#the you who would never be off adn on distant with me and would just tell me what was up or at least try to communicate

[sick-as-a-dog]

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[nurseofren]

Keeping Your Promise - Chapter 27 (NSFW)

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Read Chapter twenty-six

Title: There is No Redemption

Words: 7.4K

Summary: Happy trail worship? Happy trail worship. 

ST Rambles: Hello readers, I hope you enjoy this part. I am in my final semester for my ADN and cannot promise even monthly updates at this time. Please, please, please comment your thoughts because I don't want to produce content that is not enjoyable. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

[MASTERLIST] || BANNER / @elmidol

Stress enveloped your skull in throbbing pain, Karmen’s six-hour rundown stinging your senses and drawing you inward.  Halfway through, you had already begun to feel the excess of information take its toll; Zag’s voice – unpleasant in small doses – grated into you, each word coming too fast and leaving too soon.  Thankfully, no doubt to cover herself, she had left you with a thumb drive; it summarized everything she’d mentioned.

After the ordeal, when she left by the sharp click of her heels, you understood why it was recommended to arrive two days prior to the initial hearing: you were utterly and dreadfully exhausted.  After unpacking – ensuring easy access to your favorite socks and keeping Snoke’s letter tucked into the back drawer of a desk – you had sat in bed for an hour trying to refresh with the thumb drive’s contents; you’d were determined to be prepared for tomorrow’s shift at Canto Bight’s recovery wing.  If nothing else, you would not make a fool of yourself during your practice here.  This you swore to yourself.

At some point you had drifted to sleep, waking to find your cheek stuck to the datapad that’d been propped up before you.  The sunset woke you with a searing ray of light, screaming fuchsias and hazy purples warming your outstretched arm as they cast through open curtains.  The breeze rolled off of the bay and tickled loose hair over your nape, a deep breath stretching your lungs awake before you unfurled from yourself. 

The radar at your wrist indicated Kylo Ren was near but not in his quarters, probably not inside the building.  It was a confusing feeling – the unsteadiness you felt when revisiting your earlier interaction, the vagueness of his words contradicted by the certainty in which they’d been delivered, but simultaneously this calm in your chest since you had left him.  Although you had no idea what he’d gone on about, or what in time meant, his mere presence – the fact that he was near and would continue to be – allowed you these glimmers of peace.

Not since Starkiller.  Not since Snoke.  Not Mason and his baseless confidence, no matter how much you wished to latch onto it; not Talia, who had helped you back from your darkest moment.  The only things that stilled you were the known proximity of your master, and the nature of the words he’d earlier spoken.  You’d felt it that recent night on the Finalizer, how it lingered in your muscles just before you’d dozed off, how it seemed his presence had scared your nightmares away.

However ridiculous and backwards, Kylo Ren – the one whose pain is printed on your skin, who led a slaughter just strides away from you – had become a constant.  It was never what you had expected, but when you thought of the trial now, what eased your nerves was nothing less than the raven-haired warrior whose face was slashed with midnight hues of pain. 

Much like you, you’d come to realize, he had survived Starkiller, and the event changed him.  Though you could not know for sure, you began to wonder if what had gone on had not only left him with the wounds that’d wet your skin, but perhaps ones that were deeper – ones that were not so visible.  Something happened before that explosion, something more than whatever fight had earned him that scar.

You shook your head; this was too much to think on right now.  With a throw draped over your back, you trudged through the room and out into the chill of your side-balcony.  This sky held more beauty than any you’d ever seen; you watched the sun descend, spying a domed, octagonal pavilion at the far left of the side gardens.  It dripped with violet-petaled ropes and emerald ivies, was supported by scalloped columns entwined with twinkling blooms welded from gold, the whole stage centered around a sunken fire pit. 

Considering for a moment, you saw it would have a better view of the sunset, and you’d been cooped up since arriving.  It was a quick decision, catching view of a spiral of stairs that led to the grounds, but only after noting the pair of doors a few paces left of your room’s.  They were closed, and the inner curtains seemed to be shut, the room behind them dark.  Empty.

No, Kylo Ren was not here, but – a thumb over your radar – he was not far.  Somewhere off on his own business.  Training, maybe.  At least, that’s what you supposed kept you from traveling with him, the thought frustrating.  Maybe – no, undoubtedly – he would never admit to it, never show it, but he was still recovering. 

Ten days ago he was in a medically induced coma talking about someone named Ben and how he’s dead.  Bacta works wonders, but it means nothing if a patient is noncompliant with post-operative restrictions, like swinging around a plasma sword for hours on end, or doing trial runs with the Force – which, although you knew little about, one could easily assume it put strain on the body. 

Maybe you were wrong and your master was completely fine, maybe the Force aided in healing.  No matter, you worried; for him, mostly, never forgetting how he appeared in that medbay, but also for yourself.  It was clear that you cared for him – for fuck’s sake, when you thought you’d never see him again you wanted to tell him you loved him – and you knew his pursuits could very likely be the death of him.  Stubborn as you might be to acknowledge it, so long as he was okay and not recklessly shredding through healed wounds, so long as he returned to you, you could rest somewhat soundly.

Hugging your blanket, tighter when the wind blew, you wandered down to the courtyard’s trim lawn, along the overflowing flowerbeds that brimmed with brilliant colors, until you met the few steps that led to the pavilion’s stage.  Flames shocked you when you stepped onto the eight-sided base, your presence triggering a hidden system.  The rectangular pit exploded into a rainbow of fire, thin veils of flames ascending elegantly into an ordered myriad.  The pit was massive, consuming the base but for a few paces from each support.

Much like everything else, the pavilion was grand in size and decoration; the hearth’s hues danced along the draped flora, at least ten paces separating each gold-threaded pillar.  Everything here was explicitly luxurious, so big and gorgeous.  You wanted to settle into it, but it was temporary, and you would not know how fatal that fact was until it was too late.

Farther out, flames rippled over the bay; the sinking heat of the sun endeared your skin, the warmth at your back growing in distance as you gave in to the silent call of the scorching sky.  First tracing the tip of one of the gold leaves woven to a pillar, admiring the detailed stems and ridges, you curled up against the column’s wide base.  Head caressed by the smooth, cool stone, knees curled close to your chest, you were glamored by the water’s rhythmic sway, wondering if you would ever have the chance to feel it on your skin.

It took little effort to keep Karmen’s lecture from your thoughts, too lost to the burgundy of dusk that bloomed as the sun wilted toward the bay.  A stillness surrounded you, and then you tuned into the chirping whispers of bugs that remained hidden with the fall of night.  It did not bother you in the slightest, their distant songs a reminder of your life before the academy.  A passing thought, fond amusement lazily humming in your chest – there are no crickets in space. 

You remained folded against the pillar for some time, watching night creep over the city, more grateful for the heat on your back as warmth waned, the moon climbing higher with each lulling minute.  The stone iced into your cheek.  You went to leave, but your commlink buzzed at your waist, and you knew it would be wiser to keep this particular conversation outside. 

Elbows to your knees, you ruffled a hand through your hair, closed your eyes, and answered Mason’s call.  “How’s your day, McCarty?” There was no use in starting an argument if he had moved on from earlier.

“Probably better than yours, if I had to guess.” He sounded chipper.  It was a relief.

“Well, what went on? Where’d you go? Who’d you see? What’d you eat?”

“I’ve really just been hanging out at the house since getting here.  Caught a nap, which was nice.  Soto sent me a transmission detailing updates on a few patients.”

He wasn’t hostile at all.  Hopefully it meant he was done being weird.  “I also got a nap.  Which, agreed, is definitely nice.  Especially after being kept in a room with Zag for six hours and trying to keep my head from exploding.”

“Six hours? With Zag? Are they trying to get you convicted of murder?”

You shared a laugh, scooting along the stone floor and peering up to the ceiling.  It was tiled with mosaics, the fire’s vibrant colors reflecting off of it and shifting along the intricate designs.  The view of the city was wider from this position, distant lights shimmering in windows that peered into whatever parties were undoubtedly happening. 

“She isn’t that bad.  It’s just her voice.  And I barely have a handle on anything other than the fact that I have my first shift tomorrow, and then two days after that is the initial hearing.  And I don’t even want to think about that to begin with, so…”

“Well,” he sighed your name, “I’ll be there.  Bright and early, just like you.  Wearing my second-best attire, saving the very best for the official trial, of course.”

“Jeez, that’s another thing, right? They fly us out here, put me up in some military-grade villa, but they give me nothing to wear, are aware that my residence just exploded on Starkiller, and then still say I can’t wear my uniform.  I just find that a bit unfair.  But that’s what I think, which we both know has not mattered since the very beginning of all this.  I don’t even know why I expected anything different.  I’ll just have to request transport to the shops or something.  And then make credits appear out of thin air to pay for it.”

With notably increased enthusiasm Mason said, “Actually, I, uh, I was going through the house earlier and there’s actually a lot left over from my family’s recent trip.  You’re free to come over and take some stuff back to your embassy if you want.”

“Alright, first – not my embassy, and if we’re calling it anything, I vote palace.  Seriously—” you stared at a trellis that overflowed with wild blooms of every shade of red, the dead, fallen petals mocking you in the familiar way they pooled beneath.  “—this place is too beautiful for any of the old businessmen who stay here.  It’s actually ridiculous.”

“So it’s not homey, after all?”

A bellowing laugh came from the center of your chest, echoing up to the domed roof and into the growing dark.  “No.  No.  Not homey.  Not quaint.  None of that.  Just giant and spectacular.”

“Well, whatever it is, do you want to come over and grab some clothes?”

“Oh! Oh, yeah.  That’s a lot better than spending credits I don’t have.  Although maybe I’m worrying for nothing? Don’t they forgive your debt when you die, anyway?”

Mason did not laugh, did not even speak, and your amusement fell into alarm.  An edge menaced along each pointed word when he spoke; “Maybe they’ll forgive your debt, but I won’t forgive you for dying.” He grunted in rejection.  “You’re not dying, so I don’t know why we’re discussing this.”

Silence swallowed you both, and for a moment you could hear him trembling, hear the shakiness of his breath.  A sharp exhale startled your hand from your ear.  And then it was quiet again.  He cleared his throat, and you noticed how thick it had become.  Was he crying?

“Mason, you need to tell me what’s going on.  And don’t say-,”

“Nothing is going on.  It’s fine.  We’re fine.”

“Funny, because when you say that, when you tell me we’re fine when I didn’t ask, it makes me think the exact opposite.”

He sighed, but at this point there was a good chance it was more exasperation or fuming than anything else.  “I’m not having this conversation when I can’t see you.”

“Well, I’ll just turn my transmission on and we can-,”

“No.” Clipped, barked.  Final.

It concaved your chest.  Mason had never spoken to you like this.  Your teeth scraped at your bottom lip.  “Should I be worried?”

He paused.  “No,” as it gritted through his teeth, your name was contoured with wisps of ire.  An ounce less of restraint and whatever he was holding back would crack this hardened, taut façade.

The worst came to mind.  All you could manage was a terrified whisper, “Are you revoking your seat to testify? Is that what this is about? Am I about – fuck – am I about to- I can’t lose you.  I can’t-,”

“I told you.  I told you I will be there.” Frosted fury swept through his following pause.  His flat tone was laced with quiet hurt when he next said, “Do you really think I could do that to you? Leave you in the dust like that?”

“No.  I guess not.”

“You guess not,” he thought aloud, a long drag of breath crackling into your ear.  “I’m glad that you’re settled in, and… good luck during your shift tomorrow.  You don’t need it, I know, but nonetheless.”

He was dismissing you.  You hated it.  “I’m not hanging up until I know we’re okay.”

“We’re okay,” he said simply, too fast.  Mason cleared his throat.  “Request transport for the morning after your shift.  You can shop around the closets and after, we can order lunch and… and we can talk.  About things.  Everything.”

It was apparent he would not give anything more away, but you knew from his flat tone that whatever it was, was detrimental to him.  Or you.  Or both.

“Yeah.  I’ll put in the request after shift tomorrow.”

Another long, aching silence.  You listened to his breath, trying and failing at ignoring the knives in it.  The line remained silent, the hanging static a backdrop to the hidden, harmless creatures humming in the night. 

