#theatre camp is soon im working on a thing with a friend i haven’t talked to in a hot minute

[beckybarnes]

I’m gonna hate myself on the morning if I don’t go to sleep like right now soo gn!!

[andrewcogliano]

i was tagged by @alexandrgeorgiev @ijustlovehockey @savebyhellebuyck @marc-andrefleury and @numbah79 !! thank you all!

50 questions game lessgo!

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush? black

2. name a food you never eat? eggs, either boiled, scrambled or in an omelette i just nope. gross. or olives or tomatoes. all are just yuck

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm

4. what were you doing 45 mins ago? crying over the stars again lmao

5. what’s your favourite candy bar? anything in the cadbury favourites box 

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? i’ve been to a few afl games and an aussie open semi final game once. i was also in monaco for the grand-prix and got to see a little bit of it. also my dad used to own horses so we went to the races a lot

7. what was the last thing you said out loud? “fuck me” i dropped my phone oops

8. whats your favourite ice cream? cookies and cream or mint choc chip

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? fireball and coke

10. do you like your wallet? yes! it was a bday gift from my friend:)

11. what was the last thing you ate? sweet potato fries

12. did you buy any new clothing last weekend? i havent bought anything since may rip

13. what was the last sporting event you watched? this is too soon:( rip my dumb yeehaw boys

14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? caramel

15. who was the last person you sent a text to? my friend 

16. ever go camping? used to go on a school camp a lot but the last time i went was year 11

17. do you take your vitamins? omg no this reminded me i haven’t been taking my vitamin d supplements in over a year.

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? i do not

19. do you have a tan? not anymore rip. i haven’t left my house in months

20. do you prefer chinese or pizza? honestly any asian food > 

21. do you drink soda through straws? nah but if i do i use my bamboo straw

22. what colour socks do you usually wear? i usually wear my pizza socks or my watermelon or pineapple ones. fun fact i have the same pineapple socks as niall horan

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? i have 7 hours on my L’s from 2018. I don’t drive

24. what terrifies you? brad marchand

25. look to your left, what do you see? my lamp

26. what chore do you hate the most? vacuuming

27. what do you think when you hear an australian accent? nothing bc it’s normal to me

28. what’s your favourite soda? solo

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru usually

30. what’s your favourite number? 3, 16 or 55

31. who was the last person you talked to? my mum

32. favourite cut of beef? i don’t eat steak so idk

33. last song you listened to? im currently listening to i want a dog by hobo johnson

34. last book you read? um idk probably one of the required books for school in year 11. i didn’t read the books i was examined on in my senior year rip

35. favourite day of the week? either thursday or friday

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? i used to be able to say it backwards like in 8 seconds or something for a theatre exercise but i am now smooth brained so i can’t do it anymore

37. how do you like your coffee? latte or cappuccino with non-dairy milk  

38. favourite pair of shoes? my stan smiths but they’re so worn out rip

39. time you normally get up? it used to be whenever the stars played but now idk. usually 11 or 12 ig

40. do you prefer sunrise or sunset? sunsets

41. describe your kitchen plates? they’re white with like a ring of squares along the rim that are like green orange blue 

42. how many blankets on your bed? one duvet

43. describe your kitchen at the moment? currently littered with ingredients bc mum is baking

44. do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? fireball

45. do you play cards? i used to play poker with the lads every day at school during lunch:’) miss those days

46. what colour is your car? i dont have a car but my mums car is space grey and the ute is white

47. can you change a tire? nope

48. Favourite state? denial. jks probs vic or queensland

49. favourite job you’ve had? i haven’t had a job bc the pandemic hit right when i was applying but i did work experience in the cheesecake shop with my best friend which was fun

50. tagging: anyone who wants to do it!

[girlwithsword]

so i haven’t journaled in 2 weeks because i am a #mess and a lot of stuff has happened so i think broad summaries are more in order

basic themes: the summer, school, the next week, the house, ken, friends, family, my health

the summer: we had the group sicha for mosh madatz applicants and i had my interview with ari for the gilboa position, galil applications just came out

i don’t think i’m going to get mosh or gilboa - not ‘cause i’m not qualified, i am, but there just seems to be a lot of people more suited for that tafkid at those machanot than myself

galil is still open and idk as much what the landscape is like so it’s still a possibility, but idk what i’m going to to if i don’t get madatz madricha. i have been actively trying to separate what i want from the summer from the tafkid and i can’t do it. 

