#then i remembered this lyric from back against the wall and went. wait. thats more fitting.

[fallowfield]

my tongue has now become a platform for your lies.

[ character uses they/them pronouns | commissions open | i have a ko-fi! ]

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Emp-ire “At Gunpoint.”

Sorry for posting so late. I wrote this yesterday, but have been kind of absentminded lately. I hope you enoy.

Adam woke up with a numb arm and a groan. He rolled onto his side, hearing the clatter of glass as he did, sitting up and slamming his head hard against the table above. He cursed, rubbing his head as he crawled out from under the table and stumbling to his feet. Quiet snoring over by the bar alerted him to another human’s presence and found Ramirez sprawled on top of the bar itself using a boot for a pillow. He looked up to find the bartender smirking at him from behind the bar.

He smiled rather sheepishly boots clattering over the floor as he walked over and unceremoniously turfed Ramirez onto the floor.

The other man yelped in surprise and flailed about for a second before looking up, “Adam!”

Adam looked around the room trying to find his hat, and surprisingly, found it sitting on top of a mounted ram’s head on the wall. He walked over and picked it up, placing it back on his head as Ramirez wobbled to his feet.

“You boys enjoy your night.”

Ramirez squinted at the light leaving in through the window, “That was…. One eventful night, drinking, debauchery and catching outlaws.” He slapped Adam on the shoulder, “What a good time.” A ‘small’ smile crossed Adam’s face, “Leave it to us to manage not to have a normal evening. Now come on, let's go find some horses.”

***

They found their houses in the stables just outside of town. The place was enough of a tourist trap that it was likely the horses were available to rent. He doubted they would just be allowing anyone to take one for a joyride though and stepped into the stable first with Ramirez walking behind him.

“Smells like horse in here.” Ramirez muttered

“Stop being such a Diva.” Adam said walking forward to where a farm hand was carting away a wheelbarrow of waste and the stable manager was standing patting one of the horses.

The smell of horses and fresh hay wafted over him and he had a sudden flash of his childhood.

His father’s voice echoing in his head.

“That’s it, not too tight on the reins, Adam. There you go.”

He shook himself and walked up to the man who turned, “Mornin’ the man greeted touching the brim of his hat, “What can I do for you.”

Adam motioned a finger at himself and Ramirez, “We were hoping to rent some horses,”

The man looked them up and don skeptically, “Do you boys know how to handle and take care of a horse?”

“I do, my friend there doesn’t… so he'd need something…. Gentle perhaps something you use to teach children.” 

Ramirez frowned, Adam smirked at him.

“Well guess we will have to see. I don’t just rent out my horses to anyone you know. Have to prove you can take care of them and treat em nice before i allow that.”

Adam nodded, “i’d question you a bit if you didn’t have that policy.”

“Well  I can suggest a few.” He turned to walk down the line, “For your friend there, he might want to take Buttercup, she's a sweet old girl, still has some spirit left in her but she's gentle and sure footed out of all the animals I had ever known. How about you sir, what’s your experience.” 

Adam shrugged, “Dad taught me to ride when I was a kid. I can gallup and stay on at a jump, know how to groom and take care of one, but I admit it's been a few years.”

The man nodded slowly and thoughtfully before walking to the end of the stable and patting a stall door, “This is Maroz, she’s a bit stubborn, but I think a man like you might be able to handle her.”

Adam walked over with Ramirez at his back to look at the horse, Stunning, white like a pearl, with thick legs but a long mane managing to look elegant and imperious at the same time.

“Wow, she's gorgeous.”

“Well go on, let her get a sniff at you.”

Adam walked up to the gate offering her the back of his hand fingers slightly curled inward, in an almost fist. She stuck her head forward sniffing at his hand, hot air blowing in great gusts over his skin.

After a moment she snorted and nosed at his hand allowing him to gently pat her along the velvety skin of her muzzle.

“Well hello gorgeous.” He said.

She tossed her head a bit.

The man nodded pleased and opened the gate, allowing Adam o take the rins and walk her onto the floor.

“A firm hand, thats good, a lot of people arent firm, but you have to be. You have to let them know you are in charge. It gives them a sense of security.”

He led Ramirez over to another stall where a silver horse stood tossing her head. She stopped as he approached and sniffed at him.”

He looked a bit nervous, “They are a lot bigger up close.”

Adam smirked, “Oh come on, they’re sweet.” he patted Maroz’s side and the horse tossed her head.

Adam left Ramirez with the stable owner for a moment as he went over to put a saddle on the white house throwing the leather over her back and tightening the girth-strap before adjusting the stirrups. 

The stable owner walked over to check his work and seemed pleased.

Go ahead and hop on take her for a ride around while I get your friend saddled up, and show him a few of the basics.

Adam nodded, throwing his foot up into the stirrup and then hauling his other leg over the back of the horse. She shuffled a bit, but once he had himself situated things started to become more familiar and he gently tapped the rains urging her forward into a slow walk.

Ramirez was still eying the horse like it was going to eat him, which made Adam smile a bit.

He walked her outside and urged her into a light trot ad then into a canter around th stables, his hips moving with her as her body rolled under him.

He lifted his face to the open air.

He had forgotten how much he enjoyed this.

Once that was done, he urged her into a gallup and she responded to him thundering over the desert ground sending up clouds of dust after the. He whooped in glee, leaning low over her neck before turning her around and pulling her to a stop before the doors of the barn.

