#the way people talk about sex regarding this show is something that does genuinely irk me in my soul so i hope that post

[dreadfuldevotee]

to whoever sent me the ask about my thoughts on the sex scenes (or lack thereof) in this season of IWTV: I have not forgotten you, I'm just literally still writing it 3 days later

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 149 TW - Mentions of sexual assault

Chapter Summary - Tom decides that it has gone on too long, five weeks after the return from his Infinity War junket and if anything, Danielle had become more peculiar. So he cooks dinner and decides to see if he can get her to talk to him.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Copyright for the photo is the owners, not mine. All image rights belong to their owners

Tom decides that it has gone on too long, five weeks after the return from his Infinity War junket and if anything, Danielle had become more peculiar. So he cooks dinner and decides to see if he can get her to talk to him.

WARNING - this chapter will reference Tom's work with the victims of sexual assault.

1- this chapter will include fictional sexual assault stories (sadly they are not fictional to some people, this shit does happen) including a close call for Sarah, who is a fictional version of Sarah Hiddleston.

2- the school-age jokes Tom makes are also fictional also. I have ZERO knowledge of teenage Tom Hiddleston, this is fictional.

3- Danielle's current situation is actually based on my friend, who talks to me about it and though many could never want it to be them, some women genuinely feel this way and it does impact their lives and relationships.

I have to put this here because so many people these days seem to forget that this is fiction and not an actual depiction of Tom Hiddleston, his friends and family.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog�� @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @damalseer​ @hiddlesbitch1​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​ @salempoe​ @wolfsmom1​ @black-ninja-blade

The trip to Suffolk to collect Danielle's bike did little to quell the odd mood Danielle seemed to be in. If anything, it confirmed Tom's concerns as his mother seemed to see something was slightly amiss also. The way that Danielle seemed to try and act around the problem she was clearly having but again, she said nothing, no matter how much Tom and Diana gently coaxed her to.

She spoke with normal frequency and used the time in the area to full effect, getting a few things organised, including a new larger cooker ordered while they were there but still, she seemed to lack some of her usual lustre.

Tom also noticed something else change. Since his return from the last bit of the Infinity War promotion, Danielle had not been the least bit interested in intimacy. She had curled in against him at night and was inclined to touch, kiss and hug him but she had not initiated any form of sexual contact and when he did something that could be considered such, she was clearly reluctant so he ceased rather than make her feel uncomfortable. But it was becoming peculiar now. They had never gone so long in each others presence without some form of sexual activity and it was worrying. Part of him thought it to be because she didn't want him anymore but then she would not curl in against him or even increase her affection in other ways, she would cease all such things. Then he thought it was something to do with her health but surely she would have said something? He was uncertain. She did everything to keep to their normal routine and whatnot outside of it, including going for walks and holding his hand in public, ensuring to smile and give him her attention as she had done before, yet there was something so incredibly different too. It was driving him insane trying to figure out what it was.

*

They returned from Suffolk and Danielle increased her training load with her bike to assist, and even with fewer work hours, she seemed to be gone for large portions of the day, especially if she needed to go somewhere that allowed her to cycle. By night time every day, she was exhausted and more than once fell asleep on the couch watching TV causing Tom to have to wake her or encourage her to bed.

Also in that time, a full five weeks in each other's company for the majority of the time and not once had Danielle sought him as she had before. It was beginning to take its toll and if he was honest, Tom was becoming angered. Not at the lack of sex in itself, he had gone far longer periods without girlfriends before and he, of course, respected and loved her, so he did not “need” sex with her but because of the lack of communication and the lack of even discussing the matter, that irked him. He simply wanted to know what was the issue.

The evening came where he decided to do something about it and ignoring the precooked meals that Danielle had prepared and frozen for convenience for them and cooked a lovely roast dinner and wore a tighter fitted sweater and pants that he knew that she found appealing. He pulled out all the stops and when he got a text to say she was on her way home from a swimming session, he readied the last of his plans and took out a good white wine for them.

