#the snape/pitch parallels in particular
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I’ve been rediscovering my love of Harry/Severus fanfiction lately, and it’s just occurred to me - even though it’s been blatantly, bleedingly obvious for years - that Jack/Pitch is such a nice, near, dovetailing pair that I’ve basically been writing a kind literal ‘Harry/Severus’ in the RotG fandom for years, especially with the TGATNW fic.
Like, honestly, there’s so many parallels between Snape/Pitch and Jack/Harry in that fic in particular.
But it also makes me happy, because it’s a kind of pairing that gets around, which means I’ll never have to give it up, either.
#random personal thoughts#pia on fanfiction#but i won't say that on my main account#given how much snapehate there is on tumblr#lol#but yeah like holy shit#the snape/pitch parallels in particular#ah well i do have my types that i love to write#and that's definitely one of them#in the meantime#*wallows in all the HP/SS fanfic there is*#god bless us everyone god bless us all
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all the odd ones for the fic questions pls and thank you pepster
all the odd ones, meaning 1, 3 etc right? oh BOY are we gonna be here for a while (and i love it 🥰)
it’s morning right now so let’s see how long throughout the day this is gonna take me sdfghjk let’s do it!!
1) what was the first fandom you got involved in?
hmmmm. i wanna say harry potter, more than a decade ago? specifically dramione and scorose
3) what is the best fandom you’ve been involved in?
for all that it has given me i have to say bechloe
5) which fandoms have you written fanfiction for?
so far just for bechloe
7) list your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in
i’m only gonna list pairs i have strong feelings against and from only the fandoms i’ve been most involved in
harry potter: snape and hermione
frozen: elsa and hans (no but for real. why)
pitch perfect: beca and jessie, chloe and chicago
marvel: hm hm surprisingly nothing comes to mind
the haunting of bly manor: same as for marvel
9) what are the best things about your current fandom?
having a space where i can fully be myself, expressing myself freely through my writing, meeting so many wonderful people, having a previously unexplored side of myself revealed to me, finding and delving into characters that make me feel less alone, and so much more. it’s been a real blessing, having this fandom in my life
11) who is your current OTP?
bechloe
(this was the point where tumblr lost me ALL MY ANSWERS FROM QUESTIONS 13 TO 33 so let’s do this again SHALL WE??? i’ll be saving each answer as we go dear god)
13) any NoTPs?
already answered!
15) is there an obscure ship which you love?
hmm i don’t think so? none that comes to mind at least
17) who was your first OTP and are they still your favorite?
my first OTP, before i even knew what an OTP was, was scorpius and rose from harry potter. it’s not still on top of my OTP list, but always has a special place in my heart
19) is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?
not really? i mean, there are popular ships that i don’t support, like hermione with bellatrix or natasha with wanda for example. i can see their appeal and i get why people like them. they’re just not for me and i’m okay with that
21) what was the first fanfic you ever wrote?
ah my accidental multi chap baby sdfghjkdfg
All is Fair in Love and War was posted as an one shot, and that was all it was supposed to be. it was my first finished written piece. and then a couple of people in the comments were really nice abt sharing thoughts of where the story could go next and what they’d like to see happen, and they were very enthusiastic abt wanting to see more of that story. so the second chapter was born
sooo one thing led to the other and before i knew it that fic had become an 8 chapter, over 60k words story sdfghjkdf i’m amused and grateful to this day
23) name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of and explain why you like it
how can you ask a mother to pick her favorite of her kids HUH
no but for real, i love all of my stories equally. i’m a perfectionist, so nothing gets posted before it’s perfect in my eyes. plus, all my stories are my babies. each has its flaws and imperfections, each in their own ways. but they’re all beautiful and meaningful to me
what i will say is, i have a particular soft spot for (wondering if you knew) i was enchanted to meet you. i truly think my writing peaked in that story, in all the parallels and tiny but very important things that are in there
25) what’s your most popular fanfic?
based on views and kudos, it’s All is fair in Love and War
ofc that’s a multi chap, so maybe the numbers aren’t exactly equivalent to popularity
my most popular one shot, by a very large margin at that, is (i’ll let you in) and baby, that’s when
27) what do you hate more: coming up with titles or writing summaries?
i honestly love coming up with titles
writing summaries, on the other hand, is the bane of my existence
29) do you have a beta reader? why/why not?
i don’t, and it’s bc i’m literally incapable of taking any kind of critique over anything unfinished. once it’s posted and out in the world it’s fair game; but until then? that’s a big no for me
31) what’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about your writing?
i honestly can’t answer this question bc every comment is so so special and important to me. i often go back and read them all. even right now while writing this there are so many different comments swirling around in my head. i appreciate and am grateful for all the kind words always 💜
33) do you write one shots, multi chapters, or huge epics?
sdfghjkk definitely not huge epics
i’ve written both of the other two. in the beginning i preferred and wanted to write multi chapters. however nowadays and for the past year or so, i lean more heavily towards one shots
35) do you write drabbles? if so, what do you normally write them about?
i am physically and mentally incapable of writing short things sdfghjkd so no, i don’t write drabbles
37) first person or third person? what do you write in and why?
always third person. idk the idea of first person narration always seemed weird to me. plus, i see my stories as me retelling the events the characters have confided in me. so third person makes sense and it’s also why i use past tense in my stories
39) what is your greatest strength as a writer?
describing and narrating emotions and using metaphors
41) list and link to five fanfics you’re currently reading
my reader’s block has been going strong, so i’m not reading anything currently unfortunately
43) is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?
my squirrels 💜
45) what is your all time favorite fanfic?
i have to say Experimentation i just have to
i also love Perdition, what an incredible piece of writing
47) ao3, ff.net or tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?
definitely ao3, i just love its interface i guess?
49) do you care if people comment on/ reblog your writing? why/why not?
okay so here’s the deal. ofc i care. every artist who shares their work, every creator, cares; at least to a degree. it’s why we share. we want people to see and love and appreciate our work, we want it recognised and celebrated even. we want people to engage with it, show it to their friends, talk abt it, have thoughts abt it. it’s only natural and ofc i’m absolutely no exception
with that said. i’ve always tried to remind myself that kudos/likes are also engagement. that even just reading is engagement. that everyone’s limit or ability for engagement isn’t the same, and that ultimately it’s their choice how or if they’ll engage with my writing. i try to, and i do, value everyone who even just reads my stories. i share something with the world for free and it’s my choice to do and continue to do so. what happens after that isn’t up to me
so yes i do care a lot abt reblogs and comments. they make me very happy, they validate and encourage me. but people have no obligation, in my eyes at least, to engage with my works a specific way. just like i have no specific obligation to provide a certain type of content on set periods of time or with a set limit of words or to continue to provide stories; or literally any other obligation. no one can police my actions and choices up until i’ve posted a story and i can’t police anyone’s actions or choices after i’ve posted it. and that’s the beauty of fandom for me - we’re all here bc we want to and bc it makes us happy, with no expectations or obligations
ending this with an essay seems only suitable sdfghjkd thank you my egg for giving me the opportunity to talk abt myself in such length 😌💜
#ask#snowonebutyou#ask game#i don’t even know if i did this right sdfghj#but i loved it#btw it’s 6:30pm right now lmao
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TLTNL- THE LION AND THE SERPENT
Lily wished she had a whistle herself to get the boys attention sometimes, but finally she'd wrangled them all around one table which did nothing to cease their desire to talk about that room.
