#the slutty webs we weave

[imagine-loki]

The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Title : The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter NO. 4 of 10?

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s Asgardian wife learns women write fanfiction about him on a trip to Midgard. She’s edgy for the duration and lets him have it when they get back.

Author: lokilover9

Rating: M

Notes: Hello everyone. I will get to writing another chapter of Irked, but for now, here’s a mini crack fic. Should be good for a laugh or two.

That afternoon and throughout the evening, Brianna stayed in her room with Loki. He appeared once to make her a sandwich, assured everyone she was fine and returned to her without another word. At around midnight, he sauntered into the living room looking exasperated.

"She's sleeping. In the bed this time."

"Why hadn't she before?" Asked Pepper.

His fists clenched. "A fear of rats obtained on the streets. Which I assume happened during her traveling to meet me."

"You can't blame yourself for that."

Loki went to the kitchen, retrieved some expensive Scotch from a cupboard above the fridge and started chugging it. "Yes I can, Virginia. She knew I was her Father before coming."

"What?" Everyone joined him around the island. "How?"

"Her Mother kept a diary." He held up the Scotch. "And us magically inclined are astute at finding hidden treasure."

"Must be hereditary." Kidded Stark. "Little Warrior's a master tater tot thief."

"Fuck. She thought I'd abandoned her."

"Harsh, bro. Even I know you're incapable of that."

"Still impersonating a Prince, are you?"

"I'm serious." Said Thor. "Obviously you forgot that termination spell on someone. If it wasn't a woman from the dumpster night, then who?"

"It was."

"Huh? You had sex with a woman in a dumpster?" Asked Stark.

"He woke in one naked after tossed into it by three."

"You had sex with 'three' women in a dumpster?"

"No, I was drugged first. Hence the waking?"

"And razzed me about doing the same in a seniors tub?"

Pepper frowned. "You had sex with a senior in her tub? What the hell, Tony?"

Loki rubbed his brow. 'I'm surrounded by fucking lunatics.'

"Virginia, no! Remember my best friend Mike? His grandmother…"

"Which one was it?" Thor quietly asked.

"The sword swallowing wench."

"You sure?"

"Brianna described her perfectly and showed me a matching, heart shaped birthmark beneath her collarbone."

Tony continued… "Now Loopy, also known as Sasquatch..."

"I thought you couldn't remember anything after..."

Loki's patience ran out and he banged the bottle down. "I DON'T REMEMBER! Which means she rode me until the fireworks went off because apparently my dick stays erect while I'm unconscious! How the bloody hell I'll convince Astrid of this saga is beyond me!"

"Aren't you more worried of convincing Mother?"

"I don't talk to Mother about my dick Thor and hope you don't either."

"Uh, guys? Lady present. Change the subject, please?"

"With pleasure. Brianna's been alone for almost three months. Fending for herself on a realm where her own kind are willing to sell her off to the highest bidder. That's why her Mother, whose name I will not repeat, Claudia and Hannah, all took turns that night to see who'd strike gold. They were hoping she would inherit some of my powers.Thank the fucking norns two failed!"

"Oh my god." Pepper solemnly whispered.

"Stop shouting. You'll wake her."

Loki pensively stared at Thor. "I've silenced her room. Ironic how every realm thinks Frost Giants monsters. Call it a sixth sense, but I recently felt compelled to learn the Jotun language and began studying their history. For millenniums, they thrived in a predominantly wealthy, civilized and disciplined, family oriented culture. Just like Asgardians. Laufey's greed for power changed all that."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Brianna knows."

The older God responded curtly. "You told her she's a Frost Giant?"

The second Stark had revealed her ice capade, Loki knew she was his and conjured a back up plan to protect her. Testing Thor was part of it. If he couldn't accept her, Odin definitely wouldn't. Especially once learning of her true identity. 'Thanks for your honesty, brother. Now to put that plan into action.' "Brianna is six years old. She's lived in constant fear of those who should have loved her and of herself, because she didn't understand her powers, or where they stemmed from. I will not betray her by lying about her heritage, nor permit she lives ashamed of it. Certainly you understand?" He then addressed Tony. "Excuse me. I need some air."

Stark got the hint and knew where he'd be. "Who's Laufey?" He asked uncle oaf.

"Jotunheim's last King."

"What happened to him?"

"He was murdered."

"Nice." He quickly winked at Pepper. "Stay here and mind Little Warrior? I think Snowflake could use a friend." He joined Loki outside, sitting against the glass on his landing deck. "You okay?"

"Besides overly tempted to murder three sluts? Of course."

"Please don't?"

"Only for my Daughter's sake."

"What else was in the diary?"

"Brianna and I spoke about many things. Some I'll tell you, some I won't."

"Why?"

"We agreed it best. You've done everything to protect her and we want to return the favor."

"I can protect myself."

"Not from yourself, should I reveal too much.

"Spoiled sports."

"I thank you again for watching over one of my own and for keeping your promise to Brianna. She praised you both a lot. Calls you uncle Cootyoodles."

Stark proudly grinned. “She's an amazing kid, but I'm happy you came. If not, Pepper and I planned to ask Thor to take her."

"To Asgard?"

"Where else? We can't protect her from the bad guys. She'd either become a lab rat or be used as a weapon, here. Her Mother is a perfect example of such intentions. Evil bitch."

"Indeed, yet not the mastermind. Hannah was. Brianna was secretly born in the same house she was conceived in and never registered as a citizen. Most recently, they were living in a house in the countryside in State. One a carpenter and the other an electrician, they'd constructed her a hidden, sound proof, room in the basement and that was her existence. Always fed and clothed, but comforted only by her Mother, who snuck her out from time to time. Yet never outside the house and at every opportunity, taught her how to use the computer. They'd resided in two other States the same way. Forever keeping Brianna hidden from society, waiting for a sign she had powers. She cleverly hid them and eventually braved sneaking out alone when they weren't around. Always careful to conceal her tracks while learning all she could of your world through the internet. Until one day, she was mistaken when Hannah sauntered out of bed late and became enraged by her presence. They reinforced her rooms security and although Brianna knew it bypassable, she was terrified to try after the arguing started. It continued for days, often vicious sounding, but she couldn't decipher the words. The worst of it ended with a distant scream on the grounds and panicked footsteps amidst the house. That night, Hannah went to her with a look of insanity, tossing bags of nonperishable food into her room and threatening her harm if she ever came out without permission again. When Brianna heard nothing for days, she bravely disobeyed and carefully scoured every room for money. That's how she encountered the diary and learned about me. Research lead her to you and she mapped out a plan."

"I knew she was brave, but that's extraordinary." Said Tony. "How did she escape?"

"Easily. They never returned."

"They just..vanished?"

"Apparently. When food ran low, Brianna rode her bike to a neighbors, hid herself in the back of his pick up truck and hitched a ride into the nearest city."

"Shit. Does she know what they did?"

"No explicit details were written, but imagine a six year old seeking the word sex on dictionary.com to learn how she was created. The plot began when Hannah saw me leaving their local grocery store and followed me to my hotel. From there, I was stalked until they discovered my favorite hangout."

Stark imagined suiting up on the bitches. "Now I'm tempted to murder three sluts. Poor Little Warrior. What a shitty life she lead. Can I ask where she came from?"

"No, but it took her three weeks to reach you with the help of homeless people."

"What?"

"Two in particular who by the grace of Valhalla, were kind enough to protect her along the way. Neither knew where she was headed and kept her presence secret. All in exchange for food, clothes and periodic shelter. One a teen she sent home to her family, the other an older woman, who claimed to have none. Brianna bid her goodbye near the Lincoln bridge and from there, traveled alone for two days."

"Holy fuck. I still can't believe she made it here alive."

"The child's a genius." 'Who already knows how to make herself invisible.' Thought Loki. He silently recalled the day he'd scared the shit out of some maids with half his face, upper torso and one leg invisible. He was on his way to Frigga after failing to rectify the problem. 'Norns. Only a task that took me until adulthood to master.'

"True, but I gotta know. How did she get into my Tower?"

The God merely arched his brows.

"Nevermind. Like Father, like Daughter. What now?"

"We leave for Asgard tomorrow afternoon. Brianna can't wait. Presuming having new parents 'and' living on a new realm might've induced her reluctance, I've convinced her it's a months visit."

"She's never coming back?"

"As an adult maybe. Beforehand could be risky. Please play along?"

"I will, but she'll hate me for it."

"She'll think you didn't know. I'll take the heat."

"What about Thor?"

"He can't know until morning. Then he won't run ahead and announce it, grandstanding in the name of preparing everyone."

"He'd do that?"

"He might. Brianna is my daughter. My responsibility. I'll not have my wife learning of her through him."

"Don't blame ya."

"There's something else he can't know. I shielded us from Heimdalls sight's the moment we landed to keep anyone from tracing Brianna back to you and Pepper. You're my friends and if they decide to look for her, I won't have your lives torn apart again because of me."

Tony was so humbled and astonished by everything, he never thought to ask why Thor couldn't know this information, or how these women knew Loki's powers were so extensive. "Thanks, man."

"I'll do all the headhunting on my next trip back. For now, the sluts can stew not knowing where Brianna is."

"Serves them right. Too bad we won't witness their panic."

Loki inwardly snickered. 'I might.'

"Why did Brianna sleep so long after making all that ice?"

"Extensive use by one so new to their powers is exhausting. I've seen it before."

"There are more like you on Asgard?"

"Only a handful of us are Gods. Yet many posses lesser powers they are schooled to perfect. As adults, they are encouraged to join our military."

"And if they don't?"

"It is not enforced, Tony. They are allowed to exist freely."

"Oh. Why was she so angry we touched her stuff?"

"She wants to tell you tomorrow."

"Okay. You mentioned a Claudia and Hannah. What was her Mother's name?"

"Brianna's about to disappear and you're still snooping, knowing jail time could loom in the future?"

"Can't an earthling be curious? Liiike..of how extensive Brianna's powers are?"

"Classified."

Stark rolled his eyes. "Should I just not bother asking anything else?"

"I can stargaze while tuning you out."

"Fine. Wanna know some fun facts about your Daughter?"

"Sure."

"She grows on ya real quick."

"I know."

"Loves vampires and zombies. Plays a mean game of Mario Kart, is a mathematical, geographical and weird animal whiz. Knows what an Emperor Tamarin is. They look like a Teddy bear, raccoon, monkey combination, with a wild west moustache. Gets a kick out of quizzing Jarvis and laughs her ass off when he fucks up."

Loki smirked.

"Loves motown music…"

"'Motown?'"

"Come on, really?" Tony motioned movements of the Supremes. "Stop! In the name of love, before you break my heart… No? How about this one?" He imitated Stevie Wonder, grooving at his piano. "...Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours!"

"You aren't my type." Teased Loki. "Nor am I familiar with that genre of music."

"Your loss, our gain. She also loves having stories read to her at bedtime and dancing. Tried teaching me how to moonwalk and I failed. Epically."

"Did she laugh her ass off at that too?"

"Yep. We'll miss her. A lot."

"I'll never let her forget you, Tony."

They started for the elevator.

"I hope not and that whole date rape thing? Be the victim male or female, the culprits deserve major jail time."

Familiar with Starks habit of finding amusement in the worst of circumstances, Loki sensed a punchline. "And?"

"Alter that part to your benefit in the future. Like you slipped and hit your head. A guys dick staying hard while he's unconscious? Great story to tell your grandson's around the campfire one day."

"Eh he he he. Maybe I will."

Loki settled into bed and conjured an ancient, Jotun text. He opened it to a marked page and silently re-read a prophecy he'd recently discovered. One written by a beloved seer of his ancestors;

'Gifted by the Norns, a child will be born on a foreign realm to a veiled, Jotun King and Mother of ignoble blood. A sorcerer by birth, he is destined to protect, guide and teach his sorceress daughter to cultivate and master her powers. For she will make history as a savior to the nine realms. Destined to unite them in battles against evil. A Queen who shall reign above kings. Jotunheim's Goddess of Ice.'

It vanished, replaced by Asgardian writing paper and a fancy pen as he thought of his wife. Her antics often drove people to drink, including himself, yet they loved each other madly. It was her bright blue eyes, perpetually cheery personality and spontaneity that first attracted him. A welcome change from the drudgery of structured royal life, but ultimately her sincere heart. She adored him, flaws included. And shite did she give good head. The only lover out of hundreds to pop his cork on the first try. Now, after their last conversation it saddened him to write this.

'Dear Astrid; Forgive me as I have a shocking confession to make. Foremost, I have no relationship of any kind with the woman involved and knew nothing of this until it was brought to my attention. It seems my carnal activities on Midgard have induced more than smutty fanfiction. I have a daughter, my lovely. A little girl who stole my heart with her smile. As you did. I would not recover from losing you, but owe her a chance. To breathe her realms air. Count its stars. Feel the sun and rain on her face. For myself to be the adult so she can be the child. I need time to earn her trust and hope we bond. I know it's a lot to ask, but wait for me? Give 'us' a fighting chance? Consider it at least?

Your adoring husband, Loki.'

He sealed it in an envelope and affectionately whispered to Brianna. "Our adventure begins, Og Min Lille."

Og Min Lille ~ My Little One in Norwegian

[slashermary]

i love not knowing i was drunk until i very much do.

[foularcadebanana]

Letters to an old friend

Prompt for Day 23 is ‘Letter’ and Day 24 is ‘Gather’ for the Untamed Fall Fest 2020. This can be seen as a romantic ship or friendship. 

Summary: It starts with a formal/personal letter from Nie Huaisang to Jiang Cheng, and then Jiang Cheng writes back. Letters fly back and forth with messages, and things start to slowly change. Jin Ling helps.

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Dear To Sect Leader Jiang Cheng,

I have heard that you have arranged for the funeral of your sister to be held in a week and I’m so sorry wished to ask for request your permission to attend it. I am truly sorry that I wasn’t able to be there for you stop save Wei Wuxian was too late for your loss.

From,

An old friend Nie Huaisang

                                                    - - - - - - - -

To Nie Second Young Master Nie Huaisang,

You have my permission to attend the funeral. I was going to invite you anyway I wanted to tell you let you know I expect you to be there on time. Thank you for caring for wanting to be there for me

From,

Your friend Jiang Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

To Jiang Cheng,

Don’t listen to Sect Leader Jin Jin Guangshan, he’s always been a little bitch stupid fuck slutty tramp bit unruly. I think that you should keep your nephew in Lotus Pier forever as long as you want can possible. He deserves to be a part of both your life. He is just as much a Jiang as a Jin and we both know that this is what Jiang Yanli would have wanted for her child she would have wanted the right thing to do he needs to know that. Don’t I know you won’t give up on him. You’re going to be the best uncle for him, I know it. He’s going to love you as much as

Best Wishes,

Nie Huaisang

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Nie Huaisang,

Stop writing to me Can you not irritate me I know better than to listen to that asshole fuckface shithead man. I wish I could keep him here indefinitely for longer I shall keep my nephew here until everything settles down at Koi Tower. He is a Jin and a Jiang, and anyone who forgets that will get whipped by Zidian face my fury wrath be hung naked at the entrance of Koi Tower have to face the consequences. Of course, I won’t give up on A-Ling! He is my blood family nephew, and I will be the best uncle I can be. I’ll try my best Thank you for giving me advice trying to sending me this letter.

Yours Sincerely,

Jiang Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Listen Jiang Cheng,

That fucker Sect Leader Yao may have had his eyebrows on fleek, but everything else (especially his clothes and his shitty opinions) was not.

Sincerely aggravated and scarred for life,

Nie Huaisang

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Alright Nie Huaisang,

Let’s get one thing straight. I am not His eyebrows were not on fleek. Also, don’t get me started on his hideous robes. First that ugly pattern (he said he was trying something new, but at that age and with that pouch he calls a stomach…no), and then with that monstrous belt (he was definitely trying to hide his stomach). Does he not have enough time to get a custom-made outfit or designer? (I don’t believe it since he certainly has enough time to idly gossip.)

I am rage-pacing around the room now.

Jiang Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Jiang-xiong!

You forgot the worst part. The hair. I couldn’t stop staring at it. Even the thick web of lies he weaves during the discussions wouldn’t hold back his disastrous mess of hair. I cannot believe he wore a hairnet. A hairnet, Jiang Cheng! Save me. I am pulling my own hair just thinking about it.

Your nearly insane companion,

Nie Huaisang

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Huaisang,

You must stay strong. Believe in yourself as much as Sect Leader Ouyang does in his cane every time he walks.

Jiang Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Jiang-xiong!

I am cackling! How dare you?

Huaisang

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Huaisang,

If it makes you feel any better, my disciples just freaked out and asked me why I was grinning. They’re trying to persuade me to see the physician. They think my face is permanently stuck that way. Even Jin Ling’s asking me what wrong. Take responsibility for your actions.

Jiang Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Jiang-xiong,

I’m more than willing to take responsibility for my actions, but that would require me to come to Lotus Pier to make it up to you, and Jin Ling, and I don’t think you are ready for that responsibility.

Your dear friend and innocent correspondent,

Nie Huaisang

                                                   - - - - - - - -

A-Sang,

Try me.

PS: We both know you are many things, but innocent is not one of them.

Jiang Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

A-Sang,

Jin Ling enjoyed your company. Thank you for coming and staying in Lotus Pier for a few days. You’ve spoiled him so much that now he wants ‘the-pretty-uncle-with-the-good-hair’ to get him a similar looking fan and more ice cream. If I try to be strict with him, he tells me, ‘that’s not how pretty uncle Nie would treat me, he would give me ice-cream’.

Jiang Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

A-Cheng,

I enjoyed spending time with you and Jin Ling too. It was a lot of fun. Jin Ling was so adorable and well-mannered. He is truly ambitious, and just as hard-working and passionate and stubborn as someone I know. Also, if he wants ice-cream then just give him ice-cream! Stop being so difficult.

A-Sang

                                                   - - - - - - - -

A-Sang,

Oh, so I’m the one being difficult here? Unbelievable! I have to deal with two children over here.

A-Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

A-Cheng,

First of all, yes. Second of all, also yes. I am baby, okay? Da-ge takes good care of me!

A-Sang

                                                   - - - - - - - -

A-Sang,

I know that you probably don’t want to talk right now. I wouldn’t either, but I hope you’ll allow me to come for the funeral. Jin Ling wants to come too, but I told him we should wait for your response. If you don’t want us around, I’ll understand.

A-Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

A-Cheng,

Come, please. Bring A-Ling with you.

