#then i started listening to a shit ton of fiction podcasts and i realized

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Woo I did some writing!!

[rayofspades]

How to Write a Horror Story: The Magnus Archives

This post is kinda weird since most tumblr fandom content is based on the assumption that Everyone Has Seen The Thing, but since this is a transcript of a video essay, it’s more broad. 

I might link the video in a reblog since, you know, tumblr doesn’t like links.

Anyways, here’s the post:

Hello Jon, apologies for the decep-

I’ve seen a lot of mystery shows in my day, and some supernatural shows, and the common thread between them is that they kind of...fall apart as they go on. 

Obviously, this is a generalization and I haven’t seen every mystery show or every paranormal show, but it’s a pretty common problem. 

At this point in pop culture criticism, it’s basically common knowledge that these shows fall apart due to a lack of planning. If a mystery series is making shit up as it goes along while trying to surprise the audience, it’s going to stop making sense at some point. And if an episodic paranormal show is constantly trying to up the stakes, eventually it’s going to become absolutely ridiculous and stretch the audience’s suspension of disbelief past a breaking point. 

Other people have already talked about this stuff to death, but today I want to talk about a paranormal mystery show that actually succeeds at what it set out to do.  

The Magnus Archives is a podcast written by Jonny Sims and directed by Alexander J. Newall. It ran from 2016 to 2021 and it’s...really really good. It’s an episodic horror story, taking place at the fictional Magnus Institute where the head archivist reads various statements about people’s encounters with supernatural entities. It’s got it all; scary stories, mystery, an overarching plot, office comedy, office romance, office tragedy, a villain that’s making straight men everywhere question their sexuality, and an overall really solid structure. 

If you listen to the Q+As put out by the writer and director, you’ll hear them talk about how they planned the series from the beginning, setting up the layout for each season. Some things were definitely changed throughout the actual writing process; that’s just inevitable and necessary when you’re working on a long running show, but in a general sense, they knew where they were going. But, writing a good story doesn’t just involve knowing where you’re going; it’s about executing whatever plan you have effectively. And I think the execution of The Magnus Archives is pretty brilliant, so I want to talk about it. 

And for the record, I said “brilliant,” not “perfect.” I do have a lot of criticisms of this show, and I’m definitely going to talk about those too, because honestly? Even the problems with this show are interesting in their own right. 

Ok, let’s go. 

Oh, spoilers by the way. For the whole plot. Whole thing. 

Part 1: Horror and Mystery 

Ok, so The Magnus Archives has two separate plots going on: the episodic stories that can be listened to individually, and the underlying meta plot. The former is where most of the mystery storytelling takes place, and it’s a really engaging mystery. It’s starts off slow, and almost undetectable at first. The main character, Jon, also known as The Archivist, is just reading out old scary stories that people have delivered to the Magnus Institute. Stuff like; a college student sees a ghostly inhuman figure asking for a cigarette, a woman’s fiancé dies and she finds herself trapped in an empty graveyard, there’s this goth kid who apparently murdered his mother and then skinned her? But she’s kind of still alive? What the f*ck? Hope we never see that kid again. Also, this “Jurgen Lietner” guy wrote a bunch of cursed books and Jon knows about this? Are more books gonna come up? And then you’re like, wait is the goth kid who killed that burn victim the same goth kid who killed his mom like 8 episodes ago? Holy shit the family of that girl’s dead fiancé FUNDS THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE? Did this famous youtuber meet one of the missing people from episode one? The goth kid is back and he’s looking for Leitner books? The name “Michael” has come up like 6 times? Are they all the same guy? I just—who the f*ck is Jurgen Leitner? 

So yeah, as you can see, a lot of these stories connect in cool ways, and I’ve only mentioned like, 0.2 percent of all of those connections. Furthermore, these stories are told out of chronological order, and sometimes the same scenario appears in more than one statement, told from different perspectives. This asymmetrical storytelling and odd doling out of information creates a mystery that’s really interesting. It also makes for a great re-listen, since you can retroactively see what elements were set up before you even realized that they were going to come back.  

The audio format contributes to this too; you can’t just see that the table from episode three matches the pattern on the box in episode eight. You have to pick up on clues that were mentioned and pay attention to what people are describing, and it’s highly rewarding when the pieces all start to fit together. 

There is a bit of a downside to this though. Technically The Magnus Archives is a horror story first and a mystery second, and these two elements can mesh in weird ways. 

