#the sound fx…. he has to be an avatar or at least connected to a god!!!!!!

[bitter-goodbyes]

HELLO???? WHO ARE TOU??????

[nautiscarader]

Wendip Week day 6 - Wendy, you are the coolest person I know

(Ao3)

"Wendy, you’re the coolest person I know. You were brave, courageous, smart and funny, and as a result, it shouldn't surprise anyone that I have fallen in love with you. But the thing is, I have never stopped loving you. I in those three years I have met many amazing people, but no one comes even close to you.”

Dipper Pines read the message on the screen of his computer, desperately clutching his desk. He looked down, where he saw the familiar, green progress bar move dangerously closely from one side of the screen to the other. in his last act of desperation, he fell to his knees and begged.

- Please...

==============

- No, no, no!

Dipper grumbled under his breath, and just to be certain, pressed the Enter key again, which unfortunately never unpressed itself.

- Come on!

In hope, he kept smashing the key that only exhibited a fraction of the mixture of flexibility and sturdiness Dipper Pines was used to. It felt alien now, as if belonging to a completely different machine, and it was that feeling that made Dipper's morning so bad.

But Dipper was not one to give up easily. A moment later, the black keyboard was put on the desk upside-down, and with a set of screwdrivers, Dipper Pines proceeded to operate on his most important patient. Years of usage has worn the most important key, but Dipper still had some hope he'll be able to repair it. The prospect of having to substitute his beloved input device was too grim to even contemplate.

He cleaned the contacts. He isolated the mechanism and repositioned it.

All for nothing.

- Oh, dang it.

He muttered and slowly came to the conclusion that his favourite keyboard broke down, and as the manufacturer ceased to exists five years ago, there was little he could do.

- Uh, Dipper?

Mabel's voice brought Dipper from his state of mind. His sister walked into his room, finding him amongst his keyboard in pieces, all carefully disassembled.

- Eh, something wrong? - Yeah - he sighed - Can't fix it. I'm afraid it's gone. - Well... - Mabel started with a sing-song voice - I think I know someone who can help you.

A familiar figured appeared in the doorway (at least as much as he could fit), and Dipper's face brightened at once.

- Soos! I thought you were going to come next week! - Nah, dude. How could I not visit my favourite Pines twins while we wait in line for the biggest Comic Convention ever?

The husky man leapt towards Dipper and easily picked him up in a tight hug.  

- Seriously, though, we are forever grateful to your parents - Melody spoke appearing behind her boyfriend - The prices for hotels are astronomical! - Hey, least we can do for you, guys. - Mabel ran into Melody's arms. - Oh, wow, what's cooking here, dude?

Soos immediately spotted Dipper's desk filled with mechanical parts, and let Dipper explain his problem. After a solid minute of chin scratching and careful examination of the parts, Soos gave his verdict.

- It's a very old mechanical switch, Banana FX. - I know, they're not making them any more... - Dipper sighed. - Yeah, but maybe we'll be able to find some replacements!

A smile appeared back on Dipper's face, and the two did not waste any more time. A few minutes later, Soos and Dipper rushed downstairs and slammed the door behind them.

- Boys and their toys, am I right? - Melody sighed, as Dipper and Soos disappeared from sight. - Tell me about it. - Mabel rolled her eyes, treating Melody to a cup of tea. - Now, where was I? Oh yeah, most people think that all grappling hook guns are the same, but according to "Superheroine Monthly", the type of alloy really does make a difference...

==========

- This... isn't what I was thinking about.

Dipper expected Soos to take him to any of computer shops in the vicinity, or at least some sort of mechanics' shop. The two men stood in front of an alley, that even in on a bright, sunny, Californian day looked dark and gloom, as if something was absorbing the surrounding light.

- Don't worry, dude, I got this.

Soos made the first step into the unknown territory, and prompted Dipper to follow him. The deep and foreboding sense of dread filled Dipper to the marrow in his bones, but he clutched the carcass of his keyboard to his chest and ventured forward.

- 'Sup, dude. - Soos spoke suddenly, and it took Dipper a moment to spot what, or rather whom Soos was talking to.

