#the whole movie is smug self righteous and mean

[theparadoxmachine]

Just got tricked into watching half a religious "horror" movie about the rapture because it auto played after I watched the Quiet Ones (watched for Jared Harris, not great not terrible, worth it to see him being problematic while wearing stripey pajamas) and I want to rage about how awful and stupid and smug it was, like full audio essay style rant but my body is begging me to get some sleep so instead I just changed into my Exorcist t-shirt

*edit* that Chernobyl reference was entirely unintentional*

[sadgirltakesonwriting]

Other Vampires - Paul

Modern!Lost Boys their mate loves vampire movies. But doesn’t know the boys are vampires. I’ll post the other boys soon! Sorry for the late post. I had many ideas but didn’t love them but liked others. After reading an imagine about the reader and Paul having ADHD I knew this was perfect, I have ADHD so this was close to home. This is really hard. Please give love to all the writers!

Warning: cursing. This does include a mental illness

It was raining really bad outside forcing you and Paul to have a chill day. The both of you are wild souls, always on the go and getting in trouble. A match made in a heaven (or hell). 

Paul often stayed at your house when your parents where gone overnight to keep an eye on you. You were known to leave the house randomly and walk or take the car and just drive. Many times you’d forgot to tell anyone because you saw some cool cave near you on Instagram and would try to find it. 

When it came to chilling you both could not sit still though a whole movie. A TV show was more manageable but even then you would start playing on your phone or play with Paul’s hair. However, it was a good day and you wanted Paul to watch the Vampire Diaries. 

It had been a while since you watched the series. But you remember it being your favourite. Paul being Paul wanted to do some physically activities but after a quick and cure pout he agreed. 

After the second episode he was getting handsy not that you minded but your favourite vampire was about to be on the screen shirtless. Not so subtly you shifted your position to better gawk at the fake vampire. The movement did not go unnoticed but he was puzzled. 

His baby liked Stefan? His girl liked the boring, self-righteous, holy-than-thou animal drinking phony of a vampire? Too many thoughts were going on in he’s head. Stefan was nothing like him. He for one drank from humans not animals. Paul was stronger and didn’t look like a phony vamp when he shifted. His teeth didn’t “click” when hungry. 

“Baby I can show you what a real vampire looks like”, Paul smugly stated not even really thinking about what he said. “Prove it then.” was all you said sharing the same smug attitude. 

So he did. David was going to kill him but it was all worth it. Paul trusted and loved you. 

To say you were shocked would be a lie. You figured he was even though the sane part of you fought that thought. He had to be something you and your mom were had a bet, she said he had to be a crackhead and you being you said vampire. 

“I KNEW IT!!!!!! I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. No one and I mean no one has auto-tuned skin without some supernatural elements. I told my mom you had to drink blood to achieve such baby smooth skin”, jumping up and down super excited you were right and you won 50 bucks! “The fact you only visit when the sun is gone and you so conveniently have to leave before sunrise, also you stare at my neck way too often”, explaining how you figured it out when he started to get that shocked look on his face 

Paul was indeed shocked. Marko was right, you were smarter than him. He thought he was being slick. Paul really thought he was going to prove the boys wrong by not being so damn obvious. His girl won a bet and he lost. 

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Dawson being an insufferable, evil prick in Dawson’s Creek 3x03 (None Of The Above)

1. We open with a scene of Dawson and Eve in his bedroom 

Dawson: First things first. Movie night we're supposed to watch movies.

Eve: I prefer TV.

We have painfully been forced to watch Dawson watch movies and not just any movies... the movies HE wants to watch for the past two seasons. One movie night when someone else chooses what to watch and Dawson can’t imagine that they would do something that he “King Dawson” wouldn’t want to do. He then proceeds to be an insufferable snob and turn up his nose at her choice of TV show and TV shows in general. What else is new?

2. One of the reasons he hates Felicity is because she’s “chatty?” Fuck you Dawson! That toxic viewpoint that a boy who’s chatty, i.e. Dawson, is gregarious and charming, but a girl who’s chatty is a handful who should shunned by any self respecting man.

3. Dawson: You know, which is, in general, my complaint about television. It's not reality, it's perfection. I mean, nobody ever blows it or gets tested in any real way or ever makes the wrong choice or bad choice or...

I see why Dawson doesn’t like TV now.... he’s never seen a TV show. Seriously though, I have never seen a show where the characters are “perfect” and “never make bad or wrong choices” that show literally does not exist. 

4. Dawson brings the PSAT test answers to the whole group and proceeds to dangle it in front of them, even going so far as to encourage them to take advantage of it. He tempts Joey by mentioning how doing well in the PSATs would help her get a scholarship and then later in that episode he gets all mad at Eve for quote un quote tempting him when he himself was doing the same thing to his “friends.” What a fucking hypocrite. But what else is new?

(Little side note. When they have to leave the classroom and leave the PSAT test results on the table.. they come back and we see Dawson looking under the table. That makes me laugh every time. As if the test results just walked off the desk by itself. It either walked off the desk or someone took it. Either way, your not gonna find it under the desk 😂😂 )

5. Eve: It didn't disappear, Dawson. Somebody took it. 

Dawson: How do you know that?

Again... Dawson... you carefully left it lying there in the middle of a table. Of course it was taken, there’s no other option.

6.  Dawson: Whoever stole the test give it back. 

Jen: Well, wasn't it already stolen, Dawson?

Jen makes an amazing point. Dawson expects everyone to follow his idea of morality and follow his every command when he himself touted around a stolen test and tempted everyone with it, insinuating that it should be used. But now when it’s taken from him, suddenly his strong moral code can not allow them to have it.

7.  Dawson: She didn't tell me to do anything with that test. 

Joey: I bet when she offered you that test, you didn't fire one ethical comment her way, did you? It's just your friends who have to sit here and-- and suffer through the Dawson Leery morality play.

Another good point. Any chance Dawson can have to make himself feel morally superior to his “friends.” You know what? He probably brought that test to them in the hopes that someone would steal just so he could psychologically abuse them and make them feel like trash.

8.   Dawson: Here's the deal: I'm gonna leave my locker unlocked. Whoever has the test will put it inside by 5:30 today.

 Pacey: Oh, come on, Dawson. The petty thief among us already left the crime scene. They're not gonna return that thing now. What's the incentive? 

Dawson: To do the right thing.

To do the right thing?!?! So the right thing is to give a test to Dawson and Dawson alone with no idea what he’s gonna do with it? He could use it for his own self alone. How is that morally right? Because Dawson said so? And Dawson is surely the arbiter and decider of everything that is or is not morally right. Technically the right thing to do is for the thief to keep it and then burn it... right Dawson? 

9. Eve makes one comment about how one of his friends probably stole it and Dawson immediately thinks of Pacey. Truly showing what a horrible friend he is and how little he really knows about Pacey. Pacey is not the kind of person who would cheat on a test. He has not written one word on tests, he has even blatantly fallen asleep in class during tests. He just truly does not care enough to cheat and anyone who knows Pacey even the slightest, would know that.

10.  Friends, huh? Friends, you know, that word "friends"... it's an interesting word. It implies that you would actually believe your friend when he's telling you something. 

Dawson: When he tells me the truth. 

I hate that line by Dawson because in it he has shown his hands and put Pacey in a position where, no matter what Pacey says, Dawson’s not gonna believe him. Pacey said himself that he didn’t take it and Dawson says he’ll believe him when he tells the truth. Dawson has made up his mind and nothing Pacey says to defend himself is gonna change that.

Pacey: When he's tell-- ha ha! You want to know what I find so very amusing about this situation? I mean, what i think is so really, really rich about all this is that you yourself were capable of stealing this test. All right, you thought about it. You didn't throw that test away. You didn't give it back to Eve. You brought the test to us!

Dawson: No. I wanted to consult the people I trusted to determine what the best thing was to do. I never thought that anyone would be so weak or so self motivated to actually swipe it. (Trust? Hmmm his idea of trust and mine are two totally different things... but okay then, spew your bullshit if you want Dawson. Also weak and self motivated? Fuck you Dawson! You know nothing about Pacey)

Pacey: Weak and self-motivated, huh? Now, which one of those 2 colorful adjectives would I be? 

Dawson: You are who you are, Pacey.

Pacey: Yes, I am, Dawson. And so are you. You, Dawson Leery, are a self-righteous son of a bitch who cares more about his rose-colored defunct 1950s belief system than the people who fail to live up to it, huh? (👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 You tell him King Pacey)

Dawson: Interesting choice of words, coming from a smug, cold-hearted son of a bitch who just dumped his girlfriend after she begged him-- pleaded for an ounce sympathy! (SMUG?! COLD HEARTED?! Andie cheated on him!! Fuck you Dawson. Isn’t a friend supposed to support his friend? This makes me think the part in S6 where Dawson says that even before the whole Pacey/Joey/Dawson drama that he realized that Pacey hadn’t wanted to be his friend for a long time. Funny because I seem to recall Dawson being a horrible and vile “friend” to Pacey for seasons and seasons before Joey and Pacey began a relationship)

Pacey: At least I didn't send her father to prison. (Number 1, I don’t think this was out of line. I’d like Dawson to explain to me how this factually inaccurate)

Dawson: No. You just made her go crazy. (This is way out of line on so many levels and Dawson wasn’t even drunk. Even if what Pacey said was out of line... number 1, Dawson started it by calling him a smug and cold hearted son of a bitch for being betrayed by his GF. Number 2, what Pacey said was correct. Number 3, Pacey was drunk. Dawson has 0 excuse. What he said here was evil to Pacey and belittling to Andie and her mental health struggles that have nothing to do with Pacey)

11. Dawson: The only thing I can come up with is you, Eve. You happened to me. You and that stupid test. Look, Eve, I accept my blame in this, but don't even try to tell me that you didn't know what giving me that test would do.

No, Dawson, you do not accept your blame. You never accept your blame in anything. It is not Eve’s fault at all. Yeah, she gave you the test but she did not make you do or say anything you said over the course of this episode. That’s on you. 

[bensakindofmagic]

Chapter Ten

A/N: hey kids, sorry it’s been a hot minute since the last chapter but i’ve been on holiday so sue me. you guys seemed to really enjoy the last chapter which is so cool, i hope you like this one as much. ALSO i found out doing the research for this chapter that they filmed the party scenes in surrey whERE I LIVE LIKE 30 MINS FROM MY HOUSEEEEE

Warnings: swearing (and emotional rollercoasters)

w/c: 3k

Chapter Ten

Despite the promise you had made to yourself, you didn’t talk to Ben. The second you saw him you froze, unable to bring yourself to find out the answers to your questions lest they be ones you didn’t want to hear. Maybe it was cowardly, but mostly you felt hurt. You were angry with yourself for letting your feelings get this far, and more than that you were in pain. You felt it like a bruise, a deep aching when you looked at him. He had dangled what you most wanted in front of your face only to whip it away. You had finally let yourself fall for him, if only for a moment, just to find that it was a mistake. You couldn’t bring yourself to be angry at him. It wasn’t that long ago that he got out of a long-term relationship; maybe he thought he was ready to move on but found that, when the time came, he wasn’t. You were well aware that he had been with other women since then, but it hurt your pride less to believe your own lie. Through all your speculation and overanalysing, you still felt wounded.