Hearing the key in the front door, he inhaled and prepared for the evening. 'Hey handsome boys.’ Her good humour was apparent as she greeted the dogs. 'What... Tom?’ The smell of the dinner clearly made its way to Danielle. 'Tom?’ She came into view of the kitchen table and her eyes widened before she turned to face Tom and she swallowed as she took in his appearance. 'I...What…? Wait, am I forgetting something? I am, aren't I?’ Her voice was higher than usual as she spoke.

'No, no this is just something I wanted to do. I was hoping we could talk actually.’ Tom explained. He paid close attention to her reactions and for a moment, he saw reluctance. 'Unless you rather not?’ He decided to test another theory and pulled up the sleeve of his jumper and reveal his forearms. On seeing his do that, Danielle visibly took a slight step back and gasped. 'Elle?’

'I...Sure, no...I mean, why wouldn't I...I...why...yes.’ She could not form a cognitive sentence as she looked at him. When he stepped forward, she looked at though she wished to take a step back but found herself stuck to the stop, his larger frame in front of her. 'Tom?’

'Yes, Darling?’

'I...you smell good.’ She looked him in the eye, allowing him to see the physical reactions she was having to him, which, though she had not been willing to do anything about in considerable time, was showing her pupils dilate and betray her arousal. 'I..mean…’

He leant down and kissed her gently, noting her somewhat startled reaction before she pressed her lips against his and pulled herself against his body, continuing to kiss him with more and more intensity. When he pressed her against the wall and pulled back for a moment he looked at her and noticed the force she had to use to stop herself. 'Elle?’

'The dinner…’

'Can wait.’

'No, we should eat.’ She insisted, walking around him and to the table. 'It should be illegal for you to dress like that, you'll give women weakness if you do that in public.’ She joked as she went to the table and took a wine glass. 'I don't think I have seen a wine like this before?’

'It's from a small private vineyard in Italy, it's dark than other wines, stronger.’

'Are you planning on getting me drunk, Mr Hiddleston?’ She smiled playfully.

'Perhaps I am, is there a problem with that?’ He smirked.

'That depends on what the purpose is?’

'Interrogation purposes, to lower your inhibitions and get you to reveal all your secrets to me.’ He stated, waiting for her reaction.

'I don't have many secrets, I dare say that would be a boring and uninteresting endeavour for you.’

'Nothing is uninteresting about you, Danielle Hughes, not to me. So what are these secrets you have from me?’

'Nothing of importance.’ She dismissed. 'So what is it you wished to discuss?’ She asked as she took the wine and drank a large gulp of what was in the glass.

Tom was not as convinced. 'I am doing more of those interviews with these women at present. I just wanted to…’

'Why didn't you say?’ Danielle demanded, putting down her wine glass and rushing over to him, her hands around him. 'Talk to me.’

The concern and care she immediately had for him on him telling her such things rubbished a lot of thoughts he had regarding her not caring for him. 'I am just exhausted from them, I mean, I know this is not about me…’

'But even listening to what they have experienced is exhausting, Tom. Counsellors themselves need to unload from simply listening to people. That is entirely natural. Come on, we'll sit down to this incredible dinner you made and you tell me what is irking and bothering you.’ She encouraged.

Tom swallowed, it was clear that Danielle was very concerned, her reaction was as he always knew it would be in such a situation but yet the way she had reacted when he said that he wanted to talk to her said a lot also. He got the food from the kitchen and placed the plates next to each other, watching how she would react. Surprisingly, her only reaction was to get the wine and bring the glasses over to the two seats, but then she paused and got her plate. He thought for a moment that she was going to sit away from him but instead, she simply sat on the other side of him where the corner of the table separated them but gave her an opportunity to look at him more. 'How...I spoke to a woman today, she is a sex worker.’ He began. Danielle's face was one of understanding as she listened and nodded. 'Several times it happened and she never reported.’