She even engaged in a few of their more reasonable questions, like speculation of what would happen if more than one person asked for different things of the room for something at the same time. Harry and his friends were all asking for a similar request, but would the room have two doors appear, combine the two requests as it did for the trio, or remain empty until one more solid thing was asked of. While no one had an actual answer for any of this, it was still fun to speculate. When the meal was over Lily happily nursed baby Harry and laid him down for a proper nap, and when she finally settled down to continue it took the boys a moment to realize she was reading without their even paying attention. It took James pleading with her to start over so they could all hear.
Harry felt as though he were carrying some kind of talisman inside his chest over the following two weeks.
"A worthy secret then," Sirius grinned for his old memories of feeling the same.
A secret that kept him smiling through Umbridge's useless lessons as he easily met her bulging eyes.
"A miracle I'm not sure I could share," Remus crinkled his nose.
The DA's magical ability only grew from their first meeting, Harry often reflecting on their progress while pretending to read the assigned text for his Defence class.
Lily was watching Harry preen with more pride than she'd yet seen, and it was for others accomplishments. She'd loved her son the moment he was born, and seeing him glow with pride at seeing others accomplishments after just a little bit of help from himself truly made her realize he may have found his own calling in this field.
It became nearly impossible for their group to have a fixed schedule what with accompanying three separate Quidditch team practices and the paralleling weather, but this Harry supposed as a good thing. If anyone was watching them, it would be impossible to pin down a non existent schedule for their meetings.
"Indeed, unpredictability is always better," Sirius agreed enthusiastically.
Hermione even came up with a better method of communicating when these would occur by handing out fake Galleons at the end of their third meeting, causing Ron some excitement at first.
"Did he think she'd come into inheritance and was being generous, donating to a worthy cause?" James chuckled.
Lily shushed him and kept going curiously how a coin helped with this.
Hermione explained to the whole group about the numbers around the edge, normally just a serial number, but she'd designed them to all be exactly the same. When Harry changed his numbers, that would be the corresponding date of the next meeting, and the Protean charm she'd placed on them would make all of them change with his.
Lily finished with utter exasperation at herself for still being so impressed with Hermione. Doing a sixth year potion in her second year had been impressive enough, now Hermione was showing how advanced she was in Charms as well, was there any subject, anything she couldn't do without putting her mind to it?
The Marauders were just as impressed. They'd never thought they'd find anything more impressive than fifth years being able to pull off becoming animagus', but it was clear enough to them Hermione would have already been able to do this as well if she'd set her mind to it, and that meant far more to them than any grade she'd ever get.
Hermione was met with stunned silence from the DA, Terry Boot from Ravenclaw demanding how she could perform a Protean Charm, that was NEWT level magic, how come she wasn't in his house.
"We've all been wondering that since her first year," Remus rolled his eye.
"I suppose she asked the hat for Gryffindor, or Ravenclaw and got Gryffindor anyways?" Harry recalled a previous conversation about how the Marauders guessed people got put into houses.
"That would be our guess," Sirius agreed. "As far as I can tell, even after everything we've seen of her, she still seems to value intelligence over, well everything."
Harry said back in defense of his friend, "After the rules she's broken? The laws? I know Hermione puts much more value into our friendship than her grades ever could."
"That's not just a Gryffindor trait though, Ravenclaw's have strong bonds of friendship as well," Remus shrugged. "It's what the hat perceives as the way you'd learn best, and being brave enough to put up your opinion put her in with her lot."
James and Sirius exchanged an amused look but stopped arguing the point. Lily had kept her mouth shut because she'd never liked the idea of sorting at all. One particular Gryffindor coming to mind who most anyone would have called a Slytherin if they knew what he'd done, Lockhart was a blithering idiot, Zacharias Smith had already proven to be an arrogant little thing from the humble house, and her favorite teacher in school had been all the qualities Slytherin house prided itself on without turning into a Death Eater. She would never think of anyone as something just because of what house they were in.
Hermione agreed the Sorting Hat had seriously considered putting her into Ravenclaw,
"Why would she call me the Sorting Hat?" Sirius asked while ducking on instinct, though Remus only rolled his eyes that time.
but obviously she'd been put in Gryffindor instead. Then she kept focus, asking if everyone agreed on using the coins. There was no argument, and as they each took one and Harry examined his own, he told Hermione these reminded him of the Death Eater's marks, how Voldemort touched one and they all reacted.
"Maybe the Order should invest in something like this," James said as he thought it through. "These really can come in handy, so long as you don't lose them."
"Or accidentally sell them," Sirius chuckled.
"How do you know about meetings now?" Harry asked.
"Fawkes appears to us when we're alone with a note," Remus grinned. "How he always knows when to appear away from everyone I've only been able to guess at."
Hermione agreed she'd gotten the idea from that, but she'd seen this better than branding members.
"So much more deniability if you get caught with it," Lily said grimly.
Harry agreed he liked this better, only danger in these was a chance of spending them.
Ron said sullenly he wasn't worried about that, he didn't have another one to mix it up with.
They all winced hard for that line, wishing there was something they could say, knowing there wasn't.
DA meetings were put on hold two weeks before the first match as Angelina was demanding nightly practices. Tension between Gryffindor and Slytherin was always high, but was now turning into daily scuffles as well between the two houses. The teachers were trying to show they weren't taking sides, but Harry realized how much McGonagall cared about this game when she abstained from giving them homework in the week leading up to the match.
Sirius and James whooped with laughter at Harry's face as he got to partake in their old head of house's favor for her Quidditch team. Both of them were giddy with such excitement for finally getting another game they'd yet to complain about the fact they hadn't gotten this chapter.
When this announcement was met with stunned faces in class, she turned grim eyes to Harry and Ron and told them to use this extra time to train hard, she'd grown too accustomed to seeing the Cup in her office.
The other three joined in the laughter as well, all imagining how many times McGonagall had looked to that Cup and smirked.
