#the war was in color | ashton ryder

[mementomorri]

@ashtonfinryder​

lorde - liability

So I guess I'll go home Into the arms of the girl that I love The only love I haven't screwed up

she doesn’t remember what set her off. it can be anything these days--the smile of a passing stranger, a familiar scent caught in the wind. her descent into madness was gradual this time, allowing her the chance to leave town and have her episode in the privacy of her own home. she couldn’t remember where everyone else was, only that they were out for the day. maternal instinct prodded her to at least try and remember where lili was, but the attempt was in vain. it was hard to even picture her face.

She's so hard to please But she's a forest fire

sitting on the couch, arms wrapped around her knees, the vampire can only accept what’s about to come. at some point she picked up her phone, wanting to warn her friends. don’t come home. don’t see me like this. before she could manage a text the idea ( and most comprehensive thought ) slipped from her mind, like sand through her fingers.

I do my best to meet her demands Play at romance, we slow dance In the living room, but all that a stranger would see Is one girl swaying alone Stroking her cheek 

the door opens and she turns to greet the stranger with a smile, standing in the middle of the living room and swaying to a fleetwood mac record. a giggle spills from her lips, trying to muster a serious look and failing. “oh--hi. is this your place?” memories of her sixty-plus years seem to fade together into one unintelligible mess, and it hurts too much to try and decipher them. “is my girlfriend around? she should be here. her name’s zah’ra.” 

[mementomorri]

*10, 27, 37, 41 (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

* things said meme | ( accepting )

things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear

[ to astor: ] he handles pain different than you. he hurts. he buries all the anger & fear & pain deep inside and lets it tear him up because he thinks he deserves it. you can’t take all that pain away–nobody can–but you can convince him its ok to finally let it out. 

things you said with tears in your eyes 

PLUTO JUST ISN’T A PLANET I'M SORRY IT’S TIME TO ACCEPT THE FACTS ASHTON BUT THIS IS THE WAY THINGS ARE NOW

things you said while you stroked my hair

i think, in another life, you really were my brother. we grew up somewhere quiet. i teased you, drove you crazy. you told mom & dad you wished you were an only sibling, but whenever i’d wake from a nightmare in the middle of the night you’d let me crawl into bed with you because it was closer than theirs. you were a good brother. the best.

things you said when you thought i was asleep

i didn’t have much of a childhood. and i know you didn’t either–not really. you grew up too fast, picked up a gun and joined the war. being with you… i feel like we finally get to be kids. i feel safe and loved and carefree… things i never thought i’d feel again. i laugh harder around you than i ever have in my entire life. i just hope i can bring you as much happiness as you bring me.

[mementomorri]

@necessex @ashtonfinryder

under the cover of falling rain three vampires escaped into the night and left behind everything they had ever known. one mistake--one death was all it took to have them stripped of their titles, their homes, and whatever protection they had been granted as members of their coven. when they finally crossed the border to france they let out the collective breath they’d been holding. they were hardly safe, and although their former coven leaders subtly hinted that they’d do their best to prolong the search, morrigan found herself shaking. she didn’t want her boys to notice, to know how truly scared she was for them and her unborn child.

for the umpteenth time, morrigan looked over her shoulder as she waited for astor to finish a phone call. he had contacts, friends who didn’t care about the politics or the war or the very real consequences of astor’s actions. morrigan found a hand reaching out to grab her own and hold it gently, looking up to see ashton giving her his best attempt at a comforting look. “...thanks.” she murmured, gripping his hand back. absentmindedly, her other hand rose to her stomach, as it always did when she was nervous. she was several months pregnant, and had thought that life could no longer surprise her. she was terribly, terribly wrong. “they haven’t decided what to do. not really--i mean. they’ve given orders. to hunt us. to kill us. but none of them really know if that’s what they want to do yet.” morrigan explained quietly to ashton, their situation only getting more and more complicated by the minute. 

as astor hung up his phone and walked back to the other vampires, morri pulled away from ash to step forward. “so? is the plan still on?” she asked nervously, watching him for any indication of what his friends had said.

