#the tldr of this ask is it better to be good or authentic? the answer is both and the space in the middle

[boundinparchment]

for the writer ask 3, 14, 18, 26, 43, 55, & 68!

3) Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

Usually I work off of an outline; if I don't have one for the whole fic, I'll work on that first, even if it's just rough for that chapter. What I need to happen in the chapter and what kind of scenes would accomplish that. I find that outlining and constantly thinking about the rest of the fic and having plot points as goals, etc., is what helps me finish fics, even if it takes years.

14) How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

Sometimes personal experience is thrown in, yes. But only in crumbs. Exact situations, no. The emotional parts? A little bit. All writers do. What I don't know first-hand and feels weak gets researched so it at least feels authentic. Angst is usually where I feel my characters' emotions far more than joyous scenes. The latter tend to make me feel proud and like the characters have overcome a lot. (Not that they don't deserve to be happy regardless but characters serve a plot and the story as a whole is better when things are earned).

18) Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

Already answered! <3

26) Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Hmm, that's a good one! Deus in Absentia definitely qualifies, Under Observation does as well, and I would argue DALDOM can be a wild ride if you don't read the tags, I guess lol.

43) Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

I love hurting my characters, who are we kidding. They all get to suffer before they can be happy. The only way out is through, you know?

55) Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

Excluding canon characters (because that's literally just Dottore and Zhongli and it's clear who I've chosen to let occupy my brain for now.)

It's a tie between Musician Reader, Accountant Reader, and Karina.

Used to be Karina only. But as I got more familiar with a reader character who has a more defined personality and acts as a pair of shoes for a reader to walk in, I've grown to really love Musician Reader over the course of the story. She's still a little too passive at times, in my opinion, but she is the softest character I have (in comparison to Karina who is detached and traumatized af and Accountant Reader who has no room for her own wellbeing).

68) What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Literally anything other than writing and touching the source material (if I'm feeling burnt out, as I often am) but it's so easy to forget to do these things because I don't feel up to them. I talk to others and bounce ideas around IRL and online. I read books of different genres but ones I still enjoy, I'll play different games, do housework, spend time away from social and fic and go outside. Sometimes, I go for a drive if it's nice out. TLDR: I get out of my head because inspiration exists outside of myself lol

[merrysithmas]

You know there seems to be a lot of fighting within the fandom about the Jedi Order and weather or not they were flawed. It seems people go with one of two extremes.

The Jedi were THE good guys who never did anything wrong and if you criticize them your attacking the real world religions GL pulled from so yours bigot.

Or the were their the worst, weren’t any better than the Sith and, were a people who “needed” to be wiped out without any redeeming qualities.

As a SW newbie it’s very intense and a lot to take in. It gets feather confusing. Not to mention difficult to discern which claims have legitimate backing.

I feel like I can trust you not to be aggressive as well a more full picture person. With a trustworthy opinion. So I was wondering what are your opinions on the Jedi? Were they flawed? Why or why not? And how did those any flaws affect them especially in relations to training Anakin?

(That seems to be the biases for most arguments I’ve seen honestly. That either it’s all Anakin’s fault and he was ungrateful and this didn’t deserve to be a Jedi. Or the Jedi are his villain origin story) 

Aw anon! Thank for your good faith and please also do not let anyone's pushy fandom opinion get to you. You are 100% entitled to your thoughts on any fandom topic and those that try to monopolize the stage in fandom and cruelly cut down others are truly not worth attention or energy.

Everyone is allowed to think what they want on any topic (including hardline positions such as the "The Jedi were the Ultimate Good", or "The Jedi were useless and should end") - however the second anyone who thinks those things crosses the boundary of demanding others also follow those opinions or be branded "bad" "misinterpreting media" etc it's just nonsense. Don't feel intimiated by anyone to change your opinion.

Everyone comes at media from a different place, different background etc. Which means everyone has a unique and important perspective on its lessons - none of which are more true than another.

I feel like people take those hardline opinions in SW, prohibiting any other, because they look at SW through a single lens (like say, as an allegory for politics Freedom vs Fascism). That is valid, but Star Wars can be see as much more than a political story, or a political story and a spiritual story simultaneously if one chooses.

It can also be seen as an exploration of our inner lives- our duality. It can be seen as a story of Balance. It can be seen as a story which focus on themes such as those of Fatherhood, masculinity & femininity, passivity & aggression. Or as a story of opposed Good vs Evil - but what makes up good and what makes up evil? Everyone will have different versions of an answer for that. You can hold all these thoughts of SW together at once as well!

For instance, of course Star Wars has a obvious political side: Freedon vs Fascism. As an audience we nearly always side with the sympathetic rebels... no one wants the Empire to win in reality.

