#the way i was obsessed with karin until i found out she was 11.

[ox1-lovesick]

hitsukarin shippers are the bane of my existence.

[greatideas-badwriter]

Worth The Risk: Chapter 11

'Stop. Stop. Stop,' Sasuke told himself while kissing Sakura, but he didn't listen. 'For once in your fucked up life, do the right thing!'

It didn't matter how much the man hated himself for following his emotions rather than logic; there was no way in hell he'd turn away from that woman while she stood there crying because of him.

The moment he opened the door to shoo Karin out of his room and his eyes landed on the pink-haired girl, all alarms went off at full volume. He'd been trying to move on from his unhealthy obsession with her, but when he recognized the look of betrayal on her pale face, he wanted nothing other than to throw his fist through a wall.

Finally pulling away, ending their kiss, he searched her teary-eyed face again. 'She's always so pretty, even when she's crying.'

Rather lamely, he admitted, "You're right. I have no clue what I'm doing." Sakura's brow furrowed, as she likely assumed he was trying to take back what he'd just done, but Sasuke interrupted, "But I won't hurt you on purpose."

He meant it, too. When he became so enamored by her that he was willing to try something he swore off years ago, he didn't know, but that was the case. After Izumi, the man vowed never to look for or stumble upon love. He didn't deserve it.

'Itachi will be happy when he finds out, but he shouldn't be.'

Sasuke said, "Let's get some sleep. It's late."

"Okay, but, um, I-I don't want to do anything…."

He rolled his eyes, giving the woman a light shove toward the bed while he turned to click off the lights, "I'm not an idiot."

Sakura lay on her side with her back against the wall, facing him as he joined her under the covers.

'Why's she so far away?' Just when he was about to ask aloud, he remembered how rare it was for her to allow someone to touch her and decided against it, 'I've pushed my luck enough for one night.'

The pair remained silent as they fell asleep, though Sasuke took much longer.

If the angry, hurt expression on the woman's face earlier as she yelled at him was anything to go by, Sasuke was fortunate she didn't completely ice him out. Sure, she'd gotten angry at him in the past, but it wasn't fiery hot like tonight.

When he thought about why that was, a satisfied feeling washed over him, 'She was jealous. I didn't take her for the type.'

Yes, it was serious, not comical, because he hadn't simply flirted with someone. Sasuke slept with one of her only friends, knowing very well that it would affect her. That said, it stroked his ego a little to know Sakura felt that strongly.

'If I pull some shit like that again, she'll disappear. There's not a doubt in my mind.'

Even if Sasuke did want to find some random whore to sleep with, he couldn't because he'd only be able to picture Sakura's face, to remember her voice and scent. It was odd, realizing a man notorious for having a new partner each week only wanted one specific person. It was definitely a unique experience.

He turned onto his back, sliding his hand under the pillow with a sigh, only to open his eyes when his fingers wrapped around something cold and metal. It was a knife, and he knew it before pulling it out to stare at in the dark room. The weapon reminded him that next to nothing about Sakura's past was known. Obviously, It had darkness, or she wouldn't be spooked enough to sleep with a blade.

'Fuck, that's why she sleeps so little, isn't it? She's scared of something. Someone,' Sasuke turned onto his side again, looking at the woman's sleeping face with new eyes, 'Who is it? It has to be a guy because she doesn't like hanging around men. They make her uncomfortable.'

The weapon was returned to its spot under the pillow, and the Uchiha man reached under the blanket and searched until he found her hand, gently allowing her to unconsciously grasp it like she had last time.

'What did he do to her? Did he hit her? What if he-' Unbridled rage flooded his entire being before he could even finish the thought, so he shook his head and tried to think about something else.

Sasuke was remembering all sorts of things now that he'd come to the conclusion that she had, indeed, been hurt by someone. She squeezes her eyes closed and tries to make herself smaller whenever anyone speaks too loudly, even if they aren't talking to her. If the tiniest mistake is made, she apologizes like she'll be killed on the spot for not being perfect.

