#the whole point of the holt boys is that they are traumatized. like even without bear and sharon it's so clear that

[andonutty]

#ngl i'll make fancier tags eventually because i do not wanna clog the adf tag but this'll do#this was not supposed to be my first post yet i feel very strongly about this topic and the holts so um#here we go i guess!#cannot stress enough the literal dev of interior night has said the holts do want what's best for each other#they just have different ideas of what that best is! so it comes out wrong and warped and sometimes mean spirited#but they aren't just 2-bit abusers with signs on their heads saying : i hate jay and abuse him on the regular im a monster kill me#like do you know how much it wrecked me going through variations of the jay in prison scenes and seeing him say like#that tyler might even be happy out there as a fugitive. and that jay wants that for him? for tyler to be happy?#even jay himself comes into his wisdom which has always been there and acknowledges his love for his family#and the fact tyler and dale were miserable going on the way they were. just like he was!#the game centers around the holts and the walkers because they are two families that love each other and fumble the landing of it#jim lies to vince over something unforgivable. yet lying is all he knows. yet he did it out of a selfish love for his son#michelle cheats on vince which is awful and tries to paint it as something not important but she loves vince#is even willing to let him indulge in petty revenge ( which is missing the point ) so that they can stay together!#terrible things they're doing but it never takes away from the fact they love vince and zoe#a sentiment echoed by the holts!#idk like i know this take might get me killed but seeing morally gray games get the black and white treatment kills me#you are missing the true brilliance of adf's writing! you are missing some amazing characters!#also jay is not some unflawed creature. he literally can get so jealous over some girl that he isn't dating to the point of MAIMING a guy#he could've killed todd. he probably almost did! vanessa even says he might be more like his family than he thinks#and even if you don't choose this option it is still inside him. this paranoid jealousy and brutal violence#he can shoot vince or watch him die. he can let his dad die. he can bury someone alive. he can kill a cop and some poor ranger#dale and tyler and jay might be different characters and were shaped differently but they're still the same at their core

while only a minority share this view, i do find it somewhat tone deaf when people claim jay's ending is the best outcome for an abuse survivor -- either directly or indirectly implying everyone in the holt house was an abuser that jay, their sole little victim, had to get away from. for starters, none of his endings are happy ones. not even the fugitive path where he's holed up amongst nature, has a dog, and is bathed in solitude. maybe if you close your ears to what jay's saying during that scene you could see this as good for him, but his dialogue is stifled with an achingly loneliness, a sadness. this idea that he craved being alone in the wilderness is not one jay paints himself, it's only something that's said by tyler ; someone who clearly doesn't understand the younger on any level, much less grasps his desires. yes, jay wanted out, he likes nature, though no human can stew in their own space for years without this affecting them mentally. and that's not even taking into account that his entire life is over! he can't travel, he can't visit other countries or get lost in other areas of wood lands or plains, jay is infinitely stuck where he is. it's not a prison cell but it's a cage nonetheless, as the old saying goes : a golden cage is still a cage, after all. he tells zoe these beautiful sights have grown dull on him, laments about missing his family, vanessa, and is so chained by his want for connection he reaches out to a desert dream victim of all people. like, what about this muted cynicism, this barren home, seems happy? maybe he wanted this, some whimsical dream of this, before. now though? it's not what jay thought it'd be, and he lacks any power to change it. this is not some amazing ending for abuse survivors, it's still sad in a melancholy way, simply because jay is visibly unhappy with said circumstances.

but moving on to this, ah, ‘poor little victim in a lion's den’ narrative ... what? i think a lot of people fail to grasp how complex the holt household is in terms of toxicity and abuse. something that's very common nowadays due to how much people project rather than see what's in front of them. and don't get me wrong! projection is fine, you do you, we all consume and parse through media differently -- but this narrative is, by canon evidence, rather fictional. to be completely blunt, jay is not the only victim stuck in the holt house ?? the abusers have always been bear ( physical abuse, verbal degradation ) and sharon ( passive in the face of her kids' abuse, emotional manipulation ) ... and we are literally told point blank by the story itself and another character that these two favored jay immensely compared to their other children. now i'm obviously not saying that he has not faced trauma, he has! favoritism in a house like this does not shield you from the toxicity, sometimes that favor makes things worse, but he was protected to an extent, in ways tyler and dale were not. those two very clearly faced the brunt of bear's physical abuse ; for each other, for jay, and just overall caught their dad's ire more because they stood up to him. tyler takes a beating, a sight that's not at all new by his grim acceptance of this and the fact he states he's been doing this since young :

so, this is normal for tyler. getting beaten by his dad ( which isn't even mentioning the horror story bear can tell to ash, about how he literally threatened to cut tyler's ear or finger off ) and having his mom overall turn a blind eye to it, even going as far as to dismiss this fighting as childish behavior rather than what it is. and dale? we don't see much of him and bear in general, yet the second he steps up to defend tyler, with something as measly as a shove back, bear wastes zero time in hitting him so hard he's practically out of commission for the rest of the fight. he didn't even think about it, merely swung at dale as hard as possible on instinct alone before tyler hastily stepped up to defend him. what happens when jay tries stopping the fight, though?

both parties grab for him so they can toss him out of the way so he doesn't possibly get hurt. you can speculate bear was only doing this in order to finish his punishment on tyler, he'd deal with jay later whatever, although why not punch him like dale? why, out of all the moves on his belt, does he do the more merciful option? bear, who is nothing if not made of violence and has been molded to respect it? his fist that's raised in the air isn't for jay, since the next frame is jay shoved out of the way and him hitting tyler again ... hell, in dialogue where bear and jay are sitting on their porch, the youngest can even say bear beats on tyler and dale specifically. why not say “you beat on us”? like, the game is heavily implying that while jay is traumatized, there are some methods of abuse he simply did not face. one of them being the physical abuse prominent at home. and no, i'm not counting whatever pranks dale's pulled on jay ( like shooting him six times with a bb gun lmao ) because honestly? that's just older brother behavior, and we know that despite the morbid pranks, he still looked out for jay in the ways that counted. like protecting him from pa and to an extent tyler, something which, again, jay says himself!

