#the wanting and the yearning and the urge to break out of the goody goody role

[monabee-draws]

Recently played the excellent otome game, Cinderella Phenomenon, and honestly if I didn't have a postgraduate degree to complete I would be writing so much fanfiction for my beloved Fritzgerald Aiden Leverton. He is best boy and also always in love with you no matter whose route you play AND YET they gave him the most tragic route even in the good ending😭 the bias against loyal knights and their aching hearts is real. Anyways, fanart of him and Lucette will be incoming when I have a moment to breathe. He deserves to be held every day very softly.

[emerald-amidst-gold]

WIP Whenever

Thank you @dungeons-and-dragon-age for the tag! You got me at a good time because I got goodies~! >:D

Taking a break and playing Inquisition got the inspiration flowing again! So, I have some Solas and Mhairi bonding time! :D

I encountered the Dalish clan in the Exalted Plains, and this is what was born of it:

---

��Da’len,” Solas approached where Mhairi was sitting on the log by the fire, arms at his sides and brow furrowed with subconscious concern. “...have you seen Fane by chance?”

He was beginning to get worried. For the more he searched the Dalish encampment, as small as it was here, along the creek of Halin’sulahn, the less he saw any hide or hair of Fane. His dragon was by no means hard to spot, hair like new fallen snow upon black cliff side and very presence dominating, even if the man sought to make himself unnoticeable. Although, in this instance, Solas knew why Fane was possibly making himself scarce; memories. Painful, painful memories. However, that was why it was imperative that he find the dual being, to stop a spiral before it became a vortex.

The young woman had seemingly been repairing the segment of her robes that had unfortunately met the edge of a Freeman’s blade when Solas spotted her. He himself was giving the other clan’s members distance, so it had taken him a bit to locate the young woman, but it was for the best. He, too, had difficult memories of the Dalish, blades brandished for naught but truth, words hurled in every direction that sounded home to his folly, that spread the guilt like he did plaster and paint. So, it was best for everyone, Inner Circle and Dalish, if he kept his ‘delusional stories’ and ‘maddened opinions’ to himself. He was busy at present, anyway. His own discomfort meant little when he knew there was someone suffering worse than he.

Mhairi blinked, the movements of her hands pausing from where they were delicately weaving twine and thread. Icy blue eyes and a youthful face marked with the maroon of June turned upwards to him, abandoning repairs to regard him easily.

“Fane?”, Mhairi said his sought after’s name, her slightly darker brows drawing together as she tilted her head a bit. “He was with you, wasn’t he?”

Solas shook his head, dread growing within his heart. “No.”, he said simply, doing his to keep tone calm, professional as he kept the connection of eyes that began to melt, concern beginning to show in them. “I have not seen him since before sunset. I presumed he had been with you. Evidently, I was mistaken.”

Mhairi’s delicate features turned downwards, petites hands curling within pure white samite bordered with pink vestment. “...You haven’t seen him at all? Maybe with Cole? Sera?”, she asked, lilting voice shaking a bit with a panic born of the past and all it harmfully bore for the two soulful siblings.

Solas shook his head at each question, letting his expression soften a bit. He had not wished to alarm the young woman, but he saw now that he had been foolish to think his inquiry would have done anything but. Fane had spoken of Mhairi’s anxiety concerning abandonment, and Solas himself had seen such an acute episode when the man had been thought lost in the Fade during Adamant. He should have been more delicate in his delivery, more aware of his words and the effect they had.

Ill-suited as ever, Solas berated within the safety of his mind, releasing a quiet sigh through his nose as he gazed down as the now fidgeting woman. Nails were picking apart sewn thread, undoing work redone without thought, and a deeper frown etched itself upon normally bubbly features. Ice-colored orbs were staring pointedly at the article, but were hazy, distant, lost to the flow of putrid memories. Solas matched the deep frown with a small one of his own, taking a tentative step towards where Mhairi was seated to kneel down in front of her.

He had to fix what he had wrought--in many ways, but for now, he would focus on a light that echoed as much of the past as his unaccounted for dragon did.

“Mhairi,”, Solas called out to the slightly trembling woman, keeping his tone soft, guiding. “Ir abelas. My words were poorly chosen. I didn't mean to alarm you, to cause you to fear.” He managed a tiny smile when long locks of platinum shifted with the rising of a head, reconnection. “I am sure your brother is close by. I merely have not been able to deduce where he may have gone when in concern to the Dalish. That is all.”

Solas watched as the slight tremors in pale hands and lithe shoulders lessened. There was still a concerned frown upon pink lips and the tell-tale signs of dampness upon ice-blue, but he had succeeded in drawing a bright mind back from the edge. At least, he hoped he had. It was hard to tell with his dragon’s sister, even if she was far more open than her sibling. Perhaps her inherent bubbliness blinded him at times, made him believe there were no troubles to ponder, nightmares to banish. Everyone had a mask they used to protect themselves, and he was truly foolish to forget that simple truth.

“N-no, I’m--”, Mhairi tried to say, but released only a shuddering sigh. Fingers begin to pluck and pull at thread once more, but with more care, more awareness this time.

Solas kept a watchful eye on the Dalish woman, noting her breathing was shaky, but not quickening with encroaching panic. The tremors had not returned, but neither had full light to her eyes. The spiral was still swirling, then. He would have to choose his words carefully, and carefully he shall.

“Take your time, da’len.”, Solas encouraged, gingerly reaching out with his own hands to still the ones curling and clenching into purity. His skin flinched a tad when Mhairi’s did, but relaxed when she did so in turn. “Everything will be right where you left it. It will not disappear, vanish as if but a dream.”

A sharp, but quiet intake of breath had Solas freezing up a bit, fear gripping his heart like an owl's talons snatched up a mouse. Had he spoken out of turn again? He had not meant to--!

“Ma serannas, lethallan.”

Solas blinked, the guilt and dread of his mind stilling as he refocused on the woman in front of him. Ice and turquoise regarded him kindly, serenity in their deepest depths and a watery, but grateful smile played with plushness of flesh, curving like the softest of a halla’s horns. Maroon ink was lax, further serenity carved into the heart shaped visage before him. There was no ridicule, no scorn, no retribution in any of those features, and that weighty revelation had Solas sucking in a steadying breath of his own, quiet, but deep. 

How many people would he continue to witness staring at him with such...forgiveness before his own mask cracked from the blow? He did not deserve that release, that depth of understanding and emotion from Mhairi, from Fane, from anyone, and yet, it was there--pure as the snow white hair of his beloved, gold as the spirit that cascaded down...down…

...one of his people.

Solas let his eyelids droop, gingerly taking one of Mhairi’s hands into both of his own. That echoing appendage was joined by its counterpart, squeezing with both as they joined to soothe in tandem. That silent gesture of understanding had Solas closing his eyes fully, heart tight, soul weeping for him to speak, to divulge. Why was he suddenly so overcome with the want to do such?

She would not understand, Solas chided himself, attempting to ward away how his whole being yearned to greet another soul like his dragon’s, like his. She would react adversely. For myself, and for her, I must keep the truth hidden. Now is not the time nor place for such things. There will be much to tell her when the time is right, from myself and Fane. She does not need that burden, that crisis of faith, now. Even if--no.

Solas let out a soft sigh, carefully slipping his hands from the warmth of Mhairi’s own to place them back within his lap. He registered the look of gentle confusion in both delicate features and twinkling eyes, but he once again shoved away the inherent urge to explain. He had let himself falter, allowed his mind to splinter, and now he would repair it, shore up the foundation so it may weather any other storm that would come to pass.

He must find the one who would hold his bloodied hand with one of their own, but even that laced his heart with guilt-filled poison. How much more would he touch and destroy before he perished? Two lights, and they would find themselves extinguished if he continued to be selfish, but...he couldn’t help it, couldn’t fight the want to belong, to be accepted.

To coexist. How pitiful he was. How pitiful.

---

...You have no idea how hard I am resisting on making a female Fane to fully romance this wolf right now. I need to finish canon Fane first, but...HNNNNGH. I just want to analyze the hell out of how Solas changes with romanced Lavellan. *puts face on screen* He called Fane ‘lethallan’ the other day while I was playing, and I DIED AND SCREECHED. ...I always do. *slinks away*

Fun fact: At the beginning of my writing hobby, Solas and Mhairi were supposed to be romantically together! :D 

Tagging (if you wanna, you beautiful people! <3): @oxygenforthewicked @noire-pandora @little-lightning-lavellan @the-dreadful-canine @blueheaded

[loverholland]

You could do tom or peter, im fine with either but like they’re friends to lovers or something and tom or peter says something like “Hmm, that blanket is a bit small, you might have to lay a little closer.” 

Okay so!!!

Friday the 13th was your least favorite "holiday". Absolutely least favorite and of course, horror movies aren't real. But the things that linger in the dark always seemed to scare you more and more as the date approached. Knowing this, Peter had opted to come over.

He showed up, unannounced, with bags full of your favorite snacks and ice cream. He had a large smile and wore one of his hoodies and a pair of sweats. He entered like he always did bf sat the goodies on the kitchen counter.

"How'd you get out of your study night with Ned?" You asked, smiling as you went through the bags. It felt wrong that he has brought all of this, spending his hard earned money on you. "You didn't have to buy all this, you know?"

"Oh, you know," Peter trailed. "Told him Aunt May needed me."

"And he believed you?"

"Why, yes he did." Peter stated. "And don't worry about the stuff! You being here is enough." He smiled wide.

Y/N nodded in agreement. And that's how they ended up here. Alone in her room. Leaning against the headboard with their hands next to one another. You felt so much at that moment. Butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Nervousness. Excitement? Everything. And she just desperately yearned for his touch on hers, a hand hold. A hug. Anything would curve her urge to be close to Peter the way that lovers are.

"I think I'm about to go to bed." You admitted with a tired yawn. Peter nodded and pushed off his blanket to get under the covers with you. You watched as he did so. He took off his hoodie and tossed it toward you, exposing it chest before sliding all the way under.

"Aren't you going home?" You asked.

"Do you want me to?"

Quickly, you shook your head and took his hoodie. You turned your back to him to change out of the clothes she once wore, sliding into bed in only his hoodie.

You did much of what he did, sliding into the bed and laying under the covers. The blanket was small, much smaller than what you were prepared for. You had never shared you bed with Peter, only his, and even that was a tight squeeze.

But here you were, a few feet from Peter as the yearning continued to build in her heart. You felt so ready to break when Peter's beautiful voice spoke up.

"This blanket is a bit small... You might want to scoot in closer."

it took a moment for the words to register and you couldn't deny the blush spreading across your cheeks as you wordlessly agreed, scooting closer to Peter. He wrapped his arm over your waist and pulled you in closer to him. He smiled, more to himself than anything, and kissed the side of her forehead before laying back in his position.

"Goodnight."

ask box 🌙

[anotherfacelessauthor]

Sirius’ new style - excerpt from By The Moon

Year 5

September, 1975

Remus Lupin was already sitting down in the compartment, legs tucked into his chest, eyes glued to the most recent escapist novel he’d found over the summer, when he heard the door open. As Sirius Black walked in, sporting a leather jacket, ripped skinny jeans, and a black eye, Remus thought he’d forgotten how to breathe.

He looked more confident than ever (not that confidence was anything Sirius had ever lacked) and casually leaned against the doorframe, a few cheap silver necklaces swaying around his neck. He could hear the faint click as they rattled against each other. Remus got the strange urge to take his picture—capture the moment before it was over and could leave his mind forever. He also wanted to submit to new, surprisingly strong impulses, screaming at him to reach out and grab the jewelry in his hand, pull the other boy into a fierce kiss—“‘Sup Moony?” Sirius asked innocently, as if nothing had changed since they’d gotten off the Hogwarts Express a few months prior.

“Sirius! You’ve—uh… changed,” was all Remus could spit out, mentally banging his head against the wall. You’ve changed? That’s all you’ve got? Your best mate got really fuckin’ hot over the summer and all you can say is you’ve changed?

But Sirius laughed it off, brushing a hand through his long hair. His nails had chipped black paint and a few shiny rings were scattered—one on his thumb, two on his ring finger, one in the middle—“Yeah, I switched up my style a bit haven’t I? Had a new friend help me out with that. D’you like it?” His demeanor shifted just slightly, from completely carefree, to a bit more interested. Remus barely noticed.

Like it? Bloody hell—wear that everyday and I’ll never focus in lessons again—

“Looks good, yeah." Remus swallowed. "More you.” He paused, wondering if he should address… “What happened to your eye?”

Sirius looked confused for a second, as if he’d completely forgotten about the giant bruise covering half his face, “Oh, this old thing? Nothing special, just—”

But Remus had stood up to get a closer look, revealing just how much taller he’d gotten over the summer and the rest of Sirius’ sentence stuck in his throat.

“Bloody hell Moony, you’ve grown!” Sirius exclaimed, stumbling back and looking Remus up and down, trying to swallow back all the thoughts that had been swimming in his head all summer. Sirius tried, and failed, to hide the shock as he bumped up against the sliding glass doors of the compartment. He couldn't look away. Remus looked effortlessly cool, sweater and jean jacket and another book hanging loosely, forgotten in his hands. The soft curls, the familiar freckles, the healing scars—Sirius felt warmth rising in his cheeks. Who’s that one person that feels like home… who holds your world in the palm of their hand without either of you noticing? He shook off the memory like a dog shaking off water and sat down.