Hannah and Sarah have made a proposal for a kvutzah messima based on leading nachshonimot and I’m down with that, but Hannah think that i could just go to Galil and be with their bogrimot and do that and maybe i could but a) that still wouldn;t give me the tzevet experience i’m looking for b) i wouldnt have the time or freedom to build a tochnit and c) i do NOT want to be the person coming in to the summer, especially as an outsider, demanding to be with certain kids! That person sucks!

I’ve talked to Hannah and to Bekah about it and im trying to talk to the mads but if i don’t get madatz madricha it’s really hard to justify going to a new machaneh to be on tzevet ragil to myself and my mother, not when there is SO MUCH theatre over the summer

anyway we just had a kvutzah call about it - Hannah, Jess and Toviah are applying for MBI! Sara and Ari are thinking about gesher! but sara still only wants to come for one session? arron fine is applying for madatz at miriam and maybe gilboa but idk?

i do have an idea, that maybe if i don’t get madatz, i stay in the city, work in theatre over the summer and spend my free time facilitating the kvutzah. like everyone gets so busy and hyper focused over kayitz and i could be an eye in the sky, keeping everyone updated, helping people with resource gathering and editing peulot - i could still be involved while not missing a summer of opportunities

school: so things are a lot more overwhelming than i want them to be

‘cause i had a bad week at the end of january i feel behind and i still haven;t totally caught up and it’s coming to mid-semester and that’s gonna catch up with me

monologue study is a lot more work than i expected - just doing all the xfript work is taking much longer than i planned for - i /just/ finished making the Lists yesterday and I’ve been working on that for WEEKS. Luckily, we don’t actually have class this week so all that stuff is due after the break - unluckily, i can’t really do work over the break and that shit needs to get done - more on that later

however, my actual piece is looking really good and some of the warm ups and breathing exercises have helped so much! two classes ago we did these breath exercises and then went around and each said a central line from our pieces and i have never been so in the moment and real and in my breath than right then and now i have had a taste and want that always

we’ll be starting shakespeare after the break and i want to try something new, I love my Beatrice, but there is something to be said for repertoire building. Rosanna suggested looking into Rosalind  pieces from As You Like It and that’s promising. I might... try a Juliet? Like, idk if that’s worthwhile im just... not a Juiet, im never gonna be the ingenue, why try? but having something sweeter is definitely a goal, idk i looked at Rosalind pieces and i think there is something that catches my eye

scene study has a similar issue in that the written work is a lot more overwhelming and time consuming than i planned and that /is/ due next week so. however, rehearsals have been going AMAZING, we’re like 98% off book and have to focus on picking up the pace, sticking to tactics and not playing attitudes and getting the blocking a little more fine tuned. 

we had dress rehearsals tuesday and it was a WRECK. /no one/ was off book, a couple scenes were just /stopped/ midway through and everyone was off. then we went up, the only group who didn;t even once call for a line and who was actually on top of our shit. i admit, it felt kinda good to be the best. though, the bar was kinda low. 

I’m being mean, a lot of people had good moments and most of the scenes that derailed derailed ‘cause ONE particular person clearly didn;t have their shit together and it threw everyone off. 

Brandon and i rehearsed today and got pacing a little more down and he’s gonna come over sunday and do a final rehearsal before tuesday’s presentation!!

my elective has been a lot less interesting than i was hoping for, the classes are kinda boring but at least it’s pretty easy. HOWEVER, we did a field trip to city hall yesterday and THAT was fascinating! we got to sit in on the city council sessions as they were deciding the budget and it was! so! cool! that’s the room where it fucking happens. and like, we should all be more on top of local politics ‘cause that’s where the day to day shit gets figured out. i did a whole snapchat rant about it it’s good

fevergraph isn’t technically school but it’s been going really well - i got to get some emotional stuff out through the journeys and i’ve gotten my heart rate up a few times, last class is next week and i think i’m gonna look into maybe some voice lessons for the next half of the semester?

