#the whole Magda thing is fucked up because. am i going to somehow use Magda the sinti holocaust survivor or the whitewashed assassin lady

[lovecatsys]

I love to think about how Bellona and Zelda would fit into a no powers/no superheroes AU for the sniktfam.

I'm thinking they're twins who are a bit older than Laura, maybe from Logan's longer marriage/relationship with Sarah Kinney

[themegalosaurus]

Summergen Recs 2018

I love to do a long list of Summergen recs so here they are for this year! Reveals are due any day now so hurry to read them while they are still Mysterious and Anonymous. And do check out the full collection at the Summergen website, there were lots of other really good entries (plus my entry, haha) but my list was getting unmanageably long so I had to be very exacting in my choice! Also, please pay attention to the warnings on each fic when you click through, some of them are fairly dark...

ART Summer School  Sam didn't realize his summer breaks weren't like other kids' summers -- not at first. But the older he gets, the more he realizes how different his family is from other kids he meets. - Just a lovely atmospheric vision of a moment in Sam and Dean's adolescence.

[untitled] Jack grew up as the younger brother of Sam and Dean--just a regular kid with profound powers trying to hide from his hunter family that he's the son of Lucifer. - A really clever interpretation of the prompt that raises more questions than it answers!

FIC Black Coffee in Bed, 2900 words, PG-13 Breakdown in Nebraska, and the mornings after. - Beautifully, sparely written insight (via a service-station psychic) into Sam's mindset during that bleak, dark moment mid-season 13.

Chick Lit References, 3200 words, R “This is just typical,” Dean says angrily. “Cas puts us in a yurt, and you won’t let me leave because you think we need this to ‘fix us,’ but here’s the thing, Sam, next time you’re mad at me, maybe you should try this thing called talking instead of going straight to chick lit references that will soar over my head.” - The premise for this feels like it should be cracky, almost - Sam and Dean take some 'me-time' to recover from Michael - but it's much more subtle and emotionally complex than that.

death unhinged its jaw, 4500 words, PG-13 death unhinged its jaw and swallowed them whole, only to spit them back out again after. - I don't want to give away the central conceit of this one and it's not the first I've read to toy with the idea, but it executes it perfectly; dark and understated and (if you think too hard about it) really awfully, hopelessly grim.

Fledgling, 7700 words, PG-13 When four-year-old Emma arrives the Bunker, Sam wonders exactly what it is that Cas brought him — what he made without his soul. - I feel like a lot of fics told with this kidfic premise or in this kind of ethereal tone wouldn't work for me but this one really swings it, somehow. I think partly there's an undercurrent of humour that punctures what in the wrong hands would be - for me - too grandiose. Instead, it's an unexpectedly sweet, magical little story.

Misplaced, 1900 words, PG-13 "Dean facilitated a divine family reunion and God’s sister gifted him John Winchester. The world is upside-down—but they’ve rescued Sam, and doesn’t the world somehow (always) hinge on him?” For the prompt: Season 12 Au where John was brought back to life instead of Mary. - This one Pulls No Punches. It's brutal and is all the better for it!

Mongrels, 4000 words, PG-13 'One time in the first grade, Sam's art teacher had assigned self-portraits--a picture meant to show the world who you really were. In his self-portrait, Sam had given himself approximately 37 heads, and Dean had been sent to the principal's office for shouting "oh FUCK" when he saw it.' Just New Mexico things. S9 post-Gadreel H/C casefic. - Compelling, hallucinogenic, clever casefic told through Dean's eyes during that twisty period of emotional estrangement

Open Sky, 3200 words, PG-13 Magda lives, and ends up spending some time at the bunker. - Lovely fic with Sam and Magda in a sort of Sam-Jack style relationship. Sam does some helping, confronts some truths, MAGDA LIVES, we all know how bitter I am about this ahahahaha

Riptide, 10,000 words, PG-13 Sam just wants to be a normal college student and normal college students go on spring break. Of course, that’s when bodies begin washing up on the beach. - I love me a Stanford casefic and this one is particularly well done. It has a great monster and it gives Sam a really believable set of friends and relationships to work with and around as he tries to solve the problem without letting anyone in on his secret. Really enjoyable.