Not a problem for today.

Before the moment could turn awkward, the last two Marauders showed up, babbling about their summers and how James was back and better than ever, ready to win over Lily Evans.

“Merlin, James, are you ever going to give it a rest?” Remus joked, turning away from Sirius to avoid staring. He felt himself falling back into the mess of yearning and want that had consumed him in third year, and Remus was desperately trying to claw himself out. With the OWLs coming up, he had no time for hopeless pining. Plus, he was still curious about the black eye but figured if Sirius didn’t tell him alone, he certainly wouldn’t be more willing to do so in front of the others.

***

Something that took both Sirius and Remus by surprise on the train ride was the astonishing number of girls who stopped by the Marauder's compartment to wave at Sirius, and giggle when he waved back, running a casual hand through his hair.

It was only after the fifth group passed by, a couple of Ravenclaw fourth years, that James asked, “Oi, Pads. How’re you doing that?” He paused, “And d’ya think it’d work on Evans?”

Sirius just shrugged, “I’m not doing anything. Just my natural charm—plus I got better looking over the summer. It’s a shame it didn’t happen to you—” he was cut off by James’ fist knocking into his shoulders, right on one of the healing bruises, causing Sirius to take in a sharp breath. He tried to play it off, knocking James right back, avoiding Remus’ eyes, but he could tell he’d noticed.

Lily stopped by as they were still touselling—to the excitement of James, who immediately straightened up and ruffled his hair, and the second hand excitement of Peter—but she barely acknowledged them, turning instead towards Remus.

She crossed her arms, leaning against the compartment door. “What are you doing?”

He furrowed his brow in confusion.

“Prefects are meeting in our carriage in five minutes, c’mon get changed!”

“Oh shit—” Remus began rummaging through his things frantically.

The other boys sat back in astonishment. Peter was the first to speak, “No.”

“You’re saying—”

“Our Moony—”

“A prefect?!”

Remus dug out a shiny badge, and the compartment exploded once more.

“How dare you—”

“Why didn’t you tell us!”

“Does this mean you can take points away from Severus when he’s being a blood-purist prat—” James turned around to face Lily awkwardly, “Sorry.” He looked back at Remus and whispered, “But does it?”

Remus sighed, still digging around for his robes. “Yes, I’m a prefect, I got the letter over the summer. I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d act like this, and no, James, I will not be taking away points from Slytherin unless someone actually breaks a rule.”

“Damn. Guess that’s why Dumbledore made you prefect over me.”

“Yeah,” Lily scoffed, rolling her eyes, “that was the only reason why.”

Remus stumbled out of the compartment, pulling on his robes and pinning his prefect badge to his chest. He and Lily were halfway down the corridor when Sirius came running out. Remus tried not to think about how perfect he looked, hair flowing as he jogged.

“Rem!” He held up a red and gold tie, and Remus looked down, realizing he didn’t have his. His cheeks flushed red.

“Oh, thanks,” he said as Sirius caught up with them, panting slightly. “I, uh—”

“Yeah, you can’t tie a tie quickly Moony, I know. We’ve lived in the same dormitory for four years now.” Sirius stepped forward and began wrapping the fabric around Remus’ neck and popped up the collar on his white shirt, having to reach up slightly now that Remus stood almost a head taller than him. Remus was hyper aware of how very close to him Sirius was standing, feeling every brush of his soft hands, cold rings against the nape of his neck sending a new swarm of butterflies.

Lily stifled a giggle while Sirius’ hands flew, “You’re a prefect and you can’t tie a tie?”

“I can! It just… takes a few tries to get it right.”

Sirius tightened the knot, laying the tie flat and tucking it into Remus’ sweater. Remus hoped he couldn’t feel his heartbeat racing. It was so loud in his own ears he could hardly hear anything else. “There you go!” He adjusted it once more, laying the collar flat. “Good luck in there. Don’t let them turn you into a goody-two shoes prat—no offense Lily—”

“None taken.”

“And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Got it?”

Remus held his hands up in surrender, feeling like he was going to burn up if Sirius stayed that close to him, just a breath away, for even a moment longer. “Got it, Pads.”

They stood there for half a second before Lily tugged Remus away, saying, “C’mon Remus, we’re gonna be late,” but it felt like ages. Remus, looking into Sirius’ stormy grey eyes, which were so intently fixed on him, as if he were everything that mattered in that moment. Remus shook his head, trying to erase the shock. He was making things up again, feeding into a third year fantasy of a Sirius Black who liked him back, and now Lily was dragging him toward the prefect’s compartment.

“Did you see the way he looked at you?” Lily whispered, pulling on his sleeve.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lily.” Remus tried to keep his emotions concealed, his face stony.

“You don’t still like him, do you?” When he didn’t respond, she squealed with delight, “Oh you do! This is so exciting! Who’s gonna—”

“Lil, please don’t do this. I don’t wanna get my hopes up all over again. He’s not even gay! And he doesn’t know I’m—”

“You haven’t told them?”

Remus scratched his neck awkwardly, “Well, I was gonna get to it… and then I just—” but before he had to make up some lame excuse as to why he hadn’t come out to his three closest friends, the pair reached the door to the prefect’s carriage and hurried in.

Remus barely listened the whole train ride. The Head Boy droned on and on about ‘personal responsibility’ and ‘being model students’ and some other shit about the prefects’ duties which had already been listed in the letter sent over the summer.

He tried not to think about Sirius Black and his new clothes and long hair and black eye, but it was useless. He couldn’t stop replaying the moment Sirius had come into the compartment over and over again in his mind, and the way Sirius had stayed so close to him, even after finishing tying his tie. What he really tried not to do, and somehow managed to do (for the most part) was think about holding Sirius’ hand, or kissing Sirius’ lips and neck and-

Hello! The sensible voice in Remus’ voice screamed in protest. He’s still your best mate and this little crush reviving doesn’t change that.  

So Remus tried to listen to the Head Girl who was now discussing the amenities that were only accessible to prefects. He figured this could at least be a bit useful at some point this year.

***

Continue reading on Ao3

[jungcock]

fatal attraction│01 (m.)

→ pairing: reader x jungkook (feat. taehyung)

→ genre: serial killer au, angst

→ word count: 14k

Your dangerous ex-boyfriend comes back to haunt you in more ways than one.

→ warnings: mentions of smut, drug and alcohol abuse, violence, light gore, death and murder. This will be a series with a lot of twists and turns… I’ve been working on this for a while and I’m excited to finally post so I hope you all like it.

↳ series m.list | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | on going

You were at Hoseok’s palace of a home. You were at Hoseok’s palace of a home every Saturday night. Every weekend his parents flew off to the Caribbean, leaving an empty house for him to have all of you over. Apparently dealing with their unemployed 24 year old son proved too stressful. You, Hoseok, Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung and a hundred odd people occupied the Jung mansion in his parent’s absence. These parties were notorious from what you heard. Only a handful of times you had experienced them first hand, despite being in the same place every weekend. Instead, you’d lock yourselves upstairs and let the party goers enjoy the raging vibes below.

Surprisingly, Hoseok never minded these strangers soiling his million dollar home. Whenever someone would break a vase or knock over an expensive artwork his reaction was far from frightening. His eyes would widen and he’d mutter an ‘oh shit’ before erupting into laughter. He was so carefree and that’s what you loved most about him - despite the trait most likely stemmed from growing up so privileged.

Hoseok was heir to an empire. You all were and you were lucky you all clicked so well when your parent forced you all to form a little group. Sure you fought every now and then, but there were two things that always kept the dynamic in check, two things you would always have in common. One, none of you wanted to take over your families’ businesses and two, all of you loved to drink.

You were sitting at the dining table scattered with all types of contraband and playing cards. You had the worst poker face, so your goodies were at the other end of the table with Taehyung. You sent him a death glare as he snorted a line of your cocaine before puckering his lips at you.

“Asshole!”

“Hey! It’s not my fault you’re shit,” he retorted.

“Fuck you!”

You chucked your cards at him and he cackled when they landed nowhere near him.

“Let’s just play something else,” Jimin suggested, hoping to simmer down the situation before you exploded.

“No!” Taehyung argued, “Just because princess pathetic can’t handle losing her stimulants doesn’t mean everyone’s fun has to be ruined.”

Taehyung was known for joking around, especially with you. For some reason beyond your knowledge, you were his favourite to tease. It was a thrill for him to get a rise out of you, you could see it in his eyes. Every time, his chocolate orbs would ignite with satisfaction at your reaction. It was like he got off from it, his dark stare taking a snapshot of your face to save for later. Although he irked you endlessly, you didn’t entirely mind. He ensured there was never a dull day. He ensured embarrassing moments never went unnoticed and were stored away for future laughs. He was your friend and you knew he loved you, despite the harassment. But that comment did hurt.

“Hey!” Yoongi snapped.

Taehyung eyes widened and he hung his head. Whenever Yoongi spoke up, you all knew, as well as Taehyung, that he had gone too far. Now at an awkward standstill as to what to play next, Hoseok got up to go downstairs. He’d make an appearance every hour, more so to please his guests as opposed to checking if his home was still intact. After two years of witnessing these parties you had come to the conclusion that Hoseok used them to punish his parents for neglecting him. They weren’t for his pleasure and they weren’t for his boys or yours. The parties were only a background noise. It was a weird dynamic when you actually thought about it but it worked. The guests knew never to come upstairs and as long as they obeyed that rule, they could drink and party to their hearts’ content. However, Hoseok wasn’t completely reckless, if anyone broke his very few, lax rules they were banned for good. His status alone kept trespassing nonexistent. It was organised chaos.

“I’m off to do the rounds! If you haven’t come up with a game by the time I come back, we’re all joining the party,” Hoseok threatened and earned a groan from all the boys as he left.

“Ok fine! Since princess-” Taehyung began with a snarky tone.

“Careful,” Yoongi warned.

He sighed before adjusting his tone to something close to endearing.

“Since princess has lost her assets, how about we bet on clothes?”

“If you give me my coke back I’ll strip for you right now,” you deadpanned, fed up with his extra sass.

“Really?!” He exclaimed, his face lighting up with shock, which you hated because he looked so damn cute.

“Just have mine ____,” Jimin offered kindly, trying to save your dignity.

“No offence baby but my coke is better,” you sassed, drunk and coming down from the weak drugs.

Jimin dropped his cards in defeat. He was always such an angel to you, you knew you’d feel bad tomorrow but right now your stubborn self just didn’t care.

“____ just text Jin and get more,” Yoongi suggested clearly trying to protect your dignity as well.

“I can’t,” you replied in a small voice.

“Why?” Taehyung challenged with a smirk.

“Because if I ask him for drugs again he’s gonna tell mum and dad,” you admitted unable to make eye contact with anyone.

Sure your brother was a part time drug dealer, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t still your brother. He was overprotective and controlling and he hated you hanging out with the boys. If it wasn’t for the fact your friendships benefited the family business, he would have narked on you all years ago.

Taehyung’s cackle filled the room. “Are you serious?!”

“Why are you being extra dickish today?”

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders before pushing his chair back and dangling your little white bag spitefully. In blind determination you marched over to him, peeling the tight shirt off your back. Jimin and Yoongi yelled in half-hearted disgust and turned away while Taehyung hollered.

“C'mon guys don’t pretend you haven’t wanted see this for years!”

You ignored his comment, knowing if you acknowledged it your face might have turned beet red. You attempted to snatch your drugs dangling between his fingers but he palmed the bag.

“Jeans as well, baby.”

You rolled your eyes and began to unzip. You should have felt disgusted and repelled by his sleazy behaviour but you couldn’t. As you looked down into his eyes that were filled with curiosity and anticipation, you could only see your little Tae. Taehyung who never failed to make you smile by the sight of his face alone, his constant expression of absence and his big bambi eyes. The urge to pinch his cheeks was a daily struggle and that image was impossible to tarnish. And in a weird way, it made you feel ok with what was going on. You trusted Taehyung, you trusted all the boys and you were comfortable. Honestly you were surprised they hadn’t seen you naked already.

“Stop!” Yoongi yelled before you could push your jeans past your ass.

“Why?!” Tae whined in dramatic pain.

“Jin’s on his way.”

“What?!” You screeched in panic.

“Chill! I texted him asking to score and he said he was in the area. Put your shirt back on, your high end coke is on its way,” Yoongi explained.

“Thank you.”

You did what you were told and poked your tongue at Taehyung before returning to your seat. He kicked at Yoongi’s chair and mouthed a 'what the fuck man?!’ at him when he thought you weren’t watching.

“We’ve got a good thing going here!” Yoongi bellowed, disregarding Tae’s attempt to be discreet. “I’m not going to let you make it weird and awkward for the only girl that likes us because you’re high and horny!”

Now, girls liked them. Girls liked them a lot. However you were the only one who didn’t beg them for anything remotely romantic. Now don’t get it wrong, it was difficult in the beginning. The four of them screamed anime fantasy, with their impeccable fashion sense and coloured hair. Their demeanours radiated sex appeal without effort, disinterested and completely unaware of how alluring it was. They were just too cool it hurt. It took a good couple of months of getting used to and resisting that urge to throw yourself at any of them was probably the best thing you had ever done. It was strange to think your feelings for them weren’t always platonic.

And even more strange to think it was Taehyung that caught your eye first.