Ramirez was there strategically trying to figure out how to haul himself into the saddle. He tried once, overbalanced and fell backward into the dirt in a puff of dust. The horse whinnied like it was laughing at him. Adam laughed, “Guess ice dancing doesn't exactly translate into horseback riding eh?”

“Shut up Adam, By the end of today this beast will be my bitch.”

Adam leaned against the pommel of the sadel with some skepticism. Ramirez tried again and ended up hopping away off balance.

He patted Maroz’s neck, “See girl, I did that and I only have one leg.”

“An ENHANCED prosthetic if I may remind you.” Ramirez said. The silver horse sat there with no end to her patient nature.”

Ramirez finally managed to haul himself into the saddle, and from there wasn’t too bad. He had a good sense of balance even at a trot and got the hang of it pretty quickly, walking and even trotting slowly around the small paddock.

The stable master urged Adam t jump the horse a few times, and he managed a few low fences before chickening out at something bigger and pulling the horse to a stop.

The man tapped his chin lightly, “Alright, I suppose you’re capable enough. I’m still gonna give you some instruction before you head out.”

Adam took the instruction very seriously, forcing Ramirez to sit down and listen as well. What they were about to do wasn’t going to be a picnic and they wanted to be as safe as possible while they did it.

After a while they had their extra clothing and bedrolls rolled up and packed on the horses.

They purchased a map and a compass and were waved off into the open country at a slow walk with the sun high overhead.

Adam held the reins gently in one hand, fist resting against his thigh.

“Showoff.” Ramirez mumbled almost white knuckling the reins off to his side.

“I can’t believe you are from Texas and don’t know how to ride a horse.”

“An ice skater from texas, a sexy almost Olympian from the city.”

Adam snorted and laughed, “You asked for this trip, you asked for this to happen.”

“I wanted us to dress up and go drinking, I didn’t think you were going to drag me out into the desert to go live on the land and…. I dont know skin alien rabbits or some shit.”

“We brought food quit being dramatic.”

Ramirez looked up at the sky, “Forgot my harmonica, guess I’m going to have to start singing.”

“Sing what?”

“I don’t know, country songs and shit.”

“What country songs do you know?”

He shrugged, “Plenty.”

“Like what.”

“There Is the, I love my truck song.”

Adam and the hose snorted at the same time.

“There is the, I lost my wife song, the I like drinking song, the I love country dirt song,and the I love lovin women in corn fields song.”

Adam choked and started to laugh, the sun beating down on them, “I would LOVE to hear your rendition of the love lovin a woman in a corn field song. And yes that is a challenge.”

Ramirez reached up to stroke his chin just a bit, “Hold on, gotta remember the lyrics.”

Adam waited grinning as his friends tared intently at the saddle before him.

“I….. Ah ha um…. Driving my girl down to the field…..er.”

“Go on…..” Adam reached down for his canteen and took a sip

“Getting all ready to uh…. Plow her field.”

He regretted pretty quickly taking that drink as sudden laughter caused him to spurt water out his nose like a broken faucet. He choked and gagged and gasped for air, howling with laughter to the point he was bent double on his horse silently shaking ad slapping his leg repeatedly with murth.

When he could finally speak he sat up and gasped, “You dumbass rymed field with field. You could have at least used yield or wield or healed or kneeled. Heavens above, now I KNOW why you’re a marine.”

Ramirez flipped him the bird, and Adam urged them into a light canter over the dirt. He kept an eye on the horses, making sure not to tire them out too much though he doubted the pase at which they were riding would actually have any adverse affect on them. He doubted Ramirez would be able to handle a full gallop any time soon but was happy to feel the wind rushing against his face and neck.

The air smelled alien, as alien planets tend to smell. It was hard to describe it, almost metallic, like he could taste it, and as the sun set the sky overhead grew purple. They said there was a higher concentration of oxygen on this planet which is what made the usually red to orange sunsets on a place like earth purple on a palace like this. It was pretty in a very strange way, casting an eerie light over the orange red desert as if they had been thrown into some strange space cowboy fantasy, which he supposed they had.

As soon as the sun met the horizon, Adam ordered them to a stop below one of the rock formations against the leeward side and set up camp. There was a pamphlet in the saddle bags that discussed local flora and fauna of the area, what was safe to burn, and what was safe to eat.

They had more than enough food to last them on their trip out to one of the settlements, so they didn’t worry about that as they sat down by the fire watching as the sun cast bright orange streaks of light access a purple sunset. 

Adam leaned back against his saddle watching the horses as they grazed quietly off to the side on strange bluish rock grass that was apparently pretty good for horses.

“Not half bad.” Adam muttered, taking a swig from his canteen.

Ramirez only grunted from where he leaned against his saddle using it as some sort of pillow with his hat drawn low over his eyes.

Adam reached a hand down to his belt, fingers brushing over the stolen knife.

What was he doing?

He had never stolen anything, not in his entire life.

Not even when the person desperately needed to be stolen from. He glanced down at the knife again. What had come over him in that moment? Were his thoughts of Sunny really so profound that he would think about becoming a thief just to impress her.

Was it…. Was it perhaps this whole atmosphere that made him so likely to steal.

The wild west, the final frontier, a place where the rules were fast and loose and finders meant keepers.

Off to his side Ramirez was breathing deeply probably asleep after a long day of riding.

Adam felt that, his legs hurt somewhat, and so he stretched them out, leaning back against the rock.