'One, she feels she would be prosecuted as her line of work is illegal and two, she is a sex worker, many people, including women in the #MeToo movement do not see them as victims because they sell sex, but yes, they are, they suffer and they never really report, if they did, numbers would skyrocket. They estimate one in five would become one in three. That numbers of assaults reported would go up too. It's a reason many want the profession legalised, they argue it would help those in the profession be safer. Others argue it makes it easier for sex trafficking, I personally think something needs to be done to protect these women. I've seen it myself in my training. They build up this skin and accept it as an occupational hazard. I mean a slight burn from hot pots is an occupational hazard, not being raped and beaten. My heart goes out to them and I feel they are so brave to come forward. How are you after that? Tell me what's it causing you to think.’

Tom sighed. 'I just feel...I don't really know how to describe it. I cannot imagine the fear it is to be a woman these days.’

'There is no “these days”, it has always been something that has occurred. Take a look at Jack the Ripper in 1888, women have, throughout history been nothing short of objects. That is why this is a step forward. You listening is a way to start getting men to understand. It is so important to educate, you can talk to others. The harsh reality is many men won't listen to a woman as they do a man.’

'Then I was talking to a friend of mine, from college. I nearly choked on my drink when she turned up in front of me and she told me what a casting director told her to do to get a role...she has never worked in that part of the industry, he made her not want to. But when she said no…’

'He did not accept no and got what he wanted anyway and declined her the role to boot.’ Danielle nodded. 'That is very hard to listen to.’ She took his hand in hers. 'You are so incredible to give these women someone to talk to who empathises and does not want to take their stories and make them about yourself. For so many, saying it is hard, so to have someone listen as you have, it matters so much.’

'Sarah told me something too. She spoke to me about it a few weeks ago, when I said I was doing this. She told me about a time in college where if one of her friends had not called a guy to come over and help, she could have been...’ He said. 'My sister. She...she never told us.’

‘Many people go their whole life without saying anything to anyone about what happened them.’ Danielle stated, looking at the food on her plate. 'Many don't think what they endured is not worthy of the attention that they feel should be focused on other victims. Some think sexual assault without penetration is not as bad as rape so they just stay quiet.’

Tom shook his head. 'When I was younger, we used to joke in school about girls and….I feel so bad about it now.’

'Did you ever hurt a girl? Or a boy for that matter, in all of this, we have to remember there are men that have been assaulted also.’

'No, never. I felt awkward laughing along back then, but I never….I always thought of Emma and Sarah.’

'That's natural, we project. We often all do that. “Imagine that it was us and ours” sort of thing. You can comprehend the severity of something without doing that, but when we project ourselves and our families into a situation, we feel it more. It's natural. You were able to look at the children in Sudan and see them, see their suffering and feel heartbroken but if you imagined your own niece in that situation, it hits you harder and that is because as much as their lives matter to you, our own families are always one step closer to us and we feel that more. It is the same with this.’ Tom nodded. 'How old were you when those guys made those jokes?’

'Fifteen or sixteen, I think. It doesn't make it right.’

'No, it doesn't. But be the man to tell boys that age that that's not the right thing to do. Make it that if Emma has a little boy in the future, that he knows that is not how we talk about the opposite sex. Learn from it, teach from it. And don't be under any false impression that girls are not sometimes idiots too. I went to school with girls, I am a girl, I can assure you, some young women need a good dose of cop on too. I mean, they are grabbing men by the package and saying very inappropriate things to the opposite gender too. I think this generation will either make or break equality, depending on the level of self and general accountability. if people acknowledge self fault and fault among us all, we could come out of this far better a world, we can only hope and see, so long as we work on ourselves.’

'What is your fault then?’

Danielle's brows rose. 'We have to go to bed sometime this week, I cannot start listing now. I am not perfect, Tom. I know this and I never pretend to be. I suffer jealousy, envy, other such things. I suppose I also have to work on a few things. Though, thankfully, I don't see men as sex objects, so I have that one down.’ She joked.

'Except me of course?’ He gave a playful smile.

'Oh, you are not included there, especially with the pant and sweater combo mixed with that cologne.’ She grinned before she bit her lip and looked at her dinner again.

