#the way this plays out is that it's finally the night where ada just. talks to him.

[theonlyadawong]

i am on my hands and knees praying, hoping, begging capcom not to retcon the night leon and ada spent together between re4 and damnation. the idea that either of them would have sought the other out outside of their line of work is so good, and it adds so much to both of them

[alexiaput3llas]

Game of Love/ Alexia Putellas x Reader

Warnings: Nothing but fluff. Maybe one swear word

Author: So this is my first time writing, because I always wanted to try it and I have to say I´m a vey slow writer but it is a lot of fun. Also english is not my first language anyways enjoy (-;

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You barely get nervous, but here you are. You're about to head out to the pitch. It is the Champions League final 2024, and Barcelona is facing none other than the mighty Lyon. But this Barcelona is different from the ones that lost to Lyon before. This Barcelona is determined to win.

You get pulled out of your thoughts by a familiar hand on your shoulder. You recognize that touch among billions, and her scent will forever be your favorite. Alexia and you have been dating for four years.

You signed to Barcelona 6 Years ago and Alexia and you immediately clicked. You became friends with her on instant and after some time you started to devolve a small huge crush on her. What you didn’t realize that she felt the same, but after a night out with the team to celebrate your Copa de la Reina victory, where everyone, including Alexia, drank a bit too much, things between you and her got really heated and after some shameless flirting on both sides, grinding on each other on the dance floor and some more drinks, you found yourself the next morning in an unfamiliar hotel room with brown hair sprawled everywhere. You couldn´t help but admire her and hoped that also for her this was not only a one night stand. So after she woke up, you both got to talk and finally admitted your feelings for each other.

And here you are now, facing your lover, who only for you breaks her serious game face, which, in your opinion, is one of the most attractive things in the world, into an encouraging smile. "Are you ready, mi amor?" Alexia, of course, notices your nervous state. "You don't have to be nervous, okay? We are a different team now, and you have the season of your life." It is true; you have the season of your life and have already won the league. "Thanks, baby, I really needed that." She nods, gives you a quick kiss on the forehead, on your nose, your right cheek, your left cheek, and finally, your lips.

You can't help the butterflies that erupt in your stomach, and you smile into the kiss. "Break it up, lovebirds, will ya!" Mapi chuckles behind you. You break away from Alexia's soft lips, giggle, and hug your girlfriend. "I love you," you mumble in her neck. "And I love you more." She steps out of your embrace and kisses the top of your head. Just about when you wanted to protest that you love her more, she shuts you up with one final kiss to your lips and eventually takes her spot to lead out the team.

The game couldn't start any worse. In the third minute of the game, Ada Hegerberg scored a beauty, leaving Cata Coll no chance. In the 20th minute, it was 2:0 Lyon, thanks to Van de Donk. Only 5 minutes afterward, Ada Hegerberg scored her second goal of the evening, and it was 3:0. You immediately got flashbacks to Turin 2 years ago, but you had to shake these thoughts out of your head. Lyon presses high, and Barcelona was lucky not to concede any more goals. The ref blew the halftime whistle, and both teams headed to the changing rooms.

Everyone's heads hang low. I sit at my cubby talking with Aitana about strategies when I feel a presence next to me. It was Alexia, who immediately joined our conversation to outline the game. She placed one hand on my thigh and gave it a few encouraging squeezes. Jonathan came in: “Chicas, nothing is lost yet. We all know what we're capable of, and if anyone can turn the game around, it's Barca. Vamos!”. "VAMOS!" Everyone in the changing room knew that this game was not over, and with new hope and confidence, we headed out to the pitch to start the second half.

And with confidence, we played. We started the second half way better, and after only ten minutes, after an amazing pass from Alexia, Aitana could find the back of the net. And that was all we needed.

A corner kick, Mariona made it 3:2.

Alexia passed the ball to you, and you began to run down the field, suddenly having a lot of open space. Just as you were about to shoot, you felt some cleats colliding with your ankle, making you stumble to the ground in pain. Your ankle throbbed, and not long after, the medics arrived.

At the same time, Alexia shoved Ada, who made the tackle. "You could've hurt her. That has to be a fucking card!" Ada shoved Alexia back and growled, "I didn't fucking touch her. She fell to the ground because of nothing." Just as Alexia was about to respond, with what would have definitely been a hard push, Mapi grabbed her. "Ale, calm down. Let her go! Y/N needs you more. She isn't worth it." With one last angry glare at Ada, Alexia made its way to you. "Mi amor, are you okay?" "Peachy," you responded. "Is it bad?" Alexia mumbled to the physios. "No, it's alright. She's alright to continue to play."

The tackle was rewarded with a free kick, which Alexia easily slotted into the top left corner. You ran to her, and all gathered in a big hug. "Freaking yes, Baby. What a goal!" You gave her a secret kiss on her neck.

With now only 5 more minutes left on the clock, everything hurt. But you couldn't just give up. You sprinted to recover a ball and sent it to Patri, who dribbled around one Lyon Player and passed it back to you. And you did what you can do best. Shoot. You just took the shot. And…

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Everyone was screaming from the top of their lungs. Your shot probably won Barca the Champions League. With only a few minutes left, Barcelona did everything they could to defend their lead, and that was what you did. Throwing in every ball, running even though it hurt.

The whistle blew. Barcelona had done it. You are the champions of Europe once again. You sank to your knees, overwhelmed with emotions. You soon locked eyes with those sparkling hazel eyes, and a beaming smile made its way across your face, as does it with Alexia. You made your way over to her and pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of, Ale," you mumbled into her neck. "And I'm so unbelievably proud of you, mi amor. That goal was a beauty." You chuckled. "It still feels surreal. I mean, we won it now for the third time, but I never get tired of it." You looked up at her, and the desire to just kiss her grew inside of you. The way her eyes sparkled, her teeth-showing smile, and a look of adoration towards you only intensifies it.

Without hesitation, you fulfill your desire and press your lips against Alexia's. The taste of victory is sweeter than any championship, and in that moment, the world disappears around you. The cheers from the stadium, the flashing cameras, and the ecstatic teammates fade into the background, leaving only you and Alexia, lost in the celebration of your shared triumph.

Breaking the kiss, you rest your forehead against hers, breathing in sync as the magnitude of the moment sinks in. The elation, the relief, and the sheer joy are palpable, and you can't help but grin. "We did it," you whisper, more to yourself than to Alexia, as if saying it out loud would make the reality even more concrete.

"We did," she replies, her voice filled with a mix of happiness and disbelief. "I knew you'd make a difference, but that last goal..." She trails off, shaking her head in amazement.

The team gathers around, enveloping both of you in a collective embrace. Laughter, cheers, and the occasional tear of happiness mingle as you bask in the glory of the victory. Champagne bottles pop open, and the sparkling liquid showers everyone, marking the end of a long and challenging journey.

Amidst the jubilation, you steal a moment alone with Alexia. Hand in hand, you slip away from the chaos and find a quiet corner of the stadium. The echo of cheers becomes a distant hum as you lean against a railing, gazing out at the pitch where the triumph unfolded. She pushed you gently against the wall and kissed you softly, with so much love. After a few minutes, you broke apart and rested your foreheads together.

"It's incredible, isn't it?" Alexia murmurs, her eyes reflecting the shimmering lights of the stadium. "All those years of hard work, the setbacks, the victories, and now... this." She gestures to the field below, still alive with the energy of the recently concluded match.

You nod, a profound sense of accomplishment settling in your chest. "And to think it all started with that Copa de la Reina celebration."

Alexia chuckles, her hand finding yours. "A night we'll never forget."

And with that, you join your teammates again for the celebrations.

You knew that whatever will happen on the pitch, you would always have a safe place off the pitch.

Alexia

[nyctophiliq]

✮ ┆A GET-WELL KISS. ada wong

last time ada was here she left you with wanting more and without a promise of getting back to you. despite promising yourself that you won’t be fooled by her again, you can’t help but give in to her cheap trick of trying to kiss you.

CONTENT WARNING.           18+ only, minors dni. SUGGESTIVE CONTENT UNDER THE CUT; female-bodied reader, set after re4r, medic! reader, mention of previous encounters, mention of sex, mention of wounds, stitches, flirting, making out, | ~1,1k words

A/N.                    got sidetracked from the event uhm… ada brain rot set in a hard but a little by little, i am getting to finish the event entries too !!! so i hope you guys enjoy this for the time being <3

the med bay was tranquil which was always a surprise considering that while your employer’s puppets were out during the night and show up in the morning for a quick tape and glue job, by this time you would be flooded with work. only she walked in, shielding her eyes from the bright lights that lit up the room.

after getting her onto the exam table and finally getting out of her what happened and where was she shot or hurt you were ready to cut her visit short because ada wong was one of your ethical shortcomings.

“any pain i should know about?” you can’t even look into her eyes to make sure she is not trying to hide her pain or any other injuries she might have missed to mention just to get out of here. “just the stitches but i think i can manage.”

“still, just to be on the safe side i’m gonna give you some painkillers if that’s fine.” you reach into your white coat to pull out your prescription pad, scribbling down the name and dose of the pills, tearing the paper before handing it to her. you wait with a puzzled look as she looks back at you, not taking the prescription, a small smirk on her lips like she is about to jump on you. “fine would be a get-well kiss.”

eyes almost falling out of their socket, a ball of air suffocating you in your throat as you hear her words. a get-well kiss… without a doubt, she was playing to benefit herself, because when was she not?

it happened before, you were on-call to treat anyone who came in complaining of whatever and she came- waltzing in and holding her upper arm with the look of a wounded dog who was too proud to admit their defeat. she sat in front of you, talked, and talked. still, it never felt like she was telling you anything crucial about herself or what she really wanted. the mystery drew you closer and closer, first a touch, then a look, and a kiss that finished with your blinds being pulled on for your office windows and her kneeling in front of you, pushing your thighs apart and tasting you until you were begging for more, begging her never to stop.

so little hesitation on your side might have been a tad bit childish, fumbling around with the piece of paper before tossing it on the desk behind you, but still understandable. ada was… a charmer, a sight for sore eyes, and any other metaphor that could overly describe how beautiful she was and clever with her words and tone.

took it slow, leaning up and closing your eyes like you were expecting a slap, afraid of the rejection if this was just a teasing remark and yet another way for her to confirm that you were still thinking about that previous incident. your hand takes her hand resting on her thigh, the other touches her cheek to pull her close and keep her steady against your lips. the warmth drains from your shaky fingers when both her hands attack your face, dipping you in your place as she stands up from hers, pushing you back onto your chair, and completely taking over every sense you have.

the smell, the touch, that one last look you get of her before your eyes shut once your surprise wears off. her fingers gripping your skull, a harsh grip as her tongue demands entrance into your mouth and you let out a lewd moan as her saliva mixes with yours. it’s so much more intoxicating than you remember, her tongue clashing with yours in a fight you can hardly call vicious when you give up so easily on dominance, so she can have what she wants.

and she wants you.

so she takes you, takes your breath away, and turns your head inside out as her kiss twists your thoughts. you can already feel the room warming up, your clothes becoming heavier with each nod of her head to position you the way she wants, the way it gives her the easiest access. you can’t help your hands flying over hers, clamping down on them as you battle the growing urge to escape her hold because this high that she is bringing you is gonna be a painful fall if she doesn’t come back.

and you don’t want her to leave.

ada’s nails dig into your skin to make sure you are paying attention, that you can’t escape as her tongue continues to duel with yours. she keeps her movements smooth, her lips soft, gentle even, as if trying to take everything you give without hurting you. you choke back a groan of pleasure as she pulls on your bottom lip with her teeth, leaving you gasping and unable to control your own actions. you open your eyes again to see her looking back at you with a pleased grin, her pupils dilated as her chest rises and falls.

her lips linger several moments against yours, barely touching as she huffs, out of breath and full of adrenalin. ada smiles wildly, her expression turning to one of adoration and affection. she strokes her fingers down your neck, hands drifting down to rest on your shoulders. her voice is quiet, her touch gentle. “feels much better… thank you, doctor.”

her seducing words never failed to kill every coherent thought in your mind, the way your muscles shook as your arms found their way around her body to keep her close. “a-anytime.” and it’s so embarrassing as you stutter, voice barely audible in the quiet sterile room. a wicked smile plasters on ada’s face, her fingertips coming up to run along your lower lip to cut that thin string of saliva still connecting the two of you. 

she sighs, still trying to catch her breath before huffing out a question, “so should i come back or…” she asks and you shake your head as you lean against her stomach, indulging in this newly found comfort.

“if it hurts some these…” you point behind yourself, hopefully at the desk where the prescription was. “pills should ease it and if you get a fever you should come back and see me.” the spy above you chuckles, her fingers now resting in your hair.

“and if i dont have a fever, can i still come and see you?” your eyes pop with excitement and if you had a tail it would be wagging a little too enthusiastically. you move your head, glancing up at her and nodding.

“yes, you can.”

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

I just saw naavispider's post about The Golden Compass x Avatar and I wonder what Cabin would look like if the characters also had daemons (if you haven't watched this movie, it's something like an animal personification of the soul, it shows your emotions etc.) - what would be the daemon of Quaritch, Paz, Spider or Hunter (maybe twins too if you have any ideas)? And as if it influenced the story

Hello! I'm sorry this took me so long to get to! I've been sick and I needed some time to think about it.

I'm familiar with the Golden Compass and I tried to watch the t.v show but couldn't really get into it (I watch a ton of movies but I just don't really watch t.v at all so it's more the format in which I was trying to consume the story then the story itself) I did go and read Naavispider's The Golden Compass x Avatar posts though and I did really like the concept so here's what I think that would like in Cabin.

I really like the idea of Spider and Quaritch both having tigers as their daemons. i think it fits them both really well.

For Paz's daemon I picked a kestrel, since they're a bird of prey but a smaller one that's still pretty deadly.

for the characters in my Blood Brothers Au.

I feel like Hunter would have something that looks harmless but is deceptively badass, like a honey badger or something.

I think Gunner and Ada would still be at an age where their daemons are still shifting but Gunner's would definitely settle into an animal know for stubbornness like a ram or a bull. For Ada I don't know why but since I made her such a girly girly I like the idea of her having a really scary animal, like a shoebill stork. Something that just makes you go what the fuck?

Now onto how this would play out in Cabin. I'm going to focus just on Cabin because I feel like things will get insane quick if I use this concept on Blood Brothers.

So Spider's tiger looks like one you'd see in a sideshow zoo. It looks under fed, it's coat is dull and dirty, and it is defensive as hell. Spider tries his best to act the opposite of how his daemon appears. He's friendly, always willing to help, polite. He tries to be the ideal foster son until he's given a reason not to be. but it's never any good. The second he tries to politely introduce himself to a new set of foster parents his tiger will protectively wrap around him, crouching low, and growling at the new caretakers. It makes everyone terrified of him. Spider doesn't hold it against his daemon. He understands why it's like that and at least with his tiger he's never truly alone. He sleeps curled up with her every night, talks to her while he eats his meals when he's alone, and plays with her all the time.

Quaritch sees all this and immediately can see right through his son. The tiger is defensive- it's scared of being hurt and looks in desperate need of care. When he kidnaps Spider (don't ask me how that would logistacally work when you also have to transport a tiger) he does things a little differently. It's Spider's tiger that's chained up in a shed out back constantly watched by Quaritch's own all white tiger. Spider's tiger will growl and snap at it's parent doing everything it can to fight back. Quaritch's tiger fights right back, subduing Spider's like a naughty kitten, one giant white paw holding the orange tiger's head low while the white tiger licks it clean. This is a daily occurance.

Inside the cabin, Spider is just locked in his room at night. During the day Quaritch is never far from his side, making sure he eats, forcing him to do school work, fussing over him to no end. Spider fights him every step of the way. The very first meal Quaritch served him got thrown across the room. It took hours before Quaritch succeeded in forcing Spider to clean it up. It took even longer to get him to sit back down afterwards. Then father and son stared each other down over a plate of cold meatloaf that Spider refused to eat. The sun was coming up the next day before Spider finally broke down and ate his dinner, too hungry and tired to keep up the useless fight.

Spider raises hell where ever he can. He's always met with firm discipline ( and I do mean discipline not physical abuse) and a level of blunt patience that he's not used to receiving.

Quaritch watches the tigers to gauge Spider's progress. Spider's tiger gains weight. It's fur now clean and shiny from its parent's daily groomings. The tiger still fights it's parents but slowly but surely- over months of time- the tiger fights back less and less. It'll still swat and growl but all it takes is a firm scruffing by it's parent to get it to lay down for it's grooming. The orange tiger even starts to close its eyes and relax as it's parent cares for them.

Spider meanwhile is struggling to find ways to resist. It'd be easy to hate the man if he actually raised a hand against him. At most his father will pick him up and lock him in his room when he's being a "bratty kid" as his father will mutter under his breath. And when refusing to eat meals, or not doing the homeschool work he's given, or even refusing to shower for days in the hopes that something will get a rise out of the man all fail, what's really left to do? He doesn't want to starve. He doesn't want to walk around in his own filth. He doesn't want to fall behind in school and be a moron when he eventually escapes. So he does as he's told. He pointedly speaks to Quaritch as little as possible. He hisses and bares his teeth when ever Quaritch tries to gently brush Spider's hair from his face while he's studying, or cup his cheek before saying goodnight. He openly scoffs when ever Quaritch says I love you even after months. Even after part of him starts to believe it.

It takes almost a whole year but finally Spider's tiger stops fighting it's parent. One morning it simply laid down ready to receive it's parents care and never stopped, even staying in place long after it's parent was done to bunt and snuggle.

Quaritch eagerly test his own son, starting by simply moving his boys curtain of hair from his face while he's pouring over his math work book, an act that'd sometimes get the father's hand smacked. Spider doesn't react. Thrilled but trying to not react he pats his son on the back and walks away. That night he calls out to "Miles" for dinner. His boy would alway yell back that that wasn't his name! Tonight he looks a little annoyed but says nothing. Eventually it becomes a non issue.

Spider's tiger is the first to be tested. Quaritch lets it out of it's restraints. At first it doesn't even know what to do, now so used to it's cage that it doesn't know how to leave. It's parent coaxes it out, staying close while the orange tiger explores it's surroundings. And it never runs off. It sniffs around, chases a butterfly at one point, then finds a nice sun spot to bask in it's parent joining it. Curled up next to the white tiger the orange tiger chuffs contendely.

Seeing this Quaritch unlocks the front door holding it wide open for his son. Spider blinks at the bright light, not rising from his spot on the couch where he sat reading a book. "it's a nice day. How 'bout you come outside," Quaritch coaxes. Slowly Spider puts down the book and meets his father on the front porch his eye instantly connecting with his tiger. He hasn't seen her in a year and it feels like a piece of him reconnects when he does. She looks so healthy, so sleek and powerful. He feels completely content when he flops down beside her. She curls around him as Quaritch approaches lifting her head to let the man pet her.

[teatin]

fic stats meme

Thanks for tagging me, @visualheresy!

rules: give us the links to your fics with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the fewest words.

(All fics are Leon/Ada.)

Fic with most hits: in the quiet daylight, 3,975 hits

When Ada finally looks at him, she can’t stop the plea that falls from her lips. “Stay.” "That's usually my line," he says. "You're not being fair, Ada." “I know you,” she replies. “I know what you want.” “Oh yeah?” he edges even closer to her, a challenging look in his eyes. “And what is that?” She meets his gaze unflinchingly. “The same thing I do.” (Or: A seemingly typical one-night stand in Europe turns into something much more permanent. Leon, Ada, and the art of building a life backwards.)

Second most kudos: these treacherous desires, 227 kudos

He turns his gaze back on her, his expression loaded yet inscrutable. “You do it so well,” he shakes his head. “Acting like you really care.” The words hit her, sudden and stinging. “You don’t think I do?” He looks at her, the way one might look at an indecipherable puzzle. She supposes that in a way, that’s what she is to him. “Honestly, I don’t really know what to think anymore.” (Or: Leon and Ada, falling apart and growing back together.)

Third most comments: all the roads we didn't walk, 15 comment threads

They meet for the first time in a dying city headed for destruction. What happens next? Infinite possibilities, each with its own triumphs and tragedies. Just how many ways can a single story be told? Let's find out. Or: Leon and Ada; beginnings and endings, and the in-between. Six alternate retellings of their story. (Alternatively: Five endings that never happened, and one that just might.)

Fourth most bookmarks: to our phantoms yet to come, 65 bookmarks

She looks at him meaningfully, and when she speaks again there’s a candor in her voice that he desperately wants to believe but isn’t sure he’s ready to. “Would it be so hard to believe that I simply wanted to see you?” He laughs, and it sounds so foreign that he’s momentarily taken aback. “Considering I’ve heard nothing from you for the last six years? Kinda, yeah.” “Still holding a grudge over that, aren’t you?” Ada says, and the levity of it all is enough to set him on edge again. “Evidently you didn’t need my help figuring out the truth.” Leon shoots her a look. “Doesn’t mean it wouldn’t have been nice to hear it from you.” (Or: In the aftermath of Spain, Leon and Ada struggle to rebuild their trust in each other.)

Fifth most words: so stay a little while, 8,470 words

Ada sighs dramatically. “Can’t a girl drop in on an old friend without being interrogated within an inch of her life?” “Oh, is that what we are now?” Leon raises an eyebrow. “Old friends?” Ada cocks her head at his response, and for a single terrifying moment, Leon wonders if he’d shown his hand too early. Nearly two decades in, and somehow being around her still feels like playing a losing game, like walking down a meandering path toward certain, inevitable defeat. “What we are has always been up to you." (Or: A familiar face crashes Leon's post-Alcatraz staycation, bringing buried emotions and half-healed wounds to the surface.)

Fic with the fewest words: certain perfect blissful moments, 1,000 words

The question catches him mid-nap on a breezy Tuesday.“Do you ever regret it?” “Regret what?” he asks. She averts her gaze, instead trailing her fingers across his skin in a pattern he does not recognize. “This. Leaving your entire life behind.” He chuckles. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve got it right here with me.” (Or: In a near-distant future, Leon and Ada contemplate the choices that have led them where they are.)

Tagging (no pressure) @hiraeth-doux and @neezuko and anyone who wants to do this!

[zombiebcit]

norman reedus. 50. cis man. he / him. ― i see you meet WILLIAM "WILL" GRIMES, huh? they are around for… well, it will be 1 AND A HALF YEAR, now. time flies when you are busy and as part of THE MILITIA, they are. if you want to meet them, they live in B1A2A, i think. people say they are ADAPTABLE + PROTECTIVE, but don’t piss them off, okay? because they can be also UNTRUSTING + UNREPENTANT, so be safe.

