#the worst part is I really like the script but my voice is so... croaky??

[snoozingiris]

trying to write my first uhh spoken hypnosis induction script and oh my god. practised reading what I'd done out loud. how do you control your inflection?? how do you not stumble over every single word?????? there's a reason I write scripts I guess as opposed to speaking spontaneously

[moogsthewriter]

Thoughts on Avengers: End Game

Put below a cut for spoilers, but the spoiler-free tl;dr is that I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about it because there’s things I liked, things I don’t like, and things I’m not sure if I should accept.

Let’s be blunt: Pulling off Endgame in a way that satisfies everyone, makes logical sense using reality-bending stones, and ties up 10+ years of movies was pretty much impossible. Obviously there’s a lot of debate, and I’m probably not adding anything new to the discourse, but I keep losing sleep and/or having weird dreams, so I clearly need to get it off my chest so to speak to try and ease my mind. So I’ll just touch on a few key topics:

The Timeline: This I know is getting a lot of hot debate, and it’s actually caused my husband and I to raise our voices at each other over it (which is honestly not surprising – the biggest conflict in our marriage thus far has been that he’s pro-Cap and I’m pro-Iron Man, lol). The most helpful explanation to me has been this reddit thread that essentially compares the timeline to an operating system and that essentially, by Cap returning the stones to their original times, it “rebooted” the main timeline from those points on (though the events still happened for the future characters because of the whole “the past becomes your future which can’t change your past” thing). This – in theory – helps explain why it doesn’t blow up the GOTG timeline to have past!Thanos + army come and be killed in 2023 or whatever year it was. I admit, I’m still a bit skeptical about this, primarily because of the Old Cap ending. The reset works for everyone except him in that case, and I know that Peggy Carter was a badass and could keep a lot of secrets, but I just don’t see it being possible for Steve to hide out and not impact the timeline… I also think it will be telling to see what happens in GOTG 3, because clearly Peter was searching for Gamora, and if this “system reboot” theory holds true, then she should not appear at all in that film, other than in recordings/flashbacks/etc. (unless they try and do something with the Soul Stone, which is a whole other kettle of fish). So I think the timeline can sort of work logically, but that leads into two other key points…

Steve’s Ending: Honestly, this was the worst note for me to end on and is the biggest source of contention between me and my husband on our perspectives of this film. We both agree that it’s totally in character for MCU!Steve to do something like this – husband thinks it’s good to let Steve have the happy ending he wants after everything, but I view it as yet another instance of Steve literally NEVER practicing what he preaches. To me, “getting a life” and having a happy ending that also shows ACTUAL character growth would be Steve finally accepting that he is in the future and it is time for him to move on AND THAT HE DOESN’T NEED ROMANCE TO BE HAPPY. But again… having such an ending would be antithetical to everything they’ve done with Cap since Winter Soldier, let’s be honest, so as much as I hated it (and think it throws the timeline thing into question, as mentioned above), I do think it fits the character.

Morgan Stark: As much as I loved seeing more of dad!Tony, there wasn’t much point to have Morgan as a character in the film unless it was setting it up for Tony to have to decide between the reality with his daughter and the reality with his spiderson everyone else, which is an excellent point that I know others have raised all over social media. HOWEVER, I also think that this isn’t so much a desire for a plot point for Tony as it is to be a... IDK, a consolation prize, I guess, for Pepper – yes, she loses Tony, but she gets their daughter, whereas if they reset the timeline like we all thought they would, she probably wouldn’t have gotten either (more on that in a sec). And THAT idea stems from the general problem of…

The female character story lines: It is very clear to me that the writers really had no idea what to do with the story arcs for the female characters in this film. For a character like Captain Marvel, it kind of makes sense, since apparently the script was finalized a few years ago (aka before the CM movie came out). But they’ve NEVER known what to do with Natasha’s arc, clearly, or with Pepper, either (at least not since the early Iron Man films, if even then), and so to me, the Morgan Stark thing ties more broadly into that. Basically, a bunch of dudes thinking through this problem with apparently little/no input from women (if the writing credits are accurate).