So you did what you always did, and avoided the problem. You threw yourself into work, volunteering for extra tasks and asking to help on set in any way you could, to avoid talking to Ben. The few times you had been stuck in a room together it had been painfully awkward. Neither of you knew what to say, and your discomfort was usually written plainly across your face despite your attempts to appear normal. Because you were putting up a front, hiding the way you felt to keep the peace, you became jilted and artificial, and everyone noticed.

A particularly uncomfortable conversation in which you repeatedly stumbled over your words and refused to make eye contact with anyone, ended with you rushing off to some “extremely urgent wardrobe crisis”.

“It just can’t go on like this, Ben,” Rami sighed, who had of course been informed of the whole saga, “It’s getting ridiculous.”

“It’s not my fault she’s being awkward,” he insisted.

“I mean,” Joe goaded, “it fully is. You haven’t said a word to her about what happened between you.”

“I tried, she ran away.”

“She was overwhelmed. Didn’t you see how tense she was? She was desperate to get out,” Gwil reasoned.

Ben glared at him, knowing he was right, and gave a heavy sigh.

“Anyway, you ran away first,” Joe sassed. “It’s no wonder she’s awkward if she thought you were gonna bang and you just walked away without saying anything.”

Ben grimaced, “Look we’ve established that I did the wrong thing and I still regret it, but I can’t change it now, can I? So can we not talk about it please?”

“I still think it’s because she likes you,” Rami quipped with a self-righteous tone. Lucy walked in then, and sat down beside him. He turned to her, “Do you think Y/N has a crush on Ben?”

She blinked, “I don’t know, I haven’t spoken to her about it. You guys get on so well together,” she said to Ben, “I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. You’re like two sides of a coin.”

Ben hesitated for a moment, unsure whether to share such an emotionally intimate moment with the others, but decided he had to know what they thought it meant. “We did have this moment, outside on the balcony…”

“When you guys were basically upright spooning?” Joe gibed.

Ben rolled his eyes and continued, “Before that. She basically said that any girl would be lucky to have me... I think she said ‘to be loved by me’.”

They looked at him, incredulous, though Rami’s face was just painted with a smug smile.

Joe frowned, “How did that come up?”

“She was asking about ‘this girl I have a crush on’. You know, if I’d done anything about it.”

“Oh you’re such an idiot,” Lucy said, exasperated, “No wonder she’s confused, she thinks you like someone else.”

“But it’s clearly her!”

“She doesn’t know that! She’s never going to just assume it’s her if you don’t tell her outright.”

“Haven’t I been really obvious about it though?” Ben asked quietly.

“You really don’t know anything about girls,” she heaved. “Look, she’s not going to confess any feelings for you if she thinks you like someone else. No one wants to get hurt, and I know she’s very confident and self-assured, but she’s human. I guarantee she has insecurities, and she’s probably scared to get her heart broken.”

Ben, overwhelmed and feeling a bit like an idiot, faltered, “What do I do then?”

Her shoulders dropped as Lucy said calmly, “You tell her how you feel.”

Ben was forced to concede that the others were right and he would have to tell you if anything was going to happen. The thought of it made his chest tighten and his palms sweat. He kept putting it off for the rest of the day, making excuses to mask his apprehension (which was easy enough given that almost every time you laid eyes on him you started walking in the opposite direction). The next morning, however, on his way to work, he resolved to tell you. It couldn’t go on the way it had been with so much tension in the air. He supposed this was what you had been afraid of when you so adamantly vowed to not date people from work. That was something else that worried him — that you’d reject him on principle — but he just had to hope that he could prove how much he cared about you. Anyway, he enjoyed your company too much for you to keep avoiding him. He missed you.

He barely saw you that morning; you hadn’t been hanging out in makeup with them in the mornings like you used to. Before he could get you alone he was ushered onto set and he had to put you out of his mind. He had a job to do after all, you would have to wait. By the time lunchtime rolled around, he hadn’t had the chance to exchange two words with you. He kept trying all day to catch you when you weren’t busy. It wasn’t exactly how he had wanted it to happen, him confessing his feelings to you; he had all these grand, romantic ideas of standing with you under the stars, bathed moonlight, or kissing you passionately in the rain, but he had to be pragmatic. He couldn’t wait for it to rain to talk to you again. So, at the end of the day, when he finally saw you sat down on your own, he steeled himself and walked over to you before the chance was lost.

As he neared you he noticed how tired you looked. You’d barely been in his presence enough before for him to notice, certainly not this close, and he felt a pang of guilt. There were heavy bags under your eyes and your body seemed to sink.

“Um, Y/N? Can I have a word?” he said hesitantly. It seemed to startle you, and you faltered, eyes darting across the room seemingly trying to find an excuse not to talk to him. When it appeared that you couldn’t come up with anything, you nodded, shuffling over on the bench to make room for him.

“What’s up?” you asked listlessly.

He inhaled sharply, gathering his courage, “I wanted to talk about what happened, you know, the other day.”

He saw you instantly tense up, your eyes shifting away from him. “Look Ben, it’s only a big deal if we make it one.”

“That’s the thing… I just—“ he tried to find the words but they seem to leap from his tongue before he could articulate them, “I didn’t want it to happen like that.”

“Let’s just forget about it, okay?”

He didn’t want to forget. He didn’t want to pretend around you anymore. He ran his hand frustratedly through his hair. “I can’t—”

“Yes Ben, you can,” you interrupted. “You have to.”

This was going terribly. He wanted to start again, to rewind, to just say the words he had so longed to from the first moment you met him and made fun of him for tripping up the stairs at Abbey Road. “No, you don’t understand. I’m trying to tell y—”

His words were lost in the sound of your name being called over your walkie talkie, asking for your urgent help.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” you heaved, and left him sat alone. He dropped his head into his hands and groaned out a curse.

You didn’t get home until late that evening, so the second you walked through the door you collapsed in a heap on the sofa and ordered a pizza. You grimaced at the memory of your conversation with Ben, and hurriedly put a movie on to take your mind off it. You didn’t want to think about him, or the vulnerability in his voice, or the defeated, “Fuck” you had heard him utter as you walked away from him this afternoon. You didn’t want to dwell on the profound sense of loss that had settled in you. It felt like you had lost him. So you watched Pride and Prejudice for the thousandth time and ate pizza and went to bed without showering.

It was only the next morning that you realised what a mistake that had been — you woke up to find you had no water. You usually showered in the evening to save time in the morning and give you a few extra precious moments of sleep. When you woke early to give yourself time, but the water just spluttered and died, your heart sank. There was no way you could go to work without showering, and as you ran through the list of people you knew who lived close, you began to panic more and more. No one would be up at this hour and willing to let you use their shower. Except Ben. He didn’t live too far from you and would be up for work soon anyway. The thought of going back to his place made you anxious after what had happened the last time you were there only days ago, but you didn’t really have any other choice. You tentatively rang him.

He picked up quickly, his voice still groggy with sleep. You explained as briefly as you could, peppering the whole conversation with apologies, and he agreed, suggesting you travel to set together after. You collected your things and set off for his place.

When you got there you knocked softly on his door, trying not wake his neighbours. He opened it, looking all fluffy and warm, with bed hair and droopy eyes.

“Come in, ’s all yours,” he said, showing you to the bathroom and giving you a towel. You locked the door and got undressed, only allowing yourself to be uncomfortable at the idea of being naked in his apartment for a minute. The water was a welcome refresher, and as you ran your hands over your skin you let the tension abate from your muscles.

Ben was sat in the kitchen, listening to the water and thinking about you. He was fixated on the fact that you were mere feet from him, naked and wet. He focused stridently on his cereal, until he heard you shut the water off and a piercing scream penetrated the apartment. He rushed to the bathroom and banged on the door frantically, “Y/N are you okay? Let me in.”

When you unlocked the door you were wrapped in a towel, bare shoulders still dripping. You hair was tied up in a messy bun, with a few loose stands at the nape of your neck wet and sticking to your skin. The tiny droplets made your skin glow as light refracted off you; you seemed radiant. Except that you were clinging to your towel, staring with terror in your eyes at the corner of the room.

“Spider,” you shuddered, and he burst out laughing.

“It’s just a spider? Oh my god Y/N I thought something awful had happened, I was terrified.”

“This is something awful,” you said, too panicked to notice the sincerity behind his smile.

“Are you that scared of spiders?”

You indignantly hit him on the arm, turning on him, “It’s not funny Ben, I’m petrified. That thing’s huge.”

He grinned, “I bet it’s one of the spindly ones,” making his way to the corner where the offending spider was hidden. He stopped in his tracks when he saw it. “Okay to be fair that is enormous.”

It was thick-bodied and hairy. But Ben knew you’d only give him one chance to be your knight in shining armour, and he wasn’t about to chicken out. You giggled as he reached out, simultaneously shrinking away, and jumped when it moved. Eventually, after much squealing and laughing, he managed to trap it in a cup, from which you hastily flinched and insisted he flush it down the toilet.

“I will never sleep again if you let that thing live,” you had declared, and he acquiesced.

“I’ll leave you to get dressed in peace,” he said, trying not to look at your bare shoulders or the flat between your shoulder blades. “Get the kettle on, will you?” you said with a slight smile. It almost felt like things were back to normal.

He had a cup of tea waiting for you when you came out, and you took it gratefully.

“So spiders,” he smirked, lifting his own mug to his lips.

“Spiders,” you sighed and sat on the stool opposite him. “I saw Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets far too young, scarred me.”

“I mean, you can just blame JK Rowling then,” he joked.

“Oh, for sure,” you grinned. “What about you? Any fears?”

“Are we talking the deep kind or the irrational kind?”

You giggled, “It’s for too early in the morning for the deep kind.”

“Heights.”

“Ugh, how conventional of you,” you snickered.

“Well, you didn’t want to hear my deep emotional fears, they’re wild.”

“Oh god, I don’t think I want to know.”

You both laughed, making you suddenly aware of how awkward it had been before and how much you missed spending time with him. You had been friends before all of this.