Snape was no less obviously partisan;
"But that part's not unusual," James grumbled less harsh than normal because he was still grinning for his own head of house.
he had booked the Quidditch pitch for Slytherin practice so often that the Gryffindor's had difficulty getting on it to play.
"Wait, I thought you said the staff couldn't book the pitch for the team!" Harry yelped furiously.
"I, thought they couldn't," James's euphoria was instantly wiped clean in frustration. "At least, they used to not be able to, I can't imagine why Madam Hooch is letting him."
"I wouldn't even be that surprised if he was doing it around her noticing," Sirius grumbled in disgust.
He was also the worst in pretending no such fights ever took place, such as when Alicia Spinnet got put in the hospital wing because her hair was growing so thick and fast it was obscuring her eyes and mouth. Snape refused to punish the Slytherin who'd done it, despite the fourteen witnesses saying Bletchley had. He instead insisted the girl must have put a hair-thickening charm on herself and messed up.
Harry scowled in agitation that McGonagall hadn't been able to do anything either because the complaint had been set to Snape, though he didn't know why Alicia had done such a thing.
Lily saw red for a moment, hating this vile creature who continued to act like the very thing he'd hated as a child.
Harry still felt optimistic about their chances, as he'd never lost to Malfoy. Ron still wasn't up to Wood's old standards, but he performed very well when not under pressure. The problem turning out to be when he blundered once, he was far more likely to continue doing so.
"That is a really, really bad start," James muttered, bouncing in place as he tried to work on some advice in his head he'd offer Ron for that.
When he was on point though, Ron had shown off some spectacular saves, such as one memorable practice where he'd swung free from his broom and kicked the Quaffle so far away it went into the other team's hoop instead.
"Wow, sounds like Ron pulled off a Starfish and Stick," Sirius grinned for the talent.
The whole team had praised this, comparing it to the Irish International Keeper who'd performed this move. Fred and George had been so proud, they'd even seriously considered admitting Ron was related to them,
"I would never deny my relation to the Weasley's, it's one I'm actually proud of," Sirius grinned.
something they assured him they had been trying to deny for four years.
Lily tisked while the boys chuckled at the jab.
The closer the game approached though, the worse Ron continued to get. As Harry had been on the team for years now, he was well used to the buildup and resulting snide comments in the corridors, such as Pansy's whispered threat that Warrington was promising to knock Potter clear from his broom. Harry responded by laughing that Warrington's aim was so bad, he'd be more worried for the person next to him.
Harry grinned as it caused those around him to laugh as well, nothing pleased him more than watching them laugh, at least when he was in on the joke.
Ron however had yet to respond in kind, instead turning green at every insult, or else shaking so bad he'd likely drop whatever he was holding.
"And here I thought Ron always wanted attention," Remus sighed.
"Clearly not this kind," Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Well then this is a good lesson for him to learn, you don't just get one kind of attention," James said a little sourly.
The morning of the match dawned bright and cold.
James and Sirius groaned in unison they'd missed out on a Quidditch chapter, but both kept their mouths silent from complaint, for now.
Harry awoke to find Ron in bed, knees pressed to his chest, his eyes gazing at nothing. Harry insisted he'd loosen up as soon as he ate some breakfast.
"Food does seem to make him feel better usually," Remus agreed.
The Great Hall seemed noisier than usual with so many talking excitedly about one thing. As they passed the Slytherin table, they all jeered as usual, but many of them waved at Ron while pointing at tiny little silver crown badges they were wearing and then laughing.
"More scare tactics," James scoffed.
Harry could tell there was something written on the badges, but was walking too fast to get Ron away from them to read what.
"Maybe Umbridge approved some new club," Lily said without much care, though she'd already rather hear about that than spend another chapter on a game where her son was likely to be injured, so she supposed she should enjoy the boredom while it lasted.
They received a much more welcoming arrival by fellow Gryffindor's, but if possible Ron found the cheer more depressing as he sank into his seat as if it were his last meal.
"And all he's going to get is cereal, what a disappointment," Sirius chuckled.
Whispering hoarsely to Harry he'd been mental to think he could do this.
"He's being too hard on himself, the first game is always the hardest," James said with honest sympathy this time.
Harry said he'd be great, it was normal to be nervous, and reminded him of his brilliant save even Fred and George had admired.
"The highest praise that can be offered," Sirius grinned.
Ron turned miserable eyes on his best mate as he admitted that had been an accident, he'd almost fallen off and hadn't even realized the Quaffle had been coming towards him.
Remus couldn't help snorting in surprise even while the other three boys huffed in disappointment, James and Sirius at least thinking they never would have admitted that and instead Ron should have learned how he'd done that and practiced more.
Harry had to scramble a moment to recover from shock before saying a few more accidents like that and the game was made.
Remus and Lily started giggling this time while the old players chose to ignore them.
Ginny and Hermione arrived as Harry finished his own bowl of cereal, Ron watching the dregs as if seriously considering drowning himself in them.
"I've never considered drowning myself in milk," Sirius said with his head cocked to the side, this time ignoring altogether as Remus smacked him upside the head as he continued, "but that one's original at least."
They asked how he was doing, and when he didn't answer, Harry assured he was just nervous. Hermione said that was normal, she was always anxious before exams.
"Because bringing up homework right now is really the way to make him feel better," James scoffed.
They were called from behind, and turned to see Luna smiling at them with a peculiar item on her head, a life size lion's head hat.
Lily paused for a moment to take that one in while Sirius immediately clapped his hand to his forehead and cried, "how could I never have thought of that?!"
"Because you were on the team with me," James was grinning even as he rolled his eyes at Sirius, "why would you ever think to make something like that?"
"Because it's brilliant!" Sirius' grin kept stretching wider by the second the more he thought about this, before swatting Remus on the arm and demanding, "Moony, why didn't you ever think of this?!"
"I apologize," Remus said, and Harry couldn't tell how much sarcasm was in that.
She gestured to the hat as if they'd missed it while informing them she was supporting Gryffindor for this match.
"You think she has one for Ravenclaw?" James chuckled.
"I think Harry would have noticed before now if he'd ever played against Ravenclaw and a student was wearing an eagle on their head," Lily smiled.
She'd even magicked it to roar like a lion, demonstrating as much when she tapped her wand against it and the whole hall jumped from the noise.*
Sirius gave an exaggerated yawn at the idea as he watched Lily's cat lick itself, he'd never been afraid of a cat in his life. The lion head had been a cool idea to support his team, but the sound effect would have just made him laugh.
Luna asked if they liked it.
"Yes," Remus agreed at once. "I'm curious what she made it out of."
"I'm sorry I didn't ask," Harry said honestly.