Saints Preserve Us, 9,600 words, PG-13 - Dean has convinced Sam that Mark of Cain or not, he’s still perfectly capable of a straightforward salt and burn. Hint: he may have exaggerated slightly. Meanwhile, the Fates are locked in a bureaucratic battle with Heaven over the supply of basic utilities and are just generally dysfunctional. These things are not unrelated. - Quirky, well-written casefic with a touch of the Neil Gaimans. (That's a good thing!)

Sicko, 2900 words, PG-13 Now fully human, Jack navigates the realities of both past and present. - I'm a sucker for Jack and Sam fics and this is another really fantastic one with Jack figuring out some pretty heavy stuff now that he is human. Sam in this story is absolutely lovely and Jack is heartbreaking in just the same way as he is sometimes in the show. Really worth reading.

Sleeping with the Fishes, 4400 words, PG-13 Dean won’t rest until Sam sleeps. - This one (with bonus lovely artwork) doesn't try to do anything too fancy but it's a well-written snapshot of every hurt!Sam aficionado's favourite slice of canon (yes I do mean haggard sleepless Hallucifer-Sam) with a Sam and Dean whose voices are absolutely spot-on. 

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This, 5600 words, PG-13 Sam's looking at a large white envelope, with the word Stanford printed on the top. - I don't want to spoil too much of this one - Sam has to tell the family about his Stanford offer. Let's leave it there. 

These are the days of miracle and wonder (this is the long distance call), 10,000 words, PG-13 Sam Winchester's life has been touched by many things - love, loss, fear, hope, pain, and always, in the background, witchcraft. - Probably my favourite fic of the whole of Summergen this year. Sam as a witch. Lovely shifting POV and it builds to such a fantastic climax. Plus some A+ cameos.

Wintering, 1000 words, G Dean is hurt on his first hunt and lets Sam take care of him. - Poignant little outsider POV fic that offers a perfect glimpse of a particular moment.

Wreckage, 4800 words, PG-13 It’s a slow procession out the front door of the Bunker that first week until it’s just the two of them left. Jack wants to comfort Sam after Michael takes off with Dean but doesn’t know how, and Sam is obsessed with how to get his brother back, no matter what the cost. - I already recced this because it's the fic I prompted, but it's beautifully told and very touching. Well worth a read.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 1x07 Chapter Seven

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) It’s nice to get a little more backstory to their first kiss.

NARRATOR: Unfortunately, as Jane described their magical talk, Xo had the distinct impression that…

XIOMARA: He sounds like a playboy, hon.

JANE: I know. I know. He seemed like he would be, but he wasn't.

JANE: He seemed so sincere.

XIOMARA: That's what makes a good playboy. You never feel like you're getting played.

Of course, this was before the cancer, the marriage, Petra’s miscarriage (I’m assuming it was a miscarriage, although this being a telenovela, it could have easily been a fake pregnancy, we’ll see…), and everything that has happened since the show started. Rafael was a different person then, and so was Jane. She seemed to be much more naïve and gullible back then.

The part I’m not buying, though, is how they managed not to run into each other for over 4 years? Like, she was working at the hotel he owned, wasn’t there any awkward encounters like EVER? The show definitely makes it sound as if they had gone by almost five years without seeing or talking to each other…

2) I have to say, I’m with Xiomara and with the stop sign on this one…

It does seem a bit rushed for them to get together, especially considering all the special circumstances that brought them into each other’s lives. And I’m sorry if I’m raining on the shippers’ parade, but they barely know each other? It seems they’re more in lust than in love, and the whole “meant to be” thing is more “meant to be in your pants” than fate. I really hope the show makes me feel different about this because I do enjoy their interactions so far, I like them as characters, and I can see the chemistry there, but I also need some depth to their relationship, you know?

3) Okay, so Rafael showed up and asked her out, and they almost kissed but Jane told him she needed some time and space, which, yes, good for you. But I don’t see that time and space thing lasting too long for some reason…

4) I have a feeling Petra would like to switch places with Jane right now…

5) The fucking nuns are using Jane as a fucking fertility attraction or something. Without her knowledge.

6) Did you know that I love Rogelio?