A-Sang

                                                   - - - - - - - -

Huaisang,

I know there is something you are keeping from me. I know that look in your eyes. I’ve known you for years, you can’t keep things from me. But if you don’t want to talk, then I won’t make you. I know it has something to do with Jin Guangyao

Jiang Cheng

                                                   - - - - - - - -

A-Cheng,

If you truly wish to know the truth, then I will tell you everything. Don’t keep Jin Ling at Koi Tower, have someone look after him in Lotus Pier. Don’t bring him here. I know who killed Jin Guangshan and my brother

A-Sang

READ ON AO3

[lokilover9]

The Slutty Webs on Weaves

CHAPTER 4

They entered Asgard and Heimdall arched a brow at her disheveled appearance. "Welcome back, my lady." 

"Midgardians make edible panties." 

Loki scooped her into his arms. "Nothing a good slumber can't fix. Ta ta, jester." He chuckled upon pulling a key from his pocket when undressing. "I dare to ponder your predicament before realizing this missing, Cootyoodles."

*****

Weeks passed while down on Midgard, several burglaries had occurred in rich homes around New Jersey. Only cash was ever stolen, yet the thieves exceptional skill at avoiding detection was a growing concern. 

Pepper and Tony sat watching the news.

~ "Another burglary in Jersey last night left police no closer to identifying a suspect. More at eleven." ~  

"Didn't the thiefasaurous make a peanut butter and banana sandwich at the last house,? I'd love to know how they're hacking the security cameras. Clever bastard."

"Could be a she, but definitely a pro."

"There's an erotic vision. You dressed as a bandit, searching  a homeowner's porn reserve while snickering at their amatuer bondage supplies."

"Why risk imprisonment? Were the porn in your 'Butch's Bitch' file dvd's, they'd line a path from here to Miami."

"Ooooh, does this mean we're on the same page?"

"Mmm..no. You're horny and I'm craving nachos. Please unravel yourself from my thigh?"

Stark playfully gnawed on it. "And if I don't? What then, Mistress?" He obeyed when the lights flickered and Jarvis announced a security breach. "Speaking of bandits, ours is an Alien God breaking a promise."

"Jarvis never detected him before." 

"Likely an impish forewarning attempt. I'd bet a thousand he's hoping I'm shackled to the coffee table, sucking a rubber cock for his own amusement."

'Note to self.' Thought Pepper. 'Add to 'to do' list.' "What makes you think him so savage?"

"Loki's a sexual deviant." 

"Oh?"

'Blabbermouth. Now she's intrigued.' "Everything back to normal, Jarvis?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Told ya and I know just where to find the prick." Tony stepped onto the sixtieth floor to find it minimally illuminated by the moon. "Nice touch, Snowflake. A prelude to another smug entrance? Consider it your last." When met with silence, he angrily strolled to the rooms center. "Show yourself! NOW!" 

More silence, except for the hum of the approaching elevator. 

 "Huh. Never pegged you for a coward." Tony didn't intend to fight Loki. Merely to end their friendship, while emphasizing the seriousness of his boundaries being overstepped. 

The intruder judged otherwise.

The door slid open and from behind the bar, came a sphere of light travelling at warp speed, making a whooshing sound as it encompassed his suit pieces, halting their pursuit, then dropping them to the floor in a clanging heap. 

Stark sat crouched on his knees, enthralled by a figure slowly emerging from the shadows. 

"I am not a coward Iron M..Man."

He lurched forward and the swaying soul fell limp in his arms as the rooms lights flickered on. "What the hell?" Moments later, he rushed off the elevator to a shocked Pepper. "Meet our intruder." 

"A child???" 

"Surprise?"

She offered a warm cloth as he timed the wee souls pulse. "Heart rates good."

"Who…"

"Didn't get a name." Clad in males clothing a size too big and a snug fitting Captain America cap, the child was filthy. Upon removing it, a mass of knotted, raven hair fell over his arm.

"He's a she?" 

"Apparently." Desperate to rouse her, Tony kept talking, while wiping her face. "Can you hear me, kid? Come on, wake up." His actions revealed flawless, alabaster skin, high cheekbones, a perfect nose and overly pink lips. Her fingers were long and slender, as were her limbs and the more he looked at her, everything began to click. "If her eyes are green, someone has some 'splaining to do, Lucy." 

The girl stirred, scrambled from his lap, bolted across the room and halted in a battle stance, fists raised, brows furrowed and her piercing green eyes, wildly darting between him and Pepper.

He slowly rose, arms in the surrender position. "Easy, Little Warrior. We won't hurt you."

"Where's my hat?" She sternly demanded. 

Tony slid it across the floor and she planted it sideways on her head, sloppily tucked her hair inside and returned to battle stance. "Liar! I came to you for help and was  almost attacked!"

"My goof, kid. Ya scared me. What's your name?"

"Brianna. It means strong, virtuous and honorable."

"Perfect for a female warrior. A brave one too."  

Pepper cut in. "Hi Brianna, I'm..."

"Virginia Potts, born September 27nth, 1972 in Arlington, Virginia, CEO of Stark Industries and one badass role model. Nice to meet you."

She smiled. "Ditto. Are you injured at all?"

"No, just...hungry and exhausted." 

"Unacceptable." Said Tony. "What can we get ya?" 

The girls fists lowered. "A peanut butter and banana sandwich?" They threw it together and she wolfed it down with a glass of milk. "Have any tater tots?" 

"Sure do. Brianna, is there anyone we should call?" 

Her scowl returned and an unseen force, swiftly elevated his phone, suspending it inches below the twenty foot ceiling. "Mom's awal, and Daddy's unknown. Alert anyone of my whereabouts and after escaping their captivity, I'll return 'undetected' to enact revenge." 

"O-kaaay. Any ideas on the spunk doner, Virginia?" 

"Really, Tony?"

"Just sayin'. We promise not to alert anyone without your permission kid, if first, I get a promise or two in return." 

"You dare making commands knowing what I'm capable of?" 

"Hear me out, Little Warrior. Please?" 

She chomped into a tater tot. "I'm listening." 

"I've some questions." 

"You can ask, but don't expect answers for every one. What else?"

"You stay a while. At least until finding a Tower to call your own."

"No way, Jose. I'm the restless type." 

"A month then?" 

Stark played the puppy eyes card as Brianna sized him up like a scheming Clint Eastwood might a brazen saloon patron.

"A week and we take it from there."

"Deal." 

Once their phones safely landed, she asked to use the bathroom. Pepper lead her to a guest room and was stopped at the door. "Thanks. A little privacy, please?"

After it closed, Tony snuck into the hall and quietly relayed of first encountering the girl. "It's irrefutable. That's Loki's mini me in there."

"Her powers are undeniably similar, but without a paternity test..."

"And how do we achieve that? Shimmy up the bifrost and demand Prince Jezebel see a phlebotomist? Fuck, if they're not related, where 'did' she come from? Maybe we're being invaded by the real Body Snatchers." 

"Who've begun with a child in a Captain America hat, they specifically sent here?""Have any better conclusions? I suspect she's the burglar too." 

"Why, because they like the same sandwich?"

"Think, Butch. If she can break in here, houses are a piece of cake."

"Think, Cootyoodles. Even with powers to hack security systems, how does a child that young burglarize nine houses without being seen, heard or leaving behind any dna?" 

"Never underestimate your opponent." As Tony rambled on about examples, she seemed distant. "Butch?"

"I just realized something. Brianna said her Mom was awal. We're avid news watchers and there hasn't been a local Amber Alert for months. What if she isn't looking for her? What if no one is?"

"Perhaps we're both getting carried away and Brianna's just…a special breed of Leprechaun that eats feet? We sleep in my suit boots and problem solved."  

Pepper smirked. "What exactly happened to you in space? Stay here while I check on her?" Soon she called to him in a whisper. "Come look at your opponent." 

Stark's real heart melted when seeing Brianna asleep in the large tub. A bath towel covered her little body and another lay folded beneath her head. "Poor kid. I'll move her to the bed."

"No don't, Tony. I think she crawled in there to feel safe."

[hereticaloracles]

TNO Watch: Eris

Helios on Eris– So, somehow in my accounting of the Transneptunians, I managed to overlook the biggest, most prolific of them all (however not the first to be discovered past Pluto!)- Eris! Now I can’t rightly finish off the archive without her, now can I? So without further ado, let me formally welcome back the most controversial dwarf planet back into the party! Gird your loins, y’all

The Astronomy– Eris is the most massive and second-largest (by volume) dwarf planet (and plutoid) known in the Solar System. Eris was discovered in January 2005, and in September 2006 it was named after Eris, the Greek goddess of strife and discord. Eris is the ninth most massive object directly orbiting the Sun, and the 16th most massive overall, because seven moons are more massive than all known dwarf planets. It is also the largest which has not yet been visited by a spacecraft. Eris was measured to be 2,326 ± 12 kilometers (1,445.3 ± 7.5 mi) in diameter. Eris’s mass is about 0.27% of the Earth mass, about 27% more than dwarf planet Pluto, although Pluto is slightly larger by volume.

Eris is a trans-Neptunian object (TNO) and a member of a high-eccentricity population known as the scattered disk. It has one known moon, Dysnomia. As of February 2016, its distance from the Sun was 96.3 astronomical units (1.441×1010 km; 8.95×109 mi), roughly three times that of Pluto. With the exception of some long-period comets, until 2018 VG18 was discovered on December 17, 2018, Eris and Dysnomia were the most distant known natural objects in the Solar System.[

Because Eris appeared to be larger than Pluto, NASA initially described it as the Solar System’s tenth planet. This, along with the prospect of other objects of similar size being discovered in the future, motivated the International Astronomical Union (IAU) to define the term planet for the first time. Under the IAU definition approved on August 24, 2006, Eris is a “dwarf planet”, along with objects such as Pluto, Ceres, Haumea and Makemake thereby reducing the number of known planets in the Solar System to eight, the same as before Pluto’s discovery in 1930. Observations of a stellar occultation by Eris in 2010 showed that its diameter was 2,326 ± 12 kilometers (1,445.3 ± 7.5 mi), very slightly less than Pluto, which was measured by New Horizons in July 2015.

The Myth– Eris is the Greek goddess of strife and discord. The most famous tale of Eris recounts her initiating the Trojan War by causing the Judgement of Paris. The goddesses Hera, Athena and Aphrodite had been invited along with the rest of Olympus to the forced wedding of Peleus and Thetis, who would become the parents of Achilles, but Eris had been snubbed because of her troublemaking inclinations.

She, therefore (as mentioned at the Kypria according to Proclus as part of a plan hatched by Zeus and Themis) tossed into the party the Apple of Discord, a golden apple inscribed Ancient Greek: τῇ καλλίστῃ, “For the most beautiful one”, or “To the Fairest One” – provoking the goddesses to begin quarreling about the appropriate recipient. The hapless Paris, Prince of Troy, was appointed to select the fairest by Zeus. The goddesses stripped naked to try to win Paris’s decision and also attempted to bribe him. Hera offered political power; Athena promised infinite wisdom; and Aphrodite tempted him with the most beautiful woman in the world: Helen, wife of Menelaus of Sparta. While Greek culture placed a greater emphasis on prowess and power, Paris chose to award the apple to Aphrodite, thereby dooming his city, which was destroyed in the war that ensued.

Another story of Eris includes Hera and the love of Polytekhnos and Aedon. They claimed to love each other more than Hera and Zeus were in love. This angered Hera, so she sent Eris to wreak discord upon them. Polytekhnos was finishing off a chariot board, and Aedon a web she had been weaving. Eris said to them, “Whosoever finishes thine task last shall have to present the other with a female servant!” Aedon won. But Polytekhnos was not happy by his defeat, so he came to Khelidon, Aedon’s sister, and raped her. He then disguised her as a slave, presenting her to Aedon. When Aedon discovered this was indeed her sister, she chopped up Polytekhnos’s son and fed him to Polytekhnos. The gods were not pleased, so they turned them all into birds.

Eris has been adopted as the patron deity of the modern Discordian religion, which was begun in the late 1950s by Gregory Hill and Kerry Wendell Thornley under the pen names of “Malaclypse the Younger” and “Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst”. The Discordian version of Eris is considerably lighter in comparison to the rather malevolent Graeco-Roman original, wherein she is depicted as a positive (albeit mischievous) force of chaotic creation.

A quote from the Principia Discordia, the first holy book of Discordianism, attempts to clear up the matter: One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland and asked Eris if She really created all of those terrible things. She told him that She had always liked the Old Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historical matters. “They were,” She added, “victims of indigestion, you know.” Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But she is mischievous and does get a little bitchy at times.

The story of Eris being snubbed and indirectly starting the Trojan War is recorded in the Principia and is referred to as the Original Snub. The Principia Discordia states that her parents may be as described in Greek legend, or that she may be the daughter of Void. She is the Goddess of Disorder and Being, whereas her sister Aneris (called the equivalent of Harmonia by the Mythics of Harmonia) is the goddess of Order and Non-Being. Their brother is Spirituality.

Discordian Eris is looked upon as a foil to the preoccupation of western philosophy in attempting to find order in the chaos of reality, in prescribing order to be synonymous with truth. Discordian Eris teaches us that the only truth is chaos and that order and disorder are simply temporary filters applied to the lenses through which we view the chaos. This is known as the Aneristic Illusion.

Why She Matters– Okay, its no secret that Eris is fantastic and I love her. Yes, Eris is chaos, but you know what? So is life. You can try and plan and make things nice and neat, but then the Universe comes through like a toddler who just learned how to walk, hellbent on getting to the other side of the room- consequences be damned. Eris is that universal action. Make no mistake, she is a destroyer and lives for the battlefield, but she also loves to dance, finding the beat in the deaths of men clamoring to prove that they are right to unseen forces (but most of all, themselves). If Mars ever did drag, she would look like Eris (and you bet your ass there would be death drops and shablams like you’ve never seen before!)

When people (read: hecklers) try to come at me with proof that astrology works (but who don’t have their birth time handy for me to utterly eviscerate them) I point to Eris. I remember when she was discovered, and the excitement that her unveiling brought to all of us. And then I remember, quite vividly, the fallout from the IAU decision after she was named but then relegated to dwarf planet status. It was a repeat of the Judgement of Paris myth! She was snubbed, yet again, by the authority, and Pluto was caught up in the fallout as collateral damage just because she was bigger than him (men and size issues, amirite?). And the authority paid for it in the end! Even total luddites who don’t follow the whirling and twirling of the planets (dwarf or otherwise) have a strong opinion about the decision. It made people care about these crazy space rocks, which brings me great happiness.

We aren’t all running around fighting all the time in this modern age, so how do we look at Eris now? A primal force of chaos doesn’t really mesh with our modern sensibilities- or does it? One of the more enlightening views on Eris comes when we consider her in terms of Justice, especially against any kind of oppressive authority. This can be seen in almost every major social movement to demand better treatment, to deny an oppressive ruling class its ability to exploit those below it- Stonewall, May Day, Ferguson, Rodney King, The Arab Spring…. Hell, even the Boston Tea Party! Eris is that urge we feel to stand our ground and refuse to roll over to the bad guys. Eris is the urge to fight for our rights. Yes, it can get violent- but better short violence that changes things for the better than the long, slow violence of inaction. Far better to live boldly and bravely. More commonly though, Eris spurs us on to fight with our racist uncles on Facebook or send petty gifs in the group chats calling out our friends for being slutty… but like, in an endearing way. In fact you could solidly call Eris the Goddess of Shade. Hey, not every action can be a revolutionary one after all- sometimes you just want to get brunch with your girls.

Eris isnt just Chaos, by the way- she also represents Strife. More specifically, what you are striving for. What do you want out of this life? If you are lost, look to Eris and she can help you find your way when you’ve lost it. Mind you, you’ll be in for a HELL of a trip with her (more Thelma and Louise than Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas- That’s solidly Arawn territory) and you might not survive, but at least you’ll know!

Now, we all have all of these planets and asteroids SOMEWHERE in our chart, so in you is the seed of chaos- even the most holier-than-thou Libra. As with all of the Transneptunians, look at her house placement, not necessarily the sign, to see her effect. To find out where she shows up in your chart, go to astro.com, put in your birth details and in the extended options, all the way at the bottom of the next page, there will be a menu of additional objects. Under that is a blank space where you can enter the number 136199, for Eris. Once you have it entered, generate the chart! Where does Eris affect your life? Let us know in the comments below!

Support us on Patreon so that we can keep delivering content like this! https://www.patreon.com/hereticaloracles

TNO Watch: Eris was originally published on Heretical Oracles

[mrsren]

Unnamed Tomione

It still has no name, but I can’t help sharing it here. So, beginnings of a teacher/student AU. It’s super smutty, Tom is domineering, and delicious in my not so humble opinion. I’m sharing the entire thing as is, so some of it you’ve read from last time. I tagged some of the ones I knew liked/reblogged, hope you don’t mind. 

@weestarmeggie17 @aconitumluparia @tomioness @alexandriarenee @dameesmeralda @apfelalice

All of it below 

The pulsing lights of the club were alluring the patrons scattered throughout the room, some lounging against the bar, some dancing when they were barely able to stay on their feet. She noted a girl who was giggling loudly, laying on a table while her boyfriend -or she hoped it was her boyfriend- licked alcohol from her bellybutton.

“Get the frown off of your face. You look unapproachable.” Ginny harped, leading her to the bar with her arm looped through hers.

“Fantastic.” Hermione drawled, taking a seat on one of the barstools. “Considering I never wanted to be here in the first place.”

Ginny rolled her eyes.

“I don’t need a relationship.” she insisted, waving down the landlord. “Two shots please, vodka.”

“Hey, you know I hate that shite. Tequila, please.”

Hermione held her palm up, stopping the short, stocky man that eyed her oddly. “The vodka is for me.” she explained, and he gave a curt nod. “What’s that look for? If I’m going to be here, I’ll need all the liquid courage I can get.”

“We are going to have a bloody fantastic time. I didn’t ask you for a girls’ night so you could find a relationship. You need a one night stand to remove the stick up your arse.” Ginny sported a grin while Hermione gritted her teeth.

“It’s hardly a girls’ night if you’re trying to get me into bed with a random stranger. Thank you.” she took one of the shot glasses he slid to her, cool beneath her touch as she tipped it backward. It was cold, awful tasting as it slid down her throat. She gagged as she wasn’t able to swallow the shot in one go, half of it lingering in her mouth.