BASIC INFO

⸻ FULL NAME: William Daniel Grimes

⸻ AGE: 50

⸻ GENDER: cis man

⸻ PRONOUNS: he / him

⸻ ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: biromantic

⸻ SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual

⸻ SCARS / TATTOOS: many scars & tattos along whole body ;

⸻ OCCUPATION: before: many things ; now: militia ;

⸻ FAMILY: tba grimes ( child, wc ) ;

⸻ PLAYLIST: apologize by grandson ; i come with knives by iamx ; f.w.t.b by yonaka ( grandson remix ) ; 20 precent cooler by ken ashcorp ; devil by shinedown ; play dirty by kevin mcallister + [sebell] ; kill our way to heaven by michl ; devil's backbone by the civil wars ; follow you by bring me the horizon ; no one but you by every avenue ; ;

⸻ INSPO: carol peletier ( the walking dead ) , michonne ( the walking dead ) , ada wong ( resident evil ) , chris redfield ( resident evil ) , tess servopoulos ( the last of us ) , morrigan ( dragon age ) , flemeth ( dragon age ) , zaeed massani ( mass effect 2 ) , urdnot wrex  ( mass effect ) ;

STORY tw: child neglect, drugs, alcohol, discussion of abortion, mention of starvation, allusions to prostitution ;

will's parents didn't cared where he is or what he is doing at all. thye might not have raise their hands, but they didn't loved him either ;

it wasn't a surprise when will got caught up in the wrong crowd and everything that follows one - wild parties with poping whatever was there to just shut his mind off ;

and then, it happened. barely out of the magical line of finally legal age, will's one-night stand, a nice girl from good family who just wanted to have a go at the bad boy came to him with a positive pregnancy test ;

the easy way, the ' right ' way for them would be to go and end it. damn, will even said that to her face and sadi he will pay for it & drive her there.

and he did, but siting there, waiting and see her flinching at every little sound... looking at her stomach and thinking ' there could my kid grow ' made him feel weird.

so will blur out quick ' wait, just wait ' and they had a long and heavy talk about this all ;

she didn't wanted to get rid of kid, but didn't want to be a mother too, having to care about child when she just "started" her life and will... will wanted it now ;

so for the next months, he did everything to get clean, to get better, to find job, any job, and save a little for his kid ;

and then he hold his child in his arms for the first time and that was it. he was a parent.

it wasn't easy, even with the money the girl shoved in his hands few days after brith, with a quick ' just tell them i died. ' ;

he did his best to be a good father, remember what his own father did and did the opposite - care about his kid, telling them he loves them often, showing interest in any littlie thing they showed him ;

he was jumping from job to job, going hungry more often than not just to make sure his kid wasn't, that they had anything they needed ;

working as bartender, he began getting offerts and at some point, he started to accept them. a quick bj there and there was enough to put the food at the table and while he wasn't proud of it, he wasn't ashamed either ;

and then will meet him ;

will know the name man give him was false, he was too clean, tooo charming to be honest ;

but the job offer was too good to pass on, the money could get them out of the shoebox apartament and put his kid in college if will would be smart about spending ;

so he took it and then it was 'take this packcage there', ' keep this person save for evening ' , ' make this person talk ' ;

will did thing, clean out whatever was on his hands - blood more often than not - and go back to being loving father ;

he never told his kid what he did, now or before, just made sure they are as happy as they could ;

he was so proud of them, watching them groing into young adult and starting their own adventure in life ;

and then, the fucking apocalypse happened. at the start, he tried to call, desperate to get in contact with his kid, then he traveled to them just to find them gone ;

rationally, he knows they might be dead, but refuse to acknowledge it ;

it was hard for will to get used to safety of the domus spei, still is. but anytime he is out there, he is still looking ;

WANTED CONNECTIONS

⸻ 01. ' 𝚂𝙾 𝙵𝚄𝙲𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙳 𝙾𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄, 𝙺𝙸𝙳𝙳𝙾 '

child. ( main wc ) open. will had them very young, a result of one-night stand when he was 18-20yo, and he raised them alone. at the time when apocalypse happened, they were separated & will spend years looking for them without success. i would say they had pretty good relation but i am open to suggestions. this muse would be here for max 1-2 weeks.

⸻ more tba.

[youmissedone]

Carlos had changed Ada as a person on that fateful night in Raccoon City. He’d sacrificed himself for her on numerous occasions, and for the longest time, she couldn’t understand why. Why did some rookie keep following her around like a lost puppy even after that shoulder injury? But Carlos’ kindness and determination chipped away at her icy exterior. He’d reminded her what it was to feel, and more importantly, to love. She was so afraid she wasn’t human anymore — he’d proved her wrong. Ada had never fallen for someone in a night before, but then, Carlos seemed to break all her rules. The fact she kept to herself was that if she could’ve left Raccoon with him that night, she would’ve, but she had an objective to complete, and Ada was nothing if not an incredible spy.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said. “I was taught that love is a weakness. Something I could never feel. Wesker wanted me to take you out because of it. You were getting in the way of my mission in Spain, he thought, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. You changed… everything for me, Carlos.”

Ada hadn’t retired from espionage. She could never sit down and do nothing. It wasn’t in her nature. But she could stand to take a few less missions, and maybe one day, she would fully retire. The game of cat and mouse she played with the other was fun, of course, but she knew Carlos valued sincerity, and she wanted to be honest with him and give them a chance to work out.

“I’m always going to be a spy. It’s just a part of me, now, and I can’t stop when there’s still so much to do.” She paused, studying his expression. “I thought you’d be safer if I stayed away.” I’m sorry went unspoken.

The embrace was a bit awkward for Ada, at least at first. She’d never felt that strongly about anyone before, romantically or otherwise, so the compulsion was unexpected for her, too. She was usually very physical with her targets, and touch wasn’t entirely foreign to her, but she didn’t want to scar or hurt her loved ones, so she was usually detached physically and emotionally. Their matching scars were a reminder of the hell they’d endured in Raccoon City, but they were also a reminder of the deep love they shared. We always come back to each other.

“I’m not leaving,” she said quickly, gently squeezing his hand in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. Being a spy, Ada knew how to read people, and his nerves were more apparent to her than they would be to most. She couldn’t decide if that was a spy thing or a her thing, understanding Carlos, so she settled on it being both. “I promise.”

Ada didn’t want to be alone forever, and they both knew that. That was why she’d sent Carlos a text on a burner phone an hour ago — ‘are you at your apartment right now? we need to talk’ — and the incident with Carla only heightened her awareness of that fact. Having someone she trusted with her heart was new to her, but Carlos would help her through the difficult times, just as she would help him through his own personal hardships.

“I trust you, Carlos,” she whispered when he kissed her forehead, letting her eyes flutter closed. That phrase was equivalent to her saying ‘I love you’, and she hoped Carlos knew that. He had to know that. “I think you’re the only person in the world who trusts me right now. I know you’ve been trying to prove my innocence to your bosses. Thank you for that.”

He wanted to kiss her, a real kiss, the kind they hadn’t shared since God knows when. Ada didn’t hesitate when she returned his touch. Her kiss was soft, but passionate and charged nonetheless, and it was as if nothing had changed between them since that first meeting in the police station.

“Finally picking up from where we left off that night, are we?” she said with a smirk. “Get changed, we’re going out.”

__________

Was Carlos a fool for sticking with Ada for as long as he did? For loving her and continuing to pursue her even when she actively pushed him away at every turn? For being satisfied with the tiny dribs and drabs of affection she allowed him before pulling away from him yet again? Maybe he was. But honestly, Carlos didn’t care. Love wasn’t something that he gave up on easily. He was a hopeless romantic, a good guy at heart, and if someone or something was worth fighting for, he was there to take up the cause. How difficult it was or the likelihood of success verses failure didn’t enter into it. And Ada... was most definitely worth fighting for in his opinion.

Also, when Carlos’ heart chose someone, it didn’t let go easily. Even if he was rejected, told no, or walked out on, that didn’t mean his heart still didn’t love the person. It took a long time for him to get over unrequited love, and if that person kept coming back and giving him hope, that timer just kept getting extended. Ada had given him a lotta hope in between seeming like she ultimately was going to not want anything more to do with him, and that’s why he stuck by her, waited for her, and kept showing her how he felt. There was hope there, and after a long while, it seemed to pay off.

She’d decided to stay with him, and had even credited him with helping her to realize things about herself and with changing things in her life for the better. That made him happier than words could say, not only that she did want to be with him, but that he’d been a positive influence in her life. As a protector, a helper, a caretaker, and a known risk-taker, Carlos was always extending himself for others, and to hear that his efforts with Ada had genuinely helped her made him feel like he’d done something really good for her.

He shrugged, smiling. “Not everything we’re told in life is true. I’m glad I could help you see how good love can be... that it can make you stronger.” He then chuckled a bit. “And I’m glad you didn’t take me out, that would’ve sucked for me, if I’m being honest,” he said in his usual playful tone.

Carlos did understand Ada’s restlessness because he shared it. He wasn’t one to sit down, settle down, or live a comfortable life. He needed to be out there helping people, to be active, and to make a difference for people. It was a calling that, if ignored, because a mental health issue for him. It made him stir crazy and anxious to sit comfortably at home and not do anything. Wasn’t that why he’d taken this job in the first place? To protect and serve, right? But, like Ada, he could back off of hours or jobs to make time for her. That was perfectly doable. After all, he had to make priorities for what was most important in his life, and Ada ranked right up there.

“I don’t wanna be safe. I wanna be with you, no matter what danger it puts me in,” he admitted to her. “I wasn’t gonna be safe anyway. I’m always gonna be out there doin’ something. It’s in my nature. I may as well do it with you to come back to when all’s said and done. And you’re damn right I’m defending you to my bosses. That’s not gonna stop ‘til they believe me. And you.”

The kiss was... awesome. It made him smile against her lips for all the happiness it evoked in him. Carlos was a physically affectionate person, but he understood that Ada was not. She wasn’t comfortable with it in the way that he was. Or maybe it was that she associated it with playing her various roles for work, so it meant something different to her. Whatever the reason, he tried to meet her halfway and let her set the ground rules, so when she offered him something like this amazing kiss, he was more than grateful for it. “Mm... could be...” he said with a grin.

But then she was telling him to get changed because... they were going out? Okay, unexpected. “Alright...” he said with a chuckle, “but... we’re we goin’?” Anywhere was fine. As long as he was with Ada, he’d be happy.

[wesxevans]

When: November 18, the weekend before Thanksgiving

Where: Wes' "aunt"s house.

Who: Wes and Liza Evans (@thelizaxlevin), Esme Aster (Wes' pseudo Aunt), Ada Evans (Wes' mother), Lucas Evans (Wes' little brother)

Notes: After Wes' mom has tried getting into contact with him for months, he finally has dinner with her after his aunt talks him into it and he learns some devastating things about his homelife back in Massachusetts as well as the fact that he now has a baby brother.

TRIGGER WARNINGS:

Mentions things that allude to sexual assault and rape. Mentions of pregnancy as well. Nothing explicit or in detail mentioned.

Wes:

Wes had been in Aurora Bay for almost a year now and his life then had been so different from it was now. Esme picked him up at the airport and she nearly cried when she saw his blackeye, but she was relieved he'd finally decided to move in with her. Wes barely spoke to anyone for the first week but then she made him get his job at Neptune. Wes wasn't particularly happy in Aurora Bay, but he figured anything was better than rotting away in his father's house. Wes had no idea his life in Aurora Bay would turn into what it was now.

He was married and had a beautiful little girl with the love of his life. And while his past still hurt him, he was doing so much better even though there were hiccups along the way. But Wes was the happiest he'd ever been.

That night Wes and Liza were in the living room with Elise when he suddenly got a phone call from Esme, and when she warned him she needed to talk about something important, he excused himself to Liza's bedroom.

Wes wasn't sure how long he'd been gone, especially since he sat on Liza's bed to think about what Esme just told him before finally coming back out. Everything in him wanted to hide and wanted him to close up and not say a word, but all he could think of was how upset Liza was when he didn't tell her about Asher kissing him right away. He promised he'd be honest, and he truly wanted to try.

"Lizzie?" Wes softly called to her when he walked back into the room. Sterling and Sunny were in the living room as well, and he didn't want this conversation with them. "Can I talk to you?"

Liza:

With the baby now a month old, Liza was all about doing tummy time playing with her, helping her to learn how to lift her head and turn her neck and soon she'd be doing it all on her own. It was even better with Sunny wanting to help, the little girl completely enamoured with her baby cousin and happily laying on the ground with her. It was when Wes' phone ran and he excused himself though that Liza's smile faded, the expression turning into one of concern as she moved to get off her stomach and sit. Just the same though, she nodded, telling him a soft okay and otherwise trying to just keep a neutral expression as she went back to playing with the girls, her head spinning all the while.

Wes had been more open with her lately, more honest, so for him to walk off to take a phone call…it worried her. And it worried her even more when Wes came in and asked to talk to her.

"Y-Yeah. Yeah of course.." She bit her lip, trying to tell herself to relax-- even though no good conversation ever started with those words. But she just had to not think about that. "Sterl, can you keep an eye on her please?" she asked of her sister before Liza was hauling herself up off the floor and she walked over to him, hesitating only a second before she was reaching for his arm to give it a little squeeze. "That's always a scary sentence starter, by the way." She told him softly, a little attempt to lighten the mood as she let Wes lead them back to their room, and once inside, she turned to face him fully, grabbing for his other hand to hold them both in hers. "What's going on?"

Wes:

Wes loved that Liza always seemed to want to touch him, because he needed her to help him feel grounded. His head was swimming with thoughts and emotions and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do or say. But there was also that fear of telling the truth- that maybe if Liza knew everything she'd regret marrying him. God, why was that still an insecurity of his? Why was he always worried that one wrong move, one wrong slip of the truth, and his whole world would come crashing down? He loved Liza and he knew that she loved him, but he could still convince himself that he was unlovable and didn't deserve her at all.

Behind closed doors, Liza took Wes' other hand and he immediately gave hers a little squeeze. "I know, I'm sorry." Wes breathed as he let his eyes fall to their intertwined fingers between them. "That was Esme… w-who called." He met her eyes then, and the worry he saw in hers made his heart ache. "Esme is fine, I promise. It's uh… remember a few months ago my mom was trying to talk to me again?" He paused for a beat, searching Liza's face for any hint of what she might think about it all. Wes was aware James knew his parents but he wasn't sure if Liza had ever met them, but even if she had, there was no way she could've known they were the way they are.

"Esme said Ada will be staying at her house for a while. She's on her way to Aurora Bay." Wes hated to even refer to Ada as his mother so half the time he didn't, but sometimes that made it hurt even worse. Knowing someone who was supposed to love him unconditionally had hurt him so badly he didn't even want to call her what she was to him.

"And Esme wants me to have dinner with her this weekend." His voice was so small he wasn't even sure if Liza heard him. "She says she needs to tell me something and Esme thinks I should talk to her, which is a little concerning because Esme was fully understanding of me not wanting to be in contact with my parents." Wes pulled away from Liza as he continued to speak and was near spiraling. "But now she wants me to talk to her and she's called me so many times and texted me and I was kind of hoping that if I ignored it long enough it'd all go away." Wes finally turned to meet Liza's gaze again and his own eyes were full of worry. "But it's not."

Liza:

When Wes told her it'd been Esme who called she just let out a breath, figuring she already knew where this was going given the quiet tone of Wes' voice and how he looked. Had it been just a normal check-in call, he would have stayed in the living room, maybe even turned on facetime so she could see the baby. Still, knowing didn't make it any better and Liza hated that Wes was going through this. And when Wes said Ada was coming here she blinked in surprise, her eyes widening just a bit. "She…oh." Oh.

Liza felt a wave of protectiveness wash over her, this flooding of emotions and the need to keep him safe from whatever else his parents may try to do to him now. Wes was hers and she wasn't going to let Ada or anyone else hurt him again.

When Wes pulled away she frowned, letting out a heavy breath and she bit her lip, hesitating for a few moments, just letting him work through it all and when he finally spoke again Liza moved to him, tentatively reaching for his hand but she didn't grab it hard, loose enough for him to easily pull away if he wanted. "Unfortunately I don't think this is something that can just…go away if ignored.." She told him carefully, "But..but if it's something they're both insisting on..then we'll go to dinner. Together."

Wes:

Wes was vaguely aware of how close he was to hiding this all away in a little box inside his mind and pulling away from Liza in the process, so he was grateful that he pushed him even if she was gentle with how she went about it. Wes let his fingers intertwine with hers, letting her hold him there instead of letting himself hide. “But I told you I don’t want you to meet her.” Wes felt himself deflate slightly because he knew if Esme was even trying to get him to talk to Ada, it must be important. Not only that, but he was afraid of what from his last might come up in whatever conversation needed to be had with him.

Liza:

Liza took in a breath as Wes laced his fingers with hers, a relief tinging through her since she'd been worried he'd pull away, but then he was speaking again and this time Liza couldn't stop the soft little sigh that escaped her. "Wes…" she licked over her lips and bit down gently on the lower one before she stepped in a little closed, tightening her fingers around his. "Clearly she's not going to let this go. And I am not letting you deal with that on your own. Okay? I'm not." She was frowning but she kept her eyes up on him, kept her fingers secured in his. "You are my husband and I am not giving her or anyone the chance to hurt you again. So if you're going, I am too. It's you and me. Always, right?"

Wes:

Wes felt himself deflate as a breath escaped him and he averted his gaze from Liza's. Why couldn't his past just die, why couldn't he finally let everything go, why was there a sudden need for his mother to push her way back into his life? God, why did Esme change me mind that he didn't have to speak to either of his parents? "My past isn't like yours. There's nothing happy or kind in it. I don't want you or Elise to ever have to be subjected to that." Wes let out another sigh before looking at Liza once more. "Do you think I should go?" Because at that moment Wes was still holding out hope that he could ignore it until it went away.

Liza:

"Wes, I know that.." Liza told him softly, giving his hand another squeeze while her other hand moved up to cup his face, gently trying to coax him to meet her eyes. "Nothing is going to happen to me, and nothing will be happening to Elise." Liza's voice hardened a bit as she said that too. She would do everything in her power to keep her daughter safe. "But you're not doing this alone. I think we should go…hear her out. See what she wants. I mean…I don't trust Ada, but I trust Esme. I've trusted her my entire life…so if she's involved and thinking this should be done then..I say we get it over with. And I'm next to you the entire time. And if it ends up being bullshit, then we leave. End of."

Wes:

Wes stared at Liza for a long moment before finally letting out another breath, his shoulders shagging a little. "Fine. But if my father is there, we're leaving immediately. Elise stays here with Sterling or she goes to James'. I haven't spoken to either of my parents in over a year so they don't know I'm married, much less that I have a daughter." Wes huffed because being angry was the only emotion he wanted to allow himself to feel in that moment, because if he allowed himself to feel anything else he might crumble. "And we stay for an hour. whatever she wants can be quick."

Liza:

Liza didn't move away when Wes huffed, when his words got more clipped. She knew he was upset, but she wasn't afraid of him or anything--if anything, she just tightened her hand on his a bit, adjusting her fingers laced through his, a silent showing that she wasn't going anywhere. "Okay." She agreed quietly, not wanting to push more than she already had, so she'd go with whatever Wes wanted "So..when are we doing this?"

Wes:

Wes kept one hand in Liza's while his free hand ran through his hair as a frown deepened on his lips. He didn't want to do this and he didn't like the feelings it was reminding him of. He'd lost so much and he'd been left too many times. Everything had been so good and he should have known it wouldn't last. "This weekend. Saturday." He couldn't shake a feeling that this would lead him into more hurt, but he tried not to think of it as Liza and Esme going against him. Neither of them would encourage him to do something that would hurt him like that. That's what he kept telling himself.

LATER IN THE WEEK

Wes ignored Esme's calls the rest of the week and had only spoken to her again to confirm that he and Liza would be coming. He hated this and it was something he'd been dreading all week. Vageuly he wondered if it would be easier if Liza wasn't coming with him, but he knew he'd be a complete wreck if it wasn't for her. His stomach was in knots and he wanted to get this over with. His nerves mostly came from the sense of urgency Esme seemed to have about him and Ada speaking again, but he hoped Esme wasn't expecting some grand, tearfilled reunion of forgiveness and make ups. In fact, he hoped Ada would leave again after this, because he was positive she'd somehow heard about Elise and suddenly decided she wanted to be a grandmother. That had to be it- the only reason she cared… right?

"Just an hour." Wes reminded Liza as he walked by her, buttoning the last few buttons on his shirt. "That's all. I would like to spend my weekend with my wife and daughter, not like this."

Liza:

Liza had tried to be extra patient and caring with Wes all week, gentle. She knew his nerves were probably shot and knew he was scared and worried and she knew he didn't really want her to go too, but that last one was nonnegotiable. She wasn't allowing Ada or anyone to harm Wes in any way ever again. So with Elise in good hands with Sunny and Sterling, she got dressed and ready with Wes, putting on a simple sundress (in a shade of pink since she knew it was Wes' favorite on her) and once she had her shoes slipped on she went to him, smoothing out any wrinkles on her shoulders and sleeves from his shirt--because while she wasn't exactly aiming to impress the woman that was technically her mother-in-law, Liza wasn't about to have them going looking like slobs either.

"Just an hour." She agreed, moving to take one of his hands as she stood in front of him, looking up to his eyes. "And then tonight we'll come back here and relax and tomorrow we'll spend the whole day with Elliebean. Maybe decorate for Christmas." She tacked it on with a little smile, wanting to give him something to look forward to.

Wes:

Wes let Liza fix his shirt for him and he looked down at her as she did so. Despite how much he hated the idea of Liza meeting his parents, he was grateful she was going with him because she did calm his nerves a bit. He couldn't imagine going into this completely alone, even if Esme was there. At least Esme already knew what it was Ada wanted and given the fact that Esme didn't want to tell Wes herself made him worry a bit more. "I would love that." Wes gave Liza a small smile, even if it wasn't as bright as it could be. He couldn't remember the last time he'd celebrated Christmas and last year he'd spent it alone. "That's what I'll keep in mind." He told her softly before leaning down to press a soft kiss to Liza's forehead.

Taking Liza's hand in his, they made their way downstairs to the living room where Wes saw Elise and moved to press a kiss to her cheek. "Mon amour, we'll be home soon. Promise."

Liza:

"Good." She told him softly, flattening out his shirt collar once more before she leaned up to kiss his jaw lightly. "Christmas is my favorite, so we're going big. Lots of lights and decorations and it'll be perfect." Liza was trying to stay positive even as she herself was nervous. Closing her eyes as Wes kissed her head, she leaned into him for a moment before she headed out the room with him.

Seeing Elise in her rocker, Liza moved to hug her sister and thanked her for babysitting, promising they'd be back as soon as they could before she went to Elise as well, smiling down at her and kissing her cheek as well. "Love you." She murmured, pressing one more kiss to her head before she moved to Wes, taking his hand and leading him outside. "It'll be okay." She promised, lacing their fingers together. "And if you want, I won't let go."

