#the whole ending is hugo saying yes‚ he is loved�� and YES‚ he COULD have been loved more fully and for much longer

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

A thousand times yes! This gave me so much to think about. Specifically, your point about how his name represents his old self/identity is very interesting to me, given what we see from him with Cosette towards the end of the novel.

I find it striking that Valjean tells Cosette to refer to him as "Monsieur Jean," out of all things. It makes sense that, because of his conversation with Marius and their belief that he must be cut out of Cosette's life, he wouldn't allow her to call him "Father." And, even though he literally has a full, sobbing breakdown in front of Marius when it seems like Cosette will find out about his past (the only time we see him cry in front of someone else, I'm pretty sure?), he doesn't go by Fauchelevent to her. Cosette likely would've found that less unusual, since we see her refer to him as "my father Fauchelevent" quite naturally, and it would make sense that Valjean would want to minimize her suspicions. But his great denied desire, as he expresses to Marius, is to be a part of a family; that's exactly what he felt he couldn't do as Fauchelevent. Keeping that name would mean he would always be worried that "the mask would suddenly be torn away," and he would be driven out as a monster. He wants to be accepted and loved for who he truly is, and while this isn't by any means complete honesty, in confessing to Marius and dropping the alias with Cosette, maybe he feels a little closer to what he's longed for.

There's also the social and metatextual significance of having Cosette call him "Monsieur Jean." First, in dropping his alias (which supplied Cosette's maiden name), he further severs any perceptible social tie between the two of them. "Jean," as you mentioned above, is a homonym of gens, which is fitting, since JVJ views himself as having become "just another person" to Cosette. And yet, calling him by his first name indicates some level of familiarity; social norms at the time meant that formal address used the last name. "Monsieur Jean" is oddly straddling the line between distant and personal (as Valjean himself is attempting to do).

Maybe most interesting of all is that, as many have noticed, Hugo almost exclusively refers to JVJ by his full name, Jean Valjean. This is one of the only instances in which the last name is dropped, which is part of why it stood out so much on my readthrough. It feels noticably more intimate, but also incomplete. And I think it ties into what (as you mentioned above) his last name means: "voilà Jean/gens": "behold the man." He's not ready for Cosette to know the full truth about who he is, so narratively, it's fitting that the withheld last name (which would allow her to learn about his past) is one which itself references a full and raw perception. It was first used of the suffering Christ, naked and humiliated and condemned and innocent; Valjean, in his fear and self-loathing, does not allow that revelation of himself.

Les Mis Hidden Name Meanings: Jean Valjean

Every Les Mis character’s name is either a pun or has some deep symbolic meaning– or both at once! Jean Valjean’s name has a ton of layers so let’s dive in.

When we’re first introduced to him, Hugo tells us that his name is quote “a contraction of voilà Jean, or “here is Jean.”” We’re told that he was named after his father, and that his family name probably began as a nickname.

The word “Jean” in french sounds like the word “gens,” which means “people.” So his last name is a pun meant to make you think “viola les gens”/ “here are people.”

The most obvious layer to his name is that Jean Valjean is basically John Doe. He is the anonymous Everyman. His sister’s name is Jeanne, so she’s basically Jane Doe. They aren’t special or exceptional or unusual; they’re just behold! The regular people.

In fact his name is so common-sounding that it's a plot point. Champmathieu, the man who is mistaken for Jean Valjean, has a name that the police connect with his. Javert theorizes that "Champ" is a version of "Jean" in a specific accent, while Mathieu was actually Jean Valjean's sister's maiden name. ("Champ" is also the French word for "field.") The fact that Jean Valjean is a peasant everyman makes it easy for others in his position to be conflated with him.

But the other layer is that this is all an elaborate pun biblical reference!

When Pontius Pilate presents a bound Jesus Christ to the crowd before his crucifixion, he says the words “ecce homo” or “Here is the man!”/”behold the man!”

“Voila Jean” or “here is Jean!”/”behold Jean!” is meant to be a reference to that.

During his death scene Jean Voila-Jean even references the “Ecce homo” line explicitly, gesturing at a crucifix and saying:

“Voilà le grand martyr.”

Which Isabel Hapgood translates as “behold the great martyr.”

At another point in the same scene Marius says to Cosette:

“He has sacrificed himself. Viola l’Homme. Behold the man.”

But more references to that biblical moment appear throughout the novel; Jean Valjean is associated with it constantly, all the time. It’s one of his defining biblical allusions. He’ll be trying to live anonymously, or under an alias– and then suddenly his true name and criminal past will be revealed, he’ll be revealed to be ‘the man,’ and some great horrible act of martyrdom will follow.

Sometimes Jean Valjean is the one revealing his own identity, but sometimes Inspector Javert is put into the role of Pontius Pilate. Javert himself explicitly makes that comparison– Jean Valjean as Jesus, Javert as Pontius Pilate– when he’s contemplating suicide.

And this ties into one of the largest differences between the book and the stage musical.

In the musical, “prisoner 24601” is the name that represents Jean Valjean’s dehumanization–while “Jean Valjean” is the name he uses while standing up for his own humanity. He will be called 24601, and proudly declare that “my name is Jean Valjean” to assert he’s still a person.

And while this is a great storytelling choice, it’s almost the opposite of how the name “Jean Valjean” is handled in the book.

Because in the book…. Jean Valjean IS the name that dehumanizes him. Jean Valjean is the name that he’s running from. The name that Javert uses when he’s insulting him, the name that bigots use when they’re threatening him, the name that ignorant people use when they’re mocking him – it’s not 24601, it’s Jean Valjean.

And there’s a special kind of agony to that.

The name that is being used to torture, humiliate, and dehumanize him isn’t 24601– it’s his name.

He thinks of it as a “fatal name,” as a punishment. Living under that name is living in hell. When Jean Valjean is living under one of his aliases, concealing his identity, he thinks:

That which he had always feared most of all in his hours of self-communion, during his sleepless nights, was to ever hear that name {jean Valjean] pronounced; he had said to himself, that that would be the end of all things for him; that on the day when that name made its reappearance it would cause his new life to vanish from about him, and—who knows?—perhaps even his new soul from within him.

It’s no wonder that he ends up internalizing the way society views him, and developing so much fear and hatred of himself. He’s grown to see his name as just….well, ecce homo, behold the man. His name is just the two words people say before they violently punish him.

Names and namelessness are a major theme in Les Mis, and he’s the character who has the most complex relationship with his own names. He has a legal name, but it’s used to torture him, and he has a series of false names he uses to escape torture.

If I were to describe Jean Valjean– one of the most complex characters in all of literature, in one word, that word would be “grief.”

The criminal justice system takes everything from him, including things he wasn’t aware he was able to lose. His name, the last connection he had to his family and his old identity, gets warped into this thing needs to view with fear and horror. The thing society despises isn’t 24601, isn’t a number they’ve placed on him – the thing they despise is Jean Valjean, some intrinsic inherent part of himself. He isn’t hated for what he did, he’s hated for what he is, and that is something he can never escape.

{But speaking of complexity we’ve actually barely scratched the surface of how Jean Valjean reacts to names, because he spends most of the novel living under a series of nicknames aliases. And guess what! Each of these names also has some elaborate symbolic meaning! If you’re interested in more posts covering his different aliases, feel free to leave a comment in the replies!}

[thanks for reading! For more in-depth analysis, check out the @lesmisletters readalong or join our discord server!]

[whooambouttamakeanameformyself]

Rufus Junior "RJ" Firefly boyfriend headcanons.

(Gender neutral reader but I will be doing a nonbinary reader and a transmasc reader later on.)

I'm low key offended on how little RJ Firefly content there is, he's a big sweet guy and deserves all the love and attention. Please enjoy these headcanons for our favorite quiet bear man!