Natasha’s ending: Speaking of Natasha’s arc, this is the character death that is honestly bothering me the most out of the entire film. As much as I love Jeremy Renner and the Hawkeye of the comics, there has never been much compelling about his character (mostly because the writers have never done anything to make him to be compelling, let’s be real) – everything I (and I think a lot of the fandom) love about MCU!Clint is directly tied to his relationship to Natasha. I get that they were trying to not screw him over completely and do… something with him (very clearly not much, because he doesn’t really do much after Vormir????), but if he had been able to succeed in the sacrifice, that actually would’ve given both a point to his weird arc in this film AND would have set up even greater conflict/character development for Nat in a future film. Plus, it was hard to actually mourn Nat’s death because other than those REALLY SHORT scenes at the lake, it’s like it never happened or something. (I do wonder if there’s a bit more of that kind of content in the deleted scenes, but that would also speak to decisions of treatment of women in this film.)

Thor’s arc: There’s a LOT I could say about this, but I’ll keep it short-ish because this is already getting ridiculously long. Overall, I think it’s actually an interesting direction for Thor to go as a character (I can see where some think it’s backsliding from Ragnarok but I don’t necessarily think so… I can go more into that if people want), but it was really difficult to see his PTSD get treated so lightly. This is again where it makes sense for the characters involved – most of his screentime was with Rocket, who is probably the literal worst at dealing with past traumas in a positive way within the MCU, and other than Iron Man 3 and parts of Winter Soldier, no MCU film has really even touched the issue of PTSD well, especially in these later phases – so it makes sense on one level that it was the way it was, but… yeah, still. (Trauma is also why I really didn’t like Tony’s interaction with Howard, but I’m not even going to touch that because then we’ll be here forever.) But yeah, that’s another thing that will be interesting to see if they explore in GOTG 3.

Tony’s arc: This was obviously one of the hardest things for me to deal with, as a Tony fan, but I also was absolutely convinced he was going to die once Stephen traded the time stone to save Tony’s life in Infinity War, so to me it was a matter of figuring out how he was going to die. And honestly? I actually thought it was one of the better ways for Tony to go out. Why do I say that? Two things. One – the “I am Iron Man” line was perfect, even with – honestly, perhaps because of – its raspy croakiness. To me, that summed up Tony perfectly – he is the man in control of and behind the design the suit and thus the true hero (because the suit HE DESIGNED was able to work out getting the stones/gauntlet off Thanos’ hand), and even when he’s at the very end of his rope, he never gives up when it comes to trying to do the right thing (even if he goes about it in the wrong ways and is often his own worst enemy). So yeah, it felt like pure Tony Stark to me. Two – the fact that he went out with his real family by his side. One of my fave moments was him finally laying into Steve and the rest of the team at the start of the film, and I think his closing moments mirrored that well. Yes, he can be on cordial terms with the rest of the Avengers, but they were never his true family – his real family was the ones with him at the very end, and I was honestly so relieved that there was no bullshit last-words exchange between him and Cap that tried to cement some mythical bond that was never really present in MCU in the first place (comics, yes; cinematic universe, hell no) that that overruled everything else I feel about his death. (Though I could obviously go much more into that but again… this is hella long so I’ll stop now.)

Anyway, IDK if anyone made it to the end of this thing, but I feel like I’ve gotten a weight off my chest, so… mission accomplished, I guess? Lord knows I could write an entire novel about my feels as a result of this movie – I didn’t even touch treatment of the Wakandans, Captain Marvel’s non-appearance in the film, or other “implied but never confirmed/denied” elements of the plot. But I’m probably close to Tumblr’s bs limits anyway, so. Congrats to you if you made it this far lol.