Wes:

Wes gave Liza’s hand a squeeze the moment she took his, and when she told him she wouldn’t let go Wes brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of Liza’s hand. “Thank you.” He met her eyes then and started walking with her to Esme’s house.

“I’m nervous.” He admitted as they stood at Esme’s door, even if it’d been obvious all week. Wes didn’t want to keep secrets anymore or hide from Liza because he knew how hurtful it was for her and he’d realized it’d been hurtful to both of them.

Esme opened the door with a smile and practically pulled them both inside, hugging them both.

Liza:

"I know." Liza told him softly, stroking her thumb over the side of his hand and this time it was her turn to lift his hand to her lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. "But no matter what happens, and no matter what is said. I'll be right there next to you, okay?: She squeezed his hand as she said it. "I'm not letting go. And once it's done, we're going back home to our baby girl, and we'll continue picking houses to look at for the future of our family."

Giving his hand one more squeeze before the door was opened and they were both yanked over. Liza smiled as she used her free hand to hug Esme back, trying to remain calm for the both of them.

Wes:

Wes gave Liza’s hand a little squeeze, grateful for everything she was doing for him. He did hate how Liza had to take care of everyone instead of herself. “I promise I’ll make this up to you.” He told her with one last squeeze to her hand before they were pulled inside.

“You haven’t answered one phone call, Westley.” Esme frowned when she looked at him. Wes gave her a frown himself while trying to keep his cool about everything. “You kind of dropped this on me out of nowhere.” “And how do you think I felt when she called me. I told her you needed to hear what she had to say in person.” Wes’ brows furrowed at his aunt while she turned and started walking towards the living room and wanting them to follow. Esme didn’t like to wast time. “Es, what does that mean?” Wes called after her quietly despite knowing it was no use.

Once in the living room, Wes spotted his mother sitting in the couch. They shared the same curls and color of hair but his features and eyes belonged to his father. He used to wish he looked more like her instead. But Ada wasnt what had him so shocked. With parted lips, he felt like the air had been torn from his lungs at the sight of her and the baby she held in her arms.

“Ada, you remember Aggie’s girl, right? Little Lizzie?” Esme hadnt called Liza that since Agnes was alive but it was how Ada knew her. “Liza, this is Ada. Your mothers friend and—“ “And my mother.” Wes finished for her.

Liza:

Once the hugs were over Liza followed inside the house, trying to not focus on how her heart was racing as she listened to the interaction between Wes and Esme, her eyes bouncing back and forth like it was a pingpong match, and on any other night with any other circumstance, Liza would have found their banter amusing and would have playfully chided Wes for being 'disrespectful' to his aunt. But right now everything just felt…tense. Uneasy. She just squeezed Wes' hand again as they were led into the living room.

Liza wasn't sure what she expected when she first laid eyes on Ada Evans, but this wasn't in. The curls she imagined of course (and in some part of her brain, she wondered if she and Wes had another girl, if she'd have long dark curls like this too) but it was the baby in her arms that nearly stole Liza's breath away, made her stop in her tracks just like Wes. And if this was a shock for her, she could only imagine what was going on in his head.

Hearing Aggie and Little Lizzie snapped her out of it though. No one but Wes and Sunny called her Lizzie and that was because no one but her mother called her that. So to hear it said like this now… Liza's eyes went from the baby back to Ada- to Wes' mother, but.. "Y…You knew my mom?"

Wes:

Wes was grateful that Liza spoke when he didn't. There were too much swimming in his mind to come up with a response to whatever the hell he was looking at. His mom had to have been pregnant when she left but was this Laurence's baby or someone else's? Did Ada have another family and that's why she hadn't spoken to him in nearly a year? What the hell was this? But despite Liza filling the silence with her question, all it did was add more to what was going on in Wes' head. Ada and Agnes were…

"She was my one of my best friends." Ada answered softly as she set the baby into his carrier and stood. Wes had gotten his height from Laurence but Ada was still taller than Liza. "Look at you. You're all grown up." Ada's eyes fell to Wes and Liza's joined hands and she smiled before adding, "Aggie and I used to say you two would fall in love some day." It was a joke between the two but they had no idea how right they would be.

And there were even more questions added to growing list of what the fuck's going through Wes' mind. Agnes and Ada were friends, Ada knew Liza, and Agnes knew Wes. Did that mean that he and Liza had met before that night he saw her at Neptune's bar?

"Westley?" Esme spoke softly, trying to pull Wes back down to planet earth like she always did when she could tell he was getting stuck in his head. Esme had been left in the dark about a lot but she was a smart woman and it didn't take much to put together what was going on in the Evans' household or that Wes was his own worst enemy or even the fact that Wes had panics attacks, which she feared was soon to happen with him.

"Who is that?" Wes didn't mean for that to be the first question that came out of his mouth but he couldn't stop staring at the baby and wondering if his mother cared less about him and Jared and their little sister than he thought.

Ada looked to her son and everything in her wanted to throw her arms around and apologize profusely for every bad thing that had ever happened to both of them, to cry and scream and explain that she knew she wasn't strong enough to leave and she'd never forgive herself for not being strong enough to leave with him when she finally gathered the courage to run. "Westley, meet your little brother." Ada swallowed hard before moving to turn the carrier so Wes could see the sleeping baby snuggled inside. "Lucas."

Liza:

Liza kind of felt her pulse rushing, pounding in her ears a bit, because she'd come here for Wes. To try and help him feel grounded and safe and to comfort him if needed. She never expected anything having to do with Ada be connected to herself. Her eyes kept flickering though from the baby in her arms to Ada herself, and as the woman set the baby down and moved closer to them, Liza's hand tightened on Wes', keeping her gaze on the woman. She was one of my best friends. Did Wes know that? Why hadn't James ever said anything…

Aggie and I…. Did that mean her mom had known Wes? Did she know Wes before they met all those months ago?

Her head was spinning with all this information she never expected to have. And if it was this bad for her, she could only imagine how it was for Wes. And hearing Esme say his name snapped her out of her own head. Liza squeezed his hand, shuffling a bit closer to him and bringing her other hand up, gently grabbing his arm as well and giving it another little squeeze.

She could deal with you're all grown up and the realizations that she and the Evans were maybe more intertwined than she'd thought later. Right now Wes was the most important thing. "Brother?" Liza spoke up softly, keeping her hands on him, practically hugging Wes' arm to her side. "I-Is that why you left Wes?" And maybe it was out of line and maybe it wasn't her question to ask, but Wes was hers and best friends with her mother or not, this woman had abandoned him and had hurt him and Liza would do whatever she could to protect him now.

Wes:

Wes watched his mother carefully as she moved a bit closer to him. Her whole demeaner changed when Liza asked the question that was burning in Wes' mind, like Ada had been succesfully blocking out all the bad, hoping to ignore it until it went away. She and Wes were a lot alike in that kind of thing. "I wanted to give him a chance I wasn't brace enough to give you and Amelia." Ada told him while tears pricked at her eyes, only looking to Wes as though she were ignoring Liza altogether now.

Wes felt his stomach drop but he tried not to lose his composure or let his anxiety take over his feelings at all. "Is he… dad's?" Wes asked in such a quiet voice he wasn't sure if Ada had even heard him until she nodded slowly. "Why?" It was the only question he could really think so ask that seemed to cover most of it. But Ada just shook her head. "I was hoping I could tell you… alone." She glanced at Liza just as Esme was starting to walk into the dining room. "Liz, maybe you could help me in the kitchen?" Esme chimed in, knowing how important this was for Ada to do this alone.

Wes reluctantly loosened his grip on Liza's hand because he didn't want Liza to have to listen to any of this anyway, but he ultimately changed his mind. "Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of my wife."

"Wife?" Ada questioned with a new expression of hurt coming over her face-- one that made Wes' heart ache.

Liza:

Liza watched the woman carefully, listened to her carefully. So she noticed that when Ada answered her question, she replied to Wes. If Liza were a more angry, forward person, she'd probably call her out on it too. As it was though, Liza just focused on Wes, stroking her thumb over the side of his hand and against his arm, silent motions that she hoped to give him some semblance of being centered when the rest of his world was tilting on its axis.

It was when she was spoken to though and it was alluded that she should leave the room that Liza panicked a little, tensing up beside him- especially when she felt Wes' hand loosening around hers. And no. She wasn't leaving, she promised she wasn't going to let go…--

She was about to say as much too when she suddenly felt Wes' hand tightening again on hers and when he spoke she sucked in a breath, her head swiveling to look up at him as he said the words to his mother- which, judging by her reaction, she had no clue. Liza swallowed then, tightening her hand on his again before she moved her, the one gripped onto the side of his arm now shifting just enough so the rings on her finger were visible. "Wife." she confirmed softly, her eyes again on Ada as she realized- if she didn't know they were married, then she definitely didn't know about Ellie either. "A-And he's right. I-I'm not leaving his side. So…so whatever you'd like to say to him…you can say."

Wes:

Ada let noticed the glint from Liza’s engagement ring when she adjusted her hand on Wes’ arm. It shattered what was left of her heart to know her son had gotten married and she had no idea. God, not even a year ago Wes was going out with every witch in Salem it seemed, but now? Now Wes was married, and she couldn’t help but wonder what else she didn’t know about her son— the boy she’d been so close to when she was younger. The one she would sing to sleep, teach French to, and read bedtime stories. He was grown up and so different and she’d missed it all.

“I think you should sit.” Ada still spoke to Wes instead of him and Liza because she really didn’t want an audience for this. She was ashamed and hurt and didn’t want anyone to know except for the ones who deserved to know. Liza wasn’t one of them, in Ada’s opinion.

“Please just say what you have to say.” Wes was losing his patience and his anxiety was too high to continue this back and forth. “Please.” But wes felt he knew where this was going and it was already killing him.

Esme invited Wes and Liza to sit down and the sadness in her eyes seemed to confirm what Wes was thinking. But it was Esme’s request that made Wes agree and he sat with Liza. Wes let go of Liza’s hand but it was only so he could let his palm sit on her left thigh while he sat on the right side of her, causing his arm to cover her in a way that made him feel like he was protecting her. Although, even subconsciously doing so, putting himself in front of her wouldn’t protect her from what he was sure was about to come.

“Your father was… not a good man.” Ada was trying to find the most delicate way to put everything without bursting into tears from her own heartaches. So much of her life had been lost living in the same house as that monster. “He stopped hitting… b-but it was because he knew you were old enough and strong enough to defend us.” Ada let her eyes fall to the floor, unable to look her son in the eyes as she spoke. “So he started hurting me in private. I-in ways you couldn’t see.”

And Wes knew. He knew he was right about what he was thinking happened but he’d never once considered it until moments ago. How could he have been so blind? If he’d just left when Amelia did, would Lauren have left Ada alone? All these questions and more were swirling through Wes’ mind, all the while he felt he’d been gutted. Every part of him that made him human was ripping from him until he was hollow. He stayed to protect his mother but he couldn’t do that. He’d failed her in such a terrible way.

“No.” Wes felt his eyes sting with tears as he shook his head. “He didn’t. He wouldn’t—“ but he would. “No. No, no, no… tell me that’s not true.”

But Ada simply nodded while tears popped into her eyes. Wes had failed her, he couldn’t protect her, and this was all his fault.

Liza:

Felt a pang of guilt at the look on Ada's face and she looked down for a moment, letting out a breath since she knew that look would only get worse if and when Ada found out she was a grandmother now as well. And that thought made her look to the baby in the room, wondering how old he was, realizing there were now two new babies in the Evans family.

That thought didn't last for long though as they instead moved to the couch at Esme's request and when Wes let go of her hand Liza frowned, feeling another pang-- but then they were sitting and Wes was practically shielding her, holding her to his side and she let him, instead just pressing to his side as much as she could and Liza wrapped one arm around his shoulders, holding him close while the other rested on top of his hand on her thigh, silent as Ada began to speak.

Liza was a smart woman, but it didn't take a genius to get what Ada was alluding to as she began, but it was as she continued to speak and confirmed the fear that was already wriggling in the back of her mind that Liza felt her breath catch, her blood run cold.

She knew Laurence was abusive, knew he'd hurt Wes and the family, but this…

Liza's eyes darted to the baby then again, her own gaze glossing over with tears at the unsaid realizations of how this baby came to be… She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. What could she say anyways? What could anyone say about an abusive, vile man who beat his children and raped his wife? Swallowing thickly, Liza looked to Wes then instead as he began to speak and while she didn't know what to say or do for Ada, she did for him.

"Baby…" Liza whispered quietly, barely audible to even them two as she tightened her hand on his and moved her other to gently rub along his back and his shoulders, trying to comfort him as she saw the tears forming in his eyes.

Wes:

Wes felt sick to his stomach and nearly lost the contents of his stomach at wondering if anything remotely similar happened to his sister. It would've been his fault. All of this was. If he hadn't stayed, if he'd talked Ada into leaving, if he could've just gotten through to her then none of this would've happened. Maybe he should've taken shit from Laurence instead of trying to stand up to him.

"A-and that's why you left? T-to give him a chance?" Wes' eyes were pooling with tears at this point. Any other time he would've felt shame for being so upset but this? He never expected this. He never wanted this to happen. All he wanted was to protect the people in his life and he couldn't do that. Would that mean he couldn't protect Liza? God, could he not protect Elise?

Ada nodded as she wiped her own tears from her face but before anyone could say anything else, Esme felt the need to chime in. "Westley? I know this is a lot and it's hard to take in, but I know you. We all do. This is not your fault. None of it was your fault."

Liza:

Liza was tempted to haul Wes up to his feet and get him out of there, to get him away from prying eyes, maybe get him some fresh air. But there was also a tiny part of her that feared what he'd do if they got up, a second nanosecond of fear that maybe he'd run away from it all and leave them, leave her. She also feared he'd pull away from her, and that made her hand tighten on his, made her shuffle closer to him. Over the last few weeks she felt they'd been closer than ever, more honest and open…she didn't want to lose that.

So when Esme spoke Liza nodded, and her hand on his moved then, letting go of his hand so she could reach it up and cup his cheek instead, gently coaxing his head up, "Wes, Esme's right. Please don't blame yourself…" She asked softly, all her focus on him. "You didn't know. A-And you tried. You tried to keep her safe. That's what you do, you protect the people you love. Like you protect me, and like you protect Ellie.." Her words were quiet as she spoke, her words really only for Wes to hear but not really caring if the others heard. She pressed a kiss to his shoulder then, stroking her fingers over his cheek. "Baby, please look at me.."

Wes:

Wes shook his head when Esme spoke because it had to be his fault. How could she not see that it was? There was no sense in lying to him.

“There were times I did blame you. It’s why I didn’t tell you when I left.” Ada admitted, making Wes nearly choke back his tears before she continued, “but it’s not your fault. I promise.” And if Liza hadnt stolen his attention when he did, he might’ve even spotted Esme with an anger in his eyes he’d never seen in her before. Esme cared for and protected wes the best she could, so Ada telling him something that awful angered her more than anything.

“I- I think we should go.” Wes told Liza, giving her thigh a squeeze with his hand while he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his free arm.

Liza:

Liza kept her gaze on Wes, wanting to give him a weak little smile, wanted to tell him it was okay and try to reassure him that this wasn't his fault--but then Ada was speaking again, and the words she said made Liza's head whip around. Liza wasn't an angry person. She wasn't vindictive and tried to never be hurtful, but right now she was all but glaring daggers at the woman, looking at her incredulously.

"How dare you say that to him?" Liza spoke up, still keeping her hands on Wes, but this time she felt like their positions were reversed and she was the one shielding him. "How dare you abandon your child and leave him to fend for himself with that…that monster, and then after falling off the face of the earth, you try and waltz back into his life when it's finally good? When he's finally happy and loved and safe.. and then try and blame him for someone else's actions?" Liza felt tears prickling at her eyes again, but this time it was in anger and in upset that this was happening. "I could never imagine doing to my child what you've done to yours."

Wes:

“Liza, let’s go.” Wes told her again because, despite how much it meant to him that Liza would defend him the way she was, he didn’t want to be in the room with Ada for a minute longer. He also wasn’t entirely convinced that he wasn’t to blame and the thought of being the reason so many awful things happened was a enough to make him sick.

Ada recoiled like Liza had struck her. “Don’t speak to me like you know what this did to me or like you understand what a mother would do. I left so Lucas wouldn’t grow up like that, and—“

“I think it’s best for Ada to go. You two can stay.” Esme cut her off. She had always been closer to Agnes than she was with Ada anyway, knowing she had tendencies to be just as shitty as anyone else. Wes was her son, as far as Esme was concerned. She loved him and treated him like he belonged to her, so she wouldn’t tolerate even someone like Ada hurting him the way she knew she had. “I’ll get you a room at seascape.”

Liza:

Liza felt that momma bear thing when it came to Elise, but apparently it also extended to Wes, because right now the upset and the need to protect him were so strong it was practically pulsing in her veins. "I understand exactly because I am a mother." Liza shot back simply, still holding Wes and not listening as he told her they should go. And maybe again it wasn't her news to tell and she shouldn't have blurted it out, but she couldn't help it right now. Not with all the twists and turns this night had taken.

"That's another thing you would have known had you not abandoned the person who was trying to protect you all that time. And as for growing up like that? Children aren't always products of their parents. Wes is nothing like your husband. He's kind and he's gentle and he'd never, ever hurt me or his daughter. He's a hell of a better parent and a better person than either of you could ever hope to be."

Wes:

“Liza..” Wes was practically pleading to get the fuck away from all this. He didn’t want to be there with his mom and his little brother that she seemed to care about far more than the rest of the Evans’ kids. He just wanted to go home and see his baby girl. He wanted to run from this and pretend it didn’t happen— pretend that Ada’s words wouldn’t stick with him.

Wes moved to stand, looking to Esme to shake his head and decline her invitation to stay. “We’re going.” He looked to Ada then and his frown deepened. “Liza is more a mother in the past two months than you’ve ever been since Jared was born. She may not have had to deal with Laurence but I trust she’d never leave my daughter the way you left me and Amelia. You’ll never know her.”

Liza:

Liza deflated a bit when she heard the desperation in Wes' voice and she closed her eyes for a second, realizing maybe she'd taken it too far. She was just so angry at this woman..--her mother's apparent best friend. She'd definitely be talking to her father soon about it, see why nothing had ever been said. But for now..--

When Wes moved to stand Liza did as well, again moving her hand to lace their fingers together, wanting to hold onto him. She stayed quiet as Wes spoke to his mother, her gaze going from Wes to Ada to the baby and then back to him again when he spoke of her, praising how she was as a mother. Liza just squeezed his hand gently, a silent comfort (she hoped) and when Wes said Ada would never know her, Liza swallowed, hating that it'd come to this. She looked to the baby once more, feeling another pang because she'd like to get to know the baby, to have more family for her own baby to have, but not like this. "Sorry Esme." Liza spoke up softly, finally tearing her gaze away from Ada to look to the other woman.

Wes:

Wes looked to Esme and he hoped she understood how sorry he was. He and Esme had a an interesting relationship. They weren’t related and yet Esme seemed like the closest family he had. She was the closest to a real mother he’d had in years. Ada was good to them when they were little but Laurence had changed her and made her neglectful and just… not the same. Esme was always there, and despite Wes’ best efforts to push her away, or the week he stayed holed up in his room after he moved to Aurora bay before she made him get a job and find an apartment, Esme was there. She’d always been there. And he knew she wanted him to stay that night. He knew she wanted him to talk about what happened— she’d been telling him he needed to open up long before Liza had— but wes just couldn’t do it. Wes couldn’t sit here and have everyone tell him he’s not to blame when he was blamed for it. He felt responsible for it.

“Let’s go.” Wes told Liza so softly he wasn’t sure if she’d even heard him, but he gave her hand a little tug and they walked out the front door. If Ada or Esme said anything else, wes didn’t hear them.

Once outside, Wes was at war with himself. Everything in him screamed to close up and pretend nothing happened and keep his feelings bottle up until they were they easier to contain. But another part of him knew how much better things had been between him and Liza now that he was making an effort to be more open and honest. Things were so good and he didn’t want to be the one to ruin it.

“I’m sorry.” Wes dropped Liza’s hand and turned to face her. Yes, he’d have this conversation in Esme’s front yard if it meant he didn’t have to walk home and feel nothing but shame. “I’m sorry you had to head that and I’m sorry I couldn’t help her. I’m sorry if you think I’m—“ weak. He hated the thought of Liza believing that about him, but maybe he was. “I- I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t want to close up on you. Everything’s been so good but… I don’t know what to do with… this.” He was referring to all of his emotions. He was so used to hiding it all away that it felt strange to let them out in the open. He hated it even if it was a bit freeing.

Liza:

Liza nodded wordlessly as Wes spoke, giving one last parting look at Ada- something a mix between disdain and pity- before she just let Wes tug her out of the living room and out of the house. And while her head was still all over the place, she knew none of that was important right now. Right now, all that mattered was Wes.

She figured they'd talk at home, in the privacy of their room, so when Wes instead stopped them right in Esme's front yard and let go of her hand to face her, Liza let out a heavy breath and immediately shook her head. "Wes, no--" She stepped in closer. "There is nothing to apologize for. The only person who should be apologizing is Ada." she wouldn't call the woman his mother. Not right now.

Liza reached up, gently cupping his face. "Please don't close yourself off from me.." She asked quietly, frowning as she held his face, trying to coax him into looking at her. "Westley, you did nothing wrong. None of this is your fault. What he did is…..god, it's not because of you, and how dare she say that…" Liza felt tears prickling in her eyes again, but it was just because of how angry she was. How upset she was that Ada had done this to Wes. "You did help her as best you could. But Wes…you're the child here. It is not your job to be responsible and to try and be the savior. She should have protected you. All of you. She should have got you out of that situation. She failed here. She failed you." And Liza didn't even care if either woman came out then and overheard. All she cared about was Wes. "I…I told you last week…I have never lied to you. So who are you going to believe here? Her? Or me?"

Wes:

Wes let out a small breath as Liza cupped his face in her hands, his eyes filling with tears by the second. “What if I make the same mistakes with you or with Elise?” Because that’s all that mattered to him. Could he protect them? It wasn’t a question of if he would become his father— he knew he couldn’t do the vile things he’d done, but wes was afraid he couldn’t keep others from doing the same to his girls. He wanted to protect them, he wanted them safe, and he never wanted the world to hurt them the way it had him. “I trust you, Liza… I just want to trust myself— for you to trust me.”

Liza:

"You won't." Liza told him without missing a beat and she stepped in closer to him, into his space as she kept her hands on his face and she looked up, trying to catch his gaze. "Wes, you've taken care of me every day. And Ellie? You do everything for her. I believe with every ounce of me that we are safe with you. So of course I trust you…" Liza let one of her hands move off his face then so she could grab his instead and she moved it, pulling his hand so his palm would rest on her chest over her heart.

