#the tl;dr is still too long i'm sorry

[egophiliac]

How do you imagine Levan/Revan/ Mallenoa's husband?

Appearance, personality etc.

Revaan/Laverne/whatever-his-name-is's title sort of implies that he might be from a fantasy-Eastern country (they've established that in Twstland, 竜 = Eastern-style dragons, andドラゴン = Western-style dragons). and that's about as much as we know right now about...anything in regards to what he might look like. so I've been trying very hard not to form too much of a mental picture of him, because I'm still hoping we'll get to see him (or at least a silhouette)! ergo, in my head, he kind of looks like this:

so handsome. surely Malenoa fell in love at first glance.

I do think the funniest thing about what we've learned so far is that Malleus being kind of quiet and reserved and dignified...absolutely did not come from the Draconias. and he sure as heck did not learn it from Lilia. so he probably got a lot of that from his dad! the vibe I get from how Lilia talks about him is that he could be a bit of a prim little fancyboy sometimes, but was (mostly) willing to go along with his wife's zany antics out of love. he sounds sweet, honestly! I'm sorry he (maybe) died. :(

my favorite thing about Mal's parents is that Malenoa and Lilia's dynamic was "long-suffering guard and princess who has long been the cause of said suffering":

but then they would happily join forces in order to gang up on Revaan:

tl;dr Revaan was the straightman in Malenoa and Lilia's comedy act until it all ended horribly whoops

[ronanlynchusurper]

I'm not saying that I'd love to hear your thoughts on Adam's relationship with his sexuality but actually that's exactly what I'm saying please share I think about it *all the time*

(don't have to no pressure but please consider this an open invitation 🙏)

hello hi yes! i would love to tell you my thoughts on this! first off, i love your character analysis posts so i am lil nervous sharing this haha but i would also love to know your thoughts on this topic too because i actually really struggled to put all my thoughts together like you do!

also disclaimer this turned into me just pointing at info from the books (or how i remember them at least) and going 'i think he knew he was bi the whole time and was toeing the line of being open about it" more than anything haha but yes eee i’m excited ok! also sorry it ended up so long there is a TL,DR to sum my rambling up so no pressure to read it all!

so firstly, i think it's interesting that we never (to my memory) see any 'discovery' or 'acceptance' journey for adam in regards to his sexuality like we do for other canonically queer characters. we see ronan's journey to acceptance and how he struggled with that and we also see kavinsky acting in a way that is a response to his sexuality discovery whether he accepts it or not. and while these kind of narratives aren't applicable to all queer people or characters I find it very curious that someone of adam's upbringing wouldn't have had atleast SOME struggles in relation to sexuality upon discovery. He has grown up with a father who is likely homophobic and racist and has been working blue collar jobs amongst men who in many cases typically have similar ideologies about masculinity etc since he was very young and its early 2010s in a small town. (im australian so i dont know tonnes about which areas are conservative in america but i got the vibe based on some comments in the books that henrietta wasn't super welcoming to minorities). adam makes some racist 'jokes' in the later books which implies to me that he still has residual prejudices from the way he has grown up, therefore you would think he would have similiar things to say about sexuality etc but he never does. this makes me assume he was either aware of his sexuality long before the raven boys starts and had come to terms with it a while ago or we just don’t see that aspect of his journey on page (which if thats the case thats a whole other thing to discuss). Also he clocks ronan as gay in book 1 with his 'thats the biggest lie youve ever told' comment and adam is too aware and analytical of himself and others to not be aware of his own attractions if he noticed ronan's. i also see this moment and when he jokes about piper not being ronans type in book 3 (? maybe 4?) as kind of an 'i see you' type of thing, like this is the type of shit i would say to queer friends im out to.

theres also moments when they are in school that imply people think he is gay, which on my first read i thought was typical boarding school boy behaviour of calling other guys gay as an insult or a jibe. BUT on my second read i noticed that the comment although still meant insultingly, is more a statement about thinking he's gay than anything else and although adam doesn't like tad (who its implied makes the comment) he doesn't seem particularly phased by the comment and when tad actually comes over to (in my opinion) flirt with him, rather than poke fun at him it kind of solidifies that. ALSO there are much easier and more obvious ways for them to make snide comments at adam, for example his financial situation. AND adam is a fairly masculine character although described as 'pretty' and skinny on different occasions, so it makes me wonder if the leap to him being queer must've been prompted by him either being open or not actively hiding it rather than stereotypes being projected onto him.

also ronan is sitting right next to him and doesn't seem phased at all by this discussion of adam sexuality, not to say that i think he would stand up and say something because he and adam don't ever need to fight each others battles but i think he would look atleast a little bit annoyed at the insinuation if he thought it wasn't true. (or maybe he’s just used to aglionby bullshit who knows)

which also brings me to the fact that ronan never claims that he thinks adam is straight. ronan doesn't say either way what he thinks adam identifies as BUT pretty quickly after ronan acknowledges his feelings for adam, he starts doing some overtly romantic gestures such as the mixtape, moments at the barns, the lotion etc. that's not to say i think he has done these things because he is expecting anything in return in fact i think ronan shows his love through actions & gestures whether he wants to or not and part of the reason adam accepts it is because he’s one of the few who doesn’t expect anything back, but these are still very deliberately romantic actions. ronan is very careful when in comes to relationships and i think he would feel very vulnerable putting those feelings out there without atleast a little bit of knowledge about adam’s sexuality especially when they are close friends its not a risk you want to take without precaution. most of his uncertainty about what is happening between them seems to be about whether adam likes him, not about whether adam likes boys.

that leads me to adam's thoughts about men (mainly ronan when he first starts noticing the shift in ronan's feeling towards him and his own attraction to ronan). there are moments when adam openly admires men and their appearances, the most obvious being gansey and greenmantle, but again adam doesn't seem to have any shame or surprise or confusion about those thoughts. its similiar when he comes to terms with his feelings about ronan. although some of adams thoughts about his feelings can be interpreted as confusion about his feelings towards a boy, his thoughts are more focused on if his feelings are actually love or not. its his first real experience of love and he also has concerns about if his want is strong enough to act on especially because he knows ronan is serious about it. the thoughts never focus on concerns of about being attracted to a boy or the risks of that (except for saying he knows ronan is the hardest option, which goes beyond him being a boy and seems to also be about ronans powers etc). also im mentioning the comment that adam had been starving longer,that comment alone is a whole other thing too get into but i definitely think is speaks to adam's relationship with his sexuality and love, touch and being known and how deprived he has been for so long.

I think for me the bit that surprised me the most about his relationship with his sexuality when first reading, was that him and ronan appear to be quite open about their relationship post trk as robert makes a comment about him driving his boyfriends car. whether or not him and ronan are officially out as boyfriends or just hanging out so closely to the point that a rumour has spread, it's more than likely they actively made that choice.

i think i found this pleasantly surprising when i first read it because until this point adam has been conscious of trying to fit in with the other aglionby boys e.g. making sure his clothes look neat and well taken care of, paying his own way, hiding his accent etc. he resents them for all the ways they are different when they talk about their holidays and money etc and the reason he makes the sacrifice to cabeswater is so he feels equal to gansey (i know he grows from this but still).

when looking at the basic traits of adam its easy to assume he would want to be the type of character to hide his relationship or atleast not be open about it as a way to protect his options and make life easier for himself where he can, because of how hard he has struggled,and so its interesting that he then actively chooses to 'alienate' himself (in some perspectives) further from the other boys at aglionby. as someone who is constantly considering his actions in regard to his future and just having the personality he has, he definitely would've considered the cons of being out at aglionby and how that could effect his opportunities, e.g. at this point in the story all we know about what he wants for the future is the fact that networking with republicans at a gansey event would be helpful, being queer and poor wouldn't be easy to navigate in those spaces and still thought it was more important to be open in his relationship.

he is also a character that values having control over how he is perceived and being openly queer or even just being publicly in a relationship in general has so many elements you cannot control e.g. what other people say and think about you based on your partner of choice, how the scrutiny or openness can effect said relationship etc. this makes me think he would want to hold it closely to his chest to protect it and yet he defies that.

anyway i struggle to explain in words what im getting at ig but i just love that he deviates from character stereotypes that he would have some similiar traits with in that regard. he knows how treasured his connection with ronan is and considers it a privilege to be loved by him and wants to show that to the world regardless of the uncertainty. it becomes increasingly obvious especially in dreamer trilogy that despite his hard work for career and education based goals there isn't much he wouldn't sacrifice or atleast compromise for ronan, which is potentially unhealthy but idc they are codependent and its fine fight me on it.

i think i also find his relationship with his sexuality interesting because it’s easy to read him as a character who cares for his relationship and accepts being queer without actively seeking out the queer community, so adam going to harvard and lying about everything in his life except his sexuality and relationship with ronan is quite telling of his relationship with being queer, especially because he then seeks out whats implied to be an openly all queer friend group when he could've gone and befriended anyone and made himself into anyone. he finds his relationship so important to who he is and his life that instead of hiding it he wanted to exist and be amongst people who understood that, even if he wouldn’t let them understand anything else about him.

i just love him so so much i feel this hasn't really explained my thoughts whatsoever i've just rambled about parts of the book but yeah i just think its really intriguing how he approaches his sexuality so much differently to how he approaches everything else ig.

TL, DR

adam's relationship with his sexuality is fascinating because it doesn’t follow the typical 'realisation → internal struggle → acceptance' arc even though his upbringing points to this a reasonable arc for him. he seems like he’s already accepted his queerness before the raven cycle even starts, and it’s one of the only things in his life he doesn’t overanalyse, repress, or try to change. he’s a character focused on control, appearances, and social mobility, yet when it comes to being queer and loving ronan, he’s surprisingly open. it’s like queerness and his romantic love is one of the few parts of himself he feels certain about. instead of hiding it, he protects and celebrates it. and that choice is quiet interesting for someone who’s worked so hard to be palatable to the world and be successful by society's standards

[derww]

TL;DR: 4C&Joker!Zam at Jingle JAM. Almost 6.5k words.

Disclaimer: PrinceZam brutally murders your fav people from the event (and more).

CW: Violence, deaths, non-graphic gore, suicidality

***

4C sees a figure coming up a hill – a yellow spot catches his eye instantly, and there is simply no one else here like it, and he raises his hand to finally, after too long an hour of an event, greet Zam in person.

 

He only needs a moment more to see the purple cloak and too much blood to be just his own. For a split second, 4C stops, and a freezing chill hits him to the bone. He immediately understands everything.

 

The cold is replaced by calmness and confidence. He knows the situation. There's nothing to worry about.

 

He waves at him.

 

– Hey, Zam!

 

Zam smiles brightly and waves back.

 

– Hey, 4C!

 

PrinceZam whispers to you: you know what to do.

 

There is complete chaos here: suspicious people appeared, no one understands anything, everyone is pulling each other in different directions, looking for solutions to the threats, and all this is mixed into an ear-crushing hubbub. And Zam... he just stands there, listening to people, watching as one of the team members climbs as high as possible, deciding to hide from hunters in the air.

 

Zam whispers to you: should I just kill them all here

 

He's not answering. He pulls people into conversation until they disperse into smaller groups. 

 

DTR, having broken away from the others, winds circles around them, and 4C mentally says goodbye to them. In the rush of the moment, he doesn't even feel sympathy. All of them are already doomed anyway.

 

– Imagine, I was able to make 11 people play a scene from Titanic, – he shares while they slowly walk in the opposite direction from the rest, and Zam tells his own adventures in tune with him, and how he was teleported many thousands of blocks from his house, and DTR adds here and there, rushing back and forth. They tell how suspicious one of the guys in their group was, that he even threatened them, but no, he didn't seem to be a hunter; he didn't have any diamond armor or netherite weapons, but anyways, all sorts of people exist, after all, PVP is turned on for everyone-

 

4C liked DTR. They were a ray of sunshine, eternally energetic and motivating and unable to stay in place, and ready to tell the whole story of their lives. He puts his hand on their shoulder, and DTR stops, staring at him curiously with their bottomless fishy eyes.

 

– You don't have to worry anymore, – he warmly assures, – I'm good at fighting, and Zam is even better! 

 

– Are you doing nothing but fighting there? – DTR seems perplexed, – of course, we also have fights sometimes, but usually we just have fun together.

 

– Well, not only that, – 4C agrees, – relationships between people, teams, stories, interests, all this is also very important, but in the end you often still need to fight, – and he smiles.