You chatted for a little while longer before you noticed the time and decided you should leave. You gulped down the last of your tea and followed Ben to his car. It was only a half an hour drive to the house in Surbiton where you were filming Freddie's party scenes, but it was kind of wonderful. The sun was coming up, slowly bathing the world in gold, and you sang along loudly to the radio. Ben joined in from time to time, and you giggled at the impassioned expression on his face when he sang, but you could just make out the softness in his melodic tones. You were aware in your peripheral vision of him glancing at you every once in a while, and it caused your cheeks to flush a sweet rosy hue.

Once a song ended, Ben turned the volume down and his tone got serious.

“I missed you,” he cooed, glancing over at you.

You sighed, looking down at your hands in your lap, “I missed you too.”

“Why are we doing this?” he sighed limply.

“Don’t ruin it Ben,” you whispered, voice weak, ashamed and dejected.

“Why are we making it so hard for each other?”

“I’m not trying to make it hard for you, I’m trying to make it easier!” you denounced. You wouldn’t let him vilify you.

“It’s not easier is it? We can’t forget what happened, so why try?”

“We’ll just let it hang over us like a black cloud then, shall we?” you spat sarcastically. “We’ll just wallow in it, when everyone clearly knows but no one says anything. Which I’m also not happy about, by the way. What exactly gave you the right to tell everyone?”

His cheeks flushed hotly, “Who told you that?”

“No one told me,” you snapped, incensed, “It’s blatant! I can see it in the way they look at me.”

“Okay I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told them without asking you, but they’re my friends, we talk about how we feel.”

“I’m your friend! Or at least I was.”

That stung him, but you were too enraged to see the way he flinched at your words.

“This is exactly why I don’t get involved with people at work,” you continued, undeterred, “You actors are so self-involved, you don’t even stop to think about how other people might feel, or how your actions affect them.”

“Wow. Fuck you, Y/N, that is completely unfair.”

You pulled into the parking area outside the house where you were filming, and Ben aggressively put the hand-break on, turning to face you.

“No, what’s unfair is you fucking fingering me in your bed and then walking away without saying a fucking word!”

“I’ve tried multiple times to talk to you, you’re the one that keeps walking away,” he argued.

“Well then, I’ll just do it again, shall I?” you snarled as you got out of the car, slamming the door closed behind you and storming away. Ben threw his head back against the headrest and pounded his fist against the steering wheel, dreading the moment he would have to follow you inside.

tags:

@anikatcmh @queen-turtle-boiii @orchideax @rogerspoison @my5secondsofneverland @mrsmazzello @ixchel-9275 @radiob-l-a-hblah @devin-marie @rogmeddows @mercurycrowley @spaghetittiesbcimgay @valeriecarolinaw @saint-hardy @caborhapch @stephanie-everlasting @coldmuffinpartycloud @drowse13 @shhhs3cret @blind-melon-taylor @ohsososophisticatedd @mclfoybaby @littlepanda-love @leezie (let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!)

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

About book!Aziraphale and his relationship to Heaven

Most of the meta I’ve read about it has it that the main difference between him and TV!Aziraphale is that he’s accepted the fact that he’s a bit of a bastard and that Heaven’s pretty rotten and it’s just a name for a side and I’m over here like “that’s?????? Not what I read at all”. If anything, TV!A is the one who keeps talking about opposite sides as the reason why he and Crowley can’t like each other and about his inability to disobey, while book!A is the one going on and on about angels and demons not even having free will and so being inevitably good and evil respectively. Yes, he’s more aware of the possibility for punishment than TV!A seems to be, mentioning Gomorrah when they find out Warlock’s not the Antichrist, but that just fits with the whole issue, which is that a part of him knows that everything’s not what he thinks he’s been told it is it seems to be, it’s just that he knows it on the same level that he knows Crowley has a spark of goodness in him and that still allows him to deny that knowledge in conversation until they’re literally about to die. 

 Here’s how I read it: is he more comfortable with, say, the concept* of killing an eleven year old? Yes, but, coupled with everything else he says, I think it has less to do with him being alright with his “bastardy” and recognizing Heaven and Hell are just sides than it has with him just being convinced that, as long as it’s an agent of Heaven doing it (including him), it’s alright (in the self-righteous hands, a gun lends weight to a moral argument).

Heaven as a cult (and no, I don’t know what Hell would be in this metaphor - a gang, maybe)

The thing is that you can’t look at his relationship with Heaven as just work, or even just family. As I mentioned in another post, I think it should be seen as a cult, which kinda mixes both work and family and adds religion and all that fun stuff: the other angels are the people he was born and belongs with, and their “home” is where he learned was raised (family); Heaven is the source of his “income” and Aziraphale relies on it “financially”, it also has a marked hierarchy (work); as a religious institution, it works with the belief that it knows what’s best and what will be rewarded in the end, in addition to having a knowledge of how the world works that isn’t obvious at first glance to anyone who doesn’t belong, and works primarily on faith (religion). When all of that combines, the “raising” part of the familial aspect becomes programming and indoctrination with the unquestioning faith of the religion, the faith of the religion becomes unquestionable obedience to your boss with the strict hierarchy and fear of ruin if you’re fired of the workplace, and the faith and desire to belong of the family and religion become an unhealthy attachment to your job.

I see book!Aziraphale as who was born and raised in a cult and then sent away to do missionary work, where he faced reality, went through some pretty severe cognitive dissonance and dealt with it by rationalizing and denying by turns. I think the “angels are naturally good and, in fact, incapable of being anything else, since we don’t have free will, so anything I do will be Right and Good” excuse saw its fair share of use. I see him as someone who’s comfortable being a bastard because he doesn’t believe that’s what he’s doing or that he’s even capable of it. It’s this denial which leads him to (somehow????) be convinced that if he tells Heaven where the Antichrist is, they’ll get rid of him (nothing too bad, since they’re Heaven, of course, which leads me to the question, what the fuck do you think would have been an appropriate response, Aziraphale, since you were willing to kill him for a good stretch there? And what would have been an exaggerated, unbecoming-of-your-idealized-Heaven response???), even though he starts off knowing that they want the war, because he cannot conceive of being against Heaven. Sortaaa... divergent? Yeah, alright, but always working towards the same goal. The Agreement might have been acceptable in his mind because the job is still getting done, and the temptations also would have happened anyway. (Besides, of course, the whole “I can’t do Bad” thing.”)

Not that I think he’s, like, a pure cinnamon roll who only does the things he does because he doesn’t know better uwu !!!11!1!1. I think a big reason why his indoctrination’s been able to hold all that time is pride in always being Right and the comfort of knowing you’re always Good, so you don’t have to think about how what you’re doing will affect other people. He is someone who wants to do good, but, as all of us know, even without the complication of what we’re told is good and what we feel is good being contradicting, sometimes life’s too complicated to be able to tell what’s the right course, and Aziraphale, who we were introduced to worrying about this very problem, takes the easy way out and believes that being Good is his very nature. As I said before, a part of him knew that what he believed was wrong, but it was a mind (what Heaven taught him) over matter (what he feels is right) conflict when there was another battle going on in “matter” between what he feels is right and what he wants for himself, which was to be in Heaven’s good graces and for everything to be easy and himself to be good.

Matter over program (and pride, and guilt, and comfort, and security, let’s just say he didn’t have it easy, mkay?)

This conflict is suggested In The Beginning, ““““coincidentally”””” also the last time we go into Aziraphale’s head until he has to make a choice between Heaven and Crowley, and he rationalizes choosing Heaven by convincing himself that they’ll do what he wants them to and stop the Apocalypse and that way he’ll get to go back to Crowley.** Aka, his POV is marked by instances where what he’s been told what he says clashes against what he feels and wants. The solution for his conflict comes with the Metatron stating in no uncertain terms that Heaven’s wishes and his own were irreconcilably at odds with each other... actually, I think this probably wasn’t the first time? Probably, I don’t and can’t know. But what this was, was probably the first time Aziraphale cared so much about what he’d have to give up that he thought it was worth it to not only cut ties with Heaven, but also to abandon his carefully constructed wall of denial and rationalization and indoctrination to accept thing as they are.

We can see it plainly with the televangelist. A lot of people point at that moment as proof of him being and ass and, like, I agree that that’s what he’s being, but only on account of the people who were honestly watching that channel to feel connected to their religion and find some peace and reassurance and got... Aziraphale. Here’s the thing, though. A thing that tends to get lost in these debates. This isn’t Aziraphale casually debating the Apocalypse over some tea and scones; this is the first time Aziraphale admits, maybe even accepts, that Heaven and Hell are just sides, after insisting on their inherent good and evil natures the whole book; this is Aziraphale in the wake of having his rose-coloured glasses torn from him, this is him after being forced, after all this time, to tear off his own glasses; this is him angry, and disillusioned, and betrayed, with, at and by both Heaven and himself. Hell, him reproaching the televangelist for taking comfort in the fact that the righteous people could just kick back and watch the show, secure in the knowledge that they’ll be fine, could very well fit a projection of everything he’d let slide, because Heaven would win the war and that was his “idea of a morally acceptable time.” (More on Aziraphale and his possible guilt in a bit.) 

Again, this is not an admission Aziraphale makes lightly, like “awright, I guess it’s not quite like that, but shhhh, it’s our secret ;)”, it’s one he’s forced to face when the only other option is losing everything he holds dear. 

(New thought I got while writing this: this is also the first time he admits that Heaven’s victory isn’t a sure thing, so not only does he abandon the security in his and Heaven’s righteousness, but also in that everything would at least turn out okay.)

What He Found (no, I didn’t watch the movie, this pun is as superficial as NG’s attempt to make Pepper into a person who “believes in peace” for the TV show)

But things turn out pretty alright for him. Not only does he get a happy ending, but in between being discorporated and the attempted fight against Satan, you can kinda see him get his moral compass sorted. If I may quote myself, it goes kinda like this: 

“I’d say it’s why he’s so erratic at the end, and with the whole confidence/insecurity thing. At Heaven’s insistence on bringing about the Apocalypse, that clear collision of beliefs, he has the rug pulled from under him. That certainty comes from the fact that he believes, or can make himself believe, that Heaven and Angels are always right. The moment that’s proven to be untrue? Fuck you, I’m gonna possess people. Oh? You think you’re so righteous, huh? Talking about how you’ll be saved because you’re so Right, huh? Boy, do I have some news for you, you’re not even a decent person, I mean, really? Watching everyone else suffer from up high? (oh, shit, am I on tv?) [also notice that this is the first time, unless I’m forgetting something, that he acknowledges what Crowley’s been saying all along, that there’s no good vs evil, just sides] Fuck that, I’m gonna convince geriatrics to kill the Antichrist. Fuck it, I’m gonna make that guard disappear (…err…ignoring the pangs of guilt, gotta keep going…) Fuck it all, I’m gonna kill that eleven yeaghghgasdfh mayhaps not. But! You! Metatron! You feel so Righteous, huh? So Good? So Correct? So confident in your ability to understand the ineffable plan? Well I don’t, bitch.”

