha who shook her head konner sensed the awkwardness and quickly interrupted.

"Can I draw on your cast....never drawn on one before." You regarded konner for a second"You gonna draw a dick on it?" He shook his head smirking

"Okay but if you do draw a dick on it I'm gonna draw one on your face in your sleep....just saying"

"No one is drawing dicks on any one" Clark rolled his eyes at the two teens, he'd admit he was a little worried about how you two would be but something tell's him your both going to be fine, you both had been crying out for someone who you couldn't accidentally hurt and that was going to be your starting point, no doubt there was going to be bumps along the way but for now he was happy, his family was growing happy and healthy he couldn't ask for more than that.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Savannah

Jac: Feel totally free to ignore this, and this isn't an attempt to further any more conversation between us again if you don't want it, but it would feel bizarre to pretend...well, that we hadn't known each other before, or that I'd forgotten you entirely, so Jac: Obviously things weren't great when you left but I'm fully over that as no doubt you are too Jac: As we're classmates again, it makes sense to me that we are civil and prepared to work together if necessary but I'm not going to attempt more than that, nor am I holding some kind of grudge which would prohibit the former, I thought I'd reassure you of that, as well as just say, hello, I suppose 🙂 Savannah: You're right, it would be bizarre as well as counterproductive Savannah: though, we don't actually know each other any more, two formative years having passed, so I don't see why we can't start over Savannah: treating each other like we would our other classmates Jac: That sounds logical to me too Jac: I'd be happy to treat this as an introduction opposed to a reintroduction Savannah: okay Savannah: but before we do, I just want to say I'm really proud of you for getting in Jac: You too Jac: it's amazing, isn't it Jac: better than we had even visualized and worked and prayed for Savannah: I always knew you could do it Jac: I had no doubts about you, either Jac: potential that you'd changed your course and vision but whatever you put your mind and talent to Savannah: I did think you'd go to Bath, or that I would Jac: I could lie here and say something about preferring the history and culture of Edinburgh as a city, and finding St Andrews better in X Y Z but Jac: Bath didn't happen, is the reality of it Jac: but I'm not devastated, as I once would've been to be left with my 2nd choice Savannah: We don't have to lie, it didn't happen for me either, partly because catholic school did of course, but that's not the entirety of it Jac: I try to leave lying, however innocuous and pointless, two years ago, too Jac: Karma or otherwise, just stopped feeling worth it Jac: how was your new School? Savannah: A lot of things stopped feeling worth it to me too Savannah: Oh, Sienna liked it Savannah: I did not Jac: I am sorry to hear that Jac: I can't think of anything I would've liked less than being surrounded by other hormonal, crazy, moody, bitchy teenage girls either Savannah: at least she thrived, you wouldn't even recognise her now Savannah: she's so Savannah: Loud Jac: 😂 Jac: Loud can be good Jac: at least some positives came of it all Savannah: she reminds me of how I remember Jude Savannah: but she's happy, I think Jac: I think you'd still have recognized Jude Jac: likely from a mile off, giving you time to escape Jac: I hope she is Savannah: 😄 Jac: and that you'll be happier here than you were there, too Savannah: unless either of my parents enrol, we can take that as a given Jac: I'll drink to that Jac: complimentary coffee, that is Savannah: for now anyway Jac: Hopefully the plans get a little more exciting Savannah: 🙌 Jac: Have you heard any Psych school nights being organized or do you think one of us should bite that bullet and start the group chat? Savannah: we should do it Savannah: best foot forward, you know? Jac: Absolutely Jac: Why not, eh Jac: You're in halls too, right? Savannah: Yes Savannah: where are you? Jac: John Burnet, how about you? Savannah: You only get a single bed too! Savannah: I'm in University Hall Savannah: it's so pretty Jac: The nuns taught you well then 😛 Jac: I think it's worth it for the architecture, we'll just have to remember not to roll Savannah: 👼🏾🙏🏾 Savannah: It wasn't worth ANOTHER argument with my dad about co-ed Jac: and you get to have the Libraries literally right on your doorstep Jac: I was debating it, but I'm still better in smaller crowds, that sold JB to me ultimately Savannah: if my dad didn't run my life I totally would've applied there too Savannah: I love that it has a garden Jac: I know, right? Jac: Well you can use my little patch of 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 whenever you like, because I'll certainly be haunting the libraries enough Savannah: You haven't lost any of your sweetness Savannah: & of course you must, I hate studying alone Jac: I'll probably be tragically uncool forever, our classmates may as well find out sooner rather than later 💁 Jac: if the sight of all those books gets too much, there's always the 🏖 for maximum studying, I'm sure Savannah: No way! I had more fun with you than I've had with anyone else EVER Savannah: they'll find all your good points Jac: 😊 Jac: Okay, we did have some fun Savannah: a lot Jac: I can't/shan't disagree with that