 

Diamond sword pierces DTR right into the heart, and then Zam leads it down, ripping the chest open. Blood gets on 4C's clothes, and he lets DTR go, allowing them to fall from the horse onto the ground, muttering something muffled.

 

– And if you fight over and over again, one day it becomes your life, – Zam purrs, and then bursts into laughter until DTR stops moving – and their pupils roll up – and they die, crumbling into nothing.

 

4C dusts off his jacket, but blood has already soaked into it.

 

– You've stained me, – he remarks reproachfully, powerlessly trying to clean it at least a little, – how can I pretend to be innocent if I'm covered in someone else's blood?

 

– I'm sorry, – Zam pulls, hiding a sword, – but it's not so noticeable from the distance, maybe they wouldn't notice?

 

– Zam that doesn't mean I want to wear dirty clothes, – he retorts, shaking his head disapprovingly. Zam raises his hands in defeat.

 

– I'm sorry! – he admits, - I'll try to be more careful, 4C, I promise. 

 

– I'll keep an eye on you, – he threatens frivolously and, unable to restrain himself, giggles. They let the horse go and continue walking in the same direction.

 

When they reach a river, Zam honestly tries to help him wash the blood, but it is tightly stuck – there is no way to fix it on the spot. But he manages to clean himself – remove blood from his head, clean his mouth after the past internal bleeding, wipe almost everything off his hands, leaving only red outlines under the nails. Only his coat remains the same – darkened, half-lost its own color, dragging corpses and grave earth. At least it's still better than it was, says 4C optimistically.

 

– I thought you had renounced your past self, – he remarks, – does it really not matter as long as you're not on the server?

 

Zam smiles back at him gently; there is no threat in it, but it is still subtly different from how he smiled before.

 

– Oh, no, no, 4C, of course not, – he shakes his head, – you can say, that guy took a break. He will return to you in complete safety upon our comeback.

 

He sighs. Well, this is within the norm of strangeness for a Lifesteal player. He hardly felt even a little surprised.

 

– Okay, okay, – 4C shrugs, – do you want to find someone specific, or do we take care of those we find first?

 

– Of course, I am interested in all our dear friends and comrades, – Zam draws out, – and, of course, Fruitberries! I'll be so happy if I get a chance to kill him! – he chuckles enthusiastically, – but we still need to kill everyone else, too. I would prefer to hide my role for now, so we should focus on singles to leave no witnesses. With you around, everyone will believe that we are completely innocent!

 

– Sure, Zam, – he ironically agrees, – I am, without a doubt, the friendliest player of the event.

 

– That's what I am talking about! 

 

***

It's even too easy: they follow a compass, determine a situation, and come into contact with singles and duos. Zam looks almost normal and draws them into a conversation, and almost everyone here knows 4C, and they take his benevolence and desire to help for granted. Not used to always being suspicious of everyone, they easily succumb to kind words, gifts and help, open to befriending them, even after discovering the secret of the event, hoping just to spend time well. Not warriors, peaceful people, why should they even be involved in a meat grinder between hunters and the strongest of the strongest?

 

– Oh, we don't just fight on the Lifesteal, – Zam mysteriously declares, and his listeners are staring at him, catching his every word, listening like a fairytale; – we also, just like you, tell our stories, it's just that there are a lot more deaths in ours. For example, one day I set out to corrupt the whole world, and in the process, wanting to prove my case, I killed a lot of people! – he waves his arms and shrugs his shoulders as if it were an everyday occurrence, – and he, – points to 4C, – was my first victim, with whom it all began! The president whose unwise decision led me to shift my vision!

 

– Did he murder you? – gasps the first, – and you're still friends?

 

– Yeah, it happened, – 4C laughs, shaking his head, – I was expecting something like this when we decided to remove the heart recipe. Everyone needs to survive somehow, and I was an obvious target. I don't hold a grudge. Besides, Zam has changed.

 

– Oh, yes, – Zam murmurs, – I've changed since then! I realized that I was wrong, and I can't let this happen again! I took an oath that I would never kill anyone!

 

He burns them alive – 4C hands him a camping bottle of ethanol, and Zam laughs hysterically, setting them on fire and then watching agonizing death, admiring and warming hands. Some of his fingertips are licked by flames, getting burns, but he doesn't pay any attention.

 

4C, waiting for him to finish, is sorting through his backpack – it's been too long without long-distance trips, he completely forgot what he even had with him. A couple of times he winces at the smell of burnt meat. The screams subside over time.

 

– Are we going to hide the corpses? – he asks, going through all the available elements of his swiss knife.

 

— No. It's useless, there's not enough time, – Zam replies, putting his hands in his pockets. He's not smiling anymore, but he sounds drunk, still not completely sober from murder, – soon the border will start to close. They won't make it. But we also need to move.

 

– I really need to figure out my armor, – 4C remarks, looking down at himself, and puts all the things back in his backpack. Only iron boots and helmet, absolutely unsuitable for battles, – when we pick up someone, leave their corpses next time, okay?

 

Zam drowns the next traveler by holding them by the neck under water until they stop resisting. 4C takes their half-broken protection 1 iron leggings, which still smell of mud. After three more murders, he takes a diamond boots from someone's riddled body.

 

– I missed killing people, – Zam shares, hiding the third axe under his coat, – it's so much fun, they are too weak, though. Are they so unaccustomed to war? I've killed the weak on the Lifesteal too, but you were different from them. You were so vulnerable just because you chose it.

 

4C shrugs his shoulders.

 

– I'm like them, Zam. I am not a warrior. I don't like fighting. There are so many things in the world more interesting than direct war. I don't want to waste my time on it.

 

Zam chuckles. He turns his trident from side to side, already lying in his hand in his native way.

 

– Don't worry. You don't have to fight. I will gladly take it for myself.

 

– It's always important to let people do what they like, – 4C smiles, handing him a helmet from the second corpse lying with a crossbow bolt between their eyes. It still smells of blood and is obviously too big, but Zam doesn't seem concerned about it.

 

They wade through the river, but it doesn't knock down any smell or stains, just leaves them both wet. 4C glimpses how deeply the blood has seeped into Zam's coat. This is the same coat – the one that wrapped Zam's corpse on the burial and the one that Zam himself stole from his own grave when he possessed Pangi's body. Even now, many months later, there are still traces of 4C's own blood on it – barely discernible, uneven blue streaks on the dark, worn purple. With the still readable trajectory, it is obvious that the hands holding the sword were shaking. He doesn't know how he feels about it.

 

– It's too easy, – Zam complains in a childish tone, rolling enchantment for the trident for the third time in an hour, – they barely even resist. Don't they value their lives?

 

– This is an event, – 4C remarks, shrugging; he wrings out his soaked jacket, – no one's going to actually die. Besides, in their worlds, no one will come up and just start killing you, you know? Some might never have fought against anyone other than mobs.

 

– But I want a real fight, – he objects, – what should I do so that they take swords in their hands and really try to kill me? – he stands up, breaking an enchanter, and his fingers, clutching the handle of the trident, tremble with tension, – is it really necessary to find a bigger group for this? – Zam asks sadly, – this will increase the chance of revealing me... Do you think I can just run into Coldie like that? Or, like, Raddles? – he asks, almost tenderly. – or Fein? Or, – his breath comes in short gasps, and 4C is pretty sure he meant to say "Fruitberries".

 

– I'm sure if we hurry up, you'll be able to find someone strong, – 4C remarks casually, – they're outstanding players, they can beat other hunters. And what about those who are weaker... – he pauses, thinking, – yes, it makes sense to look for bigger groups. It's going to make it harder to keep your role a secret, but that just means we need to shoot everyone before they run too far, right?

 

– That's right! – and Zam smiles at him and laughs, clearly imagining how many people he can still kill before the end of the event, – you're right, it's so easy! – he sincerely declares, – we just have to kill them sooner!

 

It's easy to notice when you know Zam long enough: he gets worse. In the sense that it was worse for him then – he is rapidly losing his self-control and humanity in the desire to kill someone, constantly touching one or the other weapon, tearing his hands, and laughing under his nose. And how did someone like that eventually take the oath of pacifism, 4C thinks distantly, putting his hand to his forehead and looking at the horizon.

 

He notices it first – a human figure, a girl entwined with pink flowers. A girl is different in some way – she throws a knowing glance at Zam, as if capable of sensing something amiss, intercepts her delicate rapier, and then rushes away. Zam swears under his breath and shouts something, clearly still trying to play a card of just-a-player-definitely-not-a-mass-murderer-

 

4C may not be a warrior, but he still knows how to fight. His arrow hits the girl in the leg, piercing her knee, and she stumbles and falls. It doesn't take long for Zam to get close, but for a while he just stares at her writhing in pain.

 

– Why in the leg, – she moans, – better have killed me right away, but now I'll remember that too! If you had shot in the head, at least it doesn't hurt so much!

 

Zam continues to glare at her. 

 

– It's an offering, – 4C smiles, – do you know, like to an ancient god? For the good luck to both of us at the games.

 

Zam's fingers, clenched into a fist, turn white. He doesn't say a word, as if intoxicated.

 

– I'm here, actually, – the girl remarks, – conscious and all that. I won't run away, of course, but I still have one life left. I'll tell everyone about you. Two hunters at once, wow!

 

– You'll tell them everything? What's about my name? – Zam asks softly, pupils dilated. – you should remember the name, right?

 

He kills her before she finds the answer. When he looks up, 4C notes that some of the blood seems to have entered his eye. Zam doesn't even try to wipe it off his face and instead smiles toothily.

 

– Let's find a bigger team, 4C, – he says too calmly, and he nods. He barely remembers to take arrows from the corpse with him. In addition to them and bolts for the crossbow, Zam silently throws him half a stack of rockets.

 

– She probably learned enough to tell the others, – 4C remarks after a long pause, – maybe not your name, but-

 

– Just imagine, – Zam interrupts him, – she thought you were a hunter. It's funny, isn't it? 

 

– Undoubtedly! – he agrees, – in her gaze, I must really look like one of you.

 

– The difference is small, – Zam shrugs, – they didn't turn off the friendly fire. 

 

Zam doesn't show it, but his trembling finally stops. He seems like a cat full of sour cream, but 4C knew better than anyone that it won't last long.

 

***

The next time they come across a company of five people. Zam burns the first alive and pierces the second by throwing a trident. The third and fourth, realizing that there is no way back, grab their swords, and they fight – honestly and with dignity and to the death, but Zam's face expresses boredom and disrespect while he dissects them like frogs. The fifth tries to run, and 4C finishes them off in the back and carefully wipes his sword.

– You're a grouch,  – Zam jokes, – how did you even survive here?

– I'm not a grouch,– 4C corrects pedantically, hiding the sword, – I just don't want it to stay dirty.

– He won't have time to rust, – Zam sounds surprised, and 4C shakes his head. He's not answering.

The closing of the border becomes noticeable when it appears on the horizon, and they change direction, moving directly to 0, 0, where the paths of all the survivors and hunters were converging. 

– Imagine if all our friends had already been killed while we were messing with the little things, – Zam groans, – I wanted to kill them all so much! It's such a pity that there's no point in killing hunters... I'd love to finish Kyle off. – he sighs in frustration, – well, I can still do it at least once, but he might get mad and stop me from killing the ones I want. – things are always more complicated when a person is immortal.

He hardly pays much attention to random passers, many of them are just running, but even those who are trying to fight are not interesting enough. Zam still wears his shitty starter armor, and- and even the fact that he is obviously not afraid of death, playing into its hands, he goes ahead, leaving himself vulnerable, and it scares. He fights every time but still always solves everything in a few punches. He fights quite differently now, much more sweeping and aggressiveness, but he leaves himself too open to enemy attacks.

– You still have an almost human body, – 4C reminds him, tying a bandage on his arm, – you're vulnerable.

– I'm immortal, – Zam chuckles, but doesn't move, letting him do his thing, – what's the difference?

– It would be even more inconvenient to look for you all over the map right now, – 4C reminds, fixing the edge of the bandage, – we don't have time for this if you want to find all your favorites. And we don't have any potions to heal your wounds. You're counterproductive, Zam. At least put on your armor or what?

Pause.

– A little later, – Zam answers more seriously, – I need... a first murder that will mean something. – and, instantly switching over, already smiling again, – where do you think Derapchu is now? He shouldn't have died yet... I really want to hit his skull with an axe!