Warnings first!: fluff, smut?, cursing, violence, murder, mild bullying, Captain Spaulding (yes, that man need his own warning.), cute lovey moments (a warning for those who don't like romance.), honestly if you've seen House Of 1000 Corpses you know what to expect from this.

~~~~~

Rufus is a huge guy, 6'10" to be precise and built like a brick wall. That being said, he's actually the most kind and gentle out of the whole Firefly family. Literally the most gentle of giants.

He is very awkward about his size at first since you're so much smaller that him. He is so afraid he won't realize he's holding you too tight and you'll end up passing out... or worse (broken bones or dead.)

RJ is touch starved. The first time you hugged him you could feel his body tense up then relax.

He is very cautious about returning hugs at first, afraid of his own strength, but once you assured him you can handle it he hugs you all the time!

Speaking of hugs, he gives the best bear hugs! He absolutely envelopes you in the tightest, warmest hugs any chance he gets.

Rufus loves to carry you around! Doesnt matter if you're skinny or your chubby, he can pick you up with ease, carrying you all around the Firefly farm.

He loves it when you tag along on vehicle pick ups! You get to sit beside him in his tow truck, windows down, the radio blasting as the truck speeds down those long back roads.

Continuing with the last one. RJ loved teaching you how to use the mechanisms on the tow truck. He also tries to teach you how to fix cars but you tend to daydream while listening to his voice.

Oh and that voice. The voice of a damn GOD! RJ was very quiet around his family, there really wasn't much to say to them anyways. The first time he spoke to you your knees went weak and your heart skipped a beat. His voice was soft but deep, like crimson velvet. And the thick southern drawl could make any heart melt.

His singing voice is just as beautiful as his speaking voice.

Rufus loves it when you sit on his lap! He'd have you on his lap all day if he could, he just loves having you so close. (Especially when you lay your head on his chest, it just makes him melt.)

Rufus tries to protect you from the chaos that is his family, but there have been a few instances where you got into an argument with Otis that ended in a laughing fit. (You honestly weren't sure what happened but someone said something funny and the both of you fell into a fit of giggles and laughs. Needless to say he likes you.)

Baby likes you but did threaten to cut you to pieces it you hurt Rufus (which you assured her you had no intention of doing that.)

Hugo ignored you for the most part, only talking to you about TV or something.

Mama Firefly likes you a lot! you do make her son happy so she adores you, you're one of her babies now.

Tiny didn't really have much of an opinion on you, he loves you like you were another one of his many siblings.

Captain Spaulding was the one who introduced you both, he was kind of like a dad to you so you know he cares about you (regardless of his loud ass opinions of you, most of which were on 'how much of a fuckin' pussy you were being' over your nervousness around Rufus.

He likes to make you things. (Just one of his love languages.) Little carved animals, animal bone/teeth jewelry, deer antler beads and buttons....

Rufus's smiles when you tell him how much you love his gifts are just so sweet! He looks so adorable when he smiles his little smiles, getting a little sparkle in his eyes every time he does.

The first date you two went on was simple but fun. You two got fast food and rode the backroads listening to music until it got dark enough to see the stars. Rufus found a good place to park his truck and the two of you stood leaning against the hood of the truck, just watching the stars and talking.

That first date was also when you had your first kiss make-out session. When the two of you were tired of watching the stars you climbed back into the truck, intending on heading back to Spaulding's. You two were softly talking about animals (especially dogs, he loves dogs) and he turned to you, looking a little nervous. He gently took your chin, tilting your head to look at him. You gave him a slightly confused look, not quite sure what he was doing at first, but it became very clear when his lips connected with yours. His lips were surprisingly soft, and they locked together so perfectly with yours. He moved his hand from your chin to your shoulder, urging you to move closer, which you did happily. The kiss turned into a gentle make-out session, one of his arms wrapped around your waist, the other hand carefully holding the back of your head. Your own hands were tangled into his beautiful long brown hair.

That night was also the first time you two cuddled. Neither of you wanted to go home so Rufus suggested the two of you just sleep there in the truck. He moved over to the passenger seat, allowing you to crawl into his lap, which you did, laying your head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around you protectively, holding you lovingly.

Rufus is very warm! You never need a blanket when you sleep with him!

He loves it when you brush his hair for him. (He wants to brush yours but is so afraid of being too rough with you.)

RJ wears his sleeveless shirts open extremely often. Even more after you started allowing your hands to explore his chest and stomach every time you two are alone.

Rufus loves dogs, especially his own. He got the dog when it was a puppy, taking it from some asshole who had been beating it. He called it Brutus (In Corpses the dog doesn't have a name and it makes me really sad.)

Rufus was the first to say 'I love you'. The real first time was when he was shitfaced after a Halloween ritual. He'd been sitting on edge of the front porch, periodically drinking out of the liquor bottle that sat next to him. You came out side looking for him and found him on the porch. He pulled you into his lap and held you without a word, picking up the bottle again, but before he could take another drink you snached the bottle from his hand. He looked down at you, watching with wide eyes as you take several swallows from the bottle. You finished, handing the bottle back to him with a giggle. He took the bottle, taking a drink from it, then, without thinking, he says "God I love you."

Rufus had been sitting on the edge of the porch by himself, wanting to be away from his family, needing just a bit of quiet time. Brutus laid beside him, sleeping peacefully to the sound of the cicadas and crickets. Rufus had an open bottle of liquor sitting next to him that he was drinking out of.

You had been looking all over the house for him, eventually hearing from Tiny that he'd gone outside. You ventured out onto the porch, smiling when you see RJ sitting there with his dog. Closing just the screen door, you move to crouch down infront of him. "Howdy, everything okay?" You ask, a soft smile on your face. He nods, reaching out to grab your arm, pulling you to his lap. You happily sit on his lap, laying your head on his chest as he wraps an arm around your waist. The two of you sat like that for a while, just enjoying the night and eachother's company. After a while Rufus picked up the liquor bottle, putting it to his lips. However, you snatched the bottle before he could even take a drink. He looked down at you, his eyes widening as he watched you take several big gulps from the bottle. You handed the bottle back to him when you were done, giggling when you see the look on his face. Rufus takes a drink, letting out a gruff sigh after he swallowed. "God I love ya..."

The second time (the first time he remembered saying it.) Was after he watched you kill for the first time. You had been put in charge of watching over a victim, a woman with long blonde hair that baby had tied to a chair. Unfortunately, the victim had managed to get the ropes undone. They attacked you, knocking you to the floor, shrieking and trying to hit you. Otis and Rufus ran in just in time to watch you roughly grab the victims hair, pulling them down close enough for you to bite down onto their neck. Otis pulled the victim off you and Rufus helped you up looking terrified. It must have been the blood that covered your chin, chest, and neck. You spit out whatever blood and skin was in your mouth, letting out a laugh. Once Rufus realized what you had done the words just came out without thinking. "Shit, Y/N. I fuckin' love you..."

You were sat on a chair across from the bound and gagged blonde woman that baby had dolled up. You had been looking through a shitty magazine while you watched the victim, waiting for baby to return. You hadn't noticed the woman undoing the ropes until it was far too late. She lunged at you, causing you to jump up, reaching for your knife, but you weren't fast enough. She had knocked you over, pinning you to the ground, shrieking and screaming as she attempted to hit you.

You tried to fight her off, continuing to reach for your knife, but she was persistent. Otis and Rufus both heard the shrieks and the banging, running into the room just in time to see you grab a handful of the blonde's hair, pulling her down close enough to sink your teeth into her soft flesh. She began to thrash around as you sunk your teeth deeper into the meat on her neck, blood flowin from your mouth, down your chin, neck, and chest. Otis pulled her off of you just as she went limp, allowing Rufus to grab your arm, pulling you up quickly, a horrified look on his face.

You spit out a chunk of flesh and some blood mixed with spit as Otis dragged the body out of the room. "She shoulda stayed in that damn chair." You said with a laugh, looking up at Rufus who let out a sigh of relief upon realizing the blood wasn't yours. "Shit, Y/N, I fuckin' love you."

[crackspinewornpages]

Les Misérables 140/365 -Victor Hugo

131

From the point of view in history monetary is condemned, still no matter, it sets an example what was helpful in the tenth century are detestable in the nineteenth. Cloisters are funeral like, black, filled with doom. Do these women have will, love, live, no. Now upholders of the past deny history, the author has seen the old oubliettes and dungeons. (ah yes traditionalists abide by the three monkeys doctrine)

132

Still the cloister persists in the nineteenth century in spite of progress, it civilized yes, but in the former days. “To dream of the indefinite prolongation of defunct things, and of the government of men by embalming, to restore dogmas in bad condition,”-”to believe in the salvation of society by the multiplication of parasites, to force the past on the present-this seems strange.”p.331 (the slogan Make America Great Again comes to mind) Still, those hold such theories they glaze over the past of social order, meanwhile as we respect the past, we spare it if it consents to being dead if it is alive, we try to kill it. Bigotries and prejudices are tenacious of life it is a fatality of humanity to combat phantoms but still the religious question remains.

133

Men unite in communities by virtue of the right association, rights to shut his door and stay at home. (pfft) In convents men have no rights, a lord equal to a peasant, eat the same, the same cell, no titles or family names. Wherever there is community is a commune and there is a right in these walls they queue in darkness, kneel and pray.

134

They pray to God, the infinite is beyond us, it is within us and there without us. Does it love, will, intelligent is there too, the soul of God compressed of unknown is the conscience. We have duty to labor over the soul to defend the martyr of miracles to admit with foot what unnecessary to remove superstition from religion. (but if you really think about it isn't religion just accepted superstition)

135

All sincere prayer is good, there is philosophy that denies the Infinite and one that denies the sun, it’s called blindness. There are powerful atheists, some aren't sure they are, those that replace Force with Will. To others to deny the will of the infinite is to deny God, negation leads to nihilism. Nihilism has no point, (that’s the whole point) so there is nothingness. “Everything is something. Nothing is Nothing.”.p.334 (then how could it destroy Fantasia) Morality comes out of truth, contemplation leads to action, the ideal. It ceases to be in sterile science and the philosophy becomes religion. Progress is the good, the ideal, God. “we will confine ourselves to saying that we neither understand man as a point of departure nor progress as an end, without those two forces which are their two motors: faith and love.”p. 335

136

History and Philosophy have eternal simple duties, to combat Caiphas the right to lie apart coenobitism as a problem of humans. With convents it is either yes or no, it is a contradiction of salvation and sacrifice, suffer to enjoy terrestrial gloom for eternal light. (Coenobitism are religious people that live in a monastic community they are not Cenobites from the Hellraiser franchise they are beings that practiced hedonism to the point they can only derive pleasure from extreme pain)

137

We blame the church but honor the thoughtful man, faith is necessary for man, invisible labor of faith, those that pray for those that don’t. (yes thoughts and prayers are appreciated but could you actually physically help) The nineteenth century souls are little elevated, the monastery is reunification, a cloister does not seem liberating but those women turn to light we cannot see. (yes that’s nice and all but can we get back to the plot now)

BOOK EIGHT CEMETERIES TAKE THAT WHICH IS COMMITED THEM

138

To Fauchelevent it appeared Madeliene fell from the sky and he thought about what he said of staying as neither slept. Valjean was on the run and had to remain, it’s the safest and most dangerous place. (yes nuns are less likely to turn him in but it will be noticed that a strange man is in a nunnery) Fauchelevent understood nothing of what was going on, how Madeliene got there with a child, he knows nothing of what occurred in M. sur. M (that’s what they called the town) but one doesn't question a saint and surmised Madeliene became bankrupt and is pursued by creditors and sought refuge. Madeliene saved his life so it's his turn now. “After what he did for me, would I save him if he were a thief? Just the once. If he were an assassin, would I save him? Just the same. Since he is a saint, shall I save him? Just the same.”p.338 (Fauchelevent is all he saved me I don’t care if he is a criminal I’d save him too in contrast to Javert’s black white obey the law outlook)

But to keep him in the convent, all his life he was an egoist but these years in the convent changed his personality to good actions. He built his business in trickery and cunning that still lingered but possessed a quality that stopped him from being wicked. In the morning the two men talked, Valjean and Cosette had to stay in the chamber as today a nun was dying, but tomorrow they could be found. There are girls here and as Valjean thought of Cosette’s education Fauchelevent thought of them being discovering. In order to stay Valjean had to get out and return.

Fauchelevent believes he fell from the sky by God into a women’s convent by mistake. Leave with the child through the service door during the funeral and return tomorrow. Valjean watches Cosette sleeping as Fauchelevent goes on about the funerary process until the Prioress signals for him.

139

Blemeur waited for him and Fauchelevent has a request of her and spun a story about his age and infirmaries, his great work in the garden, he needs his brother to help him who has a daughter who might become a nun.  

140

The Prioress leaves and returns, the stone in the chapel needs to be raised for the vault, another man is needed. No other man but Fauchelevent is allowed to enter the dead room. During her death Mother Crucifixion (yes that’s her name) gave her last commands, the dead must be obeyed, she will be buried in the coffin she slept in for twenty years and buried in the vault under the alter it is forbidden so must stay secret. (again in contrast to Javert another person is all we must do what is right even if it is against the rules because this is the right thing to do)

Benoit was the patriarch of Mont-Cassin a founder of Saintete Claustrale, an order in existence for fourteen hundred years. Blemeur continued that we live in a time of confusion, people do not know the difference of Bernard who dominated the Catholics and the one of the fourteenth century and blasphemy to compare the scaffold of Louis XVI to Christ. Religion is attacked because of bad priests, (well you hide the bad apples in the bushels and put the wolves in a different fold of sheep) persecute the saints and shut their eyes to the truth, darkness rules. (I just finished reading His Dark Materials this is more enthralling than the last book)

Does Fauchelevent understand, yes, he’ll need a six-foot lever for it. Fauchelevent says his brother is good at strong jobs, she gives him his orders for tonight. She’s pleased with him and tells him to bring his brother and niece after the burial. (I like to think Blemeur had an inkling of what was going on but was all I’ll keep quiet if you keep quiet)

NEXT

[softwebss]

Hello! I saw you write for tkc and I wanted to ask if you could write thoth, sett, amos and khonsu relationshipp headcannons? (Gender neutral).

Thank you! Have a nice day

···

ofc! this ones for ya! have fun reading <3 i dunno much abt other gods to I had to stick with thoth if that's okay with you! PAIRING – gender neutral ! reader x thoth SUMMARY – what dating him would be like GENRE – fluffffffufufuuf & a bit of agnst at the start WARNINGS – none <;;3 NOTES – for you hun!

(( 📔 )) DATING THOTH PLAYLIST 👞

I recommend listening to this playlist as you read !

treehouse by kelseydog we made it by david hugo parking lot view by almost monday the book lovers by broadcast silent love by james bay looking out for you by joy again hey lover by wabie

if you tell him if you like a book that's part of a series, the next day you'll see the whole series laying on your table

"thoth, did you buy this?" "PFFFT- ME? OF COURSE NOT! WHY ON EARTH-" "there is a note here saying 'to the god thoth'" "There's a LOT of thoths out there you know"

forehead kisses. periodt.

hugs from the back??? yes please

you stealing his lab coats

"hey did you see my coa- OH MY GOD YOU LOOK SO CUTE IN THAT"

his whole library is dark acedemia

heck, his whole aesthetic is dark acedemia

