#the title song reference is one of my favorite nods

[moonbaby26]

Title: New Day

(Chapter 15 of Doflamingo’s Marine Series)

*Crossposted to AO3 Here*

Chapter Pairings: Doflamingo x Reader

Chapter Warnings: language, non con, dubious consent, fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, angst, references to past chapters’ physical abuse, toxic relationship

Chapter Synopsis: The day after your near fatal incident instigated by Sir Crocodile, the rumor mill is churning both within and outside the palace walls as everyone now tries to understand what you really are to Doflamingo. Everyone including the demon at the center of it all himself.

Chapters: 1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7,  8,  9,  10,  11,  12, 13, 14, 15, 16

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—————————— 

It was a brand new morning. A beautiful day with the sun shining as the dark haired woman strode through the outdoor market. Even this early, music was already drifting from nearby, guitar strings were strumming as vendors finished setting up for their day.

Despite the rising tempo of that musician’s fingers over those strings, no one Viola saw was yet in a hurry. No one seemed nervous. She could hear laughter as people greeted one another, passing in the street. She could see their smiles.

This was her island and her people, briefly feeling to her as they always should have. 

The Donquixote soldiers that were meant to be acting as her guards, she’d ordered to stay as far back from her as possible.

They would not be ruining this rare taste of freedom for her as she did come upon an older man seated on a stool with a guitar. The origin of the sound she’d been hearing for several minutes on her morning walk as she nodded down to him.

“Good morning, Señor. That song you were playing, it’s a favorite of mine. I was hoping to meet you.” She complimented him.

“Ah, you’re too young to know it.” He paused, a little surprised at her attention. But smiling gently at her all the same. “My wife taught it to me years ago. She sang and I played back then.”

And the way he said this, with that brief look in his eyes as he did, she knew what he really meant. 

A wife that was no longer here. Someone that had been taken from him. But Viola still smiled softly. Because that sadness wasn’t an emotion she would want to truly lose. It was the shadow that love left behind. It was all they had left.

“My sister and I would attempt to sing that song.” She shared with him in return. “But she was the far better singer than me. She passed two years ago.”

This was the polite way people in Dressrosa referenced that tumultuous time, when hell had first opened its gates within their country.

And that devil’s sycophants were now the ones lingering, growing further impatient a few food stalls away.

But Doflamingo’s guards could wait. They could wait forever for all she cared.

“I suppose I haven’t tried much since then…to sing I mean. So would you play that song one more time please, Señor? It’s been so long. But today seems a bit special I think. I’d like to try to sing it again.” She told him.

And he laughed. “You young people and your romantic hearts! I’m sure you’ll be at the colosseum with all of the others today then? It seems quite fast doesn’t it? But I suppose no man wants to be alone forever. Even a king!” Yet he didn’t leave her time to agree or disagree, amused at her as he began strumming those opening chords once more.

A surprise announcement had come from the palace last night. Spreading quickly across the island all before midnight curfew.

This afternoon all were invited, or rather expected at the Corrida Colosseum. And the king himself would be in attendance. Unusual as of late, as he’d been devoting so much time to his growing underworld alone.

Those secret dealings seemingly his only focus all until that trip he’d taken to Mariejois, to the kingdom some called heaven. Something about a war on a distant island that he didn’t want the marines interceding in. Long enough ago now that Viola had gotten to bear witness to the accumulating changes in him every day since.

“In the heavens I would have power…” Viola’s voice began carefully, not fully out of tune. But certainly out of practice as she began the first verse in time with the man’s guitar.

And you, the marine woman that the officers’ whispers and minds had said Doflamingo had actually coveted for years, the one he’d first consummated with there at the home of the gods, would also be his official guest at the colosseum this evening.

Speculation was running wild through the citizens now of what this could all mean.

In the beginning Viola had not cared, except to pity you. She knew that all Doflamingo was was the thin skin of a man pulled tightly over the bones of a demon.

Yet an incident had occurred at the palace yesterday, enough to shake even her cynical heart.

“This night like the darkness within a well. With a knife made of moonlight I would cut the bars of your jail...” Her words kept on.

Doflamingo had kept her hidden away ever since your arrival. Yet more evidence that something may really be different here.

He didn’t want her to know his real plans for you. He didn’t want the two of you to meet.

Not yet.

“If I were the queen of the daylight, of the wind, and the sea, I would tie my own slave ropes in exchange for your freedom…”

The man who had never once hesitated to punish her by showing her the most grotesque and violent thoughts of what he’d like to do to new prey had suddenly been keeping everything to himself.

Why should it matter for her to know exactly how he wanted to break you? Rape you and defile you. Grind your will to dust, and then discard you once bored as he had to so many other men and women that had briefly caught his eye.

“Ay sorrow, little sorrow, sorrow of my heart…”

Doflamingo was a passionate man, even a romantic one in truth. But just at that most carnal level she had thought.

“I don’t wan’t flowers, money, or adulation.”

Violence, seduction, and jealousy were the only notes he excelled at within that complicated dance.

But yesterday there had been a culmination of tensions. Viola had been astonished to hear that panic going through the castle, to see it in so many anxious minds.

You had fought Trebol. You had fought Doflamingo himself.

And suicide is what that choice was, no matter the circumstances. Because it had never mattered to Doflamingo before whether or not someone was innocent. To go against the executives in any way, even in self defense, was absolute suicide. It was an attack on Doflamingo himself.

But maybe you weren’t the coward that she felt she was to hide amongst them. Maybe you had already refused her fate and chosen your own exit instead.

She would not have blamed you. 

Yet all evening she had stressed. Wondering how Doflamingo would cover up your death. But every moment that she still even remembered who you were had been equally confusing. 

Why hadn’t he at least brought you to Sugar?

But finally, late that night, something in her had insisted she show a bit of her own remnants of a spine. She had dared to use her sight to scan the palace for the king or yourself and learn the truth. She’d expected the worst. Your body torn apart, and new horrific tortures she’d never be able to unsee.

Yet that was not what she had found.

“I want you to let me cry for your sorrows, and to be at your side my dear, drinking the tears of your loneliness…”

Doflamingo was with you, yes. But not in one of the dungeons. Not with you screaming or begging for him to stop and to release you with death at last.

The Heavenly Demon had been curled around you in his own bed, clinging to you with a seeming level of anxiety she’d never witnessed in that creature before.

He had been watching you as you slept, a stricken look on his face.

“My eyes hurt because I look without seeing you…”

And this was the real reason Viola now spun, unable to stop from finally dancing a bit as well in the continued rhythm of that man’s guitar.

“Sorrow of my heart that flows within my veins, with the strength of a hurricane…”

Doflamingo was afraid.

“Sorrow, the same as a cloud of darkness and flint. A runaway colt that knows not where it goes…” 

Doflamingo had a weakness at last.

“It’s a desert of sand, sorrow, it’s my glory in a jail. Ay, jail! Ay sorrow! Little sorrow…”

And it was a woman.

Viola had decided that she would do everything in her power to further your influence now.

She would force herself to live long enough to see if this little crack in him could spread.

A new opening in his blackened heart that may one day be big enough to force her dagger through.

——————————— 

Last night Doflamingo had remained strange. Mostly silent as his focus stayed split between his real body and what you assumed was the string clone still working for him somewhere else in the castle.

After making you eat, there had been that brief feel of tenderness though as you’d both undressed and he’d brought you into his shower.

The same powder of glass that’d still been in your hair from the fight, he’d then helped you to wash clean. 

That and Trebol’s remaining mucus too. The warlord had kept you from losing your balance on your still weak legs, standing in the water’s spray with you as you’d scrubbed off the last of that residue.

You’d felt his cock against you too, half hard again without either of you even speaking to one another. But he hadn’t fucked you. 

After drying back off, drinking, and eating more of the food his servants brought, you’d then fallen asleep nude in his bed even before the sun had set.

At times last night you’d felt his movements beside you. But he still didn’t talk. He didn’t make you open your eyes and interact with him.

And you were fine with that.

He’d already hurt you enough for one day. You’d had nothing else you wanted to give him as you’d kept up the imitation of sleep while he’d held you tightly.

The same as he still was now as you finally did look to the ceiling again. Just the faintest bit of new sunlight was escaping the edges of his closed curtains.

It remained dim here within his bedroom, cave like really as you felt his steady breathing against your skin. His face buried against your neck, his arms wrapped around your torso, and his legs curled up to trap your own.

But your body still ached. Now with those newest additions of a severely bruised sternum and ribs to match from you taking his hits nearly full on yesterday without armament.

He’d never given any further apology either. And the more you’d thought of even that briefest one, you’d realized it was only a-

Sorry I misread that situation.

Sorry their mistakes made me do that. 

Not actual self-accountability. Not even a hint that he wouldn’t do it all again if fed bad information once more.

And you were stuck still reliving it. Hearing the door rip apart, and the glass break as he came for you, The pain when he threw you down and the pressure when you couldn’t breathe.

But that would fade as the bruises did. You knew in time you’d move on from that. Just like anytime you’d been hurt in the field, anytime you’d been knocked down before.

The thing you couldn’t shake as cleanly was how much it hurt inside as well this time. Because it wasn’t just physical pain any longer.

It’d hurt to look up at the man you still wanted as they’d started to crush your chest in.

That was a torture that should never happen to anyone.

But something touched your face and you startled from your spiraling thoughts.

Your head turned and you saw a crimson eye narrowed at you. The milky white one beside it still mostly closed against your shoulder as the pad of his finger wiped your newly wet cheek.

“Are you ever going to stop crying?” Doflamingo’s voice asked so abruptly then. Deep, but quiet in its continued proximity to you.

“I didn’t know that I was.” You answered honestly, caught off guard and letting the heel of your hand wipe the rest of that dampness away as you looked back to the ceiling.

He made a noise in response. Dismissive, but you could still feel his gaze on you.

“What’s done is done. It’s over.” He said next, making the easy assumption of what still had you rattled. And that bit of irritation was resuming in him already because of it.

But he didn’t know the real extent. You were sure that he didn’t.

“Sorry.” You were the one to say that useless word then. But you were just trying to end the subject. Trying to make him stop.

“You’re not.” He contended. 

And your eyes did look back to him then. Fresh concern in your expression no doubt.

But you felt him just stretching his legs back out. His cock was soft, but it grazed you as he adjusted his hips. He was laying on his side with his body pressed to you so firmly still.

“What more do you want from me?” He spoke against your ear now. As if you were the one still being unreasonable. “I didn’t even maim you. What do you think I would have done to any other person on this island that took matters into their own hands as you did? Regardless of why.” He said next. His hand was sliding across your stomach now.

But his fingers just kept moving lower before you could answer. The longest finger, his middle one, parted your slit in one smooth movement to begin rubbing your clit.

And just like that it was all about what your body could give him again. 

Whether you were ready for this or not.

And apparently you were not. Not as you heard your own voice so suddenly, firing back at him. “Well…did you fuck me yesterday morning too? Because that didn’t help! I woke up with strangers in the room, and then had that running down my leg. It could have been anyone!” 

You’d taken that disgust out on Trebol too you were sure. Everything was connected in this continued trauma. 

The movement of Doflamingo’s finger paused at your outburst. 

That red eye stared at you, sharp and narrowed as he lifted his head again.

“Watch your tone with me, woman.”

Two of his fingers pushed right into your entrance then with that warning. He hooked those fingers actually, the pressure making your expression change.

“Doffy,” You grunted because it hurt.

It was meant to hurt.

“Of course I fucked you. And I don’t care if you could feel it or not. If you could remember it or not. I need you, you stupid bitch.” He answered though, with that tone of hatefulness reemerging all over again. 

But you were watching his face. 

You saw when he swallowed. When the contempt began to change to a more general upset the more aroused he became. “I can’t stop. Not when you’re the only thing that feels right.”

And there was the additional cruelty of his own inconsistent feelings. 

He’d berate you. He’d hurt you, and in the very next breath he’d practically infer that he couldn’t exist without you.

His lips were on your jaw then too. You felt his tongue ghost against your skin.

His teeth nipped that same skin. “So quit acting like you don’t understand. Like you don’t want me too…you need this. You need me.”

The two fingers inside of you were now beginning to slide in and out. They pumped into you as his tongue stretched out further this time, leaving a long wet streak across the side of your face.

“But if you really are so offended…then do something about it. Punish me. Make me feel it. Fuck me back.” He taunted next.

“What?” You breathed, at a frustrating loss for his exact meaning while his fingers continued mercilessly. The way he’d said this gave away that it was now something different he was asking for.

“I’ll let you. I’d do that for you.” He grunted, his hips shifting suddenly as you now felt the tip of that awakened cock rubbing against you.

“I don’t…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And the words were already getting harder to say. 

Harder to think of as you felt yourself getting wetter for him regardless. His fingers moving in and out so much easier now.

“Your cunt wants a break doesn’t it?” His crudeness continued. “Your ass too after what I did to you, right? I fucked you so hard when I was in there the other night, didn’t I?”

And you were feeling more heat inside of you with every insulting word. 

But he was starting to smile again. He looked so hungry actually. “Then do it to me. I’ll show you how.”

His thumb was back over your clit, working it in tandem to his fingers now quickening their already rough pace inside.

“Cum for me, and then I’ll let you fuck me. We’re both going to feel good today after the shit we got put through. We deserve this.”

Oh, so now you were a team all of the sudden? As if the power imbalance here wasn’t still so extreme.

But it didn’t matter.

Not when Doflamingo’s tongue was now forcing its way past your teeth.

You heard and felt him moan into your mouth. It was so dirty. So unrestrained really as your thighs opened up even more for him.

You were both disgustingly pathetic. 

And the wet sound of his fingers in and out of you only made everything that much worse as you started clenching around his fingers.

That tension was building in your belly.

“Cum for me…let go. You’re so close already aren’t you, love?” He broke the kiss enough to say this against your mouth. Right before he nipped your bottom lip.

The sharp little pain was almost simultaneous to that whip like feel. Like a tightening rope finally snapping inside as you felt your body tremble and hot fluid wash over his fingers.

Doflamingo inhaled sharply, looking down at the unexpected mess that had made.

The humiliation you felt was instant, but the remnants of the full body orgasm he’d just given you weren’t easily dismissed either.

You were panting.

And you heard him laugh. He laughed before his face was then nuzzling back into yours.

“I guess I should have let you take a piss before we started, huh?”

It wasn’t excessive. But it was well enough for you both to know that couldn’t all be female ejaculate. Enough to make a wet spot you could now feel beneath you on the bed.

“Asshole.” You muttered, even with his face still warmly against yours.

“It means I fucking rocked that sweet spot, didn’t I, marine?” He sounded all too smug in response. And even more flirty too as he kissed the side of your face. “Don’t be embarrassed, lover…even though you’re goddamn cute when you are. We’re not done yet anyway. Now it’s my turn.”

His grin widened too then as his fingers finally slid back out of you. He just wiped that hand on the dryer portion of the bedsheets before he flung the blankets fully away to better expose himself to you.

Doflamingo let go of you to move onto his back, propping himself into the pillows and looking so comfortable then before he motioned to the nightstand.

“Be a good, wet girl for me then, and crawl over there to get the biggest one so we can play some more. It’s all or nothing for me.” And he sounded like he was goddamn bragging. Bragging and commanding you all at once as your mind had yet to fully accept what was now happening here.

You were still trying to process the orgasm that had made your legs feel like jelly all over again.

What in the fuck was your actual life in this moment as you did crawl across the mattress eventually, then on your knees at its edge before you could reach the drawer of his nightstand and pull it open.

Which was a sight that really should not have been meant for your naive eyes. There were toys in there that you didn’t even know the use of. Intimidating things you were afraid to even goddamn touch as you peered down into that private stash. 

Packs of condoms were there too, different kinds of lubes, and more…pills? They weren’t the same shape or color as the ones you’d taken before. They were in a clear bag, beside another bag with some kind of white powder inside of it.

The fuck was that?

You did not want to reach your hand in.

“Just grab a dildo, woman. This doesn’t have to be complicated.” Doflamingo chided. A little louder then, getting more impatient.

And you did have to force yourself. Pushing the unknown things out of the way to sort through some of the more familiar looking style of toys.

You pulled one out that seemed to be the largest like he’d requested, and it looked entirely painful by your personal standards. Bigger than any of those he’d used on you the other night. But honestly, very close to his own physical size once you glanced back at him with the toy in your hand.

“That’ll do.” He smirked. “I couldn’t remember how many I still had in there.” 

And he settled back even further into the pillows, putting his arms briefly behind his head as he began spreading his legs.

“Don’t worry about lube, beautiful…let me see you use that mouth of yours instead.”

“What?” You stared. 

His always impressive cock was flushed with blood by this point, hard for this long already without any relief. Rising up from that fine blond pubic hair and pointing firmly towards the ceiling as he held his thighs open shamelessly to show you it all. 

One of his hands did move back down, lifting his own sack off of the mattress as he began to palm it.

“Suck the toy, marine. Deep throat that if you can. I want it good and wet before I show you how to really take it.”

But you didn’t want to. Your hesitation clearly said as much.

And his reactions were becoming that much sharper in response.

“Oh goddamn it, don’t be so high maintenance. Anything in that drawer was already washed. It’s clean.”

Your eyebrows still lowered. Yes, even you knew how arbitrary it seemed on the things you would finally resist him on. 

But the way he was leering at you, the way his legs were spread eagle and waiting like you owed him this. This wasn’t even an experience you had had before.

And something about it made you feel more like a whore than ever.

“What is wrong with you?” Came his exasperated tone next when you still hadn’t put that dildo in your mouth.

And your shoulders sank. He was on that edge of getting angry all over again. 