The horror is element is really strong. Each story is completely different, sometimes focusing on psychological horror, body horror, or supernatural versions of more primal fears like heights, darkness, enclosed spaces, etc. Basically, if you’re afraid of anything, there will be at least one episode of The Magnus Archives that gets under your skin. 

Jonny Sims can really sell his stories through both his writing and acting. He plays Jon, by the way, and plagiarized his own birth certificate for the character name. (For future reference, Jonny is the actor, Jon is the character). Overall, he’s really good at writing prose, and each narrator has a very distinct voice even though the large majority of the stories are being read by one character/actor.  

Obviously not every episode is a bull’s eye. Sometimes it’s due to the subjectivity when it comes to what you as an audience member are scared of, and occasionally it’s just weird writing decisions. I’m thinking specifically of episode 21 where the line “the sky ate him” is said, and it is the worst line in the entire show. The whole goddamn show. That’s it. That’s the number one worst line. 

But still, overall, the horror storytelling is incredibly solid, and some episodes even gave me brand new fears, like the unholy isolation of being in space, or the concept that someone you love could be replaced by someone completely different without you noticing.  

But here’s the thing; 

A lot of good horror is based on the absence of explanation. Most of the episodes that gave me the most visceral reactions of genuine terror come from the first two seasons, because that’s when the audience has the least amount of information. 

For example, in episode two, a really terrifying coffin is introduced. It’s creepy, it reacts very strangely to water for some reason, and appears to compel people to try opening it. By the end of the episode, the audience never finds out what’s in that coffin and that is a good thing. That is a huge part of what made that episode so unnerving.  

And then a few seasons later, we do find out what’s in the coffin, and to be fair the answer is both very creative and very scary, but it also takes a lot of the punch out of episode two. 

 No matter how f*cked up your thing is, it’s not going to compare to whatever the audience can conjure up in their own mind after such a creepy set up. This problem isn’t just stuck in this one scenario either; there are a lot of early episodes that, while still good, seem a lot less creepy in hindsight after you learn more about the scenario. 

I don’t think it’s bad writing, but I do think it’s a double-edged sword. Jonny Sims even mentions this sort of issue in the first Q+A. 

But yeah, to sum up; the narration is good, the ideas are creative, and seeing the mystery unfurl itself is deeply compelling. And for the record, the mystery elements aren’t of the Sherlock Holmes variety. It’s less about finding out who did the thing, and more about discovering how all of these individual points are intricately connected, pulling on each other as they move. Woven together like a... oh shit what’s the word? Gah, it’s on the tip of my tongue. Ah, whatever, I’m sure it’s not like a running motif or anything.  

Part 2: Stakes 

One of the main reasons I stopped watching Supernatural is that it devolves into complete f*cking nonsense. At the end of season five, the boys literally defeat the devil, and then the show...keeps going? Which would be fine. It’s also, largely, an episodic show, so if they have more creative ideas, they could definitely keep going with it. In fact, there are some post season five episodes that I thought were pretty good. But as they kept trying to outdo themselves with Bigger Bads, it got kind of difficult to suspend my disbelief. And the final nail in the coffin for me was the end of season nine, when Crowly basically points out to the audience that the main characters keep dying and coming back to life, so there are no stakes. The most-badest bad guy can always be defeated because some new Thing can just come out of left-field, and dying isn’t even on the table as a threat since people have tons of ways of coming back to life. 

The Magnus Archives, while being a show based in the supernatural, notably doesn’t bring anyone back to life, even though some very beloved characters die. I say “notably,” because in the season three Q+A, Jonny even says, “We make a point not to bring people back from the dead in Magnus, I know it sometimes feels like that, but we are very careful to never actually resurrect anyone.” 

Upon listening to this I said “oh my god, these guys are the only writers left who at least kind of know what they’re doing.”  

Also, as far as plot progression goes, The Magnus Archives is lowkey structurally perfect in the way the threats escalate in the underlying plot; both in terms of destruction and power and in terms of emotional consequences. Season one starts off with one major threat that’s dealt with by the end of the season, season two reveals the main villain, season three lays out the grander forces at play, season four ends the world, and season five is about un-ending the world. The difference between season one and season five is vast, but how we got there makes perfect sense. 

As for the emotional stakes, let’s talk about themes and characters. 

Part 3: Themes and Characters 

At the very end of season two, it’s revealed that the supernatural happenings in the Magnus universe are the result of entities far beyond our understanding. Since their existence is so fundamentally different from what we can comprehend, they interact with the world through cursed items, creatures, and humans who have dedicated themselves to an entity.  

