#thelifeofanotherhighschoolgirlagain

[revereworks]

A letter to the boy with sea glass eyes ~ 3/17/24

Dear D,

There was this period when I finally got over myself and remembered that you are very much in love with your girlfriend and it isn't just a fake relationship like the books. You actually love that girl.

But that only lasted for a week and then I remembered why I liked you.

I try to come up with reasons that you secretly resent her. To this day.

Her friend played puking noises all throughout class the other day and your girlfriend thought it was the funniest thing in the world; she couldn't stop laughing. I hated it because they had looked at my group and shushed us even though it was partner work and then they pulled something like this.

And I coudl tell that you were less than impressed by it all.

I think that maybe it gave you the ick.

I don't mean this in a negative way, but you are essentially a immature boy. It surprised me to see you frowning, especially at your own girlfriend. It surprised me when you told them off and to grow up a little bit.

I guess that doesn't stop you from sharing your car with her. And it certainly doesn't stop you from bragging about her with any chance that you get.

I want you to sit with me one day or near me. I want you to see me near my friends so you can see the best possible me that there is, the one that is open and smiling and not shy.

I want you to laugh at the words that I say.

I now I'm probably the most obvious girl in the world. I wonder if you can see it in my eyes, if my awkwardness comes off as me being uncomfortable and shy or if you know that I look at you whenever I can.

My friend doesn't like your haircut. And, I'll admit, at first I didn't really like it either. I loved it when your hair was a little longer. But when I got used to it, you didn't look bad at all.

I think you're cute and handsome and funny.

And honestly I wish you would look at me more but also I wish I was invisible to you. I'm self conscious around you. My hair feels ten times more greasy, my skin is a thousand times more oily or dry, my break outs are the sizes of mountains.

More than anything, I want you to look at me and see the person that I am. It would be more than nice if you thought I was beautiful, but I would just like it if you thought I was a cool person to be around.

It's been a long time since I believed in god, but I pray to him. I ask for him to allow you to see me, for me to see you.

At the end of the day, I know nothing about you. I'm just another girl in the school that has a crush on you. If you ever did break up with your girlfriend, I would be last on the list of choices.

You didn't even add me back.

I want to be over you. I want to be able to talk to my friend when I'm in a class with you and stop looking over to see if you can hear me, to see if you think I'm funny. I want to stop feeling anxiety over what I will wear. I want to stop feeling self conscious when you look over and I think you're looking at my friend more than me.

I just want to be a girl who has a strong bond with her friends.

I want to control my emotions and let you go.

Isn't that supposed to be the test of love? If I truly love you, I should let you go.

I'm glad you're happy. I'm glad that you are thinking about college and a life outside of high school. If we never met again but it meant that you never were miserable or regret anything then I am more than willing to watch you go.

Soon I think that I will have to say goodbye forever.

Like I said, I barely interact with you. So I will not be seeing you after you graduate. When may rolls around, I will have to say goodbye for good. But you will not hear those words come from me.

I don't think that bothers you much.

But I don't have to say goodbye now. So this is what I will leave you.

Hello,

A

[revereworks]

A letter to the boy with sea glass eyes ~1/14/24~

Ignore this post because it is an unsent letter to my current crush :D

You know, it was your eyes that made me realize how much I liked you. We were sitting in a group one day, talking about whatever book we had read as a group, when you turned to look at me after I spoke. The way the sun it your eyes... I wish you could've seen it.

After that I just couldn't stop staring at you, looking at your eyes that looked so much like sea glass that I could almost feel the texture in my fingers.

I hate the way you make me feel. How I change the way I walk when I know you're in the hallway, even if you're never going to look at me. I made fun of one of my friends for acting boy crazy. I could never understand how this one guy could make her feel when she got excited over shower pics when they were snapping. But there was one day when you were out in the hallway and my mutual was in front of you and sent me a streak. And it was of you. I almost saved it in chat. I kind of regret that I didn't.

I hate the way that it's such a stereotype. You're in the soccer, basketball, and track team. You exude confidence, talking with anyone and everyone that you cross paths with without a struggle. You're the popular jock. I wouldn't say I'm a huge academic freak but my grades are up and, if you don't really know me, it seems like all I work for is my academic success.

Usually, when I like actors, they have dark hair and dark eyes. This is vain, but I never thought I'd fall for something with hair blonder than mine.

I hate that fact that you're a senior and I'm a junior. I dread next year when you're gone. Isn't that silly? I only see you for 5 hours out of the entire week. 5 hours out of 168.

Sometimes I try to spot you when I'm outside my house. Your girlfriend lives right around the corner from me, either her moms house or her dads house. I want to be out there, doing something to let you know that I live there. Maybe if you knew that you'd be trying to catch hints of me when you drove by.

I hate how you've been dating Mary [fake name] for eight years. That just seems weird to me. You guys started dating before middle school. I tell myself that its all pretend like in the novels and movies, just a way to get people off your back because you are both stunning and gorgeous people.

I can't tell if you hate me or like me. I would rather you hate me than feel indifferent to me. I want you to think something of me, to have an opinion. Obviously I would rather you like me but I'll take anything other than indifference.

Last year I tried to manifest a boyfriend because I was lonely. I ignored it after a while, when it obviously wasn't working, but I looked at it now and you're basically the guy I manifested.

It's so crazy to me how I went my entire life without really knowing you. Of course I knew you existed. This is a smaller town than average, everyone knows everyone. But this is the first class I've had with you my entire life.

I wonder if I would've liked you back then, if we met when I was younger.

[revereworks]

A letter to the boy with sea glass eyes ~2/16/24

I tried to convince myself that the only reason you stayed with your girlfriend was because you just didn't want to deal with other girls. I mean, who starts to date something *seriously* in fifth grade? You couldn't actually love her.

But you do love her.

It's actually devastating.

How am I supposed to move on?

How can I keep convincing myself that you love her when she annoys the crap out of you? She literally was laughing nonstop at fart noises... and even you weren't laughing along with her.

How conditional is you love?

Im scared, you know. My best friend is starting to like you. I should be glad. But I haven't told her I like you because I don't want the leverage and I can't tell if she likes you because you're just a nice person or if she's starting to like you in the way that I like you.

I couldn't blame her if she did. You are a popular guy, attractive, and funny. What don't you have? And it wouldn't be breaking apart our friendship because I never even told her.

Im scared that if it came between me and her you would choose her. Why wouldn't you? My best friend is the best goddamn person out there. She's funny, brillant, and a sparkling light in my life. She brings out the best in me and she isn't scared on interacting with strangers.

But I would never put a rift in my lifelong friendship because of a guy I hardly know. I make endless delusions about you, daydreams where you look at me like I'm beautiful, where you actually see me.

I think that the two of us wouldn't work.

I think I would try to be perfect all the time and you would never know the real me. And I feel like that would bother both of us and I feel like my expectations are too high to manage.

Im in love with the idea of you.

I don't think I would mind loving the actual you.

I wonder if you feel the same. Or maybe I've just obsessed over every glance you throw my way. The ones when I haven't even said anything in class and we happen to look at each other at the same time. Are the same thoughts running in your head as mine? Or are you just looking around the room?