#the way the text cuts off at the end without punctuation implying she just... dramatically dropped her pen in despair or was interrupted

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

Ever since I returned, there's been a filth in me. I feel it in my very lungs. I cannot get it out - it will never out, this death that reeks within me. There are some things even the Moonmaiden cannot heal. There are some things she would never accept in her devoted. I should never have come back

Isobel's VA Mia Foo appeared as a guest on the Jen & Aliona BG3 stream here (YouTube VOD here) and, among other things, did a little dramatic reading of the diary you can find in Isobel's room in Last Light Inn. So of course I'm clipping it and adding it to my Isobel voice lines collection. This is as clean as I could get it considering it's being recited into a PS5 controller mic while the game goes on in the background, but honestly I feel the music and sound effects add a nice atmosphere.

[artificialqueens]

Until the Flavor’s Gone (17/?) (Biadore) - Kitschy Pixel

A/N: Oh wow, what’s this? An update so soon? So, THIS! This is the original chapter that I wanted to bring you but couldn’t because it just got too long. You’ve got your set up – here’s where the dominos fall. Huge special thanks to @veronicasanders for keeping me from going positively insane and helping me go through several edits of this monster and as always, feel free to hit me up on my sideblog @kitschypixel. If you’re lucky, sometimes I even take prompts.

In this chapter, time has passed and people move forward, but when you hit a roadblock, sometimes the person you want is the least qualified to help you. And then they show up anyway.

Warnings for language, implied drug use, broken hearts, nosy strangers, and a whole bunch of bullshit.

Chapter 17

They were in Boston.

Well, Courtney was fairly certain they were circling the gates of her own personal hell, but she supposed naming that ‘Boston’ would be good enough. She clutched her phone tightly, thumbs poised over the screen. She checked it regularly, trying not to seem frantic. She pressed her teeth to her bottom lip, her mind so far away she didn’t realize she was being spoken to.

She jerked her attention back to the conversation when her knee was lightly tapped. “We just met and you’re already holding out on me?” The Russian accent broke apart half way through the question and Courtney blinked a few times as she tried to translate until she realized it was already in English.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Your phone! You have like… a death grip. Do you have a… gentleman caller… lined up and ready to pound that pussy into oblivion?” The purr towards the end caused Courtney to laugh before she blew out a breath she forgot she was holding.

“God, I wish. No… I’m actually just waiting for a friend – an actual friend, that’s not a euphemism – anyway. I’m waiting for him to show up so he can take Adore to the hotel…”

“Ahhhh – is this about the – “ there was a couple of snorts and a vague gesture that Courtney felt wasn’t quite as universal as the queen across from her assumed, “you know. Whatever.”

Well, Courtney got the gist regardless and she nodded in response.

“Yes… I kind of wish I knew what it was…”

“Well,” Finger tips tapped across bright red lips as the dishevelled blonde queen squinted in thought. “Do you remember what the guy looked like? You know, the one who did the offering?”

“Mmm… brunette. Square jaw… kind of that few days without shaving look… a bit over six foot with broad shoulders wearing very tight pants…” She watched as the queen nodded and hummed, “Does he sound familiar to you at all?”

“Hmmm?” She blinked the distant look from her eyes before shaking her head, “No. Honestly, I’m just really horny and he sounded like he could be hot.” She bit her lip in a very poor attempt to look at least a little chagrined before she burst with a hiss of snickers she couldn’t be bothered to hold back.

Courtney mentally noted that she should be far more irritated by the fruitless conversation, but she found herself laughing along with the hysteric giggles instead. It helped loosen her grip a little on her phone and get her mind to drift from the rather stressful week and a half of playing mom on tour (not including the numerous weeks prior that had since blurred together). “I’m sorry… I can’t remember your name…”

“Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova,” she rattled off and punctuated with a snap. Courtney’s eyes crossed a little at the mouthful and tentatively started to repeat it back.

“Ye… yekata.. keta?”

“Katya,” she interjected with wide grin.

“Thank God.”

“That works too!”

Both of their heads spun towards the door when it opened, and Katya groaned dramatically in disappointment. “False alarm, it’s just… that one,” she gestured towards the short goth queen that tried to slink in stealthily, only to nearly shut her own foot in the door.

“Hey!” The queen sniffed indignantly and Courtney greeted her with a soft and hesitant hello before she re-introduced herself. “Laila.”

