#the sparkling water negativity post on my dash again i have to try to counter its evil energy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

berrynarrybanana · 4 years ago

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deck the halls pt. 4

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long, but some crazy stuff has been going on in my life and with work, so I’ve been all over this place! But here is part four finally. I think I should have two or three more parts to post before this is over. Please enjoy and let me know what you think :)

Word Count: 8.2k

Warnings: Mentions of smut, dying, the usual, alcohol, etc.

November 14 Holly’s POV

“I guess paradise isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, huh?”

Holland twirled around, but the sound of the ice cracking under her feet made her her freeze in her place, causing her to stand as still as a statue so she wouldn’t fall through. Jack Frost’s voice was too close, almost like he was whispering in her ear. He was nowhere to be seen as she stood on the ice, terrified of the outcome. Harry wasn’t in the clearing this time, he wasn’t there to remind her that this was just a dream. Her cheeks were burning cold from her tears and the icy wind.

She sniffled, wiping under her frozen nose with the sleeve of her coat.

“Your soulmate is bitter, isn’t he?” Jack’s voice caused her to close her eyes, holding in a fresh wave of tears brought on by fear. “He doesn’t love you like you love him, does he Holland? He’s not capable of such emotion. He’s a broken boy-”

“Stop talking about him.” Holland cried out, lifting her hands to her face. “Please, Jack, just stop this.”

“I can’t.” His hands clamped down on her shoulders as the ice started to crack under her feet. “I need to be in control, Holland. I have to do it for my father.”

“Your father?”

Holland’s breath was gone from her lungs in seconds, replaced with ice cold water.

She closed her eyes, letting her body sink into the water.

Fighting was painful, but giving into fate brought her peace.

As she sunk lower in the frozen water, green eyes were all she could see.

❄️❄️❄️❄️

Harry’s POV

Harry pulled his door shut, sliding his key into the lock as he held his breath.

He felt his shoulder tense up at the sound of a door opening behind him, a new wave of tears welling up in his already swollen eyes. He turned the lock, hiking his leather bag up on his shoulder as he turned around. He expected to see Holland standing in her doorway, wearing some ridiculous set of Christmas themed pajamas with a Santa filled mug of hot chocolate in her hands.

Instead, he was met with the Christmas wreath she made. It was adorned with little trinkets she picked up around town, London landmarks were nestled into the bed of green that matched the shade of her sparkling eyes. Harry inhaled sharply, lifting his hand up to wipe at the tears under his eyes before he turned on his heel and stormed down the hallway, still ashamed of his childish actions.

It had been a few hours since he fucked up, since he’d pushed her away to protect himself (and her) from the war raging in his mind. He wanted to tell her everything going through his head, but he just couldn’t. The words he wanted to say were pushed into his chest while he lashed out at the one person he adored the most in this world. He knew that he’d never have the courage to tell her exactly how he felt about Christmas, and why he hated it.

Harry could see that she was already carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, even if she hid it behind a smile and Christmas cheer. She was busy trying to find her way in a strange new world while also trying to fight for her life. He didn’t want to add his problems to the long list of things she was already dealing with. He hadn’t really thought about it, but Holland was stuck figuring out the Jack Frost situation all on her own. And though there were things that he didn’t understand about her world, he still wanted to be here for her.

But right now, he was making things worse for her.

He was always making things worse.

As he stepped onto the lift, he felt a new wave of tears cascading down his cheeks. His knees were weak, wobbling like sliced cranberry jelly with each floor the lift descended. When the doors opened, he all but sprinted through the lobby and out onto the sidewalk. He gasped, taking in the crisp, fresh air as he wiped at his cheeks. People stared at him as he stood there, trying to pull himself together, but he couldn’t care less about their judgemental glances or their bitter frowns. He was hurting, and for once in his life, he wasn’t trying to hide it from anyone.

As he walked down the sidewalk, he tried to focus on the sounds of the city bustling around him to distract his negative thoughts. He was done wallowing in his own sadness, moping around in attempts to avoid his problems rather than solve them. He desperately wanted to make things right between himself and Holland so they could move forward together. He wasn’t afraid to admit that maybe they both needed help to get through this thing with Frost.

But before he could make things right with Holland, he had a few things to take care of.

☕️☕️☕️☕️

Sarah’s POV

Sarah flipped to the next page of Dash and Lily’s Book of Dares with eager fingers.

Her heart was racing in her chest as she read over the words in the cheesy novel that Holland picked up for her just a few days ago. They both agreed to read the book before meeting up to chat about it. It was a cute little book club with only two people, but Sarah loved it. She loved Holland just as much, and she even considered her to be her best friend.

Since Holland showed up in Java Java, things in Sarah’s life started to improve. She was practicing more self care after stressful shifts at the cafe, and she’d even started to meditate before bed. Her relationship with her Mother was improving, slowly but surely, and they even had plans to meet for tea in just two days time.

But most importantly, without Holland, there would be no Sarah and Mitch.

Sarah felt her heart swell as her eyes drifted from the page.

