#then again I also think the presence of nationalism is irrelevant and the spectrum should run from authoritarian on the left to anarchy

[whilewewereyetsinners]

Some openly call for a “new founding” to replace the Constitution, which it claims has enabled everything from communism to secularism. It praises authoritarian fascistic regimes of the past as models of what an American Christian state should look like. The irony is rich: a movement that claims to defend America wants to discard its most defining principles, from individual rights to the equitable rule of law, in favor of a centralized authority that mirrors the very Marxism it claims to oppose.

If this sounds familiar, it’s because the woke right is merely flipping the script on leftist identity politics. It’s Critical Theory for white guys. Like the left, it prioritizes collective grievances over individual responsibility and treat dissent as treason. The difference lies in who it villainizes. For the woke right, anyone who opposes its authoritarian vision — including fellow conservatives — is an enemy to be crushed, mirroring the political philosophy of Nazi Carl Schmitt.

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Ace Klaine headcanons

So, I may have rewritten glee/the story of Klaine in my mind three times?

Everything goes as I want it to go - Blaine stays at Dalton edition

Everything goes as I want it to go - Blaine transfers to McKinley edition

Ace!Klaine

And this is the latter. 

Personally, I don’t think that Kurt and Blaine are asexual in canon. In fact, I like that they’re so open about the fact that they’re in a sexual relationship, because it still happens too often that mlm relationships are either non-sexual, because Straight People might not be comfortable with it, or that they’re sexual only, only refuting a main problem with Straight People regarding gay pride: them seeing homosexuality (or any non-heterosexual identity) as only sex instead of love.

Then you might wonder: “Well, Yuè, if you’re so happy with Kurt and Blaine being overly sexual in glee, why did you feel the need to rewrite the entire Klaine story with them being asexual?”

Well, m’dude, because being a sex-repulsed asexual in fandom can be quite hard sometimes, so this is mostly for my own sanity and amusement. Their headcanons are based on canon Klaine, some other ace!Klaine fics and headcanons that I’ve read, and of course my own experiences.

Enough talking.

Let’s go.

Although, maybe we need some more talking. tw: acephobia, mentions of rape threat (not in the story, but y’know, “ace discourse”), occasional cissexist language, homophobia, memories of Sadie Hawkins, overusage of the word “bro”.

This isn’t a glee fix, like the first two options. Most of the shit glee pulled them through still happen in this version, although I did change two things for no other reason except for the fact that they bother me a lot. Also, it’s unclear if Finn dies or not.

There’s one moment where unwanted sexual activities happen (I sound like a biology book, jfc), but the moment it becomes clear it’s unwanted, it stops immediately.

Now, for real, let’s go.

Season 1

Glee starts in season 1, guys. We can’t help it that Blaine decided to wait to grace us with his presence until season 2. Just like glee, we will start with Kurt.

Kurt comes out to Mercedes in 1x03 and then to his dad and the rest in 1x04/05. Everything is great, to be honest. He feels relieved, especially since his dad and friends are so okay with it.

Kurt’s like: “Yeah. Dick.”

Only-

In the beginning, he’s in a bliss. He no longer has to awkwardly overhear the girls talking about boys. He no longer has to pretend to be interested in the boys’ girl talk. But something changes. 

Kurt loves to talk about Finn’s hair and cute face and his clothing.

The other girls, uhm, rather talk about what’s underneath all that clothing. Why would Quinn share that Finn touched her breasts? Why would Rachel dream about Finn’s junk? Why would Santana do anything (please notice that Santana hasn’t figured out shit yet) at all?

So he googles. He googles a lot and after quite some agonizing nights spent googling, he finds the answer. Isn’t the internet great?

Kurt basically goes through another questioning, but he’s pretty sure he’s all about that ace. He doesn’t tell anyone, though. Not even Mercedes.

He already gets so much shit for being “gay”, what will they do when they found out he’s gay and ace? 

So season 1 ends. Kurt’s truly happy and okay, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not out yet. 

Season 2

The bullying, just like in glee, gets worse. David Karofsky gets worse- and no one seems to notice. Puck sends him to spy on the Warblers, and just like in the actual glee, Kurt has a hard time realising that places like Dalton exist. 

Blaine notices.

So the beginning of the dialogue in 2x06 is the same, that is until Kurt tells him that he’s not even gay- or at least, in the way they think he is. Trusting Blaine and Dalton, he comes out for the first time and it’s liberating.

And Blaine tells him he understands- which kind of pisses Kurt off.

“No you don’t.”

“Yes, yes, I do.”

Because Kurt’s tired of non-ace people thinking that asexuality is the same thing as whatever problem they’re feeling, probably caused by sexual frustration.

“No, Blaine, you really don’t.”

And to Kurt’s surprise, Blaine laughs it off. He’s about to explode when Blaine shows him his right hand. There’s a simple black ring around his middle finger.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Not much changes for 2x07 to 2x13. They become really great friends. Mercedes feels left out. Kurt transfers after his dad’s wedding. Sectionals tie. Flirty duets. Kurt keeps falling more and more for Blaine, whereas Blaine’s an oblivious piece of fuck.

They do get to know each other better. They soon find out that, sure, they’re both asexual, but they’re sooooo different.

Kurt’s pretty sure he’s sex-repulsed. Blaine’s very sex-positive. He just doesn’t feel the need.