“If you fucking cry one more time…” He still fussed as your posture had changed however. That blood vessel starting to show in his forehead. “I already said I was sorry, (Y/N)!”

That damn word again. But it sounded so petulant this time.

So desperate.

“Just give me that, you idiot.” And a string had jerked the dildo from your hand. Pulling it away from you and into his grip instead as his tongue angrily ran out to run the length of it.

He put the whole thing in his own mouth soon after even as he glared at you.

Spit edged from his lips as he began to suck it. 

You were of course stunned once more. Discomfort still there for you too as you watched this inexplicable scene while Doflamingo’s cheeks hollowed out with that purposeful sucking. And he didn’t choke at all, nearly the full length of the toy then within his mouth as he pumped it in and out briefly while watching you spitefully.

When he did pull it all the way out again, spit was fully down his chin and soaked across that toy.

He did not care.

“That’s how it’s fucking done.” He growled, but still not looking away from your face. “Get over here. Now.”

And you did comply again then. But with that unwillingness still in your expression as you crawled back to him on the bed.

As soon as you were close enough though, his hand that was not holding the toy shot up to catch you by your throat.

You made a defensive sound and he smirked as he felt the resistance of your armament already beneath his squeezing hand.

“Why does everything have to be this difficult lately? I thought we were having fun.” He lamented, actually unable to make you choke that easily in how strongly your armament was then shielding you. You weren’t as weak as you’d been yesterday.

And he sighed when you still wouldn’t submit to this even rougher play. But he smiled again as he let you go just as abruptly. He finally used the back of his hand to wipe his chin then.

“I just want you to fuck me, lover…I don’t take rejection well you know. You’re hesitating too much. You’re hurting my feelings.”

The last words were said mockingly. But he was still goddamn insane, as usual. Just jumping from one emotion to the next. Had either of you even been awake long enough yet to already be going through all of this?

You took a deep breath. “I’m not rejecting you, Doffy. I’m just-“ Overwhelmed? Depressed? Traumatized?

“I just want things not to hurt. I don’t want anything else to hurt right now.” You managed, but still feeling at a complete loss of how to make someone like him understand any of this if even for a moment. 

And the responding coldness in his eyes was far from comforting as he grabbed your wrist this time, bringing you onto his lap to straddle him.

“But life is pain. So why ask me for the impossible?” His tone was still short, but his volume did quiet as he held you there. 

With you there between his legs, he brought that still wet dildo down between you both. He inhaled, letting your wrist go as he reached to grab himself again. He was then holding his own balls up and out of the way as he moved that toy beneath them.

He still spoke to you as he did, his eyes on yours as he angled it against his own opening that you could not see. “The important thing is that we can now hurt together. You have me. And I’m showing you my pain too, aren’t I? I’m letting you in.”

And he groaned a little, you getting to see that true discomfort move across his face as the tip first entered him.

You were silent as Doflamingo breathed deeper, him pausing as if to adjust to even that much of it inside of him.

“Damn. It really has been a while...” He said, like he was a bit taken aback himself at the new feeling.

But with it now started, his large hand moved back over your wrist.

His grip was warm, and far more gentle this time as he guided your hand to the base of that toy.

“I want it to be you.” He breathed again. There was no mask of a smile any longer. Just this man looking up at you needfully, anxiously even as he made your hand close around the toy. “Push it in, love. Fast or slow…whatever feels right to you. I trust your judgement…please.”

And even if you were sure that every new word of his was fully intended to make you have the exact reaction that you now were, this still wasn’t something you could control.

You felt the new heat in your chest as his tone had changed. You were embarrassed again. It felt like you’d never even had sex before all of the sudden.

And of course you hadn’t like this. Not with the roles reversed this way.

You knew what it felt like for you though, to have that pressure just edging your entrance. The longer you made him wait, the less kind that would be, wouldn’t it?

Oh, you were so in over your head though. Yourself flustered and him still never looking away from you as you finally did start to push it in him.

Doflamingo gasped quietly, his lips parting in a way that immediately had you feeling some kind of way between your own legs again.

Your body was fully confused in this moment actually. 

But his wasn’t. You saw his abdominal muscles tense and even his cock twitch as you still slid that thick toy gradually deeper inside of this man.

The resistance was weird, but you could tell he was relaxing as much as he could. You were being so mindful of his expressions too. Even pausing to let him adjust again whenever you’d see that brief flit of pain reenter his eyes.

And something about that level of care from you did bring a rare softer look across his attractive face. “I knew it…” He chuckled despite himself. “If you had a dick, you’d be so gentle with it at first. Wouldn’t you, my love? So responsible with your weapons.”

He was smiling again then, a fully pleasured one before he let out a small moan when you did continue pressing in again.

“Almost flush…come on.” He said next. His eyes were going half lidded too. A near look of adoration in them now for you. “It feels so good, woman…don’t stop.”

It was hard to look away from those rare emotions either, you not wanting to miss out on any of what he was now offering you in return.

But you also found yourself uneasy to finally realize that all of that toy but the bit you were still holding onto had now disappeared.

It was all the way in. He’d really taken it so well.

And he was still laying on his back beneath you, thighs spread wantonly with his head and shoulders just barely propped up in the pillows as a new urge overcame you.

You left the toy fully in him as you moved back up that long torso of his just enough to kiss him again.

And this surprised him. Likely so much of his focus already just on that sensation of being filled, waiting for you to start thrusting before your mouth was abruptly over his.

But he certainly didn’t stop you. Far from it as his mouth opened in return, wanting to taste you again immediately as you felt his hips roll. His hand grabbed into your hair to hold you to him long enough to deepen that kiss as well.

“Oh, fuck,” Doflamingo breathed against your lips in between kisses, nipping them briefly again when he didn’t want to let go of you. “You don’t know what you do to me…no one…they didn’t do it like this.”

And he wasn’t even making sense now. 

But he was trying to.

So you did pull back a little, your hand then stroking down his chest as you listened to him.

And even that additional soft touch set him off too. His hips rolled hard again as he looked at you desperately. “Why…why are you like this? Why are you so good to me?” He managed, finally articulating what he really meant with the last words. “Why are you so kind to me?”

Of course that question stunned you all over again. But not just for hearing it from his mouth. Because you weren’t sure how he’d even come to that conclusion, and right now of all times.

“I…what did I do?” You asked genuinely, letting him begin kissing your jawline again when you hadn’t yet moved back fully away yet.

“This. Goddamnit all of this.” His frustration was palpable. But he didn’t want to stop. “You…you don’t just fuck me. You kiss me…you hold me. You pet me…it drives me fucking crazy.”

Really? Just because of those simple things?

Your own surprise was surely evident. In all the bodies he must have partaken of through the years, you were somehow a standout?

And for what?

Just for being intimate with him? For giving instead of just taking or cowering?

“Doffy…don’t you get it?” You asked him suddenly then. Your hand was still warm over his chest. You had paused your palm there as you could feel his heartbeat beneath his muscles. That beat was growing faster. “I give you what I would want. I mean…why wouldn’t I do that?”

And his hand moved over yours against his chest. He squeezed your hand, very tightly but not quite painful.

He smirked darkly. “You…are either the best or the worst thing that has ever happened to me in this hellhole.” But his hips moved again as that laugh of his emanated out. “So fuck me like you love me. Finish me properly.“

Almost gently he pushed you back then, back down to sit near his open legs again as he put your hand back on the end of that toy.

It was clear what he wanted most now, rolling his hips again as he watched you needfully. 

And so you did it. No more stalling as you gave your monster what he wanted. Thrusting that toy at whatever speed he would take.

First slow, and then faster as you got to watch the king of Dressrosa begin to fully unravel for you. 

But you felt no guilt. Nor did he want you to. Doflamingo’s approval was clear in the way he threw his head back and even arched against the mattress the more you pressed.

“Fuck…yes, it’s been too long…yes, just like that…” He moaned as those claws of his began fisting into the bedsheet. 

And before long it was your own name repeatedly leaving his panting chest.

You would have been lying to say it wasn’t making new slick between your own legs to hear his normally prideful voice start to break for you that way too.

But you were still more focused on what you were doing to him. Not what it was causing in you as his eyes met yours again.

“Harder…I know you can. Please, (Y/N).” He was already speaking in gasps now. But you still obliged, feeling like you were holding a damn dagger by this point.

Being told to stab it into him over and over, working your wrist and your arm to do so.

His poor cock looked to be painful by now as well as it bobbed in the air with the continued movement of his hips, nothing to thrust into as it leaked precum all over the head.

And in all of his panting and the increasing volume of your name across his lips like some kind of prayer, the thought did finally cross your mind to do something with that neglected cock.

He didn’t deserve it of course. Not after all he’d already done to you. You’d just told him how messed up it’d been that he’d still fucked you when you were blacked out too. You’d told him you wanted a break from hurting. 

But his moans kept on. This shameless motherfucker who could abuse you so thoroughly, and then turn around the very next day and gladly put on a vulnerable display like this.

Your own renewed slick was now thick enough to actually begin edging out. Gravity bringing a hint of it onto your thigh in the way you were currently positioned as your hand still moved to keep fucking Doflamingo.

You didn’t want to get pounded by him yet. You really didn’t as your body was still very unhappy in all the damage it had accumulated recently.

But just being filled yourself for a moment? You could tolerate that couldn’t you? He wasn’t going to be lasting much longer anyway. The changing rhythm of his panting always gave him away when he was already this near climax.

What would his face be if you did this though? Would that expression be worth any additional price you were about to pay?

His eyes were closed now, he was living for those sensations you were rocking through his body as his hips moved in time with your non stop thrusting of that toy. 

Which made it trickier. Keeping your hand and arm movement going, thankfully with some marine stamina to help you out there as you raised up onto your spread knees.

Just open enough to fit him between your thighs of course.

And the mattress movement as you shifted wasn’t enough to warn him. Even if it was, he likely thought you were only trying to find a more comfortable way to sit.

He couldn’t know anything was actually different until he’d felt the first touch of something against the tip of his weeping cock.

But by the time his eyes had opened, your slick had made that initial push all too easy. Just that brief spike of pressure to clear the head, and that small gasp of pain from you before you had slid down onto as much of his length as you could take.

Your channel squeezed around him immediately as his girth stretched you painfully as always, tight to the point of almost being too much to withstand.

And the absolutely awestruck look on Doflamingo’s face as he fully realized what you’d just done, without even being asked to, was an expression you doubted you’d ever see from him again. He nearly came right then and there with that surprise you were sure.

Only you stopping your thrusting of the toy briefly then as you’d tried to adjust to him inside of you had allowed him that extra time to process this.

You were still having to hold yourself up a little as well, not wanting to put too much pressure against your cervix as you watched the man beneath you try to remember his own voice. 

You had rendered the Heavenly Demon speechless. Though his hands wasted no time finding your hips, helping you steady yourself on his length.

Reflexively you tightened on him again and you felt his cock twitch inside of you in response.

He took another shaky breath, still staring at you like you weren’t even human any longer. Like you had materialized straight from the heavens to anoint him with this dual pleasure.

“Let go of the toy,” his voice was practically a rasp when it finally did reemerge. “I’ll move it. You just sit there and stay tight on me…god, gods I can’t…I…fuck I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

And he sounded like he was pleading, or dying. Like you were actually killing part of this man.

But you saw his fingers move. You were getting better at seeing his strings too. The tiny glimmers they made even here in the shadows of those still closed curtains.

His strings were now hooked to the toy. He was going to fuck himself while you took care of his cock in the way only you could.

And once that did restart, with the toy moving in and out with his strings and you rocking your hips and squeezing around his attention starved shaft simultaneously, Doflamingo let out a euphoric moan louder than any before it. One they had to have heard all the way downstairs.

And it was your name he was calling out to the world. 

Like a curse and a salvation for him all at once. It was a fucking scream as he finally came.

He was shuddering, thrusting up into you as you felt his cock pulse again and again. Each pump a shot full of his seed, hot and purposeful.

“Yes…goddamn yes,” he was still panting, still trembling as he pulled you down onto his body. His cock continuing to empty itself inside of you as he held you to him.

And you let him do it. You breathed with him, the heat of that fire between you both so apparent again.

It had become make up sex with a king. Reconciliation with your warlord as one of his hands moved back into your hair and the other went protectively across your back.

He was caging you to him as his chest rose and fell. And you closed your eyes in that warmth, silent again just to hear him breathing. 

You did love this part of it. You really did.

If only it was enough to ever outweigh every other fault in you both.

—————————

He’d let the servants open the curtains at last while they’d delivered breakfast at his command. This new sunlight filling the dining area not being something he’d normally ask for. He usually liked it cooler, darker in here within his chambers. A less stimulating environment when he needed that to withdraw to.

But he wanted to see you better this morning. He wanted to appreciate what was still fully novel to him as you sat near him. Just the two of you sharing a quiet breakfast at the long table in his suite.

He’d only pulled on a pair of pants. Shirtless and barefoot, blond hair not even combed yet as he ate while watching you.

Sex always made him hungry. And he knew you were still working from a caloric deficit anyway. He’d figured out already that you ate less and less the more stressed you were.

Like bringing home an exotic pet, he had to learn your environmental quirks. He had to force you to stay healthy enough to survive after all of his personal investment already in you.

And he’d known there’d be an adjustment period. Some violence surely if you were pushed too far, too fast.

But Crocodile had thrown fuel on that fire. And it’d nearly worked. Just like everything that reptile did. The plan was almost good enough, but fell short in the final leg. A stumble right at the finish line.

He hadn’t even called Crocodile yet either. Though Doflamingo’s mind had churned with so many thoughts of revenge and how close he’d really come to losing you. Painfully angry even long into last night as he’d lain awake holding you while thinking of how to fix this.

That sandy fucker had no right to toy with him now. And just like in Scylla, when Doflamingo had had to abruptly pivot, deciding to bring you home then and there after Crocodile’s attack, he’d felt his hand being forced yet again now.

He had to let his enemies know there was no indecisiveness in him. You weren’t just a new distraction they may be able to harm and thereby simply annoy him or force him to negotiate for. 

This wasn’t him just taking a new mistress for fun. This was him setting up the future that he wanted. You were his family now.

And he was going to let the world know. Then if anyone still dared to come for you, they’d have to do so in full knowledge of the scorched earth that would bring them.

No one harmed his family.

“After we eat, I do have some more things to take care of this morning. But I need you dressed in your best marine garb for this afternoon. I’m taking you to the colosseum then. And I’m expecting practically every seat to be filled there. Diamante is quite the promoter for special events like this.”

The piece of potato omelette still on your fork held there for a moment as you glanced over to him. You so casual yourself in some faded marine training shirt, the material thinned enough that he had been enjoying you clearly being braless beneath it.

“To fight?” You asked surprisingly serious.

Enough so that he scoffed, rolling his uncovered eyes at you. You were still an idiot at times. Still a human after all. “To spectate, darling.” Not that the idea of you fully healed, running around the arena breaking jaws with your kicks and slitting throats with that rope dart of yours wasn’t a very strong turn on in its own right.

There weren’t many female gladiators. The public would eat that shit up if you could be flashy enough about it. You were a bit serious when you fought right now.

Maybe after the child came. You’d probably be itching by then for some postpartum violence and a return to form.

You were a warrior after all.

“We’ve fallen off of the front page again in the papers if you hadn’t noticed. I think it’s time for another public appearance.”

“Why would I want to be in the newspaper? Fuck that.” And you did start eating your omelette again then.

It was obvious the drugs were back out of your system at least. Those pills had dulled you so much yesterday. Your attitude was back in full force today.

But he was in a good mood now. Getting to penetrate you while you penetrated him was an itch he had not expected to be so thoroughly scratched this morning. That had been fucking paradise actually. “Because you want to help our dear mother, don’t you?” Doflamingo taunted, smirking in full knowledge of how much this was going to push your buttons.

And you stilled again, giving him a colder look immediately there. “Tsuru?” You still had to ask.

“Obviously.” He confirmed. “I mean, you’re not fully stupid I know.” He was just being a dick for the sake of it now. He was enjoying every additional interaction with you actually. “Haven’t you wondered why she’s been stationed on the same pitiful island chain for weeks upon weeks now? A strategist like her should have had that rebellion extinguished in days.”

“Have you had your hand in it?” You accused abruptly then.

And he was honestly a little surprised at that. But you were still learning him too. He could forgive it for now. He had obviously benefited by her being away there for so long too. Those circumstances alone had practically dropped you into his lap.

“I don’t interfere with Tsuru-san. Not as Joker, not as me. No, I cut all ties with Lyra as soon as she got assigned there. I’m not the one delaying her.” He said honestly, even through the remaining skepticism in your eyes.

“It’s the world government that decided to bury that place, long and slow with blockades she’s been ordered to maintain. And Big News Morgans has started snooping around about it. So many have died. He’ll drag Tsuru’s name through the mud too if he doesn’t have a better story to sell papers with soon. So you and I can be that story and save her the defamation.”

“How many have died?” You were starting to look more bothered. You were realizing you may actually believe him.

As you should, because he was telling the goddamn truth for once. “Probably a good thirty percent of the total population. But nearer fifty, even sixty percent in certain towns. Because the government is also using that rebellion as the perfect testing ground for some new lab grown diseases of theirs. With Tsuru maintaining their blockade, there’s no medical assistance in or out either. No one to tell on them of how unnatural that contagion really is.”

“Then how would you know?” You were still trying to hope he could be wrong.

And there he did grin again, smugly as his legs spread a little once more beneath the table.

“Lover, have you already forgotten what exactly it is I do for a living? I’m not just your personal cock toy…though I am enjoying the benefits of that new role.”

“Then is Tsuru okay…is my crew okay?”

