#the way lucien and molly suffered so much and yet. in the end. there is still rebirth and growth and new life. a place where they

[dent-de-leon]

still in agony over the thought that both Molly and his/Lucien's brother were killed by people working for the Jagentoths, buried in the snow in Shadycreek, and then resurrected by someone else against their will--

Hurts even more when you think about how Lucien was always terrified he'd never be able to escape Shadycreek. Opening his eyes and realizing he still died in the Run anyway, like he'd never left, like nothing had ever changed in spite of everything--

And it's achingly bittersweet in a way, that Lucien died in the cursed Savalirwood--that Mollymauk opened his eyes there for the first time.

And then, in another life, when this burning bright soul is reborn again, his family takes him back home. Back to a Savalirwood that's beginning to finally heal, to this little patch of solace and respite, all the verdant greenery and flourishing flowers of the Blooming Grove. "Something new will grow here."

[valdrift]

finished tneol last night and needed to marinate in my thoughts………overall i enjoyed the book and i liked the characterization of lucien and the tombtakers.

they got more depth so they weren't just the antagonists of the m9 and, while not excusing their actions, i think they came off as more sympathetic once u knew their motives. the combination of their pasts and the influence of the somnovem make it kinda understandable as to why they thought their actions were justifiable. also, there were some moments where i thought lucien was too woobified but i realized it's actually the perspective of the book lending to lucien being a Very unreliable narrator which i think is a nice touch.

because again, lucien's a selfish, arrogant, and delusional person who's convinced that only he knows best and that he needs to be the one to guide people or do what needs to be done. of course the narration isn't going to fully reflect the grisliness of his actions, lucien thinks he's doing the right thing. but when you step out of his perspective, it's like yeah hold on what's your fucking problem dude lol. it makes sense that aldreda cut him out of her life, he let the relationship die out of insecurity and before that, he killed their parents. sure they were shitty and i'm not shedding tears over it, but did he even consult aldreda? we don't know, and once she got her own life away from her past, aldreda was probably given the space to realize the kind of dangerous person her brother was capable of being. it fully makes sense that she doesn't want him near her or her family if he can't even be honest about what he's done or the kind of person he is. it's a repeated pattern of lucien's arrogance and manipulation when he acts for other people without even considering how they'd feel, and just because he's doing it in what he perceives to be for their own good, it doesn't excuse it. i don't think he's always been like this, it's probably the somnovem exacerbating the worst parts of himself (with molly being the good parts of himself) while his mind/sanity spirals, however he had chances to do the right thing and he just chose not to. either by taking the easy way out or having a big enough ego to think that he could handle everything even though it was clear to everyone except him that he was slipping. like yeah he could take the easy way out of his problems, however that involves hurting people both strangers and loved ones alike. but for someone as self-absorbed as lucien, it's worth it if it means he's just that much closer to achieving his goals.

anyways some things i thought could've been done better were the relationships and his childhood? while i really like brevyn as a character, her presence in the story didn't add much aside from being the fridged love interest to show lucien as a more sympathetic character. they easily could've achieved that by expanding on his relationship to cree and aldreda. cree, who he's known the longest and was his best friend who he ultimately sacrificed despite everything they've been through, and aldreda who he wants to mend things with. it could've been more impactful for lucien's downward spiral and his "i can fix everything, the ends justify the means" mindset in his desperation to ascend. like the progression of him not wanting to hurt cree (ie the somnovem beginning to corrupt him and him feeling ashamed when he out of nowhere wants to hit her from anger [because what would he be if even cree was scared of him?]) to him ruthlessly letting her take the fall for him to buy more time.

as for his childhood it just felt comically horrific like the skin puppets thing is. well it sure is there. idk i felt like the story could've instead covered the abuse lucien and his siblings suffered under the hands of their parents and with lucien being an unreliable narrator, him not realizing the full extent of it (ie him saying elric was the favorite and yet their parents "hided him raw" for not setting a better example, like that is not how "favorites" are treated dude). the puppet theme felt a little weak because i wasn't really picking up on a clear puppetmaster which, you know, puppets need. butterflies would've been better probably since change/growth/transformation is integral to them but ok

other than that, i really liked the book. i think it had a nice balance between fleshing lucien out to be a more sympathetic character without excusing his actions or writing him off to purely be a victim of circumstance as if he didn't have the opportunity and ability to make better choices. the narration did a good job in conveying the unsettling feeling of the somnovem stuff and how lucien practically went mad without even realizing it. the end also kinda made me :( when lucien's getting all worn down, and how relieved he is when jester lands the killing blow because he just wanted everything to end. and molly consistently annoying lucien in the back of his mind while also trying to get him to just do the right thing ("you don't have to do this. you don't have to be this.") WAUGH........molly's kindness and his desire to leave places better than he found it what if we all died

tldr: lucien's a pathetic little man and absolute fucking mess and i LOVE HIM for it

[readbythestarlight]

c2e30 (I’m very late and I know it but here it is anyway)

I’m almost a week late but hey that’s fine let’s do this!