Blaine’s pretty chill about people not knowing- as long as they don’t assume he’s straight, he’s okay. Kurt doesn’t want to come out yet because he wants it to be huge, so that people can understand it’s a huge deal.

Later, they’ll find out that Kurt’s dad is overly supportive, whereas Blaine’s family situation is less than ideal.

Kurt, despite not being out, is entirely comfortable being ace. Blaine’s not all the time.

Literally, the only things they have in common is that they’re both homoromantic asexuals.

Kurt gets the confirmation in 2x12: GAP ATTACK!

And then, Rachel Berry throws a party. A party involving alcohol. And Blaine doesn’t question his sexuality, but his romantic orientation. He’s kind of freaking out, because he thought he was sure of himself. That, and the fact that he realises there’s so much more out there. Have you seen the entire aromantic spectrum? 

Just like in glee (sorta), he realises that nothing has changed.

Of course, everything in 2x15 becomes irrelevant. Instead of the actual storylines, it’s just them reacting to the Top-Secret Information™ Sue has given them.

By now, they have a code for talking about ace related stuff.

I have an ace hanging on my sleeve,

Which is obviously a pun and mix of “ace up my sleeve” and “[sth] hanging on my sleeve”. Not that being asexual is tiresome (okay, for Blaine it sometimes is), but these are often hard-hitting subjects.

Really, Blaine is so comfortable with sex. Kurt would rather not think about what Blaine does in his room when he’s by himself and he’d also rather not look into Blaine’s browser history.

Sure, Blaine doesn’t do those things because of sexual attraction or anything. It’s a known fact that sexual behavious =/= sexual attraction. It probably relaxes him and he appreciates the intimacy, but Kurt’s just like LALALALALALALALLALA PORN???? HAHAHAHAHA NOPE.

And that’s what they discuss in Sexy. And sure, Kurt gets very uncomfortable, but they talk it through and they once again just get the wake up slap that they’re still two very different people.

Kurt’s happy being around Blaine.

Kurt’s not so happy when Pavarotti dies.

They kiss and start to date (which probably makes Puck cry). They’re of course delighted. Both of them have dreamed about their prince Charming, but they never dared to dream about him being asexual, because they didn’t think that could happen. But it did. They’re not lonely anymore. They have each other and they’re very happy.

Honestly, after 2x16 everything is pretty much the same. They go to the Benefit and confront Karofsky. Kurt transfers back to McKinley. Prom is shit and Blaine opens up about his past and how Sadie Hawkins has also changed his view on his asexuality (again, there’s a reason Blaine’s not always 100% okay with himself). Kurt loses Nationals. Blaine tells him he loves him. They run into Sam and Mercedes and well…

They’re definitely together and they become that obnoxious couple that everyone hates. That summer, Blaine gives Kurt a gift. 

It’s a simple black ring.

Season 3

If you watch the transfer scene in 3x01, you know they’ve had a *cough* nice summer together. Blaine transfers to McKinley.

And he lands Tony.

Really, this kid is at a school for two weeks or so, and he lands the lead role in the school musical. He’s killing it.

Artie, on the other hand, doesn’t agree. He clearly tells both him and Rachel that he judges them for having sex and UGH that entire scene is just awful. It hurts Blaine. Of course it hurts him, but it hurts him more than Rachel because he’s fucking asexual, and here’s Artie telling him that he can’t be a great actor without having sex? In fact, he can’t be a normal functioning human without having sex?

He dances in his room, listening to Roxy Music, while telling Kurt everything. Just like Blaine, Kurt can’t stand it, but that’s not the only thing bothering him. Blaine can’t really take a stand against Artie without telling him the truth. Kurt isn’t out yet and he knows that if Blaine starts telling people he’s asexual, they will ask about Kurt. 

Remember, Blaine is okay with that. Being asexual is a huge part of him, but he’s still more chill about it. As long as people know he’s not into women, he’s good. He doesn’t mind people thinking he’s gay. When people ask him “so you’re gay?��� he politely corrects them and that’s it. When people ask him about his sexuality, he tells them the truth. But as long as they know he’s not into women, he’s got nothing to complain. In his eyes. I get that people *cough*Kurt*cough* feel different about this, but this is how Blaine feels.

Honestly, Kurt not being out for the first three seasons is probably the only semi-OOC part of this story, but I did it with a reason. In my mind, Kurt is not like that at all. He wants people to know, goddamnit. He’s just a bit nervous because he made such a spectacle of coming out as gay (before realizing he’s ace) that he just needs more time to get his shit together.

Sometimes, he must think about Blaine though.

“I know! But I feel like…" 

“Feel like what?“ 

“I feel like I’m pushing you back into the closet. You’ve been at McKinley for weeks and you know that you’re free to be who you are in glee club, but you haven’t acknowledged it at all. They think you’re gay and you think it’s okay.“ 

“We use it as an umbrella term.“ 

“Still. I know that you’re not running around with an ace flag wherever you go-” “I should do that, it sounds amazing.” “-because you don’t think your sexuality is the only important thing about you and you’ve always been out with this ‘I literally don’t give a fuck if you know it or not’ attitude, but you cannot deny the fact that this is important to you.“ 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to push you out of your closet. I know you want to tell your dad first, but it is kinda hard because you came out as gay a year ago.“ 

That didn’t go exactly as planned, though. Santana gets outed and Burt’s busy trying to take down that awful commercial and of course, he’s talking about his kids shouldn’t be ashamed of their sexuality and how he’s happy with Kurt for being honest and Kurt just blurts it out. He wanted it to be touching and everything, but no. He just said that he’s definitely asexual. 