Oh how sad. Like a puppy missing its littermates. “Of course she’s fine. The government didn’t allow the marines to enter any of the diseased towns either. They’ve got Cipher Pol quarantining those. Your little troop has been spending all their time stopping blockade runners and sniping the surviving rebels in the mountains.”

But he saw the way you still didn’t look satisfied. “Why didn’t she tell me…she never said it was that bad.”

“You know how she is. She probably thought you had enough on your plate. Namely…me.” He smiled again.

“I should be with them.” And it was like you were talking to yourself then. The new guilt in your expression was obvious.

But finally here, he did feel that bit of irritation trying to start in him again. Yes, he knew how attached you must still be to your crew. Tsuru had saved you. No different than him pulling Baby 5, Monet, and Sugar from poverty and what would have only been a life of sexual abuse mixed with the constant threat of starvation for those girls otherwise.

And had never touched them. He would never dream of it in that context. They were family.

He could do these things to you though, because he’d seen you as a potential mate even from first sight.

They were like little sisters to him. But you were not. Even if he may tease you as such, with Tsuru as the common maternal thread between you.

“They’re fine without you.” He said carefully. Actually trying not to let his jealousy fully burst out. He didn’t want this good mood ended already. “I need you here.”

And it was intentional, the way he moved with his long arm easily reaching out for his hand to close over yours on top of the table.

“Like I said, we can help Tsuru-san here by being a good distraction. So she doesn’t have to deal with public accusations of mass murder that she has zero control over. I know she’s still been letting some medicine and food get through in secret anyway. She’s doing the best she can while still playing by the government’s rules on the surface. That woman is incorruptible. As always.”

And you still looked sad. Annoying to him really when he was right here in front of you, giving you his full attention this way. He wanted your mind on this feeling between the two of you instead, thinking of him alone. 

“(Y/N).” He said, relaxing his eyes as best he could. Emoting as best he could to regain your focus. “I need you.” He reiterated, even more intentional this time. Even more heartfelt he supposed it would be called. A skill that could be practiced and honed like any other tool in his manipulations of course. “This is your home now. With me.”

——————————

Your hands were in the pockets of your marine coat, intentionally so he could not hold either of them as your boot heels clicked on the stone streets.

What were you supposed to do? Doflamingo would have pulled you out here on his strings anyway if you hadn’t come willingly.

He wouldn’t have allowed their group to be humiliated by a no show when Diamante had already promised the public an appearance from you both this afternoon.

But you still didn’t buy any of his shit about this being a performance for Tsuru’s sake. Though you were now worrying for her and your crew still as you did your best to keep a neutral expression.

The Donquixote foot soldiers were keeping the curious onlookers at bay as you walked with Doflamingo towards the Corrida Colosseum.

Reporters had remained on the island, hoping for this very thing as cameras now flashed again and questions were yelled out to you both here and there.

For now the warlord was ignoring them though. Those red sunglasses rarely looked away from you.

“You know it’s a bit insulting for you to still be wearing that weapon when we’re out together.” Doflamingo said then, but that amusement so clear in his tone. “I’m all the weapon you need you know…”

Unless the civilians were excellent lip readers, they wouldn’t know what kind of small talk was really occurring here in the other noise of the crowd. And you were still so cognizant of everything you did with your own body language as you kept your eyes on the street ahead and where you were walking.

“If I’d had my weapon on in Scylla I wouldn’t have to still be dealing with this failed amputation.” You replied dryly. That swordsman never would have been so lucky if you just could have disarmed him with a haki infused rope and strangled him until he confessed who he was really working for.

“You left my side that night, darling. That was your own fault.” Doflamingo still chided though. Followed with a taunting, “But you’re barely limping today. Perhaps they won’t even notice with your legs covered this way. Does it still ache?”

You had chosen to wear leggings beneath your skirt this time. Covering the wound and all those bruises. “It hurts like fuck, you ass.” You said lowly.

And he almost cackled at the abruptness of that. 

So much so that you finally did look up at him in mild surprise.

“Didn’t Tsuru ever try to wash out that filthy mouth?” He practically cooed afterward.

Only then as you saw some young women giggling and blushing in your peripheral vision did you realize that to everyone else’s eyes this must look like real flirting, like familiarity already.

His attention was so clearly on you, the tall man walking fully at your side to better interact. Not even in front of you this time to lead. And him then laughing and smiling as if you’d said something endearing. 

Prince charming is who they somehow still thought he was, a fairytale come to life right before their eyes. They had no understanding of what lay behind it at all.

But you couldn’t judge their ignorance. Not when you knew so much more and were still right here beside him.

This very same man that had shown you the edge of death yesterday. And the same man you’d willingly climbed on top of this morning to briefly ride the cock of as he screamed out your name.

What a cursed pair the two of you were.

And he actually looked happy about it, proud even.

This bastard was out here living his best life while you were trying not to have another breakdown. 

Yes, what a complete shitshow this really was.

———————————

There had been lines all the way down the street just for admittance today. And it was even more of a madhouse once they’d gotten inside. This former gladiator knew the corridors well here however, holding the young girl’s hand firmly as he hopped at her side.

“Please stay close. Keep your face covered.” He reminded her yet again as he saw her getting distracted in all the spectacle.

“It’s hot, and I don’t like this on my face.” She still complained though, looking back down at him with her small voice almost lost in all the boisterous conversations around them.

“We’re only staying long enough to see what all this fuss is about. Then we’ll be going home.” Home being only the latest abandoned hovel that no one would search for her in. He hadn’t been able to convince Rebecca to stay there today while he made this rarer trip to the city.

But, it also hadn’t taken much of her arguing with him either really. The little tin soldier was still afraid to leave his young daughter alone out there in the countryside for long.

The girl who didn’t even know she had a father any longer while he kept tightly with her on their way to the public seating.

The sheer number of people here made her being recognized rather unlikely. But it was always a risk. So he’d made her tie a scarf around her face. Just below her wide and anxious eyes as inconsiderate adults bumped her this way and that in the crowd.

Kyros had to restrain himself not to say anything on her behalf. Knowing a normal toy would never make such a spectacle against humans.

He needed to remain focused as well. All the top members of the Donquixote family were now in attendance. 

His contact from the Tontattas had confirmed this. Even as the dwarves had been equally excitable with the fact that they had indeed still seen you alive this morning.

Details of yesterday had been rather spotty with the dwarves intense fear of Doflamingo making them rather unwilling to visit the palace for long. And certainly never letting themselves become trapped in the same room with him.

But Kyros understood there had been some sort of fight yesterday. That you had stood up to Trebol to break his nose even. A wound that executive still had bandaged today in fact.

It was truly unheard of.

So of course the dwarves and their optimistic hearts were already whispering of miracles.

They said Doflamingo had spared you out of affection.

Everything was always face value to them until brutally proven otherwise.

But Kyros had been in the throne room that first night of the invasion. He’d seen the truly pleasured smile on that animal’s face as King Riku had kneeled broken before him. While the former king had begged before that monster for mercy that Dressrosa would never see.

The little tin soldier could not fathom any love ever existing within such a wicked man.

Doflamingo was but a conqueror thirsting for more every moment, every second. More power, more control, more blood, and more suffering.

He was a beast that must be slayed for any of them to ever know freedom again.

So Kyros had come to witness this new lie with his own metal eyes. Because the Tontattas were surely misconstruing it somehow.

They thought you must have some special power over even Doflamingo’s missing heart. They wanted to believe in you so badly.

They hoped that a kind queen may soon rise to free them.

But Kyros had begged them to wait, to not make contact with you yet. 

Even if you had wished to help them, it didn’t mean that you could. It could be only another elaborate trap, you but another puppet on that demon’s strings. 

And the Tontattas weren’t alone in their immediate emotional investment in you either. That was clear in the excitement of the crowd as the tin soldier and Rebecca finally found an empty space they could cram into between other spectators. 

Like every other toy now in this stadium though, the war for this country had never ended for Kyros. His anguish and hatred were still the only real feelings he could muster as the humans beside him cheered when their king did finally appear. A blond devil grinning wide within the royal viewing box.

The very root of all that was wrong with their home. Their captor and tormentor, now with you at his side.

————————— 

Diamante had truly outdone himself today. It was perfect really. Only even furthering Doflamingo’s excellent mood as he heard the crowd now cheering his name.

He reached out, his fingers catching briefly over your hip as he guided you to sit beside him in the open air box.

You tensed at even that small of a touch though. You were still wishing to remain so proper in public. 

That time was about to be ending though. And he already was broadcasting that to anyone paying attention. Which was everyone of course as he extended his long arm over the stone seat back just behind you once you had sat at his side.

Gatz’s voice was already loud over the stadium’s speakers, welcoming the crowd to this afternoon of special exhibition matches put on by request of his majesty who was now gracing them with his rare presence.

Because it really had been a while since he’d been to the colosseum in person. He’d been too busy with his responsibilities as Joker, too busy with chasing you.

But now you were here and so was he. And you’d just noticed the large projection screen. Normally meant to showcase the highlights of the battles below to the crowd. But those visual transponder snails were focused on the royal booth in this moment to the people’s further delight as you quickly looked away.

“Don’t be so cold.” Doflamingo spoke to you with that continued amusement. “You’re still representing your precious marines here too you know. Don’t you care about this island’s citizens? They’re dying to get a chance to catch your eye…”

Quite literally perhaps.

On Doflamingo’s orders, Diamante had already let his prisoner gladiators know of today’s special rules. 

With you as his official guest, whichever fighter was judged as performing the best in the matches to come would earn the unheard of right of a full pardon. Not that unattainable thousand match bullshit that Diamante normally tortured them with.

But that pardon would come from none other than you. Just for today, Doflamingo would be granting you that authority, though you didn’t know it yet.

He wanted them to love you. He couldn’t show much mercy, even when used as a tactic with ulterior motives. Because he had to maintain full control here. But you could. You could be the facade of the softer hand when he needed one.

Doflamingo could have you secure the trust of even the ones that already knew enough to fear him. And you could help him weed out more of the traitors then when they’d inevitably come to you for help.

He was smiling, you making his life better in every way in this moment as he got comfortable. Legs spread again, his knee against yours as one of the servants brought the first tray of drinks by.

And he knew there was a diamond ring in his pocket as well. The one he’d picked out from the jeweler’s tray Monet and Sugar had presented him with earlier today when he’d told you he had a few things to take care of before getting ready to come here.

By this time tomorrow every piece of trash that had ever tried to cross him would be seeing a picture of that ring on your hand in the newspaper.

It was a fucking beautiful day to be king. A beautiful day to have everything back under his control, including you.

———————————

    T⨂  BE 

CONTINUED

———————————

Thanks for reading!

Author’s note: The song that Viola sings in the beginning is just my own English bastardization/loose translation for story purposes of the Spanish song “¡Ay Pena, Penita, Pena!”. Please go listen to the real thing.

[seeingivy]

sweet nothing

satoru gojo x f!reader

**part of my satoru as taylor swift songs series

content: talks of grief, references to hidden inventory arc, satoru just being in love, megs + tsumiki babies

an: giving love to one of the best songs on midnights. also idk where I procured this emo at like 1 in the afternoon but here we are

--

You give him the book after the two of you settle Megumi and Tsumiki into bed, in the few minutes of peace you and Satoru get before you both nestle into your shared bed. You hike your knees to your chest as he picks it up, a confused look meeting yours when he reads the title. 

“On Grief and Giving?” 

“I took Miki and Megs to the bookstore today and I thought you might like it.” 

“A book about grief? I’m not grieving.” 

You look over at him - sparkling blue eyes rimmed with red, the usual sparkiness in his voice gone for the past few days, and no smothering, smushy cheek kisses every morning. You scoot over and he opens his arm up, tucking you into his side. 

You whisper the words against his neck, your hands placed on his body, tracing out the lines of his biceps. 

“He doesn’t have to be dead for you to be grieving him, Satoru. The person we knew is dead and the reaction is all the same.” you whisper. 

Satoru frowns, his hand going back and forth on your lower back. You know he hates it, when you try to talk about it. When anyone does. 

“Just read a few pages. See if it’s your thing or not, okay?” 

He looks into your eyes for a few seconds before nodding, pressing a swift kiss to your cheek. And when you leave to drop Tsumiki and Megumi off at school the next day, he reads the first page and promptly stops. 

Grief stays the same size. Life begins to grow around it. 

He thinks it’s stupid. 

--

from y/n 

you: don’t forget to bring strawberries home for froggy cake please!! 

satoru: okay love. anything else? 

you: that big fat ass 

satoru: got it :D 

you: you ruined it. 

Tomorrow marks two years since Tsumiki and Megumi have been staying with you. And of course, in your ultimate corniness, you’ve convinced all three of them to make a cake with you. And because you can never say no to Tsumiki and Megumi’s suggestions, you’re making a strawberry froggy cake. Because Tsumiki wants to try to make a little frog with frosting and Megumi just wants to eat the strawberries off the cake. 

He makes a mental note to drop by the store on the way home from his meeting with the higher ups and then his parents. Maybe buy some balloons or flowers or something to accompany the strawberries you asked for. He knows you said it was supposed to be a lowkey thing, just the four of you eating the cake together, but your annoyance doesn’t beat your surprised face, so he must. 

Satoru stops by the coffee shop first, making it a clear point to be late to his meeting with the higher ups for a very stupid reason, and gets a sugary caramel latte. He can hear your voice in his mind - berating him for picking something so sweet - but persists anyway. 

And as he leans against the counter, waiting for the cup with Satoru scribbled on the side, he takes in the shop, watching the people going around. He had never been too big on people watching, but it’s Tsumiki's favorite pass time at the park, pointing out people's silly outfits or how close and far they’re sitting away from each other. 

He spots two little girls, making little beaded bracelets in the far corner while their moms both nurse a warm cup of coffee in their hands. They have their hands wrapped around the porcelain, like they’re sequestering the heat from the glass. 

On the left, a young couple, nervously twiddling their fingers and cracking their knuckles as they make conversation - cheeks glazed pink and wobbly voices marking their conversation. They’re both dressed nicer than usual, clearly trying to impress each other. 

And in the far corner, leaning against the chair, is Suguru Getou. 

He nearly sprints to the other side of the shop when he sees him. Short hair, a man bun tucked neatly at the back with weirdly misshapen bangs and brown eyes. He can feel his heart racing, pounding even and the perspiration growing on his clenched fists as he moves closer. 

And when he reaches their table, standing way too close and looking straight into his eyes, he realizes that this is not Suguru Getou. Instead, a kid that bears far too much resemblance to him. But his eyes are rounder, his nose isn’t as pointy, and he is not a murderer. 

Satoru takes off and runs straight out the store, forgetting about his cup of coffee that’s getting cold in the pickup area.

--   

Yaga and the higher-ups' voices drone out in the back, as Satoru wracks his head. 

Why did he think that kid was Suguru? Suguru is dead. 

And it only now occurs to him, that for all intents and purposes, he really does think he’s dead. But he knows he isn't because Satoru let him walk free. Because he had to clench his fists and swallow hard to walk away the last time he saw him. 

But the man he knows is dead. Your voice is echoing in his head. 

“Satoru, are you paying attention?” 

“I mean, not really.” 

They all pinch their noses and groan, starting the lecture he’s sure they were giving him all over again. And it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before. 

We want you to take more missions, there aren’t that many special grade sorcerers available. We want you to spend more time teaching, you're not doing enough. A long list of we want, we want, we want. 

And when the higher-ups trail out of the meeting, disdainful looks on their faces, he turns back to Yaga, who frowns at him. The question is on his tongue. He can’t bring himself to ask it. 

Do you ever think you ask too much of me?

He understands. He tries to. That he is the strongest sorcerer, that there’s no one like him. That he may have infinity, but he knows they forget the inner parts of him aren’t untouchable. That he’s still a person, that he’s still soft. 

Tsumiki’s shiny report cards make him beam with joy, fighting with Megumi keeps him up at night, and getting to hold you at night is the only thing that keeps him grounded sometimes. 

That sometimes the smell of blood never leaves his nose no matter how hard he scrubs in the shower, that when he sees a boy who looks like Suguru, the wound he thought he patched over feels like it’s freshly bleeding. 

But that doesn’t matter, because…

“You should be taking more missions. People are getting spread really thin.” Yaga says, clearing the dust off his desk. 

…Because he’s the strongest. 

--

As he drags his feet to the Gojo estate, he can’t help but survey the crowd as he walks there. Three girls with the same hair color as Getou, two boys with the same eye color, five people the exact same height, but none of them are Suguru Getou. 

When he reaches his parents house, pulling out the long black chairs he uncomfortably sat in for hours as a kid, his mind wanders even farther when they start talking. 

This time, he’s imagining. Daydreaming. What it would be like if he wasn’t the one gifted with the limitless and infinity. If jujutsu sorcery didn’t exist. 

That he’d have more time, be more free to do what he wanted. Make chocolate pancakes with you every morning, before the two of you walk together to drop off Megumi and Tsumiki to school. You’d work normal jobs - maybe he’d still be a teacher, a normal one - while you would do something that was entirely too impressive. Like saving lives or writing books or working at a non-profit. 

You would both go to Tsumiki’s first school dance together and take so many pictures that she’d walk away all embarrassed, red in the face. He’d go to every single one of Megumi’s baseball games, you’d both be the parents that are way too decked out, way too enthusiastic about their kid. 

Satoru would help you collect vinyls and when Tsumiki and Megumi were long gone and the two of you would put them on and dance in the kitchen humming. You’ll get wrinkles at the same time and your hair would gray so the two of you would look like pale-haired ghosts together. 

He zones back into what his parents were saying, their bored eyes glazed on him. And he doesn’t pay attention, because it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before. 