A lot of people read this as a metaphor for late-stage capitalism, and I am one of those people. A bunch of faceless entities exploiting humans through means of dehumanization and causing people to suffer because it feeds them seems like an appropriate metaphor. 

While we’re on this topic, I do want to talk about Elias, since he’s the main villain of the entire series and also one of my favorite villains of all time. The Magnus Archives is a series that deals with a lot of moral questions and has a lot of characters who do morally questionable things, so one might assume that the villain of said series is, you know, morally ambiguous and sympathetic to some extent despite being “the bad guy.” 

Nope! No stops, full bastard. It’s great. 

He falls under what I’ve deemed the “unbeatable boss” archetype. He just doesn’t tolerate insubordination or resistance, and that combined with his lack of empathy means that anyone who crosses him is either killed or brought to heel. His power set is cool too. On the surface the ability to see out of any eye and read minds sounds useful, but not deal breaking, but the way he uses that power to manipulate people and anticipate threats...yeah, it makes him kind of impossible to beat.  

He’s just...so evil and he loves being evil and every single f*cking thing he does pisses me off and makes me want to kill him. It’s. Great. 

Anyways, I think Elias’s role as the central antagonist is what makes the capitalist reading so common. He’s the head of the institute, he’s wealthy, he’s powerful, and he dehumanizes people in ways that are both brutal and chillingly indifferent. He seems like an appropriate stand in through that lens. 

I also love how voice actor Ben Meredith plays him like’s he’s trying to seduce the audience.  

With all of that said, I wouldn’t call this the critique of capitalism a direct allegory or anything; in much looser terms, this could be a metaphor for any power structure that exploits humans. Organized religion or cults might be even more on the nose, considering there’s a lot of mentions of rituals and worship within the show. 

But if we boil it down to its barest aspects and focus on the avatar characters, The Magnus Archives is a series about people becoming monsters. Or, at the very least, becoming worse versions of themselves. That can mean a lot of things to different people in a metaphorical sense; the tense relationship between desperation and morality, the eagerness to please at the cost of one’s own mental health, the psychological traumas that lead people down dark paths, and how personal choices can still be dictated and manipulated by outside influences. It’s kind of heavy stuff, but put into a digestible package through the show’s abstractions. 

Well, for the most part.  

There’s some debate as to whether or not Daisy’s arc was handled tastefully. While her demise and Basira’s character arc were clearly meant to condemn police brutality and the deeply corrupt system that allows it to foster, it’s still a weird subject to discuss in such a fantastical context, and there is a strange sympathy for the devil angle that can get kind of uncomfortable for some listeners.  

Okay, stepping back from that for a bit, let’s talk about Jon and how he fits into this whole “people becoming corrupted” thing. 

Jon has one of my favourite brands of character arc, which is one based in deterioration alongside growth. The most obvious way this takes form is his departure from humanity as his relationship with the Eye drives him to psychologically harm others, and he finds himself sympathizing more and more with the people he was afraid of, stating in episode 152 that anyone listening to his recordings might compare him to the other avatars that have had their minds and morals twisted. 

Over the course of the series, he is repeatedly traumatized and the show makes a point that he is being both physically and emotionally scarred. These happenings are what drive his motivation for revenge in season five, and he even states that revenge is making him a worse person. As a character he’s constantly berating himself and his own monstrousness, much to Martin’s dismay.  

That’s why the finale destroys me in the best way. Upon seeing that Jon has betrayed him and basically given himself over to the Eye, Martin asks “how much of you is even left?” And when Jon tries to reassure him that he’s still himself, Martin’s response is “how would you even know?” This cuts through me every time. Up until this point, Martin had consistently stood up for Jon and Jon’s humanity, even in the face of Tim’s doubt, Basira’s mistrust, Elias being cryptic, and Jon’s own self-hatred. This is the ultimate breaking point, the point where even Martin, the love of Jon’s life, doesn’t really recognize him. It’s brutal. Because at the end of the day, Jon is still himself; he’s a deeply broken person trying to make the right decisions.  

We’ll come back to the finale later, but for now I want to talk about the romance. 