back on topic a bit, the notion people seem to have of jay and his family seems overly simplified to me. people just looked at dale being his usual asshole self and went ‘abuser’, people looked at tyler's rather drastic and not usually like himself reactions to a high stress situation and went ‘abuser’, and that's a bit ridiculous to me. can't say i'm shocked! since so many people nowadays just see someone mean to their favorite character and decide woobifying said fave while demonizing their opposing force is exactly what canon intended. as dusk falls couldn't be a game more clear about it's main theme of family and the fact there's no purely good or bad people in this world, two statements that correspond directly to the holt family. are they bad for each other? probably! but that's a different discussion compared to, say, every single soul in that house violently abused poor jay and they should reap the consequences of that. dale and tyler, like their beloved younger brother, are also victims of abusive parents and a toxic home life. in turn, they both show signs of this abuse in ways that aren't entirely sympathetic or easy to swallow, especially when they've been dealing with it longer than jay and have never had their parents' favor the way he did. i see people get angry at tyler for the famous cabin scene, but nobody turns a critical eye to sharon ; who for all intents and purposes is watching this unfold without a care. she never physically stops tyler and her attempts to kill the fight are weak compared to her previously steely commands. and, honestly, the fact that tyler was that stressed about sharon getting on that bike so she can be protected, when she's the most capable out of the three of them, is way more strange than tyler's outburst -- when he's in a high stress situation, his baby brother's dead, and his life as he knows it is over. a life he didn't even have to begin with, since it was stolen due to his abusive upbringing.

whether this excuses what he did or not is entirely up to the player! i personally don't think it does, though i also understand where this is coming from and the game makes it clear this is not usual tyler behavior. throughout other people's views it's hammered into us that tyler has a cool head relatively, is the most sensible and smart out of his brothers. so, no, i do not think he was choking jay out all the time for his misplaced resentment -- i think his obvious disliking came from his stilted interactions with jay, and his lack of bond with him at all. we see in book one two times he reaches out to jay, demanding that he eats ( a minor, small thing to fret and worry about ) as well as panicking when he sees jay away from the rest of them during a shoot out. dale constantly looks out for jay as well, going as far as to take the heat from romero if they get caught and something as small as taking blame for jay's mistake in the barn scene. are his brothers more prone to violence and apathy? sure! yet they clearly love jay regardless. abusive households are not easy and see through. in fact in many cases the different levels of abuse the kids suffer does breed life altering resentment later on, envy that can damage these bonds permanently. honestly the holt family intrigues me deeply because of how well written they were as a unit, the effects of abuse and toxicity subtle and not overt in a ‘psa message’ kinda way. and these horrible relationships and ideals shared do not negate from the even more horrible fact that there is love in this messed up family, even bear clearly loves his sons, but that doesn't make it better. it almost makes it worse, seeing all the good intentions and care. knowing it doesn't excuse what they've done to each other nor does it make them better. they're a picture perfect family of an ugly wound! which is fascinating! i only wish more people saw that wonderfully shown depth rather than this bland and lukewarm take on the holts overall.

jay is a victim, he is traumatized, he deserved to one day spread his wings and put some distance between himself and his family ... but he was not the only one who deserved that ending, and he was not the only victim there. he was merely the only one with easy to parse trauma responses.

[blueplanettrash]

Tbh was not expecting the wave of emotions that hit when I read that Lance Iverson fic. But DAMN DID YOU GET ME GOOD! Can I just say that I love this so much! But also all of the possibilities! Like what about Lance having some ptsd about the explosion or maybe something else that might have happened during his time in the war and he gets stuck in a flash back while with his father and Iverson just holds him and tells him that everything is alright? Just some father/son bonding please!

Fuck me up with this good prompt son! I didn’t expect people to like papa Iverson so much. I hope you enjoy! ❤️

Iverson had been there before, he had been on many tours to Afganistan, Iraq, you name it, he’s probably been there. He himself had to deal with the aftermath of going to a war-torn country many times over, he was just lucky that he had Rosa to help him through the worst of it. It put a strain on their marriage a few times over the years, sometimes they were closer to divorce then he was comfortable admitting but he was already missing his family more than he wanted with his job, he didn’t want to miss anymore, so they worked it out as much as possible. So he knew the struggles of PTSD.

Seeing his son struggle with it was much worse.

Ever since he had gotten back, he’s noticed that Lance wasn’t sleeping as much as he used to. Even if he had been going to a military school for years before going to space, in his off time he would sleep in until noon. It didn’t seem to be the case now though, he would see him at all hours of the day or night, just wandering around. Of course, he would join in, try to get him to go back to bed and just shut his eyes for a little bit. Even if he wasn’t sleeping, it would afford him a little rest.

It was hard to see him so tired and run down all of a sudden. The last time he saw him before he went missing, he was smiling, full of life, content to just run around with his friends when there wasn’t work to be done.

He suspected his newfound jumpiness was thanks to the lack of sleep as well but he couldn’t be sure. He had always been jumpy since he was a little kid, easy to startle and straight up scare. It was quite an entertaining thing as a father to sneak up and poke him in the back for a shrill shriek.

He tried to get Lance to talk to him about what he went through because he wanted to understand and help him cope with everything. When he finally got in touch with Sam Holt after they touched back down on Earth, he made it seem like the kids were far better off then he suspected they were. He wasn’t trying to undermine what Holt through or anything but from what he was told, it didn’t seem like he was doing any of the fighting their children had and was working instead.