But we are allowed to be interested in the characters of the Empire... what led them there, what are their cruelest intentions? Are some brainwashed? Were some strong armed? What parts of them have humanity? None? Most? What about characters like Finn who were kidnapped and conscripted? Ventress who turned her back on Dooku? Reva who murdered families to ultimately avenge her family? Kylo Ren who was manipulated? Galen Erso who became an Imperial to save others, likely while killing many more during service? Han Solo who became as an Imperial conscripted soldier, who was a scoundrel and thief but was imperative to Luke's success? Vader who was a Sith but ultimately saved the Galaxy? Maul who realized the cruelty of the Sith? etc We are allowed to empathize, cheer on, and identity with all of them because they represent pieces of us, too.

The same can be said for the rebels & "good guys". Cassian Andor who used violence for good? Jyn Erso who was indifferent until it became personal? Rey who ran away from responsility and truth? Anakin Skywalker who used his unmatched power to kill thousands for the Republic and was cheered on as a hero of freedom? Saw Gerrera who was an insurrectionist but did what many thought "needed to be done"? Boba Fett who eventually sought to protect the people of Tatooine under a criminal empire? Nightsister Merrin who tried to kill Cal Kestis only to eventually see him as an ally? etc.

Thinking about things like these helps us to understand the world around us, and helps us better understand the human condition.

Star Wars is also a spiritual story. As a buddhist witch myself I do not see it as a story of diametrically opposed "Good vs Evil" but a story about Balance. People are free to see it as hardline good and evil, but in my view of the world those two things don't ever exist in a vaccuum.

The energies of dark and light coexist in all of us, giving us continual hope and trials. I even feel labeling them as "dark and light" is a misnomer. It is more passivity and aggression. Both of which can be used for good and bad intentioned acts.

The way I see it the Sith and Jedi, in their dogma, missed this with their constant opposition and fighting. The Force is one - there is no dark or light, only the whole unified Force. To me, it is the individual that chooses the intent of their actions: we can use passion to inspire peace, violence for protection, attachment for inspiration & as an anchoring good. Or we can use all those things for bad.

Our guiding light for well-intention is our principles of tolerance, acceptance, compassion, and understanding. The Jedi espouse these views and often act on them - their code is certainly a pinnacle of philosophy which can inspire well-intentioned deeds- however they are imperfect, like us all!

Yoda once said fear is the Path to the Dark. The way I see it, the Order unintentionally taught fear of emotions which had no alignment- emotions are inherently neutral. Yoda realized this in RotS. Simply having certain emotions don't make someone "closer to the dark side"... it is how we handle them that does that. By fearing passion, attachment, anger, we do not learn how to face and embrace them. By seeking always to "control" them and not act on them, express them, embody them, free them, alchemize them, we miss out on what they have to teach us. And that need for control over them gives them power over us and our inexperience.

In The Jedi Path, a jedi textbook, we learn of the extremism of the early Jedi which to me, when taken to certain extents - was distasteful! I am a Jedi fan and I disliked it.

Though they were an Institution which strived for good, the early Jedi were warsome, conformist, and frighteningly strict with no room for natural evolutionary growth through the ages. It's akin to say... people who insist the US Constitution written 300 years ago must be abided by at all costs, when many feel it should be a living document open to growth and change. Or like the language or French which prohibits official changes in its structure to include slang from different languages etc. It doesn't grow or change, and sometimes this weakens institutions - not strengthens them.

The Sith on the other hand embraced these emotions without a code of ethics - they feared a Code because of what they saw as the suffocation of the Jedi rules and regulations. Unfortunately this caused them to go hog wild in the other direction, leading to chaos. They used these emotiona (and the power that came with them) to crush, kill, dominate, and destroy. Their perverse beliefs were to weed out the weak in society and obtain a "rightful" position of authority. Truly evil! However if we look at this as a microcosm of our inner duality, it makes sense. We often seek to weed out or kill what we see as weak in ourselves - for good or bad.

In the Book of Sith, we see the Sith develop many incredible skills the Jedi lack because of their unwillingness to change. Sith alchemy, although used for evil by the Sith - can easily be drawn as a comparison for things like IVF, medicine, science, cloning, vaccines etc. Things that "go against nature" (the Jedi on the other hand insisted "nature" was the final say of the Force on one's reality).

In fact, Darth Plagueis' writings on the midichlorians and the "ability to manipulate life" and break it down to its bare essentials VERY MUCH screamed modern science to me. It screamed self-determinism and rising above our "natural"-born state. It screamed a "challenge" to the will of "God" (The Force). Dr Frankenstein stuff. The Sith argued nature was also a prison - one that our minds & intellect can propel us beyond. I believe in Christian mythos this would be like the Apple eaten in the Garden of Eden. Sure, it opened the couple to the evils of the world, but also gave them free will and intellect.