Kurt’s dad replies with: “Hi asexual, I’m dad.”

Which immediately makes the tension disappear. Burt admits that he has no idea what it means and that he doesn’t know how to feel, but that he’s willing to learn. Kurt helps him out.

"So, you and Blaine don’t plan on having sex?" 

"No." 

"So, every time I yelled that the door had to stay open, it was all for nothing?" 

"Daaaaaad.” 

After that, he has the courage to come out.

Blaine’s happy for Kurt, but he’s also a bit bitter. Kurt’s dad is so amazing, whereas Blaine’s parents are… not. They aren’t very open about their acephobia, but they simply ignore it. They treat it as if it’s a phase and they’re just waiting for Blaine to “get to his senses”. 

“Blaine, you dating another boy? Well, if you really have to, baby.” 

“Blaine, you not wanting to have sex? Well, if you believe that’s true then we’ll wait, sweetie.”

It really bothers him, of course. That’s not all. They’re pretty sure it’s not real and that Blaine’s punishing himself for something.

“I think they don’t understand the point of asexuality. Then again, I haven’t explained it to them. I never talk about it at home, because then my mom will go on about how we shouldn’t label ourselves and bla, bla back in my days, we only had gay or straight, why are you making it so difficult for yourself? Do you want to make it harder for you? Why is it so important? Bla, bla, bla…” 

But it’s time for more: The New Directions! Kurt loves these kids, that’s true, so he’s happy he finally feels like it’s time to tell the others.

It goes so, so wrong.

Just think of all the worst possible responses to coming out and put them in this moment. There are a lot of glee club members after all. They don’t understand and they’re too caught up in their idea of asexuality that they don’t bother with listening to Kurt. 

BUT WAIT. It gets way worse. After Kurt tells them that he really doesn’t want to have sex, the others stare at Blaine with so much pity. They tell him how brave he is and "oh I could never date an asexual” so of course he freaks out and he flat out tells them that he’s also asexual and that they’re all disgusting. The others, still a bit biased, apologise and it will get better, truly, but this was probably one of the worst moments in Kurt’s life.

Why did I do that to him? 

It is kind of inspired by the LGBTQ community. I remember thinking I was straight and I always admired the LGBTQ community for being accepting and open and a safe space. When I started to realise I wasn’t straight, I didn’t feel all too bad because I knew that there was an LGBTQ community where people could be themselves. I still love the community, but what a joke. The amount of biphobia and acephobia and panphobia and basically everything against anything that isn’t homosexually gay is disturbing. I was actually quite nervous to post this because of the LGBTQ community calling me homophobic or whatever. “Ace discourse” (aka blogs telling ace people to kill themselves or get raped and that shit) is somewhat normal and that’s a problem. Sure, not everyone is like that, but it feels like the “ace discourse” has gotten worse.

That’s why this happened. The glee club is about acceptance. Kurt never doubted about telling them. It was always such an obvious thing is in head. Glee club is family and they will accept him, that’s what glee club is about. Hell, they just finished an entire week dedicated to Santana (after his brother outed her and got to play the hero, amiright glee?). He just wanted to tell his dad first and that was the hard one. Because, y'know, glee club is a safe space and Kurt will be fine. But that didn’t happen. Is it OOC? Maybe, but the LGBTQ community being exclusive is already “OOC”  for a community about acceptance and love and hope.

The glee club does get better. It’s a bit messy at first, but they go back to being #protective (something that would never happen to the LGBTQ community, sorry not sorry). In fact, the Unholy Trinity almost becomes a group of female assassins chasing down Straight People that are idiots.

Life goes on, and so does their relationship. So, remember the sex talk they have in 3x05? I sort of put it after the whole coming out thing. Blaine’s always been more open about being more comfortable, so it’s just them working on comfort zones in general. How far does Kurt want to go when they’re together? 

Because when people talk about ace/allo relationships, they always say: “THINK ABOUT THE COMFORT ZONES!” and they’re absolutely right, but that also applies to ace/ace relationships. Hell, even to allo/allo.

There are two (or more) people in a relationship and they’re all different and have different feelings and experiences. You know, Kurt and Blaine talk it through and they’re happy.

Plus, why would you have fun in the bedroom when you can have fun in the kitchen? Burt and Carole come home that day to find the entire kitchen ruined, but at least Kurt and Blaine get to enjoy their freshly baked cake.

Then Cooper decides to visit Lima, and Blaine is low key not so low key freaking out, because he’s never told Cooper about being ace, and even though he’s pretty chill, he really wants to tell him since they’re working on their sibling relationship.

Cooper is one of the many who thinks Blaine’s gay.

Blaine coming out is supposed to show parallels to Kurt coming out to Burt. Both men really want to tell these family members (even Blaine!). Both of them really value the opinions of those family members. Both want their acceptance.

Burt immediately accepts him. He lightens the mood by cracking a joke to make Kurt feel more at ease. Later he admits he doesn’t understand, but since Kurt’s already feeling so much better about it, he’s willing to help.

Cooper isn’t like him. You know Cooper and his mindset. Blaine tells him and just like Burt, Cooper doesn’t understand. But he doesn’t lighten the mood. In fact, he makes it worse by flat-out telling Blaine he doesn’t understand and that he doesn’t really believe him. It’s the more toned-down version of Kurt’s coming out to the New Directions.