At least they didn’t have to worry about rattlesnakes or spiders. The biggest issue here were these sort of one eyed looking lizard things that had little spines on their skin that could cause a mild rash on people, though that was only on the people who happened to be allergic to them.

He closed his eyes trying not to think too much and certainly trying not to think of Sunny.

Wherever she was.

Likely alone.

Likely still mad at him.

He cursed himself for ruining their friendship which had taken so long to build. What they had come from before just go go back to square one so many years later. He took a deep breath and tried not to think, just tried to let himself sleep.

***

He woke to the disturbed nickering of the horses.

Anda cold gun barrel pressed to the back of his head.

He jolted upright reaching for his gun, but the barre pressed harder against the back of his skull, “I wouldn’t try that if i were you, Partner.” the words came out spitting and derisive, and Adam held his hands slowly in the air blinking against the light of their little campfire.

On the other side of the circle he could see another dark figure standing behind Ramirez's gun pointed at his head in a similar fashion to Adam.

Ramirez looked almost as groggy as he felt, and chanced a look at him across the fire.

“Don’t you boys even THINK about trying anything.”

Adam kept his hands where they were his voice calm, “I am sure….. This is all just some sort of misunderstanding.”

He winced as the gun barrel pressed harder against the back of his head.

“No misunderstanding about it ‘friend’ you’re being robbed, so you are going to sit there and shut up.”

“Go ahead, I’m not stopping you.” Adam said his hands surprisingly steady”

He watched as the men rifled through their things pulling out food ad ammunition only to shove them into their bags and keep rooting through.

One of them went rifling through Adam’s pockets and gumbelt while they had them sat on the rocks, Pulling out his handgun and the knife which had already been stolen. 

“Are we done now?” Adam asked probably not intending to have such an acerbic mouth, but finding the annoyance biting to the front of his thoughts against his will. And were out before he could stop them.

“Get insolent would you.”

A sharp pain exploded on the side of his head, and he went sprawling to the dirt, his hat rolling off towards the fire.

He groaned and crawled to his hands and knees spitting dirt and blood onto the ground.

Someone knelt in front of him, gripping his chin aggressively and forcing his head back to look up at them, “I-”The man paused and then frowned, “Do i know you…. You look familiar.”

Adam jerked his head away, “Guess I just got one of those faces.”

“No, no I know you from somewhere.”

Adam sighed, this was all playing out like some poorly written trope, and if he knew where this was going ---which he thought he did-- than it wasn’t going to end well.

“You been drinkin again Davis.”

“No I swear, take a look at him.”

There was a shuffling around the fire and Adam’s head was forced back again by a handful of hair as the group leader clomped over the dirt,spurs jangling as he did, coming to crouch before Adam with a contemplative expression. Unlike their encounter with the outlaw last night, this man was…. Well he was a lot more put together. He was clean shaven with a well tanned complexion and a velvety black hat only slightly coated by dust. He wore a red vest over a black shirt, and all the silver buckles that held him together shone in the darkness of the fire.

He scrutinized Adam for a very long time before.

“Well slap my ass and call me Nancy, if it isn’t Admiral Vir of the UNSC.” he spit into the dirt and the rest of the men around the fire moved in to circle around him.

Adam sighed, he knew he had been had.

“Figure that out all on your own '' He wondered staring the man in the face with barely concealed contempt.

Across the fire Ramirez was staring at him with a ‘what the fuck do you think you are doing.” Sort of expression.

The man laughed mirthlessly, “You’ve got a tongue on you, Admiral.” He glanced over at Ramirez, “And who is this, faithful dog or your lover.”

Adam sneered, “I could ask the same thing about you and all your….friends.”: He glanced around the campfire  at the group of armed men.

What the fuck was he doing/?

“You’re funny Admiral,” h looked around, “isn’t he funny boys.”

Around the fire, the group of men laughed with cold derision.

Their leader crouched down, and patted Adam slowly on the shoulder, “I am Happy to see you Admiral, very happy to see you.  I’m a big fan, loved your movie, though learning that you were in support of those alien fuckers put me off a bit, I have to admit.” He placed the barrel of his gun below Adam’s chin and tilted his head back slightly. “Almost didn’t recognize you without the eyepatch.” He tapped the side of Adam’s head with the gun barrel, “Freaky that thing is, referring to Adam’s eye.

Adam snered, “Then you’ll really find this freaky.” 

With a sharp whirr, the steel eye prosthetic jolted to life and flashed upward with a ferrel hiss. No one had time to react before the sharp thud of metal on flesh as his metallic shin drove itself hard into the fork of the man’s legs.

He achieved the desired effect as the man crumbled like a wet piece of tissue gagging and choking into the fetal position.

Adam was grabbed by the shoulders and pinned bodily to the ground, more than five weapons pointed at his face.

Just ahead the bandit leader lay on the ground mewling and gagging every so often.

It took him a good fifteen minutes to recover and when he finally staggered to his feet Adam more than expected to be shot. In a blur of motion the man pulled his gun and pointed it at Adam’s head a grimace still plastered over his face. His hand trembled with what must have been rage but he eventually lowered his weapon, “If you weren’t so valuable, I would shoot you where you stand.”

He glanced over at Ramirez awith a thoughtful expression, “Try anything like that again, and I kill your friend.”

That mande Adam Freeze, and he glanced over at Ramirez with wide eyes,

The man snarled, “Thought that would get your attention, but still…. I owe you.”

Adam probably should have seen the boot coming, but he only registered it at the last moment before blacking out completely.