Everyone says that book!Aziraphale is smug and condescending and acts holier-than-thou and they’re right! That’s him! But that confidence comes from believing he literally can’t go wrong. It’s why he changes his mind about Adam: it’s all right and good to be ready to kill (or get someone to kill) a kid when you believe morality is always on your side, not... so much when you realize that everything you do, it’s for you to live with, and there’s no certainty that you were right.

Our last stand

And here’s my last argument for why I don’t think he “accepted” that he was a bastard before, and going back to the promised, if unasked for, topic: his guilt. 

So. The Apocalypse has been averted. Time to go back home with the Enemy, return the favour to the sweet lady who gave him a ride over (and her young man). Suddenly, the smell of something burning. An earthquake. Satan’s coming for Crowley, at least, maybe Adam, too. There are other people at the airbase, though. So, Aziraphale decides to try to fight him, at least give everyone a chance to run. And there’s kindness and compassion in that decision, of course, but when he tries to convince Crowley, he also implies that they owe it to the humans, for messing around with them. He’s guilty. And I have trouble believing that someone who’d die for a bunch of people he’s just met and ask seemingly the only sentient being he has an affective attachment to to join him (which has connotations about both his committed nature and the extent of his guilt) would just... go through life, knowing he was screwing people over and fully accepting it. Knowing it in his heart of hearts but not feeling prepared for the consequences and so looking the other way? Yeah, sure. That’s him. That’s his arc: making the choice to actually look at things, and also face the fact that he’s been making the choice to close his eyes. 

Book!Aziraphale’s faults and bastardy are more obvious than his TV counterpart’s, and maybe even greater, but it’s not because he’s accepted that side of himself or that all Heaven’s ever taught him is pure propaganda, but because he believes that propaganda a lot more (at least, superficially) and so is much more secure in his “good nature”.

*I’ve pointed it put multiple times and I still can’t emphasize it enough: while both of them hesitate, the one who decides not to kill Adam and wait and see while he’s talking to the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who are supposed to bring it about on his command, is book!Aziraphale.

**In a way, choosing both of them, in contrast to TV!Aziraphale who, by telling no one the truth, chose neither. (He went straight to the manager.)

[empiregalaxy]

Star Wars is so, so good. The movies I really enjoy, the cast is great, the planets are fascinating to talk about, lightsabres (especially red!) are awesome, the characters are engaging, the scenary is breathtaking, we get duels, there’s also a great philosophical element to the series. Plus, it’s alot of fun.

It’s the perfect fusion of westerns, space operas, science fiction & action. It’s a story that has survived generations.

So yeah, I’m a little bit obsessed with Star Wars.

Which is a good and a bad thing. Good in the sense, for all the nice memories associated with it as well as friends. I maintain it’s a good series. 

Bad? Because the fandom is terrible. 

They’ve always been an intolerant, entitled bunch (the sexism and racism is quite high)- the people who liked the prequels were bashed. And if you were an actor in those movies? Or... George Lucas? Oh, the scorn you faced. The treatment of Jake Lloyd was shocking. Still in this decade with a whole new trilogy, the racism John Boyega endured (and still going on) was awful. Comments about Carrie Fisher’s mental health were also done by Star Wars fans.

I was born in 1994, but I’ve heard stories about how fans of the OT acted. It’s... disturbing. Female fans were attacked, there were debates over whether or not its a ‘kids’ movie. All this behaviour eventually reached a point where it turned people off the series all together.

Now tumblr, and other sites treatment of Reylo shippers / Kylo Ren fans is appalling. It is so self righteous, smug and ethically repulsive. I’ve seen them being told to kill themselves, not to have children, told not to interact with posts, blocked from website forums, told that if they are ever encountered, they’d be ‘punched’. It’s disgusting. There’s no way to frame it. How the Star Wars fandom treated Reylo shippers is a stain on SW fandom history. 

Another thing is this fandom’s obsession with ‘fascism’ and ‘nazism’. They see parallels between The Empire / First Order with real life atrocities. Lots of people do, but the problem is when that clouds your judgement- no, Kylo Ren couldn’t possibly be redeemed, cause that would mean redeeming a fascist and that sends a bad message to kids. Or- SW is about Black & White morality, and that there are ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys’. Like do you even hear yourself? You sound so ludicrous.

When I watch a Star Wars film, I feel good. When I interact with the Star Wars fandom, I don’t feel good. I don’t belong. And I know, out there- antis are glad I and others don’t belong. That’s how bitter and twisted this fandom is. Well, I believe people can be redeemed. I believe in that people aren’t perfect, and don’t have to be. I believe people can have freedom. No one is going to stop me from believing in those things.

For my friends in the Star Wars fandom, for the Reylo shippers and Kylo Ren stans- I have no anger directed towards you. I never have. 

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 59: Rising Tides, Crashing Skies

“I guess it’s pretty bad, but what’s a regular old guy like me supposed to do about it?”

Heyyyyy Ronaldo.

Y’know, this episode isn’t as bad as I remember. Watching it the first time, it stuck out mostly for its terrible timing after an episode as powerful as Sworn to the Sword, and looked even worse when its Steven Bomb was done: Keeping It Together, We Need to Talk, and Chille Tid are not great company when you’re only a middling episode. Even now, I think it would’ve been smart to put this just before Reformed as a coda to the human-centric chunk of early Season 2 episodes, or right after Chille Tid as a buffer between Malachite and the Week of Sardonyx. But watching it again, I can admit that Rising Tides, Crashing Tides isn’t a terrible episode.

Now, it’s not great, but what it lacks in substance it (sort of) makes up for in comedy. Where Crying Breakfast Friends is self-parody in show form, Ronaldo is self-parody in human form—which by the way further solidifies placing this episode nearer to Reformed or Cry for Help, which both feature CBF—so he’s a great lens to show a human reaction to the Homeworld Gems’ return. And if you’re going to use a gimmicky character, you might as well use a gimmicky format.

The saving grace of this episode is its lovingly accurate portrayal of a teenager’s crappy documentary. With the exception of the trying-too-hard reenactment jokes (the flopping fish for Nanefua and Ronaldo’s hand for the handship), I laughed way harder than I thought I would at its format-specific humor. Ronaldo’s terrible cutting is perfect, as is that weird but universal obsession with “official-looking” title cards (undercut by Comic Sans and plodding text effects).

But if you’re mining for comedy gold, look no further than the description assigned to each character. Some are general jokes (Kiki’s is “Pizza Heiress” and Mayor Dewey’s is “Mayor Dewey”) while others reveal Ronaldo’s perspective on his interviewees (Sadie’s is “Horror Movie Enthusiast” and Jenny’s is “Intimidating Teenage Girl”). Still, the obvious winner is Steven.

Still, the jokes directly from Ronaldo are, as always, hit and miss. Considering there’s not too much to talk about in Rising Tides, Crashing Skies besides the humor, I’d like to take a moment to examine what makes him so inconsistent.

Subtlety is where Ronaldo flies highest and falls hardest. I’m sure it’s difficult to use a light touch on such a broad character, but Zachary Steel is great enough at going full ham that he doesn’t need that much help from the writers. Ronaldo’s obliviousness is bound to make him say dumb things, but this sometimes makes incongruity itself the punchline when it should be the bare minimum for a gag. There’s a reason why everybody almost everybody grows out of “so random!” comedy, and it’s because there’s no depth to it beyond the standard surprise that most jokes have.

Still, this shallowness isn’t limited to lolrandom humor. Take, for instance, Ronaldo’s narration over his nighttime exposé. He looks right at the camera and talks about how brave he is to be sneaking around with a camera. You see, normally a hero doesn’t have to say they’re being brave, so we wouldn’t expect someone to say that they’re brave. But he does. That’s, uh, that’s it. That’s the whole joke.

There are tons of ways to show that a character is self-important that don’t involve them essentially telling us “I am self-important.” And Steven Universe usually does just that: Ronaldo’s brooding in Full Disclosure, his smug yet incorrect explanations of how the world works in Keep Beach City Weird, and smatterings of this very episode (like calling his home movie “an investigative report shot camera vérité”) all reveal how pompous he is. Which is great, but it only makes his “I’m so brave to be doing this” line more frustrating, because it’s not even teaching us anything new about him.

But on the flipside, the understated interviewee descriptions I mentioned above and small moments of Ronaldo acting like a real person as he futzes with the camera work so well because he’s usually so broad, and seeing him act like a real person is an incongruity that adds fuel to the joke (rather than being the joke itself). So you have to make him annoying and loud to make the quiet moments land, but not too annoying and loud because then we just hate the guy and the jokes get lazy. 

Again, this can’t be an easy balance for the writers—and I haven’t even mentioned the additional pressure to provide constant humor with a flat character whose only role is to be funny—but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy when the scales tip too hard on the obnoxious end. The reason Ronaldo works best in small doses is because the longer he’s on screen, the more likely it is that the writers will slip up and make him go full Ronaldo. Rising Tides, Crashing Skies does surprisingly well, but there are still plenty of moments where its hero is a pain to watch.

One thing that helps any wacky character is a straight man, and Peedee ably fills the role despite his own quirks. Atticus Shaffer hasn’t had much to do since Frybo beyond the occasional line, so it’s great to hear him spend a whole episode grounding Ronaldo with his signature blend of solemnity and anxiety. We already know from Keep Beach City Weird that Peedee understands his brother better than anyone, so putting him on the documentary team provides some much-needed commentary on an episode about commentary. I appreciate his introduction as an interview subject to reestablish his character, considering his lack of focus throughout the series, before making him Ronaldo’s semi-willing sidekick.

In terms of that whole subtlety thing I was going on about, I love that Peedee’s maturity and capability isn’t overplayed: he fumbles through filmmaking just as much as Ronaldo and spends as much time freaking out as he does calmly explaining things. Peedee is unusually responsible, and Ronaldo’s behavior makes him look particularly competent, but he’s still a normal kid and not a flanderized child prodigy. We already have one extreme character here, and I’m glad the crew doesn’t make the mistake of thinking we need another one to balance him out.

But it’s the third Fryman that gets the line of the episode, summing up what an adjusted adult almost has to be in Beach City. He’s aware of how powerless he is in a world of magic and monsters, but he sighs and accepts it instead of letting this knowledge cripple him. He’s got a family and a business to take care of, and he seems to be succeeding at both, so there’s nothing to be gained by worrying about things that are out of his hands. Most of the documentary’s interviewees have the same mindset, highlighting that Ronaldo is distinguished by his unwillingness to normalize weirdness rather than being the only one who notices it.

