#the yearning and pining plots kill me

[upsidedownmvnson]

dungeons and douchebags | eddie munson

where eddie munson kills your dnd character out of spite & you end up in the hospital in the same day. eddie, of course, blames only himself.

full fic of this blurb :)

AN: i named the third guy keith bc he needed a name, and if his role was pre-established im SORRY but hes a mage. a lot of the dnd stuff im sure is wrong and doesnt work but let me live

also i love this so u should to

also also I KNOW ITS A SHITTY THING FOR A DM TO DO - thats the point

Eddie’s annoyed with you when you’re not on time for Hellfire.

You know he’s sensitive about starting on time, but still you were running late again, even though this time you promised it would be different, and you would even be early.

And Eddie had foolishly believed you again. It hurt especially, because even though you were just friends, Eddie was so painfully in love with you. All day every day, he was pining, yearning, longing. You were on his mind all the time, and you... you couldn't even bother to be on time for Hellfire.

When he begged you to be on time earlier in the day, he had made sure to mention that it would mean a lot to him if you were on time. And he thinks that if you love him back, you'll definitely care when he communicates something like that.

He knows he shouldn't let himself feel like this, but every Friday he's reminded that he's not special to you. He's not the one person you're always on time for. Eddie thinks, somehow, that if you're on time for Hellfire, well then maybe you like him too. It's silly, but it's what he does. It gets more painful as time goes on and you're still not there.

The mood slowly shifts to something tense as time ticks on. You’re always a couple minutes late but nearly an hour? Eddie is painfully frustrated, and his feelings are hurt. Eddie has overthught himself to a dramatic conclusion that you've decided you're above Hellfire.

While the party chats on totally unaware, barely even recognizing that they still haven't started, Eddie thinks you've looked in the mirror and recognized that you're better than them. That you can, and should, have everything and everyone you want. He thinks you'll want to be with a jock. Or maybe a cheerleader. He thinks you've decided not to love him.

In a fit of self pity and rage, he decides to leave your character behind, so the party left you alone, sleeping in a cave.

"Attention," Eddie says, "the sun is rising. It's time to pack your bags and move on."

Dustin looks confused, "where's y/n?"

"Who knows?" Eddie tries to look unamused to hide his pain, but it slips, and ends up just looking angry.

Eddie rolls a perception check for you to see if you wake up. He rolls an 18. And with your build you would've noticed the group leaving without you. Eddie is still think about you in the arms of a jock. "She fails." Eddie looks at the group with an evil grin. "You leave the camp unnoticed."

As the game goes on, Eddie feels crappy. He's never cheated like that before. Like, sure, he's changed a roll or two to make the plot better, or to not totally kill one of his players because some random NPC got a nat 20. That was his right as DM. But... leaving you like that was less than cool.

But even worse, when they return to the cave later, you're stuck in a bandit situation. Eddie really, truly, genuinely expected the party to save you. Except, one thing led to another, and you were stabbed through stomach, making you bleed out. Normally, this is where you'd roll your life saving throws.

It wasn't really supposed to play out like that. But he didn't expect the party to roll such terrible throws, all of them accidently leaving you defenseless. Eddie kinda feels bad, but you hurt him first.

What he doesn't expect is Steve Harrington bursting into the drama room, looking frenzied, just a few moments later. The party halts. The last thing happening in the game was the party finishing off the last bandit, and running to your aid. But now, they were all just staring at Steve. Eddie approached his friend, worried about the look in Steve’s eyes.

Steve stood up straight, and cleared his throat. Weakly he says, “something terrible happened.”

And then Steve tells them all about your car accident, and Eddie feels sick. His knees buckle, and Steve has to hold him up. He’s totally disoriented by this news. He feels his heartbeat pounding behind his eyes, and his ears ring loudly, barely registering the panicked talking going on around him

“They're alive,” Steve was shouting, but because people weren’t letting him talk, he had to keep shouting it over the hundred questions. They wouldn't be able to handle it. Not again. Not when Max still hasn't woken up. “Eddie? Can you hear me buddy?”

But Eddie was in shock. He was blaming himself. He killed you.

“Can you walk? I'll drive you,” Steve says, as Gareth searches Eddie's pockets for the keys to the van. “Dustin, get over here, help me get Eddie to the car.” Eddie overhears Jeff tell everyone to meet at the van.

As soon as they get moving, the adrenaline starts pumping through Eddie’s body. He was suddenly able to break free of his friends' aid and pick up his pace, and the three of them ran through the school and into the parking lot. The dim light Steve parked by was flickering, putting a weak spotlight on Eddie as he tugged the door handle on the passenger seat

“Let me unlock it,” Steve snapped, fumbling the keys in his hand. He dropped them, the pressure of Eddie’s stare was kinda terrifying. He got the door open and unlocked the others.

When they were in the car, Eddie was finally alert, if anything overaware.

“What the fuck is going on?” he snapped.

No one said anything. There was nothing they could say that would make Eddie feel better, or calm down. Steve sped out of the parking lot, blowing the stop sign. He really shouldn't have, given the whole reason you were in the hospital.

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut. This wasn't happening. He was wrong. He was being petty and he was hurt because he thought you were being a dick but you were - he was gunna throw up - you were somewhere bleeding. While he was busy killing you, you were actually laying on the asphalt after a violent car crash. And he was thinking you're an asshole

“Their character died,” Eddie said, “I've killed them.”

“It's not gunna happen,” Steve said, gripping the steering wheel. It was a statement he couldn't back up.

At the hospital, Eddie barely waited for the car to stop before he was running inside, tripping over his own feet as he rushed to get to you. dustin was hot on his trail and steve was parking the car.

Eddie saw Nancy with Jonathan over by the nurse's station, and when Nancy saw him, she came hustling over, putting her hands on Eddie's arms. Dustin spoke quietly with Jonathan in the background.

“Relax,” she said, “please breath. They’re okay right now, they’re in surgery, and it's going really well, okay?”

“Wheeler?” Eddie asked, eyes filling with tears he had no control over.

“It has to be fine,” Nancy said, “sit with me.” Nancy Wheeler was not going to lose another friend today. Not again.

And with no other options he listened, following Nancy to an uncomfortable plastic chair that squeaked when he sat. Nancy held his hand over the stiff arm rests, but he didn't find any comfort. He didn't think he would until he was with you again.

Jonathan sat beside Nancy, giving her a sad smile and handing her a bitter coffee. He sat quietly, letting Nancy give Eddie her attention. Dustin sat on the other side of Eddie, also opting to stay quiet. What was anyone supposed to say?

Honestly, the only thing Eddie wanted to hear was your voice.

Nothing changed for the first two days. But on the third day, the only change was in Eddie. He went from sitting quietly by your side to scribbling stuff in a notebook like a crazy person. He would also dip out to go use a library computer, or "check on some things," as he explained to Nancy.

Her and Steve were mutually concerned about Eddie's state. He was constantly babbling about saving you, and how he's figured it out they just have to succeed.

Everyone else got a chance to be worried when they got a call Tuesday saying there was a mandatory Hellfire meeting and anyone not in attendance would be left behind, and unwelcome for the rest of the campaign. He couldn't risk a single missing member. Not with the stakes...

Tuesday evening, Gareth, Jeff, and Keith are the first to arrive. They are curious as to what the hell their bandmate had cooked up, but they were more worried than excited. Eddie hadn't exactly been himself the last couple of days.

They don't expect a set up even more elaborate than usual. The lights are red and blue, making the room feel eerie, and small.

"Welcome to Hell," Eddie said, grinning and holding his arms open wide.

Gareth and Jeff exchanged a look, but were too nervous to speak. Eddie didn't want to explain the objective twice, so he waited for the rest of the party to arrive before he said anything, but the look in his eye feels sinister. His friends suddenly realized how truly fucked Eddie would be if anything happened to you.... like... for keeps.

When the rest of the party is there, they look to Eddie expectantly, but he just continues to smile like a maniac and tells everyone to take their seats. Dustin is confused to see Steve Harrington sneak into the room and lean against the wall.

"I cheated," he says when he has the attention of the flock, "y/n didn't fail the perception check, and therefore their death wasn't fair. However, death is death. So we're going to have to bring them back."

Dustin notices that Steve Harrington's presence is not explained.

Nancy sits at your bedside like she has for the better part of the last four days. She holds a book in one hand, and the other rests casually beside you, near your hand. She looks at you, and then her hand. She gets a supernatural chill.

She puts her book down, and speaks your name quietly, looking for any sign of life from you. One more day of your glass features and she was going to crumble. Nancy shakes the bizarre feeling from her head, and pats your hand.

She shocked when you're ice cold to the touch. She recoils, pulling away fast. But after the initial shock fades, she touches you again. There was no way that was right, right? You were freezing. What the hell was that about? Nancy starts a search for a blanket to warm you up.

A mage freezes your body. The party scavenges for anything that can help and then leave the cave, your frozen body in tow. Another player can't make life saving throws for you, so they were thinking outside the box. They would take you deep, deep into an ancient necromancer's lair, and steal the resurrection stone from around his neck.

Nancy returns with a simply grey blanket, and a very friendly nurse. They had gotten to talking, and Nancy has simply explained how cold you had been, having not thought too much of it. The nurse, Sophie, had decided to come check it out too.

"Oh my gosh," Sophie says, feeling the ice cold skin. "Oh my gosh, she's like ice!"

And leaves Nancy feeling a little worried as she scurries out of the room. It was like she'd never seen anything like it. Nancy feels uneasy, and makes a quick phone call from your bedside phone. Jonathan picks up, and as soon as he hears the concern in her voice, he's on the way.

Nancy hangs up, picks the phone back up, and calls Steve. He picks up on the first ring.

"Something is like... actually happening over here," she whispers, shocked to even be saying it.

"No shot," he says, nearly laughing at the idea. He whispers the next part so the group doesn't hear anything, "I thought we agreed Eddie was just crazy, and this whole 'saving her character will save her' was just to show him that he didn't cause all this."

"I know we did," she said, "but y/n is cold as ice."

Eddie's voice booms as he narrates the perilous journey. After trap rooms, fighting devil dogs, two gargoyles, and a Molydeus that nearly killed Mike. They had made it into the inner sanctum, but had all failed to roll perception upon entering, and set off a fire trap. One that melted the spell on you, leaving you warm enough to die. "Hurry!" Dustin shouted, "engage the necromancer! Hit 'em with everything we got."

Nancy is already back into her book, Jonathan sitting on the floor beside her, leaning his head against the armrest, while she dangles a dainty arm over his shoulder, letting it lay relaxed on his chest. A single beep draws her attention. She notices something different, but she can't say what. Your cheeks are rosy.

Nancy brings her hand off of Jonathan, drawing his attention too. She puts a cool hand against your forehead, and is again shocked by how you feel. You're burning up. You're fucking hot. Like boiling. Nancy runs to find Sophie again.

The turn is Keith's, his mage more powerful than the others, but instead turns his attention to your character. "I cast flesh to stone on y/n!" the mage shouts. "She'll die if she stays like this." "Roll for it!" "18!" "Pass!" Your body is frozen again, this time encased in stone. Another stall, and Eddie knows the party is running out of time.

"You have to feel her head," Nancy says, speed walking with the bubbly nurse hot on her trail. Sophie complies, and gasps.

"It's not possible," she says quietly, "I'm getting the doctor. There's something strange about your friend."

Nancy looks down at you, and jumps out of her skin when the machines start beeping wildly. All of them making different noises, all of them loud. Sophie rushes back in, with more staff behind her. Nancy and Jonathan are ushered out of the room by a woman who explains that you're in a code blue, which means they have to resuscitate you.

Nancy looks around the white hallway. She's overwhelmed and underpaid.

"Stay here," she tells her boyfriend. "This is crazy!"

But she runs off before she explains anything else. She's after a phone, which she finds with no trouble. She fishes a quarter out of her pocket, and uses it to call Steve again. He picks up as fast as last time, desperate for something other than watching dnd.

"Whatever they're doing, tell them to hurry up!" she's shouting, drawing the attention of patients and staff around her. "Something's happening! She's not breathing!"

The necromancer stands injured. The party cornering him, making him cower. He trembles, and begs for his life. He explains that the party came to his home, killed his people, and now wish to rip off the very thing that keeps him alive. "I stab him through the heart, and I take the necklace." Dustin says. As he looks at Steve, he thinks he understands what's going on. "Roll." "For what?" "Dexterity." Dustin rolls his die. The table is silent. The little D20 lands. the group erupts when they see the Nat 20 he rolled, effectively grabbing the necklace and throwing it around your neck from a metre away like horseshoe. As it lands on you, the ground shifts under the party's feet. Everyone stares in silence, both in the campaign and real life. Your character opens her eyes, coughs, and rises.

The party roars to life at the table, cheering at a job well done and slamming hands on the table in excitement. But the cheers are short lived, silence coats the room but this one is different. It's serious, eery. They can see that Steve looks worried, and he's trying to get Nancy to answer him, but he's getting nothing. looking at Steve expectantly. Apparently, everyone had figured out what the plan was. They all knew they were trying to wake you up. Steve says nothing. Just hangs up the phone, looking up with a disappointed frown.

"The line went dead."

Steve is once again driving Eddie to the hospital. And he's a nervous wreck. You're like schrodinger's cat. Eddie doesn't know if you're alive or not. He chews on the side of his thumb during the entire ride. The rest of the club was waiting patiently in the drama room. Eddie and Steve promised to call as soon as they knew anything.

Eddie can't fucking breath as he sprints down the hospital hallways, ignoring every sign and person telling him not to. He doesn't care. He has to get to you.

Wheeler is outside your room talking to a doctor, but with her back to him he couldn't see the bright, beautiful smile on her face talking excitedly about your miraculous recovery. Eddie runs right passed her to your room, and uses the doorframe to propel himself in, scaring both you and Jonathan who had been sitting quietly.

You look pale, and there are bags under your eyes. But you're sporting a weak smile, shaky hands holding a cup of lime jello. Eddie can't help but smile. You're awake, sitting up, and smiling at him. He has to laugh at the like, ten empty jello packages. Jonathan slips out the door without a word, and Eddie takes his seat by your bed.

"I was so fuckin' scared," Eddie says, tears falling from his eyes before he could even process it. He hadn't realized.

You hold your hand out for him and whisper, "Eddie," and he looks up, puppy dog eyes glossy with lingering tears, and heartbreaking to see. He takes your hand. "You didn't do this."

And he cries harder, leaning down and holding your hand to his forehead and begging your forgiveness anyway. "I did," he cries, "out of spite and jealousy, I tried to hurt you, and I did. I let them leave you alone. I made them and I cheated-"

"-Eddie-"

"-and you should've seen the party-"

"-Eddie, seriously-"

"-leaving because you totally passed the, ow, hey!"

You had flicked him on the nose, his babbling giving you no other choice, but as usual he was being dramatic, you hadn't actually hurt him at all.

"Eddie, stop, and listen to me," you say, "you didn't do this. You're not actually all powerful, you know that, right?"

"But-"

"But nothing," you say, smiling. "But Nancy told me that you saved me so no hard feelings."

Eddie smiles back at you, letting you wipe the tears leftover on his flushed cheeks. He leans into your touch and your heart swells. In your mind, you beg him to kiss you. You beg and plead and hope that this will be the time he makes a move.

He knows this is his chance, he leans closer to you, slowly, gauging your reaction. "Is this okay?" he whispers, when he's just an inch from your lips. You feel his breath as he speaks and you can't resist, pushing yourself forward to close the gap. And he kisses you like he's kissed you a hundred times before. Like he already knows everything you will like, even before you do. His lips are so fucking soft against yours, all plush and warm and taking over your senses.

"Well, I guess I can tell the others that you're fine," Steve says, and Eddie pulls away from you. His sudden absence is cold.

