#the thing about adhd is that its so annoying in like every capacity

[verved]

I hate adhd so much. My brain finally is letting me want to think about dbh again so I'm trying to imagine a little scenario to drift off to sleep to but bc I was watching King of the hill earlier, the name hank is making the wrong neurons fire so now Peggy is just there having a suburban Texan mom moment instead. Peggy I love you but please get out of there this is Connor Time. Please.

[lousyfuckingratboy]

i'm so irritated with my housemate atm. she has all these habits that would probably be fine in small bursts but i just see her way too often so i'm just at capacity with her shit already with every interaction. like if she doesn't find something entertaining for about 20 seconds she does a big performative sigh. every time she does it my eye twitches.. like fair enough she has hyperactive adhd and autism, i try to take this into account and recalibrate my reactions, but sometimes annoying is just annoying. she finds long (more than a few sentences) conversations boring unless she has a strong opinion (and if she does she gets very bluntly defensive about her stance). if youre not able to keep what you're saying to under 2 lines or target her specific interests or keep it moving with light banter - she changes the subject to vacuous bullshit. but if you let it go quiet for 10 seconds *ssssiiiiigggghhh*. She just wants everything to be light and funny all the time and its so obnoxious and childish and it makes me feel like such an old joykill bitch- even though to not make things awkward i, and it seems everyone around her, try constantly to take her need for engagement into account. i was on the train with her today and she kept poking and trying to start thumb wars with her sister while she was trying to have an actual conversation. girl you are 20 years old this isn't as cute as you think it is... like, being childish sometimes is fine but acting like this 100% of the time we're not talking about your particular interests is just fucking unbearable. learn to cope with your shit yourself we're not your fucking stim toys. jesus.

[probablypretentiousposts]

10/02/2021

This is just a test to see if I can actually still type what I’m thinking, and to see how scattered my thoughts have become. It’s nice to see that my keyboard typing skills seem to be fairly decent, despite not having used a keyboard since living in Milwaukee, almost 3 years ago now. It will probably have several grammatical errors, and won’t follow a clear format. Certainly, my “paragraphs” will be more vague nods to what could be paragraphs, if I were paying attention or actually trying to… try. Ah, how eloquent.  My ability to articulate what I’d like to say has deteriorated extensively while living in Sault Sainte Marie.

Today has been a waste of my time and mental capacity. I woke up and couldn’t get myself moving. They weather has been dreary all day and I can’t seem to bring myself to doing much when the weather is like this. It’s humid, cold outside, but for some reason still muggy and warm in the house. I haven’t felt like myself in ages. I miss who I was. I seem to be reverting back to the type of person I was back when I was a teenager, albeit more informed and aware of my own biases. Coulter is the only redeeming thing about living in Sault Sainte Marie. I always thought I would be able to live anywhere, but after years of my adulthood spent finding exactly the type of environment and people I like to be around, I realized I no longer have the type of mental resiliency against frustrating people that I used to possess… the type of resiliency I had to form to deal with people when I was a teenager going to a private school full of spoiled, wealthy kids, but even that place had several people in it that I could turn to. I know I’ve drunkenly complained about this time and time again to Coulter and mom on the phone, but since there is no progression on anything getting any better, I continue to be frustrated. How to make the situation better is excessively frustrating by itself. In order for me to not feel fatigued and trapped in this place, I need proof that there are some likeminded individuals living here. In order to do that, I need to go out and actually talk to people. However, each time I do so, it works instead in the opposite manner, proving to me once again that Coulter and I are outsiders that do not belong in an environment like this.

What a bouncing mess of a… whatever you would call this. My thoughts run all over the place; one thought leading to a million other things and finally landing on some slightly adjacent, but seemingly random concept. I also feel like my ADHD has become significantly worse, but I always feel so guilty for taking medicine for it; especially because it makes me more talkative, also known as more annoying or unable to shut the fuck up. I often become paralyzed when trying to accomplish things, because, “What if there was a more efficient way to accomplish these tasks?”

Sit and think about how to more efficiently tackle your “to do” list.