you'll tell him to wear something else other than brown, beige or off-white

BUT HE DOESNT

HIS WHOLE CLOSET IS JUST THESE COLORS

you bough him a pale blue sweater

he dyed it brown??? BRO WHY

joking & kidding around at booking reading sessions

reading slowly turns into kissing

then a heated makeout session

khonsu is in the background praying to ra that you guys will stop eating each others faces so he can read some astrological shiz

"p-please thoth, y/n, can you guys PUH-LEASE make out somewhere that's not the ASTROLOGICAL section because i want to know my star sign"

thoth be angwy when some1 flirts with you

heck who wouldn't flirt with someone as attractive as you as they rent a library book

you'd be working in his library in the university of Memphis as a library cuz he chills at that place as a history & chemistry teach

all the students know you guys r dating even BEFORE you guys started dating

"MS. L/N HAVE YOU KISSED THOTH YET" "holy FUCK NO"

that made yall start dating

the students = serious shippers

carter & sadie visit you guys

parental figure next to amos tbh

thoth giving them riddles

cuddles with thoth r >>>>>>

he loves you a lot and tells you all the time

stereotypical married couple bickers

but yk

yall make out in the end as apologies

[pansy-picnics]

YESSSSSSSS YES YES GOD. OH MY GODDDDDD. RIPPING MY SHIRT OFF LIKE THE HULK. YOU GET IT OP. I LOVE PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS (Says the aroace guy . Like okay fork found in kitchen cmon now)

No cuz LISTEN. romance and attraction is something that is constantly front in center in society as a whole….its a lot more understood than friendship or familial relationships. so it probably makes SENSE to hugo at least in concept.

Attraction is understood by a lot of people as like a biological instinct (And obviously its more complex than that but thats the most Basic idea thats been held for most of history i think). And hugos definitely been Attracted to people before. I think he kind of just sees it as a nuisance tbh. He just tries to gaslight himself into pretending it isnt there.

But platonic love….you dont have that physical reaction yknow??? I mean ive had what i can describe as platonic “crushes” before but it’s different….It could be different for other people ofc but in my experience platonic love kind of sneaks up on you. You might not even really notice its there. One day you’ll just be looking at someone and you’re like, “oh yeah. This one. Theyre the one. Theyre safe.”

They affect you in little ways. like influencing the way you think or the way you speak and you dont notice until someone points it out. You’ll pick up on words they use and everyday things will make you think of them. ITS JUST. GAH!!! I LOVE PLATONIC LOVE!!

I think platonic love is SUCH an important part of hugo’s general role in the story because like….This isnt his first rodeo remember? Hes done jobs for donella before. Hes probably crushed on a few people before. Maybe even people hes worked with. But clearly its never affected his performance before. none of these crushes have Permanently rewired his brain and this perspective he has of the world.

The reason team radical has such an impact on him is NOT just bc she’s gay for varian. It’s bc ALL OF THEM are the first people who have just Genuinely cared about her, with no ulterior motives, no strings attached, no romantic connotations, no nothing. Theyre the first people she’s actually connected with and felt like she could be herself around. and they’re the first to actually able to counter these mindsets that are so Natural to her- these mindsets that it’s every man for himself, that relationships are all temporary, and that she’s not fundamentally deserving of love. Varian, nuru and yong showed hugo a new perspective on life. ALL OF THEM DID!! NOT JUST VARIAN!!!

Its why platonic varigo is genuinely so important to me and one of the reasons i think varigo are the “best friends first/lovers second” kind of couple. its also why i dont really like them having chemistry like right off the bat. Because like…Them being friends first is the only reason their relationship as it is is even possible. Neither of them really had friends their age before and thats Why they really connect.

if it wasn’t for varian just…being a good friend, and him, nuru and yong all collectively showing hugo this new outlook on life….team radical would have just been another means to an end. Sure maybe hugo would’ve had a little crush on varian or found him attractive, but it wouldn’t have made him like, quit his whole job. He would’ve just done the work and moved on with his life. he wouldn’t have FALLEN IN LOVE like he did. Love and attraction are two different things and hugo didnt just have a crush on varian, he fell in love with him. and he fell in love (platonically, of course) with yong and nuru too.

THATS what changed him!!! Genuine human connection and love!!! It had nothing to do with romance!!! And i feel like people just tend to focus on the yaoi or whatever when like…It means nothing if we aren’t seeing hugo form these bonds with the group as a whole and watching his outlook change as a result! without the core feature of genuine human connection and friendship the yaoi wouldn’t even EXIST!!! 😭😭😭

I especially need more library/betrayal scenes with the whole group bc it genuinely makes me so mad when they’re Just about varigo and nuru and yong are just. Left behind? NOBODY EVER WRITES NURU AND YONG REACTING TO THE BETRAYAL…..NOBODY WRITES THEM HELPING HUGO WHEN VARIAN GETS POSSESSED. THEY’RE JUST. LEFT BEHIND AND THEN THEY SHOW UP AT THE END WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR GROUP HUG OR WHATEVER….SOMETIMES NOT EVEN THAT!!!

IT BREAKS MY HEART BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT JUST SIDE PIECES TO VARIGO!!! 😭😭😭 GAHHH. I NEED MORE TEAM RADICAL JUST ALL BEING BEST FRIENDS AND LOVING EACH OTHER!!!!! I NEED YONG AND NURU TO PLAY A PART IN THESE MAJOR PLOT POINTS TOO!!!!

I feel like we don't talk about how Hugo would be weirded out by the concept of having friends enough. Like we all pretty much agree that Donella, while maybe not being outright abusive, was at least not an amazing parent figure and made Hugo live a life that wasn't super healthy. But I haven't really seen anyone talk about how he probably has never felt platonic love.

I like the idea that it wasn't Varian that convinced Hugo to leave Donella, it was Nuru and Yong.

Hugo would have at least had a crush before, if not an actual relationship, he's aware that liking someone made you want to do stupid stuff, like quit your job, abandon your mother figure, and live with them for the rest of your life, but wanting to do that sort of stuff for someone you have no attraction to whatsoever? Huh?

I just love the idea that while Varian was a huge part in changing Hugo, it took friendship with no hint of romantic connotations to finally win Hugo over.

[vibraniumwing]

soft.

a bucky barnes x fem!reader wherein the reader comes home to see the super soldier with a toddler tucked in his lap.

WARNING: none! (all mistakes within the story are mine)

A/N: soft and domestic (and clingy) bucky, anyone? i’ve written this with tfaws bucky in mind after episode five where he was on the couch and smiled after seeing sam’s nephews. so yes now i present to you bucky with a child bcs we need that content, ,, good bYe for i shall be drowning in my own feels.

---

“Do you really have to go, doll?” Bucky asked, watching you by the frame of your shared bedroom door with his hands crossed against his chest. A heavy sigh heaving from his lips as his eyes observed you pick out a shirt to wear, hands grasping on his black shirt and opted to wear that; a small smile formed on his lips as you slipped into the clothing piece, adoring how big it looks on you.

You turned to him with your hand on your waist, an eyebrow raised, “Unless you want to starve for a whole month then fine I won’t go to the grocery” you say teasingly, checking yourself out in the mirror before walking up to him, arms linking around his neck loosely; his hands circling around your waist in a protective manner as he pulls you into him. “I won’t be gone for the whole day, James.”

He groaned softly, wanting nothing more than to accompany you but seeing that you were going with your mother, he opted out. “You always say that then be gone for the whole afternoon.” he grumbles in between the kisses he gives you. “You and your mom take so much time at the grocery store.”

You threw your head back and laughed, finding his small whiny state adorable. You retract your arms from behind his neck and cupped the sides of his face, squishing his cheeks gently. “You sound like a child, Buck. I promise I won’t be long. Besides, you have Alpine to keep you company.” you motion your head to the sleeping cat on the bed.

“Now please let me go so I can leave now and be back sooner.” you tell him, pressing one final kiss to his lips before ducking out of his embrace, making your way to the front door and grabbing your car keys before turning back to see him standing behind you with a small pout on his lips (albeit he would never admit to doing such an act),

You grinned and walked up to him, reaching up to press a small kiss on his lips. “Sometimes it's hard to believe you’re this big scary dude that can take twenty men down in a course of ten minutes when all I see is this big baby.” you tease, a hand snaking up to the back of his head to play with the ends of his hair softly.

“Doll wait before you go” Bucky starts off, holding onto you, cheeks lightly flushed as he hesitated with his words, clearing his throat lightly before looking away, “Can you set up that damn Netflix thing on the TV before you leave?”

Your gaze on him softened even more and nodded, leading him to the living room and set the whole thing up for him, handing him the remote right after. “I’m guessing you can manage now?” he smiled shyly, the area around his eyes crinkling as he nodded. “Yeah, I will. Thanks, doll.”

“I’ll be back later, I love you, Buck!” You bid him a goodbye, looking back at him from the door and gave him a small wave, the male waving back before focusing on the TV, searching for that one movie you suggested he watch.

“What was that movie called again? RIght, The Breakfast Club”

---

Not even half-way through the movie, Bucky had somehow fallen asleep on the couch, not finding the first few minutes of the film entertaining. He somehow fell deep into slumber that he didn’t even notice the front door of the house opening until he felt something being placed on his stomach.

He stirred awake and the first thing his blurry vision could make out is the outline of a toddler sitting on him. “Hey James, I’m leaving Hugo with you and Y/N for the weekend. Our babysitter cancelled out last minute and I’ve been trying to call my sister but she hasn’t picked up any calls.” Damian, your younger brother said in a rush, putting down your nephew’s baby bag on the coffee table. “Thanks James, we owe you one.”

But before Bucky could get a say in any of this, Damian was already out the door and the sound of a car pulling away was followed. Barely half-awake, he stared at the tyke who was staring right back at him with his innocent E/C doe eyes. “What do I do with you?”

He takes Hugo in his arms as he sits up, placing him on his lap, his metal arm reaching over to pause television. “Y/N’s better at this than I am.” he mumbles, watching the child look around the room before he started to fidget on the larger male’s lap, wanting to roam around.

Bucky sighs, “Now why won’t Y/N answer her calls?” he asks the tiny human who was still staring up at him. He reaches over to grab his phone and dials your number, only to hear it ring from the other side of the house, inside your room. He dropped the call and placed his phone inside his pocket, now wondering what he could do to keep the small person alive.

“Usually Y/N deals with you.” He says, watching the small child struggle on his lap, clearly wanting to get down. Bucky finally gets what Hugo wanted to do and sets him down on the carpeted floor, watching the toddler (wobbly) walk around the space freely.

Seeing that the child was doing alright after finding a small fixation with Alpine who was now resting near the couch, he returned his attention back to the TV to resume watching the movie. His attention split in half as he continued to glance back at the kid who was now playing with the toys you had brought him and kept at in a basket in the corner of the living room where you deemed it “Hugo’s Area”

Bucky was finally getting into the film, entertainment written all over his face at the sight of the students dancing around the library until it morphed into one of concern when a small bonk followed by a loud cry resonated the room making him look over at Hugo who was already flushed from crying.

He paused the movie again and rushed over to Hugo’s side, taking the small boy in his arms, cradling him on his lap as he tried to calm him down. “Now kid, don’t cry on me. C’mon” he mumbled, raising him up lightly to look at his forehead as he searched for any wounds, relieved to find none.

“C’mon James, what would Y/N do…” He said to himself, standing up as he moved around and cradled the crying child, trying to remember what you would do whenever he has meltdowns like this.

“Oh god, right!” Bucky exclaimed as he remembered, quickly going to the couch and sat down, placing Hugo on his lap as he gently placed his vibranium hand on the back of his head and his flesh one cupping the smaller one’s cheek, wiping the tears that glistened on his smooth skin.

Seeing how the toddler was starting to calm down, he carefully spoke, “Now you gotta work with me, little one.” Bucky then proceeded to blow softly on his face, remembering how you would do that when Hugo was having a fit. “Now can you do that for me as well?” He asked, encouraging the child with a small smile.

Once he felt the kid do the same thing, he repeated the steps a few more times until he was completely calm, letting the child snuggle up against his chest, feeling how he would occasionally let out a small shuddering sob from time to time, making Bucky laugh at the adorable action. “Now what do you want to do?” he gently asked, the cold surface of his metal hand that caressed the child’s back making small bubbles of laughter elicit from the baby.

“Bucky wead [ read ] pwease?” was all that left the two-year old’s mouth, causing a small surprise from the older. Hugo then pushed himself off from Bucky’s chest and turned to his small corner of the room, raising his small arm and pointing his even smaller finger towards the bookshelf that was filled to the brim with story books.

A chuckle left the soldier’s lips, “Alright then, little dude. Go take your pick.” he then proceeded to let him down and watch as the toddler walked his way towards the array of books and picked out one, running back towards him with a big smile.

“Alright big guy, what do you have for me?” Bucky asked, taking the tyke in his arms once again, taking the book from Hugo’s hands. He let out a (very) fake gasp of excitement which made the toddler laugh out loud as his reaction, making small little wiggles of his own eagerness for the book.

Bucky shifted in his seat a little to be more comfortable, letting Hugo snuggle up to him as he opened the book and started to read, “Llama Llama, red pajama, reads a story with his mama.”

---

You were elated to finally come back home and fall into your lover’s arms from a long day of errands with your mom. After the Target trip with your mom, you had to drive her back home and help her with her own groceries and pack up everything with her over at your childhood home一 with an addition of having a few serious talks with her about your future.

“Seriously, Y/N. When are you going to give me a grandchild?” Your mother poked your sides as you helped her bring in the bags filled with her stuff. Ever since Damian introduced Hugo to the family, she’d been on your heels about when you and Bucky would bring one to them as well; admittedly you and him had been in a much longer relationship than Damian and his wife which surprises everyone even more.

You shrugged, rolling your eyes in a playful manner. “I don’t know, mom. I think I’m content being with Bucky for now.” you answered truthfully, setting the items on the kitchen island and turned to her, “Besides, we have Alpine! Our cat!”

This made your mother sigh, laughing softly at your antics. “I know my sweet girl, but I’m just so excited to see a little you or James run around with Hugo.” Her answer causes your heart to swell at the thought of starting a family with him some day; conversations like this with him are normal but are always caught in a fleeting moment so you were never certain about his opinions on the matter.

“Well you just have to wait and see, ma.”

Taking the bags in your hand, you walked over to the door and opened it with ease, expecting to see Bucky waiting for you on the other side only to be greeted by none. Your eyebrows were furrowed as you carefully stepped inside, assuming he had fallen asleep as he waited for you until you heard his quiet voice resonating through the living room. “Little llama, don’t you know? Mama llama loves you so”

You peeked at the source of the sound and what you saw made you just melt on the spot. Bucky had Hugo on his lap, your nephew playing with the thumb of his artificial arm as he listened to the story that he was barely paying attention to as he was already falling asleep.

Not wanting to interrupt the moment, you graced on over to the kitchen in silence and arranged everything as quiet as you can. The smile on your face growing bigger at the thought of how much of a good father Bucky could be; the sight of him with your nephew caused a thousand butterflies to dance around in your stomach freely.

“You’re back, doll?” Bucky’s quiet voice made you jump, head whipping to his direction where he stood with Hugo fast asleep in his arms.

You nod and walk towards him, offering to take him from his arms and Bucky disagreed, pulling away from your attempts. “Hugo’s with me, I’ll take him to bed and I’ll help you finish out here, alright?”

Chuckling softly, you agree and reach up to place a quick kiss on your nephew’s forehead, moving aside so Bucky can place him down inside your room.