7) We all know I’m not fond of Michael, but… he did ask Jane point blank if the breakup had anything to do with Rafael, and she lied. Even if there were things Michael did that contributed to her deciding to break up with him, Rafael had a lot to do with it as well. I guess she was trying to spare his feelings, but… she lied. And Michael lying to her was one of the reasons she was broke up with him, so… that’s a bit hypocritical Jane…

8) Rafael is being a bit too pushy for my liking…

RAFAEL: Have you had enough time? Ready to go on a date?

JANE: No. I came to ask a favor, actually, which is totally unrelated to our current situation.

RAFAEL: And what is our current situation?

The girl asked you for some time and space, and it’s been, what? 8 hours? Seriously?

9) OF COURSE, he’s going to be in the club and will continue to push things. That’s so not the way to go about this.

10) Now, these two? They really are meant for each other…

NARRATOR: What you are about to witness is two creatures who are inherently dramatic attempt to behave like they are - not dramatic.

11) Desperate times call for desperate measures…

MAGDA: We can't keep him here forever. We might have to consider…

PETRA: What?

MAGDA: I know people from the old country.They could take care of him for us.

PETRA: Mother, that's crazy!

MAGDA: It is realistic. Now, here are your options: You kill him or let him go, and risk Milos finding you and then you'll wish you were dead. Your choice.

I’m not sure Petra is capable of murdering someone. Magda, on the other hand…

12) AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13) Oh my god, is he twelve?!

JANE: Michael saw the flowers you sent, and he was so hurt it was awful.

RAFAEL: Jane, that wasn't my intention.

JANE: I know. But that's why I'm saying it's too soon.

RAFAEL: What, because of Michael?

JANE: Yes, because of Michael. We were engaged.I was I was about to marry him.

RAFAEL: I'm sorry. But, Jane, he's kind of been a jerk to me.

He’s acting like an entitled rich boy, isn’t he? He wants Jane so he must have her now, it doesn’t matter that she’s not completely comfortable and it doesn’t matter that she still cares about her ex-fiancé with whom she broke up a day ago! And how does he justify not caring about hurting Michael’s feelings or disregarding Jane’s feelings for Michael? “Ugh he was a jerk!”

I don’t like this side of Rafael, I hope he understands why this is wrong SOON.

14) OMG

JANE: Do you by any chance know my father?

15) And now he’s taking Jane’s request for time and space a little bit too seriously…

16) I LOVE ROGELIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

17) Get your shit together, dude…

Like, you want to date the girl who’s carrying your fucking baby, maybe don’t get salt licked by “a friend” right in front of her?

18) Well, it seems Petra has what it takes to be a murderer after all…

IVAN: Is that peanut sauce?

PETRA: I don't know. I just ordered chicken from room service.

IVAN: I have peanut allergy!

19) False alarm…

He even thanked her, that’s progress.

20) Hmmm, I’m not sold on how the show got Rafael to “refute” each single of Jane’s arguments. They simply have different points of views, and both of their arguments are valid. The most important one, however, is the fact that they clearly don’t know each other very well. It’s one thing to start dating someone who you don’t know very well under regular circumstances. That’s basically what we all do, that is literally how you get to know someone and find out whether you can have a meaningful relationship with them or not. But… Jane is fucking pregnant with Rafael’s baby… so the dating thing could potentially backfire in the worst possible way, and even if they intend to “put the baby first”, they cannot be sure that’s what they’ll do once their hearts are broken and there’s resentment or bad blood.

21) I guess I was wrong when I said Jane had a good head on her shoulders…

I’m sorry but I’m so not into this. It really feels like they’re in lust, and that’s just not my thing.

22) Rafael’s mom is totally going to come back, right?

23) Yeah, that whole “conversation that goes on forever”? I get it, I’ve had those. But it feels the writers are trying to fast-forward the most meaningful part of a relationship, the getting-to-know-each-other part, the slowly falling in love with someone as you learn more and more about them. It just happened overnight for Jane and Rafael.

I feel like I should like them, like I should be falling for them as they fall for each other, but it seems too… contrived. I’m not into it…

24) Oh, Petra, you deceitful SOB! You got me!