"I saved her," Eddie says, grinning. "Nancy said so."

the hair on the back of will's neck having a disco party during this entire fic

[bakugoushotwife]

kinktober day fifteen: brat-taming kink

>>> god bless i love him so bad...brain rot for this plot...y'all should i make this one like a series fdskjkjgjkgj i swear to god i'm feeling this way about all my fics as of late!! this one has a lot of japanese symbolism and traditions included. i am not japanese and all my research came from different sources across google, but if anything is incorrect or insensitive pls reach out and let me know <3

>>> starring: suguru geto x curvy!f!reader >>> cw: brat-taming, history/pining between reader and geto, face-fucking (m!receiving) edging (f!receiving), fingering (f!receiving), breeding, degradation/praise, pet names, creampie >>> wc: 4.6k >>> event masterlist:

he didn’t love the idea, to say the least. he understands why a marriage is necessary. it humanizes him, makes him relatable, opens the door to more preaching topics. he didn’t understand why he had to marry his fellow sorcerer and old classmate—especially one as mouthy as you. you didn’t either, forced into it by the higher ups with hopes you could bring suguru back to the right side of history, not taking your feelings into the matter at all, not that you expected them to. but you’re sure they already knew you wouldn’t be able to complete this mission—perhaps they hoped for your death at his hand.

at one point, you were friends. now, you were about to become the unwilling misses geto, though even that was more complicated than it seems. you were the third musketeer back in the day. even shoko preferred to stay out of the boys’ shenanigans, sticking to herself or utahime, not bothered in the slightest to let you chase after satoru and suguru. you were closer to the latter, finding it easy to gang up on the former together. he entertained your  wit and you let him try out new moves on you. you loved each other. that’s why it hurt so bad—still hurts to this day—that he left and turned into this. and now you’re stuck in the thick of it. 

you make him beyond angry. putting aside your utter disrespect and disobedience, you remind him of nothing but conflicting times, things he’d rather not think about now that those days were supposed to be far behind him. you hadn’t changed a bit from the day he left, and he hates that even more. you’re lively and talented, your powers long abused by the very higher ups that contributed to his madness and the ones that leveraged you into this ceremony. when he was told of your engagement, he could have refused and had them find him a new wife. he could have killed them all and refused this altogether—he’s not quite sure why he said yes. he pulls on his hakama trousers, smoothing at the pleats as he racks his brain. he slings his haori around his shoulders, and he realizes a small part of him may have always wanted to marry you; he remembers fantasies of you in high school, recalling how badly he yearned for your affection. and he hates that more than anything. 

he knows you feel similarly about him, hence all your acting up. you had been short and cold and almost satoru level snotty with him through the engagement parties and wedding planning and obligatory dinners. you have the nerve to sneer as you speak and look at him with nothing but disgust. he’s the one who should be disgusted with you. you chose to stay with gojo over him, chose that world of lies and injustice when you could have been enlightened like him from the beginning. it’s only fitting you’re his bride, really. it’s what he deserves, as retribution for your betrayal. and he would make sure to claim what was his on his wedding night. the servants come to get him as he shrugs into his montsuki with a new smug smile replacing what was a dreading frown.

you wore a red iro-uchikake. and you look like a dream he had when he was a teenager. it’s ironic really. he knows not wearing the more traditional and all white shiromuku was another one of your jabs, but the color red was more significant to him than white. it means life, it wards off all evils. perhaps you knew that too, and that’s why you chose the color, though geto remembers you wearing the deep blood color often enough through adolescence that seeing you in it again makes some of the tightness in his chest let off just a little bit, even as you avoid his eyes. 

he looked magnificent. his hair had grown longer, and you had always liked to play with it before, but now it cascades over his shoulder in waves despite the top-bun halving the thickness. you could hear your heart pound. if you were to tell the second year version of yourself that you would be sharing a wedding temple with suguru geto, you may have cried from relief and happiness. but as you get closer to him with no guests to witness this other than the priest and a handful of temple ladies, you feel the coursing energy of excitement and nerves. you aren’t sure what to expect from him now that no one will be watching. you don’t even truly know how he feels for you. he has been making attempts to earn your favor, but that was because he had a crowd. 

he takes your hand and smiles down at you like he did when you were much younger and much less conflicted over your feelings. it makes your heart flutter like it used to, and your eyes widen a bit at his gentility. the priest offers his blessings to the gods as you two stand before him, hand-in-hand. your mind races. how much of this is real? and even if he’s being genuine, does it really matter? after everything he put you through, all the things he had done, the things he wants to do, can you look past it all just to love him anyway? 

the temple servants set up the sakazuiki. they space the three ceremonial cups evenly apart, and fill them with the richest sake. san-san-kudo. you bite your lip, hating yourself for your doubt. suguru gently pulls you out of your head and towards the table, to the binding ceremony of old tradition. he picks up the first cup, holding it to his face. 

“you look beautiful, okusan.” he smirks over the cup, looking oddly satisfied with himself, like he knows something you don’t. he then sips the first cup three times, holding your eyes. you feel your body burn, looking down at the kimono you chose and back to him. his fingers lightly brush against yours as you take the cup. you feel butterflies. 

“thank you, geto-san.” you tilt your head down to indicate your grace, thoughts fuzzied by his intense stare and old feelings bubbling up your gut. you sip three times, and he picks up the next sakazuiki. he chuckles, and you swear you see a little bit of light in his deep eyes. 

“are you waiting for titles until the conclusion of the ceremony, anata?” he piles on the mulit-meaning endearment, passing you the second cup. you nearly choke on your sake. 

“no. you look very nice, uchi no hito.” you take your final sip, and it’s geto’s turn to stammer. he expected a tsureai or muko, but the one you chose had so much meaning. your home, your person. that’s what you called him. he knew the shock and wonder had to show on his face based off of your smug grin whenever you set the cup down. you think you can toy with him, pull stunts with him. you’re much too bold—and he wants to hate it, he wants to smother that personality right out of you, but for now–he’ll let himself love it. 

“this binds us through our love, wisdom, and happiness.” he says the words to bring you together officially, tying your souls together for better or worse. he sips from the final cup three times, the symbolism not lost on you, and passes it to you to do the same. 

“this binds us through our hatred, passion, and ignorance.” you look him in the eyes as you take your drinks, and his dark pink lips stretch into a wide smile. 

“and now you are mine. how lucky we are to be brought back to each other in this way.” he chums, taking the wedding rings from his pocket as the priest continues offering his prayers to the skies. you hold out your hand expectantly, and he arches a brow. 

“nine is not a lucky number, perhaps we’re cursed instead.” you shrug, that same smugness tugging at your lips. oh, you’re going to drive him crazy. you give him hope and you pull it away, you jab at him and you’re so gorgeous that he can’t even be upset with you for it. he slides the diamond encrusted with black gems down your third finger, giving you a smug smile of his own. he can play dirty too. he extends the box to you and you pluck his gold band from it, sliding it slowly down his finger. the excitement builds in your gut as you become more and more okay with whatever this is. you always thought he had a point. the jujutsu society was so horribly fucked up–maybe he was right all along and you were the coward after all. i mean, where did all your loyalty get you? sold off to a dangerous man with hopes to shut you up for good? passed around mission to mission until your body barely functioned anymore? maybe you could turn a blind eye to all his indiscretions, especially when he’s looking at you with such affection in once cold eyes. you still hold his hand in both of yours, and he enjoys the warmth, but you’ve pushed and poked him just enough, these teasing touches part of them. 

instead of a kiss to seal this union once more, he leans down to your ear. “go get changed. i like simple lingerie.” he all but purrs in your ear, sending shivers down your spine at the order. you were losing sight of yourself at a rapid pace. you had hoped to hold out longer than this. his lips tickle the shell of your ear and a soft gasp leaves you. you tell yourself to be strong.

“and if i don’t? you’d be lucky to sleep with me at all, husband.” you sneer, and again he doesn’t know what to make of you, but he’s dedicated to figuring it out. he leans up and tilts his head, analyzing the lust in your eyes and the shakiness in your hands. he laughs at you when he realizes. 

“go get changed, little pet. we’ll discuss your guilt and attitude later.” he shakes his head at you, his gaze making you feel as if you were already undressed before him. he turns, tossing that confident smirk over his shoulder again for good measure. “red is your color.” 

and then the temple girls are at your side, ready to escort their new geto-sama to her new room in the geto estate.. you allow them, trailing silently as you wonder just what he was able to figure out by looking at you, and what lingerie you would put on for him. 

you choose a red babydoll dress. the sheer plunging neckline leaves little to the imagination and the tight fit of the lace leaves even less. it fans out from your body from there, the fluffy hem stopping just below your ass. seeing yourself in the mirror, perched perfectly at the end of the bed, you smile. you imagine that qualifies as simple, though you’re sure it will still make him crazy for you. you’re embarrassed to want that, to dress yourself up and present yourself to him just as he asked. your friends would be ashamed, namely one. but as the door creaks open and you feel an icy stare raking over your body, you can’t quell your excitement. 

he hums approvingly as the door clicks shut behind him. he’s so grateful he didn’t deny this union out of his own narrow minded rage. he never thought he would see you again after you denied him the first time, but here you are, on the bed you two would soon share in his home, now branded with his last name— all wrapped up like a christmas present. 

“sugurin–” the old nickname flies off your tongue in your haste, and a fondness glosses over the devious intent in his eyes. you clear your throat and tug the sides of your dress down pathetically. “i... actually don’t know what to say.” you blink in realization, painfully aware of how alone you two are. was he still the same man you knew? 

“don’t worry, kibōchi.” he returns his own nickname, the way you squirm in your place at the sound of it wasn’t lost on him, though the name puts you at was in the same way it stirs you up. his desire returns at your doe-eyed stare, you trust him to some extent, even through your wariness. “i’ll start. you were assigned to marry me, no?” 

you nod your head, now knowing he wouldn’t hurt you, not with the fondness in which he says your name. your core tingles as he approaches you, a scarily sweet smile on his face.

“good. thank you for your honesty, anata girl.” he nods, sliding his crested black kimono off, the only proper covering of your wedding remaining on his body, for your convenience if anything. “and you’ve been such a brat because…? which is it: you’re mad at them, mad at me, or mad at yourself?” 

you furrow your brows at his words. it seemed he learned everything in just an extended look at you. “am not a brat.” you fold your arms in indignation, incidentally proving him right. he just shakes his head, chuckling again. 

“look at you. you didn’t answer my question and you’re pouting like a toddler.” he lets his gaze drift down to your body just begging for his touch. he can’t help but wonder what you’ll like and what your favorite position will be and how fertile you are and what kind of drive you’ll have, all things he never learned about you when you were just friends. you feel his scrutiny and fight through your mixed feelings to respond. 

“can’t it be a mixture of all three?” you sigh out shakily, deciding to stick to your guns even if you want him, too. 

he clicks his tongue in consideration. “i suppose. but the sorcerers of your past no longer have any influence over your life. and you should be more forgiving to yourself, even if you are being a snot.” 

you scrunch your nose up in distaste, hating how his words soothe your heart. “you conveniently left yourself out of that equation.” you fold your arms and it only pushes your chest out more. you’re impossible, and it’s hard for him not to smirk at you. you’re powerless, he knows and you know it—yet you fight anyway. it’s precious. 

“i don’t regret leaving. i did the right thing.” he says, head held high. his devotion is moving, even when he looks at you with such a mixed bag of emotions. “i missed you however. i accepted this union to see you again.” 

you can tell from his eyes that his emotion is genuine, but it still shoots pangs through your heart as you recall days spent in bed crying over his absence. you turn your head away so the influence of his obsidian stare couldn’t cut so deep. “you left me.” 

“you didn’t join me when i asked you to.” he retorts, clenching his jaw at your argumentative nature. “i came back, just for you.”

“you came back to use me.” you spit, echoing the words of your other classmates. the look in your eyes is angry, this was something you genuinely believed. that infuriates him. “you were going to leverage me, until you provoked him.” 

his jaw ticks again. “and who told you this, satoru? i would have thought you knew me best.” he sighs his disappointment, grabbing your hands. he pulls you off the bed, your knees buckling you into a stand—then he roughly grabs your cheeks to make you look at him. “or did you forget just how close we were? how deeply i loved you then, all the time we spent together? you’re the one who betrayed me. you were mine! mine, you were supposed to be mine and you stayed with him!” his voice rises just a bit with his frustration, but he drops his grip on you and steps back, “i would have done anything to take you with me. and everything…could have been the same, i would have kept you safe and away from this life. We could have had so much more time together—and you’re being so goddamn bratty now that i have you back…what am i to do with you?” 

you blink rapidly at his speech washes over you. did he really mean it, that he just wanted you to have you? you were never intended to be used as a bargaining chip, and you let everyone else warp the vision of the man you once held so dear? you shake your head violently, rejecting the idea. he rakes his hands over his face, fed up with the back and forth. “i’ve compartmentalized you out over the years. but i have you back, and i refuse to waste any more time.” 

“i’m sorry sugurin—i thought you hated me!” you defend, reaching for him. he grabs your wrists again and plants your hands on his chest, moving his touch to your face. 

“then make it up to me.” he orders with a fervent nod, his hold on your face firm but comforting. you surprise him by leaning up and closing the remaining distance to kiss him, balling up his shirt in your fists. you were absolutely insufferable, annoying, bratty, and irritating—but he could do this forever. feeling you move with such passion, vigorously pulling at him and finally giving in to all those pent up feelings was enough to prompt him to do the same.  he memorizes your taste for a while before he pulls away and directs you to your knees with his signature rough handling, though he’s still careful not to hurt you. “i want you to really make it up to me.” 

you nod eagerly and shove your hair over your shoulders while he frees his waiting ache. he can hardly stand the sight of you on your knees under him, massive cock creating a shadow over your obedient and eager face. as gorgeous as you are like this, it was too late to make up for your transgressions. you salivate at the sight of his impressive length standing proud over you, curved and so long he leans to one side with a thickness you know will make even your throat burn. your mouth parts for him immediately, slick sliding down the insides of your thighs at the idea of relieving his drooling slit. “you’re gonna have to open wider than that, okusan.” 

and he helps you do so, planting his broad callused hands firmly on each side of your face, bumping his cockhead against your puffy bottom lip and shoving himself into your silky walls. you moan out in surprise and relax your throat, making your new husband grin at the performance. He’s perhaps unintentionally violent as he sheaths to the hilt, your nose bumping against black coarse hair above his shaft. “there, there.” 

he pats your cheek patronizingly, flicking away a tear that formed. “don’t cry, kibōchi. you were made for this.” he coos affectionately, body growing hot to the touch at his vision. he knew this was a great start to teaching you your place in life, and that being a brat was not one of them. running away was not one of them, you were permanently his and he would never let you go again. he pulls your head back off with that grip to use you, plunging your throat back down on him and biting down on his lip to keep his own sounds from interrupting your gorgeous gags.

“don’t you like this so much better than acting snotty, sweet wife?” he teases only slightly, taking your teary eyes flicking up to look at him as a yes. you can feel him deep, that burning sensation that you knew would come starting to sting your vocal cords. “you take me so well, i’ve always told you sorcery wasn’t for you. this is all you need to do forever.” 

you moan at the idea, him keeping you home to take after the estate and maybe even caring for the kids you may have in the future. he chortles, pleasantly surprised by you yet again. “you think you’re clever, darling. acting all sweet now so i’ll forget all about your behavior, hm?” 

he pulls you off with a lewd pop, pushing at the wimpy straps of your dress with a satisfied hum as the fabric falls away from your chest. “too bad. get on the bed.” 

your heart raced, but you nod. your throat was too hoarse to speak anyway. you weren’t planning anything, you felt like liquid, you had given into your vows and let suguru take you mind, body, and spirit—and he hadn’t even touched you yet. you wobble up to your feet and he slaps your ass when you turn it to him, which makes you gasp and stumble forward. he hums, predatory narrow eyes watching you climb up and lay in the center of the large mattress. he wastes no time in positioning over you. he spits, thumbing his lube over your sensitivity. he pins your fluffy dress up over your stomach, lulling you into sweet moans, your high building in your stomach rapidly. he doesn’t know where to look, you’re all too perfect. the faces you make, your beautiful, slobber-soaked mouth pouting out all your pleasures, your gorgeous tits sitting so prettily in wait for him. then there was your weeping cunt, so pathetically soaked just from sucking him off. 

“su–gu-rin~” you whimper out a little, your legs trying to close around his large body mass as the feeling becomes more intense. he hums, smacking your cunt. 

“brats don’t get to cum.” he shrugs, licking and biting at the insides of your thighs to tease you further. your plush skin is so sensitive, and he loves watching the way you squirm to get away from his canines scraping your flesh. you gasp in anger, orgasm ruined the longer he refuses to touch where you need him most. 

“brat?—you’re really gonna be mean to me, uchi no hito?” you pout, and he can feel his heart pang at the insistence and the sweet way you call him yours. you’re softening his heart already. he still had the want to punish you, but the need to claim you was surely fighting back.

“then apologize for your behavior or you won’t cum at all.” he sits up a bit, tossing some hair over his shoulder. you bat your lashes at him, knowing he was hurt by your choice, just like you were hurt by his. but now there was a chance to make it right, to be together forever like you were meant to–and if you had to apologize for your doubts in him, you would sing them loudly. 

“oh—sugurin, i’m sorry! i really am,” his fingers squeeze and toy with your clit, making your body jump as you try to stutter through your words. “just mi-missed you, that’s all, was mean because i missed y-you!” you writhe and wiggle closer and away from his touch simultaneously, and he hums happily at your speech. 