Maybe you should make a physical list and rearrange it after you can visually see all your tasks

No, that will be a waste of paper. I can do it in my head

But you aren’t accomplishing anything like that so clearly you can’t.

I always used to be able to do this.

Well, you’re unable to remember anything anymore. You have to write things down.

I’m. wasting. Time. I’m wasting paper. I’m wasting energy. I’m a waste. Oh, God. Here I go again. I’m doing fine if I don’t think about anything that’s actually bothering me. But everything bothers me. The way the carpet smells despite my attempts to deep clean it, how uncomfortable the couch is, how long it takes me to wash my hair, how long it takes my hair to dry once its washed, they way it looks if it air dries instead of me blow drying it, how my skin hasn’t looked good in years and I can’t tell if it’s because of this place or because of aging, not being certain about how well the cats actually get along, the way the soil is here, all of the mosquitoes that never let me enjoy the outdoors here the way I was able to back home, my inability to see in dim lighting and the fact that the natural light in this house is horrible, the way the house never feels clean no matter how much I scrub every inch of it, not being able to put my plants where I want them because the new cat will chew on them, having a lawn and garden to take care of, that won’t be mine in less than two years, but still putting so much money and time into it because I want it to look nice, not having any idea of what I look like because my body dysmorphia seems to have gotten worse, every effort I make feeling futile, feeling old and still feeling immature at the same time, how petrified I am of large expenses, how I want to go back to college but I can’t bring myself to talk to anyone about it, my fear of failure, politics, the future of humanity, my pessimism, how my attempts at positivity always feel like I’m being a hypocritical liar, being so fucking afraid of every god damn thing except for the things I should be afraid of, and the fact that this list is endless.

Am I annoying all of my friends back home? Do I not talk to them enough?  How can I talk with them when there’s nothing going on in my life, and therefore there’s nothing to say? I’d like to call them but no one talks on the phone anymore, and they are busy. I wouldn’t want to call at an inconvenient time and setting up a time to talk seems like an inconvenience itself. I can’t bring up all of this because it’s not fair to them to burden them with all of this. How are they supposed to respond to this shit, as a friend? Say, “I’m here for you if you need anything,” knowing full well I’ll never reach out to them because I don’t want to ruin the time I have with them or bog down their day?  If I post this I’m just doing it for attention and unfairly making people feel like they should reach out, even though, as I’ve stated before, if they reach out I won’t be able to talk about anything because I don’t want to burden them.  They all have had so much happen in their lives, they are busy and actually being responsible adults.  If I don’t post this I’m just being a dumb child ranting in a diary and, once again, accomplishing nothing.

I’m fatigued, all the time.  I just want to rest.

[anodetodaphne]

Looking at old pictures will always be my favorite past time. I don't have many, and honestly, my teenhood photos have seemingly disappeared, but occasionally I'll come across a childhood photo, or a photo only a decade old and time travel into the moment it was captured. The warm feeling of remembering washes over me & I realize, every time, how much of a gift remembering is.

I have lost myself so many times and found myself again thanks to the photographs that act as breadcrumbs I left behind for me to guide me back to me. Back home.