*

He was slouched against the wall at the bottom of Hoseok’s grand staircase. His hair was red at the time and he was sporting leather trousers and a white bomber. Drunken strangers flooded the distance between you two and obscured your view occasionally but it was still impossible not to spot him. He looked and was, fucked and he completely owned it. His mouth was in a permanent smirk, his tongue making an appearance every few seconds. He was looking everywhere and nowhere in particular. It had you yearning for his thoughts. Daze so intense, he hadn’t even noticed you blatantly staring at him for the last half an hour.

Half an hour you had been there, dragged out of bed by your brother because he needed to deal and you couldn’t be left alone. You truly had no interest in attending one of Hoseok’s parties but now, discovering this gorgeous boy had you kicking yourself for not making an appearance sooner. Once you had enough of the torture, in a second of blind courage, you found your legs moving towards him. You didn’t even have anything to say. Honestly, you were shamelessly contemplating just shoving your tongue down his throat because you didn’t have anything to say. But you weren’t the only one with him in your radar. You stopped in your tracks when suddenly this gorgeous blonde popped out of nowhere and latched onto him. You cursed. If only you had made your move sooner. But no, you had spent the whole time just staring like an absolute creep…

But before you could completely bask in regret, he was waving her off.

It was bizarre.  

She had the looks of a model, throwing herself at him and grabbing his manhood. He only chuckled and shook his head, letting her make a fool of herself. Just within earshot, you could make out her annoying whines.

“C'mon Tae, take me upstairs and we can fool around abit.”

Tae.

Tae chuckled and covered his face as if she had just said the most absurd thing imaginable. Leaning his head back against the wall, he stared at her through his lashes and once again, shook his head. She stomped like a child, disappointment shrouded her flawless face. In one final attempt to get in this boy’s pants, she leaned into his ear and whispered so seductively it gave you goosebumps.

“I really want to suck your cock baby.”

No reaction whatsoever, instead his smirk returned and his eyes found yours. You must have looked like a deer in headlights, unable to move or play off like you hadn’t been eavesdropping the entire time. His stare was inquisitive, curious and he refused to break it as he finally opened his mouth.

“No,” he growled into the blonde’s ear before winking at you.

Your heart stopped and you ran off in a panic. No no no no, hell no. There was no way you could face him now. On a mission to find your brother, you were praying he was far from the stairwell so you could make a proper escape. Tae’s raspy voice echoed in your brain as you moved through the crowd at an agonisingly slow pace. To your dismay, you didn’t get very far before Jin found you.

“____! I told you not to wander off! Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Jin yelled at you over all the commotion.

You had felt your phone go off but ignored it. You couldn’t risk tearing your eyes from Tae at the time. You were scared he’d get lost in the crowd even if you looked away for a second. But now that you had been discovered, you had to be as far away as possible. You nervously turned back to check the distance you made between yourself and said boy. It wasn’t a lot and he was still watching you, amused and the blonde had disappeared.

“I’m sorry, let’s just go home,” you gushed trying your best to usher him towards the door.

But he stopped.

“Oh! It’s Taehyung,” he said, waving at the boy you had been trying to run away from.

“You know him?!” You squealed.

“Yeah, he’s dad’s potential business partner’s son.”

Your eyes widened. “How do you know this?”

“We’re going to be taking over the family business eventually, ____, pay attention.”

“You’re taking over the family business Jin. So no, I won’t pay attention.”

He shook his head and chuckled.

“I’ll introduce you.”

“NO!”

Before your body could react, Jin was already approaching him. He grabbed your hand and pulled you along like he did when you two were kids. You tugged at his bicep in protest and whispered in his ear in desperation. You felt like you could mentally combust if forced to confront Taehyung now. Jin ignored your pleas, like always. Your heart was racing as Taehyung spotted Jin and stood up straight, recognition in his expression. It was the most alert you’d seen him.

“Oh, Jin!” He greeted.

“Taehyung!”

Then they did this bro handshake you’d never understand.

“Hey, do you have anymore of those pink tabs?” Taehyung asked your brother, eyes wide and hopeful. It was the cutest thing you’d ever seen in your life.

“So that’s how you know him?” You called him out, as if he listened to shit concerning the family business. “I was under the impression you met through our respected law-abiding families?”

Jin shot you menacing eyes. “I did meet him through dad, you brat,” he hissed in your ear.

Taehyung chuckled. “Who is this?” He asked your brother and then turned to you, “And why’d you run away from me?”

“This is my little sister ____,” he introduced you before you had a chance to. “I have to babysit her even though she’s 19 years old because she can’t stay out of trouble. And why did you run away from him ____?”

You stuttered. The fucking nerve of him. You wanted to murder him. Taehyung’s laughter filled the air and you felt your face burning up. You twisted around to punch Jin in the gut but he predicted it and blocked it. The urge to scream in his face was so strong but Taehyung’s intense gaze forced you to behave.

"You’re not doing a very good job keeping her away from it.”

The three of you turned to the voice walking down the stairs. Your jaw dropped. The boy was just as ethereal as Taehyung. He had similar style, however a leather jacket hung off his shoulders instead of the white bomber that swallowed Taehyung. He caught your eye and smiled brightly, his eyes crescent moons. If you hadn’t died already, you died then.

“You’re no better,” Taehyung pointed at the other boy, eyes wide and accusing.

“What? I’m an angel,” the boy sung, running his fingers through his silvery white hair.

The other boys cringed and Taehyung shoved him as he took the spot next to him against the wall.

“I’m Jimin.”

“Hi,” you squeaked.

Jin looked at you, looked at his friends and then looked at the way you were looking at his friends. He could always sense the trouble before you ever could. It was the glint in your eye, the undeniable tension that radiated off of you whenever you were drawn to something, drawn to… trouble, essentially. And somehow it was Jin’s job to prevent it, to intervene before you delved face first.

“Ok I’m going to take my baby sister home now,” he declared, emphasising 'baby’.

“No, stay!” Jimin protested sweetly.

“Yoongi hates it when you leave so soon,” Taehyung added.

You had heard that name before, Jin was always mentioning him when he was not already with him. Although your brother never used the phrase best friend, you knew that was what Yoongi was. You had been dying to meet him. And you’d be lying if you said the two boys you had just met didn’t have anything to do with your change of mind.

“Let’s stay-” You began.

“Next time boys,” Jin interrupted, pulling your arm.

“Wait!” Taehyung hollered and closed the distance Jin attempted to make. “I wanna see you again.”

The smirk on him radiated utter confidence and bravado. You hadn’t made the best first impression, with the help of Jin, so you were quite surprised. Nevertheless, you bit your lip and pulled your phone out of your pocket. But it was quickly intervened.

"No,” your brother deadpanned.

The boys with coloured hair laughed.

“C'mon dude, we’re not that bad,” Jimin defended the both of them.

“Maybe you,” Jin said pointing at Jimin. “But not him.”

Taehyung gasped dramatically.

“Ok, how about I get her number then,” Jimin mediated.

Jin rolled his eyes but didn’t protest. He turned around as if saying to quickly do it while he wasn’t looking. You grabbed Jimin’s phone, typing your number and saving it. Taehyung’s eyes grew at the sight of Jimin’s phone, now with your number in it, as you handed it back. He was about to lunge for it but you grabbed his phone before he could and dialed your number quickly.

Jin turned around as your phone rang.

“Um no!”

“I’ll see you around,” You said with a wink, dragging your brother away.

*

Jimin and Taehyung told you a year later what they thought of you in that very moment. It started with, “you were sexy as hell” and ended with “but then you became one of us”. You had pondered that conversation and first interaction over and over, trying your best to analyse how they saw what they had explained. First of all, you looked a mess that night so for them to find you attractive enough to want to see you again, had you baffled. Jin gave you no time to change, so you were still in your satin nightgown and ended up chucking on boots that were laying at the front door. Your hair probably looked like a nest and all you did was stand there being patronised by your brother.

For a while you theorised it was because Taehyung thought anything in little dress was sexy as hell. He loved women with an alternative look and he was all about the chase so it was easy to assume. Jimin spoiled that theory eventually, with a raised eyebrow and an accusation that you weren’t giving yourself enough credit for how beautiful you were. And soon, to your embarrassment, whether it was a compliment or expressed as a burden, none of the boys would let you forget how beautiful you were.

*

As you walked back to the car with your brother that night, you had to bite your lip to keep from smiling. From the beginning, you could feel that you were on the same wavelength and that both parties had voids they knew the other could fill. It was in the way Jimin smiled at you. It was in the way Taehyung looked at you differently to the way he looked at that blonde girl. There was a connection you hadn’t felt since your ex-boyfriend and you had missed the excitement that coincided. The promise of new relationships - friendly and romantic alike.

However, Jin was quick catch on, being the protective brother was.

“You are never to go to one of those parties ever again,” he ordered before speeding down the driveway.

Like Jin could ever control you.

You found yourself being drawn to them. Every Saturday, without fail, you would sneak out your bedroom window to meet Taehyung waiting further down your street with the motor running. Before you’d end up at Hoseok’s, he’d drive you to a make out spot that overlooked a view of the lit up city at night. It was breathtakingly gorgeous despite the muffled moans from neighbouring cars. The first time he took you there you could tell a hook up was on his brain and sweaty palms aside, you were more than obliging. But instead, you got talking and that’s all you ended up doing. You told each other things you had never told anyone. You laughed until you cried. There was more than just attraction and that was the last time you ever got the sense he was coming on to you. And after that, surprisingly, the awe of him wore off. As you spent more weekends with him, he became less of an angelic being and more of a boy your age. The dazzle and charm of him developed into pure platonic fondness. As it did with Jimin. And then Hoseok and Yoongi when you met them.

*

You liked them for them and not for their looks, and Yoongi cherished that greatly. As corny as it sounded, it made you feel secure and warm and wanted. Just knowing for a fact, Yoongi wouldn’t let anything jeopardise your place in the group did wonders for your emotional stability.

“You could never scare me away,” you reassured him, in the cutest voice you could muster.

“Stop.”

You giggled at his reaction, as much as he pretended it disgusted him you knew he loved it. It was the glimmer of admiration in his face before he would twist it into a grimace. Jimin’s giggle filled the air and it was contagious.

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it,” Jimin teased.

Yoongi shoved his chair back and shot out of his seat, ignoring Jimin’s comment.

“Fuck it.”

“Where are you going?!” Taehyung questioned, containing his laughter.

You all watched Yoongi’s back as he stormed up to the locked door.

“What else are we gonna do huh?! It took you idiots hours to decide on this game.”

It was not hours, drama queen.

The other boys grumbled. They hated joining the party. As obnoxious as it sounded, it was because they were sick and tired of being continuously hit on. Every time they took a step out that door, girls would squeal and then a brave one would come up and try her luck. Now, any guy would be in heaven but these boys were different. Jimin was shy and even though the attention was flattering, he didn’t want it and never knew how turn it down. Taehyung loved the attention, but he also loved the chase, nothing screamed boring more than a girl that was easy. Yoongi was too into his music, he couldn’t care for anything else. And Hoseok, was Hoseok. He was too all over the place for a girl to try to tie him down, even if only for a hook up.

To the boys discomfort and displeasure, you loved to see it all unfold.

“Let’s do it!” You cheered, joining Yoongi.

They moaned again, Jimin throwing his head back to be extra dramatic before dragging himself out of his seat.

“Only if me and ____ play boyfriend girlfriend!” Taehyung declared sickeningly cute before Jimin had a chance to.

“What are we? 10 years old?” You snapped.

Jimin narrowed his eyes before shoving his fist out. He played paper. Taehyung played scissors. Jimin declared defeat, kicking his chair in frustration.Taehyung shook his fists in victory before approaching you with open arms.

“I didn’t agree to this, you brat!” You protested, fending his arms away. “I was Jimin’s girlfriend last time, now people are going to think I’m fucking you all!”

Taehyung immediately morphed into your little Tae. Doe eyes and all. “But I won paper, scissors, rock,” he mumbled sadly.

You groaned, unable to deny him. And honestly, why should you care what those drunk people downstairs thought of you.

“Fine.”

He joined your foreheads together, half headbutting you in his excitement. “Thank you ____,” he said before squishing your cheek against his own and squeezing the life out of you. You acted a dead weight until he was done.

“Ready?” Yoongi asked, hand on the doorknob.

You nodded, the other two meekly doing the same. It was a thrill actually attending these parties. It was never the same music or people and never the same dramas. As evil as it sounded, you were excited to see the dilemmas the boys would inevitably find themselves in this time. First stop, the kitchen, because you needed popcorn.

*

On cue, a few girls squealed and muttered to each other very loudly as you all descended. Taehyung had his arm draped around your shoulders in the most nonchalant way possible. You barely recognised it there before he’d occasionally yank on your neck to whisper in your ear. The looks you were given, you could only imagine criminals being looked at the same. It was beyond pathetic and absolutely hilarious. You could see the jealousy and frustration behind their eyes; that expression of realisation that they couldn’t have everything despite their parents enforcing they could. And being the bitch you were, you smiled at them and batted your lashes before shoving a hand down Taehyung’s back pocket. The gasps echoed through the room, it was iconic.

Jimin stuck himself strategically between yourself and Yoongi, who was leading the way. Before you all could make it even halfway into the living room, Jimin had ignored and ran away from his name whined thrice. The fourth time was gradually closer and he flinched like the soft baby he was, before picking up his speed. You didn’t mean to laugh at him but you did. He just looked so cute and small and scared, sticking to Yoongi like glue. His eyes almost popped out its sockets as this tall brunette came strutting up them, flipping her hair and winking. Now you felt bad, knowing Jimin would be petrified to tell this girl he wasn’t interested. To his relief, Yoongi had it sussed. With a flick of a wrist, he shooed her away, denying her the time of day. Jimin mumbled an apology at the girl’s baffled expression, before scurrying back to his friend’s side.