“I love you, Mason,” you prompted, teeth catching your trembling lips, time choking you with every halved second that trudged along.

It killed you, every inhale adding to the weight in your chest, every empty, wordless moment he spent cutting into you with a silent blade.

Another second and you turned back to the heightening tide of the bay, the clear night sky dying it a deep navy.  Even as you tried to focus on the waves that foamed along the distant shore, there was no sound louder than Mason’s nonresponse.

“Goodnight,” Mason said, small, far enough away that it splintered through your heart like ice wedged through rock.

“Good-,” the line went dead, the static dying, a night-kissed wave crashing in your periphery, “-night.”

The iridescent veils of hearth rippled before you now, turning away from the seemingly infinite expanse of water.  Even so, you shivered, and you were sure it had nothing to do with the weather.  Tucking your commlink into your waist pocket, loosing a long-kept breath, you stood from the stone and clasped your blanket over your shoulders.  With a final glance, chin to your shoulder, you appreciated the beauty of your first night here. 

Whatever awaited you tomorrow, the next day, and in the weeks to come? It would remain.  For now, just this one moment alone, you could pretend that everything was okay.  Just for a moment.

A soft touch brushed your shoulder, but when you turned to meet whoever it belonged to, you found there was no one around.  But a light caught your eye, one that had not been there before.  Maybe that interruption to the dark captured your attention, but not at all was it what kept your gaze above the gardens.

Through the clear night, a breeze danced through the flora, glittering scarlet petals into the shadows.  Above those dwindling rubies, leaning over the balcony’s curve, was Kylo Ren.  Behind him, the golden light of his quarters caressed his back, small fragments draping over the sharp, toned muscles of his shoulders.  He was staring down to you, his gaze laving along your figure, eyes those of a predator aware their prey was no match for them.  The ever-heightening moon was all that lit his front, but it was enough.  No, so much more than enough.  Entrancing.  Captivating.  Beguiling.

Light cascaded along the taut strength of Kylo’s abdomen, his broad, thick chest emanating with the smooth white of the dusk’s sun.  Once more, like it always did, the scar skating through his features kept your attention.  From a distance it was less intrusive, but its presence sank your heart like the sun had wandered into the sea.

A whip of night air pushed his hair back to tease his ears, his head slightly cocking to the side when you found his eyes again.  There was no color to them, none that you could see so far away, but you felt their heat slink along your lips, then your neck, over your chest, and lower still.  When they claimed yours once more, they were sculpted with steadfast steel, strong and slithering, ordering your compliance to the smoking promises beyond.

Without noticing, that chill from earlier had left you, and you gathered the blanket so it hung from your forearm.  Kylo held you with his eyes, the fire’s warmth falling away when you stepped off the platform and wandered, in leisure, down the steps and into the plush lawn.  A dew was readying to form on the grass beneath your bare feet, the coolness welcome under his blazing attention.  One step, two, another, and a final; small, shuffling, like you were hypnotized – truthfully, you could have been, but there was none but your own intent in the steps that carried you closer to him.

Only when he straightened to his full height, standing away from the balcony’s edge, did you halt your advance.  He paused there, watching you, so gracefully still you were unsure of his breathing.  From his new position you could no longer see his hands, but – you could feel them.  A pressure along your cheek, your heart stammering at how its span so completely matched his own, and then around your throat, dizzying when it teased your carotids.  Breath shivered from your slack mouth, catching when that – his – ghosted touch skimmed down your sternum and pushed into your rib cage. 

Kylo made no sound, but when the night’s quiet scattered around your faint, gasped moan – feeling the whispered hands smooth over your hips, around the front of your thighs – you saw his jaw flutter, darkness and moonlight tangling when he gave you one final glance.  The phantom touch left, a feline smirk flickered along his lips, and when his brows descended and veiled those deep, deep eyes, Kylo turned and sauntered out of sight.

But you understood his message, the silent one that only his body spoke, and you knew that his leaving was not goodnight, but an invitation.  One you fully intended on accepting. 

The trees swayed above you, the beds of perfectly spaced flowers blowing with the gentle breeze and combining with the sea behind to fill your head with the salty, fresh aroma of a Canto Bight night.  Each step you took along the patterned grass shimmered anticipation through your veins, heady, wanton thoughts brimming in your mind.

The cold stone that marked the ground level’s patio shocked through you, wet crimson petals that had pooled below the trellis now clinging to the soles of your feet.  You did not have time, or at least were desperate to not waste any, to pluck them off, allowing them to travel with you as you led them up the curved staircase.  As you climbed the steps, you stole a fleeting glimpse of the bay; from this height the city’s nightlife sheened along the shore, a few private ships zooming above the skyline and carrying their passengers to events unknown to you. 

Events that you could not have cared less about, not when you arrived to the second-level balcony, not when you saw the swaying curtain beyond Kylo Ren’s open, waiting door.  No, those events meant nil, exceedingly so when you found the beginnings of a trail leading into his room, the first crumb that of pooled, discarded athletic pants. 

Instant, overwhelming chills clamored about your skull, the blanket draped over your arm joining the black bottoms when your limbs went wobbly.  Through the wind-swept gossamer you spied the second addition – one long, impossibly large, black sock – and when you came closer, the cool of night waning as you met the threshold, your heart thrummed louder at the nearing shaft of light that fled the refresher’s entrance. 

Heated tiles warmed your first steps into Kylo’s room, the coquettish curtain kissing the tip of your nose before the door at your back locked shut in near silence.  You brushed past the veil of fabric and took in your surroundings, quite different from what they were earlier.  The golden rays of morning had since been overridden by soft panes of night, only the moon reflecting onto the light tile, not a single star to join it.  The bed’s canopy remained shut, its thin sheets cascading around the bed so there was ample space to walk within its soft confines.  And from that canopy, from the circular track above, bloomed delicate, mild light; it melted midway down the canopy, fading to nothing before it breeched the polished ivory below.

Another step and you noticed the trail of scarlet, dew-drop-covered petals you were leaving in your wake.  On the step up from the bed’s level lay a second sock, so you padded to it, and tuned into the sound of heavy, rushing water that became louder as you delved further into the dimly lit room.  This level was dark save for the glow of the open refresher; you followed that light like a lost vessel in space, hands trembling as you passed through the sitting area with soundless strides.  Finally, as you’d calculated at the earlier bareness of his chest, you found the piece of clothing that signaled your final destination lying at your feet.

Atop the refresher’s threshold lay a pair of black boxer-briefs – unfolded, just as they’d appear fresh off the heated, muscled body from which they’d come.  A smile played at your lips, remembering how the pair he’d so generously provided you the morning after you’d first slept next to him had hugged your hips with subtle compression.  Those, unfortunately, were undoubtedly obliterated with everything else that had exploded with Starkiller. 

Kylo Ren was nowhere within view, but running water tucked behind a corner to your left, and when steam swirled around an inlet that bordered a sleek, unbroken wall of ash-grey tile, your lungs lit with need, with want, your thoughts only focused on the body and man that waited for you just beyond view, just out of reach.  Suddenly you became aware of how overdressed you were, so you turned to your right and found a mirror that ruled its own wall and plucked open the top button of your uniform.

The fogged silver expanse provided a blurred, softened outline of your near-bare body, scalding goosebumps scraping up your neck at the thought of Kylo’s slicked, dripping body.  Hands hooked behind your back, you loosed your bra and smoothed the straps down the sides of your arms.  And then all that covered you were the lack-luster panties the Finalizer had provided all those months ago, but they soon joined the small pile at your feet, leaving you naked and anticipatory and adamant.

Plopping your watch onto your clothes, you squared your shoulders, fixed your posture, and approached the heat of the hidden shower.  Its warm embrace evoked such a calm through you, first loosening your shoulders, then steadying your breath.

Beyond the smoke hued barrier was a chamber of luxury, the water cascading from above like it came from an invisible storm cloud; its volume suggested a harsh pressure, but, stepping beneath the jets that seemed to span the entire stall, your skin was graced with the pleasant fall of a spring shower.  Looking up, blinking through the misted warmth, you found the navy night sky peering down at you through the clear glass ceiling.

All light but that of the moon left the stall, and when your attention shifted down, you saw him through the sheets of water that kept you apart.  The air was thick with fog and mist and night, but he remained the most devastatingly gorgeous person you’d ever seen, ever known.  You needed him to be closer, you needed to be closer to him.  No matter if you’d been with him those few nights ago, and though you’d spoken just hours ago, there was a tautness that tightened as your steps brought you to him. 

Arms at his sides, stance strong and confident, Kylo Ren was a stride away from you, and you stopped.  Inky black hair dripped down his neck, and his mouth was set in a flat, unreadable line, but all you could think of was how it felt you were seeing him for the first time all over again.  He was different now, body scarred and worn from the passing of time.  You did not stare at the red and black that had only been there for such a short time now.  You appreciated it.

Kylo observed you, and a measure after your gaze followed the ebony ribbon rested in his countenance, you lifted a hand to it.  He tensed and you caught his eyes, giving him a small nod before the very tip of your fourth finger kissed the start of his scar.  You watched him, vaguely aware of your hand slipping along the marked path through his brow and down his cheek.  Breath pushed from him in eased waves, his eyes danced between yours, and when you reached the line of his jaw and tapped your finger to the raised, pinking skin there, you closed your eyes and leaned up on your toes so you could press an aching kiss to it. 

That tenseness that’d clanged into him at your touch was instantly gone, the heated streams above not a match to the stifling relief that fogged from his nares.  So near to him, a second hand pushing through wetted, onyx locks, you remembered how he’d stared up at you on the Command Shuttle, how unreadable his expression was when his new scars had still been fresh wounds.

Your touch found the tail end of his healing flesh, and you swallowed down a thick, betraying sob.  “Why did you believe me?” you whispered, not looking up to him.  “When I told you I hated you and I wanted to quit.  When I said,” you winced, “when I called you a bastard and said I wished I could forget you.  Why didn’t you fight it longer?”

Kylo was quiet for a moment, body still but not reluctant to the steady meandering of your fingers.  Something haunted him when he said, “Irredeemable bastard, if you’ve forgotten.”

“No,” your throat bobbed, “I haven’t.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day.  Any, any part of it.” Looking up at him, you smoothed your hand over the scar settled into his shoulder.  “After that morning, after everything, why did you believe me?”

“You were saying goodbye,” he murmured, like he’d mulled over that day time and time again and never considered the possibility.  “Before Takodana.  You knew.  He’d gotten to you by then.” A note of betrayal sharpened his tongue, a snarl lighting when he referred to Snoke.

The hand that wasn’t tracing circles along his scarred muscles now toyed with his ear, the tip of your index finger molding to the curved pinnae.  “Kylo,” just a breath, nearly drowned by the water ricocheting at your feet, “answer me.  Please.”

Smooth, low, he began, “Because who could-,” he swallowed, considering you before starting over, “Because I’ve never known anyone who didn’t hate me.  And I’ve always been a bastard.  So when you said those things, after that morning, after you’d ran through Starkiller to tell me and kept saying them…”

Memories fluttered behind his eyes, and as their burning brown centered glittered against the navy night, you lifted your hand so you could hold his face, hold it like a parent would caress their child’s tear-sodden cheek.  Kylo blinked back to you and you comforted the purpled skin beneath his eye. 

He did not want to voice the answers you sought, but you watched as, piece by piece, you dented one of those walls he’d erected in that time-stained interrogation room.  Perhaps it was a hopeful thought, but you swore you felt him ease into your hand.

“I stopped fighting because only a fool counters the truth of his life.” Kylo’s throat bobbed, his deep, shadowed gaze swallowing you whole.  He caught your hand and led it flat along his broad chest, and then to the panes of his abdomen, placing it over the bruised, raised flesh of the scar you’d yet to explore.  “I believed you because there was no reason to doubt you.”

The showering heat from above shielded that which was blurring your vision.  He believed you because he believed those things of himself.  After seeing him wear so many masks, physical or phantom, you saw it in his eyes that he still thought those things and had for his entire life.

And then it made sense, and the realization dragged jagged, thorn-wrapped talons through your heart.  You whispered through the water, wondering if you were speaking only for yourself when you said, “That’s why you didn’t look inside my head.  You didn’t think it would show you anything different.  You didn’t think I could ever feel differently.”