'And above all else, she hates being paid attention to.'

Unlike most women, Sakura tried to remain invisible rather than seek out compliments or talk endlessly. It took the Uchiha man only a few days of living together to conclude that he couldn't make assumptions about her just because she was a girl. He'd been waiting for her to say something to try and tempt him to flirt, but it never happened.

The warm, gentle feeling in his chest was becoming more and more normal. It appeared again as he looked at the woman, barely holding back the urge to pull her closer because he knew it'd scare her if she woke up.

Uncharacteristically, he whispered, "I wish you'd tell me what happened."

Though Sakura was fast asleep, and he knew that, a tiny bit of disappointment came over Sasuke when she didn't respond.

For the first time in a long time, Sakura slept well and didn't even dream. There was only the overwhelming relief that she and Sasuke were finally on the same page and the electric anxiety, borderline excitement, that he was sleeping so close when neither of them was drunk.

Emerald green eyes crept open in the morning to see the man's back. They traveled up to admire the adorable way his black hair had become a mess throughout the night, the tiniest hint of a smirk tugging at her lips. More than anything, the pink-haired girl was grateful that he hadn't disregarded her boundaries while she slept.

'He likes physical affection. I don't need to ask or even see it to know. He always barely stops himself from touching me.'

Blushing, Sakura decided to try meeting him halfway. She cautiously scooted closer, slipping an arm over his waist, pressing her forehead to his back, and closing her eyes with a calming breath.

Like a stove that'd just been turned on, the woman gradually became warmer and warmer until it felt like she'd begin to sweat. Just before she could pull away, Sasuke spoke in a raspy voice, deep from sleeping, "You don't have to panic all the time. Do you really think I'll get mad?"

"It's…not that," she replied, pulling her arm from over his side but snuggling into his back instead of scooting away now that she knew he was awake.

"I have a question," the man sounded half-asleep, still, which was a little cute, so Sakura made a sound encouraging him to ask it. He hesitated momentarily before saying, "Skip your classes today."

Sakura scoffed, "That didn't sound like a question."

He made an amused sound, "Do it. Stay in bed."

After pondering for a moment, the woman admitted sheepishly, "I think I have a fever anyway, so I guess it'll be alright. Just for today."

The man slowly rolled over to face her, dark eyes hazy with sleep as he pressed a hand to her forehead with a frown that just got deeper when he realized she was, indeed, quite warm.

He didn't say anything, but she could tell he felt terrible because she'd obviously gotten sick from walking around in the dead of winter at night while taking Karin home yesterday. Part of her wanted to say something to ease his guilt, but she didn't because he deserved to suffer at least a little. Just because they kissed doesn't mean the woman was entirely over being angry with him.

'We need to talk about things, but where do we even start?'

Are they just friends that were open about their physical attraction to one another? Are they more than friends? Sakura couldn't imagine Sasuke agreeing to date, even if they ended up doing everything a couple would.

As the woman stared at his stoic face, she felt her temperature rising again, 'Was he always this handsome?'

Having agreed to play hooky, the duo ended up moving to Sasuke's room after Sakura forced him to change the sheets. Then, they watched movies of all genres. It wasn't like they paid much attention to them anyway. Barely half an hour into the first one, Sakura couldn't help but ask, "How old are you?"

"What?"

"I know you're around my age, but I don't know the year you were born," she said a little softer, feeling embarrassed. They were lying side by side, just far apart enough that their arms were mere inches from touching.

"Guess," the attractive man teased, amusement thick in his tone.

Sakura glanced over to survey his features, looking back at the screen when he noticed, "Uh, twenty-four?"

The Uchiha scoffed, "Holy fuck! Do I really look that old? I'm twenty-two."

"That's only a two-year difference. It's not like I said you look thirty or something."