Still miss Ashley but I’m gad Travis and Laura are back!

I also miss Keg

I’m so glad they fucked Lorenzo up. I’m sorry for Matt’s plans but fuck that guy.

“Enduring it silently” Yasha my girl

“Case closed” cool make me cry again that’s fine

Nott just has no fucks to give for Fjord xD

Oh, Yasha, my girl.

"I have healing I have healing who are you I have healing" oh sure Jester NOW you wanna heal

“Where’s Molly?” FUCK it’s fine I’m fine

“is he waiting upstairs?”

“He didn’t make it.”

“To… this dungeon? Cause he’s waiting upstairs?”

IT’S FINE IM NOT CRYING

Fjord sounds so exhausted someone hug him

Everyone’s sad I’m sad I don’t wanna live with this again

Fjord. Honey. It’s not your fault.

God Fjord and Jester and Yasha are going to have such a rough time healing and moving on…

This is really hard… like. My heart hurts.

“We learned for the future. This won’t happen again, understand me?”

“Nothing this good ever happens, this is great.” I love him. He’s sweet and he tries.

Jester and Beau back at the cute BFF banter already

B: “I would have laid down my life for you guys.”

J: “I would have tried to heal you back.”

Oh lord guys you can’t just make butt jokes in the middle of my crying.

Oh damn, I forgot Molly and Fjord shared a room the most often. Poor Fjord.

“It’s probably stolen.”

“People need killin’ if that happens.”

Them talking about Molly possibly coming back like that’s what we’re all still hoping for please don’t pull my heartstrings like this.

And the Fjord/Jester train rolls on again. They wasted no time.

“Oooooo, ooooo! That’s all I need to know.”

“INSIGHT CHECK”

oh my god Sam xD

WHISPERS

“Fuck human traffickers, ammiright?” You are so right.

“Please bring me any books” Caleb’s priorities back in place again

Cad cooking food I love him

Matt plz chill with the torture stuff

I love how they’re always finding random potions

Godddd Lorenzo’s chamber…

“Some young creature” it’s a baby Matt just say it

Bag of holding?? IT IS A BAG OF HOLDING?

YAAAS

Please no body parts please no body parts…

Fjord checking the room for books <3

I want Fjord and Caleb to get back to being bros man I miss that so hard

Fuck I forgot Caleb was still injured Jester plz heal him

I adore Cad you guys. Adore him.

“Roots.”

“Do I smell anything…? Nah it smells like breakfast fuck it I go back down” xD Travis

A long rest sounds like a good idea, but is the fortress safe?

“WHAT’S THAT NEW MAGIC YOU USED?” SAAAAM LOL

Cad is gonna be the weird uncle of the team who keeps them all fed and relatively healthy

I’m curious about the bag and what all it can do and stuff

lol Fjord just spilled everything out

“I have deep arcane abilities” lol Fjord

101 PLATINUM NICE

Ooooo a gem!

Oh daaaamn wax sealed envelope

AN ACTUAL ENVELOPE

okay what is it….

omg could they collect anyone 101 platinum?

Oooo Wayfairer’s Cove? Is it Pirates?? Please be pirates.

Also does that mean they’ll go to Nicodranus?

OH.

OH SHIT.

FJORD HAS ONE. IN HIS STOMACH.

“You have 50 rings, do you have a glass bead?”

Nott has the most amazing collection of stuff

Ouch, 5 intelligence check

Fjord my darling why are you collecting a tusk?

Also guys i’m over my annoyance with Fjord I missed him so much he’s back to being one of my faves

“HEY LOOK WHAT I MADE :D” Caleb my son he’s so proud and happy look at him

He’s been working on it so he can protect his friends I’m crying

Cad just makes me smile every time he speaks. Taliesin just knows how to cheer me up with every character he makes.