You were folding up the plastic bags when you felt a pair of arms sneak up and circle your waist, capturing you in a back hug. Your back was flat against his chest, the warmth from his body making you relax in his arms. Turning around, you let your arms snake up around his neck, your hands playing with the ends of his hair, his physique visibly loosening up. “So your brother came here earlier and said you weren’t picking up your calls.”

“I forgot my phone, i know.” you told him, throwing your head back slightly to let out a soft groan of annoyance at yourself before looking back at him. You met his gaze and his eyes were filled with adoration and love with a spark of something you can’t seem to pinpoint. “What’s going through that head of yours, James?”

He hummed softly, pressing a quick kiss to your lips, “I was just thinking of how I want to have a family of my own with you.” he answered truthfully, not finding anything shameful in admitting his thoughts. “The afternoon I spent with Hugo made me realize I want that for us as well.” his words were soft and dripping with enthusiasm at the thought of being with you for the rest of your days.

This made your cheeks flush lightly, a happy smile resting on your lips as you were already in agreement of his words, “I’ve been thinking the exact same thing, Bucky. I can’t wait to have our own little minion running around the house.” you admitted, this time making Bucky smile even wider than yours, happy that you had the same thought.

“Also, not to brag but I think I’m his favourite now.” Bucky said out of nowhere, grabbing the small carton of chocolate milk from behind you and letting you go, opening the drink and chugging it down in one go.

You rolled your eyes at his words, playfully flipping him off as you sauntered into the pantry where you were arranging your stock of goods. “I highly doubt that, he loves me way more.”

“That’s what you think but Hugo made me read his favourite book to him so now I’m his favourite. He even said it himself.”

“Oh no he didn’t!”

---

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[jackoshadows]

 “You,” Ned said, kissing her lightly on the brow, “will marry a king and rule his castle, and your sons will be Knights and princes and lords and, yes, perhaps even a High Septon.” - Eddard, A Game of Thrones

My featherbed is deep and soft, and there I’ll lay you down, I’ll dress you all in yellow silk, and on your head a crown - Arya, A Storm of Swords

“Aegon has been shaped for rule since before he could walk. He has been trained in arms, as befits a knight to be, but that was not the end of his education. He reads and writes, he speaks several tongues, he has studied history and law and poetry. A septa has instructed him in the mysteries of the Faith since he was old enough to understand them. He has lived with fisherfolk, worked with his hands, swum in rivers and mended nets and learned to wash his own clothes at need. He can fish and cook and bind up a wound, he knows what it is like to be hungry, to be hunted, to be afraid. Tommen has been taught that kingship is his right. Aegon knows that kingship is his duty, that a king must put his people first, and live and rule for them.” - Kevan, A Dance with Dragons

----------------------------------

So this is an essay of sorts on my speculation/theory that Arya is going to end up as a leader of the North by the end of the series. I will split this into several parts:

Arya and leadership

Arya and Northern leadership

Arya and Nymeria

Skillsets

Importance of being a Warg/Skinchanger

Succession

----------------------------------------

Arya Stark and leadership

“Know the men who follow you,” she heard him tell Robb once, “and let them know you. Don’t ask your men to die for a stranger.“  - Arya, AGoT

Arya has always been a leader rather than a follower. Just like Jon at the wall, she initially chafes at having to follow orders instead of doing what she thinks is the right thing to do. Despite Gendry and Hot Pie being older than her, she’s the one giving the orders and making the plans. She manipulates or forces characters into doing what she wants – getting Gendry to leave Harrenhal and forcing Jaqen to help her free the Northmen.

Arya took the lead, kicking her stolen horse to a brisk heedless trot until the trees close in around her. Hot Pie and Gendry followed as best they could. From time to time Arya glanced over her shoulder, to make sure the two boys had not fallen too far behind, and to see if they were being pursued - Arya, ASoS

Like most of our protagonists, Arya is ambitious and interested in being an active participant at the top. She wanted to become a King’s councilor and build castles. That entire little speech that Varys gives about the ideal candidate for ruling fits Arya to a T.

Arya has gone hungry, scrubbed and cleaned, cooked and kept house, sewed and mended clothes, bound up wounds, been hunted, been scared for her life – and done all this with limited protection. Just survived on her wits. Arya can wield a sword, is fluent in several languages and has studied with a Septa.

We also see war torn Westeros and the suffering of the smallfolk through Arya’s eyes in ACoK and ASoS. It doesn’t matter if it’s Stark or Lannister, the smallfolk suffer the same – Septon Meribald’s ‘Broken Men’ speech in AFfC embodies what Arya observes. After Arya frees the Northmen using weasel soup and Vargo Hoat betrays the Lannisters, there are reprisal killings, torture and rape enacted by Stark bannermen and the sellswords. The smith, Maester and the head maid are executed for merely serving Tywin – something on which they had no choice. Gendry points this out to Arya and she feels guilty for her part in all this.

“I hate this lot worse. Ser Amory was fighting for his lord, but the Mummers are sellswords and turncloaks. Half of them can’t even speak the Common Tongue. Septon Utt likes little boys, Qyburn does black magic, and your friend Biter eats people.”

The worst thing was, she couldn’t even say he was wrong. The Brave Companions did most of the foraging for Harrenhal, and Roose Bolton had given them the task of rooting out Lannisters. Vargo Hoat had divided them into four bands, to visit as many villages as possible. He led the largest group himself, and gave the others to his most trusted captains. She had heard Rorge laughing over Lord Vargo’s way of finding traitors. All he did was return to places he had visited before under Lord Tywin’s banner and seize those who had helped him. – Arya, ACoK

"It’s not a village, it’s only black stones and old bones. “Did the Lannisters kill the people who lived here?” Arya asked as she helped Anguy dry the horses.

“No.” He pointed. “Look at how thick the moss grows on the stones. No one’s moved them for a long time. And there’s a tree growing out of the wall there, see? This place was put to the torch a long time ago.”

“Who did it, then?” asked Gendry.

“Hoster Tully.” Notch was a stooped thin grey-haired man, born in these parts. “This was Lord Goodbrook’s village. When Riverrun declared for Robert, Goodbrook stayed loyal to the king, so Lord Tully came down on him with fire and sword. After the Trident, Goodbrook’s son made his peace with Robert and Lord Hoster, but that didn’t help the dead none.”

A silence fell."  - Arya, ASoS

"Wolves, she thought again. Like me. Was this her pack? How could they be Robb’s men? She wanted to hit them. She wanted to hurt them. She wanted to cry.” - Arya, ASoS

The smallfolk in the Riverlands are caught between the Starks, Tullys and Lannisters with no good choices. And on the ground level, Arya sees this, understands this and acknowledges this. Her actions benefited house Stark and no one else. She understands the cost of war.

Arya is also very keen on justice. In that she not only thinks that characters deserve justice, but she wants to actively participate and deliver justice. She considers the execution of Dareon from the NW as a just one.

Dareon had been a deserter from the Night's Watch; he had deserved to die. - Arya, AFfC

“Guilty!” Arya shouted with the rest. “Guilty, guilty, kill him, guilty!” …

Arya could only think of Mycah and all the stupid prayers she’d prayed for the Hound to die. If there were gods, why didn’t Lord Beric win? She knew the Hound was guilty… - Arya, ASoS

Her father beat her so often and so brutally that she was never truly free of pain or fear until she came to us.”

“Did you kill him?”

“She asked the gift for herself, not for her father.”

You should have killed him.“ - Arya, ADWD

Arya drew back from him. "He killed the slave?" That did not sound right. "He should have killed the masters!" – Arya, aDwD

---------------------------------

Arya and Northern leadership

I would sooner my men die fighting for the Ned’s little girl than alone and hungry in the snow, weeping tears that freeze upon their cheeks. - Hugo Wull

The North has famously never had a female leader in House Stark. So is it possible for valiant Ned’s precious little girl to become the first Lady Stark to lead the North?

In terms of personality, Arya resembles some of the other female leaders/members of Northern houses. She is bold and forward like Lyanna Mormont and Wylla Manderly. She has trained with the sword and learned how to use a bow and arrow. She proactively engineers her own escape like Alys Karstark. Characters like Ygritte and Alys remind Jon Snow of Arya.

Arya venerates Ned Stark. She follows his advice as much as Robb, Bran and Jon do. Even more so. She executes a NW brother for desertion. And that is important for the Starks.

I should kill them myself. Whenever her father had condemned a man to death, he did the deed himself with Ice, his greatsword. - Arya, ACoK

The blood of the First Men still flows in the veins of the Starks, and we hold to the belief that the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. - Bran, AGoT

“The Starks do not use headsmen. Ned always said that the man who passes the sentence should swing the blade, though he never took any joy in the duty.” - Catelyn, ACoK

“Rickard Karstark, Lord of Karhold.” Robb lifted the heavy axe with both hands. “Here in sight of gods and men, I judge you guilty of murder and high treason. In mine own name I condemn you. With mine own hand I take your life. Would you speak a final word?” - Catelyn, ASoS

The pale morning sunlight ran up and down his blade as Jon clasped the hilt of the bastard sword with both hands and raised it high. “If you have any last words, now is the time to speak them,” he said, expecting one last curse. - Jon, ADwD

Arya is one of the Starkiest Starks of the whole lot. She is also the only Stark to actually have the Stark look. She is stubborn and determined to do things the Stark way. She often uses her father’s advice to guide her way.

Her father used to say that a lord needed to eat with his men, if he hoped to keep them. “Know the men who follow you,” she heard him tell Robb once, “and let them know you. Don’t ask your men to die for a stranger.“ - Arya, aGoT

Arya had loved nothing better than to sit at her father’s table and listen to them talk. She had loved listening to the men on the benches too; to freeriders tough as leather, courtly knights and bold young squires, grizzled old men-at-arms.- Arya, AGoT

Whenever her father had condemned a man to death, he did the deed himself with Ice, his greatsword. “If you would take a man’s life, you owe it to him go look him in the face and hear his last words,” she’d heard him tell Robb and Jon once. - Arya, ACoK

Now there are theories that it is future Bran who was communicating with Arya through the weirwood at Harrenhal, but she does gain strength from her father’s words when she prays to the Old Gods.

Gooseprickles rose on Arya’s skin, and for an instant she felt dizzy. Then, so faintly, it seemed as if she heard her father’s voice. “When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives,” he said. “But there is no pack,” she whispered to the weirwood. Bran and Rickon were dead, the Lannisters had Sansa, Jon had gone to the Wall. “I’m not even me now, I’m Nan.” “You are Arya of Winterfell, daughter of the north. You told me you could be strong. You have the wolf blood in you.” - Arya, ACoK

And while Arya is travelling incognito, GRRM keeps her connected to the North, house Stark and the Northern plot. She starts her journey from KL with a NW brother Yoren. She’s disguised as a boy like Danny Flint, Manderly requests a song about brave Danny Flint at Ramsay’s wedding with ‘Arya’. In the Riverlands, Arya’s plot intersects with her father’s bannermen, she participates in the capture of Harrenhal for house Stark and is there for Roose Bolton’s war council. She meets both Roose Bolton and Aenys Frey – our antagonists in Winterfell facing off against Stannis in ADwD. She meets Robett Glover – who is currently in White Harbor - when she lets him out of the dungeons. She gets Jaqen to help her father’s men.

“Vargo Hoat’s come back with prisoners. I saw their badges. There’s a Glover, from Deepwood Motte, he’s my father’s man. The rest too, mostly.” All of a sudden, Arya knew why her feet had brought her here. “You have to help me get them out.” – Arya, ACoK

Arya looked. She knew all of her father’s men. The three in the grey cloaks were strangers. Arya, AGoT

Twin towers. Sunburst. Bloody man. Battle-axe. The battle-axe is for Cerwyn, and the white sun on black is Karstark. They’re northmen. My father’s men, and Robb’s. - Arya, ACoK

Harwin?” Arya whispered. It was! Under the beard and the tangled hair was the face of Hullen’s son, who used to lead her pony around the yard, ride at quintain with Jon and Robb, and drink too much on feast days. He was thinner, harder somehow, and at Winterfell he had never worn a beard, but it was him—her father’s man. Arya, ASoS

“I bet there are Winterfell men too.” Her father’s men, the Young Wolf’s men, the direwolves of Stark. - Arya, ASoS

Arya is also involved in betrothals/marriage – first to Elmar Frey and then married off to Ramsay Bolton to hold the North. As a side note, her connection to all these bastards is indeed interesting - Elmar Frey, Ramsay Bolton, Gendry and Jon Snow. Is GRRM trying to say something here?

We now have the Northerners and Freys that Arya sees in Harrenhal transposed to Winterfell and ‘her father’s men’ rising up for Arya Stark.

Now, we can speculate and assume that these Northerners would have done the same for the other Starks, but that’s not the point here. In the books, GRRM has written this story to revolve around Arya. The mountain clans are marching for ARYA. The Northern houses are fighting alongside Stannis for ARYA. When lady Barbrey Dustin points out the anger of the Northmen at the treatment of ‘Valiant Ned's precious little girl’ she is talking about ARYA.

GRRM has Stannis wanting to rescue Arya for Jon. He has Mance trying to rescue Arya for Jon. He has Jon breaking his vows and dying trying to rescue Arya. A large part of what drives this plot forward is that it’s Arya, and her special relationship with Jon Snow influences a lot of what is happening south of the wall. The story only happens this way with Arya in the North. And that’s why it’s Arya’s story and not that of any other Stark. Superimposing this or that Stark in place of Arya to make a case for why they would be leader of the North makes no sense. GRRM writing in the marriage of Arya Stark to hold the North makes the case for why Arya is important to the North.

So, Arya has actively helped free Northmen in the Riverlands, engaged with important Northerners and Freys at Harrenhal and drives the plot to take down the Boltons in the North. With her leadership skills, her ability to wield a weapon and fight, looking like Ned, following in Ned’s footsteps and advice, her fierce personality, her loyalty to bannermen, her desire for justice and to help the weak and powerless, her huge direwolf - she would be like the Kings in the North of yore.  I think the Northerners will be fine with Arya Stark being the Stark in charge.

------------------------------

Arya and Nymeria

“What if the wolves come?” “Yield,” Arya suggested - Arya, ACoK

The direwolves are an important part of the books, and an important aspect of the Starks.They are as much a part of the Starks as Dany’s dragons are a part of her. They cannot be ignored as unimportant pets who will end up serving no purpose.

“He is part of you, Robb. To fear him is to fear you.”  - Catelyn, ASoS

Ghost did not count. Ghost was closer than a friend. Ghost was part of him - Jon, ADWD

“Part of you is Summer, and part of Summer is you. You know that, Bran.” - Bran, ACoK

“Wolves and women wed for life,” Haggon often said. “You take one, that’s a marriage. The wolf is part of you from that day on, and you’re part of him. Both of you will change.” - Varamyr, ADWD

You have five trueborn children,” Jon said. “Three sons, two daughters. The direwolf is the sigil of your House. Your children were meant to have these pups, my lord…The direwolf graces the banners of House Stark,” Jon pointed out. -  Bran, AGoT

“Roose Bolton has Lord Eddard’s daughter. To thwart him White Harbor must have Ned’s son … and the direwolf. The wolf will prove the boy is who we say he is, should the Dreadfort attempt to deny him.“ - Davos, ADWD

GRRM has mentioned several times that they are important.

The Lannisters are always likening themselves to lions, for example, and their motto “Hear me roar” speaks of a certain way of looking at life. But I think for the Starks it goes a little bit beyond that, especially in this generation, with these direwolves. It’s more than just a handy metaphor with them - GRRM, interview

"Wolves have been part of European folklore, of which America's descended, going back thousands of years. In Rome, Romulus and Remus -- there's always been this relationship between wolves and men." That relationship is seen time and again in Martin's series, and it's one that will Martin says will continue as the last two books are eventually released. Arya's wolf, Nymeria, in particular, will play an important role. "You know, I don't like to give things away." says Martin, a grin spreading across his face. "But you don't hang a giant wolf pack on the wall unless you intend to use it." - GRRM interview

The direwolves are important especially for Arya whose theme is ‘The lone wolf dies but the pack survives’ and there are constant mentions of the pack in her POV chapters. Nymeria is an alpha, a leader of her pack like Arya is a leader of hers.

“She says there’s this great pack, hundreds of them, mankillers. The one that leads them is a she-wolf, a bitch from the seventh hell.” - Arya, ACoK

