#then i won't get so much buildup on my scalp

[advisorsage]

I hate hate hate the way my brain is wired right now

I got overstimulated cause I haven't showered in too long (depression and dysphoria make it hard along with chronic pain) and wasn't wearing comfy clothes (my shirt had a literal collar around my neck which makes me feel like I can't breath and I was wearing pants I don't typically wear all for an interview) plus I was out longer than anticipated

I finally get home and take a shower

I can't use soap cause the soap feeling will make the overstimulated feeling come back and be worse and I don't feel like attacking anyone tonight

I notice a *slight* build up of dead skin on my arm

I start scrubbing at it

I can't stop

I end up scrubbing everywhere I can reach on my body so hard I leave marks and clog the hair catcher

I finally move on to my scalp

The gunk won't stop

I scrub in the shower for over 2 hours

I finally get out of the shower and dry off

More dead skin

I rub at it with the towel until it hurts

I ask someone I live with (she picks at my scalp all the time) to see if she wants to try getting three last of the gunk off

She informs me I can't get it without shampoo

I now need another shower

...and I'm itchy like I was before my shower

[blairelythere]

Hi, sorry for bothering you, but you're hot as heck, and as someone who recently left her eggshell, I wanted to ask. How do I get as hot as you, or even half as hot as you?

Thank you so much 🥰

I can't attest to if I'm super hot or not, but I can tell you what you can do to help improve your own self-confidence!

Ass exercises.

So much ass exercise. My life is ass exercise. Squats. Fallouts. Kettlebell swings. Running. And eat lots of lean protein while doing this so it builds muscle properly. Don't skimp on fatty foods if you're doing HRT because your body will be distributing those fats to new places.

Skin care.

Exfoliate. Use body and face lotion. Find a step-by-step routine. Avoid foods that cause breakouts and oil buildup. Use under-eye serum.

Hair care.

Find a high-end shampoo and conditioner designed specifically for your type of hair. Find a wash cycle that's healthy for your scalp (ie. Don't wash your hair every single day). Use a satin pillowcase so the oils aren't stripped from your hair.

Sleep.

Go to sleep at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every day. This does amazing things for your skin, mental health, and energy. It is very hard to get into the rhythm of, but your body will be so happy once it does.

Clothing.

Test LOTS of clothing and find what shapes to your body in a flattering way. You won't find things immediately, but don't give up. This is one of the biggest parts of trial and error that you'll go through. It takes so much time and research to find clothing styles, stores, and accessories that you like. Be patient with yourself.

Good luck to your life beyond the eggshell! 💛

[flickeringflame216]

Same hair!!! same hair!!! If you don't mind telling, what products do yoy use/how do you care for your hair? I had it figured out when I lived in the middle east and now that I'm back in the States I cannot keep it from frizzing and just...NOT listening to me!

ooh nice! *high fives*

Ok so. I cut my hair really, really short a little more than a year ago. I'm talking 3/4 inch buzz cut short.

This ^^ is about what it looks like now, a year and a half and a lot of maintenance cuts later. The care is very different now compared to when it was long, so I'll do my best to remember since I assume your hair is longer.

So I grew up not knowing at ALL how to care for my hair. It was generally kind of a mess. I feel ya on the stubborn frizz, friend! Best advice is to mess around and find out. Experiment! Find what works for you! I tried soooo many products and did a lot of research to figure out my hair! Like with anything else, people will do a lot of yelling on the internet about how bad X thing is for your hair. Especially sulfates and silicones, people looooove to yell about those. (Note: I did end up avoiding sulfates and silicones, but I won't yell at people who can use them in their hair scot-free.) Take it with a grain of salt. I'm not a professional but here are some things that worked well for my hair when it was longer (it oscillated between collarbone and past bra-strap length when dry for awhile):

Wash day: I washed my hair once a week or at most every 5 days. Even though I have very coarse individual strands and my hair doesn't look fragile, it's prone to breakage if it gets too dry.

Scalp: My scalp was getting a bit crusty from the new wash routine! Product buildup is real. I got a silicone scalp scrubber from Walmart--nothing fancy, it was probably like $7. I still use it even though my hair is short now--it cleans effectively and gets rid of that icky scalp feeling for me.

After-shower routine: My hair (this applies to curly hair in general, i think) hates being combed or brushed when dry. That means I had to get products in and set up the "structure" of my hair, or how I wanted it to look when it was dry, while it was still wet. This is the cheap version--I get my haircare products at Walmart and don't own a diffuser. If you can afford better products/tools, more power to ya!