You ran your thumb along the uneven ridge of the scar forming over his side and tucked your other arm around his waist.  With the force that kept moons anchored to their planets, you pulled him in and nestled into the notch of his breastbone.

Through your teeth, “You are not a bastard.  Or irredeemable,” your fingers dipped to the center of the healing tissue, “I’ve learned that we make the choices we think are best, and if that’s true, if I believe it? What do either of us have to be redeemed for?”

Kylo said your name, clear as the night that loomed overhead, and a patient finger tipped your chin up.  “Nothing.  Because there is no redemption for those who do not want it.”

Intensity hardened his face, and once more you felt that sense of equality between him and you.  Long fingers smoothed into your drenched hair, and you found a prompt in his brow.  Sighing, lungs stuttering, you asked, “What, then, if not redemption?”

The hand that he’d set over yours shifted to your hip, thick fingers prodding at your flesh.  Kylo’s touch left your chin and the pad of his thumb rolled over the faint scar that cut into your hairline, a twinge of pain lighting at the memory of its origin; it had healed days ago, but you would never forget the sound of it cracking open when Robbie knocked your skull against the durasteel door. 

Kylo stopped musing when he heard you wince, his eyes meeting yours in a stark, unwavering gaze.  He smoothed over the blight a final time and proceeded to skate his fingers along your jaw, his thumb coming to rest over your bottom lip.  Similar to this morning, yet colder and with a quiet fury breathing beyond his eyes, he looked at you with solidarity.

Calm, sure, adamant, Kylo said, “Retribution.”

A moment to process was spent in his gaze, studying how unbreakable it was, swimming in the shadowed hazel that poured into you.  Kylo’s eyes flicked to your lips, and before he could look away, you leaned up so you could reach his own.  The swirled hair at his nape slithered through your fingers when you swept you hand from his abdomen and up his torso.  Massive, enveloping hands trailed praise along your body until they were mirrored under your breasts.

Exploring his skin, your fingers took residence over the small of his back, digging red trails along the slick surface.  You moaned into Kylo’s mouth when a capable hand claimed your supple chest and kneaded into you.  He growled in response, a predatory sound that rippled through your nerves and tightened deep, deep in your belly.  The pliant pads of his thumbs circled your nipples, the very tips of his nails flicking upward before he added his forefingers and pinched the sensitive peaks to his will. 

Kylo mouthed the hinge of your jaw, the bridge of his nose slipping along the bone until you surrendered your neck to him.  He hummed against your artery, sucking away the beaded moisture that’d collected for the past few minutes – or had it been hours? Time evaded you further when the schemes of his tongue at your throat delved deeper, revealed themselves further when he laved at your clavicle, shifting between kissing and biting and marking as he made his way to your breastbone. 

His muscled back flexed as your fingers routed to his front, dipping low until you found the haze of soft, wet hair that grew from his pelvis.  Kylo continued his endeavors and pulled you in by the curve of your back so he could bare your chest to him and run his nose under the base of your breast.  His need for your body was evident in the way he bent you to his will, cradling your back so he could have you, but also permitting a sense of safety in the relentless strength that flowed from his forearms through to your marrow. 

Near limp in his hold, you tread your fingers down his pelvis and savored the feel of that patch of hair, feeling his pulse beat beneath it, reveling how water collected and fled in such a slow, teasing manner.  His chest was to yours, so you felt, rather than heard, the pleasure vibrate from him, deepening when you grazed the very foundations of his hardening shaft.  He breathed into your skin, mouthing at your breast and sucking painful paths as he went.  The heat of his mouth melded around your nipple, and he bit, and even when you winced and writhed with satisfied hurt, Kylo kept on; not until you were sure he’d drawn blood did his teeth – their unique ridges now throbbing into your breast – leave you, replaced by the salve of his plush, scorching lips.  The body of his tongue was structured with adamant, laving over your pebbled peak until poems of pleasure groaned from the depths of your chest. 

He leaned you back up and shifted his attention to the remaining half of your body, but you needed him just as much, and you wanted to litter his body with the same pleasure he’d given yours.  So, snaking your hands to his jaw, you kissed the hinge opposite to his scar and pecked harder and longer, sucking at his skin like the blood that bruised would grant you eternal life.  Falling to your knees in a steady, unrushed descent, you kissed every inch of his abdomen, every bump and ripple of skin that was present around the mending injury.  With eyes peering up, hands cherishing the fronts of his thighs, you tongued the scarred tissue and watched him shutter with ecstasy, eyes half-lolling, mouth slackening for a second before he swallowed down whatever satisfaction would have left him.

You teethed at the soft, raised skin, watching him, content when a guiding hand pet down your slick hair.  Shifting to his middle, you hummed from one hip bone to the next, feeling the tickle of hair that fled from his naval and dispersed in an even, thick layer of black atop his pubis.  Hunger ravaged your throat and you nuzzled into the soft bed of obsidian hair.  A kiss to it, then a nip, and then the tip of your nose swirled around the dark patch, his cock twitching at the side of your face.

Anchoring your eyes to his yet again, you dragged the flat of your tongue through the maintained, drenched hair and pushed both your hands along his inner thighs.  The muscles beneath your touch sang, streamed just as fluidly as the droplets that were trickling down your spine.  Pulling away from him, you faced his cock and observed how it bobbed with your eyes on it, watched it strain for friction when your hands teased both sides of his base, sifting through the dark curls beneath. 

The moonlight painted his shaft with subtle, breathtaking contours – a shadow cast under the spongey ridge of his head, light glinting off the misted moisture that’d caught on his flushed shaft.  Each prominent vein cast a winding whisper of darkness just a measure from the next.  It hypnotized you, the way they overlapped and crossed at points, bulging out from his cock and shifting with each throbbing pulse of blood that clamored through him. 

Curious fingers flitted along the heavy, hot column of flesh, tapping it and listening to the thickening breath from the man watching you through ravenous eyes.  A smirk curved your mouth, and you peppered a light, whispered kiss to his slit, pushing his cockhead just so it met your teeth, and leading your lips away so the teasing burned through him.  You pulled a hand away from his leg and sat back on your calves, taking a breast into it and kneading as he had before, plucking your nipple through each space between your fingers. 

“A teasing little whore tonight,” he purred, voice thick.

You hummed, pleased you were getting to him.  “I’m your little nurse, remember?” The tip of your tongue teased circles into his frenulum.  “And you are my master.  Isn’t that right? Master Ren?” Fuck, the title even got to you, cunt fluttering with the hope to be overflowing with him.

“Good girl, teasing whore, nasty slut? Little nurse? You have so many names now.”

“And all of them belong to you.”

You teased his tip and finally laved a flat tongue on the underside of his shaft, flicking it side to side and gripping into his structured, rippling thighs.  Something animal, completely primal, roared in his throat, and sooner than you knew, Kylo Ren had joined you on your knees, the weight of his cock slicking down your middle and slapping up to your slit when inertia bounced through it. 

A masterful tongue slipped into your mouth and licked your hard pallet, next dropping down and pushing against the side of your own tongue.  A muffled moan – one that you were unsure was his or yours or both – clouded through the shower’s downfall.  But then a throat-thick huff, aggressive and impatient, gnarled through the air and you were spun on your knees so your back was flush with his chest.

“Yes,” he rumbled, “they do all belong to me.” A possessive hand pushed you into him with might, taking residence in the valley of your breasts.  “Your names, your body.  Everything.” His hips canted, and the tip of his cock knocked against your clit, fire billowing in your belly, quicker and deeper now. 

“Everything,” you echoed, finding his free hand and guiding it so it lay over the permanence etched into your thigh.  “I’m- everything.  It’s yours.  I am yours.”

Unrelenting digits bruised more marks around the one he’d made prior, and when you felt his cock fall in line with your entrance, you thrust into him as he did the same, and you took all of him, at once, in one, fluid, aching motion.  An unabashed cry echoed euphoria throughout the moonlit stall.  Before you could fully recover from the first thrust, his hand – the free hand that didn’t remain under your own, clutched to your thigh – dipped into your folds and that blooming fire from earlier mushroomed at the graze of his thick digits against the buzzing nerves. 

Thrust after thrust after thrust, fucking into you and filling you to the brim and then some each time, knocking the air from your lungs and burgeoning those sweet spots within with each paced, violent pass.  All of that pressure combined with the winding circles and strokes he racked your clit with, you felt the breath of climax rise first in your chest, and then upward into your throat. 

Kylo was panting by your ear, sucking the skin behind, clutching you to him so it became uncertain where his body ended and yours began.  You hooked your arm above your head and clutched at his drenched tresses, flailing for a better grip and settling on clasping your hand onto the back of his neck.

“I feel you,” he groaned.

“Feel me,” you huffed.

“I know you.”

“know me.”

“You’re mine,” your name was laden with yearning claim, lilting from his tongue so it caressed your mind, body, and soul all in one fell swoop. 

“Yours,” you heaved, “all, yours.”

You came.  Simple.  Body swimming in the schemes his fingers and cock and tongue and voice forced into you until it became too much.  A few thrusts more and his pace faltered, cum spurting against your walls and dripping out of you as more and more left him.  Full lips pressed fleeting, lulling praise into your nape, your shoulder, until he angled your head to his and branded his lips to yours. 

Spent, emotionally and physically, you fell into him and enjoyed the image of his legs framing your own.  But then your eyes lolled shut and you simply breathed, settling into this moment as best you could, and tried to memorize the tide of his chest slicking against your back.

Barely aware in the vague, misty stall, you only realized that Kylo had begun cleaning you when he guided you back to your feet to rinse you free of soap.  Even then you just leaned into his chest and let the jets spray silken streams down your skin.  And then you were wrapped in a heated towel and cradled in his arms, leaving the steamy refresher and coming into the gentle atmosphere within the golden gossamer canopy.

With less than a word, maybe a breath, the light from above waned to nothingness, and the room was black save for the glinting eyes that studied your own.  The towel discarded to the floor, you now lay beneath the thick comforter and linen sheets of Kylo Ren’s bed.  Both naked, you huddled together in the center of the expansive mattress, legs wrapped together in an impossible knot, each breathing in the other’s warmth. 

Ease trickled into your muscles, and you shifted so your forehead could rest in the heat of his chest.  

“What changed? From the other night?” you yawned.  “What convinced you? About Snoke.”

He was tired, too, you knew, the hand tucking you into him tracing lazy, distracting circles into your back to keep him from sleep.  “Perspective, really.  Seeing things clearly for the first time in… Seeing things clearly.”

For now, fatigue caressing you, that was an answer you could accept.  He’d given you more of his mind tonight than ever before, and you did not care to mar that fact with a half-wit interrogation.  Perhaps you would listen to him this time, given how little you potentially had left, and do as he’d said this morning.

Trust me first.

It was sound advice, and not worth questioning on the eve of your first shift on Canto Bight.  So you nuzzled into him and giggled when the tip of your nose nudged that black healing ribbon over his collar bone.

“I like your scars,” you hummed.

You could not be certain, sleep plunging you into its riptide, but just before it pulled you under, you swore you heard the fatigued rumble of Kylo Ren’s voice whisper, “I like yours too.”

[angstysebfan]

Was It A Mistake Part 5

Pairings: Bucky x reader (previously), Bucky x Nat,

Summary: You and Bucky used to date, but decided you were better off as friends. Now Bucky is interested in Natasha, your best friend. Was it a mistake to break up?

Part 4

Natasha is in the middle of her workout in the gym, when Steve and Bucky walk in. Nat puts the barbell back up when she notices them and sits up. She smiles softly at both men. 

“Hello boys.” She says as she stands and walks over to them. They both give her a smile. She walks over to Bucky gives him a small peck on the lips. “Haven’t seen you since yesterday baby. Where have you been?” She asks Bucky and she wraps her arms around his waist. 

Steve gives Bucky a look, and heads over to the punching bag, leaving the two alone. Bucky looks down at Nat, “Had some things I needed to do, and got back late last night.” 

Nat looked into his eyes, an uneasy feeling in her stomach at his vagueness. She internally shakes it off. “Okay, well I missed you. Do you want to spend the day together? I was thinking we could go for a walk, get dinner, and then desert in my room?” She says this last part in a sultry voice.