'Elle?’ She looked at him again but it took a minute as she did not seem to want to. 'I need to ask, have I done something to you?’

'What?’ She had not expected him to say such a thing. 'No.’

'What has changed. You are not the same recently. I am worried, everyone is starting to worry. Mum, me, Sarah, you won't even meet Sophie or Emma.’ Danielle chewed her lip, unable to keep eye contact with him. 'At first, I thought you were homesick, you only have that Radio na Gaeltachta on all the time now, but now I am fairly certain it's not that and you are filling your schedule up again rather than having any free time and you used to do that before because you were avoiding being lonely, but you have me and our friends and family, so why are you doing it? Is it me?’

'No.’ She answered quietly.

'No what? No, you're not homesick? No, you're not avoiding being lonely? No, you don't have me, our friends and family? Or no, it's not me?’

'No, it's not any of that, it's me.’ She looked at her hands.

'I...is there something wrong?’

'Not physically, no.’ Tom's concern only rose. 'No, I don't have depression or that either.’ She assured him. 'It's...fuck, I...if I tell you, you'll literally run away and tell me to get out of your home.’ There were genuine fear and tears in her eyes.

‘Elle, talk to me, please, Darling. I am going mad not knowing what is getting you down.’

'It's so stupid.’ She sniffed, wiping away a tear.

'If it makes you like this, I doubt it.’

'But…’

'No, Elle, no buts. Even if it is just in your head, if it's not really something serious and you know it is not but your mind is still telling you that it is, that is very important. I am not going to run away. After a year and a half together, we have been through some difficult times, no matter what it is, we can overcome it.’ He urged her. 'But you really have to tell me. We cannot work if you refuse to open up.’

'I...I just feel so odd recently. I went to the doctor about it, well, I went about ensuring I was okay to do an Ironman, but I mentioned it too and I was just told it happens sometimes and if I feel the same on a few weeks, to change my contraception.’ Tom frowned, thinking such to be an odd diagnosis. 'I think it is hormone related.’

'What?’

'I...I am scared to say.’

'Tell me, please.’

'I can't even look at Emma and today I went to the swimming pool and as I was going in, a class was coming out and I felt so fucking envious, I fucking cried, how stupid is that?’ Danielle scoffed.

‘Envious of what?’ Tom asked.

'That they were pregnant.’ Tom's eyes widened. 'See, I can see it in your face.’

'Wait, so this is about pregnancy?’ Tom asked, needing clarification. 'You want a baby?’

'No, I don't. I am not ready for one, I know I'm not. I am so busy with work, we're not there yet, it's the worst timing but literally, everywhere I look there are babies, all the people around me are having babies and my stupid brain is telling me I should have one and I don't want one yet. I see cute little outfits and instead of my usual “Get this for Sophie or for Emma”, I think I need it. I don't fucking need it. I have my bar and I am not losing you and my head is so messed up and I really have no idea how to stop it. I thought if I took the job and did my goal of the Ironman and its training it would calm it but it's not and I have no idea what to do. I miss my friend but seeing her makes me feel so bad and I am sorry I am a fucking mess.’

Tom just looked at her for a time, trying to figure out what to even say. He was incredibly relieved it was not some of the scenarios that his brain had created such as she stopped loving him or she had been having an affair with the guy from work under the guise of training that he knew were preposterous, yet his brain still pondered. But also he could see the turmoil this had created in her. She was clearly having severe problems in her own mind settling this. He had heard of it, more than once. Hell, even Ben had confessed it have been why the relationship with his last girlfriend ended. He wanted kids and she never did, so they agreed to do what they both wanted even though that meant ending their relationship. To have such an argument with one's self clearly did not go well, going by Danielle's current situation.

He had to agree, they were not ready. He wanted her to himself for another time yet, he wanted to wait a little longer before they would consider such things as a family. Were her bar to fail and she got pregnant, he would not see it as a catastrophic event but if they could decide when suited them and did it then, it would be idyllic. 'Well, it explains a lot.’ He stated, feeling a little dumb saying only that.