anyway: sunday i need to get all my fucking scene work done, monday i should record all my notes for my TOR midterm ‘cause tuesday im running around a lot and i need to study for that. monologue stuff will have to wait - that’ll be wednesday/thursday, cause thursday afternoon... i’m getting on a plane to israel

so, that’s happening. i kinda was just.., thinking about it.. and then jazz said that if i went she would go with me.. and then my parents said they’d give me 300 for the trip as a bday present.. and then i booked tickets. we’re still figuring out exact details in terms of where we’re staying when but i’ve e-mailed mona and paul and talia and the mads about it and we’re figuring it out

so, yeah... that’s happening. we’re gonna chill and see people and go read on the beach and i’m going to where nothing but dressed the whole time and i’m so fucking excited.

in the meantime, this week i have to get all this fucking work done, my birthday is this weekend!! (there’s gonna be cupcakes and whiskey and an entire afternoon of theatre!!!!) and we need to shove in ten thousand roommate interviews in there sometime

‘cause YEAH, updates on Murnau House: we still haven;t found a new person for the Room That Cannot Be Filled which is Annoying and the previous occupant has not been as ontop of finding a replacement as he said he would so Sam is leading the search, bless her

aaaand our fridge broke last week, again, and we lost a BUNCH of food, but due to my skills of being a polite and efficient BITCH thanks to my mum, we got a new one pretty quickly and that’s going fine.

the ken: we had a tubshvat carnival two weeks ago, some bogrimot came and volunteered, it went fine, but i wasnt as invested as i should’ve been - however, i did see Iris there!! whcih was nice, she’s gonna be chinuch at shomiria this summer and she did the habo/hashi birthright! very cool

then, sem. so, we had a tzevet of 7 for 40 kids, two of whom lefton the saturday night. aaron and yehuda of all people were on mitbach and the post mbiers were a big help. the schedule pretty much went out the window becuase we didn’t even get in till after midnight in friday due to the storm.

i did however get an entire busload of kids off the bus, to a rest stop and back on to the bus in FIFTEEN MINUTES ‘cause i’m amazing, we went to camp and the kids had fun even tho it was very Emotional for me, and we re focused on The Krinkle Project for messima, and even tho we didn;t do the vaad stuff i hoped for, i think we can move forward if i get my shit together enough. we also did kvutzah peulot that, even if they didn’t go /so/ great, i think brought important ideas and next steps into a lot of the kids minds about how to be stronger as a kvtzot

there was gonna be a katkateam this weekend but ido and i are both on vaccations so that’s been cancelled. there;s a purim party on the 5th that might launch our participation in Krinkle if we get that together. Mifgash with Tavor in March, spring sem in May, maybe one final event for messima and then... we’re done. at least. I am. I’m done. And I should be expecting a cheque from Shaul any day now.

friends: sima is interning on a CTV show and getting updates on the PM’s schedule in her work e-mail, and graduating soon

julia is kind’ve her usual mess but also starting to turn a profit in selling her embroideries on etsy, but idk if she has like a plan of any kind? and that worries me to a degree

mikki’s cosplay stuff is BOOMING and she’s back with Lou but... she’s still being kinda self destructive and i’m worried about her??

josh just finished a show and i haven;t talked to him in a while.... 

anna grace and natty are putting on a show that natty wrote!

i don’t ... have that many friends??

family: same pretty much. Alex is migrating in a month, they’re moving a little closer to me than i like but what can you do.

Batsheva was here, we had one of our Talks, i need to find a more permanent therapist to go deeper with once school is done. i should probably join a group... but that im where im at for as young as i am considering everything... im honestly on a pretty good track

my health: so, i doubt anyone is reading at this point so... the weekend after my fatigue flare up at the start of the month i had a suicidal episode. and i’ve only told my therapist

it was my first one in about a year, my worst one in two and over the dumbest thing since highschool .... just being overwhelmed by school work

like, two mays ago i had a really bad one ‘cause i couldn’t get myself to finish my Buddies piece, a year ago i had a much smaller one ‘cause of a HUGE fight with my dad and this was just... being overwhelmed.

and that’s what;s frustrating!! i guess it was frustration at my body and i hadnt eaten that well and i was a day away fro  my period and all that added up to curled into a ball trying desperately not to reach for a handful of my ciprilex and melatonin for most of that saturday??? which just like wtf

OTHER THAN THAT, my physical strength has actually been on an upswing since the start of the month and im feeling a lot more active. i have a cold this week but that’s just it being february and my immune system being shitty. thank god for cold 911

okay, it’s far too late. i gotta shower and sleep and this took about 10x longer than i planned for

it’s gonna be a hell of a week, and i have no idea when i can do this again, but wish me luck!