Bucky gives her a small smile, that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Sounds great. I’ll be right back, forgot something in my room.” Bucky give Nat a small kiss on the top of her head and walks out of the gym. Nat watches him through the glass windows as he gets into the elevator.

Nat turns toward Steve, who was about to start his workout on the punching bag, after taping his hands up. “Hey Steve, is Bucky okay?” Nat asks, as she walks over to him. Steve turns and looks at Nat.

“What do you mean?” he asks. Nat raises her eyebrow at him. “I mean he seems a little distant with me this morning, and I wanted to know if you knew what was up.” Steve just shrugged.

“I mean I know he was upset when he found out Y/N left the tower, but he seemed fine this morning.” Nat rolls her eyes at this. “Ya know, he needs to get over her. I don’t know what she has on him that makes him putty in her hands. I thought he liked me!” Nat says more to herself than to Steve.

Steve looks at Nat, “Well, you know as much as I do, how heartbroken he was when she ended it. Though he told me the other day that someone told him it was going to happen.” Nat never breaks eye contact, or changes her expression.

“What’s weird to me, though, is that Y/N came to me upset that Bucky had become distant with her. She didn’t know why he was being like that. She thought he wanted to break up with her.” Steve said raising his eyebrows at Nat.

Nat shook her head and shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe she changed her mind or something. I know nothing about that.” Steve kept his eyes on Nat, hoping she would come clean. Again Nat, being the expert assassin,  never broke her emotionless state.

Steve sighed, “Well that’s pretty funny you say that, because I know you are the one who told Bucky that Y/N was going to break up with him.” Nat looked at him questioningly. “Oh you do, do you?” She said, keeping her voice even.

Steve would be impressed with her performance, if he wasn’t so pissed at her. He glared at her. “Nat, there is no one else here. Tell me the truth. I already know it, but it would help your cause if you just confess to what I already know.”

Nat raises her eyebrows in surprise. “I’m sorry, Captain, but what you are insinuating is by no means true. You make it sound like I planned for them to break up and then swooped in. Why would I do that to my best friend?” Her voice becoming more menacing. 

Steve never breaks his eye contact. Nat shakes her head and turns to leave the gym. Steve doesn’t go after her, because he knows she cannot leave. Unbeknownst to Nat, when Bucky left the gym door locked. Keeping her in with Steve.

As Nat attempts to flee the scene, she slams her right shoulder into the door, which doesn’t budge. She attempts again, and still nothing. She turns and looks at Steve, fury written on her features. “What the fuck Rogers!?” She screams.

Steve calmly walks over the Nat and stands in front of her. “You are going to tell me the truth Nat. Everything! You will admit what I already know. You will apologize to Y/N and Bucky, and you will leave them alone so they can be happy... together.”

Nat is completely shocked at this turn of events. She scoffs, “What makes you think I would tell you anything? And why would I let Y/N and Bucky be together when he is my boyfriend?!” Nat is slowly starting to loose control. She hasn’t lost it in so long, and she is trying to rein in her emotions, but being locked in here is causing her to melt down.

Steve still stays calm and leans against the wall, watching the melt down before him. He sees Nat go through 3-4 emotions at once. He has never seen her like this. He is worried for her. When he sees her starting to hyperventilate, he walks over and helps her to the bench.

“Nat, you need to breath. Take a deep breath in and then slowly let it out.” Steve says in a calm soothing voice. Nat shakes her head as she tries to calm down. Steve takes her hand and places it over his heart. He then grabs her face by his other hand and forces her to look at him.

“Breath Nat, it’s okay. You have to breath.” Nat start to take deep breaths, keeping eye contact with Steve. As she does this, tears come to her eyes, and before she knows it, she is sobbing. Steve is slightly taken aback, but doesn’t let it show. He grabs Nat and holds her to his chest as she continues to sob.

“I.... I’m sorry.” Nat says in between sobs. “I.... I.... I don’t know why I did it. I’ve loved him since the Red Room.” Steve raised his eyebrows in shock, “When he came here.... I... I thought that we could start over.” She sobs again. “B-but he saw her first. He fell for her, and she fell for him. I was so angry because I loved him! Why didn’t he love me?! What does she have that I don’t!” 

Nat takes a deep breath and pulls back from Steve. “I wanted to hate her. I thought of this plan, and wanted to hurt her.  When I started the plan in motion, and saw how hurt they both were.... I almost stopped it. But all I kept thinking about is how he and I deserved each other.”

She shakes her head. “I was so caught up in it, I didn’t want to let him go. Even though I knew that no matter what he always loved her. I couldn’t give up because I love him! I love him!” She starts sobbing again, and Steve again pulls her into an embrace.

At this point you and Bucky had walked into the gym. You heard her confession, and while you hated her, a part of you felt bad. This fierce woman was still trapped by her demons that she focused on Bucky. Someone she knew from the past. 

Bucky is shocked to hear her confession. Yes, they had a past, when he was the Soldier. But he didn’t know that she still harbored feelings since then. He didn’t even remember it until she brought it up to him after they started talking. Even though he could understand why she would try to hold on the good in what was a bad situation, it did not excuse her for ruining his chance of happiness now.

Nat looked up at Steve and saw he was looking behind her. She turned and saw both you and Bucky, and her eyes widened. She slowly got up and faced you both. “I... I know no matter what I say, you will both hate me. I broke you up, when you were so happy. I... I can’t begin to express how sorry I am. I saw what I wanted and I went for it, with no care of the consequences.”

Neither of you said anything, as Nat went to walk past you. Bucky continued to glare at her and she went past. Bucky grabbed her arm, holding it tight enough that there would eventually be bruises.

“I’m only going to say this once. You mess with Y/N or me again, and you will regret if for the rest of you life.” Bucky said low, but with anger evident in his voice. “You manipulated me. The one thing I can’t handle is someone manipulating me, and you did it without care. You hurt the woman I love for some fantasy. You are the monster Natalia.” He pushed her away from him. 

Nat looked over at you, but you just looked between her and Bucky, not knowing what to say. Nat walked to the doors of the gym, holding the arm Bucky grabbed. She turned back and looked at Steve. “If it’s okay, I would like to go to a safehouse for awhile. Get some separation, clear my head.”

Steve nodded, not saying anything further. Nat looked back to you and Bucky, and then left the gym. When she disappeared into the elevator, Bucky’s stiff demeanor lessened. He looked down at you, who was still looking toward the elevator.

All you kept thinking was how you couldn’t say anything. You had your chance to really give it to her, and you didn’t. It didn’t make any sense to you, since that was all you wanted. But when you saw her sitting there, crying, talking about how much she loved Bucky, the fight in you disappeared. It wasn’t worth it.

Bucky kept looking at you, nervous of your reaction to everything. Especially the way he spoke to Nat. “Doll?” he whispered to you. You finally look up at him with a relaxed expression and gave him a small smile. “You okay?” He asked as he turned and wrapped his arms around your waist.

You nodded and looked at Steve. “Thank you Steve. I know she is your friend, and how hard this was for you, but I really appreciate it.” Tears were starting to slowly run down your face from relief. It was over, Nat was gone. You and Bucky could live happily ever after if you wanted. 

You look back up at the man you love. “I’m ok Buck. I think I just need some time.” You went up on your tippy toes and kissed his cheek. You pulled away from him and left the gym. You decided to head back to your room adn unpack your stuff. On the way you heard the sobs coming from Nat’s room. You couldn’t help yourself, you knocked.

When Nat opened the door, she expected Steve to be there. You were the last person she expected to be on the other side of her door. She said nothing, but turned around, leaving the door ajar. You walked in to find her packing some clothes.

“I’ll be out of here within the hour, so you don’t have to worry. I won’t pull anything else.” She said, her voice shaking from crying. You don’t say anything, just watch her. She looks up at you and waits for you to say something. You both end up just staring at each other for who knows how long.

“Well? Aren’t you going to tell me what a monster you think I am? Your boyfriend seemed to have no problem telling me.” She chokes on a sob. You can’t help but smile, which annoyed Nat, as she thought you were laughing at her.

“I would rather the comments than you laughing at me. If that is all you’re going to do, then please leave!” Nat snaps. Your smile fades, and you walk slowly over to her. “I want to hate you so bad.” You say quietly. “You almost ruined my life, then lied to make him hate me. I can’t pretend to forgive you for what you did, but a part of me might understand.”

Nat looks at you, stunned. “You need to talk to someone while you are away. Because what you felt for Bucky, wasn’t love. You had found a good thing during trauma and latched on. When he came back into your life, you couldn’t help but latch on again. It’s not healthy. I think it will help if you talk to someone.”

Nat looks down and nods. “I am sorry Y/N. I know that is empty words to you now, but I am.” She said looking at you sadly. You give her a reassuring smile. “I know, and right now, it’s not okay. But if you get some help, and you come back stronger, maybe it will eventually be okay.”

With that you leave Nat’s room, feeling nothing else was needed to be said. You walked down the hall toward Bucky’s room, and notice the door is ajar. You peek your head in and see he is sitting on his bed, with his head in his hands. 

“Hey.” you say quietly, as you walk into his room and close the door. He looks up at you with a cautious look. He is still unsure how you are feeling after everything. 

“Hi”

“I talked with Nat.” You say as you sit down next to him. He looks at you wanting to know more, but knowing better than to push you.

“You okay?” He asks concerned.

You smile and bring you hand up to palm his cheek, lightly rubbing your thumb on his cheekbone. Bucky sighs and closes his eyes, reveling in the closeness. “I think it will eventually be okay. For now I am glad she is leaving the tower.”

Bucky chuckles and wraps his arm around your shoulder, kissing your forehead. “What do we do now? I know I hurt you too.” Bucky looks down at his metal hand on his lap. You take your hand from his cheek and grab his metal hand intertwining your fingers. 

“Now.... we start our happy ever after.”

--

Epilogue

It’s been a year since the confrontation with Nat in the gym. Nat went off to a safehouse and stayed there for 9 months. While she was away, she started seeing a therapist, and returned as the old Nat everyone knew and loved. 

Bucky still could not forgive her when she returned. You had a hard time also, but you agreed to take it slow. Eventually Nat started seeing Bruce Banner, which made you feel better.

After Nat had left the tower, you and Bucky decided to try your relationship again. It didn’t take long for you both to be back where you were before the break up. To Bucky, it was like he could finally breath again. 6 months into your new relationship, Bucky proposed. After crying happy tears, you say yes! 

Now here you are, after a short 6 month engagement, having a small intimate wedding with your Avengers family. You didn’t care that it was a small wedding, because the only thing that mattered to you, was the man at the end the aisle, waiting for you. When Tony and you walked into the room, the look on his face told you everything.

You saw all the love and compassion he had for you. You knew that no one else would ever love you the way Bucky Barnes will. You were more than ready to start your life as Mrs. Y/N Barnes. 

After the ceremony, everyone hung out in the common room for a small party. You and Bucky danced the night away in each others arms. Steve was the best man and Wanda was the maid of honor. Both gave great speeches that made everyone laugh.

While the “party” was still going on, you took Bucky out onto the balcony. You needed a little bit of alone time with your new husband. You walked hand in hand to the railing, and looked over New York City. Bucky draped his flesh arm around you and kissed the top of your head.

“Today was the happiest day of my life, doll. Thank you for being my wife.” He said against your temple then kissed it softly. You smile and looked up at him. “Well I am more than happy to be your wife and make all your dreams come true. In fact, not only am I happy to be your wife...” You give him a peck on the lips. “I am happy and proud to be the mother of your child.” You say softly. 

Bucky stares at you, trying to comprehend what you just said. You look at him, slightly nervous for his reaction. “You..... You’re pregnant?” He gasps. You slowly nod at him. You see a wide smile appear on your face, and you release the breath you were holding.

“I’m going to be a daddy?” He asks, excitement evident in his voice. “Yes, baby. You are going to be daddy!” You say, tears coming to your eyes. Bucky lifts you up and spins you around as he laughs. 

“I can’t believe it! I’m going to be a daddy! You really are the most amazing person in the whole world. I can’t imagine my life without you.” He pulls you close. “I love you with all of being. I am nothing without you, and never want to be without you.” He presses a passionate kiss to your lips.