Sasuke hummed, not bothering to avert his stare, when she caught him looking, "I bet you're twenty-one. I'd guess younger if I didn't meet you in a bar."

"Should I be flattered or offended? Do I look like a teenager?"

"You're just…little," he said with a strange, unfamiliar warmth in his eyes.

She blushed, frowning as she faced the television again, "I can't help that. It's genetics. My mom and grandma had small chests, too."

'Figures he'd make a comment on that. Pervert.'

Since reaching puberty, Sakura'd been teased about being flat-chested. A lot of it came from her very own boyfriend and friends. She was too scared they'd get upset if she told them it made her uncomfortable, so she suffered in silence. That ignorant choice ended with her developing a stigma.

"I meant you're entire body, not your tits. Get your mind out of the gutter," he faced the TV, too, but reached over to wrap his fingers loosely around her wrist.

The pair was silent for about an hour, the movie ending and another one beginning, before Sasuke hesitantly asked, "Earlier, you said "had" when talking about your mom and grandma. Are they…?"

'Why does he suddenly want to know about me? He's never so much as asked my favorite color.'

Either way, the woman responded, "My grandma died when I was in middle school."

"And your mom?"

Sakura's eyes glazed over, so she wasn't actually seeing the screen, though it appeared that she was, 'I can't tell him everything. Not yet.' She decided to open up a bit, but not entirely, "Dead to me."

The question of why that was hung in the air, but the pinkette quickly asked, "What about you? Do you have any family besides Itachi around here?"

"Tobi's a distant cousin by marriage, but other than that, no. All my blood relatives are dead."

'The terrified look on his face when he thought Itachi was dying makes sense now. That's his one weakness: his brother.' Empathetic sadness washed over her, and she turned her arm upright so he could interlace their fingers instead of holding her wrist, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I have family out there, and I've cut them out of my life when you probably-" "That's stupid as fuck. Don't think things like that."

Things became quiet briefly before he mumbled, "You're lying here with me after all I've done, so you must have a good reason for it."

"Can we change the subject?" Sakura asked bluntly. She didn't want the topic to remain so serious when they were only just now getting along.

"Oh, are we playing twenty questions? I'll go first," Sasuke said in a mock-gossipping tone, as though pretending to be one of her female friends, "Favorite food."

"You'll laugh," she blushed, continuing when he made a sound of denial, "Cheeseburgers."

The man chuckled, "I never would've guessed. Toppings?"

"Loaded!"

They looked at one another when he squeezed her hand, and her heart fluttered when he grinned playfully, "Let's order that tonight. I have to see it."

Sakura rolled her eyes, "You're paying."

"Naturally."

"Okay, my turn, right? Um, how old were you when you had your first kiss?"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, his grin turning into a smirk, "Damn. Here I was, going easy on you to be nice, and you're going straight for the fucking dirty details." He made a show of pondering the question before saying, "Thirteen."

'So young! He'll never stop teasing me if he finds out I was sixteen for mine.'

It was comfortable between the pair as they continued asking one another questions. The casual vibe that the Uchiha man emitted worked wonders to relieve her unease, reminding the woman why she was initially drawn to him in the first place. No other man, not even her teachers, could come close or talk with her like this without Sakura being on edge.

'I wonder why that is….'

That evening, Sasuke left before returning with food; burgers as promised. Sakura often found herself too nervous to eat much, her stomach twisting into knots that refused to loosen. She'd just spent hours getting comfortable, so that wasn't the case this time.

'Cute….' Sasuke thought while watching the tiny woman before him in awe. Unlike he'd ever seen her before, Sakura ate casually. 'She wasn't lying. It really is her favorite.'

At this hour yesterday, he'd have never guessed that he'd be sitting there, sharing a meal with the pink-haired woman after spending the entire day together. When Itachi suggested getting to know her better, he was hesitant because he knew he'd feel this way afterward: even more enamored than before.

Sasuke clung to every little fact he was given.

