#the sound of silence { hotaru tomoe }
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miki-kaname · 9 months ago
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History of my Usernames
Ever since I started social media ten years ago, I went through different usernames. Many of them were flat out embarrassing and others were too long.
Beatdoor909: My very first username, and my god its bad. I came up with it back in high school. Combining two of my favorite bands I was listening back then: The Beatles and The Doors. Everyone thought I was swearing in spanish, it almost does sound like ****. I used it on some accounts, including here, but rarely brought it up. I still use it as my PSN name (as beatdoor69), mostly because I feared that erasing it would corrupt my saved files? I don't want to risk it.
The Quiet One: Possibly the second name I use for Tumblr. It was a nickname I had back in high school by several teachers, because I was very quiet. But if I remember, I misspelled it here, but didn't bother changing it. I don't know how long I kept it.
Little Silence: A name given by cool people back in high school, it was my gangster name. I reused it in my senior year as my blues name (I took guitar classes), until I used it here as my second username. I must've kept it for a few years.
Pro-Hunter-Lapis-Lazuli: This name was made once I started taking Tumblr more seriously. Based on two fandoms I love (Pro Hunter (Hunter x Hunter) and Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe)), it represents what my blog was back then. It grabbed people's attention.
Pro-Hunter-Sailor-Lapis: I updated the name in 2019 or 2020 after watching Sailor Moon. I still didn't like how long it was.
Sailor-Lapis: After a mental breakdown in 2021 that resulted in me having a falling out with someone, I shorten it and it became my main name until just a few months ago. I killed off the name in 2023 here and several months later on Instagram. It is now just a distance memory.
Amiisbestgirl: I created an anime side blog here in response to a terrible mental meltdown I had in 2021. It was a temporary username that I only kept for about a few months (or maybe a year, I can't remember).
AyanamiTomoe: Created in 2022, it was basically my main username for my anime blog. Made because I wanted people to not call me sailor-lapis anymore. If you guessed, named after my two favorites at the time (Rei Ayanami and Hotaru Tomoe).
Miki-Kaname: My current one. Made several months after being expose to Madoka Magica. Name after my two most favorite girls in PMMM (Sayaka Miki and Madoka Kaname), this is the name I'm really happy with today.
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gaaralover55 · 4 years ago
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Ideas for My Sailor moon Winx club elementix crossover.
The princesses and Queens name:
Usagi Tsukino: Princess Serenity Status: Immortal guardian of Moonlight, healing, mysticsim, spirits and justice Weapon of choice: Artemis bow of Moonlight Race: Lunarian demigoddess Crystal: The silver huntress of Justice Fairy nemesis: Musa: Fairy of music
Ami mizuno: Princess Marzanna Status: Immortal guardian of wisdom, trickery,Ice, change and Water Weapon of choice: Nocturne raiper of ice Race: Mercurian Ice Nymph Crystal: The Sapphire trickster of ice Fairy nemesis: Tecna: Fairy of technology
Rei hino: Queen Freya Status: Immortal guardian of war, Fire, spiritualty, destruction and chaos Weapon of choice: Tyr Buster sword of war Race: Martian War Golem Crystal: The Garnet warrior of Fire Fairy nemesis: Nebula: Fairy of war
Makoto kino: Queen Athena Status: Immortal guardian of protection, Elements, lighting, strength and power Weapon of choice: Nike scepter of victory Race: Jovian Elemental Titan Crystal: Sparkling king of lighting Fairy nemesis: Bloom: Fairy of the dragon Flame
Minako aino: Princess Ishtar Status: Immortal guardian of love, beauty, light, Metal and battle Weapon of choice: Isis chain sword of light Race: Venusian Love siren Crystal: Golden Dreamer of love Fairy nemesis: Stella: Fairy of the sun and moon
Setsuna meioh: King Chronos Status: Immortal guardian of time, darkness, balance, sound and energy Weapon of choice: Janus staff of time Race: Plutonian shadow lord Crystal: Obisidian guard of time Fairy nemesis: Morgana: Fairy of the white circle
Haruka tenoh: King Ouranus Status: Immortal guardian of sky, wind, magma, speed and desserts Weapon of choice: Gaia claymore of wind Race: Uranian Sky spirit Crystal: Shining king of sky Fairy nemesis: Flora: Fairy of Nature
Michiru kaioh: Queen Danu Status: Immortal guardian of seas, sound,earthquakes, illusions and storms Weapon of choice: Pontus trident of sea Race: Neptunian Mermaid Crystal: Jade lady of the sea Fairy nemesis: Aisha: Fairy of Morphix
Hotaru tomoe: Princess Bast Status: Immortal guardian of ruin, Rebirth, change, Silence and creation. Weapon of choice: Sekhmet the spear of silence Race: Saturnian Black knight Crystal: Amethyst Avenger of silence Fairy nemesis: Roxy: Fairy of Animals
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toukenra · 7 years ago
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Woo the ask box is open! Say the saniwa got a marriage proposal from a stranger who claimed to have fallen in love with them at first sight. The saniwa declines, but the stranger continues to persist and tries to drag them away. How would Akashi and Yagen react to seeing this if they were dating the saniwa?
