#then i wont be able to survive even tho ill be in school i wont be able to pay rent or buy food or anything at all

[growing-up-poor-culture]

Really sorry for the inactivity but I've been dealing with paperwork regarding our benefits the last 3 months.

Vent ahead: tw suicidal ideation, tw cussing, tw trauma(??)

The problems started EVEN before i finished my finals and cuz my parents aren't knowledgable in the language of the country we reside in, I've been dealing with the paperwork from ABROAD, during my FINALS, while going throu a depressive episode and horrible executive dysfunctioning + not taking care of my health and when i finished my exams and returned back home I STILL had to deal with these paperworks. And they even asked for more paperwork and temporarily shut out benefits funding.

Being fucking poor isn't just a state it's your health, physically and mentally and it's so exhausting having to prove you are broke as fuck and need help to survive.

The benefits we get are also literally called MINIMUM WAGE and we are a family of 6 members.

My dad has a minor permanent disability, resulting in him not being able to work at all. Even walking for a bit can cause his back to hurt and then he needs to rest for awhile

My mom has been job hunting but they refuse her jobs due to her garments (they do not state it as it is unlawful but they find any random excuses to say no, or even flat out say they dont need workers when the work office itself sent her there)

My older brother is a university student and is awaiting his renewed ID and is not allowed to work without it, so even if he wanted to get a job he cant

Im also a university student and Ive applied for jobs but im also undiagnosed chronically ill, been so since I was a young child. I have a problem with my muscles/lower leg bones which the doctors still dont know the caus off

The money we receive barely covers our living cost. We never buy clothes , we go to different places that hand out food for help, I'm living at my uni dorms for free and not paying anything at all. thats the only reason my parents are able to send 2 of their children to study ouf the country

Like the only reason Im able to get my education is cuz i dont live in USA (thank god) and therefore public universities are for free.

They can't expect us to drop out of school and work to support our family (especially considering how slow they are at giving us our renewed IDs) .

Studying is the long time investment so we can work in the future and support ourselves

The whole reason i created this account is cuz growing up poor fucking sucked and what sucked even more is being treated as a menance, as if we enjoy living like this

And what's worse is that im slowly losing hope of ever being able to be financially independent and truly thrive.

I losta big portion of my chilhood and adolescence to being poor as heck. I developed fear of buying stuff that even now, that our situation has improved cuz we've been receiving help , i still do not buy necessery food items. I've grown so tired of the situation that I'm even having suicidal ideation. Had my parents not needed me to help them throu this idk what i would have done to myself

And what's even more frustrating is that I can't explain or vent to anyone else about this cuz the situation is so complicated and most ppl wont understand that this is our livelihood and that losing it means we could lose our permit of stay in this country and be kicked out even tho ive grown in this country since i was 8 years old

I apologize for the rant

But if this aint growing up poor culture then what is it?✌✌

[animatedarchives]

oooh your semester ends so early!! :O BUT YOU GOT THIIIS 😭😭 ALWAYS CHEERING FOR YOU!! GET THEM GRADES GET THAT DEGREE GET THAT BREAD!! 💯😤🥐

i've been surviving HAHAHA school Sucks but what new LOL. MY CNY WAS GOOD THO!! i had hot pot with my roommates and it was very delicious 😌😌 no money for me tho bc i'm getting old 🥲 WBU THO BBY!!! how was your cny!! & i hope you had a good one filled w food and 红包 tho huehue 😌🤪

AAHAHAHAHAH THANK YOU BABES 😭😭 you can get through school too iM ROOTING FOR YOUUU 😤🤩🥳

OMG HOTPOT IS SOOOO GOOD HAHAHAHAHA my cny was gREAt i had lots of good yummy food dont worry and i had some moola toO but im getting old as well LOL 🥲🥲 but ya girl still heLLA siNGLE so i wont have to giVe money for a whiLE AHAHAHA 😌😌

i did play cards tho and i wOn sOME mOniEs from that too oMG and I ALSO LEARNED (sort of) HOW TO PLAY MAHJONG THIS YEAR HAHA im not that great i havent even properly played by myself (i just sat next to my friend and we played together) and theres so many rules and things to take note of my tiny brain cannot comprehend 🤧 but its super fun ngl and hOPEFULLY BY NEXT YEAR ILL BE ABLE TO PLAY AHAHAHA

i also wanna bake my own pineapple tarts next year hEHE

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[homestucky]