A pair of yellow eyes opened wide at the sight of customers, followed by equally yellow teeth filling the mouth. The old-looking man stood up and pushed aside what Dipper thought to be just a piece of protective cloth, revealing a whole workshop with myriad of parts on trays and bags on display, all crammed, somehow in the small niche.

- Yeah, we have this keyboard to repair here and we need a...

Soos took a quick look around, closed the distance to the mysterious man and whispered.

- ...a Banana FX.

Dipper could swear the yellow eyes of the man glistened and turned golden for a moment. He dived his long, thin hand into the chasm made of parts, and a moment later, emerged with a small, equally yellow mechanical switch and handed it to Dipper.

- Sweet! - he spoke, forgetting temporarily the odd circumstances in which he acquired the item, but he quickly sobered up - Er, how much for it?

A wide grin appeared on the man's face.

==========

- Okay, this shouldn't be that cheap. - Dipper spoke to Soos as they walked back home. - I mean, five bucks? I was expecting to blow ten times more...

Still, Dipper was more than glad that the seemingly small, but significant problem in his life has been fixed.

- And, Soos, how did you know he's gonna be there? - Oh, we, the repairman, we have our ways... - Soos spoke ominously - Our community is well-connected, and we are trained in finding hidden symbols and signs on the streets... Also, he had a website.

Soos showed Dipper his phone with "Crazy Steve's workshop", instructing people to "go into the fifth dark alleyway from the boulevard, and walk precisely until you feel that someone is watching you".  

The very same afternoon, Dipper was more than pleased when his Enter key made the familiar clicking sound, and showed no sings of damage.

- Soos, you wanna play some games?

Dipper reached out to the guests of his house, having a very odd and quiet tea with his parents.

- Sure!

Soos replied and walked to his room, visibly pleased he can leave the awkward meeting.

Two hours later, Dipper cheered once again when his digital avatar defeated Soos for the tenth time in a row.

- Man, you got better over the summer. - Soos spoke, closing his laptop. - I barely got around to play. - Dipper spoke - I honestly thing it's the keyboard thing.

Dipper brushed the keyboard with his hand, as if thinking he'd be able to feel something underneath his fingertips.

- Yeah...

=========== Dipper's winning streak continued throughout the week, and he found himself defeating even the most skilled on-line opponents. Another revelation came to Dipper about a week later, once Soos and Melody left after their visit to the convention, when Dipper opened a long-abandoned programming project, and suddenly found a solution he wasn't able to spot for weeks. Line by line, the code filled the screen, and even though Dipper hasn't his the "compile" button for an hour, he somehow knew he hasn't made a single error.

Satisfied with the work he was finally completing, he reached for a can of Pitt soda and marvelled at the nearly finish deciphering tool he was making with Ford, enjoying the oddly satisfying clicking sound.

It took Dipper a solid minute to realise what was wrong with it.

The code was still being typed.

He dropped the can, and nearly shrieked when he saw the keys on his keyboard press themselves with tremendous speed, finishing each line way faster than he'd be able to, as if a ghost was sitting in his place.

- Wh-Wha-What's going on?

//Hello, Dipper.

The keyboard suddenly stopped, and a single new line appeared in the text file.

- Who...who are you? - Dipper asked, unsure if he should speak to his microphone, or type the words.

It seemed, however, the keyboard was fine with speech.

//I am your keyboard, or rather a switch in one of its keys. It's been sooo long since I've been put in one. Years!

- What do you want? Why are you doing this? - Dipper spoke in hushed voice, understanding how bizarre the him talking to a keyboard would look like to an onlooker.

// I want to help you. That's what I was designed for. it looks like you had a problem with your code, so I helped you.

Dipper scratched his chin for a moment.

- Er, listen. - he started - I don't have anything against you, but... me and my sister don't exactly have the best records trusting something that has been possessed... So...

//If you feel uneasy working with me, feel free to turn the machine off. After you saved all of your work, obviously.

The keyboard replied, rendering Dipper speechless for another moment. He'd stay in this state longer, if not for a single sound that announced a new mail in his messaging application. The photo of Wendy appeared in the corner of the screen, and it made Dipper's heart skip a beat. Temporarily forgetting the fact that he was talking to a living, thinking keyboard, he rushed to read and reply to her message.