A single photograph unlocks scents, has background music, cues voices, displays color tones & background conversations. Feelings that live safely in the moment captured swarm out and around me like butterflies and I just...live for a moment. Looking at my old, salvaged pictures recently is helping me during postpartum depression, more than anything. I take vitamins, I read all the self help books, I have a therapist and I keep busy but none of that seems to quell the density of these lost and alone feelings I have. The grief. The ache of shedding and being reborn. It's a disenfranchised grief to miss who you were before your life drastically changes. No one talks about THAT part, and I think it's because many don't know what IT is. When I went thru postpartum the first time, it was the absence of identity that sent me into a fucking tilt a whirl psychosis of sorts. I lost myself, and didn't know how to embrace the new me. All I knew was what the new me didn't like, and that she was tired, cranky and really only had the capacity for her kids. Everyone else was annoying as fuck. Like...alright...imagine you are hella far in a video game. You've beaten hella levels, you're pretty much done, and you're elated, comfortable, coasting...then all of the sudden, something happens to the system console thingy and your shit is wiped. All of it. All the progress, all the time, energy, focus and all those bosses you defeated, all the secret levels, all the fucking golden spatulas you earned are back at square one, square zilch (word to Battle for Bikini Bottom, it's my son's shit right now). It just fucking destroys you for a bit, yeah? Well, that's what pregnancy and birth does to a woman's system. I wasn't prepared for that. I thought, "Elysse is having a baby, and when baby comes, Elysse (the elysse I've always known) will raise said baby and this will be great." No one told me that when I birth a life, one is taken too. You hear that saying but you don't realize that the person that dies is YOU. Scientists call it hormonal fluctuations, severe mood swings, etc. and I call it ego death. Identity theft. My egos do not die swiftly either, it's like they choose to fight + suffer. Lol Some women can handle that sort of thing but I...I was not one of them. I grieved then, and I grieve now. I grieve because I miss me, just a little. A lottle. I'm always sad these days. These stupid ass hormones got me acting really fucking batty and I'm embarrassed, so I just hide. I keep reaching out for myself and no one is grabbing me back. I'm just, not there anymore. I can't get into my body, I can't feel my joy. Every attempt at feeling it, creating it, capturing it, seems to be thwarted by something out of my control and I just feel defeated more than anything. All I feel are the emotions I've attributed to emptiness and unfortunately, those feelings aren't balanced. They are weighted heavily on the side of angry, and sad. (Disclaimer, my kids are worth every bit of this writhing pain because I bred pure excellence ❤️ I adore my babies, I just can't feel joy outside of them).

So back to old pictures, LOL (this bipolar adhd shit can send me on a tangent fastly), looking at old pictures has been helping me rebuild this new version of me. The memories these photographs have good bones, my foundation is felt within each photo. I feel like I'm interviewing old friends, asking "what was she like? what did she love? what were her fears, and ambitions? where was she harmful? when was she most natural?" To be asking myself this pertaining to myself is a shroom trip all on its own. Each photograph has been a comfort sorely needed, because I don't have friends here to remind me, and all of my family lives so separate and are at odds with eachother. This tumblr has also been useful; I have old written works that have left me with some important things to apply to this new person I am becoming. I wish to become more of who I am, and less of someone I think I should be. Interestingly enough, I disappoint myself and others by trying to be someone I'm not, even though I constantly engineer versions of myself that cater to the needs of others. Lol I guess that shit doesn't work as an adult does it?

I know my kids need me, my partner needs me, but more importantly, I need me. Cheers to more old photos, remembering and feeling less fear; more hope and less grief. I'm gunna feel how I feel, and mourn when the waves hit..but I'm going to keep on building until I can feel myself. I know I'm around here somewhere, I can't be too far. When I have stepped into myself, I know I'll be leaving behind more breadcrumbs in case I get lost...and I'm gunna make sure all of the photos will be filled with beauty, so they will help me connect to myself more seamlessly the next time I might lose myself in depression again.

[drashleighreid]

not to be annoying as always about bringing this up but honestly being diagnosed with adhd has been like, so good and bad at the same time. its good because i notice a difference when im medicated, especially when my life isnt totally chaotic aka week 11, and its helped me a lot to become a functional human being and change certain behaviours. im definitely more on top of my day to day life like cleaniness and organisation and its been great for that. 

but also just like ?? acknowledging that its a part of me, and an undeniable truth is actually so hard? and this really is just a personal thing because im sure everyone experiences it differently. idk. but its just so hard because i’ve always been an extremely ambitious person, probably to a really unhealthy degree. i cant chill out, i cant accept mediocrity in myself or my life ive always had ridiculous goals for myself and feel like a failure if i dont do something really well. and its just ?? so unbelievably difficult to accept that i just? cant work to a certain standard without completely burning myself out. this sounds so defeatist, but its so hard to accept that i probably wont ever accomplish my dreams or be the person i want to be because im just not equipped to get there. 

i feel like all of my peers and everyone i know are out here juggling a full course load, a job, a social life, are dating people, have hobbies, etc. etc. and i just wish i could be like that !