They want him to be around more, because he should know how to take over the estate. They want him to meet with other clans, so he can help them with other deals. A long list of they want, they want, they want. 

And he walks out, he wonders if his parents want the life he imagined for himself, the way he wants it for Megumi and Tsumiki. If that was the life Suguru would have lived, if things were different. 

--

When he makes it home, the sun is sinking into the sky against the house, the sky an array of golden hues. And when he pushes his key into the lock, he’s met with one smiling face and two grumpy faces. 

You march over, flicking Satoru’s cheek as he moves closer to you, grabbing onto your hands. 

“Those strawberries better be hidden in your pants or something.” 

He feels his face pale as he remembers that in the loop of things he’s been thinking about all day, he forgot to get the strawberries for froggy cake. And the balloons and flowers and everything else he wanted to give the three of you. 

“Satoru. We really wanted strawberry froggy cake.” you whine, reaching up to rest your hands on his face, squishing hard. 

He reaches for your wrists, pulling them down from his face and looking down at your joined hands. 

“Oh well, I’ll just go grab them with Megumi or something.” 

He watches you pad back into the kitchen, not even phased by his shortcoming, as you place a hand in Tsumiki’s hair. She’s very focused on frosting her little frog in the center of the cake, her eyebrows knit in concentration. He makes his way in, leaning over the counter as he intently watches the three of you. 

“What if we all go to the store and pick up strawberries?” you say, a hand resting in Megumi’s hair. 

Megumi directs off of you and to Satoru, glaring at him. 

“Did you seriously forget the one thing we wanted you to get?” 

“Megs, don’t be mean. It’s always fun to go to the store together!” you respond. 

“I’ll let you pick out anything you want, kid.” Satoru mentions. 

Megumi gives him a satisfied smile, hopping off his seat to go yank his shoes on. Tsumiki follows suit and you give Satoru a glowing smile as you drag the three of them out, hands intertwined as you go to the store. 

--

And at the end of the day, in the few minutes of peace the two of you get before the next day, Satoru’s staring at you, memorizing the curve of your nose and the shape of your eyes, and the way your hair falls against your face. 

You bring a hand up, cupping the side of his face as you whisper in the dark. 

“You okay, Toru?” 

“What do you want from me?” 

He watches you frown and pull back, your hand shaking against his face. 

“Are you mad at me, Satoru?” 

He brings his hand to the back of your neck, bringing you back closer. He’s resting his forehead against yours, savoring the warmth that gathers in the back of your neck on his hands. 

“No. No, no. I just…I want to know what you want from me.” 

He watches you scrunch your forehead, as you ponder the question. 

“I mean. I’d really like it if you didn’t leave the toilet seat up all the time.” 

He cracks a smile, rolling his eyes at you, as he reaches for your hand to bring your knuckles up to his lips. He leaves a soft kiss, noticing the sweet smile that spreads across your face when he does, and drops your hand. 

“That’s not what I meant, Y/N.” 

“I mean. I’m not sure what you mean. It’s just small things, Toru. Like we should go on walks together sometimes in the evening, I think that would be nice. And we should watch all the Harry Potter movies together, like do a marathon and not sleep in between. And I’d really like a big diamond ring, circular cut, six pronged with a golden band.” 

Your hands, still resting against his face, are now meshed in with a spray of salty tears and a whimpering Satoru. You instinctively bring him forward, tucking his neck into your face as he cries into your shoulders. 

His tears are coating your neck as you run your hand through the white tresses of hair, whispering against his forehead. Imploring for what’s wrong. He doesn’t respond and the tears subside after a few minutes, his frame still shaking in your hold. 

“I’m not that attached to a golden wedding band, Satoru. I can do silver.” 

He laughs, pulling his face away from your neck to run his hands through your hair. 

“Gold is okay. I like gold.” 

“What’s wrong, Satoru? Tell me.” 

“Nothing. I just- that’s really all you want from me?” 

“I mean, yeah. What else would I want?” 

Satoru leans forward, pressing his lips against yours as he nearly cries into your face again, hanging off the ends of your lips. And you’re not sure what it means, what any of it means, but you let him - cry into your arms, hold you through the night, and make you breakfast the next morning. 

In truth, Satoru cherishes the fact that everyone may ask the world of him, but all you’ve ever wanted from him are sweet, sweet nothings. 

When you wake up the next morning, padding into the kitchen to make breakfast, you’re met with a box of strawberries, a sticky-note pressed on top. I love you, written in Satoru’s scribbly handwriting. 

Life has grown around Satoru’s grief. And it looks like you.

--

the satoru as taylor swift songs series masterlist

taglist: @porridgesblog  @platrom  @k0z3me  @kayleegomez  @yihona-san06  @bsenpai @sweetenertea  @skzismyhome  @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @luna0713hunter @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @squirrelspoetry

[accio-victuuri]

ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING & other sweets 🌃

when i first saw this song being discussed earlier, i was confused cause i don’t know what’s happening. lol. what’s with the song. i cannot trace where the screenshot is from but it says one of WYB’s favorite song is this, one night in beijing.

then a fan commented that XZ sang this in our song before ( not main performance ) and someone found a recording. did he discover the song because of that? was it on zz’s playlist at some point in the past and became his fave?

the song itself tho. very 👀👀👀

Don’t wish to ask where you have been

Don’t wish to wonder if you are ever returning

I’m thinking of your heart, I’m thinking of your face

I’m thinking of your embrace – I won’t let go, I just won’t

that’s just the first few lines and i’m here nodding my head that this fits his style of bittersweet song.

but this not even the interesting part….

Fans are thinking about how this relates to what’s been happening in the past few ways. The way we have speculated about 11/19 and WYB acting as the mystery driver again. Then him sharing a post on his weibo. One night in Beijing? Does he love that particular title cause it sometimes describes their meetings? They are often busy and one night is all they can get.

People are also pointing out the change in ZZ’s work schedule today. His LOCH sched starts early and ends in the evening or very late but the 5:30-6:00 AM call time for him is almost fixed. Yesterday, 11/22, WYB posts and we think they are together. What happens today? ZZ comes in “late” to work at 11:30 AM. So why the change? Was he spending time with Bobo? This reminds me of that time he was out of his schedule too when Bobo was sick.

A common argument from haters is how is a relationship between them possible. They are busy! Well.. this is how. since 2020, they have been meeting (allegedly) and even going to each other’s workplace ( allegedly lol repeating this to be safe ) It doesn’t matter how long, they make it work. You will always find time for the important people in your life.

Next, let’s move on to XZS post. On a Thursday. Also it perfectly coincides with their WB account reaching 10 million followers. The photos shared are behind the scenes content from ad shoots but the contrast of the photos stands out. Day & Night. The kadian they use, 14:23 loving zhan forever. Which goes to show that they do use it!

The caption gives us more insight on the choice of photos. Sun & Moon. Another symbolism that is popular with CPFs Sun/Sunshine & Moon.

“It is the perfect moment, just like when the gentle light meets the rising moon.”

I think the english translation doesn’t give that much deeper meaning that we clowns love. so we gotta take it to the next level 🙃🙃🙃

"Fuguang" and "Wangshu" are both important elements in Chinese culture. "Fuguang" comes from the works of Song poets in the Southern Dynasties, which means sunlight or sunlight."Wangshu" is a god in Chinese mythology and legend, representing the moon and can be used to describe moonlight'. The two can be combined to show that lovers support each other and move towards a bright future together.

This caption aligns to WYB posting a photo yesterday that shows the 🌙. So does this mean WYB is the Moon & ZZ is the Sun/light? I have to say that it fits with their personality ( tho Bobo is warm and ZZ has his moments of being cold too but you know what I mean, for symbolic purposes only ok. ) I am loving this imagery between them! I hope we can have more reference in the future.

I’m cackling at this tho. The progression of posts, WYB’s caption was a reminder that it’s getting colder > YBO reposts and says to wear warmer clothes > XZS posts and GG is wearing a cozy sweater 😂 As if saying that yep, he has worn warmer clothes. LOL.

and xzs and ybo are at it again, the photo ybo shared yesterday was showing wyb’s back and xzs shared something similar today as the last photo in the grid. i’m sure they have lots of photos that show his face or close ups of his body like his hand but they had to choose this as the finale.

i mean thank you, this will make it easier for us to edit them together 😂😂😂

Bonus, the “light” photos appear to form an 8 = bo. (p1) is a himalaya episode about the 8 of diamonds card forming an 8. What a coincidence!

-END.

[krirebr]

Krismas Party ask incoming! ✨

Where are Ransom and reader from We are the vain & We are blind now?

Thank you for asking about these two! I'm so obsessed with them and just want to talk about them all the time. 😂 Also, we need a name for this AU. I've sort of been calling it my Psycho Killer AU, because all the titles come from the lyrics of that Talking Heads song, but do we like that? Does it fit?

Anyway after Don't Touch Me, I'm a Real Live Wire, they got the hell out of Boston. Then?

Qu'est-ce Que C'est

Pairing: dark!Randsom Drysdale x dark!f!Reader

Warnings: references to feeding off people, references to group sex, references to hunting people, these two psychos just being themselves, All of my work is 18+ - Minors DNI

You leaned back against Ransom’s chest. He balanced himself on one hand, while the other slowly moved up and down your stomach. You hummed into his chest. This was perfect. You were lounging on a blanket on the Champs du Mars, the lit-up Eiffel Tower looming over you.

“You happy, baby?” Ransom asked, his voice still gritty from sleep. He always took forever to wake up. You hummed your answer into his chest as the lights twinkled down on you. “I can’t believe you wanted to see the Eiffel Tower. We’re surrounded by tourists.”

“We are tourists,” you said, grinning up at him. “It’s my first time in Paris, of course, I wanted to see this.”

He wrinkled his nose in distaste. “We are not tourists. We have a place here. We’re expats, if anything. It’s your first time of many, little rabbit. We’ll spend years here.” You loved it when he talked like that, building a life together, traveling the world, wherever you wanted. This was what you’d always wanted—always deserved. And now you got to have it forever.

“You know,” Ransom murmured as his hand slowly traveled further up your abdomen, “if I remember right, you did promise me something for deigning to visit this tourist trap.”

“It’s not a tourist trap,” you chided, “it’s beautiful.” It was. The lit tower filled the night sky and the Champ du Mars was still decorated with the last vestiges of Christmas. It was all terribly romantic. “But you’re right. I promised whatever you wanted for breakfast. See anything that looks good?” 

“Mmm,” Ransom hummed as he scanned the area. You looked around, too. You liked to see if you could predict what he’d choose. Test how well you knew him, his tastes. A few people were milling about alone, but Ransom always woke up hungry, so you knew he wouldn’t be very interested in sharing. It was late enough in the night that there weren’t many families around, but the few there were would be a hard pass. So that left couples, but those were plentiful, so you’d need to narrow it down to make a decent guess. Your sense of smell wasn’t nearly as developed as his, so you were at a distinct disadvantage, you knew. Still, your eyes roved over the crowd, trying to suss out what he’d want tonight.

“Ah,” he sighed, his hand stilling on your chest, nodding towards a young couple, sitting on a blanket much like your own, bundled up for a night picnic – the man pouring wine into travel cups. “That’s an excellent vintage, I can smell it from here. It’ll add a nice brightness to the blood.”

You took his word for it. If you’d learned anything about him in the last few months, it was that he had an excellent palate. You tilted your neck around so that you could look at him. “Want me to get them for you? Bring them somewhere quiet?”

He shook his head. “I’ll come with you. I want to watch you work. You’re getting good at it.”

You grinned at him, grateful for the compliment. “It’s my favorite part,” you said, as he dipped his head into the crook of your neck, lightly nipping at the skin there. You’d expected his obsession with your neck to wane now that he wasn’t able to feed on you, but even after a few months of being a vampire, his fixation remained.

“So what do you think?” he asked. “Should we ask for directions? Or maybe offer up a ménage à quatre?”

You laughed as you slid out of his lap and turned around to face him on your knees. “Well, they do say that Paris is for lovers.”

He grinned at you hungrily. “Oh? Is that what they say?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed and leaned forward to kiss him. He leaned into it, quickly taking control, making it filthy, uncaring of all the people around you. You could have sworn you could feel the blood thrumming in your veins, despite knowing that was impossible. It was how you always felt when he touched you, more alive than you ever felt when you actually were. 

He pulled back and rested his forehead against yours. “Alright,” he said, ”ménage à quatre it is.” 

Tag lists are open

@stargazingfangirl18 @drabblewithfrannybarnes @thezombieprostitute @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @bval-1 @km-ffluv@texmexdarling @ladyvenera @she-wolf09231982

[blogofyolo]

LOFAM 5 ACT 2 - COVER ART

recently i had the opportunity to contribute to the new lofam so i thought i'd share the album covers i did here! (with commentary)

starting off with probably my favorite cover art for what might be my favorite song: sburban juxtaposition. the track is so good i basically drew the whole cover while listening to it on loop. coloring the meteors was a lot of fun too. rose's pose is actually inspired by miles' leap of faith from spider-man: into the spiderverse (the spiderverse movies have consumed me ever since i saw atsv in theatres, it can't be helped).

next up we have celestial company. the track is very relaxing, i figured it would make sense to replicate that feeling in the art itself through adding pleasant shades of blue to skaia and john's hood. i also added a yellow spirograph for contrast. i think it worked out pretty well!

sunbumper! a very upbeat and energetic jade track. there's two cool things about this image: one thing is a rather obvious nod to the neverending story, while the other thing is hidden in plain sight. it's a reference to outer wilds, i'll say this much.

caliborn's lament. look. i couldn't not jump at the opportunity to draw art for a song that adapts act 6 act 6 act 4. i just love caliborn, and that's all there really is to say on the matter. his comically sad face is probably the best thing i drew for this project.

karkat loses his mind and learns holy c. i tried a different style for this one, since it's for a song referencing templeos. editing the logos and all was a really funny experience. there's also this Pleasant Hoofbeast Drawing, which i never really got to use:

maybe it'll turn out better this time is a title that immediately reminded me of the retcon. in the cover art, i decided to highlight how the joy of the post retcon timeline almost completely overshadows the suffering of characters that we actually followed for years. idk, replacing these guys with slightly different versions of them always felt weird to me.

aaaaand that's it! hope you guys enjoyed these covers (and the lengthy commentary) just as much as i enjoyed making them :3

[yenqa]

NEW ROMANTICS!

synopsis : y/n continuously struggles to contain her growing feelings for her crush (and longtime friend), lee heeseung.

003 : invisible string

wc : 0.6k

"y/n! come down!"

you hurriedly grab your purse, rushing down the stairs to be greeted with heeseung’s shy smile, while your mother is smiling brightly at him.

"you two have grown so much! i remember when you guys where this short in middle school!" she points to her shoulder, you both exchange awkward glances at each other, nodding slightly.

"we’ve got to get going ms. nam! it was nice talking with you," heeseung slightly bows to your mom as you wave goodbye and head to the car.

"you know you don’t have to talk to my mom every time, right? you can just tell me to come out."

he chuckles, a slight rasp in his voice, when he says, "it’s no problem really, plus it’s nice knowing she likes me already."

you nod, giving him a small smile.

your comfortable silence is slightly taken over by the soft guitar strums of a song you recognize immediately.

"since when did you have taylor swift in your playlist?"

he looks over to you, "i didn’t know any songs by her until you introduced me to this song. it’s your favorite song on the album, right?"

your eyes widen slightly, "yeah! it is! how did you know? i didn’t directly tell you did i?"

he shakes his head, "you always hum this song when we’re doing homework together, you also always play it at least twice when we share headphones."

"oh."

heeseung lets out a breathy laugh, putting his full attention to the road.

looking at his small smile and doe eyes you slightly smile. noticing his small head nods to the calming tune.

you turn your head outside the window to see the busy city opposite of the quiet atmosphere in the car. it’s filled with huge buildings, you quickly spot the new book store. it’s light color making it eye catching in between the tinted glass covered buildings.

the inside has a home-y feeling, the shelves slightly taller than you filled the room. though new, it was surprisingly empty, with just a few other parties looking around. rows and rows of book shelves excite you slightly. you grab heeseung’s hand, dragging him to the desired genre.

he happily follows quickly looking at the books before watching you, excitingly talk about the books you’ve already read or want to read.

he doesn’t mind holding the books you’ve been  wanting to buy (in fact he took the initiative to hold them himself).

after your "hundredth" round of looking at the books (said by heeseung but he doesn’t seem to mind one bit), you both decide it’s best to eat dinner then.

the walk is a short five minutes from the bookstore. you both happily agree to katsu-chicken to eat.

you’re quickly sat down to a booth near the window, with a perfect view of the sunset.

"heeseung?" you call, he looks up from his chicken, slightly tilting his head.

"do you even like reading?"

he chokes on his food slightly "not really." he answers, continuing his initial bite.

"then why did you come to the bookstore with me?"

he shrugs, "what? can’t i spend time with the most wondrous person ever?"

it’s obviously a very sarcastic comment, but your heart can’t help but flutter at the words.

"i am pretty wonderful," you answer, and you both laugh at each others antics. finishing the food on your plates.

the drive home is short, with the roads seeming empty because of the dark hours of the night.

he drops you off at your house, with a happy "see you at school!" before driving off, leaving you watching his car grow smaller and smaller as each second passes.

back masterlist next

☆ YENQA < i was going to make the song playing new romantics but i felt like it didnt feel like the right vibe for it (also its too early to reference the title)

taglist : @viyqe @luvistqrzzz @ifearjwn @tinydeerwasteland @enhastolemyheart @wannabeyn @zuyairus @bunnystrm @yeokii @weoris @ghostiiess @haerinsluvr @flwrshee @theskzvibe @viagumi @heesluvrgirl @hoonvrs @kpopstanmeg @harryedwardtris @ixomiyu @txtbrainrot @xrvrqs @haechansbbg @kimipxl @alkjsdfgg

italics = can’t tag!