– Who knows, – 4C spreads his hands, – depends on your luck. And you, as far as I know, are extremely lucky.

Instead of answering, Zam bursts out laughing. 4C doesn't interrupt him.

The next person is unknown to him. But they are familiar to Zam. And Zam is clearly familiar to them – they squint, focusing their gaze, and, realizing who is standing in front of them, swear profusely in an unfamiliar dialect and rush away. Zam, smiling too broadly, takes off after them, and 4C follows.

The person is a raccoon: small and nimble, but with a bearing and ironed clothes. He seems out of place.

– Fuck, fuck, fuck, – he chants, – no! Not you! Not like this! I refuse!

They seem to know each other.

– Ka-antje, – Zam pulls lovingly, – this time you can't just watch!

– I can do whatever i want! – raccoon lies down, putting a web behind him and fighting back, and this only excites Zam.

4C keeps a short distance, looking at how Zam, eventually catches up with Kantje and clings to him by the scruff of the neck and then lets go, laughing with a bloody mouth, and hits, and hits, and hits.

– Tell all our friends the news! – he laughs, splitting his skull with an axe, – tell them that I'm here! And that I would come for them!

Kantje hisses him to fuck off before dying. Zam needs almost a minute to calm his laughter.

***

Kantje fulfills Zam's request: all the people they recognize immediately know they are dangerous. Many of them are running, but the others turn around and fight. Fortunately, Zam finally puts on his hunting armor and swaps the axe for a netherite one.

4C knows how to fight, but he's not a fighter. Lifesteal taught him to keep a battlekit with him and hit into weak spots, but it still didn't give him the thirst for a battle. It didn't please him, never. And Zam did not expect that he would fight back to back with him – on the contrary, he took the fights to himself alone, as if every opportunity to put a sword between someone's ribs was the best reward.

4C does something else – throws him new and new ways of killing, patches his wounds, scouts the situation, and, when teams stand against them, shoots those who prevent Zam from taking the desired fight or try to run.

While Zam is clashing in battle with Plushy, 4C shoots Meta, and the fight ends too fast. Zam cradles his friend like a child, almost crying, saying how sorry he is that he did not kill him by himself, that he would have given him the best death possible, that he loves him and will always love him. And even if the corpses don't talk, 4C can't say that he can't understand him. 

When the body crumbles to dust, Zam abruptly stands up and wipes his face. 4C shakes his head.

– Okay, – Zam states, – we still have so many people to kill.

4C is about to say something else, but Zam activates his tracking compass, and they both stare at it in deathly silence for a while.

The needle of the compass trembles restlessly, as if with impatience. "JustKaboodle" is engraved on a metal rim.

They look at each other. Zam nods slowly, stiff with bloodlust. They take off in record time.

Kaboodle, even if the closest to them, is still at a decent distance, and Zam, without slowing down, follows her for the entire half an hour without a break. They don't talk, but it's not so bad – 4C feels that he is already approaching his limits. They don't have to get close to see that she's surrounded by people.

They know many of them. They don't know some of them, but the way they stick around Kab tells them everything they need to know. "Zam," shouts Kab, and Sushi first grabs the sword, Kantje is already here too, and in a split second a random deserted village turns into a massacre.

There is no option left to just stand, and 4C hides behind his shield, clutching an axe with his right hand. Arrows rain down on his armor, and he, ducking from the blades, rushes forward, aiming to kill.

You see: 4C did not like fighting, but on Lifesteal it was rarely synonymous with inability to fight, as his weakness in comparison with the best fighters of Lifesteal did not indicate his incompetence. And oh, he loved to think that he appreciated someone else's life, but as long as it wasn't about his teammates, it was really not that important.

He is almost half as slow as Zam, but even that is enough. While Zam is laughing madly, taking on two-three-four people at the same time, 4C swings and blows off the head of the person closest to him.

He never stopped wishing that the first blow of the orbital cannon had killed everyone present. Here's what was true about him: he preferred to give people a quick death.

– You're all going to die here anyway, – he says even cheerfully, – let's get this over with faster and return each to our world, – and his axe shaft almost crumbles in his hands from the blow of the sword taken at him, – hey, hey, take it easy!

He has to let go of the axe, because the next blow crumbles the handle, and he changes it to his sword. Adrenaline makes his hands tremble.

4C deals with another opponent when he catches a glimpse of the moment where Zam pierces Kab through and leads the sword lower and lower, and she painfully slowly settles down, muttering curses and repeating over and over again that he has not changed a bit, that he is the same as then, that he is a monster born to destroy – and Zam, smiling tenderly at her, says how glad he is to be the one to ban her and that he will gladly do it again but already on the Lifesteal-

It's not that 4C is distracted – on the contrary, he is still attentive enough to react and block the blow. The point is different: while Zam is distracted by the taste of his victory, those who remain in battle almost synchronously turn to look at 4C. And he is far from being good enough to do anything in a tough 1v3 clash: he misses one, two hits, and it's all over.

Hmm, he thinks dreamily, not really resisting the death pulling him down. It wasn't a bad adventure. It was... funny. Making things fun is the most important thing. And then an axe flies between his eyes.

To his own surprise, he does not wake up behind the border or at the spawn – it seems that he set his bed somewhere else at the beginning of his journey and forgot. This is another village with no sign of life. For a while, he just lies there silently, staring at the ceiling, feeling the phantom wounds give off pain in his body. After that, he gets up.

There's still time before an end of the event, and maybe he has something to do, but every part of his body feels like it's filled with iron. Instead of moving... somewhere, he climbs onto the porch railing and watches a sunset, swinging his legs from side to side. Birds are chirping in the surrounding forest.

It's a long minute, two, three. The sun is completely sinking below the horizon, but it is still here, and twilight is descending on the world.

His communicator is vibrating.

PrinceZam whispers to you: coordinates

His hands tremble but instantly regain their firmness. He smiles, and then, after checking, writes his coordinates. He remarks distantly that this is almost the other half of the map.

He likes to just pause and look around sometimes. The world around is beautiful, and it's a pity not to be able to appreciate it. The full moon sticks to the sky like a porcelain saucer, and its light silveres the crowns of trees, the tops of houses, and wide fields. In a sense, it's the same as on any other vanilla server. In a sense, even the air here feels different – cleaner, fresher, but also frostier. No matter how hard he tries, he can't get rid of the taste of fir needles.

When Zam arrives, it is already dawn. 4C is almost surprised that he's here. He's also almost surprised that Zam doesn't kill him. Instead, the first thing he does is give him his own full set, food – clearly forgetting that it is endless here – and several more golden apples, an obviously random sword, axe, shield and pickaxe, and also one of his tridents.

– Hi,– 4C says calmly, and then looks at the helmet. Prot 3 – only hunters have these on the server, – Zam, are you sure?

Zam snorts.

– I can die as long as I want, – he reminds, – but you can't do it anymore. Come on, we don't have much time.

4C nods and gets ready. A shield falls back into his left hand, but in his right is a trident shining in the dawn rays of the sun. Zam activates the compass, and they move on again.

***

Endgame is close, the border is extremely small, and most of the survivors are more than competent. Almost everyone is fighting to the death. Escapees have to be driven into hundreds of blocks. They try to lead them into traps several times. Twice they are ambushed.

Once, Zam chases the only survivor of her squad, the purple catgirl, and begs her to fight him one-on-one, promising fair and equal conditions, and at one point she turns around. Zam throws her golden apples, and Raddles slowly chews one of them, looking at them darkly and menacingly from under her eyelashes. Zam blocks 4C with his hand.

– Don't interfere, – he begs, – I need–I need a real battle. If I die, do whatever you want. I don't think she's going to kill you, – Raddles shakes her head slowly, clearly having heard the conversation, and then spits an apple stub into the ground and draws her blade. She is all like a cat – bouncing movements, low stance, lowered head, lightweight armor. There is no doubt about her lethality, and she takes off at the same moment when Zam moves.

And... 4C just watches. He can do a hundred other things, including just turn around and walk away, but he watches. Raddles fights bloodily and swiftly, and Zam is forced to gain speed to match her. These are infinitely fast exchanges of blows, short cuts, attempts to hit weak spots – at some point it looks more like hand-to-hand sparring than sword fighting, and they are not inferior to each other. At some point, Zam breaks into some unfamiliar forced style, and in another skirmish, he punches her in the stomach at the cost of a knife blow that barely misses the artery. Raddles quickly regains consciousness, but Zam is faster – not paying attention to the fact that he is bleeding, he leads a sword from the bottom up, opening her stomach.

– Thank you,– Zam mutters, without taking his eyes off her, – thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

– Fuck you,– Raddles mutters, and her eyes roll back.

4C puts a pressure bandage on Zam's neck and forbids him to move for a few more minutes until regeneration from the golden apples stitches at least the deepest damage. He really never saw himself as a medic; he wore bandages for self-help, but in war you either heal or cripple, so it was hard for him to be surprised. Zam is indignant and constantly whines but obeys and then jumps up, as if overflowing with energy again, clenching and unclenching his fists, and says that they need to run. 4C sighs and before that washes his hands. When he returns, there is an unnamed cross on the field. They can only move on.

Something about how insanely familiar it all was made him permanently uncomfortable. He didn't mind remembering his own death, but he couldn't stop thinking about how Zam was rapidly losing control of himself. They did not see each other often, separated by the entire server, but he remembered individual moments – the madness of the meat grinder in order to ban CaptainSparklz, insane laughter, threats to buildings, taking hostages, explosion after explosion after explosion, a sleepless night of the marathon, a bloody stroke of bans, and – death surrounded by flower petals, 1v4, happy and ready to accept who won for himself in spite of everything.

Zam rushes into battle, ignoring wounds and exhaustion and a half-empty inventory, rushing because he only knows how to fight and how to kill, and 4C regretfully lets him go to a certain death, telling himself that at least hunters cannot be banned. That Zam might die, but he would always come back. He watches with regret as Coldie disembowels him like a fish. Coldie does not touch 4C, but takes the trident from Zam's corpse and, nodding, disappears into the fog. 4C gently strokes Zam's hair, looking at the face of the doomed to die, and immediately after the body disappears, he DMs, asking for coordinates.

– And how did your teammates get you out? – he asks, chuckling, returning Zam's belongings.

– They did the best they could, – Zam grins, – and that was enough. I wanted it myself; what can they do? They wouldn't have forced me against my will.

4C smiles, suppressing another giggle, and shoves a spare shield in his face.

– We are almost at the end, – he reminds, – how many survivors are there, about twenty people? Every kill counts. Be careful.

At this point, both Mid and Squiddo have been killed. He has nowhere to turn around.

– Do not doubt, – Zam grins, – that I will use the rest of the time to the fullest.

This is the first time they see spawn. it is beautifully decorated, like a Christmas tree on the eve of a holiday, and that's why the traces of murders scattered here and there look especially grotesque. Here they see other hunters, many of them for the first time. 4C politely shakes hands with the other two survivors who have switched sides, pretending not to notice that the Zam's hands are shaking. When it comes time for Kyle, he is clearly forced to make every possible effort not to try to cut off his head.

Few survivors sitting on the spawn are hiding. The rest stick to that small part of the outer territory that has not yet been absorbed by the border. They catch rare survivors by falling on their heads or catching up or shooting them right in the head. Black and red fireworks explode them with bloody confetti. There is a lull before the final, while everyone is preparing for the final dash, and even Zam is forced to stop.

4C patches him up and makes him eat and drink. Zam's entire clothes and body are covered in blood to the point that it does not wash off, and even now he is staring into space, unable to hold his own hands, trembling so much that it rather resembles convulsions.

– Kill, kill, kill, kill, – he chants, – I have to kill them. Who's left? Fruit? Fein? Misty? – he breaks into a smile, – Derapchu, – squeezes one hand with the other so hard that the bones crackle, – such a feast, I can't believe it... And that's it for me... I just have to make sure that the others are not taken away... Abyss, I would give anything for the opportunity to kill them too...

He makes a fire and warms his icy fingers, counting the minutes until the moment when the border will reach here too.

– Be careful, – he reminds, – the rest are competent fighters. They can kill you. They'll kill you.

– It doesn't matter, – Zam chuckles, – I'm immortal! I will always come back!

– You're going to waste time, – he retorts, – and that's what we're all limited to right now. Time until the end of the event. Time until your targets are killed by someone else. 

Zam looks at him. His pupils are huge.