"Are you sure, Squirt?”

“Do you really think we’d have this agonizing discussion if I weren’t?”

Blaine has always looked for approval in his family and Cooper is part of that family, but for the first time he tells Cooper. He just tells him that he wants Cooper to know because he cares a lot about Cooper’s opinion. That’s when Cooper starts to realise it is a great deal and that he’s hurting Blaine. Just like Burt told Kurt, he tells Blaine he doesn’t understand (maybe he never will), but he’s willing to learn. Unfortunately by that time the mood is pretty ruined, since Blaine feels like shit. Cooper does learn though, but it was a rough start.

Guess what happens next? You’d expect Chandler, right? Well, you’re somewhat right, but guess what doesn’t happen?

This fucking fight. Neither Kurt nor Blaine is sexually frustrated cause they’re both hella hella ace.

Chandler does exist and since Kurt’s pretty oblivious to flirting and trying to be sexy, he has no idea what’s going on until, just like canon, Rachel confronts him. Worried and freaked out, he turns to Blaine, asking him how he feels about that and Blaine, who’s obviously more knowledgeable about these things, agrees with her. No blee-related overly dramatic and scenic angsty solos needed.

Kurt and Blaine do still have to do the couples counselling thing with Ms. Pillsbury, but there’s no sexually frustrated shit. Blaine’s being distant, like in canon, but Kurt doesn’t go looking for affection anywhere else. Again, no blee-related overly dramatic and scenic angsty solos needed.

That’s it, I guess.

3x18 to 3x22 are pretty much the same. NYADA stuff and the hairgel at the dinosaur prom. And of course Nationals and finding out that the entire season, Kurt’s been nothing more than an accessoire to Rachel’s successful and undeserving storyline.

Kurt and Blaine are happy and in love. Hooray!

Season 4

We know what’s about to happen so let’s get this thing fucking over with.

Kurt and Blaine break up.

They had a great time together during the summer, but they both notice how Kurt’s not really happy. Blaine encourages him to go to New York and they try long-distance. They love each other, but just like in glee, Kurt starts to lose track of Blaine. Kurt’s at Vogue, living the dream and hanging out with fashion icon Isabelle Wright, while Blaine’s running for student president with a former stripper.

But here’s the thing: they’re so goddamn ace. Blaine doesn’t need to fuck a lighthouse in order for Kurt and Blaine to break up, because Blaine isn’t sexually frustrated and tempted to fuck a freaking lighthouse. Praise hallelujah, Blaine does not have to cheat, since the writers thought that was the best way to break up a relationship. It’s so original of them!

Since they’ve always been open and very great at communicating even before they started dating, they decide to break up because long-distance isn’t working. Fuck, Blaine even flies to New York to do this, since they can’t break up over phone and yeah, it shows that Kurt’s life has gone on without Blaine next to him. It hurts both of them, but being together also hurts and love shouldn’t hurt like that. They try to stay friends, but it’s awkward. It isn’t until Thanksgiving, during Sectionals of all times, that they finally talk it through.

Kurt gets into NYADA after all and Burt flies to New York for Christmas. Blaine tags along and it’s pretty clear they’re still into each other, but they know long-distance hurts too much. Despite that, it actually goes uphill with their relationship.

In this season, they obviously have their own storylines when it comes to the ace part: Adam and Sam.

Adam isn’t acephobic. I’ve thought about it, and maybe it’s because I fucking love Adam Crawford, but I didn’t do it. Based on his 6 whole minutes worth of screen time, I came to the realisation it doesn’t fit him. Kurt starts to like him and asks him out. They date and Kurt comes out pretty fast, since he’s all about I’M COMING OUT/I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW.

Sure, Adam isn’t downright acephobic, but it doesn’t go easy. Kurt’s only been with Blaine, a fellow asexual. Adam admits that he has already thought about Kurt like that so Kurt coming out means that Adam has to change his perspective cause that is definitely not gonna happen. It’s awkward and messy and Adam does try to support him. Ace/allo relationships can work out -rightfully so- but this one doesn’t. Adam was great, but not the one true love Kurt’s been dreaming of.

Not much changes about the Sam storyline. I never believed it was more than a small crush and I actually think Tina’s right about how Blaine needs somewhere to put his love, because Blaine craves affection in his own way. Whereas it was random and overly unecessary, I don’t have much to complain. Sam’s been okay with gay guys possibly crushing on him since day one, or 2x04, and that hasn’t changed.

There’s actually more to the Sadie Hawkins plot (since glee totally disregarded Blaine’s past and trauma and the aftermath of a hate crime and bullying): remember how I linked that to Blaine not being all too happy about being ace all the time?

I haven’t gotten into Blaine’s questioning because it never happened on glee. By the time Blaine does grace us with his presence, he’s already out and everything. We never saw what happened before that and Sadie Hawkins is actually the first glimpse to his past. This also ties together with the fact that Blaine doesn’t feel the need to let everyone know he’s ace. By the time Sadie Hawkins happens, Blaine knows there’s something "wrong” with him. He goes to the dance with Logan (I named the guy after Logan Wright, do not judge me) and in his eyes, the physical part of a possible relationship doesn’t excite him as much as it should. Yeah, they’re young and sure, Blaine’s already explored parts of well, himself, but with another person involved? Maybe, but maybe not? And that’s not right, because he’s a teenage boy so he’s supposed to get turned on every time Logan tells him about his dreams and magazines and about feeling grown up while going through them and “wow Blaine there is this site, you should see it…”

He has heard of word asexual, but that can’t be him. He’s not some plant. He’s not religious. All the misconceptions of asexuality float through his young mind and because of that, he simply refuses to be asexual. When he realises that he is, he breaks down. Sure, by then he knows more about it, but he’s not only into men, but also asexual.