Wash day routine-- a. detangle before getting in the shower! I would sometimes dampen my hair with a spray bottle or just in the sink beforehand to make this easier. A chunky wide-tooth comb can help detangle, and you want to go slowly to avoid breakage. b. wet hair and wash with the shampoo of your choice (I'll list some that have worked for me below). You can use a scrubber thingamajig or just your fingers. c. rinse out the shampoo and condition. I had to use way more conditioner that I thought I would at first, since my hair was so dry. Then I would let the conditioner sit there while I did the rest of my shower routine. When my hair was near waist-length I would tie it up with a scrunchie in the shower so it was out of the way and the conditioner stayed in. d. rinse out almost all the conditioner. I would leave a very small amount in, again because of dryness. If that's not a problem for you skip this step--again, experiment til you find what works! e. I found that terry cloth towels destroyed my hair. If that's a problem for you, try microfiber towels or an old cotton t-shirt. Some people swear by styling their hair soaking wet, but that never worked for me since it had to air dry. I dried it to medium damp and then added products f. only on wash day, I would scrunch in some kind of medium-hold gel. Get your curls hydrated and defined at this stage! There are lots of methods for this. I never had to do much besides the gel and the scrunching, but there are some great resources I can link if you need them. Once your hair is 80-90% dry, scrunch again from the ends to the roots to get rid of the "cast" (the crunchy feeling from the gel). And that's day 1 hair! usually it's a bit less voluminous than your rest-of-the-week hair, but has great curl definition.

All the other days-- I put my hair up in a pineapple in the shower and avoided getting it wet. Then I'd use a spray bottle with a fine mist (also from walmart eyyyy) to dampen the shaft of my hair (so avoiding soaking the roots) and scrunch gently. This reactivates the product (whether gel or something else) from day one. I'd add a small amount of mousse or leave-in conditioner, depending on what I was doing with my hair that day and how it was looking. Then you just mess with it a little to get it where you want and voila! Ready to go!

Sleep-- I covered my hair to sleep. Usually with a little bandeau or scarf of some kind, just to keep it from getting frizzballed from rolling against my pillowcase. You could also get a silk pillowcase, which is said to help with that, but I personally never did (silk be expensive).

Products-- Right now I use Native shampoo and conditioner and Maui moisture curl mousse and that's it. When my hair was longer I bounced around a lot. Maui moisture shampoo and conditioner (I know I used the Heal & Hydrate and Nourish & Moisture specifically) worked pretty well, and smells AMAZING, but beware of silicones in some of their conditioners if you're avoiding them. I also used their gel. I tried Aussie and didn't love them for my hair, I tried Shea Moisture and their stuff was better but hit-or-miss for me from product to product. The Hairitage line wasn't bad, but again I think they used silicones in their conditioners. Native works well for my hair now, but I never used them when I had long hair so idk. Also they're a wee bit pricey compared to what I'm used to (but they have great sales). Hopefully this is a good starting point and you can find what works for you! Hit me up if something was unclear or you have more questions--or just to share something that went well! It was tons of fun rambling (sorry this is so long) so thanks for the ask, friend! ~Zaki P.S. Do you mind telling where in the middle east? I get it if you can't share or don't want to, just asking because my Dad is Egyptian (that's where the curls come from lol) and I was curious if you're also from around there!

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

just a reminder for my friends with itchy scalp and dandruff that it's not always caused by scalp dirtiness or buildup. If you're using all kinds of clarifying shampoos and find that your problem returns in full force shortly after you shower it might be that your scalp is dry, not dirty. I spent years struggling to get my scalp to stop itching and flaking and it turns out that I just have chronically dry skin on my head. I bought jojoba oil to try to revive my dead ends and put some on my scalp out of curiosity after seeing some hair oiling Tiktoks. Now I'm able to survive between showers without itching my scalp raw. I massage it in, let it sit for 10 or so minutes, and then wash and condition my hair as normal. I also recommend moving away from clarifying shampoos to something advertised as moisturizing or nourishing, if your hair feels like straw after you shampoo it you might be stripping too much of your natural hair oil off. If you're someone who switches and gets an oily scalp during warmer, wetter weather you can go back to using a clarifying shampoo during the warmer months.

If nothing you try is working, a dermatologist will likely be able to find the cause and help you fix it. Some scalp irritation is caused by a larger issues like psoriasis, eczema, allergies, or a scalp yeast infection that you won't be able to treat on your own. Dandruff and itchy scalp are real, often disruptive problems that you deserve relief from.

[commiekinkshamer]

hey I just wanted to reassure you that itching TOTALLY can be psychosomatic. All anybody has to do is mention certain bugs around me and I start scratching and getting anxious even when I know there aren't any near. Every time I've seen a post of yours about this I start scratching my head and I definitely don't have them. It's a very easy thing for anxiety to cause. if your bf looked and didn't see anything, you're almost definitely in the clear. Dandruff is probably the culprit and that can be caused by oily scalp, product buildup, or just your scalp reacting to some change. That said if you ever DO have l*ce it's really not a huge deal, it's unlikely to be in your clean clothes and won't stray far from a food source so it's just washing & heated drying your sheets as normal and doing a hair treatment, then pouring boiling water over your brushes or just visually making sure they're clean. It's def one of the very easiest to deal with, you've dealt with worse.