Holland gave Sarah the final push she needed to finally ask Mitch out on a date. It was something that she never thought she’d get the guts to do, but thanks to Holland, she went into Paradise Records with a peppermint mocha and a confident disposition. Mitch almost seemed stunned by Sarah’s gall, but by the end of her long winded speech about her feelings, he was smiling up at her like she hung the bloody moon in the sky.

Without Holland, that would have never happened.

Sarah picked up reading where she left off, her eyes drifting over the page.

Just as she made it to the end of a paragraph, the bell above the cafe door rang out.

She sighed, stuffing an old receipt between the pages before she looked towards the door with an obnoxiously fake smile. It fell the second she laid eyes on Harry Styles walking towards her counter. Sarah rolled her lips in, taking a deep breath in attempts to compose herself. She feared that if she didn’t compose herself, Harry would end up with a Christmas stirrer in his ear.

“Sorry sir, but we’re allowed to refuse service to dickheads that break people’s hearts.” Sarah plastered on her fake smile, reaching for her book as Harry stopped in front of her. “Goodbye.”

“I know I’ve been a dickhead, Sarah.” Harry’s voice cracked as he lifted his hand to scratch at his jaw nervously. “But I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“You’ve been a dickhead for a lot longer than you realize.” She let out a heavy sigh. “And we’ve all put up with it because we know that you’re still hurting, Harry, but Holland didn’t deserve to be pushed away and shouted at because you’re scared of your feelings.”

“I know that.” He said softly, his red-rimmed eyes glazing over. “But I’m trying to be better for her. She’s made me realize a lot of things since she’s shown up in my life, but the number one thing that she’s made me realize is that I stopped living when my parents died.”

Sarah didn’t know what to say to that.

It was true, but it made her heart ache hearing it aloud.

She loved Harry like a brother, and she just wanted him to be happy.

“We just want you to be happy, Harry.” Sarah said softly. “We don’t expect some wild, overnight transformation, but we do want to see you smile from time to time.”

“I smile.” He let out a wet chuckle, reaching up to wipe at a few stray tears. “I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for pushing you out, Sarah. I know you’ve tried to cheer me up over the years, especially around the holidays, and I just want you to know that I see that. I appreciate you as a person, and I’m so lucky to have you as a friend.”

Sarah felt a burning sensation behind her eyes, and seconds later her vision went blurry.

“Thank you.” She said softly. “I just want you to be okay, H. I need my friend to be okay, and I need you to realize that you’re not alone. I’m here for you, always.”

“I see that now.” Harry wiped at his cheeks. “I love you, Sarah Jones.”

“And I love you, Harry Styles.” She chuckled, shaking her head before she leaned across the counter with her arms out. “Give me a hug.”

🍵🍵🍵🍵 Mitch’s POV

As Mitch dipped the small satchel of green tea into his steaming water, he thought about Sarah’s shampoo. If he remembered correctly, it was green tea and jasmine. He cracked a smile at the thought of her hair tickling his nose as they curled up on the couch. She left his flat about three hours ago for her shift at Java Java and he was already aching to have her in his arms again. Sarah Jones was the love of his life, and he was not afraid to admit it anymore.

The day that she stormed into the shop with a peppermint mocha in her hand and a wild look in her eyes, he knew that she was the one. He sat behind the counter on his stool with his guitar in his lap as she spewed out every single feeling she had about him. He smiled at her while she ranted, practically slamming the peppermint mocha down so that she could talk with her hands.

He loved that about her.

He loved everything about her.

As he twirled the tea bag around his finger, a knock sounded at his door.

Sarah was still at work, and Niall was at the record shop... so who could be knocking at his door.

He walked towards the bright yellow door tentatively, not bothering to peek through the peephole before opening it up. He felt his eyebrows lift dramatically at the sight of a distraught Harry standing there with his hands stuffed in his pockets and blotchy red cheeks. Mitch almost didn’t know what to say to Harry as he stood on the other side of the threshold. He had never seen the man before him cry, not even when he was at his lowest point in life.

Mitch moved aside, holding his arm out without a word.

Harry walked in, sniffling as Mitch shut the door.

“You okay?” Mitch asked. “Can I make you some tea?”

“I don’t need tea, but thank you.” Harry made his way to the thrifted couch that Mitch bought with Niall a few years ago. “You’re with Sarah?”

“Um, yeah.” Mitch crossed his arms over his chest as he walked towards the couch. “Is that why you’re crying?”

“No, I’m crying because I’m a shit friend and a huge fucking prick.” Harry let out a wet chuckle, leaning back into the couch as Mitch watched him. “I don’t pay attention to anything but myself, do I?”

“Not really, no.” Mitch sat down next to him. “But...that’s just you.”

“But it isn’t.” Harry raked his fingers through his hair, gripping at the roots as he dropped his elbows to his knees. “I’m not this guy, Mitch. I can’t be this kind of guy. Holland has joked about it before, but she’s right....I’m literally Scrooge.”