Ginny took her shot as if it were the first she’d ever downed, like she was a teenager who choked and Hermione chuckled at her. “Forgive me, your majesty. Not all of us are so well versed in taking shots.”

Hermione looked away from her, scanning the room. “I don’t particularly need a one night stand either, Ginny. I don’t need a male for my self validation.”

“Of course not, but I’ve seen you after you’ve had a good fucking,” Hermione grimaced, turning to her second shot. “And it’s been almost a year since I’ve seen that look on your face. I know Ron,”

“No.” Hermione hissed, setting the shot glass back on the counter. “Don’t you dare bring his name up if you want me to have a good night.”

She put her hands up, nails perfectly manicured from the appointment she’d set for herself and Hermione earlier that day. “What I mean to say is my brother didn’t appreciate you, and I want to see how happy you are when someone else appreciates you. And plus, you’re a little kinky and he never lived up to those expectations, right?”

“Ginny, has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?”

“All the time, of course. Mostly you though. Come on, isn’t there anyone here that catches your eye?”

“As if I would ever tell you.” Hermione laughed at the flash of anger that crossed her closest friend’s face. “Just order some drinks, and we’ll have a good time all on our own.”

“Actually,” she sang, and Hermione groaned. “Harry will be here later, so I’m sure I will be having fun, but it won’t be with you. Ooh, what about that guy,” she pointed across the room, and Hermione’s eyes landed on an attractive brunette who wore a cocky smirk. “Because he’s been watching you since we stepped inside this club.”

He looked vaguely familiar, Hermione thought, but she couldn’t place her finger on it. “Hasn’t Molly ever told you it’s impolite to point?”

“I’m sorry,” she mocked. “Do you see him? He looks like he’s just what you need.” The man arched an eyebrow as Ginny’s words carried over the crowd. “Hermione!” she grabbed her by the arm, causing her to knock over the shot glass the landlord had just brought her.

“Will you stop acting like a child?” she hissed, ripping her arm free. “Yes, he’s attractive. Yes, he’s taken an interest in me, but no that does not mean I will be hopping merrily into his bed.”

Ginny argued adamantly, with the idea that Hermione should go settle into the empty seat beside him and ask if he’d mind buying her a drink. “Say you forgot your wallet.”

“Ginny, my wallet is sitting on the counter.” she deadpanned. “Doesn’t matter, looks like he’s coming to me.” Her friend vanished, vacating the seat with the reassurance that she would wait to observe before calling Harry and bailing on her. “Hello.” she told him, spinning back to face the front of the counter.

“Your friend is staring.”

She laughed, leaning backwards in her seat to see Ginny sitting in the seat he’d left, shooting her a ridiculous thumbs up and wide eyed grin. “Yeah, she does that. I’d just ignore her if I were you. Hermione.” she introduced, extending her hand.

“Tom.” he replied, taking her hand and placing a soft kiss to the back of her hand. Her lips parted in surprise, while she attempted to cover her shock. A small smile settled over her face while he dropped her hand. “What were you drinking?”

“Vodka,” she answered, thinking her voice sounded more breathless than it had moments earlier. It was what Ginny would have called a turning point, and it was what Hermione would have neatly classified as a cliche that belonged in an old romance novel that she hid under her bed. “You?”

“The same. May I buy you a drink?”

Her lips quirked up. “Make it several.” He chuckled and something in her stomach twisted deliciously at how dark it sounded.

She’d made the executive decision to not drink herself stupid like she might have if Ginny had still been at her side. It was clear where her night was going when she found herself dancing with Tom in the middle of the floor, her back pressed to his front. His hand ghosted against her hips, tugging her backwards when she slipped too far away from him.

“So, your friend left as soon as she spotted you with someone.” he whispered into her ear.

It was definitely the drinks that had her swaying as if she knew what she was doing and grinding into him. “Oh, yes. She must have decided you were enough to give me a good time. She’s rather pushy with the opinion that I need a one night stand to make everything better.”

“And what do you think?” he asked quietly, brushing his lips against the shell of her ear. “You seemed rather against being here in the first place.”

“What do I think? Ginny thinks finding a new man for me is the best way to help me after her brother fucked an ex girlfriend behind my back, in our bed, and in our apartment. We had been dating for long enough that it hurt.” she shrugged, his hands coming to massage the knots from them. “She doesn’t believe that I simply let go.”

“Hmm,” he mused lowly in her ear. “That’s preposterous, you’re hardly the type of woman to hold onto a boyfriend who wasn’t enough for you.”

She laughed, her head laying back against his shoulder while she peered up at him. “You are far too intoxicated to be using words like ‘preposterous’.” Her head rolled to the side, and she pressed her lips to the hollow of his throat. His fingers gripped her hips. “She’s a great friend. She’s worried about me.”

“Worried that you’re alone?”

Hermione snorted. “Hardly, not in the way you’re thinking of anyway. She is constantly nagging me for getting myself off, rather than finding someone else,” she nipped at his neck. “To take care of me.”

“You’re sloshed.” he told her, pressing himself into her. A whimper slipped out of her at the obvious bulge that settled against the curve of her arse. “Otherwise I doubt you’d have just told me how you get yourself off. Tell me more, would you?”

She was melting, and she knew it. He had her trapped in a neat web, one she’d helped him weave with her not so subtle comments. Tom was intriguing, the way he spoke, the way kept up with her, and the way he reacted to her acceptance into a grad program. She knew he was intelligent by the way he carried himself.

And that this had ultimately turned into a game of cat and mouse.

“What do you want to know?” she uttered softly.

Tom gripped her hand, twirling her and looping her arms around his neck. “Did you use your fingers, or did you use a toy? Do you finger yourself until you spasm, and come over your fingers?”

Hermione was trembling against him, looking into dark eyes that gave away what he wanted to do with her, that there was hardly anything stopping him from dipping his fingers beneath the slutty black number -Ginny had bought it- and into her pretty black, lacy knickers. Given her heels, she was able to match his height to whisper in his ear. “Do you want me to tell you, or do you want me to show you?” she challenged, feeling his grip shift to the back of her neck and his fingers grip strands of her hair.

He’d picked her up easily when she stumbled on the stairs leading to his flat, chuckling in her ear as her dress slid up. Hermione wrapped her legs around his waist, cupping his jaw with one hand while she tugged on soft, brown hair. Her mouth slanted against his, she kissed him thoroughly, slowly at first, almost tentatively until her back was slammed against the door of his flat.

A door opened, a nosy neighbor peeking out to see who exactly the soft whimpers belonged to. Tom unlocked his door too easily, she thought, and doubled her efforts to fluster him with a smirk.

He kicked the bottom of the door open, the door knob connecting with the door stop and he locked it behind him. “Christ.” she murmured as he yanked on her hair, her head falling back while he nipped the skin of her neck.

There was the recurring thought that Ginny was going to die whenever she found out she’d actually gone home with the hot, older man from the club. If she told her that is, Hermione thought she might like to keep this night a secret as she was sure Tom was the kind of man who would show her everything she wanted to try and more. Unlike her previous boyfriend-,

“You’re thinking too much,” he murmurs against her skin, carrying her through his flat and into a bedroom. “Come back to me, love.” Tom’s voice was low, hot against her ear as his lips skimmed her neck.

And she’s blissfully drunk, still coherent, but she’s brave enough to sink to her knees when he sets her down. With a grin she undoes his belt, the button on his trousers and pulls them down with his boxers. Her eyes widen a fraction, she turns her head so he won’t see her cheeks heat up.

His cock is, if she were forced to compare, the same length as her ex boyfriend, but thicker than she’d ever had. This night cannot go on long enough. From him sweeping her into his arms, her dress in bunched around her waist, exposing her thong.

“No,” he tells her, taking hold of her hair how she liked, and pulled her to look at him. “I want you in front of the mirror so I can see your arse when I like.” A whimper slips between her lips as he walks backwards towards the bed, guiding her by her hair, and her knickers dampen. He tilts his head to the side, a feral look in his eye. “Actually,” he begins softly. “Would you slip the dress off?”

Hermione nods, leaning against his lap while he reaches down her back to unzip her dress. Her eyes flick to his cock, resting against his leg and right in front of her lips. Her tongue slides against the tip, her plump lips wrapping around it.

He groans above her, and her dress tears. “Look what you’ve done now,” he muses. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now. I’ll give you something to wear.” Tom rips her dress, forgetting the zipper and she gasps. He takes the opportunity to thrust into her mouth,  his fingers sliding along her spine. The tip hits the back of her throat before he pulls her away from him.

He reaches out to trace her pouty bottom lip with his thumb. “Take your knickers off, Hermione.” Her name is a low rumble from the back of his throat, a smile toying with his lips. His eyes flick down to her bare chest, the dress had been tight enough to hold her breasts in, not to mention pushing them up. “So pretty.” he cooes, brushing a finger across the tight bud, watching it harden.

It’s difficult to say if her legs shake because she’s intoxicated, or if it’s because of the sexual power this man held over her. Her fingers hook into the sides of her knickers, slowly sliding them down in front of him. “On your knees for me?” he phrases it as a question, but his eyes give away that it’s an order. “Legs apart, I want to see your cunt.”

She moans softly, dropping to the floor and parting her legs to expose herself. “Fuck,” she gasps as he takes hold of her hair once more. She peeks up at him in an effort to memorize the hard line of his jaw, the way he was looking down on her. She licked the underside of his cock, dragging her tongue against his flesh.

Her eyes fluttered shut as she wrapped her lips around his cock once more. She wrapped her hand around the bottom of his shaft, pumping as she worked to take him in her mouth. Muffled moans slipped from her mouth while she sucked him, but a tugging at her hair brought her attention back to him.

She nods, letting her hand fall away from him, letting him take control. He thrust into her mouth once more, grinning wickedly when she gagged as he hit the back of her throat. “You are perfect,” he tells her, his soft voice a contrast from the way he fucked her throat. “Do you like it rough, Hermione?”

It’s all she can do to moan as his grip on her hair tightens, tilting her head back while he stands. Her eyes water, as to be expected when she managed to deep throat him. He pulls away, and she whines in disappointment. “If you keep sucking my cock like that, I’ll come down your throat.”

She remains in her pose on the floor, hoping he will come back and do just that. “That sounds perfect.” she grins.

“Not yet,” Tom crooks a finger at her. “Sit on the bed for me, I’m going to grab a drink for myself.” He smacks her arse as she stands, pulling her to him by her shoulders, slipping a hand between her legs from behind. “You’re dripping.” he whispers in her ear, sliding a finger between her folds. His arm comes to her collarbone, pinning her to his front. “How do you taste?” Tom slips his index finger into her mouth, groaning when she cleans his finger with her tongue.

“Just bring the bottle,” her body shudders against him as his erection slips between her arse. His only reply is to bite down on the hollow of her throat, catching her when she nearly stumbles. “Tom.”

“On my bed,” he reminds her before releasing her.

She’s breathless as she crawls onto the large bed, tucking her legs beneath her and sitting on her knees. He seemed to like her like this, she thought with a smile. It was clear she’d have to thank Ginny Weasley for dragging her out to a club.

Her nipples stiffened against the cold air of his room while she clasped her hands in her lap. She laughed when he appeared in the doorway, carrying a bottle of vodka with no glass in sight. Hermione grabbed the bottle from him, unscrewing the cap and taking a drink while he unbuttoned his shirt.

Tom took the bottle from her outstretched hand, kneeling in front of her. She’d thought he was going to take a drink himself, but was thrilled to be wrong. He tilted the glass bottle over her, letting the ice cold liquor slide over her breast, a droplet sliding over her nipple that he caught with his tongue.

She whimpered, grabbing onto his shoulders while he laid her back against the pillows, sucking on the poor nub. The bottle never leaving his grip, she noticed. Hermione rubbed her legs together, desperate for friction, but he parted her legs by wedging his knee between them. “Oh, my God, please.” she begged, throwing her head back as he rubbed her clit.

“Whatever you like,” he tells her, licking between her breasts before latching onto her other nipple, nipping it lightly. “You have to tell me though.”

She pants above him, snatching the bottle and taking a long drink before answering. “I want you to taste me.” she teases him, using his earlier words. “I want you to eat me out.”

Tom leaves the bottle in her trembling hands, gripping her hips as he moves down her body. He leaves a trail of hot kisses down her abdomen, pressing his lips to her smooth mound. Hermione watched him with wide eyes as he spread her legs apart while her back was against the wooden headboard.

He held her legs steady when she began to shake as he leaned in and inhaled the scent of her. “Oh, my God.” she whimpered, taking the moment for another drink. The hangover would be horrible in the morning, but if she sobered up, she was sure she’d get embarrassed and run. “Tom,” she moaned loudly, knocking the headboard against the wall when he licked between her folds, dragging his tongue up her slit and flicking the sensitive little nub.

“You’re delicious.” he growls, lowering his mouth while maintaining eye contact with her. He laps at her cunt with slow strokes against her clit. He watches her eyes fall shut while she pushes herself closer to his mouth. Not that he lets her, he pins her down and puts her through the pleasure he slowly gives her.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” she groans, her back arching. “That feels so good, Tom, please.” She has no idea what she’s begging for. His index finger slides into her, curling deliciously while he works to find her g spot, and when he does-,

Hermione screams at the sensation, he’d added another finger. Between his fingers curling against the spot inside of her, and him sucking lightly on her clit -no one has ever done that, she thinks mindlessly- she feels boneless. Hermione comes hard on his mouth, spasming when he continues eating her out while her body rocks from her orgasm.

“Tom,” she gasps, her legs relaxing finally as he moves up her body, capturing her lips roughly. He bites her bottom lip, his cock sliding between her lips while she scrambles to pull her closer. “Fuck, where have you been all of my life?”

He chuckles, taking a drink while she presses her lips to his throat, biting down roughly. She’s going to leave marks on him, so that when tomorrow comes he knows exactly who left them. “Waiting to meet you in a shitty club, apparently.”

She laughs, licking the vodka that slips from the corner of his mouth and down his throat. “Tastes better off of you.” Hermione whispers to him, biting his bottom lip as he had done to her.

“I can’t wait to fuck you,” he groans, letting her shove him onto his back and grind her cunt against his stiff cock. “This is pretty,” he murmurs, tracing what she assumed was a bruise he’d left on her neck. “Did I hurt you?”

“Absolutely not.” she moans, moving to impale herself.

Of course he stops her. “I want you to watch me fuck you senseless, until you’re begging.” he whispers to her, smirking when she freezes over him. “I’m going to make you scream for it, Hermione.”

Gripping her by her waist, she couldn’t wait to see the bruises that would be left in the shape of his fingers tomorrow morning, he moves her into a position she’s never been in before. “Trust me,” he purrs in her ear, moving her ride him with her back facing him. She sees them clearly in the mirror in front of his bed. His cock is thick, pressed against her swollen, dripping cunt.

Christ, he’s too fucking hot.

“Tom,” she whines impatiently, just as he guides her down his cock. She watches, open mouthed and shaking, while he slides into her. Watching her cunt stretch to take in his massive cock makes her moan loudly.

Who cares if his neighbor is eavesdropping?

“Tell me what you see.” he orders her, thrusting into her tight heat several times, listening to sweet, little whimpers that keep him impossibly hard.

“You fucking me.” she manages between her ragged breaths. “The way your cock stretches me, God, you’re so big.” She can’t see his smirk, but she’s sure it’s there. “I can see my tits bouncing each time you slide into me.”

He hums. “Do you see how wet you are for me?” Tom asks her, slamming into her harder. “Did sucking me off do that to you?” A nod. “We’re going to change positions.” he tells her, letting her crawl off of his lap. “Do you like being told what to do?” Tom’s voice is soft, but firm, and she can only nod.

“I do, but you’re the only one to ever give it to me how I want.” she grins as he’s taken by surprise.

“On your hands and knees,” he tells her, and she crawls in front of him, bracing herself on her arms instead of her hands and arching her back. He slaps her arse, settling behind her and guiding his cock to her entrance. Tom leans down to whisper in her ear. “You like it rough?”

“Please.” she returns, pressing herself against him, the tip slipping inside of her. “I think I’d like it any way you want to give it to me.”

“You shouldn’t give me that kind of power, love.”

She looks back at him. “Then make me regret it.” Hermione isn’t sure why she said it, she’s certainly never played with fire before, but it’s hard to regret it when he grabs her roughly by her hair, wrapping the strands around his knuckles.

“Watch me fuck you then.” he growls.

And she watches while holding her breath in anticipation when he slams into her roughly, her front half dropping to the sheets while he fucks her like he’s attempting to break her. “Tom!” she squeals, wriggling her arse when he spanks her again and she finds that she’s utterly in love with the delicious pain it causes her.

She feels completely full as he thrusts into her, groaning how tight her cunt is wrapped around his cock. He tells her what a pretty, little cunt she has, spread so nicely by his cock. His words would have pushed her into another orgasm alone, but then he takes her by surprise once more.

“Play with your clit for me until you come. I want you to be a screaming mess that’s wrapped around me when you come.”

She whimpers as his finger rubs against her arse hole, while she reaches between her legs. Her fingers slip as she’s so wet, but she strokes her clit, rubbing in circles quickly as she cries out. “Have you ever had your arse fingered?” Tom asks her, massaging the tight ring. She shakes her head. “Would you?”

“Yes,” she gasps. “Jesus, I’ll try anything.” she admits and watches his face light up.

“Perfect,” he murmurs, slipping his finger into her cunt alongside his cock. He coats her arse hole with her slick juices, carefully pushing the tip of his finger inside. “You’re allowed to come once you can take my finger.”

Her eyes widen, but she nods quickly. His thrusts don’t slow as he carefully slides his finger inside of her, pausing when it reaches his knuckle. Hermione adjusts to it easily, she’s sure it’s because she’s lost count of the amount of shots she’s taken, but she pushes herself backwards. “Please don’t stop.” she begs, moaning as his eyes darken and she feels his finger slide all the way in. “Move!” she shrieks at him, her hand between her legs rubbing the hard nub quickly.

And he does, he fingers her rougher once she’s acclimated to it, once she’s begging him to be rougher. “Come around me, Hermione.” he urges her. “Let me feel your cunt tighten around my cock before I fill you.”

She’s never been so grateful for being on her birth control shot, and for him being genuine in having had a physical not too long ago. It’s still risky, something she’d have never done if she wasn’t begging for his cock.

He was right when he said she’d be screaming.