[tetsurobunni]

IDK You Yet

☞ songfic based off of the song IDK You Yet by Alexander 23 // 3.1k words

☼ slight angst, mentions of bullying, just wanting somebody to love (insert queen song here), tsukki being tsukki, akiteru being cute, freckles

☼ pairing : tsukishima kei x yamaguchi tadashi

☞ notes : sigh this song...yea // in this story, tsukki and yamaguchi weren’t childhood friends

this text = song lyrics

italics = flashbacks and inner thoughts

The sun cast a golden haze over the empty park in which Yamaguchi Tadashi sat. Gentle birdsong could be heard in the distance, a slight breeze swayed the branches of trees. A volleyball danced in between the boy's hands absentmindedly as he sat alone on a bench.

Today had been hard, just like any other day. The bullies he faced just seemed to never know when to stop; they continuously poked fun at him and made the poor boy feel like dirt. He had hoped that as he got older his tormentors would cease their attacks, but alas, his hopes never came true.

Yamaguchi had no one to call a friend. He tried to stay as translucent as possible as to not draw any attention to himself. It was the same routine for him every day; the only thing he found happiness in was volleyball.

You can see how that would be a problem, right? Loving a team sport when you have absolutely no friends? What a joke.

He sighed, stilling the movement of the ball between his hands. The sun was setting, the sky now a light pink and purple. 'I should start back home soon,' he thought, closing his eyes. Even though he knew the approaching darkness meant the temperature would drop and dinner would be ready soon, he didn't feel any urge to go home.

After all, there was no one there that understood him, or his pain for that matter.

He leaned his head back against the wooden bench, the lingering smell of cherry blossoms floating through the air.

'It would be so nice to have someone to enjoy this with,'

He couldn't help but imagine sitting in this park with the person he loved, sitting close as they watched the sun set.

How can you miss someone you've never met?

His lips curled upwards at the thought. Some would think that was cringeworthy, or too cookie-cutter; but that didn’t matter to him. Yamaguchi just needed someone to be there.

Because I need you now, but I don’t know you yet.

He had placed love on a pedestal for as long as he could remember. His mother and father’s relationship was nothing less than perfect-the love they had for each other practically radiated throughout any setting.

Seeing his two biggest role models share something so special like that made him want it too. No, not want. Need.

He needed the passion, the validation. He needed to be wanted by somebody. That’s all he could ever dream of. He didn’t care what gender, or if they were taller or shorter, bigger or smaller.

Yamaguchi just needed somebody to love him.

But can you find me soon because I’m in my head

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he was met with was the dark starry sky. He jumped, startled, and checked the time on his watch. ‘My parents are going to kill me!’ He thought, frantically gathering his things off of the bench.

He ran down the sidewalk, taking in heavy breaths as he passed by the homes on his street. Lights shone through curtains, shielding from prying eyes. The sidewalk was dimly lit with street lamps, the lone car passing by every so often.

Straightening out his jacket the best he could, Yamaguchi stepped into the door of his house. A lone light was on in the kitchen. He peered into the living room to find it empty, no noises to be heard. ‘They must have already went to bed,’ he thought, flicking the switch to turn off the light.

Yamaguchi padded up the stairs in sock feet, treading lightly as to not wake his parents. As he passed the door to their shared room, he noticed the door was slightly ajar. Peeking into the small crack, he could see the two cuddled up tightly in each others embrace as they slept. Sighing, he gently shut the door.

‘It would be amazing have someone to do that with’

Yea I need you now, but I don’t know you yet.

As he entered his room, he took a second to scan the blank walls of his room. Spaces where pictures of friends and teammates should be were instead replaced by the pale gray of wallpaper.

He sat down on his bed with a sigh, running his hands through his dark hair. It seemed as though loneliness was a routine for him by this point, just the same empty feeling day after day.

To say he was tired of it was an understatement.

But thats exactly what his tormentors said, right?

“You’re such a loner”

“No wonder no one likes you”

“You couldn’t even pay someone to be friends with you”

“You’ll always be alone.”

And lately its been hard

It seemed that no matter how hard Yamaguchi tried not to recall the words thrown at him, they still came crashing over him in waves, beating him down over and over until he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

They’re selling me for parts

“Please just stop, j-just-stop,” he whispered, voice strained as tears rolled down his cheeks. He dug his palms into his eyes to try and stop the waterfall of emotions, but like every time before, it didn’t work.

He didn’t want to go through this anymore. He really, really didn’t. He wished that he was strong; that he could stand up to those people and tell them that he wasn’t worthless.

And I don’t wanna be modern art

The only thing that kept him sane was the feeling in his heart that there was someone out there for him. There had to be. Someone that could mend his broken parts and dry his eyes when the world got too much. He hoped and wished and dreamed about finding his person

He just hoped that they were okay with being the other half of his wounded heart.

But I’ve only got half a heart, to give, to you.