 i read this thing about the symptoms of adhd in adult women recently and actually started crying because literally every single one of them is me. and i know ive been diagnosed for a few months and have known but like it hardly hits home what it actually means and it really did when i was reading about all of your peers overtaking you, ‘spending most of your time coping’, just ‘feeling assaulted’ by day to day life, ‘impossible to meet the demands of life,’  ‘ Have     you watched others of equal intelligence and education pass you by? ‘ Do you feel that you have better ideas than other people but are unable to organize them or act on them?’ ‘Do you start each day determined to get organized, and end each day feeling defeated?, ‘Do you despair of ever fulfilling your potential and meeting your goals? ‘ Are  you clueless as to how others manage to lead consistent, regular lives?,  Have you ever been thought of as selfish because you don’t write thank-you  notes or send birthday cards?,  Are you called “a slob” or “spacey?” Are you “passing for normal?” Do you feel as if you are an impostor? Is all your time and energy taken up with coping, staying organized, and holding it together, with no time for fun or relaxation?’ 

theyre all SUCH a blatant attack on what the reality of my life is and its so shocking. 

im only taking 3 classes this semester and i can barely handle it and want to cry most of the time, i dont have a job, i dont have a social life, etc. etc. and i can barely handle life and am constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown lmao. and its just.. idk so hard to accept? that i just cant? handle things? i cant keep up conversations i cant have a schedule with doing work i cant maintain things and juggle things at all and in the industry im trying to go into im just a really undesirable candidate for doing anything because its all so much hard work and so much variable and you have to be extremely self motivated and im just not that and there are literal billions of people on this earth who are more equipped to. do things. than me. im never going to get there and trying to accept that without going off the deep end is actually really fucking hard because for my entire life my entire identity has been fixated on making something of myself and doing something phenomenal that affects change or impacts someone. or just. putting a lot of work into something,, just having a sense of accomplishment. and i just dont think im ever going to get there ?? and i dont know whether to keep fighting for it and stay this miserable at myself or to just work on my expectations because i really am just. mentally, pressed between two walls. no matter how hard i try im never going to have the mental capacity of other people so i just feel like im trapped in a box of yearning but incapability lmao. im never going to have friendships or relationships or make anything or do anything because im essentially ‘lazy’, even though i dont want to be and i try not to be. my brains just on fire at every moment of every day lmao and i dont know how to put it out. 

[antagonist-chan]

So, here’s a list of things that I spend waaaaaay too much time doing these days when I don’t even really enjoy doing them (at least not enough to justify how much time I spend on them), and have decided to try to cut down on so I have more time to work on things AND just enjoy life (though, unfortunately, breaking habits is HARD):

Checking on Danbooru (this one’s actually mostly been dealt with. I don’t check Danbooru’s front page for updates every ten minutes the way I did several months ago, and the way I had been doing since Spring of 2015. Now, I check my subscriptions and the first five pages of the “Pools” list exactly once a day, which is much more reasonable. The latter takes, like, three minutes, and the former takes, like, ten.)

Masturbating (sorry for this one being more NSFW, but this isn’t exactly a lewd post so I don’t think it belongs on my lewd blog. Now, this isn’t to say I don’t enjoy masturbation, but I have a tendency to make masturbation way more of a commitment than I need to (like, I end up feeling like every time I start masturbating, I absolutely HAVE to see it through to the end). Combine that with my fairly recent tendency to try and prolong masturbation sessions as much as possible (which I did NOT do when I first started masturbating, I really only started after a particularly long session sometime in high school), and my feelings of needing to masturbate whenever I seriously pay attention to porn in any capacity (which has probably always been a thing but has only started being problematic in the past few years because I didn’t used to be nearly as drenched in suggestive content) and masturbation ends up being way more of a time sink than it needs to be. Honestly, I think raising my standards a lot would help in that regard.)