Jon’s emotional growth throughout the series is largely tied into Martin. Martin’s the first person that Jon really opens up to, and this later grows into trust which then turns into a genuine emotional connection.  On the flip side, Martin’s growth in season four is largely tied into Jon. Martin starts season four basically waiting to die, but Jon’s return gives him a reason to keep living, and he’s later able to recognize his own value outside of the pure utility of ‘you need to set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.’ Both of them give each other reason to push onward despite everything becoming more and more hopeless.  

It’s a good romance. I wish the two had had a few more scenes together before the culmination, but it is built up over the course of four seasons and comes together in an utterly fantastic confession.  

And yeah, the scene with Martin and Jon in the Lonely is cheesy as hell, but it is the highest quality of cheese. These are some gourmet nachos.  

Umm, also kind of stating the obvious here, but it’s also pretty cool that the main character in this horror story falls in love with another man. You don’t see that a lot, and it’s cool that no one even makes a big deal out of it. It’s just a normal romance, but with two guys. It’s nice. 

So, they go to Scottland, they hang out, they’re in love, Jonalias starts the apocalypse through Jon, the world ends, and season five starts! 

...Let’s talk about season five! 

Part 4: Season 5 

At the very start of this post, I said that supernatural mysteries tend to get worse as they go along, and I am deeply sad to report that I don’t think that The Magnus Archives is an exception. It just goes downhill in a very different way than its ilk. 

And, so we’re clear, I don’t think season five totally tanks or becomes unlistenable, it’s just, in my opinion, notably worse than the rest of the show. 

As discussed earlier, it doesn’t fall apart due to a lack of planning; everything still makes sense, but the presentation has changed drastically. The episodic statements are no longer scary stories, but more like slam poems about the various hellscapes that Jon and Martin are trekking through. Honestly if these were published in a book of slam poetry, I would probably think they slapped pretty hard. I genuinely believe that Jonny Sims is a good writer, but as a podcast a lot of these statements just made me zone out. There’s at least four that I don’t even slightly remember. Myself and many others have noted that they just...aren’t scary, unless there’s a specific episode that really gets under your skin due to a certain fear or phobia. 

To quote my friend, “it’s harder to feel a solid impact when the setting is literally divorced from reality. People would either go numb or insane to the point where their fears become unrelatable.” 

And, to be honest, I think that this same surreal odyssey set up could have worked with a slight shift in narration. Two stand out episodes for me were “Strung Out” and “Wonderland.” Both of them show the tormented target actively trying to resist and interact with their tormenter, instead of just trying to escape or live through their situation. “Strung Out” is also more of character study; you learn about Francis’s life before the apocalypse through their interaction with the Web hellscape. Meanwhile “Wonderland” is just...f*cked, and you get to see Jon take the perspective of first-person Bad Guy throughout the whole thing, which is its own level of disturbing. 

But the majority of episodes feel so abstract that I kind of forget the people trapped in them are supposed to be characters and not just concepts, so it’s harder to feel their dread and pain. 

But I’m still here for the metaplot, the drama, and the romance. And when that’s good, it’s great! I think the final handful of episodes are really solid in that regard. 

Buuuuuuut... 

A decent chunk of season five is dedicated to the “kill bill” plot. Jon discovers he has the power to smite people, and while at first, he’s embarrassed about this, since he actively enjoyed killing Not!Sasha, Martin is super into it! He’s encouraging Jon to murder people.  

This is actually the set up for a really good arc. As Jon gets more and more into his own avenging angel persona, Martin could get more and more disturbed by it so by the time they get to London, Martin could be really upset that Jon is so willing to wreak his own divine justice by killing or torturing all of the avatars. 

And this does kind of happen. We do reach this end state, and it makes for a good final conflict, but the way we got here was borderline nonsense. Thematic gibberish, if you will. 

Throughout the journey, Martin is clearly motived by a sense of justice; these people are bad, and so they should die. Whereas Jon is clearly more motivated by revenge; he only goes after the avatars that hurt him personally. At one point, Jon admits that maybe all of this killing isn’t making anything better, but just making him worse. Martin apologizes for egging him on, Jon absolves him by saying he started it, and then Martin’s like “I’ll keep my apology then.” This is the second worst line in the entire series, right after “the sky ate him.” And it’s close. 

But it kind of feels like we’re back at square one. Jon is back to being ashamed of killing and Martin is still keen on his justice stance, but now just less pushy about it. The arc is basically half resolved at this point. 