It was only just setting in that his child, his little boy, had been fighting in a war.

He knew all too well what that was like. With the way the world had been going over the past few decades, it wasn’t a surprise that he had been sent out more often than not, it was when he was diagnosed with PTSD that he was retired and instead he was sent to the Galaxy Garrison to ready recruits to be sent out instead.

When Lance first stated his interest in attending the school, he wanted nothing more than to refuse and not allow him to go because he knew what could happen to him. Long tours across the sea, potential injuries, amputations, even death. That was just on Earth too; how was he supposed to know that the war he would be fighting wouldn’t even be on their planet?

How was he supposed to know that the war he would be fighting, he wouldn’t have the support that he had during his tours?

How was he supposed to know that the war he would be fighting, he would fight when he was seventeen?

It was hard for a parent to digest; he could barely remember what had happened when he was told that his son and his friends had gone missing during the lockdown. He had just gone blank and his mind had gone to static, he could barely function.

Seventeen.

He was too young to have to deal with stuff like this.

He shouldn’t have had to fight for the universe.

He was just a child.

And the battle wasn’t even over yet.

The war was just the beginning of his fight, the second battle was the recovery.

Many people thought that as soon as the war was finished soldiers could just go home and have no problem adjusting back to their lives from before they went to battle. Sometimes that just wasn’t the case.

He never thought that it would happen to his son, he hoped that it never happened to him, but,

There they were.

He was holding his shaking son in his arms trying to calm him. He had run for his quarters, trembling barely able to stand after having a nightmare. As he sobbed into the crook of his neck, tears welled up in his own eyes. He couldn’t describe the level of pain that he felt to see his own child so scared of his own mind. It was far more painful than anything he had experienced himself, without a doubt.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked quietly, soothingly rubbing his back as he waited for a reply. After a few moments, Lance shook his head no and instead just laid his head on his shoulder, trying to calm his rapid breathing.

“It’s okay, Lance, I’m here, everything is okay,” he chanted, holding him securely in his arms. A small choke came out of his throat before he wrapped his arms tightly around his back again and dug his fingers into his cotton t-shirt.

It was a long time before Lance was asleep soundly again but he didn’t dare let him go, too afraid that he would snap back into wakefulness. So there he sat, cradling him just as easily as he did when he was an infant.

No matter how old, or how big Lance would get, he would hold him in a heartbeat if he ever needed it.

From that point on he tried to keep Lance company as much as possible. He wanted to make sure that Lance wouldn’t try to isolate himself from others. As well as trying to make sure that Lance knew he could go to him whenever he needed to.

They had taken to walking around the base and talking to personal as they got used to life back on Earth again. Thankfully since he was Lance’s father, he got to slack off a little bit more from his duties. Not that it was something he would regularly do but his son did just come back from God knows where in a flying blue lion.

He thought that they were making progress, helping Lance get over some of the trauma of Voltron and creating another sense of self back on Earth. That is until one day when they were walking by one of the sciences buildings.

When he heard the explosion go off from the test site, he immediately turned to Lance; almost like it was instinct.

Lance had fallen to the ground, his hands scrabbling at his back almost mechanically as his face pressed into the ground and he mumbled into the floor. As he kneeled down beside him, he let out a loud sob before quickly devolving into loud bawling.

“It hurts, it hurts, it hurts,” he chanted over and over again, scratching at his back. As carefully as he could, he took hold of Lance’s wrists and brought them into his hands, not paying attention to the way they scratched into his own calloused palms.

“Lance, listen to me, you’re on Earth, you’re not where you think you are, I promise you,” he stated calmly and clearly. He kept repeating the statements until, Lance had stopped writhing and looked up at him with too large, teary, red eyes.

“Dad?” He rasped. Iverson gave him a gentle smile and helped him forward to collapse into his arms.

“It’s me, bud,” he said quietly. Lance’s chin wobbled once more before he started crying again, clutching onto his jacket once more.

“Can you tell me what you were seeing?” He asked with concern. Lance went to shake his head no before he stopped himself.

“The explosion, it sounded like the one I was trapped in,” he admitted, looking down at the ground instead of his father’s face.

“You were caught in an explosion?” He gasped in disbelief. Lance nodded slightly, tears rolling miserably down his cheeks.

“Kind of, they sent in a decoy and I was the only one that noticed so I pushed one of my friends out of the way, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, it was like I was passed out but I could feel everything,” he cried, his hand once again reaching for his back before Iverson caught it.

“It hurt so bad but I couldn’t do anything about it,”

He sounded so defeated, so unlike the Lance that he knew. It wasn’t anything that he could fix, that was the price of war.

“It’s okay, it’s over now Lance,” he soothed quietly. “I’m right here with you, it’s all okay,”

However, he could make it easier to bear.

He knew that Lance wasn’t the only one that had suffered during their battles for the universe. He knew for a fact that Shiro had not gotten away unscathed, the Kogane kid seemed less likely to get away from trauma too. He wasn’t sure about Garrett and Gunderson or Holt now but he wouldn’t be surprised if they were victims as well.

He just wanted to change something for those kids. Make their lives better after the service they had given to the universe. They might not agree with his methods at the time but it would always get worse before it got better.

It was the first time that he suggested one of his children get therapy. He knew how hard it was to go to someone and talk about what you’re going through and it was never a particularly great time, but it had made him feel better and he hoped it would make Lance feel better too.

“I don’t want you to go alone either, I want your whole team to go,” he said right after.

“But why?” He asked in confusion.

“I don’t want you to have to live with this your whole life because it’s not fun Lance,” Iverson said sombrely. “All of your teammates have gone through traumatic experiences and thought that they had to be tough enough to cope by themselves, they probably feel horrible about so many things and don’t even realize that they’re not the only ones. You need to support each other,”

He looked down for a moment in thought before he locked eyes with him and nodded with determination. He smiled and patted his back proudly.