You pull away breathless. “I love you too. More than you will ever know.” You kiss again. Then Bucky pulls you back into the common room announcing that he is going to be a daddy! Everyone in the room cheers for the happy expecting newlywed couple. That night no one on Earth was as happy as you and your new husband.

--

Thank you everyone! I really enjoyed writing this one!

Taglist: @bloodyproudpotterhead​, @iamvalentinaconstanza​, @ilovesupersoldiers​, @broco8​

[tekkai]

🅿 Here's your official pass to gush about headcanons for CP-9 (ft. your insert as well if you want)! Go wild!

Thank you Anon I love you for asking. I wasn’t able to go in depth for everyone so I focussed on the few my S/I is closest with. ;^; 

Lucci 

Lucci is an impossibly light sleeper and grows irritable due to his disrupted sleep schedule. He’s seldom able to sleep soundly through the night and attempts to recover by napping throughout the day. 

With the extremely specific and conscious exception of chicken, he is offended if you try to serve him any kind of fowl/poultry. He has a strong preference towards ‘red’ meats such as beef, lamb, and even game such as venison.

Obsession by Calvin Klein, or the closest in-universe alternative. In addition to bathing in Civetone, he carries the scent of brandy and sawdust. 

Hattori is more than a mascot, he is Lucci’s service animal. Most of his task serve to mitigate Lucci’s psychological needs. Among other tasks, ventriloquism is part of his work, as it allows Lucci to interact with new people in a roundabout way. Hattori can also ‘sweep’ rooms, alerting him to be certain a space is empty and easing his hypervigilance. Disrupting night terrors and providing sensory stimuli when his feeling overloaded. 

In canon we know they’ve been a team for at least 24 years. I would like to believe they’ve been together longer, prior to his arrival. I’ve thought a lot about a possible backstory for him, but we’ve been given so little in canon for me to work with it’s purely speculation. 

His father had been a no-name pirate. He left shortly after conception and the two never had any kind of relationship save for their genetics. Ironically he’d be killed by his son later in life. 

His mother was a lesser noble with a daughter from a previous marriage. As a baby he was close to his-sister,but he was so young when they died their memories are distorted. He blames the death of his family on the cowdarce of their appointed guard when their city was besieged. This is the root of his philosophy. 

Racing pigeons were an important culturally and Hattori is a descendant from his mother’s line of birds. 

Lucci is nearly legally blind. He is completely dependent on his contacts to get through the day. Caught without them however, not many people would be able to tell how much he struggles. He’s practiced in hiding his vulnerabilities and can get by without assistance by leveraging his other instincts, but he does struggle. The fact that his eye color changes significantly every time he appears is due to his colored lenses.  

Lucci was given the epithet of Massacre Weapon and conditioned to see himself as a tool. He holds himself to an impossible standard and values his worth based solely on his objective usefulness. 

He would never admit it to anyone, but he identifies with the local stray cats. Wherever he locates he makes a point to feed and look after the ferals in the area. He’s absolutely blown his cover once or twice confronting anyone stupid enough to harass a colony he’d been overlooking. 

Lucci honestly believes he’s working towards a more peaceful world. He does have a ravenous bloodlust, but if that was his only need, he’s strong enough to go rogue.  Lucci does not need his license to kill. The only reason he’s remained complaint to the WG’s needs is because they align with his own vision. 

Kaku

Kaku and Usopp both originated in the East Blue, have a natural affinity for working ships and are canonically mistaken for one another. I’m not about to claim a direct relation but I don’t think distant cousins would be out of the question or improbable. Kaku was an orphan taken in by WG and underwent intense programing to model him into the agent he is today. It would be reasonable to assume any record of his life before the government got a hold of him would be purged. I don’t think it’ll ever be a plot point but I just like this theory. 

Kaku may be the next young prodigy of the group, but he is also the designated baby/baby brother. As an unit it’s just universally accepted that he get’s a ‘pass’, especially in regards to Lucci. 

Ussop was able to antagonize Lucci twice after the the Leopard Man had brutalized others for less. It’s a subconscious reaction adn Lucci probably doesn’t even realize why his first instinct wasn’t to kill this pirate the moment he drew his weapon. 

He’s an effective agent but he get’s emotionally attached to places and people. Unlike Lucci who finds ideological satisfaction in his work, Kaku is loyal to CP9 due to his relationship with his colleagues. For this reason he’s a more efficient spy. 

Kaku has an aversion to alcohol. He’ll drink socially but only if it’s pushed on him.

An avid outdoorsmen. Kaku would spend everyday in the wilderness if he could get away with it. He has a secret cabin he escapes to and uses to decompress after an excessively stressful mision. 

Horses love him. Every since he was a child he’s been a natural with horses and no one can figure out why. They just instinctively adore him.

Jabra

Incredibly sensitive to chemical scents. He refuses to enter the laboratory for this very reason. 

I’ve touched on Zoan’s influencing their users in regards to Lucci before, and Jabra is no exception. Unlike Lucci however he’s happy to lean into his instincts and takes great pride in being a wolf. 

Makes really terrible dog puns. 

He prideful and arrogantly confident, but once his audience has left he’s painfully lonely. He craves a ‘pack’ and is hopeless romantic at heart. Has bounced from one failed relationship to another near constantly. 

He cares deeply about his fellow agents and views them as a kind of family.

He’s the first to throw insult or a playful jab, but the moment something is wrong he can tell. Jabra can be a jerk but he’s the best person to talk to if someone needs to vent or be comforted by. 

Claims it’s nonsense but he’s extremely superstitious. If Kalifa makes a comment about the stars aligning he makes note. 

Angel’s self proclaimed older brother.

He’s competitive to a fault. It doesn’t matter what the challenge is he needs to be the best. 

Found his Rooster as an abandoned chick and has been raising it ever since. He’s a proud father and carries photos of the bird when it can’t accompany him specifically so he can show his son off. This tactic has never once worked while he was trying to flirt with someone. 

Kalifa

She’s mildly allergic to animal fur. It’s nothing significant but she’s forced to carry allergy pills when she’s working with her Zoan colleagues. Her new abilities, however, have been a godsend in keeping the annoying fur at bay.  

More so than any of the other agents she struggles with feeling ‘good enough’. Having been born into her role she feels an immense pressure to live up to the expectation that were set for her.

Her mother was also a government agent at one point.

Collects ‘lamb’ themed objects. She doesn’t love having to be around actual farm animals (and despises Jabra’s rooster) but she finds the artistic representations of lambs aesthetically pleasing. 

Is secretly really into astrology. She’s complied full birth charts on her co-workers using what little information is available and reasonable estimating the unknowns. 

She is extensively musical trained and is by far the most talented agent in that regard. 

Angel

Not a Ciphor Pol agent. Not a government agent. Not even a marine. But since you were kind enough to include her, she’ll get a guest feature.

Angel was blessed with a powerful fruit but cursed with the lack of willpower to use it properly.

She can be friendly but it takes a long time before she can fully trust someone. 

Used the name Lucifer before settling down and trying to start a new life for herself.

She descended from the upper vearths and is confused when people down here talk about religion. To her “God” is an epithet you can earn and a position of power in the sky islands. She’d interacted with Enel and caught wind that he’d ascended and is thoroughly confused every time someone makes an offhand religious comment or sees an act of devotion, ‘cause god is kind of prick?’. She’s never commented on her confusion. When her wedding was planned to take place in a chapel she was horrified for reasons that weren’t clear to anyone else present.

Since that was the only part she had an objection to the planner in charge caved and re-scheduled the event to an outdoor venue.  

Terribly pyrophobic. Ironically the devil is not okay around an open flame. 

[wallysbestie]

Question Tag

So I was tagged by both @felegs and @stayuwu to do the 11 Question tag and a different one but ill probably make that its own post as well so minimize the size on these but yeah im gonna go ahead and just answer their question together and then,,, i dont know if ill be tagging people ill decide at the end lmao

but yeah ill put it under a read more because i dont want yall to deal with my long ramblings. if you just want my questions and want to ignore all my answer than just scroll to the very bottom!

Stayuwu’s Questions:

Are you a daydreamer? If so, what do you dream about?

I am~ I typically day dream about fic ideas like how I would imagine them to pan out or if I’m in class then I’ll typically day dream about this is nerdy as hell let me be how like the psych topics were learning about could be panned out in a story like we learned about this specific condition in my cog class and i just immediately wrote the concept into a fic story lmao

What’s your favorite place in the world?

mmm depends. at home its the beach but specifically this beach by my house because its a very calm beach that also has a super cute little center with small local shops and stuff and minimal seagulls hate those fuckers but here at school its my departments building because every floor has a big staircase thats dark and quiet and has huge windows facing the forest and the other side has a balcony facing the campus and you can see the ocean if youre high enough and its just hgvfsd i love

What’s home to you?

not be like,,, cliche i guess but like,,, i dont? think i have one? i dont like feeling tied down so i dont typically think of anywhere as “home” 

This is not a question but quote a vine.

shawty i dont... mind

Grey’s anatomy or House?

House hands down i watched grey’s for a while growing up and its just,,, too much lmao house is so dark and unapologetic and i love it

Do you have any pets?

i have one (1) dumb dog that i love so much and can never stop talking about to showing off photos about

What kind of friend are you? (You know, the mom friend, the meme friend, etc).

the distant mom friend

Do you hate someone? If so, why?

nah i dont have the energy to give someone that type of passion. im more of the if you fuck me over ill completely cut you out of my life within a blink of an eye type of cap not the ill hold a grudge against you type of cap

What’s your dream job?

working in a hospital with kids with mental disorders and terminal illnesses

What MCU character resembles you the most? (not physically, more like mentally and emotionally).

i,,,, dont know??? i know mayhaps 3 characters from MCU and thats only through like 1 or 2 movies lmao

I won’t use this eleven question as an actual question, use your right to answer to this to talk about whatever the fuck you want. Rant, fangirl, talk about what you did today or yesterday or whatever. Just talk.

last night i went to sleep at like 1 am which is the earliest ive slept in so damn long and yet my body still decided it needed 12 hours of sleep. 12 hours? in this economy? please we dont have time for that i have articles to read

My Moon’s Questions:

what’s one thing that helps you relax?

being cold and listening to music helps me a lot so if im like freaking out or super upset ill usually go outside and either sit on the stair case or go walk around especially at night

what’s your favorite novel and author?

mmm its not a novel but my favorite short story that I’ve ever read is What We Talk About When We Talk About Love (but the original version) by Raymond Carver

are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection?

kinda? I’m not a big fan of pda so the most I’ll do is like give hugs or if its something real special like my sun or my ex roommate then I’ll give them kisses on the cheek or forehead but aside from that I’m more of a silent affectionate person who will just like,,, pat your arm or bring you some water when I know you need it

are you an early bird or a night owl?

oh definitely a night owl whether I want to be or not lmao

if you’re comfortable with it, do you have a song you connect to something or someone, and if so, what is it?

mmm I have a lullaby that when my best friend moved back to their home state, they had me listen to it because they knew I was going through a really hard time and wasn’t not like,, in the safest of spots and I remember crying for like a solid 30 minutes and like even now to this day if I’m in a really bad spot I’ll listen to that song and just think about my best friend and like it just gives a small hope that things will be okay again

if you could go back to a place you’ve been to before, where would it be?

Florence, Italy the only place I’ve actually felt safe ironically considering its hours away from anything I could ever consider home

what does your favorite piece of clothing - that you own yourself - look like?

i have a shirt from this show that i love so much to the point my aunt stole it and hid it somewhere so now i have no idea where it is and will likely never get it back :’)

who’s your bias and why?

hgfds i have too many biases this is hard but uh honestly most of my biases are such for the same reason that being that they’re very strong capable people who have been through hell and back adn yet still always find a reason to bounce back and give life their all (ex: Yongguk, Young K, Taeyong, Bang Chan, Hanbin, Amber)

do you believe in luck and miracles?

finding you was a miracle but aside from that not really? i like the concept of them but i dont actually believe in them. i believe things happen for a reason yknow

what’s your favorite type of decorations?

christmas lightssss i own so many omg i think i have like,,, 8 strands with me currently?? with only 2 not being put up on some wall??

do you prefer being outside or inside?

definitely outside which is funny because I’m inside so much but I love going out adventuring and just being a menace to society tbh

My Questions:

What’s the “weirdest” song that stands out from your library?