“Jiminie you’re so cute when you’re scared,” you teased him as you all finally made it to the kitchen.

He gave you a fake smile before flipping you off accordingly.

“Even his middle finger is cute,” Taehyung cooed, leaping over to him and grabbing his hand. “Look at his little hands!”

Seeing red, Jimin grabbed a loaf of bread, probably left on the counter by a drunken party goer trying to sober up and hurled it at Taehyung as he ran away.

“Ah!” Taehyung bellowed. “Violence is never the answer,” he joked, laughing like a madman.

The cocaine was definitely kicking in.

Just before Jimin could fire back, Yoongi was ordering for someone to text Hoseok. You volunteered, pulling out your phone as Taehyung draped an arm around your shoulder again and tried to feed you bread. You were beginning to regret agreeing to come downstairs with faded Tae. Drugs and crowds didn’t mesh well with him. He’d either be swinging from the chandelier or passed out in a closet and you were not in the mood for that sort of babysitting. You needed Hoseok, he always knew what to do these situations. They were his parties after all. You texted him your whereabouts. The kitchen was the most quiet room in the house on a saturday so it was always the meet up spot.

“I texted him,” you told Yoongi.

Yoongi nodded, too busy frowning at his lit up screen to answer. “Jin’s here.”

“That’s my cue!” You declared, ducking out of Taehyung’s embrace.

“Where are you going?” Taehyung asked in a panic.

“Where my brother isn’t. Can’t exactly let him think the coke is for me now can we?”

“But it is for you?” Taehyung questioned, scratching his head in confusion.

You sighed, patting his cheek pitifully.

“I’ll text you when he’s gone,” Yoongi said and you peered around Taehyung to nod at him.

You were praying that Jin either hadn’t entered the house yet or wandered off into the crowds. In order for you to sneak back upstairs, you had to actually get to the stairs and they were exactly opposite the front door. You were extremely cautious on your journey so far, zipping and weaving with your head down. Salvation was in sight. But just your luck, a voice hollered - your brother’s voice. You froze, contemplating just pretending you didn’t hear him but you knew that would be even more suspicious. You took a deep breath and turned around.

Jin hadn’t seen you. He wasn’t calling you. The person he was talking to hid from your view with the help of a few people at least a foot taller than you. Whoever it was had Jin’s full attention so it wasn’t a deal and it had you beyond curious. Jin didn’t have a lot of friends and the few he did have did not match the silhouette of the boy he was now talking to. You craned your neck for a better look, dying to know who it was.

Then Jin spotted you. Then said person turned around.

Your blood ran cold when your eyes locked. Time slowed down. Your heart was pounding in your chest,  it felt strong but delayed. Your vision went blurry, everyone around you moved in slow motion. You didn’t even notice Jin shaking you and yelling, because your complete capacity to comprehend was fixated on him. What the fuck was he doing here? He smirked at you like he could read your mind. He emitted villainy with his long coat and black hair, looking like he was here to collect your soul. It was frightening, he was frightening. The aura that ran in his bloodline.

“What are you doing down here?” Jin had been questioning for the last ten seconds, although your ears only just begun to clarify his words.

“What is he doing here?” You croaked in panic and betrayal. “Why are you talking to him?!”

“Jin!” Hoseok bellowed with a chuckle, walking into an absolute shit storm without even realising. “I didn’t know you were making an appearance tonight!”

God, you loved Hoseok. His constant radiance and cheer never failed to make you happy… until now. And it made you want to cry to think even your precious Hobi couldn’t make this all ok.

“Why is she down here?” Jin interrogated him. “And why is she alone?!”

Hoseok was taken aback and let out a nervous chuckle. “Ah, sorry. She was with the others when I left.”

Then Hoseok spotted him and with a smile, went to greet him.

“Hello!” He greeted cheerfully before shaking his hand, “I’m Hoseok, please make yourself at home!”

You were cringing. He didn’t deserve your Hobi’s hospitality.

“Yeah, I know,” his deep voice replied. “I’ve been here before.”

“Oh!” Hoseok’s exclaimed, still serving his warm welcoming. “I’m sorry this is the first time we’ve met. I didn’t catch your name?”

“Namjoon.”

Hoseok just grinned like the ray of sunshine he was, completely unaware of who exactly was standing in front of him. And that was your fault. You hadn’t told the boys about Namjoon and a certain someone he was related to. Instead you just prayed this day would never come, that you would never have to be in his presence and face your past again. You should have told them. You should have told them. Hoseok was a networker and here he was, attempting to establish a connection and bond with Namjoon without knowing who he really was. Without knowing who his family was and who his family was to you. You had to save him.

“Go upstairs,” Jin ordered you one final time.

You were about to protest. There was no way you could leave without Hoseok, without telling him what was going on before it came from someone else’s mouth.

“I’d rather she didn’t,” Namjoon interrupted. “We need to catch up! It’s been awhile.”

“I have nothing to say to you!” You spat, nowhere near as confidently as you would have liked.

The chuckle that escaped his lips was dark and taunting. “Not even a ‘how are you? How is your family after I ran their reputation into the ground?!’”

You flinched away from him, shaking your head as if he was a hallucination and you could will him away.

“That wasn’t ____, that was your brother,” Jin defended you, stepping in front of him to shield you.

“Step aside,” Namjoon threatened so calmly it was scary.

“No.”

“I just need to talk to her.”

“No.”

Namjoon smirked. “Still fighting her battles huh?”

“Until the day I die.”

The tension was undeniable. You wanted to disappear as strangers quietened to watch the drama unfold. You must have looked as distressed as you felt because soon Hoseok was in front of you, your cheeks in his palms. He did this to prevent your panic attacks, sensing them before you could hit the ground, wailing.

“They’re all staring Hobi please.”

With a nod, he announced the party was over. Groans emitted everywhere, however everyone was quick to disperse. Within a few minutes the music was off and the foyer was empty.

“What’s going on-”

Taehyung, Jimin and Yoongi waltzed in, confusion plastered on their faces.

“Nothing! I’ll meet you guys upstairs.”

You forced a smile and it only made the three of them more uneasy. They each took a step forward, planting themselves within the situation. They were there to stay. You were dreading what they would think of you after this was over. You couldn’t bear it. This wasn’t happening.

Taehyung seemed to have sobered up, all staunch with a look of concern. “What’s going on?” He repeated.

“Nothing!” Namjoon chuckled. “I’m just checking up on my lil bro’s girl, that’s all.”

“What?” Jimin uttered, eyes bulging at you.

“She’s not his girl anymore,” Jin corrected, looking over his shoulder at your friends.

“She didn’t tell him that,” Namjoon argued. “Actually, she didn’t tell him anything at all because she’s the reason he’s where he is now and she probably still hates herself for it. What kind of person does that to the love of their life?”

“Wait, who?” Yoongi questioned, as far the boys knew you had never had a boyfriend.

The rage was building inside of you, your panic attack long forgotten.

“Ah! Of course you didn’t tell him. Little ____, always running away from her problems,” he continued to patronise and insult you. “Always running away from the consequences.”

That was it. You were charging, shoving Jin and Hoseok out of the way.

“You don’t know shit about me!” You yelled at him.

“Yeah not anymore,” he scoffed, looking down at you with discontempt, “but I did once. Who are you now?”

“This is me,” you huffed, “when I’m not in love with him.”

“Ah,” he sighed while scratching the back of his head nervously. “He’s not going to like that.”

“So that’s why you’re here? To relay him closure?” You sassed, unable to stop yourself. “You can tell that fucker that we were over from the moment he-”

“You can tell him yourself,” Namjoon interrupted with a sly smile.

“Now why would I go see him?” You bellowed, incredulously. “I never want to see his face again!”

Namjoon narrowed his eyes at your crazed ones.

“Ok, I guess I’ll have to tell him then. He’s not going to be very forgiving hearing it from me.”

You grimaced, completely unimpressed. “Do I look like I give a shit?”

“No,’ he deadpanned, “and you’re gonna regret it.”

“I doubt it.”

“I’m not buying it,” he taunted.

“How?!”

“A love, like what you two had, doesn’t just go away,” he stated, “no matter how much of a bitch you’ve become or pretend to be.”

As soon as the word bitch came out of Namjoon’s mouth, Hoseok stepped in. “Ok time for you to leave, asshole.”

Namjoon cackled. “I’m not the asshole here,” he said, staring you down.

Trying to avoid his gaze, you stole quick glances at the boys. They we all silent, speechless. The looks on their faces were of utter disbelief as the gears began to gradually turn. You weren’t as perfect as they thought you were, as you portray yourself to be. And you could see it, that question in their eyes as they stared at you - who are you? This was not how you wanted them to find out. It made you absolutely livid, even more so now that this image of your former self was being painted by someone else. And that this someone else was playing coy enough for them to fill in the blanks with the worst they could imagine.

Why the fuck did we come downstairs?

“Why are you here, Namjoon?” You asked him one last time, through gritted teeth.

“To remind you ____!” He yelled and his deep voice boomed and echoed through the high ceilings. “You were family once, you know, and you can’t escape family.”

Namjoon spun on his heel and made his leave. You wanted to yell after him and demand what he meant but as he walked further and further away, your heart rate and breathing began to settle. The nightmare was almost over, he was almost gone. Suddenly, to your dismay, he stopped at the front door and you tensed noticeably.

“I’ll see you around. Sleep well,” he said with a wink before slamming the door closed behind him.

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Taehyung attempt to engage with you, confused as ever. But before he had a chance to bombard you with questions, Jin held an arm against his chest.

“Take her upstairs and don’t let her out of your sight,” Jin ordered Taehyung coldly and then glanced at the rest of them. “Don’t let her come home for a couple of days, just while I sort this out.”

You scoffed, anger still coursing through you. You gave your brother a harsh look to express your disdain at his actions, at his emotionless attempt to protect you while disregarding your feelings and existence. Although his words were somewhat sweet - he couldn’t even give you a hug or check if you were ok? He could be so cold and clueless and inconsiderate sometimes, just like your father. It truly sickened you. You couldn’t face him any longer.

As soon as you ran upstairs, Taehyung stopped Jin for answers.

“Wait-”

“She’ll explain everything and try your best to be understanding when she does.”

“What about you?” Jimin chimed in.

“I’ll be fine,” Jin reassured them. “Just please, keep her safe.”

Jin looked at Yoongi especially and he nodded.

“Of course.”

And with that, Jin chucked his best friend your cocaine and made his leave.

*

You had hopped into Hoseok’s bed. By the time you felt four weights sink into the mattress around you, your anger had subsided into humiliation and dread. It was Jimin that convinced you to poke your head out from under the covers and the view was beautiful. Your four boys surrounded you, faces full of concern and love. Hoseok was lying next to you, Jimin sitting on your other side and Taehyung and Yoongi on the foot of the bed. All of them, ready and waiting for your explanation.

“We just want you to know,” Yoongi began, “no matter how bad it was, what you did, who you fucked - we don’t care. We still love you, ____.”

And as you sat up, you were in tears.

“I don’t even know where to start!”

“How about the beginning?” Hoseok suggested with a warm smile.

He always made things sound so easy. You snivelled, wiping your tears with Jimin’s help.

“It was about four years ago,” you began with a deep breath. “I was young and stupid and I thought I was in love. And you know, that kind of love can be really blinding.”

Having to actually talk about this, talk about him, brought horrible feelings of shame and regret that you thought you’d never have to experience again. And you couldn’t keep the tears from falling.

“Fuck, I really hate seeing her cry,” Taehyung murmured, unable to look at you.

“You don’t have to tell us if it’s too hard ____,” Jimin informed you sweetly.

“No,” you protested, “I can’t keep this a secret from you guys anymore. You deserve to know.”

“Ok, just take it slow,” Yoongi soothed you.

And so you did.

*

You met in high school. He was a bad boy, the bad boy that every guy was afraid of and every girl wanted to be tainted by. He drove this old mustang that roared through the school parking lot, half an hour after classes began and during recess. He smoked cigarettes and never wore colour. Everyone knew him but no one was friends with him, including you. You never took any interest in him or sought him out because embarrassingly, your world revolved around your girlfriends and the next social event. Occasionally, you’d see him at a party. He’d be hiding in the shadows, until he’d find his prey. It was always the most conservative girl, the one who’d look like she didn’t belong there. And then on Monday, she’d walk into class with a scarf around her neck, wincing while she’d lower herself onto her seat. The boys in class would snigger and one would slap him on the back. It made you livid. So many times you’d want to turn around and shout how disgusting he was but you never did, not wanting the inconvenience that would follow a proper interaction.

You were polar opposites and while that repelled you, it intrigued him. He’d always stare at you shamelessly in calculus. He’d always sit behind you and fiddle with your hair with his pencil in history. Despite this unwanted attention from him, it wasn’t too bothersome and frankly you were too scared to do anything substantial about it. He wasn’t charming. He didn’t send you winks or blow you kisses when your eyes met and he didn’t smirk or chuckle when you turned around to slap his pencil out of his hand. He’d only stare, challenging you to confront him properly. Challenging you to strut up to him after school where he always was, leaning against the hood of his car with a cigarette between his fingers and tell him to leave you the fuck alone. And for a good three years, you didn’t. You ignored his existence and never spoke a word to him. He was only an insignificant stereotype in your adolescent life. An irrelevant convention in your coming of age story.