He hoped that, for once, he would be enough for somebody.

~~~~~ Tsukki’s POV~~~~~

Tsukkishima walked down the bustling street, vendors selling various foods and treats filling the air with delightful smells. It wasn't really his scene, per se, but Akiteru had paid him to get some meat buns from his favorite store. There's no way he'd pass up money and free food.

As he rounded the corner, the familiar little shop his brother had sent him to numerous times came into view. He stepped inside, the warm air and lively chatter washing over him.

He swiveled his head side to side, noticing something strange. At almost every table sat a couple sharing a meal, girls giggling at their boyfriends as they shared conversation.

For the first time since he left the house he took notice of the bright pink and red hearts that decorated the walls and windows.

'Of course, it's Valentine's day. Disgusting.'

He rolled his eyes at his realization. Valentine's Day was just stupid. Why would anyone want to celebrate such an idiotic holiday? He managed to shove past a couple who was standing just a little too close for comfort mumbling a 'tch, you're in public' as he walked past.

Not looking back to see their reactions, he walked up to the counter and quickly ordered 4 meat buns- he knew his brother would want more than two and since it wasn't his money, he decided he'd get one for himself.

Tsukki didn't know if he was jinxed by the shop or what, but as soon as he walked outside all he saw were couples. Couples here, couples there, talking, laughing, hugging, kissing. He'd never admit it, but it made him feel just the tiniest bit lonely.

He had never been one for relationships and romantics- or even feelings at that. He had always despised Valentine's Day ever since he could remember. The girls in lower secondary school would give letters sealed with bright pink and red envelopes to the boys they liked. Tsukki himself had even received a few, but he always turned them down.

No one seemed to ever catch his eye, or grasp his attention. All the girls were plain, boring, and dull. Too energetic, too shy, talked too loud- the list could go on and on.

The door creaked open as he stepped into his house, and Akiteru yelled an 'in here!' from the living room. The latter was practically drooling at the plastic bag in Tsukki's hand, basically begging like a puppy for a treat.

"Here, you nuisance, I got three for you. The other one is mine, don't even think about eating it," he said, tossing the bag to Akiteru, who instantly started digging through it to get his food.

Tsukki sat down cross-legged on the opposite side of the table, opening the package on his meat bun. Suddenly Akiteru got a sly look on his face. "Oh, I forgot to mention that today was Valentines Day, sorry for sending you out in that."

Tsukki narrowed his eyes at his brother, knowing good and well that he didn't tell him on purpose. "Whatever, I'm keeping the change from our order as payment for sending me out in that mess."

Akiteru just laughed, shaking his head slightly. "C'mon Tsukki, do you really hate Valentine's Day that much?"

"Yes."

"Well, okay then," the elder grumbled, taking a bite out of his second meat bun. "But answer this, why do you hate it so much?"

Tsukki faltered for a moment. There were many reasons as to why he hated the holiday, such as the PDA, too much giggling, confessions, all of the god awful pink-

"Is it just because you never found someone you like?"

Tsukki's eyes widened. He had never thought about it. No- there was no way he was pissed because he had never met someone he had feelings for; and he for sure wasn't upset about it.

How can you miss someone you've never seen?

"Ah, hit the nail on the hammer, huh?" Akiteru said, his face showing signs of pity.

"Shutup, will you? I don't care about liking someone, or someone liking me, or being in a relationship, or-"

"Tsukki. You're rambling. You never ramble."

The blonde stopped in his tracks. Why was he rambling? He didn't care, so why did what his brother say have such an impact his mood? He let out a quiet 'tch', moving to get up from the table.

"Tsukki, wait."

The latter faltered from his place at the entrance of the door to his bedroom, waiting for his brother to speak.

"I don't like Valentine's Day all that much either. It makes me feel super lonely, and I get into this sad funk that I can't get out of. But, sometimes, I think about the person that'll love me someday. What they look like, what their personality is, all that; it helps a little. You should try it," Akiteru said, a soft smile on his face.

The blonde responded by opening his door, walking in, and shutting it behind him. Was his brother serious?! There was no way he'd entertain such silly ideas. He'd do what he always did: ignore everyone else and keep to himself. No thoughts, just his music.

After he changed into more comfortable clothes, he slipped his headphones on and laid on his bed, letting the sounds of his music flood into his ears. Without noticing, he started to think about all the couples he saw today at the market.

He remembered seeing a girl with blonde hair and brown eyes, much like himself.

'There's no way I'd be with someone who looked like me- wait, why am I even thinking about this-'

He scolded himself in his head, took his glasses off then proceeded to run a hand down his face. He continued listening to his music... that is until he started thinking again.

He tried everything, listening to god awful rock, cleaning his already clean room, he even tried working out in order to get his brother's words out of his head. No matter how hard he tried, his brother's smiling face saying those words seemed to pop up in his mind.

"Y'know what, fine. Fine! I'll do it!" He whisper-yelled, laying down on his bed yet again. Closing his eyes, he thought back again.

"I think about what they look like."

Okay fine, he could do that.

Tell me are your eyes brown, blue, or green?

Again, he couldn't imagine his...person...having the same light, amber eyes as him.

‘Blue? No, too bright...maybe brown? Hazel? Yea...hazel is nice...’

After he got past the eye color part, he came to a standstill. He didn't really care about hair as long as it wasn't blonde... but what else? Would they have a mole? Freckles? Would they wear glasses, like him?

Suddenly Tsukki brought a pillow to his face and hit himself with it. 'I can't believe I let something that my brother said affect me so much."

Nonetheless, he continued.

"I imagine what their personality is like"

This was tricky. 'They couldn't be too loud. Loud people get on my nerves. They couldn't be too quiet either, I can't stand when someone just looks at me and doesn't say anything.'

He thought a little bit harder. 'Maybe they'd like volleyball? That means Akiteru would love them. I wonder if they would like the same food as me...'

And do you like it with sugar and cream?

'Akiteru makes coffee sometimes, I wonder if they put a lot of stuff in it,' he shriveled up his face in disgust at the thought. He couldn't stand all that sugary stuff in his coffee, preferring the bitter taste instead.

Or do you take it straight, oh just like me?

'Okay, I'm done imagining things that won't happen. This was stupid anyways," he thought, sighing and turning over on his side. For some strange reason, he felt utterly exhausted. It's not like he did a lot of physical activity today, so why did he feel so...tired?

His brain decided to play the images of the couples again in his head, and he realized why he felt the way he did. This was the first time he had actually thought about having a "special someone."

The thought made him want to hit his head against the wall.

He never thought that imagining about the person he might be with one day would make him feel so lonely.

Cause lately it's been hard

For the first time, he noticed the utter and complete lack of important people in his life. Of course there was his brother, that was a given, but he had no one he had ever considered a friend. He never talked to one person for longer than he had to, and even ignored some.

He was completely shut off from the rest of the world...

And it was his own fault.

They're selling me for parts

'It's better this way. You know it is. No getting your hopes up, no disappointment, no keeping up an image. It's better this way. All you need is yourself, not anyone else.’

"But having someone there for me really wouldn't hurt... right?"

And I don't wanna be modern art,

His phone screen lit up with a notification. 'FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL' popped up on his screen, and the blonde groaned once he saw the time.

'Two in the morning? Great. I've wasted my sleep on nothing.’

But deep down, Tsukki knew it wasn't 'nothing'. He just made the pit of loneliness in his stomach larger and harder to ignore.

How could he even imagine the person he would love when he was so pathetic?

"You're so stupid Tsukishima Kei, so, so, so mind-numbingly STUPID!"

But I've only got half a heart, to give, to you.