I’m surprised we don’t see Pop Fryman’s counterpoint, Kofi Pizza: Beach Party is an entire episode about Kofi facing a similar sense of powerlessness as Mr. Fryman with the same righteous rage as Ronaldo, so he’d fit right in (plus we see everyone else in his family, so why stop at Nanefua?). Perhaps having someone who actually agreed with Ronaldo would dull the episode’s message, but it would’ve been nice to see someone acknowledge that despite his many faults, our documentarian is correct.

The Crystal Gems are responsible for Beach City being a magnet for disaster, and seeing them from the point of view of an endangered civilian could make for a fascinating episode. Beach Party and Rising Tides, Crashing Skies come closest, and Lars’s own acknowledgment of how horrible such daily dangers can be in The New Lars is a turning point in his characterization, but otherwise we don’t see the consequences of being the Crystal Gems’ neighbors in a serious light until the end of Season 4. I feel like there’s a way to throw Ronaldo a bone in this regard, but considering it’s Ronaldo, I’m not gonna lose sleep over it.

Okay, what else. The Crystal Gems are obviously gonna be funny in a Ronaldo episode, as I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing him treated with open disdain (so long as the characters aren’t actually cruel like Lars). We don’t get any introspection from empathy machine Steven about how dangerous the Gems are, partially because he already did that in Beach Party but mostly because this is a breezy episode despite its pointed criticism of our heroes. It’s great that Ronaldo only wants them back because he selfishly wants a weird city regardless of the risks; that is, it’s great in a character sense, because Ronaldo is despicable and this lack of concern for others is true to who he is.

I don’t know for certain if the final shot is a reference to Ronaldo’s polarizing nature, but I’d like to think it is. Especially because, despite myself, I’d be clicking the same button as Steven. If you hated this episode as much as I did when I first saw it, I’d suggest going back and watching it on its own: it’s much better by itself than it is as a dead stop to a marathon’s momentum.

Future Vision!

“Wait, so the hand wasn’t here to snatch up humans for a human zoo?”

Ronaldo brings up the Beach City Wind Farm, which isn’t a thing that we see at any point in the show, but Little Homeworld is will feature a prominent windmill, so maybe this is another proper prediction?

Still no word on if the Great Diamond Authority thawing out the cryogenically frozen pets of the one percent, but considering Ronaldo’s track record I wouldn’t be surprised. I guess if you squint it could be a reference to the bubbled Corrupted Gems, but his theories are usually more concretely proven.

(But seriously I think Ronaldo might actually have a future in intergalactic diplomacy.)

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

It’s not as good as Keep Beach City Weird, but that doesn’t mean Rising Tides, Crashing Skies is bad. In any case, it’s sort of an entity unto itself: it’s strange to categorize it as something other than a Ronaldo episode considering he’s the main character, but the unusual format puts it in a whole other category for me: this is the Documentary Episode, featuring Ronaldo.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Winter Forecast

On the Run

Warp Tour

Maximum Capacity

The Test

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Future Vision

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

No Thanks!

     4. Horror Club      3. Fusion Cuisine      2. House Guest      1. Island Adventure

[itscooltobefanficy]

Feeling Alive- Part 9

Summary: Dance school!AU (or the Step Up/Pride and Prejudice mash up nobody asked for). Bucky Barnes is forced to take twelve hours of commercial dance classes to pass the year- and that just happens to be your regular weekly dance class.

Introduction

Part 1 (Slow Hands)

Part 2 (Stay)

Part 3 (There Will Come a Time)

Part 4 (Weapon of Choice)

Part 5 (Came Here For Love)

Part 6 (Where the Sky Hangs)

Part 7 (When Can I See You Again?)

Part 8 (Manhattan)

Skip To The Good Bit

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Chapter 10/?: Skip To The Good Bit

Word count: 3718

WHAT. The last chapter-? So many people-? Liked it-? Reblogged it-? I’m just an incoherent mess of half-formed sentences tbh THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH I DO NOT DESERVE YOU. This chapter is long and fun and hopefully you will finish with a smile on your face ;) Read on!

You huff out a breath and roll over in bed. It’s no good. Your brain simply won’t switch off. All you can think about is the last few hours: Bucky smiling; Bucky dancing with you around the kitchen; curling up on your tattered sofa and carefully tucking yourself against Bucky’s side… And the tiny matter of the incident on the porch. The miniscule, insignificant fact that Bucky had leaned forward in the weak yellow glow of the outside bulb and pressed his lips softly to yours.

Yeah, that.

Even just thinking about it makes you grin into the darkness. Fizzing bubbles seem to have filled your chest cavity, exploding against your ribs in glimmering sparks of colour.

Bucky kissed you.

It was just a dry press of mouth against mouth- you would even go so far as to call it chaste- and yet it nearly exploded a bomb in your heart. You had frozen on the steps; and it had only been after a few seconds had passed that you’d realised your eyes had slid shut. When you had opened them again, Bucky was smiling like he had swallowed a sparkler, but he was already retreating down the path to the street.

“Guess I’ll see you on Wednesday, Y/N.”

A frantic, weightless giggle had burst out of your mouth. You bit your lip to combat the smile unfurling across your face, before finding your voice again.

“Guess you will.”

There’s nobody here to see you now, so you allow your grin to grow, spreading in concert with the joy that’s singing in your heart.

~~

“She looks happy.”

“Far happier than anyone on a Sunday night shift has any right to be.”

You drop your bag onto your desk and roll your eyes (although, OK, you do look happy). “I’m right here, you two.”

“Indeed you are,” Nahid eyes you beadily. “So tell all!”

You consider trying to throw them off, but your traitorous brain just keeps making you smile. Lola nearly crows with delight.

“Yeah, yeah, fine! It went well.” You can’t help the tiny laugh that bursts out of you. “Really well.”

“Friendly conversation well? Or get laid well?”

“Nahid!” You exclaim, then realise you’re going to have to give them the truth- otherwise they’ll assume a whole lot worse. “Yes, we had friendly conversation. And we danced.”

“You danced?” Lola frowns sceptically. “I thought you did that anyway?”

You can feel your face heating up. Yeah, you and Bucky have danced together- but swaying together, pressed against his chest, as Blossom Dearie sang wistfully about love and joy feels like something far more intimate and indescribable than just attending a class together. “Not the routine we do on Wednesdays,” You settle for, and Nahid immediately raises a suggestive eyebrow.

“That’s an innuendo if every I’ve heard one.”

“No!” You yelp, throwing a balled-up scrap of paper at her. “I don’t know why I tell you anything.”

Lola breaks off laughing. “Don’t tease her, Nahid, otherwise she’ll clam up.”

You try not to look self-righteous, and probably fail- but Nahid seals her lips together and dials down her smirk.

“OK,” You take a deep breath, and decide to just say it, “We kissed.”

“Yes!” Lola holds up her hand to high-five Nahid. “And?”

“And nothing. He went home. I’ll see him again on Wednesday.”

Lola and Nahid exchange a look.

“What?” You hammer a few keys on your computer pointedly. “We’re not in a hurry. At least, I don’t think we are.” Even as you say it, you think of their upcoming auditions and feel your stomach drop. You hurriedly shove the thought away. Just live in the moment, right?

“Fine,” Nahid sighs. “I call an end to gossip time. Can you take the front desk?”

You nod and jump to your feet. Through the window that looks out over the library, you can see several students beginning to drift in, and you pull your focus back to your work. They deserve nothing less than your full attention.

~~

The trouble with the night shift is that there’s actually very little activity for you to focus on. Apart from a minor drama at ten to midnight when one of the printers jams, the hours slide by in peace and relative quiet, and several times you catch yourself beginning to drift. Part of you wonders how Pepper and Wanda will react to your news. Of course, you’d told them about your alternative Saturday plans, and they’d both wished you luck- but neither of them knew exactly what had occurred between you and Bucky. You almost want to hold off telling them, just to avoid the inevitable smug looks and barrage of teasing you’ll have to endure come Wednesday, but then you remember the feeling of Bucky’s lips against yours and decide that climbing up to the library roof and starting to declaim might not be overkill.

Hear this, o people! Bucky Barnes kissed me!

“You’ve got a silly face on,” Lola whispers, as she heads out to do some re-shelving, and you hastily wipe your expression blank. Before you can retort, however, she’s out of ear-shot. Sighing, you sink back in your chair and resolve to start checking the late returns list, just to keep yourself distracted.

~~

B: hope ns wasn’t too bad

B: rly looking forward to seeing you on weds

It’s Monday evening and you’re smiling at your phone as you lie in bed.

Y: Only just woken up but it was fine

You hesitate briefly, then add:

Y: Had happy memories to sustain me

B: well wreck-it ralph is one of the best movies of all time

B: ;)

You roll your eyes. Idiot.

Y: You’re incorrigible

Y: How was your day?

B: p good

B: had happy memories to sustain me

It’s verging on ridiculous how one line of text can make your heart start performing a happy jig.

Y: Smooth ;)

B: also true

A small involuntary squeak escapes you. Your lungs are suddenly somehow filled with sunshine.

B: Steve’s threatening to confiscate my phone if I don’t go to sleep

B: talk to you tomorrow?

Y: Like I have anything better to do ;)

Y: Sleep well J

Still chewing back your grin, you throw back the duvet and go in search of food.

~~

Monday and Tuesday pass in much the same way. You endure a three-way grilling from Wanda and Pepper over Skype (losing track of how many times Wanda says I told you so) and cave in to telling your mum about the non-specifics of your date. Of course, she bubbles over with excitement (“Oh, how nice for you!”), and, to your surprise, you find yourself carried along with it. Optimism has infected you when you weren’t looking, and now the world has taken on a burnished hue that glows brighter with every happy tick of your heart.

On Wednesday you are, for possibly the first time ever, ten minutes early for the bus. Nerves tickle the pit of your stomach. You stare fixedly at the curb and try not to fidget as you wait.

“Y/N!”

Your head shoots up and you look round to see Steve waving expansively. When he realises you’re looking, his expression melds into one of faux-shock. “You’re early for the bus?!”

“Oh, shut up,” You laugh, then blink as he draws closer and engulfs you in a hug. It doesn’t make you uncomfortable in the slightest- you’re just a little surprised.

And then you lay eyes on Bucky, and you’re suddenly very distracted.

It’s a strange sensation, to have a memory so strong it presses up against your eyes, tugging at the corners of your lips, forcing a flush to bloom across your face: but that’s how it feels just to look at him. That one, brief, barely-there kiss is seared into your mind like a brand, and it flares with colour at the sight of his sharp blue eyes.

Before you can make an utter fool of yourself gawping (or drooling on the pavement) Sam steps forwards and also draws you into a hug.

“Nice to see you, Y/N.” His voice sounds strained, as though he’s trying to hold back a laugh, and an instant later you realise why. “Missed you on Saturday.”