“that’s better.” he hums approvingly, pushing your legs up to your chest. he wants you to feel this as much and as deeply as possible. “such a good girl, did i tell you how beautiful you look okusan?” 

you nod, feeling the well of nerves heating up in your core, his hands resting on your knees as he looks over the disheveled lingerie. “told me at the wedding…” you sniffle, wiggling your hips for his attention again. 

“i see.” he frowns, as if disappointed by your answer. his hands feel your thighs and trail back to your knees, getting his hands closer and closer to where you needed him most with each pass. you whine desperately, and he hums out in fake curiosity, “what is it, darling?” 

“need you to touch me—please.” you squirm, giving him those irresistible doe-eyes. he planned to make you beg much harder than that, but you had him worked all the way up, your body, behavior, and the history between you was setting him on fire. 

“oh i’ll make you cum, kibōchi.” he moves his grip to the backs of your thighs as he moves his hips forward. you try to prepare yourself but it’s no use, he plunges in without any hesitation or resistance on your part. it aches, you clench down at the spread and his thumb comes back to your clit to rub the pain away. “but you can only do it on my dick. got it?” 

you nod slowly and his hips set a pace. he’s so deep you can barely believe he’s allowed to fuck you like this, the pain melting away to a dull pleasure, different from earlier. his gaze is still white hot and searing, devouring every inch of your body. “you really are so beautiful, sweet okusan. my kibōchi turned perfect cocksleeve, yeah?” he growls into the space between you, his fingers digging into the fat of your skin so hard you know he’ll leave his mark.

that draws a moan out of you, loving the idea of being nothing more than a wife, his partner, something you never thought you’d be once you parted ways. the feeling of him rocking into your body is addicting, and now you know you are capable of looking past anything he’s done or will do just to love him anyway. you would throw all your morals away just for this, and he knows that too. “my pretty little okusan, trying so hard to pretend she didn’t want me. now look, the prettiest you’ve ever been bouncing on me.” 

he leans over your body, deepening his angle and allowing him to pick up his speed. he watches the way your tits bounce at this pace, your eyes rolling back a little as you’re rendered unable to speak again, only lewd smacks of his balls against your ass and his feral grunts to be heard. his hand finds your throat, and his mouth drops open in response to your sweet moans and impossible beauty. you are perfect. he knew you would be, but your pussy was his personal kryptonite. “you feel so good, anata girl. you look even better, stuffed to the brim.” 

he smiles at the double meaning. you are his darling girl, but you are also his exasperating brat. god, he always knew what to say. your jaw falls, gripping his forearms to warn him that you were close. “please—need to cum!”

 he hums, nodding his approval, “then cum, okusan.” he commands, deep voice booming. his spine tingles at the idea of you taking your first round of his seed. his hair falls so angelically around his angular features when you open your eyes, it’s the final push over the edge. you choke out a moan, and then your nails are scraping at his biceps, his shoulders and chest, whatever you can get your hands on, and your release is rushing over his dick seconds later. 

“are you on birth control?” he groans, feeling his cock twitch in between your wet walls. you shake your head, chest heaving deliciously. “good, let’s see how fertile you are.” 

your eyes cross at his statement and his balls feel so heavy, squeezing tight and spurting out their contents against your womb. your head digs into the pillow and his falls back at the feeling of being so full and warm. he keeps his hips rocking, making you gasp with every stroke as he shoves his deposit deeper. You’re both panting when you look at each other, years of unspoken yearning and love being communicated between you. there’s a lot to catch up on, and a lot to relearn about one another, but one thing is certain: this marriage was fated, and not arranged. 

[undead-supernova]

Strawberry Syrup / Masterlist

Part 1 / Part 2

warnings: weed consumption, sickly sweet pining

pairings: bestfriend!bisexual!modern!eddie x bisexual!fem!reader

plot: you and Eddie are besties and like to get high. and maybe you are yearning for one another. just maybe. juuuuust a little bit.

wc: 3.6k

You and Eddie mirrored each other, your elbows resting on the glass counter as you rested your chins on one hand, listening intently to the clearly stoned woman talk about the promising high of the day.

The bottle she’d taken down from the shelf looked like a tiny juice box, with pink liquid sloshing inside and a green label with a cannabis leaf, because of course.

“Look,” she said, pointing at a thin layer of film at the top. “That thin layer right there? That's the THC.” 

You looked over at Eddie, his expression matching yours in wonder at how products like these existed. He was nearly grinning, mouth twisted to the side in awe. She continued to explain the process to you—this was Delta-9 THC syrup. Strawberry flavored. Your instructions were clear: mix it into a drink, preferably soda, and have fun.

When the two of you emerged from the smoke shop, you took a sharp pivot across the street to the gas station to get sodas. The southern July heat was starting to show its unwelcome presence, beating hard on you within the two minutes it took to walk over to the Exxon. 

Eddie never truly got the memo for the sun, even when you told him how hot it was going to be outside. He donned a black t-shirt with one of his friend’s band logos on the front and a simple silver chain around his neck. He still wore his leather jacket and navy jeans, denying how hot he was when you called him out for being sweaty. 

“Woah! Rude!” Eddie exclaimed as you walked through the automatic doors, putting a hand on his chest. There was even sweat running down his knuckles from his rings. “I am perfectly content. Maybe I like a little sweat.”

You gestured to your own sweaty body, clad in a black crop top with red lining along the low bustline and black jeans. And you quickly realized that you were also wearing jeans in eighty degree weather.  

“I’m afraid I made the same mistake and I am a hypocrite,” you empathized, catching him off guard. “My apologies.”

“Yeah, I guess you did, huh?” he said softly. 

He glanced down at your outfit and you suddenly felt nervous at the exposure. You paused, realizing you’d both stopped walking. Holding his stare, you looked up at him with a slight smirk. Was Eddie checking you out? Did he really do that? And were you teasing him back? Was that what this was?

No. You were getting ahead of yourself. You were always making up shit like this.

You pivoted, skipping over to the refrigerated drinks, Eddie following in tow. “I’m excited to try this. I’ve seen it in there so many times, but I couldn’t figure out the right time to try it.”

“And you’d never do it without your bestest friend of all best friends, right?” Eddie asked, a playful smile settling on his lips as you flitted around him. 

“That is correct.”

Eddie settled on a Sprite while you decided to grab a strawberries and cream Dr. Pepper—despite the sound of disgust leaving Eddie’s lips.

“That,” he pointed to your drink, “is nasty,” he said before dramatically shooing you away. “Get it away from my face. You've failed me, sweetheart.”

Letting out an exaggerated gasp, you replied, “Excuse me, but it’s already strawberry flavored. Wouldn’t that logically help it taste better?”

“No. Nope.” He pointed to the bottle again. “That is what’s killing the children. Dr. Pepper having a strawberries and cream flavor? We’re truly failing as a society.”

You rolled your eyes, shoving his arm lightly and pointing towards the checkout counter. “Let’s get going. I wanna try it out.”

When you got into Eddie’s van, he quickly put your drinks in his half-broken cupholders. Your fault, three months ago. Talk about greening out when you kept trying to shove a drink in and repeatedly hit the plastic until half of it snapped off. The van was pretty clean today, surprising Eddie. He’d tried to clean it out the best he could this morning, getting up way too early to do so. Maybe it was to impress you. Who knew. He certainly didn’t. Not at all.

You twisted off the caps as Eddie pulled the strawberry syrup out of his pocket.

“Half for you, you sick fuck,” he said as he carefully poured the pink liquid into your Dr. Pepper. You let out a hearty laugh as he let the rest drip into his own. “Half for me.”

You put the caps back on your drinks before carefully mixing them together, teetering them back and forth to reduce the likelihood of an explosion. Eddie grinned at you and you couldn’t help but smile back, tapping his bottle with yours. 

Before either of you could take your first sip, Eddie said, “Hey, don’t shotgun it.”

You feigned offense. “What? Me? Why would you dare accuse me of being so irresponsible?”

But you knew why. You knew precisely why. There was something about trying stuff with Eddie, from his fresh edibles to the slushies on tap at the hemp store, Jailbait Hemp. (The name was absolutely cringe worthy but you and Eddie swore it was the best place in the city.) Then there were the pre-rolls, the dabs, the potent gummies. You didn’t want to get Eddie started on how many chocolate bars you’d scarfed down before getting a stomach ache and needing to lie down and watch three movies. It wasn’t necessarily unlike you to get ahead of yourself, downing whatever was given to you immediately, especially ones with high doses. Just to see what would happen. Just to have the experience.

Eddie both loved and hated that about you. You’d never thrown up or done something stupid because of it, (other than the tragic cup holder incident), always a little quieter depending on the level of inebriation you were operating on. He loved it the most when the two of you got high in public, like today. Neither one of you were ever loud or obvious about it, usually giggling with one another in hushed whispers. It was actually quite nice.

But, most of all, he loved getting high with you in public because you held his hand. Anywhere you went, whether it be to walk around Hobby Lobby or taking in nature at a nearby park, you held onto him as tightly as you could. You’d told him once, in a haze of one of those blue raspberry Delta-9 slushies, that you felt safe by his side, knowing no one could hurt you when he was there. His mere presence left you feeling more relaxed than at any other point of the day. Even when you were sober. 

He’d looked at you after you said that, stunned by your admission. You’d said it simply, as if it was just a well-known fact that he should’ve known already. Even when you’d looked away from him to gaze back out over the Chattahoochee River, surrounded by loud families and barking dogs, he couldn’t help but soften around the edges. Water had collected in his eyes, nearly slipping out and over his rosy cheeks. But he’d forced himself to look away, to fight the urge to confess that you made him feel the same way. (And then some.) 

Eddie only hoped he’d see the day where you took his hand without the THC in your system. 

“Yes, you, Weirdo.” Eddie shook his head. “Do you not remember when we made that beer cheese with that Delta-Whatever shit your sister got us for your birthday and then you took half of the cheese and—”

As he spoke, you quickly tipped the bottle into your mouth and began to chug.

Eddie said your name with an exasperated sigh. “You’re literally the stupidest person I’ve ever met.”

Unable to respond verbally, you winked at him and threw up a middle finger, letting the seamless mixture of Dr. Pepper and artificial strawberry flavoring slide down your throat. Usually there was an aftertaste of THC in different products. But you couldn’t even taste the syrup. It was like there was nothing else in the drink. Brilliant.

Eddie only shook his head with a smile, knocking back nearly half of his drink just to give in to your antics. Why not? It was a lazy Thursday, anyways.

This was one of those rare occasions when you and Eddie had the same day off of work. It usually happened once or twice a month, leading you both to take the opportunity to go by Jailbait Hemp, find something new to try, split the cost, and see what happens. 

As the bottle left your lips with a small pop, you couldn’t help but let a loud burp ripple through the air, smiling proudly. Eddie squinted his eyes with a serious expression on his face, pretending to listen intently like he was interpreting art.

“That might’ve been my best one,” you admitted, your face a bit smug as you slammed the empty bottle back into the pitiful cup holder. 

Eddie shrugged. “That was about a six, Weirdo.”

“A six?” you asked incredulously. “Are you joking? I don’t think I’ve ever reached that octave before.”

“Sweetheart, you forget that you have the world champion in front of you.”

“Prove it!” you exclaimed, leaning in and scrunching your nose at him. Taunting him further, you added, “You won’t.”

Eddie mirrored your expression, the two of you looking at each other like mischievous little kids. The kind of misbehavior that would get you sent to the office in middle school with a threat of suspension and mud smeared over your clothes like a 1st Place ribbon. 

“Fine,” he said before beginning to down his Sprite. Before you could compliment him on his shotgunning abilities, his burp rang through the van, loud and deep, clearly ten times better than anything you could muster. 

Even in your obvious defeat, you had to suppress a laugh, trying as hard as you could to continue the bit. “That was obviously a two,” you said. “They should’ve crowned someone else.”

Eddie swatted your arm and you did the same. “You’re an absolute menace, you know that? And a liar.” Before you could offer a witty retort, he said, “Now, come on. This’ll hit soon and I don’t wanna be driving when it does. We got shit to do.”

“What’re we doing at the aquarium?” you asked as Eddie pulled into the parking garage. There was a banner above it, fading from a penguin swimming in the ocean to three more resting on rocks. You’d always found it adorable, filling you with excitement. 

“Uh, well, uh,” he stumbled as he stretched through his window and grabbed a parking voucher. “Yeah,” he continued as he set it on the console and drove through. “I just thought that the syrup would go well with the fish, you know? And it’s deserted right now, being Thursday and all. Also, don’t worry about a ticket. I got you covered.”

You gawked at him. As Eddie parked and reached for the seatbelt latch, you placed a hand on his shoulder. His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. 

“Eddie, it’s, like, fifty dollars to get in. Let me get my own,” you pleaded. “Or we could go somewhere else. I know money’s tight for both of us as it is.”

Eddie shook his head, his smile beginning to falter. “You like to come at least once every summer,” he murmured, looking down to fiddle with the seatbelt still in place. “I wanted to do something nice for you, you know? You’re my best friend.”

Your heart ached a bit at the way he said “best friend.” It sounded removed, like a placeholder for something else, something more. He looked up to meet your eyes again and you felt some part of you wince as a wave of emotion bubbled inside your chest. 

Because that was just the thing, wasn't it? He wasn’t just your best friend. He was the one you spent most of your time with, the person you swapped places with for a sleepover almost weekly. The person you went on mindless adventures with to explore Atlanta, window shopping all of the mansions out in Buckhead for when Eddie would become a rockstar and (jokingly) leave you a tiny guest house in the back. 

The person who had remembered an insignificant detail about you and decided to give you a present.

All you wanted was to lean over, to lightly brush your lips over his, slowly leaving remnants of a soft Thank you. But you couldn’t. No matter how much you suspected Eddie’s affections, you couldn’t attempt to make a move. 

So you opted to slowly headbutt his arm and get out of the car. 

“You’re so weird,” he teased as you walked around the side of the van. 

“So-rry that I’m showing my best friend affection,” you joked back. “We don’t always have to hate each other.”

Eddie snorted, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets. “Ah, yep. Definitely. We hate each other so fucking much.” He stopped suddenly. You raised an eyebrow as he turned to you, jumping into a fighter’s stance before waving an imaginary sword in your direction. “I am here to avenge my father’s death!” he exclaimed, mimicking a warrior’s bellow. “You will pay, scoundrel.”

You jumped into a similar position, moving your imaginary sword closer to his chest. He moved with you, as if to block your approach. “Thee foul fiend,” you started with a British accent. “I will vanquish thou and feed you to the dragons. Purge you in the fiery—uh—fires of the dungeon moats.”

Eddie couldn’t keep going, bursting into a fit of snorts. You broke too, your laughter making every passerby stare. He put his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer as you walked. 

“‘Fiery fires’?” he asked. “That has to be the funniest shit I’ve ever heard.”

You laughed at your ridiculous word choice. “Yeah, I don’t know, man. I panicked.”

“I think I’m starting to feel it because I seriously haven’t laughed that hard in a while.”

You could be wrong. That’s what you reasoned with yourself. You had a possibility of being wrong, so you did nothing. After that first time you accidentally held his hand on sheer impulse due to the half cup of Delta-8 beer cheese you chugged, you kept doing it. He thought it was funny. He also said it was cute. Something you did was cute to him. So, whenever you were inebriated, you disguised the action and made the most of it. He always let you hold it, let you cling to him wherever you went. He never even commented on it, just accepting it when you made the contact.

And you could’ve been wrong, but Eddie was looking at you like you were the most beautiful girl in the world and he was looking at your mouth and not your eyes and there was something verging on romantic about this moment. 

But there was that chance, that tiny glimpse of doubt that led you to believe you were destined for the wrong timeline. The one where it wasn’t true. You were the delusional girl in the film that would never get the love interest at the end. The one left behind.

So you held his hand tighter and looked away.

You were like a little kid when you went to the aquarium, nearly running around to each pane of glass. Looking at the different plaques, you’d search for each individual species listed, tapping on the glass each time. And that hadn’t changed. You just so happened to be a little bit more amazed by the beauty of sea life from the high. 

How wonderful it was to be surrounded by a different existence! Something that humans could never truly fathom living. They moved differently than us. They felt different. Saw colors differently. They even breathed differently. Life was much bigger than just you, despite it always feeling like you and Eddie were the only ones left in the world. 

For some reason, Eddie seemed a little more reserved today. He wasn’t bouncing off the walls like you were. Instead, he took his time. He responded when you spoke, of course. When you asked if it was okay to run ahead, he promised it was. He’d always catch up with you eventually, pointing out fish you hadn’t spotted yet. But he always made the time to stand back with his hands in his pockets and stare, like he was just as captivated as you were, maybe just in a different way. 