I have decided to work on at least one request per day (because I am slow at writing unlike, Mod Pancake). Honestly, I have so much on my plate but I love writing stories about the boys and it is a form of relaxation for me. I’m sorry this one takes so long because I always think about transitions from one scene to another and dialogues occurring. 
Please be patient with me.
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P.S. If anyone can suggest some instrumental/orchestral pieces I can listen to while I write, It would be greatly appreciated.
Also, I listened to Aimer’s new song ‘Uta no Hana’ for the Fate:Heaven’s Feel adaptation…It’s amazing.
-Mod Catharia.
(Underneath the cut due to being quite lengthy)
AKASHI KUNIYUKI
“Aruji, there’s someone asking to see you.”
You look up from your work, meeting Hotarumaru’s lively green eyes
“Hm? Who is it, Hotaru?” You ask as you put down the pen you have been writing with.
“A man. He said that he’s from the Ministry.”
“…Oh?”
You don’t remember setting up a meeting with anyone from the Ministry…
“You’re being too loud, Aruji.” The muffled voice of Akashi Kuniyuki from his position interjected.
The Tachi from the Rai school merely remained lying down…
…with his head in your lap
His handsome face pressed incessantly closer to your torso with his arms around your hips
Jesus Kuniyuki, have you no shame?
Earlier on, you had been so embarrassed and you tried pushing him off your lap earlier but he remained in the same spot, not moving an inch
You tried reasoning with him:
“Aren’t you suppose to be tending to the horses?”
“I switched duties with Munechika.”
“You’re going to get it if Tomoe or Hasebe sees you…”
“They won’t do anything if you’re here, Aruji.”
Lazy Motherf*cker
You sigh and just give up, continuing on with your work with him on your lap until Hotarumaru’s voice caught your attention.
“Send him away, Hotaru.” The raven-haired Tachi mumbled from his spot
“Don’t listen to him, Hotaru.” You grab a nearby pillow and easily slip it underneath the idiot’s head. “Bring him to the main hall. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“No she won’t.”
“Yes. I am.”
No she-” You quickly wrap Kuniyuki with a blanket effectively turning him into a burrito and stick your tongue out at him.
“Yes, I am. I’ll see you in a bit.”
You quickly run off to the main hall to attend to your guest only to find a man you briefly met while gathering supplies from the Capital
How in God’s name did he find your Citadel was a mystery
After this you’ll need to make a little call to them about how this guy found you…
“Ah, my Darling!”
“I am not your darling and you’re not from the Ministry.”
“No, but I did promise to marry you.”
“What in God’s-.” You look around, hoping someone would pass by and save you. “I don’t recall such a promise…”
“Shall I refresh your memory, darling?”
The intruder was about to pull something out from his back pocket…
Any time now, someone come get me…Jesus, it better not be a ring
But before the man can pull whatever he wanted to give you
You hear the sound of a blade being unsheathed
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A flash of steel appears in your vision, poised just over your shoulder, pointed at the person in front of you“Is it really okay for a lazy guy like me to beat some sense into him?”  You turn your head ever so slightly and see Kuniyuki, rubbing his hair.
You swoon a little bit
He’s looking quite cool but obviously you’ll never tell him that LOL
Thankfully, your lover didn’t need to do some ass kicking since a few of your charges were passing by and were able to apprehend your admirer
Once the intruder was dealt with, you feel the bespectacled man’s arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer.