[mementomorri]

@ashtonfinryder

[mementomorri]

Dance with me

DANCE WITH MY MUSE | ACCEPTING

     the holidays spent together in their icelandic home were the best any of them had ever experienced, and there was no complaining when morri began playing christmas music through the house the night of thanksgiving. astor took lili out to feed their leftovers to the reindeer, so morri took the liberty to start cleaning up the mess they’d all left in the kitchen. her hands were deep in bubbly water, hips swaying as she softly sung along to etha kitt’s santa baby.

‘Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree for meBeen an awful good girl’

     ash leaned against the doorframe with a mile-wide grin on his face, watching his best friend sing along to the christmas tune. after a few moments he snuck up behind her, grabbing her by the waist and gently pulling her away from the sink. ‘i think the dishes can wait a little while.’ 

     morri wrapped her wet hands around his neck, smirking as the two of them swayed to the music. “look who’s got a little pep in their step.” she teased, pausing a moment before adding, “happiness looks good on you, you know? i think it’s de-aging you. be careful, if you keep this up astor may finally realize he’s too old for you.” morri grinned her devious little grin, watching ash shake his head. 

          “i think we always knew he was a cradle robber.” ash joked back. a comfortable silence grew between them, and morri rested her head on his chest as they continued to sway softly along to the music.

      the silence was broken sometime later by astor chuckling, obviously trying not to be as loud as he was. ‘i’m sorry–i’m sorry. this is cute, it really is. but you do realize there is a terrible height difference between you two? it’s adorable.’

[mementomorri]

@ashtonfinryder

morrigan had been surprised at how little convincing it took to get aaliyah to agree to her request. she’d stayed by the woman’s side for a solid two decades, and had put her mental and physical health at risk to keep aaliyah pleased with whatever information the other side could provide. although the vampire had yearned for a change of scenery for quite some time, she’d only recently allowed herself to seriously consider those thoughts. when she’d finally asked to spend time in moscow, aaliyah not only agreed--but encouraged it. morrigan had been seriously confused--wondering if this was an instance of sarcasm she simply wasn’t understanding. maybe aaliyah was no longer amused with morrigan’s parlor tricks, or she legitimately thought the vampire could be of some help to the death dealers. morrigan decided not to think about it too much, and instead leave before the woman’s mind changed.

standing out in the remnants of yesterday’s snow storm, morrigan explored the outer grounds of the death dealers headquarters. the snow was suffocating, in a way. nothing but white in every direction. she wanted to lie down and not get up for a while. maybe not ever. the world was quiet here.

as she continued to make her way around the property, morrigan was surprised to see that someone had actually acted on her earlier thought. she could make out a figure lying in the snow, scruffy and a bit unkempt. the nearby areas was supposed to be deserted, nothing but forest and some abandoned buildings. a drifter, maybe? she walked closer, stopping to stand beside his head. “hi?” she greeted him, a puzzled look on her upside down face as she looked down at him. “.....whatcha doing?”

[mementomorri]

part of her had always known he was a coward.

@ashtonfinryder @necessex another perspective of the events mentioned here

time did not simply move slowly in the moments after romulus’ body hit the ground, rather, it stopped entirely. the vampire’s chest rose and fell with each heavy breath he took, eyes wide with an array of emotions as he stood over the chaos he unleashed. in those moments where the clock did not tick, morrigan crane went through the seven stages of grief. 

her eyes deceived her, surely, because there was no way what she had just witnessed had been reality. astor mayfair had a quick temper, his anger ran as hot as his blood did cold, but surely.... surely he couldn’t be this selfish. his punishment would be grand, and even if she wasn’t tried as a conspirator, the pain of losing astor would be more than morrigan could take. she was angry, not only at astor but at the heads of their coven. at herself. at ashton. how had they allowed this to happen? still, despite her anger, she had no hesitations in coming to astor’s defense. she would fight for him with her words--and if it came to it, her fists. 

time resumed all too quickly, vampires and lycans alike rushing to the scene and taking the murderer to the ground. she takes several steps forward, though someone quickly grabs her by the arm and holds her back. she turns to meet gaze of ashton ryder, his head shaking sadly as he prevents her from throwing herself into the mayhem. with force she pulls away from him, her skin burning where she felt his touch. how dare he just stand there--how dare he keep her from running to astor’s side. she’s powerless to watch as the blonde is thrown to the ground, his face all too close to the growing pool of blood forming from the body next to him. despite her cries of protest he’s taken away in a hurry, and her stomach drops fearing the final gaze they share before he leaves the room may be the last.

