#the true irony is that nowadays im happy to be infantallized

[oneslimybastard]

i think part of why im not very good with kids is that part of being good with kids is to be endeared by and play along with their underdeveloped antics, it might be integral for socializaiton to flow smoothly

whereas i remember being a child, terminally aware that i was a child, and adults thinking i was cute for doing child things made me want to tear my own scalp off and die because in my brain i still kind of felt like i was supposed to be an adult (i suspect the autism is the culprit here) and the fact that i wasn't seen as such was a humiliation ritual thrust upon me by god (im normal and well adjusted)

so when i interact with kids, i try to do them a respectful favor by not treating them like kids, but as general fellow specimens, business associates, which kind of clogs things up when a chatty toddler wants to show you their minecraft server for mysterious reasons and suddenly the business associate framework you're using for socializing just does not work at all . almost like they're kids . who don't mind being treated as kids . as long as you're not being demeaning about it (some adults genuinely do just belittle and humiliate kids for sport it seems) . because perhaps being manifested out the womb with too much self awareness (and pride) leading to homebrewing your own shame-based trauma from the inherent humiliation of being stuck as a child isn't the norm .

formal apologies to all of my younger cousins for all the instances where you've attempted to interact with me. i promise i am the cool cousin deep down. in my dreams.