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

I Will Find You in the Dark Ch. 7

Series Summary: Dean and Julie's story continues through turbulent times in the Winchester's life. Can Dean and Julie survive through it all? Can their love survive?

Chapter Summary: What happens when the demon is gone, but the mark remains?

Pairings: Dean x OFC (Julie) Established Relationship

Series Explicit 18 +/Warnings: Show level violence throughout. Smut throughout. More detailed chapter warnings.

Chapter Warnings: Nothing explicit. Some fear, much angst, bit of fluff. Talk of pregnancy, and parenthood.

Word Count: 2,532

Series Masterlist

A/N:  The seventh chapter in the sequel to my fic, Green is My Favorite Color I strongly suggest that you read that one first, since there will be references made to it throughout this sequel. Also, I suggest you read the Dean and Julie Mini-Series I wrote as a bridge between that fic and this one. (The Mini-series’ title is a bit of a spoiler for the original series, so I won’t post it here, but it can be found here.) I had a lot of fun writing that original series, and the mini-series, and certainly hope those who read and enjoyed those, enjoy this sequel. 💓

The beautiful dividers below and at the end were created by @talesmaniac89 ❤️ Title card was created by me.

One month later

Dean woke up with a shout, clamping his hand over his mouth and breathing heavily. The mark on his arm burned, and he moved his hand to cover it, pressing out the pain.

He looked beside him, hoping he hadn’t woken Julie, but she wasn’t there. He scanned the room quickly and then got out of bed. Not bothering to put his robe on, he went searching for her in his black boxer briefs and white t-shirt. He walked through the library, but she wasn’t there, so he headed for the kitchen.

As he stepped into the doorway, he saw her and sighed. Then a smile blossomed as he watched her, headphones on and singing along softly with whatever song she was listening to. Her body swayed back and forth and her hand smoothed her satin nightgown over the bump that sat fairly low on her belly.

He walked into the kitchen and Julie jumped a bit as he approached. She laughed and pulled her headphones off.

“You scared me.” She said, her tone accusatory. 

Dean reached her side and pulled her close, smiling down at her. “Sorry, sweetheart.”

She smiled back up at him before she wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled her cheek into his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head. “I woke up and you weren’t there.”

She turned slightly to again run her hand across her belly. “Sorry. He got hungry.”

Dean chuckled. “Well, he’s a growing boy.”

Julie nodded. She spoke softly against his chest. "Did you have a nightmare?" 

He didn't answer, but that was an answer in itself. She squeezed him a bit tighter and looked up at him. His eyes were closed and a muscle ticked in his cheek. 

She raised her fingers to brush against his cheek. He felt cold. She shook her head. "Dean, everything will be okay."

"Will it?" He asked, and something had altered in his voice. His eyes popped open, black like onyx, deep and empty and terrifying.

Julie screamed and tried to jump back, but he had his arms like a vice grip around her upper body. 

He smiled an evil, sinister smile. "Oh, Julie. Things are far from okay."

Julie didn't stop screaming, and the sound made the monster laugh loudly and lustfully.

"Julie, Julie, Julie." He said, shaking his head, shaking her.

Julie continued to scream as the room spun, and then suddenly she was startled awake with another scream. 

She could still hear his horrible laughter, still see his oil slick eyes, and she was frantic, panting as though she'd run a mile. Something was still clutching at her and she wrenched away from it only to look beside her and see it was Dean. He'd been shaking her awake, but now his hands were raised as though in surrender. 

"Jules, sweetheart, it's okay. You're safe."

Julie's heart pounded in her ears, and her face was wild, terrified. Dean reached towards her again, trying to put a hand to her cheek. 

But she gasped and jerked away from his hand, knocking it aside. Her heart slowed slightly as she saw the spasm of pain flash across his face quickly, before he covered it up with a soft smile.

"I'm gonna go grab you some water."

He stood up, walking away from her in his black boxer briefs and white t-shirt and it brought the monster's image to her mind again. Julie pushed the covers off to swing her legs over the side of the bed. 

She rubbed her hands over her face, and breathed deeply so that by the time Dean came back in with a cold glass of water, she'd started to feel more in control, her heart slowing to its normal rhythm. 

Dean handed her the glass and she gulped it down; the cold refreshed her a bit, and pushed the nightmare images even further away.

She looked up at Dean and felt awful. He wore a look of concern that she could see was also disguising hurt. 

"I'm so sorry, Dean." She said, clasping his hand in hers.

But before she could say anymore he gave her hand a squeeze and shook his head. "No, kid, you don't have to apologize. Nightmares can take us all out."

He raised her fingers to his lips, kissed the back of them and then gave her hand another squeeze before letting it go. "Well, I got my four hours, so I'm gonna head to the library. Get a bit of research done."

Julie started to stand, but he kept her sitting with a gentle hand on her shoulder and a smile. "No, Jules, you need to get some more sleep, sweetheart. You're growing a human. Takes energy." 

He slipped on the pair of jeans that was thrown over the desk chair, and then smiled at her again; the smile still hid sadness. "I'll see you when you wake up."

He started to bend down to kiss her cheek, and then stopped himself, obviously not sure how he'd be received. His hesitation broke Julie's heart and she grabbed onto the front of his t-shirt, pulling him down so she could kiss him, firm but tender - trying to convey all her love within one, too brief, exchange of breath.

Dean kissed her back, and then cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead.

"Sleep." He ordered softly, before slipping from her fingers and walking out of the room.

***

Dean sat at the library table with a book that told a slightly obscure and differing tale of Cain and Abel. This version came a bit closer to the one Cain had told him and Crowley, though it left out the part where Cain had tried to kill himself with the blade and became a demon in the process. 

Dean shook his head. Probably an important part of the story. He thought with a grimace.

He closed the thick, old book loudly and leaned back in the creaky wooden chair, swiveling it sideways and stretching his legs out. 

He traced his fingers over the raised mark on his arm, before dropping his right arm back down, and bracing his left on the arm of the chair, covering his mouth with his hand. He slowly rubbed his fingers back and forth across his lips, his mind drifting.

His brain was running riot with a million conflicting images. At the center of them all though, there was Julie's terrified face as she’d awoken from her nightmare, and that image was overlaid with the way she'd looked a month ago, as he tried to crush her windpipe; it was the same fear and terror in both images.

Then his own nightmares crowded into his mind. He couldn't sort through them, didn't want to. There was just endless screaming and blood; the burning mark, and the rush of power that came when he swung the blade. 

He closed his eyes against the onslaught of emotions and memories, trying desperately to make them go away. 

He heard shuffling feet and looked behind him to see Julie wandering into the room. He gave her a chastising smile. It had barely been an hour since he left their bedroom.

"You were supposed to be in bed."

Julie shrugged and then climbed into his lap. She sat sideways across his legs and looked up at him as she settled in, nestling her shoulder into his chest. She raised her fingers to his jaw and ran the tips of them over his scruffy cheeks. 

"I don't sleep very well when you're not there."

Dean smiled at her, and held her hand in place against his lips, kissing her fingertips one by one. Julie sighed softly and laid her head on his shoulder.

After a minute, Dean broke the silence. "Do you want to talk about the nightmare?"

Julie shook her head quickly. "No."

Dean thought she probably should talk to him about it, but he respected her refusal. He knew something about hiding from the bad things in your mind and refusing to acknowledge them.

"Any luck with research?" Julie asked him, and he knew she was asking if he'd found a way to rid himself of the mark that had caused her nightmares. 

He just shook his head too. "No, nothing."

Julie nodded and was quiet for a long time. He thought she might have dozed off, but then she moved, smoothing her hand across her belly. Dean covered her hand with his. 

"We gotta figure out a name." He said quietly as though he was trying not to wake him.

Julie smiled up at him, her dimple showing. "What did you have in mind?"

Dean pushed out his lips. "I don't know. Do we wanna try for something strange, you know, something that no one will ever be able to pronounce or spell?"

Julie giggled. "Like what?"

Dean thought for a moment. "Ah…Jackson, but with an X, or Elijah but with an A instead of an E?"

Julie chuckled, and added to the list. "Um…Kashton?"

"Ooh," Dean said, impressed, "very nice, but I feel like it needs more vowels if we want absolutely no one to be able to pronounce it."

Julie's wide smile turned into a gasp of surprise and both her hands flew to her belly. 

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, fear sweeping over him.

But Julie shook her head, all smiles once more. "No, no. It's good. He's moving. Kicking. I've sort of felt him flutter a little before, but this is the first time…" She trailed off and then beamed up at Dean.

She took hold of his big right hand and placed it low on her belly. "Here, you might be able to feel him too."

After a minute of silent anticipation, they both exclaimed loudly as a tiny foot kicked against their joined hands. 

"Oh my god." Dean breathed. He waited impatiently to feel him kick again and was rewarded with another jab.

"Does it hurt?" He asked Julie, worry briefly replacing excitement. 

But Julie shook her head. "No, it feels…strange… a little inexplicable, but also incredible." She smiled, her eyes shining, and Dean leaned down to kiss her gently. 

As she rested her forehead against his, Julie chuckled. "I don't think he liked those names we were coming up with."

Dean grinned. "Well, we've got some time." 

Julie kissed him again. "What about naming him Dean?" 

Dean scoffed and she pinched his arm lightly. "Hey! That happens to be one of my favorite names in the world."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, we'll see."

He stared down at their hands on her belly, just waiting for more movement. The busy baby boy rewarded them both with what felt like somersaults. They laughed quietly, their heads close together. Slowly, though, a small frown gathered on Dean’s brow. He swallowed several times before speaking very quietly.

"I don't want him to hunt."

He looked at Julie, who wore a soft, sympathetic look, and repeated himself. "I don't want him to hunt."

Julie reached up to card her fingers through his hair, automatically trying to soothe him. 

He shook his head, feeling a sad kind of panic rising in him. "I don't want to have to tell him monsters are real."

"Dean." Julie said simply, consolingly.

But he continued speaking. "I don't know if I ever told you this, or if Sam did maybe. But, I was the one who told him that monsters were real."

Julie shook her head and her face spasmed with hurt on his behalf. "No, I never knew that."

Dean smiled and nodded. "Yeah, he was just a kid, maybe eight or nine. I didn’t want him to know, just wanted him to keep being a kid, you know? So, I kept telling him to stop asking questions, told him that he didn't wanna know the answers." 

He shrugged. "But you know Sam, dog with a bone. So, he never let up. Then one night he found Dad's journal and asked me if it was all true. So I…I told him."

Dean closed his eyes at the memory. "He was so scared. I tried to tell him we were safe, that Dad wouldn’t let anything get us." He paused for a beat. "But I think, even then, deep down, I knew that might not be true." He exhaled softly. "Cried himself to sleep that night. Had nightmares for weeks after."

He pressed his two big hands firmly over Julie's belly, leaning down to kiss it and wishing more than anything that he could just put up some kind of bubble of protection around Julie and their child.

Julie ran her hand over the back of his short hair and his neck. "Dean," she assured him, "of course he'll never hunt as a child. We'll keep him safe."

Dean shook his head, turning it to look into Julie's eyes, trying to convey how strongly he felt. "I don't ever want him to hunt."

Julie lifted his chin up, forcing him to sit back up. "Listen, children should be allowed to hold onto their innocence as long as they possibly can, they should be encouraged to just be kids."

She bit her lip before continuing. "But look, we're in a very different situation from the way John raised you. I mean, he had this horrible life thrust into his lap, and he didn't know the best way to protect you. So, he did what he thought was best, and just tried to prepare you."

She shook her head. "But we don't have to do that. We know all about what goes bump in the night, and we know how to keep him safe without forcing him to grow up before his time."

Dean nodded, admitting that truth. 

Julie's voice got soft. "But, you know, even non-hunters have to eventually tell their kids that monsters do exist. I mean, it may be the human variety, but all kids still end up learning, slowly, that evil exists in the world. We just have to make sure he knows he's loved and safe."

Dean tucked Julie's head under his chin, pulling her tighter against him. How did she always know what to say to make him feel better, to ease his fear and sadness?

Julie kissed his neck and then spoke again. "And when he's eighteen, it will be his choice what option he wants for his life."

Dean nodded reluctantly, accepting that that was the only thing they could do. "Maybe he'll decide to go to Stanford." He said with a smile.

Julie pulled back to look at him and kiss his lips this time. "Maybe." She said softly. "But the most important thing is that he'll have options, any and all options, open to him."

Dean nodded solemnly and made a silent promise to his unborn son. 

I will keep you safe, and you will grow up knowing you’re loved, and I’m gonna make sure the whole goddamn world is yours if you want it.

But the voice was still there in the back of his mind, like it was when he told Sam about monsters, making him question whether he was really telling his son the truth.

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @deanswaywardgirl @slytherinlyn314 @globetrotter28 @jensensgirl @perpetualabsurdity @tristanrosspada-ackles @djs8891 @muhahaha303 @kayyay1219 @emily-winchester @recoveringpastaaddict @maximumkillshot @mimaria420 @sacriceria @envyaurora95 @lacilou @jc-winchester @spnwoman @mimi-luvzyu

2 - Dean Winchester Fics Only. @carryonwaywardgirl

3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @alexxavicry @nancymcl @spalady26

4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @jensensgotyoudean @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79 @courtn92 @avanatural @ellie-andthemachine @this-is-me19 @roseblue373 @katbratsupernaturalwhore @fanfic-n-tabulous

[ik1llmygods]

This is the artist from the future, yeule, photographed by Neil Krug for D.I.Y. Magazine in September 2023, around the release of their project Softscars.

Softscars is yeule’s fourth studio album, and what an album it is. Nothing like they’ve ever released before sonically. The main genres focused on here are shoegaze, indietronica, glitch pop, etcetera. As said by Pitchfork, the title of this project is a reference to the artist’s self-harm scars that are scattered across their body; they serve as reminders of all of their battles and how they’ve continued to fight through life. Although humanity is now at the center of their ideas, they haven’t completely abandoned the idea of digital life and how it connects to reality. One of my favorite examples of this is on "software update", where they seemingly talk about online love connections. Some of my favorite lyrics from this song include: “You're never alone. I'm inside your phone. Personality built on your screen, too." “When I leave my flesh, you can download my mind. And pick out the pretty parts for you. ‘I love you, baby’. ‘I love you, too’. But you said it like you were programmed to." “ ‘Strip for the camera?’ No. ‘Should I be thinner?’ No. I would kill anyone who made you lose that weight.” The last line in particular, I think, emphasizes the amount of overengagement in some online relationships. Although, on the surface, it may seem like a deeply genuine gesture, there is no true way to know whether the person on the other end truly cares for you or if they’re attempting to keep you on a string for unknown non-altruistic reasons. I’ll leave this with another quote from Pitchfork, who gave yeule a “Best New Music” nod for this project. “And yet softscars isn’t as simple as a rejuvenating weekend in the countryside, or a Marshall stack ringing over the hilltops. In its clash of handcrafted distortion and digital anxieties, the album faces our blurry moment at the precipice of head-spinning technological advances with a laugh and a cry. ‘Art, artificially,’ yeule sings at one particularly fizzy point, over chugging guitars and starry synths, ‘I wish I was special.’ Don’t we all.”

Softscars is an incredibly intimate project, not really for the faint of heart, but such a moving listen. I advise everyone to give it a chance. One of the best projects from last year, for sure.