– You're right, – he agrees breathlessly, – time. It doesn't matter if it hurts me. It matters if I have time to kill them. And I have to kill them. How can I miss an opportunity?

He finds the answer to his unspoken question very soon: only five minutes, and the border almost touches them. He puts out the fire with his boot and loads crossbows with bolts and fireworks. Zam takes off from his place, and he does not try to call out to him, only clutches one of the crossbows in his hands, and slides down through the wet snow into the hollow of spawn.

The border closes in, locking everyone within the ornately decorated square, and this quickly announces losses – before his eyes, Zam, laughing, blows off the head of a frightened player in iron armor, not ready for the meat grinder of the final. Fireworks fill the sky all around, and their light casts deep shadows from the bird squad of survivors holding onto the roofs, each of whom had elites on their backs. 4C aims at the figure closest to him, but they dodge without any effort.

It's like a dance – everything starts slowly, hunters and survivors die one by one, with rare pops, but gradually the production, emboldened, picks up the pace, and very soon you can't keep track of what is happening – the survivors try to keep their distance and hide in the heights and lowlands, but the hunters desperately attack them, dying one by one, exploding clouds of thick smoke are in the air, but materializing again only moments later and immediately rushing into battle again. 

4C quickly finds himself in the company of two other survivors who have allied with the hunters – it seems impossible to keep up with Zam, he can only cover him from a distance, and this has never been hindered by good company. The guys are funny: they talk, joke, and accept him instantly, connected by common experience. 

– Why did you decide to do this? – he innocently asks when Zam dies again from Fruit's axe, – to help hunters, – he clarifies pedantically.

One, a man in a blue hiking suit with stubble, shrugs his shoulders.

– It's more interesting this way, – he sums up, – I didn't want to just run away the whole event. And when will I be free to kill so many people, right? I had a lot of fun.

– It so happened that my friend became a hunter, – says the second, younger, heavily built, and obviously used to fighting, – I did not dare to go against him. What's the rest to me if we've come all this way together?  He snorts, – What about you?

4C looks at Zam again – just respawned, he, along with several others, is storming a survivors' squadron – and then shakes his head expressively slowly. Instead of giving a clear answer, he just smiles at them.

[aleespace-art]

I was forced to watch kids cartoon called Sheriff Labrador and I'm too embarrassed to admit that I kinda enjoyed it (⁠-⁠_⁠-⁠;⁠)

Long chatter below (it is long. I'm not joking)

So umm basically it's a Babybus YouTube cartoon and it is exactly the quality you expect from youtube kids show

It's not secretly good or something the whole family can enjoy like "Bluey". It's just okay and yet here I am dumping bunch of art about it, idk how this works ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

My sibling made me watch it and while I'm at it let me tell you about some things I actually enjoyed about this cartoon

Umm first of all if I watched this cartoon as a kid I just know I would've had a huge crush on this fucking cartoon Labrador, he's just the type I really liked (still do) — responsible, perfect, good at everything adult in kids show (the other character close to this is Sportacus from "Lazytown" which I did watch as a child and did have a crush on this sports dude so that checks out)

Second — the themes. This cartoon teaches kids safety so I expected some basic stuff like "Don't play with fire" or "Don't cross the road on red". And I was actually surprised when the first ever episode I saw was about food delivery and how you should always read reviews before ordering something online. Idk maybe I haven't watched modern kids show in a while but I think it's cool that they talk about that kind of stuff (and ! there was also an episode about AI face swapping! wow modern problems ig)

Also an episode that stuck with me was about a pool. I saw the video preview and thought "yeah pools.. don't run.. don't drown.. basic stuff" and while later I discovered that they have an episode about safety at pools, this specific episode was about something else. It taught children to never go with strangers anywhere and never let them touch your private parts. The episode literally showed a bad character grabbing the child and taking him away, then the child was rescued when police came in with the words "Don't touch the child, that's illegal!"

I'm writing this not because I "criticize" the show for it, I actually think it's important to show what actually can happen to you if you go with strangers, it was just a surreal experience when I watched two cartoon police dogs arresting a cartoon representation of an actual pedophile and then hearing this said character cry and say "I'm sorry, I won't do this again!" Like...wow... I fucking hope you won't because you're going to cartoon jail forever 💀

I also was really surprised when I discovered the show actually has small fandom on tiktok let's goo??

TL;DR This is a show for little kids and I accidentally got hooked because of my sibling

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 18

Hey, guys! I'm back!!! I had a great and very productive hiatus, the results of which can be found here.

But tl;dr is that this story is complete, so it will be regularly updated on Sunday until it's done. Then I will release the story that started this all "The Rise of The Fallen" in two parts, also on Sundays. Which will take us all the to December, if you can believe it.

I'm still working on the other stories and at least The Hellfire Exotic Club (stripper), The Caged Bird Still Sings (sugar!baby), and Of Butterflies and Backstrokes (Olympic swimmer) are all going to be fairly long so that should be exciting. Then I'll be working on the fun little game show story now called "A Love Connection". Which won't come out until one of the others ends. Sorry. But WIP Wednesday will show you teases of it until then.

I recommend rereading the previous chapter to refresh your memory and away we go!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

~

Steve was riding on the best high. Their next song was “Kiss the Boys/Kiss the Girls”. The song was about finding love in whatever form that took. With a full verse on non-binary folks, despite the title. There was nothing in the world that could compare to crowds screaming your name. It didn’t even matter that the name they were screaming wasn’t Steve, it was Abbadon.

He stumbled into the green room that had all their stuff in it. Corroded Coffin had taken the stage and him and his boys were relaxing with their masks off, Hopper at the door.

“I’ve never been so nervous in my life!” Shane said after downing an entire water bottle. “That crowd was massive! And diverse! Usually we just get college aged kids but there were literal kids out there and old time rockers too.”

“Shit, yeah,” Spence said, pushing his hood off his head to splash a little water on his head. He didn’t have a spotlight on him but wearing all black still made for a hot set.

Shane laid down on the floor, sprawled out spread eagle. “Is this is what real fame is like?”

Steve slid off the chair he was sitting in, to sit next to him. “God, I have such mixed feelings about that if it is. Because the energy was off the charts and I’m pretty sure I sung my heart out...”

“But you aren’t sure you keep up with it for the whole tour?” Simon asked quietly.

Steve threw his head back to rest on the seat of the chair. “Yeah. I don’t want to burn out before I turn thirty, you know?”

“You should talk to Eddie about what they do not to burn out,” Spence suggested. “Because they’ve been doing this for ten years and longer tours than this.”

Steve hummed his agreement.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “Celeste, incoming,” Hopper muttered, before opening the door.

Anyone in view of the door, put their mask over their face and then off again when the door closed behind their manager.

“Good job, guys,” Robin said cheerily and sat down on the floor between Shane and Steve. “I just got off the phone with Vickie and she says social media is going batshit insane about the song and Steve’s intro. And it’s good. Like really good. There are some assholes, but it seems that even the media and music critics are calling it the next gay anthem.”

“What are they saying?” Simon asked, sitting up on the sofa and scooting to the edge.

Robin grinned. “This is my favorite one: Heaven is where the assholes are, we always knew all the good people were in hell. Keep up the good work, Abbadon and all of the rest of The Fallen. From Metallica’s official Twitter.”

The room was deathly silent for all of two seconds before they all erupted into gleeful screams. They all jumped on her and started hugging her tightly.

“Get off me! Get off me!” she shrieked. “You’re all sweaty and gross!”

They deliberately smeared themselves all over her before they got off, giggling like children.

“Boys!” she huffed dramatically. “So gross. I swear you lot don’t grow up you just get older.”

Steve leaned over and gave a huge kiss on the cheek. “Probably, but you wouldn’t love us if we were any different.”

Robin swiped her cheek in an exaggerated fashion. “Maybe, but boys are still gross.” She went on to tell them all things that Vickie was sending her about the world’s reaction to the song.

Then after a while she bumped into Steve’s shoulder. “Go on. I know you want go watch some of the show, I’ll hold down the fort here.”

Steve smiled at her and gave her shoulder a squeeze. He got to his feet and put his mask back on. After checking to make sure no one was in view, he knocked on the door for Hopper to let him out.

Once the door closed, Robin let out a long sigh. “I worry about those two.”

“Who?” Shane said, sitting up for the first time. “Steve and Eddie? Why?”

She nodded, pulling her knees up to her chest and tucking her chin between her knees. “Being in the closet is hard. And I know Abbadon has come out, but he’s still in the ‘closet’ as it were about his identity and Eddie and Steve having to hide their relationship on top of Steve hiding who is... let’s just say that great relationships then theirs have crumbled under the pressure.”

The room was silent as they all took that in.

“Are we just doomed from having relationships?” Spence asked. “Are we all destined to be lonely?”

Simon’s lips quivered. “I hate that I have all these women throwing themselves at me but they really don’t care who’s under the mask.”

“I hit up every gay bar in every city we tour in as me,” Shane muttered picking at the skin around his nails, “and I don’t know if it’s worse they don’t know who I am than if I had gone as Astraeus.”

“I’m trying to have a girlfriend,” Spence said bitterly, “but all I can tell her is that I travel for work. And yeah it’s new enough she isn’t asking as what, but how much longer can I dodge that question?”

Robin let out another sigh. “I know, and it’s not as though I can really date either. Are they dating the goofy lesbian Robin, or the sophisticated fashion plate, Celeste? But with Eddie I think Steve has it harder.”

“It’s because Eddie is famous, huh?” Simon asked, sliding off the sofa to sit next to Shane on the floor.

Spence got up and curled up around Shane. Robin inserted herself into the pile and they just cuddled until the show was over.

~

Steve wanted to be on that stage more than anything, just singing with Eddie, happy and free. But he was Abbadon right now and while he might get away with it, Steve didn’t feel comfortable with the not being able to kiss his boyfriend senseless.

He waited until the it’s almost time for the encore before he slipped back into the green room. Everyone else is already changed and gone. It’s just Robin as Celeste waiting for him.

“How did he not have a boyfriend before now?” Steve muttered as he pulled on the khakis and blue polo shirt of his ‘uniform.’

Robin snorted. “For the same reason you went pretty thin on the dating field. He was hung up on a special someone.”

Steve blushed and ducked his head. “I’m assume you think it’s me.” He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to get it lay straight after being hidden under the hood for so long.

Robin got to her feet and leaned down to look him in the eye. “Are you telling me you don’t?”

Steve looked away. Robin gently lifted his chin and then held his face her hands. “Steven Kincade Harrington, you listen to me close. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of care. You are worthy of attention. And Eddie Munson is one hundred percent onboard to give all three. Of course he was waiting for you. Any person with eyes can see how much he loves you. Fuck, Simon bristles every time he’s brought up now because instead him being your protector like it used to be, it’s Eddie.”

Steve stared at her with his mouth wide open. “Simon’s jealous of Eddie?”

Robin laughed and kissed his stupid head.

“Babe,” she said fondly. “Spence and Shane have been beating him off with a stick every time Eddie comes around.”

“But Simon doesn’t protect me,” Steve said tilting his head to the side. “I protect him. He’s so painfully shy outside of the band and he’s always curled up on my lap.”

“Please tell me you aren’t that naive,” she said. “He is always sticking up for you about your writing, about your singing. When it comes to band stuff Simon is the biggest mama bear of them all.”

Steve blinked at her for a moment and then mouthed the word “Oh.”

“You are such a dingus,” she said shaking her head. “But you’re my dingus so that evens it out a bit.”

He pushed her playfully. “I’m going to get out there before people wonder where the missing EMT is.”

He slipped out a different way from when he came in and she watched him go. Steve was brilliant at a lot of things, people included. But he always had a blindspot when it came to when other people caring for him.

She sighed and then made her way out of the green room so that Corroded Coffin could unwind now.

Robin passed Chrissy on the way out.

“Hey,” Chrissy said with a huge smile. “My boys want to go afterwards with your boys, you think they’d be down?”

“Of course they would!” she replied. “As The Fallen or no?”

Chrissy slapped her palm to her forehead. “Shit I forgot. As The Fallen. But they have casual masks to go in right?”

Robin smiled back at her. “It’s fine, of course they have casual masks. I’ll let them know. It’ll have to be much later because they have to be see as normies for a bit before they slip back into The Fallen.”

Chrissy winked and tapped the side of her nose. “I got you.”