Simple things like glasses, medicine, X rays, cars, etc. The Sith are rebuking acceptance of "nature" as a lack of ingenuity and an insult to the free will and mind - a stagnation. They despise the Jedi for their inertia. Interesting stuff!

Unfortunately, again, the Order of the Sith and its leaders (such as Plagueis) uses this knowledge for selfish reasons. Hurts others to obtain it.

The Sith mantra remains somewhat inspirational: Peace is a lie; there is only passion, Through passion I gain strength, Through strength I gain power, Through power I gain victory, Through victory my chains are broken, The Force will set me free.

In a way, they are correct! Where does peace come from but from our passion to obtain it? If we weren't so intent on our will to meditate, relax, self care... we wouldn't achieve it. Through this passion and the benefits we reap from it we can gain strength of character. Through that, personal power of will. And through that, freedom from our egos or circumstances.

You'll see the Sith and Jedi codes are literally complimentary- there is a reason for this! It is because the Force is not split into good and evil... people did that. Institutions did that. Luke, in TLJ, tries to teach this to Rey in his first lesson on Ahch-to. That is a very "Good vs Evil" Christian-influenced morality which I don't personally find applicable to the concept of the Force.

In my opinion the Jedi Way is Goodness, but the Jedi Order is an Institution run by people - who no matter how much they profess to be good, are always corruptible. We see this example many times in canon from Jedi. The jedi Path is goodness. However the Order and its rules often equate themselves to the Path, which is their folly.

Conversely, the Way of the Sith is self-realization, but the Sith Order is an Instituion run by people - who no matter how much they profess to be seeking freedom, are often unstable in their confusion and pain. This corrupts their actions to violence and evil. However, as they are only people... it means they are capable of redemption. We see examples of this as well in Maul and Vader.

The Jedi Order did not "deserve" to be obliterated by any means. But I think focusing on "deserve" is a little misguided. In the SW mythos, by creating the Chosen One the Force presented a litmus test to all Institutions in the Galaxy - the Sith, the Jedi, the Senate, the individuals involved, the people of the Galaxy at large. How they reacted to and treated the McGuffin of Anakin was essentially cementing their fate in stone. Like the Prince in Beauty and the Beast turning away the Old Woman at the castle and being condemned by it.

The Jedi neglected his special needs, the Sith manipulated him, the Senate used him as a weapon for war victory, Padme married him despite knowing he was grieving his mother and wanted to be a Jedi, Obi-wan often fumbled with him because of his own inability to self-analyze, the peoples of the galaxy murdered his mother, enslaved him.

In the eyes of the Force, the galaxy failed its child.

That is not to the say the Jedi were not overwhelmingly good intentioned, they were! Some in the Senate also desperately wanted peace. Padme was struggling with her own lack of childhood and nervous breakdown. Obi-wan had been derailed his entire life by Qui-gon's death. Anakin was continually abused and used for his abilities in every direction. The tragedy of Star Wars is: They were all good, but they failed regardless.

All those institutions were built on some kind of instability which pervaded as tiny cracks to their ethics. Letting evil seep in (how Sidious slithered through). They were all going to fall eventually, it was just a matter of when and how.

Which I think leads to the important number one lesson of Star Wars (to me) whether you look at it as Good vs Evil, a political story, a tale of inner Balance, a metaphor for the soul, a philosophical exercise on duality, or a spiritual story... the main lesson is:

Hope.

That you can be good and fail. And start over.

You can be bad and succeed in your badness - realize it is wrong, and start over.

We can see our passion as power and be free.

We can see our passion as an enemy and have peace.

It depends on inner wisdom, love, and support. It depends on sometimes reaching out in compassion, and other times turning our backs. It depends on our will to fight, and other times our wisdom not to. It depends on killing the past and other times accepting it and letting it guide us.

It depends on many things but most of all, empoweringly, It depends on what we want.

And as for your question about how I feel Anakin was influenced by the Jedi and whose "fault" his fall was - in my opinion, as per textual on-screen canon, it was everyone's. The Jedi, the Sith, the Senate, Padme, Obi-wan, many many others, and of course also Anakin himself.

However... it is those very same people and systems, The Jedi, the Sith, the Rebellion, Padme (Luke), Obi-wan, many others, and of course Anakin himself... which also redeemed him. And saved the galaxy.

Intention. Choice.

Duality.