[obscurecharactershowdown]

Round 5

[image ID: the first image is of Turnip, a teal mouse. it looks like they're wearing little shorts. the second image is of Granger, a girl with green eyes and short, wavy or curly black hair. in her hair is a red hat or ribbon. she's wearing a black turtleneck sweater, blue overalls, and a green coat. end ID]

Turnip

Little guy!!! Littlest dude!! Best mouse in the world. They’re so scared of the dark and nervous about messing things up but they do their best!! They go through the dark tunnel to meet you and deliver an important message!! And while they may have gotten lost on the way back, you’re able to help and together you escape! (Also canonically they sent a birthday card like months too late and also got lost going from the donut shop to their house which is like two blocks) luv them my favorite little guy <3

Granger

so granger is the main character of the indie game "NeverHome" Chapter one, which is only $1 on Steam, is called NeverHome: Hall of Apathy. if ur a fan of young protags being put in RPG maker horror games, then this is the game for you!! so granger is just that… she wakes up to find herself in a strange, hostile world. she, along with the friends she makes, must solve the various puzzles before them while creatures are out to kill them… and along the way they can uncover the secrets of these never ending halls… her dynamics with the cast is also super fun… each character gets their moment or moments with granger. and what's so cute is that there's unique art for each pair that highlights the fact you cant get through these halls alone!! she also has her own theme song!! here!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_vwtmIj5cw it's called cyclical tragedy AND HERE IS AN ANALYSIS OF THE THEME!! MUSIC THEORY!!! written by my good friend @HIEMIOLA "cyclical tragedy" embodies the protagonist, granger, through the music theory behind the track and ties itself back into the main track as well. to begin with an overview of the track, the key is D minor and hte time signature is 3/4. the piece begins with a broken minor third starting from the tonic. that is, it begins on the main note and moves along the main chord, D to F. the next set of notes are C to E, which is shifted down a step. the phrase repeats again, this time D to F, then G to E, which is an inverse movement from the original sequence. even in this first part, we could tell that the protagonist begins from square 1 with a simple pattern, then tries it again when it works. however, the inverse breaks that expectation of repetition, thus showing the diverse variations of solutions she comes up with using just the tools she has (the two notes moving in thirds). just like the game, she is given a handful of objects as well as a knife to defend herself and solve the mysteries of the world she exists in. with her creative uses of the items given to her, she continues on her way through the plot. we will keep moving. the melody begins. true to the title of the track, the melody cycles around the same beginning note, D, that she always returns to at her square 1. this is a nod to the save states she is allowed to keep to make sure that we the players don't lose the game, but it also references the health bar that appears as a circle around her avatar. the melody, mapped out, is also moving in an up-down wave movement across the sheet music. granger is creative with the knife she has and the quest items she obtains throughout the story, but she is not entirely reckless. rather, she knows when it is time to return to the safe rooms to rest. to time her returns requires skill because she must run to cover without being caught by varying her path so the enemies don't corner her as she tries to return to the room. most of the time, she is successful, shown through the consistent return to the beginning note. let's keep going. i would like to turn your attention to the main theme briefly. in the bass notes, you can hear arpeggios and outlined chords. this makes up the bulk of the accompaniment in the main game theme. [mod note: the rest of the essay, and some more propaganda, is continued under a cut because tumblr will not process more text than this in an indent. sorry to split it up, please continue below for the rest of the essay and additional propaganda!]

the third variation of granger's theme also has arpeggiated chords in the accompaniment while the melody features broken chords. at this stage, the pattern switches to eigth notes instead of the quarter notes at first. with greater movement and heightened senses, she runs throughout world and befriends other people, thus interacting further with the environment. while she isn't exactly someone we would call open, she is respectful to the people she first meets and has no problems with asking them for help when she needs it. because of her openness to working together, she speeds up her progress by asking for aid at obstacles that would be too difficult for her to overcome on her own, such as asking a teammate to break things, move things, or reach into smaller holes. fusing the main theme elements with her own theme marks this step as the inciting incident that sets her on the path to escape from this world. we'll continue.

continuing the same part, we hear some secondary fifths. i'm not entirely sure if this is what you call it, but it is a nod to the parallel key, D major. depending on what theory class you take, this could also be considered the other half of the key. i dont know how else to describe it, but i digress. these are glimpses to different dialogue options she could take, glimpses to a different key or a different ending. because this game only has one chapter ending so far, we are unsure of what other paths granger will end up in; we only know that there are certainly other endings she will experience, only to begin the cycle again when the save state is loaded for players to reach another ending. both A major and G major are chords that signify different choices that may lead her elsewhere only for her to return back to the tonic or main note, D. despite this, she keeps going, as will we.

at the midpoint of the track, we see a quick shift in patterns. instead of upward leaps in the notes, the melody falls in stepwise motion. true to the plot, this is another turning point of the game when she is forced to make a choice: continue or stop. after facing the spoiler event, her once determined personality is challenged as she struggles to keep herself and her team together. despite being the headstrong protagonist who spearheaded solutions, even now she finds herself doubting and taking smaller steps, smaller risks.

even after all of this, she rises to the challenge as the melody returns to its beginning sequence. true to a protagonist she gets up again despite the events that transpired and keeps her team moving in their lowest points. the thirds return as she finds more objects to solve more puzzles to open more rooms to save more friends. this repeating part of the track only solidifies her resolve as the piece ends with a broken chord in the main key, her key, of D minor. despite everything that transpired, she stayed true to herself."

the game is also so, so charming with the art, music, and story made by the same person… its so clearly loved and full of passion!! i love listening to the game's ost on occassion!! since it's all on youtube!

ok one last thing thing!! on may 8th, the game hit 100 downloads (on both steam and itch.io). you can see the creator of the game celebrate that with this lovely drawing of granger: https://twitter.com/NeverHome_Game/status/1655761270694633472

so at most, only a bit over 100 people have played the game… id like to say that makes it obscure!!

anyways granger and neverhome!! we love to see our protagonists put in horrific situations and isn't she super cute with a lil bow on her head? she is my daughter…

[additional propaganda 1]

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[killerandhealerqueen]

TRUTH OR DARE LESSGO 🍓🌵🕯🥤🧃📚🔪❄️🥐🍦🦋🦴🪲🎨

Let's fucking go

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

Oh, I've been writing stories since I was like in kindergarten but as for fanfiction, I started reading on deviantart and was just a casual reader but I saw a fanart for Kakavege (Goku x Vegeta) from Dragonball and like I was just struck with an idea to write a fic for it. So...that's kinda how it started

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

It's my list, but it's a list of all my foreign language songs (and it's not just kpop)

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

I don't...so like a 1? And my editing is really not editing at all...I just do like a quick re-read to make sure I haven't forgotten any words or haven't misspelled anything. So...

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Ooo...one of the fanfics I read recently that I really loved was Predators and Prey by GrumpyGreenWitch. It's a CSI: Miami fic but it's so good because it feels like you're watching an actual episode of CSI: Miami, like that's how good it is.

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

Personal lore...god, there really isn't anything that I haven't shared on here...I can't think of any

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

Last thing I wrote down in my notes app was the outline for a scrapped fic

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I literally did a whole paper for my first research paper on blood spatter. The title of my paper was "Application of Physics in Forensic Bloodstain Analysis and How Outside Factors Can Affect It". It was for my criminal profiling class

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

Yeah...all of my plots/dream themes for fics are fics that I would write...so I'd write it best. Just saying. I don't think others could pull off the kind of fics that I usually tend to write

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

I don't know if it's a reference, but I do like the BB9 dialogue clip "Do I even weigh anything to you?" "No, it's like holding a couple of grapes"

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

See, I can't do that because if I hate a character, there's nothing good I can say about them

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

My anxiety has been kinda a bitch lately...but I have to remind myself that I'm enough, that my fics are good and that people enjoy them...that I'm not just writing into the void and what not. Sometimes it feels like it, but I just have to remember that people are reading my fics and they're enjoying it

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

Them. Them. Them. Them. This fucking drama and these fucking characters inspire everything

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

Jiang Yuelou nodded.             “That’s very true; my schedule when shooting is very unpredictable” he agreed before he looked at him.             “What does your schedule look like?  Are you free this weekend?” he asked.  Chen Yuzhi raised an eyebrow.             “This weekend?  I should be, why?” he replied.  Jiang Yuelou smiled.             “Because that’s when we’re going to go suit shopping” he declared. 

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

This is my favorite piece of fanart because it was drawn for me and my fic. How could I not love it?

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game | send me asks

[hangmanbradshaw]

Hi Steph! I have sooo many questions, so let's see which emoji I can remember: 🤡✨️❌️🤗✅️🤭 Thank you!! - Mo (not on a train)

My dearest Mo!!!! Friend!!! I'm so sorry this got buried in my asks okay I'm gonna do this. I've just been...chugging along you might say ;D

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Omg I love throwing comedy in so there's a lot but hmmm maybe in IWTBY when Jake & Bradley are spying on Mav and Ice's date they parent trapped them on, and they're running around like idiots ducking behind sand dunes. Or you know....basically the entire crack fic I wrote that's princess & the frog themed where rooster turns into a rooster lmao

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Oh god you picked the hard one huh? Okay. I feel like my brain is full of so many little AU worlds and I hope they're portrayed in both fun and emotional ways?

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

Idk if this counts as a trope but unrequited love. That and unhappy endings. They might be dumb about it for a while but it's always gonna be both in love & happy at the end.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

You CAN do it, first of all. I just started writing in February and I definitely thought I couldn't do it, but you can and it gets easier the more you do it. I like to sometimes just close my eyes and let my mind play out an idea or story like a movie in my head for a while before I write. It sparks a lot of ideas and then I jot them down. That and if you're going for long- a fluid outline is very helpful (main plot points for each chap but then if you make a reference in a chap go to a future outline chap and add a note about referencing it again so things don't get lost and little things are wrapped up nicely.) Oh and don't worry about what people will think- write the story that makes you happy, the story you want to tell. When you write about what you're passionate about, it carries into the writing and I feel like you can just tell.

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Comedy. I love adding some funny parts. Banter. Oh my god I love writing banter and conversation. PLOT TWISTS. I love a good plot twist or everything not being as it seems. Music/song/movie/sports references (intentional), references/nods to my other fics (intentional). Trope wise...I think a bit of a possessive kink finds its way in there as well as obliviousness. And one bed. It always comes back to one bed. Now that I'm thinking about it sports find their way in a lot too.

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

On here I tag them all my fics or by the fic or series title cuz I'm too lazy to do anything else lmao

[aaronpaceluvbot]

mago (aaron pace x reader)

Title: MAGO

Summary: in which you and aaron are best friends, and he realizes things a little late (better late than never!). 

wc: 1.1k

Before you read: very loosely based off of the song mago by gfriend but not really?? but also kind of?? Also this is my warmup to get back into writing writing again! probably a little choppy and it’s not proofread so if there’s major issues lmk! gender neutral reader ?? but reader doesn’t get referred to by anything at all!

You remember when you first met aaron. The two of you were in elementary school and he sat next to you in class. Both of you were both pretty quiet kids, minding your own business and interacting with each other only when necessary. The seating arrangement was perfect for the two of you since you’d both rather focus on what you were working on than conversing with others. However, this was soon to be ruined. 

Your teacher changed the seating chart and now you were stuck next to kids that you didn’t know and quite frankly, stressed you out. They were loud and you couldn’t focus and all you could think was that you wanted Aaron back. So, during recess you approached him with an upset look on your face as you asked if he’d be willing to go with you to ask your teacher to put you two next to each other again. You were surprised when he said yes, but as it turns out - the two of you were in the same dilemma. You were both stuck next to seatmates that were for lack of better terms, not your favorite. You’d rather sit next to each other. 

After recess, the two of you made your trek back to class a little bit earlier so that you could ask your teacher about the new seating arrangement. “Ms. Smith?” You ask, peeking your head through the door. She was sitting at her desk and she made a come hither motion, so the two of you stepped into her classroom. 

“What’s wrong? Are you two in trouble? If so I’d be shocked-” She gets cut off by Aaron. 

“No… We just want to sit next to each other… We’d rather sit next to each other since it’s harder to focus with the people we sit by,” he says quickly. You’re surprised that he came up with that good of a reason that quickly. Your teacher nods.

“I see… well your grades have been a bit lower and you two have seemed to be less attentive in class, so I’ll make some changes to the seating chart for tomorrow, but for now, the two of you can sit together in the back at the half table, alright?” The two of you nod and thank her and head back to your new seats. 

When you two sat down, he was about to say something, but you beat him to it. “Here, this is for you,” you say, handing him one of your many friendship bracelets. He examines it and looks back up at you with a confused look. 

“What is this?” He asks, fidgeting with beads and sliding them around on the string.

“It’s a friendship bracelet! Since we’re friends now, right?” you ask, now afraid that he might decline. He slips it on.

“Friends.” 

—

The two of you head off to middle school, excited as can be. You both were joining band! You two were in the same class and you both branched out and met more people. You became friends with Cadence, Susie and Tom and Aaron became friends with other percussionists. Even though you both were making more friends, you still kept in contact and would talk to each other in your other classes. This stayed the same until high school, when you befriended a certain trumpet named Peter Dang. He was sweet, but he was sweet to everyone. But a friend to all, is a friend to none. He wasn’t the one that you grew up with and he certainly wasn’t the one who would be there for you all those times.

Aaron was the one who watched you run out of homecoming Junior year because Peter had the audacity to break up with you in the middle of the dance, even though you were his date. He chased after you, but not before giving Peter the dirtiest look he could muster. He found you in the parking lot, sitting on the curb by where you parked your car. When he sat next to you that night, he realized two things. He’s had a crush on you ever since you two were little kids and that you deserved a lot better than Peter. 

He let you bawl your eyes out into the fabric of his uncomfy suit as he tried to soothe you and make you feel better. “I really thought he was the one,” he heard you murmur. You shook your head and let out a dry laugh. “I guess not then.” The two of you stay like that, closer than you two had been in a while. 

“He wouldn’t be the one for you anyways. I’m pretty sure that if you asked him what color your eyes were, he wouldn’t know,” he mutters. When he realizes that you heard that, he makes a face and immediately opens his mouth to apologize. Instead of being upset, you laugh.

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t, if I’m being honest,” you say, shaking your head at yourself. “But it’s fine. At least I know you’ll always be with me. You’re such a good friend, you know that?” You ask, finally choosing to look him in the eye. Those words brought an odd pain to him. This wasn’t the first time that your friendship was referenced, but hearing it coming from you felt odd. It felt odd and it hurt that you didn’t see him as anything that could be more than friends.

“You know, this feels so silly, but a few months before I met Peter last year, I had the biggest crush on you. But I never really said anything until now because I was afraid that you’d hate me or something, but you probably wouldn’t because it’s in the past now, right?” you ramble. He internally winces. He had a chance to be with you all along? 

“I would care actually because I have a crush on you right now. I’ve had a crush on you since we were little kids,” he thinks. Your eyes go wide and he feels himself burning up. Did he say that out loud?

“Aaron,” you murmur, looking him in the eye. “Are you sure?” You ask, looking slightly upset. He nods. 

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything like that-”

“No. No it’s not that. Not at all. I feel relieved actually,” you say, giving him a soft smile. “I’ve liked you since you went with me to ask our teacher to switch our seats so we could sit together. I guess I just gave up hope on you liking me back, so I decided to ignore my feelings for you.” He nods at your words and pulls you closer. 

“Is that why you dated him?” You shrug at his words. 

“Not sure. It was probably for a lot of reasons that I won’t understand later on, but if I’m being honest there’s one thing I’ll always understand.” You leave it at that, and Aaron immediately knows what you’re referencing. 

-

[papermoonloveslucy]

CURTAIN UP!

Lucy On Stage ~ Act 1

Lucille Ball’s dream was always to appear on Broadway. That dream didn’t become reality until 1960. In the meantime, if Lucy couldn’t go to Broadway, Broadway would come to Lucy - on her radio and television shows!  

“The Milkmaid’s Dilemma or The Lady’s Not For Turning”

“Liz Substitutes in a Club Play” (1951) ~ In this episode of Lucille Ball’s radio sitcom MY FAVORITE HUSBAND, Liz (Lucille Ball) is determined to play the lead in the women’s club play, even if she has to keep the leading lady from showing up. There’s only one problem: Liz has learned the lines for the wrong play! 

The title of the play is a pun on the play “The Lady’s Not for Burning” by Christopher Fry. It opened on Broadway just two months before this episode aired starring Richard Burton and John Gielgud, who also directed. Coincidentally, British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher would say “the lady’s not for turning” in a now famous speech in October 1980. 

“John’s Other Whistler”

“Liz’s Radio Script” (1951) ~ Liz's entry is a finalist in a playwriting contest, and the Coopers and the Atterburys perform it on the local radio station.  

The title of Liz’s play combines two of the most popular radio shows of the time: “John's Other Wife” and “The Whistler”. Liz has retyped the script so quickly that there are some misspellings that lead to on-air goofs!

GEORGE: You’ve got a face like a camel. LIZ: That’s ‘cameo’!

IRIS: I don’t care. I’ve got another liver.  LIZ: That’s ‘lover’! IRIS: At my age, I’d get more use out  of another liver!

GEORGE: ...And your nose is continued on the next page!

This dialogue was later rewritten and recycled into...

“The Perils of Pamela” / “A Tree Grows in Havana”

“Lucy Writes a Play” (1952) ~ Playwright Lucy pens a drama with a Cuban locale. She figures Ricky for the star. The hitch: he refuses the part. So she changes her play from Cuba to England and has Fred take Ricky’s spot. However, Ricky has decided to surprise Lucy and appear in the play… only problem is he has the wrong script!

Voice from the Audience: I think it stinks!

The title “A Tree Grows in Havana” was inspired by A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, which was a book and a film in the mid-40's. There was even a Broadway musical of the same title starring Shirley Booth that closed two weeks before the episode filmed. Lucy rewrites the script into an English comedy titled "The Perils of Pamela", a nod to several films titled The Perils of Pauline directed by Lucille Ball’s friend George Marshall. Some sample dialogue from her rewritten opus:

LUCY: What's the mater, Matter? Uh, what's the matter, Mater?

LUCY: Pater won't be down for tea. We just buried him. Had to. Dead, you know.

FRED: Would you pour me a spot of tea, my dear louse? [looks at script closer] I mean Louise.

“The Pleasant Peasant”

“The Operetta” (1952) ~ The Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League is putting on an operetta and Lucy is in charge. As treasurer, she has no money in the club account so she has to write the show herself!  Needless to say, Ricky and the Mertzes are in the cast as well.

Because the repo men come to take back the unpaid scenery and costumes, we never see the end of the operetta. According to Lucy’s description of the show, there were two acts, with 18 scenes in the first act alone. The plot involved Lily being kidnapped by highway men because their leader had been turned into a frog by a wicked witch. Lily is really the frog / leader’s long-lost sister, separated from him when they were tadpoles. Later the Prince (who thinks he’s a peasant but is really a frog) goes to work for Squire Quinn at the Inn on the River Out.

These are references to composers Sigmund Romberg and Rudolf Friml, as well as Charles John Thomas, a popular baritone of the time. In 1915 Thomas starred on Broadway in a Friml operetta called The Peasant Girl which included a song called “The Gypsy” sung by 'Celeste and Chorus.’ “The Pleasant Peasant” even includes a parody of “The Drinking Song” from Romberg’s The Student Prince.

The operetta contains an original score by Eliot Daniel that features “The Pleasant Peasant Girls", "The Good Squire Quinn", "Lily of the Valley", "Queen of the Gypsies", "The Troops of the King", and "Good Prince Lancelot". Lucy plays Camille, the snaggle-toothed crone. Ethel is cast as Lily (of the Valley), Ricky is (the good) Prince Lancelot, and Fred is (what else) Friar Quinn of the Inn on the River Out. The ladies of the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League (including Myra Marsh and Betty Jaynes) are the chorus.  