Bastard didn’t even care if there were others around, and you try to pinch his hand off but to no avail
“I think I deserve a mid-day nap with you, don’t you think Master?”
YAGEN TOUSHIROU
You were both on a short trip into town, having to gather a few things like kitchen supplies, some extra clothing for the new swords and medicinal items.
You were both minding your own business when you hear a man whistle and give a few cat calls directed towards you.
“Hello, Sweetheart~”
“Looking for a husband?”
“I know a nice tea house nearby, why don’t you come join me?”
You feel the young man beside you tense up, amethyst-coloured eyes flashing dangerously
You immediately hold unto Yagen’s arm, ignoring the obnoxious men as you continued on with the errands
“Yagen. Ignore them.” You give you companion a small smile before leading him away.
“…Alright.”
The two of you continue on with your trip, making sure to take care
Sadly, You noticed that the sky was turning dark, indicating that rain was coming and you were not even half-way done with the errands
You tug at Yagen’s sleeve gently to catch his attention as he looked away from the herbs lining the shelves.
“It will be faster if we both split up, don’t you think?”
“Ah, are you sure, Aruji?”
He looks worriedly at you but you nod determinedly
“I am a grown as*s woman who can take care of myself.”
“I’ll be fine. The clothing store is just two streets away.” You reassure him.
“Aruji–”
“I’ll be back in 10 minutes.” You give the Citadel’s doctor a quick peck on the cheek and a wave before running out of the store.
Once locating the shop, you head inside to purchase some clothing for the newest additions to your Citadel…
…But you didn’t notice a figure who had been trailing you a few streets from earlier.
You were browsing the various fabrics when you feel someone hovering over your shoulder.
You turn your head only to be greeted by that creep who had been cat calling you earlier on
“You know you shouldn’t ignore someone while they are talking to you, sweetheart.”
“Who the f*ck are you to call me that, you punk a*s b*tch?”
Sorry guys, Mod Catharia absolutely hates-being cat called and will fight anyone who does that to her
“Don’t call me that.”
“Oh come now, Don’t be like that.” The creep leans in closer to you making you cringe and turn your head away. “I think we’d make a cute couple, don’t you think?”
“Are you blind? No we wouldn’t. I already have someone.” You reply snarkyly and shove the man away from you. “Now please, Excuse me��”
You barely finish your sentence when you feel the creep push you up against the shelves.
“Now look here, Sweetheart. I–”
This time it was the idiot’s turn to be interrupted when he feels the small, cold blade being pressed against his back.
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“You should really think before you act…baka.”  You immediately recognize Yagen’s voice and breath a sigh of relief.
Immediately the man who tired to force himself on you was knocked unconscious with a hard blow courtesy of the Tantou
The noise caught the shop keeper’s attention and he called authorities to apprehend the man
Yagen had set to work on tying up the idiot rather tightly
Pretty sure he wanted to cut off the dumba*s circulation, hoping that his hands would fall off
The young man pays for your items and silently tugs you out of the store
“Yagen, wait.”
You two found yourselves in a nearby inn, having some tea while waiting out the rain that had just started
You sit there uncomfortable with the silence until you can’t handle it anymore.
“Yagen, I’m sorry.”
“…”
“…Yagen, Don’t ignore me.”
“…”
“I should have listened to you.”
“Next time, Don’t be reckless, Aruji.” A small sigh escapes the Tantou and he rests his cheek on the palm of his hand, looking at you.
“Yes.” A moment passes and you bite your lip, unnerved by the fact that the purple-haired teen keeps staring at you.
“W-what is it?”
“Nothing. I’m just thinking–” A small smirk appears on the Tantou’s lips as he keeps eye contact with you. “–that if you ever decide to marry me, We make a good-looking couple, Aruji.”
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x-queen-of-disaster-x · 8 years ago
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Dark Side (A Sailor Moon S / Hotaru Tomoe Fanfic)
Title: “Dark Side” Series / Fandom: Sailor Moon (90s Anime) Date Penned: November 2006 Main Character: Hotaru Tomoe (Sailor Saturn) Setting: Season 3/Sailor Moon S, though it flashes back to various other years in Hotaru’s life throughout the story. Starts at present time for S with Hotaru at age 12, then in flashbacks/past scenes her age goes in this order: 5, 8, and 11. Then the last scene takes her back to present time.  Summary: They say everyone has a dark side, no matter how pure their heart may be. That includes Hotaru Tomoe. 
