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folkstudies · 7 years

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College Personalities Masterpost

[This is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, and I get that everyone will have a different opinion. No offense intended!]

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Universities

Harvard: The Stanford of the East. They go to Harvard, sweaty :))), and will make sure you know it. Senator’s sons: brash, smart, and never loved enough as children. Marxists who will graduate only to become CEOs. High School Salutatorians.

Yale: Power gays and hyperfocused law students. Secret societies, a housing system like Hogwarts’s, and a fistful of adderall in every pocket. High School Valedictorians.

Dartmouth: Frat guys, athletic stoners, and upper middle class mountaineers. Imagine a Penn student who spends their summer semester at Brown, vaping their way through business school.

Penn: Future opioid abusing bankers, who party hard but have enough connections to compensate for their academic performance. Like Dartmouth but not as chill; like Princeton but not as prissy.

Brown: They would have went to Berkeley, but Mother insisted on an Ivy. Blue hair, red flannel, white skin. They’ve got universal pass fail but it’s taboo to take advantage of the system. The creative version of every subject–their CompSci students go to Pixar and their Biomed students go to Calico.

Cornell: Engineers from old money families and Conrad Hilton fanboys. Are they depressed because they live in Ithaca or because of their crushing workloads? Teenage Kurt Vonneguts. Wealthy, but it’s not always obvious.

Columbia: In a one sided dick measuring contest with Yale. Heavy workloads, heavy drinking. Erudite, ambitious (and they know it). The angel to NYU’s devil. A fast track to the New York Times and Wall Street Journal.

Princeton: Secretly thinks Harvard is for the impoverished. Eating clubs. Well developed Econ and Math departments, but UChicago is catching up. Great undergraduate teaching, especially if you fit in with the culture.

Stanford: They’d have gone to Harvard, but California is the closest thing Earth’s got to Eden and Massachusetts is…clammy. Massive startup culture. Duck syndrome and stress culture. Elitist, especially about class and status, but somehow gets a pass.

Caltech: “Hey MIT, we’re you but stronger.” Pretends that test scores trump all other metrics of success, because they’re *Number One at the SAT, baby.* Something of a male dominated culture, lighthearted.

MIT: Robotics, engineering, business, and math. 90s computer nerd aesthetic but in an ironic way. Sunlight averse. 1) study hard 2) ??? 3) profit

Duke: Beautifully gothic. Has successfully implemented a caste system, albeit informally. Intelligent, southern socialites. United by basketball, divided by highschool-esque cliques.

UChicago: Will fight the Ivies on sight. Very good at Econ and Law with an intense classical “core” curriculum. Have your weekly panic attack in a stunning glass egg-inspired library. “If you study hard enough you can become God.”

Vanderbilt: The scent of Tennessee honey in the trees. Frat culture. Los Angeles’s beauty standards, Mississippi’s snark.

Johns Hopkins: Students are required to duel you if you call it “John Hopkin’s.” People who have been premed since third grade. Academically intense without being prestige obsessed–I’d cautiously call it “well balanced.” They’re there to become doctors and medical researchers, period.

Berkeley: Study while a riot between Trump Supporters and Antifa rages outside. If Calculus III has you down and depressed, pick up a can of mace and assault somebody. Competes with Stanford, is the champion of Public Universities. Insanely expensive area to live in. Most students are too absorbed in their academics (read: 3.3 GPA CompSci qualifier) to worry about much else.

UMich: Berkeley but with snow. Ann Arbor is as good as college towns get, but has almost dangerous levels of school spirit. International students with $4k apartments and $850 winter coats. “Harvard waitlisted me but I’m not even mad.”

UCLA: Everyone is a former premed. Valley girls and the Asian students they make problematic comments about. Frat guys lost in a scary world where you can’t pass a midterm with a hangover. Cal’s politically stable cousin.

USC: “The University of Spoiled Children” still rings true sometimes, but not as much anymore. There are some seriously competitive academic programs hidden behind Los Angeles’s gauzy party culture. Loyal alumni.

WUSTL: Cooperative with a competitive biology program. Low school spirit, largely because their last star athlete graduated in 1943. Prominent STEM culture, but not exactly nerdy. A midwestern fusion of Brown and Columbia.

Carnegie Mellon: UPitt’s smaller, bourgeois sister. Cliquey nerds–a Drama student would rather die than speak with an Engineer, and visa versa. CompSci champions.

Northwestern: Nerdwestern and Northwasted. They went to private high schools and it’s obvious. Show up to your Art History final drunk on rosé. A version of UChicago where you won’t get mugged on campus.

UWash: Architecture designed by Athena herself. The premed children of Microsoft engineers. White boys wearing colored socks and Nike sandals. Washington rains endlessly with the tears of tormented Amazon employees.

Rice: A refreshing dose of New England in the depths of Texas. “Hmm, Rice? I’ve never heard of it!” Spanish architecture, conquistador vibes. You’ve got a fair chance of finding the library packed at 1am, depending on what week it is. The MIT of the South.

Penn State: Drinking school with a football problem. Parties harder than Miami U. Not really bothered that they get confused with UPenn. Mild frat culture.