But then it doesn’t matter, because Jon kills Helen anyway. So, Jon’s back on his revenge/justice thing. Then what was the point of his earlier revelation? Why have that if it’s not going to matter and the conflict that was escalating still culminates with Jon leaning into the avenging angel stuff, and Martin being disturbed by it? It just makes both of them look like huge hypocrites! I f*cking hate it when they’re in the tunnels and Martin says “you weren’t meant to enjoy it this much,” regarding Jon’s smiting. Where did this come from?! Why didn’t you say this earlier? Third worst line in the series. 

And yeah, I’ll say it; the boys fight too much in this season. I loved their romance up to season five, and their cute moments and more lowkey serious discussions are still good in this season, but God, they fight so much. And I’m not saying couples can’t have fights or tension, that’s just realistic and also stories need conflict to be interesting. Jonny Sims is on the record saying that balancing a healthy romance with the stress of a literal apocalypse was a priority, and I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s well balanced.  I’m just saying that sometimes it feels like they don’t even like each other and it really started to grate on me. 

Maybe it would have been better if the beginning of this season was dedicated to charming romance at first, so we as an audience could better appreciate how strong their love is and how it’s truly being tested. But obviously that was never on the table— 

ALEX NO. 

So, yeah, I have a lot of problems with season. I think it’s the worst one by far, even though there is a lot of it I still enjoy, including the ending. 

As I mentioned before, the moment where Martin confronts Jon in the panopticon absolutely kills me, and Jon’s reaction kills me even harder. Throughout the season, Jon had largely been motivated by revenge, martyrdom, and the subconscious call of the Eye, and all three of those factors led him to his position as the pupil. He’s getting revenge against the powers, sacrificing his humanity to get rid of the Fears, and taking his place as wearer of the watcher’s crown. But all of this gets thrown out the window when he realizes that Martin is going to die. And not only is Martin going to die, Martin is going to die specifically because he loves Jon and refuses to leave Jon alone to die horribly. Martin had always been an underlying motivation for Jon, his “reason” as stated in episode 167, but now love as a motivator has come to the forefront, and Jon can no longer go through with his plan because of it. But at this point in the series, they’re both utterly doomed, and Jon concludes that the only possible chance they have of surviving, however unlikely, would be to sever the pupil of the eye, technically killing Jon, but maybe, just maybe, allowing them to escape with the Fears. Whether that’s meant to be literal or more ethereal is left unclear. Hell, maybe Jon’s just making it up completely and creating his own potential happy ending. It’s a pretty potent ending in emotional terms; Jon has to release the Fears and Martin has to kill Jon, and those are the two things they were dead set on not doing.  

The Web, arguably the real main antagonist, basically won, and their manipulation of Jon worked. The destruction spread, and there is kind of a bleak underlying tone to that. 

But at least this ending has some semblance of hope to it. I’m not saying that releasing the Fears was objectively the correct moral decision; the entire point of the dilemma is that there was no objectively correct moral decision. But, while Jon’s solution does have merit, it was also the most hopeless. I think dramatically, any one of the choices on the table could have worked if the writing was well executed, but thematically this one seemed like the perfect combination of grim and optimistic. Like, all of the evils that plague humanity can’t just be defeated forever and things could get worse, but maybe not. Maybe everything works out... 

So yeah, The Magnus Archives...is a podcast. And it’s a really good podcast. Great, even. I can complain about season five all I want, but regardless of how that worked out, you can tell throughout the entire show that the people working on it were trying to tell a genuinely excellent story. 

It’s good. Go listen to it. Even though I spoiled the entire thing and if you’re still here, you’ve probably already listened to it. Listen to it again. 

[mischas]

You know, it’s funny (not really) how reading the asks people send you and your answers too make me think how we’re all here sort of trying to make sense of stupid mistakes a male writer made, and in this very weird way ended up affecting us too.

This is comforting because it’s almost like a group therapy for people that can’t get over how their favorite characters got screwed, but also I feel deeply sad about it sometimes.

That we can’t actually change stuff or at least make people realize how toxic it is to have Joshes writing most tv shows for an entire generation.

I know there have been better shows, and I know things are changing more and more with time but I still feel like it’s still not enough. Even nowadays there are shows that mistreat female characters I adore and it leaves me devastated. The fact that they need to ruin characters thinking the audience will only keep watching if there’s drama happening. We want wholesome stories, we want to watch the characters we love evolve.