Just then all the Corroded Coffin boys came bursting from the stage into the wings, whooping and screaming. They huddled together, arms around each other and counted to twenty.

Once they got to one, Eddie screamed whooped again and all four of them ran back on stage.

Robin blinked at them for a moment. “Didn’t they just have an encore?”

Chrissy threw back her head and laughed. “Depending on the city they can do anywhere from two to five encores.”

“Holy shit!” Robin said in genuine awe. “That’s insane.”

“It’s not even their record,” she said.

Robin’s eyebrows shot up. “There’s no way.”

“Six in Salt Lake City,” she explained. “Just coming off their third album, the one with eight singles. Which was too many in my opinion but apparently a couple radio stations thought there were a really good deep tracks and played. Then it got around, yaddy yadda. You get the drift.”

“But six?” Robin asked a little unsure.

Chrissy nodded. “Salt Lake is crazy for that shit though. I’ve heard bands go there if they want their ego stoked.”

“Any bands avoid it for that reason?” Robin giggled.

“I have no doubt there are,” she said with a hum. “Most of the time bands whine about the lack of boobs and booze when they refuse to go back.”

Robin rolled her eyes. “Men are so gross.”

“Agreed,” she replied with a wink. “Go lesbian power.”

Robin fist bumped her. “I’ve got to go look like a PA schlep for awhile. I’ll text you when they’re free.”

“You’ve got it girlie!” Chrissy said.

~

Eddie was not pleased that they were at a bar. A bar was the last place he wanted Gareth to be right now.

But he insisted he would be fine and seemed for the most part to be sticking to a cherry coke, but Eddie was keeping an eye on him.

Things were actually going well until...

Astraeus let out a yelp of pain.

Abbadon and Azrael were on their feet in an instant, Asmodeus close behind. There was a little action going on so Eddie couldn’t see what happened, but oh boy did he see the aftermath.

Standing behind The Fallen’s bassist was an asshole with his phone up, filming and another guy yanking on Astraeus’ hood.

“Get off of him,” Abbadon hissed. “Or else.”

Abbadon was the shortest of his band, but fuck in that moment, he looked the most intimidating.

The dude with phone scoffed. “Or what? I’m filming you, you can’t do shit.”

Steve let out a huge ear-piercing whistle and yelled, “Security!”

The two dudes’ eyes went wide as they turned to scramble away from their table, but ran into two very meaty looking guys flanking Hopper.

“You two boys going somewhere?” the head of security asked, low and dangerously.

“We weren’t doing anything!” the one dude said. Not the one with the phone, but the one who had pulled on Astraeus’ hood.

“Yeah?” he asked. “And would these boys say the same?”

The asshole with the phone scoffed. “They’re just a bunch of weird, rich assholes, they’d say whatever.”

“And the security cameras won’t show you filming your friend here, yanking on this man’s hoodie?”

The two dudes looked at each in actual fear for the first time.

“And by the way, that’s assault,” Hopper continued to press. “So unless you want to be arrested, you’ll delete that little videos of yours unless you really, really want to broadcast your crime to the internet.”

The guy with the phone had Hopper watch him delete it off his phone.

“Good,” he said, “now these two gentlemen are going to escort out of the building, a building you’ll never be allowed to come back to ever again.”

After Hopper left with the bouncers and the two idiots, Gareth turned to them.

“Shit,” he said, “that was fucking terrifying. Does that happen a lot?”

Abbadon and Azrael exchanged a glance.

“More than it really should,” Azrael said. “It’s why Ellie designed a hoodie that would be harder to yank off. The trade off unfortunately is that hurts like a bitch when it’s pulled.”

“That fucking sucks, man,” Jeff said. “The next round of drinks is on me.”

Eddie nodded, but inside he was screaming. He didn’t know that this was something the band experienced at all. And even if he didn’t know who they were, that would still freak him out. But it was worse knowing it was Steve that they were doing this to.

Abbadon squeezed his hand under the table. It didn’t reassure him, not really, but it was still nice that Steve recognized his turmoil.

The night was a little more subdued after that as the Corroded Coffin boys thought about the implications of what just happened and The Fallen boys because all they wanted was a fun night out and it was ruined.

~

Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25

Tag List: CLOSED

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2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence

3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @blondie1006

4- @yikes-a-bee @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten

5- @genderless-spoon @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt

6- @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95

7- @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars

8- @ravenfrog @w1ll0wtr33 @child-of-cthulhu @kultiras @dreamercec

9- @machete-inventory-manager @useless-nb-bisexual @stripey82 @dotdot-wierdlife @kal-ology

10- @sadisticaltarts @urkadop @chameleonhair @clockworkballerina @garden-of-gay

[apple-onigiri]

DISTANCE IN VAUGARGE (revamped edition)

IMPORTANT: this post was deleted and made again to make edits and not spread misinformation (because i made a stupid mistake and took earth's entire circumference and accidentally treated it like it was only half of it! it's really funny because i did think that this feels way too big of a distance... happens i guess! especially at 4am lmao but it did uh, increase all the numbers by a whole Two so. unfortunate! gotta fix it!!)

@cyten0 (sorry to tag you again just figured you'd like an update and an actual correct answer, and you're still the one who inquired about this) asked if i could provide more information about my calculations for traveling across vaguarde, and since it seems too long for a reblog and i want to categorize it properly on my blog, here it is in a whole separate post!

this honestly started out as a curiosity about what climate the northern island could've had given its distance from the equator compared to earth's countries and uh. spiraled into me thinking about this. don't ever think about anything guys

TL;DR (for people who don't want the super fun math part): it's 1111.4 km/690.59 miles from dormont to bambouche in a straight line and somewhere in the ballpark of 250 hours of constant travel by foot to cross the distance. with a bonnie-ordained preteen-friendly tempo of around 5 km/h (3.1 ish mph) and eight hours of travel per day from 8am until 1pm and then 3pm to 6pm to set up camp properly early, it'd take around a month or so to make the trip, not counting any and all longer stays to refill supplies and any irregularities caused by going to a town and not having to set up camp or pack it back up.

ok quick geography lesson: the lines on the globe running horizontally are the latitude. they go up to 90 in each direction from the equator, which is 0, so there's a 180 in total. obviously for specific locations you'd use decimals but who caressss

longitude is important too here - the vertical lines - but less so. they go up to 180 on each side of the latitude's version of the equator, the prime meridian, as well but it really doesn't matter where that meridian is placed here, the only thing that matters is that the lines are in a correct distance to each other.

here's the globe id5, in her infinite wisdom, bestowed upon us (i'm completely normal about the existence of any and all maps. in the original post i said can be trusted with them but that is! clearly not the case!) that i added all the southern hemisphere latitude lines onto, as well as the longitude needed for my insane needs (math)

i obviously assumed the planet is the same size as the earth because i genuinely see no reason why it couldn't be other than to make my life sad and hell also. the general distance from one pole to another is 20,000 ish kilometers. (if you for some reason want the planet to be smaller or bigger, cool trick, literally just multiply the 20,000 by it. want it to be one third of its current size? multiply by 0.3. two-and-a-half times bigger? 2.5!) so what i did was draw out the lines onto the actual map and measure the estimated distance based on how big of a chunk it is out of this 20k.

it seems dormont is at about 19 degrees, while bambouche is at 11. easy here!

just divide the whole distance by 180 and you get 111.(1) km (that 1 in a bracket telling you that that one goes on foreeeeever if you let it). since we're looking for the distance of 8 degrees, and we've got a distance of one, you can either multiply it by 8 or subtract the one degree times 2 to get 889. ish. any decimals are the enemy here at this point.

you do the same for the other direction - both bambouche and dormont seemed to be about 2 degrees from the longitude lines, so you do the process with just multiplying by 6 at the end or subtracting the one degree times 4 and get 1333. ish.

it's pythagorean theorem time!! it looks like a lot of big numbers but they do that only to get added nicely, it's okay, they're not that scary and they don't bite pretty promise with a cherry on top, and you get the resulting distance of 1111.4 kilometers like that!

here's how it measures up in reality for some scale:

(hey it fits into all of france now!!)

the average recorded speed of a preteen - which the party logically must move at most of the time - is about 5 kilometers per hour (3.1 ish miles). with a travel plan of 4 hours of travel since 9am until 1pm, a two hour break, and another 3 hours until 6pm, because you need to set up camp and things like that need time, it's safe to assume they'd be crossing around 35 km/h a day. and this is still a really good pace!!! very endurance-heavy! divide the total distance by that and you get an estimated time of travel in days, which here is 31; just around a month.

this is, while less than my initial busted calculations, still a lot! lots of walking. so i uphold my statement that they better have sent a letter to nille ahead of them and that the vaugarde postal system is robust enough to deliver it in a timely manner right after the entire country defrosted, to keep her from worrying to death!

[ember-not-amber]

I recently started watching The Handmaid's Tale on Hulu (the last episode I watched was S2 ep 7) and I'm curious what the general consensus is on Luke & June vs Nick & June bc I really like Nick for June and Luke doesn't seem terrible at all. Still, that one flashback scene where he reassures June that they should stay together even though they started their relationship while he was still married to another woman, "she doesn’t matter because we’re going to get married. I’m going to make you happy." gave me the ick.

Like, you married Annie, too and you still cheated on her so how is that at all reassuring? I'm still waiting for a flashback that shows what Annie and Luke's relationship was like bc I have absolutely no clue why he cheated on her. I can understand why June technically cheated on Luke with Nick which was bc she was trapped in a terrible system where she was abused and felt unloved and unwanted and she was separated from her loved ones and she just wanted to feel something. So far I haven't seen any dialogue from Luke saying anything about what his marriage with Annie was like but if I had to guess, based on the episode where Annie stalked June and accused her of "stealing her husband" as if he's not also a human being capable of making his own choices, maybe they had differing views/ideas on what they wanted out of marriage, or he fell out of love with her, or he cheated just to cheat like a lot of douchebag guys do.

And yes, I am aware that June is also in the wrong for knowingly going after a married man, she isn't innocent in this either. She did seem to consider ending the relationship after Annie confronted her (which, why did it take his ex confronting you for you to consider not getting with a married man? Did Moira not give you any criticism for it? She seems like the type who would bc real friends tell you when you did sth wrong and they hold you accountable but judging by how they act around each other Moira seems very supportive of their relationship) whereas Luke didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with staying with the woman he started a relationship with while he was still taken at any point in time but that means nothing since she did end up staying with him despite that.

Sorry for how long this is, I originally meant for this to be shorter lol I'll put a Keep Reading tab in case ppl just want the tl;dr at the top. So, with all this considered I'm wondering if everyone else that enjoys this show wants June to end up with Nick or stay with Luke and which one is supported by the majority of people?

[cakeiscoolsblogthing]

I have a theory.

This is going to be a long post, but I don't know how to do the "read more" thing, sorry.

Bear with me for a minute. So I realized recently that I don't actually see that much Mabel or Ford hate, it's mostly stuff I hear from other people. (What I see is generally more subtle, like I read a fic that was good, but Ford took responsibility for Filbrick kicking Stan out. What was he supposed to do? He's 17 too! I also saw someone say the apocalypse wasn't Mabel's fault, it was Ford's. I'd just like to say that it was Bill's fault and Ford was manipulated into building that portal.)

But I do see a lot of Billford. It keeps on showing up in my suggested communities and the "For You" thing, despite The Book Of Bill portraying it as a very manipulative, horrifically abusive relationship. (When I say relationship, I don't necessarily mean romantic. It could have been a completely platonic horrifically abusive relationship.) And I have to wonder if, because Bill is a triangle, we let him get away with things we wouldn't if he were a human and/or doing these things directly to Ford.

Say that there was a movie. In it, there are two human men. Their relationship is clearly built on manipulation, and when the manipulated realizes that he's being manipulated, he tries to leave. The manipulator proceeds to torture him. You see this onscreen and it's horrible. The manipulator drives a nail through this guy's hand, shoves spiders down his throat, humiliates him . . .

Would people ship these two characters? This is the main fandom I'm in, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say probably not. (I'd like to say that I don't have a problem with people who write them as together . . . as long as it's portrayed as the abusive relationship it actually WAS and not a good relationship.)

All of those were actual things that happened in The Book of Bill. I didn't even mention the psychological torture (He makes Ford forget his OWN NAME) and forced sleep deprivation.

But Bill is a triangle. Bill isn't doing these things directly to Ford. He's doing them while in Ford's body, which is arguably possibly more horrific than if Bill was a separate person doing these things to him, but it's not something that could happen in real life.