"I trust you with my heart and with my life. I trust you with our daughter. Did you hear what I said to Ada? Children are not always products of their parents. If anything, they showed you what not to be. You are not them, and you never will be. A…And I'll tell you it every day until you believe it."

Wes:

“I’d do anything for you and Ellie. anything.” And that was far more than his parents could ever promise. Wes adored his new little family and he’d do anything to keep them together and keep them safe and happy.

Wes watched as Liza brought his palm over her chest, and he focused on the little thump of her heart while she spoke. “I’ll keep you two safe. I promise.” Wes pulled Liza towards him by her waist and wrapped his arms around her for a moment. He still wasn’t totally convinced what happened to his mother wasnt his fault, but he would trust that Liza didn’t think so.

Liza:

"I know. I know you would. And it is not fair that she tried and pin anything on you. You did nothing wrong, Wes. You were the victim here and you needed to be protected…" Liza again felt that wave come over her. No one before protected him- but she would. She'd be damned in Ada or Laurence or anyone tried to hurt him again.

Wes was pulling her in then and Liza let him, just leaning up on her toes so she could wrap her arms around his neck, holding him close. "I know." She told him softly, letting her hand sink into the hair at the back of his head to hold him close. "You already do keep us safe. You keep me safe..a…and I'll do everything I can to keep you safe." she turned her head then to press a kiss to the side of his head before she pulled back just a little, looking up at him again. "Let's go home, huh? See our girl?"

Wes:

Wes moved his hands from Liza's waist to her face, cupping her cheeks with his palms. She was so warm and soft and everything he wasn't. He loved her more than anything and he was grateful she was there for him even though he almost fought her on coming. "I'm sorry this is how we've spent our night." He told her quietly as he moved to take her hand instead. "At least we can spend the rest with each other and Elise."

Liza:

"Don't be sorry." Liza told him softly, reaching her hand up to card through his hair and tuck some curls behind his ear. "None of this is your fault, okay?" She stroked her thumb over his cheek before she let go so he could take her hand and she nodded. "We can. I can make us some dinner? And we can make some strawberry cookies too."

Wes:

Wes nearly pouted at Liza’s kindness because he was sure he didn’t deserve an ounce of it. But when Liza offered to make dinner, he shook his head gently. “I’m not sure I have much of an appetite after that.” He huffed out a small laugh before giving Liza a little tug so they could go home. It was really saying something too because he never passed on Liza’s strawberry cookies. “I’m sorry it turned out like this.”

Liza:

"Okay. No big dinner then, but you still need to eat a little something." She told him softly, figuring maybe she'd just make them some grilled cheeses or something easy like that, because despite everything she still needed to make sure he was taken care of- even if he wasn't going to do it himself. When Wes apologized again though she just shook her head, lacing their fingers together and giving his hand a squeeze. "You have nothing to apologize for." She assured him, bringing their hands up as they walked so she could press a kiss to the back of his hand.

Wes:

Wes was really trying to be strong and hold himself together without building up a wall that shut Liza our entirely, but he wasn’t sure how long he could actually do that. His stomach twisted at the mere thought of dinner, and he was sure he’d find himself emptying the contents of his stomach at some point in the night whether he had dinner or not. That’s what always happened to him when his anxiety was high and nerves were shot. He just wasn’t sure if Liza was aware of that and he worried about what she’d think. That evening had done nothing but make Wes feel like the smallest and worthless thing on the planet. He was just trying to remind himself that Liza didn’t feel that way about him.

“Im not sure if it’s a good idea for me.” He told her softly and gave Liza’s hand a squeeze in return. Everything in him was screaming to build up those walls and pretend this night never happened, but Wes refused to shut Liza out. Unfortunately, they meant he was struggling to keep the pain he was feeling from taking over him. It was as though the closer they got to Liza and Sterling’s house, the closer he came to having to sit with this information and feel it.

Liza:

Liza didn't want to push too hard even though she felt he should eat something, but she just let out a breath and nodded, "Okay." She agreed softly, squeezing his hand again. She knew his thoughts must have been a mess, knew his emotions were probably all over the place…and again, she just feared that this would be a set back. She didn't think Wes was going to leave her or anything, but..she didn't want to go back to how things used to be- with his walls up and his secrets and his I'm fine's when he so clearly wasn't. She just..wanted to help.

But she also didn't want to smother him.

So when they got to their front porch Liza turned to him again and she reached up, cupping his cheek. "Do you want a few minutes alone?" She offered quietly, stroking her thumb over his cheek. "I…I can get Ellie and all, get myself something to eat, and meet you upstairs?"

Wes:

Wes was reaching for the door when Liza moved her hand to his cheek, and he turned to look at her. He didn't want to be treated like he was broken or even like Liza had to tip toe around him. Wes wanted things to go back to normal and he didn't want to feel this ache in him that he knew would grow painful if only he'd allow himself to feel it. Sometimes he wasn't sure if it was better to feel it or pretend it wasn't there, but he was used to pretending it wasn't there, so he wasn't sure how else to go about it. But truthfully, "I don't want to be alone. Not tonight." His voice was so quiet that he wasn't even sure if Liza heard him but he was afraid that if he was alone he'd just fall asleep into a self loathing mess. "I want you and Elise."

Liza:

Liza didn't want to leave him alone, but she'd do it if it was what he needed (and she'd only really do it for a few minutes) but when Wes said he didn't want to be alone, she let out a breath (a bit relievedly) and she nodded. "Okay." She agreed softly, keeping her hand on his cheek for a moment more before she moved to unlock the door and let them inside.

Sunny was asleep on Sterling's lap on the couch and Elise was asleep in her rocker, making Liza smile just a little bit despite everything. She knew her sister was going to have questions, but she didn't think tonight would be the best time to talk about, well..everything. "How was our Elliebean?" she asked, leading them over to where the baby was so Liza could pick her up, her smile actually growing as the baby stirred and woke up, blinking up at her. "Hi my love." She cooed, pressing a kiss to her head before going to Wes, "You wanna go to daddy?" She asked, moving to pass her to Wes since she figured holding his daughter could maybe help right now.

Wes:

Sterling was sitting on the couch with Sunny sleeping on her lap when Liza and Wes walked through the door. Her brows furrowed in confusion because it felt like they just left. "Back already?" She asked quietly, but by the look on their faces and from what she was aware of with Wes' family, she figured it wasn't a great time to ask for an explanation. "Are you guys okay?" She could at least be told that much.

Wes didn't answer but he followed Liza to Elise her rocker and he was planning to wrap his arms around Liza's waist and just hold both his girls in that moment, but before he could Liza was turning and asking Elise if she wanted him. Admittedly, he wanted Liza to keep her so he could cling to Liza, but he held his arms out for his daughter instead. "Hi sweet girl." He cooed as he gently rest her in his arms. His free hand moved to lay on Elise's chest and in turn she took hold of his finger, something that made his heart ache because he loved his little family so much. "I'll always take care of you." He whispered to the baby and pressed a small kiss to her nose.

Liza:

Liza bit her lip, not wanting to overstep or anything but not wanting to just ignore the question either. "Everything will be okay." She told her with a nod- because it would be. She watched Wes with the baby for a moment, the little smile still on her face and she moved to his side, pressing a kiss to his arm. "Do you want tea or anything before we go upstairs?" She offered quietly, knowing he didn't want to eat, but maybe something warm could help? She wasn't even sure, she just…she just wanted to help. She hated knowing he wasn't okay.

Wes:

"Lavender?" Wes tore his eyes off his daughter to look at Liza, his voice soft and small. "I think that would be nice but I don't want you to have to make it if you're not up for it." Because Wes couldn't quite fathom someone wanting to take care of him even after Liza had shown she wnated to over and over again. "I want to lay down with you." he added softly, keeping close to Liza so only she'd hear.

Liza:

"I can do lavender." She assured him softly. She knew Sterling probably had a hundred questions and was maybe listening to them more than whatever was on the tv or her phone, but Liza didn't care right now. Wes was all that she was focused on. She moved again to press another kiss to his arm before she looked up at him and nodded, "We can do that too. Let's just go to the kitchen real quick?" She asked, moving to wrap her arm around his waist and even giving a little nudge. "Thank you for babysitting, Sterl."

Wes:

Wes felt his chest clench at Liza telling him they should go into the kitchen. He told himself that she merely wanted to make him tea but he worried she wanted to ask him something or talk about the night more than they already had. He didn't want to think about it anymore but it was all that was on his mind.

Sterling told Liza it wasn't a problem as she tried to hide the worry in her eyes but she knew that whatever happened they would be okay. And Liza would tell her at some point, right?

Wes moved into the kitchen and leaned against the counter by the stove. Anxiety twisted his stomach but he tried to focus on his daughter and Liza.

Liza:

Liza could feel how tense Wes was and she hated it, she wished she could make it all go away. She hated not knowing how to help. She hated feeling helpless. But if tea was maybe one thing that could maybe help, she'd do it. So she led him into the kitchen and immediately got to work on getting the kettle full of water and on the stove, along with putting a few slices of toast into the toaster for the both of them (or maybe just herself) and while she waited she finally turned to him again, watching him carefully. "I-Is…is there anything I can do?"

Wes:

Liza didn’t say anything so Wes hoped she wasn’t going to. He turned his attention of Elise who squirmed a little in his arms before squishing her little cheek against his arm and drifting off to sleep again. He was sure she wouldn’t stay like this long but he and Liza had bottles so he could feed her sometimes too.

Wes watched their baby as he gently caressed her cheek. It was calming and almost reassuring that she seemed so at ease with him. He could get her to sleep so easily and she got excited when he was around. It made him feel like he was doing something right. Suddenly, Liza was speaking again, and Wes met her eyes. That awful ache came back and he shook his head. “Just be here, I guess.” He wasnt really sure. He didn’t exactly have healthy ways of coping but he wasn’t about to do any of that when he had a wife and baby at home. “I don’t really know what to think of any of this. Just please don’t treat me like I’m broken.” But he was broken. And maybe he should let someone help him hold the pieces together at times instead of struggling to do it himself.

Liza:

Liza nodded again, feeling a bit like she was walking on eggshells. She wasn't sure what to say or do because she didn't want to say or do the wrong thing. she didn't want to make it worse. "I'm not going anywhere." She told him softly, and she was about to open her mouth to speak again when Wes did first, and his words made her deflate a bit, her shoulders sagging.

"I-I wasn't…--I didn't mean to..treat you that way. If I have. I'm sorry." So much for not doing the wrong thing. The toast popped a second later and she jumped just a tiny bit before she moved to get it. A minute later she had four slices buttered and cut up on a plate and with the kettle whistling she got the water, making two cups of tea the way Esme had taught her to since she knew it was how Wes liked it. "Okay, let's go upstairs? She probably has some time left until she gets whiny for a feeding if you wanna do it?" She offered, knowing Wes liked when he got to feed her.

Wes:

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Wes frowned as he felt a pang of guilt in his chest for making everything worse. “I just meant I don’t want that to happen. It’s stupid, I’m sorry. But you’re wonderful. You’re always wonderful and you’re extra wonderful now.” He wasn’t sure what he could do to save himself from that but he was grateful she moved on to ask about going upstairs. “I can do it.” He agreed softly before they went upstairs.

Liza:

Liza bit the inside of her lip, her thoughts all over the place and she just tried not to show her emotions on her face too much, tried to just stop overthinking. "O-Okay. I'm sorry." She told him softly before she moved to him, holding the plate of toast in one hand and the mugs of tea in the other. "Let's go."

Liza led them upstairs to their room and she put one of the mugs down on the nightstand on his side for him before she moved to sit on the side, putting the plate down on the bed next to her and taking a sip of her tea as she toed off her heels. "Sit with me?"

Wes:

Wes followed Liza upstairs and leaned over to rest Elise on the middle of their bed so she’d be between them. The baby squirmed a little but she stayed asleep. Wes moved over to Liza’s side of the bed and sat down next to her. “I wish i couldve done more.”

Liza:

Liza looked down to Ellie sleeping still when Wes put her down before he was sitting beside her and her attention then moved to him, only hesitating for a second before she reached her free hand over and rested it on his thigh. "Wes…..baby, what more do you think you could have done?" She asked it carefully, frowning as she watched him. "Everything I said before…I meant it. You should have been protected. It wasn't your job to stop him or do more. It's not fair for it to be pinned on you…"

Wes:

Wes frowned as he let his eyes fall to the floor where he stared for a minute before he tucked his arm underneath Liza's and scooped her hand into his. "I don't know what I could've done. I guess nothing?" He gave half a shrug because he didn't have the energy to even do that. "I've never been able to protect the people I love. No one. Did I… well, did I ever tell you about Holland?" He asked her softly, his eyes finally meeting hers.

Liza:

Liza gave him the time he needed, not wanting to push- not wanting him to close up on her again. So when he reached for her hand and held it she let out a relieved little breath, the tension in her shoulders relaxing a bit. But when he spoke….

"Wes…" Liza shook her head and shifted closer to him, gently moving her other hand to his face, reaching across him gently. "You protect me, and you protect your daughter. Just like you did tonight. We…you won't let the people who hurt you, hurt her. That is being protective…and that's being a good parent…" she stroked her thumb over his cheek, frowning because it killed her that he was feeling like this and she was powerless against it. "…Holland?"

Wes:

"Holland was my neighbor and best friend when I was living in Salem. One night she talked me into going to this party because she was invited by some dick from her university. We got into a stupid argument and she told me to leave but she was drunk and I didn't want to leave her there alone. I almost did. But if I'd just stuck with her like I said I would have, then maybe that creep and his friends wouldn't have touched her-- hurt her. She moved a few months later and I haven't spoken to her since. But I always think about that-- about how if I'd just done one thing different… if I didn't start to leave… would it kept it from happening?" Wes met Liza's eyes again. "And now I always worry about doing one thing wrong that could end up hurting you or Elise. And I know I shouldn't but I can't help it."

Liza:

Liza again went quiet, listening as Wes began to explain who Holland was and what'd happened to her. A shudder ran down her spine and she swallowed, blinking down for a moment before she shook her head. "Wes…that…that's awful but…how is it your fault?" She asked gently, keeping jer hand on his face still to keep their gazes locked. "You couldn't have known what was going to happen to her. Just like you didn't know what was happening to your mother. The acts of other people are not your fault. Other peoples' choices are not yours."

Liza moved then, letting her hands move off him but just so she could move to stand in front of him, gently coaxing her way to stand between his legs so she could hold his face in both her hands. "You will not hurt me. And you will not hurt Elise. I believe that with every fiber of my being that you will do everything possible to not hurt us."

Wes:

Wes looked down at his hands in his lap when Liza let go of him, but in no time she was cupping his face once more and making him look at her. His shoulders slumped a little and he felt his lips tugging into a frown just like the way he felt there was a weight pulling the rest of his body down. "I 'm tired." He told her softly, hoping she understood it went beyond staying up late to take care of Elise. This was an exhaustion that stemmed from a life of constantly being hurt and worn down. Where he's been in pain over and over again. "And I just… I just want to lay down with you. I want to forget about everything for a while. I want you to hold me." The last bit came out in a whisper so quiet it was barely audible.

Liza:

Liza watched him as she held his face, could see how the weight of everything was pulling him down. She hated it. She ached to do anything to help him. So when he just asked to be held, she nodded. "Okay." she agreed softly, keeping her hands on his face she leaned down to kiss his head, lingering for a second before she pulled away. "Change out of your clothes? I'll put Ellie in her bassinet." She instructed softly as she moved to gently pick up the baby still sleeping on the bed.

Wes:

Wes leaned into Liza’s touch as she kissed his head while holding his face. Liza could turn anything into a silver lining, she could bring warmth and light into the darkest days for Wes, and she was a reason to get up and keep going. Liza meant so much to him and it made him ache all over to even consider something terrible happening to her. He couldn’t help but let his mind wander to something like what happened to Holland or his mother happening to Liza. He wanted to keep her safe at all costs. He loved her with every fiber of his being and he desperately needed her to know that.

Wes pressed a kiss to Liza’s stomach while she kissed his head and when she pulled away and told him to change, he nodded and moved to do so. It wasn’t until wes was unbuttoning his shirt that he realized his hands were shaking but he just ignored it and kept going. He made sure to avoid the mirror because he knew he’d end up looking at his scars, and he changed into an oversized band shirt and a pair of sweatpants before he moved back to the bed where he sat down and waited for Liza.

Liza:

Liza carefully picked Elise up to not wake her, knowing she'd probably have \another hour or two before waking up hungry, and once settled in her bassinet Liza quickly changed out of her dress and into one of Wes' shirts, not bothering with pants of anything since it hung off her like a dress anyways (and she knew he liked it too).

The moment she was done changing she went over to the bed and grabbed his hand, all but tugging on it as she pulled for him to get up and climb into bed with her, wasting no time in laying back against the headboard so she was half-sitting up and she pulled him with her, wanting him to settle on top of her. "And you won't hurt me. I'm okay." She told him ahead of time, not wanting him to shift his weight or not fully lay on her.

Wes:

Wes moved with Liza so he could rest his head against her chest, and he admittedly felt a bit guilty for asking her to hold him like this. Shouldn’t he be the one taking care of her since she’d just had a baby? He couldn’t help but think that he didn’t deserve it. But he knew if he voiced that concern, Liza would tell him otherwise. “Thank you.” Wes decided to tell her instead. “I love you.”

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Ok, so Imagine ghost, undead or necromancer S/O, I swear I’m not high. Actually, scratch the ghost thing out, Fyodor dealing with a Necromancer reader who works for the ADA. Is that too specific?

Authors notes: Oh my God, I actually love this. And no, this isn't too specific. I happen to love specific asks so long as they don't get too complex where I lose myself. [Also, don't worry about multi-asking since it was pertaining to the original ask!] I am not sure if you wanted a scenario or headcannons, so I will just do a bit of both!

Short scenario: How Fyodor handles a masc!necromancer working for the ADA.

Word count: 325

He didn't expect it in the slightest. But when he was told that the man he was so infatuated with worked for the ADA he was perplexed. What drove him to be with them? There's so much destruction and yet order he could do with such power.

He wanted him. No he needed him. There must be some way for the two of them to meet. By some coincidence or something of that nature. He just wanted to dissect his brain a little. Maybe even see him demonstrate some of his powers. The mere idea of speaking to the dead or raising them made Fyodor curious, excited a little even.

That night, he saw him leave the ADA headquarters and go off into a graveyard. Fyodor knew that he was there to practice his magic. So he followed him in and to his surprise, it was he who caught him off guard.

"You followed me in here. Why?" He didn't even need to look at Fyodor to know he was right there.

"How did you catch on so quickly? I wasn't very obvious." Fyodor cocked his head to one side curiously. He didn't even seem to have his guard up around him. Which he found a little comforting or even charming.

"They told me of course. You are entering their domain of their burial grounds. Pay your respects." He nodded to the headstones around him.

Fyodor glanced at the headstones and looked back up to see he was already setting up candles and whispering incantations softly. Soft whisps appeared all around like fallen snow that was being held in place.

All he could do was watch in awe while he spoke to the dead. Whispering, talking in such a soft and tender voice it was like the fine tune of the cello he loved to play.

"You're enchanting." He whispered under his breath.

"Hm? Did you say something?" He turned to finally look at Fyodor.

Headcanons

He's absolutely infatuated with him[them]

He goes on outings to the graveyard to meet with him[them]

Sometimes brings him[them] flowers or offerings for the dead or rituals he[they] perform[s].

The best days are spent together at night when it rains

First kiss happens in the rain on a full moon

Both like to stay in for most dates, but that's fine because both of you cherish your privacy

[kaywavy]

[not my writing]

Pocket calculators! Now there's something. They're so complicated! I have a calculator which has sines, cosines, tangents, logarithms, hyperbolic functions and multiple nested parentheses. You can program it in Fortran, Algol, Basic, Pascal, Forth, Fifth and Sixth, ADA and Carruthers. It will factorize primes for you. At present it's working on the Halting Problem.

(continued)

It translates from one language to another. From German to Spanish. From Macedonian to Esperanto. From Cantonese to Greek. Or from American to English.

It is, in fact, a multiprocessor system. There are 22 Transputers in there. Sometimes they organize a game of football between them.

It has a full color, wraparound wide screen, liquid crystal, three-dimensional holographic display. It's called HoloChromaCinePhotoRamaScope.

Its audio facilities include Dolby Digital Decaphonic surround sound. On the way here I watched "The Labyrinth" on it.

It also has synthetic speech and a voice recognition system. I often talk to it. I tell it my problems. Sometimes it psychoanalyses me. It has me figured as paranoid. But that's just because it keeps getting at me. But don't get me wrong - it can be very user friendly. In fact you can program precisely HOW user friendly you want it is to be on a scale from ONE to TEN.

On a setting of ONE it won't even interrupt a football game to answer you. But on a setting of TEN it's so friendly that on a cold day it pre-heats its pushbuttons.

But no matter who smart it SEEMS, deep down inside it's just a dumb old computer.

One time I got really mad at it. Like all computers, it knew precisely what I wanted it to do. It knew exactly what I MEANT. So why does it have to go and DO what I SAID?

How do you get even with a dumb machine like that?

First I tried slapping it around a little. I pushed its buttons a bit hard. I threatened it. "How would you like a busted display" I said.

But it did no good. It just said "I am virtually unbreakable - and I'm not going to take any notice till you enter the data nicely, like you used to do."

Whatever I did it always seemed to win.

I decided to have a man-to-man talk with it. So I sat it down and said to it "Who's the boss here, you or me?"

No reply.

Again I ask "Who's the boss, you or me? Go on, answer me!"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking," it said.

So I hit it. Hard. Too hard. I cracked its case.

At first I thought that was the limit of the damage. But then little things started to go wrong. At first there was nothing definite. Nothing you could put your finger on. Just little things like stuttering. It just didn't sound quite the same. Its voice seemed to lack its former confidence.

Then once I caught it making an arithmetic mistake. Of course I didn't mention it. But you could tell it knew. Its self image was shot to pieces.

Saddest of all, it forgot our anniversary - of the day I bought it. In the past this had been a special time for us.

I just couldn't bear it any longer. One evening I tucked it up snugly in its case, lit candles, played a record which was popular when we first met, and sat down beside it.

"Where did we go wrong?" I said. But it had it pride. It wasn't about to weaken in front of a non-machine.

"Wrong? Nothing is wrong," it said. "Just insufficient data."

But underneath you could tell it was hurt.

From there it was a rapid downhill slide.

Now it just mutters to itself. It can only do very simple calculations on small numbers.

Finally came the ultimate indignity. It lost control. It leaked electrolyte all over its case.

I felt so bad about it. My other gadgets weren't happy about it either. They all came out in sympathy for the calculator. My watch gave me a bad time. My power tools keep blowing fuses.

Then one night last week I was driving my car back from London when suddenly the engine stopped all by itself on this lonely country road.