Eddie didn’t tell you that he’d put aside that $100 to use once he asked you out on a date. But he’d desperately wanted to see this look on your face, your slightly red eyes wide and your mouth hanging open in awe as you witnessed the beauty surrounding you. You were nearing the end of the moving tunnel, surrounded by fish on all sides. There were even a few divers waving at the glass. The blue lighting made you something to marvel at, the ebbing water spreading dappled light over you. He knew this look, the one where you were somewhere else, in a deep appreciation of the world around you. It was when you were keenly aware of the meaning of life. He’d know it anywhere.

And it was him you were holding through it all. For some astonishing reason, you’d let him in to witness the rawest emotions overcoming you. The ones that others couldn’t be privy to, wouldn’t be. When you turned to look at him with tears in your eyes, your lips stretched across your face.

You smiled that smile, the one that told him something was hiding there, like there were words written on your lips that couldn’t be shared. While everything else was his to know, this one smile was not on the list.

Because, every time you smiled like that, Eddie asked, “What? Why’re you looking at me like that?”

Like it was a challenge. Like he wanted to push you to say what you were thinking, even if it was just out of spite.

And you’d look away, waving your hand around, saying, “What? Nothing. I’m not looking at you like anything.”

And he’d respond, “Yeah, okay, sure.”

So, like every other time, Eddie asked, “Why’re you looking at me like that?”

But this time you shrugged, holding his eye contact. “I just, uh,” you stumbled, your smile only growing. “I just really love, um…” 

Eddie’s eyes began to widen at the implication of something more, something brilliant. His back straightened, the haze of the high nearly intensifying the moment. Everything was perfect. This moment was perfect and this was going to be it. You were going to finally say something. 

“I just really love what you did for me,” you finished. “I appreciate it a lot.”

And just like that, Eddie was cracking under the disappointment. The high settled back underneath his skin and dragged him down. Of course you didn’t say anything. Why would you? He’d only gotten his hopes up based off of a wild theory he had. One that he knew he’d made up just so he could live in some fantasy where you were together and in love. He just wanted to project how he felt onto you. It was as simple as that. 

But he couldn’t help being disappointed by it.

He only hoped that you didn’t see him deflate. 

  “Yeah, sure,” he responded finally, turning to look back at the fish as you stepped off the moving track. “Don’t mention it.”

You didn’t drop his hand, but as he looked away from you to keep walking, nausea began to pool in your stomach. The tank was starting to slosh you around its current and you moving along with it was making it worse.

You immediately excused yourself to go find the bathroom. When you found it, you proceeded to throw up in the trash can. Luckily no one was in there, but you still felt awful. It was an utterly embarrassing feeling, knowing that you’d just thrown up in a public space because of sea sickness that you’d never had before today from being blasted on THC syrup. Oh, and you’d almost just told your best friend that you loved him. While holding his hand. While he was also blasted from THC syrup.

God dammit.

You didn’t mention throwing up to Eddie. In fact, you’d managed to collect yourself for the rest of the day, walking through the aquarium for another hour and a half before Eddie was sober enough to drive back to your apartment. You ended up cooking enchiladas and watching two movies (The Proposal and The Invisible) before Eddie was snoring next to you, stretched out across the couch with his legs in your lap. When you realized he was asleep, you quietly turned the TV off and moved his legs carefully to rest on the couch. You draped a blanket over him and lifted his head to make sure the pillow was positioned at the right angle so his neck wouldn’t ache in the morning.

And here you were, staring up at the ceiling and recounting the errors you’d made. How you’d almost confessed your undying love for him. How you spent the rest of the day inching towards him despite feeling humiliated. How you couldn’t help but lean further in as if he was the only one who could provide you comfort from fucking up so bad.

And when Eddie found you puking from the stress at four in the morning, you knew that this was bad. It was getting harder to keep it in. This was going to boil over and it was going to be soon.

Fuck.

[doctorweebmd]

Helloo! I was wondering what are ur top bkdk fics? You write bkdk so beautifuily, the angst hurts so good‼️ A litany of love and loss and zero-sum game are so beautiful its crazy! I'm tweaking haha I literally cannot stop thinking abt them. All of ur fics r so good in a way thats magical. This might sound weird and kinda alot, im so sorry if it is but I really do hope I remember ur fics for a really long time.

lksajdfl;kasdfj omg don't you THINK i haven't noticed you going through this blog lmao i adore that thank you so much!!! and thank you for reading that hardcore angst you masochist lmao

BUT. thats a super hard question. okay keep in mind that a.) i haven't really kept up with bkdk stuff in >1 year so most of these are older, b.) many of these are, unfortunately, unfinished. it doesn't take away from how amazing these stories are to ME, but i know its a preference for many, so keep that in mind AND c.) every single one of these authors have MANY excellent fics, but these are the ones that have stuck with me. And I'm totally gonna forget some notable people so apologies in advance.

These are in no particular order:

The Space Between by kanae_vr - gorgeous and absolutely devastating work. One of those fics I stayed up all night reading and probably one of the first if not THE first that I commented on. Broke my heart.

In your dreams, nerd! by sapphicflower - Rani's whole portfolio of work is TOP NOTCH (can't recommend the art of falling and love was never easy with you, but since when did we like easy? enough.) but in your dreams, nerd! is still my favorite. The writing has such a magical, dreamy, otherwordly feel to it. Just beautiful.

[KILL GOD] by majjale - majjale is another author that you can read anything they've written and have your mind BLOWN. KILL GOD really stood out to me, though. This is probably THE only villain Deku fic worth reading. The worldbuilding, the reveals, the raw emotion - god, this reads like a novel and I'm simply awed.

To see you alive by overcastjpg - pain. PAIN. Cloddy writes some of the most gut-wrenching angst I've ever had the privilege of reading. And its not just painful interpersonal drama, its also a fascinating and dark plot that makes you feel like you've stepped into a gritty noir novel. Its like stepping into a story where its always cloudy and raining, but in the best way possible.

Undercover by Greyfrey - another author that has a portfolio of top-notch, professional-level bkdk writing. Undercover really holds a special place in my heart, though. The story is absolutely compelling, the character development is handled carefully and elegantly, and it just. It hurts. So, SO good.

Mirror Image by Eleke - this is just a very fun one; so absolutely creative and such an interesting way of imagining BKDK's dynamic in so many different worlds. The structure of the story and the POV changes are also SUPER artistic. Fantastic read.

Bonnie & Klein by surveycorpsjean - i won't belabor the point; this fic, along with everything surveycorpsjean writes, deserves all the hype and MORE. the yearning in it was physically painful and the sex was artistic, emotional, and most importantly, hot.

Doppleganger by waketosanity - another painful and gorgeous read. The pining and self-destruction Katsuki's going through this entire fic is honestly devastating. Its an indirect but powerful character study and, full disclosure, it hurts a lot. But its worth it.

Looking forward to being there by underwickedsky - This author's aura is very foreboding and they tend to write about very dark themes. Like any good mystery or horror, what looks benign on the surface dives into something terrifying. Honestly, this fic has not been updated in 3 years and is only, what, 4 chapters in? But every single one of them is captivating.

i think i found a place for us by dommymommy - sigh. god. i can't even explain it. its gorgeous. it hurts. intimacy is instantly replaced by loss. you ache during the entire story. katsuki's characterization in particular is... he's so skittish, and in denial, and afraid, and lonely. tbh i hope they dont follow me on here because out of every fic on this list and any other list beyond, seeing an update on THIS one would make me drop everything and start reading bkdk again. sorry.

mundane crimes by sifl - last but certainly not least. i dont know how sifl does it, honestly. their work is, in one word, haunting. the tone and cadence and sheer poetry of each and every single one of their works is just - its like they live in a completely different world. i'm obsessed with their style and have re-read this fic too many times to count. should be the AUTHORITY on writing katsuki.

Jeez and there's SO MANY MORE. Like I couldn't just choose one by katyastark, i love ALL their work. and iciclebeanbags and heartsinhay. and there's probably people i can't think of right now. there's SO MANY amazing talented writers we are SO lucky as bkdks

[prpfz]

hello friends! ☀️ looking for an oc mxm rp. my character is college aged/mid twenties and killing time in the summer cleaning pools for the expensive homes around his university. your character is an older, neglected house husband who is married to a business man that can hardly afford to give yc the time of day. pining, sneaking around, yearning— flirtation? i want it all! i write on discord in third person past in semi literate style! would love to find someone who is excited to plot this out with me, likes to expand on character and develop the plot together. i am always sending inspo and would love to find someone who likes doing the same. i’m absolutely dying for someone to let me use drew starkey as my fc, so please be willing to use real fcs! 21+ only please! 🧴 like this and i’ll come to you!

like or dm

[gothmiqote]

dt spoilers kinda, varha/estinien stuff ofc ofc but it's msq plot related naturally :p

estinien being only Sort Of around for this expansion kills me lmao like he on the periphery and whatever it is he’s doing intersects with varha when it counts (fighting the cyberpunk army in the desert etc etc) he’s also just like. ostensibly doing who knows what the fuck between appearances?

after the events of ew those two were definitely around each other a Lot (seeing her friends disappear one by one like that will apparently lead to some nasty separation anxiety, who would have guessed) & getting on the separate boats to go west is probably the first meaningful amount of time they’ve been apart since. to a degree she’s like it’s fine I’ve got this handled, although I don’t uh. Think he told anyone Where he was going? so she probably knew he was going to be away for a bit but not how long exactly or even really where (which she actually is cool with for real, they’re both kinda Like That TM so it’s normal). So yes, she’s very much starting to feel the yearning & the pining & what have you by the time they randomly cross paths in the throne room again.

But thEN he just. Walks out? Just says some complimentary words and fucking Leaves? I like to think he’d end up stopping by her inn room or whatever later on but based on how he was for the entire expansion I don’t even know if he would actually stay the whole night 💀 which is frustrating for her but at this point nothing super weird. Or so she thinks anyway because some point after Krile pulls her aside and is like Hey is everyone cool? Like are you good? Because Varha considers her one of her closest friends & she likes to torment Estinien psychologically for sport she knows them pretty well. To which Varha is just ?? Of course we’re good why wouldn’t we be good? But it makes her think anyway. It does Not help that Wuk Lamat flat out asks if she knows who he is personally, because the greeting she got was apparently the kind you’d reserve for acquaintances.

By the time she’s on the mini road trip with Erenville she’s trying Very hard to not think about her relationship because she’s keenly aware of how good she is at making herself quietly spiral & twelve help her, they see him and he does it again. Says some weird shit to her and fucks off into the sunset. Shout out to Erenville for not commenting on the weird vibes that were absolutely happening here. & it’s at this point she’s also starting to get kind of upset for real? Tries to back track mentally between the moments of dealing with an active crisis and no, she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong, he didn’t seem to like her any less when he left—but that doesn’t mean things don’t change, & for all she knows maybe he’s just decided that she’s become more trouble than it’s worth to know her intimately like that (she wouldn’t blame him, she’s aware of her baggage). What kind of send off is ‘go do what it is you do’? No ‘good luck, stay safe’ or anything even remotely close? She needs to be focused on current events so she makes herself tunnel visioned but it’s still on her mind.

Meanwhile this man decided after getting paid for keeping Wuk Lamat’s dad entertained he wanted to plan a little romantic wilderness excursion in Tural. It’s literally the exact opposite scenario she’s been dreading and picking up on, they both like ‘camping’ (for lack of a better term) & this is a new area to explore, he thinks it’s a great idea. And it is! A similar trip was the catalyst for the getting together in the Steppe, albeit that one was unplanned & nothing was official until after she got back from the first, but still. Unfortunately he’s just so singularly focused on this plan (he’s looking for some decent locations when they run into each other outside of the city) he’s legitimately unaware of how he’s coming off in the present. In his mind he’s just in a good mood, & will at some point let her know what he’s been quietly putting together for them. He just wants some sort of concrete plan in place before he stops being cagey. Like he’s just in a good headspace in a relationship he’s actually very happy in & that’s manifesting in ways that make sense for Him once you know what to look for. It’s like being around your crush, except you’ve been serious about each other for the better part of the last few years now & also you never really learned how to flirt ‘normally’ (I feel like Aymeric probably tried to help with this at some point in the distant past & eventually just gave up to let his weird friend be weird. Sometimes that’s as good as it gets) because you’ve never been much of an extrovert or particularly socially gifted, so it usually comes across either insanely awkward and/or painfully earnest when you do give it a shot. All that to say, he’s doing his best, it’s just filtered through his methods every single time.

And to be fair to him also, she’s competent as hell. He had zero reasons to think she’d need any more help with the contest stuff, his presence would 100% just be overkill. He’s not saying this because he feels like it’s objectively obvious. Unfortunately it is Not, she is fully not getting this impression from any of his actions & ultimately just ends up stewing quietly over it. Initially she’s annoyed but over time gets progressively more sad lmao. If you click on him before one of the few trials you can run with npcs he’s like “I saw a big lizard, I’m going to hunt it later” which is so very baffling to her. AGAIN no real commentary on her actual situation or that she might not come back through that portal. Run the lizard through a translator and he actually meant something to the effect of I know you’ll take care of this, so I’m not worried, & as soon as you do come back we’re going to grill that lizard meat for dinner. In HIS mind this is what’s coming out of his mouth in fewer words. She’s just tired lmfao.

Once everything is taken care of & there’s some downtime she’s finally able to pull him to the side and ask what his deal has been lately, has she done something without knowing, has she been pulling away unconsciously etc etc etc. His turn to be confused now. This legitimately only becomes a miscommunication issue because every single conversation got cut short until this one, which of course gives him ample time to explain what’s actually been happening & also no, he’s definitely not bored or unhappy or anything like that, he’s been enjoying the opportunity to try and orchestrate something nice for her (even if the execution wasn’t. The greatest) and honestly didn’t realize how it looked from the outside. He was very much talking her up at any given opportunity each time someone asked about her, to the point where it was inevitably deduced that his descriptions of the Warrior of Light were apparently a good deal more personal than other accounts. She’s effectively been on his mind in some capacity since he got here.

& She feels extra dumb for getting upset at all, because that’s actually incredibly sweet and it makes perfect sense when you lay it all out that way, in hindsight she didn’t need to get worked up and just feels weirdly guilty now. Varha has been in a small handful of situationships, she’s never actually been important enough to anyone for them to go out of their way for her like that (she’s never even really had friends up until recently, it’s all uncharted territory), she does not know how to properly interpret it when people just decide to do things for her because they like her. She reacts like an asshole (in her own opinion, literally no one else thought that she was anything aside from maybe a bit Off since she internalized everything so much). This does not make her feel particularly good either, she has unfortunately looped back around to kicking herself for missing the obvious.

& Estinien, being himself, is still not the best with words when it comes to this sort of thing. Because he knows he didn’t actually do anything wrong here, so he’s not experiencing misplaced guilt, but she’s clearly still upset on some level for misreading things and he doesn’t like that for her, especially when this conversation is almost definitely taking place on the sidelines of a post-battle celebration back in the city. He’s not coming up with anything directly helpful to the situation. He’s task-oriented, hardwired to look for solutions. The one he comes up with on the spot here is:

“Do you want to hunt the lizard together?”

Long pause. Yes, she does. She wants to hunt the big lizard together very much. It sounds like a good way to kick off a small wilderness excursion together. The big lizard does not fix her pre-existing self worth problems, but it’s definitely effective for the immediate situation (which is about the best he can hope for right now). Problem solved-ish, she seems happier & now they can bond over the big lizard hunt together. He’d honestly just be pleased to spend time together doing whatever but this is probably the best outcome of that whole situation. (Also he Does end up kissing her right there, partly to get people to stop pestering her with questions but mostly because he wants to.)

[karamell-sweetz]

um. i um. i did a thingy and now i’m going to yap under the cut

ok now. so i did this with mainly just dynamics in mind because i am a firm believer that all of these ruikasaverse things can and SHOULD be explored platonically. yk for what they are. and not just in the context of romantic relationships. because. that’s just how relationships work right.

BUT i did split my ult favs into the ones i like more romantically (🚢) and platonically (which i should have labelled as 🍽️). just because i’ve been shipping them romantically for a good while anyway. that said everything in my 🚢 tier can/should be explored platonically too.

NOW ENSUES THE YAP.

TIER ONE: ult favs, romantic

DANTORU OTP OF THE CENTURY. i don’t even have a good reason as to why they’re my favourite of all time, i think it’s mainly just the aesthetics of them together and the romantic implications of piano. and the stars too. think about it guys. imagine playing music with your lover beneath the stars… or playing a duet with them… or laying your hands over your lover’s as you teach them how to play!!! grrrh.

