#the vast majority with a few exceptions of my online b est friends ive ever
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sometimes i wonder if my mutuals notice me slipping away and i wonder if they know that it’s not intentional and i wonder if they still resent me anyway
#every reaction would be fair#whether they notice ornot whether theyre upset ornot#or you i guess. i dont know#i wish i wasnt like this but i dont know how to like. be a friend#its already hard with people i am forced to see daily#but online? how do you do that#how do you form these deeply forged relationships#the vast majority with a few exceptions of my online b est friends ive ever#(1) not talked to at a consistent rate in 2 years#or (2) we talk regularly but never at a level that indicates deep friendship#some of my best friends online i know fucking nothing about#and i dont mean in the online friend way#of internet privacy i mean in the everything#and it hurts but its exactly what i expect? this always happens#at this point befriending me is such a bad idea that i wish people on this site thought i was drama prone or negative or mean#so that people would stop coming because i can't like. i can't handle that#and this isn't me saying i hate my online friends i love them i love you all so much#but i don't know how to do this#no matter how much time passes its like im talking to a brick wall#and we're both hanging on for dear life#and i don't know what people must be seeing in me that i can't see in anybody including myself
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