Listening to music while I run around (I’ve been running around to think better my entire life, and I’m 90% certain it’s an ADHD thing, but I only started incorporating music into it around the tail end of 2013, when I was first starting my sophomore year of high school- and incorporating music into it made both running and listening to music much greater time sinks than either of them used to be, and when I tried running without music recently, I was surprised to realize that it brought me just about the same amount of satisfaction in far less time, AND also helped me appreciate my surroundings a bit more. Now, there are times when listening to music while running DOES greatly increase my enjoyment of the running session, I just need to remember that there are just as many times when listening to music does nothing but unnecessarily prolong it.)

Planning things (in elementary school, I found myself wanting to work on various things during class, but I couldn’t because I was, well, in class. So, I started planning��to work on those things instead, so that when I did have an opportunity to work on those, I’d get to it and get done quicker. I’ve been doing it ever since; in fact, I even do this planning when I AM capable of actually working on the art. In some ways, this was a good idea; in others, it was an absolute mistake that has ruined my ability to just live in the moment. I’ve heard that this is actually a common trap for artists with ADHD to fall into- to plan and plan and plan and plan and then never getting around to actually carrying out those plans. If you REALLY care about getting something done, DON’T plan too far ahead, because then you’ll just get discouraged about how much work there is to be done. Just do it and let things go how they go. Learning how to wing it is an important skill for ADHD people to learn.)

Overfilling my various To-Do Lists (I have my “Long-Term To-Do List” text file that I keep open at all times, my “Watch Later” playlist on YouTube, and my “Watch Later” folder in my Bookmarks. I frequently find myself going to the YouTube homepage and just adding a ton of random shit to my Watch Later playlist. I need to learn to fucking stop that because I’m consistently overwhelmed by how full said playlist gets. There are similar problems with the LT TD L and the Watch Later folder, though I have had great success with dealing with the LT TD L’s problems. I’ve also been teaching myself just how relieving it is to just delete things from my Watch Later folder en masse if I don’t actually know what they are, because the chances that they were actually somehow important are miniscule and trying to figure out what they are takes forever and pretty much never ends up being important. Unfortunately, I can’t do that as easily with my Watch Later playlist because YouTube makes deleting things from the playlist kinda annoying (deleting one thing is easy enough, but deleting even just five things is painful, so I kinda have to go through everything one at a time...). But I’m working on getting around that.)

Doing dumb timewasters (I get way too invested in timewasters. Now, timewasters are not inherently bad things- they’re specifically designed to stave off boredom. However, I am very rarely bored nowadays, and even when I am there are plenty of things that I should be working on... but I still spend an outrageous amount of time doing various timewasters, because I convinced myself that I need to “keep up” with them, that they’re somehow work, which is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. This one’s actually easy to deal with... but also slow. Because the issue is realizing that an activity I’m engaging in is a timewaster. But once I realize that something is a timewaster, stopping it is easy. Checking Danbo every ten minutes was such a notable timewaster that it got its own section.

I’m sure there are more, but coming up with more for this list would probably be a waste of time itself.

[bodizwonder]

ADHD could possibly be the key to the success of overachievers

ADHD is usually spoke about as one thing to take care of, however it may have sudden advantages. Photo: SIphotography

“Gary you’ll notice I use lots of analogies. I see images, so it’s how I describe. My conversation hasn’t been linear, have you noticed that?”

Jeremiah Hartman has consideration deficit hyperactivity dysfunction (ADHD) – however he dislikes the 2 d’s in that acronym: “They’re so sharp and negative.”

Like many with ADHD, Hartman sees the world with broad, stressed eyes – unconstrained by social etiquette. He interrupts me frequently however it’s extra intuitive than impolite; he is so engrossed, he precisely guesses the top of my questions earlier than I’ve requested 3 phrases of them.

Jeremiah Hartman has harnessed his ADHD right into a inventive software that has helped him succeed  Photo: Supplied

Transfer these traits to the office, and you’ll see the potential for battle or misunderstanding. But there’s not often requested query: might ADHD be chargeable for the success of undiagnosed high-achievers?

Language revealing creativity

Speaking to Hartman, 35, is a meandering tsunami of rapid-paced allure, eloquence and enthusiasm: the usage of my title to personalise our chat; his self-awareness; the care taken to make sure he is not complicated or shedding me. It’s probably the most partaking dialog I’ve had all week.