“Harry-”

“You never told me that you were serious about making music.” Harry lifted his head, slapping his palms against his thighs. “But I never fucking asked you about that. I never ask about any of your lives because I just assume that you’re all happy, all the time.”

“Not always.” Mitch sighed. “Harry, don’t beat yourself up about it, okay? The last three years have been really hard on you, and you can’t expect to be who you were before.”

“I don’t know who I am at all.” Harry whispered. “But I know I’m nowhere near the man I want to be.”

“First step is admitting you have a problem.” Mitch cracked a smile, causing Harry to bark out a watery laugh. “I’m glad that you’re doing... whatever this is.”

“I’m so fucking sorry if I’ve ever hurt you.” Harry said. “You always listen to every problem that I have, but I never ask about the shit you’re going through. I’m sorry for being such a self centered prick, and I promise that things are going to change going forward. I’m here for you, Mitch.”

“That means a lot.” Mitch squeezed Harry’s shoulder before patting it. “I’m really proud of you, and I’m so happy that you’re finding yourself.”

“It’s all because of Holland.” Harry rolled his eyes fondly, wiping under his eyes. “I owe her so much.”

“Right now, I hear you owe her an apology.” Mitch pulled his hand back, trying not to snort out a laugh as Harry groaned. “Have you seen her?”

“Not since this morning.” Harry blew out a breath. “I went to Java Java, hoping that she would be there, but I spent the last two hours crying to Sarah instead.”

“She received a very interesting phone call from Holland after your fight.” Mitch said. “I hope you’ve got something big planned for her.”

“I do.” Harry smiled, rubbing his palms together. “But I have a few more stops to make first.”

🎶🎶🎶🎶

Niall’s POV

Niall’s day was pure shit.

From the moment he opened his eyes, he knew that his entire day would be thrown off due to the absence of Gemma in his bed. It was unusual for them to spend nights apart at this point in their relationship, and Niall didn’t like sleeping without her and Noah under the same roof. He considered them both to be his little family, and he wanted to protect them always.

But Gemma insisted that he go back to his own flat for the night when Noah started acting fussier than usual. Niall insisted that he could handle it alongside her, as a team, but Gemma merely told him that she would call him later. He never received a call from her, and he spent his entire night tossing in turning in bed waiting to hear from her.

Being proud and stubborn was a well known, Styles family trait, and Niall hated it so much at times. He already had Harry pushing him away. He didn’t need to add Gemma to the list of people he was losing. He loved her, and he loved Noah with all of his heart. Being away from them hurt just as much as being away from his family back home in Ireland.

Despite a restless night’s sleep, Niall still had to open up Paradise Records.

He was running on no sleep, no caffeine, and no hope for his relationship with Gemma. He was lucky that the shop seemed to be slow today. Niall wasn’t usually one to snap at people, but he had his moments. He was currently grumbling at the rickety old cash register that refused to shut after a purchase. He’d told Harry time and time again that they needed a newer one, but Harry liked the vintage vibe that the old register gave off.

Niall slammed the drawer with a series of curses spoken in a language he rarely used. He let out a shaky sigh when it finally settled flush with the register, his chin wobbling and his eyes filling with tears. He hated the uncertainty lingering in the air, and he knew that he needed to confront Gemma about it. The only problem was, he didn’t want to lose her after.

“What did Ricky ever do to you?”

Niall snapped his head up with his brows pulled down.

“What are you doing here?” Niall brushed the back of his hand under his nose as Harry shifted awkwardly. “Shouldn’t you be with your new girlfriend?”

“No.” Harry cleared his throat, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets. “We got into a fight this morning, and I was a proper idiot.”

“What’s new there?” Niall scoffed, shaking his head. “What do you want, Harry?”

“Are you alright?” Harry asked, moving closer to the counter.

“No, I’m not.” Niall said. “But I don’t want to waste my breath talking to you about it, Harry. I’m done fighting so hard with you two. I’m not getting anywhere, and it’s clear that I’m not wanted-”

“Woah, hold on.” Harry said. “What are you on about, Niall? I love having you around, and I’m happy that you’re with Gemma. I know that...I might have teased at the beginning, but I told Gemma that I was happy for you both.”

“Well, it might have been nice to hear it from you.” Niall snapped. “And it might be nice if your sister would stop pushing me away every time something goes wrong. I’m not some daft kid, Harry. I know how to take care of them both, but she won’t let me.”

“Niall, I don’t want to step into the middle of something, but I promise you that Gemma is trying with you.” Harry’s face fell. “They do need you Niall. You’re the zen in her chaotic world, and it would kill her if you left.”

“I’m not leaving, she’s pushing me out.” Niall whispered, his voice cracking. “Noah was having a full blown tantrum last night and she just told me to go. I know that I’m not his father, but I love that boy more than I love anything in this world. It kills me to see him like that, and it kills me to see her so out of sorts.”

“She’s a proud woman, Niall.” Harry inhaled sharply, biting at his bottom lip. “She’s been doing this on her own for a while, and it’s hard to let people into that little bubble that you create to protect your heart. I know it isn’t fair, but she’s trying harder than I’ve ever tried.”