I tried to get out but the solenoids were inhibited by the central locking computer. Suddenly the air conditioner came on and started to blow out freezing cold air. It made a noise like wind whistling through the trees. Then this creepy music came from the loudspeaker. The sort of music they play in movies when the hero is lost in a dark forest.

I got scared. The cold, the wind and the weird music got to me. Then it started to speak.

"You're the guy who beats up pocket calculators!"

[tommyspeakycap]

I love your work! I was wondering if you’d be willing to write something about (toddler) baby Shelby having Alfie help her bake a cake for Tommy

omggggg that’s so so cute!!

A Bakers Help

The burly Camden Town ‘baker’ was nothing short of completely shocked when he heard a soft banging on his office door in the mid afternoon. His eyebrows had furrowed and he had kept his hand readily on his weapon so he was prepared in the event of an enemy being on the other side of the door. He was surprised to say the least when he tugged open the door and had to look down multiple inches to spot she who knocked on the door.

There stood a little girl. One he knew fairly well but who’s appearance outside his office was still a shock. That little girl was notorious around most of England, especially in heavily gang populated territories where the “Shelby” was a household name and everybody who knew that name knew the littlest member of the family was something akin to a jewel in Tommy Shelby’s crown. Alfie had been curious as to whether or not she was actually attached to Thomas Shelby’s hip in consideration to how much time she spent right by his side, teetering along on little legs so he knew she was safe right by his side. It wasn’t often that Tommy entrusted others to watch over his youngest sister, so it would be safe to say that Alfie was incredibly confused.

“Good morning.” The little girl greets, her lips plastered with a bright smile as she lifts a hand to wave at him. Alfie braces himself on either side of his doorway with strong hands so as to lean out of his office to look out into the ‘bakery’ to both the left and right before stepping back in. “Mhm yes it was actually. Where’s your brothers?” He asks, turning his eyes back to the girl in the doorway who fights to pull her wool coat back up from falling off her arms due to the fact it hadn’t been buttoned up. The girl shrugs, “Dunno...Can I come in?” She asks politely, “It’s very cold.”

Alfie Solomons squints his eyes and forms a crease between his brows, but even he can’t deny the chill in the winter breeze through the unheated factory and the shivering of the child, and so he steps to the side and gestures her in the door. Alfie hums, or maybe something more akin to a grumble, in thought as the five year old wanders around his office to take in the whole surroundings. “And where are your pikey brothers then yeah?” His voice rumbles deep and gravelly the same way it always does, not missing the chance or thinking twice about dropping an insult to the Shelby men as he speaks. The youngest of the clan shrugs her little shoulders. “Dunno,” she says again, “I’m with Ada. Told her i was going out to play.”

The words most definitely do worry Alfie Solomons after the girl with Tommy Shelby’s striking blue eyes and his heart in the palm of her tiny hand finishes speaking flippantly. It occurs to him that she’s simply too young to understand both risk and consequence. She knows that Tommy Shelby dotes on her like the little princess he believes her to be. She knows he loves her, he tells her every day. However, Alfie knows the far darker side to that love. He’s heard of people brutally murdered with remains unidentifiable after coming close to her, and although Alfie has no desire to harm a child who probably doesn’t even understand what it is the rest of her family do when she’s not around, that doesn’t reassure him even in the slightest that Tommy, Arthur, Ada and John Shelby along with Polly Gray wouldn’t rip him to shreds if they knew their little princess was stood in his office for whatever reason.

“Right,” Alfie states, “Better get you home then,” He strides easily towards the door to hold it open, but the little girl simply quirks one eyebrow and remains where she stands. “It’s Tommy’s birthday soon.” She declares, looking up at the hardened London gangster as if he poses no threat nor fear to her in the slightest bit. She smiles at him, big and bright. She didn’t know him. She didn’t know if he was violent, didn’t know if he was supposed to be scary. She just knew she had met him before, he was relatively funny as the 5 year old obviously did not pick up on the thinly veiled threats hiding beneath the verbal back and forth between her favourite brother and the man she stood with now, and more importantly than anything; she knew he was a ‘baker’. “You need a cake on your birthday, you know.” She adds very matter of factly, and Alfie Solomons doesn’t fight the little grin he gives. “And you’re a baker, so you can make good cakes. I need you to help me make Tommy’s cake for birthday cake time on Saturday.”

There’s virtually no way this little girl had just come up with this by herself. The way she acts, her generosity, her sweetness and her absolute insistence of cake for her brothers birthday was not something she had adapted by herself. Children don’t just come up with these things. That thought, for Alfie, means that those who have raised her have drilled a certain kindness into her. Thomas Shelby has raised his little sister to be the kind of kid who will find a man she thinks is a baker just because her brother told her he was, so that he can help her make a cake. That makes Alfie want to laugh. Tommy Shelby acts the part, but Solomons now knows he’s the type who taught a little girl about the importance of cake and birthday fun.

“Fine.” Alfie responds, out stretching his arm to gesture the little girl out into the factory. He did actually have a designated area for the ‘bakery’ just in the event that someone came looking or investigating and he needed to show there was actually a bakery there. He was thankful for that now, because he got the feeling that there was little to no chance he would have gotten away from the very very persistent little Shelby trailing behind him. It becomes apparent very quickly that little (y/n) will have no luck when it comes to seeing what was going on up on the counter, considering she wasn’t even nearly the same height as it, never mind tall enough see over it. Alfie has to get creative in that respect, eyes flicking around until they lands on a a stack of crates that he grabs a couple of to pile them next to the counter so that the youngest Shelby can contribute as she pleased to the cake making.

All things considered, Alfie was actually a fairly good baker. He didn’t come up with the idea of a bakery to cover his illegal business work for no reason. He knew he could bake if it was necessary (which it sometimes was to smuggle alcohol), so this ask from the little girl who had a list of ingredients and an exact image of how she wanted this cake to look, wasn’t a huge task for him.

In the process of the bake, Alfie learned a lot. He learned that little Shelby couldn’t quite pronounce her L’s (which Tommy was apparently working on with her), so she called him Afie. He learned that Tommy’s favourite cake was vanilla sponge, which was why it was a four tier vanilla sponge with extra strawberry jam that his sweet little sister had chosen. He learned that the little girl got here by very discretely tripping up her cousin, Karl, so that Ada was preoccupied giving him a plaster for his knee and stopping his tears and (y/n) snuck off from Ada’s London home in the direction she felt like she remembered Tommy going when he had taken her to Alfie’s bakery once, albeit leaving her in the car with Arthur and John. She had to ask for directions from confused strangers a few times, but ultimately she found the place on her own. Alfie learned that little Shelby talks a lot. She’s very clever, can follow instructions a lot better than most children of a similar age. It had become increasingly clear she didn’t see any problem with talking about the fun things she did with her brothers. The way Arthur and John like to throw her about to hear her giggles, how Tommy tucks her in every single night that he can. How he tickles her, how he still carries her around even though her aunt Polly protests it. How good her aunt Polly’s cooking is. How much she loves her family. She sees no problem with divulging these soft family moments, although Tommy would probably be absolutely appalled that people knew these things about him and his brothers. It made the head of the Peaky Blinders seem so incredibly mundane.

Alfie could see now why that sweet girl was so loved and held so dear by the family. He also had to wonder if she truly was one of them. She was funny and bright, she giggled with him and babbled on about sorts of rubbish. Alas, she was bossy as Thomas himself. She was loud like Arthur, sarcastic as John, self assured as Polly, as independent as Finn and opinionated as Ada. She made sure to tell Alfie exactly how to stack the first layer while she mixed ingredients for the next layer and he was kept on a very short leash, reminded every so often that he was not to dip his fingers in any of the mixtures and leaning over as he worked to tell him Tommy liked more jam than what Alfie had put on.

“Wait!” She yelps out, leaping off the makeshift kitchen stool made from those bottle crates to chase after Alfie until she reaches the man who was carrying the cake towards a box. “Finishing touches,” she insists, ever so slightly dusting the cake with powdered icing sugar to give a final decorational appearance. Alfie smiles subconsciously as the small girl stands back with a proud grin, turning her eyes to man holding the cake, “Thank you Afie,” she beams, her cute little way of saying his name never lost on him as his heart flutters. “Welcome, baby Shelby.” He responds as he slips it into the cake box he’d ordered one of his men to go and get without question.

Alfie was certain he would step outside his bakery and London would be burning. He expected to have Shelby’s killing people on the streets searching for their baby, their sweet little princess. He assumed (and rightly so) that Ada hadn’t told Tommy that she had absolutely no idea where his most precious little love was for genuine fear of his reaction and so she had mobilised some friends and acquaintances she had made while in London to try finding her little sister. Albeit they were evidently unsuccessful and absolutely no one expected little (y/n) to be baking with Alfie Solomons for her gangster brothers birthday because she just loves him so.

Ada literally burst out the front door frantically when she saw the car headlights pull up outside her house, wrapping herself tightly in her coat as Alfie Solomons lifts her little sister down out of the car. The 5 year old stands innocent as ever next to the man who Tommy never truly knows if he can trust or not as he reaches back into the car to lift out a white cake box with two strong hands. “Better keep a closer eye on this one yeah?” He gestured his head to (y/n) who runs towards Ada and jumps into her open arms to be squeezed incredibly, almost painfully tightly. “Never run off like that again!” She hisses, her concern and anxiety clear behind her words as she speaks into her sisters soft hair, stroking it with her hand for some form of reassurance.

“Sorry Ada,” she hums cutely in response, “We made Tommy a cake though, for his birthday!” Ada let’s go of (y/n) and turns to the little girl. “Go inside and find Aunt Pol, i’ll be in shortly.” She says as she eyes Alfie Solomons with the stoney faced glare he assumes she learned from Polly Gray and her often stoney resolve. “Bye bye Afie!” The 5 year old chimes, scuttling up to him to wrap her arms around his legs for a moment before turning and running off with a wave at the doorstep with Alfie a little bit to stunned by how kind she was to him despite the bad man he was to do much else than wave after her. “You,” Ada snipped, cutting him out of his thoughts and crossing her arms firmly over her chest, “Baked a cake with my little sister?” Her words leak with confusion, eyebrows furrowed with her head tilted in question as she continues to be unable to think of any reason why Alfie Solomons hadn’t turned the little girl away or even used her as a bargaining chip with threats of harm to the child if Tommy didn’t do as Alfie wanted. Instead he baked with her a cake for Thomas and she was returned without a bump, not even a hair on her head harmed. He had returned the little Shelby who was uncharacteristically clumsy for a Shelby without her falling off of anything, burning herself on any ovens or accidentally eating something she was supposed to.

“Yeah.” Alfie responds, shrugging his shoulders at the same time. Ada steps closer to him to try in some way to read what he’s not saying, her heels clicking with each step. “And you want nothing for it?” She presses, her eyes narrowed as he shrugs. “Birthday gift innit yeah?” He grumbles, handing the cake to Ada. “She’s the best of you lot,” he states firmly as he turns his back to climb back into his car, “Keep her that way yeah?”

Ada’s frown turns to a soft smile as she nods, watching as Alfie Solomons pulls his door shut firmly and turns on his ignition.

“Mr Solomons, Oi!” She calls after him, forcing him to roll down his window to hear what she has to say. “Thank you.” She breathes, “For looking after her and bringing her home. And for the cake.” Alfie nods his head in acknowledgment. Ada isn’t sure what else to say. She still feels fairly nauseous at the fact her little sister was missing for virtually the whole day and littered with further nerves at the fact Tommy would be around to pick her up in a half hour and it wasn’t like little Shelby to keep quiet about anything, especially not when it came to Tommy and especially when it came to her adventures that her favourite brother hadn’t been part of, so assuredly she would let him know all about her baking day with Alfie after the cake was revealed tomorrow afternoon for his birthday. Alfie knew this too and he imagined he’d get a visit from the head of the Peaky Blinders relatively soon after he found out.

Tommy would probably be as confused as Ada as to why Alfie looked after little (y/n) the way he did. Alfie couldn’t even really explain it himself, she just warmed up his heart and the sweet little girl showed Alfie truly why Tommy loves that little girl so much. She brings laughter and happiness and fun. She brings light into a very, very dark life and Alfie appreciates that dedication Tommy had to keeping her safe a lot more now. He himself now had a soft spot for the kid and there was a part of him that knew for a fact he too would be making sure no one in his circle was breathing words of harming that little girl who had promised she would bake with him again, and had his birthday written on her hand so she could bake for his birthday.

Maybe the Shelby’s weren’t so bad after all.

[theonlyadawong]

Idk if you've played it yet but what'd you think of separate ways? 👁️👁️

:D

Short Answer: I really liked it!!!! Seeing Ada's relationships with Luis and Wesker get more fleshed out was great!

Long Answer (and I do mean long) below hehe

Okay so first things first, her outfit is so ridiculous it's not even funny. I know this has been a common critique since we first saw it, but seeing just her ripping and running in those boots really hammered it in. There's no fucking way she went to Spain in those heels. No fucking way. I thought she looked exceptionally stupid in her original 4 outfit, and I feel the same now.

Loved seeing hookshot being used to fight!!! Amazing!!! I loved it! This also made me wonder if Ada's left arm is fucked up from using it so much.

"What terrible actions will be done in its name, and who will pay it's dark cost? Because in this world, someone always pays. Best not to ask who or why. I understood that. Made my piece with it. Until that one night in Raccoon City... changed everything" YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA AMAZING! AMAZING! LOVELY! (the "dark cost" line is incredibly goofy but it gets the point across) IMMACULATE LINE!

I really enjoyed how the game made it Very Clear that Ada does not fucking like Wesker. The "nicest" lines she has to him aren't even nice, they're just her trying to appease him so she can get off her fucking back.

That being said, I greatly appreciate how

I really like how they handled her being infected, frankly I was expecting her to go through the same thing Leon did, so this was nice!

Frankly, the scene where Wesker saves Ada is so utterly ridiculous to me. You're telling me that Wesker, a white supremacist who has plans of genocide, risked his life to save a woman of color who he doesn't trust and doesn't fucking like? Not likely.

Also Ada waking up in a bed was Strange. Very Strange. Didn't like it one bit. And even if it wasn't strange... you're telling me wesker cared enough about Ada to take her all the way upstairs to a bed? No... no he would have dropped her on a couch or something. Maybe even the floor! Saving Ada and carrying her to the bed imply Wesker cares for her... which is weird... because the game shows us many times that he doesn't.

It was just very strange and frankly I can't give you a good reason why he needed to be there at all. It feels like they just wanted to make the most out of the Wesker model they no doubt poured an assload of money into.

"Easy with the threats, Wesker" <- literally one of my favorite lines from seperate ways.

I LOVED THE LASER ROOOOOOOOM AAAAAH!!!! I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!!

The Ashley scene was unexpected, I thought the shot of her in the trailer was a misdirection, but no she and Ada had like 20 seconds together. This brings me to a question I've had for MONTHS!!! In 4r, Ashley sees Ada clear as day... so when she goes back to the states and gets interrogated... what happens with that? It's not like before when it was only Leon who saw her and he could just erase her from the reports, both he and Ashley are gonna have to admit they did get help... so what do they say? I Would Like To Know.

And finally another terrible part was when the dlc ended with Wesker and I was suddenly hit with the realization that they for sure are gonna remake 5. Which. I always knew would happen but please I can't deal with that (though I do believe 5 is one of the games that actually needs a remake. Because. Um. Well just look at it)

Another thing I appreciated was that they made it abundantly clear that Leon wasn't even close to being her priority. They are quite literally two people going their Seperate Ways (ba-dum tss.) Not only that, but (and this might totally be me) every time Leon was talking to her I just had to roll my eyes, because now I know the full context of what Ada was doing, so everything Leon was saying to her felt like bullshit lmao.

Reading all of this makes it seem like I didn't like it at all lmao, but no, these are just my critiques lol.

OH! ALSO! Not to promote "Ada should have her own game where she's a lead without leon" propaganda... but... well this version of seperate ways made it Very Clear she can do her own thing without that white parasite!!!

Ummmm I think that's everything... if it isn't I can promise you you'll see me talk about it hehehehe

[theshelbyclan]

Happy Birthday!

Summary: It’s your birthday! And the Shelby brothers refuse to let another one of their baby sister’s birthday go by without some proper celebrating. 

(Gif by @benson-shelby​)  A/N: It’s actually my birthday today, but due to quarantine I can’t really celebrate it with anyone. So I decided to celebrate with the Shelby’s! Via this little fic, purely self-indulgent, to cheer myself up and to remember some great birthdays I had in the past ;) Set in season 1, you’re just a few years younger than John. Words: 1710 *** “John, get her tea.” “I thought you had the tea.” “Well, then get the milk!” urgent whispers sounded in the hallway. 

“I’m not your bloody maid, am I, Ada,” John spat not so quietly in return.

You were lying in bed, awake for hours already. This was the day you’d become a woman, or so Ada had said, but still, your siblings were bickering like little children. It brought a smile to your face. Another annoyed grumble, “Shhh, you’re going to wake her up!” “Am not,” he hissed, “I got your fucking milk, didn’t I!” “Oi!” another low voice joined in, “Ada, you really need to take a look at the toast.” “What about the toast, Arthur?” “Burned it,” he mumbled and you could hear John giggle softly in the dark. Ada sighed deeply, “For fucks sake, fine, I’ll do it. Wait here.” As the least subtle brothers in the world shuffled about in the hallway, you thought of your other birthdays. When you were little, they were celebrated with mum and everyone gathered. During the war, no one paid attention to birthdays any longer. And now, after the war, people tried to get their lives back on track. Only last week you’d made sure Finn had gotten a birthday he’d never forget. And now they tried to return the favour, obviously. Another few minutes and about a thousands curses passed, when they finally tiptoed into the room. Closing your eyes, you decided to play along. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Slowly you sat up and put on a groggy voice, “What are you doing in here?” “You are the worst actor ever, Y/N,” John grinned. “Am I?” you feigned innocence. Ada handed you a cup of tea as John plopped down onto bed next to you, “Did you hear about Arthur burning the toast then?” “I didn’t burn it,” he protested, “Only… blackened it a little.” Ada sent her eldest brother a look, “Polly’s making some more.” “Thanks for the tea,” you smiled and took a sip. Frowning, you narrowed your eyes at John. “You’re not a child anymore, Y/N!” he explained happily. “Move over,” Arthur shoved his brother aside and hugged you, “Happy birthday, sweetheart. This is for you, go on, open it.” Wrapped clumsily in some brown paper, he’d given you a revolver. And just as you were staring at it, Aunt Polly walked in with toast in a lovely shade of light brown. “A gun,” she demanded at once, “For fucks sake, Arthur.” “She needs it to protect herself, Pol,” he returned, and with pride in his voice he added, “And look: it’s a lady’s gun!” You turned the weapon over and saw it was small, delicate and laid in. Still, deadly as any weapon it was. “My turn,” John said, bouncing up and down in excitement almost. He handed Polly your tea and when she sniffed it, she said strictly, “Alright, who put whiskey in her morning tea?” No one answered. Quickly John handed you his present, hardly wrapped at all. Inside, you found a peaky cap, razorblades included. “Honestly, John…” Ada sighed, “She’s not a bloody Blinder!” “It’s all she’s ever wanted!” John called out, “Ever since she could walk, she tried to steal our caps, forever talking about wanting to join us wherever we went. Now she’s got her own!” “I love it,” you beamed up at him, “All I ever wanted.” “Alright,” Ada interrupted, “Clearly Y/N has too many brothers so it’s up to me to turn her into a lady.” “Please do,” Polly sighed, “Or the only interest she’ll ever have is weapons.” She knew her niece well, “That and gambling…” Your sister combed a few rebellious strands of hair behind your ear and planted a kiss on your cheek, “My darling little sister, soon you’ll learn you have more than one way of getting a man to do what you want.” You blinked a few times. This had always been more of Ada’s area of expertise. “She has no idea what you’re on about,” Polly smirked. “Thank God,” Arthur and John said in unison. “Sit still,” Ada demanded and she started applying the lipstick, “Sit. Still.” You furrowed your brows at the unfamiliar feeling, “Just your colour,” Ada commented happily, “As I thought.” “Not bad, that,” Arthur commented as he tilted his head. John leaned back and examined you as well, “Yeah, well, it’s red, isn’t it? I like red...” “Lipstick, a gun and razors,” Ada commented matter-of-factly, “the most deadly Shelby as of yet, Pol!” Aunt Polly rolled her eyes. “Happy birthday, Y/N!” eleven-year-old Finn came running to the room and jumped up into your arms, “You can have mine!” And he thrust his homemade catapult into your hands by form of a gift. “Another weapon, Pol,” Arthur eyed her, “Whatever will become of our innocent little sister?” Aunt Polly rubbed her nose and stammered a little, “Well, you know I don’t agree with you joining the family business… And God knows I’ve tried to rein you in just a little…” “But,” you interrupted, eyes glittering mischievously. “But…” she looked down, “I got you something for your shoes.” “Shoes?” you looked at the little black package she’d handed you. John suddenly burst out laughing in realisation, Arthur tried to hide his face in his hands and Ada commented dryly, “So, no better than us, eh, Pol.” Slowly you opened the package. Inside, you found a small black butterfly knife. *** A few hours had passed, with the regular nonsense that you cherished more than anything in the world. The family was gathered in the kitchen, everyone argued and life seemed perfect. But, one thing was missing. “Where’s Tommy?” you finally asked. “He had business,” Polly answered shortly, “No idea when he’ll be back.” You eyed John carefully, the brother you always turned to, “You think he forgot?” “Nah,” he tried cheering you up, “And you’re doing alright with us, right? Don’t need grumpy here…” You smiled, but still it hurt a little. And then, unexpectedly, Tommy waltzed into the house like it was any other day. “Y/N,” he announced himself coldly, “I need you to come with me.” “Why?” you challenged, “We’re just celebra-“ “I said now, Y/N. Family business.” Tommy interrupted in a low voice. “Thomas…” Aunt Polly started, but he held up a hand to silence her. Then he turned to you and repeated, “Come with me.” Begrudgingly, you got up and followed your brother. Looking back, Arthur motioned you to move it, which made you all the more suspicious. Without moving a muscle in his face, Tommy opened the door and said, “Go on.” You stepped outside and the second you did, applause resounded through the streets. In front of every house, people had gathered and they cheered like you were royalty. You couldn’t believe your eyes. “Tommy, did you…” you started. “He’s been at it all morning,” John explained as he crossed you in the doorway. A few moments later, the sound of hooves echoed in the streets. “What the hell is this,” you said at once. “This,” Tommy made a broad hand gesture, “Is a gypsy on a horse.” “And what, pray tell, is he doing in the middle of town?” You recognised Johnny Dogs now, who called out, “Little Y/N Shelby! Happy birthday, love!  How the hell are you!” “I’m grand, Johnny,” you said numbly, “What’s with the horse?” He got off the horse and patted her flank, “She was a lovely filly as first. Sweet, but could never quite be tamed. Third filly out of Shadow, gorgeous beast.” “So, we decided,” Tommy mumbled as he lit a cigarette slowly, “she needed a rider who’d understand.” “What? Being a gorgeous beast?” your cynical reply came. Tommy rolled his eyes, “ ‘could never be tamed’ “. “Well, go on,” Johnny urged, smiling from ear to ear, “Up you get, little one!” Gingerly, you walked over to the horse. As you stroked her nose, Tommy handed you his cigarette and said softly, “What do you think of her?” “She’s an absolute beauty.” Tommy nodded, “Just like you,” but before you could send him a thankful look, he’d walked off again. And with the whole of Small Heath watching on, you climbed up on the horse. *** It was almost midnight when you woke up on a hard cold bench. A splitting headache washed over you as you tried to lift your head. You touched your temple and noticed some blood on your knuckles. Vaguely, you remembered being in the Garrison only a few hours before. You remembered Tommy had closed the betting den and the pub being packed with people, all celebrating your birthday. Memories of card games, songs and laughs came back to you. And the whiskey, so much whiskey. Slowly, you hoisted yourself up. As you looked around, you recognised the inside of the police cell. And you felt at your laced up boots: the knife was still safe inside. A sigh of relief escaped you. “How’s the head, eh?” Recognising your brother’s voice, you looked up without meeting his eye. “What did I do?” you asked finally. After a pause, Tommy replied, “Well, you celebrated your birthday alright.” “Did I have fun?” “Yes, I’d say so.” You frowned, “Why am I in here?” He cleared his throat, “It started with the barmaid and ended with you head-butting a policeman. Quite the Shelby night…” “Is that pride I hear?” Tommy didn’t answer, so you send him your best innocent smile. Eventually he asked, “Was it worth it?” “Hell yes,” you replied in a flash. “Little devil, celebrating her fucking birthday, eh?” “Admit it!” you pointed at him, “you areproud!”