*

“What changed?” Jimin questioned, knowing where the story was going.

You sighed.

“Dad made me heir to half of the business.”

*

You never wanted to inherit anything from your parents. You saw what the politics and money did to their relationships and your family. Reputation was all they cared about and what a better way to ruin that for them but to have a disgrace of a daughter. You thought, surely, if you did something so scandalous you would be written off and deemed an unworthy successor.

But, you were pristine from birth. You gravitated towards people with good grades and clothes and makeup pastel in colour. You really needed to leap out of your comfort zone for your plan to work. So, in a mindset of spite and determination, you strutted up to the boy leaning against the hood of his car with a cigarette between his fingers.

His eyes widened when you stopped in front of him. He was dressed in his signature skin tight ripped jeans with a black tee tucked in. The contrast between you two was immense and you couldn’t help thinking how it looked to the other students roaming around.

"Are you lost?” He asked you through a chuckle.

“No,” you snapped, readjusting the three textbooks in your arms.

He raised an eyebrow before walking around his car to slam down the hood. His car was known for breaking down and it wasn’t surprising considering the way he drove it. However it did wonders for his game, the girls at your school swooned for a grease monkey and admittedly, he pulled the look off tenfold. He tapped the hood twice for his brother to pump the gas.

“You wanna go out sometime?” You yelled at him over his loud engine.

“What?” He yelled back.

You rolled your eyes. “I said, do you wanna go out sometime?!”

He shook his head and pointed to his ear, insinuating he still couldn’t hear you. At this point, you were beginning to regret it. It was like the heavens were giving you a chance to escape from this idiotic idea. You almost turned to leave. You wish you did. God, you wish you did.

“DO YOU WANNA GO OUT SOMETIME?”

While fighting your inner turmoil as to whether you should have backed out or not, he had signalled to his brother to cut the engine. Everyone stopped and stared as your proposal seemed to have echoed through the parking lot. He chuckled, half rubbing his eye, half covering his face in second hand embarrassment. It was the first time you had ever seen him smile. His teeth, perfectly white and straight, were on full display. He looked like a little bunny boy, misplaced in leather with a cigarette. And surprisingly, it was really cute and your heart fluttered a bit.

*

“Hey! We don’t need to hear how much you were throbbing for this guy ok?” Taehyung cried.

Yoongi slapped the back of his head.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Look, if I’m going to tell this story, I’m telling all of it.”

They all nodded, signalling for you to continue.

*

“So she finally came around huh?” His brother chuckled, hopping out of the driver’s seat and slamming the door.

He refused to acknowledge him, staring holes into you. You started shuffling your feet, your nerves getting the better of you, worrying you just embarrassed yourself for nothing.

“You better give her an answer lil bro, she’s getting anxious,” he teased.

“You can go now Joon,” he disregarded him.

“‘Wow, thanks so much for helping me fix my car Namjoon, best brother ever!’” Namjoon jested.

He shot Namjoon a death glare and Namjoon raised his hands in surrender. “Ok, I’ll see you at home. Nice to meet you-”

“____,” you introduced as he jumped into his Range Rover and sped off just like his brother did everyday since you’d known of him.

Must run in the family, you thought.

“So?” You began.

“Why?”

You gulped, eyes doubling in size.

“Because, I want to?” You expressed in the most convincing tone you could muster.

“Are you sure about that?” He questioned again teasingly.

You scoffed, “Well, now, not really!”

He chuckled again at your irritability, something he wouldn’t quit from that moment on.

“Miss pristine wouldn’t just ask someone like me out,” he theorised.

“And why not?” You bit back, getting fed up with his hesitation.

You were not used to actually working for things instead of them being handed to you on a silver platter.

“Because look at you!” He pointed at you with his cigarette. “And I’ve been sussing you for years and you didn’t even have the time of day to tell me to fuck off.”

“What if I didn’t want you to?”

“HA! Bullshit. Go run back to the football field with your little cheerleader friends and Doug the buff doofus yeah?“

“Ugh please!” You whined, “Just go out with me ok?”

“She’s begging me now.”

“If you wanna put it that way, fine! Yes I am.”

“But why?” He probed once more.

This guy was not an idiot, to your dismay. It was easy to be convinced otherwise because he was hardly in class and when he was, his attention with fixated on you three quarters of the time. This was supposed to be easy. First, you had no attachment to him whatsoever and you weren’t attracted to him or his look. And second, he had been obsessing over you for the last three years, he should have jumped at the opportunity. But instead he was intuitive, perceptive, so you decided to be honest.

“Look, I just want to piss off my parents.”

He grinned.

“Ok,” he said before flicking his cigarette and walking to the driver’s door.

“Ok? Ok what?” You questioned, unable to play cool or bad or anything to attract this boy.

“I’ll pick you up at 8,“ he bellowed at you as he hopped into his car.

“Oh! Like in your car?” You asked, bending down to speak to him through his passenger side window.

“Well what else, my scooter?“ He chuckled.

“You have a scooter?!” You asked.

“Do I look like I own a scooter?“

You ignored that comment with a frown and he chuckled again. He turned his car on and attacked his gearshift.

"Wait! You don’t know my address? And where are we going?”

“Yes I do princess, and just wear that little white skirt you always wear on Wednesdays,” he smirked and then sped off.

*

“So this guy is basically a more stalkerish Taehyung?” Yoongi interrupted.

“Hey! So she has a type, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Taehyung defended himself.

“No that’s not the point-” you began.

“____, falling for the bad guy isn’t something to be ashamed of,” Hoseok added with a smile, “don’t beat yourself up.”

“Guys would you let her finish? She’s obviously telling us this for reason.”

You gave Jimin a look of gratitude.

“Exactly, you guys need to hear the normalcy to understand how it ended up the way it did,” you explained, “you need to understand he was just a guy, like all of you. Because otherwise you won’t by the time I’m finished.”

That shut them up, but you knew it was only temporarily.

*

You wished you took a picture of your parents’ faces when he pulled into your driveway. Instead of coming inside like a gentleman, he slammed on his horn. Nice touch, you thought as you ran downstairs while your parents’ bombarded you with questions. He honked the horn again and wolf whistled at you when you emerged from out the front door. Once he saw your parents in tow, he flicked his headlights off. Through the windscreen he looked like a parents’ nightmare with his leather jacket, cigarette and gaze that screamed trouble. And to top it all off, he smacked your ass when you ran past the driver’s side window.

“____ ______! I’m giving you three seconds to get your ass back inside,” your dad growled.

You ignored him, hopping into the passenger’s side.

“Sorry pops, her ass is mine tonight,” he yelled back through his window.

You could just make out your mum threatening to call the police as he sped out your driveway. You hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time.

“That was amazing!” You shrieked in delight, “I can’t believe I’m saying this but, I’ve never felt so… alive.”

He chuckled before slamming his foot down on the gas, going at least 80 kilometres per hour. You squealed.

“You better get used to it princess, we’re just getting started.”

Every friday for a month he took you to his brother’s parties, got you drunk and dropped you home at four in the morning. And then did the same the next night. Namjoon’s parties on a Saturday night were always more packed than on a Friday.

You never knew anyone there apart from him, so you were shameless. He found you quite entertaining. Instead of lurking around in silence like you’d witnessed him do at every party, he was engaging. He never left your side, fending away guys and laughing at your lame jokes and ramblings. He was so different to what you had expected. He was nice and somewhat chivalrous. To your surprise, you had spent midnight with him eight times and it came and went without him making a single move.

“You’re not how I’d thought you would be,” you admitted on the fourth weekend, once he dragged you outside so he could have a cigarette.

He raised an eyebrow at you and ashed. “How so?”

“You haven’t tried anything,” you gushed blatantly. “Am I not conservative or innocent enough for you?”

He threw his head back and cackled.

“Baby, you’re perfect,” he confessed without hesitation, “but you’re not ready for me.”

“Don’t tell me what I can and cannot handle!”

He chuckled again. “Don’t overthink it. Let’s just enjoy the night, yeah?”

“You might as well just tell me not to breathe,” you retorted.

He grinned at you before pulling you against him.

"I thought I was only a means to piss off your parents,” he whispered in your ear.

The grip he had on your waist was rough. You could tell it was an act of lust alone and that’s not you wanted. It wasn’t what you were asking for. You could understand why he’d assume you’d want it this way as you’d never insinuated you wanted anything remotely affectionate from him when sober. You had to set the record straight.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t like you too,” you mumbled shyly.

He jerked back to look into your eyes suspiciously. His arms around you tensed. You were delving in dangerous waters called feelings. It was not what you signed up for and he knew it too.

“I call bullshit.“

"Why’d you think I stayed away from you all these years?! Because I knew if I had a taste of you I’d be screwed,” you blurted, now with nothing to lose.

He smirked, shaking his head as if you had gone crazy.

“It’s been a month, don’t pretend you don’t feel the same as I do,” you said softly.

He didn’t answer that, instead his eyes went dark and narrow. You took half a step back. Your little white skirt suddenly became very interesting as you fiddled with it anxiously. You could feel his eyes on you and his second hand smoke fanning your face. He flicked the butt away before grabbing your face and squishing your cheeks in one hand aggressively.

“Don’t you fucking dare assume our feelings are mutual,” he growled, “you don’t want anything to do with me! You never did!”

He stormed off, shoving you aside. You knew why he was angry. Understandably, he thought you were fucking him around, taking advantage of the soft spot he held for you. As far as he was concerned, you weren’t interested. During the week you’d go back to pretending he didn’t exist, too scared of what people thought. But what he didn’t know was that you were falling for him, hard.

He was different with you. Throughout your weekends together he revealed a side of himself hardly anyone had the privilege of seeing. He was caring and reliable and loyal in his own fantastically unique way. And boy, was he a good time. Traits, you couldn’t experience with your friends and their lack of depth. He was real and it was so refreshing in your existence of superficiality. He changed your life and view on everything. And now you were mad that you couldn’t just swallow your pride and protect his heart.

You eventually followed him outside and found him on the couch with his brother and his friends. They were laughing and it seemed he’d just forgotten all about you. He was the epitome of hot and cold.

“Take me home,” you demanded, interrupting their conversation.

He looked up at you, his grin dropping into a grimace. He sighed and got up while his boys booed and threw their empty beer cans at him. He motioned for you to take the lead while he bid his friends farewell, slapping a few hands.

The car ride was silent apart from his rock anthems mixtape still playing from the car ride to. It was weird not screaming out the lyrics with him. It was just weird full stop. Despite him speeding past intersections and red lights, it felt like the trip was in slow motion.

When you got to your house, you found the gates closed. They normally were and he’d give you boost so you could climb over. Tonight was no different. You got out of the car before him, wanting to get away from the enclosed tension as quick as possible. You refused to acknowledge him as you heard his car door slam. The shuffling of his feet got louder and soon his hands were on your waist, ready to lift you.

“Wait,” you spoke to him for the first time since you’d left the party, shoving his hands off of you.

He scoffed.

“You know what? I’m done!”

He was irritated and when he got in these moods, it was difficult for him to escape them. He was about to storm off but he paused and turned to rasp at you.

“Don’t ask me for anything ever again-”

You don’t know what came over you but before you could stop yourself your hands were in his hair and you were kissing him, hard. He caught your weight effortlessly as you practically threw your body at him. You could sense the relief by the way his shoulders just completely relaxed, as if this kiss cured all the anguish in his heart. As if this kiss proved he hadn’t just wasted three years of his life pining after a girl that he would never have.

You were getting carried away, especially when you pushed your tongue into his mouth. He growled, lifting you off your feet and adjusting your thighs around his waist as if you weighed nothing. He had to stretch his neck up to keep his lips against yours as he took a few steps towards his car and delicately laid you down on the bonnet. You were starting to get wanton with him leaning over you, his body engulfing your smaller frame entirely. You were surrounded, suffocated and you indulged. He felt like a drug, and you were an amateur, extra susceptible to the addiction. When he started pulling your hair back roughly and biting your lip when you’d separate, it had you begging for more. Your legs wrapped around him. You couldn’t help letting the little moans escape your lips. It was the danger that coincided with him, the taboo nature of it all. He was bad for you. It was wrong for you to get involved with him. You knew it from the start but the attraction to him and the idea of him was too strong. You made your bed, now you were lying in it.

Before he could slip a hand under your skirt, your porch light lit up and the automatic front gate opened. Your dad screaming for you to get inside, forced you two apart. He let you go with a smirk and then turned to bellow a smartass remark at your dad, who then told him to fuck off.

“Don’t you ever try to break up with me again,” you warned him, walking backwards towards your summoner.

His hair was a mess and his lipstick stained mouth stretched into a boyish grin. His whole demeanour had transformed back into the boy who dazzled you with his cold kindness and genuineness. And as ridiculous as it sounded, you knew, just then, that you were in love with him. It didn’t need to be spoken or labelled or justified. He had you as much as you had a hold on him. From that moment on, you were his.

*

The looks on the boys faces screamed they were relayed too much information. Taehyung’s was morphed the most.

“I’m gonna barf,” he groaned with a grimace.

Yoongi rolled his eyes at him. “Do you want to hear the story or not?!”