~~~~~Both POV~~~~~~

Yamaguchi tugged the straps of his backpack tighter as he walked towards the staff room. Students shuffled in the halls, chatter and laughter filled the air. Of course, the green haired boy kept to himself. He had already dodged one of his bullies this morning, so he was on high alert.

As if the first day wasn't nerve racking enough, for some awful reason he decided he was going to join the volleyball club.

'This was such a stupid decision you should just turn around right now,' he thought to himself, slightly panicking as he saw the sign that said 'staff room' on the door in front of him.

He just stood there, staring, unmoving, at the door handle. His heart was racing in his chest, all the air seeming to exit his lungs.

"Oi, are you just gonna stand there?"

Yamaguchi jumped from the sudden voice that came from behind him. He jerked his head, meeting amber eyes behind black frames. He tripped on his words, becoming a blubbering mess, finally spitting out a 'Gomen!'

Tsukki raised a brow at the slightly shorter boy, wondering why he was just staring at the door.

"Tch, why were you just staring at the door like a weirdo?" Yamaguchi bowed his head in apology, contemplating whether to tell this complete stranger the truth, but he finally decided he would.

"Um, I was...uh...going to... to join the volleyball club," he stammered, not meeting the taller boy's eyes. He felt highly embarrassed for some reason, like him wanting to join was humorous. Honestly, he half expected the guy to laugh at him.

"Hm, I am too."

Tsukki moved past the green haired boy and opened the door, walking in a little ways before he realized the latter was still standing there.

"Oi, c'mon. Unless you're not actually going to join..."

Yamaguchi's ears perked up at that. He decided, that for once, he was going to do something he wanted.

"Gomen, I'm coming."

Even though it wasn't visible, Tsukki slightly smiled. He wasn't actually coming to the staff room to join the volleyball club, but when he heard that this boy was going to be joining, he decided that maybe he would.

The shorter boy suddenly turned around, hands flailing.

"Oh! I'm sorry for being rude, I'm Tadashi Yamaguchi!" he said, a bright smile presented onto his freckled face.

'Hm, freckles...'

"Tsukishima Kei."

And I hope it's enough.

[suenala]

BTS-story ; well, here i am.

episode 4 ; 'she's cocky.'

prev. < tsilretsam

[genre] ; fluff

[fandom] ; 방탄소년단

[⚠] ; cuss must bust

–

-

Fee: "Hey yn," -she talks from behind her locker door-

Yn: "Hm?" -i start changing my clothes and shoving everything into my duffle bag and then shoving THAT into my locker-

Fee: "What's your number?"

Yn: "You have my number...?"

Fee: "No i dont..?"

Yn: "Yes you do...?"

Fee: "Well, tell me, i don't remember then."

Yn: "Oh, fine its 25326-'

Fee: "No you idiot, your fucking number on your tag!" -she doesn't even look at me and smacks me on the back of my head-

Yn: "Oh, uh..25, how 'bout you?" -i sit on the bench behind me, rubbing my head-

Fee: "Dang, 46."

Yn: "Dang?" -as she finishes up, she turns around towards me and gestures to leave-

Fee: Walk and talk, lets go. Anyway, yeah, i wanted to go sooner."

Yn: "Hm? Why?"

Fee: "I don't know, if i was best, then they'll probably have a hard time judging others, no offense...hehe."

Yn: "Don't they record them? They can always look back to remember."

Fee: "Hm, i guess you are right." -we slowly stop talking as we re-enter the studio. This time the lights and cameras were set up-

We had an half-hour refresh session so everyone and practice. My number was 25 so I had plenty of time to work on my own choreography, they said they will be going by twenty but theres alot of us so...this'll be awhile. 

[Thirty minutes later]

Namjoon: "Okay, i hope everyone's warmed up?"

Everyone: "Yes!"

Namjoon: "Okay, we're going to need the numbers 1-20 to stay please and the rest can exit. After they are done we'll take a 25-minute break and the group next can come in, got it?"