And Thomas Shelby actually smiled through the bars, “Fucking right I am.” When he started to walk away, you shouted, “Oi! What about my bail?” “Paid it!” he called from a distance. “How am I supposed to get home?” you raised your voice even more. Tommy’s reply echoed, “Take your horse. She’s outside.” Myhorse? And just as a policeman with a head in bandages opened the door of your cell, you smiled to yourself: Best birthday ever.

Tommy left the station before you were released, but before he’d gone, he finally said:  

“Happy birthday, Y/N.”

***

Masterlist

[deepdonutkid]

Kismet

Requested: No

Paring: Shelby!Sister Reader x Isaiah

Words: 5624

Summary: For a year now, you had a secret relationship with Isaiah and even when he is still in the same room with you, you can’t stop feeling lonely. It’s not that you don’t love him anymore, it more about the weight of the secret you have to carry. But with Tommy as you big brother you can’t risk, telling the truth or your man might get shot.

Note:

I was in the mood for a Shelby!Sister reader x Isaiah and it turned out to be way longer than I expected it... and I even cut out dialog... So here it is!

It’s also flavored with Junior Peaky Boys fun at the beginning. And I was inspired by my homegirl’s one shot called star and my story is an addition to hers, it’s the same night, but Bonnie has some other adventures than the reader and Isaiah.

Somehow I feel like everybody is a little ooc, but I couldn’t correct it.

Requests and tag list are still open, feel free to dm me or send me an ask.

tagging: @bonniesgoldengirl​ @justalonelyslytherin​ @theshelbyclan​ 

Warning: swear words, drinking, binge drinking, gambling, a hinted smut and a sweet ending

It was one of those nights, nothing special, just the usual fellows around the same table in the Garrison.  You had fun nevertheless. All your friends were right there, you had enough to drink and you had a luck hand today. The cards seemed to work in your fortune.

Deviously smiling you revealed your hand. You just had won this round and it gave you unholy amounts of satisfactions. “Ha”, you cheered: “Suck it up.”

Your friend shrugged and shoved his coins in your direction. All he said was a very grumpy “There you go”, but it pleased you.

You took the money and peaked around the corner. Where was Michael with the drinks? He was like a brother to you, but he was just your cousin. Maybe it was because you were born just two months before his older sister, Anna. Even though, she was gone Michael came back to his real family and now you were closer than ever. You cared for him, more than your siblings did.

But that didn’t mean you wouldn’t hit him, if he just left the bar to fuck with some random girl. It was not about him having sex, more about leaving without telling anybody. Especially when he was supposed to get drinks for the table. You moaned and said: “Where is Michael?”

“Probably doing somebody”, Isaiah joked and lit a cigarette. Then he offered you one and you took it gladly. Actually, you bit your lip and gave him the side-eye, but you had to hide your smile in front of the others. Bonnie and Finny weren’t the smartest boys in Small Heath, but you wouldn’t risk it.

You had so much fun with Isaiah that you didn’t even know when it started. Months passed by, while you were completely caught up in your little game with him. Nobody knew it. That was mainly Isaiah’s fault. At first it amused you to keep your relationship with him secret, but now you were ready to tell your family about it. Your boyfriend didn’t like the idea.

Somehow you thought Michael started to notice. He gave you the glace, which said: “I know, dear”, but maybe you were just getting crazy. You just had to be more careful around others now and everything was fine.

The night was still young and you were keen to make Bonnie lose all his money today. He had won the boxing match earlier and the bruises were still visible, but unfortunately for him, he couldn’t win against you. It was just a card game, but it filled you with gleeful joy. This and the fact that Isaiah was sitting next to you. Sometimes he would brush your thigh with his fingers, which made you giggle even more.

“There he is”, yelled Finny while being so fucking drunk, like you never had seen him before. Michael arrived with messy hair and his tie was undone, but he had your drink and that was all that you care for. “Finally”, you fluted and ripped the glass of his hand: “Thank you, babe.”

And the whiskey was still cold, which meant he fucked the girl first and ordered the drinks afterwards. “How was she? Good?” you asked before you took a sip from your whiskey. You weren’t a lightweight when it came to drinking, maybe not as well as Arthur and John, but you could tolerate much more than Ada and Finny. Your little brother was so drunk, he looked like his head was all empty and yet filled with bullshit.

Michael sat down next to you and answered: “Mhh, she was okay, but she talked too much.” Then you felt the weight of a hand on your thigh again. A shiver rushed down your spine, but it was the wrong side. Your cousin had put his hand on your knee. “Everything alright, Y/N?”

You nodded. “Yeah, everything is perfect”, you blabbered hoping he wouldn’t keep asking questions, but he did. “Don’t be so worried, every time I’m with a girl. I know you’re still a virgin, but you can get some too. Tommy wouldn’t be against it.”

How wonderfully wrong he was. Neither were you a virgin nor would Tommy be okay with this. After all, you were his little sister and he wouldn’t accept the guy, you were sleeping with. Of course, Isaiah was a friend of the family, but after the whole thing with Ada and Freddie you had something to worry about.

The best snarky comeback was right on the tip of your tongue, but you couldn’t say it without letting something slip. ‘What gives you the idea I’m still a virgin?’ And yet you were silent as the guy who fucked you, sat right next to you. You felt trapped and decided to go straight forward. “Yes, he would. You know it and everybody in Small Heath knows it.”

“Oh whatever”, Michael mumbled: “Just drink enough and you eventually forget about it.”

You grinned and emptied your drink. “Fuck it, let’s play some cards. I’m not done with Mr. Gold over here.”  Then you took the cards and dealt them to start the next round.

Much later that night when you brought Finn back home and went straight back to the pub, in front of the entrance, you stumbled into Bonnie. “Is there a reason why you’re smirking?” you asked him. He was gleaming red and smiling like an idiot.

Then you remembered. “The singer, right?” Bonnie nodded and his grin got even wider. “You talked to her?” Again he gave you a silent answer. You grabbed his arm and pulled him back inside. He was a lot heavier than you thought, but then again, you were just a girl and he was a boxer.

Sometime it was weird to only have male friends, it just happened. Maybe it was because of your brothers. Maybe that’s why you never acted like a proper girl. Of course you felt like a woman and you liked your body, but in your eyes it was so much easier to talk to guys.

“Eyy, where did you found him?” Michael slurred and helped you to put your friend on a chair again. With your hands finally free you had the chance to explain. “Found him outside. I don’t know what he did there, but he talked to the singer.”

Both, Isiah and Michael nodded. It was only logical for Bonnie to freak out after it talking to her. He was there every Friday night looking for the singer and now his brain seemed to melt, just because she said something to him. But neither of you knew, what she said exactly. Maybe this was a problem for another night. It didn’t look like Bonnie was able to answer.

So you ordered some more drinks and sat back down again. In this separate room, which was reserved for your family, it was almost too tempting to get close to your boyfriend again. Isiah looked so good that night and it hurt to be unable to touch him… or to kiss him. But you would be satisfied with just holding his hand now.

It was a curse; you knew it soon after you realized that you loved him. He was handsome, charming and a loyal friend. There was no better man for you, even though you wished you could be together in public. And again you bit your lip and moved your chair away from him.

But you couldn’t think about this anymore, it was too frustrating and luckily somebody else caught your attention. It was Bonnie who mumbled very quietly: “I think she kissed me, but it could be a dream as well. It felt so surreal.”  You padded his shoulder and nodded to underline your compassion.

It was just the same with Isaiah. Whenever you two were alone, it was amazing and beautiful. He was so soft and romantic and he just made you happy. But every time you woke up and he was gone, the sweet scenery shattered. And out in public it was getting annoying to find excuses to be with him or getting away, so you could spend some time alone with him and you had to lie to your whole family about your whereabouts. Slowly it became exhausting.

There was nothing you could do about it, so you just drank your whiskey and talked with the boys about Bonnie’s singer and the girl Michael had. It was so easy for them to display their relationship in the public, but of course you didn’t have this privilege as a girl. Apparently, you needed to be protected. Or so it has been explained to you. You wasn’t concerned for your safety but for your freedom. Tommy said it was his job as your big brother to care for you, even if it felt like he was controlling you. You have always been the wild one among your siblings and everything was fine, until your mum died and your dad left. Then Tommy was in charge and sometimes his opinions would vary from yours, which led to fights. And yet you feared what he might do, if he found out about your secret.

All the sudden Bonnie fell from his chair and you groaned. Now somebody had to bring him home as well. First Finn and now him… but why they couldn’t take the whiskey today? You weren’t nearly as drunk as them, but still.

Isaiah stood up and picked his friend up. “I’m taking him home. I’ll be right back”, he said, before leaving.

Now Michael and you were alone. It wasn’t what you wanted. The only thing you could think of was smooching the sweet lips of your boyfriend. You were caught up in your little fantasy, when your cousin woke you up again. “Isaiah is acting weird lately.”

“Oh… really? I didn’t notice”, you replied: “He seemed normal to me.” Your hand grabbed the fringe of your dress. Talking about him made you nervous.

Michael moaned and fumbled for his cigarettes. He put them out, you took one and he turned his between his fingers, when he added: “I don’t know, maybe I’m getting paranoid, but I think he is hiding something from us.” Then he lit his cigarette and took a drag from it.

You inhaled sharply and stared into the void for a second, before answering: “Don’t be silly, he is just as loyal as ever.” Then you laughed and Michael joined in. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I just needed to get this off my chest.”

The rest of the conversation went just like usual. You chatted, you bickered and you had fun. While the bell already announced the new day, Isaiah came back.

In this tiny glimpse of a moment you couldn’t hide your smile and he reciprocated. Actually, you were just waiting for Michael to leave now. It was your plan all along, but patience has never been your strong suit.

It took three more rounds for Michael to say goodnight. “Take care of her, will you?” Isaiah nodded. When Michael finally grabbed his jacket and headed to the door, you felt unbelievably excited. Your fingertips slapped a melody on the table, while you watched him leaving. The door shut and now you had what you longed for all night.

You turned around and looked at him. Gosh, waiting felt like an eternity. Now you were the one smiling like an idiot. Slowly Isaiah came closer and his hand pulled you to him for a kiss. “Finally”, you whispered against his lips, before giving him what he wanted.

After you two parted you rested your head on his shoulder. Now you were getting tired as well, but you didn’t want to go to your bed. “I was waiting the whole evening for this”, he moaned and stroked your hair.

The smell of his perfume made you realized how much you missed him too, even though he was with you since you went to Garrison tonight. You moved closer to him and wrapped your arms around him to give him a tight squeeze. Then you signed: “I wish we didn’t have to hide” and buried your face in his shirt.

“Babe”, he replied: “We already had this conversation. It wouldn’t end well. Let’s just enjoy what we have as long as we can.” It hurt, but Isaiah was right. There was no chance Tommy was getting you off the hook, once he knew about it. And no matter how you explained it to him, he would still be against it. You were too young for stuff like that, as if he didn’t fucked Greta, when he was the same age.

You leaned back to see his beautiful face again. There was something in his eyes, a twinkle or something like that, but it always made you feel comfortable. A lick of your lip was enough to purpose the idea of doing something nasty. He knew you since you were children and it was like he could read your thoughts, especially the dirty ones.

Isaiah started giggling and asked: “Hey, babe, I still can cheer you up, right?”

Maybe it was time for some fun, different to the fun you had before with your friends. The word pleasure would describe it well and with his knowing look he gave you so many ideas. You laughed and nodded. “I think it might help when you do the thing with your tongue.”

“Oh”, he responded amused: “Like this?” And then grabbed you for a kiss and god, what a kiss it was. His tongue brushed your upper lip just to enter your mouth and explore it as if it was your first kiss. He even bit your lip playfully and kept going until you couldn’t breathe no more. Your knees started shaking and it was needless to say, he was the best kisser you ever had.

It took you a while to catch a breath again, but then you answered: “Yeah, just like this… But maybe we could go to your place and do a little more?”

He didn’t seem to be so sure about this suggestion. His thumb stroked your shoulder as he held you in his arm. Because he was so quiet for a second, you knew, he thought about this backwards and forwards. “But right when the sun comes up, you have to go back home”, he argued.

Again, Isaiah was right. You should take too many risks. Otherwise you might get caught and neither of you wanted that. All you could do was to shrug and agree: “Just don’t shoo me after we fucked.” There was bitterness in your voice. What wouldn’t you give to wake up next to him every morning?

The pub was almost empty, when you left. You couldn’t hold his hand on the way out. Everybody in Small Heath was Tommy’s spy. Back on the streets a cold wind blew. Now you had an excuse to go near him and he shared his coat with you. Isaiah was always so sweet and caring. You knew you wanted to spend your future with him. There was no other man and you wouldn’t get over him, not now and not in five years.

You even took off your shoes before entering the Jesus household and followed him on your tiptoes to his room. It was completely dark in the house and the silence was haunting, but good for you, you knew the way by now. The excitement made your fingers tremble.

Finally you arrived where you wanted to be the whole day, in his room. Isaiah closed the door as quietly as possible and started smiling. You walked up to him and started to unbutton his shirt. Now you didn’t want to waste any time.

And neither did Isaiah. He was ripping down your dress, which only worked because the straps were so thin. His hands were all over your body and you couldn’t stop kissing every inch of his skin. It felt like magic whenever he touched you. You moaned, when he played with your bare breasts. To silence you he put his thumb on your lips, which you took as an invitation to suck it. Maybe it was mean to tease him like that, but you were desperate for his affection.

An hour later you laid next to him, your head on his chest as he stroked your hair. “You should leave, before we both fall asleep, babe”, he whispered, which caused you to sign. Leaving now was draining, even exhausting. After this wonderful sex, you were too tired to move anywhere, not to the bathroom and certainly not back to your cold bed.

You pouted your lips and tilted your head, so you could give him your puppy eyes and a pretty please with cream and a cherry on top. “Just ten more minutes. Your bed is way comfier than mine.”

He laughed and kissed your forehead. “That’s just because I’m in this bed and you like to use me as your personal giant pillow.” Your fingers hovered about his belly. Even though his muscles weren’t tense now, you could still feel the strength lying beneath his skin.

While your index finger drew circles around his bellybutton, you whined: “Maybe… just maybe that is true, but I still want to lay here for a bit. Otherwise I start to feel like a whore, who only comes for sex and leaves silently afterwards.”  It wasn’t a knock against Lizzie or her job, but you didn’t like the feeling, when you got home and had to find sleep in your own bed. Even though you had a relationship with him, you still felt lonely. Especially when the sun was rising and nobody was by your side.

“You’re not a whore and you know that”, he argued looking a little concerned.

Then you turned on your back and stared at the ceiling. “No, I’m a Shelby and that is probably worse”, you scoffed.

Now Isaiah was silent and had no witty comeback for that. Maybe, because it was true. If you weren’t part of the family, you could be with anyone, whoever you wanted. Carrying the name Shelby was the only reason, why you had to hide your relationship with Isaiah.

After a while he mumbled: “Okay, stay for a while, but you should be back before they open the shop.” By that time you were already half asleep and yet his words made you smile. He wrapped his arms around you, the little spoon and purred like a cat. Just in this position the both of you fell asleep.

Loud steps were coming near the door, but they wouldn’t wake you up. The screaming of Isaiah’s name did. It was a familiar voice and it took you a couple of minutes to notice, it was your brother Finn who shouted and ran down the hall. Suddenly you were wide awake. You startled up and looked around the room. The sun was already up and shining through the window. Then you saw Isaiah, who was just as frightened as you were.

If Finn came rushing through that door, your secret relationship was no longer secret. “I locked the door last night”, he whispered, which was relieving to you, but still no perfect solution for this problem.

Now Finn arrived at the other side of the door and was knocking on it like crazy. “Isaiah, wake up! Y/N is gone. Nobody can find her and Michael said you were the last one with her in the bar”, your brother yelled. You could hear the panic in his voice, but you couldn’t get caught. Not now.

You stumbled out of the bed and collected your clothes, when you heard Isaiah ask: “What are you going to do? You can’t go out there. He will find out.” And you knew your boyfriend wasn’t concerned about Finn, more about Tommy.

The tension in the room was immense. You had to come up with a plan or your brothers would shoot your lover in front of your eyes.

Suddenly you knew what to do. You pushed the pile of clothing to your chest and squeeze it thigh, when you explained in a lower tone: “I’m gonna hide in the wardrobe and then you open the door and go with Finn away. Afterwards I can come out and then I go to the betting shop and tell the others I have fallen asleep on a bench or something.” It was not the best plan, but yet your only option.

Isaiah nodded and you climbed into the cabinet where he stored his shirt and jackets. The second you entered the small wooden space, you knew it was all going down. Call it intuition, call it divination, call it whatever power Polly owned, but you felt it rushing through your body. He closed the door behind you and then you could hear him stumble into his pants.

Only half clothed he unlocked the door to let Finn in. Isaiah was still sleepy. He wasn’t the morning type of person and before he hadn’t had his breakfast he wasn’t really available. Finn strode up and down. You heard is nervous steps. “Everybody is freaking out right now. Polly thinks somebody kidnapped her or worse. I mean, she has always been unratable in her doings, but this time my sister is really going of the edge. It’s already past lunch and nobody has seen her”, Finn explained: “This morning her bed was empty and I thought I shouldn’t worry, but now I’m afraid I should have said something sooner.”

The cabinet was very uncomfortable and yet you tried not to move or to make a noise, which would cause Finn’s attention. However, being in Isaiah’s position didn’t seem to be pleasant as well. He had to lie to his best friend about the whereabouts of his missing sister, knowing she was sitting right here. Isaiah patted his friends shoulder and said nothing.

Finn didn’t calm down and seemed to be upset, Isaiah wasn’t panicking like him. “C’mon, get dressed. We have to look for her. She might be lying somewhere in the dirt. We shouldn’t waste even more time, standing around.” Then he walked to the closet and opened just the door where you had been hiding.

Butt-naked you fell down to the floor and looked up to your younger brother, who had the same face expression as the one time you told him where the babies were coming from. Some when later you would look back at this moment and would have a good laugh about this, but right now it felt like your world was collapsing.

He should have seen you like this and it took you a whole minute to gather the mental energy to get back up at your feet and greet him like it was the normal thing to do in a situation like this. “Hey, Finny, there I am.”

Your brother froze mid movement and stared at you as if you were the first pink elephant the world has seen or a bear riding a bike. Then he broke the silence. “What?”, he winced. There was no anger in his voice, just total confusion.

Finn looked to Isaiah and then back to you. “You screwed my sister?!”

There was no answer to this question.

“How long?” Finn asked: “How long did you hide that from me?”

You glared over to you boyfriend as if you were asking him for permission to say something. Isaiah signed and nodded. There was no point in denying this anymore. It was over.

Now you had to tell the truth. “A couple of months, maybe a year or so”, you croaked and your voice sounded strange. Like it was not your own and even though you dreamt about finally opening up, it shouldn’t have been like this.

Your brother yelled: “A year?! A whole fucking year? Damn, I should be proud because apparently you two are excellent liars with no moral issues… you two deserve each other.” You heard the disgust and disappointment, when he spoke and it broke your heart. Back then, when the whole thing started you though he might be the only one of your brothers to understand you. How wonderfully wrong you were.

“No”, you said under your breath: “Don’t fucking do this to me. I would have told you, if you wouldn’t have run straight to Tommy after you knew. Everybody knows you can’t keep a secret. So don’t act like it was my fault or my mistake, because it’s not. I would have gladly told everybody, I’m like him very much, but you and Tommy and Arthur and John made it impossible for me to even talk with a guy who is not part of the gang. You can’t turn this around and act like you are the victim in all this.”

It was time for you to stand up for yourself and your decisions… and time for you to get dressed. You didn’t seem as responsible as you were when you were still naked and in front of the closed you have been hiding in. Now you knew how wrong it was to lie and hide your relationship, because it wasn’t their concern. It was your life, your body and your choice. Nobody could take that from you and certainly not your brothers. You weren’t afraid of them. All your life you saw how your brothers treated women and you said nothing about it, but this should change right now.

So you stood there, furious and filled with rage, put on your dress and your shoes and said one last thing, before leaving: “This madness has to end.”

You stormed out of the room- not caring for Isaiah or Finn- and heading for the King of Small Heath to throw him out of his high throne. Your hair was a nest and you smelled like a bar after a dirty old night, when you entered the betting shop. Nobody was there, just the regular family members.

Everybody seemed to be relieved to see you again and then came close to hug you. Ada was right next to the door and the first to greet you. “Oh my god, you’re back, sweetie”, she muttered.

Next was Polly who examined your appearance for cuts and other injuries. Of course you had none, besides the hickeys Isaiah gave you. She tried to take a closer look of your neck, but you pulled away, which caused her to ask: “What happened? Where were you all night?”

Now Tommy was coming up to you. His steps were slow, but fierce and the glare in his eyes was pinching. “Just from the smell I would guess, she was with a guy this night”, he scoffed: “She probably had a lot of fun, but now she should say, who that guy was, so we can take actions.” You knew he was addressing you, even though he didn’t phrase it like that.