I can’t believe Caleb actually managed to make them a small “home” they can move just like he wanted I’m so proud of him

NOTT PLZ

Jester dragging Yasha in lol

Niiiice magic potion and magic red gem

bad magic manacles no

C: “This has great power.”

N: “What is it?”

C: “It’s a meat hook.”

300 bolts nice

Beau looking for something throwable

Those are creepy manacles 0/10

Caleb please stop being weird about fire YOU’RE SCARING ME

“It’s not my thing” hnnn

Beau honey please keep it for him he doesn’t need it right now

Fjord using Molly’s sword is good

DON’T EAT THE GODDAMN SWORD

PLEASE

Fjord’s actual identity is a bag of holding I’ve solved it

BEAU

BEAU NO

beau plz

Oh Jester… oh honey… I’m crying again

“Why didn’t you come?” IT’S FINE

I’m fine

it’s not fine

Bye Keg WE’LL MISS YOU

Letter for Nott I cry

“Oh, a note… It’s really badly written…” Nott plz

That letter I’M CRRRYYYYYING

“p.s. if anyone hurts you I will kill them” <3<3<3<3

Marisha’s face when she looked at the letter I’m crying

Ashley B is the best I miss her so much

Fjord keeping the glaive for Yasha. <3

Cad offering to help dye the bag pink xD

He and Jester are going to be good buddies

C: “I need to head east at some point.”

Cad: “What is east?”

C: “I don’t know. But I’d like to find out.”

—

B: “He makes dead people tea.”

F: “He makes what?!”

Hmmm okay so what’s making the illusion. the cart itself?

MAGIC ILLUSION CART that could be great

Stealth cart yessss

Happy (late) birthday, Ashley!

Cad should stay with the cart maybe?

They’re very touchy about the cart xD

Ophelia is classy as hell and I don’t trust her but I like her

Oooo smart to remember to bring the glaive Fjord good job

My boy with the Nat20 persuasion ayyyyyyy

No wait we’re keeping it for Yasha

Nice okay good she let them have it

Oh dang I forgot they were supposed to escort her back to Zadesh

“I think ‘hot fuck’ is accurate on a few levels” Beau continues to be THE disaster lesbian

Fjord is creeped out by Cad and I’m loving it

Oh no who’s coming…

Oh okay it’s just the carriages lol I was worried

Stealth check for giggles lol

Money says Beau will try to sleep with Ophelia before the trip is over

SAM NAMED THEM AFTER ABBA SONGS omg I’m crying

Oh oh oh a crick person. What were they called?

J: “Shady deals happening!”

Cad: “Oh is that what that is? I’ve never seen one before.”

Okay we’re in the slums this is where something is going to happen

Driving through slums in fancy carriages is bad

Frumpkin is gone sadly

Oooo Jester has a fancy new spell? Nice

“Next time you use it maybe it will have a purpose” xD harsh, Nott.

Oooo some Beau and Caleb talk! It’s been a few weeks. And yesss give us some Beau backstory!

“Why are you running around with criminals? And me?” Caleb you are just as much a criminal as the rest of them

Beau and Caleb’s friendship and their conversations are my fave

I SAW SPOILERS ABOUT WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN AND IM NOT OKAY

is his coat there

HIS COAT IS THERE

thank god

I’m not ready for this

Taliesin looks like he might cry, I’m gonna cry, everyone’s gonna cry

Letting Taliesin choose which card Jester pulled I’m weeping

the same card she pulled when they met I’m sobbing now

Fjord with Summer Dance I’m just. A wreck.

Yasha wakes up AT MOLLY’S GRAVE THIS ISN’T OKAY

“What’s going on” noPE MATT HOW DARE

Oh Yasha my dear oh god

“It happened again” stop please I beg you

She didn’t even get to help kill Lorenzo

Oh, oh, Yasha…

Oh fuck.

Oh. Oh, my heart.

She doesn’t even have her sword.

Caleb and Nott please don’t make me cry either

TALIESIN DONT

IM

I CANNOT

He’s gone.

He’s really, forever, never coming back, gone.

“I made the earth remember him. Something will be here.”

Like… like I had this vague hope that somehow he’d come back, ten, twenty episodes from now. Hell, maybe close to the end, he’d just come back. He’d return to life and maybe he wouldn’t remember at first, but they’d help remind him who he is. But no… he’s gone. Tal gave him the best goodbye he could.

C: “Come, everyone. Molly wanted us to keep living.”

B: “And make things better.”

I’m glad they all got to say goodbye but my god, none of them had ever die, because I can’t handle anything like this ever again.