Jin: -whispers- "namjoon.., they aren't dogs.."

Namjoon: "Shut up."

We all exit and sit outside waiting..well some of us, it was like an hour and a half till it was our time but before that, mostly everyone went to other studio rooms to practice or some fell asleep or something but for me and fee just sat there talking. We were actually pretty confident we would make it to the next round but maybe that's just us, i guess a lot of girls need that (confidence) to perform but i felt like maybe something was going to be a bit different.

[Hour and a half later]

Girl 1: "Dude, im so exhausted.."

Girl 2: "i know right? Me too, good job out there by the way." -she wipes her forehead with a towel as she's walking out-

Jhope: "Wow! I was super impressed! You all danced well today!"

Jimin: "I agree, you all must've worked very hard, huh?"

All the boys follow each other out as they bow and hand out water bottles to the girls. We all know damn well that they didn't need it lol maybe its because its from celebrities?

Jhope: "Don't worry, we won't be long!"

Suga: "Hoseok, just go."

They all wave and bow to us as they walked into a break room reserved for them, they're lucky too, that room is one of our biggest and has couches and T.V’s, lots of food and drinks and other stuff. Usually, that would be reserved for the studio staff or VIP members like me but the staff got a smaller one instead.

Every time I saw a teacher walk past the room, they would roll their eyes as their seeing it taken away from them, but you know, sucks to suck.

[25 miNuTeS LaTer]

The next 20 girls walked in and the boys were already there. We all sat against a wall while the first girl went, the boys looked so focused and when they saw something surprising they seemed genuinely impressed. It gave me alot of courage because then maybe i can do something that'll have taken them aback..., thats until I heard people whispering and talking about me, saying things like; “Omg, I totally forgot we were up against yn..”, “Should we just leave now? We have no chance with her here.” etc. To be honest, it gave me some joy that people thought I was intimidating but also it was sad that people put themselves down just cause I was in the competition too, I didn't want to say anything cause I had a feeling that maybe they would think I was being...conceited but really, what should i do? Quit?

Soon enough time passed and it was my turn, I stood there in front of 19 other girls and seven boys, I stretched thoroughly, cracking every bone in my body and gave them my requested song. For my audition i had selected to be in a duo so I called in henry, i wanted to have more people dance with us but ...they wouldn't get credit since they had to do their own dances when it was their turn plus henry wasn't going to audition—he slacks off too much.

They play on the music and once the intro starts— i immediately get a shot of adrenaline into my body. That's the best part of dancing in front of a crowd, the racing heart wanting to blow out of your chest, the massive amounts of energy that come along— i just feel so awake and enliven. Its like dancing is a drug, i can practice hours on end and yeah i can get tired but i can never get tired (you kno'¿ lolol), i crave for the side effects; the sweat, the dehydration. I love it all.

Everyone sits up and starts bobbing their heads to the beat of the song. They've all seen me dance before and i got to say, im not the best but im sure as hell far away from worst. As their all getting ready to watch me go, the boys are also getting interested, they want to see me dance like before or BETTER than before- all that this morning, it was just all practice, surely im better than that.

I move my body to the beat of the intro and we get into position for the first lyric.

[song] ; a.c.e- black and blue

Im in full focus.

I start dancing with a sharp move—my upper half bopping to the sound. One minute in the song and i can feel the burn, im moving as fast as my body can go and making sure that my moves are as sharp as can be. Really, i didnt care if i got selected. When he asked me if ill be participating i was a bit unsure really and when Jimin said i didn't care i just thought, well "we'll see."

I have to admit that even if i dont get picked, this was really fun, this competition. I get to really see what my peers are made of and they get to see me at my fullest.

Yn: -i make contact with jhope and we stare at each other for a while until i wink and blow a kiss, you would think he would be used to it but it seemed like he got flustered a bit-

Jimin: "Isn't she really good?!" -He whispers to the other members-

Jhope: -scoffs- "Tsk, she's cocky." -he mutters-

I can see Jhope writing on the clipboard with a smirk, was he impressed?

The music ends and I stand there for a minute breathing heavily. Henry pats me on the back and bows to everyone as he leaves, I take a deep breath and stand next to the door. All the other girls tell me that i did a good job and said I was amazing but, I look over to the members and their expressions were so...blank? I can't tell if they enjoyed it or not well besides Jimin, he's smiling from ear to ear, at least someone thought it was good, right...?

I end up having eye contact with jhope again and he raises a brow.

Namjoon: "Okay! Good job #25! Next please!"

Another girl goes up and its a much slower paced than what I just danced to, sigh, this will be a long day won't it?