And probably the most vibrant: the analogies, as he warned, come thick and quick: like a ball held below water; (how he felt pre-diagnosis, which occurred at 27); a colourblind individual working in a paint store (how jobs not often fitted his particular skillset); like watching The Sixth Sense for the 2nd time (how analysis made him view his story and character ‘flaws’ in utterly completely different gentle); a drag automobile constructed solely to go quick and straight (how he feels in his job as an expert MC now).

The optimistic nickname

His unique similes and metaphors reveal an missed facet of ADHD: its optimistic points – with creativity being prime. Hartman’s imaginative diction has coined the optimistic nickname “ADDers,” which escapes these dreadful double d’s: It’s a pun, encouraging give attention to what individuals with ADD/ADHD add and contribute, reasonably than lamenting the drawbacks.

In earlier roles, Hartman was all the time the “colourblind painter.” Now he can use the “quick wit, high energy and enthusiasm” which made him unsuitable for sedentary workplace work, to be an MC who gees up audiences and smashes charity public sale fundraising targets.

Turning that frown the wrong way up

It generally is a change of mindset for a lot of ADDers: “At school, they may’ve been labeled lazy goofballs.” He – and plenty of different ADDers he is met via the help group he runs – show the alternative: “We bring flair and energy to any task. ADDers are morale boosters – we keep things interesting because of the unconventional way we work.”

“Eight hours is just a warm up”

Mark Brandtman, 60, was recognized with ADHD aged 40. It got here in spite of everything 3 of his kids had been recognized: “The pediatrician described my son and I thought, how do you know me so well?” A Deputy School Principal on the time, Brandman found a guide titled ‘You imply I am not lazy, loopy or silly?’ It was an epiphany: “That title nailed it. It was both comforting and confronting. I finally had an explanation.”

Brandtman speaks on the identical speedy tempo as Hartman: “Things like not picking up on social cues were explained. In the workplace, we might annoy colleagues but can’t put our finger on why. Colleagues often think it’s deliberate.”

The work ethic of an ADDer, although, may be formidable: “For 17 years I worked 8am – 7pm, six days a week – in the military and then as a teacher. Eight hours a day is just a warmup for those with ADHD, when they’re using their energy to do what they’re passionate about.”

Fidget spinners had been hailed as a therapy for these with ADHD, however there isn’t any scientific proof it has any advantages. Photo: Brook Mitchell

The scale

At the final census, 6.8 per cent of Australians had been recognized with ADHD.

In a current BBC Horizon episode, ADHD and Me, impressionist Rory Bremner was recognized on air. He believes the random associations it throws up feed his comedy. Similarly, TV’s most inventive chef, Heston Blumenthal not too long ago advised Executive Style how ADHD helps his imaginative juices movement.

A pure benefit

Scientists imagine ADHD helped society by offering risk-takers who determine risks and map out boundaries. Mark Brandtman is eager on this level: “In nature, we were the hunters. We respond quickest in an emergency.” This applies to the office: “We gravitate to creative jobs – marketing, advertising, start-ups – they’re interesting, quick, high-pressured. We thrive there; less so in administrative roles or retirement!”

Heston Blumenthal has brazenly said his ADHD has been a supply of creativity in his profession. Photo: Hal Shinnie

Hartman provides: “ADDers are overrepresented as entrepreneurs – we’re adventurous mavericks, we take risks. We don’t have the mindset that says ‘hang on let’s think ahead.'”

Kerry Cooney lectures at Charles Darwin University and is the founding father of Every Day with ADHD. She says: “When not destroyed by schooling, individuals with ADHD have a huge capacity for success. If they have coping mechanisms and have chosen their career wisely, they’re the cleverest minds around. Inventors, entrepreneurs, scientists – major problem solvers. They see the world from a different perspective.”

Have you, or does somebody you recognize, endure from ADHD? Share your experiences within the feedback part beneath.

If this text has raised points you would like to debate, name the ADDults with ADHD helpline on 02 9889 5977

Source: fitnesscaster.com Source: Bodiz Wonder