#the words and the emotion in performing it aghhhhh

[ribbithe8]

aaaaaskfdjskjsdf ok this is just going to be a word vomit because rn my head is like *brain haze* bc i’m feeling way too many things and i’m still reminiscing about the concert last night and like, reflecting on my last 1.5 years with seventeen, or i guess technically last 6 years? my god.

listening to rock with you is gonna turn into a crying trigger for me at this point because I’VE FINALLY EXPERIENCED IT LIVE NOW. I LITERALLY SAW THE GUYS PERFORM IT IN FRONT OF MY EYES WITHIN LIKE 40 FEET OF ME. i saw them last night!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!! one of my favorite songs of all time and my emotional attachment to it... 

EVERY TIME I CLOSE MY EYES I JUST REMEMBER MINGHAO WALKING TOWARDS OUR SIDE OF THE FLOOR AND HIS EYEBROWS LIFTING SLIGHTLY/HIS EYES OPENING JUST A LITTLE MORE AT MY HEADBAND. AND THEN ME QUICKLY DOING A FINGER HEART AT HIM. AND THEN!!!!!! HIM RETURNING IT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! MINGHAO LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!!!! I’M DELUSIONAL!!!!!!! okay obviously i know it’s just another normal fan at a concert interaction it’s literally his job. i just happened to catch his attention bc of my green kermit headband:

(fuck oakland arena for the no light-up stuff rule. i wanted to turn this on so badly. but at least he saw it during soundcheck. thank u my college friend’s roommate for making this for me Q_Q) 

BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE FACT THAT HE GAVE ME FINGER HEART BACK.... SOUNDCHECK WAS WORTH THE MONEY AND PAIN AND SUFFERING ALKALKJALKFDJLSKJFSD. even though we arrived kinda late we still made it on time and the livenation staff was understanding of our situation (not having the original purchaser’s ID because we bought resale), everything just worked out perfectly for us... i guess the only con of the concert was that i wasn’t quite used to adjusting my camera settings for photos/videos in the beginning, and that’s when rock with you was performed T___T as well as performance unit songs. to be fair PU’s stages had VERY bright lights so it was a challenge to take pics and videos anyways compared to HHU and VU (vocal unit was BY FAR the easiest, because they’re all standing in place lmfao). but yeah alkjasfdkj aghhhhh even though i didn’t get many good photos or videos of minghao (PLUS HE DIDN’T COME TO OUR SIDE OF THE STAGE MUCH i know he’s more of an introvert but my babyyyyy 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is why soundcheck was worth lol)

OKAY ALSO he looked very cute yesterday :((( i jokingly call him ugly all the time because his face is not at all my type but he genuinely did look very nice in person. i’m really glad that i got to see him in the flesh instead of only knowing him through photoshopped and heavily filtered or whitewashed photos and videos. because really, that’s one of the main purposes of going to a kpop concert anyways... also i don’t like most of minghao’s selfies because they’re so filtered or warp his face in a way that looks kind of uncanny LOL. i love my honey the way he looks normally 🥺

i think for the next concert i definitely want to bring a sign to catch his attention again LOL. the headbands really worked during soundcheck (but then again that’s also only VIP so i have less competition and the lights were on). i feel like a sign asking him to be my wife in chinese would make him react more LOOOOOOL. minghao please be my lawfully wedded wife 😤

god it really doesn’t feel real that i saw them in person 26 hours ago... what the hell... minghao was less than 10 feet from me... 😭😭😭 

UNWHITEWASHED!!!!! NO FILTERS!!! SKIN TEXTURE!!! (because all my other photos and videos the exposure is too high so he looks white ALKJSLKDF) THE REAL HIM!!!!! 

i like this one because he was standing still and if you zoom in you can see he’s actually looking in our general direction lol. 

i don’t care if he looked at us with annoyance or whatever and doesn’t actually like concert fans much (because if i was an idol i’d probably be annoyed by most fans lol) i’m just glad i got to see him :’) i give him love as a fan because i love him as an idol, not because i want him to like me as a person LMFAO it’s strictly a business/transactional relationship of fan-idol, but with general good feelings. something most kpop fans can’t distinguish which is why i can’t vibe with them... but anyways yeah i like this pic because he kinda looks like he’s giving me/my camera the sideeye 💖💖💖

his resting bitch face 💖💖💖💖💖💖 literally the thing that got me interested in him... normal people be like “omg he looks mad :(” meanwhile i’m just HE LOOKS PISSED MY BABY 🥰

also oh my god i can never go back to normal seating for seventeen. i need front row bro. or at least within the first three rows otherwise i think i’ll legit die AAHAHAHAH now that i know what it’s like to be up close 😭💀 i just opened google photos and the first thing it showed me was oty in 2020

THIS VIEW WAS NOT BAD but it’s NOTHING compared to my view last night like holy fuck i was at fansite level closeness

LIKE CHAN WAVED AND SMILED AT ME. I MADE THIS MY LOCKSCREEN AND I GET EMOTIONAL EVERY TIME I OPEN MY PHONE NOW ALKAJLKSJDLFK you can’t get this experience sitting in the regular seats 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHHHHH

also i got really good photos of wonwoo since he did come to our side during back it up i think. actually i wasn’t paying attention to the HHU songs ALKJADSKFDS i was only focusing on getting photos since i don’t have any attachment to HHU songs. but yeah, the wonwoo pics kinda went viral on twitter (miwon17_ reposted them LOL my kpop famous era... my dk and vernon photos as well. can’t believe dkzones reposted all my dks). even though he fell down my bias list he’s still the main reason for why i even fell into caratland in december 2020... like i literally made this blog because of him AOIWTOAASLKJSF so i cannot deny his impact 🙈 so might as well feed the wonwoorideuls. ALSO HE LEGITIMATELY DID LOOK HOT but imo he looked the sexiest during soundcheck when his hair was unstyled and he had bangs over his entire forehead. something about the hair down 2nd/early 3rd gen kpop hair that was popular when i was in jr. high and early high school that activates my hunger...... i wasn’t expecting to feel 😳 over wonwoo at any point that night but soundcheck!!!!! wow! 

i really feel like i’ve changed so much since i got into seventeen... my main interests are still anime and games and i listened to kpop regularly before too (mostly girl groups) but seventeen has really given me so much to look forward to in life, or like it’s elevated my mental state to the point that i can actually appreciate and find joy in so many more things? as much as i have disdain for kpop fans (i ranted about some white girls sitting near us in vip. lol) it still really is fun talking and befriending some of them, even if i’m a specific type of kpop fan that like... cannot blend in with most normal kpop fans lol. i’m just glad my best friend irl is more insane than me so we just connect all the time. and that i have fellow lesbian/wlw minghao friends who also get the gender envy and want to eat him, but don’t actually feel romantic or sexual attraction to him...? IDK my relationship with minghao is very complex which is why i can’t vibe with most 8stans honestly but he is my honey baobei and as long as i have 1-3 people who get it (which i do!) all is well in the world <3 so while my dream of being noticed/acknowledged by minghao has been fulfilled, the next goal is to make him laugh somehow... next world tour please 🙏

god though listening to rock with you really does make me so emotional. i was basically dying when the song and mv dropped in october and 10 months later it’s still kicking my ass 😭 UGH I LOVE SEVENTEEN SO MUCH!!!! they’re part of my routine now and i’m so glad they’re still active and will be for a few more years at least. i can see them live at least 1 or 2 more times :’))) the experiences and emotions they’ve given me are things that no one can take from me