Lance was strong enough to take the first few steps on his own, but if he ever looked back with the slightest hesitation. He would be there to help him along the way, no matter what.

Stories Masterlist

[blueskittlesart]

My hot take on vld season 6

Because I’ve seen a lot of discourse about this season so I figured I’d do my opinions in an episode-by-episode breakdown. It’s pretty log sooo:

Episode 1: Omega Shield

Okay. So upon first seeing this episode I was MAD. (Mostly because of how close Lotor and Allura seemed to be) But I get now why that had to be done and I actually like the direction they chose to go with Lotor, but I’ll get to that later.

I’m a bit annoyed that this seems to be the “Hunk development” we were told we were getting. (Heads up, vld, one episode does NOT count as full development.) However, it was really refreshing to see him be the focus of an episode, and we really got to see the growth that’s been going on for him in the background these past few seasons. Like, at the beginning of the show he was this timid little teenager who couldn’t fly without getting motion sick, constantly tried to take the easy way out, and generally avoided confrontation at all costs, not because he was cowardly, but because he was, understandably, really fucking scared of space. (And I don’t blame him. Space is huge and terrifying.) But now, we get to see him being a commanding force. We see him take charge of a situation and whip others into shape, using his capacity to learn new material (arguably his most important trait) as a weapon to get his job done. It was amazing to see that side of Hunk, even if it was just for one episode.

And then of course we have Lance just fucking dying. As much as my allurance heart wants to appreciate that scene, I can’t entirely ignore the fact that Voltron continued its pattern of having a life-changing, traumatic event happen to a character (other examples include Lance almost getting sucked out into space through the airlock in season 2(?) and Keith being ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good in season 4(?)) and then never address it or the trauma it may have caused again. Lance died. He fucking DIED, and two scenes later we see him smiling in the background as if nothing happened. Maybe they’ll use it for some angst in the future, but it honestly just feels like bad, neglectful writing to me at this point. They want dramatic scenes without having to address the way those scenes will impact the characters and the story. 

Episode 2: Razor’s Edge

Finally, the Keith and Krolia development we’ve been waiting for!! There’s very little for me to complain about in this episode. I loved the subtle details, like the way Keith’s dad wore the jacket that was later given to Shiro. I think Keith’s parents’ backstory was done really well, and I’m really happy that he gets to reunite with his mom again.

Honestly the second they saw that giant space fish thing I thought “lion turtle.” A huge animal with a forest on its back where the characters get trapped for a while?? Come on. I’m glad Keith and Krolia got that time to bond, even though it hasn’t really been addressed yet. Also I’m in love with Keith's dog (I had him pegged as a cat person but hey, at least I know Shiro is still on my side.)

Plus we finally!! got!! the “boy from Cuba” line!!! and yeah, it was in reference to Allura, but it suggests a lot more Lance in the seasons to come, especially since they’re going back to Earth soon. That line, at least to me, seems to really put a lot of emphasis on how connected Lance is to his Earthen heritage, and I really, really hope that will be explored more in the coming seasons. 

Also side note, but that Lance scene where he knocks over the metal thing (tool of some sort?) and just kind of stares at it as it clatters to the ground was so fucking funny?? That was one of the top comedic moments of this season, not gonna lie.

Overall I was really happy with this episode. It was plot-driven and interesting, and everything seemed to fit really well.

Episode 3: Monsters & Mana

I have never once played D&D in my life, and I’m just gonna state that now so no one comes after me for this section

I’ve seen some complaints that this was a filler episode, and yeah, maybe you’re right. But it was a GOOD filler episode. It was engaging, realistic given the timeline and story, and provided a lot of subtle foreshadowing in an interesting way. 

It makes sense that everyone on the team would need a fucking break after all this excitement. At that time in the story, they were relatively inactive, since they were working with Lotor and all that. They couldn’t have been working on the castle at every waking moment, and playing a game like M&M is a great way to pass their time. 

I’m gonna get into some elements of the characters that I found interesting here too. Namely, Shiro and Hunk’s backstories. Shiro’s “master” in his little cutscene had one messed up eye, dare i say Iverson? yeah, we don’t know much about Shiro’s life on Earth before Voltron. But the parallels from what we DO know suggest to me that there’s correlation between the M&M character backstories and the main-story character backstories. Which bring me to Hunk. His character Block’s backstory was that his “village was turned to stone by an evil sorcerer.” I don’t know what this means, but I have a few speculations:

1. Hunk’s hometown was ravaged by some sort of natural disaster while he was in space (we know he’s a Pacific Islander, right? So I don’t think this is too far off base)

2. If the Earth has already been invaded by hostile aliens (Sendak’s “I know your weakness: you value the lives of others”) Hunk’s family or home were directly impacted (this one seems to be the most logical to me, since Block’s quest is to “save” his village, which Hunk could easily do by defeating the Galra/other hostile aliens on Earth)

3. Some other form of disaster has and/or will affect Hunk’s family/home and he’ll have to either save them or deal with the after-effects of it 

Either way it’ll be interesting to see how next season plays out back on earth!

As for some of the other foreshadowing, I take you all now to the way Shiro keeps fucking dying. Shiro’s “twin brother” was played off like a joke in this episode, but thinking about it, I see it as a subtle reference to the whole clone Shiro ordeal. the original Shiro, now dead, was the clone Keith killed, and “Gyro” (his “twin brother”) is the Shiro who was revived at the end of this season. And judging by the big role he played in defeating the boss at the end of the episode, the newly-revived Shiro will be extremely important in upcoming seasons.

Episode 4: The Colony

“But even if they do reach the quintessence field, then what? The last time anyone got in there, it turned Zarkon evil.” THIS IS WHY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO LANCE.