Do you have a piece of clothing or jewelry that you hold dearly?

Have you ever gotten something autographed? How’d you get it?

What concert/festival did you really want to go to this year but had to miss?

What’s the hardest thing for you to do alone?

Would you rather stay in your hometown for the rest of your life but have everyone you love and appreciate live near you or move to your dream location and have a stable life but leave everyone you know behind?

Favorite thing to do during this lovely month of Halloween?

Are you a trick or treating kind of person or someone who would rather hand out the candy?

Do you have any crazy Halloween stories? Break into anything? Throw an insane party? Spill.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done that when you look back you;re just like “wow who possessed me and made me do that?”

If you could spend a date night on Halloween and just eat candy and watch horror movies, which idol would you want to do it with?

Can you tell I’m excited for Halloween? it was hard to not make all 11 of these spooky themed lmao but anyways let’s get to tagging

@newkids-thefinal @gayforjiwon @tangerine-jinani @taecheeks @devilji @kxmwoojxn @junheeart @kuromatoki @minhosgf @shen-anakins @minbebee @mias97

[bfseventeen]

Your First Date with Seungcheol

you waited for him to call the next day, but that never came

you felt a little foolish to think that someone like him would ever call you

a few days pass and you do your best to forget the way he looked up at you and the way his hair stuck to his forehead

it was harder than you thought it would be

the weekend comes and your ideas of Seungcheol seem to fade finally

you start to forget small details of him that you briefly examined on your tiny encounter

you type away on your laptop with your dog’s head on your lap, caressing it with your free hand when your phone rings

the caller ID is unknown for you, you are sure you haven’t seen it before at least

you think it is another agency trying to convince you of a trip to Bali or somewhere else so you let it ring

when you thought the caller finally gave up and hung up, your phone goes off once again with the same caller ID

‘there is no other way to escape this’ you think to yourself with a sigh and pick up the phone

“hello?” you call out and you hear a relieved sigh on the other end before the caller speaks up

“hi y/n, i’m seungcheol i hope i am not bothering you” he says with a sweet tone you jump in your seat excitedly making your dog whine due to the unpleasant waking up

“oh no you aren’t” you reply a bit too enthusiastically making him chukle

“sorry, I couldn’t call you sooner, things have been... crazy” he adds making you wonder what does he actually mean “I thought we could meet up this weekend... I mean if only you want to”

“sure! I’m free this weekend” you reply happily, your stomach doing little flips just by the simple thought of seeing him again

“what would you like to do?” he asks and you press your lips together to think

what is something that would be perfect for a first date without declaring it as a first date

“what about we would grab a coffee?” you offer and he keeps silent for a little bit too long “do you like coffee?”

“yes, I do... the problem is... I can’t really be seen in a busy public place... can’t we meet where we first met? Have a walk around the park and chat a little bit?” he questions

“sure that is also fine with me” you reply, but the thing he said bothers you... why can’t he be seen in a public place?

“great, then let’s meet there tomorrow at two, I have an hour to spare”

“okay, see you then!” 

the next day you wake up with an uneasy feeling in your chest

a mix of nervousness and excitement takes over your body as you pick your outfit and get ready to leave

Uno looks up at you with sad puppy eyes as you take your keys from the counter and for a second you feel like he wants to help you on your date

without further hesitation you get his collar and his leash and walk out with him from your apartment

you pass by a small café on the corner of your block and you stop in your track

‘he did say he likes coffee’ you think and decide to surprise him with an iced americano while you buy a latte for yourself

you arrive at the park a few minutes late and when you find the path were you first met Seungcheol you are surprised to see that he is nowhere near

disappointed you sit down on a close bench and sip from your coffee, with Uno pushing your hand for some well deserved pats

you sigh and examine your surroundings

this part of the park is nearly abandoned, you can only slightly hear the laughter of the visitors from afar

it feels just like being in the middle of a forest with no civilization close whatsoever

“sorry I am late!” the sudden sound making your head turn towards him

Seungcheol is running towards you, his shoelaces untied and his shirt buttoned uneven; he must have been in a hurry

“I only just got here, don’t worry!” you smile at him reassuringly

after he catches his breath he fixes himself up and when he is done he meets your eyes again

“I got this for you” you extend your arm with the americano in hand and he takes it with a sheepish smile

“thank you so much, you didn’t have to.” he says but you wave it off before he takes a big sip from his cup “this really saves my life today”

his expression turns ever so softly when he looks over your shoulder to find Uno sitting by the bench

“this is a double date then?” he asks with a raised brow making your cheeks slightly flush

“I don’t know, is it?” you ask back not looking directly at him but out of the corner of your eyes you can see him smirk slightly

“I hope it is.” he says leaning over to pat Uno’s head who wags his tail excitedly from seeing his new friend

“Shall we go?” he asks turning back to you and you nod taking Uno’s leash in your hand and start your casual walk

you walk around for a while talking about nothing and everything

but something keeps bothering you and you don’t really know if you can ask him about private things or not

he seems to sense it as he turns towards you slightly with a little smile lingering on his lips before he asks: “you can ask me anything, I won’t bite”

“n-no, I don’t have anything on my mind.” you reply slightly stuttering

“well... I actually have one question” you speak up a moment later, making Seungcheol smile even wider “why... why can’t you be seen in public?” you ask and he nods biting his lower lip

he suddenly points at a nearby foodtruck and says “let’s get something to eat, I am starving” 

you agree as your stomach growls

he pays for the food and the drinks and  you two get seated on a nearby bench beneath the oak trees, the smell of fresh ramen makes your mouth water

“so... to answer to your previous question” he starts between two bites “I’m an idol” he answers casually

“oh...” you furrow your brows as it sounds so unrealistic for you, even though he did have everything to be an idol

“that is why I couldn’t call you the next day...” he continues “...schedules got crazy, we finished practicing around two in the morning every day, our comeback is approaching” 

“oh so it wouldn’t be great if they would catch you slacking off with some random stranger” you finish his story and he nods sadly

“I’m really sorry... I should have told you, when we first met... but I got so happy that there was someone who didn’t know me, who could get to know me for who I really am, as Seungcheol and not as S.Coups” he explains and the stage name he mentions does ring a bell to you

you have some distant memory of your friend talking about a band that recently debuted and that their leader is around the same age as you

“well, I can reassure you that I would be glad to know more about you Seungcheol” you smile at him and for the first time his cheeks turn slightly red

“you can’t believe how happy this made me” he smiles from ear to ear

you finish your food, occasionally stealing a bit from each other’s plate making the other whine adn then the time comes for him to get back to his busy and completely different life from what he just experienced with you

“I promise I will text whenever I have time” he sighs as you are saying your bittersweet goodbyes

“don’t worry about it, I understand if you are busy. I will be watching your comeback and root for you.” you pat his chest and he smiles down at you stuffing a single loose strand of hair behind your ear

“then this better be our best comeback yet” he quickly leans in and plants a small kiss on the top of your forehead “see you” and with that he turns and walks away leaving you completely breathless with the scent of his musky cologne intoxicating your mind

[ellaofoakhill]

Mother’s Malt, Part Three

The shrimp was untouched when they returned to the kitchen. Meline checked the temperature, and professed it nearly ready. Havel nodded, and his belly gave a great rumble. Ella gave a grunt of acknowledgement.

Meline clutched her medicine bag. She turned away from the roasting crustacean, and sat opposite Ella, staring at her until Ella looked up.

“What, Meline?” she asked. Havel loudly prepared a pot of tea.

Meline toyed with the strap on her bag. “I understand being upset that someone has snuck into your home,” Meline said. “I would be too. And I would be outraged if anyone flipped through my private musings like Vedris through the morning paper.

“But you only seemed watchful and concerned when we realized someone trespassed into Oakhill. And you were already angry when we saw your room.” She groped for words. “If you can tell me what the whiskey means, it might help you clear your head, and help us catch this burglar.”

Ella looked down at her hands for so long that Meline thought she wouldn’t answer. “My mother was a baronet in the Fey Queen’s court,” Ella said. “My father was a knight.” She shrugged. “Well, his mother was, so by birth, he was counted among the nobility, albeit he occupied the lowest rung of that ladder.

“Pops and I were close. He taught me how to work metal, though as a wood fairy, he couldn’t teach me much about iron.” She smiled. “His eyes were full of proud tears when I showed him my first steel knife.” The smile faded. “Mother and I were… distant. She would ask how went my studies, and I’d ask after affairs at court, but… we never just… talked. I wondered sometimes if she loved me at all, or if she was trying to be nice because I was her heir and required grooming.

“I was twelve hundred years old when the War began. Pops was a knight, but by blood only; his training with sword and shield had been cursory. He went as my mother’s armourer and squire. Mother, however, was skilled in magic and in warfare; she was a captain under Alluzandra.” Meline recognized the name. “But I think, like my father, she was at heart a peaceful soul.”

A small smile tugged at Ella’s lips again. “She loved growing things, even though she was a fire fairy. The day she and dad left—I stayed to run the estate—she gave me a bag of barley and a lump of bronze. She told me to bring as much joy with them as I could, in my own way. And she would love to see what I made of them.”

“So, in the Fey spring, I planted the barley. I watered it. I weeded it. I cut and threshed and harvested it. Again and again, through many long years. The bronze I made into a ploughshare, a scythe, and the instruments of distillation. The first two saw much use in those years.

“When I had grown that barley for twenty-seven years—enough to fill three valleys—I distilled it, and the instruments I’d made were well-used. I knew little of wood magic, but Pops had taught me some, and I consulted my younger sister, also a wood fairy and far more inclined toward gardening and growing things, and she helped me. So I worked, tweaking and modifying my brew, until I had a serviceable whiskey. I sweetened it with caramelized honey, and poured it into oak casks, to age until my mother returned and could sample it.”

There was a pause. The kettle started to boil. “After fifteen hundred years of fighting… Pops came back.” Another pause.

“I left Fey soon after. I gave the estate to my sister, who runs it with Pops now.” Ella met Meline’s eyes. “I didn’t realize my mother loved me until it was too late for me to tell her I loved her in any way but writing. That whiskey was supposed to be the start of something better than what we’d had.” She looked above the sink, at the sheaf of barley hanging over the window. “Every century, on the anniversary of her death, I return to Fey. I visit the Iron Field where she died, and Sycamore Rill, our family’s hall, where she’s buried. In both places, I pour a chalice of this whiskey, and have a glass myself. Sometimes Pops has one, too, but usually he leaves the two of us alone.”

Ella took a breath. Meline almost missed the hitch in it. “This cask was the last of it.”

Havel blew his nose with a sound like a muffled horn. Meline took the kerchief he offered her.

“So,” Meline hiccoughed after they’d mostly dried their tears, “do you feel a bit better?”

Ella wetly chuckled. “I’m not about to kill anyone now.”

There was a knock at the door. “Hello?” Ella was up in an instant, reaching for the handle and her pole.

“Wait!” Meline held up a hand. “Felix?”

A pause. “Yeah.”

Ella mouthed “You know him?” Meline nodded. Ella took an enormous breath. “Enter.”

The door opened. Felix was almost a head shorter than Meline. Like her, he wore neither boots nor shoes. His walnut hair would’ve been wild if he didn’t tie it down with a rag that might once have been blue. He had a small moustache and a beard that grew nowhere but on his chin and lower lip, not because he groomed it—anyone who looked at him could tell that wasn’t the case—but because it couldn’t be bothered to grow anywhere else.

Ella’s frown was deeper than a gorge. “Why have you broken into my hall and gone through my things?”

Felix looked more ashamed than Meline had seen him in a while. He glanced at her, then looked back up at Ella. “I mean’ no ‘arm. There was this big snake, ‘n’ she chased me up t’ this tree, an’ I dipped in through yer barn door. I—”

“Felix,” Meline said, “was this a black she-snake with light stripes?”

His head practically vibrated up and down. “Aye! Said she was Famofus er somthin’, but I didn’ stick around t’ hear more!”