But in this analysis of Ford: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58698496/chapters/158032750 when speaking of the torture Ford endured during Weirdmageddon, Callipraxia mentions that the fact that people can't electrocute others "takes at least some of the realism and therefore some of the horror out of the situation." (I apologize if this quote is incorrect, I couldn't find the part where she says this in this quite long work.)

And that makes me wonder if, again because Bill is a triangle and the things he does are literally impossible, it makes people less inclined to see his relationship with Ford as abusive when I have read two separate analyses (one of them is the one referred to above) that straight up say "This reads like a domestic abuse situation." One of them (the one NOT linked above, I'll look for it later) says that Bill hits every. Single. Criteria. For an abuser.

Even before Ford learned what Bill was really there to do, their relationship wasn't good. Bill doesn't show up for months and when Ford asks him where he's been, Bill responds by basically gaslighting him and making him doubt McGucket.

And there's one more thing I noticed. I wasn't in the GF fandom when the show was airing, but I'm pretty sure Billdip didn't become a popular ship until after Sock Puppet Opera, much the same as Billford wasn't so popular until TBOB. It's a pattern of "Bill abuses someone, then gets shipped with that someone." It's quite disturbing.

I know people are going to ship what they're going to ship, but Bill x Pines family members really shouldn't be so popular imo.

Tl;dr: If Bill were a human and you saw him torturing Ford, would you still ship them?

I'm pretty sure I forgot some of what I was going to say, so I might edit this later or reblog it with the extra information.

I do want to say that I do NOT support being rude, sending hate comments or death threats to people who do ship this. Don't do that. Just wanted to say, just in case.

I also want to say that though I put "anti Billford" and "anti Billdip" in the tags, I'm pretty sure I'm not an anti, though I haven't been able to fully figure out what the term means.

Another addendum: I am NOT qualified to be talking about abuse.

This is just a theory.

[cossmoluck]

FINALLY finished this

turns out soon means one week+ in my little lizard brain, that's cool

anyways!!! meg

megalo don content,,, food

also, as a treat for making myself take so much to finish this, some of my AU lore rambling thing under the cut (warning, pretty long)

in my design, most of his exterior Nitro armor is removable, being an extension of the augument inside his body, which pumps Nitro both through his lungs and bloodstream, crossing from front to back through his torso. His tubes would be attached to certain openings around his body, which could also have 'lids' put on for safe closing. Every area where the Nitro pumps directly into his body would have 'Nitro burn'- a less proeminent glow than the one in his fueled up form. I, as many others also do, like to think that his mask actually comes off (I haven't drawn him unmaksed yet, but I'll get to that too eventually). One headcanon I have is that when you take his medallion in game, what you take is actually his mask and use it.

For his body I went for a slightly leaner strongman build, as he doesn't seem way too bulky in his non-fueled form, but he's still considerably bigger than most others. I tried to give him a 'scarred shark' look, and gave him burn scars on one arm from a misfiring Nitro Fist hit accident

also his hair look so so fluffy in game and for WHAT

(note, this is all to be taken as an AU. i am by no means well versed enough in Fortnite lore to make something close to canon or actual on point headcanons lol,,, tl;dr at the bottom!!)

i feel like the whole theory with Meg and big chuggus being somehow related is true, but not necessarily in the way others present it usually i don't think they're snapshots of each other in any way, i just think that they've been basically created 'for the same purpose', maybe in the different 'realities?' I'm not 100% sure how the zero point reset worked considering Midas was technically the same and all

so let's say Chaos had created the Slurp legends and Slurp creatures back during the GHOST/SHADOW conflict i like to think that Meg might have been created sometime during then too- a more refined variant of the technology used on big chuggus, enough for him not to end up as brain dead as big chuggus himself (sorry big chuggus)

Megalo Don could have been a fleet leader for the naval forces, as he has an overall very reoccurring military theme with his insignia and stuff. Maybe he was hired by Chaos to aid him and willingly allowing Chaos to modify him into the 'perfect leader', boosted by slurp into near perfection I believe his Oasis style would be what his 'original' look was, with Slurp coursing through his pumps instead of Nitro

so how did he turn into the Meg we know? during the GHOST/SHADOW conflict, his crew got destroyed, probably, and they somehow ended up punished to the Pandora's Box, but not dead like Midas, just punished there I like to think that there is not only one Pandora's Box, technically, and that they're basically some sort of even higher security 'prison' for things deemed disasters under certain circumstances, putting mortal beings into their own personal hell. The ones imprisoned in the Pandora's Box arent necessarily 'dead', like shade Midas in the Underworld, but they're not alive in the full sense either. This particular Nitro filled Pandora's Box sprouted there, leaving behind veins of pure Nitro in the depths of the earth through which the Box had erupted.

in the Pandora's Box, stuck in an infinite purgatory loop of fighting and dying, the slurp that fueled his crew quite literally rotted into Nitro, and Megalo Don himself basically 'rusted' from the rot. The Nitro, essence of death, in a way, compared to Slurp, slowly and surely altered Meg's brain, turning him from a calculated leader into a terrifying tyrant, with nihilistic views regarding his crew and conquest, as he saw them all die over and over again… Another case of 'rotten' slurp beings being Sludge, maybe, as he could perhaps be read as a Slurp creature gone 'bad' (slurp to nitro)

Meg's mind got clouded with the only thing he could comprehend anymore- Nitro coursing through his veins, through his ship, through anything in the living hell he experienced in the Pandora's Box. (Ultrakill flesh prison sounding aah) Obtained by conquest or murder, with destruction being the only method he could even comprehend using to get it, his very life seeming to depend on Nitro at that point, and being released into the world again brought him bo purpose than to seize back all of his Nitro and keep fighting more and more

after he and his crew escaped from the Pandora's Box, Meg had intercepted a boat droning the Island from SHADOW, which had went to scout out Helios after Midas' escape from The Underworld, unaware of the Pandora's Box opening right then, and getting caught in the sandstorm. Meg had just the luck to capture Chaos (or a snapshot), the very man who had taken away his humanity and turned him into a (now) Nitro-fueled beast. From them he also took the island plans, which helped his crew settle in as fast as they did, the Redline Rig digging for Nitro the very moment they got there and the Nitrodrome building itself over the abandoned Fencing Fields, repurposing the fizz machinery there into the dome's car destruction traps

i also like to think that Meg has a father/daughters bond with Scarr and the Machinist, with the Machinist maybe being one of the original scientists on Chaos' team, whom had helped him stabilize his new equipment at the time, and Scarr being a dedicated member of his fleet since before getting banished into the Pandora's Box. Initially, both Scarr and the Machinist would have admired him for his courageous leadership and respected him as a leader, but through their decline in the Pandora's Box, their found family bond only strengthened, with the two of them being probably his only subordinates he actually cares about

i also like to imagine that he had made most of the transmissions particularly silly in hopes of having them tune in on either patrol or at the Nitrodrome and make them laugh with the over the top commentary

tl;dr: i headcanon megalo don as an ex-slurp legend made by Chaos who had rotted to nitro in the Pandora's Box. His Oasis style is what he looked like pre-Box. Also the Mechanist and Ringmaster Scarr are his found family daughters

[inkedberries]

Hey! Prefacing this by saying that this isn't meant to be an attack (which generally isn't a great way to start a message but I'd rather be clear about intentions) and more so genuine curiosity. Apologizing in advance for this being long; I have a tendency to overthink and overexplain.

I don't typically interact with fandom outside of like... carefully curated little microbiomes. As such I haven't really encountered the whole proship/anti shit with any amount of seriousness since probably around 2018. I personally don't put much stock into either of the terms because there's far too much grey area and for the fact that (as per my understanding) exist as ethical frameworks, and I don't care much for subscribing purely to a single framework to the exclusion of anything else in terms of personal ethics and morality. At most with friends we tend to colloquially refer to incest + pedophile ships as proships, because that's just sort-of what the term has evolved to mean most strongly (again, at least in the circles I run in). I don't consider myself anti or proship or whatever the fuck else, because I generally don't care to involve myself with that kind of fandom drama. I'll involve myself over like, matters of being anti-bigotry but the rest is just something I haven't wanted to deal with for 5-6 years. Tagging + filtering + block functions exist for a reason, and I don't need to do anything more than prevent my feed from showing me those things. I generally just hit block and move on with that kind of stuff, especially because I'm anti-censorship for a variety of reasons.

Tl;dr on that: proship/anti aren't terms I really use or subscribe to, because I feel like they oversimplify everything and conflate "drama". From my understanding, I agree with proship ideology (????) in the sense that I believe censorship only fucks over everyone, and that you can just block + filter and move on. But at the same time I see this overall conception that 'proship' means you support/condone/etc incest and pedophilia and so on, which I really truly don't. But there is this really heavy perception that proship = this person ships (usually) pedophilic or incestuous relationships. A bit reinforced for me typically because when something like that comes across my feed and I go to block the person, they generally have 'proship' in their bio. That to acknowledge that I do have some bias in that, even if I know it's a correlation/not cause thing. That all being (over)said (and I'm SO sorry again about how fucking long this is, my twitter TL is having a meltdown and I've avoided all this stuff for so long I don't know if I'm missing something? Because ethically on my end there's no reason for me to block or whatever outside of just the word proship...? Two minutes for a quick search as as far as I can tell you don't participate in anything against my own comfort/moral beliefs. so) I guess I'm asking what your definition of proship is for yourself and why people are jumping to this conclusion of dislike so instantaneously? Obviously you're under no obligation to educate me on what I presume is fucking YEARS of fandom history, nor respond publicly or even at all. I'm only asking you specifically because this is the first time I've encountered 'being proship' ≠ shipping pedophilia etc etc. I think maybe I came across it way back when as a middle schooler, but I'm not about to trust any of my opinions/recollections from when I was that age lmao. But anyways. Just genuinely curious and wanting to understand because I'm wary of reacting too-quickly just because other people are, and especially so if it's actually a total non-issue for me. Sorry again for the insane rambling in this lol

hello!! i hope you don't mind me prefacing this response too by saying to please read this out fully, if you don't agree with the starting points i've provided, i hope you still continue on reading until the end💙 i think @/frownyalfred best words the defense i would most likely stumble on if i give it a go at answering your question with my own words

and this was a post made in 2016 (where a lot of ppl say is the year anti-shippers started sprouting up) and this is honestly what i mean when i say i hate antis

if anything, antis just started the propaganda that all proshippers are incest lovers and pedophiles and people ate it up like cats who haven't had wet food in three weeks. as proven by your friend group using the term as such? that's wild to me that ppl use the term proship like that, i hope the case i'm making will change that for you and your friend group.

no, proship literally is anti-censorship. ship and let ship. antis gatekeep, police shippers and harass anyone who doesn't ship their ship the RIGHT way. and it's not just the ships you say are 'harmful' or 'immoral'. i've shipped a rarepair before and the fandom at large did not like me shipping a rarepair so they started calling me a pedophile bc i aged up said characters???????? they'll find anything and i mean ANYTHING to twist everything i say and do to make it seem like it's "okay" for me to be harassed and bullied. "oh it's okay that i'm telling this person to die because they're gross," yeah no that behavior is So Much More Normal than a person shipping two fictional characters the "wrong" way. AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKED UP? ppl BELIEVED THEM LMAOOOO

and hey no sweat, i was like you once. i didn't define myself as proship or anti bc the real world exists but then in the one space i thought i'd be free from real life speculation and surveillance i get these anti policing assholes so yeah im a proshipper now lol just to get away from that bs. i honestly just want to have fun on here without judgement but i can't even have that lol that's why im all about blocking/muting.

you say your tl is having a meltdown? well shit, they're probably calling me names on there too. probably throwing out baseless accusations without fact checking bc i'm lowlife enough not be respected or given the decency of a fact check? or saying my art wasn't good anyway? bc gatekeeping their precious kudoichi is so much more righteous, top priority that they start slandering a real life person, right? no no no one disgusting should be touching or shipping our precious kudoichi lmao i hope you see how Not Right this is. kinda makes me feel sick for real lol

and i hope you understand how harmful this is not just to my mental state but my livelihood as an artist as these people would just start policing their fellow fans and just tell them not to support or view my art because im a 'proshipper' not even that, they'd probably just straight up say i support incest and pedophilia which are?????? such STRONG accusations to make????????? now they're just buzzwords. BUZZWORDS for antis to use to defame and cancel an artist! a real life person. over their precious fictional characters. over their precious kudoichi. oh man it makes it so much more stupid if i specify the ship, what is wrong with people sometimes😭

but hey im all about blocking and muting and unfollowing if you don't like my stuff i'm 100% for that but i hope they do it on their own terms. their own thinking. not because someone told them to.

and i dunno man that behavior of not even letting their 'friends' think for themselves, that they'd bash them too if they support me, my art, kinda seems like grooming don't it? or nah no im just looking into it. it might not be that deep. but i really yeah that's why i hate antis and why im more proship.

but hey i appreciate you even taking the time to come to me in the first place and uhhh idk i hope you found what you were looking for and that i answered your bit of curiousity there!

