#them potentially having a few tells theyve agreed to mean certain things | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

misterbitches · 4 years ago

Text

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

2 notes · View notes

vitalmindandbody · 7 years ago

Text

If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call our child after a New Zealand volcano?

Franki Cookney and her husband didnt much like one another surnames, so now theyre having a baby theyve are determined to pick a brand-new one

When my husband, Rob, and I wedded last year, the question of what to do about our surnames scarcely participated our discussions. We are both writers, so our identifies are on every piece of work we do. That we would impede our own seemed a demonstrated. There was just one niggling mistrust. What would happen if we had children?

I had always had considered that we would just protrude both our reputations on birth certificates credential, but I knew this didnt quite resolve the problem. Whose call would go first? And which appoint would end up being used?

We could use a double-barrel identify, but didnt seem our surnames, Cookney and Davies, lent themselves to hyphenation. Whichever prescribe you have selected, the result is clunky and we were reluctant to saddle a child with it.

We could have just chosen whichever refer sounded best with our newborn given name. But in that scenario, one mother purposes up not sharing a surname with their child and neither of us missed that. Plus, Id listened too many narratives of mothers being agreed upon at airfield insurance because the epithets on their passports didnt competitor that of their children.

The conventional alternative of taking my husbands surname was never on the table. Fairly apart from the feminist principle of not was intended to relinquish my identity for his, I wasnt keen on the reputation. Rob supported this and was by no means offended. The misfortune was, he wasnt a fan of my name either. Its just a bit cumbersome, he said. Its virtually Cockney but not quite. Youre incessantly having to spell it out. We looked at our moms maiden mentions and our grandparents names but always ceased up back in the same plaza, feeling that it wasnt equal, that picking one side of their own families over another wasnt fair.

We hit on the idea of taking a brand-new name about a year ago when before our wed we went to write our wills. As we chatted to one of the attorneys, it transpired that he and his wife had done exactly this. Theres a fair bit of admin, but its good, it makes, he said , nod decisively. Unexpectedly, it didnt seem so preposterous. This wasnt some foolish rebellion or bohemian pretentiousness, this was something lawyers did!

We mooted it with pals, who were largely unfazed. What refer will you go for? was the thing they were most strange about. Good topic. Could we blend the letters of our identifies and develop something new, we amazed. Rosters were reached: Dents, Cave, Devine, Kinsey, Dacovnicks Cookies? Nothing of them fairly hit the mark.

As our wedding depicted nearer, we employed the appoint activity on a back burner. But when I became pregnant 3 months later, we were forced to look at developments in the situation afresh and decided to change tacking. How about a home? I recommended. Somewhere weve saw that we cherished. A backpacking stint before we got married had left us with batch to choose from but most sounded reasonably odd when attributed to a couple of ordinary Brits. Rob and Franki Tongariro owned a certain verve, but naming yourself after a New Zealand volcano would be ridiculous. And Zhangjiajie might make remembers of dazzling Chinese mountains, but imagine having to incantation it every time you booked a whisker appointment or called your internet provider. For a while Salento and Chaltn were on the schedule, after places available in Colombia and Argentina. But we werent convinced we are to be able pull off the patently Latino-sounding former and supposed the latter would result in a lifetime of chastising people who pronounced it Charlton.

Then Rob said, What about Stone Town? The beautiful old-fashioned town of Zanzibar City is where he had asked me to marry him. It instantly appeared right. Stone was straightforward but significant. It chimed good with both our first name and after a few weeks of trying it on with other reputations would work well with almost anything we chose for our baby. It was perfect: a solid name( with a potential for puns that was not failed on us) that felt like a constructive solution to our problem. We would keep our original surnames for undertaking and accept this new last name for our personal lives.

By law, all you need to do to change your reputation is, well, change it. Simply accepting and using your brand-new epithet is enough. Modernizing your accountings and accounts, nonetheless, requires a document of proof such as a union credential or, in our case, a deed poll. There is no official space of acquiring a deed ballot. You can write one yourself expending free templates from the internet, but shortfall of lucidity about the relevant procedures develops in some institutions demanding an original credential despite the fact that no such happen dwells. You can either fight it out or you can do what we did and pay 15 -2 0 for a company such as the Deed Poll Office to draw up the word on your behalf and periodical and stomp it on watermarked newspaper. Passed the roll of bodies and organisations you have to notify and the health risks statements over what constitutes an original certificate, this seemed a reasonable compromise.

Perhaps it was naive, but we didnt expect to meet with resistance. Uncertainty, perhaps. Intrigue, for certain. When it is necessary to getting married, we had trenched almost every institution proceeding, prohibiting the matrimony itself, and no one had wondered us. Surely this too would be seen as a modern updated information on an outdated habit. But where reference is announced our decided not to our families, the reaction was mixed.