Niall looked at his best mate, watching the rims of his green eyes turn red. The first few tears fell as Harry’s chin wobbled, and he ducked his head down with a soft sniffle as Niall stood on the other side of the counter, bewildered by the actions of the usually austere man.

“Mate?” Niall said.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a shit friend to you Niall.” Harry cried out. “I’ve been so unfair to you for so long, and you deserve so much more than me as your friend.”

Niall felt a new wave of tears blurring his vision as he watched Harry’s shoulders shake. He moved from behind the counter, wrapping Harry in a tight hug as he sobbed into his shoulder. It was strange, but Niall hugged him tighter, brushing his palm over Harry’s back as his frame shook violently. Niall felt a few tears fall from his own eyes and onto Harry’s coat as they stood there together. He wasn’t sure what to do with Harry when he was like this, but he figured holding him seemed to be enough by the way Harry clung to his shirt.

“I’m sorry.” Harry croaked out, lifting his head up to wipe at his messy face. “I’m sorry for all of it Niall. I’m sorry for pushing you away, and I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t welcome in our family. If anyone is a part of our little family, it’s you.”

“Harry-”

“And I can’t promise that things are going to go back to normal right away, but I swear that I’m going to try harder.” Harry hiccuped. “We’ll have family dinner, and we’ll go on holiday together when we can. I swear that I want to be better for you all, because you’ve been keeping me afloat for so long and you deserve more from me.”

“Harry, just take a deep breath.” Niall said. “It’s going to be fine.”

“I can’t lose all of you.” Harry sniffled. “I need you in my life, I know that now.”

“You won’t lose us.” Niall said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You promise?” Harry asked, taking in a shaky breath as Niall nodded.

“Yeah, I promise on me Mum.” He said. “I love you, mate. I think of you as a brother, you know that.”

“I think of you that way to.” Harry cracked a tiny smile. “Do you forgive me?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Niall sighed. “You’ve been a little grumpy, but no one expected you to be the same person you were before they died. You’ve just been trying to find out how to live in a world without them, and I’ve never been upset with you for that.”

“Thank you.” Harry nodded before glancing around the shop. “Slow day?”

“Dreadful.” Niall groaned. “I’ve cleaned the whole fucking store-”

“Lock up and go.” Harry said. “We’re just wasting electricity.”

“Are you sure?” Niall asked, his brows lifting up.

“Positive.” Harry chuckled. “Go find Gemma, and tell her that I said she needs to stop being so thick headed. She’s lucky to have someone like you around.”

“Thanks, mate.” Niall patted Harry’s arm. “Where’s Holland at?”

“I don’t know, but I’m about to head back home.” Harry said. “I figured making her a nice dinner and sitting her down for a proper talk is in order, so I’ve got a few errands to run first.”

“She still hasn’t tried pizza.” Niall pointed out. “Maybe make her one of those homemade ones that you used to do when we lived over in Camden.”

“I can’t believe you remembered that.” Harry laughed, the sound almost sending Niall into cardiac arrest. “We had good times in that flat.”

“Yeah, we did.” Niall smiled. “But I have a feeling better times are ahead.”

“Me too.”

⛸⛸⛸⛸

Holland’s POV

Holland couldn’t help but remember the words Harry told her the night they met.

“Just do me a favor, and don’t go near any lakes.”

Technically, this wasn’t a lake.

She let her skates glide over the ice, as she glided along the man made ice rink that was in the middle of Holland Park.

In the North Pole, she used to skate every single morning. She never went to the lake after her dreams started, but she did go to the rink her father had installed in the town square. There was always a crowd, and there was no danger of her sinking into an icy current at the rink. She missed skating, and part of her wished that she could bring Harry here. She couldn’t imagine him wobbling around in ice skates, cursing every time he almost fell to the ground.

He would be a little sour about it, but she would love to see him at least try it out for her sake. She tried not to think about him after their fight, but it seemed that she just couldn’t keep her mind from wandering off to thoughts of him. He was everywhere from the bitter cold wind to the scent of gingerbread in the air. She even saw a baby that almost looked like Noah, which led to her thinking about Harry lifting the toddler in the air, causing him to squeal out his uncle’s name between fits of laughter.

She missed him.

“Miss?”

A voice pulled her from her thoughts, causing her to stop on her skates before she turned her head. An older gentleman stood at the edge of the rink with a broom, his coat tight around his broad shoulders. She looked around the rink, her heart sinking in her chest when she realized that she was all alone. There was no one else around the rink either.

“Yes?” She asked, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“We’re closing.” He said. “I need to sweep the rink.”

Holland let out a breath of relief, nodding her head.

“I’m so sorry.” She skated closer to the edge of the rink, making her way towards the exit. “I hope I haven’t held you up.”

“It’s quite alright.” The man walked out further onto the ice, his broom sweeping over the rink. “I don’t have anyone to go home to, so what does it matter?”