I honestly really, really love the direction they decided to go with Lotor. they totally brought him back around into the interesting, dynamic villain I knew he could be and I’m so happy about that.

On to what specifically I noticed about the plot of this episode. One big thing for me is the revelation that quintessence can, in fact, be extracted from other beings. This only brings up more questions, though: What did Lotor want the quintessence for? The Galra Empire already seems to have plenty of fuel. How was he harvesting the Alteans’ quintessence? Did he have druids helping him, or did he discover another way to do it? Did anyone else in the Galra Empire know about this? The whole operation raises more questions than it answers.

And when Allura found out and just fucking YEETED Lotor across the room? I may have watched it at 3 am but I was still screaming at the top of my goddamn lungs, at least on the inside. She gave him exactly what he deserved with no goddamn hesitation and I love it.

Shiro going full clone was crazy, but we all expected it. I’ll admit that his being used to steal Lotor was not what I would have guessed, though. It kinda turned out to be a pointless use of him in the end though since Lotor escaped immediately

Another thing about Lotor’s plot that stuck out to me: He knew that there were living Alteans. He knew how much Allura wished she could have her planet and her people back, and how much it hurt her that she’d never be able to see them again. And he still kept this place secret from her. He still took her people and exploited them for his plan, and then was stupid enough to think she’d see that he was doing it “for the greater good?” Even if it WASN’T such a despicable fucking thing to do, those are Allura’s people. She’s wanted nothing but to see more Alteans for the past year at least. She’s not ever going to see things his way. 

another side note: i want romelle to snap my neck

Episode 5: The Black Paladins

Holy mcfuck is there a lot in this episode. First off, as an artist and animator I really need to take a moment to appreciate how fucking beautiful everything was in this episode. The shadows, the movement, the colors, the cinematography, everything about this episode was artistically stunning. The animators really outdid themselves with this one. 

Okay, since there’s so much to talk about with this episode, I’m gonna break it up. We’ll start with what happened on the castle.

Pidge... is fucking amazing. That’s all I can even say about this kid. This is a fifteen year old girl, she’s literally a couple months younger than I am, and she’s dealing with all this shit and pulling through. That’s amazing. She has literal adults looking to her for help in a life-or-death situation, she had to be under insane stress during this episode, knowing that what she does could mean the difference between life or death for all of them. And she pulls through. Pidge Holt is so fucking strong and I love her with all of my heart. Someone get this kid a peanut butter cookie.

It’s interesting to me that not only did she instantly recognize the code from Shiro’s arm, but also had a program ready to destroy it. It reminds me of that Voltron comic where she’s able to take down her fellow paladins because she observes them and knows their weaknesses. She watches, She listens, and she prepares for every possible contingency, no matter how badly she wants to believe they’ll never happen. And that’s why she’s dangerous. 

Okay. now for all the mess that happened with Shiro.

Mother of god, I am SHOOK. Even the SETTING of the damn thing was so goddamn thought out and interesting I don’t know where to start.

There were so many other clone Shiros. Why were there so many other clone Shiros??? Were they planning to release more at the same time, or were they backups in case the original clone was compromised? Were they tests? What???? Were???? They??? For???????

And that Galra form Keith. Is that something he discovered in the two years he spent with Krolia? Something he can consciously activate? Or did it just happen to come out because he was in a moment of high emotion and adrenaline? It also seemed to give him a boost of strength, because Shiro was only able to push him off after the form deactivated. I hope we’ll get to see him use it again!

“I should have abandoned you just like your parents did. They saw that you were broken. Worthless. I should have seen it, too.”

Holy fuck clone Shiro is MEAN. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must’ve felt like for Keith to hear that from Shiro, who’s basically the one person he’s been able to rely on dependably for his whole life. In his vlog he even said that his trust issues are BECAUSE Krolia left him, and having his older-brother figure, who he looks up to and trusts like no one else, reaffirm those doubts he already has must have been devastating, even if he learned later it wasn’t really Shiro. I doubt that’s an image he’ll be able to get out of his head quickly.

All those flashbacks of little Keith... he had that mullet his whole life I guess (I mean he probably learned how to cut his hair from Shiro so like. is anyone surprised). But in all seriousness, does the Garrison take middle school aged students too? because he looked way too young to be a high schooler. (Side note: Are they letting the middle schoolers fly the goddamn spaceships?? Who the fuck decided this program was a good idea??)

Keith also told Shiro he should “send [Keith] back to the home already.” By “the home” did he mean the shack his parents lived in? That’s doubtful, since without Shiro he’d be living there alone. I would assume Keith was put in foster care of some kind, most likely an orphanage, which is probably what he meant by “the home.” It’s a minor detail, and just something I noticed, but I figured I’d point it out anyway. 

I really, really loved this episode. It’s probably one of my favorites in the whole series. 

Episode 6: All Good Things

(My klance obsessed ass feels the need to point out that the blue and red stars are still in the astral plane, and were shown in the very first scene of the episode. Just saying.)

So did this episode just confirm that when a paladin dies in their lion, their consciousness stays within the lion? Because damn, that sets the stage for a LOT of angst fic. (Fic writers, get on this.) 

Lance supporting Allura is my goddamn aesthetic honestly. Friends, lovers, siblings, I don’t care, but I’m happy their relationship is getting development!