several hours later she’s quietly pulled from her room by a familiar face, stopping her cries of anger at his arrival and asking her to trust him. he’s a friend, a gentle soul, but was he really capable of forgiving her kind for what they’d just done to romulus? she ignores the terror in her stomach and does as he asks, following him through the estate. they arrive outside of a well-guarded room, and she watches as he takes a deep breath and steels himself for the act he’s about to put on. he greets the jailers, voice thick with emotion as he demands to see the man who killed his father. this is something they can’t deny him--and have been told specifically to give the lycan heir anything he asks for in an attempt to attest for romulus’ death. morrigan follows sebastian inside the room, leaping to astor’s side as soon as she clears the doorway. he’s bleeding and bruised and worst of all, has already accepted his fate. she holds his face in her hands, tears threatening to fall as she berates him for his stupidity. “how could you have done this? how could you throw your life away over a vile man like him??” she searches his eyes for answers, though he doesn’t seem to have any. 

sebastian interrupts, revealing a gun from his pocket. “you don’t have much time--i did what i could, but even now i don’t have any REAL power.” he holds the weapon in his hands, trying not to let the vampires see how badly he’s shaking. “i’ll tell them you overpowered me. that morrigan took the gun and freed you.” it’s only now that morrigan understands what’s happening, and a pang of guilt hits her for ever thinking ill of the lycan. she stands, wrapping her arms around sebastian as she sniffs back her tears. she thanks him, gives him a soft kiss on his cheek and silently offers a pray of gratitude to whatever greater power allowed her to befriend him. he shoots astor’s binds, handing him the gun and reminding him to, “make it look good.” morrigan looks away, the sound of astor smacking sebastian with the gun causing her to shiver. 

----

they make it several weeks before they’re caught once more, the trial held in astor’s absence and his death already decided. she’s standing in the crowd, her body shaking as she watches ashton walk forward and point the gun at astor’s head. she’s already in trouble, facing exile if not something more severe, and though morrigan wants nothing more than to jump to action, to die by his side, she’s frozen in place. she can do nothing more than stare icily at the man about to pull the trigger, watching the effects of his cowardice with disgust on her face. he’d had a chance to run with them--to leave this life and its troubles behind and had refused to take it. she wished she could say that she hadn’t seen this coming, that his inability to stand up to his leaders surprised her. but it didn’t. part of her had always known he was a coward. 

the shot that rang out was near deafening, though she still heard the thump as astor mayfair’s body slumped to the floor. ashton looked through the crowd, making eye contact with her, and without words she conveyed everything she needed to. he did this. he killed the man they loved. and she would never forgive him.

[mementomorri]

📝📝 :*

SEND ME 📝 AND MY MUSE WILL REVEAL THEIR THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR MUSE | ACCEPTING

Their first impression: he tried to mask his pain but it was as obvious as a gunshot wound. instead of wrapping it, i wanted to poke & prod it. to know how he got it. i wanted to see someone else’s pain to distract me from my own.

Their current impression: a soldier who’s ready to set down his gun, who’s looking for the first chance to return home and leave this long, bloody war behind. he’s ready to heal from the wounds of his past, and i want nothing more than to help him through it. he deserves to rest.

What they like the most about your muse: his level-headedness, his stability, how he deals with one thing at a time until the problem is solved.

What they dislike the most about your muse: his blind faith in those who lead.

What your muse is for them ( Friend, lover, rival ecc.): a brother.

A general opinion of their relationship: ITS SO CUTE. its honestly been one of the funnest relationships i’ve ever rped. despite all the drama they always have time to be silly with each other.

If applicable, something they wish to reveal: LOL hc that morri once tried to talk to one of the leaders or a death dealer commander to give ash some slack but instead she made it worse for him and never told him about it.