Ella sat down. “How… how did you get into the stable? I have fairy bells on the door.”

“There was a fairy horse walked in same time I did,” Felix said, “startled ‘im a bit, near got kicked fer it.”

“I would imagine so,” Ella said. She sighed. “Why wander about my hall like a thief? If you’d come and explained yourself, I’d have given you a bath, a meal, spare clothes, and a bed. And more, likely, as you’re Meline’s friend.”

“No one was home,” Felix said. “Saw the shop downstairs, ‘n’ young’un there workin’,” Havel blinked at this description of him, “cursin’ up a storm, an’ left ‘im be.”

Ella spared a glance at Havel. “I cracked the sardonyx inlay I’ve been working on for a month.” He looked at Felix. “Did you bump anything on the wall as you closed the door?”

“I might’ve.” He registered Havel’s tone. “Sorry. No one else was ‘ome that I could see. Kitchen smelled nice, though.”

“About what time did you run into the stable?” Meline said.

Felix scratched his chin. “Just after moonrise?”

“So minutes after we left,” Ella said. She held the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger. “And going through my things? Misplacing them everywhere?”

“Felix is the actual worst when it comes to putting things back where he found them,” Meline said.

“‘arsh,” Felix said. He had the smallest smile on his face.

“But true,” Meline said. She was almost smiling herself.

“You were in my room,” Ella said. She sounded more exasperated than angry.

“I know I knocked over two books in the big nice bedroom, so I—”

“Did you read them?”

Felix and Meline shared a glance. Meline snorted. “I can’ read,” Felix said. Ella’s jaw dropped. She looked to Meline.

“Also true,” Meline said. “Felix is less literate than a botfly.”

“Also ‘arsh,” Felix said.

“Tellin’ it like it is.”

“Alright, alright,” Ella said, raising her hands. “So: Felix ran into my house because Thamnophis chased him; He found Havel in the shop in a temper, and accidentally shut off the lights; He wandered around looking to see if anyone else was home, bumping into things and replacing them in the wrong spot.” Her look turned quizzical. “Why, once you realized we were here, didn’t you reveal yourself?”

Felix cocked his head. “I never ‘eard a soul ‘til shortly before young’un here took a swing at me.” He looked up at Havel. “Not mad, defendin’ yer ‘ome, I get it.”

“But things have been moving around on us this whole evening,” Havel said. He looked like he was still adjusting to “young’un”.

“This is a big house,” Meline said. “The dining hall alone has three separate entrances.”

Ella nodded, staring for a while at nothing in particular. Eventually, she gave another sigh. “If it weren’t for the cask you spilled in my cellar, I wouldn’t actually have much issue with what you’ve done during your ‘stay’ here.”

“Fair,” Felix said. His eyes lit up. “The whiskey, y’mean?”

“Yes,” Ella said, “and for it, I’ll require—”

“It’s fine,” Felix said. Ella’s head snapped up. “I knocked over the little barrel when I put my arms in yer cellar, an’ I cracked it. So I switched it t’ another one. I’ll show yeh!”

The whiskey was in fact in another cask. Ella confirmed with a sniff and a taste. She held the cask tight to her chest for a moment; Meline saw a tear leak from her eye. She came up and wrapped an arm around Ella’s waist. Ella leaned her head on Meline’s.

Once she’d regained her composure, Ella turned back to Felix. He somehow looked even shorter. Just as Ella was about to speak, his belly gave a huge rumble.

Ella blinked. “Have you… when was the last time you ate, Felix?”

He counted on his fingers. “Six days ago?” At her raised eyebrows, he looked only the slightest bit defensive. “I’m a walker. We see the world, we live nowhere, an’ we take nothin’. I wouldn’ steal food if I ‘adn’ eaten fer twice that.”

Ella nodded. She thought a moment. “I won’t lie, you’ve made some unwise decisions tonight. But none that caused any lasting harm, and none that you can’t pay for.”

“Pay?” Meline said.

“I can chop wood,” Felix said, “and maybe add a room to Oak’ill, if you like.”

“Oakhill has enough rooms,” Ella said, shaking her head. “Cut and split a pound of wood for me, and I’ll count myself compensated.” She held out a hand. After a moment, Felix took it. “Now, shall we celebrate the Autumnal Equinox?”

 The smell of roasted shrimp filled the dining hall. She was shelled, and laid out on a platter with herbs and berries. Felix looked flabbergasted; Meline could see him swallowing, probably to counter his watering mouth.

Ella raised her goblet. Meline noted her tired, relieved smile.

 “Winter soon shall sally forth

From coldest waste in frigid North.

Balanced now twixt stars and sun

Remember we the Summer’s fun.

“Cherish warmth and scrumptious food,

And friends who lift the darkling mood.

Autumn’s here from west to east,

With milk and honey in jar we feast.”

 As Ella carved the shrimp and Havel served mashed potato and salad, Felix nudged Meline with his elbow. “Does ‘er lordship play Fiz Bind?”

[kingredfern]

taz balance characters as messages my sister has sent me on remind

Merle: This app insists it is for educational purposes. This is no matter, as I am, of course, a paragon of educational radiance. 

Magnus: The only things keeping you from fighting space are the laws of physics and the pathetic mockeries of your commitment! HUBRIS! HUBRIS!

Taako: I can’t tie my shoes, it would be out of character. 

Lup: I’m no romantic, but my ideal date involves arson. Political arson. The Feds will never find me 

Barry: That feeling when you’re reading a Harvard law paper on the failings of abstinence only education at 12:45 am

Davenport: *angrily pounds tambourine with wooden spoon atop roof in an attempt to frighten you away, to sound of menacing thunder* 

Lucretia: Holy shit, I love everyone so much. You guys are the BOMB. The SAUCE. The CHUNKY PEANUT BUTTER. 

Killian: *does full aerial split with unwavering eye contact* If you cut the watermelon before you eat it you’re weak 

Carey: Dadsassin. I’m not stabbing you, I’m just resting my knife in your chest. You’ll know the difference when you’re older. 

Angus: Anybody else out here daydream about being nice to people. Just. Seeing a person and be hoping they’re gonna have a nice day. Constantly. 

Klaarg: *sits on throne made of goblin artifacts, sips flask of OJ and speaks in gruff voice* Klaarg? Haven’t heard that name in years. 

Sloane and Hurley: *distant, yet slowly escalating sound of exhilarated yelling in the same direction of slowly growing and menacing dust cloud* 

N03773: PSA: Kevlar does not protect subjects from Molotov cocktails. 

Lucas: LOOKING FOR WORK? OPEN SLOT FOR TESTERS, SAFETY GUARANTEED*. KEVLAR SLIGHTLY WORN. 555-555-PUNS

Roswell: Responsibility. Sure, but at what cost? 

Kravitz: You are living on borrowed time. And a borrowed lawnmower COUGHmerleCOUGH 

Leon: *infuriated whisk noises* 

Johann: *eats coffee beans directly from bag, staring out the blinds via noir monologue* I’m too tired to breathe. 

John: There will be, in your life, a last person you tell to eat a dick. Choose wisely. 

Pringles: Y’ever think about the fact that a lion has no idea what the FUCK an octopus is? Why would they?

Garfield: My ingenious product has failed to take off. I blame the government. 

Cassidy: *bangs pots and pans together* Beef! Beef!! BEEF! BEEF!! 

Fisher: *purposeful, melodic screaming* 

Avi: Sometimes I think about bread. 

Spiders Brian: "average person owns 5 spiders" factoid actually false. spiders brian, who lives in wave echo cave and owns 1 big spider, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[forsoothsayer]

The Streetcar That Lost Its Way by Nikolay Gumilyov

While walking down a strange street I suddenly heard the cawing of crows, Distant thunder, and the tones of a lute — Here came a streetcar flying past.

How I managed to leap to its step Is beyond me — even in the bright Daylight it spewed behind itself In the atmosphere a trail of fire.

It moved forth like a dark, winged storm, This streetcar losing itself among The depths of time — "Conductor, stop! Conductor, stop this car at once!"

Too late. By now we had already Rounded the wall, crossed through a grove Of palms, and thundered across three bridges Over the Neva, the Nile, the Seine.

Then, his face flashing by outside, An old bum peered in through the window — He was, of course, the one who died In Beirut just a year ago.

Where is this? Answering, my heart Beats listless yet anxiously: "Is this the station where you buy Your way to the India of the Soul?"

A billboard: drawn in blood, the letters "Grocer's"; here, I know, instead Of cabbages and rutabagas One may purchase lifeless heads.

And then the executioner, In red shirt, with face like an udder, Chopped off my head: it lay with others In this slimy box, just at the bottom.

Down the alley, a wooden fence, a House with three windows, and a gray lawn. "Conductor, stop the car at once! Conductor, stop the streetcar!"

Mashenka, here you lived and sang, Wove rugs for me, whom you would wed. Where is your body, the voice that sang? Is it possible you are dead?

How you wept inside your room, While I, with powder in my hair, Went off the present myself to the Empress, Adn never beheld you again.

Now I see it all: Our freedom Is just a small light breaking through From another world: people and shadows Loiter by the gate to the planets' zoo.

A lush, familiar wind begins To blow, and beyond the bridge, the hand Of a rider in a glove of iron And two horses's hooves come flying on.

The great stronghold of Orthodoxy, St. Isaac's dome, commands the sky. A prayer of intercession for Mashenka, Her health; a requiem for me.

But still my heart is always shadowed; It's hard to breathe; it hurts to live. Mashenka, I never thought that one could Have such love, or feel such grief.

[rvb-junior]

Anonymous ask: do you have any pets? What are their names? Why do you keep them? What got you into keeping them? Do you have any future pet plans? 💖💖

Ok anon do u really wanna get into this convo? Itll take a while.

Okay so im at college so rn the only pets with me are my fishb a male halfmoon plakat named Cosmos Florence the second, a nerite snail named Nertb and a black mystery named Onyx. I keep them because god man i just. I just love em so much ya know? Its like. I have this little ball of hate and rage in my dorm who has such a beautiful personality and then to complement that i have these chill snaild who r just trying really hard. Back home we have even more pets and oh man oh man i love them?? They are what love and joy looks like?? We have my dogs, cat, turtle, lizards, birds, hairless guinea pigs, fish, and chickens.

The chickens are named Short Bread and Oreo bevause of how they looked when they were younger. Oreo is a little spunkyer that Short bread while i think short bread is a little…. Confused? Yeah just generally confused by everything.

We have Mr. T, our full grown, healthy red ear slider who lives in a small pond in the back yard with a few feeder fish he never ate. Those fish have grown to be his pals and he just. Hase never eaten them.

Then we have the birds, Able, who likes to tell at you if u look at her to long. Her hobbys are chewing through toys as she is hanging from them and being suprised when she falls. We then have Birbank, named after the airport my dad found him at, who lives very closely with his bf Ruby. Birbank is a grey and white cockatiel and Ruby is a green Indian Ringneck. They had being more than 2 feet apart for longer than 2 seconds and often u will find Ruby yelling when Birbank flys somewhere he cant go (ruby doesnt know how to fly) and birbank screaming when he realises the mistake he made. Ruby likes to give people kisses and is a lover, not a fighter. Birbank likes to hiss at peanuts and ignore everything besides Ruby. Next we have our Canary, Mango whos fav food is blue berrys and kale. He likes to sing when he hears trumpets and my flute. He has a club foot so when we adopted him the bird rescue we got him from was relived because no one else would take him. He is the most graceful flying bird i have ever seen! Finally we have the zebra finch named Shimmy. When we first adopted him he had a super bad plucking problem and was almost completly bald but hes doing much better now, aggressivly peeping when he hears the canary.

Okay now we have 2 lizards, a leopard gecko named Romeo and a crested gecko named Gargoyle. Romeo is a sweet boi with a chubby tail who loves his crickets fast and his meal worms slow. He has one of those reptile hammocks but he prefers climding his cave more. Gargoyle is a sweet girl who will only eat her food when it starts to harden again for some reason. We dont know why but she does and shes kinda a butt. But ya gotta love her!

Our cat’s name is Figaro and she’s currently bald. She had to get shaved, the vet said shes getting up in her years so when she stopped grooming for a month and got matts in her long fur they said she had basicly cat arthritis. Shes doing good and her hobbies are (well atleast when i was home) meowing in my mouth at 3 am to tell me she ate all her food and wanted more.