KEITH GOT A STRONGER CONNECTION WITH THE BLACK LION!! HE CAN USE ITS WINGS!! This gives me so much hope for black paladin Keith again in season 7 because he’s clearly got such a strong connection with Black... he deserves this. also black deserves a paladin thats a real fucking person and not a fake bitch

Coran development?? In my Voltron?? It’s more likely than you think

Then of course, we have Lotor going full Azula. I said this before, but I am so, so, so fucking happy they chose to make him a villain in the end after all. I was so worried after last season that they’d throw away all his potential as a villain in order to go for a shitty redemption plot, and I was completely fooled up until the last second, just like the paladins. And that’s a big part of what I love about it. We were in the paladin’s shoes. We didn’t know what to believe, we either liked Lotor or were suspicious, but most people truly believed the plan was for him to be redeemed. The writers really did a great job of making us feel the way the paladins did, seeing Lotor’s betrayal and eventual descent into madness, and that’s truly the kind of thing that makes me love Voltron. 

anyway lotortron (aka whoretron) is fucking ugly and im glad its stuck in the quintessence feild for all eternity

Episode 7: Defender of all Universes

Beautiful fight scenes, insane dialog, wonderful storyline. All in all, it was a perfect conclusion to the season. 

The fight in the quintessence field? Absolutely beautifully done. Suspense, beautiful cinematography, and it all tied back to the show’s underlying theme of teamwork in the best way. I have no complaints in the slightest about how this was done. Honest to god, I loved this whole fight. (I am curious about what will happen to Lotor, though. will he be literally destroyed in the quintessence field when the power gets to be too much for him, or will he just kind of stay there festering until someone manages to travel in there again? Maybe the paladins will go back and get him later in the series.)

The castle is gone now I guess?? rip (More Coran development?? in my Voltron???? It’s more likely than you think) BUT ALSO if they do plan to make another ship like they said, they’re gonna need another Balmeran crystal to power it, which means more Shay!!

So now... that scene at the end. Shiro’s revival.

When Lance started crying, so did I. Literally, I saw his tears and I just fucking broke... my Lance stan heart couldn't take it...

and finally shiro’s white hair is ugly as fuck lmao

so TL;DR: This season was a big win in my opinion. I can’t remeber feeling this good about Voltron since maybe season two. I’m 100% ready to see some Lance and Hunk-centered storylines in season 7 if my predictions are right, and to hopefully see some main villain Haggar (FINALLY)

Thanks for reading!

[newsvomit-blog]

Richard Engel: Helping our special needs son means helping ourselves

I never thought I’d be having this conversation with my wife.We’d recently learned that our beautiful, smiling two-year-old son Henry has a serious and lifelong genetic disorder.Henry has a variant of RETT Syndrome, a cruel condition that prevents his brain from controlling his body and mind.

Doctors have told us that unless a transformative treatment is found, Henry’s physical and cognitive abilities will be severely limited.It’s not just that he likely won’t walk or talk and may be confined to a wheelchair, but doctors say he won’t understand what a wheelchair is, let alone how to operate it.I asked a specialist who has treated both girls and boys with RETT (it’s far more common in girls) if Henry would eventually be able to go to do things like go to the bathroom by himself.“That’s a very complicated act when you think about what’s involved,” he told Mary and me.“He’d first have to understand that he needs to go to the bathroom in advance.

He’d need to know what a bathroom is and where it is.He’d have to be able to get there, to undress himself, to go, to clean himself and to dress again, and he’d have to know the order in which to do all these things.”It was clear from the sympathetic nods of two other doctors in the room that they didn’t think Henry would be able to accomplish any of those steps, let alone all of them in concert.“Think of it this way, the care you’re giving him now, that’s what it will be like going forward, the same level of care,” another doctor explained.The future frightens us.I don’t mind playing baby games with Henry — even as he gets older — but I don’t want to have to shave him one day.But Henry’s only two, and acts more like an 8 or 9 month old.

They also told us he could have a full, or nearly full, life expectancy.Mary and I are still coming to terms with the fact that we have a child who will grow in size, but may not really grow up.The future frightens us.I don’t mind playing baby games with Henry — even as he gets older — but I don’t want to have to shave him one day.

We hope science comes to the rescue before then.The more Henry’s diagnosis sank in, the sadder, and angrier I became.It seemed unfair.It seemed unjust.

He didn’t deserve this, and neither did we.I’d decided to get married and try to have a family while I was being held hostage by dangerous men in Syria.It was a promise I made to myself.

When I got out, I proposed to Mary and we soon had Henry.Now, it all seemed like some bad joke, an Old Testament test.After the diagnosis, I started looking at other children and their families differently — with envy.I felt that other parents were coasting though life without any idea of how good or how easy they had it, even though deep down I know full well that every family struggles in its own way.

I wanted to seek out other special needs parents and commune with members of my own wounded tribe.Does luck run out? I wondered.I’d been so lucky for so long.

Bullets had missed me, artillery too.I’d gotten out of the hands of evil men.But had my luck now run out, floating away for someone else to enjoy like karma?Then it occurred to me.

I knew these feelings: These were the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD.Covering war zones for over 20 years has put me in close contact with PTSD.I’ve drank from its cup and seen many others struggle with it.Covering war zones for over 20 years has put me in close contact with PTSD.

I’ve drank from its cup and seen many others struggle with it.Was it possible that some of the lessons I’d learned from war could help Mary, me and ultimately Henry, get through this?When I told Mary about my theory — that we were likely going to experience something akin to PTSD — I noted that there is one small positive side.“Here’s the thing about PTSD,” I told her.“If you recognize it, and you know what PTSD is doing to you, if you know how it’s attacking your mind and dragging you down, it can be less scary when it comes and therefore less likely to overwhelm you.”In my experience, PTSD impacts every person a little differently.

Some become withdrawn.Others rage.Some turn to drugs and alcohol, or find they can no longer handle responsibility or hold down a job.

Some can’t sleep, or have nightmares, or can’t distinguish dreams and reality.Mary and I often have the same vivid dream of Henry walking and talking.It’s so lucid that sometimes I almost expect to find him standing up in his crib in the morning and telling me hello.Instead he’s usually on his belly with his mouth open.