Boston University: Rich girls and self centered frat bros. Hipsters and hipster engineers. Athletes in the CGS (“Crayons, Glue, and Scissors”) school. Wealthy slackers who will regale you with tales of Martha’s Vineyard over break.

UVA: Preppy but not on purpose. Public school snobs. Southern-ish and definitely conservative. DC kids with a seemingly endless flow of money from home. The wealthiest, whitest school that’s not called Harvard.

LACs

Williams: Oxford and Harvard’s laid back son. Amherst can suck a dick. The bourgeois version of outdoorsy. Sports culture despite not being in a major division.

Amherst: Prelaw or business. Pastel polos, party drugs, and a general Gilded Age aesthetic. General distaste for the hoi polloi.

Swarthmore: “Swatkward.” Highly academic atmosphere, no time for social skills. Beautiful leafy campus. UPenn students aren’t shit compared to us. Stress culture so intense it would make a UChicago student weep.

Tufts: Don’t ask us if we got denied at the Ivies. Friendly, midsize school that maintains the atmosphere of an LAC. Very good International Relations and Philosophy (Dr. Daniel Dennett!) programs.

Reed: Swarthmore but with a lot of LSD. Atheism, communism, and free love. No one here knows a goddamn thing about sex ed. Nuclear reactor that students can train to work at.

Grinnell: Brown’s midwestern cousin. Concrete, glass, and corn. Well developed STEM programs, especially for an LAC. Close knit community, extreme hookup culture. Quirky. Emphasis on writing skill. Gigantic per-student endowment.

Carleton: Trimester system that intensifies the academic culture. Cold winters, warm hearts. Parties more than a typical LAC but there’s still a sense of awkwardness. The smart version of eccentric. Mini Northwestern.

Bowdoin: Not a single person here has ever known a moment of hardship. Dining hall food that could earn a Michelin star. Rich, white, and cliquey. A pretty significant “old sport” culture. Everyone pays full tuition.

Pomona: Like a university packaged as an LAC. All the benefits of California, located next to the Greatest American City—Los Angeles. Large endowment, lots of opportunities. Flagship of the Claremont colleges. Mini Stanford.

Harvey Mudd: A tiny population of quirky engineers. The one true STEM LAC. Mini MIT. Male dominated, socially awkward, highly academic.

Middlebury: Bourgeoisie teenagers in the wilderness. Has a reputation for excellent language programs despite that fame stemming largely from summer specific programs. Quirky, in a reserved way. An amalgam of Dartmouth and Columbia.

Oberlin: What conservatives think liberals are like. A dot of blue in a sea of red. Theatre, music, and dance. “My parents are making me double major in Econ.”

#appblr #college #studyblr #masterpost #mine #ivy league

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ligbi · 7 years

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Animorphs Liveblog #1

I borrowed Animorphs from some friends and liveblogged my thoughts for them. I thought some tumblr folks may enjoy them as well. Animorph content warning for fucked up shit. For kids!

The Invasion 1996 Jake is a Lizard, and this weird CG render of him in a shoe is actually pretty damn good for the time. I forgot about the flipbook corners.