She likes traditional "guy" foods like burgers, steak, and BBQ. Her favorite color is red, but she also really likes green. Winter is her favorite season, while Summer is her least. She gets cold more easily than anyone he's ever met, but the man didn't need her to tell him that. He'd picked it up on his own.

Something told him not to ask the deeper questions yet, so he stuck to superficial things.

'What will she do if she discovers how obsessed I've become? I need to hide it well, for both our sakes.' The concept of someone trying to get close scared each of them, but likely for different reasons.

His reason was that he didn't deserve to be happy, and he knew it. That's why he deluded himself to one-night stands, partying, and carrying on like a world-class douchebag. Sure, those things were cool when he was a teenager, but now he'd matured enough to see how much that lifestyle lacked substance.

'Nothing, and no one stays.' If they tried, Sasuke would make them hate his guts, so they wouldn't dare come crawling back.

He hated himself, and it was easier to remain unhappy and self-punishing when surrounded by boring or annoying things.

'But now Sakura's here, and I can't do that to her; I won't,' the man thought, eyeing her profile as she watched the action movie on TV and continued eating, 'This is the most selfish thing I've done other than getting Izumi killed.'

Sakura had no idea just how fucked up a person Sasuke was, but he held back just enough of that side of him that she didn't notice.

"Are you feeling okay? I didn't get you sick, did I? Why aren't you eating?" The object of his desires was looking at him with bright green eyes and a concerned frown. He shook his head, wordlessly taking a bite so she'd stop staring.

That night, after both had showered, separately, of course, Sasuke lay in bed in a suddenly not-so-happy mood because she'd gone to Zetsu's room to sleep, 'I thought after last night, and today, she'd just sleep here.'

That thought led him to realize he may have made a mistake in assuming she felt even a fraction of what he did. 'She let me kiss her, but that doesn't mean she's up for anything.' Groaning to himself, his eyes shot open, 'What if she just wants to be friends?'

Panic, anger, confusion, and a few unfamiliar low emotions swirled around the pit of Sasuke's stomach.

A soft knock on the door interrupted his stressing, and he rolled over to see Sakura enter, quietly closing the door behind her and crouching beside the bed, "Can I, um…Can I sleep in here, just for tonight?"

The man sat up, eyes narrowing when he recognized the expression on her face as something negative. She was scared for some reason. "What's wrong?" He nodded, though, and turned to face her when she climbed under the covers.

She lowered her eyes to his chest, voice soft and wavering, "It's freezing tonight, and you're warm, so I thought maybe I should take advantage of that."

'Fucking liar. You're not even good at it.'

Sasuke hesitated to say or do anything as he watched her eyes squeeze closed and her head lower to try (and fail) to hide that she was in tears. He was pissed at her for not being honest, but he kept in mind that even someone like her had pride. She didn't want to swallow it and admit to not wanting to be alone.

So, when the man got the urge to pull her closer into his chest, he didn't hold it back this time and prayed it wasn't a huge mistake. He did it. He wrapped an arm around her waist and maneuvered her so he could slip his other one beneath her.

The scent of her shampoo wafted over him as she tensed up, hands fisting his shirt, "...Sasuke?"

The Uchiha man pressed his lips to her forehead, not quite a kiss, and grumbled softly, "You said you were cold, didn't you?"

It was then that Sakura realized he knew she'd lied, and he could tell because she steadily relaxed her muscles until her face was buried in his shirt, and she was freely sniffling. The woman nodded moments later with a barely audible voice saying, "It was like ice in there."

'What she's really trying to say is that it was bad, whatever shook her. Maybe another nightmare? That's the most likely thing.' Always the selfish one, Sasuke tried to memorize the feeling of her petite body pressed against his as he drifted off to sleep.

[shytiff]

May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake. 

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

[kilianjaynehepard]

1- What’s their full name?

Kilian-Jane Arcturus Orion Shepard

2- What’s the reason/meaning behind their name?