KUROSHIRO OTP OF THE CENTURY #2. dear ruikasers that make them painfully reincarnate into every other universe: you successfully break my heart every single time. that and giving them forbidden romance. and killing tsukasa for plot. it gets me every time. also an aesthetics thing, flowers are awesome and there is something so beautiful about being practically opposites yet coming together all the same. ugh. ughhh.

curtain call has the horrifyingly romantic implications of YEARNING for your lover and the passage of time threatening to break you apart. it’s pining and angst and all the joys and pains of life rolled into one.

if we count filament as nakashira then i LOOOVE them. salaryman yaoi or whatever. it would be AWESOME if we explored them platonically but i like the idea of them getting to know each other and slowly fall in love with each other… and make each other better… grrhh… domestic life… was never quite my style… /lyr

tacthina!! honestly don’t have a reason for why they’re up so high here but i think they’re very sweet. bonus for arranged marriage, and when paired withhhhh tactqilin!!! againnn finding your lover reincarnated over centuries… there’s something cool about going through time and searching for that one person again and again. i think that’s the reason why most of these ships are in the top category lmao it may be my favourite trope.

TIER TWO: ult favs, platonic

GHH as much as i love colorfes ritk romantically i honestly think they should be explored platonically too. like a long distance friendship with an ethereal deity. and also AGAIN with finding that person again and again throughout time and space (teehee)!! because rui’s usually an immortal deity in this au.

both zozos actually could have gone in ‘normal ritk with a mask on’ but idk there’s something about these two designs specifically that scratches my brain. no i don’t really know why i put them so high. they just look really good together.

i can go on forever about pandemonium the event and how it was such a turning point for rui’s relationships and character development and honestly that should be reflected in the cards too. EEESPECIALLY when you put their canon meeting in. stuff like tsukasa slowly warming up to rui’s antics and letting himself be a little less uptight with him. and rui getting to share all of himself with someone close to him!

KIRAPIKA. mmm. i dunno i just like rpg style things. and going out on missions and quests together. i dunno! i think they’re best enjoyed alongside emu and nene so they can all be a party together though.

SURPRISE I LIKE GALAJEST MORE THAN RINGJEST? man i don’t know either? most of the things i see with them are along the lines of rui crafting up tsukasa as a little galactic friend and i think that’s really sweet. hmm other than that i forgot why i put them so high. it’s mainly the idea of rui being tsukasa’s ultimate helper i guess, and tsukasa being rui’s companion in return. :)

TIER THREE: scrumptious!

BOODEVIL IS SO CUTE! something about rui, filled with all sorts of bitterness, being brought into the light by tsukasa’s simple ways of enjoying life.

wl is cute too, not much to say with them. i feel like i see so much royalty-based ritk that it’s hard to have any large feelings about it, at least in my case lol.

ROSEOU… mmm… it’s neat to make friends with your butler or other sort of royal advisor. and also that idea of getting closer from a place of formality, and getting to show the hidden sides of you to another person especially when you’re both in a formal position.

lilyrose goes well together aesthetically. or as aesthetically as you can get with rose’s abysmal colours 😋 other than that it’s usually giving the same as roseou so not much to say that hasn’t been said already.

space opera… not much to say about them. intergalactic partnership ✨

now prommy i DO like ringjest. it’s good that they have each other’s backs. its just that certain bits of fandom have sort of ruined them for me :/ still cute tho

ahhh white day… there’s so much white day out there that i have no idea what’s going on with it /pos. that said, love the doomed yaoi.

i don’t have too many feelings on the seibaitAAAAAsu cards honestly, mainly because i haven’t had the time to read the story or really look into it in detail. these cards are stunning though. love the doomed yaoi again.

ok i’m actually a sucker for phantom thieves even though i have no idea what they actually do… it’s the cat and mouse aspect + mysterious identity for me!

lilyfes… mmm… againnn the reincarnation thing!! or rui looking over his partner throughout immortality and protecting him. oughh.

merking and merprince areee basically the same thing right? i love a bit of little mermaid style pining to be a land dweller, or even the opposite with king/prince wanting to partake in the ocean’s beauty or whatever…

cyberpunk on its own feels a bit too loose conceptually for me to be fully on board with it but once you slide idolkasa in there it has more weight to it. love me some hidden identity once again.

kemo… they are very cute… again not a strong enough concept/difference to get me fully on board with it

pop in my heart! bakerkasa feels very similar to boodevil now but it’s still cute

TIER FOUR: it exists.

hakapega… bwaaaah… i love the idea of pegasus being a robot replacement for tsukasa and the angst that that brings with it, but other than that i have no strong feelings on it. i’m a lover not a fighter 😔

sorry fesdog lovers but i am not sure about the dog… that’s all i will say.

potato boys are fun, just not hitting with me tbh

mmm you all know i have my own fairy au so technically i should be on board with the fairies… i just haven’t seen much of it. the idea is adorbs tho. just two bros living the miniature life in little fairy domestication…

the idea of colorfes and tinykasa is also very sweet, just not my cup of tea personally ><

i don’t have strong feelings for the starry sky melody set in general so unfortunately this ritk is getting the mid.

zozo2… same as zozo1 but they don’t hit as hard for whatever reason. they are still pretty though

knightfes is cool? but once you put sorcerui in the picture it’s not really unfortunately.

octoking is the same as merking and merprince. it’s in this tier because the tentacles do not entail the best things maybe. also i don’t know if i like them on rui.

knightprince could be cute actually. switches up what we’ve seen so far in roseou etc.

rmd… idk it’s interesting in regards to designs and the power dynamics but i’m really not feeling it :/

detectives are cute too but it feels like more office yaoi!! and i just prefer nakashira and phantom thief rui in that case.

never seen skaterzozo in my life but that’s because skaterkasa is relatively new. i think it’s cool tho.

i should have put middle school in tier three because it has a lot of potential platonically, but i honestly just like preserving the canon timeline regarding that era

sanrio is like if boodevil/pimh met merking/merprince. rui coming out of the water to visit tsukasa’s cafe… very sweet. no strong feelings for it though.

TIER FIVE: erm.

with starry sky orchestra it really depends on what angle you look at them from. most of the things i see with these two are trying to push the whole sibling thing in a weird way unfortunately, so that’s tainted my view of it a little. but if you DON’T make them related it’s just mid i think.

again, never seen skaterdog because skaterkasa is a new card. same issue as fesdog though. can’t get over the dog allegations.

‘TIER SIX’: normal ritk with a mask on

these are for the aus that are close to canon. i prefer to look at them platonically in that case.

anyway that’s enough of me!! sorry once i left this overnight i forgot what i wanted to say + after the first few tiers i ran out of things to say :P

[yeehanfrf]

Theme Schedule

If you, like me, love planning things ahead, here is the theme schedule I've prepared for the next few months. I'll update this if any changes occur, but I expect those to be pretty minor.

Week 1: One Shot, One Kill: Under 10k words

Week 2: Feel-Good Hour: Fluffy & heartwarming

Week 3: Right on Time: Modern AUs

Week 4: The Rivalmance: enemies to lovers, rivals to lovers, assholes to lovers

Week 5: Golden Oldies: A fic from 2016 or 2017

Week 6: Show & Tell: A love confession that makes you swoon

Week 7: Fever Dreams: Crackfic & other wild and wacky rides

Week 8: Middle of the Road: 10k to 25k words

Week 9: I'm Working, Here: Favorite work in progress

Week 10: When We Were Young: fics about young Yeehan, or a heavy focus on their youth

Week 11: He's a Magic Man: mystical, magical/fantasy AUs

Week 12: Simple Pleasures: Plot? What plot?

Week 13: It's About the Yearning: Pining (mutual or otherwise)

Week 14: Mermaid for Each Other: all your MerMay needs

Week 15: Loud & Proud: fics about queerness, transness, and Pride events

Week 16: You Don't Want Sand There: Summer vibes only

Week 17: Better Get Comfy: 25k to 50k words

Week 18: By the Numbers: 5+1 fics, 3+1 fics, etc.

Week 19: The Main Event

Week 20: Stick to the Plan: Canon compliant (or lightly divergent)

[innamorat4]

characters pining and yearning and suffering from the distance they feel from the person they desire while slowly going insane taking us through a slow burn romance until they finally admit to each other how much their bottled up feelings are killing them. and i get the frustration people feel, yeah they’re idiots for not talking about it earlier but for me this plot point that slowly culminates in characters spilling the feelings they’ve tried to hide for so long is everything. i eat this up. it will happen again and i’m not sorry in the slightest

[khaotungsfirst]

khaotungsfirst’s 2023 BL recap

Alright, I know I'm late but it’s the time of the year again where I post my favorite BLs of the year even though no one cares about my opinion lmao. Buckle up cause this is gonna be long...

Top Thai BLs

I Feel You Linger In The Air

What a breath of fresh air this was! Not only was the romance top-notch, I was also really invested in the plot and what was happening to other characters. The wlw sideplot felt natural and not shoehorned in and was what we all deserved. I'm just so happy to have experienced this masterpiece!!

Only Friends

Came for SandRay, stayed for BostonNick (and SandRay). Though it had its ups and downs I can't help but love it. There was so much messy drama that I was LIVING for every single week and experiencing that along with the rest of BL tumblr was the best thing. We desperately need more shows like this in the BL world.

Laws of Attraction

Ridiculous SFX could not deter me from loving this show. It's dramatic, it's over the top and it's ridiculous at times but it's crime so of course I liked it. Bonus points for cutting from the villain being killed in prison straight to the main couple's wedding. We love to see it!

Top Korean BLs

Our Dating Sim

This was my last watch of the year when I was looking for something that I could squeeze in without many expectations. How could I have guessed that it would turn out to be my favorite Korean BL of the year? Though the story is nothing new or groundbreaking, I enjoyed the main actors chemistry so so much. Korean BLs, to me, often feel a little stiff but they managed to make it feel so real and easy, I loved it.

The Eighth Sense

Oh, this was something else... High quality cinematography and high-quality story-telling. In the end I went into it with expectations that were too high to meet but still, such a touching BL that will definitely move you (maybe even to tears).

Why R U? (KR)

A show held together by three pieces of duct tape but enjoyable nonetheless. I don't think it's comparable to its Thai original. Yes, the plot is more or less the same but you gotta see it as its own thing. I do love me a panicked gay/confident gay pairing so it already had me from there. And let's talk about the kisses cause !!!

Top Japanese BLs

Tokyo in April is…

Friends to lovers my beloved!!! The PINING, the ACHING, the YEARNING! YEARS OF IT!! How can I not love it? Yes, this was a bit of a heavier BL but it was done SO WELL and the payoff from all the trauma was so satisfying.

My Personal Weatherman

What can I say? Japan just knows how to do it. In any other show the miscommunication between the mains would be annoying as hell. But the chemistry between these two was just off the charts. Nothing more to say.

I Cannot Reach You

Friends to lovers my beloved!!! the sequel. This time less traumatising but just as sweet and moving. A cute and innocent watch.

Top Taiwanese BLs

Kiseki: Dear to Me

The way I IMMEDIATELY knew ChenAi were gonna be my new hyperfixation as soon as I saw them in episode 1... They just have that je ne sais quoi, that special 'make me fall to the floor and bite my fist' quality to them. BZY and FZR also had their insane moments and in combination with everything that ChenAi were doing this show just hit the right spot. Can't wait to rewatch it.

Stay by My Side

Was it ridiculous? Yes. Was it cute tho? Also yes. Nothing I would rewatch but it did make me laugh a lot so there's that.

Top Chinese “BL”

Stay With Me

It’s not like we have much of a selection regarding Chinese BLs (cries in when will Eternal Faith, Immortaily and Winner is King be released from the dungeons?) but HOLY SHIT did they deliver with this one. I didn't know this was specifially made for international release when I went into it so I was in for a few surprises here and there. And I'm gonna say it: it's better than Addicted Heroin. The way their love story developed just has me screaming internally I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHHHH!!!

Top 3 overall

Kiseki: Dear to Me

Stay With Me

I Feel You Linger In The Air

Top pre-2023 BLs (that I watched in 2023)

The Eclipse (2022)

Can you believe that I only just joined the FirstKhao nation this year? I completely skipped this show last year NOT KNOWING what a masterpiece I missed out on. Finally a highschool BL with a capital P Plot! And the enemies to lovers was so so good!!! AkkAyan you will always be famous!

Love Mechanics (2022)

I'm not a fan of cheating stories at all but DEAR GOD these two!!! It's the YinWar magic that pulled me in and will never let me go. The constant back and forth did get a bit annoying at some point but I won't complain when we also got things like the shower scene...

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (2022)

Can ZB1 disband faster so Jiwoong can return to BL acting please? I jest, I jest... kinda. I loved the relationship dynamic in this one so much because they both held power over the other (and both were petty bitches about it lmao).

My Gear and Your Gown (2020)

The girls that get it get it, the girls that don't don't :) Falling for MarcPawin during Dangerous Romance and THEN realising that they're the mains for this show immediately put it on top of my watchlist and I'm not ashamed to say I liked it. It's very 2020 but sometimes that's all you need.

Favorite currently airing BLs

I did not want to consider these for the final rankings because they’re still airing and could theoretically still pull a Game of Thrones S7 on us but I have really high hopes for them.

Cherry Magic

HELLO???!?!? I LOVE ACHI SO F U CK ING MUCHHHH!!! And the way Karan is in love with him so gently and so deeply I- AAAAAHHHHHH. This is gonna be my new obsession I can feel it!!

Last Twilight

At first I didn't even plan on watching this because I didn't think JimmySea were a pairing I would enjoy (Vice Versa has been on hold for over a year lol). But GODDAMN did they prove me wrong! So soft, so precious... P'Aof you did it again!

The Sign

What a hodgepodge of genres... One second you're chasing a murderer, the next you're having sex fantasies about your coworker and then you're having visions about your past life with your soulmate (who is also said coworker). Love it!

Most disappointing BLs

Be Mine Superstar

I was so excited for a new JaFirst series as I really enjoyed Don't Say No, and Remember Me didn't quite quench my thirst. But this... if this was a BL then why did we spend SO MUCH TIME on the beef between the agents?? Shit was annoying af. Moreover, I really could not deal with Ja's character. I know a lot of people liked his innocent puppy-like behaviour but it was just too much for me. The only redeemable thing was the side pairing but even that turned into a hot mess quite quickly. Had to drop this at some point after I started watching it on 1.5 speed and realized that I'm torturing myself.

Low Frequency

Exciting concept but stiff acting and a plot that dragged on. Dropped halfway through.

Bon Appetit

It's not bad but just straight up boring. I finished it but it didn't leave any lasting impressions. I know you can do better, Korea...

Most anticipated QLs of 2024

Vampire Project (BOUNPREM VAMPIRE BL!!! I CAN DIE HAPPY ONCE THIS IS FINALLY ON MY SCREEN)

Jack & Joker (War finally getting his villain role let's fucking goooo)

IFYLITA Season 2 (PLEASE GOD MAKE IT HAPPEN P L E A S E also special ep WHEN????)

Spare Me Your Mercy (i will always be a slut for crime BLs)

23.5 Degrees (give it to us!!! LET US INNNN!!!)

My Love Mix-Up TH (istg if gmmtv doesn't learn from this whole cherry magic debacle...)

Eyes on you (even more spy/mafia/crime BL yes and thank you!)

Uranus 2324 (the production?? the story?? the cinematography??? I need it NOW)

Red Peafowl (this is either gonna be really bad or really good and I'm curious to see which one it's gonna be)

(I had Stay With Me S2 on this list until it was announced as cancelled on Jan 1st 😭😭 I wil never recover)

2023 Superlatives

Most iconic intro: Only Friends (long live First's thighs)

Quickest drop: Middleman’s Love (i was rooting for you Jade!)

Best supporting character: Tin's grandma - Laws of Attraction (sweetest lil supportive grandma who didn't deserve any of this)

Best Worst character: Jaewon's girlfriend - The Eighth Sense (I think this is the only bitchy ex-gf of the entire year and I'm glad about it)

Best side pairing: ChenAi - Kiseki: Dear to Me (do they even count as a side pairing anymore? If not then I'd go with GuyNawa - Dangerous Romance)

Best could have been if the writers wanted us to: NameSaifah - Dangerous Romance (no it was NOT enough!)

Biggest green flag: Win - Between Us (asking for consent is so sexyyy) / Yai - IFYLITA (he's the softest, most caring boy who's so so in love)

Biggest red flag (affectionate): Hira - Utsukushii Kare (my boy highkey needs therapy but Kiyoi wouldn't want it any other way so we'll let it slide) / Lom - Wedding Plan (the way he went about things was... questionable but I understand his reasoning behind it so I can't hate him)

Biggest red flag (derogatory): Boeing - Only Friends (bro just wanted to fuck with - literally and metaphorically - every and anyone and I respect that but dude...)