Then continued on saying she'd wanted to recreate a serpent tail being eaten to represent Slytherin, but she hadn't the time.
"Now there's an excellent use of crafts!" James beamed, "I think I finally see why some kids wanted an art class."
"Well when Harry beats Slytherin and they have a slight chance at a rematch, Luna can put it on in the meantime," Sirius chuckled, both boys missing the pained look Harry got for imagining himself in the next game...
Then she gave Ron a good luck wave as she walked off.
The three Chasers came over to collect the boys, but Harry assured they'd be down soon, he still wanted Ron to have some breakfast.
"Remember your first match and how you were too nervous to eat," Lily reminded him, "I don't think it's going to work dear."
"Well we finally found the way to make Ron not want food," Remus muttered to Sirius.
After ten more minutes though, it was clear Ron wasn't having it, so Harry moved to get him out of the Great Hall. Hermione gave him a hurried whisper before he left not to let Ron see those Slytherin badges.
"Why?" All five muttered to themselves, trying to figure out what that had to do with anything.
Then she wished both boys good luck, before standing on tiptoe and giving Ron a kiss on the cheek. Ron now looked more bewildered than ever as he touched the place as they left the Great Hall.
"Oh, so she didn't kiss you on the cheek as well?" Sirius switched to snickering about this now.
"Here's hoping that puts Ron in a better mood," Remus said cheerfully.
"Or it might just distract him," James scolded much to his friends amusement, now remembering how he'd reacted when Lily kissed him before his last game.
He was now so distracted Harry had the chance to read a badge as he passed the table even while getting Ron outside quickly as possible, and saw the tiny words Weasley is our King.
"I'm confused," Sirius said slowly, knowing he was supposed to be angry but not sure at what yet.
Lily however kept reading while beaming, and it took the boys a minute to guess what she thought those were. Lily was probably hoping some of the Slytherin's were finally starting to show some equal support for both houses, and none of them were going to be the one to burst her bubble, though they were all thinking if it was anything like that Hermione wouldn't have told Harry not to let Ron see them. Lily was probably just discounting what Hermione thought they were though like she was to them.
Harry at once knew they weren't anything good as he led Ron outside. The frost covered grass crunched under their feet, the weak sun above making all visible without being cumbersome, and there was no wind.
"Sounds like perfect conditions," James said wistfully, he really was looking forward to a game soon that he could play in again.
Even when Harry pointed all these things out, Ron still seemed more distracted than anything, and this kept up even as they went into the locker rooms to change and Ron tried to put his uniform on backwards for several minutes before Alicia took pity on him.
"I don't see why they couldn't have been left like that," Remus couldn't help but poke fun just as he always did to his friends when they needed it whether Ron was here or not.
The crowd outside was already thundering into the stadiums as Angelina began telling them she'd only just gotten the final line-up for the Slytherin team.
"Typical of any team to hand that over last minute," James rolled his eyes.
Last year's Beaters had graduated, but the two new guys didn't look much different than the old gorillas, named Crabbe and Goyle.
"Wow, wondering if Malfoy got them the latest Nimbus models again to let his friends on the team," Sirius scoffed.
Harry said he knew them well enough, and they were of the same mold as the old dunces.
Angelina nodded, and then called them all to line up to head outside, wishing them all one last good luck.
"It sounds like they're going to need it," Remus couldn't help mutter.
A roar of noise greeted them from the cheering and booing of both sides, also what sounded oddly like singing.
James was starting to get a nervous feeling about that song the more it was mentioned, if it had anything to do with the Slytherin's he just couldn't hold out hope it would be a good thing.
The Slytherin's were lined up and waiting, Malfoy at once catching sight of Ron and tapping his badge while smirking.
Lily sighed deeply, any hope for her idea gone already if Malfoy was wearing one. Now she read on grimly, somehow looking forward to getting through this less every line.
Hooch instructed both captains to shake hands, and if Montague's tense frame was any indication, he was trying to crush Angelina's fingers, who never winced.
"Tough girl, it's not hard to see why Fred likes her," Sirius grinned. "Hey Harry, did her and Fred keep together after the Yule Ball?"
"I never asked them," Harry shrugged, "but I had seen George hanging around with Lee once or twice without Fred around, so maybe."
The fourteen players mounted their brooms, and the game began. Harry and Malfoy at once streaking to opposite ends of the field to find the lone gold snitch.
"Is he not going to try following you around with lame insults anymore?" James chuckled.
Commentation at once began with Johnson with the Quaffle,
"Honestly Lily, how can you read that sounding so bored," Sirius groaned as she read out for the commentator as if reading the morning paper.
Lily simply shrugged, but Remus suddenly wished Sirius hadn't said anything, as Lily continued if possible in an even more flat voice, much to both his friends annoyance.
he'd been saying for years how good she was and she should go out with him-
"Maybe I was wrong about Angelina and Fred though," Harry said good naturedly.
"Or the friends messing with one of the twins," Sirius brushed off, still glaring at Lily more every second as she tried to make her voice as monotone as possible.
but McGonagall finally cut in on Jordan and told him to focus. Lee agreed at once and went back to more details on the game, the Quaffle passing between Montague, then hit with a Bludger by a Weasley twin, then to Katie, Alicia and she was off for the Slytherin post-
"Alright, that's it," James made a lunge for the book, which Lily neatly dodged and kept the book close to her chest, now full blown grinning at her husband.
"What, I'm not allowed to have a bit of fun?"
"This is the opposite of fun woman!" Sirius groaned. "I've never heard someone be so dull about a sport in my life."
Lily's giggling increased while James kept muttering at her side and eyeing the book with longing, he'd clearly been out of practice to long, but when she kept going it was clearly getting harder by the moment to hold a blank face as her own amusement kept rising.
Harry was listening intently to Lee's commentary as he continued his own search, only hearing about Alicia avoiding a Bludger and Warrington, but pausing in confusion when he heard singing.
While Harry had been enjoying the show, both his mum messing with the two and his old Quidditch memories, he could already feel a stirring of unease for whatever was fixing to come. Lily clearly felt it as well as she couldn't quite keep up a bored tone anymore, wondering at who could be singing during the game.
Lee paused so that the lyrics could ring out, insert Slytherin version of Weasley is our King.
Lily had blanched in shock upon the first line, but she'd managed to stutter the whole thing out in the thick, heavy silence before coming to a screeching halt when she'd finally run out of insults.
"I-that is the lowest-" Remus looked too disgusted for words at what they were doing to Ron.
"Wow, I have seen a lot of backhanded things to mess with a player, but never a song dedicated to them," James's face was scrunched up with derision even as a very tiny part of him vaguely admired the dedication that went into something so elaborate.