I wish I could see all the Marissas that grew up and overcame their problems writing and directing shows, I wish that they were written by people like us that know how much a fictional character can matter to others, how they can literally change lives at times, how they keep company to people that are depressed or sick... I wish they knew how crafting a story should be something done with responsibility and not only thinking of numbers and $$$. I know this is me romanticizing an industry but I wish it was possible.

This message made me tear up a little, not gonna lie. I very much agree with everything you said. To have writers and show runners shit on characters we've come to be so intimate with is so cruel. I know the rebuttal is easy: "it's just a tv show, move on". But these people in the entertainment industry market their products to us because of the personal attachment we'll make. Our involvement, watching on tv/streaming/whatever, is literally vital to their success. It's gross to me that people involved always react to deeply felt criticism so harshly. It's like, YOU'RE the one who enabled us to get so deep.

Making ~edgy~ decisions for beloved characters is not it. Every show wants to be Breaking Bad, keep fans on their toes, but guess what... it fucking takes work. It takes meticulous planning. (I'm rewatching BrBa right now so excuse this tangent but it's the greatest show of all time for a fucking reason.) Vince Gilligan couldn't just go about willy nilly with storylines and 'see where it goes' !

I don't watch a ton of current tv, but I'm sorry that it's still happening. I won't get into this because it truly makes my blood boil but the way my favorite character on GoT was shafted is unforgivable. Female characters are always the first to be turned upside down, whether for manpain, to drive the plot forward no matter what, or for manic pixie dream girl content.

My relationship to The OC is very complicated. That's partly why listening to the podcast is difficult for me, especially if they start talking about s4 which readers of this blog should know I try to avoid as much as possible. Something you get so emotionally invested in can absolutely break your heart, and I wish more people were sensitive about that.

One last thing, the choices that writers make are so often not just about narrative decision. There's appeasing networks, studio heads, what demographic is tracking, etc. In Josh's choice, he was catering to trolls on TWoP who hated Marissa. What a cowardly reason. *to Josh* How about you do the work to make Marissa's life easier so she's not the drama magnet you always had wet dreams about. And it's not always the women treated terribly. Look at Veronica Mars. They killed a character so they could have a noir procedural that'll likely never happen. So fucking dumb.

[atomicsuperhero]

Books That Influenced My Perspective

I didn’t write a gift guide because I feel like it's such a personal thing, and also that most of us don’t really need more stuff. But books are something that has been a mainstay in my life, and especially around the holidays. They’re an escape for me from the tension and stress that I associate with the Christmas season. 

So I thought I’d write about a few of the books I’ll probably be dipping into over the next few days between Christmas and the new year. I have read all of these in ebook format, so they’re not more physical clutter. Though, I’m all for gifting books, or buying them for yourself, in whatever form is preferred. 

I also listened to the Scotland Outdoors podcast this past weekend that talked about the Icelandic tradition of gifting books that everyone then runs off to read on Christmas Eve. It’s called Jólabókaflóð, or Yule Book Flood. It’s past Christmas Eve now, but it's still a great time to read.

Books change our minds and our perspectives, and these are four books that have had a significant impact on my life and how I view the world, nature, gardening, and mental health.

Rambunctious Garden: Saving Nature in a Post-Wild World by Emma Marris

This book was a real eye-opener for me. It delves into the paradox of wilderness and how there isn’t really such a thing anymore because we manage it so heavily. We strive for this pristine wilderness, which in reality, is based on a static historical idea we have of what wilderness should be. 

That “pristine” we aim for is always an idea of what nature looked like at a specific point in time, usually shortly after settlers and colonialists arrived. Generally, this view makes no account for the indigenous people who were part of this so-called wilderness long before we were. So the idea we often hold as “pristine wilderness” is also racist and erases the perspectives and existence of the indigenous peoples who already understood and managed the land.* 

That idea of pristine is entirely impossible to return to, for various reasons, not least of which is the fact that nature is in constant flux. Regardless of what we do, nature keeps changing. Even if all humans disappeared from the earth, it would keep changing; we can’t stop it.

We need to work with nature instead of attempting to return it to the landscape that Ansel Adams explored and photographed. Change is constant, and we must work with the change and do our best to counteract the adverse effects we’ve had on the world as humans. We must learn to coexist with nature. We could take many lessons from the people who were here before us settlers. 

This book is not a depressing, doomsday climate change discussion. It is full of interesting theories and ideas of how we could better take care of nature, as a global collective of humans, not just as individuals. 

*I don’t recall the book discussing indigenous perspectives. It might, or it might not. It's been over four years since I read it. If it doesn’t include indigenous perspectives, then I would probably detract a few points from it and advise you to read it with that in mind. 