😉

[painted-crow]

hey so i'm looking to figure my sorting out. i'm p sure of my secondary but honestly i've gone in circles so many times that i'd believe anything lmao

so i guess to start like. i'm fairly sure i'm an idealist, but with a twist. i care about making the world a better place-- i'm kinda infamous among my friends for being a little TOO outspoken about my opinions. on a small scale, i have strong opinions about a lot of things, but on a larger scale... idk. i don't think any one person can know what an ideal world looks like cause there really is no such thing. there are literally countless variables when it comes to implementing even small systems, countless ways to fuck it up, so i don't think i'd be choosing some grand ideal over the people i love anytime soon.

that being said, i think my idealist streak gets directed into something else most of the time. i'm very focused on understanding myself to a fault. i want to know why i do the things i do, why i believe certain things over others. when it comes to my beliefs about the world, they're strong but take it or leave it, but when it comes to myself they are not a good idea to push. i've ended relationships over not feeling like myself with them or feeling like i'm losing myself or they're pushing me to be someone i'm not. i make strong instant decisions about what the "right" thing to do is when it comes to how it impacts my perception of myself, especially with intimate relationships (i'm a lot less impulsive with things like friends and things i'm less personally involved in). i NEED to know who i am, way more than i care about any one specific person or thing. obviously i love people very deeply and would do just about anything to have both, but if i don't know who i am, if i'm not true to myself, then i have nothing. losing people happens.

the issue is, because i'm prone to doing that and not thinking as much about how it'll impact people, i've been called selfish a lot over my lifetime. recently i've started thinking more about how my actions impact people and their feelings, and i'm feeling a lot more torn. i want to do what i want to do, what i feel is best, but i feel immature for doing it a lot. i've started worrying a lot about being a bad person and hurting people, and i've been thinking about how the "right" way to be is. i went through a phase where i was repressing myself to make the "moral" choice, but i just felt so flat. ultimately i realized that it doesn't really matter how good i am if i have to repress myself to get there, cause then all it is is performance. tldr is i feel super guilty for making "selfish" choices rn, especially as i've gotten more aware of other peoples' feelings.

what i think is probably going on is that i'm an idealist primary with a badger model, but i'm not sure between lion and bird, and i'm still open to badger. pretty sure i'm not a snake.

the section on my secondary's gonna be a lot shorter, sorry this got so long! so i'm p sure i'm a badger secondary. considered lion and snake secondary too. whatever i am, i have a p loud lion model over it. i've always had a gift for making people trust me, for acting. i kinda blend in and become what i need to to both help them and get them off my back so i can do what i need to do. i have a serious passion for helping people with tough love (i like to think of myself as a p good advice giver, since i can both tell people what they need to hear and really get in their shoes and be kind where other people might not). i think i judge myself the least when i can kinda toe that line between pushing boundaries and stepping back-- i track where peoples' boundaries are constantly so i can push them to the limit without stepping over them. i'm very fluid when it comes to presentation in reality, even though i think people actually think of me as kinda controversial. i tend to see people who are ACTUALLY overstepping boundaries as lowkey selfish at times, even though i also really respect them. i like to do things the "right" way as long as i give a shit about them. the catch is, i don't want to blend into the background, and i don't think i do. a partner of mine called me a fox cause he noticed the way i constantly toe that line where i can get people to notice me and still keep them off my back, still make them comfortable. i'm also NOT a planner. people constantly give me shit for only ever feeling things out in the moment, and honestly thinking about the future freaks me out. i don't want to plan how i do shit i'd rather just get in the zone and figure it out from there. tldr i'm pretty sure i'm a badger secondary? but i could be convinced of snake. definitely see elements of both but my gut's telling me badger so take that how you will

anyway! thank you so much for taking the time to answer this, i know it's a lot.

also sorry one thing i forgot to add about my secondary! i think my lion model got so loud because when i do the shifty presentation thing, i have a tendency to lose myself and start perceiving myself as whatever i'm presenting. it's made it really hard to figure out who i actually am and so i started just being as clear about it as possible.

for my primary, i really care a lot about being right. i try to take every side into consideration to make sure i get the best conclusion. i can be super stubborn when it comes to certain things, but i don't want to just... hold to perceptions that are wrong. that being said it's important to me to trust my gut and i take it as a big input. i'm very felt out for most things, don't really have a strong system of how to be. i really wanna be able to trust myself but i just don't. i have a big habit of relying on other people to tell me what to think, which is uh. yeah.

Primary

You're a Bird primary with a Lion model, and you're trying on some Badger ideals. That's one of the easier Sorts I've done, lol! Possibly because your primary and models actually House match mine :p

Your reasoning process screams Bird xD and so does your writing style and just the length of the ask. Birds love self-analysis, it's part of how we make sure our systems stay as close to true as we can make them.