[heathered-beinn]

BangtanTV Youtube Vids 3

Dance practice by 정국 of 방탄소년단 - YouTube Dance practice by 정국 of 방탄소년단 (Jungkook of BTS)

This short dance routine was a nice little insight into the level of Jungkook’s dance skills a few months before the band debuts. I looked up the band’s debut date which is June 2013 and this was filmed in January. From what I can remember from previous vids Jungkook didn’t have much/if any dancing experience when he joined the company so this is quite an impressive start! I am not a dance expert in anyway but I’ll make a few observations using my common sense. This short routine shows he has already developed a good sense of flow, has a good memory for remembering steps, and nice posturing for the style of dance (i.e. it doesn’t look awkward or robotic). His rhythm was off a little in places, which was most noticeable throughout the second set of bell rings. I’m going to make another uneducated observation based on this off-rhythm: throughout this video he seems to be dancing more from memory rather than dancing to the music. Is this a one off or is it because he is still learning (and probably under pressure)? It will be so interesting to see how his skills grow from here on out.

방탄소년들의 졸업 - YouTube 방탄소년들의 졸업 (rough translation: Graduate of BTS)

Oh my goodness <3 <3 !!!! This is so cute!! The song is clearly about them graduating from their respective schools. Dressed up in their school uniforms, J-Hope, Jimin, and Jungkook sing a Korean-ised version of Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa - Young, Wild and Free ft. Bruno Mars on school grounds.

It is like, tooth-rottingly cute – all of them are so young and baby faced! Jungkook seems to be the lead singer already and did a little rapping too. He’s definitely a singer more than a rapper but it still sounded good. J-Hope’s voice is smooth and he oozes confidence. He also looks like he hasn’t aged a bit from then to now! Jimin is just a little cutie. I think he was mostly background vocals and visuals in this little music video which I’m sure was down to his lack of confidence in singing since it was so new to him. *sigh*… there was so much youth and innocence in their voices back then. Okay so their voices were a little unpolished and it wasn’t exactly a blockbuster of a music video but, you know what, it was pretty damn good and definitely an entertaining performance.

Observations: so taking into account that this would all have been edited and somewhat scripted, looking and reading between the lines the three of them seem to be genuinely close already. I know Korean culture is generally less conservative with touching between friends than western (yet more conservative in other ways) but the three seem pretty natural with each other. Either they gelled fast or they’ve been working together for some time already – even before Jimin became an official member of the pre-debut band. I really liked how, rather than pretend to be macho males who dominate the school and ogle the girls, the video is just them hanging together and essentially ��playing’ like young teenage friends. I had to laugh at Jimin measuring his height against the growing Jungkook. Enjoy the inch while you can darling because it’s going to go fast lol!! Also, you really would think they were all the same age but if I’m right, there is four years difference between J-Hope and Jungkook!

 130208 지민 - YouTube 130208 지민 – Jimin 08/02/13 (UK date!)

Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

Jimin tells us he went to Jungkook’s graduation with Jin and Suga (hyung). They went because they heard Jungkook didn’t have many friends but it turns out he was surrounded by girls (lol!) and Jimin was a little jealous (jealous of JK having more friends than him, or that they were girls, or that JK has a lot of friends who aren’t Jimin/the band?). He then says that now JK is a year older he will probably become a bit more manly (again, is that a good thing or a bad thing Jimin? Are you afraid he will get taller than you? Or that he might not be so playful? Or are you looking forward to those things…? In all honesty I thought this was a bit of an odd thing to say but then it might be the culture difference). The team are getting a vacation (excellent, I bet it is really needed – although if memory serves, by the time American Hustle Life comes around it’s been a long time since they had seen their family so this might have been the last trip home that they talked about). Jimin says he feels bad that RM and Suga can’t go home early because they have to work on songs but he hopes they can go home soon and rest. (Two things come to me here; one, RM and Suga are already the lead writers at this point and they are under a kind of pressure that they can’t go home until they meet some kind of quota? Look, they are both adults at this point and it’s a difficult industry so this isn’t too surprising that there is a lot of pressure, but it shows how hard they had to work to get to where they are today. It did not get handed to them on a plate. Do I think this particular pressure was unnecessary; yes I do. Do I think it’s the worst thing in the world: no I do not. I can acknowledge that there are much worse things to be doing than writing songs in a studio for hours on end. I also think the that the pressure will probably nurse their passion for the job. However, that doesn’t mean they are not stressed, tired, and mentally drained, so I empathise with them and hope they get the break they deserve soon. The second thing is: a small note about Jimin’s concern and regret that RM and Suga aren’t going home like himself. That shows he has some empathy and that he cares about them. As this is incredibly early in the band’s career this is just an observation of the emerging bonds.