Everyone has a dark side. No matter how kind they may be, darkness still looms below the surface. There is a negative energy inside of every human on Earth. Some people just mask it very, very well.
Even a sweet, kind girl like Hotaru Tomoe has darkness in her heart. But some of that darkness isn’t natural at all...it’s downright monstrous.
Hotaru is possessed by an awful being known as Mistress Nine, also known as the Messiah of Silence. Hotaru was gravely injured in a fire when she was only eight, close to the brink of death when her father made a deal with what could very well be the devil himself.
Unknown to her father, this creature put Mistress Nine into Hotaru’s body. He thought he was saving his daughter from death. Little did he know, he had doomed himself and Hotaru to a life of being puppets of an evil force from another world.
Hotaru know lives with the unknown evil inside of her body. She has hint something’s not right about her, but she has no idea how sinister the nature of her curse truly is...
-
The morning sun rose over Tokyo, Japan. Rays of golden sunlight greeted the dark streets. In one particular neighborhood of the Juban District, this light continued its path. It illuminated the mansion of the Tomoe family.
The mansion was owned by Professor Souichi Tomoe.  Tomoe was a very rich, but very strange, scientist. Some might even say he was rather mad in his experiments and theories. He was also a recluse who kept mostly to himself since he had been laughed out of the scientific community years before. His increasingly dangerous and crazy experiments had caused a horrific accident that resulted in the death of his wife and the near death of his young daughter, Hotaru.
Tomoe had white hair a wore a pair of glasses that occasionally gave off an eerie glow, as if reflecting a sinister being that was hidden deep within this eccentric man. Besides being a scientist, he was also the founder of a school known as Mugen Academy. This particular school was very exclusive, with only truly gifted and brilliant students being permitted to attend. His own daughter went to school there.
Since his wife had died, Tomoe had remained a widower. He lives in his large home with only Hotaru and a rather strange assistant/housekeeper known only as Kaori.
Hotaru, now twelve, was a very frail and weak girl. She had been this way since the accident. She was constantly short of breath and falling into seizures that caused her to slip into unconsciousness. She would later wake from these fits remembering nothing.
Hotaru was considered very weird by her Mugen classmates. She possessed strange powers that could heal any cut or bruise, but the rumors said that there were even stronger and darker powers hidden below her surface. She was called creepy because of these powers that people claimed would actually hurting people and not helping them.
She was also called a bully by many classmates. Despite being a very weak and timid young girl, Hotaru was often accused of hurting other children and instigating fights. This hurt Hotaru deeply. She didn’t know why people were saying such awful things about her. She never wanted to harm anyone. All she wanted was to desperately have friends.
Why would she being called a bully? Hotaru would never even harm a fly...
Hotaru walked out of the mansion’s front door, on her way to school. She was dreading another day of isolation and taunting. But most of all, she was terrified that she might actually be hurting people during her strange fits of unconsciousness.
Maybe she really was the bully everyone called her. There were so many stories going around about her apparent cruelness that she herself was starting to the words of her peers.
I’m such a freak...no, I’m a monster. Everyone’s right, I’m awful. What use does this world hold for a person like me? I just want to disappear forever, Hotaru thought as she resisted the urge to cry.
What was the point of wallowing in self pity? A monster should in no way feel bad herself, right?
Sighing deeply, Hotaru bottled up her sadness and tried to put on a stoic face.
She wanted to mask her self-hatred and loneliness and just blend in with the crowd so badly. She wanted to fit in, to be accepted and loved. She wanted friends. She wanted a father that would spend more time with her and not with his nasty assistant and oddball experiments.
But who cares what she wanted? She was worthless, after all. She just had to go on living her life wearing an uncaring mask. Everyone said she was cold hearted and mean, after all, so why not just give in and start acting the part?
Another day, another chance for me to screw something up, Hotaru thought sadly.
If only she know the truth...
-
All I remembered was the darkness when I woke up on that day four years ago. I woke up in my bed, only eight-years-old, scared and cold on that frosty October morning.
“Papa...” I whispered in fear.