Franki and Rob. Photograph: Christian Sinibaldi for the Guardian

While they understood our quagmire, the common refrain was that the child would lose the connection to its family history. Try as I might, I cant know what this is. To me, family history moves far deeper than ones refer. Its in accordance with the rules “were living”, our values, the gumption and shared event passed down through generations. It is part of the storytelling our parents did and its in the legends we, more, will tell and the beliefs we will share.

Our roots are not in our calls, they are in our natures. My grandmother, whose surname was Jones, is important to me not because of her reputation but because of her love. My great-grandmother, a midwife I never even encountered, let alone shared a name with, forms a part of my feel of identity. Why? Because of the road my own mother talks about her, because of the pictures she has painted in my head of that life, that family, that time.

Interestingly, the mention itself has also testified a sticking point, with a few people commenting that its bearing. Youre doing this really unusual thing but youve picked a really ordinary mention, said one colleague, as though by doing something different we are obliged to go the whole hog and announce ourselves Rob and Franki Thundercats.

In fact, the accessibility of the figure was something we reckoned would be used sell the idea. It is about to change “were in” naive there, too. My baby, a former primary school teacher, insisted that someone called Stone would be taunted. Another relative describing him as a dead weight of a name.

In my experience, children will come up with nicknames no matter what. I wasted often of my school years known as Franki Cookie while my first name was regularly elongated to Frankenstein, Frankincense or Frankfurter.

Never tell people your call options in advance, advised one pal( too late ). Its as if telling people in advance is inviting a exchange or consultation!

While my familys notions apparently matter to me, I suspect she might be right. Eventually, this is our decision, based on our requires, and I hope they will come to see it as a practical and positive step , not an irresponsible one.

Its almost impossible to get everyone on board, lawyer another friend, who changed her surname by deed poll in 2004. The project upset my granny but my dad, her son, understood. When I marriage my husband, he took my reputation. Im still not sure two brothers was 100% behind us, but when we had our first son, he was the first to be born into our empire. Im so excited that we are the first in our tree!

This is exactly how I seem. I love the idea that our child will be born into this new, specifically opted and carefully thought-out family name. And if one day he or she decides to change it either to something new or to one of our old-time family name we will fully support that.

Even when you change names, lineage going to be able be traced and, if nothing else, I like to think we will be looked back on as all those people who tried something new; who instead of preparing do with an unsatisfactory place, remembered creatively about how to solve it. Thats a family bequest Im glad with.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call our child after a New Zealand volcano? appeared first on vitalmindandbody.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2jZY3qU via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

0 notes

vitalmindandbody · 7 years ago

Text

If not my surname or my husband’s, could we announce our child after a New Zealand volcano?

Franki Cookney and her husband didnt much like one another surnames, so now theyre having a baby theyve decided to pick a brand-new one

When my husband, Rob, and I marriage last year, the question of what to do about our surnames just penetrated our debates. We are both scribes, so our mentions are on every piece of work we do. That we would impede our own seemed a rendered. There was just one niggling disbelief. What would happen if “were having” children?

I had always had considered that we would just lodge both our appoints on the birth certificate, but I knew this didnt quite resolve the problem. Whose refer would go first? And which identify would end up being used?

We could use a double-barrel appoint, but didnt seem our surnames, Cookney and Davies, lent themselves to hyphenation. Whichever guild you choose, the result is clunky and we were reluctant to saddle small children with it.

We could have just picked whichever epithet voiced best with our newborn given name. But in that scenario, one parent objective up not sharing a surname with their child and neither of us required that. Plus, Id discovered too many tales of mothers being agreed upon at airfield security because the epithets on their passports didnt competitor that of their children.

The conventional option of taking my husbands surname was never on the table. Fairly apart from the feminist principle of not wanting to abdicate my identity for his, I wasnt keen on the name. Rob supported this and was by no means offended. The hardship was, he wasnt a fan of my appoint either. Its exactly a bit unwieldy, he said. Its virtually Cockney but not quite. Youre constantly having to spell it out. We looked at our babies maiden reputations and our grandparents names but always purposed up back in the same lieu, feeling that it wasnt equal, that picking one side of the family over another wasnt fair.

We hit on the idea of taking a new mention about a year ago when before our marry we went to write our wills. As we chit-chat to one of the attorneys, it transpired that he and his wife had done precisely this. Theres a fair fleck of admin, but its good, it drives, he said , nodding decisively. Abruptly, it didnt seem so outlandish. This wasnt some foolish rebellion or bohemian pretentiousness, this was something lawyers did!

We mooted it with friends, who were largely unfazed. What call will you go for? was the thing they were most strange about. Good topic. Could we blend the messages of our reputations and form something new, we wondered. Directories were built: Gouges, Cave, Devine, Kinsey, Dacovnicks Cookies? Nothing of them quite hit the mark.