Davekat fic recs?

hrrmm wow i will have to think. ill probs just check my bookmarks which means i probably wont be able to think of many one chapter fics off the top of my head since i dont tend to bookmark them. also some that havent been updated in yrs i wont put here bcaus thats just frustrating unless theyre rlly notable and may come back i may not link them

also disclaimer that while im not super into smut so its unlikely im gonna recommend just porn fics, some may have some sexy times incidentally i suppose. also a lot of them are dave centric/dave POV bcaus hes my BOY

M.C. Escher that’s my favourite MC by Unda (COMPLETE)  is a wild ride and long but i recommend for sure, very well written n thought out. also check out the other fics in the series bcaus if i recall correctly there are some other shorter fics that unda wrote to give some background or develop characters. but theyre also really great even stand-alone! its finished now and i followed it the whole time :0. cw for child abuse and death 

Within, Without by reinkist (COMPLETE)  i actually read a long time ago so i dont remember it so well. i do remember thinking it was pretty great tho, so i do recommend it. i should probably go back for a reread some time. its just a really good meteor fic that explores everything you’d want it to, and does that well, u kno? its like the fic that u wanted to exist but couldnt find. but here it is!

Doc Scratch’s School for Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents by medical  (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED)is great, its like a multichapter magic/superhero au thing. its fun and characters in it are rlly well developed, like, i do enjoy a davekat fic which has a good and significant rose characterisation in there too. but theres some serious plot goin in in here too…. very exciting. 

To Be Taken Care Of by shitstuck  (COMPLETE)is good, its god some deep convos about troll v human culture and stuff, some rosemary too. bit of body horror but if i can handle it its not too bad. i just reread it lol. the epilogue changes the tone of things a bit n id be interested to know other peoples thoughts on that ;_;

Don’t Forget the Sun by Weevilo707 is rlly good but sadly NOT COMPLETE AND HASNT BEEN UPDATED IN AGES :@!! hope the authors doin ok  (EDIT: APPARENTLY the author is not planning on updating this one again, but i still think its a good read :^) )

Book Covers by turntechGeneticist717  (COMPLETE) is rlly great also!! big recommend. dave is lookin after a babby dirk as his big brother in college. i havent read it in a while but i remember when it was updating being like !!!!!!!!!!!Aaa!! also there are others in the series so take a look :)

The Truth is in the Eyes by AcrylicMist  (COMPLETE)is like a rlly mythological/fantasy interpretation of canon post game which is very cool????? like the world is sort of medieval or something but w the gods n magicky stuff. rlly interesting. , very dope again havent read it in a while and am running out of steam for ranting about fics but!! yea its sweet w an intriguing plot

The Eurydice Suite by callmearcturus  (COMPLETE) !!!!!!!!!!! i love this fic so much like its bonkers n i just. its like an inception sort of inspired au and i have NEVER watched inception but im just super into the concept. its just. a rlly amazing well written fic w perfect pacing and characterisation like the plot is like a beautiful spider web where time flicks back and forth yet makes perfect sense. theres such a sense of atmosphere. ive reread it so many times. also!!1111111 i love the dave in it, and i love the strilondes family relationsy stuff!! i also feel like it ties everything up rlly nicely despite having like all the main characters in it p much. hell yeaaaa. its my fav by this author whos an AMAZING writer like they just DROP U IN to the world with so much confidence and drop context and background in at a perfect pace so ur never confused but always intrigued. but often i find the atmosphere in their fics almost TOO intense u know?? like i feel like i wake up in a ditch after reading one like wh,,h who am i?? i hate using this word but the writing is weirdly like… “sensual” which i think means the writing is great, rlly strong atmosphere but im not  always 100% able to handle it. this one does not make me feel so dazed and its just.. yess

The Lucky Ones by daniomalley (COMPLETE) is another one i followed as it came out. a cool spacey au. sorry i cant think of anything else to say aaaa

Off Court by levvan (ON HIATUS?) is great tho strong themes of abuse from the start. not that none of the above have that if i havent said so uhhhh yea be wary of the tags i guess. but yes. 

three rounds and a sound by skitpost (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) is rlly great, like a magic school au. very excited to see whats gonna happen next :0