Everything I tell you is a lie, but you have to believe me The Andalites promised they'd rescue us, and knowing what I know I do not believe that a smidge Marco and Jake already already friends, Tobias is a new, awkward guy, Rachel is Jake's tall cool cousin, and Cassie is black and 'mythical' So begins the heteros Tell me more about Jake's brother Tom and how you two have become distant Cool one sentence into each girl and I love them both already. Fuck the patriarchy! But also being a girl in public is scary Ha. Ax murderers.at the construction site. Ax. They're 13 right? Babies but also I call bullshit on towns with walking distance malls Marco was right Jake the idiot Shit wait which one dies how bad will I regret reading this? I get Tobias man. Looking at that sky. Also Cassie just "ufo" Marco is looking to make a buck off a ufo sighting. Okay Jake is a dweeb so says Marco Oh no baby bird you're clearly the best dude curse eager bird men We all just stood there like fools Hey the ship is burned and some of it has been melted! Also blue lights because all technology has glowing blue lights Jake's family has a minivan (oh god these are small children), and Marco wants to be on Letterman. Letterman Oh god right it's '96 you have to Go Somewhere to Call Someone. Wow 96 was I was 5 I just turned 27 Technology Rachel wants to Solve the spaceship and Cassie points out Star Trek is monolinguistic. As with all series, Girls. Blue deer-taur with no real mouth and extra eyes on stalks with scorpion tail. I've been meaning to re-read Wrinkle in Time, but I think when I first read that at like, 10, I pictured those blind creatures like this Please note, I recall fully reading one (1) of these books ever to completion. Rachel turned into a squid in that one Yes Ax does look like he can kill. I assume he does at some point Jake is almost crying upon seeing Ax, who already feels like a friend. Due to time travel and reincarnation, I am scared to find out why this is Yes I Am Dying. Oh aliens. This is not Ax, is it? Whoops Cassie's family are vets. And she's ready to jump into helping Hey whoever you are, just saying, it sounds like you're implying literally every other alien in the universe wants to kill us. Which is fair but Yeerks. Rat sized gray-green slug parasites ...How does this Andalite (right?) know none of them are controlled by a Yeerk right now? Marco is a bit of a pragmatist Oh jeez lingo uh let's see: Yeerks have Bug Fighters, a Blade Ship, Dracon Beams which destroy things to a molecular level, Andalites have a Dome Ship and Z-Space is a thing Expected Yeerk takeover time: A year or less Yikes Hey Jake fuck you get the box Ugh so straight Got the cube and hey look a hologram of their family WOW MEAN Ok so most (all?) Andlaties have a morph power to Alteans! blend in and hide also we acknowledge they are young Cassie and Tobias for best kids right now Two red streaks for Yeerks Bug fighters these are He looks at Tobias and feels weird like a chill. Normally I'd call Gay but predestination/time-travel/something is up ...How do they know how long two Earth hours are? Oh shit Visser Three. And he can Morph that's uh legit concerning? How'd he get that and what horrible things have he done? Has? Have or has? Also, what WILL he do? Third black ship, and what's his alien touched Tobias' head and did/conveyed Something Oh cool construction equipment just pfffff'd out because a giant battleaxe ship with scimitar wings Was this ship designed by the Hork-Bajir, who have blades on their wrists elbows knees and tails, and t-rex feet and falcon-beaked snake heads with three horns. Who are good people but all (?) controlled Taxxons are Big centipedes with lobster claw hands, jello eyes, and a top mouth that's a pointy circle Again, I demand quick satisfaction as to the positive vibes they get from Andalite1 Ah Visser Three is a controller of an Andaltie. Who was that Andalite? Prince Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul is a mouthful So if he takes over enough places, Visser will become One. Who's the current One? Oh cool we're being targeted because we're over-populated compared to other species Humans behind the Visser? Is it ya'll? Please be ya'll I love me time-travel angst Now V3 is a big Monster and we're blowing up ships and I know this is a construction site but where is anyone else? Aw Jake you wanted to help. That's dumb but aw Death count: 1 Are Taxxons the ever-hungry aliens I've heard about? Or do the Yeerks just think it's fun to eat a dead guy? Oh cool those were Human Controllers and Jake seems to know one. I assume it's big bro? Most people are crying and Macro pukes I HEAR THAT FRIENDS Split up? Jinkies Rachel knows bad words. WHAT ARE THE WORDS K.A.APPLEGATE. TELL ME THE FORBIDDEN LANGUAGE (I assume Son of a Bitch from context but shout out to Rachel if it's Fucker) They can kind of speak English? Ghafrash? Hobo man: maybe dead? Probably dead Jake's strongest real memory is of aliens smiling at him. Get it boy-you're a child get nothing please So you're not close with Tobias, but you know he has a cat named Dude. Also: Cat is named Dude I love it BTW Jake, noticing another dude is Glowing? ;) Oh dang so Tobias doesn't know his Dad, Mom just left him around ten, and we're on a coast, with his aunt living on the other because his uncle is on this one How long does it take to morph? This sounds like a concerning amount of time Multiple minutes. Alright. Nightmareish. Side note: semi-crouching warped human with long butt and stubbed feet stage of morphing in the corner here Watching someone morph into a cat is giggle inducing. I will cherish these times won't I Telepathy is a good, easy answer to lots of questions about weird powers and communication Two year old string in a messy room. Boy Ha naked. Also the cat instincts mean ...oh dear this is gonna cause problems Why does Tobias get to decide Jake is the leader also why Jake? Not why like bleh why him but plot-wise something is the pre-meditated choice Homer the dog. You watch The Simpsons boy? Taking the dna puts the animal in a trance and it doesn't hurt to morph Bones feel like they should hurt yeah that sounds right Scrapping sounds are wonderful Right you're not just A Dog you're The Dog you took from Awww you're not a bad dog Jake. And Tobias is a good kid. And damn it I did not want to right about the brother. Cassie has a farm and big brother Tom is in a club called the Sharing He's obviously a Controller, but also "It's just sports" I'm pro-anti-sports but anti-cult clubs UGH WE HAVE TO RECYCLE Jake pls Wildlife rehabilitation. Convenient to touch wild animals also a cow Plus zoo mom so let's all be giraffes Dang kids with their fireworks, taking over humanity and making cops somehow worse Marco is scared and picky and right poor kid Who also has reasons? Tell me more Mom body was never found, Dad can't be around people. Ouch Cassie is not only cool enough to have clothes, but can control the morph enough to play centaur "We want them real bad" jesus yeerk cop, tone it down will ya? Hey you look like your brother- come to our yeerk cult Help endangered species? You mean like *eyebrow waggle* Is Tobias/Rachel a thing? CD game we were going to play on my computer. Wow Hey not-Tom, why would these kids have read anything in a newspaper? Wow this is shamelessly manipulative and creepy and thanks Applegate for teaching kids to be reasonably creeper out by overly forceful and manipulative folks Jake honey Marco is right please stop living in denial Let's remind Tobias, who is already a hawk, about the time limit Feathers made of wax. This boy is going to fly too long in the sun And then he was naked because boys don't care about that too much I guess? So as long as the DNA isn't bad for any reason, the state of the animal doesn't matter. What about dead animals? Let Tobias be superman. Poor kid Yeerk pools have Kandrona rays, and Yeerks have to go back into a pool every three days. Yeerk home sun particles Protect this child who can't fight for himself but will fight for the world Time to infiltrate I guess? Gotta sneak into this night volleyball game They live near a beach I suspect this is Cali, like all kid lit about young teens unless it's from the UK Can you grab a morph from a friend if they've changed into a whatever? Kids and Adults? Smidge weird Poor actual Tom trying to protect Jake They Would notice a horse wouldn't they? Tobias hun no please don't make excuses I know being human sucks but come on Oh course the Assistant Principal is a big bad Convert or kill. Yeesh Evil cops also Cassie being Black makes vague threats uhhh worse Let Jake be a dog! Ok but just pet all the animals? Lizard yes but deer? Wolf? Buzzards? Wildcat? I just climbed into my locker all cool like playing it chill because everyone climbs into lockers all the time This is a very small lizard The animal brains being way more in control is fucked up Cool so you just almost was stepped on, lost a body part, and have a still semi-alive spider inside your body after having seen an alien be eaten and knowing your brother is alive but controlled and may be sent to kill you. For kids! And of course the brain slug pool is under the school Do ya'll remember that Nick show about the bully who like, was about to die or was cursed, and he was a dog and only one kid could hear him and no one remembered him and he had to do a bunch of good stuff to be human again? Locking children into animal forms is a special kind of 90's torture I think Rachel/Tobias is a hard thing and good because someone needs to love this kid my word I appreciate Marco though. Hey shit head this is a dumb plan but you're my best friend so I'm in or what fucking ever. Asshole I liked Cassie's little speech about Mother Earth Marco named the band. Marco is a good shit, but what does it even mean that Jake's always been a Lizard? Are you calling him cold-blooded? Flaky? A bug eater? No family guest passes for the zoo? I don't know what Bush Gardens are but is this that? Roller Coasters and Monkeys Big Jim the gentle gorilla. Also bless Jake for riling Marco up Let's drive! hits wall Go right says Jake. Marco goes left You had a chance at a rhino Marco has a dark and tanned face Male siberian tiger. I assume if you turn into THAT animal, you can be a boy turning into a girl hyena or a girl becoming a boy turtle right? He's majestic and doesn't seem like he cares about you as long as you don't run Lol ya'll almost died from a tiger? Sure you did Jake's mom is a writer who is opposed to any TV but her own. Dad is a jokester. Is it Jake's mom who dies? I know a mom dies Dad is a doctor Cassie where are you did you get home from the zoo are you okay? Okay Rachel and Tobias are just a thing already ok. Oh cool the cop has Cassie I fear for her We are Controllers. We are here to... Kandrona, Please give us the girl for... evil? Great plan If you're so advanced, why don't you have elevators- me at Akio So large underground city, small pool, cages 10 people per, aliens, construction equipment Can Tobias communicate with Cassie from where they are? Yeahhhh people volunteering to be controlled by evil alien slugs sounds sadly right. And hey, you get to watch TV Poor Tom. And Rachel is ready to fuck shit up. One alien of each two kinds dead, and a human controller flung somewhere to maybe live? Elephant and Tiger time And Marco is a gorilla Later you would think about this moment WHY WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TOM'S FREE AND WE'RE SAVING CASSIE RIGHT? Can horses stairs? V3 thinks they're Andalites. Ouch. Also where's Ax? 8 legs and 8 arms with 3 fingered claws, and 8 heads, tall as a tree. Vriska's aliensona Oh good and it shoots fireballs from its mouth Mouths Jesus Marco just twisted a guy in half and his guts spilled out. Alien guy but still Gotta love half morphed elephant ladies with shriveled trunk faces Something happened to the cop, and Cassie won't say what. Hum Tom is captured again. But you all saves One (1) human woman. It's a fucking start kids. And Tobias done fucked up. Wonderful. End Book #1.