"Really makes you wonder what Malfoy does with the rest of his free time, sings ballads to Hermione's parents, or poems to Harry's fame." Sirius snapped, his face twisted with dislike as he knew he'd have cursed Malfoy out of the air if he'd been there.
There was no longer any fun in Lily continuing with much less enthusiasm than anyone else, they all would have felt the same forcing themselves to read this bit no matter their love of the sport.
The moment Lee had realized what was being sung he'd tried to launch back into even louder and more detailed comments, but Alicia had passed to Angelina, who'd missed, making the ball Slytherin's as the song erupted again louder than ever.
James was practically vibrating in place, wanting to snap on a burst of speed and deck Malfoy where he flew, wanting to say something that would make Ron put that stupid song out of his head, but both were lost to him.
Warrington was heading back up the pitch with the Quaffle, finally putting a test to the new Keeper blood Ron Weasley, brother to Beaters Fred and George.
"The twins friend is doing a terrible job of helping them deny relation," Remus randomly muttered as anything else to think about, fighting back the impulse to press his hands to his ears in worry for this to come.
Even as Lee cheered on Ron, his wild dive saved nothing, it was ten zero to Slytherin.
All five of them cursed in sync for this misfortune, Lily denying doing any such thing by reading on loudly so as not to let the boys miserate for too long.
The singing burst through even louder, more people seeming to join in with every rendition.
"That can not be allowed!" Harry finally burst with frustration. "Can you put a whole house in detention! McGonagall, or someone shouldn't be letting them say that about him!"
The others remained completely silent with frustration, no one wanted to be the one to tell Harry what he already knew, there was nothing that could be done, it would be impossible to halt the whole game and kick those singing out of the stands.
Gryffindor continued the game with the ball in hand, as Harry continued more desperately now for the search of the Snitch, the chorus still thundering through the stadium.
Lily was forcing herself to keep reading this in a flat rage now, what she wouldn't give to put silencing charms on the lot of them for ever turning someone's life into such a cruel joke of a song.
The pattern continued as the ball continued passing hands, even out of the immediate action the song still being belted in the background.
Remus was twitching with unease in the tense room, wishing he could go back to laughing along with his friends about something as fun as a Quidditch game, why couldn't they ever go one of these without something terrible happening every time.
Harry refused to watch the actual action as he passed by the Slytherin Keeper, who was singing along with the lyrics.
"I'm going to imagine for a moment they skipped on some practices to all memorize this rubbish," James hissed under his breath.
Soon enough though, Ron was once again at bat, and the groan from his side of the crowd below was all Harry needed as answer. Still, twenty-nil was nothing, a few goals and they'd be back on even.
Sirius gave Harry an absent pat on the shoulder, absolutely agreeing with him this could all turn around any moment. The score wouldn't even feel as bad as it did if that wretched song would quit being passed around, but though Lily looked like she was considering skipping any more lines of it, that wasn't making it vanish.
After two more goals got through though, Harry really felt the beginnings of panic. He needed to finish the game quickly, and then no one would remember the rest of this mess. Angelina gave the Gryffindor's below something to cheer on soon, making the score forty-ten to Slytherin. Harry was ducking a Bludger sent his way
"Hooch didn't call that?" James snapped. "Could have used that penalty, Harry wasn't showing any signs of having seen the Snitch!"
"That's such an arguable call hardly anyone goes for it," Remus disagreed, James opening his mouth to argue the point but Lily ignored them both.
and keeping an eye on Malfoy as the game continued around them with those lines still being shouted.
Finally Harry saw the Snitch at the bottom of the Slytherin's goal posts, he dived, and in seconds Malfoy was on his tail, the two neck in neck,
Had Lily's joke at the start of this game not been interrupted she still wouldn't have had it in her to mime carelessness now, even with that horrid song echoing in the back of her mind she was edging in her seat with excitement.
It was over in one breathless swipe, Harry's fingers encasing the struggling, minute ball as Malfoy's fingers scrabbled at the back of his hand, and Harry stopped short to wave to the roaring approval of the Gryffindor crowd.
"YES!"
The echoing cheer of excitement could have woken neighbors. This was exactly what they needed to shove in those stupid Slytherin faces just how useless they were, how some hateful song wouldn't be enough to stop such a magnificent team!
Harry glowed for a moment in their praise, but the smile never quite reached his eyes as he watched them bounce with excitement for him. He wasn't sure he wanted to understand this feeling of dread, of something heavy just waiting to pounce on him for this win. Was it to do with Ron? Surely no one was really going to hold that against him, it was his first game after all...
WHAM.
Harry felt a Bludger punch the small of his back, flinging him off his broom.
Lily jerked in surprise as she read that, whatever victory she'd been holding before in that small moment blown away as effectively as a cannonball. The game was over, and Lily was hoping Ron got his revenge by clocking whichever Beater that was for pulling that stunt.
Harry was still only five feet off the ground, so the tumble forward merely winded him. Hooch at once flew up to begin shouting at the Slytherin Beater while Angelina landed near him, asking if he was alright.
Harry said of course he was while getting to his feet.**
"Oh yes, just a solid metal ball slamming into your spine, walk it off," Lily grumbled under her breath as she eyed her child, then turned sharp eyes on her husband who looked no more pleased but certainly not worried about injury.
Angelina explained it was Crabbe who'd done it. Then she began cheering they'd won!
A derisive snort from behind showed that Malfoy had not landed far away, now furiously telling Harry it was a miracle he'd saved Weasley's neck, but of course he'd be rubbish, he was born in a bin, then asked Harry if he liked the lyrics, he'd done them himself.
"He's wasting his talents as a slimeball," Sirius snarled, "he needs to pass on already and become a poltergeist."
"So long as he doesn't haunt Hogwarts," James agreed.
Harry refused to answer, turning away as the rest of the team landed around him except Ron, who landed over by his goals and was walking towards the changing room alone.
"I hope you go after him Harry," Lily couldn't help but urge, "you're only giving Malfoy what he wants by hanging back and listening to him."
Harry didn't answer, his face growing tighter by the minute as that feeling of anger continued to pound through him.
Malfoy kept going, pretending he had an audience as he explained he'd wanted to add some more in about being fat and ugly, for the Weasley's mother of course,
Harry's eyes flashed, he tensed and would have shot a curse at nothing if Sirius hadn't laid a restraining hand on his shoulder and whispered a calm reminder there was nothing for it now. It didn't make anyone feel any better, even though some of them held a dislike for Molly now they could never condone saying such a thing about her.
as well as loser for his father.
Lily was trying to read this quickly, so as to get the feel of sandpaper off her tongue from pure frustration. It never angered her any less when Malfoy continued using the same insults.