You've got some Lion too, but it's a model. It sounds like your Lion and your Bird have come into conflict before, and like most Birds with Lion models, it bugs the snot out of you when your Lion's intuition (which is important data!) doesn't line up with what your Bird knows.

You've prioritized Bird's conclusions before, but (as with many Birds) you don't entirely trust your own system and you're wondering if your Lion might have been right and you should give its reasoning more weight.

Also, you're consciously deciding that maybe Badgers' way of doing things is more moral than yours, and you're pulling in some of those ideals. That doesn't make you a Badger primary. Birds are notorious for this kind of thing actually 😂

The line between whether some ideals you've pulled into your Bird system vs. what counts as a model is fuzzy. It's up to you really, how important those pieces of Badger are to you.

For me, I think the line might be--is it wired into your sense of self on its own, or does it get filtered through your Bird and Lion? It really sounds like your Lion is a strong part of your sense of self: if you ignore its advice, you feel not totally like yourself. You don't have to feel all your models equally strongly, but thinking of it that way might help.

(It's also hard because Birds often feel like they kind of are their systems, or they are their ability to reason, that's a core part of their identity. ...It's complicated.)

Secondary

You sound really really Snakey. I'm not sure where you're getting Badger, actually!

Badgers are more than the mirroring ability. They also bury themselves in work or community, and it can sometimes look like they're neck deep in so many responsibilities that they couldn't possibly handle any more problems--and then they do have a problem, they do need something, and they stand up and all that stuff they were buried in turns out to be armor and tools.

Snakes, otoh, are improvisational and tend to be very aware of their surroundings. Unlike Badgers, the Snake brand of social shapeshifting involves a lot of keeping track of other people's reactions to what they're doing--trying something and then watching the response, then adjusting, rinse and repeat. You turn yourself into exactly the right person for this situation.

Badger mirroring is usually simpler. You reflect the other person's energy back at them: it's an empathetic response that says we're alike, I accept you, you're safe. A lot of Badgers do this without thinking--it can be hard to turn off.

Snakes also don't go in for prep work as much, it tends to trip them up (Snakes with Badger or Bird models notwithstanding). They're Improvisational secondaries, unlike Bird and Badger which are Built and rely heavily on some form of preparation.

The Lion model sounds legit, but just check for yourself: you might be learning to use Snake's neutral state. Snakes will sometimes drop all their layers of acting and maneuvering and suddenly they're just themselves. Different Snakes have different relationships with neutral state. For some Snakes, it's a relief to drop the mask; for others, it feels vulnerable and they only trust certain people with their full authenticity.

It does sound like you really admire Lion secondaries, though, so you might indeed have a model there! This is just something else you could check on.

Hope that helps!

- Paint

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

Dancing With The Devil Part 4 Thoughts:

(As per always, I will put this under a read more but it will talk about the pandemic, drug use and mental illness/health so count this as your trigger warning)

General Thoughts:

This episode felt a little weird for me because while it felt very genuine in a lot of ways, it also felt very PR in a more obvious way than part 3 did and in a way parts 1 and 2 did not at all. On the most part, I think this came down to having other celebrities come in that didn’t really feel like they added much or said anything that Demi’s loved ones hadn’t already said. Likewise, there were little moments like the ‘team’ question (over just say asking about loved ones more generally) and Scooter talking about putting everything off after the Grammys that also came off very PR and unneeded. There were also a few moments I wish they went more in depth with which I will talk about throughout this piece. In saying all of that, overall it was a good concluding piece for the documentary and I enjoyed it for the most part.

Pandemic Effects:

I don’t have much to say here past I related heavily to both the guilt and relief of Matt and Demi saying that Demi had a really good year and was able to do a lot of healing because of the time off with the pandemic. While I obviously didn’t have the money and resources Demi did for that process, I lived in an city that was barely touched by the pandemic and had a government that, while they have taken it away now, strongly financially supported people on government payments like myself. So much like Demi, I did what I could to make the best of that but much like Matt, I feel a lot of survivor’s guilt about saying that because that wasn’t most people’s experience.

I also agree with Elton that isolation is the worst thing you can do to someone who needs support, and though I’m glad they didn’t focus too deeply on Max, I’m glad that that was explored through that relationship in the documentary, even if it was heart breaking (and concerning considering I thought she was going to say she relapsed for a moment when she started crying) to see Demi cry over him. Likewise, while it was a more general note, I’m glad that they pushed the idea of getting help when symptoms start as opposed to when you spiral out because I imagine a lot of people needed to hear that, now more than ever.