Most iconic kiss: Lee Won/Ji Oh - Why R U? KR (this was so fucking unexpected but they ate and left absolutely no crumbs)

Most iconic makeout scene: YangJai - Love in Translation (IN A GROCERY STORE?? FINGERS IN MOUTH??!)

Most iconic sex scene: TopBoston - Only Friends (oohhh the DRAMA of it all… truly gagged everyone with this)

Best unhinged horny scene: Jom - IFYLITA (I will never be able to look at massage oil without thinking about this...)

Best gays on a bike scene: Stay With Me (like… facing each other…. grinning at each other.... give me a minute)

Newest addition to the poor lil meow meow collection: Ai Di - Kiseki: Dear to Me (my feral murder kitten I LOVE YOU SO MUUUUUUCHHH)

And there we have it! What a year it's been... I can't wait for 2024 to be just as wonderful, unhinged, crazy and amazing. If you've read until this point I wanna thank you for enduring all that and also for supporting me and my edits throughout this year. Whether we're moots or not I truly appreciate every single person that interacts with me on this hellsite 🫶❤️

[reallyverysane]

How I Wonder

Pairing: Astarion x fem!Tav, Drow, OC with backstory

Summary: Astarion deals with hunger of a couple different types. Tav offers her wrist but wants to offer more.

The road into the Shadowlands is full of spiders and flashbacks. Some tadpole assisted backstory, tender moments.

Warnings: Mostly plot, yearning, confused feelings, trauma babies doing the trauma tango, PTSD flashbacks, some world-appropriate violence, kidnapping, culty rituals, bodily harm, dissociation, just a bit of physical contact, nothing spicy.

Word Count: 7k oops

A/N: This is a continuation of Blush but can be read on its own too. This Tav has me doing so much research to make her backstory accurate to dnd lore, she is taking over my life a bit. There will eventually be actual spice in this series, but even though I've got outlines and plot points to hit, they just keep wanting to talk and form bonds with each other. Hope you enjoy!

The night air was crisp against his skin. The wind brought scents of dry stone and pine to him, along with the fragile note of a night blooming flower. Far in the distance Astarion could hear the staccato sound of laughter and off key singing as his companions settled in for another night at camp. Their narrow escape at the Githyanki creche and Lae’zel’s crisis of faith had left them rattled, but as they retraced their steps up the mountain toward the pass their spirits had lifted with the altitude. They would soon reach the shadow cursed lands and Halsin, knowing the despair they would face there, was aggressively trying to manufacture one last night of raucous mirth for the party.  As they had begun making camp for the night he had taken up his lute and bellowed out bawdy tunes with distinctly druidic themes. “The Bear and the Maiden Fair '' had brought Karlach to the ground with laughter, her exhaust ports singeing small fires in the grass as she choked on her joy.

Astarion could not quite bring himself to join in the merriment. His legs were aching from the climb and he was hungry. He had fully drained the gith doctor for what she had tried to pull with the Zaith’isk, but they had fought hard to get out alive and his trance had been rudely interrupted by Voss and the faith-shattering revelations he had brought them. He did feel sorry for Lae’zel, he knew what it was to have one’s deepest beliefs shaken to the core. Perhaps that was why he sought the solitude of this high precipice.

He sat on the cliff, his legs dangling off the edge over vast leagues of emptiness. The sun sank slowly over the temple in the distance and he felt a chill thinking of all the bodies inside. Yet another hoard of enemies taken down in their pursuit of a cure. He never used to care about the violence he inflicted, still relished the choreography of a good kill, the music of his blades expertly dispatching a foe before they even knew he was there. But traveling with this group of disparate weirdos had seemingly started to make him go soft. 

His thoughts crashed into each other, contradictory and chaotic. He was beginning to care for these people, something he truly never believed he’d feel again, but his apprehension for any kind of vulnerability mocked him for his twee little feelings. His survival had depended for so long on walling himself off to anything real. To anyone at all. He had learned too many times over what it cost, that warmth of closeness. It always ended in blood. 

And yet, he felt himself drawn like a moth to flames. He so desperately wanted to be let in, to be part of the crew. They were all so bonded, sharing stories of their pasts, consulting each other on their worries, finding small comforts in the warmth of an embrace. He longed to reach out to someone, anyone, as easily as they had. His years of captivity and pain had carved a deep chasm in his heart, one he was desperately trying to claw his way out of. 

Of course, she had seen right through his facade. Their alluring, ruthless leader had taken one look at him the morning after their tryst  and had somehow pierced the defenses he had honed over more than a century. Her ice and onyx eyes had bored holes into his back as he tried to play the carefree rake. When she had asked about his scars he had spat the truth at her, almost as a challenge, uncomfortable and exposed in the sunlight. He had made an attempt to divert her attention to anything other than his screeching, agonized soul, and she had let him. Still, he knew she saw more of him than he intended and it terrified him. He had nearly bolted from the sunlit glade the second she acquiesced to his deflection. It had been nearly a month since then and he still couldn’t get a read on the enigmatic drow. 

Tav was a mystery to him. Her sweet, generous disposition belied a shrewdness and pragmatism he found fascinating. She had divulged some of her past, her childhood as a cutpurse in the bowels of the City of Spiders, her frenzied and daring escape to the surface as a tunnel collapsed below her, but she had been sparse on the details. He had seen her expertly skate around specifics when their companions would inquire about aspects of her time in the Underdark. She had an electric way of weaving details of the Drow culture into her stories, distracting her listeners from the fact that the focus was rarely on her. 

That was not to say she seemed unwilling to connect with the others. She had formed a fast friendship with Karlach, trading awful jokes in between impassioned discussions of their best kills. As a parentless nobody alone in the heart of Menzoberranzan, Tav had learned quickly the art of survival. While she hadn’t spoken much about the devastating Storm Sorcery she wielded, she had regaled them with tales of her younger self and the warring factions of street urchins she had run with. The brutality of Drow society had been shocking to all but Lae’zel, who had greatly approved, saying that it had molded Tav into a strong and cunning warrior with great prowess on the battlefield. Tav had thanked the Githyanki enthusiastically, as though she truly appreciated the validation from one who actually understood the violence she had known. 

Astarion puzzled on the matter, retreating from the cliff edge as the first stars winked into being in the purpling sky. She had a hardened and remorseless attitude toward killing, yet her actions with the grove and her gentle handling of the members of their band proved she had the capacity for kindness he had never possessed. His had always been the way of self serving manipulation and guile, even before his foray into undeath. She truly did intrigue him, though he had kept her at a safe distance since the morning he had awoken, nestled in her arms, clinging to her like a castaway to driftwood on an open sea, with the taste of bile in his mouth. 

He had disentangled himself as quickly and smoothly as he could before sprinting out of the clearing to wretch her blood onto the base of a great oak. Her touch had felt like crackling lighting across his skin, setting him ablaze in ways he had not felt for decades, but the moment the storm had lulled, his memories had flooded back in nauseating waves. He had acted on instinct, used the only tool he had left to him, and he hated himself for it. Though he knew it was a necessary step in his plot to curry her favor and protection, he found he was surprised by how disgusted he felt with himself. 

The smell of roasting meat and fire shook him out of his dark reverie and he returned to his senses with a jolt. The sun had sunk just below the horizon and the glow behind the mountains was echoed by the campfire on the opposite peak. His hunger twisted, a cruel fist grasping in his chest, as the aromas of wafted down from where the group busied themselves making dinner and setting the camp. His mouth watered and his mind wandered to a vision of Tav’s smooth, ebony neck, the two delicate scars his fangs had left the first night he fed from her. The memory of her blood, the first non-rodent thing he’d fed on in decades, threatened to overwhelm him. 

“Godsdamnit!” he cursed aloud, turning with balled fists to trudge up the path to camp.

He needed to feed, and she was his only option on this high mountain pass full of nothing but uppity eagles and dead Githyanki. 

~~~

She watched him stalk into camp, just outside the circle of firelight, his face a hollow shell concealing the thoughts within. As he scanned the camp his gaze locked with hers, a near imperceptible jolt running through him. He pulled his features into a semblance of nonchalance and strode animatedly across the clearing to drape himself onto the ground beside her, back against the fallen pillar she was using as a bench. They had made camp in the long ruined husk of a stone temple, a protective brace against the wind that constantly howled at this height. 

Astarion began languidly trailing a finger along the outside of her calf, not turning to look into her face. 

“You know, darling” he drawled in a voice that reeked of duplicity, “it’s been ever so long since we were able to enjoy each other’s talents.” 

His finger traced up along the top of her knee, reaching towards the inside of her thigh. She swatted it away, quick and light as a dragonfly striking. He pulled his hand back with a sharp inhale and whipped his face to hers, eyes indignant and a snarl threatening to pull through his lips. She watched, bemused, as he fought to reign in his irritation and plaster a veil of pleasantness over his features. She saw the ragged glint in his eye and knew he was hungry and desperate to feed, his gaze subtly drifting to the pulse in her neck. 

“So your hunt didn’t go well, I take it?” 

“What? Uh…Whatever makes you say that? Can’t a man seek the company of a ravishing sorcerer of an evening?” His eyes narrowed, wary, clearly unaware that he practically radiated with the grace of a predatory animal on the prowl. Though his air had been light and casual, Tav knew a hunter when she saw one. His movements were just the smallest bit too practiced, a dance he had done a thousand times before. 

“If you’re hungry, Astarion, you only have to ask.” 

She didn’t begrudge him his mask, his choreography, she simply wanted him to see that she needed none of it. She had seen herself reflected in him so many times. The way he watched, always vigilant to the most minute changes in the attitude of a room, his body a figure study in relaxation while his eyes scoured his environment for threats.

When she had seen him flinch from her touch the morning after they had come together, her hand trailing too close to the raised scars on his back, she had felt the echo of his recoil in her own skin. She hadn’t picked up physical scars as brutal as his, but she felt the wounds on her soul ache when she heard him speak of his time with Cazador. When she had offered her sympathy he had rebuffed her, not believing she could understand the half of what he had been through. And maybe she couldn’t, but she carried the weight of her own pain, her own fear, and she had grown strong from the burden. Strong enough, perhaps, to help him shoulder his.  

His eyes searched hers, incredulous, their feline slant softening as he began to take in her face. She wore an expression of warm amusement, not a hint of judgment in her captivating gaze. One corner of her mouth pulled up slightly into a coy grin as she extended her wrist in front of him. 

“Go ahead, the rest of us already ate.” 

He started, gaze shifting rapidly from her eyes to her wrist and back. With slow, hesitant movements he grasped her wrist in both his hands and pulled it to his mouth. The smell of her skin, the blood so close to the surface, was intoxicating. Pulling in a deep draw of her honey and juniper scent, his eyes rolled and he let out a sigh against the taught skin of her wrist. She felt his cool breath like a caress, sending a shiver down her spine. He glanced at her again, as if to confirm it really was alright for him to bite her, and she nodded, her grin spreading to pucker a tiny dimple into her cheek. 

~~~

Eyes shifting warily around the camp, grazing over the figures of the others readying to bed down for the night, he searched for signs that this was all some elaborate trap. Surely this open generosity, this act of profound trust and vulnerability, must be designed to lull him from his defenses. It had happened time and again, with his siblings, his master. Some small kindness offered, only to be retracted at the last second and replaced with the scourge of a blade or a balled fist. He pushed the panic down, trying to relax the coiling knot between his shoulder blades. 

His lips brushed the skin of her wrist in a featherlight kiss before he pressed his fangs in as gently as his hunger would allow. The rush of her blood into his mouth surrounded him in the heady smell of her. It overtook his senses as he drank, blurring out the rest of the campsite and flooding his vision with a haze of indigo shot with silver. He focused on her pulse, strong against his lips, hammering in his ears. As he shifted his hands to hold her arm closer to him, fingers sliding around the back of her elbow, he felt her pulse flutter ever so slightly. Her fingers splayed, grazing through his curls and he heard her hiss. He worried he was hurting her and began to slow his pace when a soft moan escaped her slightly parted lips. His eyes darted to hers in surprise and found she was staring, lips parted and  pupils blown, directly at him. 

Smiling to himself against her wrist, still sucking her flowing blood, he pulled her down from the pillar. He twisted with her slowly so as not to break the seal against her skin.  She flowed into his lap like a cat, curling herself around to rest half leaning on his chest. He brought an arm around her ribs to steady her, his hand snaking up the back of her neck to rest in her bright silver and gunmetal hair. She leaned her head into his hand and her eyes fluttered closed. With her this close, senses drowning in the redolent perfume of her skin, he began to draw longer, covetous pulls from her wrist. 

Her blood sang in his veins. The pulse under his lips fluttered as she drew in a ragged breath, her back arching against him. Rolling her head forward to nuzzle into the slope of his neck, he shuddered as her lips brushed the underside of his jaw. He felt her breath on his skin like the heat of a campfire. She moaned low in his ear, a breathless, intoxicating purr. He was about to break the latch he had on her wrist to claim her berry mouth in a bloody kiss, when he heard a throat clearing behind him. 

“While I do understand your fervor, Astarion, would you kindly un-wrist our dear leader before you drain her like a particularly fine wineskin?” 

Astarion growled into her wrist as Tav seemed to shake out of whatever haze she had fallen into and chuckled. 

“I believe you’re right, Gale” She conceded, “ I do feel somewhat... lightheaded.” 

His arm remained wrapped around her shoulder, fingers twining into her hair of their own accord. He pricked his tongue with a fang and ran the bead of blood over her wound, closing it. Before letting go of her wrist, he kissed it again, this time in earnest, turning his eyes upward to meet hers. She stared down at him with the look of someone who has just awoken from a captivating dream, lids heavy and eyes shining with a secret glee.

“Thank you” His voice ragged and thick through the fog of his bloodlust. “Truly.”

He willed his hand to release its grip on her hair, glaring at the wizard for his obvious ploy to interrupt. As she slipped out of his arms and stood she leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss against his cheek. His other hand trailed down her arm as she rose, his fingers reflexively hooking against hers in a traitorous attempt to hold her with him just a short time longer. She hooked her fingers back to his for just a moment, long enough to pull his arm taught behind her as she retreated. As her fingers rolled off his he was left with his hand hovering in front of his face, frozen where she had left it, the feeling of her skin reverberating through his fingertips. 

“Any time Star!” She called over her shoulder with a grin as Gale pulled her into a discussion with Halsin about the properties of some mushroom or other. He sat, stunned, pulling the hand she had released to the heated spot where her lips had brushed his face. She had never called him that before. 

Nobody had called him that since before his life ended.

*  *  *  *  *

Bathed in the yellow light of the Blood of Lathander, the group moved slowly through the cursed darkness of the shadowlands. As the company entered the region from the high mountain pass they had been greeted by a welcome party from Moonrise, sent to escort the ‘True Souls' to the Absolutist stronghold. The plan had been to play along, acting as though Halsin was a prisoner they were keen to return to face punishment. That plan went straight out the window as the eerie blue light of the moonlantern revealed the aberration that was Kar’niss, the drider. Swallowing his unease, Wyll managed to learn the direction of the tower from the monstrosity as the rest of the group filed down the narrow passageway into the darkness, Tav bringing up the rear with Scritch and Scratch. 

Before any of the others knew what was happening, a savage roar ripped through Tav, a sound like her soul tearing. She leapt forward, her lightning magic crackling over her skin like a shroud, to bring a violent storm down upon the group of cultists. Tongues of lightning battered the drider, his many limbs giving out beneath him as the electricity shot through his nerves. Not expecting an ambush, the other cultists stood frozen, surprised, while the smell of scorched ozone grew with each new strike of lightning. 

“Alrighty then, guess we’re doing this the fun way!” Karlach was the first to surge forward, swinging her greataxe into the side of one of the cultist’s heads. The figure crumpled like a marionette with cut strings, and as she wrested the axe from the ruin of its face, a wild grin broke across the tiefling’s lips. “So much for diplomacy, eh Sparks?” 

Tav merely growled in response, her eyes lit a blazing white from within, never leaving the writhing form of the drider. As the rest of the group made short work of the band of cultists, Tav stalked forward, the lighting of her power coalescing into her palms. Walking into the swirling heart of the storm she had created, she loomed over the crumpled body of the monstrosity, teeth gritted and body trembling with emotion. She went to one knee beside the wretched creature, still being slashed through with forking lightning, and bent low to be heard above the cacophony of the tempest. 

“I swore I would never suffer another one of your kind to live, drider.” Her voice a dark snarl, she spat in disgust. “Give my regards to the Spider Bitch.”

The abomination sent up a wordless cry of agony, its face turned to hers, pleading for her mercy. Her mouth twisted into a crooked grin, savage and deadly, as she held her sparking hands on either side of the drider’s face. Her magic scorched the air as lightning arced between her palms, straight through the brain of the creature, its numerous eyes briefly blazing in an ice-white echo of hers before darkening to a lifeless black. With a shudder of disgust she rose, kicking the face of the drider away from her and breaking the concentration she held on the small tempest above them. 