“You don’t even have pets?” She asked, holding onto the railing as she stepped down carefully. “I suggest getting a pet, they’re wonderful company.”

“I’m allergic.”

His annoyed mumbling reminded her of Harry.

“Thank you for letting me stay a little longer, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.” She smiled back at the man. “Merry Christmas.”

“Same to you.” He went about his sweeping, ignoring Holland as she sat on a bench just around the edge of the skating rink.

She stripped the borrowed skates from her feet, dropping them in the return bin after zipping her winter boots up. She adjusted her beanie on her head, reaching for her bag before she started walking. With every step she took away from the ice rink, the darker it became. She didn’t realize that she had stayed so late, and an anxious feeling settled in her chest.

The dark always scared her.

Holland tried not to let it get the better of her, crossing her arms over her chest before she picked up her pace. She followed the path lined with trees, keeping her eyes down to avoid seeing shadows in the dark. It would only cause her to panic more, and she would end up freaking herself out over something that probably wasn’t even there.

As she continued to walk down the pathway, she realized that she was going in a different direction than when she started. She looked up, her eyes squinting as she tried to make out the large blob in the corner of the park. When she realized that it was in fact a small pond, her blood ran cold in her veins. She was stuck in her place, frozen with fear.

“I should have listened.” She whispered aloud, aware that no one was there to listen. “I’m sorry, Harry.”

Her heart started to beat faster in her chest as she turned around, ready to dart off in another direction. She was stopped, however, by a solid body pressing into hers. Holland let out a scream, falling backwards onto her ass as the body loomed over her. She couldn’t see a face, but she could tell that it was a man by the broad build of his shoulders.

“You shouldn’t be here.” The man hissed out, reaching down to pull Holland up by her coat. “It’s dangerous to be in the park after sundown, don’t you know that?”

“I didn’t know.” She whimpered, clenching her eyes shut. “I’m lost.”

“Anyone could see that, you daft girl.” He growled, pulling her closer. “Do you want to get mugged?”

“Not really.” She slowly opened her eyes, looking at the man in front of her. “I just don’t know how to get out of this park.”

“I’ll walk you out.” He grumbled, his voice husky and gruff. “Bloody naive little brat.”

He released her coat, turning on his heel before he started to move swiftly.

Holland could hardly keep up with him, but she did her best.

She tried not to pay attention to the groups of people loitering in the field, staring at her as she walked by with the stranger. She didn’t remember seeing any of them on her walk towards the back half of the park, but then again, she wasn’t really looking. As the man started walking her past more familiar territory, Holland felt her shoulders start to relax ever so slightly.

When they approached the gate at the front, the man turned around.

“Don’t ever stay in the park after the sun goes down again, do you hear me?” He snapped. “It's a surefire way to get yourself into a lot of trouble, and you don’t look like the type of girl who’s ever been in trouble before.”

“Thank you.” she said softly. “I promise to pay more attention next time.”

“Good.” He turned on his heel, strutting away without another word.

Holland pushed through the gate, walking down the sidewalk as quickly as her feet would carry her. She made a few turns, her eyes catching sight of a few buildings that looked slightly familiar, but as she approached them, she suddenly felt lost again. The golden arches of the Mcdonald’s restaurant were familiar, but the outside of the building didn’t look the same.

She growled out in frustration, turning around in a circle in attempts to find anything else that looked familiar to her. When she noticed a few key details missing from the area she was standing in, she decided to just push through and keep walking. It was better than standing still in the ice cold wind of the winter night.

But as she continued down the sidewalk, she realized that she was most definitely lost.

❄️❄️❄️❄️

Harry’s POV

When Harry finished up setting the dinner date he’d prepared for himself and Holland, he wiped his hands on his trousers before opening the door to his flat. He still had that hollow feeling in his chest that he got when she was far away, but he decided to knock on her door anyways. Maybe their weird connection was just a little off today. He stood there for a few minutes, occasionally knocking before he dropped his hand to the doorknob. It was a shot in the dark, but he had to try.

When the doorknob turned, he groaned as he pushed the door open.

Of course, she would leave her door unlocked.

He took note of the Christmas lights strung out on the rails of her balcony and the fake fireplace crackling on her television screen, but he didn’t see Holland. Her kitchen and living area lights were off, and the hallway was just as dark. He took careful steps, walking down it as panic started to rise in his chest. If she wasn’t home, where on earth could she be.

He pulled his phone out of his back pocket, clicking on Sarah’s contact as he peeked into Holland’s empty bedroom.

“Did your plan not go well?” Sarah answered.

“She’s not at home.” He said. “She’s not in her flat, Sarah.”

“Okay, so maybe she’s still cooling off?” she asked. “Call her.”

“She doesn’t have a phone.” He cursed under his breath, storming through her apartment back to his own. “Fuck, she’s probably lost, Sarah.”

“Take a deep breath.” Sarah’s voice switched from amused to serious. “This is Holland we’re talking about. If she’s lost, it’s probably in a Christmas store.”