“Right. Sorry.” Courtney was answered with a shrug as Laila wandered over to where they were sitting and perched herself nearby. “How’s she doing out there?”

“Who? Our little drag star?” Laila batted her eyes with a dreamy sigh before cackling a bit and shrugged. “Jumped into the crowd to make out with some guy in the middle of a song and then when she tried to climb back up, she tripped and totally ate shit. It was kinda great.”

“Great…”

“As graceful as you are, I can see,” Katya jabbed lightly before Laila let out an exaggerated ‘hah!’ in response.

“I don’t have 100K followers so I can trip all I want and no one sees it.”

“It explains your tips.”

“You know what? Fuck you,” She wrinkled her nose and looked between the two queens before pointing to the phone Courtney still kept clutched in both hands. “What’s with the death grip?”

“Oh! We’re waiting for ~a man~” Katya dropped her voice into another husky growl before Courtney cleared her throat to interject.

“It’s…” She lifted one finger, taking a moment to pause before continuing her thought, “… not as suggestive as Katya makes it sound…”

“Is he hot?” Laila swung her legs a little, while Katya snapped a few times.

“Oh! Yes! Asking the real questions here!”

“No.” Courtney scoffed, almost like a reflex. She wrinkled her nose as she started to quickly backpedal with a sound akin to a deflating balloon, “eeee-weeeell… okay. I mean… he’s not ugly. He looks fine… so… yeah, okay he is kind of hot… like I wouldn’t say no if I didn’t know him… but… yeah, no. Okay… ummm….” She pressed her lips together tightly, “It’s complicated.”

“How is that compli–” the question got cut off when Courtney’s phone buzzed and she checked it with a sigh of relief before jumping up and spinning around to face the other two.

“Okay. He’s here. Behave! Especially you!” She pointed a finger at Katya who snapped at it with her teeth while making snarling noises. With another spin she darted towards the door, keeping it propped open with her back as she caught sight of Roy being let in through a nearby exit.

Courtney waved him over and wrapped him into a tight hug the second he was close enough with a soft ‘thank God’ punctuated by a deep inhale.

“Not God, but close… did you just sniff me?”

Courtney pressed her nails into his back, “No.”

“I think you did.”

“You know what? I’m not going to argue with you. I’m just glad you’re here. Come on.”

She pulled him into the dressing room, watching as Laila and Katya both perked up at his arrival. She didn’t have a chance to get another word out before Katya raised her hand.

“Excuse me, but how is this yes/no complicated hot?”

Roy’s eyebrows shot up and Courtney rolled her eyes before she gestured with her best Vanna White hands, “This is Roy,” she cut off the coy ‘hi Roy’s with a quick follow up. “And Bianca del Rio.”

“Oh? Oh. Oooooooh! Okay. Yes/no complicated it stays.”

Courtney pulled Roy off to the side as he still mused on the ‘yes/no complicated’. “Roy. Please. Focus.”

“I would but this doesn’t seem like the same kind of emergency you described over the phone. Where is she?”

“Adore?” Courtney waved in the general direction of the floor before she started to text rather rapidly, “She’s still on stage.”

Roy frowned at Courtney’s rather frantic texting, clutching the carry on bag slung over his shoulder close, trying to match up what Courtney’s ominous message meant to him with what was actually going on. “So, she’s on stage? Then she’s okay. You made it sound like she was dying.”

“Not dead yet, but she’s trying,” Courtney held up a finger at Roy’s inquisitive ‘what the fuck does that mean?’ and closed her eyes to try to keep her thoughts from spiralling off into different directions. “She’s high.”

“Good for her. Think she’ll share?”

“Roy,” Courtney snapped and gave him a stern look, “I need you to be serious right now.”

“I am being serious! What the fuck is with you? Since when are you a prude?”

Courtney sucked in a breath and stared at Roy for a long moment, just to level out her increasing annoyance at his ignorance of the situation. He had re-routed his flight and delayed his trip to New Orleans (that he was taking with his boyfriend, she mentally noted) in order to come to Boston at her request out of the concern she’d raised about Adore’s current state. He wasn’t the type to fully understand this level of heartbreak, so she pressed her lips together tightly as she tried to find words he could comprehend.

Gathering up her last bit of patience, Courtney gripped Roy by the shoulders, looked him in the eye, and began to explain – slowly. “I’m not worried about the drugs. I’m worried about the motive,” the way his eyes shot up with a sigh was enough to register that he understood what she was implying, so she moved on. “She’s got one more song and an encore, but she’s so fucking out of it, who’s to really say… I’ve alerted our driver to be on standby to take you guys back to the hotel. I just need you to keep an eye on her.”