As our bridal outlined nearer, we threw the reputation activity on a back burner. But when I became pregnant 3 months later, “were in” forced to look at the situation afresh and decided to change tacking. How about a place? I suggested. Somewhere weve called that we loved. A backpacking stint before we got married had left us with spate to choose from but most sounded moderately ludicrous when attributed to got a couple of ordinary Brits. Rob and Franki Tongariro owned any particular vitality, but referring yourself after a New Zealand volcano would be ridiculous. And Zhangjiajie might make storages of splendid Chinese mountains, but imagine having to spell it every time you booked a “hairs-breadth” appointment or called your internet provider. For a while Salento and Chaltn were on the roster, after places in Colombia and Argentina. But we werent convinced we are to be able pull off the undoubtedly Latino-sounding former and supposed the latter would result in a lifetime of redressing people who pronounced it Charlton.

Then Rob said, What about Stone Town? The beautiful age-old city of Zanzibar City is where he had asked me to marry him. It instant appeared right. Stone was straightforward but significant. It resounded good with both our first names and after a few weeks of trying it on with other refers would work well with almost anything we decide to for our baby. It was perfect: a solid name( with a potential for puns that was not lost on us) that felt like a constructive solution to our trouble. We would maintain our original surnames for production and accept this new family name for our personal lives.

By law, all you need to do to change your mention is, well, change it. Simply adopting and using your new epithet is enough. Informing your details and records, however, requires a document of proof such as a wedding certificate or, in our case, a deed poll. There is no official lane of acquiring a deed poll. You can write one yourself applying free templates from the internet, but need of lucidity about the relevant procedures outcomes in some institutions asking an original certificate despite the fact that no such concept exists. You can either fight it out or you can do which is something we did and offer 15 -2 0 for a company such as the Deed Poll Office to draw up the letter on your behalf and publication and stomp it on watermarked article. Generated the roll of bodies and organisations you have to notify and the potential arguings over what constitutes an original certification, this seemed a reasonable compromise.

Perhaps it was naive, but we didnt expect to meet with resistance. Uncertainty, perhaps. Intrigue, for certain. When it came to getting married, we had trenched virtually every habit get, prohibiting the union itself, and no one had interrogated us. Surely this too would be seen as a modern updated information on an outdated habit. But when we announced our decision to our families, the reaction was mixed.

Franki and Rob. Picture: Christian Sinibaldi for the Guardian

While they understood our quagmire, the common restraint was that the child would lose the connection to its family history. Try as I might, I cant know what this is. To me, family history departs far deeper than ones identify. Its in the way we live, our values, the knowledge and shared event passed down through generations. It is part of the storytelling our parents did and its in the floors we, more, will tell and the beliefs we will share.

Our springs are not in our identifies, they are in our mettles. My grandmother, whose surname was Jones, is important to me not because of her identify but because of her love. My great-grandmother, a midwife I never even convened, let alone shared a epithet with, forms a part of my gumption of identity. Why? Because of the style my own mother talks about her, because of the pictures she has covered in my heads of state of that life, that kinfolk, that time.

Interestingly, the identify itself has also testified a sticking point, with a few people commenting that its carrying. Youre doing this really unusual thing but youve picked a really everyday refer, said one colleague, as though by doing something different “weve been” obliged to go the whole hog and call ourselves Rob and Franki Thundercats.

In fact, the accessibility of the appoint was something we pondered would be used sell the idea. It is about to change we were naive there, more. My father, a former primary school teacher, insisted that someone called Stone would be teased. Another relative described it as a dead weight of a name.

In my experience, minors will come up with names no matter what. I invested much of my school years known as Franki Cookie while my first name was routinely elongated to Frankenstein, Frankincense or Frankfurter.

Never tell people your identify picks in advance, admonished one pal( too late ). Its as if telling people in advance is inviting a exchange or consultation!

While my familys seems undoubtedly are important to me, I suppose she might be right. Eventually, this is our decision, based on our requires, and I hope they will come to see it as a practical and positive step , not an reckless one.

Its almost impossible to get everyone on board, adviser another friend, who changed her surname by deed canvas in 2004. The thought upset my grandma but my pa, her son, understood. When I wedded my husband, he took my identify. Im still not sure his brother was 100% behind us, but when we had our first son, he was the first to be born into our empire. Im so excited that we are the first in our tree!

This is exactly how I experience. I affection the idea that our newborn will be born into this new, specifically opted and carefully thought-out family name. And if the working day he or she decides to change it either to something new or to one of our age-old family name we will fully support that.

Even when you change names, ancestry going to be able be traced and, if nothing else, I like to think we will be examined back on as all those people who tried something new; who instead of clearing do with an unsatisfactory situation, guessed creatively about how to solve it. Thats their own families bequest Im happy with.