Goodbye, Molly. For real this time.

“Those ideas I had have come to fruition” oh god what does that mean

Caleb worries me

New feat is cool but he still worries me

Ophelia and the Gentleman, huh?

PFFF SHE BIT HIM. kinky.

I like Ophelia more and more tbh

Cad just grins

also the Gentleman doesn’t have Cad’s blood that’s probably good

Hey @ the Gentleman don’t be a dick “that’s just the way of it” i’m gonna kick you

LOL Nott and the moisture thing again I’m cackling

How much money? I don’t remember

“mostly platinum” O_O

600 platinum NICE

250 gold

6250 alksjdlaksjflkjsdhfkjasdhg

+50 platinum for the loss of Molly HE WAS WORTH SO MUCH MORE HE WAS PRICELESS

Nott explaining “money” to Cad lol

“I can’t think of four things I’d like to get, that’s nice.”

A tea set, a skillet, more cups.

Fuck okay he’s gonna get his blood sigh

WHISPERRRSSSSS

Cad and his bugs alksjdlkas

I’m actually glad that Caleb lied about Molly… I’m not sure why but I’m just glad. Molly didn’t want to be tied to Lucien, even in death.

Metagaming pigeon lol

GO SEE PUMAT SOL I just want him to meet Cad desperately

Tal rolling to determine how Cad feels about milk lol

Tal wants to strangle Sam/Nott for their tragic lack of knowledge (r their total deception) about how whiskey is made lol

Introducing Cad to alcohol lol

Fjord is so baffled whenever people flirt with him I love it

“Here is to fucking making it work” <3

Beau I don’t think he wants to talk about it, darling

Alright Fjord needs a goddamn hug. Like a big one.

They think Jester is fine but guys she’s not fine keep an eye on her. This is how she copes but she’s gonna fall apart. There are cracks.

Caleb is right about her. She’s suffering.

Cad: “I’ve had six drinks. I’m in the biggest city I’ve ever been in. Everything tastes TERRIBLE.”

—

N: “Have you not thrown up yet?”

Cad: “Is that part of the—are you supposed to?”

—

Oh boy intruding Jester to alcohol too let her be sweet and innocent and not a useless drunk like all of you smh

Jester is going to have so much fun introducing Cad to pastries

“What’s a smut shop?” Oh lord.

C: “To that purple devil. To Mollymauk Tealeaf.”

B: “And now to our new… tea leaf…”

Travis just suggested shopping the world must be ending

Matt just keeps ducking his head and giggling I love him

Nott my dear you are not subtle

I’m so glad they all back together (minus Yasha—come back soon, Ashley!!). I missed these happy nights of goofiness.

And I’ll always miss you, Mollymauk.

“FOR MOLLY!”

Goblight lol

“Caduceus Clay, we are your destiny!!” xD Caleb

Oooo some downtime episodes coming! Some time to get to know Cad, that’ll be nice.

THEY EACH HAEV OVER 1000 GOLD

amazing

“Just one 10 hour Critical Role episode, please.” Someday, Liam, someday.

Good episode. Good, good episode.

[dent-de-leon]

Obsessed with the idea of Molly being terrified of Lucien, wanting nothing to do with him and insisting that that person is dead because he was scared that Lucien just naturally desired to be cruel and that was something he never ever wanted.

But then Lucien comes back and Molly realising that Lucien largely doesnt WANT to be cruel. But he's been so warped by pain and fear that he thinks that control and possession and manipulation is the only way to keep people from hurting you.

And Molly is like "Oh honey no.... let's get you some therapy."

Molly never wanted to be cruel, ever. But helping someone in pain learn to open up to gentleness and vulnerability? To show kindness? That scares him a lot less and it's what finally leads to their peace. To Kingsley.

Acknowledging and healing Lucien's pain and fear allowed them both to be better

yES!! Mollymauk is so haunted by the little glimpses he sees of Lucien's past, lives in constant fear of those terrifying moments when another life bleeds through. "Whoever it was came to that end, and I want nothing to do with that. Whatever it was, it doesn't feel good when I--when something creeps through, I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it. I was happy! I liked the circus! The circus was great!"

He crawled his way out of an unmarked grave and woke all alone in the world, reaching for a red moon in the dark. He's always been aware just how fragile his life is, afraid that he'd be sent back to the grave, that his charmed little life at the circus could be torn away from him at any moment--as could his loved ones, like Lestera.