We’re All Friends & Family Here (And Frankly, We’re Sick Of Your Shit) byLandOfMistAndSecrets (COMPLETE) is TECHNICALLY a dirkjake fic but it has very cute little pastiches of other characters and the DK ones are very cute and well characterised

An Alien and a DJ Walk into a Bar (and Accidentally Start a Relationship) by Kadaaver (APPEARS TO BE ON HIATUS) i was p into when it was still updating. theres not actually MUCH relationship stuff yet if i recall correctly but still. good. and i enjoy the characterisation of dave being p socially anxious.

turntechGodhead is offline by forestknifefight (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) well relatively recently. i like this one a lot! theres some good beta kid friendship and some good karkat.

Astronomy in Reverse by PunkZucchini, sicklekind (ON HIATUS>??????) cute + features BIGKAT is i recall correctly

Bring You Down by acedavestrider (COMPLETE) idk what to say about this but thats not a criticism. its just a legit cute fic that is good for the heart. human au, earth n whatever. karkat is a student nurse!! yeaa! thats kind of incidental but i like it

Survival of the Richest by ireallyloveicecream (HIATUS???) theres not a lot of it but im so intrigued. some kind of a fae/magic fairy folk kinda thing

Californian Son by LivTC (COMPLETE BUT THERES MORE IN THE SERIES WHICH I HOPE WILL CONTINUE TO BE UPDATED ETC ETC) !! ok this one is kind of sexy n angsty and daves a REAL DICK in it but it rlly well written and i rlly wanna know more jijhihihu

First Contact by yesfir (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) !! its au but like idk scifi, humans having to make a deal with/coexist with trolls. space colonies!! this one is great… good character development and plot… does that great thing of pacing the revelations of the plot rlly gradually so ur like ! somethings happening here and i must know more!!!

Feathered by AlloftheFandom  (UNFINISHED, RECENTLY UPDATED) this ones exciting :3 karkat has only just been introduced to it. its like a magicky world w a bit of mild body horror so far. some good strilondes also… has anyone noticed that i need strilonde family relations in a fic i love….

Soulmates by egossweetheart  (UNFINISHED (fairly..?) RECENTLY UPDATED) this is a souleater au which i dont know a lot about??? but its cool, i am suitably intrigued. bit of body horror. idk as always check the tags. idek why im bothering to specify that. anyways,

 Vladimir and Estragon Cope with Their Trauma by Volo (UNFINISHED RECENTLY UPDATED ETC) afterlife au. so yea TW death. im into it tho

The Importance of Being Karkat by choicescarfsylveon (UNFINISHED RECENTLY UPDATED ETC) karkat has a radioshow, dave is kind of a dick. some parts of that change. i wont spoil which. theres something deeper goin on too…….. mysterios….

anyways here are some fics that i think are cool. sorry it took ages i just wanted to give it a good effort ukno?? its not an exhaustive list but its what i found. thanks to all these authors and hey, while we’re at it, all fanfic authors!! good work and i hope u all know how appreciated it is. anyways i have a headache so i guess ill finish this up. peace!

[leecherish]

yikes i hate how energetic i am for a while when im on very little sleep  im skipping classes rn bc i slept like 5 hours and i might have survived high school on 5-6 hours of sleep on average but.... i just can’t anymore but even tho i know i wont be able to pay attention and ill be just overexterting myself, i feel guilty for staying home aaaaahhhhhh

[tfw-no-tennis]

Greetings, comrade LJ! I am about to start college in a month and I was wondering if you could bless me with some wisdom on how to survive my first semester! (Feel free to publish this tbh some other youngins might need the help too)

oh my god i am SO sorry i just saw this, tungle literally never told me i recieved this what the hell!!! i will happily give you some wisdom even if youve already started college oh man im sorry. hopefully this still helps!!! for reference im a biology major so some of this might not apply well to other majors lol

ok my first wisdom is to never get books unless you have to. these days, professors know most students dont actually use books so they dont bother really using the books for the tests...the exception is for labs (science labs, at least) where you typically will need to buy the lab guide to do hw and stuff. generally if you think you might need a book, wait a bit before getting it - even if the professor says you ABSOLUTELY need it. sometimes they just have to say that but you wont really need it. if you can, rent, and rent used! books are generally a waste, the way they get your money nowadays is HW access codes. yes....paying to do HW. how great 