Hermione screams, it’s his name on her lips, she thinks and she shudders. She continues to rub her clit, while he fucks her so hard she knows she’s going to feel it for days. “Tom, Tom.” she repeats his name over and over again.

Tom yanks her backwards by her hair, her arse against his pelvis while he sheathes himself fully inside of her while he comes. He groans her name, his voice low, broken and husky. “Fuck, it’s more like where have you been all of my life?” he mutters under his breath and she’s sure she wasn’t supposed to hear it.

Hermione turns to face him on her knees, dragging her soaking fingers across his lips, coating them with her juices.

It’s him who shouts though when she wraps her lips around the tip of his cock, sucking lightly while she tastes herself on him.

[imagine-loki]

The Slutty Webs One Weaves

Title : The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter NO. 2 of 10?

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s Asgardian wife learns women write fanfiction about him on a trip to Midgard. She’s edgy for the duration and lets him have it when they get back.

Author: lokilover9

Rating: M

Notes: Hello everyone. I will get to writing another chapter of Irked, but for now, here’s a mini crack fic. Should be good for a laugh or two.

When Loki and Astrid entered their vehicle in the Towers underground, he opened portal, exiting in the woods on Staten Island and she pouted.

"Not hiking again, Loki. Skunks are mean."

He tisked. "Bushy tailed scoundrels. I did warn you to keep away."

"I thought it was cute. Where are we?"

"A dumping location of one golden eyed jester. No matter." He conjured a cabin and opened its door. "Still wish to get naked?"

They fucked for hours until Astrid lay spent, resembling a deflating blow up doll.

"Dress now my lovely? I'll gather your belongings from the truck."

With her brain afloat in subspace, she hazily replied. "Yes Master." *****

They entered Asgard and Heimdall arched a brow at her bedraggled appearance. "Welcome back, my lady."

"Midgardians make edible panties."

Loki scooped her into his arms. "Nothing a good slumber can't fix. Ta ta, jester." He chuckled upon pulling a key from his pocket when undressing. "I dare to ponder your predicament before realizing this missing, Cootyoodles." *****

Weeks passed while down on Midgard, several burglaries had occurred in rich homes around New Jersey. Only cash was ever stolen, yet the thieves exceptional skill at avoiding detection was a growing concern.

Pepper and Tony sat watching the news.

~ "Another burglary in Jersey last night left police no closer to identifying a suspect. More at eleven." ~

"Didn't the thiefasaurous make a peanut butter and banana sandwich at the last house,? I'd love to know how they're hacking the security cameras. Clever bastard."

"Could be a woman, but definitely a pro."

"There's an erotic vision. You dressed as a bandit, searching a homeowner's porn reserve while snickering at their amatuer bondage supplies."

"Why risk imprisonment? Were the porn in your 'Butch's Bitch' file dvd's, they'd line a path from here to Miami."

"Ooooh, does that mean we're on the same page?"

"Mmm..no. You're horny and I'm craving nachos. Please unravel yourself from my thigh?"

Stark playfully gnawed on it. "And if I don't? What then, Mistress?" He obeyed when the lights flickered and Jarvis announced a security breach. "Speaking of bandits, ours is an Alien God breaking a promise."

"Jarvis never detected him before."

"Likely an impish forewarning attempt. I'd bet a thousand he's hoping I'm shackled to the coffee table, sucking a rubber cock for his own amusement."

'Note to self.' Thought Pepper. 'Add to 'to do' list.' "What makes you think him so savage?"

"Loki's a sexual deviant."

"Oh?"

'Blabbermouth. Now she's intrigued.' "Everything back to normal, Jarvis?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Told ya and I know just where to find the prick." Tony stepped onto the sixtieth floor to find it minimally illuminated by the moon. "Nice touch, Snowflake. A prelude to another smug entrance? Consider it your last." When met with silence, he angrily strolled to the rooms center. "Show yourself! NOW!"

More silence, except for the hum of the approaching elevator.

"Huh. Never pegged you for a coward." Tony didn't intend to fight Loki. Merely to end their friendship, while emphasizing the seriousness of his boundaries being overstepped.

The intruder judged otherwise.

The door slid open and from behind the bar, came a sphere of light travelling at warp speed, making a whooshing sound as it encompassed his suit pieces, halting their pursuit, then dropping them to the floor in a clanging heap.

Stark sat crouched on his knees, enthralled by a figure slowly emerging from the shadows.

"I am not a coward Iron M..Man."

He lurched forward and the swaying soul fell limp in his arms as the rooms lights flickered on. "What the hell?" Moments later, he rushed off the elevator to a shocked Pepper. "Meet our intruder."

"A child???"

"Surprise?"

She offered a warm cloth as he timed the wee souls pulse. "Heart rates good."

"Who…"

"Didn't get a name." Clad in males clothing a size too big and a snug fitting Captain America cap, the child was filthy. Upon removing it, a mass of knotted, raven hair fell over his arm.

"He's a she?"

"Apparently." Desperate to rouse her, Tony kept talking, while wiping her face. "Can you hear me, kid? Come on, wake up." His actions revealed flawless, alabaster skin, high cheekbones, a perfect nose and overly pink lips. Her fingers were long and slender, as were her limbs and the more he looked at her, everything began to click. "If her eyes are green, someone has some 'splaining to do, Lucy."

The girl stirred, scrambled from his lap, bolted across the room and halted in a battle stance, fists raised, brows furrowed and her piercing green eyes, wildly darting between him and Pepper.

He slowly rose, arms in the surrender position. "Easy, Little Warrior. We won't hurt you."

"Where's my hat?" She sternly demanded.

Tony slid it across the floor and she planted it sideways on her head, sloppily tucked her hair inside and returned to battle stance. "Liar! I came to you for help and was almost attacked!"

"My goof, kid. Ya scared me. What's your name?"

"Brianna. It means strong, virtuous and honorable."

"Perfect for a female warrior. A brave one too."

Pepper cut in. "Hi Brianna, I'm..."

"Virginia Potts, born September 27nth, 1972 in Arlington, Virginia, CEO of Stark Industries and one badass role model. Nice to meet you."

She smiled. "Ditto. Are you injured at all?"

The girls fists lowered. "No, just hungry and exhausted."

"Unacceptable." Said Tony. "What can we get ya?"

"A peanut butter and banana sandwich?" They threw it together and she wolfed it down with a glass of milk. "Have any tater tots?"

"Sure do. Brianna, is there anyone we should call?"

Her scowl returned and an unseen force, swiftly elevated their phones, suspending them inches below the twenty foot ceiling. "Mom's awal, and Daddy's unknown. Alert anyone of my whereabouts and after escaping their captivity, I'll return 'undetected' to enact revenge."

"O-kaaay. Any ideas on the spunk doner, Virginia?"

"Really, Tony?"

"Just sayin'. We promise not to alert anyone without your permission kid, if first, I get a promise or two in return."

"You dare making commands knowing what I'm capable of?"

"Hear me out, Little Warrior. Please?"

She chomped into a tater tot. "I'm listening."

"I've some questions."

"You can ask, but don't expect answers for every one. What else?"

"You stay a while. At least until finding a Tower to call your own."

"No way, Jose. I'm the restless type."

"A month then?"

Stark played the puppy eyes card as Brianna sized him up like a scheming Clint Eastwood might a brazen saloon patron.

"A week and we take it from there."

"Deal."

Once their phones safely landed, she asked to use the bathroom. Pepper lead her to a guest room and was stopped at the door. "Thanks. A little privacy, please?"

After it closed, Tony snuck into the hall and quietly relayed of first encountering the girl. "It's irrefutable. That's Loki's mini me in there."

"Her powers are undeniably similar, but without a paternity test..."

"And how do we achieve that? Shimmy up the bifrost and demand Prince Jezebel see a phlebotomist? Fuck, if they're not related, where 'did' she come from? Maybe we're being invaded by the real Body Snatchers."

"Who've begun with a child in a Captain America hat, they specifically sent here?"

"Have any better conclusions? I suspect she's the burglar too."

"Why, because they like the same sandwich?"

"Think, Butch. If she can break in here, houses are a piece of cake."

"Think, Cootyoodles. Even with powers to hack security systems, how does a child that young burglarize nine houses without being seen, heard or leaving behind any dna?"

"Never underestimate your opponent." As Tony rambled on about examples, she seemed distant. "Butch?"

"I just realized something. Brianna said her Mom was awal. We're avid news watchers and there hasn't been a local Amber Alert for months. What if she isn't looking for her? What if no one is?"

"Perhaps we're both getting carried away and Brianna's…a special breed of Leprechaun that eats feet. We sleep in my suit boots and problem solved."

Pepper smirked. "What exactly happened to you in space? Stay here while I check on her?" Soon she called to him in a whisper. "Come look at your opponent."

Stark's real heart melted when seeing Brianna asleep in the large tub. A bath towel covered her little body and another lay folded beneath her head. "Poor kid. I'll move her to the bed."

"No don't, Tony. I think she crawled in there to feel safe." *****

In the morning, they found an open box of Count Chocula cereal beside a dirty bowl in the kitchen.

"I hadn't opened that yet."

Pepper yawned. "And?"

"It's half empty."

"Awesome. If she's anything like you jacked up on sugar, please hide it?"

He popped a handful into his mouth. "I thought you liked my inner child?"

"Not when he's Dash from the Incredibles. What's that noise?"

"I'll go look." Stark opened Brianna's door to a six inch knife whizzing towards it. "Morn..WHOA!" He closed it within an inch as she aimed another. "DROP the weapon, Little Warrior!"

She casually tossed it onto the bed. "'Sup?"

"'Sup?!? Those aren't toys, young lady! You could've removed half my face!"

"Nah, my aims too polished. See for yourself."

Pepper arrived to find him gawking at the wall. "Hi Brianna. Tony?"

"Iron Man's upset 'cause I short circuited his Arc Reactor."

"Kinda. Feast your eyes on why, Virginia."

A wooden cutting board hung centimeters from the door frame, impaled by eight knives and Brianna sighed. "I'd almost made a perfect x, until interrupted."

"Hey, I knocked..once."

"But didn't wait for permission to enter."

"Let's not argue, hm? Coffee's done, Tony. Would you like a bath, Brianna?"

"With bubbles?"

"Raspberry Sorbet, scented."

Butch later regretted leaving behind the bottle as Little Warrior had a blast, pouncing into the mountainous sea of bubbles the Jacuzzi's jets summoned and soaking the floor. After loaning her a small t shirt and a pair of leggings she secured around her waist, she watched in amazement as like with their phones, an unseen force carefully lowered the cutting board into the girls awaiting arms.

"Ready, Badass."

"Call me Pepper, please?"

"Sure."

Once in the kitchen, Tony learned of her trick. "Just another checkmark on the growing listy poo of spunky d' evidence, Virginia. Thanks kid, I'll take that." The board seemed super glued to the island as he tried apprehending it. "Make that two checkmarks."

The silverware drawer opened, nudging his butt, as Brianna climbed onto a stool with a mischievous smirk and hovered a fist over the knives. "Scooch your booty, or be turned into swiss cheese." Her hand opened, releasing a pea sized light that burst into a mist with the snap of her fingers. As she slid back, it encompassed only the board, individually plucked each knife from its surface, neatly steered them into the drawer and vanished after it closed.

Tony's mind was projecting a vision of Loki on a cheesy, 70's era game show, its animated host announcing; "Our grand prize winner, ladies and gentlemen! The willy nilly, cock weilding, Prince Jezebelll!"

Brianna's voice silenced the fanfare. "I promise not to play with knives anymore."

"Erm..that's great. About those questions, kid."

"Shoot."

"Why the target practice?"

"Saw it on tv once. It kills boredom."

'And a charging rhinoceros, no doubt.' "These balls of light…"

"I call them my magic and maneuvered this one slower, to give you an idea of how they work. Neat, huh?"

"Very and the one used on my suit?"

"Nothing special."

"How do you create them and the unseen force?"

"Classified."

"Have you greater abilities?"

"Enough to make David Copperfield seem a quack."

"How did you break into my tower?"

"Top Secret."

"How did you get here?"

"Walking, buses, taxis, trains and one bicycle."

"By yourself?"

"Mostly."

"How long was your trip?"

"Nine days."

"How did you afford it?"

"My allowance."

"Why the boys clothing?"

"You already know."

"Where are you from?"

"Are you done insulting me?"

He froze. "Excuse me?"

"Nearly every question, except number 5, were tests to see if I'd slip up and surpass revealing the basics. Magic aside, you're trying to assess my intelligence, so here's some insight. Every response minus 'target practice', was either a lie, or half truth. Why? I am never going home and therefore will never reveal more about myself than I decide necessary. If that's unacceptable, tell me now, I'll thank you for the hospitality and be on my way. Oh, and the ball used on your suit? It was bigger, faster, and more powerful out of necessity."

The only person Tony felt might know more about Brianna was Thor, but couldn't risk breaking his promise. She was brilliant, yet seemingly naive to the constant danger she was in. Iron Man would protect her, whilst awaiting further guidance from wherever the cosmos were plotting to chuck it. The heavens, perhaps? The tooth fairy? Captain Kangaroo?

"We'd much prefer you stayed." Said Pepper. "Please don't be angry with Tony? It's difficult not to think of how frantic we'd be if our child went missing."

Brianna's face softened for merely a second, before she re poised herself. "You would?..Look, I'm a survivor, so don't bother worrying about me. May I make my request now?"

"Please do, Little Warrior."

"Your fellow Avenger, Thor. Do you trust him?"

'All this for the God of Thunder?' Thought Stark. "With my life. Is he your favorite and you'd like an autograph, or a picture together?"

"Don't have a favorite Avenger. Just need you introduce us."

'Wut?' "I could, but that means alerting him you're here."

"If you trust him, I trust him."

"I'm grateful for your faith in me. He'll ask why?"

"I need him to set up a second meeting with is brother, Loki."

And there was Tony's guidance. A beam of light, trailing from the realm of Asgard, down through Earth's clouds and settling on P.J.'s prodigy, igniting her aglow.

"Eh he. Why not? Nothin' like those warm and fuzzy feelings amongst kin, right Virginia? Pardon me ladies. Cootyoodles has a call to make and a suit to tweak."

Brianna giggled. "Who gave Iron Man that name?"

"A friend, but he prefers Tony. Feel like watching a movie with a badass role model?"

"Okay, but none of that fairy tail, princessy stuff. Ever see Bram Stoker's Dracula?"

"Isn't that violent for someone your age?"

"Nope and guuurl, what a love story. The blood and guts are awesome too."

[imagine-loki]

The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Title : The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter NO. 3 of 10?

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s Asgardian wife learns women write fanfiction about him on a trip to Midgard. She’s edgy for the duration and lets him have it when they get back.

Author: lokilover9

Rating: M

Notes: Hello everyone. I will get to writing another chapter of Irked, but for now, here’s a mini crack fic. Should be good for a laugh or two.

Thor was bodybuilding to a song by Right Said Fred, when his phone rang. ...'I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy, it hurts…' "Hello?"

Tony held the phone from his ear and yelled. "DO YOU…" The music suddenly stopped. "...ever look at your call display?"

"Sorry, flying human. Was working my gluteus maximus."

"To the detriment of my earius drumius."

"Oops. How's life?"

"Riveting in the last twenty four hours. You alone?"

"Jane's in Vegas with Darcy."

"Perfect. Think you can you put aside selfies with groping seniors and visit me ASAP?"

"The cougars are more troublesome. Their claws resemble a bilgesnipes. Bloody frightening."

"Buy Hulk bandages. Well?"

"Sounds serious."

"It is. I've a friend that wishes to meet you and it's mandatory you oblige."

"Who?"

"Can't say until you agree to abide by our terms of said meeting."

"Tony, are you in cohorts with an enemy?"

"Thor, are you on crack?"

"Don't know what that is."

"The universe is grateful. Please listen. You cannot hitch a ride with Mjolnir, or come by plane. You must drive here and take every precaution to avoid being recognized or followed. Most importantly, keep it secret."

Thor gave his word and was blown away by what he learned. "Spoil her rotten if need be, I'll foot the bill. Do 'not' let her leave."

"I'm a billionaire ya silly arse, remember? Start packing."

After gathering his suit pieces from the sixtieth floor, Stark went to tell Brianna, but she'd fallen asleep following a bathroom break, halfway through the movie. When Pepper went in there to clean, it looked like a photo from Architectural Digest.

Upon waking, Little Warrior was thrilled to hear the news. "Thanks, Iron Man. Where's Pepper?"

"Out buying you clothes."

"Yaaay!" *****

Thor arrived two days later and instantly fell in love with the girl. She showed him similar acts of magic Tony saw, but still wouldn't reveal anything more about herself. Her abilities and resemblance to Loki were so uncanny, he was ninety percent convinced she was his.

"Your quite talented, Brianna. Why is it you wish to meet my brother?"

"Based on in-depth research, I believe he's a sorcerer, yes?"

"He is."

"Good. I was hoping to ask him some questions about my abilities. Do you think he'll come?”

"I'm sure of it. Will you please stay with Tony and Pepper until we return?"

“I’ll be here.”

Tony rode the elevator down with him.

"How did she know Loki is a sorcerer?"

"I'm questioning the same. Only Fury, his bosses and the other Avengers know. None of us would spill the beans. I suspect Brianna's abilities are more extensive than she's letting on. How will you convince Prince Jezebel?"

"Who?"

Tony deadpanned. "Loki?"

"Threaten to tell Astrid."

"If it comes to that, have mercy and offer the guy some earplugs. Her drama queening is like fingernails down a blackboard."

"My sister in law's wrath will be a walk in the park compared to our Mother's. She's my backup plan."

Stark recalled Ellen Ripley's experience with an angry, Alien queen then pictured a seidre in its hand. "Have a nice trip, big guy." ***** On the morning Thor returned to Asgard, Astrid woke early to find Loki pensively staring out their bedroom window. "What's wrong?"

"There's no easy way to say this, my lovely. You continuously speak of longing to start a family, but this sneaking off realm without a word..it's left me hesitant to believe you're ready."

"Why?"

"Your temper flares and you often act without thinking. I keep questioning had we children…"

"They would've stayed with your Mother." She angrily started searching for attire. "But no problem. I'll stay on the pill."

"Is this reaction not a perfect example?"

"Maybe I'm insulted you think me so dumb!"

She slammed the bathroom door, started the shower and he walked out. "Nice talk, Astrid. Love you too."