 130208 정국 - YouTube 130208 정국 (080213 Jungkook UK date)

Thanks to Hopeful Mang in the Youtube comments for the translation. Before I even get into the video I want to make the observation that JK is wearing a fur-lined coat in the studio – just how cold is it in there???!!!! He also looks tired/cold, poor lad.

Right, so, according the translation, he says he is finally filming his log and he watched Jimin do his and thought he didn’t speak well but now that it’s his turn he realises he doesn’t know what to say. (Well JK, you were quick to judge Jimin – and quite harshly – but now you realise it really isn’t that easy! I do wonder, now, if JK was in the room with Jimin when he was filming? If so, was Jimin maybe teasing him when he said he, Jin, and Suga thought he did not have many friends and that’s why they went to his graduation? Then maybe he made up for it by suggesting he was surrounded by girls, which he may not have been? Who knows, but that’s another possibility lol!)

JK then tells us that today was his graduation and that he had been looking forward to it but now that it’s happened he’s actually not that happy. (I wondered why? I was curious about him graduating anything at 15 so I googled and figured out that since he’s fifteen he’s just graduated middle school! So now I’m wondering if he’s nervous about going to High School? Or if he’s sad about the pressure to leave a certain part of his childhood behind? Or maybe he’s sad he might not see some his classmates again?) He says it is 11:39 and they’ve just finished dance practice (I am hoping that he is talking about 11 in the morning…) Like Jimin, JK says it’s almost New Year and he can’t wait to go home. He finishes the log by saying he misses his mum and dad and that everyone will be waiting for him at home and he wants to go. (It must be hard for JK to be so far away from home at such a young age. I know that many children are, for various reasons, but I hate the ‘oh don’t worry about it there are other people worse off’ mentality. That kind of thinking helps nobody and only deteriorates a person’s mental health because it doesn’t stop them feeling bad but increases their overall stress because they feel guilty for feeling bad. Anyway, back to JK, I wonder how he copes without his family? Who provides his pastoral care? Are there staff there – like the house staff you’d get in a boarding school who are a bit like a stand-in parent? Or do the other band members, like Jin and Suga, look after the younger ones? What does JK have to do for himself? Does he cook his own meals? Clean his own washing? Organise his dental/hair appointments? What about when he’s unwell? Who looks after him? Does the company provide any of that? I know the band live in dorms so there has to be some sort of living arrangements. Hopefully this will all get answered in time.)

 130212 RAP MONSTER - YouTube 130212 RAP MONSTER – (RM’s Log)

Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

So RM starts by saying that New Year’s is over and that’s he had a [legal] drink with some long-time friends [ones he’s known for 13-15 years]. (I’m glad he at least got to celebrate New Year – the video doesn’t spell out if he actually got to go home but I really hope he did). He says that he’s realised that real friends are the ones who stick with you through the bad times as well as the good (I’m sad it’s taken this long for you to realise darling but I’m glad you know now). He thinks the band is going to debut soon (it’s about four months off from what I read) and after the break he’s recharged and more determined. Starting tomorrow it’s going to be a storm and he’s going to practice more (which I assume means he’s going to launch into song writing with more vigour and determination and try even harder with the dancing – which great for him!! <3 The break evidently did him the power of good. I hope he manages to keep it going x)

 130212 정국 & 지민 - YouTube 130212 정국 & 지민 – 12/03/13 Jungkook & Jimin UK Date

OMG WHAT CUTIES!!! <3 <3 THEY ARE SO ADORABLE Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