When he pulls back, you catch the tail end of the death-glare Bucky is sending to his three friends simultaneously, and fight back the hysterical urge to giggle. Instead, you look away and fix Steve with a stare.

“The three of you are absolutely not allowed to use this as ammunition,” You tell them, looking to Sam and Nat in turn, your voice firm. Steve, at least, has the grace to look contrite.

“I was trying to be helpful,” He says. “I just thought you might feel uncomfortable if only Bucky hugged you!”

Before you can finish rolling your eyes, Bucky heaves an equally exasperated sigh.

“I don’t need your damn permission, Rogers.”

And before you know what’s happening, you’re wrapped up in Bucky’s arms with your face pressed in his shoulder. Unfortunately, before you can fully enjoy the experience (how is it possible for one individual to smell so good?) there’s a pointed cough from behind you.

“They’re so cute.”

“I may throw up,” Nat mutters, delicately.

You sigh, and bury your face further into the soft fabric. “Where’s the goddamn bus when you need it?”

Bucky laughs, and releases you. He has that smile that means happy, yellow, joy tickling the back of your throat: the kind that seems to be pressed upwards on his face. It might be your favourite kind.

“Your prayers are answered, Y/N!” Sam jokes, and the sound of an engine rumbles closer. Nat presses a hand to her eyes.

“Yes, please, let’s get on the bus before there’s any more hugging.”

Bucky reaches out to tousle her hair. “Drama queen.”

Nat shoots daggers at him. “You’ll pay for that later.”

“Let’s just get on the bus,” Steve grimaces, and, smirking, you do exactly that.

~~

Nat immediately ushers you into the window seat and promptly sits down beside you, effectively blocking you off from Bucky. You snort, but decide it’s not worth a battle. Instead, you lean around and engage Nat in conversation.

“You survived the networking then?”

She grimaces. “Somehow.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Steve laughs, “She charmed them, as usual.”

Nat purses her lips primly, but you can see the smirk she’s holding back. “You can talk. One look at your pretty face and they’re falling over themselves.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Romanoff.”

“Yeah,” Sam objects, “What about my pretty face?”

“Don’t worry,” Bucky leans back in his seat and shoots you a smile that warms up your insides by half a degree, “They were actually concentrating on your dancing.”

“So you’re saying there’s nothing to distract them? Oh, thank you, thank you so much.”

Steve pats Sam’s shoulder consolingly. “I’m sure there’s a career for you in salsa.”

Sam throws his hands in the hair and huffs. “I don’t know why I’m friends with you guys.”

“Honestly?” You chip in, “I have no idea. They don’t deserve you, Sam.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” Sam laughs, “I’m glad somebody appreciates me.”

You look over at Bucky, and he raises his eyebrows slightly. You feel a giggle well up in your chest (another one, what is with you?) and tilt your head slightly even as you raise your eyes to the grimy ceiling of the bus. It’s the best way you can communicate Yes, of course I still like you best.

“Steve, intervene!” Nat cries. When he looks at her in surprise, she adds, “They’re making faces at each other.”

“Don’t panic, Nat,” Bucky snorts, pulling himself to his feet, “It’s our stop. We won’t impose on you any longer.”

“Thank god.” She shifts to the side to let you out into the aisle. You step past her and laugh.

“See you later, Nat. Bye, Sam!”

“Have fun,” Sam sniggers.

“Make good decisions!” Nat calls to you, just as the doors hiss open. Frankly, you’re glad to hop down onto the pavement just to hide your blush.

~~

Things only get worse when you enter the studio. Across the room, you can see Wanda’s expression lighting up at the sight of you; she immediately cracks a grin even as you try to hush her with a glare.

“Why is she staring?” Bucky mutters, eyeing her.

“Because she has no chill,” You reply, straightening up and marching over to where Clint and Pepper are chatting. “Hey!”

“Oh, hey!” To her credit, Pepper’s eyes only widen slightly. You decide to hold back on the warning glare.

Clint, however, is less restrained.

“How was your date?”

Thankfully, he signs it- and although he bursts into snickers when you frantically reply with the negative, Bucky and Steve simply look confused.

“Ignore him,” You say, both aloud and with gestures, glaring at Clint, “He’s being an idiot.”

“Rude,” Clint replies, but before the argument can escalate Wanda cuts across you.

“Come on, kids! Let’s get started!”

You stick out your tongue at Clint and stride out onto the floor. Honestly. You love your friends dearly, but sometimes they did like to embarrass you a whole lot more than was necessary.

A point which Wanda seems to prove half an hour later, when warm ups are through.

“New routine today gang! I was going to teach the guys their segment, but I got bored and decided to do this instead!” She grins at you, and you immediately guess her intentions. It’s all you can do not to bury your head in your hands. “We’ll get the moves down separately, then see if we can go through it partnered up. If we get time, we’ll do hand-in at the end! Let’s get to it!”

It takes maybe three beats for you to recognise the song; you laugh, because otherwise you’d probably run and hide. When you look at Bucky, he has his head tilted to his side and a confused smile gracing his mouth.

“Didn’t this come out in high school?”

You nod, even as the Pussycat Dolls begin to sing.

“I’m tellin’ you to loosen up my buttons, babe,

But you keep fronting.

Say what you’re gonna do to me,

But I ain’t seen nothing…”

“This is going to be fun!” Wanda shuts off the music and bounces back to the front of the class. “Now, do as I do, and we’ll learn the routine.”

~~

To your relief, you don’t actually get any further than blocking the new moves. Wanda has devised a combination of incredibly raunchy poses, but it proves fairly complex to knit them all together and the class runs to time before she can ask you to partner up. When Bucky isn’t looking, you stick out her tongue at her, and she rolls her eyes.

“We will be partnering up next week!” She calls, smiling sardonically. “So be ready!”

You’re the worst, you think, glaring at her, before turning around- to find Bucky standing expectantly in front of you.

“Stretching?”

You’d almost forgotten. “Oh, yeah. Alright.”

Bucky smiles crookedly. “No need to sound quite so enthusiastic.”

Sighing, you sit down on the floor and make a start on the butterfly stretch.

Over Bucky’s shoulder, Clint attracts your attention with a wave of his hand and signs, “Hurry up!”

“One minute,” You reply. Bucky’s watching your gestures curiously.

“One minute, was that?”

“Yeah!” You smile at him. “Have you been practicing signing or something?”

“We do what we can,” Steve calls, wryly.

Clint pats him on the shoulder consolingly, then signs, “You’ll get there.”

“Having fun on the floor, Y/N?” Wanda says. It’s only because you know her really well that you can hear the hint of teasing in her tone.

“Just done, actually,” You say, briskly, jumping to your feet. Bucky raises his eyebrows, but gets to his feet, too.

Wanda snorts. “Alright. I’ll lock up after you.”

“You do that.” You fetch your bag and head towards the door, Bucky, Steve, Pepper and Clint trailing behind you. “See you later, Wanda!”

“Bye, guys!”

Outside on the street, the evening sun is attempting to pierce the clouds. A breeze ruffles Bucky’s messy hair. Clint and Pepper say goodbye, then the three of you begin the now-familiar walk home.

“Now, I don’t know what you had planned for Saturday,” Steve says, “But I’m afraid there’s no film night this week. Everyone’s prepping for company auditions.”

“Oh,” You say, your stomach swooping. “I know you’re both going to be great.”

“Thanks,” Steve replies. Bucky just hooks his arm round your shoulders and grins at you.

“So what happens when you get accepted?” You say. You hope the strained note in your voice isn’t too obvious.

“If we get accepted, we stick out the year- it’s part of Fury’s agreement with the companies- then pack up and ship out.” Bucky says it like it’s nothing, and you try not to react.

“And it’s still a long shot,” Steve adds, “Buck and I are much older than companies normally look for.”

You swallow down your discomfort and smile encouragingly. “Well, I’ve seen you both dance and they’d be mad not to have you.”

Bucky’s grin grows wider. “Thanks for the support.”

The frozen, sick feeling in your chest dissolves a little, and you move on to lighter topics.

When your road is in sight, Steve clears his throat. “You know what? I’ll just head back by myself.”

Before either of you can protest, he waves innocently and sets off down the pavement, humming a cheerful tune. You stare after him, speechless. Bucky just snorts.

“I love the idiot,” He pronounces, after a moment of silence, “But…”

“He’s about as subtle as a bull in a china shop,” You finish, slowly breathing out. This is fine. Bucky is going to walk you home, and your nerve endings absolutely aren’t tingling with electricity at the thought.

Bucky nods. “That about sums it up. Shall we?”

You nod. Managing anything else is well beyond your capabilities right now.

It takes maybe two minutes to walk the last street corner, cross the road, and come to a standstill in front of your front door. For each and every second that ticks past, your heart seems to beat a little harder. The wind is picking up, stealing the weak warmth of the sun from the surrounding air. For an uncomfortable moment, you stand side-by-side, awkwardly holding on to the companionable silence that had sustained your previous steps.

“Well-” You start, just as Bucky opens his mouth to say something. You break off and gesture for him to go ahead.

“Sorry,” A smile twitches at the corner of his mouth, “I was just going to say… It seems a shame to waste Steve’s sleuthing skills.”

The breath is suddenly gone from your chest. A tiny voice somewhere in the back of your brain is asking Is sleuthing even the right word? The rest is just the tingle of static; the spit of sparks off a bonfire.

“Yeah,” You say. Your voice is embarrassingly squeaky. “Yeah, it would-”

Bucky is suddenly very close to you and that’s it, all mental processes shut down. All you can focus on is the shimmering, liquid pools of his blue eyes, the slight shock of his hands on your waist…

And then you’re kissing, and you’re not entirely sure anything will ever function outside this moment ever again.

Because, God, has kissing anyone ever been so soft? There’s a wildfire scorching through your mind, front to back, and there’s gasoline slipping down your spine that catches and flares in a series of clattering heartbeats. Your mouth is open, when did that happen? And still Bucky is somehow taking, still pushing for more, his lips moving in a way that is surely precisely calculated to make you melt. You fasten your hands into the fabric of his jumper to hold yourself down, or maybe closer, you’re not sure. His breath hitches-

And then he pulls back, and the world moves once again.

For a moment, you just have to exist for a moment. Anything more is absolutely beyond your mental faculties. You find yourself leaning forward, resting your chin on your hands, pressing your hands into Bucky’s chest. Almost automatically, his arms fully circle your waist, holding you closer. His breath tickles the top of your head.

“OK?” You can feel his words rumbling up through all the places you’re touching. The bonfire has settled, banked down: now it’s more of a contented glow, suffusing your veins. You breathe your reply into tickle of fabric against your lips.

“Yeah.”

Although you can’t see his face, you can feel Bucky smiling. You huff out a breath and dare to lift your head.

Yes, he’s smiling. Your heart feels like it’s growing, filling all the way up to the top.