Throughout ACoK and ASoS, Arya mentions the wolves in the Riverlands. They appear to be just ahead of her or behind her. In her chapters there are mentions of wolves eating people, of Roose going wolf hunting. It’s almost like the wolves are traveling with her. They even help her escape – the wolf howl giving the signal – from harrenhal. And it’s possible the pack was picking off Roose Bolton’s riders chasing Arya because they were following right behind.

She could hear the sound of her own breath, and the wolves as well, a great pack of them now. They are closer than the one I heard in the godswood, she thought. They are calling to me. - Arya, ACoK

Once, from the crest of a ridge, she spied dark shapes crossing a stream in the valley behind them, and for half a heartbeat she feared that Roose Bolton’s riders were on them, but when she looked again she realized they were only a pack of wolves. She cupped her hands around her mouth and howled down at them, “Ahooooooooo, ahooooooooo.” When the largest of the wolves lifted its head and howled back, the sound made Arya shiver.   - Arya ASoS

Nymeria keeps amassing this huge wolf pack and Arya being a strong warg can sense this

She was no little girl in the dream; she was a wolf, huge and powerful, and when she emerged from beneath the trees in front of them and bared her teeth in a low rumbling growl, she could smell the rank stench of fear from horse and man alike. - Arya, ASoS

She dreamed of wolves most every night. A great pack of wolves, with her at the head. She was bigger than any of them, stronger, swifter, faster. And her brothers and sisters were with her, many and more of them, fierce and terrible and hers. - Arya, ASoS

In her wolf dreams she was swift and strong, running down her prey with her pack at her heels. - Cat of the Canals, AFfC

The wolf dreams also helps Arya connect to Bran, Jon and Rickon. We see Ghost able to sense the other direwolves and Bran trying to communicate with Jon.

Nymeria is a grey wolf and the stark sigil is a grey wolf on a white background.

 “The rain had washed the guard’s blood off her fingers, she wore a sword across her back, wolves were prowling through the dark like lean grey shadows, and Arya Stark was unafraid.” - Arya, ACoK

“Arya had her father’s eyes, the grey eyes of the Starks.” - Reek, ADwD

What’s in a name? I have already mentioned in another post, the symbolism of the names for the direwolves and them being an indication of the future for the Starks. Arya’s direwolf is named Nymeria – a Rhoynish warrior queen who led her people to safety. Something that Arya may well do in the future when the North is under attack from the Others.

More importantly, Nymeria in Dorne changed the customs and rules of house Martell to follow those of Rhoynar and allowed for female rulers. Nymeria herself was the first female leader and was followed by her daughter. Nymeria changed the norm for Dorne and we could see the same happening with Arya Stark in the North.

-----------------------------

Skills and Education

Look with your eyes, Syrio had said, listen with your ears.- Arya, ACoK

Education at Winterfell:

Arya was mainly taught by Septa Mordane and received the same education as Sansa. She would have been taught history and about the Faith by the Septa, she can read and write, and is good with sums. She’s better than Sansa at managing a household. She can ride a horse like a Northman and is an excellent swimmer. She knows some high Valyrian. Besides the Septa, Arya also hangs around Ned Stark when he is teaching the boys. Many of his words of wisdom that she remembers is from when he is teaching the boys. She mingles with her father’s men, the cooks, the stable boys etc.

Kings Landing:

Water Dancing style of swordfighting from Syrio Forel.

Harrenhal:

Being incognito allows Arya to move around like a mouse or the ghost of Harrenhal and observe and learn things. She is privy to Roose Bolton’s war council and listens to them discuss the Northern campaign against the Lannisters. We get the first inkling of the Red Wedding in these chapters between Roose and the Freys.

Arya observes the different people, analyzes their movements and figures out how to approach them.

The night she was caught, the Lannister men had been nameless strangers with faces as alike as their nasal helms, but she’d come to know them all. You had to know who was lazy and who was cruel, who was smart and who was stupid. You had to learn that even though the one they called Shitmouth had the foulest tongue she’d ever heard, he’d give you an extra piece of bread if you asked, while jolly old Chiswyck and soft-spoken Raff would just give you the back of their hand. - Arya, ACoK

And as lords and ladies never notice the little grey mice under their feet, Arya heard all sorts of secrets just by keeping her ears open as she went about her duties. Pretty Pia from the buttery was a slut who was working her way through every knight in the castle. The wife of the gaoler was with child, but the real father was either Ser Alyn Stackspear or a singer Lord Lefford made mock of ghosts at table, but always kept a candle burning by his bed. Ser Dunaver’s squire Jodge could not hold his water when he slept. The cooks despised Ser Harys Swyft and spit in all his food. Once she even overheard Maester Tothmure’s serving girl confiding to her brother about some message that said Joffrey was a bastard and not the rightful king at all. “Lord Tywin told him to burn the letter and never speak such filth again,” the girl whispered. - Arya, ACoK

She aids in the escape of the near hundred Northmen imprisoned in the dungeons and even Roose is impressed enough to make her his cupbearer. And the next time, she conceives of, plans and executes their entire escape all by herself. She plans for the logistics – weapons, transportation, people, travel route, what to wear.  She makes sure she is warmly dressed, takes the map from Roose’s chamber, uses her position of cupbearer to manipulate several men,  manipulates Gendry into escaping with her, takes down the guard and leads them away. It’s an endeavor that showcases her intelligence, cunning, determination, ability to strategize and lead.

Arya also shows a lot of restraint and keeps her secrets. She doesn’t trust the Glovers or any of the Northmen in Harrenhal - and considering the Red Wedding, it’s a good decision.

Their captors permitted no chatter. A broken lip taught Arya to hold her tongue. Others never learned at all. - Arya, ACoK

Arya watched them die and did nothing. What good did it do you to be brave? One of the women picked for questioning had tried to be brave, but she had died screaming like all the rest. There were no brave people on that march, only scared and hungry ones. - Arya, ACoK

On the road Arya had felt like a sheep, but Harrenhal turned her into a mouse. She was grey as a mouse in her scratchy wool shift, and like a mouse she kept to the crannies and crevices and dark holes of the castle, scurrying out of the way of the mighty.- Arya, ACoK

Braavos:

Arya’s education here is not limited to killing for the Faceless Men. She is also educated in poisons and languages. She improves on her high Valyrian and is now fluent in Braavosi and other Essosi languages. She learns acting/mummery. Not showing emotions on one’s face, detecting emotions in another person.

“A man does not need to be a wizard to know truth from falsehood, not if he has eyes. You need only learn to read a face. Look at the eyes. The mouth. The muscles here, at the corners of the jaw, and here, where the neck joins the shoulders.” He touched her lightly with two fingers. “Some liars blink. Some stare. Some look away. Some lick their lips. Many cover their mouths just before they tell a lie, as if to hide their deceit. Other signs may be more subtle, but they are always there. A false smile and a true one may look alike, but they are as different as dusk from dawn. Can you tell dusk from dawn?”

Arya nodded, though she was not certain that she could. “Then you can learn to see a lie… and once you do, no secret will be safe from you.”  - Arya, AFFC

------------------------

People skills

“I will remember, Your Grace," said Sansa, though she had always heard that love was a surer route to the people's loyalty than fear. If I am ever a queen, I'll make them love me.” - Sansa, ACoK

Arya’s ability to make friends wherever she goes highlights her people skills. And Arya is able to communicate and connect with people from all walks of life.

Sansa knew all about the sorts of people Arya liked to talk to: squires and grooms and serving girls, old men and naked children, rough-spoken freeriders of uncertain birth. Arya would make friends with anybody. - Sansa, AGoT

She had loved listening to the men on the benches too; to freeriders tough as leather, courtly knights and bold young squires, grizzled old men-at-arms. She used to throw snowballs at them and help them steal pies from the kitchen. Their wives gave her scones and she invented names for their babies and played monsters-and-maidens and hide-the-treasure and come-into-my-castle with their children., Arya, AGoT

Her father used to say that a lord needed to eat with his men, if he hoped to keep them. “Know the men who follow you,” she heard him tell Robb once, “and let them know you. Don’t ask your men to die for a stranger.“ - Arya, AGoT

Cat had made friends along the wharves; porters and mummers, ropemakers and sailmenders, taverners, Brewers and bakers and beggars and whores - Cat of the Canals, AFfC

Her girls were nice as well; Blushing Bethany and the Sailor’s Wife, one-eyed Yna who could tell your fortune from a drop of blood, pretty little Lanna, even Assadora, the Ibbenese woman with the mustache. They might not be beautiful, but they were kind to her - Cat of the Canals, AFfC

She’s also loyal to her pack. She doesn’t betray Jon even to her father. She helps free her father’s men. Despite Gendry talking of leaving Lommy or Weasel behind, she refuses. And despite the odds, she tries to help Gendry.

It didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that they had Gendry. Even if he was stubborn and stupid, she had to get him out. She wondered if they knew that the queen wanted him. - Arya, ACoK

-------------------------------

Importance of being a Warg/Skinchanger

She was the night wolf, no scraps of skin could frighten her. - Arya, ADwD

Since this is a fantasy series, magic is a big part of the story with a magical existential apocalyptic threat on the horizon. The North is the first bastion facing this threat. Jon and Dany both have magical pets and prophetic dreams. Bran is the 3ER. They are leaders or will become leaders by the end. Arya is a strong warg/skinchanger. Apart from Jon and Bran, she’s the only other Stark to use these abilities so far. As GRRM as indicated, having a direwolf is going to be useful in battle – we are going to be seeing direwolves involved in the battle for Winterfell for example. Arya is able to warg Nymeria from all the way over in Braavos. She skinchanges cats and sees through their eyes, when she is blind. She is deft with a sword, knife and decent with a bow and arrow (she could be better now using her FM senses). She would be an effective fighter to have against the Others and her warging skills could prove useful in battle.

------------------------------

Succession

I’m not a lady, Arya wanted to tell her, I’m a wolf. - Arya, ASoS

And finally we come to succession. This is the hardest part and entirely speculation and we need the next book to get an inkling of where GRRM is heading towards. I am also basing all of this on Hibberd more or less confirming that King Bran on the Iron Throne is GRRM’s ending.

So of the true born Starks, Arya is pretty much last in line. With the inclusion of Robb’s will, we have 5 Starks left. Bran is the rightful heir to the North. Taking him out of the running, leaves Jon, Rickon, Sansa and Arya. Assuming Jon ends up North of the wall – in his dreams the Old Kings in the North in the crypts reject him, maybe foreshadowing that he doesn’t belong in Winterfell - that leaves Rickon, Sansa and Arya.

As for Sansa, again there is a plot significant reason for why GRRM has put an obstacle in her path, allowing for Arya to jump the queue. Sansa is currently married to Tyrion Lannister, a marriage that cannot be easily annulled (With an enemy regime in KL) or ignored like the show did. Robb Stark has most likely disinherited/removed her from the line of succession and named a legitimized Jon Stark his heir and Lord of Winterfell. If he has the support of the Northern houses who want an experienced, older Stark to lead them, Jon Stark could well be the next KITN over Rickon Stark. I don’t think a 7 year old Rickon would object to Jon in charge. So that makes it Jon Stark, Rickon Stark and Arya Stark.

Does Rickon have to die for Arya to become Wardeness of the North? It’s possible Rickon dies, but it’s also possible he doesn’t.  It could be that Rickon does not want to lead the North – by the end of the book, he would be 8 or 9. Of course there’s the argument of a regent doing the job for Rickon until he’s ready. Or, he could just give way to his sister because he wants to. Something similar to Aemon refusing the throne and it passing to his younger brother Aegon.

Or we could have the traditional situation where Rickon becomes lord of Winterfell as next in line, while it’s Arya who is involved in running the day to day affairs. However, that would very much be status quo - with Rickon at WF and Bran down south in KL, it would be men ending up in positions of power everywhere once again, except maybe Dorne. If this happens, then Arya would be a leader of the North, but the Stark line would continue with the male line.  

It’s possible Jon Stark as King could change things for the North. Jon treats the spearwives the same as the brothers of the NW, he respects Val’s abilities, he trusts in Alys Karstark. If Rickon refuses the mantle, it could very well be that Jon Stark relinquishes his position to his favorite person ever, Arya Stark, to be the next Wardeness of the North.  Thus paving the way for Arya Stark to be the first female leader of the North like her hero Nymeria in Dorne.

It would be fitting for the character who introduced Jon Snow to equal rights for women.

“The Lannisters are proud,” Jon observed. “You’d think the royal sigil would be sufficient, but no. He makes his mother’s House equal in honor to the king’s.”

“The woman is important too!” Arya protested. - Arya, AGoT

Could King Jon reverse Sansa’s disinheritance after her marriage is annulled when KL is in friendly hands? Sure. But we don’t know how the Sansa/LF/Vale group will react to Jon as KITN and whether they will mount a challenge in Sansa’s name. And if Jon has to choose between Sansa and Arya as to whom he wants in charge of Winterfell, we know who it is he will think is more capable and will always choose.

I do think Winterfell succession will not be as clearcut as many Stark fans are hoping. Too many factions supporting the different Starks. GRRM loves to write about dysfunctional families and the Starks are not anything special in that regard. TWoW will tell us of whether there will be any kind of Stark civil war.

Is Arya too young for all this? I predict that by the time we get to the end of the books, about 5 years would have gone by. At 14, Arya would still need a regent – one of the many lords of the houses in the North. But I think considering her experiences, skillsets, a huge direwolf, Ned Stark’s wisdom and strong connections to the North, she will be an able leader. As GRRM said,

“[Arya is] older than some of the 40-year-olds in the book.” - GRRM

Either way, whether she gets Winterfell or not, Arya will end up as a leader in the North. Either she rules for Rickon and takes care of the day to day responsibilities or she does so in her own right as Lady of Winterfell/Wardeness of the North. She’s not going anywhere or sailing off on a boat. The show’s ending makes absolutely no sense for a character yearning for home in 5 books after going on the nightmare ‘adventure’ from hell. She will be in the North, in Winterfell, being a leader and continuing Ned Stark’s legacy.  She will counsel her brothers and build and her people will love her just like they loved her father.

So in conclusion, I think there is enough story, character build up, characterization and set up for Arya to go North and take over as a leader of house Stark to face the threat of the Others along with Bran, Jon, Dany and Tyrion.

[lukielstuff]

Drawing everyday for a month - Day 11

I have a confession; I too have an oc I paired with Jennette. Yes, I still love lesbian Jen, but I was into the idea of pansexual Jenette at first, so I made her someone to be with.

Hugo (whose name was once Oliver) is a commoner from a fallen noble family that was banished by another empire. He developed a strong dislike towards nobles because of his abusive, greedy father who was the reason why they were banished, and because of how he and his (adopted) siblings were treated by them.

Despite his cold appearance, he's quite friendly towards peers and always helps those in need. He took alot of orphan children under his wing and had successfully managed to build his own bakery, with the help of caring townspeople of course. While Hugo is mature, he also has a childlike part inside of him, often seen whenever he sees something unfamiliar.

He met Jenette when she and Ijekiel went to a festival, which just so happened to be happening in the town Hugo is living in. They were both about the age of 6 to 7 back then. Jenette got herself lost due to the crowd, and found herself in an isolated alleyway. Scared and wary, she slowly took a step back and planned to run anywhere but the dark alleyway, but instead, she bumped into a young boy who looked about her age.

He was covered with filth and had alot of bruises, fresh blood running across his face. Jenette panicked, and tried to pursue the boy to get some help. He was unresponsive at first, but he told her eventually not to because the festival was still going on and most of the people were (he thought) nobles who could care less about a hurt, peasant boy.

Jenette didn't know what to say to that but she convinced him to sit down instead so she could try and tend to his wounds. Of course, she didn't have any experience in medicine and only knew them from books the Alpheus duke told her to read. She didn't have any tools to patch up his injuries, so she used her handkerchief instead to clumsily stop the boy's head from bleeding. As it turns out, it wasn't wide enough and the fabric was too thin to stop the blood.