[mementomorri]

@ashtonfinryder

[mementomorri]

@astormayfair @ashtonfinryder

[mementomorri]

astor mayfair x ashton ryder sext message errors

[mementomorri]

💀

EVER WONDER WHAT MY MUSE SAYS ABOUT YOURS? | ACCEPTING

💀 for what my muse would say upon hearing about your muse’s death.

     naturally–confusion was the first emotion she experienced. astor all but raced into the house, demanding that she & lili be packed and ready to leave in five minutes. he’d spilled the words ‘ash is dead’ so quickly, that morrigan had to let out a laugh. it couldn’t be true, of course. whatever astor was going on about, wherever ash was, things had to be okay. 

    “astor–what, what are you saying? just stop for a minute!” morri had to physically reach out, to grab his arm and stop him from moving throughout their house. “where’s ashton? what’s going on?” she was starting to worry now, finally noticing how red astor’s eyes were.

     he didn’t have the time to be patient with her. ‘they found us, morri. i don’t know if they were still looking or if it was pure fucking coincidence… but they found us.’ the blonde pulled his arm away from her, returning to packing a bag of guns. ‘there was a fight. and ash is dead. that’s all you need to know about it.’

  finally, morri began to accept that what he was saying might be the truth. her chest began to tighten, words getting stuck in her throat as she attempted to find something to say. “i.. but?’ she questioned, tears already spilling from her eyes. “god… i’m so sorry astor. i’m so sorry..” she hesitated, finally reaching out to comfort him, only to be shaken off.

     ‘go. pack. now.’ 

     hands shaking, she rushed out of the room to do as told... only to run into the small frame of her daughter. judging by the growing frown on lili’s face, she’d overheard their conversation. ‘they got ash?’ she asks, a silent tear falling down her cheek. 

     morri knew that now more than ever she had to be strong for her daughter, had to keep it together to make sure they got out of this alive. she held in the cry that had been growing inside of her, simply nodding and pushing past her daughter. “yes baby. and we can mourn him later. but right now we have to get ready to leave. it’s what he would want us to do.”

[mementomorri]

👫💓

four headcanons I have about our muse’s relationship | accepting

morri is 100% not above fucking with ashton when it comes to her ‘witchy’ side. she once convinced him she had a potion to help him prepare for a upcoming sparring competition within the deathdealers, but it was just boiled gatorade with parsley thrown in. other hijinks include giving him a tarot read with a set of yugioh cards ( OH NO! the shadow realm card?? that means you’re in terrible danger!! ) & convincing him that sleeping on his left side would ‘unalign his chakras’. 

ashton is the only person morri comes to for relationship advice. though she loves astor dearly, his solution is usually ‘kill them’. ashton tends to offer more realistic advice, taking in the stranger’s feelings. though morri means well, she can certainly be a bit much. ash is great at gently letting her know when an idea isn’t a good one, which ultimately protects her feelings in the long run.

morri and ash had a conversation about the very real possibility that she could die giving birth to lili. she made sure that he & astor would take care of her, raise her as their own, and make sure that she never knew the awful truth about her father. though it was upsetting to discuss, ash understood that she needed the peace of the mind.

for the longest time, it was pretty much accepted that morri couldn’t be alone in the kitchen for more than five minutes without something catching on fire. though exaggerated ( slightly ), morri had always known she was hopeless in the kitchen. eventually though... ash began to realize the problem was how confusing it all was to her. too many things to remember, too many things that could get mixed up. he started teaching her very simple recipes, with little steps, and watched her face light up when she could actually create something.

[mementomorri]