And he remembers that godawful dance where a couple of boys kicked the living shit out of him and Logan for being gay. Being gay is already disturbing to some people. He doesn’t want to be asexual as well. What if Blaine had known by then? What if those guys had known by then? What would they done differently, considering they’d give him a “special treatment” to not only kick the gay but also the ace out of him? Fuck, would he still be here? Logan isn’t.

At Dalton, he learns to love himself. As far as he knows there are no other openly ace students at that school, but the environment only makes it safe enough for Blaine to get his shit together. Just like Kurt, he comes out at Dalton for the first time and people support him. He’s home. He starts to love himself and he becomes proud of being ace. He buys himself a ring, puts an ace pride flag on his computer, and continues life. But sometimes in the back of his head, he just wishes he could be “normal”. He knows he shouldn’t think like that, but the fact that those guys still assumed that part of “normality” about him might have saved his life. He knows there’s also a chance that they weren’t going to give him a “special treatment” and that he’s “overreacting”, but sometimes someone’s thoughts and fears can take over their rationality.

NOW HERE COMES THE EXCITING PART ABOUT SEASON 4: THE HOOK-UP.

Well, that doesn’t happen because these guys don’t want to get in each other’s pants or in anyone’s pants in general. Sure they sing a duet and yeah, it’s pretty clear they’re into each other (despite Adam and Sam), but they’re fucking ace.

4x15 to 4x20 are also pretty much the same. Except for Come What May, not much happened for the boys. Blaine’s random crush on Sam randomly disappears, Kurt has a boyfriend pillow cause it’s comfy, there’s a fucking school shooting, I don’t even remember what happened in 4x19 except for Finn going to college, and McKinley loses its power while Isabelle invites Team Bushwick to sing at a ballet gala.

Kurt is back in Lima for his dad and maybe he’ll patch things up with Blaine as well. It’s probably the happiest moment of Kurt’s young life when he hears that his father is in remission. 

Now here’s what’s going to happen. Like I said, this isn’t a rewrite of all the shit glee pulled them through, so even the things I wish I could change have to stay.

And like I also said, 98% of the time I follow the rules. I changed two big moments after all because I just can’t stand it at all. Here’s the first. 

Yup folks, I am stopping their engagement and future wedding. 

I’ve never been okay with it. I’ve thought about keeping it and then I thought about all the possible reason why them being asexual would mean not getting married like that, but in the end I gave up and broke the rule. I could go on about why I can’t stand it and wish it never happened but you know… been there done that. No Liz and Jan (don’t like them either), no ring box behind Blaine’s back, no Burt discouraging Blaine (rightfully), no me flat-out hating Blaine for his delusions and putting Kurt in this position while they’re broken up for fuck’s sake. 

And with that, we swiftly move to season 5.

Season 5

They get back together in an elaborate fashion. Since the engagement doesn’t happen (praise hallelujah) Kurt goes home without a ring on his finger. He and Blaine know that long-distance didn’t work out before, and they know love shouldn’t hurt, but in their months apart they’ve gotten lives without each other so they’re less lonely. Don’t get me wrong: they miss each other very much, but they both have great people to rely on and well, graduation is around the corner.

Kurt starts a band and there he meet Elliott. And hey, guess what? Elliott is a very happy panromantic asexual. I remember when the spoilers about Blaine getting jealous of Elliott first came out, people were speculating about Elliott’s sexuality, because what if he’s straight? But other sexualities got discussed too, and this was my favourite headcanon.

Why did I make Elliott ace as well? Because they need more people to talk to. They have each other and that’s great (amazing even). They still tell each other that every now and then they have an ace hanging on their sleeves. By this point, Blaine’s gotten more comfortable with himself, so their ace stories are mostly about their relationship. Elliott shows up to talk about more ace stuff. For Kurt, having an ace boyfriend and an ace best friend is great.

He still turns to Blaine for his ace stuff. When Blaine gets to New York, he does the same. But honestly, now they both have Elliott as well.

But before Blaine has Elliott, the jealousy kicks in. Sure, Kurt won’t ever sleep with Elliott (to quote Kurt about sex: “ew ew ew”), but what if they kiss? Blaine’s pretty sure Elliott is into Kurt.

Again, not much happens for the remaining episodes of season 5a apart from the Elliott jealousy thing: 5x05 to 5x13. Blaine auditions for NYADA and then sings with puppets, Kurt’s band is taking off and they have a small fight, Kurt’s afraid Elliott is taking over the band, Blaine becomes valedictorian, the New Directions lose and gets disbanded. Kurt and the others alumni come back to celebrate the glee club. And voilà, time for season 5b.

Everything is also the same in 5x14, by the way. I just needed to give that its own paragraph, because that episode is my favourite and it deserves love. Klaine was so good in that episode, y’all.

5x15 means that Blaine’s self-doubt comes back once again (see my part about Sadie Hawkins) and it’s heavy for both of them. Sometimes I have a hard time realising they’re both victims of homophobic hate crimes.

The big one is 5x16. I know it’s named Tested, but I’ve started calling it Sexually Frustrated Swordfights, because it’s one of the four sex-themed glee episodes (2x15, 3x05, 4x14, 5x16). 