“I don’t think, this is your business”, you replied with a grin on your face. You wouldn’t back down. Not this time. “But yes, I was with a guy tonight. So you don’t need to worry. I’m completely fine.”

Your older brother led out a little laugh, pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “Well, well, well, I don’t care what you think. I’m your brother and it’s my job to make sure you’re safe”, he explained: “And now you tell me who he was.” Ah, past tense, a hint of what was going to happen.

You crossed your arms and tiled your head to give him a dismissive look. “Who said it was your job?” was your comeback, but your brother wasn’t remotely impressed. Neither of you would let the other win. You were too stubborn for this gesture of insight.

Others, including Arthur and John, were somehow intimidated by Tommy’s behavior, but not you. Actually, you learned too much from him to take his shit.  He taught you to help your head up high and how to outsmart your enemies.  Now you could use the same strategies against him.

“Ever since our father left and mom died, you act like you are in charge, but you’re not. We are your siblings, not your pawn, waiting for your command”, you hissed: “I have my own life and I make my own decisions and who I meet shouldn’t concern you.” Slowly your anger grew. It was a boiling feeling in your gut, like you were fueled with fire.

Tommy was getting gleaming red. You had hit the right spot and you knew you would hurt him with your words, but otherwise he wouldn’t understand. The words were stuck in his throat as he killed you with his looks.

Patiently, you waited for his answer. He wouldn’t give you the satisfaction, but silencing your brother was the best thing ever, since he was the reason why you felt miserable lately. “No comeback? No arguments, dear?” You loved to poke his wounds and you did it with a huge smile on your face.

“As if you would listen to me… You even said it yourself. You wouldn’t take my advice”, he responded and bid his lip. “But I don’t need to talk to you to teach you a lesson. You’re too young to fuck around town and I’m going to find the bastard who did this and kill him.”

The door was opened behind you and soon Finn entered the room. You gave your little brother the death glare you were known for. He shouldn’t get the idea he was allowed to talk about what he found out.

You should be raging right now, but all you could do was laugh. His empty threats weren’t as daunting as he thought. With nothing but spite you whistled: “I would love to see you try. I kept this a secret for over a year now and you noticed nothing. And now I can wait another year for you to find him… or I could run away… whatever you prefer.”

Now you’re pushing your luck. Finn could ruin everything, if he just said one wrong word. The palms of your hands were sweaty. It was a dangerous game you played there, but it was not like you could back out of it now. This was road of no return.

Tommy seemed to be more surprised than fuming, when he asked: “You slept with some geezers for a year now?” He respected your talent to keep it under the radar. Everybody who could shirk his rules deserved acknowledgement for putting up with this risk. Maybe he was finally realizing how much you had grown. You weren’t his little kitten anymore.

“No, not geezers, just one guy”, you corrected him: “But yes, that is true.”

You watched Tommy as he walked around the table, heading for the whiskey, while he nodded understandingly. “Mh, so you would say it’s love?”

A sign came from your lips. You already knew the answer, but you weren’t so sure, if you should say this out loud. After all, you didn’t even have a proper talk about this with Isaiah. Silence was filling the room, while you calculated your risks. If you said, you loved him and Isaiah wasn’t as serious about the relationship, you would look like an idiot. Good for you, he didn’t come to the betting shop to witness the fight between you and your brother. Finally you decided to tell everybody: “Yes, I do.”

“Good”, Tommy mumbled while he poured his whiskey: “Then you should have my blessing. Just give us the name now.” He took a sip and seemed to be amused by your embarrassment.

Talking about Isaiah, while he wasn’t present, was weird, but you knew why he stayed in the comfort of his own room. You weren’t mad at him for not running after you. This was your fight and not his. And after all your brothers were a little scary, when it comes to stuff like this.

But you had Tommy’s word now and nothing should happen to your man. You shrugged and rolled with your eyes. The fuss they made about this was still annoying.

Ada patted your shoulder and encouraged you to speak. “Do we know him?” The answer was yes, but it was also the reason, why you struggled to say it out loud.

Even John chimed in and kept pushing: “Yeah, what’s up with this fella?” He was smiling to let you know the mood had changed. Nobody was against you anymore.

“It’s…”, you started and fumbled for the seam of your dress: “It’s Isaiah.”

At first it was dead silence, while the others processed the information, then Arthur and John burst out in laughter. Finn seemed to be relieved, because he would have hated it to keep a secret like this. Your older sister was hugging you a little too tight and even Polly was smiling.

Tommy had a smug on his face when he muttered: “If that’s the case, then you should have your happiness.”

“Isaiah is a fine fella. You will be alright”, hummed Arthur. Apparently everybody was happy with your choice. You just had to stand up for yourself.

It felt like a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders and then you could laugh about it too. But suddenly you remember that Isaiah was still waiting for his death in his room. “I should go and let him of the hook”, you fluted and already went to the door when you heard Tommy said: “Don’t get pregnant or he has to marry you.”

[ckjbun]

What kind of ability would Higuchi have and its potential name?

Hi to whoever is reading this! This is my first self-written post so I’m still figuring out how all this works and I’m sorry, if it gets a bit chaotic. Anyways, recently, I came across a question regarding Higuchi from Bungou Stray Dogs. It was about what Higuchi’s ability would be called and what type it would be. So I won’t go into details whether she has an ability or not. I believe she has since she is named after an author (and Asagiri himself kinda confirmed it via Twitter). Thus, I just want to write my thoughts on the potential names and kind of ability. 

Since abilities in the BSD world are always named after rather well-known works of the authors, I compared some of the famous works of Higuchi Ichiyo. Now mind you, I haven’t read her works myself. I mostly relied on comparing summaries and analyses of them. Since there are not a lot of summaries, I read two lesser-known stories myself. I will add the links of the summaries/analyses of the works down below. However, while comparing I found two works that would fit Higuchi. Now, first what do I mean by “fit”? Well, it might be best to start explaining what I think about the type of Higuchi’s ability.  

I believe Higuchi has not an offensive type of ability. Nothing like Atsushi’s, Akutagawa’s, Kyouka’s etc. If she had, I’m sure she would have used it already, since she’s fighting a lot with her guns, why wouldn’t she use her ability as an addition, why would she hide it? There are two possibilities why we haven’t seen her ability yet. First possibility would be that her ability is not visible like Odasaku’s or Ango’s, maybe it’s even an ability that she hasn’t even discovered, just like Fukuzawa hasn’t realized he has one before the ADA. Second would be that she can use her ability only under stringent conditions. And I believe it’s the latter, hear me out. 

Remember this scene from Chapter 14? Higuchi reaches out to hold Akutagawa’s hand but then pulls back because she remembered him saying that he doesn’t need her help. Now, you could argue that holding the hands of injured loved ones is a gesture of closeness, a way to show them your support, a way to tell them that you’re staying by their side. And Aku doesn’t want this support, so that’s why she retracted her hand. But something bothers me here. In this scene it looks like Aku slapped Higuchi’s hand away, doesn’t it? And then he says, he doesn’t need her help, instead of support. I know, you could say support and help are almost the same. But to me, help is something that you do more “actively”, while support can be something passive. What if Higuchi’s hand represents this “active” help? And what would actively help Akutagawa in this very moment? A healing ability for example. Coincidentally, in the panel before, Hirotsu asks Higuchi what power she posses to make them [the black lizard] obey. Is this a hint that there is a hint about Higuchi’s ability in the next panel? Maybe. But let’s look at the next panel. It’s the title page of this chapter. 

As you can see, Higuchi has a bandage wrapped around her leg and they seem connected to Akutagawa. In this chapter, it is revealed that Higuchi contemplated about leaving the Port Mafia but her reason for staying is implied to be Akutagawa. This is perfectly symbolized by the bandages in this title page. The bandages coming from Akutagawa are holding her leg back, stopping her from walking away from the PM. But maybe there is a second interpretation? If you’re looking at Akutagawa’s left hand, the bandages are starting to come off. What if this means Akutagawa is healing and doesn’t need the bandages anymore? Instead it wraps around Higuchi’s leg, restricting her movement. What if Higuchi’s ability allows her to help someone else (doesn’t have to be necessarily a healing ability) but in exchange she needs to sacrifice something? Anyways, I think she has an ability which allows her to help other people in a non-combat way. With this in mind, I was looking through several works of Higuchi Ichiyo, searching for something that “fits”. Meaning that I was looking for parallels and themes in irl Higuchi’s stories that could be “converted” into an ability. Just like the coat that the protagonist of Rashomon stole in order to now die of hunger was used as Akutagawa’s ability which seems to be able to eat everything, or like the wish that one’s brother does not die in war in Thou Shalt Not Die became Yosano’s ability and serving as a basis of her background story. Anyways, I’d like to present the works that could be used for Higuchi’s ability and draw some parallels. 

1. The Thirteen’s Night

The story revolves around a poor woman, called Oseki. Thanks to her marriage to a rich man, her family was able to live a better life and her brother found a job. But on the thirteenth night of the ninth month of the lunar calendar (one of two special nights for moon viewing), Oseki visited her parents with the intention on asking her parents for approval for divorcing her husband. Before entering, she overhears her parents talking about how lucky they are that they have such good children who don’t cause trouble and that they are very thankful for this marriage. Hesitating at first, she finally goes in and admits that she wants to divorce her husband because he abuses her mentally. He insults her constantly and tells her that she's worthless, stupid, and uneducated. Her mother is outraged. But her father, even though he acknowledges her suffering, reminds her what her husband has done for this family and that she would lose her son since women couldn’t get custody of their children after a divorce at that time. Agreeing with her father, Oseki decides to go back to her husband: 

“It was selfish of me to think of a divorce. You're right. If I couldn't see Tarō, there'd be no point in living. I might flee my present sorrows, but what kind of future would I have? If I could think of myself as already dead, that would solve everything… Then Tarō would have both his parents with him. It was a foolish idea I had, and I've troubled you with the whole unpleasant business. From tonight I will consider myself dead — a spirit who watches over Tarō. That way I can bear Isamu's cruelty for a hundred years to come.” 

– In The Shade of Spring Leaves, translated by Robert Lyons Danly

Just like BSD Higuchi contemplates leaving the PM, the protagonist here wants to leave her husband. The PM is like the husband. It allows her to support herself and probably her family (at least we saw that she has a sister). But there is constant abuse. Akutagawa is clearly the biggest source of abuse that we can see. But it’s not only him. In Chapter 14, Mori asks her if she is really suited for this job. Telling her indirectly that she is useless or that she is too weak for the PM. Later, you can see the Black Lizard doubting her capabilities, even threatening her. But just like Oseki she stays because of a loved one. What really concerns me is Oseki saying that she will consider herself as a dead spirit watching over Tarō. What if Higuchi, in order to use her ability, has to sacrifice part of her lifespan? Or maybe she loses a feeling? Like e.g. she loses the ability to feel happiness, making her a bit more dead inside? If you draw this parallel, you could also say that when ‘consider myself dead’ is the condition of the ability, then ‘watching over Tarō’ is a hint to Higuchi’s ability. An ability that allows her to watch over and protect her loved ones? This theme fits Higuchi perfectly, since a big topic in Higuchi’s story line is how she wants to help and protect Akutagawa. So it makes sense that her ability might be something that would help him (**intensely squinting at the recent events in the manga, especially chapter 88**). Moving on to the second possibility before the pain starts to set in. 

2. Takekurabe (literally: "Comparing heights", "Child's Play" in the Robert Lyons Danly translation, "Growing Up" in the Edward Seidensticker translation)

Now this is considered as Higuchi Ichiyo’s masterpiece. So the chances are high that the ability is based on this story. The story accompanies a group of children who live next to the Yoshiwara quarter. There are two rival gangs: the main street gang (’omote-machi’), lead by Shōtarō, a cultivated young boy who is the grandson of the owner of a pawnshop, and the back street gang (’yoko-chō’), lead by Chōkichi, the impulsive firefighter’s son. (Maybe a parallel to the ADA with (cultivated) Fukuzawa and the PM with Mori who’s a doctor which belongs into the same category of occupation as firefighters?). Among the main street gang, there was Midori, popular and pretty, who lives in the brothel where her sister works. Shōtarō probably has a crush on her. But Midori probably has feelings for the other main character, Nobu, the son of a Buddhist priest. Even though he returns her feelings, he distances himself from her out of his self-consciousness. Later he joins the rival gang after repeated request by Chōkichi. Anyways, they spend their days very care-free, attending school, playing with each other after school. One day, some conflict arises between the gangs and Midori, while protecting someone else, gets slapped by Chōkichi with a sandal. He then proceeds to tell her that their gang is backed by no other than Nobu. Midori feels humiliated and stops going to school. Soon she also stops playing with the other children. After some time passed, Midori is seen with her hair all done up. She has become a distant, lady-like young woman. This probably means that she got her first period and is old enough to become a prostitute or that she just had her first client as a courtesan. Little by little, the children grow up. Nobu is sent off to be trained as a priest and Shōtarō has come to accept the responsibilities of his family’s shop. 

There are several themes in this story that I’d like to point out, namely unrequited love, Midori’s transformation and underlying unchangeable fates. The first one is obviously a big theme in Higuchi’s story. Midori and Nobu are unable to express their love for each other because of their positions in life. Just like Higuchi is unable to express her feelings for Akutagawa. If you want some hope, AkuHigu shippers, maybe Aku has also feelings for Higuchi but is still very confused and self-conscious about it just like Nobu. Anyways, because of their positions in the PM, it would make everything very complicated if Higuchi confessed. Additionally, Midori feels like she was humiliated by her love when she got slapped by that sandal. I’m sure that Higuchi gets humiliated by Akutagawa a lot. The next theme is Midori’s transformation from a tomboyish to a lady-like, distant woman. We all know Higuchi looks really badass in her suits. But again, look at the title page of chapter 14. Higuchi is dressed up all prettily and lady-like in a dress, and her hair is done all up. Just like Midori after her transformation. Midori’s transformation stands for Midori accepting her occupation as a prostitute even though she doesn’t want to. In this chapter, we see that Higuchi has accepted her job in the PM, even though she doesn’t want to do this job. At the end Shōtarō sings the following: 

"Growing up,

she plays among the butterflies

and flowers.

But she turns sixteen,

and all she knows

is work and sorrow."

– In The Shade of Spring Leaves, translated by Robert Lyons Danly

I don’t know about you guys, but to me that necklace that Higuchi is wearing in that title page looks like a butterfly to me. This is really farfetched but maybe this could be a hint about when Higuchi joined the Port Mafia? However, the biggest theme in Takekurabe is the underlying unchangeable fate of the children. Shōtarō was destined to become the next owner of the pawnshop, Nabu was destined to become a Buddhist monk and Midori would become a prostitute. Maybe this gives us some insight into why Higuchi joined the PM? Maybe one of her parents was a PM member? I also like to think that since Aku is in the PM, since she wants to be with him, she can’t but stay in the PM, and this is her fate. Nevertheless, fate is a central theme in Takekurabe. This is the reason why I think, if the ability is based on this story, Higuchi’s ability would be something like changing fates. Changing fate of someone else but in return she must sacrifice something. 

Okay, so this post has become quite long. But I still wanted to mention two other stories Yamizakura (Flowers at Dusk) and The Sound of the Koto where I saw a lot of parallels. I just want to briefly tell you the story of The Sound of the Koto. In this story a woman abandons her son in order to leave her husband who has a bad reputation. The husband then turns into an alcoholic and dies later at a party because of alcohol intoxication. The boy becomes hardened to the world, despises his mother for leaving them, and even contemplates suicide. The story shifts then to a woman playing the koto.  I want to give you an excerpt for the end of this story: 

“On this night the sound of the woman’s playing helped another to be reborn. Through fourteen springs and fourteen autumns, the boy had been buffeted by the rains. His heart had gradually toughened until it had become as hard as stone. No arrow could penetrate it. He seemed destined to follow the example of his father, to die among the fields or in the mountains, where his remains would be bleached by the elements. Some were convinced the boy’s life would end in prison chains, while his bad name spread to every roadside. 

But now, at once, the tenderness buried in his heart was freed by the midnight strains of the koto. For the first time in many years, he felt tears come to his eyes. Or were they jewelled drops of dew? He would not exchange them for anything. 

He, who had known neither love nor compassion, and who had no idea what the player of these refrains could even look like, felt a moment of happiness as the music drifted over the garden wall. […]

[…] How could a stormy wind blow now? The clouds in his heart had disappeared. Once more the woman began to play. The sound of the koto would be his friend for a hundred years, the seed for a hundred years of yearning. He had entered a world where a hundred different flowers wer in bloom. 

– In The Shade of Spring Leaves, translated by Robert Lyons Danly

This boy somehow just reminds me so much of Akutagawa. Just like this boy, without any parents and home, wandering around in this world, Akutagawa has become hardened to the world. I’d like to think that Higuchi’s ability could free Akutagawa from his pain, just like the sound of koto does for this boy. 

So, now I said everything I wanted to say, I guess. If there is really anyone reading this and reading this until here, thank you so much! I appreciate it very much that you kept reading even though my thoughts are probably quite chaotic. I’m sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or weird sentence structures or anything like this. English is not my first language. I’m very happy, if you could point out any mistakes or have any suggestion for improvement. Lastly, I just want to remind you that these are my thoughts, I love discussing so feel free to comment your thoughts but I’d like you to keep in mind that there is not necessarily a wrong or right, theories are theories, interpretations are interpretations. Everyone has another interpretation. They can only be proven wrong by Asagiri sensei himself. Until then just keep the discussions friendly and tolerant towards other people’s thoughts and opinions. 

Sources:

All manga panels used in this post are from easygoingscans

Higuchi Ichiyo (樋口 一葉)

Higuchi Ichiyo: "In the Shade of Spring Leaves"

In The Shade Of Spring Leaves: The Life Of Higuchi Ichiyo, With Nine Of Her Best Stories, translated by Robert Lyons Danly

In the Shade of Spring Leaves – Ichiyō Higuchi, Part 1

“Flowers at Dusk” and Other Notes – Ichiyō Higuchi, Part 2

“Encounters on a Dark Night” and Other Notes – Ichiyō Higuchi, Part 3

“Child’s Play” and Other Notes – Ichiyō Higuchi, Part 4

HIGUCHI ICHIYŌ: BADASS WOMEN IN JAPANESE HISTORY

The Thirteenth Night (Wikipedia)

Female Subject, Interrupted in Higuchi Ichiyō's "The Thirteenth Night"

GAME OF TRADITIONS: TRADITION IN THE THIRTEENTH NIGHT AND DIARY OF A MAD MAN

HIGUCHI ICHIYŌ IN MODERN JAPANESE AND EUROPEAN DRESS: Modern Japanese versions (gendaigoyaku) of Higuchi Ichiyō’s Takekurabe and their Relationship with English, Castilian Spanish and Catalan Translations

Separate Ways Summary

Literary Analysis of “Separate Ways”

Flowers at Dusk

Nigorie (Wikipedia)

From the Margins of Meiji Society: Space and Gender in Higuchi Ichiyō's "Troubled Waters"

[gotnofucks]

Golden Cage

Pairing: soft!dark!Andy Barber x Reader

Summary: You asked Andy to take your case and he asked for you to give yourself to him as payment. (18+ ONLY!!)

Words: 6.3k (lmao sorry)

WARNINGS: dub con, blackmail, coercion, possessive behavior, bad smut, slight angst. SPOILERS FOR DEFENDING JACOB!

A/N: Kinda blurred boundaries here.

MASTERLIST

 ---------------------------------------------------------------

You needed more concealer or the only way you’d be going out in public would be with turtlenecks. Andy loved to leave marks on your neck and the rest of the body, and he hated you covering them up. The moment you would come back, the first thing he does is drag you to the bathroom to wipe the makeup off and bare your bruises to his eyes. They were marks of his ownership over you, and they reminded you both of the truth: You belonged to him.

Your life took a turn nearly a year ago when your brother was accused of third-degree murder of his colleague. The case was pretty much a public trial and the scandal rocked your world. Not only did your brother get arrested, but you lost your job too by means of association. You knew your brother was innocent, he would never hurt a fly let alone a human being. But try as you might, you couldn’t get a lawyer to represent him. That’s when Andrew Barber stepped into your life.

Having left prosecution and taking up defense cases, Andy and you met in the police station where you had gone for some information. You were filling a form talking to an aid, the only one who seemed to sympathize with you when Andy walked in. The lady had pointed at him and said, “If anyone could have won a case like yours, it would be him. As an ADA, Andrew Barber never lost a case and he carried that record as a defense lawyer too. But he’s very selective in his cases and well…expensive too”.

You had looked up and followed her gaze and words, a tiny spark of hope lighting in you. After you had hastily filled your form, you waited outside the station hoping you could catch Andy leaving and plead your case to him. When he came out, you waited until he reached his car to approach him.

“Excuse me, Mr. Barber?”, You said, twisting your fingers in the hem of your shirt. He turned to look at you in question.

“Yes?”

“Uh, my name is Y/n Y/l/n.” You said and Andy’s eye flashed with recognition of your last name.

“How can I help you Miss Y/l/n?” His voice had a tinge of pity because he knew what you were going through. He’d been through it himself and lost everything in that battle.

“I’m sure you’ve heard of my brother’s case Mr. Barber. I need all the help I can get. He’s innocent. I know he is innocent! Would you please help me?” You were ready to leave your dignity and kneel in front of him if you had to. Your brother was your whole world and you were ready to sacrifice everything for him.

Andy sighed. He looked at you silently before reaching into his pocket and handing you his card.

“Make an appointment for tomorrow, okay? I’ll see what I can do, but no promises. Bring all the files you have on the case and anything else that you think might be of help.”

You’d arrived at the appointment ladened with a huge box of papers. You were surprised when you were told to meet Andy at his house and not his office, but you saw no reason to complain. His house was huge and cozy, but recent changes were visible. Empty bolts on the wall showed recently removed pictures and you quickly recalled the story about the Barber’s scandal you’d read on the net last night. It was a nasty business and you knew deep in your bones that Andy could help you and your brother because he had personal experience with something like this.

“Would you like a drink?”, Andy asked you, taking a seat across from you in his kitchen.

“Just some water please”, You answered, nervously looking at him. He had forgone his business formal inside his home and was wearing a button up with dark jeans. He handed you a glass of water and then motioned to the files in front of you.

“May I?” He asked and you nodded, sliding them over to him and sipped your water.

Andy looked over the papers for quite a long time, his brow furrows. He took out a small notepad and scribbled something on it between his reading, one finger tracing his beard. You looked at him anxiously, trying to decipher his reaction. If you could convince him to take the case, then all hope was not lost for your brother.

After going home last night you had read everything you could about Andrew Barber, and pity had swelled in your heart for him like an ocean. This brave man had lost more than his good name in the society. His ex-wife Laurie was in prison in the attempted murder of their 15-year-old son Jacob, who was still recovering from the injuries inflicted to him by his mother. How Andy could still manage a normal life with work was a wonder. He was only in his 30s to have gone through something so traumatic and you hoped that once this case was over, you could rise from the ashes like him.