The final crackling of lightning sounded and their ears rang in the unnatural silence. Tav stood, trembling, shoulders hunched, in a circle of scorched corpses.  As though a spell of silence had been cast over the group, they stood rooted in place, none daring to speak first. A ragged sob tore out of Tav as she brought the heel of her boot down against the temple of the twisted creature, caving in the pale face with its many empty eyes. She was shaking violently now, her sob morphing into a stuttering, wordless wail. 

At the sound of her pain the spell seemed to break, and Astarion found himself moving to her, body reacting before caution could hold him back. He called her name gently as he approached, so as not to startle her. She turned to him, her face streaked with tears and black blood, and nearly fell into his waiting arms. She buried her face into his neck, his arms coming around her back, crushing her to him and holding her upright. Her sobs were an echo of his own desperate soul.

“I’ve got you.” HIs voice sounded hollow in his ears as he pressed the words into her hair. “It’s over, you’re safe. I'm here.”  

She continued to pour tears into the collar of his leathers, body quaking with silent sobs. The group surrounded them, anxious faces stricken with concern. Astarion waved them back, silently meeting their eyes with a challenge. Do not intervene. 

The druid was the first to speak, ushering the group to begin searching the bodies for valuables or missives from Moonrise. They retrieved the strange lantern the dryder had carried and began to move off down the path to give Tav some space. As the eerie blue glow of the lantern receded, Shadowheart rushed back to hand the glowing mace to Astarion. 

“Take your time.” She placed a gentle hand on Tav’s shoulder and gave a light, reassuring squeeze. She shot Astarion a look of skeptical amusement, as though she couldn’t believe that he, of all people, would be the one to offer comfort and care to the drow. She cocked an eyebrow and mouthed good luck to him before scampering back to the circle of lantern light and following the group down the path of the broken road. 

When they had disappeared from view and he could no longer hear their voices, Astarion gently peeled Tav away from his chest. Her face was a mess of tears and inky drider blood. Her normally piercing eyes red and puffed from the tears, she wouldn’t meet his gaze as she sniffed and wiped her face with the sleeve of her robe. He felt a stab of grief reverberate through him, his mind flashing through an endless slideshow of painful memories. Gently raising her face to him, he saw the reflection of his own sorrow in her eyes. Her gaze darted wildly, an animal trapped in a cage, desperate for a place to hide. 

Astarion cradled her cheek with his large, cool palm, his crimson eyes capturing hers, forcing her to focus on him. 

“Breath, darling.” 

One arm still around her waist, anchoring her, she heaved in a rough breath. She leaned into his palm, letting it go in a protracted sigh. The jagged edges of her mind began to smooth, her consciousness slowly sliding back into her body. Only when he felt her pulse begin to slow and her breathing return to normal did he release her from his hold, stepping back and allowing his hands to fall to his sides. 

“Thank you, Astarion.” Her voice was croaky and low, her throat aching from the guttural screams she had uttered. “That was… I …” She trailed off, not knowing how to continue. Seeing a drider again for the first time since her escape from the Underdark had plunged her into a rage and fear she had tried desperately to leave behind. The sight of the hulking abomination had transported her into memories of chitinous legs pinning her to cold stone, white hot lightning arcing through her as the chants of cultists drowned out her screams. Her body had acted in pure instinct, moving to slaughter the cause of her suffering, pulling on the twisted power she had gained as a means of survival. Now, she only felt a dull, empty ache at the center of her. She was so tired. 

Astarion searched her eyes as she stood in front of him, miles or years away. She had always been somewhat volatile, a simmering anger beneath the surface of her placid demeanor, but this was the first moment he came to realize the truth. Her temper was not borne of pride or bravado, but was merely the instinctual defense of a person like himself. Someone who had, too many times, been presented with the choice to either fight or die. The frenzied way she had taken the drider down, her instant switch from sentience to instinctual brutality, these were the hallmarks of one who knew the truth of suffering. He felt his heart ache for her. A kindred damned soul. 

“You don’t have to explain…” His voice held none of its typical music, his tone flat and serious. “There are some things we carry with us, no matter how far from them we truly are.” He extended his hand to her, and she took it with fingers that trembled ever so slightly. 

“I will… I just can’t, not here.” Her eyes darted over his shoulder to the mangled body of the drider, legs curled in on itself grotesquely, face a black pulp. “Can we go?” Her eyes flashed with desperation and he squeezed her hand, pulling her with him away from the carnage. They headed down the path after the rest of the group, the hungry shadows held at bay by the light of Lathander. 

When they spotted the glow of the campfire ahead, Astarion stopped. They had walked here silently, fingers laced together, the heat of her skin gradually warming his hand. She turned to him with a deep sigh, eyes trained on the small circles he was rubbing into her skin with his thumb. 

“I can’t go back just yet. Too many worried faces, everyone holding back questions and treating me like I’m breakable.” 

Astarion scoffed, “Nobody thinks you’re breakable. You should’ve seen yourself back there!” he gestured up the path they’d taken with a nod of his head. “ You were positively lethal.” 

“Yes, and then I went mad and sobbed in front of everyone.”Her voice was a rasping whisper as she clung to his hand. “I can’t stand to see their pity, it just makes everything worse.”

“You’ll get no pity from me, darling. I don’t pity those who could call a bolt down and roast me where I stand.” His attempt at levity fell flat between them, a sly smile dying on Astarion's lips as she finally looked into his eyes. His breath caught at the sight of those deep onyx pools slashed with streaks of white lightning. He saw the haunted, anguished stare all the spawn in Cazador’s house had worn. Though he hadn’t seen his reflection in centuries, he knew his own eyes must carry the same look now and again. He dropped his gaze from hers, feeling as though she could see straight to the core of him. 

“You and I are more alike than I thought.” His voice was low and serious, a tone she had rarely heard him use. He paused thoughtfully, bringing their hands, fingers still intertwined, to his lips. “If you want to stay out here a while, I’m in no rush to get back.” 

Tav’s thoughts blurred at the feel of his lips on the back of her fingers. She felt the familiar pull to throw herself on him, shutting down any questions he might have with her tongue in his mouth. Why was it so easy to let him into her body but not her mind? She knew she could make it all disappear, the pain of the memories, the insatiable rage she felt for her past self, the fear. She could melt it all away with the touch of his cool hands on her body. He could pull her out from the chaos in her mind and keep her rooted firmly in the feel of him. 

She knew this was her mind’s way of running from the truth. She had to face the part of her past she was running from. In a guarded, secret place inside she knew that her feelings for Astarion could be so much more than an escape. Terrified as she was to admit it, she saw clearly who he was and it left her in awe of him. His past was laid bare in the jagged scars on his back. While she knew he was still hiding much from her, he had let her in in small ways, each time revealing more of himself. She knew he deserved the same. That she couldn't wear the mask for him anymore. 

Tav leaned her forehead into Astarion’s, their noses brushing together and mingling her warm breath with his cool one. 

“Will you let me show you? I don’t think I can explain it all without bolting for the hills.”

He nodded against her, stepping closer and gripping the back of her neck. He pulled her into a gentle kiss, lips almost reverent in their explorations. She fought the urge to deepen the kiss and flee into his arms. A soft moan of protest escaped his lips as she pulled away, but she did not fully retreat, allowing him to hold her in the circle of his arms.

She reached out with her tadpole and connected to his with a spine chilling jolt. In this connection their thoughts flowed together with no need for language. Her memories flashed in a dizzying wave, showing him the truth of her youth and the years she spent numb and cut off in a pleasure house. She felt his surprise as parts of her story became enmeshed with his own, seeing a double image of them both languishing in separate beds, strangers between their legs. He felt her memories as if they were his own, understanding the depth of the emptiness gnawing at her soul in those long decades of service to the Trade. She poured into him all the years of petty betrayal among the courtesans, the insipid dramas that nonetheless endangered her very livelihood. He answered with the squabbling between the sibling spawn. The backstabbing and conniving to gain a pittance of favor from their master.   

Tav pressed herself against him, yearning to somehow feel even closer as they clung to each other in the whirlwind of her memories. She balked as her thoughts delved deeper, wincing away from the pain of her deep buried past. Astarion’s presence in her mind remained unshaken, a questioning desire to know what she was trying to hide. She felt his arms grip her ever tighter, his hands balling into her hair and her tunic, a physical tether. She opened to him, tumbling down within her mind to the dark and jagged center of her torment. 

Her friend, or so she had believed, set her up. She should have known the posting was too good to be true. A live-in concubine for the heir of house Baenre. She had gone through the proper channels to verify the assignment, but the woman knew the procedures well and managed to dupe even the management at the pleasure house. Tav thought she was heading to a lavish apartment in a noble house for a year, maybe three. Instead she had been taken, snatched from her carriage like a mouse caught in the talons of a silent owl. She had hated herself then for allowing her instincts to become dulled and her reflexes slow. Through the tadpole Astarion saw how the shrewd cutpurse she had been in her youth berated her captured self mercilessly. Eighty years in the fog of distraction and numbness of a life without purpose had stolen her acumen for survival. 

Astarion’s heart bled for her, hearing the echo of his own self-hatred in the venomous words she berated herself with. Stupid. Naive. Worthless. He reached his mind into the cyclone of her anger and tried to sooth her with all the things he wished someone would say to him. Capable. Beautiful. Worthy. She shuddered in his arms and he was vaguely aware of his body pulling her down to sit on the ruined earth. Still holding the connection with the tadpole, her body almost lost to her in the swell of her grief, she pulled herself into his lap and he wrapped his arms around her like a shield. 

The next memories she flew to were tinged with a deep indigo haze, as though a part of her brain would not allow them to fully realize. Her captors had brought her far from Menzoberranzan, trussed in a wagon like a lamb for slaughter. She had begged for release, explanation, anything, and had earned herself a stinking sock for a gag. When they finally arrived at their destination, her horrors had only worsened as she was led into the crumbling throne room of a long abandoned stronghold to see a monster atop the throne before her. 

The drider loomed massive in the torchlight of the hall. He towered over the cowering servants at his feet. His torso, grotesquely morphing into the abdomen of a spider, was covered in black patches of coarse hair and chitin. Skittering toward her on eight segmented legs, he pulled her off her feet by her neck to bring her face closer to his. He was supernaturally strong, nearly crushing her throat in his grip. When he tossed her aside she crumpled into a heap on the cold stone slabs. He spoke to his attendants in a language she couldn’t understand and she had been hauled away to rot for months in a cold cell. She could hear the cries and lamentations of the other women in the cages, though as the weeks went by the voices started to go silent one by one. She grew to hold the understanding that she would die, shivering and afraid, in this dank cavern, with nobody to blame but herself. 

When her turn came to be dragged before the drider once more she resigned herself to the fate, hoping she would find a way to end her own suffering early. She had listened as the agonized screams of the other women had echoed off the dripping walls of the cave. They had begged and wailed to every god in the pantheon. None had listened. The hooded attendants had led her, bound at the wrists barefoot, into a bright circle of light cast through a moonhole to the surface. She turned her eyes skyward, squinting through the long tunnel of stone to see the full, cold moon and bright, distant stars. It was the first time she had ever seen them, and she had chuckled ruefully to herself that it would also be the last time. 

The ritual was built off ancient magic in languages long lost. She couldn’t guess the specifics, but as the cultists wound silk ribbons around her shivering frame the drider appeared from the shadows of the vast cavern, scurrying to her and caging her in with his revolting legs. His carapace covered body hung over her and his drow face leered down at her, sharp teeth displayed in a manic grin. The cultists circled around them, each standing at a point in an eight pointed star. They began a chant that shot ice through her veins. The drider above her pushed her down onto her back, pinning her with one leg as he used another to slice through the tattered dress she had been wearing since her capture. 

At this, Tav felt her mind lurch away, the indigo haze over her memory growing ever darker, obscuring the truth of her agony even from her. Her memory shrank to the tiny circle of light she could see through the moonhole on the high ceiling of the cavern. As she watched, detached from herself wholly, a dark silver cloud passed in front of her circle of light. She raged then, that her only means of focus had abandoned her. 

The chanting rose to a deafening clamor and she began to feel her body ripping apart. The ice that had started spreading through her veins now formed into shattering crystals. Her body arced with the pain and rage and fear. She had begged then, wordless cries tearing from her throat until she coughed blood. She had called in the primal language of pain to any god who might hear. She tore her throat raw, and heard nothing echo back in return. She wished only to die and have the agony cease. 

The anguish had shifted then, from a cold, scraping, ache to the white hot electricity of lightning. The last thing she had seen before the storm claimed her was the silhouette of the moon, shrouded in deep indigo clouds, with a crackling halo of ice-white lightning. The element had ripped through her, sparking from every nerve and out her skin to drive her attackers back, frozen in a tableau of torment as the lightning arced from one to another, connecting the points of the star around her. Then her vision had gone white and the smell of burning ozone had flooded her senses. She had called the storm down around her, lashing into the cultists and impaling the drider on a spear of pure, crackling, energy. 

Mad with pain and power, she had leapt skyward, following the light of the silver moon above her, the only thing she could see through her flash-blind eyes. Somehow, she assumed she would never know, she had ascended to the base of the moonhole where it opened into the cavern. Grasping with desperate fingers, the tattered remains of her bindings smoldering on her wrists, she had clawed her way up the crumbling wall of the tunnel. Her only goal to reach that beckoning orb sparking with power. She ascended as the ground gave way beneath her, scrambling to pull herself ever faster toward the surface. 

Her arms nearly gave out from the strain of the climb, and when she finally broke the surface, gasping and shaking, shredded dress hanging off her in ribbons, she had rolled on her back and shrieked her laughter to the bright moon. The stars seemed to laugh with her, twinkling in and out of focus as she bled out on the cool grass. 

She had awoken days later in the care of an elderly tiefling couple on the outskirts of Baldur’s Gate. They had heard her maniacal laughter and rushed to help before she slipped away. The man had been a healer once, and had been able to staunch the bleeding from a deep, eight pointed wound where her womb had been. She had stayed with them a month or so before moving on, grateful for their kind help but wary of any who would offer aid to a stranger. Her fear and paranoia had driven her into the sewers of the city, the only place she could escape the bright, noisy bustle of the streets, so unlike her existence in the Underdark. 

Astarion’s presence came forward once again in her mind. He had receded while her memory had relived her most wretched moments, observing in horror and wishing there was something he could do to lessen the pain. He held her in his lap, sobbing again softly into his shoulder, and severed the connection with her tadpole. 

“Oh, darling,” He whispered as he stroked her hair and clutched her to him. “I’m so sorry.” 

“NO!” She gasped, frantic, “Don’t you dare pity me!” Her face turned up to his, defiant, but the shattered and broken part of her soul looked out at him from the depths of her onyx and ivory eyes. 

“Never.” He cupped her face in his hands to steady her gaze onto him. “Tav. I will never pity you.” 

She shuddered, tears streaming down her cheeks onto his fingers. 

“You survived.” His voice was stern but soft. “You fought, and you won, and now you’re here.” 

She gave a tired nod, and a brutal sigh wrenching through her. 

“You’re godsdamned right, I survived.” Her hands came up to cover his and she leaned toward him, knocking his forehead with hers. “And so did you, Star.” 

“Tav?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Would it be altogether inappropriate if I kissed you right now?” 

“Yes, but do it anyway.” 

He obeyed, hungry and desperate. They melded together, each searching for absolution in the other’s touch. He felt for once that he was kissing her just for himself. Not for a master, or a plan, or even just to satisfy an urge. He kissed her because he wanted her to feel his care and adoration for her. Because he felt as though his body would catch fire when she touched him. Because in those moments when she had allowed him to see her deepest hurt, he had felt she saw him too. He was moved by the vulnerability she had allowed him to share. He knew hope was for fools, but he couldn’t deny the warmth in his chest as his tongue gently parted her lips and she met him with equal fervor. Their bodies entwined, the light of Lathander bathing him in the warmth of a false sun, he felt real for the first time he could remember since his heart had beat its last. 

She was going to be the ruin of him, and he thought perhaps he would just let it happen. 

[carronyaflowers]

Thank you @official-impravidus for the tag!

Rules: Post 10 of your fave movies and tag 10 people.

10. Epic (2013)

When I first watched this, I was such a slut for Josh Hutcherson and Amanda Seyfried. I was so in love with Nod and MK, and Queen Tara + Ronin?? KILL ME

9. Pirates of the Carribean Trilogy

Look at her! She's my queen, my king, my awakening!! And I'm counting the first three films in one because I refuse to separate them. Jack will forever be one of my icons, and Elizabeth + Will will forever be my number 1 ship (even if it doesn't look like it, rhey're my one).