Sometimes I try to close it.I push his chin up.It sinks down again.

I worry his mouth will dry out.PTSD, to me, is like trauma’s hangover.I know that if I drink a half bottle of scotch, I can expect to feel lousy in the morning.Anticipating my symptoms doesn’t make them go away, but at least they’re not intimidating; they’re expected.

In the same way I suggested to Mary that we try to figure out our own particular symptoms, that way when we feel them coming on, we can fight to prevent them from dragging us under.Mary and I often have the same vivid dream of Henry walking and talking.It’s so lucid that sometimes I almost expect to find him standing up in his crib in the morning.Mary thought my analogy of over-drinking was stupid and irrelevant.(It had usually gone over well when I told it to young soldiers in Iraq or Afghanistan.) So I changed course, and noted that my PTSD symptoms tended to be anger, a tendency to withdraw and a feeling of what I call Too Much Perspective.Her ears perked up with that one.

Mary said she found it unbearable to listen to other mothers complain about their kids making a mess or running them ragged.“At least you don’t have to chase Henry around,” a mother had told her in a poor attempt at making her feel better.As if chasing a toddler around the house and making sure they don’t stick a fork in an outlet is more difficult that what my wife is doing every day.Mary would do anything to chase Henry around.

She’d run after him 24 hours a day if he’d only get up and run.“If your child can walk, I don’t want to hear about your problems,” she said.Having too much perspective can isolate you from the rest of the world.I know that; Mary knows that.And so she takes Henry out to play with other children and sees other parents almost every day, even though it often hurts.We refuse to accept what the doctors have said about Henry’s limitations and talk to him like he understands every word we say.

We are determined to fight for him.I’m convinced one day I will see Henry standing up and calling me daddy.It will be the happiest day of my life.We refuse to accept what the doctors have said about Henry’s limitations and talk to him like he understands every word we say.

We are determined to fight for him.But in order to help Henry, we have to help ourselves.And that means staying mentally strong.I’ve found that troops with loving and stable families, those who have been smart with their money, and those who are able to talk about their feelings tend to resist PTSD’s downward pull for longer.

This resistance is fundamental because the breaking point is terrible: Walking out onto a frozen lake is one thing, but falling through is a whole new level of terrifying.When we first went public with Henry’s condition a few weeks ago, the public response was overwhelmingly positive.Many parents wrote to tell us how they, too, have found themselves struggling in similar situations.Some have it much worse.

People opened up to me with their most intimate stories.A mother with a disabled child described the pain of discovering that another baby on the way was also impacted.Would she terminate the pregnancy? If so, she wondered, did that mean she would have ended the life of her special needs child whom she deeply loved if she had only known ahead of time?Others had stories of hope about children who were alive — even walking — in defiance of their doctors’ most pessimistic expectations.

Now, I’m not a psychologist and Mary and I are new to the special needs community.We’re trying to figure it out as we go.But I do know a thing or two about PTSD, and I see similarities.Ultimately, understanding PTSD can help you tame it.

It won’t make any of us feel better, but perhaps it can keep the ice from breaking beneath our feet.Richard Engel was named chief foreign correspondent of in April 2008.His reports appear on all platforms of , including “Nightly News with Lester Holt,” “TODAY,” “Meet the Press,” “Dateline,” MS and News.com.To find out more or to support the research being done to help Henry, boys and girls with RETT Syndrome and other genetic disorders please visit: duncannri.org Source: NBC News.

Richard Engel: Helping our special needs son means helping ourselves was originally published on NewsVomit

[angelofdirewolves]

Underneath the Stars Part 7

Rating: M

Word Count:1686

Art by @sagelynaive

Keith was on his last nerve by the time that Coran said the pod would finish rolled around. 

He’d almost started fiddling with his- their- knife before he’d reminded himself that that wasn’t exactly his best idea in a life fraught with bad ideas(running away from the Castle for one, that fight with Jenny for another). Aoife was going to wake up soon, more whole than she’d been for almost two decades, and he wasn’t going to ruin it by reminding her of arguably the most traumatic event in her life. 

So, deprived of hi-their knife, he fiddled with the edges of his jacket, picking at a few of the fraying threads. He hasn’t made up with Jenny quite yet. They’ve been rather awkward against each other, as only family who have just fought a massive, get-all-the-pain-off-your-chest fight can. They still sit together in the evenings and watch a few episodes of Amanda’s shows, or listen to her music, but now they sleep more often in their separate rooms than coiled up next to each other, drawing comfort from the other’s presence. 

It’s strange. Jenny and Aoife had been the two constants in his entire life, and then he had been without them for five years. Now his sister-niece is back, and his mother-sister is about to be back, and damn it but his family is screwed up. Jenny has evidently been carrying their mother through the past five years by sheer force of will, and it’s apparently been exhausting. 

Keith can understand that, and he knows that Jenny understands, but they haven’t reached that point where they can apologize and have it seem genuine. His anxiety his not helped by the fact that the Castle is empty save Coran. The other paladins and Allura are currently on a mission to rescue Sam and Matt Holt, who once located by the Science Squad’s DNA driven BLIP tech, were once again in the same place. 

The hypothesis had been that Matt and the rebels he was with had been recaptured, and blind chance had put the recaptured Matt with his father. The remaining Holt rescue was supposed to include Keith, but Coran’s announcement that Aoife’s pod was about to pop had nixed that idea. 

Allura had stepped in, and Red had sulkily agreed to let Allura pilot her for the time it would take to rescue Sam and Matt, in a way she had not let anyone but Keith pilot her while Shiro was gone. Keith had nothing against Allura, and knew that Voltron was necessary to get the Holts back, and they’d waited for rescue long enough, but he wanted Red back sooner rather than later.