The Old Ways: A Journey On Foot by Robert Macfarlane

This book connected with my heart and my head in ways that no other book ever has. I have read and reread and reread and copied entire chapters of this book by hand because it has affected me so much. 

This book showed me that writing about nature could be compelling and imaginative, and all-consuming as fiction. Previous to this book, I had separated non-fiction and fiction as “learn factual things” and “escape the world to a fantasy universe.” This book crossed that line and let me escape into a fantasy that was the real world, on another side of the globe. 

Don’t ask me why this is the first time I made this realization. I’ve read a ton of travel memoirs, which in hindsight, do precisely that: let me escape my life for a moment. But this one was the first one that made me really understand that it was possible to do this with nonfiction. 

I have since read several of Macfarlane’s other books, and they have all been beautiful and take me out of my current life and away into an obsession with nature. Most importantly, this book made me realize that the possibility of writing about nature was a real career that people did. And maybe that meant it was something I could do too. I can only hope to someday write as compellingly as Macfarlane.

Waterlog: A Swimmer’s Journey Through Britain by Roger Deakin

I learned about Roger Deakin through Robert Macfarlane’s books. All of Deakin’s books have made an impact on my passion for nature and the environment. But Waterlog has had a particularly profound effect on me. This book is probably the precursor to my adoption of nearly-daily cold showers as an anxiety treatment. This is another book that I’ve read and reread and copied passages out of by hand because I love it so much. 

This book, and The Old Ways, are my default escape books when I’m having a shitty day. Similar to Macfarlane, Deakin’s words make me feel like I’m there, in the exact moment he writes about. Like I’m stepping into the water, warm or cold, clear or murky, for a swim right with him. It makes me feel close to nature. It makes me feel comfortable and that it’s ok to want to retreat and be in solitude with the world by myself. It reminds me that I’m a piece of nature too. 

At the end of the day, nature doesn’t give two shits about my deadlines or financial worries; it just keeps keeping on. And so maybe the problems that are overwhelming my brain are rather insignificant in the grand scheme of life. Not in a: “I don’t matter, so what’s the point” way, but in a: “there’s more to life than this crap that I’m currently stressing about” way. It helps me remember that I am a human first and foremost and that capitalism is bullshit.  

The Jewel Garden: A Story of Despair and Redemption by Monty Don

I found this book after watching many seasons of Gardeners World with Monty Don. I’m obsessed with this show, and when the season ends in October, I watch old episodes to get me through the winter until it starts again in March. 

The natural progression of my obsession with wanting to be the Canadian version of Monty meant reading everything he’s written that I can get my hands on. This has been one of my consistent favourites. It was hard to read, in that it was an emotional experience for me. And it has been every time I’ve reread it since. 

But it has also given me hope. It has reminded me that gardening and plant care is consolation for my mind during the hard days of mental illness. It has given me hope that writing will get me through and that I can survive through the hardest days.  That however dim it may be, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That no matter how dark it gets, the days always get brighter after December 21. 

And no matter what human drama happens in the world, plants are always growing. The best thing I can do for my own mental health is to be a good steward of the earth, tell my stories, take care of plants, and learn the lessons they teach me. 

How Books Have Improved my Mental Health Management

There’s a theme here. These books have affected the way I look at the natural world, where I fit into it, and how I write and interact with it, and as a result, have had an effect on my mental health. All of these books have given me new ways to think about my mental health and manage it. 

I would highly recommend reading any of these titles during the holiday season. 

I have not included links to purchase these books because I know that independent bookstores are really struggling right now, and I know that lots of people are also struggling right now. So if you do choose to purchase physical copies of these, try to find an independent book store. They’ll probably order it in for you if they don’t have it in stock. 

If you can’t purchase them, check with your library. Chance are good they’re in the library system somewhere, and your library will most likely be able to bring them in for you; just ask.

[annealias]

HELLOOO! And welcome to the Unlazy Podcast! Where I try to get my shit together!

This is THE FIRST podcast episode and I’m literally just winging it. You know, a podcast has been in the back of my head for a while now. I originally wanted to do a writing podcast because that’s what I want to be…a writer. But I realize the entire reason why I wanted to do a writing podcast was so that I could just motivate myself to write. So I’m kind of just broadening my topic into productivity and motivation and discipline altogether in general. Mostly because I also find it difficult to actually shower and exercise and read and get off reddit and care about myself both physically and mentally.