After taking a good look at the papers, Andy finally put them down and leaned back on his chair, folding his arms against his chest. You looked at him nervously, chewing on your lip as you waited for him to speak. His gaze lingered for a moment on your lips before meeting your eyes.

“May I please call you Y/n?” He asked and you nodded. “Y/n, I wouldn’t say that this is an easy case. You know it isn’t. Evidence is heavily stacked against your brother.”

“But?”

“But it’s not completely hopeless either. There are loopholes, a lot of them in fact. A lot of evidence is mostly circumstantial, and if we can find some experts to recreate the murder scene digitally, we might be able to prove that your brother is innocent. The stab wound is near the heart, a difficult place to lodge the knife in since you need to get through the rib cage. The murder weapon was quite deep inside the body, meaning a lot of force has been used. I’ve seen your brother’s pictures and just read his reports.” Andy smiled a little. “He certainly doesn’t look like someone strong enough to make this kill wound, especially since there are signs of struggle which would make it even more difficult.”

You looked at him with your mouth parted, eyes wide and hoping. Your heart was beating widely in your chest and you wet your lips before speaking.

“So, there is a chance he will get off?”, You asked.

“I think if we play the right strategy and work things out, there is a chance he might get off.”

You almost lunged across the table and hugged the man. Unbidden, tears stinged your eyes and you sniffled, trying to keep them from rolling down your cheeks. Andy got up and walked around to your side before handing you a tissue. You dabbed your eyes and looked at him with gratitude in your eyes.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”, you sobbed. He patted your back until you calmed down and then sat down beside you. It was only then that another thought hit you. Lawyers like Andy Barber didn’t come cheap. You were so focused on helping your brother you had no idea how you’d pay what you were sure would be thousands of dollars to him.

“Mr. Barber, about the-” You started to say but he cut you off by raising a hand.

“Call me Andy, we’ll be spending lot of time together solving this one. And about payment, don’t worry. I know how difficult a position you are in right now. We can talk money later, after things are a little more sorted.” His words were soft, and you immediately protested.

“I can’t do that. I can’t take advantage of your kindness like that. I’ll write you a cheque, though the next one may take a while. Please, I’ll get the money.” Now that there was a chance to get your brother out, you’ll do anything. You’ll take another job, sell your crappy apartment and car too if you had to. Anything to get your baby brother back under your roof, safe and sound.

“Please Y/n, I insist. We can talk payments later. Right now, we should focus on your brother.” You looked at Andy and murmured a small thanks and he asked you what you’d like for lunch so you can discuss the case over it.

And so, it went. Almost every day after work, you sped down to Andy’s house straight and talked over the case. The scheduled visit with your brother went well and Andy was sure the experts he had hired could give conclusive evidence to how your brother’s body type didn’t match that of the murderer. Over the next few weeks, you became consumed in this battle for justice, and every second of the day you thanked your lucky stars for Andy who became your rock. He always knew just the right thing to say, and more often he was like a friend who heard you out. When things got too difficult and you felt like you were being crushed under the pressure, he would comfort you by ways of a hot mug of coco.

The case progressed smoothly and by the time Andy made the closing arguments, you were sure your brother will be coming home with you. Everyone was right, Andrew Barber was a court room wizard and you saw him in action. The night that your brother came back, you invited Andy and Jacob to dinner. You saw Jacob frequently when you were at the Barber’s and you got along with him nicely. It hurt you to know that a boy so young had to deal with so much in his life, but he still smiled and went on with his life.

Throughout the dinner, your brother thanked Andy incessantly, almost bowing down. There was laughter under your roof the likes of which you didn’t know would ever come back. After eating, your brother and Jacob departed to play some video games and you held Andy back.

“Can we talk?”, you asked him and motioned him away from the living room to the small room you used as a study. He nodded and followed you, closing the door behind you.

“Everything okay?” He asked

“Andy, I can’t thank you enough for what you have done for me. You’ve been so kind and nice to me I feel completely indebted to you. I know you’ve been skirting around the money issue, but please, you need to let me pay you.” It was true. Anytime you brought up the topic of his payment he had changed the subject. You thought it had to do with the fact that your relationship was more than just attorney-client and more like friends and it made him uncomfortable to take money from you.

“I don’t want your money, Y/n”, Andy said firmly.

“Why the hell not? I don’t want your charity Andy. You’re my friend, and you helped me get back everything I thought I would lose. I don’t think I can ever repay you for your kindness, and money is the least I can do. Please”

Andy looked at you for moment before moving to stand right in front of you.

“I don’t want your money.” He repeated. “But you can repay me a different way.”

You looked at him speechlessly, not following. He raised a hand and gently moved a strand of your hair behind your ears.

“Andy…” You whispered.

“I don’t want your money. I want you.” He said and placed his hands on your waist, bringing you closer. Your heart beat a furious rhythm against your chest, and you forgot how to breath for a moment.

“I – what? I don’t understand” You said, trying to move away from him but he would let up. His hands tightened around you and kept you in place.

“I want you. I want you to be mine.” He said and your eyes widened. You pushed against his chest, needing to create some distance between you. You had not seen this coming. Never had you felt any untoward advances from him, he never touched you wrong. Hell, he didn’t even hug you for an unnecessary amount of time. Your relationship was the very definition of platonic. At least, that’s what you thought.

“Andy, what’s wrong with you. I thought we were friends. Please, let me go.” You said and surprisingly he released you and walked back a couple steps.

“We are friends, but I want more than that. I have wanted that for months, but I didn’t say because you had enough on your plate. I don’t want you going back to your house at night when you visit me. I want you under my roof, inside my bed and under me. Look how good you’re with Jacob too. We will be great together.”

You gaped at him and stumbled to a chair and sat down.

“I will not be your personal whore, Andy Barber!” You sneered at him and he started, shaking his head. He came and knelt before your feet, taking your hands in his.

“That’s not what I said at all. I would never do that to you.” He vehemently disagreed. “I want someone to love and cherish, I want a family. I know you can give it to me.”

You tried to jerk your hands out of his, but he held them fast.

“I’m sorry about how this is going. I wasn’t planning on talking about this tonight. But you forced my hand. I want you Y/n, and I will have you. Even if I had asked you out, I know you would have said no because you want to work and provide for your brother. Isn’t that true?” He asked.

He was right. You didn’t plan on dating anyone, anytime soon. You had to focus on your career and there was no place for a man in your life no matter how nice he was.

“You said I gave you back your life. You said you want to repay me. This is what I want. You.” He pressed a kiss on your hands and looked intently in your eyes.

“And what if that’s something I don’t want?” You asked.

Andy’s eyes darkened and he glared at you. He had spent months working tirelessly on your brother’s case and been nothing but a gentleman. He didn’t see any reason why you shouldn’t want him.

“In that case, I’ll make you want me.” He said. “I will never do anything to hurt you, trust me. But I can create situations where the only person who can help you will be me. You’ll run right back into my arms. I – I don’t want to do anything bad. I just want you. Be mine.”

He didn’t say it explicitly, but you got his meaning loud and clear. He’s an influential person, he could do any number of things to force your hand. He had been kind to you till now, but if you gave him reason to be cruel, he will be. This man could very well take away everything he gave you and you both knew that.

Later that night after Andy and Jacob left, you told your brother you want to move in with Andy. He was shocked by the suddenness of the news and you fed him some cock and bull story about falling for each other during the trial and not wanting to keep it a secret now that he was out of prison. Your brother was happy for you, telling you that he’s glad you’ve found someone like Andy who would always protect you. You agreed, Andy would always protect you from the world. But there was no one who could protect you from him.

A week later you moved into Andy’s house. Jacob greeted you at the door and took your stuff inside, apologizing that he couldn’t stay long as he’s spending the weekend at a friend’s. Your heart sank at the thought of being alone with Andy for the next two days. You hadn’t spoken much since he all but forced you to into living with him. You saw Andy in the kitchen, setting up the table and wiping the counters. He painted an utterly domestic figure, walking barefoot in his sweats and T-shirt. Seeing you arrive he smiled and moved closer to kiss your cheek and hug you.

“Welcome home, sweetheart”, He whispered in your ear, holding you close and pressing his forehead to yours. Your hands lay limp at your side and you tried to give a small smile and not push back. You heard an awkward cough from behind you and realized Jacob was fake gagging and giving his father a cheeky grin.

“Can you two like, not do this when I’m here?”, He teased and earned a playful swat from his father.

“You get out of here and don’t cause too much trouble.”, Andy said, and Jacob gave a thumbs up and wink to you both and hurried out. You heard the door shut and your hands became sweaty now that you were alone with Andy after a week. No sooner had Jacob departed that Andy’s hands cupped your face and he pressed a searing kiss on your lips. He put a hand behind your head and coaxed your mouth open, deepening the kiss and moaning. You put your hands around his wrists, closing your eyes.

“Come on, kiss me back like a good honey.” Andy said and you forced yourself to respond. His kisses were like molten fire, all passion and heat that lay over you like a warm blanket. Pulling away, Andy kissed your forehead and eyelids and then just looked at you. His eyes were blown wide and dark, his lips red and moist. You gulped as he kept his eyes on you, drinking in your sight in his arms. He hadn’t touched you that night at your place. Didn’t even kiss you. But now that you were here all alone with him, under his roof…you suppressed a shudder.

“I’m so glad you’re finally here. Come, dinner’s ready.” He led you over to the table and pulled out a chair for you. He sat beside you and filled your plate with your favorite dishes. You thanked him, eating quietly, and wondering what would happen to you tonight. Going by the way Andy’s hand was creeping up on your thigh, you knew you were in for a long night. Andy talked throughout dinner about his day and cranky clients. He shared things like a husband would to his wife and you resisted the urge to bolt out of his house. You made small noises of acknowledgment, too nervous to actually speak. There was much you wanted to ask about how things will progress from now.

“I’ve emptied one side of the closet. You can unpack tomorrow and then we can go shopping for whatever else you might need. We’ll ask Jake to click some pictures to hang around too. The walls are so bare now. Maybe a family portrait in the hall above?”

Your fork clattered to your plate as you heard him talk and you stared at him in disbelief. You’d been hear barely an hour and he was planning your life in a way that gave you chills. With every word he spoke, every plan he had, you felt like he added another bar to your prison.

“Andy, I think I should stay in another room.”, You said softly, and Andy frowned.

“Like hell you’ll stay in another room. You’ll stay with me, sleep in my bed right in my arms. You’re mine now, I think I made it very clear?”

You bit your lip and nervously played with your fingers, trying not to anger him.

“What about Jacob? Would he like it, me staying in your room? I mean, his mother lived there not too long ago and...” You stopped when Andy grabbed your chin and turned your head to meet his eyes.

“You just saw Jake. Did you see any hesitance in him when he welcomed you in? I’d already spoken to him anyway. He has no love for the woman who almost pushed him through death’s door. He likes you and he’s happy for me.”

You nodded and finished the rest of your dinner in silence. You offered to do the dishes, but Andy asked you to relax and see about the place while he tidied up. You wandered up the stairs, a part of house you had not been to before. You opened the first door on the left and found a messy room with a big screen and video games. Closing the door, you ventured forward and opened the door towards the end. This would most probably be your room. The bed was huge, and you moved inside to explore. There was an attached bathroom and a massive walk in closet where you could see Andy had cleared space for you. You sat on the bed and opened the first drawer in the bedside cabinet, finding medicine and phone charger. Opening the second, you found it scattered with stationary and other bits and bots. However, what caught your eye was the box of condom tucked in the back. You took it out and gulped in fear.

“I didn’t think you’d want a baby just right now.”, Andy said from the doorway, startling you. You turned to him and set the box down, moving backward subconsciously as he came towards you and shut the door behind him. He stood in front of you and cupped your jaw, stroking gently.

“You’re so beautiful, every time I look at you my heart stops.”, He whispered, then he bent down and kissed you deeply, his tongue in your mouth and hands roaming your sides. You gasped, your own hands fisting his t-shirt. Holding you around the waist, Andy pushed you back in the middle of the bed, climbing over you and starting to unbutton your shirt. You quickly held his hands, trembling slightly. He looked at you with that dark look in his eyes and you slowly retracted your hands and allowed him to strip you of your shirt. He sucked in a breath, pure worship in his eyes as he took in your shirtless body and reached behind you to unclasp your bra. His hands glided over your collarbones and breasts, gentle in their exploring and squeezed. You moaned despite yourself. You didn’t expect him to be this good to you. You thought he would ravish you like an animal in heat.

Andy kissed you then, one hand on your hip, the other beside your head holding his weight. You responded without really meaning to, getting lost in the heat of him. His smell smothered you until you could taste it on your tongue, and you let out a groan of pure satisfaction as he sucked a hickey into the juncture of your neck. Leaving a searing line of fire with his lips, he whispered in your ear.

“I will bath your body with my tongue until I own each and every part of you. I will mark you as mine and claim you completely. When this night is over, you will crave me with a frenzy that only my touch can quench. I’ll not just make you want me; I’ll make you thirst for me. You’ll beg me to touch you, to mark you and to fill you up.”

His words were a promise and you clenched your thighs in anticipation. That night, he proceeded to take you as his. His laved your body with his tongue, suckling, biting, and leaving marks. Your nipples were wet and sore from his attention, your core drenched and dripping. He made you cum first with his mouth, slurping on you, making you tremble and shout. Then he stretched you around his fingers, moaning dirty fantasies into your mouth while you shook under him. You remember him impaling you on his cock, remember feeling every vein of him even through the condom, you felt him stretching you wider than ever before and you cuming hard enough to see stars. He claimed your body in ways you didn’t think was possible, and you woke up the next day with bruises on parts you didn’t even know could bruise.

Your life with Andy was not unpleasant as such, but it was a golden cage. He got you what you wanted, he never stopped you from working or force you into something you didn’t want to do. You told him you didn’t want to try anal sex and he never pushed for it. You told him you missed your study and he converted a room into a library for you. In all aspects, he was the dream guy any woman could want. Only, you never had the option to make this choice. It was thrust upon you and you had to live it no matter what.

The only thing Andy insisted on was your loyalty and time. He told you in no uncertain terms that if he so much as smelled another man’s cologne on you, he’ll tie you up and edge you until you remembered who you belonged to. You didn’t think he was serious until one night Andy lost his cool after watching you hug a colleague who dropped you home. You ended up tied spread eagle on the bed, crying tears of frustration as he edged you with his mouth and a vibrator for hours. It wasn’t until you sobbed out, “I’m yours!” that he let you cum. The other thing he wanted was your time. He never interrupted your work, but if you’re home, he is the only thing that should be on your mind. He kept you close, always an arm on your waist or you in his lap. His possessiveness knew no bounds and Jacob often joked that he’d need a sawing machine to separate you.

You couldn’t say you hated Andy because you didn’t. Even when he had first forced you into a relationship, you didn’t hate him. He’d been a good friend to you and a great support. He had done too much for you to ever hate him, as you were reminded every time you saw your brother. But you couldn’t say you loved him either. The very fact that if you had a choice you wouldn’t be here gnawed at you. While you laughed with Andy when you saw movies or sighed in pleasure when he put those hands on you, you couldn’t bring yourself to love him. You cared for him, you loved to wake up with his face between your thighs or with your face between his. You loved it when you sat as a family to play scrabble and you and Jake teamed up to beat Andy. You loved it when he tickled you into submission or when you gave him a massage after a tough day at work. But you didn’t love him.

So, it was with trepidation that you looked at the ring you found in his underwear drawer. Settled into a small velvet box, it was a silver band with diamonds lining it. Your hand shook slightly, wondering what you’ll do once he asks you the question you’d been dreading for months now. Did you even have the choice to say no? Did you want to say no? You put the box back where you’d found it and went through your day acting like nothing happened. The next few days you lived in anticipation, wondering every time Andy went into the closet if this would be it. But the ring stayed where it was and with each passing day you became as annoyed as you became relieved.

“Come here, sweetheart”, he said to you one night, holding out his hand and pulling you in his lap on the bed. You snuggled against his chest, you head on his shoulder and arms around him. He stroked your back, placing a kiss on your head as he rocked you slowly.

“Do you want to go back to your brother’s house?” He asked softly and you pulled away to look at him with puzzled eyes.

“What?”

“If you want, you can go back to living with him.”

Your heart started pounding in your chest, breath coming out in stuttered gasps. You didn’t know why but tears filled your eyes as you looked at him in utter disbelief.

“You want me to go away?” Your voice was small, broken like that of a kicked puppy. Andy pulled you tight into himself, holding you close while he cooed at you and shushed.

“No, no baby. I never want you to go away. I just feel like you want to go away.” He said and you buried your head in his neck, not understanding why you weren’t leaping across the room and packing your stuff. This is what you always wanted, your freedom. And now when it was being put on a platter for you, you clung to your prison and your captor.

“I – I don’t know what I want”, you sobbed helplessly, and Andy held you as you cried. He patted your head and pulled your face up to look into your eyes.

“While I am deranged enough to keep you with me like this, even I won’t force you into a marriage. I know you saw the ring, and I know you’ve been withdrawn ever since. I love you, more than anything in the world. You know that, and I’m pretty sure everyone who sees us knows that. Which is exactly why I am willing to set you free. I may be a bad person, but I won’t be a monster. I am giving you the choice you have always wanted. You can go if you want, I won’t stop you. I will not hold anything over you. I want you to be happy, and if that is away from here, away from me, so be it. I won’t be the person holding your happiness at bay.” He said.

You remained silent and after a while Andy set you down on the bed and got up.

“Think about it, it is your choice this time.” He kissed your head and left the room. That was the first night in over a year you’d spent alone, and you cried yourself into a restless sleep, reaching out for the warm body not there. You woke up with eyes sealed shut by dried tears and your whole body aching. The sun was high in the sky meaning you slept well past noon. You walked downstairs into the kitchen, looking around for Andy. You needed to see him, touch him. You needed assurance that he was still there and hadn’t left you. You found Jacob working on his assignment and joined him at the table.

“Good afternoon”, he teased with a smile. Then he looked at your face and cringed. “Jeez, you look sick. Can I get you something? You want me to call dad?”

“I’m fine, just tired. Where is Andy?”, you asked with a raspy voice and gratefully accepted water from Jacob.

“He left early, I think. Left a note on the fridge saying he’ll be back later.” Seeing your face fall, Jacob got up and patted your arm. “You sit here while I get you some coffee. You look like you really need it.”

You nodded and tried not to sniffle. Here was a boy who felt like your own son despite you being not that much older to him. You had a family right here, even if you hadn’t asked for it this way. You held your head in your hands, confused.

Jacob got you coffee and some snacks to munch on. He kept looking at you out of the corner of his eyes, pretending to work. You put down your mug after a few silent minutes and asked him if something was wrong.

“Did you reject dad?” He asked you after hesitating. You gaped at him in shock.

“What? I – No. Why would you say that?”

Jacob turned red stuttered. “Its just…dad showed me the ring. I thought he asked you and well, you’re in such a state and he left early which he has never done since you got here, I thought you said no.” You looked down in your lap, wanting to go upstairs and cry in your pillow.

“Hey, I am so sorry. I just – please don’t say no because of me.” Jacob said earnestly. “I am okay with your relationship. More than okay, in fact. After mom, well, I thought I would never see dad smile again. And then he met you and he started cooking and humming songs again. Then once you moved in…it felt like life had gone back to normal. He became better than before. Mom and he used to fight all the time, but you and he click. So please, if you are worried about me, don’t be.”

You chocked out a pathetic sob and hugged a bewildered Jacob who tried his best to console you. You almost laughed as he let out a few “there there” and “it will be okay”. He was so much like his father.

“Jacob, I think I love your father.”, you said with tears rolling down your cheeks. Jacob grinned a smug smile and breathed out a quite laugh.

“Why do you say that as a bad thing?” He asked.

“Because I don’t know how to tell your father about it” you confessed. Jacob stood up and took you with him. Placing his hands on your shoulder, he turned you around.

“I don’t think you need to tell him anymore.”

Andy stood at the entrance, looking at you both with an unreadable expression in his eyes. He moved closer while you flushed in embarrassment, looking at the floor and shuffling like a naughty child caught causing mischief.

“You, leave.” Andy ordered his son who was smiling like Christmas had come early.

“As if I’d stay for what’s about to happen. I quite like the innocence of my eyes.” Jake joked and scampered when his father glared at him. Andy stood in front of you, looking down at you until you finally raised your head to peak at him from under your wet lashes.

“So…”, he trailed off and you almost stomped your feet once you saw the amusement in his eyes. He is going to milk this moment for all it was worth. You’d made him wait long enough for this.

“So…” You said as well.

“I take it you aren’t going back to your brother’s?”

“No”, you whispered. You wanted him to touch you, to make you his again. Spending one night away from him had driven you almost insane with loneliness. You needed him and yet he didn’t put a hand on you.

“Why not?” He asked instead, tracing his bottom lip with his finger. You squirmed as you watched his action, heat pooling between your legs at the thought of that sensual mouth.

“I – I changed my mind”

“You did, did you?”

“Yes”

“Why?”

You glared at him, making him smirk. You broke and took hold of his collar, pulling him close and brushing your lips against his.

“You know why!” You hissed, trying to kiss him harder but he resisted.

“I don’t know, I mean, is the sex that good?”

The bastard. He was teasing you here and enjoying your discomfort. To hell with everything. You should have just written it on a scrap of paper and dumped it on his lap or something. But then you looked in his eyes which were dancing in the afternoon light, his eyes which had only ever held affection for you. You pushed yourself on you toes and put your mouth against his.

“I love you”

You were in his arms then and he carried you upstairs before you realized what happened. Throwing you on the bed and locking the door, he removed his shirt and climbed over you.

“Again”, he ordered, his lips burning against your throat.

“I love you”, you cried. Your hands found their way into his hair and tugged, making him growl. Both of you tore at your clothes, mouths meeting and teeth gnashing in a desperation to get closer.

“Again”, he said, holding your naked body beneath his, his cock poised at your entrance.

“I love you”

He entered you in a smooth stroke, making you clench around him. He pulled back and looked into your eyes, thrusting slow and deep, relishing in your mewls. He made love to you and you sang the words in his mouth and ear until you both came with muffled cries.

Sweaty and laying in each other’s arms, you basked in the newfound feeling of togetherness. You knew this wasn’t how a normal person falls in love. You realized that someone else may think something was wrong with you. But it is what it is. You loved this man after everything he had done to do. You loved him and you will do your best to let him know that every chance you could.

“So, are you gonna give me that ring now?” You asked.

Andy laughed and looked at you tugged into his naked body.

“With how much you’ve made me wait, you should be the one getting down on your knees.” He joked.

You looked at him with a teasing smile and got up.

“You only had to ask”, you breathed against his mouth before moving down on his body and getting to your knees, ready to show him how much you loved him again and again.