Following a meeting with Odin, Loki saw Thor hastily approaching within the corridor. "Brother!" He called in a disingenuous pronounced tone. "How art thou?"

Loki was dragged by the collar into a side room and assertively shoved him off. "I've repeatedly warned your bullying days are over. Do that again and find yourself in another dimension. Painstricken."

Thor locked the door. "I'm disappointed in you."

"I've an extensive list of mutual sentiment. Make an appointment and we'll talk."

"We'll talk now. Stark and I believe you've fathered a child on Midgard."

Loki proceeded to laugh. "Impossible...ludicrous. There isn't a female there nor here I haven't used a termination spell on."

"While they slept?"

"Precisely."

"What about the time you woke naked in a dumpster in California? With no recollection of how you arrived there after leaving a club with three women? Which one did you fuck?"

"None. The last thing I remember were two pleasuring each other on a bed while the third was on her knees pleasing me, when everything faded into blackness. Crazy bitches drugged me. I never saw the route travelled, the house number, nothing, but the inside of a bedroom and then the dumpster when a pigeon rammed its beak into my nostrils."

"You aren't making sense."

"I let them blind fold me in the car."

Thor choked back a laugh. "Midgardian females tricked the trickster?"

"Do I look amused? That was the last time I drank from a bottle I didn't personally open."

"Just listen?" ~ A half hour passed. ~ "I understand your lingering skepticism. At least come help the child. If you don't, Tony fears she may leave without him knowing."

"Fine, but what exactly am I to tell Astrid?"

Loki returned to his chambers to find a note on their bed; 'Gone to my parents for a week to cool off seeing as though you think I'm always angry.' He tossed it in the trash and left one for her; 'My turn to disappear. Janes on vacation so I've returned to Midgard to bond with big brother. Do say hello to your parents, my lovely. Kisses.'

"Satisfied, Thor? Now how do we keep Heimdall from tattling?"

"By leaving immediately. His new trainee is on duty."

"Maxome? That nincompoop will send us into orbit."

"Don't let appearances fool you. He looks like a troll, but knows his job. And Maxi Waxi takes bribes."

Loki's eyes narrowed. "Who are you? Impersonating a Prince of Asgard is punishable by death." *****

The bifrost vanished and Thor's phone immediately rang. "Slow down, Tony. We can take portal taxi to…" The call suddenly ended. "...the Towers underground."

Stark exited the elevator in hyperdrive. "Holy shit, am I glad to see you guys!" He poked Loki's arm. "E..specially..you, fornication fabler. Whatever big guy here told ya? I've an update. Not only is my guest up there adorable and a bonafide genius, but definitely of a life form I've yet to encounter."

"Have you been eating Count Chocula again?"

"No, but I know what you're thinking and get in line. Pepper already threatened to duct tape me to a wall."

"Relax, flying human."

"I'm relaxed every second I'm around that kid. Can't a guy unwind a little? This is me unwinding, okay? Stop talking because I'm talking."

Both Gods locked their lips with imaginary keys.

"The day after you left, Thor, I suggested Brianna and I bake cookies with M&M's, but asked she not tell Pepper as I get in trouble for sugar highs. Then I jokingly asked if she'd ever hidden cookies in her pockets and she said yes. 'Interdimensional pockets'."

Loki cocked a brow.

"Pshh, yeah, hello? The next day, she demanded to know where the clothes she'd arrived in were. Pepper had put them in the wash and Brianna raced to the laundry room, swung opened our front loader with magic, gathered them into a ball and screamed at us while her skin turned blue and eyes Ruby red. 'DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF! DON'T 'EVER' TOUCH MY STUFF!' I just about fucking shit myself!"

The God sighed. "You 'have' encountered that life form."

"Notta, buddy boy. I would've remembered."

"Are you wearing a diaper?"

"Huh?"

"Maybe you should be." Said Thor.

Loki stepped away and partially revealed himself. His skin turned blue, but remained human in texture and eyes reddened like Brianna's.

Stark backed into a pillar. "What the hell are you?"

"Remember I said he was adopted and later educated you on the nine realms?"

"Uh hu."

Loki returned to Aesir form. "I'm a Frost Giant from Jotunheim."

"Ha! I'm not a loon, after all!"

"No one thought you were."

"I knew Brianna was yours and Pepper wouldn't believe me! Wait, isn't that realm mostly ice? Can you conjure it out of nowhere?"

"Yes to both questions, but it's exhausting without the Casket of Ancient Winters. Why?"

"Whatever that is. Little Warrior can too."

"What did you just say?"

"After yelling at us she ran into her ensuite and we followed to find ice crystals forming around the edges of the closed door. It wouldn't budge and with our calls going unanswered for a good ten minutes, I panicked, took an axe to it and hacked into a thick inch layer of ice on the other side. Brianna was out cold in the tub, slept through the hacking to reach her, then for another seventeen hours. We were frantic."

"Take me to her, now." He commanded.

"Why the sudden urgency?" Asked Thor.

Loki had a foresight he opted not to share. "Shouldn't we both be eager to meet a child so skillful without the casket?"

The trio entered the elevator.

"You better not be thinking of turning Heimdall into an icicle again."

Loki bypassed him and eyed Tony. "Eh he he he."

"Screw you, Snowflake. These are jeans and a shirt. Not a silk, pink robe and yes I'm wearing underwear."

Thor smirked. "Ah, the Boopsicle story."

"That's nice. I'll bet he told you the pink fishnets story too."

Loki pursed his lips and Thor stopped smirking. "No. No he didn't."

Stark tried a witty save. "Pepper looked great in them. Sucks to be you for missing it."

"You let my brother see your lady in fishnets? I'd never let another guy see Jane in lingerie."

Thor was being so daft, Loki laughed harder and Tony frowned at him. "Asshole."

They exited and as Virginia approached with Brianna, amusement never left Loki so quickly. Thor had said she was young, but this child craning her head to look up at him barely reached the height of his hip. From everything learned of her, he'd imagined one sturdier, yet she resembled a miniature ballerina. So delicate and beautiful, how was she the daughter of a Frost Giant? Yet the evidence couldn't be denied. He was staring into a mirrored image of himself in female form. Her body structure, ivory skin and elegant features. The striking eyes, thick lashes and hair so black, hints of blue danced upon it like the feathers of a Ravens in daylight.

'"Hello. I'm Loki."

She offered a tiny hand to shake which vanished amidst his as her voice invoked a strange sense of familiarity. "Hi. I'm Brianna."

'Og Min Lille.' He quietly whispered. Then as overwhelming guilt struck from not knowing of her existence, she made him chuckle.

"Mythology states you're the God of Mischief, right?"

"Correct."

Her smile was enchantingly impish. A perfect replica of his own. "Then I believe we'll get along splendidly." She addressed the others. "Kindly excuse us. I wish to speak with Loki alone. Right this way." Brianna closed her bedroom door gesturing to a chair, then sent a blast of light from her hand towards the ceiling.

He watched it spread in a clear ripple down every wall and politely asked. "What did you do?"

"Created a special sound shield. We'll hear them, but they can't hear us. Unless I allow it." That and bypassing Jarvis, was how she'd snuck back to the sixtieth floor the previous night to retrieve a backpack hidden there.

Loki concealed astonishment as he hadn't mastered that trick until his early teens. "Very impressive."

"Thanks and for coming."

"A worthy venture to meet a fellow magician."

Brianna sat on the bed and gave him the strangest look. A combination of curiosity, bewilderment and resentment were he to guess. "I did tell Thor my questions regarded sorcery, but those can wait. First, tell me everything about your ancestry."

She couldn't have asked an odder question based on his secret foresight. "Why do you wish to know?"

"Because you're the only person who can explain exactly what I am, 'Dad'. Now start talking or Jarvis bites it."

[imagine-loki]

The Slutty Webs One Weaves

Title : The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter NO. 8

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s Asgardian wife learns women write fanfiction about him on a trip to Midgard. She’s edgy for the duration and lets him have it when they get back.

Author: lokilover9

Rating: M

Pepper returned from the lobby to an edgy Tony. "Was Hannah down there? What took you so long to answer your phone?"

"No and I was talking to someone."

"You stalled to make new friends? I worried you were dragging said witch up here in a headlock."

"Wrong. Is Loki still consoling Brianna?"

"Yes."

Pepper dropped a mini bomb and Tony disconcertedly sighed. "He isn't going to like this." The couple appeared at the guest room door. "Hey, Little Warrior. Feeling any better?"

She nodded.

"Badass and I wondered if you'd stick around. Maybe Daddikins can conjure Mario Kart? I miss you kicking my tushy."

Virginia's nervous smile had Loki encouraging it and once Tony had Brianna distracted, they slipped out of sight. She conveyed returning to the Tea shop, claimed Hannah resembled an old friend and asked which direction she'd gone in. The cashier said she did a double take at something in the lobby, appeared as though seeing a ghost and dashed towards the hotel exit without her purchases.

Loki's face became a storm of tumultuous emotions and she startled when a snap of his fingers conjured a book.

"Should I have said nothing?"

He cynically chuckled, scanning the title pages. "Ever thought your God in heaven found amusement in bombarding your life with fuckery, like the Norn's do mine? The arm of his celestial robe hanging high while he mockingly inspires you with a goblet of mead? 'Rise up, Homes. I'm off for a shag with Mary.'"

"All Midgardians have."

"Have all dragged their only friends into Alice's fucking wonderland where the big bad wolf keeps hounding at the door? Excuse me, I'm intertwining fairy tales."

"Probably half. Are you okay?"

"Right as rain, girlfriend. Right, found it. I haven't used this spell on a child and need the right measurement of ingredients."

She nervously stumbled over a pair of small shoes. "A 'spell???'"

"To make Brianna sleep. Shhh. I must concentrate."

She watched, dazzled, as tiny bottles appeared mid air and part of their contents emptied into his cupped palm. Moving it in a circular motion, they combined like fluid sand, glowed a soft white, then faded into transparent flakes as the book and bottles vanished.

"Calmly return to the main room with me?"

They did just as Tony blundered a turn at Mario. "I'ma gonna givva you such a smacka, you cartoon pisano."

When Brianna laughed, Loki waved his hand before her face from behind. "Forgive me, Min Lille."

"D..dad…"

Tony caught her. "What's up with the magically induced coma?"

"She's better off." Said Loki, sharper than intended.

Stark situated Little Warrior while he paced, grinding a fist into his palm. There hadn't been time to process any definitive plans to apprehend Brianna's captors and discovering the fourth incited a rage only her reciprocated love had contained. Now, his nerves were stretched to their limits, forcing him to convey more than he wanted, risk finally reaching out for help and configure one. Fast.

"Scotch, Snowflake?"

He sighed heavily and stopped. "I must keep a clear head and so should you. The secrecy and lies, the hiding, everything I've done has been to protect Brianna and yourselves since the instant she graced my life. If I'm to continue, we need to trust each other completely. No matter how disturbing my information, you will make no inquiries, tell no one and from here forth, do 'exactly' as I say. Should you veer off course, we leave for real and you'll be fighting a dangerous battle alone. You may regardless if I can't contain Thor's rage over this."

"A battle with who?"

"This will hit home, Tony. Give me your word."

"It's yours, Pepper's too, right?" She nodded. "For insurance, she can text you a pic of me in a chastity belt. Hell, send it to Jimmy Kimmel. Are we good?"

"I'd rather you signed a wager to become a goat. How much longer is your suite booked for?"

"Another ten days."

"Virginia, pack for a week please? I need your help with Brianna at a safe house. Tony, contact your pilot. You're going home."

"Alex is in Aruba celebrating his girlfriend's breast implants. 'Why' Loki?"

"Fuck." He muttered. "Because I'm certain Fury's involved in Brianna's existence and you 'don't' want him up your shit when you aren't there. He was fucking Hannah and six and half years ago, introduced her and Jillian to Viriginia at his fiftieth birthday bash."

Tony slid both hands down his face. "I..shit..whoa. How do you know that and who's Jillian?"

Pepper frantically retraced her memory. "Jillian...was she the petite brunette with doe like eyes?"

"Congratulations." Loki replied. "You've also met Brianna's Mother. It's all in her diary."

"WHAT?!?" Said the couple, shocked.

"Save your questions! If Brianna's the reason Hannah bailed, by now the evil foursome knows she's escaped and you're aware she exists. Were I Fury, I'd be gathering my accomplices for interrogation, initiating a low key search for the four of us and putting eyes on the Tower 'and' Thor, where he'll find Astrid. Please, 'help me.'"

"Okay, okay. Can you teleport me back?" Asked Stark.

"No. Fury knows I have that ability. If S.H.I.E.L.D's watching and never see you enter…"

"What the fuck? You think they're involved too?"

"Oh my god." Said Pepper.

Loki tuned them out and conjured a bag of burner phones. "Book a seat on the next flight out in any class. Delete our past conversations and cease using your phones to contact me. If Brianna awakens, have her call me on one of these. I'll be back before dawn."

"You're leaving???"

"Yes. To relocate Astrid and warn Thor. Wish me luck he doesn't break New Mexico."

Loki vanished into a portal leaving the couple aghast.

"Well Butch, we're up to our eyeballs in another shit storm. I should've ignored the flu and gone with you that night."

She cracked a tiny smile. "Before or after you fell asleep next to the toilet?"

Tony nodded, observing Brianna in her slumber. "And dreamt Buzz Lightyear brought me our duvet."

"High fevers induce hallucinations. That was me in a white pants suit."

"You sure sounded like 'Tim The Toolman Taylor.'

He was doing it again. Comedically rambling off topic to cushion the blow of a truth that rubbed him wrong from every angle.

"Tony?" Said Pepper.

"Hm?"

"Promise no veering? I haven't trusted Nick since Steve found those weapons on the Helicarrier."

"None of us Avengers do either. I won't, he's too dangerous. With the ability to fuck us over worse than any accusations of harboring a missing child could. Virginia..this is bad. What more was in that diary?"

"It is, but we have to stay focused. A sleep deprived, frazzled Loki discovering we aren't ready, won't want to talk. I'll get our suitcases."

Tony followed. "Did you bring a warm coat? I'll bet he conjured that safehouse in the Siberian Tundra." ***** Loki first returned to their room to collect his and Brianna's things. Time was crucial, but before seeking Astrid, he needed to tune into her ring. Left on, it steadily recorded her and using a hologram, he rewound to the day he departed Asgard and quickly scanned through the mundane.

He watched her pained reaction to his note, heard hers and Frigga's spiteful words, witnessed their treatment of Thor, heard himself being defended, their following remorse and the lies conjured betwixt Mother and son. Although impressed by Frigga duplicating Astrid's ring, he wasn't in the mood for another presumed 'lecture on morality' and fast forwarded to them parting ways in Asgard.

Night after night, he saw Astrid entering Ingrid's bed chamber and once heard his Mother in law scolding a hidden Roddy from her doorway. "Doth's thou newest mistress prefer perfuming as well? Your stench giveth you away."

He'd have laughed if not for Astrid's tears, but when forwarding to the present, she wasn't sleeping at Thor's. His means of travel would remain portals and high on adrenaline, he arrived to gather her belongings and cringed at the sounds of lovemaking.

"That's it princess. Take your Kings tallywacker like a good girl."

'Norns.' Loki conjured more burner phones, blared the living room's television and Thor came running, cock at full mast. "Brilliant way to greet an intruder, dingus."

"Brother!" Thor exuberantly bellowed on approach.

Loki conjured a dagger. "Hug me naked and tallywacker gets beheaded. Where's Astrid?"

"At the Rosewood."

Loki frowned. "You let my wife, who hops realms on a fucking whim, stay at a hotel???"

Jane came rushing down the stairs in a Betty Boop robe and he arched a brow. "Hi, Loki. It's only for two nights and she offered to give us time alone."

Thor's smile faded. "I didn't hear anything in the guest bedroom. Did you bug our house?"

"Yes, brother. 'I', snagged a side job installing covert surveillance on Midgards superheroes. Spark another spliff and do cover your cock?"

Jane did with a decorative plate from the dining table. "Astrid's room number is 718."

"She won't be returning. Do not leave, answer the door, your calls, or open the blinds. I 'will be' returning, but briefly."

In a flash, he was gone and Jane looked up at Thor. "I can't call in this soon, my vacation just ended."

"Loki wasn't asking, Jane. Something's awry." ***** Astrid had risen early and after seeking ice, dropped the bucket upon discovering Loki in her room. Accustomed to wearing Midgardian attire, her blue jean leggings contoured her shape, highlighted by a white tank beneath a second of mesh knit. Her blond waves cascaded down her breasts and she looked so virginal without makeup, his loins ached.

"Hello, my lovely."

Unsure what Thor had conveyed, she hesitated approaching. "Hi. I would offer you a drink but..." She knelt to gather the cubes and hide a falling tear. "I hav..haven't any liquor."

Loki lovingly gathered her into his arms. "Astrid."

"Forgive me, Min kjærlighet." She sobbed. "I made you run when needing me most."

He kissed her lips and cheeks. "I ran for a multitude of reasons, but have left Brianna sleeping to come for you."

"You knew I was on Midgard?"

"Not until recently and you mustn't be angry with Thor for not conveying so. He stayed silent at my request, even to Jane and was oblivious to our location. You mean the world to me as does Brianna now too, but something's gone wrong and I fear you're both in danger. It would take too long to explain and there's so much I must before you meet."

"Then let's return to Asgard. Wouldn't we be safe there?"

"We can't yet."

She slowly slid from his embrace, confused. "Brianna's in danger, yet isn't with you or Thor. She's with Tony and Pepper isn't she?"

"Yes, my lovely, but you can't be angry with them either. They've been wonderful to her."

"I'm not, I'm sad again. Everyone knew about her before me. What does that say about 'us', Loki? Are we okay?"

He embraced her again. "Yes. Darling, Tony, Pepper and Thor knew of her before I did too and you knew before Jane."

"Really? Wait, Thor lied to myself and your Mother?"

"Astrid, please. He had to, they too might be in danger and Brianna will panic if I'm not there when she awakens. Come with me to a temporary location until everybody's situated?" Loki kissed her hands. "It means being shielded from Heimdall for a while. If not, Thor can..."

She hastily kissed him. "I'm not returning to Asgard without you."

Loki wanted to bed her until she wailed his name so loud, her voice cracked every window in the hotel. "Prepare thyself, my lovely. You're going underground."

While she checked out, Loki ventured to Alberta and created her a lesser version of their bedchambers in Asgard.