Jimin starts talking first. (He sounds a bit croaky ☹). He says New Years is over. (That was really quick!!! They last filmed on the 8th and it’s now the 12th – not much of a vacation for them! ☹) Anyway, Jimin tells us that as the two of went to Busan they got to film their log together (presumably because they arrived back at the same time? The two of them seem a little awkward – not with each other – but as though they don’t quite know what to say lol. So I don’t think they exactly practised their log beforehand, which maybe they should have *insert crying with laughter emoji*) Jimin then says that as he predicted he put on a lot of weight. (I am… so sad. It’s been less than 4 days Jimin, even if you were on a drip that mainlined calories into your body 24/7 you would not put on that much noticeable weight in 3 days!!! This fixation on weight from all of them is breaking my heart.) Jimin then also says he caught a cold and his throat is sore (which explains why he sounds all choked-up, poor lad ☹. Then it is JK’s turn to speak and, bless him, the silence is awkward – he’s really going to have to work on feeling comfortable in front of the camera.) JK eventually says that he had a good New Years and that he knows it will be a long time before he gets to go back to Busan again (Jimin nods along with a little sad pout and I want cry for them). JK then says he will work harder because of this (I’m kinda reading between the lines here and taking it that he means he will try to block out how much he misses home by focusing extra hard on their work. Whatever helps, sweetie.)

Jimin echoes this by saying that now they’ve caught up on some rest he’s ready to work harder (I want to go all motherly on his butt by saying; darling you are clearly under the weather and you need more rest, not to work harder right now. Get into your bed and let me make you some tea.) He reiterates this to JK by saying ‘we’re going to work hard? Correct?’. They look at each other and giggle a little shyly as JK agrees they will work hard (absolutely adorable, I’m loving this little friendship already). Jimin then draws the log to an end by saying RM needs the studio and that his throat is in a bad condition. He asks JK if he has anything more to say to which (LOL) JK says no and repeats he will work harder. Jimin awkwardly ends the log.

Extra musings; I find it absolutely adorable how awkward they were and it very much came across that it wasn’t that they were awkward with each other - in fact, they appeared to look to each other for reassurance - but that they just didn’t know what to say. I don’t think they aren’t comfortable talking ad hoc in front of a camera. It is really sweet that they clearly tried to help each other through the filming. JK is definitely the most shy out of the two and became a cute little ‘nodding dog’ whenever Jimin spoke as though his friend was saying everything perfectly for him (for anyone reading this who doesn’t understand; the term ‘nodding dog’ is a reference to a cute little toy that sits on a vehicle’s dashboard and nods it’s head to the vibrations. Overtime the term has morphed into a reference to people who sit and nod as someone else speaks – usually during speeches/meetings/lectures. Over-all it is an amusing analogy rather than a mean one and I definitely mean it in a gently teasing way!)

Anyway, these two seem to have a cute little friendship going on, which is nice to behold as we didn’t get to see much about their friendship until American Hustle and that godawful day working at the airport – which I have tried valiantly to scrub from my memory. I really hope to see more of them working together in the future – and maybe they will continue doing logs together <3

130214 J HOPE - YouTube 130214 J HOPE’s log

J-Hope!!!! Sweetheart <3 <3 I love your shirt – you look all sparkly! Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

J-Hope starts by saying he’s finally filming his first log (and I may or may not have melted into a puddle of goo when he smiled and clapped his hands together – such a beautiful boy, like sunshine personified). His graduation video has just been released (which I assume from my Google research on age and Korean education means he has now graduated high school, well done sweetie and congratulations!!!!). His graduation makes him feel both nervous and excited as it feels like ‘something is starting’. (I wonder if the company were holding back a little on debuting the band until the majority of them had finished high school – which would be sensible considering the band’s workload!). J-Hope says he hopes it’s not too cringeworthy but he wants to talk about his goals (nothing cringeworthy about that and I definitely want to hear about them!). His first goal is to get better at rapping before the band debuts, with the help of RM and Suga (I love how the band members are helping each other and I also admire J-Hope’s desire to improve his skills for the sake of the band). His second goal is to dance more like a pro (after what I saw in American Hustle Life then you have natural talent J-Hope and are already dancing like a pro, I don’t know how you can improve really. You’re definitely the most talented dancer in the group when it comes to hip-hop). He then tells us that it is Valentines Day and that he hopes we are enjoying it, relieving a lot a stress (?) and are eating a lot of chocolate (<3 you too J-Hope, even though I do not celebrate that day in the slightest lol). He finishes the log by wishing us a happy Valentine’s day again.