Wr have 5 dogs so just get ready for that. All our dogs but 1 is a rescue. Coal is a chow/black lab mix. She was adopted as a pup from a local animal rescue and she kniws the mist tricks. Shes a good girl who likes hugs, treats, and when u massage her face. Her favorite toy is a yellow stick that she will bring to you when asked. Shes the second youngest! Lily is the youngest, i sometiems call her satan but only because she is a trickster! You will turn around and shell be on the table eating food, stealing anything from coal, and trying to think up world domination. She and Coal are super close, when we got her Coal went all MaMa dog and now they are inseparable. What makes it better is that Lily is a half Chihuahua/Pomeranian mix so shes tiny next to Coal. Our third youngest is Scarlet, wr think shes the product of a long hair Chihuahua and a deer head Chihuahua. Shes a primadonna who enjoys her alone time and pets. She also like to be held, mainly like a baby so u can hold her and tub her tum. She also REALLY LIKES CAR RIDES like man even going to the vet shes jazzed. Second oldest is Vinnie, a pug my bro ham adopted. Hes super sweet and good he likes face squishes and whrn he naps his tail uncurles. He stands very proper like hes a gentleman and likes to sit on ur feat. He has a grain allergy so he eats special grain free food. Next we have the oldest of our dogs MY SWEET BABY GIRL GIGI. shes my sun and moon. We got gigi when i was 8 and when i was 10 my sister went to college, leaving her for me to takr care of. And well, shes literally the most important thing in the world to me. My sister got her from a breader (which i dont like cus dogs in shelters need homes) but shes a Brussels Griffon so the breader croped her ears and tail. I DO NOT CONDONE THE PRACTICE OF CROPPING AND PART OF A DOG UNLESS SUGGESTED BY A VET, SOME DOGS GET THEIR TAILS CROPPED BECAUS ETHEY BREAK BONES IN THEM AND THAT IS THE ONLY CROPPING I CONDONE. Her ears were cropped lopsidedb and improperly which brought many problems to her later on. She developed many ear infections that have caused her to scratch her ears until they bleed, has had medication for 3 different ear infections, and has almost no ear canal left. Her vet has told us she is almost deef. Also as she got older she got chronic dry eye and takes medicated eye drops for it but shes fine as long as she has those. She needs loud or sharp sounds to get her attention so i trained her to respond to clapping, whistling (which i do very loudly) and snapping fingers. She is a sweet heartb adn a super velcro dog! I cried for three days after i had to go to college and they drive her up to visit me. When im home she goes looking for me if im out of site for 2 minutes, will wait at the bathroom door for me, stare up the stairs when i go to shower, and press her face against closed doors she knows i went through. Whne she does the last thing i have to drum my fingers on the door so she knows to move back before i open it. I miss her horribly and i skype her almost every day, she gets super excited! The first few days i was gone she actually wouldnt stop barking at night. Shes also a cuddle baby and she doesnt sleep unless she is touching me ao it was probably rough for her. I miss her but ill be able to see her in october when i go to my sisters wedding.

The fish! Okay so my mother has a 75 gallon gold fish aquarium and a 30 gallon in the garage with nithing in it yet (shes thinking tetras). The gold fish tank has 2 butter fly tails and some bristle nose plecos. It also has many a snail rn! A friend of ours dismantled a large aquarium of his own ( he is going through a very hard time financially and im hoping everything works out for him) and gave us the plecos and snails. The snails are 3 rabbit snailsb one nerite (he gave us 2 but the other is with my betta) a few black mysteries, and a golden apple who i named Big Mama.

Lemme tell u about big mama real fast. I call her this because, first of all shes a full grown golden appleb second of all because shes a mama. He had a live planted tank thich included a moss ball he has been taking care of for 5 year, its the size of my head and when we put it in the 75 gallon it because the main pice of the tank. What we found out later was that Big Mama had made her family in ut and we have abou 20 BABY GOLDEN APPLES IN THERE ALONE!! He also gave us an anibius fern which i put in my betta’s tank and after getting to college and living hear for a few weeks i found out there were eggs on it because I KNOW HAVE MANY A BABY GOLDEN APPLE. these ones tho r much smaller than the moss ball ones, mine being hatchlings and those being the size of a finger nail. But anyway they have grown large enough where i can tell they r not pest snails and i will be rehoming them to other fish keepers in my dorms once they get a little bigger.

My mom has 3 hairless guinea pigs. Did you know that at petco people tend to walk in and drop off pets they “just dont want any more”? Well it hapoens a lot and my mom fell in love with them instantly. We have Billy, the oldest, Piggy, the middle in age, and sweet baby Bear who is small and young. They are all good boys and are doing very well so far in their new home! My mom had already owned billy and was looking into getting him friends, (guinea pigs live friends! They actually should be kept in atleast pairs but we were not aware at first, now we know better) all three of them are being slowly introduced! Bear and Piggy already live together but we dont want to rush this process and put billy right into the mix, that would probably be the worst think. They are slowly beibg acclimated to eachother.

I guess you could say i love pets because they are sweet and wonderful. I keep most of them because i know i can care for them, that i have the space, and the resources. I have the time and the will to foster a loving home for all my pets, and so does my family. Animals are a big part of my life and i love all of them with all my heart.

My future plans? Well nothing soon! Im in a dorm so Cosmos and his snail friends are all ivr got planed rn. But i hope to, onece in the distante future, get a tank with a school of danionella dracula in it, they are tiny fishb only getting half an inch in side. But id need a good tank for them since they school about 12 and id like to do the whome thing live plants (i also want one of those rimless aquatiums hnnnnnnnngh) i hope to upgrade cosmos to a larger aquarium b currently hes in a 2.5 which is enough for a betta, sure, but id rather he be in a 5 gallon. But really? I just wanna go home n be with GiGi more than anything.

Thank you for the ask!

[benzo-ashv]

Text || Beckles (9/4)

Ash: is it always this hot in Vancouver?

Jay: Except when it's cold

Ash: It's like a sauna in the house.

Jay: Reminds me of that black out in LA

Ash: It wasn't this hot that night.

Ash: Is it wrong to be naked in front of Brady?

Jay: Yeah it was. Weren't we in my old LA house? There was no power no a.c. or anything. I remember being hot and extra sweaty. Set the mood nicely for the first time we slept together though.

Ash: It was a good night.

Jay: I think about it all the time.

Ash: Do you?

Jay: I do

Ash: I have a hard time believing that.

Jay: Why

Ash: It doesn't matter, I'm trying to let it go.

Jay: Let me know when that happens

Ash: I said I'm trying. I didn't say it was for sure gonna happen.

Jay: If I could take it back I would

Ash: What? The night of the blackout of screwing Katie?

Jay: Katie

Ash: I will never understand why you did it.

Jay: Its complicated

Ash: like I said, I'll never understand

Jay: I could try to explain it but idk if it would make you feel better or worse.

Ash: I don't want to hear you trying to defend your actions.

Jay: It's not a defense...its and explanation...an answer to the question why

Ash: Saying because you love her and missed having sex with her, isn't an explanation

Jay: That's not the reason

Ash: Then what's the reason? Why'd you do it?

Jay: Can I talk to you as my friend and not my wife for this?

Ash: I guess

Jay: Do you remember why I broke up with Katie?

Ash: Because she was distant and cared more about being on a beach somewhere than being with you.

Jay: Yeah and I've been pretty fucking pissed at her since then too. We were friends and then the friendship was gone with the relationship and I didn't get why she agreed to be my girlfriend if she didn't want to be around me. When she came back around recently she told me that she wasn't ready for what I was trying to offer her and she pushed me away. Knowing that started fucking me up a little bit. I took things slow with you to make sure that she wasn't coming back adn that I was over her. I knew I had always had feelings for you so if we were gonna be together I wanted it to be right. I think about that night in LA because that's the night I realized breaking up with Katie was a blessing. When she told me what she did it got me thinking that had she said something or asked to take things slower maybe I wouldn't have broken up with her and who knows what wouldn't happened so when we started hanging out all that what if's popped into my head: what if Katie and I had stayed together, what if we weren't finished, what if the feelings are too strong to throw away, what if Ashly and Katie were both in my bed...I fucked up Ashly I'm not trying to get outta that and its not an excuse just a reason. She fucked me up and for longer than I should've I took advantage of the attention because suddenly she was coming back to me. I handled things the wrong way and I know that.

Ash: Do you wish you had ended up with her? That it was her wearing your ring and being Brady's mom?

Jay: For about ten seconds it was one of the what ifs but no. Katie wasn't mature enough to be in the kind of relationship I want. U are my dream girl and i was stupid for letting lust lead my thinking

Ash: Are you still in love with her?

Jay: Yes

Ash: Then how the hell am I supposed to trust that this won't happen again?

Jay: I can live without her, I can't live without U

Ash: I don't trust you anymore Jensen. You promised you'd never hurt me and you've hurt me more than anyone ever has. The thing that sucks the most is that I feel like I've lost my best friend! Whenever anything bad happens in my life, you're the one I run to and I can't do that right now because you're the one who made it bad this time. I feel lost and alone.

Jay: I know and I'm sorry for ruining what we had. It's not fair to u.

Ash: What am I supposed to do now? Where do we go from here?

Jay: idk

Ash: I don't know either :(

Jay: Do u want to end things? I wouldn't blame u

Ash: Is that what YOU want?

Jay: No

Ash: Me neither. I love you Jensen. If I didn't, this would be a lot easier.

Jay: I feel like a piece of shit. My selfishness hurt 2 people I care about. Idk how to fix anything

Ash: 2 people? I s2g Jensen if you start talking about how that bitch got hurt too, I'm gonna deck you. I don't give a fuck about her feelings right now!

Jay: Yeah, well, I do

Ash: Then go be with her. Clearly you care more about her feelings than mine.

Jay: I care about u both very similar but I don't care about her feelings more

Ash: You're gonna have to make a choice Jensen. Katie or me?

Jay: In what sense? I haven't seen Katie

Ash: But you've talked to her. I'm not stupid. I know you've been texting her.

Ash: So you can either completely cut her out of your life and don't ever mention her or her feelings to me again and fight for US, or you can go be with her in which case we are done and I'll move back to LA and we'll figure out a schedule with Brady.

Jay: I don't do ultimatums

Ash: It's not an ultimatum. It's a choice. Your family or your mistress.

Jay: She's not my mistress

Ash: You're in love with a woman who isn't your wife. You fucked said woman. She's a mistress. Would you rather I call her your home wrecking whore of a girlfriend instead?

Jay: I never realized how nasty u could be

Ash: Getting your heart ripped out by the one person you trusted to never hurt you will turn even mother teresa into a bitch.

Jay: I don't like u like this

Ash: Yeah well...neither do I. But you did this. You turned me into this angry shell of a person. I'm alone on a fucking island and I'm angry. I'm so fucking angry!

Jay: I can put up my punching bag if u wanna get ur frustration out.

Ash: do you really want to trust me with boxing gloves right now?

Jay: If u wanna punch me then just fucking do it

Ash: If I though it would make all this better then I would.

Ash: Look, I know you love me. But the fact that you're in love with her too, is killing me. I feel like I'm all in and you waded in to your knees because you'd really rather be with her. Like I'm an obligation to you because of Brady. You're supposed to be groveling, begging me to forgive you, promising me it will never happen again, and doing everything you can think of to try to fix this, but you aren't doing that! Dinner the other night was wonder, and I appreciate all the thought that went into that, but it's been 3 weeks Jensen, and that's the only thing you've tried to do. You run and hide on set, like you'd rather be there than at home. You're supposed to act like you want this marriage to survive instead of chastising me for being angry. You're supposed to let me project my anger without trying to defend Katie!

Jay: I'm doing the best I can. Sorry it ain't good enough.

Ash: If acting like you're the victim in all this is the best you can do, then maybe I should just go back to LA.

Jay: U keep talking about it so if that's what u want to do then go.

Ash: Fine!

Ash: Brady and I will be on the next flight out. Let me know when you have a few days off and I'll make sure you get Brady for that time.

Jay: [text read]