Last night, I felt as though something awful had happened. I felt like I no longer belonged to this world. I felt like there had been fire, destruction, and death. I felt like I had temporarily slipped away in the world of the dead.
But that couldn’t be. After all, I was here now safe and sound. I had no cuts or scratches upon my body. If I had suffered the horrible trauma I felt in my heart I would surely be worse for the wear, right?
Then what had happened to me to cause this sinking feeling of uneasiness in my stomach?
As I got up and stretched Papa’s assistant, Kaori, came into my room. Her eyes were cold and cruel as they fixed upon me. A nasty smirked appeared upon her face.
“Hotaru, breakfast! Stop lazing about and get up NOW!” She snapped.  
She then walked away as I got up out of my bed to go eat. As soon as stood on my feet, I fell onto the floor. All of a sudden, my chest ached and my head felt like someone was trying to force their way out of my skull. I started to breathe heavily as pain filled every inch of my body.
What was happening?! What was wrong with me all of a sudden?! Before I think of any kind of answer, I felt myself slip away into the darkness...
-
A year later, and the seizures and pain continued. Papa had decided against taking me to a doctor, despite my desperate pleas for him to do so. He insisted he could take care of me himself. But any of his so-called ‘home remedies’ only helped temporarily.
One particular day, I awoke from another seizure. As I I saw the sight before me, pain, shock, and confusion filled my heart.
My pet goldfish was lying on the floor in front of me, dead. Her bowl was smashed to pieces and there was large puddle of water around her. I felt tears fill my eyes as I mourned her. That was my beloved pet, the only trace of a friend I had ever had.  I was alone again.
Why did she have to die? Who would do something so cruel and awful to an innocent creature?
As I cried, I shouted to air around me, “Who did this to my goldfish? Who?!”
A shadow towered over me and said, “Oh my, you’re saying such strange things.”
I looked up into the cold, blank eyes of Kaori as she glared down at me.
“This is something you did yourself. Hurry and clean it up!” She said coldly.
My eyes filled with horror as I gazed upon my pet’s dead body. What Kaori had just burned a hole into my heart.
I’d never hurt this fish, I loved her. She was my pet, my best...no, my only friend. Why would I ever hurt such a precious creature?!
“B-but I don’t remember this! I didn’t do it, I swear!” I said, my voice now coming out as an anguished scream.
Kaori simply continued to glare at me, giving no reply.
I didn’t do it. I could never harm another living being. I kept repeating those words in my mind, but they felt hollow. Why would Kaori lie about something so awful?
Maybe it was true. Maybe I really was a murderer. Maybe I really had killed my one and only friend in cold blood.
Maybe I truly was the monster I now felt like...
-
Two years later, I walked into my fifth grade class wearing a rare smile upon my face. I was actually feeling pretty good. I hadn’t had a seizure since yesterday afternoon.
But what I was truly smiling about was the fact I had finally made a friend. His name was Kaoru and he had recently transferred to our class. Despite what the other kids said about me, he talked to me. He actually liked me. It felt amazing to have someone on my side for once.
“Good morning,” I said cheerfully to my classmates.
They all glared at me, their eyes filled with fear and disgust. They were all gathered around Kaoru, who was seated at his desk. His head was cast downwards and had a bandage wrapped around it. I felt worry fill my senses
Despite the stares, I ran over to Kaoru. I placed my hand upon his.
“What’s wrong, did you get hurt? Are you alright?” I asked him worriedly.
He swatted my hand away and jumped out of his seat. At that moment his face was revealed to me.
He was wearing the same look of hatred as everyone else.
I was so confused .What was going on all of a sudden? I know my classmates thought I was freak, but they had never actually glared at me with such hate. And why would Kaoru look at me that way? He was my friend.
“What’s wrong?” I asked my classmates.
“She’s the one who hurt him. It’s so awful of her to ask what’s wrong!” I heard one girl snap.
“I know! She’s so scary! She tries to act all prim and proper, but the truth is she’s nothing but a bully!” A boy said in reply.
Horror filled my heart upon hearing their words. I...hurt...Kaoru? I was a bully? But, I’d never hurt him! He’s my friend! Well, he used to be, at least.  Pain filled my heart as I felt that oh so familiar feeling of hatred for myself consume me.
I turned and ran out of the classroom. I just wanted to get away before I hurt anyone else. I really was a monster...wasn’t I?