“Why me?”

“Because she really wants to see you… and if I try to handle it anymore, I might lose my entire mind.”

“Courtney needs a strong drink and a good dick?”

“Fuck you, but yes.”

She reached out and clamped his lips shut with the tips of her fingers as she heard Adore stumble through the door, palms clamping down on her shoulders as Adore struggled to keep upright. A hoarse laugh erupted with a quiet ‘sorry’ and Courtney forced a smile and a quiet ‘it’s fine’ as Adore breezed past them both. She wagered Adore wouldn’t even have been aware of either of them if she hadn’t tripped into them. So, she cleared her throat and raised her voice a little to catch her attention.

“Adore? Look who’s here!”

Courtney lightly slapped Roy’s shoulder when he winced at the shrill pitch of her voice and shot him a really good death glare when he grimaced as Adore came closer.

“Holy fuck… are you supposed to be here?” Roy still hadn’t turned around instead craning his neck a little far when Adore wrapped her arms around him from behind and pressed her nose in the crook of his neck. “I thought you were supposed to be… to be… somewhere not here! What are you doing?”

“I… uh…” Roy looked to Courtney who shook her head and he faked a cough. Neither of them really had enough time to come up with a plausible story as to why Roy would be here and at this point, at least Roy assumed, that the truth wouldn’t be swallowed very well. So without a convincing lie, he was left floundering a little. He stopped just short of using his boyfriend as an excuse when he felt another stern look before he finally settled, rather lamely with, “I could swing it… so I’m here– wait, are you bleeding?”

Adore looked down and laughed, pointing at her knee, “Oh yeah! I need to get something for that…” She wandered over to Laila who was holding up a box of Band Aids, “Oh! They sparkle! Gimme!”

Roy got cut off from whatever smart remark he had loaded and ready by Courtney grabbing his elbows in a vice grip and a firm ‘don’t you dare’ with a growl in her voice and fire in her eyes.

“Careful, or people will know you’re a man,” Roy shot off, wrenching himself from her when she squeezed. “Owowowow!”

“I’m dead serious right now, Roy and I am begging – absolutely begging – for you to do your best to scrounge up a little self awareness and some empathy. Please.”

“Are you sure she’s not dead? She smells like she’s rotting…”

“Roy!”

“What?”

Courtney shot a look to Adore, who was still fussing with… something… she couldn’t tell what before she grabbed Roy and steered him closer to the door, dropping her voice again. “Please. Just… do this.”

“Okay, fine… but she needs to like… bathe.”

“Well, if she drowns, that’s your responsibility.”

“Really?” Roy’s jaw dropped as he shot his own appalled look at Courtney, “Are you saying you wouldn’t help me hide the body? What kind of friend are you?”

“The kind that wouldn’t let a friend accidentally drown–”

“– who said it would be an accident?”

“Roy!” Another hiss. “Empathy! Please!”

“Fine! I’ll drown her in empathy, how’s that? Now go get fucked before you become an even bigger bitch and I have two bodies I need to deal wiiiii – hi!” He slapped Courtney’s shoulder with the back of his hand when she snorted at the way his voice cracked and they both turned to face a blinking Adore. They all stood awkwardly before Courtney finally spoke up.

“So… um… Adore… Roy’s going to take you back to the hotel, okay?”

“Why?”

Roy quirked an eyebrow to see just how Courtney was going to spin this without sounding like she was trying to be Adore’s mother. It took a few long seconds before she finally managed, “Well… I mean… I figured you two might want some time to yourselves? Catch up? I mean.. It’s been… how long?”

Roy didn’t get to answer because Adore seemed to fold rather quickly, nodding quietly before offering a smile that failed to reach her eyes. “Yeah… you’re right. It has been awhile, hasn’t it?” She bit her bottom lip, eyes rolling back in thought before she shrugged one shoulder. “I’ll just get my stuff.”

Not much else was said, there was an “I told you” dancing across Courtney’s tongue but she managed to keep it bitten back. Roy and Adore left in silence but everyone in the room noticed the firm hand pressed in the small of Adore’s back as they did. Courtney sighed from relief, trying to shake off the lingering guilt for getting a little bit more involved than she probably should have – but in her defense, she hadn’t betrayed Adore’s trust outright. Roy still didn’t know the details as Courtney knew them, she’d kept the exact circumstances of her call close to her chest.