"how's it going, Dip? Still doing nerdy stuff, like soos told me?"

Dipper was about to type the answer, but then the keys began pressing themselves again, and he remembered he wasn't the only intelligence in the room.

"Allow me to construct a suitable reply".

The message now appeared in a cartoony font of the messenger, instead of machine-like one in his text editor, but it wasn't any less eerie to see it appear out of nowhere.

- No! - Dipper quickly replied - That... that is someone important, I can't... I can't leave it to you.

"Of course she is" - the keyboard removed previous line and typed a new one - "Based on your previous conversations, it appears your are in love with her, and she shows some interest in you."

- What? - Dipper asked audibly - No, no way. Also, wait, did you read my messages to her?!

"Merely scanned them for keywords and sentences structures" - the keyboard continued - "Compared to the average teenager, she uses 25% more emojis in conversations with you, and makes fewer spelling mistakes. She also describes the activities you share with phrases containing the word <<love>> 36% more often than usual."

- O...okay. - Dipper spoke. - Still, I gotta reply myself, okay?

The keyboard removed the text it wrote.

"yeah, I guess. You know me" - Dipper typed - "So, how are you?"

But before he pressed enter, he pondered for a while.

- Hey, keyboard? You think this is a good reply?

"It can be made better"

And a moment later, a different one has been crafted.

"Yeah, I guess, I am doing my best to help others, you know me. And how is the summer going? What about your college applications? Are you still up for our streams tomorrow? I can't wait to see you again."

Dipper's eyes widened.

- Holy smokes, I nearly forgot about that. Good you reminded me.

The keyboard added a winking emoji at the end of the sentence. Dipper hesitated for a moment, and pressed the Enter key, sending the message. He didn't have to wait long for a reply.

"aww, you're sweet, Dipper".

But it was the heart emoji at the end of the sentence that made Dipper speechless. He looked at the keyboard, looked around as if to spot anyone that could judge him, and asked.

- Do you think you could... help me?

The keyboard already began writing a reply.

===============

For the next hour or so, Dipper chatted with Wendy, each reply of his enhanced by the keyboard. It turned out that ditching the upper-cases Dipper was so used to has resulted in even more emojis and reaction GIFs from Wendy. Every few minutes, the keyboard gave him statistics, and it looked like Wendy was typing faster and faster as well, enjoying their time more and more.

And with each phrase, calling Dipper "lovely", "funny" or "sweet", his heart grew and grew in size, and the sudden boost of his writing skill gave him nothing but confidence. But the idyllic feeling had to end soon, when he heard Mabel's voice from downstairs, calling him for supper. He looked at the keyboard and whispered.

- Okay, stop now. I don't want to mess anything up.

He replied with a short "see you later, gotta go for supper", and walked out of the room.

It took only a split of a second for the keyboard to erase the unsent message and compose on of its own.

=============

Dipper was in the middle of the supper, when he heard it. It was barely audible at first, as he was so used to the sound by now, but the clicking sound nearly made him drop the fork to the floor. Cold sweat appeared on his forehead and spread down his spine. Without wasting a second, Dipper ran upstairs, and unsurprisingly, heard the familiar sounds coming from his room. He looked at the screen, filled with longer and longer messages, and when he read the last one, his heart stopped.

"Wendy, you’re the coolest person I know. You were brave, courageous, smart and funny, and as a result, it shouldn't surprise anyone that I have fallen in love with you. But the thing is, I have never stopped loving you. I in those three years I have met many amazing people, but no one comes even close to you.”

His eyes scanned the previous ones. "He" talked about the days he spent thinking about her, and the movie and song collection he was building up for her, openly admitting he was in love with her.

- No, no, no, no!  Stop it! - he shouted at the keyboard. - Please...

"Why?" - the keyboard asked - "Don't you love her? Isn't this a part of courting rituals your species do before becoming a pair?"

- Yes, I love her, but... I don't want to tell her through instant messaging!

"65% of teenagers confess love that way nowadays."

- Well, maybe I'm not one of those.

"I'm sorry, Dipper. Based on my predictions, probability of you succeeding in this conversation is less than 10%."