Oh cool now I can finally start listening to Morph Club, an Animorph pocast by some cool kids

#animorphs #liveblog #the invasion

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fieldsofplay · 7 years

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Top Albums of 2017

20. Protomartyr – Relatives in Descent

I put this album 20 for several reasons. One, it’s a great album. Two, they release these records every year and their inclusion is thus a little rote at this point, so it might as well just kick off the list as the official start to another year. Three, we can get politics out of the way at the outset. 2017. Woof. And we thought 2016 was bad. If any band is going to soundtrack the hellscape that is Amerikkka in 2017, it’s hard to do better than Detroit’s Protomartyr. No one is better at channeling our collective disillusionment with the political climate into raw power.

19. Lorde – Melodrama

I don’t know if I’m surprised by my embrace of this record or not. I’ll admit part of me found the idea of Lorde not all that interesting, and I never really bothered to listen to her first record. But as high culture and pop continue to draw ever closer to each other it would be foolish to ignore one of the true pop perfectionists while embracing the Beyonces and Kanyes with open arms. This album bangs. The beats are oddly reminiscent of late night Junior Boys vibes, with perfect pop sing-along’s about a night on the town laid infectiously over the top of those hypnotic beats. Whenever I hear “Homemade Dynamite” it takes days to get it out of my head (dy-dy-dy-dynomite).