She was born on the SSV Arcturus, and her parents decided to name her that, also mainly due to the fact that her father was a major lord of the rings nerd and wanted to give her the name ‘Kili’ though her mother negated that and chose Kilian, Arcturus was the name Hacket chose, and Orion was the name Anderson chose, Kahlee and Karin Chakwas chose Jane. So Hannah and John both decided to add that to Killian’s first name leaving Arcturus and Orion to be her middle names

3- Do they have a nickname? What’s the meaning behind it?

Babyface and Ice King, growing up on the SSV Arcturus, meant that babyface was something Kilian would grow used to…. you would think… The ‘grunts/engineers’ came up with Babyface, and it just stuck. After a while, Hacket, Anderson and Kahlee started calling her Babyface in private as well. Kilian got the nickname Ice King after rejecting many relationship requests (of course, Kilian is absolutely oblivious in love and tends to reject others without realizing it much to the amusement of most of the SSV Arcturus crew)

4- Do they have a false name? Why? Does it have any meaning?

5- How old are they? How old do they appear?

Kilian turns 27 this year (?), but appears to look 18

6- What is their eye color? Do they have to use glasses or contacts? How good/bad is their vision?

Light Blue, originally it was Emerald green but exposure to Eezo at an early age changed her eye color to Light blue. As for her vision, its 20/20. Due to Cerberus, she has better vision than most humans

7- What is their weight/height? What kind of body type/build do they have?

Kilian is actually underweight, weighing at only 48kgs due to forgetting to eat and only binging on coffee alone. Dr.Chakwas usually has to remind her to eat, and that it is okay to eat. Kilian is 174cm (note: Chakwas, has now had to intervene... so Kilian is now eating... with Chakwas’s threat of getting her mother involved if she doesn’t)

8- What is their skin tone/type? If they have fur, how long is it? Does it have any markings or patterns?

hm…. toned? I guess, it depends on lighting, if she’s on the normandy or so, her skin is radiant white, but if she’s else where then she’s usually pale white

9- Do they have any distinguishing marks?

Yeah, Kilian has a tattoo of her family tree on her back, due to Cerberus 'repairing’ her body, she had to get it redone when she went to the citadel. She also has a phoenix tattoo on her right arm, (something she got when she turned 15 on a dare, much to the annoyance of her parents, hacket, anderson, and Kahlee Saunders. Dr.Chakwas just found it hilarious)

10- What are their prominent features?

Her eyes.

11- How attractive are they to others?

Kilian usually gets a lot of fanmail requesting relationships quite often and to the normandy crew, all of them minus Grunt, Zaeed and Samara can at least testify that they’ve all fallen for Kilian once.

12- Are they healthy? If no, why not?

Nope. Kilian tends to skip meals quite often, to the point most of the crew, Hacket and Anderson have to remind her to eat.

13- What’s their favorite color? Why?

It changes everyday, so she doesn’t really have one

14- What’s their least favorite color? Why?

Depends on the day.

15- What’s their favorite music? Why?

Favorite Music Genre…. Classical, Kpop, Jpop and Jrock. Kilian loves the beat, as for classical, it gives her something to take her mind off.

16- What kind of food do they like or have to eat?

Ramen, Coffee, and Dango (Kilian is obsessed with Ramen, often tending to eat it when she can)

17- What kind of books do they like to read?

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

18- How do they get around?

Either through running or by bike. She got a bike custom-made from Earth as a present from her friends in Japan

19- Are they a daredevil or more cautious?

Dare Devil definitely. She especially loves defying reality much to the annoyance and worry of her friends and family.

20- How do they handle being alone?

With a good book, or a guitar she snuck on board.

21- Name any good habits they have

Kilian loves to create things, where as she's FINALLY learnt to cook, she prefers baking. Or singing. Depends really.