She was doing the right thing.

“That hug seemed to linger quite a long time…”

Courtney jumped with Katya at her shoulder and she closed her eyes. “It’d been a while since we’ve seen each other.”

“And did he smell good?”

“He smelled fantastic.”

Katya nodded sagely as she spun Courtney around, took her hands and patted at them gingerly, “Don’t worry, you’re in my hands now and I will take very good care of you. Do you like go-go boys with great asses and even better dicks?”

“Please.”

“Perfect.”

–––––––––––––––––––––

Adore hit the bed hard with a groan, twisting up into a ball and just staring up at the ceiling. She waited for Roy to say something first and when he didn’t, just sighed. She held onto the silence until it started to become painful, blurting out the first thing that came to mind. “So what’d Courtney tell you to get you here?”

She heard the hotel bed creak as he sat down near her at the foot of the bed, her eyes sliding to his back as she waited for him to answer. She watched as he rubbed his face before tilting his head slightly to the side. “She made it sound like it was pretty serious… so I said I’d meet you guys in Boston.”

“Okay but like… what’d she tell you?” Adore pushed herself up onto her side, staring down at the bedspread and tracing the pattern with her two index fingers, squinting a little at how the cheap, thin comforter rippled under her touch and the light scratching noise of her nails against the fabric. “Your… what’s his name… know you’re here?”

“She didn’t really tell me much, Dan–” he cut himself off with the way Adore’s lips twisted a little. The ‘sorry’ so quiet on the exhale, she was almost sure he didn’t say it.

“It’s fine, you know,” she replied anyway, pulling at her wig, “It doesn’t matter. Still me no matter what, right? Just a wig and make-up.”

The scoff was harsh and the way the pins pulled at the hair underneath as she tried to rip the wig off her head made her whine. She batted at his hands as he tried to help before he tried to soothe her with a very gentle “You’re making it worse, asshole. Hold still.”

She fidgeted as he finally finished unpinning the wig and pulled it off with a very soft ‘Christ’. Her eyes stayed on his face as he grimaced, running his hand over the tangled wig that reeked of sweat and stale perfume before he looked it over and asked, “You have a brush for this thing?”

Adore shook her head, “Too punk rock for that shit.”

“Right… and what about your own hair?”

Another shrug and Roy rolled his eyes before taking the empty ice bucket and flipping it upside down, using it as a temporary wig stand before he pointed to the bathroom. “Get up. Go. You’re disgusting. Go!” He waved her to the door until she finally stepped into the bathroom and she got a good look of herself in the mirror. Her hair was greasy and her scalp felt raw, and there were signs where she’d simply just sweated off her make-up and then reapplied for the past couple of nights. “Take your clothes off and get in.”

Standing in the harsh white light of a hotel bathroom, she suddenly didn’t have the energy to really argue. She struggled out of most of her clothes before she turned to the bathtub. “It’s empty.”

“Good job, genius. It’s for the best. Get in.”

Rolling her eyes felt gritty, so she rubbed them instead and did as asked, knees bent, hands on the cold porcelain as she stared at the tile. She scratched a little at the grout before following it with the pad of her finger, pursing her lips and looking pensive as she followed the maze of lines.

The ice water hit her scalp first, ran down the back of her neck and down the center of her spine, making her suck in the myriad of curse words before expelling them in a string of very loud insults, “What the fuck, you rotted cunt? Shit!”

“Keep your voice down. It’s three in the morning.”

Adore sputtered as a damp washcloth was dropped on her head. She took it and wrung it tightly in her hands, staring at it. “What the fuck am I doing?”

“Whore bath for a whore,” Roy spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world as he sat down on the floor, with his back against the tub, setting aside the water glass with the sample sized shampoo and conditioner that had been displayed on the counter. He handed her the make-up wipes he’d found with them, giving her a place to start. She took the hint and removed her lashes, pressing them against the edge of the tub.

It took a moment for him to speak again, as she pouted and scrubbed at the layers of make-up on her face, and when he did – it made her pause.

“So what’d you take tonight?”

There was a twinge of curiosity that cancelled out the usual judgemental tone a question like that usually carried. But she acted as if it was still accusatory, just because she wanted to.

“What’s it matter? Sure it’s nothing compared to the shit you’ve done, right?”