–

prev. < tsilretsam > next

[uniformbravo]

since it seems to be steadily taking over my whole brain now im just gonna let myself ramble about yugioh for a bit

idk i just keep thinkin abt how it was my favorite show when i was a kid... like not just i liked it a lot, but u know how when ur a kid u pick ur Favorite things & it’s a big deal, like i had Declared this as my Favorite Show

i honestly don’t rly even remember my experience with it in terms of my Feelings like i dont remember having a favorite character or anything like that, i just have a lot of Evidence of me liking it lmao like. u know those school folders they sell at like walmart that are themed after different shows n stuff, i had a yugioh one & it was cool af (i still have it actually, i’d get it to take a pic but it’s in my brother’s room & its almost 1:30 am). i remember my best friend at the time (like. 3rd grade) said she hated yugioh so she would always scoff at my folder lmaooo but like i knew she was wrong so

o shit i found a pic of it online tho here it is

gangs all here...... dam when they droppin their latest single tho lol

i also got this yugioh play set for christmas once, it was like. a plastic dueling arena that u would set little monster figurines on and each player had a bunch of little orange plastic balls that they would take turns shooting at each other’s monsters until urs were the last standing, or something like that? all i have left of it are the little orange balls and a couple of the hologram projectors that went in each of the 4 corners of the arena. i wish i knew what happened to the monsters tho, bc they were actually pretty cool. there was like. a blue guy. and a gold one. i think one of them might have been the summoned skull? i think they were mostly monsters that became plot important later in the show & i’ll definitely recognize them when they show up but i haven’t gotten there yet.... im pretty sure they were basically exodia’s pals tho, like reputable monsters. the Big Boys

hwhgosFHOFJ I FOUND A PIC OF THIS ONE TOO

HELL YEA BOY THATS FUCKIN IT BRO AAAAAAAAAAAA

every bone in my body just liquefied and became nostalgia from looking at this image GHRGHGH I WANT IT SO BAD

ofc i also have a deck of actual cards w/ such iconic features as the dark magician (which is Shiny), summoned skull, change of heart, and this one rly beat up guy i found half buried in the sand on the playground at school one day named griggle, my prized possession

(imagine this but more fucked up looking)

oh and how could i forget, i fuckin. made my own deck of cards, it’s like a bunch of cut out pieces of scrap paper that are all different sizes & i made up a bunch of monsters and drew them & my favorite part (i looked thru it the other day) is there’s a couple cards in there with just numbers on them which i assume was either meant to be added to the monsters’ attack or ur own life points, but one of them is 500 and the other is 50,000,000,000 which is absurd i literally just wrote as many zeroes as i could fit on the paper & it shows, imagine drawing that fucking card my god. i imagine that in my mind it was like, meant to be really rare & hard to get but like. the whole deck is only like 30 cards? so i guess @ whoever faces me u better fuckinnn say ur prayers

that’s all the physical evidence i can think of, but i do have some memories..... fuck i remember watching all the new eps air on saturday mornings aaaa oh man there are a few Classique moments of the show im excited to get to, not by virtue of being particularly Good but because despite having been such a big fan of the show i like barely remember anything from it at all, so these little bits and pieces that i do have r like. exciting. im arranging them into a bullet point list

first of all, and i may be wrong, but i stg at one point pegasus drops someone thru a trap door in his castle or smth??? or someone gets thrown out a window or Something idk why this moment stands out so much but if it doesn’t happen then i will be Very disappointed (i think it was bandit keith. get fucked)

this one’s already happened a few times but for some reason a memory that stood out to me from this show is yami yugi being like “pegasus!” in his Deep Man Voice all like >:o so i was v happy to hear that. also while im here this is pretty obvious but the way he says “previously on yugioh” at the beginning of eps is great, love it, having a blast w/ that one

one saturday there was a big two-part hour long special called “joey’s betrayal” where like idk joey has to duel yugi for Evil Reasons or something and i was SO HYPE for that special bc i was like O Shit joey’s Evil now and like. this was around the time that my sister kinda stopped wanting to get up early for saturday morning cartoons lol so she was sleeping but i was So excited for the ep & i didnt want her to miss it so i left her a note on the desk in our room for her to see that had all the info abt the episode like the title & the time it would be on so u know she could like, wake up & See it & come out n watch it, but the whole thing went by & she never woke up so i had 2 go back in there & take the note down & throw it away looooooooool. but yea so im REALLY excited to get to that episode due to its Impact

eventually i kinda lost interest in yugioh & stopped keeping up with it but obvs the show kept going on w/o me & one day i turned on the tv & it was on & it was like, tristan was trapped in the body of a teddy bear or something? & i was like wow thats weird glad i stopped watching & i never looked back but now I Am Looking & i can’t wait to get to that episode, however-old-i-was me was a Fool

this one doesn’t count but i remember thinking the theme song was SO COOL (and i was right that shit slaps so hard )& being disappointed there were no lyrics i could sing along to..... except for when it was time to d-d-d-duel ofc

FUC I JUST REMEMBERED ANOTHER THING I OWNED HOW COULD I FORGET oh my godddd it was a yugioh poster that i had on my wall for so long & i am EXTREMELY sad that i don’t have it anymore, idk why i thought i could just Throw It Out like a CLOWN, but it was like. it had yugi and friends on it (tho i think one of them might have been missing, it was either tristan or tea, also i just learned how tea’s name is spelled fuckin HUH), & yugi is like, he’s little yugi & he’s got his hands & maybe part of his face? pressed up against the “glass” (the barrier separating his world from ours, keeping him Contained), i remember this detail clearly bc i looked at it a lot and learned how to draw that effect from that specific poster... anyway the best part of the whole thing is that it came from like a scholastic book fair or something so it said in big letters “it’s time to READ!” it was SO good & im DEVASTATED i don’t have it anymore........ to gaze upon its brilliance one last time....................

anyway i think thats all my yu-gi-oh related childhood memories woah why did i type out the whole ass title like that this time damn what the fuck lmaooo 

rly sad abt the poster actually the more i think abt it the cuter it sounds tbh i wanna see that art again..... how could this happen.... i tried looking it up like the other stuff but i couldn’t find anything at all u_u

ok it’s late af now i need to go to bed before i pass ou