#the tone of this should read as…melancholy? btw. not hostile. idk if it does but again. tone and text

[vagueiish]

You are lovable cause you exist. You are lovable cause you hold love within you. ♥️

i’ve been holding onto this bc it makes me feel good to look at and i appreciate the sentiment. genuinely. thank you for taking the time to send it to me

but. also because… idk. as much as i grouse and complain about these kinda messages when i’m in a Mood, i dislike replying to kind messages directed to me with negativity. but. also. receiving these kind of messages makes me incredibly sad because,..

nonny, if youre out there, let me ask you a question. based on what you can see of me on this hellsite we all habitate together, would you want to be friends with me? probably not, right? this isn’t accusatory or anything (if it could be read like that, idk how tone could come across. fuckin internet, lol) i genuinely wouldn’t blame you. im terribly unpleasant to be around and boring and poorly socialized. i wouldn’t want to be friends with me either, honestly, and it seems that nobody else wants to take up that mantle. again, cant blame anybody, but there it is.

……and i was going somewhere with this but work looms and if i draft this, i’ll never get it out, but idk. i suppose the point i was working towards was that i do genuinely appreciate the nice sentiment, but thats all im really worth, isn’t it? sentiment. there’s nothing here worth any deeper look and thats all very much on me, i don’t want anyone to force themselves to interact bc they feel bad about the sad loser (and it’s not as if i would be able to actually hold a conversation because im a dipshit) but it’s…, all rather depressing. and lonely