ratemyprofessor is a fantastic resource, but do be wary of certain reviews - students can be salty about failing a class and give a bad review for a professor who doesnt deserve it. also, make sure you're looking at the correct class (upper left corner of the review) for the professor 

if you can, make friends in a class and work together on stuff (hw, quizzes), and then you can share notes if one of you misses class and stuff

in terms of missing class, id say its up to your judgment if you skip or not - it honestly depends on the class. some classes i barely went to, some i never missed. freshman year i barely skipped class (probably a good idea as you get the feel of it) but once you go on, you'll be able to tell if you need to go to class (generally if the professor just teaches from ppts and doesn't require attendance, you might be able to miss. depends on how you learn tho!) 

labs you generally cant miss (again, science labs) or youll like get set on fire or something. its bad. you can usually make it up with an excuse or if you know ahead of time, tho 

be friends with your professors and TAs! go to office hours! especially if you're planning or grad/professional school and want rec letters. altho!! dont stress abt future plans too much. you really, really have time. theres no rush to go to school after undergrad at all so if you dont have your shit together. DONT WORRY

this has probably become irrelevant for you but id suggest leaving waaaay early for your first day of class so you can find your classroom ok and get a good seat

free stuff is lit. get free stuff whenever you can. if you find a pen somewhere? take it its yours now

if you do well in a class and enjoy it, id suggest trying to become a tutor for it. you probably make some money, its not usually too much work, and you enjoy it if thats the kind of thing you're into. its especially helpful if youre planning on going into something relating to that subject someday, so then you can keep up to date on it

getting involved is also a good idea!! theres so many clubs and stuff at universities, so theres usually something for everyone. it can be scary going alone, but youll usually end up meeting people there. theres typically not too much pressure to keep coming consistently, so if you need time off from a club you can take it easily.  

libraries can be a great place to study dont knock em i sure did until like last year which was a mistake. imo focusing is easier in a library than in my room, that might just be me tho!!

cliques arent really a ‘thing,’ you might end up with a friend group or two but college is not nearly as cliquey as HS. i have a lot of friends now who i KNOW i wouldnt have even talked to in HS just based on the fact that we wouldve run in different social circles back then. dont limit yourself by thinking ‘oh, we’re too different’ or something, you’d be surprised how well you click with people you didnt think youd get along with!

cafeteria food,,...is usually bad. it tends to be a lot better when theres tours going on, so try to remember that lol

this is already so long im sorry lol, ill stop here but let me know if you (or anyone else reading this) have any questions or want any specific advice!! im a senior in college now so im basically an expert lol (though my knowledge is limited by certain things like being a STEM major, living on campus without a car, living away from home, etc) but i love talking about stuff like this!!!! i wish you the best of luck in college and again im really sorry i didnt see this until like 2 months after you sent it, i hope college is going well for you!!! and for everyone else who started recently!!! also ill tag you to make sure you see this, i cant remember if it alerts you lol @rated-r-for-grantaire

[okwilliamson]

Q’s hunty

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with: 

hmm, eyebrows, vans, ice coffee, glasses, & loud laughs                        bleeding heart: what makes you heart go mushy? 

getting my head scratched, dont really have hair to play w lol, and also when people are vulnerable with me, a boy sighing happily, kissing, holding hands 

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

a song that make me happy is feeling good by micheal buble & cool girl by tove lo , smile by lily allen, foundations by kate nash, hamilton soundtrack lol, 

evening primrose: what’s your sleeping playlist (give me 5 songs)?

wow um blond by frank ocean is good to sleep to, lorde’s pure heroine album 

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog who isn’t following you?

a lot idk ugly is one of my fav blogs 

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

wow idk,magical plants i guess like in harry potter that gives harry gills would be pretty sick, also the plants from the first movie where theyre in the pit of like vines that they have to sit still

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

i love both of these, rainy nights are nice when youre with friends but when youre alone its like kinda sad, sunny days are nice for everyone 

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

i love all kinds of colors, purple, greens, blues, grey all kinds of stuff 

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

ive always wanted to have money- never had any money - probs wont ever have any money is this too real 

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember? 