Fred and George tensed as they watched Malfoy with disgust, but even as Malfoy began backing away he was still talking about why this wouldn't bother Potter of course, the stank of the blood-traitors house must be similar to the Muggles who'd dragged him up.
No one ever appreciated any reminder of the Dursley's, but putting them in any kind of comparison which was the safe house of the Burrow like that truly was the most insulting thing they'd yet heard.
Harry grabbed hold of George to stop him doing anything, while the three Chasers were doing the same to Fred.
"I don't know why they're bothering," Sirius articulated through gritted teeth, "Malfoy's gone past where a detention would be worth it."
Malfoy clearly didn't care as he kept going, saying Potter must remember the stench from his own mother's house, she'd been even worse off being a-
James moved so fast Lily didn't realize the book had been wrenched away until she was staring at her empty hands, a slight burn in her palms from how tight she'd been holding the cover the only imprint of it. Maybe he'd just been going easy on her before then.
She turned to snap at him, but he was too busy jabbing his wand at the offending page. "James!" She protested, trying to push her hand in the way to stop him before he did permanent damage.
"I am sick of that little scumbag insulting everyone, especially you," he said in a scary calm voice.
"Well doing whatever you're trying to do to that won't fix anything," she snapped as she pulled it back to her.
He gave in with a hateful scowl still in place, and Lily turned back to see the spell he'd managed to put in place, where Malfoy's name had been replaced with, well a colorful swear word Lily wasn't going to be saying. She fixed it and then kept going while James grumbled that hadn't been nearly enough payback.
Harry had no memory of releasing George, the two running side by side on their path to Malfoy, nor the shouts from his fellow teammates telling them to stop. All he knew was the fist drawn back, punching at Malfoy as hard as he could.
Lily stopped for a moment to look at her son, nibbling softly on her lip, but not a word could she find to speak against this. She couldn't claim to be much better if someone had been speaking of her mother.
The two only stopped when they fall off after the shout of the Impedimenta curse.
"I don't see why that was a reason to stop," Remus said quietly, "now's the time to go for the wand when the Muggle way stops working."
Sirius nodded in absolute agreement, his hand had long since been on his wand, just aching for something to curse.
Madam Hooch was in a towering temper above them, her wand out meaning she'd performed the jinx. Malfoy was still curled up in the grass, whimpering and nose bleeding.
"Clearly you didn't bash it into his skull, so I don't know what he's crying about," James snarled.
Hooch demanded the two go to McGonagall's office at once. They stormed off, Fred still being pinned beneath the Chasers and immune to anything else around them. It was only when they got to the office door did Harry start to feel something, and he glanced at his hand in surprise to see the one he'd been punching Malfoy with had still been holding the Snitch.
James struggled for a moment, but the compulsion to share his life with his son won out after his anger as he burst into speech, "I convinced our Seeker, Shilling, to keep the Snitch after every match and she passed it along to me. One of my favorite past times when I was bored was to pull it out and keep my reflexes up. Even I never thought of that though!"
"One of your very many annoying habits," Lily sniffed, her old angry bleeding tone giving James even more flashbacks. "You looked like such a show off."
"I was showing off," James agreed without remorse.
Harry couldn't marshal up much of a smile for the two, there was something about this day that promised to get even worse for him, and he had a feeling it wasn't about detention. There was also something else, a smaller memory that didn't align with this day, but promised he somehow had a first hand account of knowing those things his parents had just said, but that was ridiculous of course, how could he have known that?
They only stood there for a second when McGonagall came marching into view wearing a red and gold scarf, which she at once tore off as she pointed into the room looking livid.
"Damn, and I always loved it when she showed our house colors," Sirius winced.
"We're past flattery to make this better Padfoot," Remus rolled his eyes.
"Never stopped me from trying," Sirius shrugged.
She threw the scarf to the ground as she rounded the desk and on them.
"Now that was just uncalled for violence," James grumbled.
She demanded an explanation, and Harry quickly said they'd been provoked, which McGonagall did not find excusable as she pounded her fist on the desk, knocking over her tray of Ginger Newts.
"I think she needs to have one of her own biscuits and breathe for a moment," Lily said grimly, knowing Harry would get a chance to explain, but also knowing as well as anyone it wouldn't get him out of trouble no matter how much Malfoy had deserved it.
She snapped of course he had, he'd just lost, but nothing he could have said should have justified the two-
George cut in to say the insults, but McGonagall still said they should have gone to Hooch instead of displaying Muggle dueling.
"A very educational performance with splendid end results, really they should be getting thanks at least from Burbag," Sirius said flatly.
"There's that extra week we always got," Remus muttered.
Nothing further could be said before a hem, hem, entered the room.
"No!" Lily groaned as she gazed at that stupid little noise. "No, no, no-"
"Oh Lily, please tell me you're doing a terrible impression of a joke," James groaned into his fingers, he couldn't even look to her face for confirmation.
"What on earth is that roadkill doing there!" Sirius all but exploded. "She's nothing to do with any of this!"
Harry's horrible impression was growing more sickly by the moment. Somehow, this was all about to get terribly worse.
Harry and George turned in surprise to see Umbridge in the doorway wearing a green cloak, only further enhancing her resemblance to a toad as her pudgy eyes gleamed with a sickly ominous way Harry had come to associate with imminent misery.
"A face only my mother would love," Sirius groaned, digging his heels into his eyes so that he wouldn't have to keep watching Lily's face turn red from frustration of having to read about this woman in the same vicinity as her son again.
Umbridge offered McGonagall help in a poisonously sweet voice.
"You can help yourself off the astronomy tower," Remus snapped.
McGonagall actually grew more furious in the face of this, asking what help.
Umbridge insisted she'd thought McGonagall would be grateful for a little extra authority.
"I'd be more grateful if you dove headfirst into the black lake, meet the local population," Sirius promised.
Harry would not have been surprised to see sparks fly from Professor McGonagall's nostrils.
"Ah the twisted irony, Umbridge is actually doing more good than harm arriving then, because now McGonagall might go slightly easier on you in front of her," Lily sighed.
McGonagall snapped she'd thought wrong, trying to turn back to the two boys and giving them a week of detentions, but Umbridge would not be so easily deterred as she again made the hem, hem noise.
McGonagall closed her eyes as if praying for patience before slowly looking back to Umbridge.
"Merlin himself couldn't have offered any support for this except some toad-be-gone," James snipped.
Umbridge insisted she thought they deserved more than a detention for this display.
Harry was starting to twitch uncontrollably in his seat with unease, fighting the urge to either bury himself under the couch from a reaction he could sense coming, or tear the cushions in half from his own mounting anger. It helped nothing his family might just join in with McGonagall breathing fire soon, they all knew what Umbridge meant about her 'detentions.'