18. Tyler, the Creator – Flower Boy

While many old acts dusted off their A-games and a few young guns broke on through, no artist this year was more surprising than Tyler. Long written off as a homophobic infantile flash in the pan, the least interesting member of a crew (Wolf Gang) that he single handedly launched, Tyler did a lot of growing up in 2017. Flower Boy is a testament to that growth. The hip-hop equivalent to former fellow crew member Frank Ocean’s Blond, Flower Boy is a kaleidoscopic trip through acid rap tinged with a hint of g-funk. While I never find personal politics compelling when it comes to artistic statements, the fact that the former gay-basher came out himself is important not for who he professes to sleep with, but for the giant emotional leap such an ideational 180 requires. Having come so far as an artist, I cannot wait to see where Tyler goes next.

17. TOPS – Sugar at the Gate

TOPS are perhaps the most precise band on this list. When left to my own devices I tend to gravitate to loose punk and dance music, and I am an avowed enemy of soft rock, but there is just something irresistible about this band. The whole thing never drifts out of a narrowly restrained emotional range, and yet at the same time remains impeccably locked-in, like a krautrock metronome played on a chintzy synthesizer. There’s a song on this record called “Dayglow Bimbo”; that’s all you really need to know.

16. Sza – Ctrl

With the exception of Kendrick I’m not sure who cast a wider cultural net this year, Lorde or Sza? Ctrl is one of those albums that seemed to cross all scene boundaries, if it were still the 1990s it’d be one of those cd’s that was in everyone’s car (like Californication or Sublime). Ctrl is an R&B record that is simultaneously chill and bumping. Sza sings, not to the audience, but as if she’s alone in her apartment, letting her emotions out to the music playing on the radio in the background.

15. Run the Jewels – RTJ3

Run the Jewels appear to be the victims of their own success. After two universally revered albums of mic passing mc showdowns that also managed to be locked-into their historical moment, album three was enjoyed and largely forgotten as more of the same. Perhaps this is my contrarian nature shining through, but I honestly like RTJ3 more than RTJ2, an album many embraced as the most important album the year it came out. Killer Mike and EL-P remain in top form, and the group is probably more relevant than they’ve ever been. “Call Ticketron” is still my go-to Friday afternoon ducking out of work early jam.

14. Kevin Morby – City Music

Like Protomartyr, Kevin Morby just puts out incredible record after incredible record, literally every year. For my tastes Singing Saw remains his finest work, but City Music has really grown on me over the course of the year. I caught him at the Turf Club and these songs really come alive in person. This album is more restrained than his previous output, but there is a certain beauty in its restraint. This album reminds me of another exquisite work of countrified city music, Bright Eyes’ I’m Wide Awake its Morning. The perfect album for wandering around city streets at night, wondering what it all means.

13. Brockhampton – Saturation II

I first learned about Brockhampton while waiting for my to-go order sitting at the counter at World Street Kitchen. Some of the local youths were talking about the new Jay-Z record so I decided to wade into the fray, throwing my hat squarely in the ‘I don’t really care about Jay-Z anymore’ ring. One of the youths responded he was too busy listening to this new collective of kids out in LA that were like a westcoast Wu-Tang Clan to bother with Jay-Z. Well, my interest was certainly peaked, and Saturation II did not disappoint. The album bristles with energy as the mic moves from mc to mc, all of whose individual styles vary but still manage to cohere into a definitive whole (is it clear I still haven’t figured out who is who in this crew?). While none of the sounds are new, Saturation II is definitely the sound of the future of hip-hop.

12. Vagabon – Infinite Worlds

This album checks all my boxes. Loud guitars. Thudding drums with liberal use of the cymbals. Quirky narrative lyrics. Sounds like it was recorded live to tape in someone’s backroom. (And its even got a super hazy synth song with a French title.) The chorus of the first track is “You’re a shark that hates everything.” A more aggressive Pavement. A less sad Bedhead. Bonus points for being vaguely from Brooklyn and having a great song called “Minneapolis.”

11. Kamasi Washington – Harmony of Difference

Following the three-disc sprawl of the aptly titled The Epic with a 6 song E.P. (clocking in at a very economical 32 minutes) felt slightly underwhelming at first. We are used to having so much Kamasi, it was something you could get lost in, like a Russian novel. However, while Kamasi certainly excels on the astral plane, this set benefits from concision. It’s one thing to write a novel and another to pen a short story. Kamasi is able to use his saxophone to portray both, sometimes within the same song –the opener “Desire” is both a mellow group cut and clarion solo, all within just 4 and a ½ minutes.

10. John Maus – Screen Memories

Of all the people on this list, John Maus is definitely the weirdest. In all honesty, his music sounds like it was made by Ross Geller, with one notable exception, it’s really fucking good. Often linked with Ariel Pink, I’ve honestly never really found them comparable. I find Pink’s music vapid and uninteresting, whereas Maus’ synth tracks are full of such life and oddness, all while remaining compellingly melodic. His baritone singing is less a vocal performance and more another layer of tone piled into the composition. Maus does more with stark base, futuristic (i.e. 1980s) synths, and rudimentary drum machines than others do with entire symphonies.