I hope this doesn't come off as like condescending I just have some similar anxiety buttons so I wanted to tell you - you're gonna be fine, you probably don't have them but if you ever do they're SO easy to get rid of.

Tysm!! Not condescending at all- and honestly after the p****rm experience literally not much worse lol truly! Not to be gross but I basically confirmed it was dry skin or dandruff? The white flakes are not attaching to my hair, and nits cling to hair. And yeah my boyfriend didn’t see anything so I’m feeling a lot better now! I got some medicated shampoo although I’m not sure if it will work. I had this problem when I was kid and my grandmother (who’s ultra scared of parasites like me) took me to a doctor snd he said it was a type of dandruff caused by dry skin not a fungal problem, and there’s certain treatments you use for that that differ, and definitely not lice, so idk why I panicked so much but yeah. Im going to try to get some moisture treatments too.

💕🙏

[afromeda]

Wash Day & Moisturizing Routine

So from start to finish, a regular wash day for me takes about 1-1.5 hours. If my mum is helping me out with detangling & braiding, or I need to do a specific condition treatment, it can go to 2-2.5 hours total. I've learned to modify my routine to not have it last the whole day. I wash my hair about once a week. That's usually a Natural No No 😂 but it works for me. My hair doesn't like going even two weeks without a wash—one month is a death sentence. I definitely don't wash it every day. Now that's too much. Find your balance!

Planning when to have your wash day can help! You'll have less stress while doing your hair and can take the time to give proper care and going through your techniques.

Here, I'm just going to go over the most normal routine. There are days I may do bentonite clay treatments or protein conditioning that I set up different recipes for, but putting all those here would make this long post take forever to scroll through lol. If you'd like, use my routine as an example for your own regimen!

1) Prep

For my hair, I use Eden BodyWorks products. I keep my shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom to make this easier. I bring along a wide tooth comb and section my hair into 4 big pieces. You can do this with clips or braids! I use braids and really only make them tight at the ends so they don't unravel but still allow water to touch my roots.

2) Wash

I wet my hair thoroughly with hot water (not too hot!). While in braids, I apply shampoo to my roots/scalp, making sure I scratch out buildup. If I know it won't take just one lather of shampoo to wash it off—like if there's gel stuck to the majority of hair stands—I'll take the braids out by section and scrub those as well.

I apply conditioner to each section by unbraiding them, comb through while there is a generous amount of conditioner, then I'd braid them up again. You can leave this in for about 3-5 mins.

While you wait, you can do other things: wash yourself, shave, etc. If you're doing a deep conditioning, you could also throw on a plastic cap and go about your business since these ask for 30 mins to an hour. If you're in the shower for wash day, it may be harder to jump out and right back in; for longer times, it's totally better to get out than stand in your shower for an hour. That's self torture.

When it's time to rinse, you'd want to use cooler water. Hot water "opens" your hair strands, allowing the water to move in and out more freely. The cooler water would "close" your strands, locking in more water and nutrients from the conditioner. Ideally, your final rinse should be cold water. It would also help cut down on frizz (usually... Unless your hair is like mine and has its own laws).

And that's the "wash" part! I undid my braids before rinsing off the conditioner to see where my shrinkage was when my hair is wet. Parting is easier when my hair is wet as well, so putting it back into sections after a mini photoshoot was no problem. You can even see my array of curl patterns and frizz starting to set in.

3) Lock In Moisture

The less-fun-but-important part is moisturizing. Yes, I did do that in the wash, but this is more about keeping the moisture as well as making sure my hair is all packed with moisture and nutrients.

If I'm planning a style for work or something, I would do new parts so my hair can fall how I want it to. If I'm not going anywhere where I need to really dress up, but I'm still going out, I do about 8 braids so their manageable. Otherwise, I stick to 4 big braids just to keep them safe and tucked away until I remoisturize in about 2-3 days. This part will vary largely on how you want it. While I work on one section, I keep the others braided so they don't go messing me up.

I use the LCO method for each section: leave-in (or liquid), cream, and oil. Something about the oil going last just really works on my hair. I used to do cream last and it would spike up the frizz. I apply my leave-in conditioner, my curl defining cream, finger detangle to make sure everything all in my hair and at every strand and end. I use my mixture of Haitian castor oil and peppermint oil to seal it all in (I believe black castor oil is the same if you see it in stores. I just make my own mix). When I'm done, I braid my hair and move on.

Note: natural castor oil doesn't smell the best. So in addition to stimulating the scalp/follicles, the peppermint obscures the scent. Win-win.

By the end, my hair is fresh and braided. And that's it! If my ends are frayed, I just do a quick trim while they're still braided. By the next day, my hair is dry and ready for a braidout—or it'll stay in braids for a couple days more.

To remoisturize: after a few days, I would unbraid the hair, spray water on it (I have those spray things. Target, beauty supply stores, and similar places have them for cheap), and use leave-in conditioner and oil. The curl defining cream can get too heavy for my hair if I apply it too often. With a lighter cream, it may be possible to use!