[nyxtickled]

Fucking hell, Nyx. I have down-shifted my presence on here significantly lately (only tangentially relevant tl;dr: it turns out that the added mental bandwidth from my ADHD meds is not the only thing I need in order to be a good member of a kink community, and I am still working on the rest) so it took me a minute to get caught up, but I have now.

I am really fucking sorry that Socal put you through all of this extremely unhinged, unnecessary, sociopathic shit; I am really fucking glad you had the receipts ready to unload; and I am really really fucking amazed at your fortitude, both in carrying it mostly in silence as long as you did, and in opening up about all of it. I obviously also wish you hadn't had to do either of those things, but that's not news. I reiterate: fucking hell. 😞

(Incidentally: he was the pissant, penny-ante troglodyte shitheel, wasn't he? Your answers to other asks implied you knew who the main anon hater was, and that you'd taken some distance from them. It deserves mentioning that that was the same fucking guy. If someone wrote a character that toxic on an HBO show, people would say it was unrealistic. Fucking hell. 🤮)

I've always felt two ways about sharing community hygiene posts because my blog is tiny and I legitimately can't see that it matters (though I do it anyway) but I also saw the one that said "reblog that shit no matter the size of your blog" so I guess I'm done feeling two ways about it. Do you mind if I add a couple of my own thoughts when I do? They feel really inconsequential, because I have not dealt with anything even remotely like this, but I think I saw a reply saying you appreciated other people's perspectives, so I dunno.

Either way. I am glad you're here and that you continue to be here despite All Of The God-Damned Fucking Bullshit. The community is better for it. I am very evidently not the only one who feels that way, either. Go hug your wife and cuddle your dog and gather some spoons. 🖤

hey there, my dear beloved Thing 💖 it’s so great to hear from you! and i appreciate your empathy and support, very very much.

(incidentally: your suspicion is absolutely indeed on par with mine. the first time i ever received anon hate was during the screenshot fallout i shared when my dog got sick, as i was ignoring his calls and receiving walls of toxic texts from him. the second time was during the additional screenshot fallout i shared when the AUNT convo went down. the next time was after i got married, when i wasn’t speaking to him anymore. and, ever since i ended the connection entirely, ive been getting sporadic anon hate from the same person who just keeps trolling about me “cheating” since im married now etc. lmao, it’s just, the timing??? is way too fucking suspicious and it makes me laugh every single time i think abt it)

i am always open to anyone sharing their thoughts and perspectives! you’re more than welcome to add anything you want to a rb.

thank you for being here. the overwhelming response has been so validating and healing bc i legit only wanted to look out for others, and i’m so grateful that it was received in the way i intended. 💜

[susiecarter]

how do you write so well? any tips for a budding writer? I love your writing <3

/o\ First off, I am so so sorry this answer took me so long! Thank you for this ask, and I hope you still see this answer someday. AND :D second off, that is so very kind of you to say, anon <333—thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear my writing works for you so well, and especially well enough that you feel like I might have good advice to give. /o\ :D Which, uh, I can't guarantee that I do, BUT I have spent a truly ridiculous amount of time thinking about writing and trying to figure out how to help myself write less badly :'D so I'll definitely give it a shot! APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE IF NONE OF THIS IS HELPFUL AFTER ALL /o\

I've gone on at some length before about my approach to writing, mostly in this answer to an ask, this answer to an ask, and this post. But I am a near-infinite fountain of words, so rest assured I'm thrilled to talk about it some more :'D and, uh, I guess I should offer you a tl;dr version: my basic tips for people who want to try to get better at writing boil down to a) try a lot of things, b) pay attention to what you're doing, and c) once you've tried a lot of things and paid enough attention to figure out which of those things worked the best for you, do that more! Don't get too hung up on following any particular advice or any specific method absolutely 100% of the time; be patient with yourself, test things out, write different stuff in different ways and see what comes out a way you like and what doesn't, and the better you get at understanding how your brain works and what your process is, the easier it's going to get for you to write things you enjoy writing, and to find yourself liking what you've written when it's done. :D

And because it's me, there is also a Long Version under the cut, sorry in advance. :'D

A) TRY A LOT OF THINGS

In my experience, it's harder to tell what's going to work for you personally or help you get your writing closer to where you want it to be than you might think it is! So my first piece of advice is: consider every piece of writing advice worth trying. This does not mean every piece of writing advice is going to actually work for you! This doesn't even mean every piece of writing advice you're going to run into is any good.

But sometimes writing advice sounds shitty, stupid, or weird, and will turn out to work great for you; and sometimes writing advice sounds really good and sensible, and is not the right fit for you at all and then you decide to give up on trying other writing advice because you feel like it probably won't work either. So, if you're going to avoid missing out on the first scenario, you need to have an open mind and give stuff a shot! And if you're going to avoid taking the wrong things away from the second scenario, you need to accept that sometimes a solution that looks right isn't going to be right ... and then try something else. :D

I used to consider myself unable to outline. So I ignored every piece of writing advice I ran into about outlining, and instead, I wrote the scenes that came to me, in the order in which they came to me, and then tried to figure out what had to go in between them afterward. And don't get me wrong—that might be the right method for you! But it wasn't the right method for me ... and I didn't KNOW that it wasn't for a really long time, because a) writing the scenes that came easily felt really good while it was working, and b) I never tried to write stuff any other way.

When I did finally decide to try outlining, I came at it kind of sideways; I was reinventing the wheel, basically, because I Knew I Didn't Like Outlining, and therefore what I was doing couldn't be outlining. I was just ... sketching out a few things in advance, making notes, so I would have less trouble making stuff fit together later. Once I worked my way through denial and bargaining and accepted that I was in fact outlining, I went and looked for advice about how to do it!

... And a lot of that advice was genuinely wrong for me. I tried following outlining guides and plot beat charts and all kinds of stuff, and it was hard and it wasn't any fun and once I was done I didn't want to actually write the stories I'd outlined, which is kind of the opposite of what's supposed to happen. (Again—my experience! Outlining in a clear, pre-planned way like this might be EXACTLY what you need to do! Give it a try and find out!)

So I gave up on that, and some more trial-and-error on my own was what finally got me somewhere that worked. Turns out my ideal outlining method is to basically just talk to myself in writing, in gigantic paragraphs of brainstorming, and let my brain feel out the shape of the whole fic, not just the scenes that immediately occur to me, and then I can break those paragraphs up into scenes, re-outline them in greater detail wherever detail is lacking in the original, and get all the plotting and pacing sorted out. Then I get to write.

These days, everything I post has been planned out in advance and then written from start to finish in order. If you'd come up to me fifteen years ago and told me that would be the way I needed to work to actually finish things consistently, I would never have believed it! I had to try different stuff, see what felt better and what felt worse, what worked and what didn't, before I could find the method that served me and my writing the best.

I also mean "try a lot of things" in the sense that you should try a lot of things with your writing in and of itself, and with other people's. Try reading a genre you don't normally read! Try reading an author you don't like! Try mimicking that genre; try figuring out what things you don't like about that author's style and then duplicating them. Try different kinds of writing exercises—try following prompts; try not following prompts; try writing a paragraph with no adverbs, or a paragraph with no adjectives, not because you need to try to write with no adverbs or adjectives forever but just to see how it feels, to see how you can adjust the other words you use to compensate for the lack, to see what effect it has on the way that paragraph comes across when you read it. Try writing gen, if you always write shipfic; try writing shipfic, if you always write gen. You don't need to post it, you don't even need to finish it! Just try it, and see what it's like—see whether you can make it feel emotionally effective and interesting to you, or whether it bores you no matter what you do with it. :D Any answer, any result, is okay! Just try stuff. You can't get better at anything if you keep doing it exactly the same way you've always done it—and I mean that in the sense that in my experience, if you try something new and then go straight back to the way you've always done it, even THAT MUCH will often still make you better at the thing! Something about the variation, about deliberately changing something and then changing it back, often makes me more aware and more deliberate and more intentional about what I'm doing.

Which I guess is a decent enough segue into the next bit. :'D

B) PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU'RE DOING

This isn't really a separate step from above—if you try stuff but don't pay attention to how it turns out, you're shooting yourself in the foot. :'D But I wanted to emphasize this specifically because it also applies when you aren't trying anything new.

For starters, in my experience, it is immensely valuable to ask yourself what you're doing. What are you trying to do? What story are you trying to tell? What is the point of it? What are you trying to say, and how do you want people to feel about it, how do you want what you're saying to come across? Again, the answers to these questions don't have to be deep, or serious, or anything like that. With at least three-quarters of my fics, the answer to at least three of these questions is "I AM DO TROPE WITH MY [CAPE/JET/SPACE] BLORBOS"! But I know that that's what the answer is. I know which trope I want to focus the story on, I know which specific characters I'm going to be putting through the trope, and from there, I can dig into the details: how are these characters going to deal with this trope? What is the way they deal with this trope going to say about them? Do I want what it says about them to seem angsty, or sweet, or creepy?

And for me, once I know what I'm doing, I can start to think about how I'm doing it—I can start to pay attention to the details of it. Is this scene adding something to the story, making the point of it clearer or more present or more meaningful? Is it helping the story make progress toward that point? Or is it distracting from it? It doesn't happen to me that often, but I absolutely have had to cut scenes I liked from an outline, because once I was reading through the outline and paying attention, it was obvious that they were taking away from the point of the fic, distracting from it, instead of working with it or toward it.

Even within a scene: is this conversation adding something, or showing the reader something about the characters' mindsets, or explaining something the reader needs to know in a way that makes sense? Is this blocking adding something to the way this character's demeanor is coming across—communicating that they're uncertain or attentive or something is horribly wrong with them? Or is it just in there because I'm feeling self-conscious about writing so much unbroken narration? :') Sometimes I've cut scenes because I've realized that one character is going to need to tell another character that the scene's contents happened, somewhere later on—in my experience, that means I need to restructure something, I need to let the conversation happen and not double it up with actually writing out the scene, or there needs to be an angle that makes it matter that both the scene and the conversation relaying it are in the fic (the character is going to lie to the other character about what happened? the character is going to leave out some crucial details? something is going to suddenly make sense during the conversation, because there's additional information that wasn't present during the original scene? SOMETHING).

And again, sometimes the answers to these questions might just be "this is here because I think it's a fun moment, LEAVE ME ALONE". Which is fine! Fun moments can make stories better! Fun moments can be part of the point, because they make the angst surrounding them angstier! They can give characters a moment to breathe and just relate to each other for a second, in the middle of a lot of serious action! Or they can just be there because you want them to be. But in my experience, it's one of those "know the rules before you break them" things—it's almost always better for you to make the conscious decision to have a fun moment that adds nothing specific, fully aware that that's what you're doing, than to have done it by accident just because you weren't really paying attention to what you were writing and why. (You may find this is not true for you! You may like your stories better when you just write what you want and don't think about it too hard! That's okay also! This advice can be some of the stuff you try that you end up discarding.)

This, like the previous advice, also applies in terms of paying attention to your writing in and of itself, and paying attention to other people's writing, too. What are your habits? What are your tics? What do writers you like do and not do, on a paragraph-by-paragraph level, or even sentence-by-sentence? What do you do a lot, and what do you not do a lot? You don't necessarily need to change the way you write, if you don't want to—but if you're aware of some of these things, you might be able to use them.