9. The War on Drugs – A Deeper Understanding

I honestly didn’t think 2017 was as good a year for music as some of its recent predecessors, but then I realized this album is number 9 on my list and I had to come to terms with the fact that the peaks of this year are incredibly high. A few years back Lost in the Dream was my number one album of the year, and I like A Deeper Understanding just as much. Over the years Adam Granduciel has come to perfect a sound obviously indebted to a few key influences, and yet a sound somehow entirely his own. Even though he’s a Philadelphia musician, Granduciel has somehow come to encapsulate the ennui of the late capitalist American middle west. These songs are haunting, filled with the charged emptiness of ambient music. But they are also filled with giant guitar solos that would put Jeff Tweedy to shame. I’ve seen this band several times dating all the way back to 2008. When I saw them this fall they were bonafide rock stars. I imagine this is what it must have been like to see Neil Young circa On the Beach. It was a treat.

8. Wolf Parade – Cry Cry Cry

Dear America, what gives? How come no one seems to love this record? Everyone seems to like it, but no one seems to love it. This album is great, and I won’t accept anything less. A band cursed by a universally revered debut and multiple equally successful sideprojects that split the votes of the true believers, Wolf Parade have somehow managed to be critical darlings, popular, and yet somehow are also underrated. Cry Cry Cry is to my ear arguably their second best album, which isn’t to say I was disheartened with Mt. Zoomer or Expo ’86. The new record has something for every member of the Wolf Parade expanded universe, the propulsive Dan fist-pumper (“Artificial Life” “You’re Dreaming”), the moody opener (“Lazarus Online”), and most importantly, the sprawling Spencer epic (“Baby Blue”). Wolf Parade were another bygone band I was fortunate enough to see in 2017. It was arguably the best show of the entire lot, and somehow it wasn’t a sellout. What gives, America?

7. Strange Ranger – Daymoon

Daymoon is my cause célèbre of 2017. Largely overlooked by the press, this is the most perfect fall album I’ve heard in years. It creaks. It echoes. It’s full of odd flourishes. “Haunting” is an adjective I feel is mostly misapplied but fits this album like a glove. I don’t know if there is actually a theremin on this record (or a singing saw) but it always feels like one is humming softly in the background. If you loved the Microphones’ The Glow, Pt II, early Modest Mouse, or Neutral Milk Hotel give this album a spin when you feel like taking a long walk in a golden post-harvest field, or at least feel like doing so in your mind.

6. Slowdive– Slowdive

This album has no business being anywhere near as amazing as it is. While Souvlaki remains one of my all time favorite records, it was always the exception, not the rule. As I learned from the great Pitchfork documentary, one of the reasons Souvlaki was so distinct, besides the inclusion of personal hero Brian Eno of course, is that the two front people in the band were in the process of breaking up while making that record. 1995’s Pygmalion was essentially an (uninteresting) solo affair, and that was it, Slowdive faded along with the shoegaze movement of which they were a central figure. Suddenly here we are in 2017, the band is inexplicably back, and almost more amazing is just how great a record Slowdive is. It’s like the follow up to Souvlaki was frozen in carbonite (timely reference!) and perfectly preserved so it could be unveiled 25 years in the future. If “Slomo” isn’t 2017’s best song, it’s certainly its most beautiful.

5. Daniele Luppi & Parquet Courts – Milano

To loosely paraphrase Ferris Bueller, I’ve never been to Milan, I’m not Milanese, what do I care about an album devoted to the city put together by an Italian composer I don’t know? Well, collaborating with Parquet Courts and Karen O is certainly an irresistible start. On paper the whole thing sounds like a mess, and yet the finished product is a taught 9 tracks that breezes by in 30 minutes like an alfa romeo. While I might not know anything about Milan, especially Milan in the 80s, somehow this album manages to evoke that place, or at least an idea of that place. A large part of this has to do with the arty coolness Parquet Courts have always exuded. They can emblematize any hip scene, be it Ridgewood in the 2010s or Milan in the 1980s. They just have that wiry sound and jittery energy that calls to mind fashionable afterparties and mountains of cocaine. While I love both of Parquet Courts singers, I never would have imagined that Karen O is actually the perfect frontwoman for this band, sorta like Nico and the Velvet Underground. Here’s hoping the Courts enjoyed working with her more than Lou Reed did with the German chanteuse. Give “Flush” a listen, I guarantee you start strutting.

4. Vince Staples – Big Fish Theory

Every now and then there is an artist whose debut is an instant classic, and then somehow manages to grow even further on each subsequent release. For this current generation, besides Kanye, that person is Vince Staples. Summertime ’06 was a double disc perfect rendition of classic LA hip-hop that was also a sneaky great album to dance to. Big Fish Theory is possibly the most formally experimental hip-hop album I’ve ever heard. If you cut out the vocals, it’d be an avante guarde electronic dance album. Throw Vince’s perfect flow over the top, and you have a Frankenstein monster of hip-hop and dance music that somehow manages to be a seamless union of the two. I’m still mad at my friend Evelyn for skipping this at Shrizz’ wedding this past summer. The nerve of some people.