“I’m not too sure anymore,” he admitted with distaste.

“Just because it wasn’t you between her thighs,” Jimin provoked him.

Taehyung jaw clenched and he almost pounced at his friend. Yoongi held him down.

“Ignore them, ____,” Hoseok reassured you, squeezing your hand he’d been holding this entire time.

“Fine, I’m jealous! Who is this guy?!” Taehyung exasperated, fed up with the mystery and ego hurt by an unidentified character.

They all fell into silence. Taehyung was always the one to speak what the others thought. You knew they were dying to know who he was, but this was the only way you were able to share this story. You took a deep breath, deciding to be kind and give them his first name, common and a far link from his notoriety.

“His name was Jungkook.”

*

Your parents didn’t know his name. They didn’t care to know. To them his name was dropkick, druggie, lowlife and any other related pet names. Frankly, you didn’t care what they thought anymore. When they offered to let you out of your inheritance, you declined because it was under the condition you break with him. Every offer they gave you was under the condition you break up with him. Needless to say, you refused every time. Nothing could make you happier than Jungkook did.

For the rest of your last year of high school, you and Jungkook were inseparable. On the monday after that first kiss, Jungkook picked you up and drove you to school. Every head turned as you hopped out of his car and slid under his arm. You two were the talk of the school and eventually it pushed your friends away. You were the most popular pristine girl in school gone wayward. And you didn’t give a fuck. Jungkook was the only thing that matter to you, your world revolved around him now.

After few months, you changed. The influence of him was too dominant to resist. Gone were the pink fluffy sweaters and pony tails, replaced with one of his many leather jackets and wild hair. It was a classic Sandra-dee transformation. And despite Jungkook’s weakness for little innocent girly girls, he loved it. You were his good girl gone bad, he’d tease.

“Fuck, I would die for you, ____,” he groaned through a kiss.

You were in his lap, his lap in the driver’s seat. He had parked outside a diner you’d go for late night milkshakes. His gear shift dug into your side and your head banged against the roof, but there was no place you’d rather be.

“Uh huh,” you replied, refusing to leave his lips for longer than a second.

“I’m serious, I would die and kill for you.”

You pulled away, leaning against the steering wheel. He’d never use the word love. Instead he would use intense alternatives, he adored you, he never felt anything remotely the same as he felt for you, you were the only one, he never wanted anything as much as he wanted you. It was like he had this unwavering insecurity you’d leave him, that he’d scare you away with the word ‘love’. As contradicting as that sounded by the things he’d say instead.

“Let’s hope you’ll never have to,” you murmured, running a hand through his hair in comfort.

“But I would,” he reiterated softly.

There was such intensity in his eyes it made you shiver. And you believed him. You believed he loved you that much. And shamefully, the thought went straight to your core.

“Take me home.”

Jungkook looked bewildered then his eyes drifted away from you in disappointment, his jaw clenched. He patted your thigh to signal for you to hop back into your seat. You refused, grabbing his face and grinding into his growing bulge.

“Take me home.”

His dark eyes lit up with pure desire. He cocked an eyebrow before smirking and attacking your face one last time. You threw yourself back into your seat with a giggle. Jungkook drove like a madman, but the way he reversed and sped down the road that night truly topped the cake.

Sparing the details, you fucked that night and to this day, Jungkook was the best you ever had. He was rough as fuck and forced your orgasms but at the same time, he appreciated your body. He listened to it and soothed it after doing all the kinky shit he was into. It was fair to say you were ruined, a complete sap for him, as much as he was for you. You never thought you would have such a high sex drive. You never thought you would ever be as needy for anything as much as you were for his cock. But that’s what you turned into - what Jungkook did to you. You always had to be around him, always with him, always touching him.

It was a month before graduation and you had flunked. Whenever he would ditch, you would too. Thankfully both your parents were rich and could buy your grades. They made it too easy for you both. You both had no desire to do anything, except each other.

It was a week before graduation, before you’d be sent to university overseas and him, forced into the family business as his father’s precious protégée. They were separating you. Your worlds were ending. You both weren’t ready for the responsibility or the heartbreak.

It was a few days before graduation and you were on your Friday night cruise, screaming the lyrics to rock ballads as Jungkook drove a hundred kilometres per hour. Every now and then, he’d grab and suck your face hotly, eyes off the road for seconds too long. The thrill was almost unbearable, as if you’d be close to losing not only your life but your sanity.

He parked in a secluded reserve overlooking a lake, the stars shimmering in the water. You drifted into quiet, savouring the moment, knowing they were limited. The soft guitar riffs from the car stereo set this serene, longing mood. Jungkook’s hand slid between your thighs, a plea for you to come over and straddle him, so you did. You wriggled yourself comfortable without the familiar feeling of rock pushing into your inner thigh, which confused you because he was usually a goner as soon as your clothed core would simply brush against him. He trapped your head between his calloused palms, always slightly tinged black from grease. His eyes held that intensity that made you weak and they glazed over at the sight of you. You could faintly make out your silhouette in his dilated pupils and it gave you an overwhelming need to stay there, in his eyes forever. You ignored that deep darkness behind them that you always had sensed was there. You wanted to believe he was perfect, because he damn felt like it.

“Listen,” he began, clearly something important on his mind.

“Runaway with me,” you breathed, connecting foreheads.

His eye widened, his skepticism emerging and he retracted.

“Don’t,” you whimpered. “I love you Jungkook and I can’t bare the thought of not being with you for even a second please.”

He searched your face for any hint of hesitation, but there was none.

“She’s begging me now,” he chuffed with a satisfied smirk.

"I love you Jungkook,” you repeated, now unsure if he heard you the first time.

You both fell into a silence that lasted way longer than you would have liked. You hated when he did this to you, leaving you in suspense. However as much as you hated it, it also intrigued you. It was the mystery of him that had you hooked. You thought he would wail at your confession and suffocate you with his lips but instead, he stared. He was unpredictable and wavering and it tortured you. But like the masochist you were, you loved it because it was undeniably him and you were in love with him.

“Ok,” he finally said, before turning the key in the ignition.

His engine roared to life and you flopped into your seat.

“Where are we going?”

“There’s something you need to see,” he admitted.

You only nodded when he took his eyes off the road for a second to look at you. You could tell it was serious by the way his knuckles protruded clutched to the steering wheel and the way his jaw clenched and sharpened. Jungkook was intense about a lot of things, but you had never seen him before in the way he was then. His vibe wasn’t awkward or brooding or anything identifiable as Jungkook. It was like you were in the car with someone else entirely.

When Jungkook pulled up to the front of the dive bar ‘Hunt’, you were beginning to get uneasy. You knew this bar and it’s red neon sign and it’s grotty exterior. It was notorious. Your little sheltered self began to panic.

“Jungkook-”

“Do you trust me?” He interrupted, forcing eye contact.

Instantly, your racing heart calmed. Your breathing steadied. The power he had over you, unfaltered.

“With my life.”

“Good,” he kissed your forehead and smiled, “I won’t be long, stay.”

And you did. He slammed the door behind him and searched for something in his back pocket. A man sat outside the bar and Jungkook seemed to be heading straight for him. He stopped after discovering his pockets empty, his boots scraped the wet concrete as he turned and sent a wink your way. You narrowed your eyes and scoffed at his cheap attempt to be charming. As you watched Jungkook backtrack towards you through the windshield, you spotted his cigarette packet on the dashboard.You weren’t a big smoker then. Jungkook never offered and you were always too shy to ask. However it did make him smile when you’d pinch one from his packet or pull his hand towards your face for a drag of his already lit.

You helped yourself, wincing as the smoke burned your throat. You were too busy coughing and manually winding the window down to notice Jungkook slamming his boot closed. You eyes were watering a bit too much for you to see what he dragged across concrete as he walked back towards the man outside the bar. Even without these setbacks, nothing would be able to prepare or warn you for what happened next…

The man stood up once he recognised Jungkook.

“Jeon, what the fuck man you’re early?” You heard him bellow. “Suk isn’t here yet and you know he’ll run if he sees you.”

“Suk isn’t the job anymore,” Jungkook replied coolly.

Jungkook stopped directly under the neon sign. The fluorescent light shone down upon him tinting his black silhouette the colour of blood. He was shorter than the other man however his presence was stronger, more menacing, almost demonic with the red hue highlighting his frame. His back was facing you but you could just sense the stare he was giving this man. It was his infamous stare down his perfect nose, jawline protruding, with that borderline frightening smirk. You knew the look at too well. But this was different, his body language was different and you were struggling to put your finger on how. And the fear of this unknown side of Jungkook had your mind reeling.

What the fuck was going on?

“What?” the man exclaimed, “What do you mean?”

“He’s not the job anymore,” Jungkook reiterated.

His tone was so foreign to you, it made you shift uncomfortably in your seat. It was like the voice coming out of your boyfriend’s mouth wasn’t your boyfriend’s at all. It was cold and dark but not the cold and dark you’d normally associate with him. No, this tone was twisted, monotone but mocking.

“So? No job?” The man questioned apprehensively.

Jungkook chuckled. “Oh, there’s still a job.”

You were too immersed in the conversation and trying to figure out who this mystery man was. So much so, you didn’t see what Jungkook was holding. Your eyes followed his toned arms that you’d relish within when he held you, all the way down to the hands and palms you’d kiss lovingly, all the way down to the bat his hand held. A baseball bat with nails sticking out like a fucking medieval mace. Your whole body went numb.

“You.”

Before you had a chance to scream, Jungkook had swung his bat and lodged it into the man’s skull. The most sadistic noise you had ever heard left his mouth, it was like a satisfied grunt and then a manic howl. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t function or process. You just sat there and watched as the life left a man’s eyes… by your boyfriend’s hand.

As he ripped his weapon free, the man’s blood and brains sprayed everywhere, Quentin Tarantino style. If you had to vomit you swallowed it as Jungkook took another swing. The guy was dead but he took two extra blows to his chest, cackling. He was enjoying it. The blood, the gore, the violence, he seemed to indulge in his work, his sick artistry. And that’s what truly made you terrified and disgusted to the very core.

You were frozen. Every fibre of your being was screaming at you to run, but you couldn’t as if the shock and adrenaline stunted your movements. All you could do was sit there and watch as Jungkook continued to maim a dead body, hitting it over and over, blood and flesh flying everywhere. If you could speak you would scream for him to stop, despite the fact he probably wouldn’t in his crazed trance. A few more blows to the stomach and he stopped, hovering over the human he just mutilated. His chest was heaving as he wiped his forehead with the back of his bloody hand, smearing his face red.

To say you were beyond horrified was an understatement. You found your hand itching the door handle, sensing your fight or flight mode kicking in. You only had a few seconds, you calculated. Assessing your surroundings, you figured your best shot was to run down the alleyway onto the main road screaming bloody murder, literally. You almost followed through, almost, until you realised there was no way you’d be able to outrun him. He was the star batter of the baseball team until he got kicked out of the team for starting a fight with the pitcher. He would catch you within seconds and there would be no way you’d be able to get away. He was the star wrestler until he got kicked out of the wrestling team for breaking a kid’s arm during a match. You started to panic, the only thought running through your mind being that the love of your life was about to kill you.

Your few seconds were up. As he turned to you in a snap and stormed closer, you had accepted your fate. Jungkook attempted to open your locked door and you refused to look out your window to see the disappointed look on his face. You heard him sigh and then rummage for the car keys. You winced as he slowly jiggled the key into the lock and opened the door. You still couldn’t look at him, not until his hands were on you and you were pressed up against the car door. It took every fibre of your being not to breakdown under his crazed gaze. He was even more terrifying up close, especially because he was suddenly so damn calm, as if he could snap at any moment. You willed yourself not to shake in his grasp.

“Say it again,” he mumbled.

“W-w-wha-”

“SAY IT AGAIN!”

And there it was. You would have jumped out of his grasp if he wasn’t holding you so tightly. He then grabbed a handful of your hair and cupped your face with the other hand. The blood was everywhere, all over you, the stench of copper too strong to deny was real. You really couldn’t hold it in any longer. So, you cried.

“Tell me again baby. Just- ah FUCK,” Jungkook bellowed before wiping your tears with bloody fingers. “Tell me again, those three little words. I need to hear them again.”

“I love you,” you croaked.

He smiled, that toothy grin you had fallen in love with. You choked on a sob, seeing that same smile on a blood smeared face, completely tainted. He stroked your face and cheeks affectionately, as if he wasn’t painting your face red. You naturally squirmed but tried your best to keep those reflexes at bay and unnoticed. However, surely, you could have spat in his face and he wouldn’t pay any mind to it. He was completely delirious, high off adrenaline from just taking a life and drunk in his love for you.

“I love you too.”

And then his lips were on yours, his tongue in your mouth. You reluctantly followed his lead in the kiss, overwhelmed with the smell and taste of metal, digging your nails into his biceps to stop the tears from falling. He broke away eventually and knocked his wet forehead against yours to rest. The feeling of overwhelming heartbreak was the last thing you had expected after hearing those three little words.

*

The four boys stared at you in silence for a good minute. You were pretty sure you heard Yoongi mutter a ‘fuck’ under his breath but you all ignored it. You really needed them to say something soon or you were sure a panic attack would be due. However, what could you expect them to say after you just told your best friends of two years that you dated a murderer?

“Wait. Did you say Jeon?!” Yoongi questioned.

You nodded.

“As in Jeon Jungkook?” Yoongi questioned further.