Astrid caressed the beds plush duvet of greens and gold. "You replicated everything."

He conjured her luggage. "I wanted you to feel at home."

She smiled. "I'll be okay, Loki. Go."

With a newfound determination, Loki returned to Thor. "I thank the Valhallas you've dressed."

"You've seen me naked before, brother."

Loki addressed Jane. "He was playing nude hide and seek in the backwoods with some maidens, late for another archery lesson. Our father sent me searching. Without appearing rude, may we please have a moment alone?"

She frowned at Thor. "I'll be in the garage inflating my bicycle tires."

Thor waited for the door to close. "You could've said we were teens. How have we been compromised?"

"Clever, brother."

"Are Brianna and Astrid safe?"

Loki nodded.

"Flying human and Virginia?"

"Not if Jane talks."

A loud growl from Thor soon had her running back inside. "Holy shit on a pogo stick!"

He was standing in the living room holding their heavy glass coffee table above his head with Loki in his face. "Throw that and it vanishes before landing."

"Then I'll break something else!"

"This is why I kept information from you! Think rationally, Thor. Your neighbors will post this all over social media. How will that benefit any of us?"

He gently placed it down. "Brother, he..a child?"

"I know, but please let me handle it my way?"

"She's your daughter. I respect that. What do you need from us?" Loki eyed Jane and Thor sighed. "Yes, you can trust her."

When he was done talking, she hurled on the carpet while Thor pondered murdering Fury.

Loki used magic to clean it up. "You have my instructions. No interfering."

"We understand, brother. Go." ***** After leaving the Savoy, Hannah had rushed to the nearest pharmacy and returned to her hotel, spitting sparks. "That lying bitch! Her little brat does have powers!" She checked out, checked into another across town and called her boyfriend. He answered from a plane on it's way to England.

"Hello, pretty lady. Did you enjoy your heart throbs play? Wish I could've come."

Hannah eyed the stolen silk tie Tom had used to bound her wrists the night before and deviously grinned. 'I don't. Hiddleston and I hooked up.' "Tom was amazing." 'With a dick that makes yours look microscopic.' "How was Mrs. Finkelsteins second facelift?"

"Useless, but she's rich. I bought you some new lingerie."

"Did you keep the receipt? I'm breaking up with you."

"Hannah, why? What will I tell my parents?"

"Life doesn't always work out as planned? Don't miss your connecting flight to Sweden. Bye."

She hung up, turned her ringer off and opened a box of black hair dye. "Now that I'm screwed, so are you 'Pepper Potts' and your billionaire boyfriend."

[imagine-loki]

The Slutty Webs One Weaves

Title : The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter NO. 6 of 10?

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s Asgardian wife learns women write fanfiction about him on a trip to Midgard. She’s edgy for the duration and lets him have it when they get back.

Author: lokilover9

Rating: M

Brianna's surprise was a bedroom matching the guest room at Tony's and much more. Loki had conjured a two thousand square foot flat into an underground rock formation with sleeping quarters and private ensuites at either end. The main rooms were open concept, all the lighting adjustable to simulate midday or dusk and she followed his gaze to a set of drapes in the dining area.

"I dare speculate what's beyond. Don't you?" He asked.

Another room simulating the outdoors had a domed ceiling painted like the sky, two walls a tropical rainforest and the third a beach scene. Below it was a narrow pool, running the rooms length and to her left, a swing set and exercise apparatus. Brianna ran to him and squealed with delight when he spun her around in his arms. "You did all this for me?"

"With great pleasure."

"It's the best. Our own perfect hideaway, but aren't you exhausted?"

He chuckled. "Had I conjured a palace, perhaps. My magic is very powerful."

She suddenly looked concerned. "Sooo, nobody knows I robbed those houses? I really don't want to go to jail."

"Og Min Lille, no one. You're free now and shall never live imprisoned again." Loki wanted to erase those sad memories, but she was too young. It risked relearning to walk and talk, achievements well established in adults and possibly forgetting vital information that could help locate her 'imprisoners'. "Let's focus on the happier times ahead. I'm hungry are you?" Inside, he opened a suitcase of food taken from Thor's. "Can you believe the God of Thunder eats marshmallows? His face must resemble an oversized zit."

Brianna's giggle was so adorable he wanted to gobble her up. "Do you like pranking him?" She asked.

"Me? The God of Mischief? Nooo."

"Your nose is growing, Pinocchio."

"Who?"

She explained the character, Loki feigned panic, conjured a mirror and made funny faces while checking his reflection at different angles. "It's not a centimeter larger than the last time I looked. Who's the prankster?" They made smores together and Loki's first bite resulted in a glob of marshmallow dangling from his chin.

"It's okay." Said Brianna. "Uncle Cootyoodles wore most of his first time we made them. Pepper too. He was holding one for her taste when a glob fell down her shirt, she smeared some into his hair and what a mess that followed. Tony started chasing her around the island trying to stuff them into her pockets, but Pepper was crafty. She grabbed the partially melted ones and tried smearing more into his hair. When he blocked it, she slid one under his t shirt sleeve and mashed it into his armpit. They'd begun cleaning up when he snuck chocolate sauce from a cupboard and squirted some onto her head."

"Did uncle Cootyoodles get in trouble?"

"No. They chose a third target and boy did she become invisible fast."

Loki laughed.

"Tony's super funny. Did you know he hides boxes of Count Chocula in their apartment?"

"Where?"

"No way, Jose. I plan a return visit. He might not share if you tattle."

Loki suddenly felt trapped in a web of deceit. Telling Brianna that wasn't possible, or of his intention to move her to Asgard permanently risked jeopardizing her trust. Might she become angry enough to vanish at first chance? He could cap her abilities with a spell, but that meant the same and not learning her full capacity. He was damned either way and wondered if all parents shared this dilemma. Making decisions for their child's best interest knowing they'll be resented for them. And what of the biggest? Telling his Daughter she was a Goddess. With time on their side he opted to mull things over.

That evening he gave her a swimming lesson, cut her hair into a bob with bangs, altered his to salt and pepper, conjured brown contacts and together they planned their first adventure. ***** On Asgard, after reading Loki's letter in her private parlor, Frigga had whisked Astrid off to the observatory.

Heimdall saw them coming and stiffened with the Allmother's scowl. 'Odin's toupee, Beelzebub is resurrected.' "Greetings my gracious Queen and my lady. What can I do for you?"

"Find Loki, please?" The Allmother instructed.

"He's left realm?" Astrid replicated her scowl and he gazed into the cosmos. "Right away." 'Before one of you sprout horns.'

The search was taking too long and Frigga caught on why. "Has my son veiled himself?"

"I cannot see him." 'Fuck. How many holes can you dig in one lifespan, Fenrir?'

Astrid looked ready to hyperventilate. "I didn't hide from him down there."

The Gatekeeper did like the Duchess, yet occasionally questioned her sensibility. 'Maybe because you lack such powers?'

The Queen dismissed her nonsense and calculatingly advised. "Worry not. I have a plan."

Heimdall prayed to the Norns it didn't include an inverted pentagram. ***** The next night, Loki and Brianna exited a portal into a dark alley in Paris.

"This way, darling. You're going to love The Ritz."

An inebriated man witnessed the phenomenon from his apartments alley window. "Sacre bleu! No more cheap merde for moi." ***** In New Mexico, Thor was watching How to Train Your Dragon, thinking Toothless would make his Father a great pet. Odin blitzed on ale and the pair swooping down on Asgards Einherjar as he taunts the warriors. 'Catch me if you can, suckers!' Frigga's in pursuit on a skid. 'Land you ancient ripstonker or I'll tan your hairy hide!' He chuckled at the vision, crushed an empty beer can against his forehead and the doorbell rang. "Must be my neighbor Willie with another complaint. Yesterday the stereo's volume, tonight our TV's. Guess I should pity the old bugger, his surname being Stroker. Coming!" He politely shouted. 'Rickety ray of sunshine.' "Evening Mr...Astrid???"

"Hi."

Thor inwardly cringed when she rolled in a suitcase and paused a second to think. Heimdall always delivered him to spots where Loki had hidden vehicles, but Astrid didn't have a license. "How did…" He picked up her luggage when the bell rang again.

"You should answer that."

He did to someone looking less a ray of sunshine than grumpy Mr. Kneads-his-knob. "Mother???" It suddenly clicked why Loki had warned him Astrid might visit. He'd intended to shield himself and Brianna from Heimdall.

"Don't look so shocked. Last summer your Father surprised me with a brief trip to Norway. A beautiful country, but too many nude beaches. While there, he taught me to drive and Seidre granted me a fake license."

"Why didn't you mention it?"

"I had intended to surprise you by coming with Astrid and Loki on their next visit. In light of your mail delivery, I came sooner. Now where's your brother?"

"I don't know and presume he's veiled?"

"You're lying and we know he has a daughter." Said Astrid. "It was in the letter."

She'd never addressed him so crassly and Thor dismissed it to upset. "I'm not and imagine it was, hence your presence. He spelled me to sleep with a tonic I thought ale and upon waking, they were gone. In 'my' letter, Loki apologized for leaving unannounced, didn't explain why and asked I make the delivery."

"Loki apologized to you?" Asked Frigga.

"Yes."

"This I must see to believe. Show me."

"Impossible, Mother. He spelled that too."

"He what?" Asked Astrid.

"It's in the ink." Replied the Allmother. "The paper dissolves within minutes once exposed to oxygen."

The Duchess shook her head. "This is wrong. Loki claims to have had no relationship with a woman he impregnates then runs off with a child they supposedly created without a word to his wife or Mother?"

"She's right, Thor. If your Father and I truly do have a granddaughter, your brother should've said so, brought her to Asgard and introduced us."

"Loki didn't believe me at first, but knew the instant they met. Like myself."

"So he really didn't come for a bondage session with his big brother." Said Astrid. "You lured him here to meet the girl? Who introduced the two of you? Was the Mother blackmailing Loki and that's why they've vanished? How does he know this person and her daughter aren't working together? Any preteen could learn such skills!"

Thor had retrieved her from Heimdall's last drop and en route to see Tony, was subjected to her jealous assumptions regarding the stories. Loki had once mentioned similar behavior during a visit home with Jane, but this was over the top and he responded curtly. "That's bon-ding and could a six year old, Astrid? Enough with your antics."

"Thor Odinson, mind your manners and tell us everything." Demanded Frigga.

He observed the two expectantly glaring at him and pondered being in his brother's shoes. "No."

"And why not young man?"

Astrid spoke again. "Because he's lying, just like I thought."

The God frowned at his sister in law. "No, because I think I understand now why Loki vanished. Did either of you even hear what I just said? Brianna is six..years..old."

"Frigga's tone softened. "Brianna?"

"Yes, Mother, that's your granddaughters name. Which saddens me to say you'd know had you bothered asking."

"Well if you won't help us, I'll bet Tony knows where Loki is. I'll just call him." Said Astrid.

"You will not." Thor sharply reiterated. "I contacted Stark first thing and he knows nothing. The couple are on vacation. Leave them be."

"Son, at least have some compassion for her feelings." Suggested Frigga.

"Why? I haven't heard a shred of it yet for Loki from either of you and suspect he predicted the same. It's no wonder with our consistent lack of empathy towards him. Jane always disliked him yet the more I spoke of our history, her opinion changed. Humbling mine by insisting I see things from Loki's perspective and candidly pointing out Father's favoritism. I regret a lot, but this isn't a self pity rant. He and Brianna need someone on their side and I'm volunteering, so listen. All I'll reveal is she came to me and refused to say from where or how. I found her cowering inside my apartment after a run and willingly obliged her request to meet Loki." He looked directly at Astrid. "Your husband is innocent, knew nothing of her existence until I told him, yet carries guilt for not rescuing her sooner."

"'Rescuing?'" Asked Frigga.

"Brianna's short life hasn't been a happy one." Thor grabbed his keys.

"Where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here. I need to think."

He left and Astrid sobbed. "I've behaved so selfishly and now Loki's facing this alone."

The Allmother squeezed her hand. "I'm just as guilty, darling, but do get your sexual references straight?"

Astrid cried harder.

"There, there. Loki has to come home eventually."

"How..do you think he instantly kn..knew she was his?"

Frigga suddenly straightened. "Hells bells and Bilgesnipe testicles. Could she possess magic?"

Thor hadn't left to think. Distrustful of Astrid, he needed an excuse to do the one thing Loki had asked him not to. Call Stark. "Heyyy, flying human. Have a minute?"

"Nope. Busy drinking tequila out of Pepper's navel. Later."

She smirked when he hung up. "That was rude."

"What? I can't hold my phone, pour belly button shots and slurp all at the same time."

"Put him on speaker." She suggested.

"Stop moving or I'll pin you to the bed with my suit pieces."

"Now he's calling me. "'I'll' put him on speaker."

"A threesome with big guy?" Tony jested. "Can't we choose someone prettier?"

"You want a threesome? I never thought of sharing 'you' with anyone else."

He belched. "That was ugly. Answer the phone, Butch."

"Hi Thor."

"Sorry, Virginia. It's urgent."

Stark had risen from the bed in his boxers and Pepper withheld laughter as he goofily attempted a full monty. "What's up?"

Thor finished explaining and Tony gasped. "Say what? Pepper and I were about to experiment with shock treatments via my tequila laden nipples and you ruined it."

"He's kidding." She interjected.

The God chuckled. "Whatever ruffles your truffle, Virginia. He's taking it better than Loki predicted."

"It's the booze."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here people."

"Astrid's on realm and has thought of calling." Said Thor. "I won't send her your way. This is just a heads up."

Stark scanned his naked self. "Not anymore."

"Tony." Scolded Pepper.

"Sorry, what?"

"I've convinced her you're on vacation and Brianna came to me."

"Thumbs up, uncle lightning wielder. Why Daddy Snowflake lie and run away?"

"I'm not exactly certain, but suspect to avoid family drama over knowledge of Brianna's existence."

"Are they loco en la cabezas? You tell Loki she can come live here. If she turns our apartment into an ice rink, I'm down with that. I'll teach her how to skate."

Thor's respect for Tony was deepening over his unwavering affection for her. "If Loki contacts you, please warn him our Mother's here too?"

Stark shot upright. "Flaming flamingo fishnets! 'Thee' Allmother is on earth???"

"Not for long if I can help it. Astrid as well."

"'Atta boy! Duct tape them together and hurl 'em up the bifrosty."

"My Mother would have me quartered."

"Pooper shnickers. Saran wrap then?"

Thor laughed. "Virginia?"

"We'll play along. If Daddy Snowflake contacts you, tell him we're a phone call away." ***** Thor opted for a local pool hall instead of going home, but Frigga waited up.

"Does Brianna have powers, darling? I'd appreciate knowing."

He headed straight for his bedroom. "Jane comes home in three days. 'I'd' appreciate if you and Astrid returned to Asgard beforehand."

Frigga stood outside his door. "Thor…"

"Cover me in preserves and tie me to an ant hill, Mother. I'm still not talking."

"Sounds like a kinky ritual to enact on your Father."

He opened it enough to stick his head out. "Are you cray cray?"

"Possibly. If you aren't going to talk then come listen?" He begrudgingly obliged and they sat in the living room. "Forgive my rudeness earlier? I've been overcome with shock and bewilderment since Astrid came to me."

"No more so, than Loki."

"I imagine and have a briefened love story to tell you."

"Again?"

Frigga smirked at the hint of disinterest on Thor's face. "Not mine and your Father's, Loki's and Astrids. When your brother was first pardoned, the people were angry. Palace staff addressed him only when necessary and on the streets, there was talk of him being a traitor. He was miserable so your Father and I allowed him back to Midgard if he promised to stay out of trouble. He rarely cracked a smile on visits home and during one, I convince him to attend a ball by threatening to sacrifice a virgin."

Thor's brows rose. "Mother, you didn't."

"Almost. A young handmaiden he coveted. I'm not as innocent as I appear. Loki spent a good part of it alone, brooding in a side parlor. I'd considered suggesting he lose the glare which conveyed to all, 'come any closer and I'll rip off your limbs' when noticing Astrid edging her way around the room, cautiously evading his sight. I later learned she wanted to greet him unexpectedly, so he mightn't be so quick to reject her. Then as she introduced herself and Loki rose as a gentleman should, he smiled wholeheartedly for the first time in over a year. As you do in Janes presence. Soon he began spending more time at home and no matter the ignorance of others, including her Father's disapproval of their courtship, she lovingly stood by your brother. They were walking arm in arm at last year's harvest festival when someone bellowed 'traitors whore!' Astrid said he furiously demanded the coward show themselves. When no one came forth, she announced to all listening. 'Taunt and think of me as you please, but never forget whose presence you're in. Prince Loki of Asgard, son of your King and Queen and I am his proud fiance, Astrid Heskin.' She's made Loki very happy and it shows in every aspect of his personality."

"I'm just as impressed as I am confused." Said Thor. "If the feeling's mutual, why the constant jealousy?"

"It's between them I suppose." Frigga knew why, but withheld it in confidence.

"Sentiment aside, Loki never said where or when he planned to return. I'll have two days with Jane before she's back at S.H.I.E.L.D and I'm doing charity work. Nor can Astrid keep imposing on Mr. Stark when she and Loki have problems. Please take her home?"

"We'll leave tomorrow."

"Thank you. How did Father take the news?"

"He doesn't know and thinks I came to escort Astrid to Loki."

"Weren't we supposed to be bonding?"

"That, he would never believe and have surely gone to Heimdall. We told him Loki was helping you find Jane a new house as a surprise, Astrid missed him and wanted to help too. He waved us onward amidst his newfound kingly pleasure, a pedicure."

"Father gets pedicures?"

"It's not as though they paint his nails slut red. Centuries in leather boots makes for terribly smelly feet."

"Still, that complicates things." Thor explained Loki's conversation about Frost Giants. "My crassness wasn't meant as an insult to his original heritage. After everything Brianna's endured, I merely assumed it information overload for her."

"Darling. Where is the difference in learning she's Jotun or Asgardian?"

"There isn't any. Loki wouldn't reveal all they'd discussed and I'd dreaded he'd informed her Asgardians opinion of Jotuns. That 'we' were taught to fear and hate them."

His words reminded Frigga of her own guilt and shame over lying to her son. "Your Father and I were catastrophically wrong for teaching that. He despised Laufey for senselessly attacking Midgard, but I'm just as guilty for not speaking up."

"His scorn remains, Mother."