But hey, guess who doesn’t get sexually frustrated?

Kurt.

Guess who doesn’t get sexually frustrated either?

Blaine.

Honestly, the website thing… if it were to happen, Kurt wouldn’t be that mad at Blaine, because he knows why Blaine goes through those things every now and then, and he’s got nothing to be jealous of. There’s no need for an actual sword fight. Jeez, these boys are dramatic.

Kurt’s a bit more uncomfortable in this episode. As Blaine mentions in the beginning of the episode, people are seeing Kurt as a sexual object and not only Blaine’s uncomfortable with that, but so is Kurt. Kurt knows he’s attractive. He has an awesome body and yes, Blaine does jealous of that. He sees men (and women!) check him out on the subway. He feels good, truly, he’s confident.

But he doesn’t like that he’s seen as sexual.

And as I mentioned, it makes Blaine very insecure. It’s not like he wants to be seen as a sexual person either (although, he wouldn’t mind as much as Kurt), it’s just that his body is awful compared to Kurt’s. Or at least, that’s what he believes.

The entire breakdown in the loft still happens. Kurt’s so much better, right now. Blaine’s feeling like shit. Not only because of his body, but after Bash he’s back to hating himself and his parents split up. And then he remembers the good ole Dalton days, where Blaine was Kurt’s protector and mentor. He used to be so strong, and now he’s not.

About his parents… I’d like to think they made amends. I’d like to think Blaine yelled at them for their acephobia.

I did, and whereas it’s not ideal, I’m okay with my family now.

But Blaine’s family has always intimidated him. Maybe now that his dad has left his mum, he feels the courage to at least talk to her, because I believe Pam loosened up after her divorce.

But yeah, Blaine’s in a bad place right now, but together with Kurt, he works on it. Kurt has gotten used to the unwanted attention and when it goes too far, he calls people out, but otherwise he just lets it happen. He’s still in the center of Blaine’s attention, and that’s all he needs.

5x17 to 5x20 is not much. The Ultimate Rachel Berry Pity Party, June picking Blaine over Kurt, Kurt as Peter Pan, Blaine moving back in the loft. Everything is going uphill.

Until it goes downhill.

Season 6

Kurt and Blaine break up after things get bad at home. Whereas I still don’t really get why they did this to them (they were doing so well in season 5b), it happened. Since glee presented them as an unhappy and unhealthy couple, I respect that they needed to leave each other.

(That, and the fact that I knew they were going to get married in 6x08).

Here’s change no. 2: Blaine dates an OC instead of You-Know-Who (not Voldemort). His name is Ryan. He’s part of all three the rewrites. He’s a gentleman. He lives close to Westerville.

Blaine isn’t the biggest fan of Scandals, but you know, he’d just overcome his depression (kinda. It’s still hard on days), he has a job he likes, he’s good, so why not celebrate at a gay bar? 

They start to date and it’s sweet. Again, Ryan is a gentleman. 

It’s also sexy.

Which is new.

I also have a headcanon that Ryan is one of those bro-bros, since Blaine’s apparently into that out of nowhere (*cough*You-Know-Who*cough*). He has a couple of bros that also adore Blaine. But there’s also his ultimate bro: his best bro.

Ryan likes Blaine, but man, he can be frustrating.

“I don’t know, bro. He’s never really into taking it a step further.”

“Bro, what do you mean?”

“Like, every time shit gets heated, he starts talking about lesson plans or bowties or fuck what, and I don’t think he realises he’s interrupting something. He’s just genuinely excited about bowties while we’re making out.”

“Bro.”

Ryan is older so he lives on his own. Since it’s pretty close to Dalton, Blaine goes there quite often, and without a mother like Pam Anderson around, things can get heated.

And it freaks him out.

He’s always known he’s very okay with these things, but how the hell is going to come out to Ryan? He slowly starts to lose his pride. He doesn’t even know where he left his ring for fuck’s sake.

Is he back to not being comfortable with himself?

Hell, he doesn’t even know.

When things get very serious one day, he just tells Ryan that he’s never done this before and that he needs some time to fully explore everything. Ryan’s a bit confused, because he knows Blaine was in a committed relationship, but he doesn’t ask. Blaine’s told him he’s gone through a messy break-up and that he doesn’t want to talk about his ex. Ryan just assumes Blaine’s ex is religious or he has whatever reason not to have sex he respects that and he respects Blaine.

It doesn’t cross his mind that Blaine wasn’t going to have sex either.

There’s a big time jump between season 5 and 6, so they have time. Blaine’s a bit overwhelmed, that’s for sure, but it feels quite good. At one point, they sleep together (and not just sleeping) and it was really, really good. Blaine enjoyed it.

Back to the bros!

“Bro, I’m just so confused.”

“What is it this time, bro?”

“Like, sleeping with Blaine is fucking great and I’m pretty sure he feels the same, but he never makes the first move. I’m always the one suggesting, bro, it’s been like that since we dated.”

“Just talk about it.”

“But, bro, I feel like there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m pretty sure Blaine’s not teasing me or anything. He just never initiates anyting intimate.”

“Bro, respect that.”

“Bro, I do, but I’m just so confused about that. We like being together. You know, the other day I suggested Netflix and Chill. You wanna know what he said to that?”

“Yeah.”

“He said: ‘I make the popcorn, you choose the movie!’”

