#then i was like huh sounds like something kdj would do and i like bullying yjh

[headphonemouse]

Follow up to this post brought to you by @forgetme-eternally-blissfully, in fanfic snippet format because I gave up on drawing the comic (the fanfic was supposed to be a comic draft but I added too many details)

Kim Dokja lays on the ground among the rubble of a ruined building. He twitches a little before his eyes open. The world is blurry. In the distance, he can see a dark blur fluttering around his surroundings. As his vision comes into focus, he can recognize Yoo Joonghyuk searching through the debris.

A sharp pain coming from his side causes Kim Dokja to let out a groan as he struggles to push himself up to a sitting position. The sound catches Yoo Joonghyuk's attention and immediately he starts making a beeline in Kim Dokja's direction.

As Yoo Joonghyuk approaches, Kim Dokja takes note of Yoo Joonghyuk's tattered coat, his bloodstained body, the wounds on his face, hands, legs. None too serious though some deep enough to inevitably leave scars later.

Yoo Joonghyuk is getting closer, kneeling down, reaching his hand out towards Kim Dokja's face, making a move to pull Kim Dokja in when Kim Dokja decides to open his mouth.

"You're not losing your balance and having trouble standing are you? I'm not going to carry you on my back this time."

"Shut up," is all Yoo Joonghyuk says as he wraps his arms around Kim Dokja's shoulders. His grip is tight, one hand on the back of Kim Dokja's head, the other circled around his upper back.

There is a gash in Kim Dokja's side that throbs with pain. Blood loss has his head spinning and his vision blurring again. From where his face is pressed into Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder, Kim Dokja can smell blood, sweat, smoke. Buildings continue to crumple in the background and the sound of something falling pitters in his ears. His hands tense and untense, relax and remain by his sides.

Kim Dokja lets out a breath and leans into Yoo Joonghyuk, just slightly. Just enough so that Yoo Joonghyuk can tighten his hold by a hair.

----------

Author's notes (what would normally be my image caption):

I said in the referenced post that Kim Dokja has no trouble reciprocating affection once someone else initiates, but I think Yoo Joonghyuk is the exception. Always exceptional, that one. At least during the Scenarios.

Kim Dokja can read his movements, see what Yoo Joonghyuk is aiming to do, can read his mind, dammit. But he can't comprehend his actions. Yoo Joonghyuk acting in a way that Kim Dokja doesn't know about is something that happens more and more often as time goes on, and serves as a reminder of the wall that exists between a protagonist and a reader, but also the wall that exists between two normal people. Because at this moment, Kim Dokja is still struggling to see Yoo Joonghyuk as his own person instead of a protagonist or a 1863x-regressor-to-be. He's blinded by what he knows and has seen in his own past, which he assumes will be Yoo Joonghyuk's future. When he looks at him, does he see those ghosts of the future flickering superimposed over the shape of the man before him? This is the sort of wall that exists between them.

So when Yoo Joonghyuk acts outside of Kim Dokja's expectations, Kim Dokja tries to push them back on course with banter. "Yoo Joonghyuk is getting closer, kneeling down, reaching his hand out towards Kim Dokja's face, making a move to pull Kim Dokja in-" Kim Dokja sees all of this, takes note of all of this, knows what's to come of it. Doesn't understand it one bit. He's not oblivious. It's more like, "Why? Why me? Why would someone feel this way about and want to do these things with me?" He KNOWS the effect he has on people. He intentionally calculates how much he interacts with Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung to ensure their loyalty towards him in the early scenarios (not so much so after like Scenario 5-ish so we're talking early-early scenarios. After that point he more supports them in the direction they want to go (when that direction is the direction he already wanted them to go anyways. something something picking teammates because he knew they were already loyal and righteous by nature, nurturing them so that they would be able to carry out their justice no matter the adversary. He chose them because he knew they were loyal and strong, but they weren't loyal or strong at the time. But they would be in the future. But they wouldn't have been without him. But in another time where he didn't exist they were strong anyways see this is how he is able to have ultimate faith in his party members and know the kind of support he has given them while still being unable to recognize his own value in the grand scheme of things. Because they would have been fine without him, he's SEEN it. This is another wall between him and other people, another future ghost)). So he knows how much influence he has in other peoples' lives. But he values himself so little that he is blind to the emotional, sentimental weight he has to these people. No matter how much he knows he's done for them, he won't see himself as worthy of genuine praise or recognition, affection, love.