MAGDA: That was smart. Seeing his bracelet. You've earned his trust.

NARRATOR: Ah, yes, the classic "poison your hostage and then save him to earn his trusts" technique. Works every time.

MAGDA: I hope the rest of your plan works as smoothly.

What is the rest of her plan, though?

25) ROGELIO STOPPPPPPPPP

26) And now I feel sorry for Michael? What is this episode doing to me?

27) Oh, this trick again, Petra… it didn’t work with Rafael, though…

I’m guessing he’s going to sleep with her and not give her the money, to get back at her because of how she fooled him before…

28) rrrrrogELIOOOOOOOOOOOO

RAFAEL: Who are you?

ROGELIO: I am Jane's father.

RAFAEL: Oh, uh Oh, uh, it's nice to meet you, Sir.

ROGELIO: I wish I could say the same. Jane's mother was worried all night.

RAFALl: Oh, I am so sorry. We-we just kind of…

ROGELIO: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know your game. I used to be just like you. Ridiculously good-looking, with charisma, with swagger, notching girls onto my belt.

RAFAEL: No, that's-that's not what's happening

ROGELIO: I have had sex with a lot of women. Way more than you, I'm sure!

RAFAEL: I am sure that that's true.

ROGELIO: But Jane is different. Jane is special. Remember that. Or face the consequences.

29) “Deferred payment plan.” Yep, you’re not going to see that money, Petra…

30) Nope. I don’t like this, at all.

XIOMARA: And you're not me, Jane. You make smart choices, sensible choices.

JANE: Exactly. Because I was always scared of repeating your mistakes. And, mom, I'm just realizing, because of that, I've been afraid to take risks. Real risks.

XIOMARA: You've been smart.

JANE: I've been safe. And I'm gonna be a mom. And moms put their kids first. You know that better than anyone. So this is my last chance I get to follow my heart. Do what I want. And, yeah, maybe the timing isn't perfect, but I want to be with Rafael. He's a good guy.

There’s nothing wrong with being safe, especially when you’re having a baby. And I really don’t get Jane’s logic here? “I’ve been safe my whole life and afraid of taking risks so now that I’m having a baby and will put it first is the best time to take risks”? Maybe don’t? Especially if you’re taking a chance with the father of your baby who you barely know and you could potentially ruin your relationship as parents and therefore create an unhealthy environment for your child just because you had a whim and you were hot for the guy?

I know that I’m probably in the minority here and everyone loves Rafael and Jane, but I’m just super NOT into this. It feels too sudden?

I just hope the show somehow manages to change my perception of them, idk.

31) If anything, Jane’s and Rafael’s recklessness has helped Xiomara and Rogelio become the grown-ups, so I’m thankful for that. They’re still over-dramatic and ridiculous, but they’ve proven they can adult like the best of them if the situation calls for it.

32) …well, for the most part…

33) I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!

I ship this more than I ship Rafael and Jane hahaha!

34) Okay…

I’m totally indifferent to this. *shrugs*

35) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[heartlites]

so. i havent really written here in a long time, i mostly share my mundane thoughts and daily happenings on my twitter anymore. lately though, i’ve had a lot on my mind in regards to a large number of things, one of which being my relationship with religion and my faith in general. i don’t really think i can talk about it on twitter simply because there is too much for me to say just for a tweet chain, and these feelings are kinda... i don’t know, more intimate? i’m a little more hesitant to share them with a larger audience anyway. 

and so, after many years of not really talking much here at all, i am going to dive into my relationship with religion and i will probably post here every so often about it as i try to connect with a goddess who reached out to me, isis.

i’ve spent my life in the bible belt of the us. i grew up in a very christian environment and i was involved in several different sects of christianity that are all kind of really fucked up. when i was a very young child, my mother and us were apart of a mormon church and though i cannot remember a lot, i do remember how utterly bizarre the “culture” was. even after my mother left the church, people from that mormon church would still come to our house and even followed us to our new address when we moved. it was very surreal. 

my oma is catholic, too, and took me to plenty of services when i was young. i didn’t go a whole lot because i was rather restless as a kid and i could not stand how long their services were. the decorum of the catholic church and the sense of catholic guilt has followed me in life. 