Being California Sober:

This is one of the areas that I wished they had questioned Demi on more. Specifically, I feel like a question should have been asked regarding drinking being the start of the spiral and what’s changed. Arguably the answer is the same as the ‘the drugs I would want would kill me and that freaks me out’ answer she gave for the lying question, but I still would have liked a bit more exploration of how that connection and/or her attitude to alcohol with drugs has changed. I’m especially curious on a self centred level because a lot of what she said about realising that heroine wasn’t enough for her and that freaking her out is how I felt about realising my own connection between alcohol and drugs was stronger than I realised, even when I’m in a good mood. So yeah, I would have liked to hear more about that.

I also find it very interesting that on the most part, they put opinions that disagree with moderation forward, Like the case worker seemed to be the only one that was fully on board with the idea of moderation for Demi. Granted Sirah gave an on the fence answer of “I don’t know either way” but it felt unconvincing that she felt this was best and then Elton and even Scooter being like “I don’t agree with it at all” seemed like interesting choices to put in. And you can argue that it was to balance the conversation, but it didn’t feel balanced at all to me. Not that that’s a bad thing, just an interesting choice that most documentaries don’t make.

I won’t go too far into my opinion here because I recently went into it in this ask, but tldr: while I know some recovering addicts who can have a big night out and not touch stuff for years, I personally could never see moderation working. I also agree heavily with Elton that you can live just as an amazing life completely sober comparatively to when you’re drinking/drugging and most of my best moments have happened sober. However, in a “Tragic. The worst person you know made a good point” moment, I do agree with Scooter that trying to control Demi has not worked in the past and unless major red flags come up, it is best to trust her and pray that she knows what she is doing.

Honestly? I feel a little mixed about pushing the idea of having to be sober for yourself and not pushing people who aren’t ready for sobriety to get clean. Like yes, in a perfect would everybody would do it for themselves and I agree that you’re more likely to stay sober if you’re doing it for yourself. But it is not a perfect world, and even now, going on nine years being sober of drugs, I still have days where I can’t do it for myself and use things like “I don’t want to disappoint my mum” or “It would make my friends worry” or even “hey I won’t be able to see the new episode of this show if something happens” to keep clean. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing, just like I don’t think Demi getting clean the first time for the sake of her relationship with her sister was a bad thing. Again, it’s not ideal, but it’s better than nothing.

Other Mental Illnesses.

This isn’t to do with Demi personally, but I do find it interesting that she was misdiagnosed with Manic Depressive Disorder given what I learned in my psychology undergraduate degree. In general, if a woman is misdiagnosed, typically she is diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when she really has Manic Depressive Disorder. Alternatively, males who are misdiagnosed are typically diagnosed with Manic Depressive Disorder when they really have a Personality Disorder. Again, this isn’t about Demi specifically, but I just found that interesting when she said about the misdiagnosis.

I also found it interesting that they flat out asked her about her past compulsive lying. One area I wish had been questioned more on that front was when she mentioned about cutting her hair being a liberating thing. Like I find it interesting that she brought up thinking people would hate it and make comments out of malice, but nobody brought up about when she said she changes her hair when she feels out of control. Again, much like the alcohol/drug connection situation, I feel like it would have been a good way to compare and contrast the difference in her mindset now compared to then and lowkey reassure loved ones that this isn’t something they need to question anymore.

All up, Dancing With The Devil is a decent documentary. Though I wished they focused on some parts more and others less, it came off as an authentic look into the struggles of Demi and her loved ones as she rebuilt her life post overdose. While I’m hoping we never get another documentary of this nature from her again, I would not be opposed to another documentary in general years down the line to show the (hopefully positive) contrast of her life when the actions she’s spoken about taking now take full effect. Until then, all I can really do is hope she continues her recovery and growth into who she wants to be.

[purplesunrisefanfic]

Honey and Freckles for the ask game?

Thanks for asking: Hope you find the answers interesting! 💜

Honey - favorite term of endearment?

I use babe most frequently but I think that’s partly generational slang bc my bestie and I have been saying that for years rather than bc it’s a special favourite.

I would say my faves are the regional terms used by ppl in/from different parts of the UK. It’s hard to explain why the same words simply aren’t the same to me in the relevant accent and dialect, especially bc a lotta ppl are probably gonna be like “some random older dude calling me ‘pet’? Gross,” but someone from the relevant regional culture using these terms just, it’s like it’s a different word, like a homophone bc I suppose it all almost is the sense that in NW England pet = “anyone I don’t actively and openly despise.” In certain areas “my lover” is the same. I actually worked with a chef from Devon and it was one of those things where he called me “my lover” and it meant something different that, if any other colleagues had called me that it would have been like wtf, but again, it’s regional and you can even hear the difference in meaning come across in the accent. So my favourites to hear are the authentic old and region-specific ones from people speaking that region, which is ironic bc on paper from anyone else I wouldn’t call them ones I especially liked: Duck, Pet, Love, Hen, My lover.