★

Send me a ★ and I’ll bold what applies to your muse | ACCEPTING

I like you / I hate you / I dislike you / I love you / You are family / I would take a bullet for you / I would shoot you / I would lie to your face / I would say something cruel to you on purpose / I would say something cruel to you accidentally  / I would cheat on you / I would physically hurt you / You annoy me / You amuse me / I’d laugh at you / I’d laugh with you/ I’d manipulate you / You scare me / You confuse me / I wish I knew you better / I trust you / I don’t trust you / You inspire me / I consider you an equal / You are beneath me / You’re better than me / I would trust you with my life / I think you’re mean / I think you’re petty / I think you’re childish / I think you’re smart / I think you’re stupid / I think you’re a bad person / I think you’re a good person / I’m not sure what kind of person you are / I wish you would listen to me / I want to make you proud / I wish you would notice me / I want to impress you / I would hurt other people for you / I’m not sure how to make you happy / I’m a bad influence on you / You deserve better than me / We make a great team / I’d have a one night stand with you / I’d have a relationship with you / I would marry you / I fantasize about our life together / I would trust you with my most treasured belonging / I would tell you my darkest secrets / You disgust me / You intimidate me / I hope I intimidate you / I’d hug you / I’d let you hug me  / I’m scared of losing you / I don’t think you like me / I want to be better for you / I respect you / I don’t respect you / You’re my mentor / You’re my friend / You’re my best friend / I have a crush on you / I could easily watch you die / I’d get drunk with you / I’d party with you / I’d comfort you / I’d prank you / I’d spike your drink / I’d act behind your back / I’d abandon you / I’d hurt you to get what I want / I would choose my happiness over yours / I would choose your happiness over mine / I despise how much I care for you / I need you / I’m dependent on you / I don’t know what I’d do without you / I’m scared of you leaving me / I’d give my life for you / You frustrate me / I’d call for you in a time of need / I would protect you / I’d visit you in hospital / I’d carry you if you were hurt / I’d feel guilty if I hurt you / I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable / I’d ignore a phone call from you / I’d call you at 3am / I’d break you out of jail / I’d get angry at you / I would shout at you / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke / You embarrass me / I feel nothing for you / You’re reckless / You’re bossy / You bore me / I would ask your advice / I would blame you for something I did / I would cry in your arms / You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else /

[mementomorri]

five times cried :'c

     she’s met many broken people–hounded by the memories of actions taken in the name of survival. she’d thought she’d seen the worst of if, of the brainwashing and blind loyalty. it’s weeks after she meets ashton ryder that she begins to understand just how deep the deathdealer’s have gotten their claws into him. he knows his fate, knows that sooner or later he’s going to crumble under the weight of duty. yet he’s… content with it. accepting. welcoming, even. it’s with tears in her eyes that she tells him he has to keep fighting, that they didn’t deserve to take everything he had to give. 

     maybe her words had some effect on him, or maybe he was just pretending to please her. either way, when his next big assignment arrives he can’t muster the energy to plaster on a smile–fake or not. he won’t tell her what he has to do, only that it’s bad and will condemn him further to hell than he already was. she won’t drop the issue, wants him to talk about it with her, and eventually he blurts it out–raises his voice a bit too loud as he tells her of the family he’s been sent to kill. that night they both cry. 

     he’s a capable soldier, and has always returned to moscow more or less in one piece. it’s not the first time he’s been late to check in, but as the bodies buzz around the compound morrigan begins to understand something’s gone wrong with his assignment. it’s with great concentration that she’s able to learn most of his team is dead ( and maybe… maybe him as well ). a sole survivor remains, though it’s another several hours spent pacing on the verge of a breakdown before someone is brought into the medbay. she has to fight her way through the crowd of bodies, only able to catch a glimpse of the bloodied vampire. but–a glimpse was all she needed. it was him. she waits in the medbay for several hours, eyes red with tears as they perform surgery. 

     it’s a few days after she’s given birth to her daughter, and morrigan lies in bed exhausted. the door cracks open to check on her, and with a tired voice she asks for him to come in. ash climbs into bed with her, liliana estella crane lying in between them. he softly rubs the infant’s face with his finger, a warm smile on his face. she’s been on the verge of tears for hours now, but watching ash be so gentle with her daughter finally causes the wetness to spill from her eyes. she thanks him for so many things, knowing that she and lili wouldn’t have made it without him. 

     months later things have fallen into a quiet routine. liliana is growing into a beautiful young girl, unaware of her mother’s past and the circumstances that brought her into being. morri sits alone on the roof of their icelandic home, arms wrapped around herself as she feels the presence of another. soon ashton is beside her, his own arms wrapping around her small body and pressing his head to hers. she’s had a nightmare–like so many times before–and seeks comfort from the stars. he notices the patches of burnt skin down her neck and shoulder, though doesn’t say anything. instead he holds her tighter, letting her silent tears wet his shirt. 

[mementomorri]

@ashtonfinryder

healing comes in waves and maybe today the wave hit the rocks.

and that’s ok. that’s ok darling.

you are still healing. you are still healing.