#the thing about psych is that every concentration has jobs that sound cool in theory but suck as soon as you think about them for 2 seconds

[phannibal]

girl they are not going to invent a new concentration of psychology that you magically love. submit your damn applications

[nae-maeum]

Criminal Minds...so...just finished the much anticipated and eagerly awaited first episode and lords wherever do I start?? For a show that has original content to refer back to, they did a damn fine job of utterly screwing up everything. As a huge fan of the original Criminal Minds, goodness me, I couldn’t even get past the first five minutes without needing to pause to take a minute to get past the cringe...not the good cringe either, but the “what are you doing did you even do any research like even an inkling of research how can it be so bad from the start” cringe.

I will say this though, there are two good things the drama has going for itself; the first is Lee Joon Gi because his character makes sense and his acting was on point (ish...for the most part, plus I’ll forgive him because well it’s him) and the OST, because omg that song totally captured the mood of a criminal investigation, the star of that first episode indeed.

Oh, also, the overarching mystery/criminal arc sounds really interesting; I just don’t know if I’ll be watching it when that serial killer comes back on the scene, but the killer’s signature is really cool and could make for an epic re-introduction.

But overall, it completely lacked the elements of a good crime drama; there was no suspense, no thrill, nothing; I felt nothing watching it, it was flat from the beginning to end, not a good sign for the rest of the drama.

Warning: major shit post ahead because I cannot go to bed without ranting about the fatal, fatal flaws in this show that would have otherwise been forgiven had they not occurred every two minutes. A very thorough and detailed rant at that as well. 

Before I rip apart that episode, how about we talk a little bit about the characters. If they were going to be so blatant and try to replicate the original characters, they should have put a concentrated effort into making sure that they achieved the characterization. Overall, not one member of the team showed any “profiling” ability and the lack of explanation and train of thought behind the profiling was annoying as hell; especially considering that their so-called “profile” was literally changing scene to scene and there was no evidence to prove their profile right. On top of that, the chemistry among the team, non-existent, period; their group dynamic was just so awkward and watching them work together was just painful, absolutely painful.

Na Na Hwang, aka “Garcia” and her 30 seconds, waah, let’s just not even start in on her because her character is the one that pisses me off the most; Garcia is much beloved in the original series and either the writers or the actress were unable to capture the essence of what made Garcia “Garcia” - just nope and her lack of presence in the episode was just annoying too, great, you’ve got a genius hacker at your service but you don’t use her at all, yup, much sense.

Kang Ki Hyung, aka “Hotch” - first of all, what was with that random flashback to the bombing while he was at the hospital? Did anyone notice a trigger that my sister and I didn’t? The purpose of that flashback at that point was...? Also, the fact that he, like Hotch, has a son and, well, a wife, makes me wonder if they’ll be following Hotch’s story-line in the original series and if so, there had better be more scenes with the son delving more into their, how do i say it...protocol? (I don’t want to give any spoilers) The least he could do was have chemistry with his family, but wow, it was even more awkward than the team dynamic; Hotch was always able to figure out or glean the situation at hand, it’s a occupational hazard, so Ki Hyung’s inability to even profile his wife was just lame.

Ha Sun Woo - No real complaint I guess...other than her profiling of Kim Hyun Joon was so forced and glaringly lacking, but seeing the profiling that followed, I’d have to say it was her best attempt. Also, I just adore how she went after Ma Hyun Tae herself, bravo. 

Yoo Min Young, aka “JJ” - hmm, didn’t see that hint of motherly affection and JJ’s famous empathy at all and, as I will talk about later, has absolutely 0 profiling skills apparently; forget profiling skills, 0 detective skills.

Lee Han, aka “Reid” - Ah, Lee Han...I’m even more critical because Reid is by far my favorite character and I just adore him so and wow Lee Han you were an epic fail. For someone with an IQ of 187 and a doctorate in medicine and psychology, you sure played the part of stupid amazingly well. Again, more on this later, because wow, IQ 187...I’m just at a loss for words.

Again, the team dynamic, awkward, awkward, awkward, and throughout the episode they showed their utter incapability of being profilers, especially before Kan Ki Hyung returned. I wonder if the writers even watched the original series, even a few episodes would have been enough because their depiction of characters and their jobs was just so poorly done; was it too much to even ask that they get consultation from actual psychologists or profilers too? The show just showed a blatant disregard to the profession and just had an overall air of laziness to it.

Now, let’s get into plot points - I can forgive bad acting so long as the plot is good, but here we have a prime specimen of an instance where not only is there bad acting, but a flawed and messy plot.