McGonagall's eyes flashed with outrage as she snapped that as these two were in her house, it was only her decision that mattered.
Umbridge oh so politely corrected that her decision did matter more while reaching for something.
"No..." Remus trailed off, too appalled to manage anything else in fear of where this was headed.
She pulled out something Cornelius had sent her, before correcting herself the Minister of course,
Lily only absently noted the lack and then use of the title as Umbridge's own self-importance in thinking she could be so informal, she was far more keyed into the new level of horror of where this could be going.
and unfurled a paper declaring it as Educational Decree Number Twenty-five-
though McGonagall interrupted in exasperation not another one!
"My sentiments exactly," James snarled.
Umbridge looked to her in surprise, saying McGonagall had given her the inspiration for this one as she'd overstepped and had Dumbledore intervene about putting the Gryffindor team back in play. Umbridge couldn't have that.
"No good deed goes unpunished," Remus said faintly, his two friends going bone white as they suddenly feared why this was being brought up again. Surely, no it wasn't possible, Umbridge couldn't have found a way to force the team to disband again, could she?!
Umbridge had contacted the Minister after this of course, the High Inquisitor couldn't be superseded like that or she'd have no more power than a common teacher.
"You shouldn't have any more authority than a sack of dung!" Lily screeched. She didn't want to keep going, was almost tempted to hand the book back over to James just so she wouldn't have to be the one to find out what this monster was going to do to her son next.
Then she went back to reading the amendment, that the High Inquisitor would henceforth have supreme authority over all punishments in school.
Lily had found it hard to believe the audacity of those first few amendments, and they somehow got worse every single time. This woman was creating these as she went along, and no one was stopping her!
She folded it back and put it away, before turning to the two boys and decided a life long ban on Quidditch for these two seemed sufficient enough punishment.
Harry's mind went blank. He heard shouting, he saw something get tossed across the room, but it was impossible to understand details as he struggled to wrap his mind around what he'd just heard.
Lily watched as the book thunked onto the mantel above the fireplace without regret, her fingers still twitching to throw something much bigger. She wasn't even a fan of her son being on the team and that was too far! She only held herself back from saying this by watching her husband work himself into a rampage with the only background thought being she should find a way to record this moment, otherwise there would be no record of Umbridge left when James was threw with her.
"-youngest Seeker in a century, she can't do that to him!"
Then again, what did they need a record of her for except an example of a transfiguration spell gone terribly wrong.
Sirius was too busy running scenarios in his head about something far too violent to be put into words, he needed action to get this one out of his system. Remus couldn't get his mind to act much better, as affronted as his friends and more than willing to enact whatever revenge they came up with.
Lily watched the lot of them try to find some way to work off their temper without destroying the house in vain, she really couldn't see a way to call their attention back even if she'd wanted to. So it was to her surprise when James finally found something resembling his normal voice and forced himself not to shout at his wife, "Lily would you keep going please. I'd like to get to the end of this book and find out how she's leaving this school." Then he trailed off into more hateful mutters about how that wasn't going to happen fast enough, and he couldn't believe his son was missing this sport for a whole year until that walking wart left.
"If it isn't Remus tearing her head off to replace her than it's not going to be as satisfactory," Sirius said grimly.
Lily silently agreed as she summoned the book back and pressed on for more horror.
Harry went numb in shock as he gazed at Umbridge telling herself this was for the best, terrible tempers the both of them, and for good measure Fred Weasley should be taken off as well as surely he'd have joined in the malay if he hadn't been restrained. She also wanted their brooms in her office, to make sure her ban was being enforced.
"She's gone from crossing the line into a whole new abyss!" Sirius howled in frustration. "She's, that's not, there's no-"
"She can't do that," Lily said in opposition. Quietly, a dangerous predator about to strike. "That's his private property, it's not against school rules to have."
"Well don't tell her that, or she'll ban brooms from the school next," Remus threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.
Then she addressed McGonagall that she was not being unreasonable,
"You are something that I have only called one person, and you deserve the term far more than them," Remus growled.
she would allow the other members to continue playing, while McGonagall gazed at her as if carved from ice.
"I need McGonagall to understand that her life purpose now needs to be revenge for this," James pleaded with the universe. "Someone in that castle must understand this!"
"I'm worried there will be someone who does," Remus suddenly said with a touch of worry, looking to a still fuming Sirius. If he heard about Umbridge doing this, he may come up to the school and give her what he'd promised Harry Prongs and Padfoot would do in their own time.
With a look of satisfaction, Umbridge left the horrified room with silence in her wake.
Angelina was beside herself with anger when she heard there were no more Beaters or a Seeker on her team. Harry looked around the rest of the morose common room, it was as if they hadn't won at all.
"This woman is the physical embodiment of a mood killer," Lily groaned.
"I honestly believe she's a demon sent from hell at this point," Remus agreed.
Angelina was the only one with energy, shouting about the injustice of this. Fred didn't even deserve it, he hadn't done anything!
Fred snapped back in anger that was only because he was being held back from punching that scumbag to a pulp.
"Hey, the twins," Sirius suddenly snapped his fingers, giving Remus a pleased enough smirk. "Stop your worrying about me Moony, I can guarantee the twins won't be taking this one lying down."
Remus nodded grudgingly. It didn't make anyone's anger disappear by one level, but it did ease the misery of watching Harry's face as he relieved this moment.
Harry could only gaze out the dark window where snow was falling again. The Snitch had made its way back to the common room with him and was now flitting about chairs with Crookshanks chasing it.
James sighed as he imagined the old grin he could put on people's faces as he did this same thing nights in a row, of the party that should be going on, of simpler and fun times in his school, was it truly impossible for his son to enjoy that?
Angelina finally slumped off to bed, wishing this was all a bad dream and they hadn't even played yet.
"I don't ever want to relive this day, considering I'm struggling to come up with a worse outcome than this," Sirius huffed.
Remus gave a commiserating nod of agreement, Lily frowning pityingly at all of the boys in the room, but even she couldn't imagine how this could have gone a better way, the end results seemed inevitable by this point.
The common room slowly dispersed as well, only Harry and Hermione lingering because Ron had yet to make an appearance. When he finally did come edging in, he was covered in snow and just as pale as it.
Hermione quickly ushered him to the fireplace, asking where he'd been.
Ron just said on a walk, then told Harry he was going to resign first thing in the morning.
Lily truly pitied him, but couldn't help wondering if that wasn't for the best. Just because you were good at something didn't mean you could do it in front of a crowd, and that's clearly where Ron was sitting. She'd hate to see him ever feel so low again.