She couldn’t see the way he pressed his lips together, but heard the way he clicked his tongue. “Yeah…” he remarked, slouching a bit and tilting his head back a bit. “Probably right…” Another click and he tilted his head to the side again. “I’m gonna offer you some advice, though…”

“I’m fine.”

“Fact that you smell like a stale bag of Fritos says different, now shut up…” he held up a finger before he sighed. “I’m not gonna tell you what to do, because this is your load of bullshit to deal with… but know what the fuck someone is giving you. Just… in case.”

Adore stared at the foundation streaked make-up wipe before she started to rub furiously at her eyes. “So Courm told you about Cleveland…” she squinted in thought before muttering, “Or was it Philly?”

“No.” Roy raised an eyebrow as he pulled the make-up wipe from her hands when she couldn’t seem to stop staring at it as she twisted it tightly one way and then another. Adore grasped at thin air a few times and then turned to face Roy, resting her chin on the edge of the tub and looked towards his face with wide, puppy-like eyes.

“Can you help me wet my hair?”

They both shuddered at that hollow, rubbery ‘flomp’ sound of skin sliding against the barely damp tub surface. Roy was still wincing as Adore got herself situated, followed by a sheepish ‘sorry’. “It’s fine,” Roy remarked before he turned on the facet to a slow trickle, palm pressing against Adore’s forehead to keep her from knocking it against the metal when she reared upwards when it made contact. “Careful! You don’t need a head injury, Jesus…”

“Are you trying to burn my scalp off now?” Adore seethed and Roy helped her sit up so he could check the water temperature.

“You’re lucky I’m not scrubbing you with Lysol, now quit complaining!” He got the temperature down to just below scalding before he helped Adore lean back again. Her eyes rolled upwards and she closed them for a moment, just letting his fingers press against her scalp before she started sniffling.

“You okay?”

The question sounded stiff and rehearsed with genuine concern bleeding through just enough to soften it.

“Yeah… yeah I’m just…” She sat back up slowly, pressing her fingers into her forehead before a sob burst forward. She sucked it back quickly, palms to her eyes as she forced out a laugh. A hand to her shoulder made her lift her head, and she took the small shampoo bottle that was offered. Clutching it in her fingers, she just stared at it as reality seemed to snap back with harsh lines and sharpened edges before blurring out with the tears that pooled in her eyes.

“You wanna pick an emotion, there?”

“Pathetic and embarrassed,” Adore blinked slowly, letting the tears fall before hiding her face with her knees.

“So normal. Good. I was almost worried.”

A soft giggle shuddered forward, weak and breathless. It made her chest hurt and her heart felt raw but that smile still managed to reach her eyes as she shook her head and hoarsely whispered, “You’re such a fucking dick.”

She lathered up her hair making it stand up straight before looking over at him again. “This would have been so much easier if you’d just let me take a normal shower.”

“Maybe,” he let her lean back, a hand shielding her eyes as he helped her rinse the shampoo from her hair, “But Courtney said she wouldn’t help me hide your body if you drowned, so I couldn’t take that risk.”

She dropped her jaw and looked appalled as she sat back up and sputtered, “You would hide my body? Why not call 911?”

“I’m not going to risk potentially going to jail just because your ex is an asshole… now tip your head back, you’re not done.”

Roy pressed the side of his hand to her forehead as he finished rinsing out her hair. She blinked upwards a few times before closing her eyes. “How do you know he was the asshole? Do you even know what happened or why we broke up? I could have been the one who like… cheated on him or whatever.”

“I know I’ve been busy, but I’m not completely oblivious and I know how social media works. I got the gist of what happened… please don’t start crying again, Jesus Christ.”

“Sorry! I’m sorry… I just…” Roy let her sit up and wipe at her eyes, still sniffling. He looked downward to the floor, letting her compose herself. She swiped her hands across her eyes before sniffling and offering a very weak smile, “You think I’m stupid, don’t you?”

“Yes. But not for what’s…” he made a vague gesture in her direction, “…going on right now…” He tossed a fluffy white towel at her and sighed. “Get out, dry off… find some clean clothes and I’ve got something to show you…” He paused a beat as he caught a very familiar spark in her eyes, “Before you say anything, let me ask you… do you really think it’s a good idea to crack a joke about my dick right now?”

“Well, not when you take the fun out of it like that.”

“Just get dressed.”