Savannah: it doesn't feel like two years Savannah: sometimes more like twenty, or like two months Jac: It is really weird, I felt like I haven't said it because it can't be overstated Jac: but good weird Jac: are any of your friends from Sligo here too? Jac: I don't know anyone Savannah: I don't know anyone either Jac: A familiar face is a good thing Jac: as is getting to know each other afresh, they can coexist Savannah: I thought it was for the best that nobody followed me here, until I saw you Jac: Shocking as it was Jac: glad the 😱 isn't permanent Jac: I'd hate to do that to you, honestly Savannah: you don't believe I could pull it off? Jac: Of course you could Jac: but your 😄 is undeniably a better look Savannah: my lips ARE very big, I could end up looking like a blow up doll if I'm forever open mouthed from today onwards Savannah: then I'd never marry a prince Jac: Why we're here, obviously Savannah: Everyone thinks so Savannah: just because my boyfriend dumped me after the leavers cert Jac: Oof Jac: that's rough Jac: though at least he didn't steal your Summer? I guess Savannah: Oh my god! That's exactly what he said Savannah: no wonder he reminded me of you Jac: Oh God 😬 are you suggesting I should be in Sallies with the rest of the fuckboys? 😂 Jac: not the crowd I was hoping to get in with but, you know Savannah: where you are is perfect for you Jac: 🤞 Savannah: it feels right being here Jac: Yeah Jac: it really does Savannah: I was worried I wouldn't feel that when I actually got here but 🙏🏾 Jac: I thought it'd be scarier being away from home Jac: but if anything, it's a relief Savannah: you don't have to share a room with Jude any more, it obviously would be Savannah: how is everyone though? Jac: 🍵🙊 Jac: No, they're good, all doing their own thing Jac: Jesse's got his music, the kids are the same old Jac: oh, Jameson got a girlfriend though, that's cute Savannah: I can't believe one brother is literally famous and the other is adorably loved up Savannah: Sienna hasn't had a boyfriend yet, I think that's my fault Jac: Honestly, they're both unbearable now 😏 Jac: overprotective big sister vibes or off-putting dumping ex? Savannah: Jesse was always an acquired taste, which I never did Savannah: Oh, both, for sure 🤫 Jac: Musically and personality-wise, he'd agree you have a point Jac: long as she's happy, like you said Jac: always found them too distracting myself Savannah: I suppose I just always needed a distraction Jac: Clearly, that's why we aren't having this conversation in Bath Jac: for the best, in the end 🌌🔮 Savannah: I hope so Jac: Honestly, it's a better uni Jac: and I'm not just lying to myself/you to make us feel better 😂 Jac: Delia Rockford, you remember her, right? Jac: She got into Bath, so, you aren't missing out, is what I mean Savannah: I hate her Jac: She's doing International Management and German Jac: the language of the future 🤨 Savannah: She's German descent! That's basically cheating Jac: You'd think she's got a place at Cambridge studying classics the way she's been bragging Jac: they aren't remotely top in languages or whatever the hell International Management is but alright 🙄 Savannah: I'm so glad she blocked me after what happened during the party at Michelle Brennan's house Savannah: which wasn't even my fault Jac: Now that feels like a million years ago Savannah: It was Savannah: I don't think we were even friends yet Jac: We weren't for that long, in the grand scheme of things Jac: that's the weirdest part Jac: we were pretty intense, yeah Savannah: everything was pretty intense Jac: It was Jac: Isabelle is doing coaching at TUD Jac: we were never really the same but she's well in herself Savannah: She'll be incredible at that Savannah: if it had happened to me, there's no way I would've not been retaking the year Jac: I know Savannah: did you hear about my mum? Jac: No, I don't think I did? Savannah: she'll appreciate it not being common knowledge, I guess Jac: Is she okay? Savannah: She's doing better now Savannah: which I suppose means she's at about the same level as she was before I left Savannah: because she really struggled after Jac: It must've been really hard for her Jac: to have you two gone, and realize it probably was for the best Jac: did you see her much, in these two years? Savannah: not as much as I should've Jac: You can't be blamed for that Jac: you had to take care of yourself, and Sienna Savannah: but she needed me to stay Jac: Maybe she needed to sort herself out Jac: and she's getting there Jac: our parents shouldn't be our responsibility Savannah: It has to work out here, you know? Savannah: I can't go back Jac: Of course it will Jac: you're going to be fine, amazing Jac: and then you can do your masters and your Ph.D. and then marry a prince and you'll have several royal residences, neither of which will be in Dubo or Sligo Savannah: I'm just sick of things being painful, difficult is fine, but I want it not to hurt Savannah: which is a HUGE overshare if we met today Jac: it's cool Jac: I hear everyone is best friends for life fresher's week Savannah: that makes me feel a lot better Savannah: especially when I pause to consider how many of them I'm likely to cry on before it's over Jac: It's basically tradition Jac: you won't be the only one Jac: moving forward, it's bound to make you think more about what you're leaving behind, even if temporarily Savannah: I've missed you Savannah: sorry if that's like leaping over a boundary or something Jac: I wouldn't have bet