Mollymauk always seemed to believe his time was short, so he always tries to make the most of it. Which involved running away from the past--from anything that could shatter the tentative peace he tried so hard to keep. Whoever Lucien was, Molly knows just enough to instinctively fear him, to believe that all his loved ones would abandon him if they ever knew the truth. During the Zone of Truth, he confesses that, "A lot of this was in the hopes that maybe it would never happen; keep moving, keep quiet."

So I can't agree more--watching Mollymauk face his greatest fear, seeing him finally confront Lucien after all this time--and he's still kind and compassionate enough to try and help him? After everything he did? It's such a pleasant surprise, and just a testament to his character and bleeding heart. I don't think there's many people who'd be able to look at this dark mirror of themselves and have the capacity for love and forgiveness that Molly does.

But of course Mollymauk still wants to help him, still genuinely cares for him. It's, "That's not how we are, Lucien. We love broken things the most." And, "I know what the others think, but the truth is...How do I put this...The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it." He saw how much Lucien was suffering, he saw just how painfully alike they are--that they were both "broken," shattered souls--and he couldn't just leave him. He couldn't. Mollymauk just can't bear to abandon someone, and it breaks my heart.

And I think a big part of Lucien's fall also stems from just how much self loathing and disgust he wallowed in, how he clings so desperately to the idea he has this "glint." That he was meant for bigger, better things, that he's somehow fated for so much more--that there's an escape from his painful, bloodstained past in Shadycreek. I think Beau really struck a nerve when she asked, "Do you think you're special, Lucien? I mean, someone who wakes up every day, and thinks they're different, blessed." Because god, he wants to be. He wants to be someone capable and powerful and worthy, craves it more than anything, even as he keeps running away.

He holds onto a stack of letters from his sister that he absolutely treasures, yet he doesn't dare answer any of them--too paralyzed with fear at what she'd think, terrified she'd see the person he'd become. He thinks he's not good enough to go back to her, has nothing at all to offer her. And I think that's part of why he bought into the Somnovem so quickly; he was desperate for a way out. A chance to be more. He needs to have this glint Cree mentioned, because then there's still hope. He can still be someone fortunate enough to take care of his sister, to get them away from Shadycreek forever. He can still be one of the heroes in the little plays he used to perform. He can still change his fate. And, most tempting of all, he can bring his family back.

And it's so sad that his self-depreciation and guilt started so young, that even as a child, he was tormented by all the atrocities his parents forced him to be complicit in. Until Lucien couldn't bear what they'd turned him into anymore, and he makes sure they can't hurt anyone else ever again. "After a while I couldn't let it go on, couldn't look at myself or live with myself, so I burned the caravan with all three of them inside, took my sister, and that was that...No more little songs. No more farces."

Mollymauk is fascinating, because he's another facet of Lucien. He was born from the very same soul. So in one sense, I think Molly reconnecting with Lucien is so beautiful, because it really does feel like a kind of self love and acceptance. But in another way, I think they're almost like family too. It really struck me that Kingsley called Molly a "brother;" just the way that he said, "Everyone should have a brother." It's such a sweet sentiment, especially considering that Lucien had a brother--someone he lost so long ago.

A corpse left buried in the snow. An empty puppet. A hollow, ghastly reminder of the person he once knew. Lucien had a brother, and they were killed, their body desecrated by their own parents. He had a sister, who he was willing to sacrifice everything for, and it still wasn't enough. In the end, even she doesn't trust him anymore, and he's entirely alone. So then here's Molly, and he does the one thing that Aldreda and the rest of his family never did. He decides to stay with Lucien. To reach a hand to him when he needs it the most.

In many ways, Molly is the family that Lucien always wished for. Ironically? If they actually were siblings, I think Lucien would've been very protective of him. Even as things are, Lucien still starts to grow a bit fond of Mollymauk in spite of himself. Starts to slowly regret the life he'd taken from him, as loathe as he is to admit it. "Nothing about this has been easy, and our hard work is at an end. Our chats have been...edifying. Goodbye, Tealeaf. You won't survive where I'm going."

I do think the end of the novel really did reassure me about a lot of why I found C2 heartbreaking, because I like that Molly and Lucien both decided to come back together. That it was a choice they both made, and they both live on as Kingsley. It's Molly getting another chance and yet deciding to bring Lucien back with him, because Molly thinks he deserves it too. It's neither of them being alone. It's both of them returning to the Nein, hand in hand, and deciding to try again--