–––––––––––––––––––––

Drying off, and feeling kind of clean for the first time in probably four days, he looked in the mirror and saw… Danny. And with Danny came the ugly realization that he was a complete wreck of raw emotion and tangled up heartbreak that he’d been trying to ignore for all of these weeks and was doing a really piss poor job of doing so.

And he started crying again, before he even had a chance to stop it. He was sitting, doubled over, on the lid of the toilet with the towel balled up against his face when Roy came back to check what was taking him so long. His eyes were puffy, his face felt tight, and he was trying to wipe the snot from his nose as he caught sight of Roy loitering in the doorway, fingers tapping rapidly on either side, looking down at the floor.

“Think you’re going to make it or are you living in the bathroom now?”

Danny’s lips twitched and he leaned forward, reaching for Roy and wrapping the fabric of the man’s shirt in his fist before pulling him towards him. Roy complied, letting Danny close the gap between them to wrap his arms tightly around his middle.

“You smell good.”

“It’s called showering regularly. You should try it.”

“Be nice to me or I’ll cry.”

“Hah! Like that’s stopped you so far…” Danny closed his eyes and smiled as Roy lightly played with his hair, ruffling it as he took a step back. “Okay, seriously. This bathroom is making me depressed, can we go now?”

Danny nodded and used Roy to hoist himself back up onto his feet. He shuffled out of the bathroom to his suitcase, dug through it for some underwear and a clean t-shirt, and got dressed as Roy sat on the bed, back against the headboard. He crawled into bed, sliding across the comforter and curling up at Roy’s hip, arm across his lap.

“Sobering up a little?”

There was a non-committal grunt in reply before Danny rolled onto his back, pressed his fingers to his eye sockets for a moment and just stared up at the ceiling. “Fuck…” her muttered before closing his eyes tight. They burned a little from crying. He sniffled again before he finally managed to slide his focus back to Roy. “You said something about a present?”

“Yup,” Roy reached over and grabbed the small carry on bag he had with him and dug around it before producing a Ziploc bag that he tossed onto Danny’s chest. Danny pushed himself up on his elbows and squinted a little as he slowly sat up and opened the bag, removing the stack of papers – no. wait. photos – from inside.

“Oh my God…” He gasped and grinned as he recognized a few of them from Roy’s Facebook. “No way…” he started to rifle through them before his grin broke and softened into a genuine smile. “You brought me baby Bianca pictures?”

“I thought you might get a kick out of them.”

“Holy. Shit…” He couldn’t control the elated giggles, soft and raspy in pure delight as he flipped the photo in his hand over to look at the back. “They’re even dated, you fucking nerd!”

“I can take them back.”

“Noooo!” Danny whined and curved over them to shield the small pile he’d made with his body. “I’m looking!”

He righted himself up and gathered his pile, flipping through each photo, pausing at the ones he hadn’t already seen. He let out a low whistle at one from Bianca’s Cher impersonating days, “Damn, you use to be fucking hot,” he lightly smacked Roy’s thigh at the answering scoff. “Shut up, you know you were hot…” He grinned at the way Roy’s lips twitched to one side and pointed, “See? You know.” He laughed when Roy fell silent and didn’t offer any argument.

Danny thumbed through the pile rather quickly, pausing at some of the photos. There was one he’d set aside to come back to once he got through the rest of the pile, leaving it out as he slid the rest of them back into the Ziploc bag and then handed it to Roy. “Tell me the story on that one…”

Roy raised an eyebrow as he took the photo in hand and tilted his head. Danny wrapped an arm around his middle again, chin on his shoulder and he smiled a little. “Not much to tell…” he mused. “It was… 2001, so I was still in New Orleans. It was a photoshoot that had two other queens… both of them were late as fuck…”

Danny hummed and smiled, “Let me guess… you were on time?” Roy offered him a side glance and a confirming nod, but nothing else before he cleared his throat and shrugged.

“But yeah. That’s really it. This was taken while we were waiting for them. Why do you ask?”

Danny shrugged one shoulder as Roy handed the photo back to him – Bianca looking off into the distance, dressed in white with black hair, the lighting soft and surreal. He took it back and cradled it in his hands. There was something ethereal and warm and very different from the heavy handed camp clown that Bianca had aged into. It made Danny’s heart skip a couple of beats and he held his breath for a second or two before he shrugged again and replied with a fresh smile. “You just look really beautiful, that’s all.”

“Then keep it.”