“No, she never stays out this late.” Harry grabbed a coat and his keys, slamming his flat door shut before he turned the key in the lock. “She’s afraid of the dark.”

“Harry, just breathe.”

“I can’t, Sarah.” He cried out, the panic clear in his voice. “I have to find her. I can’t lose her like I lost them, I can’t.”

He hung up the phone stuffing it into his pocket before he jabbed the down button for the lift.

He struggled to get his coat on in the lift, his jaw tense as he tried to think of all the places she could be. Java Java was closed, Harrods was closing soon, and Paradise Records closed earlier when he told Niall to go home. He didn’t know of any other stores she might venture into, but he had to try to think like her if he was going to find her.

When he stepped onto the sidewalk outside of their building, he inhaled sharply.

The scent of berry and clove was feint, but he had no doubt in his mind that it would guide him towards Holland. He turned to the right, taking a few steps as the scent grew stronger. The warm feeling in his chest was back, and his heart was beating faster as he all but jogged down the sidewalk in search of his soulmate. He took a left turn at the end of the street, but when he did, her scent was gone. He turned around, taking the right instead. He followed that sidewalk to the end, letting out a frustrated growl as he pushed his fingers through his hair.

“Where the hell are you at, Holland?” He mumbled under his breath, breathing deeply as he let his eyes close. “C’mon baby, where are you?”

He could see her in his mind, walking past the Mcdonald’s just a few blocks away.

Harry’s feet moved quicker than they ever had, pounding against the pavement until he turned the corner where the Mcdonald’s was. He stopped when he saw her walking with her head down, his hands flying out to her biceps as she walked right into his chest. He held her tight, keeping her from falling over as his body became unsteady.

“Fuck!” He wrapped her tightly, planting his heels down. “You scared me half to death, Holland.”

“Harry?” She gasped out, tilting her head back to look up at him. “It’s you.”

“Yeah, it’s me.” He brushed his thumb over her cheek, watching her face as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry for hurting you, baby. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that, and I swear that I’ll never do something like that again.”

“I just want to help.” She whispered. “Let me take some of the weight off of your shoulders, Harry. You don’t have to carry it alone.”

He sniffled, nodding softly before he pulled her into a crushing hug.

“Let’s go home.” He whispered. “I made us dinner.”

“Did you?” She asked, her voice raising an octave in excitement.

“Yeah, I did.” He let out a wet chuckle, wiping under his own teary eyes as he pulled back. “I made us pizza.”

Holland tossed her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug.

“Finally!”

🍕🍕🍕🍕

Holland’s POV

Harry pushed the door to his flat open, holding Holland’s hand tightly in his own.

She smiled at his back, trying to hold back the laugh building up in her throat. He’d refused to let her hand go the entire walk home, and he even threatened to carry her on his back if she didn’t cooperate with him. He was being stern, and pouty the entire time, but Holland found it cute. It wasn’t at all like the closed off version of Harry she saw earlier that morning.

As she walked through the door, the scent of gingerbread and vanilla greeted her sense. Harry shut the door behind her, giving her a sheepish smile as her brows lifted up. In the center of his kitchen counter was a candle, the flame still lit up as the warm smell filled his home.

“You’re burning a candle.” She said softly, pulling at her scarf as Harry locked the door. “You hate candles.”

“I do.” He said. “But you like them.”

“I love them.” She smiled over her shoulder at him. “Why are you burning that for me?”

“It’s a small detail in my very complex plan to apologize to you.” He cleared his throat, stripping his coat off as his cheeks turned red. “I was a dick to you this morning, and you didn’t deserve that.”

“You’re right, I didn’t.” She turned back, handing him her scarf before she started working on the buttons of her coat. He hung it up on the coat rack, his face solemn like a puppy who had just been scolded. “And I do understand why you did it, but that doesn’t make it okay.”

“It’s really hard for me to open up.” He reached for her coat next, hanging it up next to his own before he held his arms out. Holland walked into them happily, snuggling into his soft green sweater as he sighed. “I’ve spent three years keeping every emotion, every serious thought, every fear in my own head. I don’t tell people, because I’m afraid of being vulnerable with someone I could lose in the blink of an eye.”

“Harry,” Holland tilted her head back, looking at him with a frown. “People are going to come in and out of your life, that’s inevitable.”

“But if I don’t get attached, then it won’t hurt so bad when they go.” He shrugged. “That’s why I tried pushing you away today. I know I could possibly lose you forever, and we’re already so close to each other. Losing you even now would nearly kill me, and I hardly know you.”

“I know.” She said. “But wouldn’t you rather spend the time that we have left together falling in love? I don’t want my time on earth to be meaningless, Harry. I want to be proud of what I’ve left behind when I go-”

“Stop talking about dying.” He whimpered, clenching his eyes shut. “I can’t take it.”

“It might happen.” She said. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to take Jack Frost down on my own. My magic is too weak, and I can’t do it without-”

She paused, taking a deep breath before she pulled away from Harry.

“Without what?” Harry’s eyes searched her face.