So this lack of self recognition extends to his perception of all of his companions, but especially so to Yoo Joonghyuk. Yoo Joonghyuk is probably the person whom Kim Dokja is the most strict about characterization with. Kim Dokja knows him the best, it's true, but he also doesn't know a damn thing about him as a person instead of a character and that makes him feel a certain way. Vulnerable, I think. Lonely. That childish feeling of betrayal when the characters walk off the page without him. There are sides to people and characters that you will never know simply because they weren't observed. And there are sides of people that you have no right to know. It is by becoming a person instead of a reader that you must abide by those rules and give up omniscience. Part of being a person and recognizing another's personhood is to willingly not know everything about them.

Anyways. He's not there yet. Not by Hug Attempt #2. This was supposed to have 3 parts with the last one set after the epilogue but we'll see if I ever get to it.

[skylark325]

Omniscient Readers View Point Read Through

Ch 73-92

Beginning: Ch 1-10

Note: This was so hype AHHHHHH so many of my favourite scenes

———————

"I am also like Dokja-ssi. We are on the same QA team. I heard the same nagging every time and lived with their contempt.

>when an ugly btch calls you twin

[The constellation who has been waiting for a harem carefully puts both hands together.]

>I…a what

WHO?

"You're not a woman."

>…huh?

She refused to admit that she plagiarized to the end. I grabbed her collar.

>ngl dokja i don’t think anyone ever would 😭

"There is no such thing as a meteorite in my novel!" It was surprising. I thought she would've copied this as well. "I have a sealing stone!"

>girl you’re really not helping yourself here

"By the way, I was in pain a lot back then."

Whenever I looked at this guy's face, I felt the '17 year old Kim Dokja' inside me shrink back.

>as someone who was bullied in hs i remember almost crying reading this scene in the manhwa. get his furry ass dokja

"Yes! I'm really really sorry! I-I was young at the time…"

>that’s BULL! you’re not the only one who was young! using your age as a mistake is only justifiable as long it didn’t hurt others. basic empathy isn’t taught with age, it’s something you should know or you’re just a shitty person. and like YOU WERE SEVENTEEN

"First, I will hit you until all my trauma has disappeared.

>oh yeah fuck him up dokja

[Some constellations are disappointed with your hypocrisy.] [Many constellations are questioning your judgment.] [The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is watching your judgment.]

>it’s so interesting to me how sp never actually judges dokja on serious stuff. he’s just in the back secretively plotting.

[The constellation who likes harems is cheering on you and Han Sooyoung.]

>didn’t realise there were doksoo truthers in the book but pop off my dude XD

No matter how I thought about it, this was the sound of gunshots. Wasn't the army already wiped out?

>i…oh right this isn’t set in America

"You must be mistaken. My name is Yoo Joonghyuk. Kim Dokja is the name of the guy I hate the most."

> there he goes role playing again

I winked at her. If I knew Han Sooyoung, she would understand what to do from now on. The woman opened her mouth. "I already know that you are Kim Dokja. Stop the unnecessary lies."

> that’s just embarrassing man. it’s ok, you win some you lose some

"I needed something to tell her when I met her." I gave her a moment before continuing. "Because I had nothing else to say to her."

> 😞

Living things with less intelligence than a kobold should do their jobs!"

>Excuse you? WHAT THE FUCK IS A KOBOLD

"Protector… you don't have any qualities suited for Way of the Wind. No, to be honest, you don't have the qualities for almost every skill."

>that’s…damn what are you, my calculus teacher?

'You will be busy when you reach intermediate level'.

> Kdj: once you get that promotion you’re not going to pay attention to me anymore! i’m going to be a neglected wife!

"You are the first person who is more suspicious than Yoo Joonghyuk."

> why does kdj’s perception of ppl range from like-yjh, not-like-yjh and yjh

[The constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' is looking forward to your companionship.]

The messages of the constellations, including Uriel, arrived. What was going on?

> oh gee i wonder what’s going on. wonder if there’s a possibly super hot *enter kdj’s long ass description* man possibly fighting and injured nearby

The bleeding Yoo Joonghyuk was waiting for me there.

> are we sure ways of survival isn’t a fanfic written by dokja?

Even if Yoo Joonghyuk was nearby, he couldn't be found in such a timely manner. It was clear that Bihyung had made a sub scenario to bring Yoo Joonghyuk over here.

>not bihyung sugar daddying his way through the scenarios for dokja. that or he’s the vice captain of our ship after uriel

Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at me with bloody and teary eyes.

> HELP what did I say about the fanfic part

Why was the protagonist of Ways of Survival such a person? The story would've been easier of it was Lee Hyunsung or Jung Heewon.

> bestie you gotta be attracted to them for this to work

"He was like this the whole time. He kept asking me to take him to Kim Dokja…"

> GUYS 😭

But I felt that some of my answers were being diluted in the soup. Did I know Yoo Joonghyuk at all?

>welp existential crisis let’s go

I scooped up the soup with the spoon and put it in Yoo Joonghyuk's mouth. Han Sooyoung watched me blowing on the soup. "You are acting like a wife."