“BRO.”

“He wasn’t even kidding. It wasn’t until I told him what I really meant that it clicked for him.”

And Blaine’s freaking out. He feels like it’s too late to tell him now that they’ve slept together. Kurt and Adam didn’t work out. Elliott has told him his relationships didn’t always work out. 

By the time he’s completely freaking out, he has basically forgotten about Kurt. Ryan asks him to go to a bar with the bros, and Blaine accepts. Ryan tells him a friend is coming back to visit or whatever.

It’s Kurt.

Well, that is awkward.

Both of them are absolutely floored when they see each other. Kurt was going to text Blaine to meet up, but he didn’t expect to see Blaine like that with a new guy. They try to be polite, but the awkwardness is palpable. Kurt excuses himself, telling the others he needs to use the bathroom (to cry) and that he’s gonna order a drink, and Blaine follows the bros to their booth.

There he tells Ryan and the others about their history. Ryan apologizes. He truly didn’t know. He and Kurt aren’t that close, so they never really talked about personal stuff.

It’s awkward and Blaine’s pretty sure that setting himself on fire would be less painful, but when he sees Kurt, who’s clearly been crying, ordering a drink at the bar, he gets up.

He tells Ryan he needs to fix this.

He doesn’t tell him he doesn’t mean Kurt and Blaine’s friendship or whatever relationship.

He goes to Kurt and he tells them that, yeah, this is fucking awkward, but if they could just put aside their differences for one night because holy shit, Blaine has a HUGE ace hanging on his sleeve and he’s been dying to talk about it.

Both Kurt and Elliott were off-limits (Elliott’s too close to Kurt) and this is going to be painful, but Blaine needs Kurt. He didn’t want to turn to the internet, because he felt like he needed to speak about something like this in person, and he hasn’t come out to his therapist, because he’s afraid she’ll tell him it’s fake and because of trauma.

Kurt tells Blaine to sit down and Blaine tells Kurt everything (occasionally apologizing for more talking about the more sexual details). Blaine’s basically having a breakdown in a public bar while speaking to his ex, knowing that his new boyfriend is probably watching them.

Oh, how awkward.

As awkward as it is, they both know what’s like to feel trapped. Before they met each other at Dalton, they had no one to turn to. Kurt tells him that he needs to be honest with Ryan and that there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

“Do not apologize for being yourself, Blaine.”

Kurt takes off his own ring and gives it to Blaine, asking him to return it the moment he finds his own. At that point, Blaine’s probably openly crying, but hey, it’s glee.

Kurt also apologizes for what has happened between them. They actually have a conversation about that, since glee decided to completely overlook that despite having the opportunities.

Blaine’s a bit shakery, but he makes his way back to the booth. Ryan, who thinks they’ve only talked about their break-up, comforts him. Later, Kurt joins the others. 

It’s fine. There’s still a little bit of awkwardness left, but both boys feel so much better after their conversation.

That day, Blaine goes home and he finds his ring. He texts Kurt (they never deleted each other’s numbers) to tell him. Ryan comes over the day after and so does Kurt. Wow, awkward again. Blaine gives back the ring, since he’s now wearing his own. Kurt tells Blaine to talk to Ryan.

He does in 6x03, because unlike in glee, Blaine doesn’t get locked in a sheet music store. Blaine is the one who always rushes things, so of course he accepts when Ryan suggests him moving in. Since Ryan already has the apartment, Brittany doesn’t have to furnish it for them. She does stop by to give them rainbow printed decorations, of course.

After the move has been finalised, Ryan obviously kisses Blaine because he’s happy for the both of them. It leads to more- much more. It becomes clear that Ryan is more interested in taking off Blaine’s new jacket instead of talking about the store he bought it at. Blaine’s excited. It’s fun and great and wow.

Until it’s not.

Ryan is more rougher than usual and Blaine slowly starts to realise that this is not good at all. It’s not excitable anymore. In fact, it hurts. So he tells Ryan to stop and since Ryan is still the definition of gentleman, he immediately does.

Blaine’s basically having another breakdown and I just feel so bad for all the shit I’m pulling this kid through. He locks himself in the bathroom until he’s more calmed down. When he opens the door to the bedroom, Ryan is waiting for him, clearly worried. He immediately hands Blaine some pants (such a gentleman) and asks him what is going on and if he can help.

Blaine tells him. Ryan listens and occasionally asks questions, and Blaine tells him he didn’t want to tell him because he felt like he was too late and that he didn’t want Ryan to dump him. To his surprise, the conversation goes well. He keeps restraining himself from saying "I’m sorry” every sentence though, but that’s because he remembers Kurt telling him that he shouldn’t feel ashamed for being himself.

Back to the bros! I love them, since their “bro-ness” is so cringy and unnecessary.

“Bro, I figured it out with Blaine.”

“Cool, bro, what’s up?”

“He’s asexual, bro.”

“What?”

“A-S-E-X-U-A-L, bro. He sent me some links to info sites and it’s fucking huge and interesting. You ought to read it too.”

“Bro, why not? Of course I’ll read that shit.”

Meanwhile, Kurt has met Walter. Whereas a part of me thinks the Walter storyline is even worse that Blaine dating not-Voldemort, another part of me has also never believed they were dating. Maybe I’m naive but in my mind they’re just friends that go on outings that they jokingly call dates after they realise it’s not gonna happen. That’s why he’s still here.