Hugo could only watch the little girl clumsily rip her expensive looking dress, too exhausted to say anything. He wondered who she was, and why her eyes were so beautiful and clear, but he never opened his mouth and merely kept quiet.

Jenette successfully managed to rip fabrics from her dress and used it to patch his head. Her movements were clumsy and inexperienced, so she ended up wrapping his whole head and the right side of his face instead. She was quite proud of herself when she saw what she'd done, but Hugo didn't feel very comfortable with it. He didn't say anything though, because he saw how happy the little girl was after she was done.

They chatted for a while, getting to know each other by asking simple questions like what was the other's favorite color? Their favorite food? Simple things like that. Jenette had so much fun with the idea of making a new friend that she almost forgot she was lost and needed to get back.

It was a few minutes later when some knights arrived at their location and took her back. Jenette didn't want to leave her new friend yet but knew that she needed to. She gave her a ring instead - something Roger gave her at her birthday - before saying goodbye.

Hugo kept the ring, although he was tempted a few times to sell it due to the desperate need of money, but he didn't, too afraid to forget the angel-like girl he met during the festival.

Jenette would sneak out from the manor to hang out with him sometimes, though it lasted only for a few months until she got caught and was then restricted from going out.

It's years later when they meet again, this time, the little girl's eyes were no longer the beautiful shade of blue, for it now looked like emerald.

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

Yes, all of this. Fire & Blood is a great pastiche of historical history books -- especially the gossipy ones like Suetonius -- but it is however terrible as a novel, because (as I've said many times before) it lacks so much of the writing elements that GRRM is genuinely good at. That is, dialogue, narrative, internal narrative, and all the other things that make a story a story. (Note GRRM himself doesn't consider F&B a novel, and suggested if it were to be nominated in the Hugos it go under “best related work”).

And y'know, sometimes when reading F&B, you can see GRRM slip out of his historian conceit, and include a few bits of dialogue that nobody could've recorded, or say things like "the singers spoke of [character's internal conflict], but who can say if that was true." And he's talked about how he'd love to actually write a real book about Rhaenyra & Harwin, or one about Nettles. (I wish he could too. I wish he hadn't worldbuilt himself into a corner like that, and I wish his TWOW issues didn't keep him from writing any other thing. I bet they would be really good books.) That the characters of F&B are as enjoyable as they are (and have engendered such a surprisingly devoted fan following*), even through the limitations, is a testament to his characterization abilities.

*(Not even the HOTD-era characters, or major ones like Rhaena, but see for example the arguments on Targ stan twitter about rumors re HOTD S2 and Baelon perhaps fathering a dragonseed. Who would've thought a three-sentence character could've ended up with such rabid fans? Not me, though god knows I should have, lol.)

And, well, Gyldayn's own characterization does often shine through. Unfortunately. 😅 But it is an essential element of the whole faux history thing, at least.

Grrm is a good writer but fire&blood (esp the dance) are the worst stories he ever wrote.

As someone who reads a lot of history books as part of my job, I really enjoy the framing device of Fire and Blood. I love the way the book makes you read between the lines, and I think that is a lot more interesting than the story itself. I really enjoy trying to figure out what's really being said, why Gyldane chose specific quotes and sources, and what might have been left out. Gyldayn had an agenda in writing this book, and it's fun to put the statements he makes in the context of the the in-world period in which he's writing (for instance, a lot of people assume because he was a maester it was a green agenda, but I think that's not really accurate, I think Gyldane is biased towards the houses that were prominent and influential at the time he was writing). I think it's kind of instructive too. A lot of people aren't really used to reading historical texts and it's sort of a fun way to introduce the idea that just because something appears in "the book" that doesn't mean it's the whole truth or even the truth at all.

The Dance, however, as in the outline of factual events, drives me nuts for a number of reasons, mainly though it's because a lot of it just doesn't make sense. The timeline is confusing, people spend months on end just doing nothing, act in really arbitrary ways, armies come out of nowhere and decide to keep fighting or stop fighting for really contrived and sometimes inconsistent reasons. I have said this in another post, but I think it highlights the limitations of GRRM's "gardening" method of writing, because GRRM is used to building plot through characterization (how would my character react in this situation and what would that lead to-- hard to do when your characters hardly interact) and he couldn't do that here. So yeah, as a story it leaves a lot to be desired, but as a faux history book it's a lot of fun.

[romans-roy]

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My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

book book book 2022

thank u so much @kurthummeldeservesbetter ! ur so cool 

Best book you’ve read so far in 2022:

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame - Victor Hugo (1831)

now i’m just gonna preface this by saying i’ve mostly reread books this year LMFAO, but the best book that i’ve read for the first time this year is The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. i’d been meaning to read it for YEARS and i finally got the chance to this year and i really enjoyed it

Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2022:

Catching Fire - Suzanne Collins (2009)

as i said, i haven’t read as many new books this year :(, but i did reread The Hunger Games trilogy earlier this year and Catching Fire is one of my favorite sequels EVER! the furthering of the rebellion, as well as the new characters introduced fit so seamlessly and it’s genuinely one of my favorites ever

New release you haven’t read yet, but want to/Most anticipated release for the second half of the year:

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - Suzanne Collins (2020)

i don’t have the time to keep up with new releases but i am really looking forward to reading The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes because i went back into my hunger games phase earlier this year and i now have the energy to read it and i’m very excited to 

Biggest disappointment:

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes & Other Lessons From the Crematory - Caitlin Doughty (2015)

i think the biggest disappointment of the year for me was Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, which is a memoir that i had to read for class. I started off really enjoying the book, but by the end, i started to disagree with some of her thoughts regarding death and funerals and all that, and because i had to read it for class, i couldn’t just stop reading, and i actually had to write about her ideas that i didn’t necessarily like but didn’t know how to expand on lmfao

Biggest surprise:

honestly i think that my biggest surprise was how well written The Hunger Games is as well as how impactful it is. the reason i say this is because i first read the books when i was 12 years old and i haven’t gone back and reread them until this year, 7 years later. that being said, i did understand the series when i first read them, but i didn’t understand the full scope of them like i do now. they are genuinely such good books and are quite literally the blueprint.

Favorite new author (debut or new to you):

Donna Tartt

now this isn’t technically new to me this year, but within the past full year, i read both The Secret History and The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt and i LOVED them. so definitely Donna Tartt all the way

Newest fictional crush/Newest favorite character:

Boris Pavlikovsky & Kevin Day

i actually have two answers because neither of them are from books i read for the first time in 2022. The first is Boris Pavlikovsky from The Goldfinch. i love him and i think he’s GREAT, but i obviously read that book last year. the SECOND is the one and only Kevin Day from the All For the Game trilogy by Nora Sakavic. i’ve read these books a million times since 2016, but i’m rereading them again right now and my love for him grows every reread

Book that made you cry:

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins (2008)

when i started rereading the hunger games i SOBBED the entirety of the book. i quite literally could not stop crying the entire series. i was a MESS the whole time

Book that made you happy:

Grasshopper Jungle - Andrew Smith (2014)

the thing about me is that i somehow manage to only read books that make me cry, but i think the happiest i’ve been while reading any book this year was when i reread Grasshopper Jungle because it’s my favorite book of all time (tho i don’t recommend it necessarily, it’s very teen boy)

The most beautiful book cover you’ve bought this year:

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame - Victor Hugo (1831)

See the full post

4 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

#4

okay indulge my ego: what fictional character comes to mind when u think of me. first one. No hesitation.

MY MIND LITERALLY WENT BLANK AHHHH

no but for realsies the girl from firewatch, the one who u talk to on the walkie talkie and she’s like in another tower SORRY IF THATS LIKE SO RANDOM

5 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

#3

lizzie is dead yall

12 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

#2

finnmcnamhaira -> romans-roy

16 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

22 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[violetnotez]

fic or whatever concept: fushiguro is in love w the reader but they have a huge crush on yuuji and it’s just megumi suffering as the reader and yuuji get together and they’re actually really,,, happy??? and in love???

This is the shit I LIVE FOR -also I made a whole playlist for this idea-you can watch the vid here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Megumi x reader (not really?), Yuuji x reader

Songs to Listen to: Treat You Better (but the Kurt Hugo version, seriously, thank me later!)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Maybe if he had tried harder, this wouldn’t have ended up like this. He just felt alone, empty, with nothing to show but a broken heart and head full of bitter dreams.

Did he fool himself? That maybe, some miraculous way, he would have won?

Megumi lay on his bed, worn sweatshirt making his skin crawl and his black sweats uncomfortable to wear, his toes curling from disgust.

Nothing could get his mind off of you, even months after you started dating Yuuji.

 It almost got worse, now that you were off limits.

Funny how it works like that.

His brain seemed to just always want to think of you-the way your voice seemed to sparkle when you yell out his name, the way you look too damn cute when you’d walk out of your dorm room in the morning, hair messy and feet bare-

Fuck fuck fuck.

Megumi groaned, placing a hand on his forehead and smoothing his hair back in exasperation.

You weren’t his, and you’d never be his-he shouldn’t be thinking of you like this. You were dating his best friend after all-didn’t he have any shame?

Even though he was in so much heart ache, so much pain from the fact he couldn’t have you.....he couldn’t ever hate his friend from taking you away from him.

Yuuji was good to you, and painfully, he had to admit Yuuji was better than him in every way as a boyfriend.

Yuuji was sociable, able to strike up a conversation and make everyone feel like his best friend-Megumi wasn’t like that.

Yuuji wasn’t afraid of physical touch, constantly having a hand on your hip to keep you near him or swinging you around lovingly like he hadn’t seen you in years- he was terrified of physical touch.

Yuuji was strong, powerful, and able to protect you from the world- he couldn’t say the same for himself.

Megumi’s insecurities were infesting his body, gnawing at his bones, squirming through his muscles and into his skin, making his jaw clench and nails dig deep into his skin from disgust within himself.

Why hadn’t he at least fucking tried?

But he had been too placid, too worried of rejection, too worried of ruining your friendship-

But then again....he was just too selfless. He was willing to let everyone around him surpass him if it meant they would win, thrive, and live happy lives- even if it meant he had to suffer the consequence.

Megumi squeezed the white sheets around him, twisting them into tight spirals around his digits.

He let it happen again-he had succumbed to that fear.

Years worth of affection, years worth of admiration and dedication-washed away like it never happened., because of it And now he was dealing with the repercussion with phantoms of what could have been, with the jealousy, and a broken heart.

Megumi shifted in his bed, feeling his sweatshirt stick to his back, his hand reached out to grasp at the white beams of moonlight drifting into his room.

What would have happened if he had said no that day? Would anything have changed-if he had admitted that he did like you, that he had wanted to call you his?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He remembers that day like it was yesterday, that feeling of dread filling in his stomach as if he knew something was about to change, the shift of energy making an icy chill run along his back.

Yuuji has been behind him, leaving training as they usually do with his hands in his pockets.

It was quiet, the hallways empty except for the two of them, the wooden floors making soft clicks as it reacted to their footsteps. It should have felt peaceful, a soft breeze fluttering in from the opened windows as the sun began to set outside. But that errie sensation was still boiling in Megumi’s gut, that gnawing feeling of dread making him unable to enjoy the peace.

“Hey man, I wanted to ask you something real quick,” Yuuji’s voice stopped Megumi in his tracks, his feet halting with an echo in the empty corridor.

Megumi turned around slowly, tentatively, almost too worried to face what was behind him. 

Maybe at this time he knew what was about to happen, the feeling of dread settling.

“Sure,” he simply stated, shrugging nonchalantly as the golden sun set the room in a red hue.

“This might be a little personal,” Yuuji began, hands placed in the pockets of his sweatshirt still, “but I got a question about y/n.”

Yuuji looked at him, staring him down like two men in a duel. He was serious, more serious than Megumi had seen him in a long time.

“I know you guys are pretty close...”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Megumi stated, swallowing a ball of saliva down his dry throat.

“Well, I-“ Yuuji sighed, pink hair swaying as he looked down at the floor quickly, almost preparing himself for what he was about to say next.

“I-I wanted to ask them out.....out on a date....”

“- it okay with you?”

Megumi’s eyes widened in shock, the his whole body feeling as if hit by a ton of bricks from Yuuji’s words.

This was it-the worst case scenario, the worst thing he knew was happening but didn’t want to admit.

Megumi tried to recover quickly, his eyes slanting back down to unamused slits in a matter of seconds.

“Why are you asking me?” he questioned, trying to keep the growing panic inside him at bay,” It’s not like I dictate who she dates.”

“I think you know why.”

“I don’t.”

“Fushigoro-“

Megum sighed violently, eyes looking up at the ceiling as he tried to fight the growing pain in his heart.

“I don’t dictate your life-I don’t dictate them-and you don’t dictate mine. Do whatever the hell you want-“

“I won’t date them unless you say it’s okay for me to Fushigoro.”

Itadori’ voice had none of that boyish, playful tone to it. It was more mature than Megumi had even heard it-but something behind it was different.

It was almost like there was this desperateness to it- Yuuji needed him to say yes. Yuuji so badly wanted to call you his-just like him.

“You can say no-“ Itadori rushed on, eyes intense with anticipation, “-I won’t think less of you or hate you for it.”

Megumi watched as he shuffled uncomfortably, the knowledge that he just admitted his crush making him slightly sheepish as he scratched the back of his head.

“Hell, I know I would-” he said truthfully, “ I just don’t want to ruin our friendship by going behind your back.”

Fuck, Megumi wanted to fight for you. He wanted to so so badly.

Megumi had known you for longer, you two were close friends, he had a connection to you-didn’t he deserve to be yours after being so dedicated to only you?

Fushigoro was there for when you cried over your stresses, rubbing your back patiently as you let everything out of you, summoning his animals because he knew how much they made you happy.

He was there for your late night study sessions, the lighting hazy as the pouring rain pounded on the window, cleaning up your room of the papers and flashcards after he convinced you to go to sleep.

He trained with you when you worried you weren’t strong enough, always making sure to congratulate you in someway, fighting the redness in his cheeks after you had successfully completed a new move, your skin dangerously close to his.

God, he had waited for so long-why did the world have to fuck him over? Why did his best friend, out of all the people in the world he could form a crush on, like you like that?

But looking at Yuuji, he knew he wouldn’t win this war. Him and Yuuji were very similar in their passion and devotion, but the simple difference between them was Yuuji wasn’t afraid to be selfish.