“Don’t worry about it.” She said. “I’m working on it.”

“You’re being a hypocrite.” He scoffed, wiping at his cheeks in frustration. “You’re not exactly...you say that you like to be honest, but I know that you’re not telling me everything.”

“Because I know you’re not ready to hear all of it.” She crossed her arms over her chest, staring back at him as his jaw tensed. “What?”

“You’re just as bad as me, you know that?” He said. “If we’re gonna spend our time falling in love, and not fighting, then we need to lay it all out on the table. No more secrets.”

Holland bit her lower lip, inhaling sharply through her nose.

“I don’t think you’re ready.” She said. “I don’t think you’ll even believe me.”

“I know when you’re telling the truth.” He rolled his eyes at her. “I can feel it when you lie, remember?”

“That’s fair.” She mumbled, looking up towards the ceiling as she sucked in a sharp breath. “I don’t want you to be mad at me for it though.”

Harry’s body nearly deflated as he looked at her face.

“Baby, I am so sorry for earlier.” He moved closer, grabbing her hands. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, and I know better now. I swear that I won’t be upset with you for whatever it is you have to share.”

“You’re gonna be a little upset.” She held up a hand, nearly pinching her fingers together as Harry chuckled. “But it’s only fair for me to be honest with you if I expect the same in return.”

“Okay.” He squeezed her fingers. “Let me get the pizza reheated, and then we can talk about the entire thing.”

“Do you have any alcohol?” Holland cleared her throat, leaning against the counter sheepishly as Harry’s brows shot up. “I think we might need it.”

“Noted.” He said, clearing his throat. “I’ll see what I’ve got.”

🍷🍷🍷🍷

Harry’s POV

“So, Santa is your dad.” He asked Holland, his third glass of Merlot nearly empty in his hand as he stared at Holland. “And Jack Frost is trying to kill the two of us to avenge his Father’s death?”

“Yeah.” Holland nodded, taking another bite of her pizza as Harry stared at her. “You okay?”

Her voice was muffled by dough and sauce, and if Harry wasn’t so shell shocked, he might have thought it was cute. He stared at her as she slowly chewed, keeping her eyes on him as he lifted his glass to his lips. He downed the red liquid before reaching for the bottle. Instead of pouring another round, he tipped the bottle back, gulping the liquid down with ease.

“I saw your dad.” He blurted out, putting the bottle between his crossed legs. “When I was five years old, I saw him putting presents under the Christmas tree. I talked to him, and I promise him that I would never tell another living soul that I saw him.”

“I know.” Holland gave him a soft smile, lowering her slice of pizza to her plate. “He told me about that before I left home.”

“He was really nice.” Harry glanced down at his thighs. “I used to think about him all the time when I was a kid, and I loved Christmas so fucking much because of him.”

Harry could feel Holland tense up, and he knew that she wanted to ask.

“Harry.” She said his name softly, sliding her hand over his knee. “Is he the reason you hate Christmas? Because he asked you not to say anything?”

“No, he’s not.” Harry glanced up at her, taking a deep breath.

It was now or never.

He had to tell her.

“My parents died on Christmas morning in a car crash. They were on their way to the shops for more eggs, because we had this Christmas tradition where we would bake pancakes together, but we were out. They left before Gemma and I woke up, and they never came home.”

Holland stared back at Harry, her eyes glued to his own.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered, moving her plate to the coffee table before taking the bottle of wine from his hands. “Gumdrop, c’mere.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Come here.” She said sternly, holding her arms open as she situated her legs out on the couch.

Harry crawled over to her, settling between her legs as she rested her head on the arm of the couch. He pressed his nose into her neck, willing the burning behind his eyes to go away.

“I can’t even imagine how horrible that must have been for you, Harry.” She brushed her fingers through the tangles of his curls. “To lose your parents in such a horrible way, I can’t even fathom it.”

“Christmas was my favorite holiday until they died.” He croaked out, sliding his arms around Holland’s body. “I just couldn’t stomach the thought of celebrating their deaths, because that’s what Christmas feels like now. It’s an anniversary for the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He felt the tears escaping from the corners of his eyes, leaking onto his own cheeks, and Holland’s neck. She tightened her grip around his waist, burying her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck with her other hand. He sobbed, his body shaking as he released all of the anger and pain that he kept pent up since their death.

“It’s going to be okay, gumdrop.” Holland pressed a soft kiss to his temple. “I know it sucks, but you're doing so good.”

“I miss them so much, Holland.” He gasped out, clawing at Holland’s body, searching for comfort. “I just want them back.”

“I know.” Holland’s voice cracked, but she was quick to clear her throat. “I wish I could bring them back for you, gumdrop. I wish I could take away all of the pain you have.”

Holland scratched at his scalp as he let out a tsunami of tears.

He was never afraid to cry in front of her.

He knew that she wouldn’t judge him for it.

