#the utter terror i felt when i saw the blank draft

[littlebluejayy]

can you give me depth on their relationships with the cast 👉👈

im gonan fucking sob this didnt save give me a second to bawl i wrote like 18209128pages of information and closed my computer for the night and NONE of it saved im going to sob give me a moment to mourn

a moment later i am somewhat better lets see how much of this i remember

so zhiqian was in the cloud recesses the same time as lan wangji + wei wuxian, so naturally they had time to interact ajlksdfjlks ( i remember putting something moderately humorous here but i don't remember what it was and i am going to sob ) uhhh i remember talking abt how zhiqian's first like major interaction w wuxian was that one scene where lan qiren is asking him what the best method of subduing like a corpsoe or something is and he goes "okay but what if i manipulate the other corpses and make em. have a lil brawl" and zhiqian is like "hold on now.,, he kinda has a point. " he has a suffering moral compass

sooo zhiqian joins their little tomfoolery gang <- he's silly but is like the only one who actually keeps up w studies, not cause he finds it enjoyable he just wants to feel like he has some worth LMAOO as for zhiqians personality he's definitely the kind to be like manipulatingly blunt + also teasing when he knows you better

in short : wuxian + zhiqian the silliest billies !! unfortunately after wuxian . yk. gets killed zhiqian is like omg going insane he jsut died and then proceeds to lock himself in personal cultivation for 13 years !!!! that's so coquette core of him

as for lan wangji : tbf hes a headache but no so much a headache, not wuxian level and at times he is pretty placid like when he's at the library or painting or something ( dunno if this is like in the canon anywhere i forgot but yk how the lan family has that guqin action going on and wuxian has his little flute yeah well zhiqian plays the er hu because he's just cool like that )

i imagine the two of them actually atp whenever wuxian is off doing things a tad too silly for zhiqians tastes (..erotica) he and lan wangji will kinda just sit in the library in comfortable silence and occasionally raise questions about things they see in the readings. lan wangji probably views zhiqian as a intelligently capable but also chooses to be very stupid kind of person www

they probably kept somewhat in touch , or as touch as one can be when locked in this little cave room for 13 years but wangji was the only person informed of the self cultivation thing before zhiqian actually went into it (rip nie huaisang)

as for nie huaisang... ngl id feel like he bears some resentment towards zhiqian. ofc huaisang has always been compared to his older, more capable brothers, and he also feels incompetent in the fact that despite zhiqian also occasionally joining them in their shenanigans, he still manages to keep in lan qiren's somewhat favor and is supposedly smart without trying

the resnetment def grows worse during self cultivation. nie huaisang wasn't even informed about it and kinda just woke up one tuesday morning to see his brother. gone. and since mingjue is yk. deceased he has all this sprung onto him in a very unpleasant way. :((( in a sense he knows that zhiqian is mourning because he was close with wuxian too though

mingjue and zhiqian were defintiely the silliest. mingjue is the person to loudly judge you and zhiqian is the kind of person to quietly judge you with disgusted side glances! the two got together really well and even sparred together ( when mingjue was still alive ahhaha ).. zhiqian eventually ended up taking on mingjue's saber after his qi deviation death ( IT TALKS TO HIM BECAUSE OF UNSOLVED RESENTMENT. IT LOOKS LIKE HES INSANE BECAUSE HT ALKS TO HIMSELF BUT NOOOO HES TALKING TO THE LITTLE SWORD VOICE IN HIS HEAD )

[certifiedskywalker]

Worst Kind Of Torture - Kylo Ren

Here’s a little drabble I wrote about Kylo Ren!!

Your eyes slowly fluttered open and you were met with the soft glow of starlight. From your side of the bed, the window shed the light on your face and illuminated the rest of the room. You turned over from under the covers, reaching over in search of warmth. Your hand was met with bare sheets. Despite your tiredness, you sat up to scan the room. Under half lidded eyes, your gaze landed on Kylo Ren’s exposed back. You scooted out of your bed, letting your bare feet hit the carpeted floor. Taking quiet steps, you made your way over to his form.