8. 20th Century Girl (2022)

Because this movie made me weep. The friendships! The high school of it all. The first love. 🤧🤧🤧 This is due for a rewatch actually.

7. Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

I'm a hoe for these bitches actually. THIS is my justice league. SO FUCKING ICONIC AND PLOT AND CHARACTER ARCS. And henry cavill in that superman suit!!!

6. Lord of the Rings Trilogy

"It's like the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad has happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. I know now folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something. That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for." <- TURN THAT SHIT UP

5. The Princess Bride (1987)

Ohh another iconic iconic film. It made me laugh it made me cry it comforted me. If i could, i'd sell my soul to watch this again for the first time.

4. Pride and Prejudice (2005)

HANDS AND LONGING AND YEARNING AND PINING AND KEIRA KNIGHTLEY. YOU HAVE BEWITCHED ME. WALKS IN THE MEADOWS. THE MUSEUM HOUSE THINGY.

3. Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

I'm so jealous of Sam and Suzy's love. Just two kids against the world. And it's so so much. Like take me to an island and let's just wander it together. This is so dear to me, JUST TAKE ME TO MOONRISE KINGDOM WHERE WE CAN DANCE ON THE BEACH.

2. Moulin Rouge (2001)

Such a bonus that when i searched moulin rouge to search for gifs, scott and tessa showed up. Anyways, this film THIS FILM. The audacity it had to take my heart and make it believe in love only to rip it to shreds. And forever robbed that come what may wasn't eligible for best music for oscars bc it wasn't originally written for moulin rouge. And also, look at mr mcgregor and ms kidman. someone mash up my fave songs and create an elephant love medley for me.

1. Dead Poets Society (1989)

i miss neil.

Tagging these people bc i'm curious abt ur fave films: @f1-giuki @dreamingamongthestars @newtness532 @pancsaa @alestire @muhtants @nerdypandablizzard @putyourreddresson @xiaoluclair @fabbyf1

[zannolin]

god remember Alias's premise? Sydney gets recruited by who she believes to be the good guys but they're not and her telling Danny got him killed (if i see one more person giving Mia shit for not telling ethan before or after dulvey about her job i'm going to start screaming*)

*before the connections were a threat (and Ethan still suspected her of something and calls her on it she says it "i did lie to you i shouldn't have" in the opening cutscene of the game) tell anyone about what you're doing we're gonna get you and after? the connections were still a threat Ethan and Mia were moved around a bit (they knew about Rose and told Miranda)

the show is enjoyable not perfect (sometimes really stupid i do not like the cloning plot line at all) and I am so happy it ended the way it did them happy alive (and not dead for stupid reasons)

also season three where Sydney vanishes off the face of the fucking earth for two years and Vaughn thinks she's dead? and moves on (should have had more she's a bad guy moments but oh well) good angst such good angst

i quit watching in season three because okay confession, i really liked sydney/vaughn but then once they actually got together i realized i actually liked them pining much better than them you know, together, because they lost all the fun and tension. (also i just love yearning, and sometimes i'm like what if they just yearned for 10 seasons and did basically nothing. so i don't have to deal with romance drama or anything. and that's why tiva got me even if they did end up having a kid sigh i hate kid plots but whatever, i digress.) also i was sooo fed up with the way they were constantly pitting his wife and sydney against each other, and i didn't like her dad at all so i was like "hey dad" (i was watching it with my dad) "when does irina come back?" (in typical me fashion, i see a controversial/likely misunderstood or heavily disliked female character and go is anyone gonna love her or what) and he was like lol...she'll be back later. and my sister was like yeah, for Two Episodes or whatever. and i was like yeah no i'm outta here.

it was a time.

good points about the connections tho i have no idea why we're also talking about mithan (<- has not had her coffee) but yeah ur right

[dracwife]

this is me askething about that ship you wanted us to asketh about tell us Anything and Everything what’s the lore what’s the dynamic

THE LORE. god. ok. read more time. bc. its so much.

at a baseline: its about the pining, its about the yearning and the parallels to their past and making up for lost time. its about wanting to kiss each other so bad but the narrative wont let you ...

ok short version: mimi works for the sheriff's office as the forensic examiner. he moves back (or gets "transferred" to riverdale) and most people kind of like "ah yeah i remember you from highschool! and its super chill but. then. bam. fp. there's a moment of "oh shit" wherein mimi thought they were well over those feelings from years ago, but spoilers: they aren't. they see him around sometimes, along with some other members of the serpents and are eventually convinced to "come have a drink" for old time's sake, which he declines because, well he works for the police now, it wouldn't be a very good look (it's definitely so they can avoid having to see fp, by the way). in exchange, he meets fp's son, who is looking for a place to stay and after a brief explanation and "ah, ive heard my dad talk about you once or twice but not much besides that sorry" (it breaks mimis heart, btw) they let him crash on his couch.

eventually after the murder of jason (a local teen) in season 1, mimi works on the case and at the rumor that the serpents had something to do with it, finally goes to see fp under the guise of "im taking care of your son, by the way, if you even care" and in that moment they both realize their feelings for each other never quite faded. there's a moment of silence, and fp almost kisses mimi, but they stop him, saying that they can't go through with it, not now, and not before he's sober (fp struggles with alcoholism hi). they do agree to check in with him though, and to continue taking care of his son until then, and there's a sweet moment where mimi puts a very drunk very sad fp to bed and makes sure he's alright, and it's very "i never stopped loving you"

fp starts getting his shit together, for his son's sake and because he realizes how alone he really is. mimi comes to see him a little after, and realizing the effort he's putting in they finally kiss again after what, 20 years? and commit to trying again. mimi makes it clear though that if they are going through with things, fp has to stay clean, and has to stay safe, to which he agrees.

of course, right after, he's framed and arrested for the murder, which destroys mimi. since they're the forensic examiner, they have to test the gun taken from fp's trailer and confirm it's the same one from the murder, which is so hard for them. they visit him in his holding cell, crying, and they argue back and forth about him lying, saying he was done, that he was a good person now. he doesn't argue, but instead lies, confesses to killing the teen under blackmail. eventually mimi pulls a print that isn't fp's off of the gun, which leads them to arguing his innocence and though the sheriff questions his loyalty, they're able to at least hold off the trial until further proof can be found. it means the world to fp especially after mimi swearing him off, and after he's cleared mimi goes to see him again, and confesses they really did never stop loving him, and that they were going to fight for him "like you did for me" in reference to mimi being trans/gnc and often ostracized for it in highschool, where fp always stood up for them. eventually he's released and from there they reunite and officially start their relationship again, which is kind of the extent of the story i have at the moment. there's another little plot about mimi and their relationship to the serpets (which fp is now rhe head of) but ive already gone on sooo much LMAO but the short version is mimi broke tradition during initiation (which involves and i shit you not, this is from canon: doing a striptease to the sad piano version of mad world???? and mimi said fuck that because its ridiculous and decided if they had to do some ridiculous shit like that at least make it to a cool song like trust in me because haha snakes) but were still accepted after fp's relentless arguing, so a lot of people don't consider them "truly" a member. so. yeah.

i have this whole subplot about like flannels too since fp wears them constantly. its like ... the symbolism in the flannel which is just mimi steals one of his flannels and wears it around at varying times, and almost burns it after fp falsely confesses, feeling betrayed but doesn't because THEY NEVER STOPPED LOVING HIM RAAGGH ...... the emotions .... and maybe they even wear it once or twice to work, which fp notices and though mimi pretends to be upset with him, are they really? because they're still wearing his clothes yknow ..... and its like moment of like "yes, you idiot, i still care about you so much."

BUT YEAH. BASICALLY. THAT'S KIND OF IT. it's about the pining the yearning the memories... its about "we used to be so silly remember that time i got grounded for going out all night with you to the diner?" as they're going out and spending the night talking at the diner. its about the parallels, its about reminiscing in the fact that we used to be so in love and maybe deep down that connection is still there what if it never went away and subconsciously we are re enacting it!!!! ITS ABOUT THE INTRICATE RITUALS!!!!!!!!!

[iri-desky]

Oh boy. OH MAN I'M CONTINUING THIS! Worry not Tumblr users!

The ensuing night breaks Rody's mind so much that he reconsiders his relationship with Manon and is sent into some Bi panic (remember, canonically, he's bi, just VERY, VERY SUPPRESSED and has no idea that he is, in fact, bi [he acts painfully straight]. Remember all the material we can get out of that). He mildly regrets what's happened, yet nonetheless he's glad he's got a raise -- still, this throws his and Manon's relationship into question and thus the entire prospect of even working at the bistro for pay. He keeps working there anyhow, albeit still worried. Anyway, Yada Yada Yada, the next day at the bistro is pretty damn awkward and Vince is, miraculously, happier than usual, if not still a little awkward (remember, the guy was drunk off his ass, but damn, he's got what he's been pining for and that's a pretty great trade), as Rody attempts to slyly give a "No Homo!" tag to the situation to Vince (it isn't working as Rody greatly underestimates the power of no homo. He's also trying to tell himself it was a "I'm not gay but $20 is $20" moment). Yada Yada Yada, Rody continues to look for answers about Manon as he desperately attempts to fight the demons of bisexuality (he is hanging on by a thread) in the face of his situation with Vince.

We also get a touch of foreshadowing as to Vince's little human meat business since Rody has bite marks ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) now. The ear torn off in the best served hot ending also suffered the worst of it. That ending is also referenced during a discussion he and Vince have the next day -- (( "I thought you were gonna tear my ear off or something..." "Rody, do you really think I would do that?" ))

Also, the dream occurring between days is a bit gayer than usual yet nonetheless maintains the common theme of foreshadowing Vincent's cannibalism (say it with me dead plate Fandom. CANNIBALISM 👏AS👏A👏METAPHOR👏FOR👏LOVE👏!)

Now I also wanna say that this affected Vince too. Remember how the reason he killed Manon and made her a snack was because he wanted to make a dish "made with love" for Rody since it's the only way he knew how? Yeah. Now he's questioning if he really needs that. Alas, he's also torn between that AND only being more persuaded to continue making it for him.

Anyway, yeah, Vincent is definitely a little friendlier with Rody now, and we also get the cigarette duet type scene in the Alleyway that the Dead Plate Fandom has been yearning for (at least. At least I am) after the next work day/ round of gameplay is over. This leads Vincent awkwardly inviting him back to his apartment (which he never says is a date but we all know it's a date). You can choose whether or not you accept, though the only real way you can get the gay ending is accepting.

(Slow burn. Everyone. They're so awkward and I love the slow burn)

Rody is flustered as hell after it. Furthering his bi panic. BUT! This isn't just a romantic subplot furtherance, my friends and enemies! This also furthers the main plot! Rody now has free reign of Vincent's apartment. Therefore, he continues to look for answers. It's there he can finally find the freezer key. But he also sees a photo of Vince with Manon. He asks Vince why that's there, and Vince doesn't know how to respond.

Now I wanna say that unlike other routes, Vince doesn't respond bluntly. Because now he's questioning his relationship with Rody, and the Manon dish situation. So he lies and says; "... she was a friend of mine. I keep pictures of her around." Rody is skeptical, but something in him makes him want to believe him. So they talk for a little longer, and we get...

● Banter over wine. Vincent doesn't want much because he "regrets what he did" though he doesn't specify what.

"You did get a little drunk..."

"You don't need to hide what I did, Rody. I completely remember."

"Oh."

"Well, I just thought it'd be a little... awkward for you, so--"

"-- and you have no need to spare my feelings."

"..."

"..."

"... did you feel anything?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"... when it happened. Did you...?"

"..."

"... no, disgusting." (Me when I lie) (also, I will note that Vincent is actively lying through his teeth, here. HE KNOWS he likes Rody. He just doesn't want to say it simply because he's terrified of what may follow)

"..."

"...oh. Okay. That's all right."

"Did you?" (Also another Vincent gay panic moment; here he actually WANTS to know.)

"...just...uh... well, maybe. Kinda." (He had to SPIT THIS OUT! Also, I will note you have a choice to say yes or no here. If you say no, you don't get the gay ending and that's blocked for the rest of the playthrough. Instead you'll get a gayer flavor of endings 2 - 4 depending on your choices from here ( I may write those sometime )

"..."

"... you can go home, Rody. If you want."

"...okay." (Poor boy thinks he's bad for this ...)

Vincent sighs and Rody goes home. Before he leaves Vincent leaves one last hint he actually does indeed like Rody, and off Rody goes into the night. He gets one last nightmare (the bisexuality demons and Manon torturing him) and off he goes.

However, before he does this, he does get the chance to check the freezer if he has the key. Yes, while this is the night BEFORE that should happen, the next night, given its the gay ending, is for something else, now. If he checks the freezer, in come those gayer flavors of the other endings.

Anyway, fast forward! The last day, Rody comes back a little dreary because he DID NOT! Catch Vincent's hints and he's depressed as hell. Again, things are awkward, maybe less than the day before, however. But Vincent seems a little...giddier. Maybe he's actually drunk (he is. He's easing stress). Anyway, Yada Yada, Rody finishes his work day, flustered as hell. Anyway, cue the end of the day. Rody goes to leave the bistro--if you clicked everything that leads to the gay ending, Vincent stops him. Rody turns around a little petrified, and Vincent leads him to the freezer that Rody didn't want to enter.

(Note the golden gay ending requires NOT picking up the matches...)

And he's met by a small dinner that Vincent made. At this point, Rody is melting. He knows Manon might kill him for this but at this point she's probably abandoned him (oh man, does he know [he doesn't know]). Some candles are there, that were lit by Vincent's matches. Vincent says it was for Rody, and, flustered, sneakily admits to his feelings (it isn't a direct "I love you" but it's clearly an "I love you"). He said he made a meal for him. Rody says it's delicious, he asks how he made it. Vincent's response;

"... it was made with love."

Rody seems surprised, and yet nonetheless he seems accept the confession. We get a clear off camera kiss. And the two drink wine together into the night as the game ends, Ending 0, made with love~

If only Rody knew that Vincent ultimately decided he'd still serve Manon to him, but just not tell him it was her.

♡

OH MY GOSH I'M FINALLY DOOOONE RAAAAAAH HOPE YOU LIKED THIS CONCEPT

GIVE ME SOME IDEAS FOR SUCH ENDINGS

[frizzyanya]

Gayest show Wang Yibo has ever been in.....

After watching 10? 12? idk? episodes of The Untamed, I went to take a five minute break and surfaced three days later having watched all 35 episodes of Gank Your Heart. (both shows ft. Wang Yibo, of course)

At the time I said, and I quote, “the gayest show Wang Yibo has ever been in is NOT The Untamed, it’s Gank Your Heart. I don’t care what The Untamed’s source material is.”

Having now watched every episode of both shows......I STILL FEEL LIKE THAT WAS RIGHT. To explain my theory, I’m considering the “love interest” (LWJ/PX) rather than the main character (WWX/JXK).

Consider: The Untamed’s Lan Wangji has a brother, and an uncle, and a group of kids he cares about. He goes Places and does Things that have nothing to do with Wei Wuxian, because he’s a Person with Responsibilities. Lots, perhaps most, of his plot lines entangle with WWX’s. Many of LWJ’s plot lines are directly related to his love for WWX. He definitely gets in a lot of messes because of WWX. But there are moments, particularly in the beginning, where LWJ is just interacting with his brother or trying to Save The Day or something, that genuinely are unrelated to WWX.

On the other hand, there’s Gank Your Heart’s Pei Xi. Those moments unrelated to the main character? There are virtually NONE of them. Some of the earliest scenes we see Pei Xi playing for one e-sports team, but already scheming his way onto JXK’s team. From the jump, he’s already fascinated, transfixed, and obsessed with this guy. There’s no getting-to-know-you arc. From the first moments he appears on screen, he’s already ready to jump JXK’s bones, and I think that’s beautiful.

loljk. 

He’s already ready to get to know JXK. To drop everything and follow him. Yes, LWJ does the same thing. Both Pei Xi and LWJ risk losing their family, friends, career, social standing, etc etc. The difference? a) it starts so much earlier for Pei Xi than LWJ. b) Pei Xi has absolutely no unrelated plot lines. He only interacts with other characters for reasons that related to JXK. (Summer? talking about JXK, asking for money to buy out his contract to go play for JXK, etc) (Legends team members? He’s only there because he wants to be on JXK’s team!)

LWJ cares about other characters; he cares how they feel, what happens to them, how his actions impact them, etc. Pei Xi literally does not care about anyone other than JXK. He’s willing to roll his eyes at anyone and everyone else. Nobody matters to him - nobody - except JXK.

And that’s a hill I’ll die on.