Megumi was accustomed to backing down for everyone, sacrificing himself so the people he loved could succeed. It was an awful habit of his, maybe due to his insecurities, maybe just a routine he learned at this point, he would never know- but the fact was he knew that Yuuji would never stop fighting for you. Even if Megumi screamed at him, cursed at him, told him to fuck off and leave you alone-Yuuji wouldn’t ever stop loving you. Itadori would respect Megumi’s wishes, but he would still protect you, fight for you, and love you with everything in him.

And that much devotion coming from someone as charismatic and kind like that-what person wouldnt fall for that?

Megumi sighed, his heart breaking in two at the sudden realization hit him-he was too weak to be any threat to Yuuji.

”You’re not going behind my back.” He finally said, looking down at the floor as the self loathing boiled in his stomach.

“But you-“

“I don’t. Like them.” Megumi was seething, hating every fiber in his body for doing this to himself. Each word was choppy, the sentence laced with sternness and bitterness.

“-Do whatever the hell you want.”

Megumi needed to leave, and leave quick. He hadn’t felt this emotional in a long time, and he didn’t want Yuuji to start thinking that he was actually bothered by all of this.

He turned on his heel, ready to get out of there as quickly as possible-

“Hey Megumi- you really okay with this? This won’t change our friendship? I won’t do this unless youre okay-“

Yuuji took a step forward, hand reaching out to his friend as a peace offering, a sheepish smile on his lips.

Megumi turned, his chest tightening as he looked down at his hand, too tired to reach out for it and pretend like he didn’t hate his friend at this moment.

“They dont like me. They like you- I see it. You’ll make them happy, and that’s all I want for them.”

Yuuji smiled , seemingly content with his quiet friend’s answer.

“Thanks man,”

Megumi turned again, head hanging low as he quickly left the corridor, desperate to get out of there.

“Tell me thank you when they say yes.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He groaned, letting the painful memories overtake him as he turned his back to the wall.

It just hurt-maybe he would get over all of this one day, but right now he couldnt.

As if on cue to deepen his torture, he heard a giggle from you across his room, the muffled noise of Yuuji’s voice making him cringe.

Thin ass walls-you were probably visiting Yuuji again for the night, staying up all night to watch movies.....

This was destroying him-but he couldnt ever blame you for it, because you were oblivious to his love for you. He had made sure you would never catch on- and now you would never know because he was too cowardly to ever say it. 

God, what he’d do to have the roles switched though...with you breaking school rules to come visit him at night, to here that sweet laugh in his room, to feel your head cuddle into his chest, or see you slowly begin to wake up in the morning....

Megumi felt a pain in his chest at the wanting feeling that would never fully be satiated gnaw at his chest, his hands despertedly grabbing at his pillow and shoving it against his ear.

He didnt want to hear you, he didnt want to see you...at this moment he didnt want anything to do with you or Yuuji. 

This hurt too much...

Fuck, he really screwed up.

[1d-discourseoftheday]

Tues 26 Jan ‘21

Louis tweeted “How's everyone doing?” No Louis, HOW ARE YOU DOING?? “Alright thanks!” he says. It's the third time this month he's checked on us but does that Mean anything? Says SBB himself, “You lot read into things too much” HAHAHAHHAAAA SKSKKDJ WE LEARNED IT FROM YOU MOM!!  Well WHY is MTV posting about Copy then?? asked a fan in a very GOTCHA tone but Louis has an unarguable answer: “because it's a banger.” Well alright alright you got us there, that's very true. He says many other little things too including Strong Opinions about breakfast food (“pancakes obviously” ...was that in fact ...obvious??) and talking about a sports related series he's watching-- it really is about basketball this time unlike UFC! He also tells us that he tried to talk to Liam “earlier” “but he was in Tesco”. A fan posted that he replied to a their DM- a picture of their cat pawing adoringly at a pic of Louis- and said “this put me in such a good mood haha! Love the little lad. Bless him x”, but then later they said they it was fake, sorry. A convincing Louis imitation, but more to the point a very convincing screen record video showing the exchange: please remember this next time such a video is offered as proof for something.

Niall is in the studio with his favorite collaborators, Eskeerdo and John Ryan! The man does value consistency in all things, no question, but you know what they say- if it ain't broke, don't fix it! Despite a Morning Mashup snippet from yesterday where he agreed with the host that maybe their little kid shouldn't be exposed to Small Talk, we know he is happy with the Heartbreak Weather sound, so why not more of the same? The only question I have is: when?

Zayn's sponsorship deals continue to be increasingly wacky; today it's a coloring app! The Nobody Is Listening coloring book is now available; as usual, things I really could NOT have predicted happening every single day around here. Liam's sponsorship is less wacky today: a new Hugo pic posted.

And the greatest showmance of our generation continues to amaze, astound, and crack me the F up-- first up, in hands down the funniest thing to happen all week, Harper’s Bazaar retitled a Holivia timeline article with the headline “Sorry everyone, Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles' romance isn't a PR stunt” (and added a little blurb at the end of 'a source' saying so) which is hilarious enough on its own, the DEFENSIVENESS, but THAT'S NOT ALL! The author of the article, seeing it, tweeted “I didn't even write this! It's an old article that's been updated. I DEFINITELY think it's PR...” HAHAHAHA WHAT AN ICON. She didn't lay out that whole embarrassing timeline in print to be disrespected like this, Harper’s Bazaar! But less funny, she was disrespected by more than just the magazine-- she deleted her account due to harassment after the tweet. Sighhh. Those harries sure do love to TPWK (threat). PR for this shitshow is taking a turn for the defensive all over this week, as we saw with yesterday's Vogue article; that piece seems to have been the leading edge of an iceberg that is the new angle- 'Olivia Isn't The Bad Guy Here'. Fine, yes, no one is because this ISN'T REAL so truly whatever yall, but the really hysterical thing about the Vogue piece apparently being more or less HQ dictated is that at least like half of it is just “terrible things people are saying on twitter” and “here's why twitter is annoying” and I'm ROLLING at them sinking to this level, like when you are at the point of trying to take down twitter arguments one by one you have officially LOST CONTROL OF THE CONVERSATION lmao and lbr-- they have. People simply do not think this is real and it is funnnnny. AND SPEAKING of sinking to a level and then just keeping going right down to the molten core of the earth, can I just mention that Michael Strauss, aka the guy who is suing Briana for her boobs (case was postponed; has not yet been heard), has not only been arguing in the comments over at CelebTM that NO, REALLY it's NOT WEIRD that the sonogram pic posted was clearly not Briana's and is making up stories trying to explain it, he's now doing so from his dog's account. Will his dog also be heading over to TMZ, who tweeted the article today, to argue with people one by one in those comments? We've seen a lot of dogs used for stunt purposes, but at least they never put the words in Max or Clifford's actual mouths!

[everyonewasabird]

Brickclub 5.3.7 “Sometimes we go aground when we expect to get ashore”

I do really love Hugo’s plotting. It’s so big, and he goes so hard. Through some combination of magic system and symbolism and realism, Jean Valjean has reached a place where something that feels like it might come to him in a specifically personal nightmare--he’s nearly escaped, only to find one more prison gate blocking his way!--is a realistic sequence of events. And Valjean has put in superhuman effort, and he’s superhumanly tired.

It’s Providence now, or nothing.

@fremedon complained about Donougher’s God-intruding translation of “L'épuisement aboutissait à l'avortement.”(“Exhaustion ended in abortion”), but FMA does essentially the same thing:

It was over. All that Jean Valjean had done was use­ less. God refused him.

In context it reads like more free indirect speech than like Word of God, but it’s still intruding an idea of God where Hugo didn’t--and/or indicating specific despair at God in the moment that Valjean is closest to God in the entire book. Which is a Choice.

Hugo is in fact VERY upfront here that the entity at work in this is the Fatality Spider.

They were both caught in the gloomy and immense web of death, and Jean Valjean could feel, running over those black threads trembling in the darkness, the appall­ing spider.

Which, actually, raises an interesting idea about the God-Fatality dichotomy, in that it feels like Valjean actually knows the deal. Even in his thoughts, he doesn’t blame God for this. He knows what’s at work here.

I’m interested in the way Providence uses Thenardier as the agent who can fix this. It feels like it has a lot to do with Thenardier’s myopic selfishness--he never sees the big picture, he never cares about the big picture, and that makes him a weird little oddly effective tool in the hands of Providence..... and an unthinkably devastating one in the hands of Fatality, who's going to have the last word there unfortunately.

And we end with Valjean thinking about Cosette. I think Hugo wants it to be a moment of pathos and Oh No, but I really, really want it to feel more like a reckoning. Valjean left her with no note, no provision for her future if he didn’t make it out, not even so much as a map to where the money was buried, and he walked in RIGHT AFTER Combeferre made a whole speech about what can go wrong when men go off and die without thinking about their families. And even so, it doesn’t feel like we’re necessarily supposed to be saying “YES. YOU IDIOT. WHAT ABOUT COSETTE??”

I’ve been rewatching Shoujo Cosette lately, and it’s such a breath of fresh air, how much that show bothers to think through what it would be like to Cosette experiencing all this.

[frunbuns]

I just finished reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, here are some quotes I saved bc this book shook me to my core

Spoilers!!

-

He'd convinced himself that his wanting me was my fault.

And I believed him.

-

Be wary of men with something to prove.

-

"It's on the house," he said, which I thought was the dumbest thing, because if there's anyone that should be getting free food, it isn't rich people.

-

"Heartbreak is loss, divorce is just a piece of paper."

-

People think intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is 'You're safe with me' - that's intimacy.

-

"[...] I'm bisexual. Don't ignore half of me so you can fit me into a box, Monique. Don't do that."

-

You do not know how fast you have been running, how hard you have been working, how truly exhausted you are, until someone stands behind you and says, “It’s OK, you can fall down now. I’ll catch you.”

-

"Evelyn?" Harry said, before getting off the phone.

"Yes?"

"You know what's happening, right?"

"What?"

"You're about to become the highest-paid actress in Hollywood."

-

[...] I have no idea that in less than a week, Evelyn will finish her story, and I'll find out what this has all been about, and I will hate her so much that I'll be truly afraid I might kill her.

-

"Can you believe it?" She said. "Two of them."

"You deserve them. The whole world should be giving you an Oscar every day, as far as I'm concerned."

-

[...] That seemed to be her pattern. I was a lesbian when she loved me and a straight woman when she hated me.

-

People were just starting to talk about the idea of bisexuality, but I'm not sure I even understood that the word referred to me then. I wasn't interested in finding a label for what I already knew. I loved men. I loved Celia. I was OK with that.

-

"If you are intolerable, let me be the one to tolerate you."

-

"You love me?" she said

"Oh, my God, what an understatement," I told her.

-

"To Evelyn," she said, lifting her glass in the air. "Who has lit up every goddamn room she ever walked into. And who, day after day, makes us feel like we're living in a dream."

-

It's always been fascinating to me how things can be simultaneously true and false, how people can be good and bad all in one, how someone can love you in a way that us beautifully selfless while serving themselves ruthlessly.

-

It was one of the last times we were all together, laughing smiling, happy. A family.

Because after that, I ruined it.

-

"Being bisexual didn't make me disloyal," Evelyn said. "One has nothing to do with the other. Nor did it mean that Celia could only fulfill half my needs."

-

"I'm not a good person, Monique. Make sure, in the book, that that's clear. That I'm not claiming to be good. That I did a lot of things that hurt other people, and I would do them over again if I had to."

-

And just as she was about to leave the microphone, she said, “And to anyone tempted to kiss the TV tonight, please don’t chip your tooth.”

-

"[...] I don't want to let you love me if you don't think you can lose me again. One last time."

-

"I have been married seven times, and never once has it felt as right as this. I think that loving you has been the truest thing about me."

-

The devastating luxury of panic overtook me.

And it has never left.

-

That's how my story ends. With the loss of everyone I have ever loved. With me, in a big, beautiful Upper East Side apartment, missing everyone who ever meant anything to me.

-

Evelyn was never going to let the thing that made her be the thing to destroy her. She was never going to let anything, even a part of her body, have that sort of power.

Evelyn is going to die when she wants to.

And she wants to die now.

-

I hate Evelyn, but I think I like her very much.

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 9

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

CHAPTER NINE

For the first time in your life, you awoke in your own pool of sweat and with the fresh thoughts of Bucky as he managed to scoop you up with his strong lean arms and take you right then and there at the kitchen counter in your wild, vivid memory of dreams.

You blamed Nat for this. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't even have inappropriate thoughts towards Bucky. Yes, you did notice his strong masculine exterior, jaw sharp as a killer's knife, body as strong as a boulder, and legs that could easily kill but did you have any thoughts on advancing towards him? No, absolutely not. He was Peter's stepbrother for crying out loud. But last night, something changed in the laws of physics. It was as if two resting bodies silently reacted to one another without a sudden force acting upon the two.

That morning, you didn't dare find out if Bucky was still in your apartment. You skipped your morning run and headed up towards the rooftop using the ladder right outside your window with a hot cup of coffee in your hand (which spilled a bit on the way up, by the way) and enjoyed the scent and sight of the dirtier part of New York City -- all its damp, cigarette covered pavements.

For the next few days, you saw no sign of Bucky. He hadn't been in the bar or in your apartment, as much as you wished he would stop by once in a while. But then, you would hear Peter talk to him on the phone every single night.

You never thought Bucky's lack of presence would start to bother you. It wasn't just the feelings of sudden desire you had for him but also the weird time you shared together -- as if you were just old friends catching up. You found it absolutely crazy how a lot of things just happened in the course of a day.

You wanted to ask Peter about Bucky's whereabouts, just a casual slip of "Hey, where's Bucky?" but you never dared to ask. So when Peter blabbed during a movie night that Bucky had been way too busy managing some business meetings, gatherings, and whatnots ever since he got back in the city, you were more than glad.

Nat had been coming to the bar every night ever since Tuesday, picking up extra shifts. She kept badgering you about Bucky this and Bucky that. She was one of the reasons why you couldn't keep Bucky out of your head. Her sudden long shifts at the bar wasn't only because she was so invested with your nonexistent dating life or, to her, a possibility of one with Bucky, but because she and Steve were secretly hooking up. Of course, she didn't tell you that. It's not like she needed to, anyway. It only took one sniff of Steve's strong scent on hers for you to find out.

Every passing day at the bar felt so slow and the same. The only thing that changed was Peter rejecting a drink on one Thursday night.

"Woah, what got your knickers on a twist?" You asked as soon as he approached the counter.

"I'm just not in the mood, y/n." He sighed. "Can I just have a glass of water, please?"

"Of course. Coming right up." You slid the glass of water on the counter towards him, your fingers drumming against the thick wood. "So, what's bothering you?"

He looked up at you with sulky eyes. "Oh god, you really are a bartender."

"And your best friend. So, what's up?"

He shook his head nothing, sipping the glass of water like a scotch.

His little act was unconvincing. Especially that he didn't try hard enough to conceal whatever he was feeling.

"Parker." You insisted. "Come on, what's up?"

"You see right through me, y/n."

"Don't flatter me too much," you rolled your eyes, "you're just easy to read."

But Peter was also stubborn as a bull. He wouldn't budge or give you any clue on what was bothering him. You thought that leaving him as you tended to other bargoers would eventually give him time to change his mind but you were proven wrong. It itched your brain that he wouldn't tell you whatever it was. You usually told each other everything. But then again, you haven't really been open with him with your growing desire for his stepbrother -- which, you hoped you never would, as you hoped all those feelings would eventually go away and keep it in a state of latency.