“I love you so much.” She whispered against his ear, causing his breath to catch in his throat. “I know that isn’t enough to fix this, but I want you to know that I love you. It’s not okay to hold yourself back because you’re afraid of loss. It’s unfair to your heart, and you deserve so much more than that, Harry. You deserve happiness.”

“I don’t want to lose you, too.” He lifted his head up, inhaling shakily as he lifted a hand up to wipe at his tears. “I couldn’t take it, Holland.”

“You could.” She brushed her thumb over his other cheek, a few tears leaking from the corners of her own eyes as she offered him a tiny smile. “You’re so strong, my love.”

“Losing you would kill me.” He felt his throat growing tighter, and his heart squeezing in his chest at the thought.

Holland closed her mouth, inhaling before she closed her eyes.

“What?” He asked, his eyes searching her face. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Um, there’s a lot to explain, but do you remember when you asked me what would help my magic?” Her cheeks were glowing red as she spoke, but Harry knew it wasn’t because of the wine. “Helping our souls bond will make my magic stronger. I could defeat Jack if we did that.”

“How do we do that?” Frantically, he pushed up on his arms, hovering over her so that his hair fell like a curtain around their faces. “Why haven’t we done it already?

“Well, you’ve done it, but I haven’t.” She mumbled as Harry tilted his head in confusion. “Sex.”

Oh.

Fuck.

Harry wouldn’t deny that he’d thought about her like that before.

He though about it often.

“Um, yeah-” He said, his face relaxing and his lips pressing together to hold back a wet chuckle. “Yeah, that’s something I know how to do.”

Holland shifted below him, clearing her throat.

“But we can’t do it, Harry.” She sounded just as broken as he felt. “I won’t.”

“You won’t have sex with me?” Harry frowned. “Earlier you said-”

“I wasn’t thinking straight.” She closed her eyes, shaking her head. “We shouldn’t have even talked about it.”

“Do you mind me asking why you’ve changed your mind?” He asked softly, pressing his body back into hers, his arms wrapping around her. “I respect your decision either way, but I’m just curious. If the bonding of our souls is going to help your magic, why wouldn’t we try it?”

“Because if our souls are bonded, and I die….you go with me.” She sniffled, brushing her hand over the back of his head as he nuzzled his nose into her neck. “And I refuse to let you die because of me.”

“That’s not your choice to make.” He lifted his head again, shaking his head at her with furrowed brows. “You don’t get to make choices for me, just like I don’t get to make them for you. If it’s something that will help us win this fight, then I’m all in.”

He sat up, falling back to his side of the couch as she brushed her palms over her face, clearly upset and frustrated. It was cute, seeing someone with so much patience frustrated. His heart still ached with hers, though.

“I can’t.” She said. “I can’t be the reason you die.”

“You wouldn’t be the reason, Holland.” He sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair. “Jack Frost would be the reason.”

“What about Noah?” She sat up, looking at Harry. “What about Gemma?”

“Holland-”

“Your sister has lost her parents, she doesn’t need to lose her brother too.”

“Don’t.” His jaw tensed as he looked towards the ceiling. “She would tell me to do it, Holland. If she knew what was happening, she would tell me to do whatever it takes.”

“If I die, it’s over!” Holland exclaimed. “You’ll be gone, Harry.”

“I would rather die with you, than live in a world without you.” He let out a frustrated huff, shaking his head. “Is there anything besides fucking that we can do to bond our souls?”

“Not really.” Holland mumbled, looking down to her lap. “It’s when you’re the most vulnerable.”

“You’re not wrong about that.” He mumbled, trying to fight off a smirk. “If I can’t convince you that it’s worth it, would you still have sex with me before Jack Frost tries to murder us?”

Holland reached behind her back before she hit Harry with a throw pillow.

“Baby, I’m kidding!” He groaned out, holding his hands up. “I just wanted you to laugh.”

“You’re such a guy.” She growled out. “I love you, and I’d love to experience that with you, but we just can’t.”

“What was it that you said earlier, about spending the last of your days loving, and not fighting?” He asked. “That’s a nice way to love-”

“I can’t tell if you’re trying to seduce me because you really want to get into my pants, or because you want our souls to bond so that you die with me.” Holland narrowed her eyes at him as he smiled back at her. “Which one is it?”

“A bit of both, if I’m being honest.” He pulled a face, waving his hand in a so-so motion. “Both have their perks.”

“I won’t.” She whispered. “I can’t.”

“I’m giving you permission, but I’m not forcing you.” He said. “I want you to make your magic stronger, and I also want to make you cum a lot before we possibly die. I think it would be unfair to let you die a virgin.”

“You’re horrible.” Holland dropped back against the couch, covering her face with her palms as Harry laughed. “I was promised a beautiful apology, and all I got was a candle and horny soulmate.”

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Harry smirked, kneeling onto the couch before he fell between Holland’s lips with a goofy grin. “Let me kiss it better?”

Holland rolled her eyes, but she let him plant his lips on hers anyways.

“I love you, too.” He whispered, pulling back from her mouth for a second to whisper the words before he stole another kiss. “I always have, and I always will.”

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