You nodded again.

"Jeon Jungkook? The heir to the most infamous drug cartel in the world? That Jeon Jungkook?” Yoongi questioned for a third time.

You nodded for a third time.

“Holy shit ____!” Taehyung chimed in, in an almost disappointed tone.

“Look, I sent him to prison!”

“How?!” Jimin asked, wide eyed.

You sighed, that bit of information was why Jungkook had been a secret for so long. Everyone knew he was in prison but no one knew why or how and that was because, if people knew, it was your ass and your life on the line. But, you had come this far and they deserved the whole truth.

“I told him we should run away the next day, as soon as we could but he told me he had some business he needed to take care of first and we would leave after said business, which, now I knew what that was exactly. So, I ran to my parents and got them to send an anonymous tip on my behalf, so there was no way it could be traced back to me,” you explained.

You glanced at Taehyung, ready for the ‘princess running to mummy and daddy’ dig, but it never came. So you continued.

“At first it was a drug bust, he got done for possession with intent to supply class A drugs but once they searched his car they found enough evidence to link him to at least four murders.”

In that moment you turned to Hoseok and you wished you didn’t. He had the most shocked expression on his face and you had no idea why you had expected any different. So, you turned your attention back to Yoongi who managed to hold a disinterested expression the whole time.

“Jesus,” he mumbled.

Despite those few little remarks intended to go unnoticed.

“You did the right thing, ____,” Jimin attempted to comfort you, placing a hand on your knee.

You were grateful for the reassurance however it didn’t help the fact you had to uncomfortably live your wretched past. You thought you’d feel better being honest with your friends but instead it made you feel disgusted. You guessed that you never truly mourned the loss of Jungkook. You were just forced to forget him and pretend he never existed. And that never allowed you to come to terms with the fact that the man who you thought was the love of your life was not who you thought he was entirely.

“Ok so, what did this whole story have to do with the guy from before?” Taehyung asked.

“That was Jungkook’s brother, you idiot. Weren’t you listening?” Jimin reprimanded.

Taehyung was about to rebut but you interrupted this time.

“It turns out the secret’s out and he’s off to tell Jungkook.”

“We’ll keep you as safe as we can ____,” Yoongi pledged to you.

“Of course,” Taehyung chimed in. “But, he’s in jail? What can he do?”

Yoongi shot him a look of annoyance. “You really weren’t listening to the story, were you?”

“His family are powerful Tae, more powerful than all of ours combined,” Jimin connected the dots for him. “If they know ____ was the reason their precious heir is rotting in jail, she’s in a lot of  danger-”

“I’m not,” you interrupted.

All the boys looked at you like you were out of your mind.

“The Jeon brothers keep their affairs to themselves,” you explained. “They hardly ever get their family involved, they’re too proud to run to mum and dad.” Unlike me, you almost added.

“Let’s hope so,” Yoongi sighed.

“And with Jungkook in prison, Jin can handle Namjoon,” you stated, staring at Yoongi who knew that statement about your brother to be true and he nodded.

There was a brief silence until Hoseok jumped up with a huff.

“Although you are safe, here, with us. I better check all the doors are locked and there aren’t any stranglers,” he said with a small smile.

You returned it and reluctantly let him slip his hand free from yours. “Ok Hobi.”

“I’ll come help you,” Yoongi offered, knowing Hoseok’s home was too big to cover alone.

As soon as the oldest boys left, Taehyung crawled up to where Hoseok was lying and tucked himself in. Jimin tapped your thigh, signalling for you to move over so he could do the same on the other side of you. You got yourself comfortable. Sandwiched between your two best friends, gave you the strongest sense of security and relief that you hadn’t felt in a while.

“You are an amazing brave girl and we’re gonna make sure that that monster- or any other monster like him won’t touch you ever again,” Jimin whispered to you before resting his head on your back. You looked at Taehyung and he nodded in agreement.

Goddamn, you loved them. You wished you could spend forever coddled by them, you wished you could believe them. But, you couldn’t shake the feeling that, this time, you couldn’t just shove the memory of Jungkook aside. And that his chapter in your life was far from over.

next chapter

[financevisionary]

I spent $147 on a juice cleanse — here`s why I`ll never do it again

After an outrageously harmful 4th of July weekend break in Cape Cod, I felt the need to 'purify.'

So considerably to make sure that I did something in drastic opposition to my ordinarily frugal budgeting ideology: Monday afternoon, I handed over my credit card details in return for $147 well worth of cool pressed juice.

Rather impulsively, I had actually dedicated to Liquiteria's 'Level 2: Recover as well as Re-energize' juice cleanse, meaninged that surviving on 760 calories of pushed fruits and veggies for three straight days.

The means juicing jobs is straightforward: Locate a local juice bar that provides cleanses, decide on the length and also type of purify (one-day and three-day are the most prominent, and also there are various levels of cleanses depending on your encounter), grab the order, and change each of your meals with juice. Normally, cleans are composed of 6 containers each day, with diverse flavors.

I chose out of Liquiteria's 'level 1' clean for novices, as well as went straight for the seasoned track. I am much from knowledgeable, as well as this decision would come back to bite me.

I picked up my goodies later on that night. Here's exactly just what my $147 went towards:

18 complete containers of juice (six each day):

6 containers of the 'all veggies' juice, featuring kale, spinach, romaine, parsley, celery, and also cucumber (two every day, 60 calories each)

6 containers of the 'all environment-friendlies with lemon and also ginger,' including the same 'all veggies' veggies with lemon and ginger (two daily, 130 calories each)

3 containers of the 'skin trip' juice, showcasing carrot, spinach, cucumber, and blueberry (one per day, 180 calories each)

3 containers of the 'mr. B' juice, showcasing carrot, beet, ginger, orange, as well as pineapple (one each day, 200 calories each)

2280 calories for the 3 days (760 each day)

The bags of juice really did not featured any type of directions beyond the numbers classified on the top of the containers, yet Liquiteria's site offered suggestions for individuals mid-cleanse, such as participating in light exercise, sweating in a sauna, and consuming your body weight in ounces of water.

Since there didn't seem to be any stringent guidelines, I picked 2 rules for myself: No early morning coffee for the next three days, as well as one bottle of juice every 2 and a half hrs (spaced out from 8:30 a.m. to 9 p.m.).

My self-imposed guidelines lasted up until 5 p.m. on day 1.

While I awakened in high spirits to begin the clean, morale faded as I literally faded. I was 4 juices deep when I began to obtain the trembles and really feel light-headed, forcing me to eat a granola bar as well as a banana in order to make it via the remainder of the job day.

Day 1's failure forced me to reassess my cleanse as well as just what I wanted to get out of it. I launched 2 changes to my regulations in order to improve the general encounter: one early morning coffee as well as one mid-day banana would be allowed, as well as I would consume sporadically - as I became hungry - as opposed to complying with a calculated schedule.

I likewise prolonged my three-day purify to four days. It was challenging consuming so significantly fluid throughout the week as well as I finished up with adequate added juice to do so (I additionally really felt guilty for day 1's granola bar fault).

While I really did not adhere to the strict, no-coffee and no-solids purify that I lay out to do, I came to terms with my modifications. After all, the cleanse was for me, with the intent of making me feel more healthy as well as a lot more energized.

I endured the 4 days, but below's why I would never do it again:

1. The price. $147 is extreme for any person, not to mention a 22-year aged reporter. Also if the juice clean is a lot more budget-friendly for me later in life, I will never ever have the ability to validate investing that amount of money on 18 bottles of juice.

When I spend on food, I do it for the social aspect as high as I provide for dietary functions. For me, consuming indicates communicating with individuals as well as building relationships. I periodically look at my every week food spending plan (as I did this week), however it's typically because I selected to eat in restaurants with the purpose of mingling, or to try brand-new foods as well as dining establishments.

Not just did I not get any sort of attractive or photo-worthy dishes from my $147, but I spent an extreme quantity of money to sip in solitude.

2. The experience. Subsisting on about 760 calories of juice (with the occasional banana) daily did not feel healthy and balanced, normal, or organic.

Drinking huge volumes of juice does a weird point - it tricks your physical body into thinking you're complete, even when you have actually consumed well under the suggested day-to-day amount of calories. I rarely felt hungry. Minority times I heard my stomach whine, I took a few gulps of juice as well as my cravings was immediately minimized. This seemed much from healthy.

The clean additionally tinkered my day-to-day program. Since I was eating so couple of calories, I really felt too worried to run like I generally would. I still walked the 3.2 mile big salami to and from work, however that was the only component of my day-to-day that was normal during the purify.

3. The flavor. The preference started out great - I didn't love it or despise it - however as the week progressed, my indifference about the taste escalated to disgust.

Not only did I yearn to chew real food, however I could not beverage the sticking around, as well as repellent, veggie aftertaste. I finished up needing to conceptualize creative approaches in order to require the juice down, such eating on gum in between bottles as well as utilizing a straw to make the encounter more fun.

4. The lack of clinical evidence. There is very little study out there assisting the juice diet, as well as several nutritionists suggest that juice cleanses are in fact dangerous.

What's much more, evidently our physical body is excellent at doing just exactly what the juice cleanse intends to do. 'Our body has an excellent detoxifying system built in: our kidneys as well as liver,' described Lauren Blake, a signed up dietitian with The Ohio State College Wexner Medical Facility in an US Information as well as World Record post.

5. The lack of purpose. My purpose didn't prolong significantly past really feeling an urge to clean. While my rash choice making the acquisition was mostly my fault, a component of it was the feeling society has developed around cleaning. I really felt undesirable after the weekend of the 4th, as well as my instinct was to do a juice clean. I instantly connected juice clean with 'removing toxins' and also 'detoxifying my physical body,' yet there is no science to back those cases.

Having persuaded myself that I would certainly never ever clean once again, I started believing concerning the appeal of the juice diet regimen. Why are they trending? And that could be the response - they're stylish, a status sign of types. I couldn't help however ask yourself if they would be less popular if they were less costly.

[4jaye]

Shadowhunters 2x18 Awake Arise or be Forever Fallen

Malec moments were some of the most honest and authentic I've witnessed. Their sequence was both effective and telling by giving us a snapshot into the development of their emotional journey. It had become important to see that evolution; and the care they took in presenting their previously untold story was spot on. But more on this in a bit. Magnus' anger toward Alec's mea culpa continued to manifest itself almost to the destruction of his own carefully guarded soul, in a manner that made him almost unrecognizable. The person I saw before the Seelie queen wasn't the Magnus we have grown to know and love. This was not someone assertive and with strength of character or conviction. His appearance seemed more of a weakened shell of a man whose agency had taken leave. It was quite painful to watch tbh. The title, awake and arise or be forever fallen seemed a befitting mantle specifically significant to Magnus in this situation. He seemed to be 'asleep' and 'resting' and therefore 'fallen'--fallen and lost in his own insecurities. Fallen in his duties to be a strong leader. Lost in space and in a place questioning where he belonged and where to place his loyalties. Lost in an indecision of better or best. Fallen to fear instead of faith.  It's understandable of course why he's not focused. Alec's withholding important information on top of the ongoing PTSD has taken some sort of toll I suspect.

It was important to trace the path of Malec's 'state of the union'. It seemed appropriate to delve a bit more into how this relationship was nurtured and cultivated for one thing. And for another it showcased the tremendous growth of Alexander. And so the Malec goodies began with a flashback of the first stirrings of unsure and unidentified feelings, complete with statements of and about trust from both of them--it is the foundation of their journey. Each admitting trusting the other. And it's that very important trait that, juxtaposed with their present situation, that makes Alec's perceived betrayal even more hurtful and meaningful for Magnus. What beautifully done scenes we had tracing these Malec baby [step] to the ultimate big step. Even with their current drama of pain and sadness, what is clear is that they belong. Their words yes, but more important is the look on their faces. There is no other love for either of them, they are North star. They are the one and only, the first and last to each other. No question, no uncertainty, no examination of feelings about that reality. In the flashback the teasing about too much to drink and their respective reputation came first in a scene with underlying humor. By the time we were shown their mesmerizing first time together, I was catatonic. There was full participation no matter how reluctant and worried Magnus was previously. Watching them in complete abandon, caution gone, hurriedly discarding clothes and boots, giggling because of the earnest clumsiness and downright eagerness of what was about to happen. Magnus pulling Alec's t-shirt off in swift fashion. Them moving progressively toward the sanctity of the bed, foreheads touching mouths eager for kisses, not wanting to break contact. The staccato pants, the breathlessness, the sheer wonder and delight of bodies touching. The lust, the longing, the anticipation of being together and discovering places all over the body to adore or maybe one special spot that require devotion between kisses and touches. The finality of being inside, hiding within--savoring the warmth, the tightness. The nervous energy, the self doubt in foreplay activity, yet confidence in need and want, the wonderment of teacher and pupil, the amazement of experimenting and learning. Magnus' moment of panic and fear of an uncontrollable urge that could either be meaningful or detrimental to the developing intimacy. Their yearning, their determined movements--some subtle, some full, but open and on display on their own private island, and all done in spectacular fashion. Magnus' moment of honesty, timidity, concern and vulnerability came when revealing those eyes, those cat eyes, those incredible cat eyes. It was raw and unexpected. What Alec said in awe ... "they're beautiful, you're beautiful" dispelled any and all fear of rejection for Magnus and was frankly a climatic moment for me. Damn you Alexander Lightwood, bless you my boy. Acceptance and validation, whether Magnus needed it or not, it was a gift not foreseen or anticipated but damn sure welcomed. I can only imagine how Magnus must have fought for control as he navigated his love making with his beautiful virgin. It was all there in those four minutes of pleasurable viewing. You saw it too, didn't ya? In their last scene a tearful Alec apologized to Magnus and once again confessed his love and confidence that whatever their differences they could work it out. Whilst Magnus did acknowledge his love for Alec he could not agree with Alec that they could solve problems together. Not because he didn't believe that they could fundamentally, but due to timing--not necessarily circumstance. It's important to note that Magnus' concern is the queen's ultimatum not his love for Alec. His response requires heavy thinking and as clear a head as possible as he weighs his options. At no time did Magus indicate that he didn't want to be with Alec. Magnus' problem now is figuring out what words he needs to use to tell the queen to go fuck herself. The significance of Magnus' reminiscing with Omamori in hand was not lost on me. It served as a reminder of what Magnus would sacrifice or embrace depending on his choice. Leadership has its burdens. Luke, Alec and Magnus' choices affect lives. Being a good and effective leader has to have a component of 'compassion'. Whereas Luke, Magnus and Alec decision is humanity based, I believe the Seelies are not. Their outlook seem self satisfying and fickle--loose, non-binding and ultimately self-serving, not at all for the good of many. They're on the winning side only because of their passive involvement--that wait and see type thing--minimum input and maximum hot air. It's for this reason (and others) that I believe that Magnus has already internally made his choice of which there are two--the true and truer and both are all about Alec. One truth where he knows who he ought to side with but doesn't want to and the other where he has no choice in who he sides with. Lovely, lovey episode.