"Only because Jotunheim are ruled by a secretive and fluctuating council since Laufey's death and are rumored to be allies with Svartalfheim. They want Nidavellir to join them but the realm will not, claiming fear of animosity from the others and losing their greatest source of income."

"Weapons."

"Yes. Secretly, they are 'our' allies. Through spies, we learn of every weapon they sell and to whom. Should the Jotuns attain this knowledge and see the Dwarves as traitors, your Father dreads an outbreak of war and the senseless demise of millions. The Jotuns tell your Father only enough to appease him and the constant uncertainty has led him to double the size of our Einherjar."

"More you have not told me? Mother, why?"

"You're happy here and in a strategic position as an Avenger. Midgard is safer because of you. Loki knows all of this yet your Father is so edgy, I'm uncertain how he'll react to him being veiled."

"I'm saddened to hear of his duress, yet intend on further mending my relationship with Loki. Wish to join me?"

"Indeed I do."

"Then lie to Father again. Don't tell him Astrid returned and ask her to visit her Mother. Have her agree your back up plan should he question Heimdall sooner is she spoke to Loki, but he'd taken Brianna to Disneyland to bond with her alone. Claim that's why he's veiled and said they'd return 'here' in two weeks. It covers our arses and hopefully buys him time."

"Disneyland?" She queried.

"It's a famous amusement park for children."

"And if Loki doesn't show?"

"We're dungeon bound. Pack a warm sweater."

"Norns. How do I prevent Heimdall from seeing Astrid return?"

Thor groaned. "Snitch about this and I'll never forgive you. Max is sworn to service myself and Loki only or be fed to beasts. He takes bribes, but you can probably intimidate him into staying quiet with one glare."

Frigga jestingly rolled her eyes. "Such hooligans I raised."

"Be grateful to him, Mother. His arse will also be on the line for worse than concealing a mail delivery."

She shrugged. "I'll tell your Father I threatened to confine him to my poisonous spider conservatory."

Thor froze and asked similar question Loki had asked of him. "Are you truly 'our' relative? Asgards warm, kind and Allmotherly Queen?"

"Yes although formidable when required. It's a torture chamber, darling. So our enemies believe. They're artificial replicas of Midgards most deadly with tiny doses of various potions in their fangs. One induces diarrhea, another severe itching, hallucinations and my favorite, temporary paralysis. All with anecdotes, of course and they only attack via my magic. Imagine thousands positioned for battle."

Thor wondered if Frigga had inhaled too many fumes from her potion components and next he'd hear she'd conjured them tiny helmets. "You're right. I am happier here." 'With access to exterminators.'

"Do you think Loki is veiled out of fearing your Father's judgement?"

"Primarily."

The Allmother regretfully sighed. "I'll speak with Astrid in the morning."

She passed him and Thor faced her. "Mother?"

"Yes?"

"Brianna's amazing. Intelligent beyond her years, braver than some Einherjar I've known. You will love her instantaneously and yes, she has powers. The rest is her Father's privilege to disclose."

Frigga's smile conveyed gratitude. "Thank you, son. Goodnight." Astrid slept like a log and with magic, she carefully removed her wedding ring, entered the ensuite, made a replica of it for herself and began whispering. "Loki, darling..." ***** Astrid's ring was on, but Loki wasn't tuned into its frequency, didn't hear his Mother's message, nor of a link to the spell that accessed hers. He was too overwhelmed to endure his families negative rantings. As Brianna slumbered in luxury, he read more of her Mother's diary and lurched forward, seething upon discovering an adversary. 'You?'

Loki added the name to his shit list of most wanted. 'Consider yourself marked, fucker.'

[imagine-loki]

The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Title : The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter NO. 5 of 10?

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s Asgardian wife learns women write fanfiction about him on a trip to Midgard. She’s edgy for the duration and lets him have it when they get back.

Author: lokilover9

Rating: M

Thor agreed Brianna going to Asgard a good idea as Loki presumed and shielded her from Heimdall's sight as a precautionary measure. Before leaving, the brother's sat observing Little Warrior lead Tony and Pepper to the couch and hand him a usb stick.

"What's this?" He asked.

"A computer virus. My revenge plan was to disembowel Jarvis if you hadn't kept your promise."

Stark eyed Loki who shrugged a shoulder. "Don't look at me. I only learned of it this morning."

"It's my creation, pretty nasty and should be destroyed." Said Brianna.

"How nasty?"

"It bears the potential to wipe out most of New York's power grids."

Tony was momentarily speechless. "I'll do that and am overjoyed you two became friends."

"Me too and sorry for being so rude when you touched my stuff."

"It's alright." Said Pepper.

"No it wasn't. You deserve to know why. Loki mentioned the homeless people right?"

"Yes."

"Dory was the first one I met. Taught me handy street smarts and helped shop for my boy clothes. Ran away from home because her moms boyfriend was a jerk. I encouraged her to call one day and when she learned they split up, convinced her to go home. Really smart person. Dreams of becoming an Astronaut. Anyway, she had a big crush on Captain America and gave me her favorite hat as a gift. Then I met Muriel. A mean looking older lady who was actually super sweet and protected me something fierce. Beat this guy up one night for trying to steal my blanket while cursing him sideways. She loved Chinese food and taught me self defence techniques, like how to poke a hole in someone's brain by shoving a chopstick up their nose."

Everyone's ears and attention piqued as Tony wondered if Muriel was a distant cousin of Sasquatch's. "Hopefully not on live subjects."

"No, silly. On a plastic skull she molded a face onto with clay. I paid for the supplies. Helping police identify people used to be her job in Arizona. Great way to kill zombies though. Best to behead them like with vampires and guarantee they've bit the bullet." Brianna then pulled a gold bracelet with a four leaf clover charm from her pocket. "Muriel was Irish and gave me this for good luck. It's too big so I carry it in my pocket. Before meeting you guys, they were the first people who were super nice to me. I fretted their gifts ruined in the wash."

"I'm sorry." Said Pepper.

"It's okay. I was just a little freaked."

'And nearly built a cave for the abominable snowman.' Thought Stark. "We were more worried about you after the fact."

"I could tell by your happy dance when I woke."

"Hey, badass did one too. In the hall. You didn't see."

Brianna giggled. "Thanks to you both for everything and I'm sorry for lying."

"Meh, we understand."

"I meant about not having a favorite Avenger. It's you uncle Cootyoodles. That's why I sought your help first. The Black Widow was my next stop."

Tony pictured Nat teaching her how to yank teeth out with pliers and felt twice as relieved for keeping that promise. "Nat's eccentric and hates zombies. I'm way more fun." Brianna suddenly hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. "Awe, Little Warrior. Friends forever?"

"Damn straight!" Then she did the same to Pepper. "I forgot to explain why you're a badass role model. Working so hard to become CEO of a massive company like Stark Industries and executing all that embodies? You rock! I hope to grow up as astute, diligent and athoritative. Maybe I'll run a company one day."

"You already possess those traits and will exceed my achievements."

No one knew that better than Loki who cleared his throat. "Grandmother and Grandfather go to bed early, Min Lille."

"One more minute, please?"

"Alright."

She studied Stark, pondering the best way to implement her request. "You don't have to do this, but… Not all homeless people are bad or crazy like others seem to believe. Many hit hard times and the world is so expensive, they couldn't keep up. No one I met lived on the streets because they wanted to. There just aren't enough shelters or resources available. You're rich Tony and could help them. Will you try?"

As Loki had succeeded with Frigga, those beautiful pleading eyes won her case. "You really know how to pull a guys heart strings, kid. I promise."

Loki wasn't aware she'd intended to ask this, yet was so proud of her. "Min Lille?"

"I know." She politely replied.

"You have to go." Tony suddenly stood and darted for the hall. "Be back in a jiffy."

"Meet him by the elevator, or you'll never leave." Suggested Pepper.

He returned and handed Loki a loaded Iron Man backpack. "More things? Shall I conjure a crate for the bifrost?"

They'd already given her an overstuffed suitcase of clothes and toys and Stark held a gift bag in hand. "Be quiet, you. It's a peanut butter stash. Does Asgard have bananas?"

"Yes." 'Thank the Norn's.'

Tony knelt before Brianna. "I would've packed some tater tots, but you ate them all again."

She smirked. "My goof."

"Rascal. Try to ignore a wee, bitty smidgen, you aren't into girly stuff? We couldn't help ourselves with you off to Asgard."

Brianna pulled from the bag a pink baseball cap that said Warrior Princess in tiny diamond gems and proudly adorned it. "You sure know how to pull a girls heart strings."

"I put some Motown CD's in there too. Teach Dad to moonwalk." Loki sighed, pushed the elevator button and Tony playfully whispered. "From a distance. In case he trips over his own big feet." He hugged her again and summoned Jarvis.

"Yes, sir?"

"Our friend is leaving."

"Goodbye, Little Warrior." Said the AI.

"Bye. Sending you a virtual hug."

She joined Thor inside while Loki shook hands with Tony, his expression saying everything. "Any time. Now get the 'bleep' out of my Tower before I thieve your Daughter."

Brianna shouted as it closed. "There's presents on your bed! I'll miss you!"

Peppers was a black t shirt with gold letters that read Badass Role Model and Tony's was a monsterous box filled with tater tots.

"Don't do it, Butch. If you cry, I'm gonna cry." ***** Loki had purposely slowed the elevator allowing her time to give Thor a drawing.

"Mjolnir in a field of flowers? Thank you fair maiden."

"It's a scratch n' sniff."

"A what?"

Loki picked up Brianna. "You scratch the flowers, then sniff them. The effect is most appealing the stronger you inhale."

Thor took a whiff and wriggled his nose. "Quite the nostril tickler. What should they smell like?"

"Try harder." 'Doofus.'

He took another, looked cross eyed at Loki and began swaying. "...Brother..you…" Then down he went striking the floor with a thud the tip of his nose covered in sparkly dust.

"Sorry, uncle Thor."

Loki chuckled at her wince. "The spell is mild and shall soon wear off."

"Is he hurt?"

Loki let her down to hurle the hefty Thor over his shoulder. "Us God's are resilient. Your uncle once endured a skirmish with the Hulk." After escorting them through a portal and delivering Brother oaf to his bed, he lead Brianna through a second into some woods.

"That was awesome! Will you teach me how to do it?"

"Not in the near future. It's very complicated, darling and I'd hate to think you lost in another dimension." 'Or vanishing one day as an angry teen with a troublesome suitor I dream of throttling.'

"Okay." Brianna nervously scanned the area. "Now what? Carnivores hunt these woods."

"Northern Alberta is home to many. Never go outside without me and none will harm you."

"But wolves hunt in packs and grizzlies are bigger than you."

He booped her little nose. "I'll smell them before they smell us and neither possess deadly weapons in interdimensional pockets."

"Where our luggage is? I tried hiding bigger items in them and the darn things wouldn't come back. Hannah was furious, but I didn't care."

"What did you hide?"

"The back wheels of her Lamborghini, Gallardo. I overheard my Mother tell Claudia she got it from her rich boyfriend."

Loki recalled from spending time with Stark this wasn't a billionaire's vehicle, yet financially unattainable to the average Midgardian. "I see. Did she mention his occupation?"

"Plastic surgeon."

Brianna deserved that minor victory and although he wouldn't encourage it, one cannot preach vengeance a negative path when mapping their own. 'Perhaps he'll be useful to the sluts after I'm done.' "Ah. Care to see what I did while you slept last night?"

"You left me?" She confusedly asked.

He picked her up again. "It was necessary and I returned, yes? I won't abandon you, Og Min Lille."

"Never?"

"Never, darling. "Loki headed for a shack nearby nestled amidst some bushes. With its crooked roof, faded wood and door minus a hinge the structure looked ready to collapse.

"We're staying there?"

"Why not? I'll conjure an outdoor toilet." He teased. "Sheltered of course."

"Ewww."

"Come now. At night we'll have heated beds and during the day, roast squirrels on an open fire."

She scrunched her face in disgust. "Blech! I'd rather eat tree bark."

"You'll get an awful tummy ache."

They entered the dingy space and Brianna instantly focused on the filthy floor covered in forest debris. So intently, she didn't notice the sturdier frames of the structure only visible from within. "How will we keep the door closed and is that poop?"

Loki rolled his eyes at some turds in a corner. "The cabin is made of Brazilian Ebony."

"One of the strongest woods on earth." She commented.

He arched an intrugued brow. "Stained to appear aged, it's also bulletproof in light of human hunters. Consider the other materials deceiving movie props. The 'raccoon' poop is genuine." It vanished with a wave of his hand. "Now, did you mean that door?" It closed and he conjured a deadbolt onto the surface with a panel directly above. "Place your hand in the center?" Brianna did and it glowed green, spreading magic from the center throughout every surface like glowing, emerald fireflies. As they dimmed, Loki turned around. "Or this one?" The floor, suddenly cleared of debris had a sliding glass door in the center.

Brianna gasped in wonder, glancing between him and the mystery beneath. "Where does it go?"

"Did you think a sorcerer Prince would allow his Princess daughter to dwell in a shabby old shack?"

"Ancestry aside, I sincerely hoped not. Even an RV would've been better."

He chuckled at her frankness. "And you worried of uncle Thor bumping his head? The shacks purpose was added safety should a need arise and to keep our secret entrance hidden. "Once the outer door locks, only the interior alters. To outsiders, nothing changes." It opened and he carried her down a mutedly lit spiral staircase, each step progressively illuminating the space below.

At the bottom, she slid from his arm in awe. "Shut the front door! You 'definitely' have to teach me how to do this."

Min Lille was referencing conjuring. Another ability Loki thanked the Norns she didn't yet possess, having confessed so before requesting Tony and Pepper's gifts. "In time. Beyond that archway, another surprise awaits." Loki followed and suddenly pondered Brianna conjuring a future dwelling for herself and that troublesome suitor. 'Lessons commence when your forty.' ***** Thor woke to find two notes in his shirt pocket. One for himself the other, Astrid; 'Sleep well, Brother? We won't be returning to Asgard just yet. Please give this to my wife? I recommend waiting several days, discreet delivery and a hasty exit. A visit will follow and when interrogated, lie. Tell her Brianna came to you and don't mention her ice concoction. Unless you enjoy Father's company when several fries short of a happy meal. As I planned our escape without Tony's knowledge, do avoid his unnecessary panic and Pepper seeking our demise, by not telling our dear friend? Min Lille is safe.'

"That shyster." He grumbled. Jane returned in six days as would Astrid to a missing Loki. Waiting risked a molotov cocktail interrogation. His beloved and coronary inducing sister-in-law, banging down their locked bathroom door while the mighty Thor coward behind a shower curtain. Plus Maxi Waxis training schedule ended in two days. Bribery assured those lips zippered, but Heimdall would think his hastiness suspicious. He called to the trainee in the middle of the night, snuck into the palace and raced back to the observatory like the looney tunes road runner. "Spend it well nincompoo..eh he, Max. Asgard is lucky to have you."

Guilt ridden over her outburst and already missing Loki, Astrid returned in the morning to find the note.

Frigga was preparing to join her belly dancing instructor when she barged into the foyer and flung herself at the Allmother.

"Bwaaahahaa! I want a divorce!"

"Hells bells and bilgesnipe testicles. What has my shameless son done this time?"

"Frigga, your language." Scolded Odin.

She patted Astrid's back. "Oh shush. As if your cursing hasn't scarred the servants ears."

[lokilover9]

The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter 2

“Why would Loki do this to me?” Astrid whined, twirling her wedding ring around her finger. A large, oval, emerald surrounded by tiny diamonds, set in gold. 

She looked so forlorn, Stark actually felt for her. “Astrid, how many nights have you and Loki been apart since your courtship began?” 

It took her a minute to recall. “Three.” 

“And has there ever been a time you didn’t know his whereabouts?” 

More tears streamed down her face. “No, but you don't understand."

"Try me." 

"Is Vagina special to you?”

“Can't recall a time when it wasn't."

Astrid poked Peppers tit. "I meant this Vagina." 

'Someone failed anatomy class.' "She's my favorite."  

"And did you share your quim wedger all…" Astrid paused, spazily waving an arm. "...Willy nilly like, so bitches wrote filth about it?"

"I used it sparingly and no. Not to my knowledge." 

"Sure you did, playboy billionaire." Pepper dryly remarked.

His foot twitched, knocking over the open vodka bottle. "Weren't we discussing Loki?" 

Astrid started crying again. "Yes and I thought I was special to him, like he is to me."

{"I don't deserve you, my lovely."}

"Now after all this research, I don’t feel like I am anymore.”

{"You'll always be. Please don't cry?"}

Tony gave her some tissue. "I think you're wrong. When Thor told us of you, he mentioned how beautiful and..charming you are, but mostly of how happy you make his pain in the ass, brother." 

Astrid's face lit up. "He said that?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die." 

She gasped. "Why Cootyoodles? You can't die."

"Nooo, I don't actually want to."

"Good. Loki be sad."

"He would?" 

She nodded. "When every human hated him, you were sometimes nice. That's why you're his favorite."

{"He's going to have a field day with this."}

"I'm his favorite human?"

"Mm hm."

{"No gloating, Cootyoodles. Darling, do stop twirling your ring? It's dizzying."}

"Astrid. Midgard has millions of talented writers with creative imaginations. Some perverted, some not. Many could've developed crushes after seeing Loki on social media and their stories pure fantasy. Maybe 'pure' isn't the right word, but don't fret over them. Think of his past lovers as…" 

{"This better be good, Stark."}

"Fornication practice runs. " 

{Loki cackled. "Interesting choice of words. Your Vagina looks impressed."}

While Pepper gave Tony the stink eye, Astrid pondered his perspective. "That explains why he's such a beast in bed." Her thoughts drifted to other pleasurable memories. "Ohhh and his magical tongue."

{"Sinful little appendage isn't it?"}

"Once he…"

Tony interrupted her. "We'll take your word for it. My point is, Loki loves 'you' now." He winked at Pepper. "You're who he wants to share forever with and nothing will ever change that."

{It's true.}

The sloshed Asgardian nearly knocked him off the bed with a clumsy hug. "Thanks Iron Cootyoodles." Then she leaned back with a strange look on her face. "I don't feel so good."

Pepper swiftly dodge her projectile, but Stark wasn't so lucky. 

"Sorry!" 

When Astrid ran to the ensuite, he slipped in her vomit and spilled vodka, landing on his ass. "That's it! Time to suit up and drop her in the Hudson. Better yet, doesn't your dad own a Woodchipper?" 