The bombing incident at the start - Mr. IQ 187, let me tell you a little something about bombs, no bomber makes it simple to disable their bomb so multiple lines are only to be expected and furthermore, the bomb squad is full of highly trained specialists who, if there is a known prototype, have more likely than not actually worked to learn to dismantle it because, after all, it is in very rare instances you’ll find a bomber willing to guide you through a step by step process of how to stop their bomb from detonating; if only criminals were so nice.  Also, what was the rationale behind figuring out where his burn came from and, honestly, standing ovation Ki Hyung, you figured out the bomber was lying to you on how to dismantle his bomb, obviously the non-effect cutting the white line had wasn’t a dead giveaway. And lastly, what was the Commissioner or whoever the guy in the official looking uniform was, doing at the scene and why have a department specialized in understanding criminals if you’re not going to listen to them? This whole incident was the gateway to giving Hyun Joon his tragic backstory and prejudice against profilers, but it was sloppily done and just flaw after flaw.

The profiling method - there is no geographical analysis, no victim analysis and the search for a commonality was meh. How can you profile a suspect if you don’t analyze the bigger picture, try to find out the motives or the psyche? Literally, just watching one episode of the original show would have provided the writers with a comprehensive overview of the logic and method that is utilized to profile. There is a thorough lack of connection between the evidence and the profile and at no point did the profile even match the actual killer, which just makes the whole point of the drama revolving around a group of profilers redundant.

Mr. IQ of 187, do you really need to question if the killer is guilty? I would think a doctorate in psychology would more than equip you with the tools to help understand the why behind the actions of the killer. Also, wow, DID, and your thought process behind that was? If this was the 5th murder and there was no sign of DID previously, STOP JUST SHOVING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING INTO YOUR PROFILE! LOGIC PLEASE! 

Also, how did Ki Hyung figure out there was a missing victim that was overlooked? The lack of explanation about anything at all was just a piss-off, half the time new information is revealed at a later time (like the sexual assault, my sister and I had spent a good few minutes trying to understand why Lee Han would mention the clothes on the victim when there was no obvious purpose behind the statement), which only adds to the confusion when trying to comprehend the logic and it only reinforced to me the idea that the writers were lazy and just half-assed their script.

And that profile, bravo, honestly just wow Ki Hyung. You figured out the suspect’s height and body shape out of thin air all miraculous like; you’ve no image of the suspect, no footprint to estimate the height from, you know nothing about how the suspect actually disposes his victim’s to guess his build, but I guess you don’t need that because you’re psychic. If only there were people like you who existed in the real world, imagine all the killers who would be caught if we had your skills. Also, does Ki Hyung realize the disjoint between having a job where the suspect works alone to possibly being a salesman? I didn’t realize salesmen worked alone. At what point in their investigation did the team glean that the suspect had paranoia; nothing in his behavior, victimology, anything at all point to this trait. Also, amazing to see that he goes from having family, but ignoring them to having a trauma related to his dead parents, which is it Ki Hyung, he can’t have both. Their profile on the suspect lacked any substantial explanation about the suspect’s behaviour and lacked any clear sense of direction on how to narrow down their suspect list, it’s amazing they were able to narrow it down to one; again, sheer brilliance. 

Also, note to the writers, once an arsonist always an arsonist. Don’t just spew theories for the sake of wanting to sound smart; if the suspect might have committed arson in the past, there would be signs of fire being involved because arsonists derive pleasure from the flames and that urge/instinct does not just disappear. Psychopaths also usually have a history of abusing and mutilating animals in their youth, petty crime and things like car theft make not a killer. 

For a smart killer, he sure chose the most opportune time of striking Na Young just as she was answering her phone. Also, his paranoia was most evident when he oh so easily went down in response to the “Oops I’m sorry I bumped your car” call. If he were paranoid he’d either let it go or ask to leave your contact info on the car, not go down personally, but hey, accuracy of profiles obviously don’t matter in this drama, so long as they catch their bad guy.

And now we come to my absolute favorite part; Mr. IQ of 187 strikes again with his oh so insightful comment of “But this doesn’t look like the room of a murderer!” What were you expecting? Weapons everywhere? Blood stains abound? His victim wrapped up for you neatly in the corner? Really? Really? Good to know a doctorate imparts such wisdom, glad I’ve decided not to pursue a PhD, doesn’t seem to be worth much. This insightful exclamation was then following by his ability to analyze the suspect through his Baduk board, wow. And yes, Min Young, the smart killer who’s evaded capture for 5 murders just neatly and nicely left you his password on a sticky note by his computer; it really is that simple. Who’d have thought you had a tech genius on your side in the form of Na Hwang; someone who should be able to easily help you gain access to the computer? Oh look writers, your poor planning is showing.

To cap of this disaster of an episode, a sudden interest in Ki Hyung is expressed by the victim oh so randomly and 100 to 1, the mastermind is the parole officer. At the very least writers, if anything else, you could build the suspense up better, at least have an itch to know the end of this case be a going factor for you, but nope. There was absolutely no thrill, no suspense, no gasp worthy moments in this episode and I think this will be a re-occurring theme throughout the 20 episodes. Oh what fun to look forward to.