HAHAHAHHA ok so i had a dream about a crazy dream about art school but i was like in my highschool but it was a huge party and i was like hanging out with everyone and i like slid into this boys group and was hangning out with him and it was literally this boy whos in my science class his name is parker hes fucking 6′10 and has huge hands and i sweat to god hes not even cute i just wanna know how big his dick must be /// anyways i slept with parker in my dream LOL 

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

cotton candy is like all one flavor right? my fav ice cream depends i love moose tracks and mint chocolate chip and juice probs like orange juice or tropical punch maybe? hi c orange is lit too 

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

i love to sing and dance but i am TERRIBLE at both 

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

most fav is my lipsticks probably & eyebrow pomade lips are more natural brows are dark 

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

butterfly & dog :-) 

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

yes i do sooooo much, usually i want cookies like wow i could slam some cookies all the time also deep fried things like churros and funnel cakes 

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

ummmm probs a fairy im not into oceany things so much 

sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other? 

i call my boy bae, bb, baby, babe, hunny, i call everyone by pet names tho like its not even a special thing until i like find something special for them 

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

i can swim but like if i had to swim to survive idk if i would be able to 

windflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why i like them

ugh i dont wanna think this hard 

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

baker for sure bc i never really make a whole dinner i just make cookies and cake 

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children? 

bye i dont want kids 

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?  

i wish they would have told me not to let boys determine my worth & also that being bitter about drugs and alcohol is like a waste of time 

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

yes but no 

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person? 

sunshine but not like that bright bc i dont have sunglasses 

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early? 

i wake up early bc of classes, but when i can sleep in i do. im usually in bed early just bc im lazy 

marigold: what’s your favorite tea? 

arizona tea in the big ass cans 

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets? 

Bo and Frank :-) 

hyacinth: do you name your plants? 

i helped my sister name her succulents and i said to name one brian 

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends? 

i would like to combine these two things be cozy with ur friends 

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is? 

i love ketchup, and if theres like canes sauce or bbq or honey mustard ill dip into that shit too 

dandelion: any special talent that you have? 

literally no im so boring 

[abstracttheworld]

hahah im stuck in a neverending loop of “not enough time” because adhd and time management sucks and i have to take time to destress or i wont be able to function with any sort of energy or patience

unless i hit stage i once hit before of “gotta get done no choice” where literally all i did was work and sleep and be depressed and angry and sad all the time and basically just block out the world desperately- and i dont want to go back to that. and i know someday ill have to hit a point in my life where i have to work constantlyand be tired to be able to survive but right now i DONT have to and I kind of want to take advantage of that time by using it to get other shit done besides just WORK and not really MOVE FORWARD

like actually getting past my driver anxiety and practicing until it isnt a big event

like getting my fucking its-year-3-of-a-1-year-certificate program.

like having time and energy to be able to help mom with house stuff without constantly running the countdown until next WORK aka prison until i get home and can let loose again

like SEE MY IRL friends whom ive been neglecting when they are fucking AMAZING to me

i just :( i dont want to make the people at work feel bad- theyve been so good to me! and i hate to leave but currently im not at a place where i can do everything at once and not lose my mind

and im afraid to admit it to them because what if they think im lazy? what if i come off like my fuicking ex “cant be a secretary its too boring” wife? what if my parents suddenly have shit happen and I cant help cause i dont have a job anymore because i went back to school? what if i make all these plans and i fuck up?? what if i give up what i have now and cant get it back?? what if theyre mad or disappointed i didnt stay to help them? what if they try their best to encourage me that i can get work and school and other life crap done all at once and I cant? what if i have to admit that i cant? At least not right now..im not strong enough. I might be one day but right now everything seems daunting and honestly i only got into this shit this quick because i made a dumb fucking desicion at 18 that i thought i knew someone well that i never actually met and that spiraled into changing my life plan that my parents agreed on to be live at home and just focus on school and only school for like the foreseeable future and THEN worry about work, into need a job NOW need to prepare to make a HOME LIFE OF MY OWN very SOON.