3. White Reaper – The World’s Best American Band

I sincerely hope you like Cheap Trick. And not ironically. Like, you actually really like Cheap Trick. If so, I’ll be goddamned if this isn’t a perfect album of fist-pumping arena rock made by a bunch of basement punks from Louisville. If you don’t like Cheap Trick, well then, you just might not get why this is so great. Every track is a perfect nugget of 70s style power pop with just enough of a hint of punk to make it somehow sound fresh. In a year when I saw most of my favorite bands make triumphant returns from the grave, seeing these guys blow the roof off the tiny 7th Street Entry was probably the most fun I’ve had straight up rocking out in some time. I’ve never owned a jean jacket in my life, but this album makes me want to buy one.

2. LCD Soundsystem – American Dream

Now I know I’m a hyperbolic person. Every bar is my “favorite,” every track is the “best,” but I’m being legit when I say LCD Soundsytem are the most important band of my lifetime. I bought the self-titled album at a CD store on State Street in Madison shortly before leaving town and moving to New York. Sound of Silver was the soundtrack of my 20s. By the time they broke up my 20s were over and all my friends started moving out of New York. If I came of age in the 70s this band would probably be Bowie or in the 80s it would have been New Order, but as someone who gradually became an adult during the late 00’s, this was the most important band, not only to me, but to most everyone I know. It was of course also crucial that they were the official band of Brooklyn. They were there, as the song goes, and so were we. I honestly never understood the overwrought handwringing that accompanied their return. Are you really going to be mad at having more LCD in your life just because they once told you “that’s it, it’s all over”? American Dream is just as good as anything they’ve ever put out. I’d put “Other Voices,” “Change Yr Mind,” and “Tonite” up there with the best songs they’ve ever penned. Getting to see them tour once again, with both old New York friends and new Minnesotans, in a new town, in a new phase of existence, was the cherry on top of the electro funk sundae.

1. Kendrick Lamar – Damn.

People call him King, and it is a worthy title. Throughout music history the truly all-time greats always had someone who was their dialectical opposite spur them on to greater accomplishments—Beatles and Stones, Michael and Prince, Pumpkins and Pavement (not that either would acknowledge the other)—and now we have two titans of hip-hop pushing each other in radically different directions. Kanye is the pop perfectionist, the Michael Jackson, the Paul McCartney, everything he touches turns to gold. Kendrick is the flawless technical savant, he is literally the best, no one is better. Pick your favorite MC from throughout hip-hop history, they all have their idiosyncrasies and particular strengths (Rahim has technical prowess, Andre has speed, Q-tip has an inimitably odd flow) somehow Kendrick is better at all of all those things than all of those legends. No one’s voice is more varied, no one is a better rhymer, and no one has ever matched rhyme to rhythm this side of Shakespeare (that’s not hyperbole, well maybe Frank O’Hara). Just listen to the subtle variations in “Lust” that somehow tell a person’s entire day, an entire lifestyle, in a sentence or two. It’s not just he’s the best at spitting lines, he also has the ability to intertwine those rhymes into infectious pop structures. Kendrick has released 3 albums that people are aware of (and 4 overall), and those three are all amongst the top albums of the decade. Each one overbrims with classic tunes. “Humble” was the song of the year before Damn. even dropped, and the rest of the album lived up to the hype of that single. I’m still not exactly sure what “If I gotta slap a pussy-ass ni***, I'ma make it look sexy” means, but goddamn if I don’t love it and still perfectly understand it. This record is so good it somehow makes U2 cool. In a year where everything seemed to go wrong, Damn. was there to remind us that there will always be beauty in the chaos, so long as you don’t forget to keep searching it out.

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alward4005 · 6 years

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INITIAL SET OF 30 TIPS

01. Set Realistic Expectations

We can’t all be Meghan Markle, so it may be best to let go of your fantasy of marrying a prince.

02. Don’t Settle Either, Know Your Worth

With the previous tip being said, determined qualities in a partner that you are absolutely set on.

List of the qualities I look for in a guy + blank list for people to add in their own

03. Don’t EVER Do Anything That You Don’t Want To Do

If a guy tries to tell you that you have to do something to be with him, he’s not a quality man

04. Don’t Allow Yourself to be Fetishized

The gay community has a tendency to fetishize people for a multitude of different reasons. But, you shouldn’t attempt to enter a relationship with someone who is only with you based off of specific physical characteristics.

05. Not All Attention is Good Attention

Get off of Grindr if you’re looking for a relationship. I myself have been sucked into it countless times, but none of the men I have met off of that app have truly been looking for a relationship.

06. Don’t Be Afraid to Say No

This can apply to literally anything. If you don’t want to go on a date with someone, say no. If you don’t want to go back to someone’s place after a date, say no. If you don’t want someone to kiss you, say no. I promise you, you’ll feel a million times worse if you just stay silent.

07. Go to Queer-Positive Spaces to Meet People

If you’re in school, join the LGBT club or start one! Having a chance to meet other members of your community in a space that is not sexualized is incredibly refreshing.

If not, depending on where you live there may be LGBT community groups that you can also join.

08. Use York Friends to See Guys

In my personal experience, guys are generally on better behaviour when they know that you’ll be telling one of their friends if they’re an asshole.