“Really?”

“What am I going to do with it? If you like it, just have it.”

Danny felt a weird flutter somewhere in his chest, a sense of relief that jumped around a couple times before settling back down and making him feel a little lighter. His smile got wider and sweeter before he leaned in, hugged him and kissed his cheek, before nuzzling his shoulder and sighing from content. “You’re the best. Thank you.”

“Mmhm.”

“I’m serious. Really. Thank you.”

“It’s just a photo, Danny.”

“No. It’s more than that and you know it.”

They sat in silence for a minute or two before Danny got up to put the photo under his phone so he wouldn’t forget it. He settled down, head on the pillow and looked up at Roy before asking, meekly, “Are you happy?”

Roy cocked his head to the side to consider the question, “Do you really want to know?”

“Yeah.”

There was a long sigh before he gave up a nod and a very weak smile that didn’t quite tell everything. “It’s… not really easy right now, but overall? Yeah.”

“Are you in trouble for coming to visit me?”

“No. That’d be the last thing on the list of things I could be in trouble for…” his voice trailed and he shook his head at Danny’s perplexed expression, “I don’t want to get into it tonight.”

“Okay…”

“I’m serious, Danny.”

“Okay! I’m serious too. Subject dropped…” He couldn’t tell if he was being extra touchy just because of whatever leftover effects of… whatever it was that had been offered to him… or if it was just natural for him when he was this close to someone as familiar as Roy, but he found himself fiddling with the belt loop on Roy’s jeans, just picking at it and hooking his finger on it before little it go. Roy didn’t stop him and they stayed in another stretch of silence that Danny broke again.

“When do you have to leave?”

“In a few hours.”

“So if I fall asleep, you’ll probably be gone when I get up?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Used to it…” he trailed a bit and wrinkled his nose, “That wasn’t supposed to…”

“Nah. I get it. I know.”

Yet another pause in conversation and Danny started to settle further, “Hey…”

“Mmm?”

“Are you at least going to stay for those few hours?”

Roy nodded before he tilted his head to Danny. “Yeah. I can, if you want.”

“I want…” Danny closed one eye and wrinkled his nose again as he tried to piece together his next request, “Um… can you…? God, this sounds stupid and needy but…” he bit his lip, the words just not falling into place quite right. “Never mind…”

He turned onto his side, back to Roy, until he heard shuffling behind him. He turned over to see Roy settling under the hotel comforter, glasses off and hat removed, a hand under his head and eyes closed. He stared at him for a long moment before Roy cracked open one eye and waved Danny closer. “Stop gawking, asshole. If you want me to stay, I might as well get comfortable.”

The invitation was clear and Danny joined him under the covers, curling up to him and cuddling close. A single arm wrapped around him and one hand rested on his shoulder, that newly freed up spot in his chest filling with a comfortable warmth as he closed his eyes.

“Hey, Roy?”

“Yeah?”

“I hope things work out and you can stay happy.”

“Thanks.”

“Um… Roy?”

“What?”

Danny pressed a light kiss to Roy’s cheek again and whispered to his ear, “Thanks for showing up.”

“Well… it was either show up or listen to Courtney whine until this fucking tour was over, but you’re still welcome.”

Danny hummed and closed his eyes, halfway to sleep before he murmured one more time. “And Roy?”

“What now?”

“You’re so great.”

That got a laugh, a set of fingers pushing back his hair and lips to his forehead. “You’re not so bad yourself. Now get some sleep.”

There was a nearly inaudible ‘okay’ in reply as Danny finally managed to drift off comfortably for the first time in a number of nights that he’d lost count of.

And it wouldn’t be until he half woke up as Roy moved him with a whispered apology so he could gather his stuff – when he was still groggy and still full of sleep, with a cloudy brain and weighted limbs – that he latched onto the pillow that still smelled a little like Roy’s shampoo. It wouldn’t be until he croaked out a slurred ‘good-bye, I miss you’ to Roy’s whispered farewell and he heard the automatic lock on the hotel door click closed and he was finally left alone that a portion of his brain, one caught in between consciousness and sleep, in that sweet limbo where the blankets feel just right against your skin and the temperature in the room is just right and your buzzing brain feels at peace, that Danny could finally feel it.

That rotting, heavy, benign bitterness he’d been toting around for months had finally jarred loose and melted away and the sweet, warm content that had blossomed hours before had decided to take root.

He finally felt okay.