-
I sat by Papa later that day and cried into his lap. His hand stroked my hair in reassurance.
“I...apparently hurt my friend. But I don’t remember even doing it in the first place!” I cried, violently shaking my head.
Papa looked into my eyes. His glasses gave off an eerie glow as he continued to reassure me.
“It’s all right, Hotaru. Calm down. You’re not the bad one. You’re not bad at all,” He said gently.
“But, I’m not able to make any friends! It’s like there’s a different person hiding inside of me. Some kind of monster that’s taking control of me and making me hurt the people I care about!” I said, my voice full of fear.
He didn’t reply this time. He just continued to stroke my hair gently as I cried...
-
Later that night, I am lying restlessly in my bed. As I begin to toss and turn, I silently plead with myself to just fall asleep already.
But no matter how much I tried to force myself into slumber, my eyes just won’t stay shut.
Please, please, just sleep. Please. I want to sleep and forget this whole day. I want to forget what a horrible monster I am. Please, just let me have this one moment of happiness in my miserable existence.
I plead frantically in my mind, but it’s no use. Not even my own mind and body can cut me a break. I have no control over a single damn thing in my entire life.
I just want control of something. Any kind of control, no matter how miniscule, would be nice. I want to feel stable. I want to feel safe. I want to feel like I can trust myself.
I want to feel normal. I just want to be a normal girl.
I don’t want these weird powers. I don’t want to constantly maintain this fight with my body anymore. I tire so much of feeling like if I stop fighting myself for even one second, that the monster I know is dwelling somewhere underneath the surface of my skin will break free and overtake me. I don’t want it to hurt the few people that love.
I sigh. With my one friend gone now, I guess that’s only Papa. One person cares for me out of billions in the world.
It’s not their fault they don’t love me. All this misfortune befalling me is my burden alone. This is what I get for not fighting harder to contain the monster. Even if I’m fighting all the time, I’m convinced it’s not enough.
You’re so useless. You can fight harder. If you just focus more on controlling yourself, maybe you could finally be normal. Maybe you could finally have friends. You’re a stupid, useless little girl.
I am truly a stupid, useless little girl. I can’t even keep control of my own actions. I can’t even make myself seem normal.
I just want to be normal. Normality is all I desire.
Normal. Just be normal. Be normal.
Normal…  
-
There is only black around me. I’m in a void. I see and hear nothing.
Did it work? Did I finally get myself to fall asleep? I can’t even tell.
I blink to assure myself my eyes are indeed open.
Blink, blink.
Yes, I am awake.
I pinch my arm, seeing if I feel any pain. Ouch. Ok, I’m definitely awake.
But where am I? What is this place? Why am I surrounded by nothingness? Why...
Before I can question myself any furtherer on my whereabouts, my eyes are unpleasantly greeted by a light. It’s a bright, white, blinding light that encompasses the black. My vision is lost in the flash.
The light fades away. I look around me.
Oh God, I want the blackness back...
I say this because what I see horrifies me.
I’m in a city. While that may not sound too awful on its own, this city is different.
The buildings are wrecked, crumbling ruins. The people stand still, their bodies distorted with fear. Their eyes are filled with pure horror. The sky is tinted a deep, bloody red.
In the distance, I hear an awful rumbling. I do not care to know the source of that sound.
Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see the same light. I turn around.
What I see shocks me...
The light is far way, but it is not the same. This light is faded and fills me with a feeling of grimness I can’t even begin to describe. But, no, the light isn’t the most shocking thing.
It’s the silhouette that shakes me to my very core...
The silhouette of the woman in the distance is totally cloaked in black despite being bathed in that eerie light. Her hair is long, flowing freely around her despite there being nn breeze. Her long, transparent dress does the same thing. In her hand is what looks like the Grim Reaper’s scythe.
I shudder at the sight of that sharp blade as I imagine it cutting into my skin, a deep red liquid falling from my wounds and staining the ground.
Despite every bone in my body aching with fear and my heart pounding out of my chest, I find myself running towards her. Almost like they’re under someone else’s control, my feet are pulled towards this mysterious figure.
Despite me being in her line of sight, she doesn’t notice me. It’s like her gaze is fixed past me. It’s as if I’ve become some kind of ghost, invisible to the naked eye.