'I am sorry for being such a terrible partner and for...well, neglecting us. I just, my brain is all warped and it correlated sex and babies, which, really, it does go from to the other really and this is what happened.’

'I wish you told me sooner, I have been so worried.’

'I was terrified you'd run away from me.’

'Elle, we've mentioned the possibility of children before now. This is not a new subject matter to us. In time, I very much would love to have children with you. And the idea that your body is telling you that you should ignore logic and have a baby with the fine gentleman you have procured for yourself is a great compliment to my ego.’ Danielle could not help laughing at his statement as she looked at him lovingly. ‘When you are happy in work, when you have achieved your goals, however utterly bonkers they are, then we will talk about taking that thing out of your arm and having a baby but until then, I really cannot see Emma declining a hand with Ava.’

'I think it's a fight between Eva and Lucy now.’ She informed him.

'For fuck sake, she is due within the fortnight and they have decided to change the name eighty times at this stage.’

'Could you imagine after all of this, the ultrasound was wrong and it was a boy?’

Tom laughed. 'He will start school nameless.’ Danielle joined in. 'I can't say I understand what is going on with you fully, Elle, but I do know it's real to you and it is causing you a lot of unrest and it hurts me to see that. But it is hurting Emma too, you being distant has been hard on us, we all miss that spark in you that we all love and I think she should have you there for her, if you can be.’

'You're right. I am not being a good friend. I just feel so weird.’

'I understand, in a manner. I don't understand your thoughts per se, but I understand that you don't feel yourself either.’ He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

'I don't deserve you.’

'No one does really.’ He barely got the last word out before she hit him with her napkin playfully.

[graceivers]

Review #37 - The Safe Bet

The Safe Bet Author: Brittney Sahin Genre: Billionaires & CEOs, Contemporary Romance, Military, Romantic Suspense Rating: ★★★★½ Recommendation: give it a shot; once was enough Summary: Kate Adams has been hired to plan a party for Michael Maddox whom is not only reluctant to be pulled into the spotlight but also tangled in his budding feelings for her. Their attraction is mutual, though their intentions differ. But when Kate’s life is put in danger, Michael will do just about anything to keep her safe.

Female Lead: Kate is a decent lead. I think Sahin does write her as a bit of a damsel in distress, though. Kate is strong in her own world, but there are just too many problems that stack up against her. The family secrets and issues, her conflicted feelings for Michael, the dual threats on her life. It’s too much for a girl to handle on her own. And I guess there and then, it’s not exactly her fault that she’s a damsel in distress when people are keeping secrets from her. But Sahin does try her best not to make Kate too weak. Again, she is strong in her own right. She asserts herself and makes the difficult decisions when Michael seems hesitant and unwilling to do so; she moves to Boston on her own to create some space between her and her father after all that he had done; she goes after the second unsuspecting threat all by herself and almost succeeds in getting him to implicate himself. Sahin shows good character development by making Kate stronger as the book goes on, and I guess that’s all you could really ask for. Male Lead: Michael is your tortured hero character. Does he have horrible experiences and memories of war from his military background? Yes. Does he live in fear that those experiences will negatively affect the people around him, which subsequently makes him push people away and not have genuine and lasting relationships with people outside his family and military buddies? Yes. Does he have a burning need to save people whether it’s veterans suffering like he is or women in need like Kate and whatever that redhead’s name is? Yes. Does he struggle with where he is needed the most and would be of most use to save the world? Yes. Does he eventually come around and realize that he can’t do it alone and he does in fact need to get some help to keep the nightmares at bay a bit and get better so he can be with the woman he loves? YES.