[weblistposting-blog]

New Post has been published on Weblistposting

New Post has been published on https://weblistposting.com/why-some-people-crave-goodies-extra-than-others/

Why some people crave goodies extra than others

It’s that time of the night time once more: it’s been some hours since dinner and now your belly is starting to rumble. Your hunger senses are tingling and those insatiable cravings pressure your thoughts to wander into the world Extensive Net of snacks.

Crave Goodies 

Us weekly

But what are you craving: is it candy or is it savory? Have you ever wondered why a few people have an aversion to candies while others seem to devour, stay and breathe sugar? Curiously sufficient, the answer lies in our genetic makeup.

Earlier than we delve into understanding why a few human beings have more of a sweet tooth than others, we need to speak about why we have a “sweet tooth” in the first place.

The reason why humans like sweet ingredients stem from our instinctual senses. For animals, sweet meals are attractive because the sugar inside goodies is high in energy, which then interprets to a chemical signal for nutrients. extra nutrients then correlate to a creature’s survival. Furthermore, animals can come across those ingredients as a sign of protection because sweet things in nature typically are not poisonous.

Animals, humans blanketed, make use of this candy sense as a means of survival. This then increases a query about the inconsistency among humans having a large sweet enamel and those who don’t as an awful lot.

A latest have a look at performed by way of Monell and the QIMR Berghofer Research Institute indicates that an unmarried set of genes in each person impacts his or her belief of sweet tastes. A lead researcher in the look at, Danielle Reed, compares one’s genetic inclinations toward sweets as similar to someone born with a listening to the obstacle.

Simply as a person who’s born with a hearing impediment may also want to concentrate on music at a better volume, someone with a weaker flavor for goodies may also crave added sugars in their weight loss plan because they aren’t as sensitive to them.

Certain people are clearly born with the incapability to meet his or her taste for sweets. these people then need to devour more to satisfy their cravings. The versions in people’s taste receptor genes rationalize why a few people select candies than others.

But while senses vary from character to character, they also range between one of a kind age businesses. A one not unusual piece of know-how is that youngsters generally tend to like sweeter ingredients more than adults do. This concept is likewise based on genetics.

youngsters’ robust options in the direction of ingredients extremely high in sugar are connected to their development. Related to the survival instincts that reason animals to crave sugar for its excessive caloric and nutrient intake, children desire sugars because they are nevertheless developing. From an evolutionary point of view, youngsters with a higher caloric consumption are much more likely to survive thanks to receiving enough nutrients.

The Monell study also located that there is not tons proof that hyperlinks environmental influence with someone’s belief of sweetness. This finding discredits the perception that individuals who are exposed to extra candies are more likely to have a bigger “sweet tooth.”

With all of this new fact discovered about our sugar consumption, scientists were gaining knowledge of ways in which people can fight an excessive amount of sugar in their diets. There are numerous dangerous consequences of ingesting an excessive amount of sugar which can have an effect on your frame each externally and internally. The human yearning for sugar, still innate as a result of our evolution, now not serves us the identical cause that it did inside the beyond, at least not the massive quantity that Americans devour on average.

The sugar within meals nowadays is not the identical natural and helpful sugar as turned into present inside the environmental fruits and such. The synthetic sugars within meals today probably have cancer-causing sellers and are not healthy resources of nutrients. With this new information, scientists now have the hazard to higher apprehend human cravings and pioneer approaches to pacify those senses for the betterment of our fitness.

Yearning candies? Weaning Your self Off Sugar

Inside Edition

One of the hardest conduct to interrupt is the addition to learning goodies. Pressure, vacations, vacations, weekends, fatigue, emotional highs or lows are all distinctive reasons that I start to crave cookies, chocolate, donuts, ice cream or soda. Yum! Yes, I may be a sugar-catholic and mainly around the holidays, boy does I pay a rate! From my candy indulgences, no matter how small, it sets up the cycle for yearning sugar. Consuming sugar compromises the immune machine and the waistline so getting lower back into exact Eating behavior and getting the sugar out of the residence is constantly a difficult However top precedence! Our brains and our bodies are mind-blowing machines and as soon as we intoxicate our flavor buds with these types of terrific goodies, our cells and our brain start a cycle of yearning sweets!

Humans clearly crave sweet flavors and while we do it’s simplest to reach for a sweet bar or a cookie. it is compact, it’s brief and it’s fulfilling! yearning goodies stand up out of our bodies need for electricity. While you feel worn-out and you consume sugar, your body converts the sugar to glucose which fuels our cells and offers a lift. This rush of electricity is often followed via a crash and we feel tired, hence sending us on a roller coaster ride of learning extra sugar to create short strength, accompanied by every other crash.

Sugar is a simple carbohydrate. while we consume sugar, our pancreas secretes insulin and converts it to glucose, which receives stored in our cells for energy. while our cells are full and don’t want extra, it receives stored as fats. So one can convert the glucose to fats, the frame produces greater insulin. those regular spikes in our blood sugar tiers motive the sugar molecules to connect to proteins, that can harm cellular walls. The damage ends in irritation and irritation compromises the immune machine. This cycle can leave us feeling lethargic, worn-out, and hungry. It additionally units the frame up for an entire host of sicknesses.

Now carbohydrates have actually gotten a bad rap over the past decade as excessive protein, low carb diets have come to be the rage. However, not all carbs are alike! simple carbs are located in processed food, white bread, pasta, candy, cookies, pie, soda, fruit drinks, and so forth. easy carbs also are found in fruit. But, end result also is high in fiber. Fiber slows digestion and the quantity of sugar that flows into our cells. Fruit is likewise complete of micronutrients that work synergistically inside our-our bodies to produce a bunch of different blessings, especially inside the usage and absorption of vitamins and minerals. the end result, specifical berries, are also excessive in antioxidants.

Complicated carbohydrates are found in veggies and complete profits. The sugar is sure in the meals’ fiber. The body approaches the sugar by means of breaking down the fiber. This takes time allowing the sugars to be absorbed into the bloodstream at a regular rate. This affords the durable energy you want to get through your day!

crave definition

To wean Yourself off the sugar, you need to be prepared with something to attain for when the yearning hits you. Under is my pass to recipe for something pleasing whilst I’m trying to quell my sugar urges. Try to contain a few sweeter vegetables into your eating regimen I.E. organic corn, carrots, beets, candy potatoes, butternut squash. Get some fruit inside the house, and reduce it into chunk length slices. Apple slices with some almond butter are delicious and easy. Blend your almond butter or peanut butter with chocolate protein powder for a Nutella-like treat. You can update your sweetener with stevia, coconut sugar or crystalline fructose from beets, rice or low glycemic fruit. You could also devour high-quality darkish chocolate (70% cocoa), which has less sugar than regular chocolate. Freeze chunk size bananas or berries and eat them as opposed to dessert after dinner. I have also observed that one or dates are very pleasant. I’m a massive fan of protein smoothies for breakfast or an afternoon picks out me up with clean fruit and almond milk. You may even add a shot of coffee in your vanilla or chocolate protein smoothie! Below is a recipe for protein truffle balls. I make these in batches and freeze them. That is what I attain for while I’m craving candies.

[journeytopk-blog]

Free For Honor Steel Hack

There was associate degree interview on Radio four with associate degree ex-boxer recently, within which she spoke regarding the peculiar nature of the game. One issue she same very stood out “Boxing teaches you to use violence as a resource.” That phrase describes the expertise of taking part in For Honor as good as. this is often a game regarding learning to use deadly force so as to navigate through a world wherever nothing else matters however conflict. For Honor has the purity, depth and bloody grace of a self-protection.

The set-up is actually as straightforward as a sport. The player selects from 3 war-ridden factions – the knights, the samurai and also the vikings, then fights everybody else, either within the single-player mode or on-line. the previous is effectively a keep fit exercise, teaching you the fundamentals of combat, likewise because the special-move sets specific to all or any of the on the market categories of person, unlockable throughout play. there's a sort of story, regarding factions battling to manage land and food, but really, you’re simply stomping through a series of superbly completed historical environments bludgeoning individuals, whereas yearning for collectibles (this may be a Ubisoft game when all). It’s basic stuff, however it will feature a spread of exciting set-piece encounters from castle sieges to village raids, all drawn in gritty, pulverising detail.

The fighting system may be a heap of fun to find out, mixture the combo-building of a 2nd fighting game like Street Fighter, with the additional military science battle royal combat of sims like Mount and Blade and Blade Symphony. hit the left trigger puts you into a guard stance from that you'll be able to deflect incoming weapon blows, victimisation the correct analogue continue regulate your blade’s position (high, left or right) looking on the direction of the incoming attack. Onscreen prompts show you wherever associate degree opponent goes to strike, therefore it’s regarding reading those indicators quickly enough, before setting your own attacks in motion.

From here, the right button provides a light attack, while the trigger goes heavy. You can also string combinations of those two together – along with the dodge command and left analogue stick movements – to create much more elaborate attacks from super-fast strikes to unblockable shoulder barges that leave your foe breathless and crumpled. Much of the skill is in learning the rhythm of every movement, timing the button presses perfectly so moves string together into a cavalcade of sword-swirling, limb-hacking manoeuvres. You also need to learn the guard break move to push an enemy (off a bridge if you’re lucky), and the various special “feats”, a range of power-ups including health bonuses, grenades and bows.

As you slog through the story mode you level up and grab loot, which gives access to new weapons, armour and cosmetic items. You also earn a currency called steel, which you can spend on unlocking new character classes or on scavenging gear – effectively packs of random items. This currency can, of course, also be bought with real cash if you don’t want to put in hours of fighting to earn your keep; and although some have complained that the game is stingy with its earned monies, this is a game about fighting and learning and then fighting some more, and patience is terribly abundant half of that.

The multiplayer component of For Honor takes place amid a world faction war, wherever every match in each mode contributes toward associate degree dynamical territorial battle between the 3 person clans. Territorial management shifts daily, with major weekly updates; at the tip of a season, the winner is proclaimed and players whose characters represent the victorious faction win customisation things and alternative goodies. It’s a stimulating thanks to add significance to the web battles, particularly as it’s multiplatform, encompassing all laptop, PS4 and Xbox One matches.

As for the modes themselves, there’s Dominion, a Conquest-style four v four face-off to manage objective points, a regular deathmatch and also the duel and brawl modes that pitch you into one-on-one or two-on-two cage fights. They’re difficult, extremely physical and rewardful, forcing you into much longer, more tactical engagements with other players that we’re used to from first-person shooters. In this game, you need to face each other, probe for tactical weaknesses, think about positioning, timing, the environment and whether you can realistically come out alive. The combat is densely physical, brutish and crunching, the detailed character models sparring with incredible muscular grace. Every encounter feels epic and deadly.

On a technical level, we didn’t encounter any networking issues through our several days with the game, which suggests Ubisoft has patched things up significantly after a nervy beta period. However, sometimes matches were sparsely populated, relying on bots to make up the numbers, which is not great for a game in its opening months. At this stage, it’s additional doubtless to be a matchmaking issue rather than a dearth of players.

For Honor exhibits a rare purity of vision – the result maybe of designer Jason VandenBerghe’s 10-year quest to urge it created. it's so a desirable game for those that take the fighting genre seriously. It isn’t a belligerent, it isn’t Street Fighter and it isn’t Mount and Blade – it exists somewhere between all 3, and it demands that players develop a broad vary of skills to master its armoury.

You will relish For Honor additional if you'll be able to kind a kin with friends and support one another properly, however even for casual swordsmen and swordswomen it's abundant to supply. Yes, the real-money system is bothersome, however it’s a reality of the trendy business that we’re likely to possess to measure with, and everything that you simply should buy with money will eventually be earned  through doing what the sport desires you to do; learning to manage and administer the resource of violence against ever additional testing enemies.