Jenny sits on one of the stairs, near a healing pod that is equidistant from him and Aoife. She also looks like she is in the midst of a panic attack, but even the pseudo big-brother-little-brother instincts that drove him to defy Aoife for her sake are not enough for to surmount the tension that exists between them.

She, at least, is not lacking something to fiddle with. She has the laptop that has survived the past forty years since Amanda’a abduction by luck and frequent careful maintenance and updating with alien parts as necessary. She seems to be looking up several files and queueing them up considering the frequent spurts of sound that are quickly stilled.

It’s after the most recent spurt of music stops that another sound breaks the silence. The whoosh of the pod opening resounds through the silent room, and Keith and Jenny move as one. 

As Aoife stumbles out of the cryopod she’s wrapped in one of her favorite shawls. Not only does the pods make you cold and long for anything warm, but Aoife has always wrapped shawls or blankets around her when she had been nervous or panicky, in defiance of Galra social norms that dictate that baring your back is a sign of strength, that you don’t need to worry about being stabbed in the back, that you can defend yourself. 

This particular shawl had been pulled from the ship that had been Keith’s home the first twelve years of his life, which was a mile or so from where Aoife had begun the ritual that she would never complete, Ladies willing. The ship was currently sitting in one of the many hangers of the Castle, waiting for all three of them to go through it and decide what was worth keeping and what to do with the remainder.

As Keith wraps the long shawl around Aoife’s shoulders, Jenny is taking her hand and drawing her forward and downwards, so that she’s seated on the stairs before the cryopod. (The stairs are another example of where Altean engineering is very obscure. Why stairs being put in front of a pod that makes people disoriented was a good idea is lost to time. Along with no seatbelts in the lions, ziplines, and that grand entrance on the forty second floor.)

Aoife stares at Jenny and then at Keith in shock, clearly not believing what she’s seeing. That’s confirmed when she reaches out her hands, one to cup Jenny’s cheek, and one that grabs at Keith’s arm, like she’s afraid he’ll disappear when she touches him. Her fingers curl around his forearm, first gentle and then painfully tight like she’ll never let go, like he’ll lose all feeling in his fingers first before she does. 

“So it wasn’t a fever dream,” comes Aoife’s voice, more shell shocked than he’d ever heard it. “It wasn’t a trick or an illusion or hallucination brought on by the ritual. You’re here.”

“Keith. You’re here. My baby boy, my brave brother. Here. Not dead.”  

“No Mama. It’s me.” And he knows that he should be teaching himself not to call her Mama again, because he’s seventeen and a paladin and an adult by Galra metrics and almost by human ones. But Aoife needs this right now, so his pride can take a few blows. It can take all the blows he needs it to take to bring his family together again. “Jenny’s here too. We’re all together again.”

He hopes that the mention of Jenny will serve as a peace offering to the girl in question. He knows what is ringing through both their minds. ‘She created illusions of you that were the only things she would speak to. That she wouldn’t let me speak to.’

“Jenny,” Aoife’s voice breaks, and the hand that had been absently stroking her daughter’s cheek slides down her face to her shoulder, where it pulls at her, until Jenny falls into her mother’s hug. “Oh, Jenny my darling. I’m so sorry. I made so many mistakes with you these past five years. I hurt you in so many ways. I was sleep-walking through life and I made you grow up too soon. I’m so sorry, I’ll do better, if you’ll let me.”

Jenny nods frantically into Aoife’s neck. He can see a shaking in her shoulders, like Aoife has said everything she’s needed to hear to at least start the healing process, and now all the emotions she’s repressed and thrown and Keith are draining from her.

Seeing the two of them together again, Keith feels his heart squeeze tight. His family is back. His sister is alive and present and here, and his niece is here and hugging her. 

Then Keith realizes that he is hugging neither of them. Aoife’s hand is still wrapped around his arm, but it isn’t enough, not for this.

He surges forward, and wraps his arms around the both of them. Aoife’s hand moves from his arm to the back of his head. She turns her head and looks at him, before pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead before she presses a matching one to Jenny’s and pulls them both closer to her, hands carding through their hair as they all fall apart and fall together again.

The hug breaks when Aoife’s stomach growls so audibly that the mice probably hear it from Allura’s room. Keith snickers from where his face is buried in Aoife’s shoulder, and knows that from his proximity to her ear, she is hearing every single chuckle, and he knows, knows deep in his bones, that she is blushing furiously. 

“Maybe we should get you some food.” Jenny suggests, and Keith knows she is thinking of the bad habits Aoife slipped into while he was gone. Between that and the pod-hunger, it makes sense that she is starving.

Aoife pulls away from the two of them, though she still keeps gentle hands touching them both. “I think that would be advisable.” She stands, and Keith and Jenny stand with her. (Keith knows that they won’t be letting her out of their sight for days, and that she’ll be the same.)

As they move out of the room, Keith directing them towards the kitchen, Aoife starts humming. Keith doesn’t recognize it at first, but when she starts singing, it snaps into his mind like it’s never left. 

It was a romance song originally, but one that all three of them had decided simply meant them when Keith and Jenny were five and had finished reading the story that the song was written for. Jenny joins in on the counter point, as she’s always done, but Keith hesitates. 

It’s been so long since they’ve all sung together. His voice has mostly dropped, and there’s such a gap between all of them now, one he’s not sure they can bridge. 

But during the break before the last two verses, Jenny leans around Aoife, and lifts her brow in a clear question. 

Well, Keith supposes, building bridges has to start somewhere. 

He takes a deep breath and starts singing in concert with the other two.  

“There’s a light on the horizon, There’s a ship upon the sea, Now the world is so much wider, For you wander it with me.

And the sun shines out the clearer, Golden glory in the blue! There’s a light on the horizon, And it’s guiding me to you.”

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Music Link (Light on the Horizon by @determamfidd)