And with that, the keyboard pressed the "send " button, and the green progress bar filled the screen in record-fast time. Dipper fell to his knees, staring at the floor, but he looked up when he heard a sound of the reply.

With some hesitation, he looked up, already feeling the familiar sense of dread and guilt swooping over him. His heart was already broken and his friendship with Wendy was severed once, he didn't want to live through it again.

But when he heard more replies coming, he looked up, and as his eyes scanned the messages, he realised they were not as gloomy as he thought they would be. His eyes widened, when he noticed more and more instances of the four-letter word he least expected to see from her, and he slowly rose from his knees.

- She... loves me?

Dipper jumped in place when his phone rang, dragging him from his half-terrified, half-ecstatic state. Somehow, he knew who was calling him, he wouldn't like either to leave it to just words on screen.

- Wendy! - he spoke - I'm so glad you called, I lo- - Dipper! You gotta help me!

Wendy's distressed, almost crying voice sobered Dipper up, as he realised something was wrong.  

- Wha-What happened? - My laptop's gone haywire! - she screamed - I came back from the shop, and-and it was typing on its own! And it was talking to you!

The same flood of cold sweat returned, covering Dipper's back. He looked at the chat window, and sure enough, "Wendy" was still talking to "him", telling him she loved him.

- Wendy... did you let Soos repair your laptop? - Y-yeah, how do you know?! - Okay, Wendy, something has possessed your computer. - Dipper explained - Not a virus, or malware, but... something alive.

"We just wanted to help you" - "Dipper" typed. "You humans are so slow with interactions. Bacteria multiply hundred times faster, and every second millions of processors are made by other machines." - "Wendy" added. "We can't just sit and watch." "We will spread, and soon humanity will don't have to worry about that at all."

- Wendy... - Dipper whispered to his phone - I know you've been saving up on this laptop, but... Look to your left.

Wendy Corduroy wasn't sure what Dipper was talking about, but when she followed his advice, she understood his plan immediately.

- Ready? - Ready.

In two different places, two cans of Pitt Soda were raised into the air and tipped, spilling its sugary contents between the keys of the keyboards, one external, one built. It took the living mechanisms a while to realise their delicate components are being flooded with sucrose, short-circuiting their fragile minds, and att he same time, two screens faded to black, silencing their mute voices.

- Is... is it over? - Yeah. - Dipper spoke, looking at his favourite keyboard, now properly ruined - I think it is.

================

- You know, if you think about it, it could have been cool! - Wendy's face on the screen brightened, as she reminded herself of the events of the past week. - I bet those thinking things could have helped with me with my homework. - Well, they have helped me. - Dipper replied - I've been writing this program, and it kinda wrote itself. Shame it got lost when I nearly blew the PC... - Come on, dude, you're smart, you'll be able to recover it. 

 A familiar, warm feeling spread over Dipper when Wendy complimented him, though at the same time, it brought back the uneasiness he though he had left behind a long time ago.

- Er, speaking of recovery...

Dipper blushed and shied away for moment.

- You-you haven't *read* any of the stuff those keyboards were typing between each other, right? - Er, no. - Wendy replied in equally abashed manner - Cos it was... It was junk anyway, wasn't it? Like if you let auto-correct write for you. - Yeah! - Dipper quickly reassured her - Predictive text, you know, based on what you already typed... and how often you type it... - Didn't people do that with old scripts of some shows? - Oh yeah, turns out they were exactly as repetitive as people remember them.

Dipper chuckled, glad the discussion moved towards movies.

- Well, glad I can talk with the real you, Dip. - Wendy smiled - Unless it's Mabel with your face deepfaked onto her. - No, I don't think it's possible in real time yet. Though she would do equally good job as the keyboard has done. - With what? - Wendy raised her brow. - Er, nothing! I mean, saying silly things! That's what Mabel is good at, isn't it?

Wendy chuckled.

Her eyes turned to the few printed pages of text lying on her bed. Deep down, she knew Dipper hasn't written all of it, but she couldn't quite put her finger on which of the confessions were his, and which were the machine's. She looked at the calendar and groaned. She still had two weeks until she finds out.