“The Professor and the Co-Ed” 

“Lucy Has Her Eyes Examined” (1953) ~ A new Broadway musical is casting and Lucy and the Mertzes want to land parts. Unfortunately, Lucy’s eye exam leaves her a nearsighted mess just before the big audition.

Ethel translates the Variety headline for Lucy: “Parker Preps Prod for Pitts Preem” as “Parker Prepares Production for Pittsburgh Premiere.” The article goes on to say “William Parker, formerly legit prod, currently top pic exec, seeks thesps for flesh tuner.” Ethel doesn’t translate this section, but it means that “William Parker, formerly a theatrical producer, currently a top motion picture executive, is casting actors for a live stage musical.”

Although we never see the musical itself (just the auditions) it is a musical comedy set in the 1920s titled “The Professor and the Co-Ed” and it sounds reminiscent of Good News, a real-life 1927 legit tuner (Varietyese for 'stage musical’) also set on a college campus in the roaring '20s. Good News was made into a film in 1930 and then remade in 1947.  

All three versions of Good News include the song "The Varsity Drag,” which Fred and Ethel sing in this episode. A musical about college co-eds must have been familiar territory to the Arnazes. Too Many Girls was Desi Arnaz’s 1939 Broadway debut and the 1940 film version introduced (literally) Desi to Lucy.

“Gay ‘90s Revue”

“Mertz and Kurtz” (1954) ~ Fred's old vaudeville partner (Charles Wininger) is in town, so the Mertzes pretend to be wealthier than they really are to impress him. But it turns out that he has been doing some pretending as well!  

Perhaps not strictly a stage musical, this revue has a bit of a story and characters, so it qualifies. Set in Atlantic City, New Jersey, Fred and Barney play dairymen attending a convention, Lucy and Ethel are bathing beauties, and Ricky is the handsome lifeguard. The score includes classics from the theatre and popular music. 

"Peach on the Beach" by Vincent Youmans and Otto Harbach was originally written for the 1925 Broadway musical No, No, Nanette which (coincidentally) starred Charles Winninger.

"By the Beautiful Sea" by Harry Carroll and Harold R. Atteridge. The song topped the early American music charts in the summer of 1914, during the outbreak of World War I. By the Beautiful Sea was also the title of a 1954 musical that was on Broadway when the episode was filmed. 

“They Go Wild Over Me” by Fred Fisherin, who also wrote the lyrics for the 1919 Broadway show Irene.

"On the Boardwalk to Atlantic City" by Josef Myrow and Mack Gordon for the 1946 film Three Little Girls in Blue, about three sisters from Red Bank NJ who spend their inheritance on a trip to Atlantic City, where they hope to snare rich husbands.

“Over the Teacups” 

“Ethel’s Birthday” (1954) ~ It's Ethel's birthday and she gets two memorable presents: Hostess Pants and tickets to the theatre. An argument with Lucy over the former threatens to spoil the latter.  

The fictional play is said to be “the biggest hit in town.” The tickets cost Ricky $6.60 each! Although we never see the actors in the play, we hear Mary Lansing as the weepy Cynthia. English actor Richard Kean voices the character of John, who breaks the news to Cynthia about the death of their mutual friend. 

“Kildoonan!”

“Lucy Goes to Scotland” (1956) ~ While in London, Lucy dreams of going to her ancestral home in Scotland. Although not strictly a stage show, Lucy dreams in the musical comedy format!  

The inspiration for this episode is clearly Lerner and Loewe's 1947 musical Brigadoon. The name of the village in the musical is the similarly-sounding Kildoonan; and the two-headed dragon appears once every 30 years, just as the village of Brigadoon appears once every 100 years. Both also feature a sword dance and bagpipes. Although the show had closed in London several years earlier, the film version was released in 1954, a little over a year before this episode's filming. It was produced by MGM (the Arnazes studio of choice) and featured Van Johnson, who Lucy danced with in “The Dancing Star”. 

The dream has five original songs by Eliott Daniel and Larry Orenstein (who also played the Mayor of Kildoonan): "'Tis Nae a Braw Bricht Nicht", "A McGillicuddy Is Here", "I'm in Love with a Dragon's Dinner", "Two Heads Are Nae Better Than One", and "The Dragon Waltz".  

The Townspeople of Kildoonan include Betty Allen (who was a background singer for the 1954 film of Brigadoon), Betty Noyes, Norma Zimmer, John Gustafson, John Hynd, Robert E. Hamlin, Ann Ellen Walker, Dick Byron, and Chuck Schrouder.  

“The Enchanted Forest”

“LIttle Ricky’s School Pageant” (1957) ~ Little Ricky is cast as the lead in his school play, with Lucy, Ricky, Fred and Ethel also getting into the act. 

The scenery and choreography for the pageant were designed by Desi’s fishing buddy and friend Pepito Perez (aka Pepito the Clown) and his wife Joanne, who ran a nearby Dance Academy. For years afterward, Joanne used the Enchanted Forest backdrops for their productions of “Hansel and Gretel.” Their school also provided the two dozen other students for the pageant. Candy Rogers (Susie Brown) was their prize pupil so was rewarded with the female lead. Lucy played the Wicked Witch, Ricky played a Hollow Tree, Ethel plays the Fairy Princess (she fit the costume) and Fred is Hippity Hoppity the Frog. The pageant also features 12 gnomes, 12 bunnies, 3 dancing owls, and a skunk! 

“The Most Happy Fella”

“Lucy’s Night In Town” (1957) ~ Lucy has tickets to a big Broadway musical, but she mistakenly got seats for the matinee instead of the evening show. 

FRED (seeing the title of the play): I’ll bet he wasn’t married!

This episode takes the foursome to the Broadway musical The Most Happy Fella. Because the Arnazes were investors in the show the original cast album and show poster were used in the filming. The Frank Loesser musical was simultaneously playing at New York’s Imperial Theatre, although except for an establishing shot of the theatre’s exterior, the episode was filmed entirely in California. Coincidentally, the Imperial was where Desi Arnaz made his Broadway debut in Too Many Girls (1939). In 1979, his daughter Lucie Arnaz also made her Broadway debut at the Imperial in They’re Playing Our Song. Vivian Vance appeared there in 1941’s Let’s Face It! starring Eve Arden. The 1,443 seat theater opened in 1923 and is still in operation today.

The episode utilized the Frank Loesser songs “Standin’ on the Corner,” “Big D,” and “Don’t Cry” - all sung by the original cast: Susan Johnson, John Henson, Alan J. Gilbert, Shorty Long, Roy Lazarus, and Art Lund. Although Robert Weede is billed on the marquee, he is not heard in any of the songs, nor is leading lady Jo Sullivan, the composer’s wife, although both were nominated for 1956 Tony Awards. This is not the first Frank Loesser musical to be featured on “I Love Lucy.” A clip from the 1955 film Guys and Dolls was inserted into the MGM executives show in “Lucy and the Dummy”, but was cut for syndication and the DVD.

“The Queen’s Lament”

”The Celebrity Next Door” (1958) ~ Stage and screen star Tallulah Bankhead has moved in next door to the Ricardos and Mertzes! Once Lucy discovers that a celebrity is in her midst, she has gotten Bankhead and the entire gang involved with the local PTA show.

The fictional play “The Queen's Lament” is probably a hold-over from when Bette Davis was intended to be the 'celebrity next door', as she had recently played Queen Elizabeth on film in The Virgin Queen in 1955 as well as in The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex in 1939.

The cast and crew of the play includes: The Queen ~ Miss Tallulah Bankhead; Her Lady in Waiting ~ Lucy Ricardo; The Duke of Farthington ~ Ricky Ricardo; Genevieve, the Royal Cook ~ Ethel Mertz; A Knight ~ Fred Mertz; Musical Entertainment by the Westport Glee Club; Directed by Mrs. Ida Thompson; Written by Mr. Thompson; Costumes by Mrs. Wilson.

“Western Frolics” 

“MIlton Berle Hides Out at the Ricardos” (1957) ~  Lucy wants Milton Berle to perform in the PTA play so she secretly offers her home for him to finish his latest book in peace. 

“Western Frolics” consists mostly of the musical number “Them There Days”  composed by Arthur Hamilton especially for this show.

CURTAIN DOWN on Act 1

[poesbeforeprose]

Chapter 4:

Hours passed. The house was incredibly silent between the two of us, but eventually when Price returned I fulfilled my mission.

“What did you do to her?” He asked while putting out his cigar with his boot.

I was sitting on the back porch when they arrived. My fingers fumbled with the buckles on my med bag as I picked through the thoughts racing in my mind. I looked up with a smirk, “Just was my annoying self is all.”

“Copy.” He said with a chuckle. Soap and Ghost passed with a nod each and I was once again alone outside.

The sun was now setting over the mountains to the west and it cast long shadows like fingers across the land. I plucked the wooden step underneath me until I could feel the flakes shatter under my nail. There was a comfort in the rhythmic sensation and I sighed heavily. Who was I kidding? Why would I press her so much when I hardly even know her? I’ve spoken to her for a total of barely an hour so the crushing feeling I felt turn in my ribs made me feel foolish. I hung my head between my knees and groaned.

The thought of her alone was intoxicating. I could still envision her dark eyes on me, studying my face and watching my hands attentively. I closed my eyes and thought of a world where I could’ve stayed behind that night in the hospital room with her. I could’ve waited for her to wake and had a proper conversation with her. Maybe, somewhere in this world of make believe we would’ve had coffee. Maybe I could’ve convinced her how beautiful she is as well as being one of the most deadly women I had ever met. A slight tingle on the back of my neck danced across my skin. I let my mind wander for a little too long and when it came to a head, the door behind me shifted.

“Chow time.” Soap muttered. I kicked against the steps and marched inside to whatever came next.

Dinner passed without much of us saying a thing. Although the group themselves could be as chatty as they wanted, I felt like the awkwardness grew nevertheless. Nyx herself didn’t leave her room until Ghost got up and disappeared for a moment. When he returned she was behind him then sat silently a few chairs down from me. I had to get it together because as soon as that raven hair turned the corner my heart pounded against my ribs and I almost choked. I quickly focused all the strength I could to not die from embarrassment.

I managed to pry a few questions from them. Favorite songs, movie references, things we would prefer to do with our free time. It was like pulling teeth with them as I was the odd man out in their little cohort. I internally sighed at the frustration of it all. I couldn’t imagine a place where they could be a team with me along for the ride. I just didn’t fit in at all with them. The only thing I cared about, I realized, was that woman sitting less than eight feet from me. I didn’t care about titles or medals or stories of valor; it was her I wanted. I kept my eyes fixed on my plate before me thinking of all the things I wish I could say to her about this afternoon, but in the end it was not my place.

About two hours after we all left for our rooms, a small knock came from my door. I sat up in bed, my journal resting across my chest and saw the curve of light underneath the door. Another short, sharp knock came and I got up without a word. I cracked my door just a few inches and my heart fell to the floor again. Nyx, framed in the soft amber light of the living room behind her, was looking at the floor. My lips began to part but she spoke first.

“Sorry. For slapping you.”

I couldn’t mask my surprise as my lips parted further as I inhaled sharply. My heart rate thrusting forward within me. I tried to find the words but then she looked up at me with something in her eyes I didn’t expect; honesty. I was falling inside myself over and over. The soles of my feet seemed to melt into the floor as our eyes met. Time seemed to stand still and I tried to decipher her thoughts through facial expressions alone. I took the time to steal glances as her lips, her cheekbones, and her exquisite jawline. I never in a million years expected her to ask forgiveness yet here she was three feet away.

“I uh…it’s okay.” I stammered. “I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with.”

Her eyes narrowed a bit. I could tell she was studying as much as I was studying her in this moment. A mental chess match neither one of us wanted to play or be involved in. However, given the circumstance of us standing within breathing distance, her eyes danced across my face again and then back to my eyes.

“You were just expressing good bedside manner.” She finally said. Very clever Nyx. I couldn’t help but grin lightly.

“Well, I still don’t know why I’m here but I can at least be nice about it.”

Her eyes fell to the floor for a moment, “Sorry. I was impulsive. I made the demand for you specifically.”

Although it was already known without being said, I still could feel my brain rocket into the stratosphere. Her voice alone admitting the smallest of difficulties to me was more than enough. My breath hitched in my chest for a beat before I could respond.

“Is there any particular reason for that? There are plenty other medics out there.”

The silence between us was palpable. While she continued to stare at the floor willing the words to bubble up, I took this opportunity to bask in her beauty. She was smaller than me sure, but a tight coil of muscle ran beneath her skin. Her training and resilience showing through was tantalizing. Her lips curved delicately and I itched within to just hear her speak. I decided then that I just loved to hear her speak. Traveling south, I noticed a slight slump in her shoulders, mental weight she had either burdened herself with or been burdened with from her past. I would stand here forever until we were both nothing but piles of dust waiting for her to speak.

“I remembered waking up briefly in the hospital room. I remembered hearing your voice.”

Everything in me wished to curl up and die from embarrassment at that moment. Oh god it was not my finest moment.

“Oh? What did you hear?”

Nyx smiled shyly, “Your friend wasn’t impressed with your courage.”

I’m going to kill him. Whenever I get back to the states and back on base I will throttle him until he turns blue.

“Oh, oh that’s just, great.” I fought to admit. Her little smirk had crept up my spine and wormed its way into my brain. To see her smile although it was at my misfortune. She brush a small tuft of hair behind her left ear. Suddenly her scent of lavender and bourbon was on me again. My legs buckled for a moment as my thighs tightened.

“It wasn’t that bad. I didn’t mean to scare you.” She admitted.

I shook my head trying to right myself, “It’s okay. I just was worried. Not every day you see a cadaver come alive.”

Her eyes flashed up at me again and my throat closed up, “I guess you’re right. I’m so used to making them that I never expected myself to be one eventually.”

“It’s a great callsign though. I gotta admit. Could be worse.”

Nyx smirked again and cocked an eyebrow, “Like Odie?”

“Like Odie.” I agreed. We shared a small laugh and I felt the tension break. Silence again between the three feet space between us. I couldn’t help but feel a burning desire to just close the gap and make promises I would never keep.

I looked down her slender build again. Her feet were slightly inward as she stood there. She had arrived at my door with nothing but a tank top and shorts on and it was driving me wild to imagine what she shared with her mirror. And Simon, my mind echoed. I stiffened in my spot and the conversation between heart and brain became so cold I could barely breathe. I couldn’t even process the taper of her waist as her top hugged her ever so delicately. My eyes processed that she indeed didn’t have a bra on given the late hour.

“I asked the nurse about you the next day. I kept my intentions with me until I knew enough. I read your file. What made you stop pursuing special operations?” She finally said after a minute. It took me a little longer than I wanted because a wave of disappointment had hit me from the last mental hurdle. I shook my head and shrugged.

“Some people are cut out for it. I guess I wasn’t. It’s more my job to fix people and help them heal.”

Her face became sullen. “Unlike me. I leave people broken or buried.”

Silence again. I exhaled in a chuckle, “What a pair we are then. Life and death, the age old friendship.”

Her eyes met mine again and I felt heat rising from the soles of my feet. It was aggravating how this woman I barely knew could have so much emotional control over me. I didn’t want to admit or be dramatic, but I would go through Hell for her. Not because of some grand, sweeping gesture of love or desire, but because it just seemed like the right thing to do. The longer I looked into her eyes, the more internal strife I could sense. A secret she buried long ago and was the primary line of defense between her and everyone else.

“I don’t have many friends. Never really made time for them given the circumstance.”

“You have Simon.” I interjected. A flinch from her made me withdraw any additional comment.

Nyx shifted in her spot. Her eyes flicked behind her for a moment and my mind made the connection. The moan. The dinner. The silent guardian who went by the callsign that would strike fear in the hearts of millions. Oh God, I’ve fallen for forbidden fruit. Nyx pulled me from my living nightmare with a whisper.

“That’s true, but he has his own demons to face. We all do.”

I was torn between seeing this as an opportunity yet seeing it as a lost cause. “That’s true. We are human after all.” I muttered.

Nyx sighed, having an internal conversation of her own. “You’re insufferable.”

“Mom always said I was hopelessly optimistic. Part of the reason why I couldn’t hack it in spec ops.” I cast my gaze downward for a moment. She jolted through my senses as she took half a step forward.

“It’s admirable. That little glimmer of hope is what drives a lot of operators to see another day. We could use more of it on some missions.”

“Is that why I’m here? Hopeless optimism?” I said crossing my arms. Nyx rolled her eyes. The first sign that I was chipping away at that last bastion of her inner defenses.

“No. We have a mission for you. Well, specifically, I have a mission for you.”

My face went slack. I could feel my brow scrunch together in shock, “Excuse me?”

Her voice became silent, almost breathless and I strained to hear her, “I have a plan to smoke out a target. I’ve had a mission within a mission for some time now.”

I raised my palms, “I feel like I shouldn’t be hearing this. This seems extremely dangerous.”

Nyx stepped closer to me, her voice low and breathy, “Trust me. You’re in good hands. I know this is going to work. I needed a medic who could help me. You’ve done that. Now, I’m just asking for one last thing.”

My heart rate was through the roof now. I knew my pulse was apparent in my neck because she glanced sharply at the throbbing vein there. She looked up and smiled, “You don’t have to be nervous or anything. I’m not asking you to kill anyone. That’s my job.”

“Nyx what are you doing. Does Price know about this?”

Her face turned into a small grin, “He knows as much as I need him too. This idea is a gamble more than anything.” At the thought alone, of her being in her element once again, she lightly bit her lip. My cock strained against my shorts at the gesture. Once again, I got the feeling that she was aware of the effect she had on me. I couldn’t tell however, if she loved having me trapped here or if she was enjoying the idea of being back in the field.