Against my better judgment, I call out to her, “Who are you? What is this awful place? What is the cause of all this destruction and horror?”
She notices me now. Her eyes light up. They are glowing with a sickening purple glow. Her body lurches forward as she jumps right into my face. Her face is now directly in mine, allowing me a clear view of this strange woman.
Oh my God, no. Horror fills my body.
That is because her face is my face. My mouth, my nose, and my eyes are all in her possession. My eyes are the ones glowing with that sick, evil purple glow. Those eyes...narrowed to slits, filled with venom.
My eyes...
“W-wh-who are you? Why do you look like me? What is this awful place?” I ask shakily.
Her face twists into a cruel smirk, “Why, Hotaru, isn’t it obvious. I am you. The real you, that is. That monster that you and I both know is dwelling under that stupid mask of kindness you insist on wearing.”
Sickness fills my stomach at the sound of her voice. It’s deep, and filled with a mixture and hatred and glee.
I am unable to speak. I can only shake as her words sting my ears.
She swings her arms around the scenery in a mocking display of joy, “And this lovely scenery...this is all on you. Well, all on us. We are one and the same, after all. This was all done by you. You destroyed the world. Isn’t it beautiful?”
Shaking with horror, I find my voice, “No, no, no...NO! I didn’t...I couldn’t. I’d never do this. This isn’t me!”
Her smirk grows wider, “Of course you did. Stop denying yourself. Embrace your darkness, Hotaru. Give in to the monster lurking inside of your dark heart. Set me free...set us free.”          
My body falls limply to the ground as she begins laughing evilly. My body shakes with even more force.
I pound my fists onto the ground in a fit of terror and rage, “No, no! This isn’t me! I’m not like this! I can fight harder! I won’t let the monster win! I’ll fight it!”
Tears fall from my eyes as I lift my head up. Her face is still directly in mine, and still twisted into that awful smirk.
“You and I both know you can’t fight much longer. You are a monster and you will destroy the world. You can’t deny that fact no matter how you try. We are the same. Just give in now, it’s more fun that way,” She says as her smrik turns into a large, toothy grin.
I shut my eyes, wanting to rid my eyes of her awful, tauting face. I pound my fists harder on the floor. I try with all my might to make the feelings of fight within my heart stronger than ever before.
Sobbing uncontrollably now, I shout, “Never, never, never! I’ll never turn into you!”
Her laughter fills my ears. I still refuse to look into those eyes again. I just continue to scream my lungs out.
“Never, never, never...” I yell out those words over and over, turning it into my mantra.
I will never become that thing. I might be a monster, but I must contain it. I can’t ever let her out. I must keep fighting. I must never give in. I will never become her.
Never, never, never...
-
I shoot up from my pillow, drenched in sweat and tears.
“Never,” I whisper to myself.
That was not a dream. It was too real. It was a warning. I must keep fighting. If I lose control for even a minute, she will come forth.  
Even if I am the same as that creature, I must never let her win. She will not overtake me. She will not break me. I will not turn into her.
I will absolutely not. I refuse. I will be stronger. I will win.
Even if I’m useless, even if I’m stupid, even in my wife has no worth...I now know I must live on. I must fight her, whoever she may be. Even if she truly is me, I will still not let her have her way.
Something within me has been awakened. It isn’t her. I can tell. This presence still feels dangerous...but somehow noble. Uncontrollable, yes, but it’s the complete opposite of her. I can’t quite explain it, but somehow, I trust this new self.
My heart fills with determination. My life will have a purpose. It will not be for me, but for the sake of this world.
Even if this world has rejected me, I still love it. There’s so much beauty on this planet. I will never let her dirty hands taint it.
“I will fight the silence,” I whisper to myself.
I’m not sure why I just said that or what it could mean, but I feel suddenly strongly about those words. Every part of me is agreeing to that statement at this very moment.
Yes, I will fight this. I will live on. I will contain this monster. I never stop fighting. I am a rock. I will not move or be cracked. I will fight
Fight, fight, fight...my mind is locked in a determined chant.
I will fight all the time. Fight. I will never let this so-called fate happen. I will stop it, no matter what the cost may be to me personally.
With all I believe in, I will fight. With all the might I have in my weak body, I will fight. With all the strength I feel in my heart, I will fight. This fate will not prevail.
But you can only fight fate for so long...
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