And yes, I loved Michael’s character. He kind of jerked Kate around a lot in regards to their mutual attraction and feelings for each other, which was not my favorite. As well, his growth was not as consistent as Kate’s was. But at least he was honest with her when everyone else she trusted—her father, namely—lied to her and put her in harms way just to get their way. It was painfully evident that despite how much Michael wanted her, his one overall goal was to keep her safe. And like I said, he does come around more toward the end. He finally seeks the help he so desperately needs and realizes he can’t be an island anymore. He loves Kate and wants to be the man she deserves, so he makes changes in his life. I don’t know what else I could ask for of this guy who stopped at nothing to save the woman he loved. Plot & Writing: The Safe Bet delivers on just about all accounts as advertised. Solid romantic suspense, a present military theme despite the fact that all the Marines in the book are not active and have other security jobs outside of the armed forces, and a little mystery dabbled into it all to keep readers on their toes. The book was a good pager-turner for me, and I enjoyed the succinct action sequences as much as the emotional scenes between the lead couple.

I think what I liked best about The Safe Bet was that despite quite a bit of back and forth between Kate and Michael regarding a relationship between them, it was all kind of warranted and essentially forced the characters to communicate and talk about things that they normally hid. Kate definitively states that she can’t do casual sex, that she can’t separate the physical from the emotional, and that she wants both—everything—from Michael. Michael, of course, is burdened by the demons of war and won’t engage in a committed relationship because he’s basically too tortured to do so. To be honest, I was a little surprised and disappointed that Kate and Michael slept together that first time because she clearly wasn’t in a good place with the threats on her life looming over her head and the obvious fact that Michael said he didn’t do relationships. I didn’t think it was a good idea since Kate would be the one that got burned in the end. But of course, Sahin ensures that Kate and Michael remain in each other’s orbit as much as possible, which forces them to confront the issue again and again even when they’re trying to eliminate the threat on Kate’s life and basically solve an old murder mystery at the same time.

I generally liked the way the book was written. The whole party-planning and falling for a client thing didn’t last the entire span of the book, but it was a decent setup to lead events down the path it went. I think there were a couple places where there were some grammatical/logistical writing issues that irked me—different people having dialogue in the same paragraph—but other than that, this was a pretty seamless read. Sahin definitely kept the tension at a simmering level so that it would not overrun the entire book but was there just enough not to be forgotten. That’s exactly what I need in books with a suspense/action plot.

Also, just a little question for no one to ponder/answer except me. Why is the book called The Safe Bet? On Goodreads, it says it was previously titled Silenced Memories. I think the latter makes more sense given the story, but I would probably agree that that’s not the best title. The Safe Bet may sound like a better title, but I think it’s less suited to the storyline… I don’t know. I, as a writer for fun, have a difficult time coming up with titles myself too, so… Secondary Characters & Plots: I thought the secondary characters were great additions to the overall storyline. I loved Julia, Michael’s brother, and the friendship she and Kate were forming in the beginning. But then this lady kind of just disappeared when the action and suspense part of the story took over. Where did she go? I mean, I guess I get that she wouldn’t be much involved with efforts to save Kate’s life, but it would’ve been nice for Kate to have a female friend in this whole ordeal. Of course, I really enjoyed the additions of Jake and Connor, Michael’s military buddies who helped with Kate’s situation in tracking down her stalker and keeping her safe. Connor’s book is definitely on my to-read list now.

The little murder mystery subplot was actually pretty intriguing! I mean, Kate’s dad was a secretive and not so great character, though he did love his daughter. But including the tragedy of Kate’s mother’s death into the overall plot was definitely interesting, especially how the story evolved from a robbery gone wrong to Kate actually finding and confronting her mother’s murderer. This added a little extra something to the story, and I rather liked it. Favorite Part(s): Michael seeing a therapist and getting help. You can tell he doesn’t like it and he doesn’t think it’s worth it or working, but he still goes. He goes because kind of doesn’t know what else to do anymore. Because he wants and loves Kate so badly and he secretly wants to get better so he can be the man that she deserves. He’s getting help for himself but he’s also doing it for her. It’s kind of amazing. Final Thoughts: You want romantic suspense? You want action? You want a war hero? You want a decent female lead? Read The Safe Bet. The chemistry between the leads is good, and everything culminates into a satisfying ending. Just about all the characters are likable, and the story runs at a good pace to keep readers in suspense and yet invested in the emotional sequences as well. Sahin did a good job of balancing the two. This book is worth checking out if you’re into this genre.