22- Name any bad habits they have

Smoking, really…. Kilian smokes quite a lot to deal with stress, but dislikes alcohol from the Galaxy preferring to drink earth Alcohol… (like vodka, whiskey or beer)

23- What are their favorite hobbies or pastimes?

Writing/Creating music, and sometimes, she’ll go to the childrens ward on the Citadel hospital to read to children

24- How would they like to spend a rainy day? A sunny day?

Well…. Kilian tends to game heavily if she’s left to her own devices… if she’s done with reading to the kids on the citadel. So probably game

25- Where do they come from? What is their culture? Any traditions or things of that sort in their hometown?

Kilian’s mother and father both happen to be high up in the military so she grew up on ships, but her mothers family is Japanese and live in Tokyo, Japan where as her father’s family is American and live in California. She’s been to Earth before and visited both sides.

26- List out their immediate family. How good is their relationship with them?

Rear Adm. Hannah-Lee Shepard (nee. Akamine) :Mother

Commander Jonathan-Amicus Shepard :Father

Elias Jonathan Levi Shepard (brother)

Sakura Kya Shepard (sister)

Isabela Arabella Shepard (sister)

Kilian gets along well with her family, but being the youngest out of her family meant all of them are overprotective of her. Sometimes, it gets too much but she knows they love her so she lets it slide

27- Are they diurnal or nocturnal? Early bird or night owl?

Norturnal, Kilian has insomnia, and usually has to take medication for her to finally get to sleep due to night terrors of reapers and all. Kilian is NOT an early bird usually needing 3-4 cups of coffee before she can finally start her day off.

28- What are they afraid of? What are they not afraid of?

Does her mom count??? kidding, yeah no…. Kilian is afraid of failing others.

29- What are their goals? How are they going to achieve those goals?

Killing the Reapers, and well…. she’s still on-going with that mission but she’ll let you know when she gets there.

30- Are there any obstacles that might get in the way of their goals?

The Citadel Council…. if they count.

31- How well known are they among the common folk? Is it for a good reason?

Kilian is well liked by many, managing to earn the respect of many. Kilian also tends not to take any Xenophobic crap aimed at anyone in her presence. Once, she knocked out an admiral for talking crap about Tali, Garrus, Wrex and Samara. Getting into trouble for the event, until the truth was found out.

32- Do they hold any secrets? What are they?

Kilian has an Asari-child that she didn’t know about, but after finding out that secret from her ex-lover, she provided everything for her child. Only Joker and Samara know of this secret as she told the both of them (mainly due to the fact that Joker is her bestfriend and it is hard to keep a secret from him, Samara found out about it when Kilian asked her for help using her code against her for it to remain a secret) aside from that no one else knows mainly due to the fact that it was hidden well, due to Kilian fearing that her child would be used by the council in order to get Kilian to do their bidding.

33- When confronted with danger, how would they react?

With major Sarcasm. She tends not to care most of the time, until it gets serious.

34- What is their species? Describe their species and their features

She’s a human…. nough said. :)

35- What is their basic story?

Born onto the SSV Arcturus, Kilian has lived a life of ship jumping… before meeting Joker and becoming the best of friends, both used to go around the citadel causing mischief, even managing to prank not only the consort but councillor Tevos as well, before mocking their security. Ofcourse due to them both pranking Sha'ira and Tevos, (somehow managing to dye their entire head bright neon pink, something that the entire SSV Arcturus crew were roaring in laughter at), they were both grounded… in which case Hacket had to ground them due to both their familiies and the SSV Arcturus crew in tears from laughing to hard. After that Kilian enlisted at the age of 15 being the youngest to ever enlist in the SA, before graduating at the age of 18. Kilian saved her squad-mates and the colony of mindoir before being awarded the star of terra. She became a commander at the age of 19. Surpassing both her parents and older siblings, she is well known for her nickname being Ice-King or Babyface. Much to her annoyance. Kilian is also the one who gave Joker his nickname.