Further musings: a really cute log and a great start. J-Hope talks naturally in front of the camera and his smile is just beautiful and makes you automatically smile along. Maybe JK and Jimin should take some notes on J-Hope’s confidence and delivery lol.

 130214 지민&정국 - YouTube 130214 지민&정국 – Jimin and Jungkook

Ah the cuties are back!!! And they’re recording their log together again <3 Note: this is 2 days after the last one and the same day J-Hope recorded his first log. Thanks to Grace Lee in the Youtube comments for the translation.

(I may have sniggered at their choice of music playing in the background because I really don’t think they understood the lyrics…) ANYWAY, so, according to the translation, Jimin starts by saying it’s Valentine’s Day but also Graduation Day at his school. (I’m a little lost as to whether he is actually graduating anything specific or even where he might be graduating from). JK chimes in that he graduated today too (which I thought he did the other day? Confused.com). Jimin then says it was a day off school so he didn’t receive any chocolates (I’m guessing Valentine’s Day is quite a celebrated occasion in Korea). JK chimes in that he still received two chocolates (I like how males get gifts too and not just females for Valentine’s Day). Jimin says he got one chocolate. LOL at JK saying he won! Jimin then explains they get chocolates from the girl trainees in the company and that he doesn’t mind just getting one because they are on a diet (cue my angry face because I think I’ve already established I don’t think it’s a healthy diet). Jimin says he looks to Jin to lose weight in which JK chimes in that Jin is good at taking care of his body. (Funny enough, in one of the last Jin logs he said staff had commented on his growing weight, which was a load of bullshit, but Jin was determined to eat more healthily. So which is it? Jin is overweight enough that he needs to diet according to staff (gross and no) or does he have an enviable figure that JK and Jimin want to emulate? I mean what am I even talking about because neither Jimin or JK are overweight anyway and probably have six packs from all the dancing…) Then Jimin says… (and I genuinely want to cry that he says this, I don’t even want to type it) Jimin says ‘in order to not be called cute because of my fat, I will lose weight in anticipation of becoming handsome.’ (I don’t know where to even start with this horrible utterance. Firstly, there is nothing wrong with being called ‘cute’. Cuteness does not just cover looks it also encompasses personality whereas the term ‘handsome’ really doesn’t, at least from where I come from; you can be handsome to the eyes but an absolute dick in personality. Also, being thin does not mean you are handsome either – I have seen some men who are incredibly slender but not physically fit, all ribs and angular bones, and I wouldn’t class them as ‘handsome’. Anyway beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder. Everyone finds different qualities attractive. Also, not to give the game away, I saw what Jimin blossoms into when they appeared on the Late Late Show and he has nothing to worry about. I honestly don’t think it was ‘losing weight’ that truly transformed him either, not in the end. However, I can empathise with the lad, Jimin has a very youthful face that is prone to adorable full cheeks, even when the rest of him is pure lean muscle. I get that he’s at an age too where he wants to be seen and treated like an adult but, Jimin, that comes at a price too – don’t be so quick to try and shake off your youth, it’s precious.) Then JK devastates me by saying he wants to do the same. (Look, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look good – or at least feel like you look good. However ‘losing weight’ – which is ALL they mention so far - is barely part of the answer. So much depends on things like having a ‘healthy diet’ – lots of vegetables etc - being happy gosh that is so vital, getting enough sleep, getting enough exercise, wearing the right clothes, how your hair is cut and how it shapes your face, same with the eyebrows, your personal grooming, getting the right amount of sun, and how you hold yourself – posture. There are so many aspects that can factor in to attractiveness. Also, do you want to attract people who only value you on your looks? Even as an Idol? Surely talent is more important?

Further musings: JK and Jimin seemed at ease together again – JK very much relying on Jimin to lead the log and simply nodding along to whatever he says. I noticed he also clutched his throat quite a bit, something I’ve not noticed before, and I wonder if he caught Jimin’s cold?

Can’t wait to watch more!