#then i started talking about goats. i have many goat anecdotes. anecgoats if you will. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thedreadvampy · 11 days

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had a scooby doo moment in therapy today gang

I have this problem I call the Shoulder Lawyer. he is the horrible voice in my head that like, if I start to assert in my own mind that anything bad ever happened to me, starts to harangue me with demands for objective unassailable proof with no alternate explanations and accuses me of being an unreliable witness to my own life.

and today in therapy I basically had a moment where I turned around and went OK GANG LET'S SEE WHAT'S UNDER THIS MASK OF DETACHED OBJECTIVE ASSESSMENT. WOW IT'S JUST LIKE 20 TEENAGE RAPISTS STACKED UP IN A BADLY FITTED SUIT.

you're not an impartial analytical voice at all, Shoulder Lawyer! you're the internalised version of a bunch of arguments made by people with a specific vested interest in me not believing the evidence of my own experience!

and while we're at it, Shoulder Lawyer, your arguments don't hold water, you're treating highly circumstantial assumptions as ironclad facts, not one man on this jury would believe the conclusions you've drawn, and anyway this isn't a fucking courtroom and nobody's on trial????? I DON'T BELIEVE THIS MAN HAS EVER BEEN TO LAW SCHOOL!!!!! BAILIFFS TAKE HIM AWAY!!!!!

anyway I did great. I'm so covered in gold stars this week I'm like a tiny galaxy.

#red said #at the end of the session my therapist said she really admired how 'surefooted' i was through this #she said like. it's obviously really difficult and it's got this runaway momentum but you seem to be making a really clear path through #and I'm like yeah! like a goat in a landslide!#and she was like what? and I'm like yeah i am a goat and I'm surrounded by falling rocks but every step I'm taking is stable #there's not an option of NOT coming down the hill but I'm balanced and stable while I'm doing it #then i started talking about goats. i have many goat anecdotes. anecgoats if you will.

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