on that being what you said, should I ever see you again Jac: but it's better than what I would've Savannah: It's not like this with anyone else Savannah: I can't change that Jac: I never really Jac: like I went out, people would talk to me, I'm not trying to sell a sob story here Jac: but you're right Jac: it was never the same with anyone else, not remotely Savannah: I've given you mine already, so if you have one, it's okay to tell it or not Savannah: even if I'm so embarrassed I did that Jac: Seriously, no need Jac: you were there to witness my unfinest hour Jac: I treated lots of people like shit Jac: Is, mainly Jac: but you too, in lots of ways Jac: not proud of it, but I changed, still am, hopefully Savannah: I hope you don't change too much though Jac: Yeah? Savannah: I thought you were perfect how you were Jac: And I'm the sweet one Savannah: we both made mistakes, but that's human Jac: It's been a while since anyone's accused me of being human Jac: all those exams Jac: 🤖 felt more fitting Savannah: & you look so 👼🏻 Jac: You look as flawless as you ever did Savannah: My auntie mailed all her good skincare to Sligo Jac: expect no less 🙌 Savannah: the fresher air was 🙌 Savannah: even if the rural accents took me by surprise Jac: 😵 or 🥴 surprise though? Savannah: not like 😊 😋 😍 😘 🥰 Jac: the accent here is pretty 🤭 Jac: though Savannah: which one? 😄 Jac: Valid Jac: very town VS gown Savannah: which one though? Savannah: tell me Jac: The original Savannah: very Romeo & Juliet of you Jac: Oh no Jac: am I that cliche now? Savannah: we'll see Jac: Sounds slightly concerning Jac: but I'll do my best to subvert expectations Savannah: it'll be concerning if you get distracted by some boy's accent after working this hard to get here Savannah: unless he's a prince, obviously Jac: Not changed that much Jac: I'd get disowned if I married royalty, anyway Savannah: 🚫💍👰 Savannah: just adorable heirs to the throne Savannah: 👶👶👶👶👶 Jac: adorable, illegitimate bastards ❤ Savannah: yes Savannah: or is that another cliche? Jac: Probably Jac: although if we are educated, career women now, any babies is beating expectations Savannah: except not really because every career woman is also determined to become a mother & prove she can have it all Jac: 🚫👶 it is then Jac: maybe a dissertation topic, at any rate Savannah: 😢 Jac: 👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾 Jac: many as you like Savannah: they all need best friends Savannah: you have to stick to the plan Jac: Can I get through freshers first? Savannah: 🤞🏾 Jac: Please, I'm no amateur Savannah: I hope not, I'm single & the point is we do it at the same time Jac: as am I Jac: not feeling any 1st year that hard, thanks 😏 Savannah: you always date older, it's fine Jac: None of our lecturers were the one Jac: another cliche avoided Savannah: I'm not sad about that Jac: There's enough inequality of power about without actively seeking out the dynamic, agreed Savannah: ^^ Jac: the fashion show seems to have got the diversity memo though Jac: could be cool Savannah: it's going to be the highlight, I can feel it Jac: 😄 Jac: I was thinking Tues for our psych night, as nothing much is really going on Jac: what do you think? Savannah: good idea Jac: 👍 Savannah: I'll start the chat if you want Jac: You were always better at talking Savannah: when it's not that important, but when it matters, you always know exactly what to say Savannah: at least to me Jac: You're easy to talk to Jac: in a way I really could never work out Savannah: There's nobody in my life right now who would agreed with that Savannah: so it must be you Jac: my inbox full of unreads would say otherwise but Jac: I'll take it Savannah: okay, it's us together Savannah: does that make you happier? Jac: Better Savannah: your hair got really long Savannah: I'm BEYOND jealous Jac: You've got no reason to be jealous of any other girl in the world Savannah: you're not any other girl in the world Savannah: 🤫🤫 Jac: 😶 Jac: Promise Savannah: it looks beautiful, I can't cope Jac: My 😳 will not Savannah: 💗 Savannah: 🌷 🌺 🌸 Jac: Is that a dress code? Savannah: well NOW it is Jac: 😂 Jac: My wardrobe can accomodate Jac: cheers for the heads up Savannah: you're welcome Savannah: & we're all set until 💬 Jac: I better let you get on then Savannah: was it that good of a conversation starter? Jac: Solid Jac: will scare off anyone 😱 of 💗 🌷 🌺 🌸 Savannah: well I obviously don't need that negativity in my life Savannah: but I didn't mean to end this conversation Jac: We don't have to Jac: What are your plans for the rest of the day, now the obligatory are over? Savannah: don't judge me, because I know I sound like a different person, but I haven't made any Jac: Thank God, me neither Jac: I didn't know how long any of that would take Jac: nor unpacking, which is technically done but that says nothing about the decorating I wanna do Savannah: I could help Jac: Or, slightly more fair, we could check out the town, see what shops are about? Savannah: I'd like that Jac: Cool 🙂 Jac: let's have half an hour to debrief and make sure we don't look 😱 and then head out? Savannah: okay Savannah: you can put your hair up & save my life Jac: oh 🤫 Savannah: I am serious Savannah: 🚗 🚕 🚲 are distraction enough Jac: You could rock a cast Jac: but I won't let it happen Savannah: what would you write on it? Jac: That's a good 🧊breaker Jac: but I'll have to keep that secret for now Savannah: if I ask everyone on Tuesday, will you tell me then? Jac: It's a deal Savannah: it is