BONUS: I bloody love the uniquely British way of using “Mate” as a combined 3-in-1 exclamation, term of endearment and expression of sympathy/empathy/concern or execitment (sympathy etc or excitement depending on what you are reacting to and how you say it.) It can literally express all of that in a one-word reaction.

Freckles - most-worn article of clothing?

Oh good one. So first thing to mention is that I have medically-induced major weight fluctuations. I’m on several medications that each (as side effects) alter appetite, tastebuds and metabolic factors: some one way, and some the other. So whenever any one medication is altered, it can go either way. Sometimes I have periods of unplanned weight loss but overall the trend has been towards SSRI-related weight gain. And for the last couple of years we’ve been regularly actively changing my meds fairly regularly in an attempt to find a medication that is effective without (other) debilitating side effects. So the TLDR of that issue is that any given item of clothing doesn’t tend to last very long because my weight has varied by over 5 stone in just the last 3 years. So let’s talk in general. These are the items that I always wanna have:

Black (ideally ribbed) vests with proper (not spaghetti) straps.

I always rock these. They somehow look less basic on me than they should do in theory. If that makes any sense?

Any dress with pockets.

A God Tier and sadly rare item that is precious and, once found, will be worn at every opportunity. I prefer some bright colours, bold patterns, fun skirts and a length just above the knee, but when pockets are involved I’m very open to compromise.

Checked and denim shirts

I’m blaming queer culture for this.

Dungarees

You might think I’m gonna blame queers again, but this time I’m actually gonna blame the ‘90s. I was born in ‘91 and these were the first item of clothing I remember finding really striking. I associate them with getting shit done and taking control and being able to fix or upgrade your own shit. I think of a trend that my people (ie working class, and class is a hella big deal still here in the UK) rocked better than any catwalk ever could. I think of women and I think of femininity on our own terms. Dungarees, ah mate, dungarees just have so much of everything going for them: the pockets, the practicality, the look, the culture.

BONUS: I own a necklace that is also lowkey a genuinely functional flogger and obvs that is a big fave.

[tomandharriet]

Keralan comforts

We will always remember driving into Big Sur on the Californian coast early one evening of our 2012 road trip. We pulled up at a local store to get a few supplies and asked the owner what we should do whilst in Big Sur. “In Big Sur, we do nothing, Sir” was his response and those words stuck with us. Not many places fit that advice quite like Big Sur, but the southern coast of Kerala certainly comes close.

We arrived back on the Keralan coast to the warmest of welcomes from Santhosh, our homestay host. This was despite our bus delay meaning it was gone 1am by the time we showed up. As several proud Keralans told us during our time there, the guest is god, in gods own country. This was certainly the case for Santhosh and his lovely wife, Sheeja who showed exactly what can set apart a homestay from a guesthouse or regular air bnb booking.

Amazing breakfasts aside, the highlight of this hospitality for Tom (still quite ill at this point) was when Santhosh offered to take him to the pharmacy to pick up some antibiotics. A nice gesture, you think, but given Santhosh was the proud owner of a vintage Royal Enfield, the motorbike of choice for the purists in India - this turned out to be a fantastic experience in itself. Santhosh had a fascinating background and had spent several years living in London, working for the Indian consulate. He now seems to be a prominent local figure in Alleppey, collecting nods as we sped down narrow lanes, greeting everyone we passed. We wouldn’t be surprised if he’s planning to run for the equivalent of local mayor or counsellor! He had an interest in everything, from getting to know us, through to talking about Kerala, colonialisation, economics and politics. Trump and Brexit were two topics he was particularly keen to discuss - with the latter potentially providing new opportunities to India in his eyes.

The recent monsoon, reported to be the most severe for a century, was very evident in Alleppey, one of the worst affected places. Many businesses remained closed, or were clearly building themselves back up. Santhosh showed us photos of just how high the flood levels reached (waist high in his company office) and talked of the community spirit shown at the time, with anyone with boats or large vehicles teaming together to ensure the safety of neighbours. Our main purpose of visiting Alleppey was to do what most people go there for, the famous Kerala backwater boat trips. It turned out that Santhosh had a finger in this pie too, with a fleet of 6 boats. Given his wonderful hospitality, it was an easy decision to take him up on the offer, which was a fair bit cheaper than we were expecting to pay if turning up at the harbour.