Peter stood by his ground, consuming no ounce of alcohol and keeping his mouth shut the rest of the night. You knew when to keep away from other people's business, even if it was your best friend's. You did try to make his evening lighter though, checking up on him and telling some old, classic bartender stories, seeing as he was clearly in an uncomfortable state but all he kept telling you was: "You're killing me, y/n. You're absolutely killing me."

You felt a heavy feeling on your chest with his surprisingly fierce tone. You urged him to go home after that, so he did.

"Dick." You mumbled after he left.

Nick walked towards the counter. "What's wrong with your roommate?"

"Wish I could tell you."

You and Nick have been getting along well despite you rejecting him. Nat kept telling you it was a way of manipulating you or some sort, to get you close to him but nothing has really happened ever since he asked you out. There wasn't a change in mood in the atmosphere, or even the way he treated you. Just some good colleagues working together.

The next night, Peter was more in the mood and even apologized to you for the way he behaved last night. "Now, for some great news."

"Does this mean you're having a drink?" You asked.

He nodded eagerly and patiently waited for his beer. Once he got his cold sip, he continued talking: "So, I've been really in a slump lately because I'm kind of lovesick. But then -- "

"Wait, what did you say?" You knitted your brows together, catching the last word he said. "Did you say lovesick? You son of a bitch, are you in love?"

"Language!" Out of nowhere, Steve yelled over the buzzing noises inside the bar. You snickered and he just gave you a look before he disappeared back into his office.

He is such a grandpa.

Peter chuckled. "To be honest, I have been for a very long time."

Your jaw dropped on the floor, ears all perked up, wanting to hear every detail of this. "And you never thought to tell me? Parker, I've been your best friend since forever. Why the hell wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because..." He trailed off, avoiding your stare. "It's not that big a deal."

"Okay, was this after that bitch Denise?"

"Actually, waaaay before that."

"Oh wow, that long, huh?" You replied. "Oh my god, is it someone we know from college? Shit, is it MJ?"

"No, it's not!" He replied. "And I'm not telling you who because I don't have actual plans on pursuing her." He sighed through his nose while taking a big sip of his beer. He brought down the bottle on the counter with a loud thud.

"So, it's a girl."

He grunted in reply.

You laughed. "So, why not pursue her?" You asked while multitasking. You handed a bowl of peanuts to the man beside Peter who was asking for it. "Is she taken? Does she have a boyfriend? A girlfriend?"

"No, she doesn't."

"So, why the hell not, Parker?"

You impatiently waited for an answer from Peter as it took him a couple of minutes to do so.

"Because I don't think it's a good idea. I don't think it will ever work." He answered, scratching the label on his beer bottle with much frustration. "I've thought about all the probabilities, but every single one of them ends the same."

"And what is that?"

"That it won't work out."

The thing about Peter was he never dive into things headfirst. Even though he was a dumbass, he was always a man of intellect who calculated everything in his head before committing to something.

"Why is it always statistics and probabilities and all that crap with you?" You let out an exasperated sigh. "What if for once in your life, follow your goddamn heart? You keep treating everything with a business mind. Go with what your gut tells you to do. Don't think too much about it because the heart wants what it wants, Parker."

Peter gazed at you for a few moments, perhaps finding the right words to say but he just shook his head and fought against his feelings. "I can't do it, y/n. I badly want to, like, it's already at the tip of my tongue. I badly want to tell her but I can't. I don't want to know what's gonna happen next. I'm just scared of what's gonna happen. I don't think I can take it."

As much as you wanted to convince him to go for the girl, you let it go. You've said what you had to say but it was always up to him whether he takes your advice or not. "So, what now?"

"Well now, I'm going to tell you the good news, the one you robbed me off when you batted in."

You rolled your eyes. "What's the good news, Parker?"

"Me and my colleagues will go on a corporate retreat for at least a week!"

You raised an eyebrow, writing a confused expression on your face. "How is this good news?"

"I'll be gone for a week, away from the city, away from my love problems and all that. I think it'll be good for me." Then, a smile started to form on his lips. "There, I'll leave all my worries behind."

"Parker, it's just a one-week corporate retreat, not a sabbatical." You grimaced, unimpressed with the whole thing. "You're not gonna get over this thing in just seven days."

"You don't know that." He scoffed. "I'll be a new man once I get back. You'll see."

"Sure." You replied, a hint of sarcasm laced in your tone.

"Oh, one more thing!"

"What, another corporate retreat?" You snickered, amused with all the clever remarks you were throwing at him. Peter, on the other hand, wasn't.

"No!" He gave you a look. "Bucky will look after you while I'm gone!"

Shock crossed your face. "Bucky?"

"Yes, me."

And on cue, a figure emerged behind Peter.

You were so bewildered with Peter's troubles that you hadn't noticed Bucky creeping up towards the counter. He was wearing what seemed like a navy blue tailored Hugo Boss suit, paired with a nice, sleek tie. His whole fit, illuminated by the iridescent lights made his blue eyes pop even more. Like last time, he opened up a button on his waist, tossed the end flaps in the air and sat down beside Peter on a high stool.

Watching him, you could feel the air around you tighten, paired with a clump of saliva caught in your throat. He placed his elbow on top of the counter and tucked his chin on his palm.

"B-bucky," you finally breathed, silently choking up on your own saliva, "hey, it's been quite some time."

"Hello, doll." The vowels on his words seemed to drop, accompanied by that rhythmic sound he usually does when he speaks. Oh god, one day with Bucky and I've already picked up on that, you thought. "Missed me?"

You felt some blood quickly rushing to your cheeks but you played it cool. "Don't flatter yourself, James." You pretended to get quite busy, wiping some clean glass off the counter then faced Peter. "So, what's this thing about Bucky looking after me?"

"Well, I'll be gone. You'll be alone. Bucky will look after you." Peter tried to "expound." "What's not adding up, y/n?"

You rolled your eyes at the two and scoffed, placing the glass on the counter. "No, thanks. It's just one week. I can take care of myself."

It was true. You once spent a two-week vacation all by yourself to California after high school and you came home in New Jersey without a scratch -- like a brand-new car. You walked around the place as if it was your turf, and blended in with the locals while basked in the glorious heat of the California sun.

"Bucky insisted." Peter chimed in defensively.

"Oh. Bucky insisted." You said, your gaze averting to Bucky's eyes. "Again, I appreciate the offer but I can handle myself. I'm not a baby."

Bucky, clearly amused with the whole situation, leaned back with careful eyes fixed on yours. "Come on, y/n, don't you want some company?"

"Aren't you busy with your company?" You retorted.

"Yes, I have been but not anymore." He replied. "Unless something comes up. A week without Peter must be somewhat lonely. Come on," he insisted once again, "it's also for me. It'll give me something to do for a week."

"Wait, what?"

"You guys could get to know each other better and get along!" Peter blurted. "And without me around, Bucky won't have someone to hangout with. Please, y/n? I'd feel so much better."

"Hang out? What are you guys, like sixteen?"

Your mind was still set on Bucky's last choice of words but you saved it for later.

"Pleaaaaseee?"

You sighed, knowing you could never refuse your best friend's pleas. "Fine."

"Great!"

"Just for the record," you said, holding up a finger, "I'm just agreeing because of Peter, not because I can't take care of myself."

Peter rolled his eyes while pulling out his phone from his pocket. "Yeah, yeah, you're an independent woman. Okay, I gotta take this call. I'll be right back."

And all then there were two: you and Bucky. While making two grasshoppers for a couple of girls who just entered, you could feel Bucky's intense stare towards you. Your mind, clouded with thoughts, wished it could tap into his and take a sly look at what was going on inside.

You locked eyes as soon as you handed the girls their drinks. Bucky wearing such a neat, tailored suit made you forget about all his child-like ways in Peter's countless stories. All you saw was a man favored by all the gods and at the same time sent by the devil to test you in so many ways imaginable. You wondered if he felt the same. Of course, you weren't like him or any other people carved perfectly by the gods, but his vehement stare said otherwise.

"Are you gonna order a drink?" You asked, breaking the silence, and also your train of thoughts.

"No." He replied. "I'm good."

"Okay."

Peter, where the hell are you?

"Hey, y/n?"

"Yes?"

"You look beautiful tonight."

A plain black tank top, paired with some old jeans, minimal makeup and this man just told you that you looked beautiful. "Well not just tonight. You've always been beautiful. I just hope you know that."

"Okay what has gotten into you? You're being... weird."

He shrugged. "I'm just stating facts."

You hummed, a look of confusion spread across your face. "Thank you, I guess. Y-you look good yourself. Very different from when I first met you." You chuckled.

"Well, I was naked the first time we met so yeah."

Peter got back from his phone call and for the whole night, you spent your time working your shift while Bucky and Peter moved on to play some billiards and darts as well. Nat kept shifting her eyes between you and Bucky and you just shrugged her off, flipping your middle finger on her in which she reciprocated.

The next day, Peter was all set for his corporate retreat, surprised he didn't need any help from me at all. You helped him with some of his bags towards the sidewalk ("Jesus, Parker, are you going out of the country?"). While you waited for his Uber to arrive.

"You better take care of yourself, Parker." You said, standing beside him on the side of the street. "I'm gonna miss you."

"Really? I'm gonna miss you too."

"Well, yeah, of course. You're like a little brother to me." You smiled, ruffling his brown locks even though he was taller than you.

He looked down on the pavement with a tight-lipped smile. "Right, right."

Smiling, you grabbed his hand and leaned your head on his surprisingly broad shoulders. "Come on, cheer up. You needed this, right?"

"Yes, I definitely do." He whispered. "More than you know."

A few seconds later, the Uber arrived. Before climbing in the black vehicle, you were pulled into Peter's embrace with a soft, fluttery kiss landing on your forehead. Taken aback, you just smiled at him and watched the car get tinier and tinier as it drove further.

You got back in the apartment and five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Behind it was a smiling Bucky wearing some casual clothes. "Good morning, doll. Missed me?"

You rolled your eyes letting him inside the apartment. Closing the door behind me, you replied: "You've already used that line last night. Pick another one."

"Aw, you haven't heard the rest of it."

You went to the kitchen, grabbed some water from the fridge, and took a drink. "Which is?"

"Miss me, miss me, now you gotta kiss me."

With unsteady hands, you choked on your water and felt the liquid on your skin as soon as those words left Bucky's mouth. Great now I spilled the drink on my chest.

You turned around only to be faced by Bucky. "Now I gotta what?"

His laughter echoed in the kitchen as he backed away from you. "I'm just messing with you. So, what's for breakfast?"

He left you there standing flabbergasted, with some water dripping down your top and shorts, down to the floor. You bore your eyes into the back of his head as he turned on the television.

Bucky tilted his head towards you, eyed you up and down and finished it with a swipe of his tongue on his lower lip.

Oh, this was going to be a long week.

A long, agonizing week.

[buffintruder]

thanks for tagging me @arofili for this writer ask meme!

how many works do you have on AO3?

73 (wtf when did that happen)

what’s your total AO3 word count?

531,796

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

ao3 lists 50, but some of these overlap, like me tagging something both “les mis all media types” and “les mis victor hugo”. so probably around 36?

The top fandoms are Les Mis, Fullmetal Alchemist, Bartimaeus, and The Adventure Zone

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Reunion --the Untamed from Lan Sizhui’s pov

Angus McDonald and the Case of the Soul Stealer --taz fic sort of modern with magic au (also my first long fic and probably the fic with the most plot, i am very proud of it)

Wanting to Be Wanted -- fma fic, 5 times Greed didn’t realize he cared about people and 1 time he did

what if the real steel samurai fandom was the friends we made along the way -- ace attorney characters in the steel samurai fandom from an outside pov (i only started posting this a bit over 2 months ago, so i’m kind of impressed)

Better Than Nothing -- Magnus Chase, Alex Fierro has gender feelings and receives a gift (this fic is really the one where i have zero idea why it is as popular as it is)

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yeah! I like it when authors respond to my comments, so I try to at least say “thanks!” If someone leaves a more detailed comment, it’s fun being able to respond to the things they say and talk about any sort of ‘behind the scenes’ writing things

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I’m honestly not sure? I think even my angstiest fics have at least somewhat hopeful endings. There’s probably 5 or so I could choose from, but most of them were written a long time ago, I’m going to say Sing Tomorrow’s Song because even though the ending isn’t too angsty compared to the rest of the fic, it is about Grantaire being seduced by the personification of Death as a semi-metaphor for him dealing with depression, so it’s not exactly cheery

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Yes! I love crossovers, though I don’t write them as much as I read them. Probably the weirdest two fandoms to crossover was Les Mis and the Beka Cooper series because me and my cowriter just sort of stuck France in the middle of the Tortall universe and didn’t question it

have you ever received hate on a fic?

A couple times, but the only one I remember was when someone didn’t like me writing Enjolras as a trans man

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Hah nope I’ll read it but as of right now I’m aroace enough that I’m barely comfortable with writing kissing

have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t believe so

have you ever had a fic translated?

One of my first fics was translated into Russian on ffn, Tricksters Running. (It’s sort of a weird character study on the Doctor from Doctor Who and Gabriel from Supernatural, and despite me writing it at the age of 14 it’s not terrible? younger me was better at poetic writing than current me)

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah, with @arofili !

what’s your all time favorite ship?

Uhhh this is hard. The ship that took up my brain for the longest time is Enjolras/Grantaire, and currently my favorite ship is Phoenix Wright/Edgeworth

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Well there’s a Lucifer au of fma that i wrote like 70k words of and hyped up to all my friends but never started posting and honestly at this point I don’t think I ever will.

For things that I started posting, A Home Beyond the What Ifs about Eponine/Cosette in Japan. I do like it, and I have a couple scenes of the next chapter written out, but I also have no motivation to actually work on it

what are your writing strengths?

Honestly? No clue, but not plot. Dialogue maybe?

what are your writing weaknesses?

Probably plot. I can sometimes come up with one, but most of my fics are just a series of loosely interconnected interactions it feels like

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Generally I don’t with a few exceptions.

If the pov character doesn’t understand what is being said, I’ll sometimes write that bit of dialogue out in whatever other language it is in to sort of add to the experience (since I assume most readers would not be able to understand it either, and those who do will be delighted)

If the language is Japanese and characters mostly speak English, I also have the dialogue be in Japanese sometimes since that is the language I actually know well enough to be reasonably confident in writing it. I would not write a full conversation in Japanese or anything, but if they’re switching between two languages then I’ll write it out in the languages it’s supposed to be in (for other languages I would usually just say “xxx” they said in y language, or italicize it if they switch between two languages enough).

Lastly, if the fic is about language then I might also do that because that’s sort of the whole point of the fic (which mostly overlaps with at least one of the above, but I have a fic in my drafts where 2 sentences don’t fit the above exceptions, so i figured i’d include this)

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Technically it was a Les Mis/Beka Cooper crossover. The first fic I posted that I wrote all by myself was a Supernatural/Doctor Who crossover. Which honestly sums up my interests as a 13-14yo pretty well I feel

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

...this is so hard

I’m going to say Truth, In the Eye of the Beholder (40k study on sharing a body from the pov of Ling Yao) because I genuinely had so much fun working on it, and I’m extremely proud of how it turned out. Definitely one if the fics I put more effort into than normal, and wrangling character arcs into place was hard, but I think it was worth the effort

I tag @micamicster @shadowy-dumbo-octopus @aromantic-enjolras @queerfandommiscellany, if you want to!