I use a lot of dialogue tags, and a lot of adverbs, and I describe body language in probably a little too much detail, sometimes. :'D I usually don't try to change these things, because most of the time I'm pretty happy with the effect they have—but being aware of them means I can change that effect if I want to! I can kill SO many adverbs, when I'm writing a character who's had their emotions stripped away, who's drugged numb or under a mind-control spell, who's an android who's just been involuntarily reset, and it will feel SO different from the way I usually write that same character. I can drop descriptions of body language to try to make a character feel more opaque than they usually might! I can buckle down and pay attention to making sure that my dialogue sounds enough like each character in the conversation that even I don't think I need dialogue tags—or I can strip them down, simplify them, in an ensemble conversation where the reader does need some clue who's talking but the focus should stay on the dialogue and not on every single character's emotional state (versus an emotional conversation between only two characters, where I would argue it's genuinely worthwhile for a lot of reactions to be described).

You don't need to do any of that stuff yourself, and you don't need to have the same habits I have! You can write a story where the only point is that two characters you like a lot are going to hang out and have a good afternoon—but in my experience, it'll be a better story if you know that that's the point, and you pay attention to what you're doing to reach that point.

C) KEEP DOING WHAT WORKS

Obviously I've said variations on this at lots of points along the way here, but I'm going to say it again anyway :'D—once you have some idea what seems to work for you, do that! Advice is great to give you a starting point or some ideas of techniques or approaches you can try, but it's not binding; you can adapt it, you can use some of it and chuck the rest, you can ignore it completely. You might find that certain approaches work for you most of the time, but not always, and that's fine. You don't need to stick to anything in particular, and you can always try more stuff if the stuff you previously tried stops working or isn't working as well as you want it to.

Everything I've said in here is based on what I've figured out as I went along! If some of it contradicts something you're doing that already works for you, then ignore me and keep doing that thing—if something else in here strikes a chord, use it and forget the rest.

As a bonus, in my experience, the more you keep doing something that works for you on a baseline level, the better it will work for you! You'll get better at doing it, and experience will let you assess how it's going or figure out what you might need to try instead faster and faster. As noted, it took me some false starts to figure out how to outline in a way that worked well for me; but even once I basically had that down, I would still sometimes outline, start writing, and then get stuck, because somewhere between the outline and the ~vibes I needed to feel engaged with a scene when I was writing it, something had gone dark. It was SO ANNOYING, after all the work I had done to try to figure out how to make my writing work better ... but it happens less and less often these days, because I've gotten better at assessing those ~vibes for myself during outlining instead of just when I'm ready to actually start writing! \o/

So, yeah. If something works for you, keep doing it—I would say not to the exclusion of still trying stuff now and then (because there might still be something out there that'll turn out to work better, and the trying in and of itself is good experience), but a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush: advice is great, but something that's actually working for you right now is actually working for you right now, and you should go ahead and run with that and not get too fussed about the advice.

I hope some fraction of that was at least a little bit useful to you, anon! :'D And if you wanted something less general and more actionable about some specific aspect of writing (pacing, characterization, dialogue, plotting, anything!), feel free to send me a followup ask and I can blather at you in an at least somewhat more focused fashion. :D ♥

[jasontoddsdarling]

jason coded

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT87EXE5Q/

first of all, finally my first anon on this account ily anon :>

and oh god, this totally is jason coded.

(trigger warning for the video: motorcycle accidents—already happened and the rider was okay and the second one's from afar barely visible on video. so no blood etc involved but i just want to put it here just because!)

JASON is terrified to death when he saw from the rearview mirror of his hypersport motorcycle that there's a motorcycle crash approximately one hundred meter behind him.

fuck, no, no.

it can't be you. he knew he should've insisted being the one in tailing, but you had said you can read map for shit so it's better for him being the one that leading the way.

he stops his motorcycle, and might as well leaps from the thing. he literally let his motorcycle lying on the side of the road.

he doesn't care.

because nothing more important than you, his girl.

he runs as fast as he can while mumbling, "baby, please tell me you're fine and it wasn't you."

and when he finally close enough, he can see that it's indeed not you, but a man—and a woman passenger—who got into a single accident. they're mostly okay, just shocked. their other friends have helped them.

after checking them once again and making sure they are fine, he sits on the side of the road a few meter away.

he's still a bit shaking even though he knows it wasn't you. he just couldn't imagine if it was you.

a few seconds later, he hears motorcycle engine close by before stopping, and then someone walking towards him.

"jay?"

there's you.

he can see you are already without your helmet, putting it on the seat of your motorcycle.

he stands immediately and hugs your smaller body to himself, tucking your head under his chin, relishing the beat of your heart close by himself.

"baby, your heartbeat... are you okay?"

"i thought it was you."

he holds you tighter.

"oh, jay."

your heart breaks for him.

"yeah. i am scared to death. i immediately ran away when i saw them on rearview mirror. i couldn't imagine if it was truly you."

you say nothing except holding him tighter and rubbing his leather-jacket-clad back. you stay like that for few minutes.

"shh, shh. it's okay, jay, i'm here. my heart is beating with yours."

and you're right. jason realizes he's more calm now. he's not shaking anymore.

"i'm sorry."

"nothing to be sorry for, jay. i would be scared too if it's the other way around. hell, i might be running while crying."

jason gives you a chaste kiss on the lips.

"so, your motorcycle is there, huh?"

you point to the red thing on the side of the road, afar from you.

"yup."

"want to give us a ride there?"

"of course. i will not let you out of my sight after this." he says as leading you to your motorcycle—which is actually his. "you'll lead the way. it's okay if you choose long route, as long as i can see that you're fine."

[tmi tl;dr, as someone who can ride motorcycle (the matic type though, not cool stuffs like men's motorcycles lol) myself, motorcycle accident, crash, or injury are no joke! i have been involved three times myself (unfortunately). two times when i actually rode the motorcycle myself and once when i was a passenger. the latter got me unconscious actually, albeit being the only single accident amongst other two. never had serious injuries (except few bruises here) but the emotional trauma definitely there. so please, please be safe while riding or driving.]

[elizaditton]

Update: Not The End

Hey everyone. It's been over a month since my last post where I announced I was basically nuking Perthea and its associated projects (mainly my book, Too Small To Be Afraid.) If you haven't read that post and need context, it's located here. (TL;DR, I've loved Derrick for 13 years, and the pain I've carried for so long began to destroy my life while I refused to acknowledge it.)

I've had a month to simmer in my thoughts, and I've come to the conclusion that (big surprise) I overreacted. I've basically decided to continue my work, with a few conditions. More below the cut.

My decision to quit Perthea definitely didn't come without its reasons. Being in love with someone that doesn't exist is hard. Trying to pursue your real life boyfriend while still "grieving" said imaginary person is also hard. I felt like I owed Derrick something, and I was tearing myself apart to try and be enough for someone that will never open his eyes. The grave I was digging for him "had to" be perfect-- but it never will be, because I'm not perfect. On top of that, I put on this "author" persona, like I was some kind of professional, when I never was. It's not like I've been out to trick people, but what I was doing was basically putting on a mask to hide behind since I'm so scared of what people will actually think of me.

That being said, what am I doing going forward?

I've decided to return to working on Perthea, and on my book. Looking back at old drawings, songs, and writings, I'm so proud of what I've created and I don't want it to have all been for nothing. I also remember how much fun I had creating what I did in spite of the hurt I felt. So, I've made some conditions for myself.

Perthea has to be for me. Not for proving anything to anyone about Derrick. Not for laying him to rest.

I can't let myself daydream excessively anymore. This will only make me miss Derrick more and won't lead to anything productive.

If by the end of the year I still don't have at least a first draft (or proof that I will very very soon), I'm not continuing the book. If it's not coming together, it's not coming together.

I'm going to go over my first draft so far, refresh myself on the content, then fix and FINISH my outline for the book, and THEN continue working on the draft.

To ensure I'm doing this for myself rather than for notes, and because I want to be more productive, I think it will help if I don't publish my writings until the book is finished. (Don't worry, it'll still be available to read for free!) That way the draft is free to be a complete mess if it means it's going to actually get to be a finished draft at some point.

I'm going to try my best to be a real, authentic person online instead of putting on a face.

With all this being said, I intend to tread carefully going forward, and to be kind to myself. My boyfriend also agreed to let me know if things seem to be getting out of hand.

So, hopefully things go well from this point forward. I apologize for overreacting, and I'm sorry if I worried any of you. I am currently seeing a good therapist who is helping me work through and process things as well. Thanks for reading and for bearing with me. I hope you look forward to what I create. <3

[zzoupz]

what does lesboy mean for you? I'm curious, as I've never seen someone who uses the label

I have many reasons for using it!

firstly in thai queer culture transmasculinity and lesbianism has always been intertwined, so much so that the word for butch lesbian/trans man is the same word. I grew up seeing myself as a butch. I only learned of other identities in english when I started to use the more western side of the internet. so I feel like that butch boy is still a part of me

second reason, while this can be dysphoric to some I just don't Mind being perceived as a lesbian. I'm a pre-op trans boy who don't really plan on doing more than T so I already know that I'm gonna look like a masculine lesbian to most people. and like I said, I don't necessarily feel bad about that! lesbians are awesome

third reason, I feel like calling my attraction/relationship with women straight kinda.. take away the queerness of it. related to the second reason, I already don't look like a man. if I had a girlfriend we wouldn't look like a straight couple. I still have to hide my attraction like other queer sexualities. hell I still go by Miss in my ID card. so yeah

sorry if that's a long answer and doesn't really make sense. though remember that my experience is far from universal even for lesboys, there are many reasons someone might use the label :3

TL;DR: my attraction to women is too queer to be straight

[grimm-bot]

I don’t see the parallels between Mable and Ford and Dipper and Stan. Can you explain cause i’m really curious now.

ok ok ok so. im not gonna cite any specific sources sorry im too lazy to go back but i promise you ive watched the series too much for it to be healthy

mabel and ford are both very much similar people. they're both very artistically talented, mabel made a lifelike sculpture of stan so you cant deny this one - they also both have very similar personalities, they're extremely blunt when talking to others and outwardly weird and proud of it, they just express it in different ways. i mean how many times has mabel directly called out dipper for doing Stupid Shit in the same way Ford has to Stan ? like at least three times. at least thrice. and theres definitely a parallel between mabel embracing being a weird little girl and making sweaters every day, eating toothpaste and whatever the unicorn creature from DDAMD was - she could choose to act normal, but why in the world would she ever? and ford not having that choice, so he pursues research of the supernatural to try and find a place for himself amongst the strange and unusual. both are also called out on by society for being strange - mabel just stands up to her bullies a little better than ford does. its also important to note that neither of them socialize normally at ALL. its just that mabel is so confident in herself that when she goes up to you and says HI I'M MABEL MY EARRINGS ARE NACHOS WANNA BE FRIENDS? you're like hell yeah!!! they are!!! lets be friends!!! theyre both so trusting too which leads to them being directly screwed over by bill, it isnt their fault at all but he STILL DOES IT. plus they both briefly dated a supernatural fish creature, and had an absolutely TRAINWRECK of a relationship that altered how they'll approach their future ones - mabels was with gideon, and fords was with bill.

and hoooo their twin. stan directly sees some of his younger self in dipper, most notably in dreamscaperers, which is why he tries to toughen the kid up. the two of them also solve a lot of their problems with Punching. as soon as dipper loses access to the journal he starts swinging. bro jumped off a cliff to punch a massive robot in the eye and also swung at a massive triangle god. he was NOT hesitating he just started swinging, exactly what stan does!!! and its for their twin. soooo much of what the both of them do is in pursuit of the goal of keeping their twin safe or getting them to safety. dipper sticks up for mabel against Pacifica exactly how Stan did for his family in Gideon Rises. they're also VERY intelligent + resourceful, and can fly by the seat of their pants with random information, stan rebuilt the portal with about a third of the blueprints and with zero funding, and dipper is shown doing complex math in an instant and using what little info the journal has on various threats to thwart them - part of this is also social intelligence. mabel may be a social butterfly but dipper and stan know who to trust and when and navigate their relationships extremely carefully. theyre also hella good at convincing people to do what they want - dipper redeemed at least two people by just talking to them, the only difference between the skill they have with words is that stan uses his to convince people to keep coming back to the mystery shack so he can make money, and dipper uses his to get people to fight back against injustice. i also dont think i need to tell you how insecure the both of them are in their identities. thats not even getting into the themes of self sacrifice

sorry this was long but tl;dr: a cutiepie wearing sweaters with a book vital to the plot whose eccentricities define them, and a smart&sly guy who has a way with words, with a front meant to hide their insecurities. okay was i talking about mabel and dipper or ford and stan in that order