> you see that’s because they’re already marrie- *gets run over by a truck*

I thought it was a loss to me but it turned out to be a huge honey event. Indeed, people should live a good life.

> that’s not…ok then. preach king XD

[The constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' is impressed with your good deed.]

…Was this constellation really impressed with the good deed?

> oh yeah just the good deed dw. definitely not the yaoi you’ve provided in the middle of a shounen show

I frowned at Yoo Joonghyuk's words. Move to the east right now? I saved his life and now he was giving me an order?

> such be them dom daddies dokja

–Don't be so prideful. I really will abandon you.

> sure kdj. in fact i dare you to do it

–Why come to me? I honestly thought you would commit suicide. –Suicide? How ridiculous.

> is it though? like really think about it XD

> i stand corrected 🥲

–I wanted to make her a companion.

> oof rejection isn’t easy man i get it

–She isn't the person I remember. I knew it. Still, I wanted to believe for a moment that the woman in my memories was still alive. I wanted to be with her again.

> ouch think my heart just got ripped out

All the threads were connected to one woman. The woman wearing a tight black battle suit flew through the air.

> MY WIFEEEEEE

–Kill her.

–Then you will be unhappy. –It doesn't matter.

> 😭

"…It doesn't make sense." Lycaon exposed his fangs. "Antinus. The conversation ends here."

> damn my tragic ship 😔✊🏼

–You, are you that weak? –What? –All the words you told me were false. I reflexively raised my body. This bastard…

> yjh sure knows how to get dokja fired up XD

–The one who told me not to give up on this world will succumb to a disaster of this degree?

> did i mention i love their bond

the way both of them know exactly what to say to help the other is so precious to me

If you want to survive, don't answer his questions. But you are still going to die.

> BITCH?

> HSY certified yapper

Imagine being summoned to another dimension, suddenly receiving a powerful strength, spending a hot night with a cute elf girlfriend, saving the world and being loved as a warrior!

> Not all men fr 💀

–My attribute is a 'pro gamer'. What is yours? -What? –I'm asking what can you do well?

> one of my favourite scenes 🥹

"…Uh?" The Hunters Association people from before?" Myung Ilsang laughed.

> …?

does he think he’s in solo leveling?

What could I do well? It was to 'read'.

> i’m so hyped AAAHHHHH

Pathetic. Why the hell did I forget about this skill? Wasn't this the first thing I should've done?

> honestly yeah how did he forget that? it’s like one of the biggest cheat codes he has

I was a 'reader'.

> YEAH YOU ARE

READER REPRESENTATION ARISE!

"Get started." Yoo Joonghyuk stood before me as if he knew what I was trying to do. "I'll block him."

> did your heart skip a beat dokja? cuz i know mine did

A fierce aura started to crush Bihyung's body. The power of the dokkaebi depended on the size of the channel.

> OH THIS FUCKER

how dare he mess bihyung lemme at him. one swing that’s all i ask

[…Please choose a reward.] Bihyung told me with a grouchy expression. He was exhausted by the harassment.

–Personally, I recommend the Infinite Dimension Space Coat. There is one more hidden option. It is easier to transcend later.

> oh god plz let me give him a hug poor bby

–I will speak bluntly. Come to my channel. I am going to expand my channel to the Korean Peninsula. I will be happy to meet your desired items and conditions.

> I THINK NOT BTCH

Bihyung's face turned red and he was tearful as he looked between me and Dokgak. It looked like tears would burst out as soon as he was touched.

> THAT’S IT WHO’S COMING WITH ME

[Constellations. Incarnation Kim Dokja colluded with the channel's streamer, 'Bihyung'. He deliberately concealed his strength and manipulated the development of the scenario. He made the scenarios harder for malicious purposes.]

> i don’t…is this really such a big deal? like people are being murdered and super magical stuff keeps happening. is this really such a big deal in comparison? 😭

[The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' shrugs like it is fine.]

> SEE sp gets me

"Prisoner of the Golden Headband, Abyssal Black Flame Dragon, Demon-like Judge of Fire…"

> not kdj name dropping his fans

[The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is somewhat annoyed.]

> DUDE SAME

"By the way. As a memorial to my channel, I will do a small event. I mean, a joint event between South Korea and Japan… If you are curious, please connect to #BI-7623 right now. I will draw tickets for the early constellations and give coins―"

> LMFAOOO

A voice was suddenly heard. I instinctively knew. The owner of this voice was now protecting me.

> fangirling so hard rn

Bihyung moved from behind me towards Dokgak. "By the way, were you this small?"

> Oof the burn

———

Previous: Ch 53-73

Beginning: Ch 1-10