The overnight boat trip was a fantastic experience (more on the food later). Purched in our throne like chairs, we ate and drank like royalty whilst drifting through beautiful scenery. After a number of long and fairly uncomfortable journeys through India, the chance to travel in such style was fully appreciated and we disembarked the boat content and re-energised.

Our penultimate stop in Kerala was Varkala - the southern state’s answer to Goa. Beautiful beaches, set beneath steep cliff faces, which are lined with restaurants, bars, cafes and market stalls, some of which were absolutely fantastic. The tailend of the cyclone seemed to meet us again here on the first night. We got absolutely drenched nipping from bar to restaurant, but enjoyed an amazing view of vast thunderstorms out at sea - the sky constantly illuminating with distant fork and sheet lightening. We woke up to a much sunnier, calmer Varkala and enjoyed a couple of days of beach chilling, whilst setting our sights on the next step of our trip, our Sri Lankan cricket holiday.

So relaxed, Harriet decided to treat herself to a questionable “authentic” ayurvedic massage, supposedly carried out for health, mental and physical benefits. It started off with her being smothered from head to toe (and eye) in a turmeric spiced oil. This followed with a bashing using a muslin ball that had unnervingly been sizzling away in a basin of piping hot oil. Alarmingly, this oil was being heated up using a gasoline stove that was slowly filling the room up with smoke. It’s safe to say it was not the massage she was anticipating. She came out stinking of curry and needing to rush to the shower in fear of staining her brand new white dress yellow. She is still waiting to reap any benefits from that experience... Tom opted for a sunset drink and has been feeling great ever since!

Trivandrum was our final stop of India part 1. There isn’t a lot to do in Kerala’s capital city, so we arrived late and had an early flight out to Colombo. Looking for something to fill the evening with, we decided to check out the shopping centre, something of a rarity in India. Usually when told of a nearby shopping centre, it turns out to be a collection of market stalls. This was a fully flung western style shopping centre, complete with the first supermarket we had seen in India. Harriet seized her chance to eat some good old western food. KFC was hardly going to make the prestigious food section of this blog, so better squeeze it in here. Plans in place to meet up with Joel and Alecia and settle in for a few days of Test cricket - we said our temporary goodbyes to India. Quite ready for something different, we didn’t realise then, just how much we’d come to love this crazy country.

Food

The food in our final leg of South India was generally delicious and usually consisted of a combination of fresh fruits, vegetables and most importantly fish. We ate some of our favourite curries in Varkala and the home cooking we sampled was excellent.

One of the stand out meals, which we both agreed was probably the best meal of the trip to date was our lunch on the house boat in Alleppey. As mentioned earlier we were waited on hand and foot and this certainly did not stop when it came to the food. Asked to sit up at the regal like dining table we were served a variety of dishes including rice, papad, a vegetable curried stew, fried green bean curry a light and refreshing cabbage salad but the star of the show was the fresh grilled fish that had been marinated in a combination of different spices. So tender the fish just fell from the bone. Such a delicious combination of flavours and textures. I think we barely said a word whilst we were chomping it all down!

A final mention must go out to the amazing breakfasts that our hotel in Varkala prepared for us. Slightly cheating because it isn’t traditional to the Indian culinary delights we have been talking about previously but check out this fruit salad they made us!

Tom still wishing to take it easy on the food turned down their elaborate breakfast and asked if he could just have a banana so naturally they gave him three on plate.

Travel Jukebox - ‘Con Todo El Munro’ by Khruangbin

Nick, with newly born Theo in his arms, recommended Khruangbin’s second album, Con Todo El Munro, during our brief visit to see them on our way to Heathrow. Luckily this was an album we’d earmarked for the trip and had it downloaded offline already, so listening began almost immediately! We’re writing about it now, fittingly at the end of India part 1, as in truth it is an album which has soundtracked much of our time here.

Khruangbin’s music is almost impossible to define, but the US based trio state that their roots are in Thai Funk. Their first album is fantastic and we’d equally recommend that (as Dave did for Sam, when he did his own travel jukebox). Their second album is a continental shift from Thailand to India and the Middle East, hence the heavy listening it has received here. Featuring plenty of sittar, and unlike the first album, some brief vocals too, the album is a beautifully paced experimental tour of Middle Eastern / Asian music.

To call it the ultimate background music would probably be a disservice to Khurangbin, but if trying to describe it to somebody that hasn’t listened, that is essentially what it is. The album works perfectly as a dreamy travel accomplice, but doesn’t disappoint when you give it your full attention too. The album works best when listened through from start to finish, so rather than commenting on standout tracks, we’d rather advise you to find ~45 minutes to give it the time it deserves.

TLDR;

We basically did nothing in our time on the backwaters of Kerala. And that was just perfect.

Love Tom & Harriet x