primarily, though, i grew up a baptist, and that is... its own can of worms. it was not a good experience. i have described my relationship with god and christianity in the past to a friend as “god haunts me” and that remains to be true. i feel it most when i see small, old abandoned churches in the countryside. little tiny, one room building. plain white walls with crosses. its not a comforting feeling or sight. it really does feel like being haunted. it make me feel afraid. so much of christianity’s teachings, especially those of the baptist faith, are rooted in the principal of fear. when i think of god and christanity i feel nothing but fear, fear of judgement, and just.. i dont know. theres a lot. 

but at the same time, this is made ever more complex because i truly do feel i had very religious feelings and experiences where it was... it was a deep moment? im not sure how to explain it. it mostly happened during worship through gospel / song when i’d sing and i’d feel so... im not even sure how to describe it. but i could feel goosebumps rise on my skin, i would feel light, like my soul was touched. in rare moments, i did feel “closer to god.” acknowledging those feelings, in my mind, means i would have to acknowledge that god as he is, is real, but if i acknowledge that then that means... there can be no other gods, as christianity teaches. 

some distinct memories i have with my experience in the baptist church i went to as a child is, once, when i was very young, i remember hearing the verse that “for god is a jealous god” in relation to the worship of idols / other gods and why we should not do so and you must worship him and him above all others during one sunday school session. when i was young, that struck me as something so very... off. jealousy is a flaw, as i understood it when i was young, but god is supposed to be perfect, and therefore... if he is jealous, then he cant be perfect. i dont remember all of what was exactly said but i do remember not being satisfied with the answer i was given in sunday school.

the last sunday school i ever attended and what drove me away in the end was when i was a teenager, and the lesson somehow pivoted to how people who worshipped different faiths (i.e. the islamic faith, the jewish, buddhists, etc) were wrong and needed to be shown the right path. that did not sit well with me at all and i vocally argued that. more or less, i spoke of tolerance and acceptance of other religions. this went against a core ideology of the baptist sect of christianity, which is conversion more or less. baptists believe very strongly in preaching the word of god to others, to the point of being intolerant of other religions. the topic of lgbt people came up too and how they were not “right” either but we could/should still tolerate them despite their sins. after that sunday school class, i received a book from the church tilted “god in other religions” and i was so pissed off and offended that i threw it away and never went back. 

and now, here i am, in my mid 20′s, and i am trying to understand and explore my relationship with religion. despite my vague interest in paganism, i haven’t truly really tried to explore it. i was afraid, to be honest. i was afraid of being one of those “sinful” people who ‘worshipped false gods’ or whatever. there was too much drilled into the back of my mind, and i still could not quite shake those feelings i had where i did feel ‘connected’ to god. now though, i am starting to feel, i guess, a stronger pull. 

in about october of last year, 2020, there was a strange little happenstance that occurred with me where, while i was away and caring for my grandpa after his surgery, i had gone into his kitchen on a whim. i was eating something and aimlessly looking out his back window when i looked down and in his sink, there was a bird. a wren, to be specific. it was uninjured and i have no idea how it got there, the door and windows had been closed, but i picked it up in a paper towel and set it outside. later that day, it was gone. 

it was so bizarre that... i felt like it had to be a sign of something, from someone. two of my friends, nat and magda, asked their pendulums each and were able to tell me it was isis who was reaching out to me. since then, that has been in the back of my mind but i have yet to truly act on it. ive been... kind of afraid to, i suppose? i am just unsure. nat said something that profound stuck with me that relationships with gods in paganism was not just blind faith like with christianity, but a relationship where you work with them. that was hard to wrap my head around at the time. like! it makes sense. but my upbringing has made it hard for me to approach. 

i have just been thinking about this more and more lately. i want.. to try, but i dont really know where to begin. do i build a shrine? do i pray? is it too late for me to reach out to her? im not sure. im struggling with taking the first steps and it feels like trying to learn how to walk all over again. i dont have much more to expand on this other than that... i want to try and connect with isis. to really form that relationship, but now i am afraid i have waited too long and she might reject my faith or whatever. i dont know. i feel so alone and like a baby trying to navigate all this.