[daxwritesstories]

College AU Part 13: came to my show

Content warning: drug use

Part 1: Hip To Be Square (Hammer)

(Scene title by Huey Lewis & The News)

INT. Cyra & Celia's dorm - Morning

Cyra is sitting on the floor in front of her bed. She is alone in the dorm.

She takes out her phone and sends Erik a text.

CYRA (text): What's taking so long??

She gets an immediate reply.

ERIK (text): You can wait.

Cyra laughs and rolls her eyes. She's about to put her phone down on the floor but she gets another message. She picks it back up to read it.

ACE (text): Okay, here are my notes for you, since you asked.

Cyra looks confused but she quickly understands what he's referring to when she reads the next couple of texts, which come in quick succession.

ACE (text): You need to drink more water because you're not producing enough saliva.

ACE (text): Your gag reflex is too strong, like, to the point where it was annoying instead of hot.

ACE (text): And you need to learn how to use your tongue more. It gets boring if you're just bobbing your head back and forth the entire time.

Cyra snorts out a laugh at the messages. She holds her phone up to type a reply.

CYRA (text): Was there anything you liked? Lol

Ace responds after a long moment.

ACE (text): I liked that you didn't complain when I fucked your throat. But I already knew that you wouldn't.

Cyra blushes when she reads the text. She's about to type a response when the door opens.

Erik walks in and glances around the room.

ERIK: You shouldn't leave your door unlocked.

CYRA: I don't, I just didn't wanna answer it when you got here.

Erik doesn't respond. Instead, he sits down on Cyra's bed.

ERIK: Well?

Cyra sighs and leans her head back against the mattress.

CYRA: I hope you'll trust me when I say that I didn't fuck Rhett to try and get back at you.

ERIK: And yet you still had no problem rubbing it in my face when you saw that I was upset about it.

CYRA: Okay. Yes, I was happy that it made you mad, but that wasn't my intention. And I'm sorry for rubbing it in your face. I was mad and trying to impress my friend.

ERIK: Hm.

Erik goes quiet for a moment.

ERIK: You're being surprisingly honest right now.

CYRA: I feel bad. And I want you to feel like you can trust me.

Erik sighs.

ERIK: Well, I don't know if I can trust you just yet, but I'll trust you on this one. And I'm sorry for calling you a slut.

Cyra holds up her fist and starts counting with her fingers as she speaks.

CYRA: And a skank. And a whore. And stupid. What else am I missing?

ERIK: Yeah, okay, I'm sorry for calling you all of those things too.

CYRA: Okay, I forgive you. You know, normally I would like to have a hot guy calling me all those things, but only if he's fucking me.

Erik frowns and huffs in frustration.

ERIK: There you go again.

CYRA: This is just how I am, Erik. You're going to have to get used to it.

Erik sighs.

ERIK: I'm willing to try. But you have to be willing to learn the songs that I wanna play.

CYRA: Right. About that...

Cyra turns her neck to look at Erik directly.

CYRA: I went and listened to some more Ghost songs, and I found quite a lot that I actually liked. I just didn't like that one song that you wanted me to learn. I wanted to ask if you guys know how to play other Ghost songs besides that one. I know they're your favorite band so I didn't want to just brush them off.

ERIK: Hm... I guess that could work. Which songs were you thinking?

CYRA: Well, Square Hammer is pretty popular. Can you play that one?

ERIK: We can. Do you know the lyrics?

Cyra nods.

CYRA: Mhm! Let's swap that one in instead. The rest of the set list is fine as it is. What do you think?

Cyra smiles at Erik and he can't help but smile back at her.

ERIK: Okay fine. We'll do Square Hammer instead.

CYRA: Yay!

Cyra's phone buzzes and she quickly snatches it up to read the message, assuming it's Ace. Erik notices her sudden enthusiasm.

ERIK: Who are you texting?

CYRA: This guy named Ace. He's friends with Roman.

ERIK: The music prof?

CYRA: Yep.

Cyra giggles when she reads Ace's text, which we don't see.

ERIK: What are you getting all giggly about?

CYRA: Ace says I'm bad at giving blowjobs.

Erik laughs.

ERIK: Well? Are you?

Cyra looks at Erik and smiles.

CYRA: I don't know. I think I need a second opinion~

Erik rolls his eyes and stands up.

ERIK: Well, good luck with that. I'm gonna go.

Cyra snickers as Erik walks toward the door.

ERIK: Remember we're doing practice in the afternoon today. We need to be ready for the show tonight.

Cyra holds up an "ok" sign with her hand.

CYRA: I'll be there! Wouldn't wanna be square.

Scene 2: came to my show

(Scene title by 100 gecs)

INT. Bar - Night

Roman walks into a dimly lit bar alone. The bar is pretty crowded but Roman manages to make his way through with ease. He walks up to the stage where Cyra's band is doing sound check. Cyra notices him right away and rushes over to talk to him.

CYRA: You actually showed up!

ROMAN: I told you I would.

CYRA: Yeah but that was before I yelled at you in front of your class.

ROMAN: You're gonna have to do more than that to piss me off, Cyra. And besides, if what you say is true then I wanna hear all about it.

CYRA: Oh I'll tell you.

ERIK: Cyra!

Cyra whips her head around when Erik calls her name.

ERIK: We're starting in, like, ten. Hi Roman!

Erik waves and Roman waves back. Cyra turns back to talk to Roman.

CYRA: I would say "enjoy the show" but I already know that you will.

ROMAN: Don't disappoint me, Cyra.

Cyra winks at Roman and goes back to her band. She goes straight to Erik.

CYRA: I have an apology gift for you, but only if you want it. If you don't, I won't be offended.

ERIK: What is it?

Cyra takes a step closer to Erik and holds out her fist, opening it to reveal a few pills. Erik raises an eyebrow at her.

ERIK: Drugs?

CYRA: Molly. I know you've done it before so I figured it was your kind of thing.

Erik doesn't respond verbally. Instead, he just takes the pills from Cyra's hand.

ERIK: I'm assuming you had some too?

CYRA: Mhm! When I went into the bathroom.

ERIK: I'll be back before the show starts.

Erik sets his guitar down and hurries off the stage. Cyra smiles at Rhett.

CYRA: Thanks for the gift idea!

Rhett holds up an "ok" sign with his hand and clicks his tongue.

Scene 3: Square Hammer

(Scene title by Ghost)

INT. Bar - Night

We open with a shot of Erik playing the opening guitar riff to "Square Hammer" by Ghost, then a shot of Rhett bringing in the drum beat.

We see Roman sitting at a high table by himself, moving his head to the beat.

Cyra sways on the stage until the lyrics begin.

CYRA (singing): Living in the night

'Neath heaven's torn asunder

You call on me to solve a crooked rhyme

As Cyra performs the first few lyrics, she leans forward, bending her knees together and pushing her feet apart. She sways her top half in a seductive, snake-like way.

CYRA (singing): As I'm closing in

Imposing on your slumber

You call on me as bells begin to chime

Cyra stands up straight again and winds her hips to the guitar riff. When the chorus begins she holds the mic with both hands and leans forward to sing.

CYRA (singing): Are you on the square?

Are you on the level?

Cyra stands back up and stretches out her left hand behind her. She slowly does a back-bend, hanging her head toward the audience.

CYRA (singing): Are you ready to swear right here right now

Before the devil

Cyra rolls her eyes up and rolls her head around when she sings "devil". She then stands back up and spins around to face the audience.

CYRA (singing): That you're on the square

That you're on the level

That you're ready to stand right here right now

Right here right now

As the short guitar riff plays, Cyra runs over to the drum set and quickly sits on Rhett's lap. Rhett lifts his arms at the exact time Cyra steps in front of him. It is obvious that they practiced this.

Cyra leans forward and sits up so the audience can still see her face when the second verse begins.

CYRA (singing): Hiding from the light

Sacrificing nothing

Still you call on me for entrance to the shrine

During the guitar riff, Cyra leans back against Rhett. She tilts her chin up and rests the back of her head on his shoulder. She uses her free hand to grab Rhett's hair behind his head.

We see a quick shot of Roman craning his neck to try to get a better view.

CYRA (singing): Hammering the nails

Into a sacred coffin

You call on me for powers clandestine

Cyra hops off Rhett's lap just as quickly as she got on and hurries over to Erik. She drops to her knees in front of him just in time for the chorus.

CYRA (singing): Are you on the square?

Are you on the level?

Are you ready to swear right here right now

Before the devil

Cyra gestures to Erik with her finger, holding her hand high enough so the audience can see. Erik smirks at her and steps forward, planting his boots on either side of Cyra's thighs. Cyra dramatically leans back to make room for his guitar.

CYRA (singing): That you're on the square

That you're on the level

That you're ready to stand right here right now

Right here right now

Cyra pumps her fist on the second "right here right now". Erik steps back, allowing Cyra to flip around and stand up again.

During the instrumental, Cyra dances around the stage, headbanging and pumping her fists. When Erik plays the guitar riff, she whips her head around in circles, her hair flying around.

Cyra keeps dancing and headbanging until the instrumental comes to an end. Just before it ends though, she stands still in the middle of the stage, away from the audience. As soon as Rhett starts the drum beat again, Cyra backflips and turns around to face the audience again. This makes the crowd cheer with excitement.

CYRA (singing): Are you on the square?

Are you on the level?

Are you ready to swear right here right now

Before the devil

Cyra jumps around as she sings, feeding the audience's excitement. She occasionally leans forward to sing to specific audience members.

CYRA (singing): That you're on the square

That you're on the level

That you're ready to stand right here right now

Right here right now

Right here right now

Right here right now

Right here right now

Right here right now

Cyra does another back-bend to sing the final "right here right now". She holds the pose for a bit while the audience applauds.

Scene 4: Molly

(Scene title by Mindless Self Indulgence)

INT. Bar - Night

Cyra is standing at Roman's table, leaning her elbows on it. Roman has a beer on the table in front of him.

ROMAN: That was quite the opening performance. I didn't know you could do a backflip.

CYRA: I've been doing both gymnastics and dance for, like, my entire life.

ROMAN: That explains all the back-bends. One day you'll have to come show me how flexible you can be.

Roman takes a swig of his beer. Cyra's expression turns conflicted. She frowns but she's biting her lip at the same time.

CYRA: I'm still mad at you.

ROMAN: Then why are you looking at me like that?

CYRA: Because I'm on drugs.

ROMAN: You're doing drugs without me?

Cyra shrugs.

CYRA: I didn't have enough left to share.

Roman laughs.

ROMAN: I'm mostly joking. And by the way, I don't care if you're still mad at me. I'm not apologizing. For anything I've done to you. Because I'm not sorry.

CYRA: Yeah, yeah. You told me that last time we talked.

Roman laughs and takes another drink.

CYRA: I'm not afraid of you.

ROMAN: You will be.

Roman nods past Cyra.

ROMAN: Your friend's coming.

Cyra turns her head and sees Erik walking up to her.

CYRA: Hi.

Erik wraps his arms around Cyra from behind and puts his chin on her shoulder.

ERIK: I'm, like, so high...

Cyra smiles.

CYRA: I only ever buy the expensive stuff. So it might be a little stronger than you're used to.

Cyra wraps her arm around Erik's head and tangles her fingers in his hair. Erik shivers and sighs heavily.

ROMAN: I heard you two had a fight.

CYRA: I think we're gonna be fine now.

Cyra's eyes roll up as Erik slides his hands under her tank top.

ROMAN: Genius solution, Cyra.

CYRA: Mm... Wasn't my idea. Okay, we need to go back to your dorm, Erik.

Erik lifts his head, eyes dazed.

ERIK: Ugh...

ROMAN: Do you kids need a ride back? You probably shouldn't walk back like this.

Cyra points at Roman's beer.

CYRA: How many have you had?

ROMAN: This is my second. I don't have to finish it if you wanna leave now.

Cyra nods, trying to ignore Erik's hands roaming her body.

CYRA: Okay. We gotta find Rhett first.

Scene 5: Backseat

(Scene title by New Boyz)

INT. Roman's car - Night

Roman starts the car. Rhett sits in the passenger seat and closes the door.

ROMAN: Get in the car, you two!

Cyra and Erik fall into the backseat, unable to take their hands off each other. Cyra, being pinned to the seat, makes a lame effort to close the car door.

CYRA: Erik, you have to close the doooor!

Erik groans in annoyance and sits up to close the door behind him. He immediately falls back on top of Cyra.

ROMAN: Seatbelts?

ERIK: Not happening.

ROMAN: Yeah, I didn't think so.

Roman pulls the gear shift and starts driving. He glances at Rhett as he pulls out of the parking spot.

ROMAN: Weren't they fighting because you fucked her?

RHETT: Yeah.

ROMAN: And now...

Roman points his thumb at the backseat. Erik and Cyra are aggressively making out, ignoring the conversation.

Rhett shrugs.

RHETT: I don't know, man. I'm high as shit. I don't care.

ROMAN: Eh, you shouldn't care anyway. Cyra's a slut. Right, Cyra?

CYRA: Huh?

Roman turns his head and raises his voice so she can hear him.

ROMAN: You're a slut who will suck anyone's dick just to get her crush's phone number. Right?

Cyra holds up her middle finger at Roman. She stares up at him while Erik has his face buried in her neck.

CYRA: You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?

Rhett laughs, not entirely sure of what they're talking about.

ROMAN: Nope.

Cyra rolls her eyes and goes back to kissing Erik.

[ghosttownaz]

Unwrapping Easter Eggs: Hip Hop's Hidden Treasures

As the sun sits high in the sky on this Easter Sunday, it's not just chocolate eggs that we're hunting for. In the world of hip hop, there's a different kind of treasure waiting to be discovered—Easter eggs hidden within the beats and lyrics of our favorite tracks.

For those unfamiliar with the term, "Easter eggs" are subtle nods, references, or hidden messages deliberately placed by artists for attentive listeners to uncover. Much like a scavenger hunt, these musical Easter eggs add an extra layer of depth and intrigue to the listening experience. In the realm of hip hop, artists have mastered the art of planting Easter eggs, making every verse, every beat drop, and every sample choice an opportunity for fans to uncover something new. From clever wordplay to obscure samples, here are some notable examples of Easter eggs in hip hop that have left fans scratching their heads or nodding in appreciation.

1. Kanye West's "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" Artwork

Let's start with an Easter egg that's hiding in plain sight. On the cover of Kanye West's magnum opus, "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy," there's a plethora of imagery to unpack. But one detail that often goes unnoticed is the painting in the background. If you look closely, you'll see that it depicts a fantastical scene filled with various characters from Kanye's career and personal life, each symbolizing different aspects of his psyche and journey as an artist.

2. Childish Gambino's "Because the Internet" Hidden Messages

Donald Glover, also known as Childish Gambino, is a master of incorporating hidden messages into his work, and "Because the Internet" is no exception. Throughout the album and its accompanying screenplay, Glover weaves a complex narrative that blurs the lines between reality and fiction. One particularly intriguing Easter egg is the use of hidden URLs and codes scattered throughout the project, leading fans down a rabbit hole of online mysteries and interactive storytelling.

3. OutKast's "Aquemini" Zodiac References

OutKast's masterpiece "Aquemini" is filled with astrological references that add an extra layer of depth to the album's themes of introspection and self-discovery. From the title itself, which combines the zodiac signs of Andre 3000 (Aquarius) and Big Boi (Gemini), to the lyrical references to astrology throughout the tracks, OutKast invites listeners to explore the celestial influences that shape their music and identities.

4. Missy Elliott's Visual Metaphors

Missy Elliott is renowned for her innovative music videos, which are filled with visual metaphors and hidden meanings. One of the most notable Easter eggs in her video for "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)" is the use of fish-eye lens distortion, which serves as a metaphor for the warped perception of reality in the music industry. Through her visual storytelling, Missy challenges viewers to look beyond the surface and uncover the deeper messages encoded within her art.

5. Kendrick Lamar's "To Pimp a Butterfly" Poetic Transitions

Kendrick Lamar is known for his intricate lyricism and attention to detail, and "To Pimp a Butterfly" is no exception. Throughout the album, Kendrick weaves a narrative that transcends individual tracks, connecting them through recurring motifs and themes. One particularly subtle Easter egg is the transition between tracks like "For Free?" and "King Kunta," where the final words of one song seamlessly flow into the next, creating a continuous stream of consciousness that mirrors the album's overarching message.

6. J Dilla's Signature Drum Patterns

J Dilla, the legendary producer known for his pioneering work in the realm of underground hip hop, was a master of hiding Easter eggs within his beats. One of his trademark techniques was subtly incorporating his initials, "JD," into his drum patterns. Listen closely to tracks like "Donuts," and you'll hear intricate rhythms that spell out his name, a testament to his unparalleled creativity and attention to detail.

7. MF DOOM's Masked Persona

MF DOOM, the enigmatic rapper and producer, crafted a persona shrouded in mystery and intrigue. One of the most enduring Easter eggs in his music is the use of comic book references and supervillain imagery, with his signature metal mask serving as a symbol of his alter ego. Throughout his discography, DOOM peppers his lyrics with references to comic book lore, inviting listeners to delve deeper into the mythology he's created.

As we celebrate Easter today, let's not forget to appreciate the hidden treasures waiting to be uncovered in the world of hip hop. From clever wordplay to subtle references, these Easter eggs enrich our listening experience and remind us of the boundless creativity within the genre. So, grab your headphones, embark on a musical scavenger hunt, and see what hidden gems you can unearth beneath the surface of your favorite tracks. Happy hunting, hip hop heads!

By: Steven Sandage