Pepper smirked. "Shower and go back to bed. I'll deal with her." Eventually she joined him, assuming he was asleep.

"I've been thinking." 

"Tell me tomorrow." 

"Next time you 'are' pmsing, I'm going to call you bitchy vagina pants." 

She whacked him hard with a pillow. "'Night."

Tony pulled a small feather from his mouth. 'Or not, but Butch is definitely a keeper.'

When Astrid fell asleep, Loki muted the connection to her ring, went to his parents chambers and demanded Frigga be woken.

"Is something wrong, darling? It's terribly late." 

"Please Mother?"

One look from those saddened, emerald orbs and she caved. "I'll inform Heimdall. On one condition."

"Name it." 

"Should the answer to my question reveal itself a lie, Astrid will learn the truth behind a certain piece of jewelry she owns."

"Oh? What's wrong with it?" 

Frigga disappointedly sighed. "Your Father, the charlatan, tried the same trick with me. As a result, he paid interest to the spank bank for nearly a decade."

"Too much information, Mother."

"A plight we unfortunately share. These orgies you partook in on Midgard, did you wrap your Jonson before plunging it asunder?"

Loki froze. "What exactly did Astrid tell you?"

"Things too indecent to repeat." 

'Stupendous. My Mother thinks me a gigolo.' "The answer is yes. Although I'm immune to their S.T.D.'s. Are you worried I may have impregnated someone?" 

"Should I be?"

"I swear Mother, I took every precaution necessary."

"Good. Less chance of Astrid filleting your bullocks. I'll dress." 

"Certainly." 'Thanks for reminding me of that possibility once sobriety kicks in.'

*****

Tony, having misplaced his car keys, returned to his bar and discovered Loki behind it, pouring a whiskey. 

"There you are. Care to join me? Are you aware your ice bucket is missing."

Iron Cootyoodles wasn't impressed. "Haven't you heard of knocking?"

"On the elevator door? Next time I'll pause it first."

"Very funny. Are you ever going to reveal how you keep bypassing my security?" 

The God smirked. "Perhaps one day, but rest assured it's by means undisclosable. Did you miss me?"

Tony almost said about as much as he'd miss a rabid porcupine, but remembered what Astrid said. "You're tolerable in small doses. Explain undisclosable."

"Has it concerned you that much?"

"Meh, I've only spent days on my system, trying to figure it out. The most expensive security application money can buy, which I've changed the access codes for time and again, yet here you are."

"Tony…"

"Were others to breach it that easily, the material losses would mean nothing compared to Peppers safety being compromised, classified information falling into the wrong hands and how our enemies would utilize it, but hey. Prank away, God of Mischief. Have you seen a set of keys?"

Loki's smirk faded as he vanished them from the bars lower surface. "No, I haven't."

"I'll seek my spare. I'd say make yourself at home, but you always do. Pepper took Astrid shopping. Later." Stark pushed the elevator button and nothing happened. "Are you fucking with this too?"

"For good reason."

"If it means I avoid the stairs, let's have it. We are on the sixtieth floor."

"Tony, my bypasses merely are but pranks. Through the many we pulled on each other, I saw an opportunity to make a friend. Forgive my ignorance in not realizing they would frighten you." 

"Really, Loki? You never once considered that?" 

"No, because neither Pepper, or the Tower, were ever in danger. Nor do I know any of your access codes. Magic gained me entrance and subsequently locked everything back in place." 

"And the classified information?"

"I wouldn't know where to begin and haven't any desire to try."

"Oh. Maybe you're not such an asswipe after all." 

"I'm trying. In the future, I promise never to come unannounced again. Sound good?" 

"I'd appreciate that."

[lokilover9]

The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter 3

Loki had a sudden recollection and snickered. "No doubt, after my second last visit." 

"Change the subject Snowflake, or I'll christen my newest suit model." 

"How dashing you looked in pink fishnets, a matching thong, studded collar and leash."

"Loki…"

"Pepper looked divine as a dominatrix. Thigh high, leather, bitch boots and whip in hand. Is it your thing being punished?"

"'My' thing? If I ever walked in on the shit that turns your crank, I'd end up strapped to a gurney in a straight jacket."  

"Come now. Letting your imagination run wild because I'm me?"

"My imagination flashes 'ladies only' on a neon sign, the size of Manhattan."

"I was referencing my sorcery abilities and plentiful stamina, but no wonder you complain of headaches."

"As if that's the only reason. Do you even know why your wife is here, Loki?" 

"I do." He sat on the couch and took a long swig from the whiskey bottle. "And by now, likely despises me."

"Had I not saved your demented ass." Tony revealed everything, Loki feigned obliviousness and expressed gratitude, yet their friendly bantering continued.

"Thanks man. Especially for taking her in."

"That was Pepper's doing. I would've bunk'd her on my landing deck with a porta potty and sleeping bag."

"And I would've posted shots of you in lingerie, on social media."

"WHAT?!" You took pictures???"

"I wanted to, but Peppers murderous glare fueled my exit."  

"Fucker." Tony jested. "Be thankful I didn't set her loose." 

"Topping from the bottom were you? My perspective conveyed otherwise." 

"Says the 'guru' of perversions and fetishes."

"That would be perfect on a t shirt. Make someone millions, while exposing sexual deviants." 

"Like yourself?"

"How dareth the teapot calleth the kettle black." Said Loki. "Have you forgotten your Christmas Eve party two years ago?"

"What of it?"

"Long after everyone else retired, I opted to babysit when you stayed up drinking tequila and brandy shots.

"Ick. Worst hangover ever. What, didn't I thank you?"

"Worse. You thought I was Santa and to get off his naughty list, confessed to past sins that made Hugh Hephner appear a choir boy."

'Shit.' "Like?"

"Attending furry parties as one 'Fozzie Bear', hosting orgies in moving limousines, were well acquainted with a stripper you called Princess of Darkness, and once woke in a seniors tub in only your sneakers, then made your exit in her Betty Boop robe. Shall I continue?" 

Tony rose a palm. "Nope. The slutty teapot shall calleth the kettle blacketh no more and did not shag his best friends grandmother."

Loki's brows rose in amusement. "Norns, man. What were you smoking?"

"I can explain. She was a snowbird who owned a cottage Mike threw random parties at. I'd passed out in her ensuite and as a joke, him another buddy burned my clothes in the fireplace, void of my wallet and keys. Being February, I might've froze to death without the thievery. Imagine the headlines. Son of Howard Stark dies a Boopsicle."

Loki laughed. "Why so eager to leave?"

"Mike had a loopy sister whose besty showed up after midnight. Loopy had a crush on me and unaware of her identity at the time, I'd fucked besties older sister...behind a movie theater."

"Impressive. Go on." 

"Mike left me a note saying, 'they know', so I tiptoed out of there at dawn."

"Did you fear this, loopy?"

"Who didn't. Picture a spoiled, ill tempered bully, known as Stalking Sasquatch, who could've played linebacker for the NFL. I only escaped her ramming my testicles out my arse because we moved two days later."

"I'm curious. How did you conclude 'I'm' demented after reading only one paragraph?"

"Because I'm an idiot who read entire stories, waiting for Pepper to come back to bed."

Loki laughed again. "How many were there?"  

"Archiveofourown has hundreds, but according to Astrid, tumblr is rampant with entire blogs dedicated to you." Stark approached the bar and downed some tequila. "Prick. That never happened to me."

"As flattering as it may seem, I wish Astrid hadn't discovered them. Pepper wouldn't approve either."

"True and probably blow torch my dick."

Loki stood as the elevator door opened.

"Are you sure it wasn't my fault that nice officer almost fell off his horse?" 

"Nah, I blame your cleavage." Said Pepper. 'Not that calling Tony Stark's girlfriend, 'Vagina,' on a crowded street corner wasn't distracting.'

"Hello, my lovely."

Astrid stilled with Loki's voice, set down her bags and blankly stared at him. 

"Right. I'll return your suitcase." 

"Where is it?" She asked.

"In the truck. I was hoping you would come home." 

Her arms crossed in defiance. "What if I'm not ready?"

"Then I'll check into a hotel."

"And do what?" 

"I don't know, Astrid. Watch tv, grow a beard, drop water balloons from the roof, play 'Bellhop rides the elevator in his underwear.' Whatever it takes for the duration it takes for you to forgive me. And as peculiar as those stories may be, do remember I knew nothing of their existence until you did. Most importantly, I'm sorry they hurt you." 

She suddenly bolted across the room, sprung into his arms, swung her legs around his waist and started kissing his whole face. "Forgiven! I missed you. Wanna get naked?"

"Not now, darling. We've an audience."

She giggled and slid to her feet. "Let's go home." Astrid hugged her hosts and quietly whispered to Pepper. "Thanks for the lesson."

Her response was a quick wink.

"Now it's your turn to visit Asgard. Bye guys!"

Tony feigned enthusiasm. "Hear that Miss Potts? Maybe area 51 will loan is a spaceship."

Loki thanked them again from the elevator. "Oh and Tony? Your car keys are in the guest room Astrid destroyed."

Starks mouth fell open as it closed. "Cancel that spaceship." 

Pepper went to sort her shopping treasures while Tony indulged in more tequila, then braved approaching the guest room, plugging his nose. 

"Little shit. Can't believe after everything we did for..." He fell silent upon opening the door. The night tables were back in place with their lamps repaired, the vomit and bottles were gone, the floor spotless, bed made and the air carried a hint of sandalwood. In its center sat the missing ice bucket and he smirked upon finding his keys inside. "You're still a little shit." 

"I hope you weren't talking to me." Pepper stood in the doorway with tousled hair, her makeup enhanced, lips slut red, wearing lingerie and black stilettos.

Tony whistled in approval and eyed the handcuffs dangling from her fingers. "Definitely not, my scrumptious Vagina. What are your plans for those?"

She cuffed her wrists behind her back and sauntered to him. "Daddy's helmet gone bye bye. Butch been a 'very' bad girl and must be punished."

No way was Daddy about to reveal the key for those cuffs went bye bye too. He'd readied them and Peppers favorite toys for an evening of fun, when their guests unexpectedly arrived. In his haste to hide everything, the key mysteriously vanished. Nat seemed kinky. Maybe she had a similar set. He hoped. 

"Happy to oblige. On the bed, face down with your ass in the air, Butch."

When Loki and Astrid entered their vehicle in the Towers underground, he opened portal, exiting in the woods on Staten Island and she pouted. 

"Not hiking again. Skunks are mean." 

He tisked. "Bushy tailed scoundrels. I did warn you to keep away."

"I thought it was cute. Where are we?"

"A dumping location of one golden eyed jester. No matter." He conjured a cabin and opened its door. "Still wish to get naked?" 

They fucked for hours until Astrid lay spent, resembling a deflating blow up doll. 

"Dress now my lovely? I'll gather your belongings from the truck."

With her brain afloat in subspace, she hazily replied. "Yes Master." 

[mrsren]

Unnamed Tomione

So, if you could give me the tiniest bits of feedback, I’d appreciate it. It’s the beginning of a teacher/student AU, and I’m unsure if it will be pwp, or a short story.

The pulsing lights of the club were alluring the patrons scattered through out the room, some lounging against the bar, some dancing when they were barely able to stay on their feet. She noted a girl who was giggling loudly, laying on a table while her boyfriend -or she hoped it was her boyfriend- licked alcohol from her bellybutton.

“Get the frown off of your face. You look unapproachable.” Ginny harped, leading her to the bar with her arm looped through hers.

“Fantastic.” Hermione drawled, taking a seat on one of the barstools. “Considering I never wanted to be here in the first place.”

Ginny rolled her eyes.

“I don’t need a relationship.” she insisted, waving down the landlord. “Two shots please, vodka.”

“Hey, you know I hate that shite. Tequila, please.”

Hermione held her palm up, stopping the short, stocky man that eyed her oddly. “The vodka is for me.” she explained, and he gave a curt nod. “What’s that look for? If I’m going to be here, I’ll need all the liquid courage I can get.”

“We are going to have a bloody fantastic time. I didn’t ask you for a girls’ night so you could find a relationship. You need a one night stand to remove the stick up your arse.” Ginny sported a grin while Hermione gritted her teeth.

“It’s hardly a girls’ night if you’re trying to get me into bed with a random stranger. Thank you.” she took one of the shot glasses he slid to her, cool beneath her touch as she tipped it backward. It was cold, awful tasting as it slid down her throat. She gagged as she wasn’t able to swallow the shot in one go, half of it lingering in her mouth.

Ginny took her shot as if it were the first she’d ever downed, like she was a teenager who choked and Hermione chuckled at her. “Forgive me, your majesty. Not all of us are so well versed in taking shots.”

Hermione looked away from her, scanning the room. “I don’t particularly need a one night stand either, Ginny. I don’t need a male for my self validation.”

“Of course not, but I’ve seen you after you’ve had a good fucking,” Hermione grimaced, turning to her second shot. “And it’s been almost a year since I’ve seen that look on your face. I know Ron,”

“No.” Hermione hissed, setting the shot glass back on the counter. “Don’t you dare bring his name up if you want me to have a good night.”

She put her hands up, nails perfectly manicured from the appointment she’d set for herself and Hermione earlier that day. “What I mean to say is my brother didn’t appreciate you, and I want to see how happy you are when someone else appreciates you. And plus, you’re a little kinky and he never lived up to those expectations, right?”

“Ginny, has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?”

“All the time, of course. Mostly you though. Come on, isn’t there anyone here that catches your eye?”

“As if I would ever tell you.” Hermione laughed at the flash of anger that crossed her closest friend’s face. “Just order some drinks, and we’ll have a good time all on our own.”

“Actually,” she sang, and Hermione groaned. “Harry will be here later, so I’m sure I will be having fun, but it won’t be with you. Ooh, what about that guy,” she pointed across the room, and Hermione’s eyes landed on an attractive burnette who wore a cocky smirk. “Because he’s been watching you since we stepped inside this club.”

He looked vaguely familiar, Hermione thought, but she couldn’t place her finger on it. “Hasn’t Molly ever told you it’s impolite to point?”

“I’m sorry,” she mocked. “Do you see him? He looks like he’s just what you need.” The man arched an eyebrow as Ginny’s words carried over the crowd. “Hermione!” she grappled her by the arm, causing her to knock over the shot glass the landlord had just brought her.

“Will you stop acting like a child?” she hissed, ripping her arm free. “Yes, he’s attractive. Yes, he’s taken an interest in me, but no that does not mean I will be hopping merrily into his bed.”

Ginny argued adamently, with the idea that Hermione should go settle into the empty seat beside him and ask if he’d mind buying her a drink. “Say you forgot your wallet.”

“Ginny, my wallet is sitting on the counter.” she deadpanned. “Doesn’t matter, looks like he’s coming to me.” Her friend vanished, vacating the seat with the reassurance that she would wait to observe before calling Harry and bailing on her. “Hello.” she told him, spinning back to face the front of the counter.

“Your friend is staring.”

She laughed, leaning backwards in her seat to see Ginny sitting in the seat he’d left, shooting her a ridiculous thumbs up and wide eyed grin. “Yeah, she does that. I’d just ignore her if I were you. Hermione.” she introduced, extending her hand.

“Tom.” he replied, taking her hand and placing a soft kiss to the back of her hand. Her lips parted in surprise, while she attempted to cover her shock. A small smile settled over her face while he dropped her hand. “What were you drinking?”

“Vodka,” she answered, thinking her voice sounded more breathless than it had moments earlier. It was what Ginny would have called a turning point, and it was what Hermione would have neatly classified as a cliche that belonged in an old romance novel that she hid under her bed. “You?”

“The same. May I buy you a drink?”

Her lips quirked up. “Make it several.” He chuckled and something in her stomach twisted deliciously at how dark it sounded.

She’d made the executive decision to not drink herself stupid like she might have if Ginny had still been at her side. It was clear where her night was going when she found herself dancing with Tom in the middle of the floor, her back pressed to his front. His hand ghosted against her hips, tugging her backwards when she slipped too far away from him.

“So, your friend left as soon as she spotted you with someone.” he whispered into her ear.

It was definitely the drinks that had her swaying as if she knew what she was doing and grinding into him. “Oh, yes. She must have decided you were enough to give me a good time. She’s rather pushy with the opinion that I need a one night stand to make everything better.”

“And what do you think?” he asked quietly, brushing his lips against the shell of her ear. “You seemed rather against being here in the first place.”

“What do I think? Ginny thinks finding a new man for me is the best way to help me after her brother fucked an ex girlfriend behind my back, in our bed, and in our apartment. We had been dating for long enough that it hurt.” she shrugged, his hands coming to massage the knots from them. “She doesn’t believe that I simply let go.”

“Hmm,” he mused lowly in her ear. “That’s preposterous, you’re hardly the type of woman to hold onto a boyfriend who wasn’t enough for you.”

She laughed, her head laying back against his shoulder while she peered up at him. “You are far too intoxicated to be using words like ‘preposterous’.” Her head rolled to the side, and she pressed her lips to the hollow of his throat. His fingers gripped her hips. “She’s a great friend. She’s worried about me.”

“Worried that you’re alone?”

Hermione snorted. “Hardly, not in the way you’re thinking of anyway. She is constantly nagging me for getting myself off, rather than finding someone else,” she nipped at his neck. “To take care of me.”

“You’re sloshed.” he told her, pressing himself into her. A whimper slipped out of her at the obvious bulge that settled against the curve of her arse. “Otherwise I doubt you’d have just told me how you get yourself off. Tell me more, would you?”

She was melting, and she knew it. He had her trapped in a neat web, one she’d helped him weave with her not so subtle comments. Tom was intriguing, the way he spoke, the way kept up with her, and the way he reacted to her acceptance into a grad program. She knew he was intelligent by the way he carried himself.

And that this had ultimately turned into a game of cat and mouse.

“What do you want to know?” she uttered softly.

Tom gripped her hand, twirling her and looping her arms around his neck. “Did you use your fingers, or did you use a toy? Do you finger yourself until you spasm, and come over your fingers?”

Hermione was trembling against him, looking into dark eyes that gave away what he wanted to do with her, that there was hardly anything stopping him from dipping his fingers beneath the slutty black number -Ginny had bought it- and into her pretty black, lacy knickers. Given her heels, she was able to match his height to whisper in his ear. “Do you want me to tell you, or do you want me to show you?” she challenged, feeling his grip shift to the back of her neck and his fingers grip strands of her hair.