09. Grindr, No. Tinder, Yes.

Tinder is notorious amongst the straight community for being a hookup app. Luckily for the gays, we already have one of those. Therefore, Tinder is primarily used as an app for those who are more LTR oriented.

10. Utilize the Block Button

There are men who are on these dating/hookup apps purely to stir up shit. They’re going to fight with you over the craziest things and it is just not worth your energy. You’re not going to change anyone’s mind through a text message, nor should you have to.

11. Keep Statistics Off Your Profile

Yes these apps are superficial, but don’t give users even more reason to be. By including things like your height and weight you’re likely only going to meet people who are looking for a specific body type. In my experience, those guys don’t make great boyfriends.

12. Use Your Best Photo

As bad as this sounds, the better your photos (I say photos, because you should definitely include more than one whenever applicable) the more matches you’re going to get. When someone takes a photo where they’re mid blink in a dark room, that scares people off.

Also, make sure your images project what you’re looking for.

13. Bios Are Used to Break the Ice

If you struggle with being creative when talking about yourself find a tweet or a tumblr text post that you feel represents you and use that! No one is going to call out your plagiarism on dating apps.

Mine is “I don’t need a man, but where is he?” And I’ve had countless men reply with “Here I am”

14. YOU Message First

Compliments are also a great way to start a conversation and people tend to be more likely to respond to “Your eyes are so pretty” over “Hey”

15. Be Patient with Those Who are Not Out

That being said, if you’re someone like me who is clearly gay maybe you’re not the best partner for them, at least at this point in their life.

16. Don’t Cling to The First Guy Who Shows Interest

Especially in small towns it seems as though as soon as you find someone else who’s also interested in the same sex you need to immediately start dating. You might not be right for each other, and I promise there are always more options out there.

17. Long Distance Disasters

For example, if someone is moving away to go to school, but will be back each summer you can probably make that work.

18. Deciphering Cryptic Messages

“I’m pretty open” — I’m most likely a fuckboy

“I like to go with the flow” — I’m most likely a fuckboy

“We should chill sometime” — I’m most likely a fuckboy

“I’m just curious, are you a top or a bottom” — I’m definitely a fuckboy

“Oops I didn’t mean to send that dick pic” — I’m definitely a fuckboy

19. Do Not Use Dating Apps Past 9pm

People tend to get a little twirly* beyond this time. You won’t be meeting super quality men on here beyond this period, unless of course you too are looking for sex.

20. Follow Local Gays on Instagram

This is a good, relatively harmless way, of getting more well known in your own community. Although sometimes things go down in the DMs, it is also possible that you can make friends this way.

21. Prioritize Interests Over Appearance

Obviously it makes sense to go out with someone that you find physically attractive, I am in no way negating that. However, if the two of you have absolutely not shared interests, you’re going to really struggle, especially in the long run.

22. Don’t Ghost

This may sound obvious, but when you’ve gone on a disaster date, or when someone has stronger feels for you than you do, it’s so much easier to just disappear. This is never the best way to go about ending a relationship at any stage.

23. Don’t Compare Yourself to a Partner’s Ex(es)

It’s easy to compare yourself to a partner’s exes, and if you’re doing this in a way that makes you feel inferior you’re really just playing yourself. Keep in mind, even if you think an ex is prettier, smarter or more successful than you, it didn’t work out between them. Obviously, they’re not as perfect as you think they are.

24. Don’t Backslide

Similarly to the previous piece of advice, if you ever consider getting back together make sure you know what you’re doing. Often relationship end for a reason, and sometimes it’s just that you two weren’t compatible. Although it is easy to backslide to someone you have history with, make sure you remind yourself of why it didn’t work in the first place.

25. Don’t Compare Your Relationships to Anyone Else’s

Personally, I have a lot of straight girl friends who seemingly fall into relationships with very minimal effort on their behalf. It is important to remind yourself that every situation is different. There’s no point in getting upset, just focus on yourself.

26. Stop Looking

I have never followed this advice on purpose, but I have found the less I actively pursue a relationship, the more likely I am to find someone. I think this is because when you’re actively looking you give off a desperate vibe that scares guys off. I’m not telling you to turn to hookups, or to cut guys off all together, maybe just be content with some casual dating for a bit.

27. Limit the Number of Guys in Your Rotation

A rotation means something different to everyone. Often times it refers to the amount of sexual partners that you have on hand, whether they be friends with benefits or fuck buddies. I use it more to talk about the amount of guys I am seriously talking to. Make sure it is not an overwhelming number as that always leads to problems.

28. Always Do What is Best for You

Some guys have mastered the ability of subtly (or not so subtly) guilting their partners into staying with them. This is emotionally abusive and definitely not a healthy relationship. If all you can think about is finding a good reason to end things with a person, that in itself is good enough. Just tell them you’re not interested anymore.

29. Don’t Be Afraid To Share Your Feelings

Communication is obviously key in any relationship. Don’t even allow little things to build up, because that’s going to result in everything spilling out at once and you’ll both end up hurt. It is a good idea to casually bring up things that are bothering you, while they are bothering you so you can both try to compromise.

30. Learn to Be Happy By Yourself

Being able to be alone, without feeling lonely, is an incredible skill. Once you’ve mastered that, finding a fulfilling relationship will be a piece of cake.

#term project

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