#the very end has some punctuation typos and little nitpicks

[krash-and-co]

you ever find a fic you forgot about and then you read it and you're like super proud of yourself, bc I just did

[the-harvester]

An Open Letter:: A Shift in Perception

Hello, everyone. This is VT. No, not Astire, aka both VT and CZ at once. Just VT.

Before you worry, yes this is a serious post, but no, this isn’t about some end-to-The-Harvester news or anything. I just need to have a serious heart-to-heart with you all.

My reason for writing TH started to shift. And, it’s time I shift it back. [More under the cut. Long post, but please take a moment to read.]

I’ll cut straight to the point, and the reason why I’m writing this. As of late, I have had little drive to write The Harvester with my partner, @chillachompers, aka CZ. I assumed it was because we were both busy, myself especially, but that wasn’t the root of it. Truncated version; I’d stopped writing for the enjoyment of it, and started writing with readers in mind first and foremost. I wrote to please everyone and to make a good, presentable story for people to enjoy. And you may be thinking, yeah VT, that’s the whole point! It’s a long-running fanfiction that you’re posting, of course that should be your priorit-

The Harvester was never created with the intention to share it.

Sharing it was... my idea. I got excited that CZ and I had something really good going, and that someone else should be able to see it, and might find enjoyment in it. Back then, the story was simple arcs 1-4, and then a few little other things. Maybe a 5th arc. That was it. Now it’s, quite amazingly, turned into a multi-series thing. And, the problem is... somewhere along the line, I became so focused on the story being as solid and well-executed as it possibly could be, to the point of no longer really enjoying the writing like I originally did. It became a mild chore instead of a break from work. And. I hate that. I hate my hobbies turning into chores.

Now, here’s the thing. A lot of this is on me. Most of it, in fact. CZ, for one, has no fault in this. I’ve always been the one to push things the extra step too far in the pursuit of ‘perfection’. It’s cost me dozens of hours of sleep with editing, actually caused me to stress out about writing a chapter that should be a light comedy romp, and to just... have negative feelings towards TH. I started writing to please fans and keep people happy with as little mistakes as possible instead of to enjoy myself.

Some may have the mentality that if we’re sharing this on the internet... that opens it up for critique. Even harsh critique. To some, that’s just the nature of posting things online. And I get it, I can’t stop you from seeing TH as something crafted for you and your enjoyment. But, I do really need to get something off my chest before it ever even has a chance to become a problem, because my anxiety loves to say the worst of my fears will happen.

The bottom line, is... The Harvester isn’t a Fanfiction written for readers. It isn’t a novel series. It’s a long-running, Steven Universe-inspired Roleplay between two friends with an extensive story and lots of OC’s. But it’s deeper than that. More personal. The Harvester is, at its core, a very therapeutic hobby. It’s very. Very hard to admit that out loud, it really is, because posting TH already feels vulnerable enough as it is, much less without people knowing what it is. This story branched off from a joke. A joke between friends about Yellow Diamond being drunkenly fused with my old Gemsona, Hematite. Then it somehow turned into what it is today. From the very start, it was just... a way for CZ and I to bond, to grow closer, to, though we didn’t know it at the time of starting, fight some really serious inner demons. It may seem silly to some people, but it’s very real to us, and the effect it’s had on our lives is undeniable, even if the effects have been behind closed doors.

The Harvester was never meant for other eyes. We didn’t have a ‘proper editor,’ we didn’t care that much about punctuation and grammar being correct, and we didn’t analyze everything for possible plot holes or contrivances. I didn’t do those things. But somewhere down the line... I started caring more about those things than the story and characters themselves. I was so focused on certain scenes going a certain way that I would actually pull them along forcefully, limiting what characters could do or say in response to a situation. And that’s... not what it was supposed to be. TH was always a wing-it sort of story with general guidelines and then loose chapter concepts. That had to be chipped away as things got more complex, but... the focus was lost, for me. MY focus was lost. I started nitpicking so much on stripping bad bark from trees that I didn’t pay attention to the forest.

So that brings me to the point of this letter.

The Harvester is a roleplay story written for fun by two dear friends, whom decided to share their story with the internet. We, of course, don’t want to just cut everyone off from this. I know CZ doesn’t want it, and I certainly don’t want it, either. I know people like this story and would be sad to see it go.

But I can’t keep writing this with the mindset that I’m making a product for the scrutiny of online readers, for fans, 95% of which I don’t even know personally. And that’s what brings me to this:

The Harvester won’t always be perfect. Far from it. That’s just how it is. It’s written by two stressed-out, busy, nerdy young adult artists who like big gems and drama. It’ll have typos, it’ll have all sorts of grammatical errors, it’ll have off moments, it’ll have plot holes, contrivances, characters acting a bit out of character now and then, it’ll have moments that go too far, moments that don’t go far enough, just like any piece of created media. It shouldn’t have to have a ‘quality meter.’ I shouldn’t be measuring a hobby with a close friend of mine by some self-created standard. I shouldn’t be sacrificing nights of sleep over editing every error out of a chapter. I shouldn’t stress out over writing about my own characters with one of my best friends, whose characters I love dearly. I shouldn’t be striving to perfect something so integrally personal as a story like this. One day when I start making my own fictions, sure, I’ll have that high standard.

But for now? Well... There’s nothing for you, as a reader, to take from this other than this: We do like hearing from you. We enjoy hearing your theories and thoughts. We like seeing your fanart. The fact that our hobby could bring a smile to anyone is mind boggling to us, in a good way.

But just know, right now, that TH is flawed. It always will be, because nothing is perfect. We’re two stressed-out, sometimes absent-minded people just trying to write something that makes us happy. We’re going to sometimes write some cliche, predictable, badly paced stuff, but we’ll also write some really good, heart-wrenching stuff. It’s just the nature of things. All I’m saying is, please don’t see this as something made for viewers. It isn’t... It’s just. Something we choose to share. And, this isn’t to say that we’re trying to avoid criticism, people will be critical of something they like. Just keep in mind what TH is at its core. It’s inherently extremely personal and close to our hearts, and every character has a piece of us in them. We’re not trying to write it to impress anyone or be the next JK Rowlings or Rebecca Sugars. We’re just writing it to have fun, to cope with some serious issues in our day-to-day lives. CZ’s always kept sight of that.

It’s time I do the same.

Everyone take care, and we will see you soon enough with the start of arc 6. We’re unsure when, but we’re aiming for before the end of June. We aren’t going to rush ourselves, though. It will be worth the wait.

It may seem selfish, but I have to go back to writing this for me. For CZ. For us. And I hope you’ll understand that ‘selfishness’ comes from a place of passion and a desire to keep a flame burning for TH. We’re not going to take TH in some drastic direction... but I am going to try and stop caring so much whether the story is perfectly crafted.

It just has to be fun.