#thefirstshallcomelast

[jujus-writing-journal]

a new season has come

i don’t have much in much anymore

i already have been in this phase ~ this phase you have not known because i was not here virtually

it is a bit after 9pm, a week until christmas and my lights are out and it’s just me, this computer and heavenly harp music.

i re-read my last post here and that was 4 ish months ago.

i passed my first ever known mystical experience - it was very disciplined.

i can’t fully grasp the biblical experience of the Holy Spirit and it’s/His workings but i can liken this ‘disciplined’ experience in my Vietnamese spiritual way.

Like Yin/Yang, this month December especially was tricky. I went off waking up at dawn... my life has been filled with wild meetups, sleepovers...

How can life change so quickly?

I feel a little scared that i have been lying in bed and missing the peace of a baby when falling asleep.

It’s like life is causing me to go back there in the ‘real’ world and interact. Am I losing my sanity? I’m not a robot but i surely know now what life is for me if i don’t have time for myself - i can be very temperamental if i don’t have down time.

the good thing is i’m building the blocks back again to going back to communal and civic affairs.

disciplining physically, socially, culturally with my family, friends, local community - casual work as a waitress but the tricky thing is seeking spiritual things in heaven as i do all of this.

what now?

i need strength to build myself up again

maybe 2021 can give me another soul person to come help me. this time i’m hoping it’s my potential partner #mashallah

~