If I had never said yes, I wonder where i would be? I knew even tho i hated every second of my big misadventure, I grew. And I want to keep growing but im afraid. What if I’ve already hit my peak? What if it never gets better? What am i going to do, only a few short years from now when I DO HAVE to get work as much as i can and make a household? will i be stronger? will i just collapse into myself and go back to pretending everything is okay every day when i want to scream?

things would be so much easier if i wasnt tired and stressed all the time like- im just so tired. and rikght now for real cause i did a 9 1/2 hour shift on an hour of sleep while having a cold but like...goddamn. :(

[tenthkwon]

Dear Prodigy,

What up Dunn?

Its beena solid year since you transitioned from this plane and shit aint really been the same since you dipped out. Since i never got a chance to rap with you in person- face to face, ill just do it here. 

You really were that dude, yo. You raised a whole genration of grimey 80′s, 90′s, and early 2000′s babies- in a time when the plastic raps been reigning, you held the torch through the rockiest of storms. All my white homies had hardcore punkrock to listen to while they wyl’d out, my black homies had gucci, flocka, etc and here  I was bumpin yo shit.. shit was like therapy for a young tenth. even tho i cant articulate my pain(s) in this earth, you were able to, and that shit was like going to therapy for ya boy. 

Here is where you really impacted me; you provided the theme and soundtrack to being young, and wild, but really the whole time, you were dropping so much street knowledge and math that it was just going over my head crazy, it had to be digested- like any real information has to be.  Through your audio, I learned how balance is vital to survive this earth school. One must know his right hand, and his left hand- for they must know that the right hand can destroy the left hand if the right is not equally equipped, but also, i learned that you can reverse the wrongs of your right, with your left- real balance, and so on and so forth. I feel really isolated in this world, similar to how you felt on Mac10- often even when im in a room full of people, I feel all alone- sometimes ready to mash sum’, all while having a smile on my face..

One day, I know that I too will leave this earth school, and you and me, will chop it up. I got a lot of questions to ask you, but I wont ask them here, ill wait until that day. 

[painandselfhatred]

life is too stressful the pharmacy im forced to use is fucking with me i cant get the accutane even after i did everything they said and they wont give me my needles for t which i NEED cuz i cant use the 18g again it doesnt fucking work and i still havent gotten a job and the only jobs i can get sound awful and make me wanna kms and the thought of having any kinda job rly makes me wanna kms and i crashed my parents car which they needed cuz my moms car got ruined and so now they only have one and im stuck in a shitty abusive home and i dont think ill ever be able to survive on my own i cant do anhthing right im going nowhere with my life i cant make myself go to even community college and i cant handle talking to people like a normal fucking person and conflict terrifies me and all my dreams are either dead or ive given up on them and i never follow through on anything and im just a useless worthless waste of space and so maybe i really should give up. my head is constantly fuzzy and im always forgetting things and getting distracted and i cant remember anything from before highschool and i get random flashbacks and panic attacks constantly and i can never think straight and im constantly fucking DISSOCIATING and its just getting worse and worse and im in constant pain but nobody believes me or wants to help and i cant handle being an adult at all and everyones constantly harrassing me about getting a jpb or going to school bUT I CANT OK I CANT I FUCKING CANT LEAVE MW ALONE and i just feel so absolutely hopeless and worthless and anything i say i wanna do i never follow through on i havent even started that webcomic. my datemate doesnt actually love me theyre just pretending and even if they do im a disgusting jealous fuck who doesnt deserve such a good person like them. and i dont even know who or what i am i dont understand anything and im barely here anymore. i probably could get on disability but sinve im forced to live with my parents they wont pay me shit and also i have no idea how and nOBODY WILL HELP ME CUZ NOBODY FUXKING LISTENS. im so hopeless nothing i do matters bcuz i never do anything and i just dont deserve to be alive i cant handle existence i feel so trapped ill never be able to live on my own i couldnt even figure out what to do when getting in an accident i cant handle anything i feel so sick of myself i cant do this im a worthless excuse for a human being. im utterly disgusted withmyself and my body i feel like a freak and awful and obnoxious and annoying and the flashbacks dont help even tho i dont even know whats happening during them and i feel so detatched from my own fucking life like whats even the point. i need a job to leave but i cant handle any job so i cant leave and i cant even find a job that will hire me i cant do anything right and even if i did ill probably want to lill myself before i even start or within the first few weeks because im just that hopeless. im giving it a week to get better and if it or i cant improve im going to kill myself this is it i cant take it anymore i cant take the hell that is my existence. altho i might do some stuff right now because i cannt handle this