“Steve should sleuth more often,” You murmur, and Bucky’s laugh booms out of him. He ducks his head to press a kiss to the top of your hair.

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” He chuckles, and your heart skips in excitement- but he straightens up slowly and lifts his hands to rest on your shoulders. “But for now, if I don’t head back I’ll have to ring Steve to let me in, and that’s not a humiliation worth suffering.”

You snort, and ignore the little curl of disappointment in your abdomen at Bucky’s words. “Couldn’t have that happening.”

“I’ll see you at the weekend?” He turns it into a question, so you answer with the affirmative.

“Of course.” You tilt your head and let loose the smile that’s threatening to take over your whole face. “We’ll do something fun.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“Alright then,” You say, reluctantly stepping back and dropping your hands. “Off you go. Otherwise you’ll never leave.”

Bucky dramatically claps a hand to his heart. “You wound me, Y/N!”

You roll your eyes and force yourself to make the short walk to your door (otherwise you’ll probably stay on the pavement, trading insults and kisses, forever). “See you, Bucky.”

“See you,” He calls. As the door swings closed, you can still see the corner of his smile sneaking round the edge of his face.

AN: I’m just sat here with a smirk on my face at this point. I rly hope that was satisfactory ;) I have a friend coming over for the next few days ( @justkeeplaughing-nevergiveup I’m looking at you) so we’re going to be off gallivanting. No update probs until Friday. Plus I need to finish fourteen to maintain my buffer! But yeah THANK YOU to everyone who’s engaged with this story so far, you are all amazing <3

Tag list:  @learisa; @vintagesaph; @debzybrazy; @madeofstarsdust; @beingcrushedbysociety; @plumsforbuck2016; @buckybabybaby; @seb-styles; @youtube-obsessed-duh; @casdoesntunderstandthatreference; @sunnycolors; @imthemishamigo; @themarvelousmaximoffs; @blonde0n; @smaug-the-homedog; @gabby913; @sexyashmike; @fuckinxqueenx; @velociraptorinae; @frnkensteingrl; @tattooideasforthefuture; @inlovewithnovels; @ipaintmelodies; @whimsicaldreaming; @olicia-leeshy; @xxamix; @xxblackteabinchxx; @v-ickie; @imnegativetillbepositive; @lilythelionflower; @witchinghour24; @hollycornish; @lucyvaughan-omg-; @thel0stpr1ncess; @kur0k1tsun3-blog; @siobhanrebecca; @thighs0fbetrayal; @ur-an-indiana-boy-sonny; @fungk17; @da363; @sorryidontspeakgrounder-world; @burtheimperium; @fandom-writes; @farawell; @dorisagent101; @ghostwriterfanfics; @avengers--marvel; @the-creative-lie; @ms-brown10; @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme; @marvelsavengersforever1227; @winchesterforever12; @stomachfilledwithbutterflies; @fictionwillneverdie; @basicwhiskeyprincesss

Part 10

[not-impala]

Falling

Characters: Reader, Dean Winchester, Mark Pellino (not really OFC), Nickolas Kyler (OFC), Jolina Davis (OFC), Claire, Ben, Chuck, Charlie Bradbury (mentioned), Crowley

Summary: Reader finds Dean and his new girlfriend, Jolina, to get on her nerves until something changes her mind.

Prompt: I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me… but I can’t help it that I’m popular. -Mean Girls

Word Count: 2k-ish

Warnings: fluffff

AU: i did use Jolina as a character name because she kinda gets hated on and i didn’t want it to be any popular name just for the sake of offending someone. & please bare with me on the little details. I went to a very small high school, so i’m really trying to base all the ‘real-high school’ aspects off of cliches and movies, really. thanks for reading anyway. love you xx

The halls buzzed with students whirling around each other. Bags were pushed and feet were stepped on, but that happened daily, so it never honestly bothered anyone. If someone would have looked at you all from above, you would look like a swarm of bees just trying to find some nectar.

7:05 read your watch. 10 minutes to get to Pellino’s class. Internally, you rolled your eyes.

Mr. Mark Pellino was your Civics teacher. He made everyone want to die right then and there. People can just look at him and sense the Devil in him. He was slim man with a evil smirk. Not to mention, he also just got divorced a few years back. He makes everyone else’s life a living hell because his is one, essentially.

Before you could get to his hell hole, your best friend—Nicholas Kyler—started walking next to you. “Hey loser,” he joked with you. You and Nick had been friends since the first day of freshman year and he was like a big, little brother to you.

“What’s up, dork,” you said back with a chuckle.

“So guess what I heard!” he exclaimed. Oh, no. Although you and Nick weren’t the most popular kids in school, you were well-known. This meant that Nick always had juice from everyone about everyone. Usually it was about stupid relationships, but rumor or not, Nick had to tell you. It never failed, but you loved him all the more for it. It kept up his happy spirits.

Although Nick spilled this stuff to you, you never cared about the rumors. What everyone did was their own decisions, their own life, and their own consequences, but nevertheless, you let him spill his ‘secrets’ to you. “What happened this time?” you asked as you passed by the library, looking into the window. With no surprise, you saw the one and only Sam Winchester with his head buried in the biggest book you’d ever seen.

His eyes lit up as he told you. “So rumor has it that and Peter Jennings and Amanda Fields got back together. Again.” You rolled your eyes outwardly this time. Peter and Amanda were the worst couple in the history of bad couples. They fought daily about little things like why he didn’t get milk instead of a soft drink or why she wore her skirt a few inches above the knee.

“That’s daily news, Nick,” you sighed, “next.”

“Dean Winchester finally asked Jolina Davis out.” Your eyebrows rose at what he said. Really? Dean and Jolina? Yeah, she was on the cheer team and he played a mean soccer game, but the jocks going out with jocks cliché is genuinely starting to get old.

“Jolina and I have been in the same class for the past 4 years and I’m postive she’s dumber than a ton of Patrick Stars,” you deadpanned. “No offense to her, but she most likely begged him to go out with her. He may be a jock, but he’s not stupid.” Nick snorted at your comment, so you looked at him and giggled. “I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

At this point, you had to shut up because you finally got to Pellino’s class and he was sitting at his desk stapling today’s assignments. You and Nick sat next to each other, thankfully. With that being said, Pellino moved students who were friends for obvious reasons, so you two had to keep your composure for a whole hour.

7:12 read the clock that hung next to the mini-flag above the white board.  That’s when the one and only Joline walked in the room smacking on her gum and hand-and-hand with Dean.  You went from compose to straight up angry and annoyed. Seriously, Dean? You have so many options and you choose someone who has the personality of a brick?

“Y/N, you’re staring and it’s getting weird,” Nick nudged your shoulder and looked at you skeptically.

You let out a deep breath you hadn’t realized you were holding in and turned to look at Nick. “Sorry, just being internally judgemental,” you said with a sigh. You weren’t exactly lying to him. That’s when you noticed Jolina walking up to you and Nick with a pish-posh look on her face. Here comes trouble.

She stood right in front of you and you could smell the perfume she’d drenched herself in this morning. “Y/N, right?” she asked still smacking.

You took a look at Nick beside you and quickly rolled your eyes. Turning back to look at her, you said, “Yep, that’s me.”

She smirked and you automatically knew what she was going to try and do. “Well, Y/N, this is where me and my boyfriend were—”

You quickly cut her off, though. “My boyfriend and I,” you corrected her, “and no, this is where Nick and I sit. Thanks though.” Smiling at her with an innocent face, you waved her off.

She walked off and mumbled to Dean, “I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me… but I can’t help it that I’m popular.” What a self-righteous little…

Just then, the loud ringing stopped your thought. Saved by the bell.

Pellino started handing out the packet and they were thick. This was going to be long ass day.

By the time lunch came around, your body was in terrible need for a nap. But after lunch was your favorite class—writing—and that made the day all the much better. Mr. Chuck, your writing teacher was your favorite. Not only was he a great writer, but he was bright. You felt like God, or someone higher had sent him down into your life to guide you through your life. When you needed advice, you’d go to Mr. Chuck, and he always knew what to say. Whatever he said would happen, happened. It was like a miracle.

Before you could go to writing, though, you had to suffer through lunch. Not that you minded the food all that much, but more so the people. You hated sitting in the cafeteria. It was too open, as if everyone was looking at you.  Of course, you sat with Nick, Claire, and Ben, so that comforted you, but it still was just awkward for you.

You looked over a few tables to see Jolina sitting dangerously close to Dean. He didn’t even look comfortable. Part of you wanted to go over there and carry him as far from her as you possibly could, but you knew that wasn’t your job. You were essentially an outsider to them. You were supposed to just watch and deal just like everyone else.

“Y/N,” Claire called you out of your thoughts. You spun your head to look at Claire and Ben giving you concerning looks. Nick just sat across from you with a smug look on his face. “Are you okay?”

Before you could answer, Nick intruded, “No, she’s been drooling over Dean and shooting Jolina death glares all day long. You could say she’s a little jealous.”

You just rolled your eyes. “I’m judging them both, okay? She’s a fricking plastic Barbie doll and he’s an idiot for even going out with her.” Nick, knowing you the most out of the three, just raised his eyebrows and gave you the “oh, I’m sure” sarcastic look. “What?” you exclaimed back. “I’m serious.”

Ben finally took his turn to talk, “Well, I mean, isn’t that what’s supposed to happen? Stupid jocks dating other stupid jocks?”

You groaned at his comment. “That cliché is so stupid.”

“You’re just saying that cause you like him,” Claire winked at you.

Just then, the bell to go to 5th period rang and you could have never been any more grateful.

“I have to head to Mr. Chuck’s, but you all have fun at P.E. with Mr. Michael. Claire, make sure he doesn’t kill you with running,” you laughed at her.

“Oh, you know he always does,” she chuckled.

You walked out of the cafeteria to your locker. Mr. Chuck knew most kids didn’t like bringing books to lunch, so he gives everyone a free grace period before class starts.

You were almost to your locker before someone fell straight on you and you both landed with a thud. Apparently coming face-to-face with the ground was on your to-do list today. You knew it was a guy because they mumbled, “Fuck,” in a deep voice right after.

“Really, Cas, was that necessary.” Damn, no. You’d know that voice from anywhere. Feeling the weight off of your back, you turned on to your back and groaned. Staring right back at you was those enticing green eyes. He held his hand out for you to grab and you gratefully took it.

You hadn’t noticed until now that there were a good bit of people staring, some even laughing. You couldn’t take all these people looking at you. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled to him before quickly walking away with flushed cheeks. Not bothering to grab your book, you almost jogged to Mr. Chuck’s class.As weak as your knees were, it was better than having them all make fun of you.

Once you got there, you sat down and took a deep breath. Thankfully, you still got to class on time. Your prompt of the day was on the board and you surely wasted no time getting to write it.