First thing’s first, you can just call me Anne. That’s not my real name but for sake of anonymity, that will be my name. Anne Alias. I work from home, doing graphic design work. I make enough money to be my own boss. No more day job, no more supervisors, no more limited vacation days. I’m absolutely thankful that I don’t have to do that anymore. Buuuttttttt, I’ve kind of went off the rails. I made really good money my first few years but I overestimated myself and started living outside my income. Now I have a ton of debt and I’m trying to get that together. Additionally, I’ve just realized I don’t really like doing graphic design anymore. It’s not burnout or anyting. It’s just…not as fun as it used to be. I’m just not into it and the only thing motivating me is just money at the moment. So while tackling my debt, I also want a career change. Of all things! Sounds like a terrible mess but I promise, I won’t destroy my business until I’ve got a strong footing in my new career path. This is what this podcast is for. Accountability…but also, so that any of you listening can relate and unlazify yourself with me.

For the record, I’m a single 29-year-old woman. If you thought I was white, I am not. I am actually Asian but I really don’t think that should change anything other than the fact that I’m hugely biased towards Kelly Marie Tran and her role as Rose Tico. Quueeenen. I love her. <3 But back to the topic at hand. I’m just trying to be the best version of myself. For so many years, I was on a path of bettering myself. This was mostly during my days after college when I become a web developer. A solid job with decent pay but it was entirely unfulfilling. I didn’t like sitting on my ass all day. It wasn’t difficult. I never had to do overtime. It was overall super busy but I realized it just wasn’t that fun. Before getting that office job, I’d worked at McDonald’s and Motel 8 and at a manufacturing company assemblying medical products and inspecting plastic molds. Whenever I was working those jobs, I literally dreamed of office jobs. The kind you just sit in front of your computer, listen to your own music, and occasionally browse the net when you needed a break. But getting that office job was literally my limit. Like, I thought that was the best I could do.

Untttiiilllllll, I started listening to podcasts. A lot of them. I think I listened to podcasts for at least 2 years until I was able to make enough money to quit my day job. I quit when they were giving me an overdue performance review. This performance review was overdue for almost a year meaning they were delaying our raises. I got really tired of it (plus that so called side perk where each employee had to clean the bathroom at least once every month). So I figured after almost a year of pretty good results from my side hustle, I was going to quit and focus on that completely!

Anyway, fast forward to now. Still working, still making enough money to pay for bills and loans but I’m getting tired. It’s not bad. But it’s not fulfilling, the same as my office job. And now…? My goal is to be a traditionally published writer. I’ve had this dream every since 6th grade but because the world tells you mediocrity is the best chance you have at success, I never tried to pursue writing despite still doing it on the side ever since! My only problem is…I rarely ever finish writing my novel. I’ve finished a couple these past few years but I regrettably inform you that they have been fan fiction. I want to write my own originals and get them out there! So this is it! THIS IS MY PODCAST TO HELP ME GET THERE!

Just…gotta get out of this rut somehow. The past year has just been me being a lazy asshole. Oh, hey! Let me just eat whatever I feel like eating. My 5 foot ass is 140 pounds. I’m not healthy anymore and I care so little for my body. I don’t take care of my skin, I don’t exercise, I find showering the most annoying task in the universe—mostly because you have to clean your hair after it. Sometimes I feel like my double chin is choking me. Like! I’m forreal. I need to get my shit together!!! This isn’t just about becoming an author but about actually giving a fuck about my own personal health. I’m not in a good place. I got too comfortable, got too impulsive, and now I’m stuck w/o accountability.

God, I know I talked a lot about myself but I figured this would at least give you some context to who I am without revealing too much about my anonymous self. I already mentioned this but the entire purpose of this podcast is to just have some accountability to whoever is out there listening. Whether you’re in the future or in the now, I really just need to let it out there. And in turn, I hope that whatever information I share can be helpful for you too. I’m literally, just in the process of being a better me.

BER BADUM BER! Thanks for listening to the starter Unlazy Podcast! I’m your anonymous host, Anne Alias telling you all that…You are not alone. I am as much of a lazy fuck as you are. And if you’ve already leveled up beyond that, give me some pointers!!! You can find all of my info at www.unlazypodcast.com. No hyphens, no dashes, no O’s disguising as zeros. That’s www.unlazypodcast.com. Thanks for listening and goodbyeeeeee!