James absolutely disagreed, setting his shoulders and wishing he could drag Ron onto the pitch right now, already an idea forming in his head of how he'd help him to work through this. First he'd put one person in the stands until Ron could easily ignore that no matter what was said, and then keep adding people until Ron could block them all out. He didn't care how long it took, he'd find a way so that Ron would never let someone get the better of him like this. There was no such thing as quitting with dignity as far as he was concerned.
Harry snapped at him if he did that then there'd only be three players left. Ron looked at him in confusion,
"He hadn't heard of this!?" Remus said in surprise.
"I was wondering why he didn't question why the common room wasn't in party mode," Sirius grumbled, "clearly he hasn't heard much of anything."
before Hermione explained what had happened.
Ron looked even more anguished as he said this was all his fault.
"Oh it's nothing of the sort," Lily snapped, wondering if Hermione would whack Ron upside the head for his thinking something so stupid.
Harry said it was nothing of the sort, while Ron returned if he hadn't been so bad at Quidditch,
"Malfoy would have caused all this no matter how Ron played," Sirius snapped.
the two going back and forth like this until Harry burst loudest of all for Ron to stop blaming himself for everything.
Remus winced for Ron, sympathizing with him more than anyone else as he could really see why Ron did. People telling you you were something long enough tended to leave a mark.
Ron remained in a silent misery for a moment longer before saying this was the worst he'd ever felt in his life.
Remus had watched the exaggerations of his friends all his life long enough to know better than to pick on Ron for that statement. Though he was hard pressed to really not ask if this was worse than thinking his sister was dead.
Harry snapped he could join the club.
Hermione had gotten to her feet to stare at something out the window before telling them she'd found something to cheer them both up.
"Umbridge's tombstone," James snapped.
"His Firebolt back," Sirius sighed.
Harry asked what that could be skeptically, and Hermione said with a brilliant smile that Hagrid was back.
"He what?" Harry demanded, jumping to his feet in joy as Lily eagerly pressed the book into James' hands now so he could read more about that!
HPHPHPHPHP
The Lily reads a Quidditch game in a monotone voice idea was offered by, DjuulLOVEhp!
*Fun fact, most lion roars in movies are actually done by tigers. Ever heard a lion roar? You should, it sounds like their hacking up a hairball, not exactly intimidating to watch on a computer screen, more funny than anything, but I'm sure it's plenty scary in the wild. Now tigers, those guys will make you piss yourself through an enclosure.
** Reports say a Bludger weighs 149 pounds! I don't need to be a scientist to know that is more than enough to not only break a spine but go right through the human body if dropped on someone, let alone hit with force from a distance. In second year one of these was enough to break his elbow at a glancing blow! I'm not sure whether to call bull on inconsistency, or wonder if Harry died in this moment and the rest is all some twisted version of hell.
#The Life that Never Lived#Harry Potter#fanfiction#reading the books#OotP#hp#The Marauders#James Potter#Lily Potter#Jilly#Remus Lupin#Sirius Black
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Gays go to Slytherin
I saw the Cursed Child on Broadway last week and can with a full throat recommend it for its technical achievements. From a story perspective I am not as enthusiastic. I'm pointlessly puritanical about the books so I never got too hyped on the Harry Potter movies, either. For the magical effects, and even for that more ephemeral magic of the theatre, I think anyone who goes to see the production will enjoy it. One component stuck out to me as particular in the context of JK Rowling wrestling characters written ten plus years ago, living twenty plus years ago, into the present day and its politics. (I won't concede Rowling's control of the canon on this, though I should point out the play's credited writer is Jack Thorne. Hers is the spirit, not the letter.) The two teen leads, Scorpius Malfoy and Albus Potter, have a relationship that in all but words is romantic. They're outsiders and don't quite understand why. They negotiate intimate physical contact - just hugs! - for the first time in that awkward, teenage, effortful way. Paternal denial, familiar from gay movies and gay nightmares and too often, gay lives, separates the boys. They long for each other from atop parallel staircases, like the leads on the poster for Sleepless in Seattle. The tension is too obvious to call subtext, and the gay content is hardly sublimated - it's just undiscussed. Why? Money, I'd wager. Box office would be compromised if the leads - 14 years old, in the action of the play - confessed their love, gay and undying, for each other. By coding their actions with the level of difficulty of a cereal box, Rowling can have it both ways: that queer sense of danger conferred by hiding love away; and a veritable mint in the newly renovated Lyric Theatre. One curious result of barely submerging the iceberg of gayness cis, white and male (the nation's favorite deviant sexuality): we find out, all gays go to Slytherin. There's some low hanging fruit in the association. Snakes are phallic (which the gays love), snakes are sibilant (which the gays are). The association goes deeper. Slytherin is where the play's boys are sorted. It's where Albus is kept from, when he and Scorpius are forcibly separated, and that late in life conversion does nothing to repair the relationship with Albus's father. Slytherin's is the iconography of intrigue, deception, lapsarian excess - aka, primordial two-pitched ~*~*~*~drama*~*~*~. Slytherin is the house of society removed, of petty cruelty, of cruel beauty. Slytherin is the house of blood anxiety. Harry Potter's most famous gay character, of course, is Albus Dumbledore. He wasn't in Slytherin. He was a Gryffindor. But Dumbledore came of age when sexual attraction between men wasn't an identity, it was an action. He's over a hundred when he dies in 1997. There was a burgeoning academic understanding of sexuality as identity when Dumbledore was sorted at 11. Even were the Sorting Hat aware of this, it did not approach our modern understanding that seems taken for granted now: who you sleep with determines who you are. Whatever Dumbledore got up to in his four poster can't have determined his house. After all, Hogwarts is a boarding school. There's not room enough for all of Hogwarts in Slytherin alone. Back then, being gay wasn't who you were, it was something you did. For better or worse, that's changed now, for us, and for this new Albus. We've accepted that sexuality is one of the ways we establish who we are. So what can we make of this assignment, of gays to Slytherin? It doesn't mean Rowling thinks gays are bad. One of the less successful projects of the books was to establish that being in Slytherin didn't mean you were a dark wizard. Peter Pettigrew was a Gryffindor and a traitor. Severus Snape, as the play reminds us, was a Slytherin and a hero. Rowling doesn't consign a quarter of the juvenile wizarding population to shady deals in Knockturn Alley. The connotation persists. Slytherin are sinister. Gays are deviant. And maybe that is the connection: gays and Slytherins suffer from unfair stigma. It's prosaic, but it's real, and fits the Harry Potter universe's larger lessons about the ugliness of prejudice. Harry is different from his son, and while that difference might define them, it needn't separate them. So the gays get their own little club, like they always wanted. Outsider queens, who transfigure their operative difference from shame to pride. What would be the point in being normal? Sheep go to heaven. Gays go to Slytherin.
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