“Hey,” you whispered, gently resting a hand on his bare shoulder. He jumped a little under your touch and you knew instantly why he was up. You sat down next to him, on the edge of the bed. “Another nightmare?” You trailed your fingers down his spine and every so often, you’d feel the rough skin of a healing scar. He shivered slightly under your touch, but not because he was cold. He looked up, turning his head to look into your face. His dark hair was long enough to fall in front of his eyes. You moved your hand from his back to brush the strands away from his face.

“It was a memory,” he whispered, chilling you to the bone. His voice was drenched with exhaustion and something you could only place as sadness. Kylo grew quiet again, turning his head to stare off at a blank wall in the room. Your hand placed itself comfortingly on his upper back, warming the soft skin there. “It felt like I was back there,” he whispered, “the draft of cold air and the adrenaline. I felt everything, all over again.”

He had described to you what it was like many times before; how, in a split second, he ignited his saber and burrowed through his father’s chest. The first few nights after Han Solo’s demise, Kylo woke up in sweats and haunted by night terrors.

“It’s part of my training,” he had said, “don’t worry. It’s alright Y/N.” As it turned out, it wasn’t alright. At least one night a week, possibly more, you were stirred awake by Kylo’s mumbling. He would often recite his internal monologue of the moments before his father fell off the bridge and into the darkness below. Some nights, you’d ignore it since the nightmares occurred so frequently. Nights had passed quietly until now, the horrors of Kylo’s past choices haunting him once more.

“Memories,” you said quietly, “are the worst kind of torture.” He turned his head, dark eyes peering down at your face which was cast in moonlight.

“It’s not torture. Supreme Leader Snoke mentioned that old Sith-” you pressed your thumb to his bottom lip. His voice stopped at your touch, knowing better than to continue when you had something to say.

“Memories are the worst because, even when it’s the furthest thing from thought, your mind replays them. Over and over again. It dwells on them, brings them to light and puts on a show of your past choices.” Kylo’s jaw clenched at your words, he knew you were right.

“Your mind knows what you refuse to believe,” he swallowed hard at that. Blinking to keep possible tears from spilling down his sharp cheeks. “You regret what you have done.”

Underneath your fingertips, you could feel his back muscles tighten. His whole body was reacting to your words, not in a kind way. The prolonged nights of reliving such vile actions as chipped away at him. His memories leaving his heart as scarred as his skin.

“H-How,” he paused, looking down at the floor, “how do I stop it?” You moved your hand slowly against his skin, rubbing his spine once more with a gentle touch.

“You make new memories,” you whispered, pulling his face by his chin and making him look at you. Shame covered his features and you felt your heart break looking at him. “Make memories to be proud of.” You offered him a soft smile, one that he tried his best to mimic. He was far too tired to show any other emotion, other than sorrow. You brushed his hair away from the side of his face and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

“But in order to make those new memories, you have to rest.” You stood up and Kylo let out a small sigh. One of relief, having his worries calmed by you. You walked to you side of the large bed and crawled back underneath the sheets. Kylo followed suit, scooting closer to you than he was before you’d fallen asleep. You settled your head on a pillow, facing Kylo. You met his gaze and smiled lazily once more.

“Thank you, Y/N.” Your steady breath tripped up at his words. You were fortunate in that you saw a side of Kylo Ren that no one else got to see; a softer, more vulnerable man than he cared to admit. Despite your unique view, you knew that Kylo Ren rarely uttered the words “thank you” to anyone. Those two, soft-spoken, words melted your heart.

You scooted closer to him, tucking your head beneath his chin. You felt him un-tense and relax into your warmth. It was these little moments your mind played over and over again. Not to torture you, not exactly. It was the memories of moments like this one that reminded you there was still something human in the man you dared to love.