Of course Kurt has told Walter, since Kurt wants people to know. Walter makes a small derogatory joke about how that’s a reason they should be happy they decided not to date. Kurt’s hurt and confronts him about that, since he’s implying that ace people can’t love, and Walter apologizes.

Just like that, they’re both kinda happy living their own lives. It’s still a bit uncomfortable to run into each other, but they will get there. They can’t help it that Sue Sylvester decided to speed things up for her own amusement. Kurt and Blaine are not happy that they’re being forced into physical contact. They’re fine with kissing, but only when it’s with their consent. Sure, when they do kiss, they do it out of their own consent, but in the beginning they’re not happy with their former Cheerio coach.

Plus, those air drugs that promotes sexual stimulation by increased blood flows to the male genitalia don’t affect them anyway.

Yet, in the elevator they rediscover each other. It’s no them trying to fix whatever relationship. It’s them genuinely enjoying being around each other and them chatting as if nothing has happened. Unfortunately, they need to get out. It’s really hot in there (definitely not sexually hot), and Blaine’s not fond of confined spaces. They kiss and get the hell out of there, but the awkwardness of them being exes is no longer necessary.

Which starts to mess with both of them. Blaine’s caught up with his feelings for Ryan and his returning feelings for Kurt. Kurt’s never had any feelings for Walter, so fuck him, he’s just trying to suppress his feelings for Blaine, since he thinks that’s what Blaine wants.

Communication.

Boys, you two used to ace that.

Pun intended.

Although, back then everything was different. They weren’t ex-lovers back then. Hell, they weren’t even lovers back then. Blaine decides to stay away from Kurt for his own sanity, and because he hasn’t really come to his senses about the New Directions. He thinks they no longer want him since he’s back to being a Dalton boy or whatever bullshit. Oh Blaine.

The New Directions prove him wrong, though. Not only is he invited to sing for Brittany and Santana and for a dinner at Mr. Schue’s, he’s also invited for yet another hectic Rachel Berry party. Yes y’all, it’s time for 6x07. Not much changes, if I may say.

Kurt makes sure they sing together and the fishing starts! Kurt’s pretending that he and Walter are very serious and Blaine’s pretending Ryan can be jealous, but they’re both fishing for information. Because of that, they both think that the other isn’t interested anymore.

But Blaine realises he’s very interested when they sing Somebody Loves You together. He needs to leave because he and Ryan and the bros are going to see a game, but woops, he kisses Kurt. 

He’s fucked.

After the game, Ryan tells Blaine that he knows that Blaine’s still into Kurt and he tells him to go after him. It’s bittersweet, but both of them know it’s for the best. Kurt, Blaine, and Ryan will stay friends, but that’s it. 

We all know who’s waiting in the choir room with Kurt, though: Walter.

Again, Blaine has no clue. He thinks they’re really dating and his heart shatters. At the double-date, Kurt realises that something has happened, but he doesn’t know what.

He starts to get what is going on when Brittany and Santana’s wedding is about to happen. He doesn’t want to take Walter to that fucking wedding. He wants Blaine. He runs after him (Blaine’s back to living with his mum, btw) and they kiss and get back together and guess what? 

THEY ACTUALLY HAVE A VERY SERIOUS CONVERSATION ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND HOW IT WENT WRONG AND HOW IT AFFECTED THEM AND HOW THEY NEED TO IMPROVE, BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT IDIOTS AND I DON’T FORGET ABOUT SHIT LIKE THAT LIKE GLEE DOES.

Brittany and Santana get married and they cheer for their friends, because remember how I stopped their wedding? Yeah.

Since they’re not on their honeymoon, Kurt helps the glee club with Myron and Blaine’s at Dalton with the Warblers.

After that, things in 6x10 to 6x13 go as canon. DALTON ACADEMY BURNS TO THE FUCKING GROUND FOR NO REASON?? Blaine’s been accepted into NYU. They win Sectionals. McKinley becomes an art school. Kurt and Blaine go back to New York.

Over there, Elliott and Dani are waiting for them. Since Blaine and Elliott go to the same school now, there’s a new version of Glitter Rock Vampire in less than a week. Rachel, Brittany, Santana, Artie and Tina join them, and so do Kitty and Rodrick after one and two years.

And that, folks, is glee.

5 years later

It’s supposed to be the best day of their lives. All their friends and family members are here, but there’s only one thing nagging them.

The well-meaning wedding guests that tell them it’s okay if they want to leave the reception a little bit earlier so that they can spend their wedding night together *wink wink* *nudge nudge*.

It’s as if some of them don’t even grasp the point of asexuality. 

They wear their wedding rings on their left hands and their ace rings on their right hands. Plus, it’s not as if it’s that big of secret anymore. In the past five years, they’ve both made a name for themselves. Blaine mostly in the Broadway community, but he’s also a Grammy nominated musician (he lost to Mercedes and he can live with that). Kurt’s an Obie winner for sure, but he prefers fashion and Hummel Brag a bit more, since being an actor means that he sometimes has to act out things he’s not entirely comfortable with.

Both of them have come out on national TV during interviews. Not because they had to. It wasn’t even that big of a deal. They just mentioned it in passing and it’s out in the world now.

Blaine’s even one of the mods of one of the biggest asexual sites and Kurt makes ace pride merch. 

But those wedding guests be damned. They’re married and it’s the ceremony of their dreams- with other words, the one glee deprived them off. They’re surrounded by people they love, and there’s a baby on the way. 

They’re good.