When you were finishing up your 3rd paragraph, someone knocked on the door, but you hadn’t bothered to look up. Teachers often came in to ask for extra paper or pencils. “Mrs. Y/N,” you heard Mr. Chuck call out. Stopping your writing, you finally looked up to see Dean standing next to your teacher. “Mrs. Bradbury would like to see you.”

In your mind, you were more than confused. Mrs. Bradbury was the drama teacher, but you never took drama, and neither did Dean. Why would she want to see you? More important than anything, though, you were worried about walking alone with Dean. You awkward around him because he landed on you like a pancake.

You put all of your supplies into your school bag and walked out of the door right after Dean. Right as you walked out, he turned to you and said, “I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry about what happened earlier. I didn’t mean to. Cas and I were joking around and he pushed me and—”

“Dean, stop talking,” you interrupted him. “It’s whatever. I don’t even care.” You were still walking down the hall, arms in your back jean pockets. “Does Mrs. Bradbury even want to talk to me?“

“I know, but I feel bad,” he said with a low voice and his head down, completely ignoring your question. He looked nervous, actually and honestly upset.

“I was never really mad, I just don’t do well when a lot of people are looking at me,” you confessed. He looked up at you with furrowed eyebrows, almost like he was taken aback. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I just think that’s stupid,” he said bluntly.

You were shocked at his comment. “So first you ran me over and now you’re telling me my opinions are stupid. Wow, what a great day,” you sarcastically shot back at him. “I’m gonna go back to class.” Turning around, you sighed.

Before you could go anywhere, Dean grabbed your wrist. “No, Y/N that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh, then what did you mean, Dean? Yeah, I don’t like when people look at me. I know they’re judging me. Not everyone can be like you and your Barbie girlfriend, okay?” You glared at him.

“We’re not even dating,” he said back.

You were barely listening to what he was saying. “That’s not the point, Dean.” Yanking your wrist from his hold, you started walking back to class. Then you felt a hold on your hips and you were turned around to face Dean. “What are—”

He cut you off with a kiss. For a second, you couldn’t wrap your mind around it, but you melted into it. It wasn’t rough, but it was hungry, like he needed it.

You pushed him away, though. “What was that for?” you questioned.

“I was saying it’s stupid because people look at you all the time, Y/N. You’re beautiful  and smart and I’ve been wanting to do that for forever,” he said breathing heavily.

“What about Jolina?” you asked. They were dating 20 minutes ago. Literally.

“I broke up with her. I didn’t even like her. I’ve been wanting to ask you out. I’m just too scared you weren’t going to like me back.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment and kissed him again. “Oh, trust me, I do.”

“Dean, Y/N,” you heard Principal Crowley yell. He appeared at the end of the hallway. “In my office. Now.”

“Oh shit,” Dean huffed. “Never a happy ending, is it?” You just laughed, not even caring about the consequences with Crowley.

[stark3000forever]

I'd like to clarify something

I love Tony Stark, adore him even. I don't like Steve Rogers. At all. But I don't have to HATE Steve to like Tony. To me, Steve Rogers is a man who isn't in the right place. I don't think he should lead the Avengers because, let's face it, the man is literally out of his own time. He doesn't know how the world has changed, he hasn't seen how the politics of being an icon work. Mentally the man is only 26 (I think?) and so he's pretty young himself, especially compared to most of the other Avengers. People put Captain America on a pedestal and made him seem perfect despite him being just a man and so he's held to a higher standard; he's America's Golden Boy. He had just lost his best friend and figured he was going to die saving his country only to wake up and realize all his friends were gone and that the woman he loved was an old woman he wouldn't have for long. Steve Rogers had a lot of shit on his plate and now he has to navigate a brand new century with aliens and technology he never imagined so he's going to make a few mistakes and bad calls. Tony Stark has been in the spotlight all his life, from a naive child, to an ungrateful, spoiled rotten teenager, to a narcissistic weapons dealer who knows he's smart and handsome and uses it to however he can, to what he is now; a man trying to redeem himself. If Afghanistan and Obadiah had never happened do I think Tony would've stopped dealing? Honestly I don't. If he'd never had to face what his weapons had caused I don't believe Tony would've become a better man. But he did see what his weapons did, he saw his weapons being sold to terrorists and he was tortured. When he came back Tony had obvious PTSD, gee I wonder why! You get Cap and Tony's first meeting and it's already going south. Tony heard all about Steve Rogers all his life. Howard told Tony stories about how great he was, about how perfect, Tony was neglected by Howard while Steve was so important to Howard. It doesn't take a genius to figure out why Tony resents Steve and he is petty when he calls Steve those names and acts like he does. Steve on the other hand, can't figure out how Tony is related to someone like Howard because the Howard he knew was so different to the one Tony knew. He thinks Tony is this narcissistic bastard (which to be fair...yeah he kinda is) and he is pretty much repulsed by the guy because there's no way his friend's kid should've ended up like that. Then we get into Tony hacking SHIELD because he's Tony and knows something isn't being explained. Steve is a military man, he follows orders, you don't go hacking the higher ranks because you don't like what you hear. Tony is being smug because he knows Fury needs him and Banner to track the Tesseract while Steve is basically useless. Steve can't believe that Tony is blatantly doing stuff like this but once he hears how Fury is the top spy and his secrets have secrets he gets suspicious. Because they work together (to spite each other so does it count as working together??) they figure out why Fury is so desperate to get the Cube back; that's Steve's first big slap in the face that humans haven't changed and that people are still trying to do whatever it takes to get ahead. Then come Ultron. To be honest I don't think Tony and Steve ever got away from those first impressions because they never really trust each other. When they get Loki's staff, and after Wanda has played with Tony's head, he asks Thor's permission to do tests and research on the staff to which Thor says yes. When Tony and Bruce realize the stone is, essentially, a very advanced AI Tony realizes that these specs could be the key to unlocking Ultron, a world wide defense. Bruce says it sounds like cold world but agrees to help him research. Bruce was there people! As they go to the party they say they are nowhere close to an interface. The gem, which is an alien artifact with intelligence, is what creates Ultron; Tony didn't set up the program, he wasn't even close to it. But Ultron comes to life and kicks the Avengers' collective asses. This is where my first major problem comes from. So Steve and team grill Tony (but not Bruce at all who cowers and hides back while Tony takes all the heat) and get in his face about SECRETS and how they're dangerous. Tony tried to explain how they weren't even close and he doesn't know how this happened but then Thor, a GOD, attacks Tony who is OUT OF HIS SUIT, but no one makes a move to help him. Cap doesn't say a word to intervene he just lets Thor hold Tony by the throat. Okayyy but he's the team leader right?? Aren't leaders supposed to, I don't know, step in at this point? I get it I'm Tony biased, but Tony is a civilian and not trained like most of the other people in the room. SOMEONE should have stepped in, it didn't have to be Steve but as the leader one would expect him to wouldn't they? Then Tony is blamed for Ultron the entire time and, yes the program was his idea, but he didn't create Ultron, the gem did and that's explained even. By the end of the movie Steve takes in Wanda, who he sees as just a kid, and brings her in without a word to anyone else. This girl invaded their minds, including Steve's!, and unleashed the Hulk on civilians and let herself be turned into a weapon but Steve willingly takes her into TONY'S home and she never, that we saw, apologizes for her actions. That's my first big problem. Civil War was a cluster fuck, there's no way around that. With the grief of Peggy and his mind constantly on Bucky yeah, his judgement is gonna be a bit clouded. He's grieving the love of his life and his last tie to his time; I don't blame him. Tony is trying to lay low after Ultron because he blames himself and others blame him as well. When the Accords come up he's trying to stay on the law's side on this one because he's already on thin ice. But look at it this way. The Avengers burst into countries, take out the bad guy and half the city, and then leave. Tony takes care of the damages, not them. In the beginning scene they were in that country trying to stop Hydra agents and Wanda lost control her powers. She didn't mean to buy the resent is the same; people, innocent civilians, were killed. Countries probably feel a bit...annoyed that the superheroes cause so much damage while saving them. Yes they get saved but look at the aftermath of it most of the time. 117 countries say they want to be able to bring in the Avengers, not let the Avengers just waltz in. These aren't just rules to tie them down people are actually voting this way! They want the Avengers to back off. Steve says no because it ties their hands and they can't help everyone despite telling Wanda earlier that 'sometimes people die and you just have to keep going' and I get the sentiment but I still think that was the wrong thing to say, it made him, to me, sound so self-righteous. Steve wants to help and doesn't trust the government because look at how deep Hydra was!! Ross is bad news and everyone knows it. Tony knows this, he understands. But he also knows you can't make change if you don't compromise. He's been in this game all his life and he knows how to play it; Steve doesn't. He just will not listen and thinks Tony is just trying to save his own ass. And maybe he is but 117 countries are telling the Avengers that they have a major problem with them. Then comes Bucky and that's Steve's blind spot. Okay no one knew Bucky was innocent. All we saw was a tape and it showed the Winter Soldier, or at least a look alike. Steve rushed in because they wanted to take him out but Steve wouldn't allow that. Look at all the damage he caused trying to get to Bucky. He's his friend and he wants to help him but look at all the damage he caused! That only brought more trouble in. When they bring him in Tony almost got Steve to sign and Bucky would've gotten help but once he hears about Wanda the deal is off and I'm sorry but being confined to basically a mansion with the man I'm in love with after accidentally killing people? I can think of worse! Steve was idiotic to shut down that offer because of something like that. Tony should've explained yes but Steve should've thought it through, it was a miscommunication. Then Bucky breaks free and hell breaks loose. We have the battle and Spider-Man and no Tony shouldn't have brought in a kid to fight but Steve dropped a fucking tanker said kid so sorry boys but you both lost points with me there! Only later did they find the proof needed to show that Bucky was innocent but Steve never told anyone! He kept it to himself even when it could've helped! Steve what are you doing? Then Tony shows up in Siberia willing to help only to find out that Cap knew his parents had not only been murdered but by the hand of his best friend he'd jeopardized everything to save. Tony should not have gone off like that because it wasn't Bucky, it was the brainwashing!! But this all caught Tony by surprise, he'd never known any of this!! And Steve had kept this whole thing SECRET. This could've been if Steve had told him. A lot of people say 'well why was it Steve's job!?' okay but didn't Steve get in Tony's face about secrets and how they can damage things? If Tony had already known these things Siberia would never have happened. (And let's not go into TWO SUPER SOLDIERS VS A CIVILIAN because that'll get ugly so no) My point is; yes I'm Tony biased but I don't think he's perfect. Tony Stark made a lot of mistakes! Steve Rogers made a lot of mistakes! I just happen to agree more with Tony's decisions than Steve's.